BirthMom Buds Blog

Quote of the Week: Never too late

2012-03-18T00:00:00.002-07:00

No matter where you are in life, no matter who you are, no matter how old you are - it is never too late to be who you are meant to be. - Esther & Jerry Hicks

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Spotlight Blogger: Meet Katelyn P

2012-03-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

Today's featured blogger is Katelyn of "Letters to You." Let's find out a little more about Katelyn....

First, please tell us a bit more about yourself (name, age, where you live, what led you to making an adoption plan, and anything else you feel comfortable sharing).

My name is Katelyn. I am 22, and I live in Utah. I'm currently getting my Master's degree in Social Work. I found out I was pregnant in September of 2008. I was just starting my 2nd year at college and was about a month away from my 19th birthday. The birthfather and I were having some serious issues by the time I found out I was pregnant, but we still tried to make it work for a little while. We were going to LDS Family Services for some counseling and birthparent group. By December I had given up on him and had decided I would just single parent. In January of 2009, I agreed to look at adoptive profiles through the agency. After a long and torturous few months, and with some divine intervention, I decided I really would place my baby for adoption and picked an amazing family. We spent March, April, and May getting to know each other, and I placed my son in an open adoption the end of May, 2009.

When and why did you begin blogging?

My blog is kind of unique, in that the idea originated as just me posting the letters and emails and journal entries I had written during my pregnancy. I wrote a lot during my pregnancy, and from the first part of January 2009 on, I wrote a journal specifically to my son. I have a journal like that from my mom when she was pregnant with me, just detailing her pregnancy and what my siblings were doing and how they were reacting to having a new baby, etc. It is one of my most cherished possessions, and I decided early on that I wanted all of my children to have the same thing. Because it was written to my son, I wrote a lot about my feelings for him and about the entire process, from deciding to place to picking a family to the day of placement and a few entries post-placement. I wanted to share that story with the world, so I started posting them in about September 2010. Now it's just a place for me to write my adoption thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Tell us more about the title of your blog. Why did you choose it?

The title of my blog is "Letters To You," and given the story behind my blog, it seems pretty obvious why I chose it :) I started every journal entry to my son with "My son," and ended with "Love, Mom." They were journal entries, but they were really more like letters from me to my unborn child. Because I knew I would be including a lot of other e-mails, conversations, and personal journal entries, I decided to keep it generic, with Letters to You, rather than Letters to My Son.

Has the response to your posts been mostly positive, mostly negative, or a mix of both?

I haven't had much response to my posts :) Maybe that's a good thing, maybe it's a bad thing. I haven't done much to put myself out there in the blog world, so not many people have read my blog. The few comments and responses I have had were almost all positive. I did get into a blog and comment 'war' with someone who had very differing views on adoption than I did, which was interesting. I am extremely welcoming to all feedback, as I really have enjoyed getting to see the other sides of adoption as well.

I have had the opportunity to remain anonymous through my blog posting, due to some interesting circumstances, until mid-January of 2012 when I decided to finally really own my story and admit that I am who I am, and it's a big part of me, and anyone who has an issue with that will just have to take it up with me directly. I'm a little more afraid of critical feedback now, as I cannot hide behind my initial!

What post on your blog do you consider a “must read” for people visiting your blog for the first time? Or what post(s) from your blog is (or are) your favorite(s) and why?

This question is impossible to answer! I love them all, as they all chronicle my story, so I think they're all important. I wouldn't have written them if I didn't. A must-read would be my first-ever post, since it explains why I decided to start the blog in the first place. This post explaining to my unborn son why I was placing him for adoption was the hardest entry I ever had to write. My post about the day of placement was almost as tough. More recently I did a post about no longer being anonymous, and my favorite-to-date post with a picture that sums up my adoption experience. Because my story is written through letters, each and every letter is important to understanding the full experience.

Do you have any advice for someone thinking of starting their own blog?

Just do it! If you have something you want to say, just go ahead and say it. If you think you need to remain anonymous, go for it. I did for the first year and a half I blogged, until I really became comfortable enough with myself to claim my story and experiences as mine. Don't worry about not having readers or not knowing how to publicize your blog. If you really want things to happen, they will. It's only lately that I've been featured on a few adoption sites, and I am glad it took this long. You have to really be ready for those things to happen. Also, just be honest. Don't pretend to be something or someone you are not. There is no point in blogging if you're going to blog about a fairy tale experience in a fairy tale world. This is the real world. So write about it!

Quote of the Week: Rollercoaster

2012-03-11T00:01:00.001-08:00

"Life is like a roller coaster - it's a bumpy ride full of twists and turns and ups and downs."

- Unknown

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Book Review: Jessica Lost

2012-03-09T08:00:00.010-08:00

Image credit: Amazon.com

Today I’m reviewing “Jessica Lost: A Story of Birth, Adoption, & The Meaning of Motherhood.” It’s a well-written memoir by Bunny Crumpacker & J.S. Picariello about the events that led them to reunion and afterward. I found this book on Amazon.com by putting in the search term of adoption. I was surprised to see that this book came up toward the top of the list. I figured I’d have to scroll through a lot of books geared toward hopeful adoptive parents and providing tips for successful adoptions.

The book is very logical and well planned. It starts from the point of view of Bunny, and then the two women alternate chapters. Bunny (or Faith, her given name) is the birth mom, and Jessica (or Jill, as her adoptive parents named her) is the adopted child, now an adult. Their reunion doesn’t happen until Jill is 42, or as Bunny says, “Before she found me, the last time I had seen my daughter was when she was four days old. When she found me, she was 15,391 days old – just over 42.”

The expected heartbreak of both is there, as well as brief mentions of the women finding out that both the agency involved and Jill’s parents lied. Bunny is married when she conceives Jill and Jill’s birth parents divorce soon after Jill’s birth. They both make an adoption plan together, though it’s found out later that Jill’s birth father is not Bunny’s ex-husband, but the product of an affair. When Jill finds out that the man she thinks is her birth father is not, she confronts him and asks why he’s been carrying on a relationship with her if she’s really not his biological daughter. He says, “I’ve thought a lot about that. I think it’s because I behaved so damn badly back then. I want to take responsibility. I want to be the grown-up I couldn’t be then.”

Jill then states, “It made sense to me, all of it: the drama, the responsibility, the stupidity of these young people who made a baby and messed up their lives and didn’t even know who did it. I understood what they did, and even why they did it. In my head it made sense, but in my stomach it was an ache, a pain. They messed up their lives and messed up my life and really, deep down, I didn’t understand it at all.” That quote I’m sure resonates strongly with every adoptee in a closed adoption. I’m certain a large majority of people reading this have come into contact with at least one adoptee that feels this way – feels the logic of the reasons and the agony of the emotions colliding.

Toward the end of the book, Jill loses both Faith and her mom to death. She says of the loss of Faith, “I know how fortunate I am to have found Faith – not just to have found this missing piece of my life, but to have found this particular person, this remarkable connection, this warm and enriching relationship.” I think that all birthmothers who are still awaiting reunion want to be thought of by their children this way.

All in all, a wonderful book and an easy read. The stories told by the women are engaging and engrossing. I would highly recommend this book. It gave me still more insights into the world of adoption in general.

Birthday Time

2012-03-08T13:33:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think the greatest thing is the passage of time. If I am in a stage of life that I don't really like, I know it will end. If I'm in a stage of life I love, it keeps me balanced to know that that too will end.

But sometimes I think the hardest thing is the passage of time. Time just keeps on going no matter what. My father passed away almost eight years ago. It has been difficult and emotional dealing with that loss. But what really saddens me some days is that in 20 years, he'll still be gone.

And so it is with Katie, my birthdaughter. This week she turns 25. And just like that, she's a grown up. I've missed all of it. The birthdays, the graduations, the celebrations. I know she's happy. She has a loving family around her. But I've missed that time and can never get it back.

Happy birthday, Baby.

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Music Monday: Somewhere Out There

2012-03-05T00:01:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Week: The Next Chapter

2012-03-04T00:01:00.001-08:00

"You can't stop the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one."

- Unknown

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Reminders

2012-03-02T13:40:00.000-08:00

Just a few reminders....

We are just two months away from our annual retreat! This year's retreat is May 4 - 6, 2012 in Charlotte, North Carolina. We have some exciting and meaningful things planned this year! If you are planning to attend, please don't forget to RSVP. Click here for more details.

We are also still accepting sponsors, door prize and goodie bag donations. If you are interested in becoming a sponsor or donating items, please email us.

We are still accepting slideshow submissions! Click here for more information.

Lastly, we are voting on a song for the slideshow in the forums. If you are member, head to the announcements section of the forums and vote for the song you think fits best!

Spotlight Blogger: Meet Shelby

2012-03-02T08:00:00.000-08:00

Shelby with her son & his new adoptive family*

Today's featured blogger is Shelby of "Emotions of Adoption." Let's find out a little more about Shelby....

First, please tell us a bit more about yourself (name, age, where you live, what led you to making an adoption plan, and anything else you feel comfortable sharing).

My name is Shelby Groat, I live in Northern Utah and I am twenty-one. I was determined to parent. I left the birth father while I was pregnant so if I’d chosen parenting, I’d have done it all on my own without anyone else. I’d have people say to me, “being a single parent is hard, but being blind and a single parent will be much harder.” I wanted to prove to them that I could do it. When I was about seven months pregnant, I got a call from the birth father and hung up the phone. I knew right then I had to place my baby. My whole attitude changed and I began thinking about my baby and not myself. With two months left of being pregnant, I started making an adoption plan. I am now married and loving it.

When and why did you begin blogging?

I had been thinking about blogging for a while but never got around to it. In October or November I got connected with another birth mom in my area. I read her blog and instantly decided I wanted to blog and so I did.

Tell us more about the title of your blog. Why did you choose it?

It was about midnight when I was creating my blog. I was tired and couldn’t completely think straight. I felt that “Emotions of Adoption” would fit me because I planned to write anything and everything I was feeling.

Has the response to your posts been mostly positive, mostly negative, or a mix of both?

I haven’t had many comments on my posts, but they’ve been positive.

What post on your blog do you consider a “must read” for people visiting your blog for the first time? Or what post(s) from your blog is (or are) your favorite(s) and why?

I’m in the process of writing up two posts right now. One is my plan to place, choosing the family and placement. The other is about me growing up blind and how I do things. I think once I post those, those will be good to read.

Do you have any advice for someone thinking of starting their own blog?

Be honest. Say whatever you have on your mind, no matter if you think it might be offencive to someone. Be ready. You will never know what response you might get, so don’t take everything personal.

*Picture used with permission

Music Monday: 1000 Oceans by Tori Amos

2012-02-27T00:01:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Week: Smallest Things

2012-02-26T00:01:00.001-08:00

"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."

- Winnie the Pooh

Changing my Mind

2012-02-24T08:00:00.000-08:00

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A comment I received on my last blog post caused me to do some thinking. The commenter stated that I had entrusted my daughter’s adoptive parents with her and it seemed odd for them to not trust me with something as simple as their last name, address, and phone numbers. I addressed her and said that especially at this point that it was mostly due to their respect for their parents’ opinions on open adoptions, which is true.

However that’s not the point to this post. Though I no longer feel this way, I felt the same way at one time. I thought that it was weird of my daughter’s parents to not trust me with basic information about them when I had given them my daughter.

Obviously something changed. I think the major reason for the change in my own feelings about it is that they’ve continued to extend their hands to us to keep the relationship open and working. If they didn’t trust us at this point, I think that though they might have continued the bare minimum that they wouldn’t be making the extra efforts that they have been. My daughter’s mom wouldn’t be emailing me, nor would she be suggesting visits out of the blue. At our last visit, they left their daughter with us for a short period of time. If they didn’t trust us, that wouldn’t have happened. That only served to cement the understanding that they do trust us but they still have to balance that with their respect for their parents’ wishes. I have hopes that at some point in the future their parents will trust us with their granddaughter like their son and daughter do.

This change in thinking caused me to think about what else has changed in my thought patterns and feelings in adoption.

I honestly used to think of adoption as kind of a bad thing. Not that it was bad to be adopted, or to place a baby for adoption – just that it was different and could be bad for the children involved. I now understand after living an open adoption and seeing other working open adoptions in action that differences do not always equal negatives. I had this opinion because I grew up knowing that my dad had been adopted and saw the things he blamed on being adopted. I saw the feelings of abandonment that many adoptees I’ve read (especially from closed adoptions) struggle with feeling. Though I still unfortunately see many broken adoptions, I also see the thriving open adoptions and know how much it benefits all involved, but especially the children. This has worked toward changing another thought process in my head surrounding adoption.

Have thoughts and feelings changed for you as well? What specifically? Have they changed for the better or have you changed your opinion negatively due to your own situation?

The Hunt

2012-02-23T14:36:00.000-08:00

My family and I are searching for a new house. My husband and I have lived in the same house since we got married. He actually bought the house long before he met and married me. But now that our family has grown, it's time to move in to something that better fits our lifestyle.

My 'free' time is now full of looking at prospective homes online, reading about their age, construction and looking at pictures taken to accentuate their positive features.

I hate to think of choosing which child to adopt or which family to place your child in as shopping. At the same time I understand the desire to find that child that will fit in with the family. My friends have adopted two children from the same country and are quick to tell them they are special because they were chosen.

At the time of my closed adoption, I chose my birthdaughter's family based on a one-page, typed summary of the couples' yearly income, hobbies, pets and whether or not the woman desired to stay at home. I had no pictures, and the only letters I had were handwritten 'Dear Birthmom' letters.

My how times have changed! I've seen the glossy portfolios families put together now in order to "sell" themselves.

Adding that special someone to your family or deciding what family your child will go to takes a huge amount of courage and faith. A house can be sold and another one found. But a child and a family is for life.

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Music Monday: I Wish by JoDee Messina

2012-02-20T00:01:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Week: Story of Your Life

2012-02-19T19:16:00.000-08:00

"When writing the story of your life, don't let anyone else hold the pen."

- Unknown

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Spotlight Blogger: Meet Danielle

2012-02-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

Today's featured blogger is Danielle of Another Version of Mother. Let's find out a little more about Danielle....

First, please tell us a bit more about yourself (name, age, where you live, what led you to making an adoption plan, and anything else you feel comfortable sharing).

My name is Danielle and I am a birthmother. I am 26, almost 27. I love reading, writing and coffee. I live in Canada, with my husband, and two parented children.

When I was 17, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. I had been using contraception to prevent, but still wound up with a positive pregnancy test. The birth father and I had broken up about a month before I officially found out about the pregnancy. Our relationship, due to circumstances and our being naïve, was not repairable. He was very much absent from the entire pregnancy; it wasn't until a year or so after that we began to speak again.

I wouldn't say that I chose an adoption plan personally, as much as I was guided, and demanded to do so. My parents are highly religious and it was pushed on me from the moment I told them I was pregnant. Being so young, and feeling like I had to be obedient to my parents’ wishes, I complied. I knew my only real options were parenting or adoption. Abortion just didn't feel like the choice I could make at that moment (but I am very pro-choice!). I was told in certain terms that if I parented the child, I would be on my own entirely. So I went with adoption. It's taken me years to come to terms with how my adoption plan was really not even mine to begin with. It will be something I struggle with likely for the rest of my life.

When and why did you begin blogging?

I've always written things regarding the adoption. I just never shared it with anyone. This past year, thanks to other inspiring birthmothers, I have finally taken the brave step in talking about my experiences in the adoption process. This has been an incredible part of the journey for me as a birthmother. It has been therapeutic to dig deep and write about these intense and raw moments in my life, ones that I had repressed for almost the last decade. It's definitely empowering!

Tell us more about the title of your blog. Why did you choose it?

My blog title is "Another Version of Mother" because I am another version of mother. So often birthmothers are not recognized properly, or even as what they are: a mother. We are another version of mother. Even after relinquishing parental rights we still remain a mother. We are always a mother.

Has the response to your posts been mostly positive, mostly negative, or a mix of both?

They’ve been positive, which has been brilliant and encouraging for me! I'm sure it won't always be this way, but for the time being everyone has been "welcoming". It's been really incredible to have people say to me, "Keep writing, keep sharing! Your voice is needed!" I truly feel blessed to have had such a positive response so far.

What post on your blog do you consider a “must read” for people visiting your blog for the first time? Or what post(s) from your blog is (or are) your favorite(s) and why?

This post is more recent, but I love it. When it was featured on BlogHer, it made me cry. To know people see the beauty in it, despite the tough feelings of loneliness, and regret, is so amazing! I am actually proud of myself for being able to relive this memory for the sake of putting it out there. This one goes through the day I found out I was pregnant, the waiting game I played, and the internal dialogue I had with myself. This post talks about discussing my personal experiences in real life with others, and I still feel strongly that no matter where you are in your journey, it's your choice as a birthparent, adoptee, or adoptive parent to share the story as you wish.

However, some of my favorite blog posts are not always the most well written. They are the ones where I piece things together for myself, where I recognize traits that I have picked up along the way, and am able to grow as a person.

Do you have any advice for someone thinking of starting their own blog?

Just do it. I spent so many years terrified to share my own experiences. I felt like I couldn't, that I shouldn't. But I'm seeing that it's impacting not only me for the better, but also inspiring moments of epiphanies in others. I love the camaraderie that comes from sharing experiences like this through writing.

Thank you for allowing us to spotlight you, Danielle!

Courage

2012-02-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about courage recently. Courage to face each day, courage to try again when I've failed, courage to move past my stuff. Since my closed adoption brought such shame to my family, I didn't talk about it for many years. I just stuffed it inside, went to some counseling, and journaled. But it was a pretty private thing which made it an even bigger and bigger deal. It's so funny how something left in the dark grows bigger and uglier with time.

But after I got married I somehow started to find the courage to 'go public.' I remember telling a friend my plan to tell our Sunday School class about my experience, partly in rebellion to my parents who would have preferred I stay quiet.

Yes, it took courage to say my story out loud to a roomful of people for the first time. But more than that, it was scary going back to that same roomful of people Sunday after Sunday. I found that speaking my story out loud and walking away was no big deal. But it was much harder to tell friends and people I cared about. What if they rejected me? What if they laughed? or misunderstood?

Being transparent with people I truly care about has been the biggest test of my courage. What tests yours?

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Music Monday: Never Alone by Jim Brickman

2012-02-13T00:01:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Week: Common Link

2012-02-12T00:00:00.001-08:00

"Our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future. And we are all mortal." - John F. Kennedy

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Semi-Open versus Open?

2012-02-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

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When I first placed, I thought there were only 2 types of adoption: open or closed. Though closed doesn’t leave much room for interpretation, there are many different versions of open.

If you’ve been involved with adoption for any length of time, you’ve probably heard the term “semi-open.” I’m not certain, however, that I’d use that term at all. Just as there are many different relationships out there, there are at least as many different types of open adoption.

When I placed my daughter, we had what might’ve fallen into the “semi-open” category. We didn’t know their last name, their home address, or have their phone numbers. However, we agreed upon visits and update letters. I would still consider that an open adoption. To call it “semi-open” almost seems too picky. It seems too critical of a relationship. Just as most of the birth moms I’ve spoken with hate to be lumped into a box that tells them what they’re “supposed” to do after placement, to quickly make a judgment call about the kind of relationship a birth mom has with her child and his or her parents seems just as negative.

I’m certain many of us have experienced a dating relationship that didn’t fall within typical expectations of what a dating relationship should be. It might have worked and turned into a long-term relationship or it might not have and ended. What worked for one couple might not work for a different couple because there are different people and personalities involved. Different people are comfortable with different boundaries. The same is true when speaking of adoption.

For instance, I know a mom who has 2 daughters from different birth moms. Her oldest daughter’s birth mom lives several states away, and her youngest daughter’s birth mom lives about an hour away. Due to necessity, the contact is different for both. Obviously the birth mom that lives farther away can’t see her daughter as often in person simply because traveling all the time would be cost and time prohibitive. Though I’ve not talked personally to either birth mom, I can imagine each birth mom feels differently about the relationship though each is included in their daughter’s lives quite often. However, I doubt that the birth mom who can only see her daughter in person (though they are able to Skype fairly frequently) once a year feels that her adoption is any less open than a birth mom who sees her child in person a lot more often.

Though Nick and I still don’t know our daughter’s last name, her address or have their phone numbers, I now consider us simply in an open adoption versus a semi-open one. The relationship has continued to grow and her parents have continued to make efforts to include us in their lives. I think that’s the key. No matter how the contact is facilitated, if efforts are made on both sides to continue the relationship then there is openness. There doesn’t have to be a specific label on the relationship to consider it a working one.

What do you think? Do you agree or do you think that there should be more lines drawn defining a particular type of adoption relationship?

Valentine's Day, Lincoln, and Anniversaries

2012-02-09T00:01:00.000-08:00

One of my memories of the first year after my closed adoption is Valentine's Day. This particular one fell 11 months after placement and I was shopping with my mom in a Hallmark store. I thought I was fine and I was. Until I saw the heart balloons.

And the heart cards.

And the lovey dovey crap that that store sells.

I promptly burst into tears unable to control or stop the flood running down my face.

I really don't remember much after that, but surely I ran out of the store in an attempt to save face.

What is it about heart-shaped balloons that makes me sad? Why does the idea of love make me want to burst out in tears?

My parents' wedding anniversary falls two days before V-Day, which happens to be Abe Lincoln's birthday. That time of year holds wonderful memories for me of anniversary celebrations and special dinners.

But after Katie was born, I just hid inside my shell until that blasted day was over.

So what do you do to commemorate Valentine's Day? Or do you just hole up and wait for it to be over?

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Music Monday: My Heart is Broken by Evanescence

2012-02-06T00:01:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Week: Consent to Overcome

2012-02-05T00:00:00.000-08:00

"No power in society, no hardship in your condition can depress you, keep you down, in knowledge, power, virtue, influence, but by your own consent." - William Ellery Channing

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Spotlight Blogger: Meet Coley

2012-02-03T08:00:00.000-08:00

Coley reading with Noah on the left and Charlie, on the right

To a lot of us, Coley is a very familiar face. She's a trusted friend to us and one of the founders of this wonderful website and subsequent community. She has a blog called Coley's Corner, where she blogs about her crafts and her adventures as wife and mom to Noah, her parented son. However, she doesn't use that forum to talk about the fact that she is in fact a birthmom. She recently started a personal blog to talk about adoption and her role as a birthmother: Living the Bittersweet Life. I wanted to interview her so that people would be able to know her even better and appreciate yet another facet of who she is. Without further ado, my interview with Coley!

First, please tell us a bit more about yourself (name, age, where you live, what led you to making an adoption plan, and anything else you feel comfortable sharing).

I’m currently in my mid 30’s and live in the Carolinas. I’m raising my son, Noah, who has special needs and is currently 15 years old. I placed my son, Charlie, in an open adoption following his birth in 2001.

When and why did you begin blogging?

I actually began blogging in 2005 as a paid blogger writing about open adoption and unplanned pregnancy. Soon after that I discovered I enjoyed blogging but wanted to write on a more personal level so I started a family blog. Earlier this year, I realized I needed to blog about my adoption and the issues and feelings I experience as a birthmother on a deeply personal level, so I decided to start a personal blog about adoption.

Tell us more about the title of your blog, "Living the Bittersweet Life.". Why did you choose it?

One of my favorite words to describe being a birthmother in an open adoption is bittersweet. It’s sweet to be a part of his life but bitter at the same time because I’m not the one raising him so Living the Bittersweet Life seemed an appropriate title.

Has the response to your posts been mostly positive, mostly negative, or a mix of both?

Well, to be completely honest, there hasn’t been a whole lot of any kind of response because I haven’t given the blog URL out to many people yet. But the response I have had thus far has been positive and encouraging.

What post on your blog do you consider a “must read” for people visiting your blog for the first time? Or what post(s) from your blog is (or are) your favorite(s) and why?

My favorite post is probably Being a Birthmom is Bittersweet because it describes how I feel as a birthmother in an open adoption.

Do you have any advice for someone thinking of starting their own blog?

Just do it! Don’t worry if you aren’t able to post everyday or if you don’t think you are the best writer in the world. Blogging and getting your emotions out can be healing and helpful so a blog can sometimes be more for the writer and the readers are just lucky to get a peek inside your heart.

Living in the Past

2012-02-02T10:11:00.000-08:00

I just finished a project that looks at the issues surrounding my closed adoption such as regret, family fallout, friendships and reunion. While I hope the project reaches lots of women who need some hope, it has left me empty. Those experiences have meaning and value, to be sure. But I am just spent.

My girlfriend asked me yesterday if I felt like I had been living in the past. Yes! That's exactly what I feel like. Even though I have been conscious of that and have purposefully not filled my time with writing only, I feel drained.

It's a funny experience in a way. I picked a topic and started writing. But the more I wrote, the more I remembered. And the more I remembered, the more it impacted my writing. And so on and so on.

So how do you keep from living in the past? What are some ways you deal with past stuff while still living in the present?

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