The Exile

Farewell - at least for now

2010-12-15T00:05:00.000+00:00

I really should have posted this valedictory comment a long time ago, but what with one thing and another it got forgotten about.

Since I now live in Northern England, having a blog that looks at home from the perspective of an outsider makes no sense, so I have decided to close it.

Maybe one day I will start a new blog, and if I do then I will leave a post here to link to it. In the meantime The Exile can sit happily as an archive site, so feel free to wander around it. Please note that if you leave a comment it will get caught by a filter and will not appear.

Bye for now!

Blog Announcement

2010-08-12T09:05:00.000+01:00

What's happening with the Exile? The quick answer is that your favourite blogger is basically living on the charity of an old mate and must soon move elsewhere. That elsewhere is going to be one of the the northern mill towns, and the act of sorting out accommodation, buying a minimum amount of furniture and then arranging the transportation is turning out to be more time consuming than I ever imagined.

Rather than mess about any further I am putting the blog into hibernation until the start of September. Let me sort these problems out and once I have a place to lay my head then I will restart the blog.

Is this the way to hit the social work industry?

2010-08-02T00:05:00.002+01:00

Christopher Booker is still throwing stones larger than himself at the social work industry and getting some fairly outraged comments from people who share his anger at the antics of these bovine sub-normals. On commentator suggested that since Booker is prevented by the secrecy laws from naming names the papers should be sent to Wikileaks - all in all the outrage is palpable in the extreme.

The problem is that as this blog can testify, tales of social work vermin only serve to lose readers. Most people in this country have neither young children nor elderly relatives, and so they don't see any reason why they should worry about someone else's problem. Most of the campaigning groups are headed by people who have had some direct and personal problem with those leaches and thus can be dismissed as people with an axe to grind.

It may be that the way to go after them is via the cost of keeping a large body of sub-normal retards on the public payroll. If an attack on the social work industry can be presented as being about saving money, and thus lowering the tax bill, then it might just awaken public interest.

Vote for the Exile!

2010-07-30T00:05:00.000+01:00

Total Politics is running its top 100 blog list again and this year your friendly old Exile forgot all about it which means we will be lucky to keep our place in the list. Voting ends at midnight on Saturday, so please create your list of at least five British blogs and number them in order of preference. E-mail the list to toptenblogs@totalpolitics.com and don't forget to list at number one:

The Exile - http://exile-blog.blogspot.com

Cheers!

How to catch women

2010-07-29T00:05:00.000+01:00

I was having a drink and fell to chatting with a young fellow who was bemoaning his lack of leg-overs. Being an amiable soul your friendly old Exile fell to reminiscing, and what follows is the sum total of that reverie. There are basically two ways in which a man can ensure a steady supply of pussy. . .

As a young fellow I worked shifts so the weekends were not exactly special for me. I would go out from Monday to Thursday inclusive to hunt for women. It wasn't a case of looking for this or that type of girl, all I was after was a jump and if you are willing to dedicate four nights a week to the hunt, then pussy will come your way. I was lucky in the sense that I drove a nice car and looked like a rising young executive, however by the time madam had discovered the truth about me it was too late and another notch had been added to my cock. My relationships lasted on average about four to six weeks, and then I started again hunting for a fresh source of leg-over material. Between the ages of 18 and 28 I reckon that I averaged between six to ten women a year for that decade. I can't be more precise: after all those years the faces kind of blur and the memory fades.

Fast forward to my years in Mexico and looking back it seemed as if the supply of tight young things was too numerous to count. Sure I had the advantage of being white and exotic, but there was more to it than that: I had status as well.

In my case the status came from being a professor, but women are not particularly interested in the ins and outs of the status: all that matters is that he has plenty of it. I could have been a drug dealer and the effect would have been the same. Hard though is is for men to understand - because all we want is a nice shine on our knobs - but women get turned on by a man's status. So when they claim that they are not interested in money they are probably telling the literal truth - the point is that a high status man usually has plenty of readies to flash around, but it is the status that gets them nice and moist.

So what is the lesson for today, young fellows? Well, in your 20s when you have plenty of stamina then you can chase cunt all day and every day and you will probably get enough to keep both you and your cock happy. As you get older you might want to consider either doing something that gives off the aura of success or learning to bullshit so that your little darling thinks that you are a success. Of course she will figure out the truth pretty damned quickly, but so long as you have had your jump, what do you care?

Reading the pearls of wisdom from the friendly old Exile: you know it makes sense.

A future for social workers?

2010-07-22T00:05:00.000+01:00

Christopher Booker over at the Telegraph has developed a real interest in doing over the social work industry. Now that we have a government that does not rely on the votes of creatures like that we should put aside our differences with types like the good Mr Booker an join in the kicking.

The only problem we have is that so many people who form part of the anti-social work alliance are those who have suffered personally at the industry's hands. That makes them keen as mustard, but it also allows the social work industry to question their motives. That is not something that the fuckers can do with this blog, but we are just one small voice.

What is needed is for other blogs to get their kicking boots on and join in the fun. We don't want to debate with these maggots we just want to see the fuckers doing something more in keeping with their intellectual abilities:

Yes, thank you, I will have chips with that burger, Mr Ex-Social Worker.

Afghan War to end in 2014

2010-07-19T00:05:00.000+01:00

Britain's contribution to the war against Afghanistan will end in 2014 according to secret documents obtained by the Independent. Which rather begs the question, who will be the last British solider to die so that our politicians can demonstrate their loyalty to America?

Cameron is wrong over Raoul Moat Affair

2010-07-15T08:45:00.000+01:00

Nobody emerges with any credit from the Raoul Moat affair. Start with Samantha Stobbart who took the opportunity of his imprisonment to tell him that she was dumping him and then in one of those moments that women sometimes have, went on to write that she was getting poked by a pig. That last bit was untrue but it seems to have triggered the rampage. Nice one, Sammie. Then go on to all the police forces who were involved and who turned out to be the Keystone Cops, as directed by Fred Karno, and you will agree that there is enough shit here to cover everyone involved.

However, the biggest dollop must go to the government, especially David Cameron who decided in one of those brain fart moments that politicians sometimes have that he would condemn the people who rather sympathise with the late Mr Moat. The fart then became even louder when he went on to call for Facebook to censor a tribute page to Raoul Moat that somebody had set up.

All that Cameron has done is to make the late Moat into even more of a hero in parts of his old stomping grounds and ensure that yet more Facebook pages are created. An issue that would have died as much of a death as Moat himself now looks set to run and run.

Nice one, Dave.

Britain revokes Anna Chapman's passport

2010-07-14T00:05:00.000+01:00

The government has revoked the British passport of Russian born Anna Chapman, the girl the American accused of spying.

Given that all she seems to have done is take publicly available information and then pass it on as being the results of her efforts, surely Britain could have given her a job? She could have been put to work researching student essays and cobbling together dodgy dossiers out of them to help justify the next lunatic war of aggression.

One in five people in Britain will be enrichers by 2050

2010-07-13T08:45:00.001+01:00

Get ready to celebrate a bit more diversity in Britain! A decade ago just 8% of the British population consisted of immigrants and their descendants, but that looks set to rise to 20% by the middle of the century as yet more people flood in to enrich our country by their presence. What a marvellous land it will be when fully one in five of the population is of the enricher caste.

On Admiral Horthy and modern Britain

2010-07-12T00:05:00.002+01:00

From 1920 to 1944, the dictator of Hungary was Admiral Horthy: a strange title, indeed, for Hungary was a completely landlocked nation, with no navy whatsoever.

Hungary is certainly landlocked, but there was nothing strange about Horthy's rank. Austria-Hungary had a long coastline and a pretty large navy until the state fell apart in late 1918. You would expect well-paid BBC journalist to know things like that. Not because he has done his research, but because he is a well-read man who just has that basic information in his mind.

The fact that this one didn't says a lot not only about him, but about the state of Britain today.

British cut and run in Afghanistan

2010-07-08T01:15:00.001+01:00

When even the Telegraph has to admit that the British have been forced out of Sangin by the Afghan resistance, then you know that something about the forward march of imperialism has gone pear-shaped. It would be nice to be able to equate this latest victory for the people's arms as coming under the leadership of el Che, Fidel, or good old Uncle Ho, instead of a bunch of inbred primitives who stick their noses in the dirt and their arses in the air five times a day. However, beggers can't be choosers. . .

It has been a long, cold decade since 1999 and the war against Yugoslavia, but now we can see the end to the business. The forward march of globalised capitalism has been turned back by the Iraqis and the Afghans fighting for ideologies that are far older than socialism.

Given that we spent the time arguing amongst ourselves I suppose that we should just be grateful that someone, anyone, was willing to stand against the common enemy - and beat him!

Budget thoughts

2010-07-06T01:15:00.000+01:00

The interesting thing about the reaction to the recent budget on the estates is that there is no reaction: nobody seems to care. We are told that the budget will hurt the poorest, but just how true is that claim? Housing benefit is to be capped at some point in the future and also at some future point the people claiming invalidity benefit may have to see a doctor more often to be assessed for work, but other than that nothing has really changed. The working poor will see their incomes increase with the rise in tax thresholds, which is something that most normal people will support.

Frankly, this is not a budget that the working man is going to get tied into knots over.

Advice for a young man

2010-07-05T00:05:00.001+01:00

I was having a drink with my 21 year old nephew the other day, as he sat with his head in his hands bemoaning his fate. Translated into simple English, his girlfriend has dumped him and he thinks that the world will come to an end.

Casting around for something to say I made what I thought was the very obvious point that we get better with age and women just get old. My nephew looked at his favourite tio and cocked his head to one side, thus encouraging me to continue. He will be very attractive to women in thirty years time, when men will pass the bird who dumped him without a second glance. The fellows are competing with each other now for her attention, but let him wait a few years until all the makeup in the world cannot hide the sags and cellulite.

Not only that but the next generation of prime young pussy will be competing with each other to get my nephew's attention, especially when he finishes his postgraduate degree in this country. He will be fighting them off and if I am still alive then I asked that he toss me some of his leavings which made him laugh.

So relax nephew, and all you other young fellows out there who are reading this. Life may not be so great at 20 but it is seriously bloody good later on - that's when we come into our own!

On buying razor blades in the Midlands

2010-06-24T00:05:00.001+01:00

I am on my travels again, back to that armpit of England known as the West Midlands. I arrived on Monday, spent Tuesday in meetings and then the evening in a pub getting very, very drunk. It really is the only way to survive this part of the world.

Finding myself out of razor blades I went in into the local Morrison's and asked for a pack of safety blades. I am pleased to report that the bloke that I spoke to was a typical Brummie fucktard who had no idea what safety blades were - he just waved vaguely in the direction of the razors. I spoke to a manager who sort of knew what I wanted and he explained that they don't sell them because they are dangerous. Your friendly old Exile replied that they are called safety blades because they are very safe inside a razor, and were a great step-up from the old open razor that the very old men used when I was a boy, but I was wasting my time.

Next week is Leicester: aren't I a lucky old soul?

Farewell to Gimlet Kamm

2010-06-22T00:15:00.000+01:00

Gimlet Kamm has a valedictory post up, basically saying goodbye to most of his readers before the Times goes behind its new pay wall. Being the nicest of all bloggers, I left a comment saying that in the days when the Independent had its wall people would download the latest Robert Fisk piece and repost it around the web. I went on to posit that this was unlikely to happen with anything that Gimlet wrote so it was time to say goodbye. I did mention that I would miss him since whenever I got stuck for a story a trip over to his blog always gave me an easy posting and a cheap laugh. I knew that the short-arsed little fucktard wouldn't let the comment through, but I also knew that he would at least read it, and that was all that mattered.

Later on that evening, just after Anthea my spunk-hungry little sex slave had finished deep throating me, but before she had time to remove her middle finger from my bum, a ping told me that a mail had arrived at my computer. I swear by the air that I breath, the beer that I drink and the pussy that I fuck that it was from Gimlet. This is what he wrote:

Thank you for posting your latest comment to my blog. I'm afraid that none is ever published as your racism and praise for the BNP violate this newspaper's guidelines. OK

What can I say? I have never praised the BNP, and I will drink beer with any man and shag any woman of whatever hue, dusky or otherwise. Even if that were not the case so long as I keep within the Time's guidelines for my postings they should be acceptable. Luckily I have kept all my comments to Gimlet's blog so I may take this up with the press complaints' council.

What do I reckon? I reckon that the short-arsed little fucktard got angry and he couldn't resist banging out a mail to me. Truly, I shall miss the little wazzock when he is not around. In the meantime it only remains for me to say:

Game! Set! Match!

James Dinsdale was also shafting Anastasia Beaumont-Bott

2010-06-22T00:05:00.000+01:00

Just when you thought that the Caroline Nokes and James Dinsdale sex scandal couldn't get any more entertaining, up comes a new development to prove you wrong. Step forward the magnificently named Anastasia Beaumont-Bott, another of Jim's former squeezes who just happens to be a lesbian. Well she is now and claims that it was getting shafted by Jim that flipped her onto the other side.

The problem that Anastasia has is that she dumped the Tories and is now a Nu-Labour hackette, which means that she is fair game to the Tory wolves. Readers of this blog will be interested to learn that our Stacy enjoys late night steamy chats on MSM and recordings of the chats are available according to at least one Tory source.

The message being put out is quite simple: keep your fat gob shut, Stace, or we release the lot.

Caroline Nokes sex video

2010-06-21T00:05:00.000+01:00

Caroline Nokes - that's her on the left flashing the old stocking top upskirt for your pervy pleasure - is at the centre of a new row when it emerged yesterday that she is Britain's latest porn star. To be fair she only found out about it as she was about to leave the hotel where she had been industriously engaged in shining up the knob of her 27-year old lover, James Dinsdale. The camera that had been fixed to the ceiling fell onto the bed and the brainless bitch then called the police who promptly leaked the story to the press. The video has not got into the public domain yet, but it is only a matter of time before it does, so stay tuned for that. Dinsdale was asked if he knew anything about the camera and replied "no comment."

You really couldn't make this shit up, could you?

Weekending: hilarious Suzi Perry upskirt video

2010-06-18T00:15:00.001+01:00

Someone went to a lot of trouble to create this Suzi Perry upskirt video for your pervy pleasure. Just click on the photo and you will see what I mean.

Don't forget that we have the Suzi Perry Royal Ascot upskirt video as well!

Will Louise Bagshawe provide the next Tory sex scandal?

2010-06-17T00:05:00.001+01:00

Following on from the Caroline Nokes affair, who will be the next bit of Tory talent to provide us with another sex scandal to laugh over? The favourite must be Louise "Barker" Bagshawe, to be the next to take the field as Slapper of the House.

Barker got the nickname at Oxford due to her insistence on taking it doggy-style and by all accounts she was the university's bike back in the day. She married and went all Papist and self-righteous but newly divorced she might just revert back to type and start wrapping her legs around all and sundry. She will obviously have to get a move on as she will be 39 later on this month, and all that cellulite and saggy bits that women get quite early on tends to put a lot of men off their stride.

This blog has its money of Barker to be up next as the Commons' slapper.

Was Caroline Nokes set up by James Dinsdale?

2010-06-15T00:05:00.002+01:00

Who tipped off the Daily Mirror to the fact that Caroline Nokes and James Dinsdale were about to meet in a hotel? Tory Bear thinks that it was Dinsdale himself, and as evidence he points to the fact that the Mirror knew about the assignation, which hotel it was due to take place in and even in which room the couple were staying. The Exile is curious to know just how the paper got the news about the text that Caroline sent to Jimmy from the Commons' chamber - the one that said she was bored with the debate? All this information can really only have come from one or the other of the two participants.

The Tory Bear also considers Jimmy's one line press statement which read: "I can confirm Caroline Nokes and I have had a sexual relationship. I have no further comment," as further evidence of Jimmy's complicity in the deed. What kind of man would say that about his lover? Any normal man would want to protect her from the coming storm, but Jimmy seems to have thrown the woman that he has just had sex with to the wolves.

Why he did it is anyone's guess. One internet rumour has it that Caroline is getting a bit long in the tooth and is no longer the sexy MILF that she was when they met four years ago. Now, fat and pushing 40, she is a bit of an embarrassment to a bright young Tory like Jimmy, so it is time to not only get shut, but to make a few bob from the papers by doing it.

Caroline Nokes polishes Tory toyboy's knob

2010-06-14T00:05:00.011+01:00

Is David Cameron jinxed? He phones the England team in South Africa to wish them well and sales of Rob Green shirts go through the fucking roof - in Scotland at any rate. During the election campaign he praised 37 year old Caroline Nokes as a hardworking local woman and it turns out that her hard work involves polishing her toyboy's knob at public expense. That's right, this slapper is the first of the new parliamentary intake to be embroiled in a combined sex and financial scandal.

The sex part came to light when Caroline texted her lover, Tory Councillor James Dinsdale (27) that she was bored with a Commons' debate -we at Team Exile get the feeling that Caroline has a bra size larger than her IQ - and the two made plans to meet up at the four star Kensington Close Hotel later that evening.

She arrived at 11.20pm and Jimmy showed up ten minutes later ludicrously wearing a hooded top to be let into the room by Caroline who had smile of anticipation on her lips. Jimmy left two hours later, presumably having first emptied his balls, and Caroline spent the night alone leaving the hotel at about 8.30am in a taxi.

Caroline Nokes and her lover James Dinsdale.

Taxpayers who are chortling over this lascivious tale will be interested to learn that they forked out for the hotel bill. Caroline Nokes chose a hotel with a tariff of £129.25 which is 75p inside the limit for parliamentarians who spend a night away from home. Still chortling, are you?

Where will the curse of Cameron strike next, we are forced to ask?

Social work insolence: help Colin Scott

2010-06-12T12:15:00.001+01:00

Goodbye weekend as Chris Hawkins of the Child & Parent Alliance writes in to say that Colin Scott of Swindon saw his handicapped child kidnapped by the social work industry on Wednesday. His crime was to complain about the actions of the industry and involve the C&PA in the matter. Thus he was seen as defying the industry and such behaviour can never be tolerated. As an act of revenge the industry went and got an interim protection order that allowed them to seize the child.

Please write to the family's MP, Rob Buckland, and urge him to take the matter up with the Children's Minister. His e-mail address is robbuckl@globalnet.co.uk

Ready for the world cup?

2010-06-11T13:15:00.004+01:00

Are you all set for the opening match in the 2010 world cup? Funnily enough there are more England flags being flown from houses than there were Labour posters displayed during the recent elections - not the case back in the day when every house had its poster, but that was when the party spoke for us. Now at least we have the footie, so pour the beer down the neck and cheer on the lads.

Today's game involves Mexico and my adopted countrymen have a far healthier attitude to bastard work than their English counterparts. Even thought the game kicks off at 9.00am Mexico time the whole country will be glued to their TV sets, the beer will flow and bastard work is something that the average man will not think about until tomorrow.

As the South African team walks onto the pitch the roar will go up: ¡Viva Mexico, hijos de la chingada!

Americans kill 14 year old Mexican

2010-06-10T01:15:00.004+01:00

A 14 year old Mexican boy has been shot dead by American border patrol officers who seem to have opened fire into Mexico from their side of the border. Quite what happened to cause the shooting is still unclear, and will probably end up with both countries reaching different conclusions. What is clear is that seventeen Mexicans have been either killed or wounded form shots fired by American officials from their side of the border this year. In 2009 that figure stood at twelve and in 2008 five. So something is happening on the border to make the Americans trigger happy.

The death of a boy raises the stakes considerably and leads this writer to conclude that many more people will be killed and wounded in the months to come. The northern border is a violent place at the best of times and now any number of thuggish young men with guns in their pockets and time on their hands are going to think about taking revenge for this young fellow's death.

Given that the Americans seem to have already turned their goon squads loose, we can expect the border to become even wilder than it already is as both sides shoot it out.