Creexsology

Plans—This Blog on 2012

2011-09-25T07:49:00.002+08:00

I am preparing something for this blog and hoping to materialize as the new year envelopes 2011. So by the end of this year, you'll witness some changes that may lead on to the new format.

Thank you, by the way, for reading my thoughts here in Creexsology for nearly 5 years. It has been great expressing thoughts from my mindcase. I have done some backreading within this blog and am so happy with positive feedbacks from you guys.

Reading some post from the past have also became so touching, making me remember those times when people helped me sooner as I needed assistance. I am always thankful for those people who was there when the world is making me feel that it is my end then and not the world's. Thank you for my UPB professors and instructors, when you made me keep Speech Communication as my major (Thoughts from LiveJournal.com from 9 October – 20 November 2006).

Last April, this blog ranked 54 in Top Blog Philippines for the "personal" category. I am very grateful for that. Thank you for the visitors, followers, and readers. I'll be promising more interesting, gay, and lovely things to come after reformatting this one. It was great! After thousands of bloggers out there, I've got enough readers and visitors that time and gain such high rank from the site. I am hoping for more of your support soon.

This year's Creexsology has been so engaging. Thank you for all your comments. I am so overwhelmed by your voices. Please keep your comments coming.

This is not a goodbye. Creexsology will always be there. Keep in touch for the new title of this blog. I'm sure you'll like it.

See you again, soon.

Let's Dominate the Universe, Pinoy Netizens!

2011-09-05T06:36:00.000+08:00

Support our Ms. Philippines Shamcey Supsup for Miss Universe Pageant 2011.

As you might have known, 15 contestants who garnered the highest votes will automatically gain the spot for Semifinals and a better chance to snatch the crown. Don't let other countries beat the global power of our nation.

Click on the link below.

Miss Universe Contestants

Look up at our candidate's spot (they are arranged by country alphabetically).
Click the vote and provide the necessary information and voila! You've contributed to the soon to be pride of our country.

The Pinoy Homophobia

2011-09-04T09:29:00.002+08:00

MgaEpal.com's latest post has been very comforting for homosexuals as they pointed out how baseless and homophobic some people's views are when it comes to gays in media.

Here's the post entitled "Welcome to Homophobic Philippines."

Sa isang article ng Yahoo! Philippines tungkol kay Vice Ganda, lumabas sa comments ng mga readers na madami paring Pilipinong may lason sa utak pag dating sa pagtanggap sa mga bading. Bago natin umpisahan 'to, gusto muna naming sabihin na hindi kami fan ni Vice Ganda, at hindi ito pagtatanggol sa kanya.

Eto ang ilan lang sa mga comments na kumuha ng atensyon namin:

"It is high time TV stations should think twice before glamorizing gay entertainers and TV hosts. They are now occupying majority time in the entertainment world in almost all TV stations. They send negative signals to our children. If you have noticed children in grade schools are already showing their 3rd sex preference. I don't intend to condemn gays but most perverts are gays. And they are hardly considered as good models for young children."

"Sa lahat na ang pinaka-sinungaling sa mundo ay ang mga bakla....."

"Dapat kasi hindi i-encourage ang mga bakla na magkaroon ng show kasi ang impact sa mga bata ay ginagaya nila ang kabadingan sa show. sa america walang show na ang host ay bakla, meron man pero straight yong kilos. nagpapaganda pa i vice pero ang bayag pala nya ay naka-hanging parang saging..ay hindi pala iniipit parang mapipisa na. Ito kasing MTRCB parang bulag. Ang bakla sa atin ay nagpro-propagate rapidly. They are not neglected but they must not host the show. Sa totoo lang I don't like vice ganda his way of making comedy because he is gay and his attitude in acting is " trying hard ". He has the attitude like Willie Revellame"

"Di ko nga alam sa Pinas kung bakit pati bakla nilalagay sa pedestal, tuloy mga bata sa pinas daming bakla kalokah!"

"langya ka Vice Ganda. ANong pakialam ko sa buhay mo? Dahil sa iyo, maraming bata ang lumalaking bading. Masyado malaki na ang ulo mo. Sa comedy bar ka na lang at wag na sa tv. Bad influence ka sa nakakarami. Ba't ba ang mga show sa tv kailangan may bading? Puede namang wala di b?"

Mga comment na walang basehan. Gusto naming bigyang pugay ang mga taong nag-comment nyang mga yan sa pamamagitan ng isang masigabong put*ng ina nyo. Madami pang anti-gay slurs ang pinutok ng mga tao don. May mga ayaw sa kilos ni Vice Ganda. May mga hindi gusto ang treatment nya sa ibang contestants sa show nila. At may mga nayayabangan sa kanya. Ang common denominator nila? Ang pagdurog sa pagiging bading ni Vice Ganda at ang bagiging bobo.

Nagiging punchline minsan dito sa MgaEpal.com ang kabadingan. Ang ok dyan, hindi pikon ang mga bading. Kahit minsan, wala kaming punchline na naglagay ng kabadingan sa pagiging mali. Kung matagal ka nang basahero dito, malamang nakita mo na din ang mga pabasa naming sumusuporta sa pagkakapantay-patay. Patas kami, pinagtitripan namin ang mga nakakatawang ugali mapabading, lalake, o babae. Hindi kami nagmamabait. Gago kami alam nyo yan, pero hindi mo naman kailangan maging mabait para maintindigan na ang mga karapatan nating mga straight ay hindi dapat bawasan kung bading, tibo, o bisexual ang pinag-uusapan. Bakit nila iniisip na dumadami ang mga batang bading dahil kay Vice Ganda? Put*ng ina ano yan uso? Mga gago.

Sinabi namin na hindi kami fan ni Vice Ganda. Totoo yan. Pero halimba lang na makasama namin sya sa casual na sitwasyon, kung anong pakitungo ang ilalatag nya, ganong pakitungo din ang kaya naming ibalik. Sa society natin na sobrang daming "moralistanga" na mali o kasalanan ang tingin sa pagiging bading, ang success na naabot ni Vice Ganda ay bagay na may respetong katapat. Madaming tao na pag tinanong mo kung ok lang ba na magkaron sila ng anak na bading, mabilis nilang isasagot ang "Hinde!" na may pahabol pang "gago ka ba?" dahil mali ang tingin nila sa pagiging bading. Kung kami ang tatanungin kung ok lang ba kung magkaron kami ng mga anak na bading, mabilis din na "Hinde." ang isasagot namin, hindi dahil mali ang tingin namin sa pagkabakla, kundi dahil sa takot na saktan sila ng mga tulad ng nag-iwan ng mga comment na yan. Welcome to homophobic Philippines.

The gay community is very aware of such harsh environments around us. We are aware that one of these days, one of the stupid animals from these harsh wilderness might strangle us just because of "hate" and insecurities.

This blog commends MgaEpal.com for standing up to equality and for that last paragraph. It's true, the path we are taking as for now is still fuzzy and vague. But we are thankful that it is clearer now than before.

For the haters: We have this ability to think. Yes, you do think but you might consider leveling up that mind effort—know what thinking critically is.

The increasing numbers of homosexuals portraying and portrayals in media reflects the efforts of acceptance our society is imparting into us. The "coming outs" that each of us have bravely faced is the major proof of a very understanding crowd.

We never plan to dominate the world. We just wanted it to be the best place for us. We have the right to exist. We exist to be free. We are freeing ourselves to live. We are what we are, deal with it.

Ben & Sam: The Review

2011-08-10T06:47:00.209+08:00

One of the official film poster.

Ben stared at the blinding light for seconds. He would feel that it is somehow subconsciously summoning him. For a while, he became the firefly—attracted to that warm feel of bright and suspicious light—moved closer to feed his curiosity and to know what it is. Not knowing who is that person who exerted enough brightness to attract him, he initiated the contact and then, the kiss.

He was only dreaming. Waking up inside his car, he noticed that he have lost some time for his film class.

That is, at least, how the film started. An interesting, yet compelling prologue, it is. Mark Shandii Bacolod, the director, successfully put these nostalgic curiosity into my mind that kept me waiting for the prologue's meaning as the story uncovers itself.

The Story

Ben is haunted by painful memories of his abusive father, and is suffering even more at present due to his increasingly eccentric mother. He is eventually toughened by this condition. Sam, meanwhile, is still grieving the murder of his activist boyfriend. Both boys turn to recreational activities to forget their painful precedents; Ben becomes involved in basketball, while Sam takes up dancing. Although Ben is surrounded by friends, he is unhappy, until a deep emotional connection and mutual admiration brings Ben and Sam together. Although Ben is confused, Sam is persistent and sincere, and their liaison eventually blossoms into something deeper. (Wikipedia)

What could be more tender and passionate than a love that is found during the times of unfathomable longing? At times when everything is unreal, superficial, and uncertain - if love is genuine, it will cross boundaries and will know no limits and sexual categories. But how does unconventional love carry on in the modern world where patterns of morality are still as ironically primeval as the people who creep around it? Ben is a college student who seems to be the most popular guy in campus. He lives a very luxurious life. And everything seems to be perfect and grand. Not really. He has never recovered from the horrors of his childhood under the hands of an abusive father. His mother has never recovered from his father's lost and is now suffering from an acute case of post-traumatic stress disorder - making her slowly lose her sanity. Aside from this dilemma, Ben has yet to face the greatest of it all - accepting who he really is and fighting for the person he really loves... (IMDB.com)

Promising Contents

Through the Artistic Narration

I knew from the start na ikaw ang top at bottom ang anak ko.
— Arlene Martinez (Ana Abad-Santos), Ben's mom

It is a commendable story conceptualized by Mark Shandii and sculpted by Archie Del Mundo for the screenplay, giving the story its poetic run. I would say that it is fresh and classy.

Line exchanges are so addicting that it lets me crave for some more. I remember being pounded by some dialogues at the time when Ben and Sam were stating their contradicting views on Brilliante Mendoza's films. A very thought provoking part of the film, the debate-like dialogues between Ben and Sam has became the clever mode of reiterate both of their stands and character. The film bravely showed the contradicting views on films with homosexuality as a theme. Ben's thought on homosexuality has always been biased at first—his circle of acquaintances weren't actually homophiles. In fact, his closest friend in basketball team George (Micah Munoz) has been stablished to be homophobic (basing his anger to his father who is a homosexual). Sam, being openly gay to his father, defended the film's homosexual intents against Ben's homophobic views. They were both right. But they were also both wrong. The film gave a flawless transition between the concerning diads and restricting understandings from the protagonists. Those ought to be personal point of views has given the viewers the deep share of thoughts that someone who seeks for it deserves.

Sometimes the viewer needs time to somehow rest for a while to look back where the film has brought him. Sam's dance successfully and artistically did it. It does feel refreshing to regard having the film to be quite theatrical. So the

Constructive Overrunning of the Overrated Scenes

We all know that break-up scenes in restaurants have been too boring. It was until now that I thought it would be exciting. The break-up scene in this movie is rather unusual, thanks to Sugar (Tara Cabaero), Ben's tactful girlfriend in the film. Sugar talks and talks until notices that something is wrong with Ben. From the way Ben constructed his says, Sugar knew this isn't going to be good. Sugar ended the suspicion, opening the break-up topic to Ben. Her date tried to explain but didn't work out. Sugar blurted out her points, getting the attention from nearby restaurant patrons. It was an ordinary concept of break-up but distinguished and interesting way of playing the script.

In the near end part of the film where police officers are arresting George for shooting Sam, George's facial expression has been communicating to the viewers. He seems sad but still looked a little empty. Though short, it was a good conclusion for the film. The antagonist who is the homophobic suddenly isn't sure of whether he is right or wrong for what he did. I liked it not because he seems unsure if shooting Sam did good enough for his life. For me, the scene conveys viewers to reckon unto hate, will it do good or do worse?

The Actors

Ana Abad-Santos as Arlene Martinez, Ben's mom, seems to be the experienced one. The character isn't necessary for the film but she acted out as if she was the important role for the story. Sugar, the Dean, and Arlene were great in releasing their scripts. The lines were very well uttered. Them, saying their lines in english is naturally held and actions, gestures, and their penetration to their own character are exceptional. They were professionally experienced. It feels refreshing to see their acting and compare it as the same as how they do it in plays for theater.

The Concepts

Huwag kang mahiyang magmahal, anak.
— Arlene Martinez (Ana Abad-Santos)

Screencap of the debate-like scene in their film class

It was a brave attempt to impart critical views on films by other indie film directors into the story. It was a delicate move, in fact. Saying your understandings on such films might be either acknowledge or wrong the viewers interpretation of those films. It was controlled well, though, that the views became Ben's and Sam's and not the story's alone. The film is commendable for taking that risk.

The Memes

Ben and Sam are having their discussion. By that time, Sam decided to eat the apple he took from the dining room some time before. He took a huge bite from the apple. Ben noticed how Sam ate the apple. Sam's face was emotional. That face is telling Ben how good the apple tastes. All of a sudden, Ben grab the apple from Sam's hand and took a huge lump from it. Coming up to his senses, he looked at Sam for the reaction. From the verge of emotion, they finally kissed each other. Meeting their lips and setting aside whatever comes up next, that kiss invigoratingly merged their suppressed emotions.

Ben and Sam is Adam and Eve. Sam introduced how he felts and Ben let it succumb itself.

Just My Two Cents

Actors

Ray An Dulay as Ben

One thing that distinguishes an independent film from the commercialized film is the sense of doing it to impart something for your viewers—to let them feel what you wanted them to feel. Ben & Sam seems to visualize the market of their product first. To get some audience, the staff might have realized that they should look for some good looking people from the audition to widen their market: from art hungry people (who will critically interpret their film) to men interested ones (who will obviously there to witness the pumping scenes and dick showing scenes).

The film went okay but it will do best without Ray An Dulay as Ben and Jess Mendoza as Sam. While they were punching dialogues, I got this feeling that in a moment they will spill the different line or somehow accidentally twist their tongue. The problem is that they put these actors together with the calibrated ones (Sugar and Ben's mom) that their inexperienced acting and not so spontaneous delivery of lines (especially those in english) are easily noticed. In these cases, isn't necessary to just know the lines. You should also let the people feel what your character feel.

Ray An Dulay is not really an actor. His face doesn't really tell anything. Let's start at Ben as the "reserved" guy. Ray An Dulay's take for that is a blank face. He is the "unnerved" instead of the reserved one. Ben would make love and feel so passionate about it. Ray would just looks like excreting very big feces. He a psycho. He doesn't understand what emotion is. (Yup, I am mean at times and this is one of those times.) Ben is expressing his anger with what's happening. Ray is an angry apathetic child wanting to get his lollipop back from the bully.

Weird Scene

I think, you would agree when I say that I find it weird for George to sniff that large amount of powder. I don't know what it is but it seems to be rarely happen if not impossibly. I think that part should have been omitted from the movie. It wasn't really that necessary since it has already been established that George isn't that good at all.

The Film

Mother and son fighting for what they believe in

First guideline on my list, a good movie makes me cry. This one nearly got my tears burst out and that is when they (Ben and Sam) both run under the rain, naked. When Sam told Ben that that day is the day they will be born again. My mind talked as they are happily being warmed by the blissful freedom, this is how it is—free from whatever that is in there. I nearly cried because this film let me rethink of the freedom I am aiming for my future. Thus, this movie as an affective one, giving its viewers an interesting mood to hold on to.

The dialogues were also unique in a sense that they fortunately become very thought provoking. I would say that the staff did a great job for that spontaneously scripted debate-like part of the film. A very clever and strong scene, it is.

Despite of some awkward scenes, I would say that this is one of the best independent pink film that I have ever seen.

Cumming and Getting It—Semen on Your Plate

2011-08-09T01:26:00.060+08:00

What does fucking and cooking have in common? This book.

I am so shocked upon reading from a blog that there is a book of recipes where the natural harvest (well, you can harvest it from a dick), the semen, is the main special ingredient. Spit and swallow wouldn't now be the only options when talking about human ejaculation. We can now either spit, swallow or cook.

Suffice your hungry palate with dishes from the recently republished (July 2011) book Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes by Paul "Fotie" Photenhauer for $24.95.

My name is Paul Photenhauer. My friends call me "Fotie" and you can too.
I enjoy food and cooking it - especially when I add a little semen to the dishes I create.
No, I'm not joking and no, I'm not some sort of whacky freak. I'm just passionate about everything I do, including cooking with cum.

- Fotie

A very gay statement (and loving it) from Fotie's store in Lulu.com, this cookbook has became too interesting that it really hits my curiosity—will it taste good?

The Introduction reads:

We humans are truly omnivores—we will eat just about everything.As long as something edible either tastes good, makes us feel good, provides energy, nutrition, or adds apleasurable texture we find ways to eat it. . . . Compared to semen, milk might be considered positively disgusting.

He then reasoned out that other countries were known to eat weird foods, is the semen going to be more weird that eating cows balls or one day old chick? Then on the back cover, he then added:

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

Okay. Enough said, let's look at some of its content. Would the following recipes make you want some or throw up some?

(Recipes after the jump)

The book is categorized into four: Drinks, Appetizers, Main Courses, Sauces, and Desserts.

Drinks


Notice how white it is? This is Almost White Russian. Feel the intoxicating texture of semen in your senses with this vodca, mixed with coffee liquor, milk and our special ingredients—semen.

Appetizers

The Slightly Saltier Caviar. One word, eggs!!! Fotie warned, "use only high-grade caviar and high quality semen."

Main Courses

The Man-made Oyster. Am I going to tell you more? Just look at the white content of the oysters.

Sauces

This Tuna Sashimi with Dipping Sauce looks good.

Desserts

My favorite among the dishes, Chocolate Truffles with Creamy White Center. Looks promising. A, the name sounds good too. Creamy white center .... I wonder how creamy it is.

Note: Buy the book for the complete lists of recipes.

Try my Pokki!

2011-08-01T04:06:00.004+08:00

New find. Tried it for weeks. Now I am sure, this is okay for you to also try.

Tired of opening your browser and typing the URL or clicking the bookmarks of your favorite sites from time to time? I have a great desktop application for you to try. OpenCandy's Pokki would help you in keeping your updates in Twitter, Facebook, and Gmail among others in your desktop (and take note that you wont be needing your browser then to update and be updated).

This free desktop application has been a great assistance for me since the time that I installed it. So far, I haven't got any problems from it. It's kind of sad though that they haven't created yet a gadget for the sensational Google+.

[Link and more screen caps after the jump.]

Here's how it looks like in my desktop:

(Email content is hidden) This is what Pokki Gmail Gadget would look like in your desktop. Clicking the logo in your toolbar will pop this out.

(Surnames hidden) This Facebook gadget has all the functions you needed in browser.

The image is quite distorted but here's how it looks like with my Twitter account (@iamjuniora).

Before anything else, follow me in Twitter for updates on this blog (@iamjuniora) and add me in your circles in Google+. For those who still got no Google+ account, leave a comment with your email address below and I'll be glad to send you the invites.

Have a good day everyone.

Now, I will direct you to the product website. Remember, this application is free. You shouldn't shed any pennies in here. Click here to get Pokki.

Mario More!

2011-07-30T05:15:00.008+08:00

It's Mario!!!

He will be having his way to visit his Filipino fans here in the Philippines and hopefully be casted for a Filipino film aside from the sure endorsement for Penshoppe. We will surely wait for him.

Mario Maurer who is known to be the handsome Tong of the clever film Love of Siam and the eye catcher Shone the very entertaining film Crazy Little Thing Called Love, which was introduced here in the Philippines by ABS-CBN in Tagalog version last month received so much visits after my previous post about him (Yesterday's Tong is Today's Mario Maurer).

Okay. I am really promising you, you wont regret reading the whole post. You might want to prepare some paper napkins for these salivating pictures of the Mario Maurer. Promise, you'll want him to ~~cum~~ come now!

He's inviting you now!!! (More after the jump!)

Before more of the pics, let me share how Mario Maurer was visited in my site.

In red and ready to be intoxicated. Mario's stare has been intoxicating us long before.

Super. You can't just stop staring at him, right?

As a child. Mario, can you give me a bang.

Mario riding the airplane, sooner than he know, people would want to ride him.

Those smiles .... I'm melting!!!

Oh! The ball! Is that yours, Mario? Can I play it?

The guy next door. Hoping that next is my door.

Hooooot!!! Oooozing Mario!

Seriously handsome.

We'll wait for more of that Mario ... YUM!

Tough 5 Songs Most Played in my Player

2011-07-14T00:00:00.095+08:00

I love listening to music. Thanks to some media players, now we are able to rank what songs you are playing the most. Here are my five most played songs in my player (Mediamonkey).

Dixie Chicks
Landslide
Home
The song was from the album "Home," which was released in 2002. It was recently featured in the hit TV series "Glee."
Joyce got some chances to watch the episode and asked me to download it. After downloading the Dixie Chicks' version, I've kind of enganged with the hymn, keeping it playing in my head on and on.

Glee Cast
I Feel Pretty / Unpretty
Glee OST
I haven't watched any episode of Glee. Joyce has again let me listen to the song. And the verdict, I am addicted to it. (But not enough to make me watch Glee.)
According to Glee Wiki:

I Feel Pretty is a song featured in the Broadway musical West Side Story, sung by Carol Lawrence, who played Maria, in the original Broadway production, while Unpretty is a 1999 single recorded song by TLC.

Try listening to this one. It's a good version.

Pink
Raise Your Glass
Greatest Hits.. So Far!!!
Great album by Pink, by the way. I just love the feel of partying when listening to this awesome single. Moving your body and psych into the taste of freedom, it is impossible not to play this track again and again.

Britney Spears
Till The World Ends
Femme Fatale
Talking about last song syndromes, this song really sticks subconsciously. The second track from her album "Femme Fatale," Britney is perfectly getting the attentions she needed for her comeback.

King of Anything
Sara Bareilles
Kaleidoscope Heart
I edited her song to create a ringtone out of it. I played it almost everyday. There's something with her songs.

Creexsology Banners and Logos

2011-07-13T05:01:00.001+08:00

Want to see all the logos that I've used in this blog? Check out how the logos and banners have changed here in Creexsology as time went by. Go to the "Banners and Logos" page.

Salisihan—Himig Para Kay Araw

2011-07-12T04:54:00.003+08:00

(Posted in Facebook last year.)

Ilang beses ko nang gustong tanungin kung ako'y mahal mo ba?

Ngunit baka ika'y tumawa, 'di bale na lang kaya.

Parang ikaw ang araw,

at ako naman ang buwan.

Sa t'wing ako'y umaalis ay dumarating ka naman.

-- (Mula sa kantang "Salisihan" ng Entablado)

Hindi ko alam pero mukhang pinaglalaruan na naman ako ng pagkakataon.

Isang malamig na madaling-araw ito ngunit mainit sa pakiramdam nang biglang mag-play ang kantang ito sa kompyuter na katalik sa mga ganitong oras—mga oras na hindi alintana ang haba na tinatakbo ng kamay ng orasan dahil wala akong pasok kinabukasan. Masaya ang pakiramdam pero nagkakagulo ang kalooban.

Naalala ko, ganiyan ang sitwasyon natin ilang katagalan lang ang nakakaraan. Ikaw ang araw na nagdadala ng sigla sa akin ngunit hindi tayo magkaabutan dahil ako ang buwan, bitbit ang mga bituin at kadilimang pumapailanlang sa aking pag-iral.

Ganito nga ang sitwasyon natin.

Ganito.

Noon.

Pero naalala mo ba nung minsang mag-abot ang ating kamay. Napakasaya. Parang tumigil ang oras para lang tayo'y makapag-usap—humahalinghing sa saya ng damdamin, at humahataw sa himig ng kasiyahan.

Kalokohan ko lang. Oo, inaamin ko. Gusto kong mangyari iyon. Alam kong imposible ngunit ninais kong mangyari iyon. Bakit ba kayhirap intindihin ng katotohanan? Di ba, maganda iyong magkasama tayo sa bawat pag-ikot ng mundo. Sabi ko nga, sasamahan kita sa lahat ng daanang tatahakin mo.

Pero alam kong ayaw mo. Marahil oo nga, maganda ang panahon sa tuwing tayo'y magkasama ngunit ngayon ko lang napagtanto na madilim na kinabukasan naman ang sa kabilang dako.

Ako, na naghahanap ng matiwasay na balanseng pamumuhay, ay hindi matitiis iyon.

Kaya hinahayaan na lang kita na magbigay ng ngiti sa lahat sa tuwing darating ka. Naiinggit ako. Sana ako na lang ang pinapangiti mo, hindi lang sila. Ngunit heto ako, nakapirmi sa layuning magbigay ng masayang pangarap.

Naghihintay.

Umaasa.

Sana makita kita ulit.

Hinihintay ko na ang nalalapit na pagkikita.

Sana lang, wala ka pang ibang kasabay.

See you soon.

Missing "TALONG"!

2011-07-11T18:33:00.001+08:00

There's more than meets the title.

Marahil binabasa mo ito dahil sa naka-all caps na "talong" sa pamagat. Kung ganoon nga, mali ka. "TALONG" stands for "The Archimedes' Latest and Official Newspaper Gag." Literally, newspaper nga ito na ang laman ay 20% na balita at 80% na kalokohan. Basta kalokohan, talagang sinisipag ako. Kaya yun, inaabot ako ng hating-gabi sa pag-outline, pagsusulat ng mga nakakatawang horoscope, pag-iisip ng konseptong makakapagpatawa sa mga kaklase, pagsisigura sa hirap ng paghula ng mga blind-items, at siyempre pagtitimpla ng mga patawa sa isang baso ng balitang napapanahon talaga.

Matapos ang nakakakalyong paglilimbag (isteypler lang ang pinakahuling proseso), matutulog na ako ng ilang oras. Kadalasan natatapos ko ito ng 1 ng madaling-araw. Malalaman ko lang na madaling-araw na sa pagkatok ng Mama ko. Sisilip sandali, aakalaing may takdang-aralin o proyektong tinatapos at saka sasabihing matulog na ako. Hindi niya alam na gumagawa na naman ako ng kalokohan.

Kinabukasan, dadalhin ang 3–4 na pahina ng Talong sa klase at pag-aagawan bago pa man mag-umpisa ang klase. Nakatutuwa namang isipin rin na suportado pala ang paggawa ko ng Talong noon ng buong klase. Nakakatuwa ring isipin na natutuwa silang mabasa ito. Pagkatapos mabasa, ilang oras ring magiging laman ng usapan ang Talong. Pag-uusapan ang mga bagay na natawa sila. Magsasabi ng suhestiyon at komento.

Pagkaraan ng ilang labas, kinuha ko naman yung makinilya sa bahay ng lola ko. Dilaw ito na para bang matagal nang nakatambak sa bahay nila. May itatakip ka dito at yun, magmumukhang attache case na. Sobrang saya ko noong araw na iyon. Excited na akong mapa-level up ang Talong. Kaya simula noong araw na napadpad ang makinilya ng lola ko sa bahay namin, naging mas maayos na ang itsura ng Talong.

Natuwa naman ang klase sa bagong Talong. Naiintindihan na lahat ang mga nakasulat at hindi na siya mukhang scratch paper na naka-isteypler. Ilang typo na lang pero ayos na rin.

Ilang isyu pa at kasama na rin sina Argel, Riza, at Joyce sa pag-iisip ng konsepto.

Naging maganda ang takbo ng Talong na nakarami rin ng isyu. Hindi nga lang inaasahan na ipatawag ako at ilang kaklase isang araw. Nasa ikalawang taon na kami ng hayskul noon. May ilang guro ang nakabasa ng Talong. Si Sir Fernandez, adviser namin, ang nagpatawag sa amin. Kinakabhan ako. Iniisip kong hindi naman yata bawal ang gumawa ng ganoong babasahin para lang sa loob ng klase ngunit wala ring nakasaad sa kung anong konstitusyon ng paaralan na pwedeng gumawa ng tulad nito. Pagdating sa opisina ni Sir Fernandez, ipinakita niya ang dyaryong tila kusot na dahil sa ilang araw nang lumipat-lipat sa ilan ring kamay.

Una kong nakita yung mga krokis ng mga ari ng lalake sa isang parte ng dyaryo. Si Argel ang gumawa ng parteng iyon pero ang alam ko, wala namang ganoon iyon noong inilabas namin. Hindi naman tinanong ni Sir Fernandez kung sino ang may gawa. Sinabi ko ang totoo kay Sir Fernandez. Wala nga iyon noong una. Marahil isa sa mga nakahawak ang gumawa noon. Ang konsepto kasi ni Argel noon (ipinaliwanag sa akin ni Argel matapos ang usapan sa loob ng opisina ni Sir Fernandez), ad daw yun ng invisible panty at brief. Napaglaruan lang siguro kaya nagkaroon ng mga ari ng lalake. Sabi ni Sir Fernandez, mabuti na lang na nakalagay ang "newpaper gag" sa pabalat ng dyaryo. Kung hindi, mas maitutulad ito sa mga malalaswang dyaryong lihim na dinadala ng ibang estudyante sa eskwelahan.

Kung tutuusin, wala namang masama sa paggawa ng dyaryo na sumasakop lang sa buong seksiyon ng Archimedes. Nagkataon lang na nagawan lang ito ng kalaswaan ng isang mambabasa. Nagkataon rin na noong may tinanong kung bakit may Talong, ang naisagot ng isa'y "Kasi matagal ilabas yung Mangga (titulo ng dyaryo ng paaralan)." Sa totoo lang, hindi naman kasi pinag-uusapan doon sa dyaryo yung mga titser.

Masyado lang siguro silang kinabahan. Teacher's enemy raw kasi kami. Sa akin, tanda lang iyan ng pagkatuto. Karunungan lang ang makakapagtulak sa amin na ipaglaban kung ano ang tama. Katalinuhan ang maging kritikal sa mga bagay-bagay na nakapalibot sa amin. Oo, sa tingin niyo, pasaway kami. Iyan ay kung "pasaway" mang maituturing ang pagtatanto sa isang pilosopiyang unti-unting umuusbong sa panahong iyon. Palagi namang ganyan, kahit sa ngayon, kahit saan: We are wrong but philosophically right.

Nalaman ko rin pagkaraan kung sino ang nagdrowing ng mga kalaswaan sa Talong. Biro ang naisagot ko sa kaniya. Gayumpaman, naisip kong hindi na nakakatuwa ang ganoon. Ni hindi ko naramdamang nagsisisi siya sa ginawa niya. Muntikan na siguro kaming mapatalsik ng eskwelahan dahil sa kagagawan niya.

Wala nang sumunod na isyu ng Talong. Hindi ko na rin makita ang dahilan kung bakit pa ako gagawa. Bakit nga ba? Hindi ko masisisi na bumitaw ang ilang kaibigan sa paggawa ng dyaryo dahil sa takot nilang may mangyari ulit. Iyong kausapin na kami ng adviser ay nagmistula nang first offense.

So, ganoon na lang. Pinalitan ang Talong ng K2. Wala talaga akong maisip na ibang pangalan. K2 ang pangalawang pinakamataas na bundok sa mundo. Kailangan maging second kasi kailangang ipadama sa Manga na first pa rin ito para sa mga Archimedes.

Nakailang labas lang ang K2. Tama lang, dahil tinamad na rin talaga ako. Tinatamad maghintay ng dahilan para ituloy ito. Hindi rin naman ako nagbabalak buhayin ang Talong ngayon sa kabila ng ilang kaklaseng naghahangad na buhayin ko ito. Siguro, hindi dapat ako ang bumuhay nito kundi sila.

Siga Rangers: Isang Balik-Tanaw

2011-07-09T05:15:00.002+08:00

Siga.
Marami iyang ibig sabihin. Maraming nais ipahiwatig.
Tinatawag kang siga kapag kinakatakutan ka sa lugar niyo. Binibinyagan ka ng pangalang siga kapag umaasta kang dapat katakutan (pero kadalasan ay hindi naman talaga kinakatakutan—mga pekeng siga).

Nung bata ako, ang konsepto ko ng siga ay yung mga lalakeng mga malalaki ang katawan. Yung tipong isang umbag lang, hihiwalay na kaluluwa mo dahil sa sobrang takot. Sa susunod na araw, nanginginig na tuhod mo by the sight of them. Sa susunod na mga linggo, iniiwasan mo na sila (pwede ring hindi ka na dumadaan sa lugar nila).

Ngayon, napagtanto kong, bobo lang pala yung mga gumagamit ng katawan para manakot. Yung may laman nga yung katawan pero hangin lang yung nasa utak. Utak ang labanan. Patalinuhan dapat. Mas nakakatakot kasi yung psychologically mo silang matatakot. Malayong mas matindi sa pisikal na pamamaraan.

Minsan, naging siga rin ako. At yun ay noong nasa elementarya ako. Aminin natin—ang eskwelahan ang training grounds ng kung anu-ano, isa na diyan ang pagiging siga. Pero kung may maipagmamalaki man ako sa pagiging siga, ito ay yung mga kasama ko sa pagsisigasigahan.

Si Shara (Black Ranger)
Powers:
Crispy Patang-Ina. Murang nakatutuyo ng utak, nakalalagas ng kaluluwa, at nakahihina ng loob.
Liempo Punch. Suntok na mabababoy ka sa kahihiyan (dahil nalamangan ka sa suntok nitong babaeng ito.) Gamit ang mala-pata niyang kamao, ewan ko lang kung hindi ka pa mahilo.
Kahinaan:

Hinahigh-blood si bakla. Ang gaga kasi, masyadong insecure. Tawagin lang na "baboy," breast-out na agad ang loka sabay dirty finger sayo. Asarin mo pa at kukuwelyohan ka na. Kadalasan tumitigil na doon yung mga nang-aasar, takot lang nilang matamaan ng Liempo Punch ni ate.

Pero napansin ko, mabubuwisit iyan kapag lalo pang ipinagpatuloy yung pang-aasar sa kaniya. Meron yung one time, may isang kaklaseng sobrang nang-asar sa kaniya. Ginawa na niya lahat. Tinalakan ng Crispy Patang Ina at binugbog gamit ang Liempo Punch pero wala pa ring epekto. Si Shara matapos ang away, walk-out iyan. Bilang good friend ako, susunod ako sa kaniya. Ang gaga, umiiyak na pala. Iiyak iyan hanggat bwisit pa siya. Mumurahin niya lahat, saulado niya kung sinong pumanig sa kalaban. Mumurahin niya kasabay ng mga luhang dahan-dahang nilalandas ang matambok niyang pisngi. Ang ginagawa ko kapag nangyayari yung ganoon: Ayun, umiinom ng palamig at tatahimik na lang. Delikado iyan pag nagself distruct. Makakalimot iyan, di makakikilala kung sino yung talagang kakampi. Kaya dapat tahimik na lang.

Pangalawang kahinaan, lalake. Oo, lalake. Maraming nag-aakala na tomboy si Shara. Pero mahina iyan sa mga crush niya. Ang ate mo, panalo—kupitera kasi sa store nila kaya ayun, winlaloo ang mga boys. Basta isa sa mga crush niya ang magsabing "Shara, palibre naman," ang lola mo ilalabas ang walet at busog na ang mga boys. Kung babalik nga ako sa panahong iyon, pwede ko siyang sabihan na nagamit sana niya yung pera para may sukang sasawsawan ang kaniyang crispy lumpia.

Si Shara ang masasabi kong best friend ko noong elementarya. Grade four kami noong sobrang naging close. Magkatabi kami sa upuan niyan. Habang tumatalak yung teacher sa harap, naku nagtitakedown notes kaming dalawa. Yung mga katabi namin about sa lesson yung nakalimbag sa notebook nila, pero kung titignan mo yung notebook namin—puro drawing at mura. Idodrawing namin yung titi ng mga crush namin, with matching caption pa: Ang laki siguro nung kay "N." Tamang-tama, after ng pang-apat na taon sa elementarya, magaling na kami sa art. Alam na namin ang kahalagahan ng mga detalye sa isang masterpiece. Kung dati, isang oblong na shape na may kasamang bilog yung drawing namin ng talong ni "N," after ilang months, may hair na yung drawing with matching veins. Dahil sa bongga ng improvement namin sa arts, lumaki ang utang na loob namin sa subject na tumatalakay sa pagdadalaga at pagbibinata. Naman, mas kinareer ko iyon kaysa sa religion class ni Ms. Dolly na ang finals e pagsusulat ng dasal, word per word.

Si Shara na siguro ang nagturo sa akin upang sumamba sa mga bagay na phallic. Nakakatawang aminin pero hindi talaga bastos ang isipan ko noong bata pa ako. Okay, crush ko si Jason ng Power Rangers noong grade one. Pero sa pagtuntong ko pa lang sa ika-apat na taon ako natuto ng mga kalibugang bagay. At ito ay ipinagmamalaki kong natutunan kay Shara. Pero hindi naman lahat ng kademonyohan, siya ang nakakaisip. Ang alam ko, kung may kalokohan kami, conjugal na iyan. Walang sisihan.

Noong grade 5, bwisit na bwisit talaga kami sa religion. Basta before 1st period iyon ng hapon. Ninakaw na nga yung 30 minutes na kasama pa sana sa lunch break, nakakairita pa ang sight—ang mga sipsip, umaaligid kay Sister na nagtuturo sa amin noon. Hindi ko talaga maalala yung pangalan. Dahil siguro sa hindi namin pagpasok. Ang sabi kasi ni Sister nung unang araw niya (1:00PM to 1:30PM), magsisimula yung klase niya ng ganoong oras. Ang pagkakaintindi namin, bahala kami kung papasukan namin o hindi. Yun, dahil sa mabait kami, pinasukan namin. Okay, after naming mawalan ng bait, noong mga sumunod na araw, hindi na kami pumasok sa 30 minutong pagsasayang ng oras na iyon. mas minabuti na lang naming gumala (Alay lakad! Kung saan-saang baranggay kami napapadpad noon) at tumambay (may isang spot sa harapan ng eskuwelahan kami tumitigil ni Shara para magmanicure sa sarili namin). Siyempre dahil favorite niya yung black, ang gaga lahat ng kuko niya black matapos ang session namin. Parang ganito lang ang nangyari: Kung yung iba na pasipsip o mabait lang talaga ay nasa loob ng klasrum at pinapaambunan ng dalisay na turo para sa kaluwalhatian ng kung anong pucha, kami naman ay nagpopot session ng masangsang na amoy ng "kyutiks." Noong una, dalawa lang kami ni Shara. Nung naglaon, sumama na rin yung iba kaya hindi na kyutiks ang trip namin. Lakwatsa na o di kaya ay pagbabasa ng Xerex.

Sa tingin ko, ang pinakamean na nagawa ni dabyana e yung pagiging friends with benefits niya kay GG (babae; mabango yung pangalan, pero hanggang pangalan na lang ... sige na nga, ikukwento ko next post). Ang gaga, nililibre ang pobreng dugyuting GG para lang maging close ke crush na RT. Nakapanlilimahid mang isiping magpinsan pala ang GG at RT (na noon ay crushable talaga, as in, tsalap tsalap; ngayon adik adik na), naniwala na rin kami bilang wala kaming powerful will para iapproach ang nakaka-"L" as in nakakalokang RT noh. Ganun, ginamit ang gandang GG hanggat sa makakaya nito. Nakangiti at buong kabaitan naming sinasalo yung mga ibinabato niyang updates tungkol kay RT: kung saan siya palaging tumatambay with barkada, kung may girlfriend na ba, at kung anu-ano pa. Kung pwede lang, itatanong namin lahat: gaano siya kataba, gaano siya kahaba, at gaano siya kasarap. Pero wis na lang dahil mukhang hanggang pintuan lang ng bahay nina RT ang pobreng GG at never makikita si RT na nakahubad. Kapag nakatalikod ang GG, lilitaw na yung mga kademonyohan namin. Pag-uusapan na namin kung gaano siya kabaho, kung gaano kadilaw nung uniform niya, at kung gaano kaimposible na may mabango pa siyang genes sa kaibuturan niya para magkaroon ng isang gwapong pinsan.

Baboy. Tawagin mo si Shara na "baboy." Didilim ang mundo mo. Literal na didilim talaga ang mundo mo matapos niyang lumapit sa iyo at takpan ang sinag ng araw dahil sa laki at lapad niya. Hanggang mura lang muna siya sa iyo. At so far, harsh na iyon dahil nagagatungan na ni John Rey ng kanyang reyna-reynahang tawa ang pangyayari. Enter John Rey.

Si John Rey (Pink Ranger)
Powers:
Taray Kilay. Mapoise niyang itataas ang kilay sabay tingin sa buong katauhan mo na parang ang liit-liit mo.
Girlash Slash. Mapoise pa rin pero ngayon, pisikal na. Naku, matakot ka sa kuko niyan. Kung hindi ka man lang masugat sa isang wagayway ng daliri nitong si bakla, kaluluwa mo na pala ang naslash niya. Gamit ang very very long at very very tulis na kuko ng pota, you're dead—physically and psychologically.
Kahinaan:
Family. Sus, ang drama ng kahinaan niya. Pero nung elementary, ang gaga, medyo mahinhin pa kaya takot sa galit lang ng Mudra at Kuya niyang crush ng bayan.

Magaan ang loob ko kay John Rey. Naku, ang bakla, maraming naituro sa akin: pagkanta ala M2M (yung girl duo), pagmodulate ng ritmo ng facial muscles para magkaroon ng mapoise na pakikipagtunggalian sa mga bitchesang kalaban. Sa kaniya ko natutunan ang makahulugang pag-irap. Siya na ang reyna ng kabaklaan at kademonyohan. Ang bakla, power tripper at sadly isa ako sa mga nabiktima. Ang bakla dahil nga reyna, maraming props na dinadala sa eskuwelahan: gameboy, interesting books, song hits, etc.

Sobrang adik ko lang sa laro noon na nauuto ako para lang pahiramin ng gameboy. Wala kasi kaming pambili noon ng ganoon dahil nga feeling ko poorita kami (never ko ni-brought up ang pagpapabili ng mga kagaya niyan kasi alam kong mag-iisip ang parents ng bonggang reason para wag bumili). Naku, pasok na pasok lang sa banga noon ang Super Mario, Bomber Man, etc. Magdadala naman minsan si ganda ng mga encyclopedia. astig ang maraming pictures. Si bakla, may mga detalye pang binibitawan per page—halatang pinangangalandakan niyang winner ang mga books niya at nabasa niya na ang mga ito habang nagkakandarapa at namamangha ang mga klasmeyts sa nilalaman nito. Minsan naman songhits.

Ganito ang nangyayari: kung gusto mong pahiramin ka ni bakla ng mga gamit niya, dapat mabait ka sa kaniya. Nag-work nga ang plano ng bakla. Talagang panalo ang loka, kapag may nagawa siyang kasalanan. Aba, areglado agad (psychologically).

---

Ilang taon na rin ang lumipas. Ayun sa huling balita ko, si Shara ay may dalawang anak na ngayon. Si John Rey naman ay nag-aalaga na rin ng kung anu-anong alipores (nurse na siya). Habang isinusulat ko itong post na ito, napasok rin sa isipan ko ang pagnanais na mapagsama muli kaming tatlo. Tiyak, hindi sapat ang ilang araw para mapagkuwentuhan ang mga kagaguhan namin noong araw.

Pero gaya nga ng sabi nila, ayun, tumahak na kami ng kanya-kanyang daan. Hindi ko alam kung magkikita pa nga kaming tatlo. Hindi ko alam kung gaya pa rin ng dati ang turingan namin. Marami na kasing ala-ala ang tumabon sa memoryang natutulog sa kama ng aming isipan. Masigabong pagkalkal ang kinakailangan sa para magising ito. Gayumpaman, umaasa pa rin ako na hindi namin makakalimutan ang isa't-isa.

Love Advises

2011-06-11T06:34:00.002+08:00

It's been a month na yata noong narinig ko itong usapan na ito sa office.

A friend of mine na tinatawag kong Mama E. was having a problem back then with his boyfriend. The boyfriend wanted to get back with him only with this complicated condition: No commitments. Mmmm. I would put it this way, sila pero hindi talaga sila kung pinangangalagahan mo ang "commitment" sa "relationship." Enjoying theirself while together but with no assurance na hindi maghahanap yung isa ng isa pa. Well, I can tell na mahal niya talaga yung guy. It's just so hurting, I can tell, na sa laki ng love na inilalaan ng friend ko sa kanya, thoughts of uncertainties ang naibalik. That time, nainis ako. How can my friend love a guy who's not really deserving for that? It took a couple of hours before ko nabitawan sa isip ko yung topic.

After our shift, Mama E. talked to me while riding our way home. He agreed to what J told him before. Sadly, J's advise to Mama E is to get what he deserves. "Sa ganda mong iyan? Dapat ikaw yung hinahabol," J said. Mama E told me na "nauntog" siya sa sinabi ni J. True. I also carry the similar thought in my mind—I am, eventually, waiting for that guy, who loves me, whom I am willingly able to learn to love. At ang first rule is dapat mahal niya muna ako before ko siya mahalin. Kaya nasabi ko kay Marco noon na hindi ako choosy. I just wanted to be involved in a near to sure relationship, if not the sure one.

Surprisingly, I disagreed to what J has said to Mama E. Has he sat beside Mama E to realise those between-the-line utterances? I did. I heard those sweet longing for that guy while Mama E was cursing him for what has happened and will be happening soon. I heard the lovingly pronounced "I love him" while narrating how they spent their past specially and romantically.

My point is that when you love someone, it is better to not give it up that easily. Give the guy some chances. Everyone deserves it. The point of "relationship" is him and you. Parang "abiotic relationship" lang—you are benefiting from the guy and the same for him from you. Give and take relationship.

Sad lang na hindi ko nasabi iyon kay Mama E. J is a good friend and it feels like stabbing him with his back facing me kung gagawin ko iyon. Mama E is way older than me rin, so I am afraid na baka isipin niya na nagmamagaling ako. That's one thing I'm afraid of—getting my friends angry at me. I had experienced that one time and it wasn't good.

Good thing is that Mama E and the guy are together na, having a good sex, limitations and assertion of control to each other, and of course, happy certain life.

Ikot

2011-04-26T12:03:00.002+08:00

Paparahin ko ang parating na Ikot. Sasakay. Dahil sa matagal na panahong hindi nakakatuntong ang aking katawan sa prestihiyosong panganorin ng unibersidad, iniisip ko kung anim na piso pa rin ba ang bayad sa isang makabuluhang paglalakbay. Ang biyaheng humuhubog sa katawan nitong lupain. Tuldok lang ako, mumunting langgam na pinipilit lakbayin ang kalawakang tulad nito.

Iaabot ko ang isang bente. Sa gayun ay hindi na ako magmumukhang baguhan sa tatahaking kaharian. Malamig ang hanging humahampas sa hapis kong itsura. Mula trabaho, kinakailangan kong bayaran ang gastusin sa tubig na matagal nang nakatakda. Lumulubog ang talukap ng aking mata. Nagkakaroon ng sariling paglalakbay ang aking isipan. Lutang. Ngunit ikaw ang nagpagising sa akin—o marapat sigurong sabihing ang isang malaking posibilidad na magkita tayo sa mundong pinapasukan ko ngayon. Ang pagkakaalam ko, may mga klase ka ngayong bakasyon.

Titingin ako sa orasan ng aking telepono. Marahil hindi ko na kailangang ipaalala sa iyong hindi ako yung klase ng taong nagsusuot ng relo. Alam mong ganoon pa rin ako. Wala sa kinang ng panahong ginugol ko ang presyo ng Rolex ko. Wala sa gara ng disenyo ang mga paglalakbay ng Converse na sapatos ko. Lalo ring wala sa matimtimang pagnanais ng katiwasayan ng bawat araw ang dilim na hatid ng Rayban na para sa mata ko. Napag-usapan na natin iyan diba? Malamang, wala nang tanong mula sa iyo. Kilala mo na ako.

Pagbaba ng isang estudyante sa tapat ng kolehiyo ng siyensiya, naglakbay ang isipan ko. Humanap ng senyales para makausap ang isang makapangyarihan. Sabi ko, kung magkikita tayo sa pag-ikot ko sa kalawakan ng unibersidad na ito, ibig sabihin noon, tayo talaga. Epekto ng pagdadalawang isip, pinalitan ko ang katagang nabitawan ko na. Kapag magkikita tayo, dito sa malawak ng eskwelahang ito, ibig sabihin, may nararamdaman ka pa para sa akin.

Malapit na akong bumaba. Malapit na. Susundan ko ng tingin ang mga nagdaraan, marahil ay ikaw na iyon. Ngunit wala. Wala pa rin. Marahil mamaya na lang siguro, sa pagsakay ko muli ng Ikot pabalik sa aking pinagmulan.

Bumaba ako ng Ikot at nagbayad na. Iniisip ko habang hinihintay na matawag ako sa kabila ng iba pang magbabayad rin ng gastusin sa kuryente at tubig, marahil sa isang saglit lang magkikita na tayo ngunit hindi nagkakataong mangyari iyon. Yung tipong nasa loob ka ng isang kainan sa SC at dadaan ako. Nakatalikod ka. Paharap ka na sa direksiyon ko ngunit may nakita akong magandang abubot sa may kabilang tindahan. Sa huli, wala pa rin. Yung tipong pasakay na ako ng jeepney na sinasakyan mo ngunit pababa ka naman na dahil ito na ang destinasyon mo. Siguro'y maraming ganoong pagkakataon ang nangyari sa atin.

Nakakalungkot lang. Dahil kung ganoon man, napakamalas naman ng pamumuhay na ito. Ipinagdarasal ko na makita kita. Hinihintay ko ang isang pagkakataong magkita tayo ngunit pagkakataon na mismo ang nagiging dahilan para hindi tayo magkita.

Nakapagbayad na ako. Iniisip ko pa ring dumaan ka habang nakatalikod ako't nagbabayad. Ngayong malapit nang matapos ang pag-ikot ko sa mundo mo. Kailangan ko nang tanggapin ang totoo at huwag nang umasa pa. Malabo nang makita kita ngayon. Ako yung taong magaling sa pampalubag loob. Inisip kong may klase ka pa kaya imposible ring nakakalat ang isang katulad mong matindi ang dedikasyon sa pag-aaral. Maaring hapon ang klase mo at nakaratay ka pa sa higaan mo kaya hindi ka pa rin maarok ng paningin ko. Di bale na, mayroon pa namang ibang araw ng pagbalik sa mundo mo.

Pagbaba ko ng Ikot, malungkot na ngiti ang naisagot ko sa paglalakbay na ito. Hindi ko alam kung paano nga ba ang malungkot na ngiti. Ang alam ko lang nakangiti ako pagbaba ko ng Ikot ngunit malungkot ang isipan kong nagtatampo sa pagkakataong ni hindi man tayo pinagharap ngayon.

Hanggang sa susunod na pagkakataon. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ako paglalaruan ng pagkakataon pero hindi naman nagkakaubusan ng pagkakataon kaya umaasa pa rin ako sa iba pang pagkakataon.

Sana nga.

A Monday of Porns, Condoms, and Effeminate Boys

2011-04-25T16:00:00.003+08:00

Porn's Big Connection on Election Winnings

Psychologists got the link between election winnings and porn use. Thanks to our friends from Rutgers—Camden for getting something like this published in the journal "Evolution and Human Behaviour." According to ScienceDaily (19 April 2011), Rutgers—Camden psychologist couple Charlotte and Patrick Markey from Villanova University has studied the use of porn from election years 2004, 2006, and 2008. They have concluded then that visits among porn sites got higher statistics than other years.

A bit of ScienceDaily's article reads:

A major aspect of this research that continues to fascinate Markey is the link between sexual behavior and vicarious winning on males. “Research has shown testosterone levels fluctuate with whether or not one wins in a competition. Even if a man is sitting in a bar and his team wins, his testosterone levels will rise,” notes Markey. (ScienceDaily)

Piso

2011-04-24T07:39:00.002+08:00

"Naku, ang bata-bata mo pa lang, nakahawak ka na ng isandaan. Bihira lang ako makahawak niyan," sabi ng isang matandang babaeng kausap ng Mama ko. Maamo ang mukha ng ale. Marami na ring kulubot ang mukha niya, tanda ng maraming taong pag-iral.

Binigyan kasi ako ng Mama ko ng isandaang piso para bumili ng isang bote ng sopdrinks at tinapay sa may kanto. Bisita namin ang matandang babaeng iyon. Habang nasa daan at inuulit-ulit ang mga pinapabili sa isip ko para hindi makalimutan, naalala ko kung paano niya binitawan ang mga katagang iyon—naiinggit, nakangisi.

Malapit ang loob ko sa mga matatanda. Ito ay marahil sa lumaki ako sa pangangalaga ng lola ko. Ang tawag ko sa kaniya, Apong Trining (mula sa Trinidad Santiago-Taroma na buong pangalan niya). Ang kwento ng mga magulang ko, paborito ako ng lolo't lola ko noon. Laki sa layaw, ayun sa mga pinsan ko. Dahil siguro panganay ako ng bunso nilang anak.

Kapag sa akin na kasi ang atensiyon, maraming bawal. Bawal akong madumihan. Inis lang lahat ng tagapag-alaga ko sa akin. Maputi talaga ang kutis ko noon pa man at palagi akong sinusuotan ng mga puting damit kaya mahahalata talaga kung madumi ako. Malamang dahil bawal akong madumihan, ibig sabihin lang nun, bawal nila akong ibaba sa pagkakakarga. Meron raw noong minsan, hinayaan nila akong mag-isa sa sahig na simento. Hindi raw nila namalayang nakagapang na ako palabas ng bahay, nakadapa at niyayakap ang lupaing noo'y tila malawak na palaruan para sa akin. Naabutan ako ng lola't lolo ko na gumagapang sa lupa. Ayon sa kwento, galit na galit raw ang mga matatanda noon. Pinabayaan raw ako. Hindi ko alam kung paano sila magalit. Nalunod ang lolo ko bago pa man ako lumaki at nagkaisip. Ang lola ko naman, ni minsan, hindi ko nakitang magalit.

Bawal rin akong umiyak. Sabi ng Mama ko, iiyak rin daw sila kapag umiiyak ako. Naisip ko, kung ganoon man, mahal nga nila talaga ako. Dahil bawal akong umiyak, marahil bawal rin akong magkasakit dahil halos lahat ng nakikita kong batang may sakit ay madalas ang pag-iyak.

Bawal man, palagi naman raw akong nagkakasakit. Pabalik-balik raw sila ng ospital para ipagamot ako. Noong lumaki ako at nagkaisip, sa awa raw ng diyos, ni minsan ay hindi na ako itinakbo ng ospital. Naniniwala akong malusog na ako noon dahil wala akong matandaang naospital ako.

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Dahil may trabaho ang mga magulang ko, madalas ay kay Apong Trining ako iniiwan. Isinasama naman niya ako sa palengke para magbenta ng gulay. Maglalatag siya ng ilang piraso ng sako at saka ilalapag ang mga panindang gulay. Ako naman, tatabi sa upuan niya. Kapag napagod na ako sa kakaayos ng paninda (hindi talaga niya ako pinagtitinda), maglalakad-lakad at makikipaglaro sa iba pang mga batang nandoon. Masaya ang maging laman ng palengke dahil marami akong nakakalaro. Marami rin akong naging laruan dahil palagi akong nagpapabili sa kaniya. Ang palagi kong ginagawa noon, humihingi ako ng piso sa bawat araw. Napagalitan nga ako ng Mama ko noong nalaman niya. Ang sabi niya, huwag na raw ako hihingi at huwag ring kukunin kapag nagbigay siya. Nagtanong ako kung bakit. Kasi raw, pera niya iyon—ipon niya iyon. Pero, humingi pa rin ako kinabukasan at sa mga sumunod pang mga araw.

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"Awan ni Apong mon. Jay-Ar, awan ni Apong mon. (Wala na ang Apong mo. Jay-Ar, wala na ang Apong mo.)" umiiyak ang Mama ko noong sinabi niya sa akin iyon. Ilang araw ko rin nakita ang lola kong nakaratay sa bahay ng tita ko noon. Bata pa ako noon, siguro'y nasa unang taon pa lang ng elementarya. Sa tuwing bumibisita kami sa bahay ng lola ko, natutuwa ako dahil makakasama ko na naman siya. Mahina na siya noon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero malungkot ang kapaligiran sa tuwing dadalaw kami roon. Nakakausap ko pa naman si Apong Trining. Natatandaan ko nga habang kausap siya na hindi ako makapagbunto ng atensiyon sa mga sinasabi niya kasi nagtataka ako sa dextrose na nakakabit sa kamay niya. Binibilang ko ang bagdapo ng bawat patak sa mga naipon sa baba nito. Masakit ba ang likuran ng kamay niya mula sa pagkakatusok ng ineksiyon? Gusto ko ring malaman kung anong laman ng tubig na iyon at kung bakit hindi na lang sumalok sa may gripo sa likuran ng bahay ng tita ko para hindi na lang bumili. Kung alam ko lang na huling mga araw na pala iyon ng lola ko, marahil ay taimtim akong nakikinig sa mga habilin niya.

Sumama ako at hinatid siya sa libingan niya noon. Hindi ako naiyak pero ramdam ko na nagkaroon ng puwang sa kung saan mang parte ng katauhan ko. Habang umaandar ang karo, naaalala ko ang mga araw na binibigyan niya ako ng piso mula sa aga napagtindahan niya. Naaalala ko ang mga ngiti niya. Ang mga yakap. Pinilit kong umiyak noon pero wala, walang lumabas na luha. Marahil hindi ako ganoon noong araw, marahil nakakapag-isip ang mura ko pang isipan ng positibong dahilan para harapin ang pagkawala ng lola ko na hindi umiiyak. Marahil napagtanto ko noon pa na ninanais ng lola ko na maging matapang ako kahit wala na siya—na kaya nawala siya ay dahil alam niyang handa na akong mawala siya.

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"'Manang, maysa man nga coke tapos 'tasty'. (Ate, isa nga pong coke at tinapay.)" sabi ko sa ateng nagbabantay ng tindahan. Binayaran ko ang mga pinamili at saka binitbit ang mga pagkain pauwi ng bahay.

Ganoon lang naman kadalasan ang buhay. Parang sa pagbili lang ng pagkain sa may tindahan sa kanto. Maglalakad tayo para sa pinakamalapit na tindahan para sa pinakainaasam na bibilhin. Sa daan, marami tayong makakasalubong o makakasabay, kakilala man o hindi. Marami tayong madadaanang mga bahay, mga buhay. Marahil wala pa tayo doon, marahil naglalakad pa lang tayo patungo sa suki nating tindahan. Isang mahabang paglalakad. Pero mukhang malapit na. Siguro mga ilang taon na lang, pabalik na tayo, hawak ang mga pinamili.

Naalala ko, kung iipunin siguro yung mga pisong hiningi ko kay Apong Trining, marahil ako naman ang nakapagbigay ng regalo sa kaniya. Sana buhay pa siya hanggang ngayon para naman maranasan niyang makatanggap ng regalo mula sa akin.

Bakit ba kasi noong bata pa tayo, makasarili tayo. ...

Infographic: Easter by the Numbers

2011-04-24T02:38:00.000+08:00

Something infographical this Easter Sunday guys. Happy Easter! Enjoy!

Infographic: The Current State of Social Networks

2011-04-24T00:00:00.001+08:00

Just click on the image for larger view.

The Creexsology Summer Banner: Plunge! Enjoy! Refresh!

2011-04-18T08:33:00.006+08:00

The beautiful lake surrounding the island of Caliraya in Laguna got me reminded that summer is really in here. (Stories on my adventures in Caliraya, soon) The scorching palms of the hot blodded sun has again reached us to give a promising summer for this year.

So let's enjoy the summer! Let's plunge into cold refreshments and enjoy life as it is. This is Creexsology 2011, being with you in the heat of this summer.

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I would like to thank the readers for giving this site a lot of visits. There's more to come.

Answers from the Questions

2011-04-17T15:06:00.001+08:00

I receieved some overwhelming questions in Formspring and it's just necessary for me to let you know my answers.

The following are questions from a friend (JustVar):

If you were a song, your title would be?
Sweet Disposition (Temper Trap)
Upbeat, free and rhythmic but calm and sympathetic nevertheless.

What makes you blush?
Teases. (When someone is teasing me in front of people I know.)

Do you believe in second chance? Does everybody deserve it?
I do believe in second chances. But it ends with that. Third time is enough.

How many times have you been brokenhearted?
Once. That's what you get when you fall in love (with a straight guy).

Your theme song as of the moment?
Katy Perry's "Simple." It seems like an advise for me—to try and be simple.

What turns you on?
Flirtatious acts from guys? Did I answer it right? LOL!!!

Who is your inspiration?
Several personalities inspires me but I would stick to Jurgen Habermas' thoughts.

Next questions are from Anonymous:

What makes you happy at the moment?
Mmmm ... People from work, housemates ... probably the feel of satisfaction. Perhaps, being free and proud of it.

What's your summer plan?
Outing this weekend with officemates. If possible, drinking sessions with highschool barkada in Pangasinan and meet-ups with several friends from college (which in fact might happen on 24 April)

Money or Fame?
It wasn't the best choices to choose from but "fame" would be enough to have the money.

What can you say bout the execution of the 3 Fil. in China?
Sorry but I think they deserved it. They did it and they deserve the sanction for that. We shouldn't blame our leader for what happened. It should be done—the execution of the three—because it is the rule, the law. If not, other people would mime what had happened and wouldn't think of being reprimanded for doing it.
Poverty isn't at fault. The way how we think is the root of it all. We believe that poverty hinders our progress and it is what's pulling us down.

If the world would really end on 2012, what's the last thing/activity that you're going to do?
Enjoy life. Have sex.Fulfill my bucket lists ...

Your favorite snacks while watching movies?
I don't eat while watching. Eating would make my concentration to it and not on the film.

Ask me more questions,

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.formspring.me/creexs"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;http://www.formspring.me/creexs&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

Soluto - The Anti-Frustration Software

2011-04-13T00:00:00.001+08:00

Getting tired of waiting for your computer to finish booting? Your laptop might have several programs to start while booting in. That may obviously frustrate you. Good thing there's a freeware to keep that frustration away. Save time by using Soluto.

Here's how Soluto works:

Go to their site to know more and to download. It's a freeware. It's also safe. It's worth trying so go, download and install!

Ouch!: Lady Gaga's Fall

2011-04-12T08:58:00.001+08:00

Venus Raj's Timely Appearance for Binibining Pilipinas 2011

2011-04-12T08:32:00.003+08:00

What is "Lenten Season" without Venus Raj in her "Santa" look during the coronation night for the Binibining Pilipinas 2011 held last Sunday?

Now, caption this! LOL

Yesterday's Tong is Today's Mario Maurer

2011-04-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

Everybody loved Tong—yup, that eye candy from the film Love of Siam has finally grown yummier and more palatable than he is before. Today's well built Mario Maurer has gone his transformation for good, from being a cutie to a handsome hunky.

So Mario, game?

Mario has been the cute one ever since.

Maurer, you can be my Tom and I could be your Mew.

Elegant.

Don't stare at me! I'm falling!

Mmmm ... deliciously perfect!

Willing to be summoned?

You're looking for me, aren't you?
We could swim together underwater.
Yes, my Prince Mario, I'm Ariel!

Does that hurt darling? It's hurting me too.

(Ang landeeee ko raw.)

Consciousness: Locked Again, Studied "Grundles," Disastrous Honeymoon, and Queer Remains

2011-04-11T00:00:00.003+08:00

Mouthed It Out!
Holly can't shut her mouth. It just happened. She just yawned in her class. Her jaws then got locked as if Medusa stared at her mouth—take note, at her mouth—giving her enough attention from BBC to document the doctor's effort in saving Holly's big fat mouth.

And the doctor's effort is ... leaving Holly on her back with several sticks on it. Did it work? Watch the video below.

Doctor's advise: Avoid yawning.

Just a point: Is it really yawning that made her mouth locked up like that or . . . Never mind. I believe, it seems like being "locked" has becoming frequent recently. Remember that issue about a couple of actors who were brought to the hospital "together" and ease the girl's private part and cure the two from being locked to each other?

Source: BuzzFeed

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According to the Study: On That Area. Yes, That Area!

I love this news.

According to Reuters, "When it comes to male fertility, it turns out that size doesn't matter." The distance between the underside of a man's balls and his anus (called "grundles") would determine his fertility. The shorter the distance between the ball and the blackhole, the larger chance it is in risk to infertility. Get the details here.

So that's it. As Pacquiao has said it, "Now [we] know." I have a bit of curiosity though on how the study was done. Have the same thought as mine? Seems like being a scientist can be worth reckoning, eh?

Source: Reuters.com

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Six Disasters in Your Honeymoon? How Absurd!

We should call it the "natural trials" for their relationship.

Stefan and Erika Svanstrom has vowed to be with each other, forever. They don't know though that nature has also gave them the same pact—to be with them, for almost all the time. The couple didn't know it, not until realizing that they've been into six disasters on their four-month-long honeymoon.

Dealing with one of the worst snowstorms in Europe, unexpecting the cyclone in Cairns, soaking with the flooding in Brisbane, heating the honeymoon with bushfires in Perth, balancing their minds of with New Zealand's 6.3 magnitude earthquake, and experiencing the tragic event in Japan (earthquake and tsunami), this honeymoon became the most memorable part of their history as a couple.

Mmm. Cursed, aren't they?

Source: The Sidney Morning Herald

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Mama of All Mama: He was Buried This Way!

Ahoy! A 5,000 year-old remains of caveman was unearthed recently in Czech Republic. The exciting part is that the archaeologist theorizes that this guy is a gay guy—perhaps the first gay caveman our civilization has discovered.

Click here for the details.

There's our Eve guys. I wonder what he looked like.

Source: Daily Mail