my blog

Neglected blog...

2013-06-30T17:04:00.001-07:00

Here is my sad... neglected blog. I haven't written anything since 2011. I think I want to be better about that... partially because Kimberly (my awesome wife; check her blog out here), and partially because I have had people mention that they have looked at my blog... and I am realizing that it is not necessarily representative of my current state of mind or being, seeing as it has been over a year and a half since I have updated it last. So here goes: I'll try to keep it somewhat brief.

Work: I am working at my favorite job of all time. I am a loan officer for Mountain America. Not much to say about my job other than it is freaking awesome, I love it, and am considering making it into a career.

Weight: HAH. I have to say a few things about this one. First of all, my last post, about weight loss... I did go on a diet after that. I followed the diet extremely closely for a couple of months... and nearly killed myself. I was attempting to do a < 1500 calories/day diet. I have since learned how dangerous that is. Yes, I know people will tell you it is ok, and that it's a fast way to lose weight... but here's the problem with that: without getting too much into the science (which I now know a LOT more about... thank you Health Psychology...) Extremely restrictive diets, whether they be caloric, food type, or what have you, trigger hormones in the body which try to balance it out. These hormones (and we are constantly discovering NEW ones which counteract new "diet pills" as they are designed and implemented...) will do anything to fix it. Including eating muscle mass. Guess what your heart is made of... ding ding ding! We have a winner!! Losing more than 2lbs a week is putting your heart at MAJOR risk.. like, don't even go there. Anyway, long and short: I lost about 15lbs (which, as body science would have it, my body put back on within days of me stopping), but not very much body mass/shape. The triggers for me to drop the diet: I could no longer pick something up that I could when I started the diet (too weak) and the day I came home and just broke down in tears because I wanted to eat more food. Now there IS a light at the end of this tunnel/story... (I guess it really is more of a story than a tunnel...) March 4th of 2013, I hit my highest point ever: 340lbs. I was upset, and started my normal "I'm so fat.. I need to diet... but it's soooo haaard" whine, and my sweet, quiet wife had enough. Basically, she gave me a talking to: She told me that she was sick of hearing me complain about it, she was sick of me "trying" stuff and never really sticking with it. She agreed that I needed something different than what I had done in the past. She told me that I had to either shut up about it, or find a program, and actually stick with it for a few months. So I did... I joined Weight Watchers. Now... almost four months later; I can tell you I am happily sticking with that program, and plan to for months/years to come... whatever it takes. I have lost ~21lbs (and I have REALLY lost the weight, not just some artificial yo-yo diet.. I'm starting to have clothes I can't wear anymore). I am healthier than I was in March, and I am happier than I have ever been on a diet... Ever. I am learning how to eat smaller portions of the things I love, rather than gorging myself whenever I get the chance. Kimberly loves it for multiple reasons: 1) I'm not whining about it anymore. In fact, I am quite proud of my weight loss, and am looking forward to all the weight loss to come. 2) We eat real food, not weird diet food. 3) I am getting thinner, and she gets to find ways every now and then where she can tell I've lost weight (ok, I like this one better... it is so rewarding for her to notice something, smile, and say "HEY! You've lost weight again!")

Life in general: I will try not to get too much into this one (as my post is already turning quite long) but here are some subjects which I will cover in greater depth later:

House. We are buying one. Sweet. There will be pictures and descriptions of various projects as I work on and complete them. (including but not limited to beautifying a backyard, replacing a roof, and renovating a room into a home theater system)

Kimberly: She is still struggling with an as of yet un-diagnosed medical condition :( I try to be there for her as much as possible, but there is only so much I can do for her. Prayers are appreciated...

Church: I LOVE my calling. Young Men's Secretary/Scout Committee Chairman. Booyeah.

Anyway.. as the tagline I long ago decided would be at the end of my blog states:

Thank you, come again!

Weight Loss

2011-09-25T21:01:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had a moment where you just realize something, and it feels like it goes far beyond any realization that you have ever had?
I think I had one recently. It was more of a process than a single event, but I'm beginning to realize that I am running out of time. It just hit me that I am morbidly obese and have no health problems. I weigh 330lbs, 150lbs over where I should be. How much longer can I possibly have before I develop a heart condition, joint problems, cancer, diabetes, stroke, or any of the other plethora of weight-related diseases?
I've known for the last eight years that I am overweight, and sadly, it went from a body illusion of being overweight to actually becoming borderline overweight, to borderline obesity, to obesity... and now finally; morbid obesity.
When I was 18, I thought I was huge.. and I wasn't. Trying to lose weight when I didn't need to, then gaining extra back as I rebounded from ridiculously restrictive diets, as well as a deep bout of depression stemming from failing to go on a mission led to average weight gain of 20lbs a year. I went from weighing around 180 when I was 18 to weighing in at an astonishing 330 at 25. I can't even walk up the stairs without getting winded now. The sneaking part of all of this? From the time I weighed around 200lbs on, my face has been about the same shape; so looking at pictures of me weighing 50-70lbs less than I did didn't produce a real motivation, because I looked essentially the same, just smaller. I recently found a picture from prom when I was 17... and I literally didn't recognize the guy in the picture. Intellectually, I knew it was me... but I couldn't fathom that I looked like that. It is nearly impossible for me to wrap my brain around the sharp chin, the defined jaw, the high cheekbones, the absolute absence of any roundness in my face at all. Then the body... Flat down the front, broad shoulders, wearing a tux that fit perfectly. I just can't stop looking at that picture. I just can't stop comparing where I was to where I am now. Yes; part of my desire to lose weight is body image. I knew I was fat, but I had forgotten how GOOD I can look...

A thought has been coming to mind over and over again in the last six or so months:
"The very definition of insanity is to try the same thing over and over again and expect different results"
This says something to me. I can't do what I've done before. I've been trying to do essentially the same diet for the last eight years. It happens the same way, over and over again. I get on it, I lose a little weight (10-20lbs), I plateau, I give up one day, then another, which leads to rebound eating, which leads to putting all of the lost weight back on, and then continuing to add weight, until I try to lose weight again. I have to do something new. I have to lose 150lbs, and I can't give up on whatever I decide to do in order to lose the weight.
I did some math, and realized that it came down to an average of an extra 187 calories a day that led to the massive weight gain of 150lbs over eight years. It amazed me at how little that amount is. That is less than two pieces of white bread! That is a can of soda... That broke my fictional image that I was just doomed to gain weight because of genetics, or that I was somehow eating exactly like everyone else, and still gaining weight. It is that little extra that I always would eat. Those last few bites just to enjoy the flavor a little more. That extra item I order from a fast food menu. That extra snack I had later in the day. All of these little things, and really, they could just be little things are enough to gain enormous weight.
Now, the thought has occurred to me to simply figure out how many calories I burn daily, and make sure to be 200-400 below that level; but I am flirting with danger at this weight. I am risking my life every day, just asking for a heart attack, just on the fringe of a major disaster. I need to lose weight, and I need to lose it now.
I guess a few things have gone into this realization. I realized I am turning twenty-six in a few weeks... I am hitting the downward part of my twenty's. I know, I know... I am still quite young... But thirty is not far off... and I have heard of thirty year old individuals DYING of heart attacks. I do NOT want to have four more years to live. I do NOT want these to be my "December" years of my life... I haven't even accomplished my Bachelor's degree! I've never had a career level job! I have no kids!
If someone was slowly stabbing me to death, I would kick their butt; and stop them from doing so. I have to do the same with weight.
When I die, I want it to mean something... not be as a result of long term minor overindulgence and laziness. Even if it's just the end of my life, I want it to have been a full, good life where I had a positive influence on others, where others lives were left better off.
At the same time, saying all of this doesn't really change anything. I know I've talked pretty big about losing weight before, and I know I've even blogged about it. But... I'm just realizing that I cannot let myself gain more weight. I can hardly believe I'm remembering when I was "only" 280, and wishing i weighed that much again!!! I am NOT going to wish I was "only" 330. I am going to do it this time, and I am not going to give up.

Thank You, Come Again!
Brian

Working on Sundays: Part II

2010-10-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

Alright... So, here's the update to my blog post earlier about working on Sundays.
I felt so strongly about quitting, and I prayed very hard about it. I decided that I would go ahead and quit. I worked one more week there (to finish the hours I was scheduled) and left McDonald's for good. I was nervous. Yea, we didn't need the job, but as was pointed out, it would help a TON with our finances.
I applied at Wells Fargo, as I saw there was a 22 hour a week position avaiable. I just googled "jobs in Roosevelt, UT" and it was one of the ones that came up. In fact, it had come up on another search. I didn't think I was qualified for that job, but I went ahead and looked, decided I was qualified, and applied. I was sent the follow-up survey within an hour or two... I was like "great... I hate these things" I have taken several of such, and that was as far as I got with all of those jobs. I brushed it off as not going to happen. The next day, Wells Fargo Corporate called me to do a screening interview. A few days later, Wells Fargo Utah called me for a telephone interview. Five minutes after that, I got a call from Wells Fargo Roosevelt asking me to come in for an interview on Tuesday (it was Friday). I went to the interview Tuesday, and it just seemed to fall together. I had good, quality answers (that even I felt good about...) for all of their answers. I got along GREAT with both of my potential bosses. At the end of the interview (which took just over an hour) I was told to expect a call either way in the next week or so, and that they had several more applicants that needed to get through the screening process before they made a decision. The next morning I got a call offering me the job at the highest starting rate they offer for that position.
Now, I know not everyone who reads this will necessarily understand or believe this next part:
I felt very strongly then, as I do now that this was God taking care of me for following His guidance. I gave up what was a good thing, a helpful thing, something that while I didn't love, I definetly liked and enjoyed for God. I felt so strongly that I needed to quit so I wouldn't work Sundays, and I followed God's guidance, even though it was a major struggle inside. I now have a job where I have better hours, MUCH better pay, better benifits in every way and a job that will work better with my school schedule, in fact, my immediate boss got the same degree that I am going to go to USU for while working for Wells Fargo. They are not open Sundays, I only will have to work every third Saturday, and this job could potentially turn into a full-time position if I am interested.
Not only that, but after I accepted that job, I got a call from somewhere I'd applied two months ago asking me for an interview. I am not so well qualified that I should be getting this many job opportunities this quickly in this job market. I know several people who are searching harder than I did for work right now in the same city I live in and not finding anything.

Let us not forget who is in charge, and that no matter how difficult the sacrifice we are making seems to be, He is in charge and will give you something better.
I love my God, and I am so thankful for being a member of His church. I know that the Gospel is the word of God, and I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true church. I know that following His word is the only way to get through this life, and that He will bless us when we follow His commandments. I am not saying it is not hard to do so sometimes, and that sometimes doing what is right doesn't even make sense to our mortal minds, but I know that God will bless us bounteously if we do as He commands.

-Brian

(ps. I guess I should make one caviat for this post... I don't officially have the job all the way yet, I need to finish a FBI background check, but I'm really not worried about that at all....)

2010-10-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

I've noticed in all of my searches to find out whether you can or cannot run games supported by windows in ubuntu that there is a lot of hostility from the linux community towards the video game industry, and not a whole lot of answers. Also, I've noticed that linux users tend to have this extremely condescending "better than thou" attitude towards us who... GASP... BUY our operating systems... oh no! I gave money to the man!!! what am I going to do?! Wait... should there be "open-source" Chiropractors too? That way you'd never have to pay for an adjustment again! oh wait, then.. I'd be screwed and out of a career... Sometimes it is o.k. to pay for things guys... especially for a operating system for your computer which works with all of the programs you want to run... And yes, I do use some open source programs (like openoffice for example! Lovely program!) Yea, a perfect world would have it be that everyone gives everything away for free in equal measure out of the goodness of their hearts, but we're not even close to being there. (even though some in the government seem to think that it's their job to force us to get to their version as fast as possible.... *shudder)
Anyway, the focus of this post is my general frustration with the computer world. I do play video games. I like video games. They are one way I de-stress and relieve pent up tension. The video games I like the most are actually slightly older video games (not old old retro games, but 1995 on) One of my favorites is barely supported by my computer anymore (Star Wars: Rogue Squadron 3D: relased 1998) it crashes after every mission... But after doing some research, I discovered that this is because the game designers were morons. Complete morons. Ok, maybe that's a touch harsh... but they designed the game in such a way where if your processor is over 1Ghz, the game freaks out and crashes. Now, I guess they couldn't forsee the day when you'd have afforably available multi-core processors running at well over 1Ghz, but at least make a patch, please? Just because you made a game over ten years ago, it doesn't mean no one is playing anymore... Blizzard gets that... there's still support for Starcraft (also released in 1998.)

The next facet of my frustration is the big push to move to the next OS, which I get. Seriously, I do. My XP home operating system doesn't even see my RAM all the way (I have two 2GB sticks, I have 3.5GB recognized by windows, just under 3GB available.) XP just isn't good enough for my rig... and it's getting less and less so as I upgrade my internals. But... I'd love to shell out $150 for 7... but they don't support my older games! Why?! It's not like Microsoft didn't design the XP OS in the first place... yea, I understand that 7 is based on completely different architecture and all... but seriously... if you can design a new architecture for a new OS, the least you can do is make it completely backwards compatible, even if it just means building in a XP emulator that works... I mean, it's not like i'm getting it for free... oh... oops... so, now that I've done a touch more research... heh... 7 is compatible... with XP mode they claim you can run ALL of you XP compatible programs as if on a XP machine, but with the power that 7 brings you... ok, now I feel like one of those stupid "I'm a PC, and windows 7 was my idea..." commercials... ok. yea, now I'll start saving my pennies to buy 7 pro... Unfortunately for Linux, Windows 7 adding this nice feature makes them obsolete in my search. Sorry Ubuntu, I am willing to shell out the dough for full compatability.

Thank You, Come Again!
Brian

Working on Sundays?

2010-10-02T20:23:00.000-07:00

So, I have a problem. I can't stop thinking about it, and it has been growing in my mind the last week. I recently applied and got a job at McDonald's, which is fine, the hours have been long, stressful and strenuous, which is also fine, but I have a problem that just keeps bothering me. When in the interview, I was asked about Sundays. I told the lady interviewing me that I had church on Sundays, and that it was against my religion to work on Sundays, but if it was absolutely necessary, I could make exception. By the end of the interview, she had offered the job, and I, without giving it much thought, accepted. My first day of work, she poked her head outside of her office and asked when I was off church on Sundays. While it didn't completely register at the moment, I have since realized that the reason she was asking is because she wanted to know when she could schedule me for Sunday work.
I guess at this point, a little background is in order.
Yes, I have worked Sundays in the past. I worked for the MTC Cafeteria; and the missionaries still have to eat on Sunday, so, thus, I worked Sundays. But for goodness sake, it was the Missionary Training Center... A dedicated building of learning of the Spirit where the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve make regular apperances, not to mention all the bishops, branch presidents and other ecclesiastical leaders who were there daily. You almost may as well have been at church any day of the week working there. To me, that job barely counts, especially since I was always able to go to all my meetings, they even had an option to attend Sacrament Meeting at the MTC if your schedule conflicted with your ward.
Job #2 which required Sunday work was working as a CNA in a nursing home. That one was obvious, you can't just not assist people who can't even get out of bed on their own because it's the Sabbath. I had NO qualms about Sunday work there, because God loves ALL of His children, especially those who are infirm or irreperably injured and in the final years of their lives on this earth, and it was absolutely essential that people work there 24/7 to care for these people.

Job #3 which required Sabbath work only required it once, but that was only because my schedule just happened to work out that way. That was being a Drill Rig Helper. Thing about this though is that we lived basically on-site, and you couldn't just go home for the weekend because you had qualms about working Sundays, if we didn't meet deadlines, literally people could die. The dams we were working on needed the excavation work so that they didn't fall apart and kill thousands if not tens of thousands of people.

Those are the jobs I've had in the past which asked me to work on Sunday. I have not been asked to work on Sundays yet, but another part of the interview is sticking out in my mind very strongly. She told me that she could not guarantee that I do not work Sundays, and now that I think about it, I'm not even 100% sure she promised she'd try to keep me off Sundays. The fact that the first day I worked, she asked when she could schedule me for Sundays tells me that she is respecting my wishes to the minimum degree.
This had been bothering me, among other things with this job, like whether it was going to work with school in January or not. (If I work a week like this past one? No. Not going to work; I worked every day this week, 8.5-10 hours a day starting at 6am)
I missed the first session of Conference today because I had to work. Not a biggie, I can just download it later and listen to the MP3. I did notice however, that when a LDS co-worked mentioned that our business may be affected by General Conference, my boss got a little hostile and almost said something that she stopped herself from saying. Later tonight, I attended the Priesthood session, which was very very good, and I still had the thoughts about my job weighing heavily on my mind. By the end of the session, I had decided that I was going to pray very hard about my job, and I felt like I still had no answer, but it seemed like a decision I could make by myself and either direction would be good. Then President Monson got up and gave his powerful talk about choices and consequences. Nearing the end of his talk, I was starting to feel a little more confident that this job wouldn't have eternal consequences, but then he got to his story about, you guessed it, a person who had made commitments and worked hard, but had also decided before hand that he would not play his sport on Sunday. The team was in the championship, and there was immense pressure for him to play both from his unsympathetic coach, and the fact that his back-up for his starting position, wasn't able to play because of an injury. He did not play, and the team was fine without him as they won the championship. 30 years down the road, the player recounted that seemingly insignificant decision had made eternally good consequences in his life. He said that it was easier to follow the Lord 100% of the time, rather than 98% of the time.
How this relates to me?
Well, I can't claim to follow the Lord 100% of the time. Not even 80%. But I certainly do try and make an effort for it.
I do not need this job. Certainly it will make life easier, and make it so we are far more financially stable in the future. Yes, it's a hard job, but so what? I can get over that and deal... I've had hard jobs before, you just throw yourself into them and they get easier. But my biggest thing is that they do not need to be open on Sundays. This would be my first time working on Sundays for a place that was non-essential. Now, were Kimberly to not have a job, then this would be a different thing entirely, as I would have to stay there in order to support my family. But Kimberly does have a good job, which pays all the bills and then some. Were I to quit, I am quite sure it would infuriate my boss, as she has ordered pants and a manager shirt for me, but in the eternal realm? That doesn't really matter.... I'd rather tick off someone I've known for less than a week than God Himself...

I guess the other half of this equation is that I may never work a Sunday while working at McDonalds... but the chances of that never happening in the next 3-4 years don't seem that great to me... I don't know. I'm not asking for an answer, or really even advice (but feel free to post that too!) and I am going to have to make this decision for myself, I'm just thinking out loud a little... and hoping that as I get my thoughts down on paper that they will reveal an answer or at least clarify a little.

On a bit of a side note however, I do wonder that if I quit this job for this reason, if it would help how I view the Sabbath as a Holy Day. I wonder if it would help my worship be more full, as I had to sacrifice something important to me in order to follow God more fully. I don't know. again, just thinking out loud...

Thank You, Come Again!
- Brian

Epic Awesomeness

2010-09-22T12:17:00.000-07:00

So, this started as a facebook status update, and kinda was getting too long, and I realized how much better it'd be as a blog!
I feel a need to do something epically awesome to compare with some of the epic awesomeness of my younger years. It seems like there is this unequivecal law in the universe that decrees

"Once you get married, You Get Boring!"

This is probably as a result of some fairly simple things, including maturity, a new outlook on life, and a priority change:
15-21: "Let's go have fun and try to not die whilst doing it!"
21-22: "Hm, I think I need to grow up a little, how can I do that?"
22-25: "Let's work towards real-life goals and try to survive with enough money to get there"

Also, there's this little nagging voice in my head (that sounds surprisingly like my wife) that tells me how bad it would be if I were to get hurt/die. Yea, my death always would have been a disaster/tragedy blah blah blah... but seriously. Some people would have been sad (and I mean REALLY sad) but to a certain extent they would have gotten over it and been able to move on with their lives, but it's a little different now that I'm married. Kimberly would be extremely distraught, I'm not 100% sure she would ever be the same if I got killed as a result of taking a extreme risk, and I am 100% sure that she wouldn't be able to see how the awesomeness of how I died was any consolation; in fact, it would probably scar her.
Have I ever truly done anything that risky you may ask?
Well....
I don't know. I like to think that I did, because it was fun when I was younger, but looking back... so many situations were so trumped up by the combined adrenaline/minds over-fed by spy novels/video games/movies of mine and my closest friends with whom I would, er, do... "stupid stuff" (yes, Todd, Danny and Drew, this includes you... )
Now that I see where we all are today, the only ones who have ever put a serious risk to our lives were Todd and Drew; as they both joined the military.
Yea, sure, the rush of adrenaline coming from flying down a hill on a mountain bike, the sweaty palms from being 100+ feet in the air on a rock face, the... well, this included more people, screaming and laughing with joy as we... "rock-surfed" and who can forget the HILARIOUS fun of "Pole-Ball?" but... none of those really put us the least bit at risk of death unless something EXTREMELY tragic and unexpected happened.
The other stuff (anything involving trench-coats, camoflauge, or fireworks) was the stuff we thought was so risky and all, but really, the only consequences of any of that would have been minor misdemeanor charges (which in all honesty, would have been very bad, and we're really lucky we never got caught/never escalated.)

I dunno... I guess the whole point of this very rambly blog is that I want to do something that I can look at and say: "Dang. That was awesome. That was also very fun. I want to do it again."
Maybe I will now that I've mostly repaired my mountain bike (the rear brakes still aren't quite right... and because we just moved I can't find the %$#@ tools that I need to tighten them)
Maybe I'll just lose weight as a result, but hey, that would still be a level of awesomeness... Maybe tonight I'll get some awesomeness in, but I really doubt it.

Anyway,
Thank You, Come Again!
Brian

Post!

2010-06-19T22:26:00.000-07:00

So... I was looking at my neglected blog and decided I needed to do something about it... more specifically.. POST!

But what?
Recent life events? oy... too many and too complicated :s
Jokes? I'm not so great at those....
Discourses on the anatomical anomalies of the spotted white lizard native only to camb-asia?
...
Well let's start with recent life events:
Provo is going to soon be in my rear-view mirror for an indefinite period of time (san visits) as my wonderfully talented wife got a job offer (and accepted) in Roosevelt, UT; and I will be attending the prestigious Utah State University, Uintah Basin Campus (moooo... Go Aggies!) if I get accepted.. (there is a chance I won't, A slim one... my GPA is 3.79 or somewhere abouts... I got a B- and a couple of A-'s so it dropped from my 4.0 :(...) AAAAH! a spider!
anyway, I've been rebuilding a car as well, it's nearly finished now. yay. I rebuilt the transmission, engine, the body, and am now painting it black.
As we are moving so far away, I quit my job at Mattress Warehouse. (and the peasants rejoiced...)
Our other car decided it was time to die (boooo..) but since I have so much time on my hands right now, I get to rebuild the engine in it too! yay!
Kimberly will be heading out to Roosevelt alone for a couple of weeks, or less if I get the altima done faster, as I will be joining her as soon as both cars are running... so all of my time will be devoted to the altima from sunrise to sunset (and beyond...) starting monday afternoon.
k..
Jokes?
I think the singularily most awkward moment in life is when you make eye contact with someone else on the freeway when you are wrist deep in your nose... don't lie, you know you do it too... 'cause you know you can't pretend like there is something else you're doing... unless you're attempting a frontal lobe reconstruction... while driving 65mph... it's a new extreme sport man, you should try it!

discourses on lizards? ...

Thank You, Come Again!
-Brian

Debt and solutions

2009-08-06T09:47:00.000-07:00

So I'm 23, almost 24. Married. Make $7/hr, and am $9,000 in debt. Debt sucks.
Want to know something ridiculous? A few years ago, I was 22 and had NO debt. Want to know how it all got started? I bought a camera. I LOVE photography, I LOVE taking pictures. I saw a ad for a circuit city sale where the camera I had my eye on was on sale from $400 to $365. Not bad, considering some places were selling the exact same camera for $500+

I had a decent job, a ok income (certainly more than I make now...) and if I waited two or three weeks, I could have paid cash for the camera. The problem with this in my mind was that once I had the cash, the sale would be over, and it'd cost $400 for the camera. So, in order to save the $35, I went ahead and financed the camera with their 90 days same-as-cash offer. Lucky me, because I had a great credit score, I was approved for $3,000 and 120 days same-as-cash. Now, my plan was innocent. Buy the camera, pay it off. No biggie, right? Had I actually done that, no, it wouldn't have been a biggie. But then other expenses happened. I ended up letting the camera go past the 120 days, and ended up "needing" to use the credit card for other things, and ran it up to $3,000. At 18% APR. Crap. So, I opened up another credit card, this one $3500 and MUCH lower interest to transfer the balance. I now had two credit cards. Not bad, total limit of $6500. I got an offer from Chase (the $3,000 card) to raise my credit limit to $3500. What harm could that do? So I did. Oh yea, by the way, this is all pre-recession.

Next, I got promoted to $11/hr, get married, etc. In there, we start falling (the whole world, not just me) and my hours get cut from 50+ to 20-25/week. Tuition and such keep coming due, I don't know what a budget is, we shop when we need stuff, we go out to eat, I blow through thousands in our account partially by stupidity and partially by not paying attention to money. My car continues to break down, and I don't have the money to re-register it, So I go and finance a used car (which in all honesty has been a major blessing, we got an amazing deal - actually below blue book, amazing financing - 6.9% , ridiculously low monthly payment $140/month. I would do it again, I just never plan to finance anything else.) We run both credit cards to their limit, then... I get laid off in January. double double triple crap. I spend one day at home in tears, wondering what is next, how I'm going to get us out of this horrible mess I created, how we are going to buy food, how we are going to pay rent, how we are going to survive. Fortunately, by some foresight, I'd dropped out of school like two weeks before to try to save up some cash so that I'd stop financing my education.

Let me tell you. There are few things in this world that can compare to getting laid off. It feels like you are useless, it feels like you are stupid, it feels like somethings wrong with you and your bosses didn't want you anywhere close to their business anymore. Especially getting laid off from upper management (which I was)

Anyway, through some luck/blessings, I was able to find a job and start just five days after getting laid off. Slight pay cut, huge increase in commute, not a biggie. The only problem with this job was I was sharing a full time position with someone, which really hurt my hours. A month in, the recession is REALLY starting to slam into everyone, and our sales drop so dramatically that our boss is forced to cut our pay. I am now making $6/hr with $6 delivery bonuses... but that's only good if there are deliveries to make. Ouch. Dang. I just got kicked somewhere painful again. I thought getting laid off sucked, this hurt almost as much, if not more! I lost 10lbs because we simply could not afford food. Kimberly lost 5lbs. (and she only weighs 107-111!) My parents find out, and suddenly we go home with a huge box completely full of food. We ate dinner at their house and were not hungry for the first time in two or three weeks.

Because of all of this, and during it, we start a weekly ritual of looking through the ads and circling all the deals, finding the best deals, and shopping at three or four stores just to get all the steals. Kimberly is an amazing ally/leader in all of this. Because of her, our grocery trips cost about $70 and we buy about $140 worth of food. Dang.

Things improved slightly as sales went up and a couple of people quit. I was offered a position as a salesman with $7/hr and part commission (I get half the commission the other guys do, but I actually get paid hourly...) But even with all of this, our finances still suck. I start to notice how much I'm still eating out and wasting money. I also did an experiment (noted in an earlier blog) and stated saving lots of money on gasoline as a result. I sold my sports car, paid down most of the balance on one of the credit cards, and refuse to touch it until it's to shred the sonofa... (not mentioned, but very true- we have had TONS of issues with Chase credit card services. remember that camera I bought? yea, it turned out to cost closer to $1800 between the interest, late fees, and stupid charges that were tossed on their by the sly writings of the credit card agreement)

Now, I'm driving home from work one day, and happen to have my radio tuned to 570AM... and hear this guy who sounds like a baptist preacher, but he's talking about money. I'm intrigued, so I start listening the whole way home. Can we say, dang? This guy knows what he's talking about. His whole show is based off of people calling in, telling him their situation, and he gives the best advice of how to improve it. I keep listening and find out that this guy has a 0 credit score and has for the last 20 years. His theory is simple: debt is not wealth, it is slavery. You do not need a credit score, you need money. Even the most modest income can become a massive source of wealth.

From listening to him, I finally decided to break down and write a budget last night. Uh... why the hell didn't I do that a year ago?! How about two when I was making real money, had no debt, and was paying $0/month in rent?! On what I'm making right now, I figured out that I can pay off ALL of my $9,000 in debt and have $6,000 sitting in my bank account in 1.5 years. One and a half years. That's it. He suggests "snowballing" your debt, which I'm figuring out means this: list all your debts, smallest to largest. Attack the smallest with all the ferocity possible, and pay minimums on everything else. Once that one's gone, hit the next highest and so on. By planning like this, I am seriously looking at destroying $9,000 of debt in 1.5 years making $18,000 a year. That's our total income between Kimberly and I.

The bottom line is this: if you do nothing but pay minimum payments, you will literally NEVER pay any credit card off. Auto financing and mortgages are different, you will pay those off eventually, but credit cards will n e v e r go away on minimum payments.

Anyone who bothers to read this far, please please PLEASE listen: YOU are responsible for YOUR finances. DO NOT look to the government, your job or anyone else to take care of it for you. NEVER use a debt reducing agency, they don't work, and they usually end up with you taking care of the mess anyway. You don't need a lawyer or a firm to get out of debt, settle your debt or anything similar. YOU can do that.
GET OUT OF DEBT and the recession will go away. The government can't do anything but make it worse. That's right, I didn't say Democrats or Republicans. I said the government as a whole.

Fuel efficiency

2009-07-15T09:29:00.000-07:00

So, for a while now, I've been keeping track of how many miles per tank I get. On average, since I commute up to Salt Lake, I've been getting between 300-320 miles out of each tank. When I fill up, generally about 14 gallons goes in. 23mpg in a mid sized sedan with a 2.4l engine isn't bad at all. I drive about 85mph on the freeway, which cuts a lot of time off my commute.... or so I thought. One day, right after filling up my tank for the second time in a week, I decided to try an experiement on the way home: I'd drive exactly the speed limit and use cruise control. I thought it'd take forever to get home going 65mph... but when I pulled into provo, I glanced at the clock... 8:40. When I drive 85mph... it's .. 8:38... When I drive 65mph... it's 8:40. I guess the reason is 65mph, I go that speed the whole time. When at 85mph, I have to slam on my brakes every now and then, as well as slow down majorly when I get behind a big truck. So, with that in mind, I decided to continue my experiment. I just filled up my tank today... 414 miles, and still only 14 gallons... Holy crap. I just went from 23mpg to 29.6mpg. Now I want to try all the other mileage boosters, like fill up that low tire that I always think about when I'm getting in my car in the morning... and balance all four tires. And change my oil. And check my O2 sensor... yea, I'm a believer....
Thank You, Come Again!
-Brian

FREEEEEE* HEALTHCARE FOR ALL!

2009-07-14T13:49:00.000-07:00

FREE*!
THAT'S right folks,
FREE* HEALTHCARE FOR EVERYONE!!
Doesn't it sound great? Going to the doctor and NOT paying him?!
In just a short few months, our government system will have changed the way we do medicine!
You won't have to worry about hospital bills piling up, 'cause healthcare will be FREE* for everyone!
Next, we'll be working on FREE* houses, FREE* food, FREE* auto repair, in short, you'll never have to pay ANYTHING again!

Thank You, Come Again!
-Brian

* "free" does not apply to those who make over 1,000,000 a year, nor does it apply to those who are gainfully employed, nor those on welfare or those who die. nor does it apply to those who eat, those who drink, or those who own or rent or otherwise occupy property. In short, free is not actually free, it is only a gimmick to get those who want to take over your life in office, and to enslave you to their will by taking away your freedom to spend as you will.

Dream last night...

2009-07-10T09:44:00.000-07:00

So I had a most incredibly awesome dream last night. I was in a classroom, and there was a really really cute girl I didn't know, but wanted to meet. I knew I had a girlfriend, but who she was, I just couldn't place. I started talking to this girl, and I could tell she liked me too, and it was starting to feel like love at first sight. The more I talked to her, the more I liked her, the more I started to feel like I could love her. We went off together to talk some more, and again, as I talked to her more and more, I just felt like I knew her, and nothing else in the world mattered. Then I woke up, rolled over, and she was laying right next to me.

Kinda a random dream, but dreams where you fall back in love with the one you love are kinda freaking awesome, realizing it was my wife in the dream all along and because of dream magic I didn't know just made it all the more special, 'cause I got to meet her for the first time again.
I love my Kimberly sooo much!

Thank you, come again!
-Brian

infomercials

2009-05-22T11:51:00.000-07:00

Infomercials. Commercials + Information meant to take us down a path starting with an item with a funny name, which the only second glance it'd get from us in a standard store would be to mock the stupidity of it's name, to the end of the infomercial feeling like we can't live without it, but wait! There's more! Order in the next twenty seconds and we will DOUBLE the offer! Just pay twice as much! That's right! Only 2x the price for twice as much garbage that will never work!!! Comparable products go for $1000!!! But order now, and you get this for ONLY 12 EASY payments of $99!!! that's right 12 EASY payments of $99.95! (serious voice speaking fast:) order now, operators are standing by, only 12 easy payments of 99.959595 plus shipping and handling order our overpriced useless item today!
pllllllttthpt :P
Thank You, Come Again!
-Brian

Heil America?

2009-05-14T11:11:00.000-07:00

So, I'm not trying to be an alarmist (ok, maybe I am) but I am hearing about some taxes, and some government programs that are leaving me saying: "Dude? Where's my freedom?"
I know, I know, people are probably going to call me a crazy right wing conservative fascist... but wait a minute, doesn't it sound fairly fascist/nazist to have the government basically require you to eat certain foods? Tax hikes are being considered on such things as sugary drinks, fast food, and generally, junk food. Now, who defines what as junk food first of all, and why the hell should the government care what I eat? Well, with the huge push right now by both the legislative and executive branches of our government towards socialized healthcare (being called "healthcare for all" or "affordable healthcare" or "fix our broken system!") there is now also a push for making us be more "responsible" by policing what we eat by increasing taxes on certain foods in order to make a more fit America. If that doesn't sound like Naziism, you're not paying attention to history or whats going on right now.

So yea, I'm fat. According to the government charts, I'm morbidly obese.... but also according to their charts, my lean body mass of 190 at 6' is overweight... So... even if I had absolutely NO fat on my body, I would still be considered overweight. To me, it would not be a huge jump to have a "fat tax" (I've even heard rumblings of one) that would tax people extra according to how much over the "average" Body Mass Index. The problem with this to me is... I'm "supposed" to be 150-170 at 6'0"... The thinnest I can ever hope to be (with my huge viking build, being of norse/german descent) is 210-220. So... would that make me get taxed for my genetics? I know the immediate answer will be "oh, you'll get a specific exemption because of your muscle mass" Two problems with that theory:
1) If/When our medicine becomes socialized, do you think they're actually going to give specific physicals for the 150,000,000+ people who are overweight, most of which will try to claim they have the body type I have in order to not have to work as hard to lose the weight?
2) Even if I were to get an exemption, has anyone else had an experience with our government, how they'll have you pay now, then put it to comittee, then maybe eventually (like 6 or so months later) they'll get back to you with a decision, then in 6-10 weeks, you'll actually receive your money back. So that being the case, I would theoretically in perfect condition with 10-20lbs of body fat be taxed as someone who has 70-80lbs of body fat for almost an entire year before I receive the refund, If I were to receive it.
I'm all for people being fit. I'm all for people being able to afford health care, but what the hell are we doing trying to put the GOVERNMENT in charge of it?! Since when is the government actually good at anything, other than taking our money away and squandering it?
Thank you, Come Again!
Brian

Car Company

2009-05-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

So... I've been having this itch for the last couple of years. Not the kind of itch you can scratch mind you, but the kind of internal itch, the desire to do something great, to do something amazing, something unique that everyone thinks will fail: I want to start the next American car company. I know it sounds crazy, and I know that it's going to be hard, nearly impossible most likely, but I have this love for and understanding of cars that surpasses most people I've met. I have designed mentally, and partially on paper a sports car (and I'm not talking just a picture of a car, I'm talking engine, suspension, transmission, exhaust, steering, electrical, intake, etc..) that would far surpass the power and performance of any out there, a commuter car that would be nothing special, but cheap, a off-road performance vehicle with a unique suspension system allowing it to be truly all-terrain... and my brain is feeling ready to explode, my heart aches to drive my designs in reality, my hands quiver with the thought of potentially making these. I want to make cars that anyone can work on and understand, affordable to anyone, yet durable and lasting long enough to be on the road for 10,20, 30 years with very little maintenance. I want to make cars with such simplicity that there is simply very little room for anything to break. The money? I honestly don't care. I want my company to make enough profit to keep itself afloat, and that's it. I don't want to become one of these multi-billion dollar companies which are sinking right now, I want to take their place in this country and show America that we STILL ARE THE KINGS OF THE AUTOMOTIVE BUSINESS.
thank you, Come again!
Brian

Wife

2009-05-05T09:19:00.000-07:00

I thought it may be kinda fun to do an entire post devoted to my wife. I love her so much, and am so lucky to have her. As was mentioned earlier, she is the most beautiful girl in the world, and I honestly have no idea how I got her. Not only is she pretty, she's beautiful deep inside too. I know that she loves me for me, and nothing will ever change that. She is an amazingly hard worker too, last night she pulled an all-nighter just to make sure she got her homework done, after she went on a walk with me that took 45minutes of her evening, without even telling me that there was a possibility of an all-nighter. She rubbed my back after we got home because I was sore from the exercise and the day for almost thirty minutes. Since we've gotten married, she's redoubled her efforts in her second senior year (she's double minoring and going for graduating with honors from BYU), and last semester, she got a 3.89 taking 15 credits plus working part time plus spending lots of time with me and with friends. She is absolutely incredible. I am the luckiest guy in the world, and anyone who'd like to challenge that, feel free.
Thank You, Come Again!
-Brian

Day 2

2009-05-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

So this morning, I took a little hike for my exercise. it was nice, nothing special... just for some reason when i'm out exercising, I get this look from people. Kinda a mix between amused, helpful, worried I'm going to die, surprised, and shoot-me-if-I-ever-look-like-that. I honestly don't know how to react to those looks, whether to feel encouraged, insulted, or saved... I really don't know. I definetly feel a mix of emotions, ranging from "shut up, you'll look like me someday, and I'll look like you, then we'll see whose smiling" to "oh that's nice, I really appreciate the support of other people who are actually good at exercising and in good shape."
Why do I have to live in Provo, one of the fittest cities in the US? I mean, before I started working out again, it was killing me every morning driving to work since all I ever saw was hundreds of in shape people running outside, now it's killing me to be the only fat guy outside running... oh well, I'm sure it'll all get easier.
On a lighter note, major props to my beautiful wife, she went walking with me last night to assist in my weight loss goals even though she doesn't have an ounce of fat on her body, then she even listened for me going for the banana bread late at night and asked "Are you eating?" then told me "You're welcome" when I put it back. It seems to me the most important part of weight loss and accomplishing anything major that takes a lot of effort is a good support group, and she is the best.
Thank You, Come Again!
-Brian

Fatso

2009-05-04T09:38:00.000-07:00

So, today is the first day of weight loss. I'll tell ya, it's only 10:39am, and it sucks. I got up at 8am (not early, but I could have slept in till 9:30) and finally got up the gusto to go running at 9am. Well, running isn't the right word for it. I intended to run, but two things prevented it: I live in an extremely hilly/mountain region, which caused this fat man to have to walk as fast as possible, and I am 300lbs. The pace I took would have been scoffed by a younger, faster, thinner Brian, but as I am now, it was about a 8 on the effort scale (1-10).
A few years ago, I had great success with the Body For Life program by Bill Phillips, and that is exactly what I am doing now. When I was running, I had one thing coming to mind over and over again: "5 years of chips, cheese, pizza, ice cream, tacos, greasy burgers and any other terrible food I've eaten is so NOT worth this..."
I guess one thing I can take comfort from is that since I have been fairly active over the last five years, I am not as out of shape as I thought I was. I've even had some fairly valiant attempts at weight loss, probably the best of which was last year, when I dropped 30lbs before plateauing for a freaking month last March. I gave up, and gained it all back plus a little. Has anyone else noticed that? If you lose weight, but then don't do all you need to in order to keep it off, it comes back with friends. It's almost like it has an attitude problem or something, and all you manage to do by losing it is to piss it off enough to really come back at you and smack you down. Examples of this:
Me, 15 years old, 235lbs. Through a lot of effort and time and running and biking and lifting and eating very healthily, I got myself to 173 at 17. 173 for me was perfect. I had less than 12% body fat, was able to run a couple 6'35" miles, and lift a decent amount for my weight. Pull ups, push ups, sit ups, and any other ups you can think of were quite simple for me. Now, because I was for the first time in my life a fit individual, I stayed within 10lbs of this for the next two years, enjoying the new fun activities which were once impossible for me, but were now easy and amazingly entertaining. Then I graduated from high school, took a trip to France, sat on my butt for two weeks eating the best Paris had to offer as far as cheeses and sweet treats, and gained 20lbs. Now just over 200lbs, I wasn't too horribly concerned, I stayed fairly active, but didn't go on an intensive diet/workout program. Later that year, I had some quite traumatic emotional events happen, and the next year is very hard for me to remember because I've honestly shut most of it out, but over that year, gained 30lbs. Now I was right about where I was when I started at 15, but I was 19. This is when fat's friends came... I got a new job on a drilling crew in the dead of winter, so of course, to "keep warm" we'd eat the highest fat foods available to man, and bravado was proved by eating more than the next guy. Add to all of that I had $75 a day given to me for living expenses alone, which of course translated into delicious, fatty food and lots of it. What made matters even worse was the horrible loneliness I was feeling from the prior year added to the fact that we were living in hotels for 28 of the 30 days of each month, so as soon as we were done for the day (at 6pm) I was truly alone until 7am the next morning. Loneliness has always been my weak point and point of fear, so to cope, I ate. After two months, I now weighed an additional 30lbs, 260. Now, barely three years after losing it all initially, I was almost 100lbs more than my healthy low point, and 30lbs above my initial starting point. Over the next year, I got my first girlfriend, got dumped by my first girlfriend (10lbs) started a new job as a CNA, decided it was unhealthy for me because of the emotional strain (up 10, down 10) decided to work my butt off for weight loss (down 15) met my next girlfriend, starting dating her (goodbye fitness program, plus 15) got engaged to her, broke it off (up 10!) started a workout program in january '08 (-30) got sick of fighting with no success in march, stopped program, started dating same girl, got engaged, stressful engagement (her family hates me) (+30) got married, had holiday season (+10) lost my job, found a new one, got a pay cut (-10lbs) got more hours, learned to shop smart (+10) and now... I'm here. 300lbs.

I guess this is a ridiculously long post, and that'll probably make people less interested, but hey, the future ones'll be shorter. I'll continue to update daily my weight as well as my efforts in weight loss, so if anyone's interested, I'd love a support group, and if you need to lose weight, I'd love to be part of your support group.
Thank you, Come again!
-Brian