The Exile

Royal Ascot Upskirt Video

2009-07-20T00:30:00.001-05:00

This video was e-mailed to me on a no names, no pack drill basis, and I just know that all you Royal Ascot upskirt fans will love it. The blog still gets about a dozen hits a day from Ascot Upskirt aficionados who enjoy looking at the series of photos that we posted last year. Well, here is a video to amuse you even more.

The girl in the black panties is called Suzy Perry, but other than that the Exile knows nothing about her. Information in the comment box please.

Naz Sarker or Gimlet Kamm: who is the most clueless?

2009-07-20T00:15:00.004-05:00

Did Naz Sarker give "the most hapless political interview of the year"? Iain Dale thinks that he did, but watch the video and decide for yourselves.

What is clear from Dale´s report is that neither of the two main parties looks set to win Reading at the next election, since the Tories are running some chancer named Alok Sharma. This seat looks like a shoo-in for the Liberal-Democrats or the BNP.

Naz Sarker may or may not be completely hapless, but there can be no doubt as to who the most clueless blogger in town is. Step forward Gimlet Kamm, since he´s the short arsed little fucker who can´t even post a YouTube video without fucking things up. If you are using Firefox, click on the link and see how the video screen cuts across Gimlet´s template. In Explorer the template seems to cut into the screen´s border, and God knows what it all looks like in Opera or any other browser.

Someone should tell Gimlet how to edit the screen size, but in the meantime all that we can do is to remind the little maggot that folk who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

Elyse Downs, the crying sorority girl

2009-07-20T00:05:00.001-05:00

This is Elyse Downs, and late last year she decided to "make it snow" in an Alfa Chi Omega dormitory hallway at the University of Oklahoma. She did this by setting off a fire extinguisher, something which her father seems to have done in his student days. However, in her case the chemicals in the foam seem to have triggered the fire alarm, thus waking up the entire sorority in the middle of an examination week. Now as she blubs, everyone but God hates her.

The video was probably shot by Brianna DeCassios, who for reasons that only a bimbo could understand, then uploaded it to YouTube. It seems that she then had second thoughts and spent weeks trying to get it pulled, only to find that someone else had reposted it. Once a video goes viral, dearie, you can forget that idea.

Enough background: just watch the video and I defy you not to emerge pissing yourself laughing.

Weekending: Fancy a slash?

2009-07-18T00:05:00.000-05:00

Have a great weekend!

Porn revolutionised technology, but not as the Independent thinks

2009-07-17T00:05:00.002-05:00

The Independent has a story written by no less than three hacks which manages to get its conclusion right, but which has a fair bit of its evidence just plain wrong.

The argument that technology is porn driven is neither new nor controversial. The internet, mobile telephones and digital cameras have all been driven by hand shandyism, but the rest of the Indy´s piece is simply off the wall. Super 8mm was introduced by Kodak to give the company a propriety home movie format that was as easy to use as Standard 8mm - porn had nothing to do with it. Neither did it have anything to do with the triumph of VHS over Betamax in the early 1980s. The latter´s cassettes did not run for just an hour as the report states, and even if they had, most wank vids in those days were little more than 30 minutes in length. What did for Betamax was Sony´s refusal to licence the technology to third parties - and to keep the price of their machines far too high.

Where porn did have an effect was in the failure of digital video disks to take off in the mid 1980s. The porn trade had just switched over from film to video and was not willing to make the investment needed to ensure the success of the digital disks.

So the porn trade has greatly influenced the growth of technology, and sometimes has held that growth back, something which this report ignores completely. Hard to believe that it took three well-paid hacks to write it.

Change of URL

2009-07-16T13:45:00.000-05:00

I doubt if many people are reading this as the blog´s old URL is no longer valid. It expired while I was in hospital and the domain was then grabbed by a company in the USA. They haven´t done anything with it as yet, so the blog still shows at the old address, albeit without updates.

If you are reading this please update any links that you may have to the Exile to show the blog´s new URL:

http://exile-blog.blogspot.com/

Mexican Police Showdown

2009-07-16T13:15:00.000-05:00

Here´s something that should raise a sardonic laugh or two: Mexican federal cops in a showdown with their local counterparts in Nuevo Leon. Basically the former had been sent to arrest the latter for cooperating with the drug gangs, but as you can see, the locals had ideas of their own.

Anyway, now you know why this part of the planet is called the third world - it´s because it is so third rate.

Blog Latest

2009-07-10T15:15:00.005-05:00

Guess what? I am still alive and was discharged from hospital at the end of May. The lack of postings since then owes everything to a broken down computer, however, I am still not fully recovered from my surgery so postings in the immediate future will be few and far between. That said my recovery is proceeding apace and I expect to be back posting very soon.

Weekending: home decoration

2009-03-21T00:05:00.000-06:00

Be careful which knobs you shine, girls!

See you next week.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-17T00:45:00.002-06:00

Weekending: Women's thoughts

2009-03-14T00:15:00.000-06:00

A public service posting for all those blokes who have ever wondered what goes through women's minds.

Weekending: Wetback fucktards

2009-03-07T00:45:00.003-06:00

"I'd like the cake to read Best Wishes Suzanne, and then underneath that, We will miss you."

However, it was probably not a good idea to get Suzanne's cake from a Walmart that employs such bovine wetbacks.

What are you laughing at, especially if you live in the USA? The more of those inbred primitives that head north, the less there are to worry about here in Mexico.

Just think about that whilst you are enjoying your weekend.

Weekending: Slap-a-bitch

2009-02-28T00:45:00.001-06:00

See you next week!

Weekending: This pimp's a star!

2009-02-21T00:45:00.003-06:00

That's all for this week - have a great weekend and the blog will be back next week.

Weekending: Valentine's Day Card

2009-02-14T00:05:00.000-06:00

Just copy one of these cards and then e-mail it to the lady in your life. Trust me, she'll love you for it.

Weekending: To swallow or not to swallow?

2009-02-07T00:15:00.001-06:00

Yes, but are you a good little girl who swallows every drop, or a bad little girl who spits it all out?

Cuba Today: Yet More Girls! Girls! Girls!

2009-02-06T00:15:00.000-06:00

Very well, you have your little Cuban cracker - now where are you going to take her? If you have rented a private flat for your stay in the country then you have no problem, but for some reason that I can't figure out the British just love their all-inclusive package holidays, and that means that you are going to have problems with the hotel. It is not that the little miniskirt isn't going to be allowed in - that business of Cubans not being allowed into hotels was always more myth than reality - it is that you are going to have to register her and pay for her night's lodging. If all you want is a quick bit of the old in-out before you send her on her way, that may turn out to be a bit rich for your budget.

You can try to smuggle her in, but the police and security guards who stand outside places like the Hotel Nacional - pictured left - are on the ball when it comes to spotting an opportunity to make some easy brass. They don't want to stop either you or your miniskirt, but they do want a few dollars for agreeing to look the other way. You aren't breaking any laws, but this is Latin-America, and you don't speak the language very well, do you? Come on, just pay up with a smile.

If you are with a prostitute then life is easy because she will have a place to take you. You won't believe this but ordinary people are quite happy to rent out their house or flat to you for an hour or so and the girl will have a list of them. You give the owner of the place $25.00 or so and the whole family just up sticks and goes and sits outside whilst you and the girl get down to your horizontal jogging. As you leave they return to their home as if nothing has happened.

However, if you are with an ordinary girl, the chances of her having a list of available rooms to rent in her handbag are fairly remote. Give her time and she will certainly be able to rustle something up, but that is at your expense, naturally, and time is something that you may not have to play around with.

Now you see why renting a flat for your stay in Cuba makes a lot of sense. If in spite of everything that I have written you have not done that, then just check your little darling into the damned hotel where you are staying and pay the fucking bill with as good a grace as possible. Try to be philosophical and look upon it as the bill for fucking. . .

Other than that, and provided that your new miniskirt is aged 18 or over, then there is no reason why you can't shag yourself silly as part of your Cuba trip.

Anonymous Upskirts 3

2009-02-05T00:45:00.002-06:00

I saved the best until last - a great photo that will expand to a good size on your screen. A real spring morning of a girl, ripe for the plucking, who had no idea at all that she was about to become a star.

Cuba Today: Girls! Girls! Girls!

2009-02-05T00:15:00.000-06:00

Cuba is no more of an island brothel than any other third world country, but it has acquired the reputation as Europe's shagging shop, so if it is girls that you are after, let's take you through the process and make sure that you don't wind up in jail.

These two little darlings came up to me as I was taking some photographs one evening. Neither of them was on the knock as a full-time trade or profession, but neither was willing to pass up an opportunity that was sitting there all on its own, smoking a cigarette.

They wanted a tenner each, or £15.00 for the two together. Since either of them would have probably given me a heart attack at my age, I just bought them a beer each and they agreed to be photographed and interviewed.

The girl on the right was 17 and her cousin a year older. That means that only one of them is of legal age to put a nice shine on a foreign knob. Contrary to what you may have heard, the Cubans take these things very seriously. If two Cubans want to go to bed, then nobody cares how old they are. However, if the girl is under 18 with a foreign man and the police get wind of it then they will prosecute.

You can check a girl's age by asking to see her carnet, or identification document. If she claims that she left it at home, then forget it because she is lying. It means that she is either under age or the plods are after her for something - either way she is trouble so find someone else.

The finding is easy because they will find you. I was walking through the main square when a lighting engineer for a concert that was due to be held there dropped her gear and asked me if I fancied a quickie? I get the feeling that Cubans don't take sex all that seriously and are quite happy to treat it as a profitable bit of fun.

The Cuban blokes are just the same - which is rather nice if you are a dog rough social worker, say, and find it difficult attracting men back home. Funnily enough I was enjoying a glass of rum in some swill shop or other and fell to talking to a young fellow who basically made a living out off getting females who bark as a means of communication onto their backs. In theory his bastard work was in some office or other, but the nice thing about the Cuban system is that if you neglect to turn up now and again, nobody gives a stuff. As with the fishermen that we looked at in an earlier posting, this cocksmith could pull in enough by stretching just one pussy to make the rest of the week his own.

Coming up next - where to take your miniskirt!

Cuba Today: Two Things That You Must Do

2009-02-04T00:15:00.000-06:00

The first thing that you have to do is get your fortune told by an old bird like this one. OK, she is hamming it up for the camera, but that is all part of her charm.

You will find these fortune tellers dotted around Havana, but they are mainly to be found in the squares of the old city. How much they charge depends on how much they think that you can pay, but having your fortune told is a tradition that goes back many years in this city.

The second thing that you will want to do is have your photograph taken with the cigar smoking old ladies and gents who also sit out in the squares just waiting for you to arrive. They are going to want about 50p each.

Traditions like this go back decades in Havana, so make sure that you help keep them alive.

Cuba Today: The Riquimbili Riders

2009-02-03T00:15:00.000-06:00

Take one Flying Pigeon bike as made in China and imported by the thousand into Cuba. Attach by whatever means necessary a Russian made engine, old American water pump motor or Japanese chain saw engine. Use an old soft drink bottle as your fuel tank and a piece of bent piping for an exhaust. Bingo - you have an authentic Cuban riquimbili, a contraption that is pronounced rick-in-billy.

God knows where the name came from, but these lethal devices are now very common on the Cuban roads. Technically they are illegal, but the police seem to have given up trying to stop people making them and using them to get around.

The noise that they make is ferocious and you will hear a riquimbili clattering in your direction from a couple of hundred yards away. As it heads away from you the stench of petrol fumes that it leaves in its wake will have you choking.

Still, it's an authentic bit of Cuba, and the owners of these motorised bikes are only too pleased to explain - often at great length - just how they made them.

Cuba Today: The Havana Fishermen

2009-02-02T00:15:00.001-06:00

If you are staying in Havana, then you really can't miss the fishermen on their rickety rafts who go out every evening at dusk.

They are built out of the packing foam that every electrical appliance that you buy these days comes with. If you take enough of it and then glue it all together you can create a raft.

Every evening at dusk, dozens of these guys grab their rafts from wherever they have been stored during the day and leg it across the main road that separates Havana's promenade from the buildings opposite. They have to move quickly as they do not have the all important licence or permit, without which nothing in Latin-America happens. Well, doesn't happen legally that is - this is Latin-America after all.

Lying flat on their stomachs with their feet in the water, they then paddle out about half a mile, before casting their lines out and spending the whole night fishing. Just before dawn they return with their catch.

Most rafts carry an ice-box which is half filled with sea water and is used to keep the catch alive until it is either sold or goes to fill the stomachs of the fishermen's families.

One of these young men told me that he goes out about once a week and earns enough to ensure that he doesn't have to bother about doing anything else for the rest of that week. He sells most of his catch to the paladeras, the privately owned restaurants that dot Havana, and the rest goes to make fish stews for him and his family.

As earning a buttie goes I can think of worse ways of making one.

Weekending: Glock Special

2009-01-31T00:45:00.003-06:00

Just in case there are any webmongs reading this - of course it's a fucking joke!

Cuba Today: The Havana Photographers

2009-01-30T00:15:00.001-06:00

Blokes like this has been earning a living in Havana, Cuba, for well over a century. Their cameras all date from between 1890 and 1910 and are still going strong today - well, sort of.

The cameras were built especially for the tourist trade and at one time just about every tourist destination all over the world would have its army of photographers, all offering nearly instant photos with them.

To the rear of the camera, and just underneath it, is a tray that holds the developing chemicals. The shot is taken and then the photo is developed in about five minutes.

In Havana what happens is a bit more sophisticated. The subject is sat down on the marble steps of the old Congress building to be photographed. A positive print is made and is then placed in front of the camera in the upright wooden frame that you can see in the photograph.

The frame also holds a photo of the building's dome, and a photo is then taken of the subject and the dome. What the tourist gets for his 50p is not a boring shot of himself sat on some steps, but a photo that seems to show the dome looming above him. OK, the result is not exactly digital quality, but for half-a-quid who cares?

These photographers and their antique cameras are to be found in front of the old Congress building, which today is a museum.

Anonymous Upskirts 2

2009-01-29T00:45:00.002-06:00

Two fit young things crossing the street on a warm summer's day. We have no idea who they are nor which city they are in, but we do know that a cameraman was around just at the right moment for a fine windy day upskirt.