pensieve.me

Meeting, Greeting & Eating...and laughing til I cried

2013-06-17T12:27:09-04:00

One of the funnest things for a blogger is to meet in real life the friends she's made online. Over the weekend, I had opportunity to do this very thing.

Leigh Kramer and I met a few years ago at a blogging conference, but I've gotten to know her much better through our connection as storytellers for Deeper Family. When we hugged face-to-face Friday afternoon, it felt nicely familiar. And bonus--Abby Barnhart. another friend I've met by way of conference, joined us for dinner--lucky for me, she was in town to visit her sister.

The reason I was in Nashville in the first place, however, was not just hanging out with bloggers; it was to work behind the scenes with Jessica, Angie and Shauna as they filmed the videos for our next Bloom (in)courage book club, slated to begin next Monday, June 24th.

(l-r, Robin Dance, Angie Smith, Shauna Niequist & Jessica Turner)

Oh, my...! The girls managed to get through eight videos, engaging one another in conversation relevant to Bread and Wine, but also about the importance and beauty of community. Through story-telling and example, they brought the book to life in a way that will be a treat for Bloom readers (I hope you're planning to join us! If you've never taken part in an online book club, this is the PERFECT book to start with! You can pick up a copy for almost half price at DaySpring!).

And then they let me join them in the kitchen for our four cooking videos!!

Those were fun to say the least, and we were mostly professional...except for the 11 takes required for Breakfast Cookies. I blame Angie mostly for that, but now until the end of time, I will always smile when I make Breakfast Cookies, think on That Day and thank Angie in my heart.

Shauna is as lovely a person as I imagined her to be--full of life and wisdom, passionate about a call to community. I've had seasons of abundance and seasons of void, and I know intimately the truth of her message.

The sub-title to Bread & Wine is "a love letter to life around the table" ~

I've often said the dining room table is a sacred space...

the place where family and friends connect over a shared meal, face to face, both for the regular and routine or special celebrations.

Shauna's is a book written on my heart and practiced when I can, and more than anything, I hope you're making time for the people you love and like around a platter of something special. Boxed brownies or a fancy beef tenderloin, it's never about the food anyway, is it?

Summer Whimsey ~ a NEW, limited edition Lisa Leonard collection (& 20% off TODAY only!)

2013-06-17T09:00:00-04:00

I'm writing this before I've had a chance to preview Lisa Leonard Design's new summer collection, but this I know: with over 50 new amazing pieces including a limited edition artisan line, I'll find something to take advantage of the one-day 20% off sitewide sale she's offering. I just hope I don't like everything....

Just about every time I wear one of her necklaces, someone notices and comments on it. I'm sure if you're hunting a meaningful gift for any female in your life, you'll find something perfect for every occasion--a special bridesmaid gift, a graduation gift for your daughter or girlfriend, a memorable 30th (or 40th or 50th or 60th...!) birthday gift or something that tells the receiver how precious they are to you.

To receive the 20% discount off your purchase, just enter the code SUMMERISHERE at checkout. It's good for everything excluding the hope{full} line, including her new collection launched today.

Note: Lisa's affiliate network received advance notice of the launch of her summer line and we're the only one's promoting today's discount (so I've used affiliate links). Soooo...if you've been eyeing Lisa's jewelry for a while now, today is the perfect time to buy it and receive 20% off!!

Farmer's Markets and the best zucchini recipe in the world

2013-06-14T11:30:39-04:00

Are you a believer in the two-fold joy of shopping - and buying - at your local farmer's market? I am.

Chattanooga has a burgeoning local food movement, and I'm slowly coming around to paying a little more to support farmers and local initiative. Joel Houser, in the Spring 2013 issue of Tastebuds shared an amazing statistic:

"If Chattanoogans were to purchase just 5% of their food from local farmers, it would add an impressive $100 million to the local economy every year."

Wow. And worth it. I'm sure a similar impact is possible in your hometown.

An edible rainbow!

My daughter and I visited our local, weekly market yesterday, and what was picked in the morning we cooked for supper. It tasted at least 10% better to know the origin of what we were eating and that we were helping put food on a farmer's table.

I'll have more to say about that in the the next few days, but for now I wanted to share my newest, simplest recipe, one I found from my friend Denice on a shared Facebook picture of all things. Zucchini is healthy, plentiful this time of year, and delicious, and though I'm Southern to the core and dance to the music of vegetables popping and sizzling while they fry in a vat of oil, this recipe is oven-baked and doesn't cause a splatter to deal with later.

Enjoy. I have over and over and over since discovering it a few weeks ago.

Parmesan-Panko Zucchini

1 lb. zucchini (about 2 medium-sized)
1/4 cup shredded parmesan (more, if you're partial to parmesan)
1/2 cup Panko breadcrumbs (if you use seasoned, cut down on the salt)
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
freshly ground pepper, to taste

Preheat oven to 400°. Line a large baking sheet with foil and spray lightly with vegetable spray.

Slice zucchini into 1/4 inch-thick rounds. Toss rounds with oil, coating well.

In a wide bowl or plate, combine breadcrumbs, parmesan, salt and pepper.

Place rounds in parmesan-breadcrumb mixture, coating both sides of each round, pressing to adhere. The mixture will not completely cover each round, but provides a light coating on each side.

Place rounds in a single layer on baking sheets. Sprinkle any remaining breadcrumb mixture over the rounds.

Bake for about 22 to 27 minutes, until golden brown. (There is no need to flip them during baking -- they crisp up on both sides as is.)

Note: You can use yellow squash for this, too, but they were a little floppier and not nearly as good as the zucchini; at least that was my experience so I'll stick to the green :).

(Original recipe came from here, but I've slightly modified it based on multiple preparations.)

When people you love make choices you hate

2013-06-13T10:06:58-04:00

The anguish in her voice broke my heart.

She had just confirmed her father's affair with another woman after months of speculation, separation and conversation. Hers is a version of the same story I've heard before from others I love, and it stings my heart to listen again.

She asked me hard questions, the kind that don't really call for answers, the words that help you wrestle through Things That Ought Not Be. Questions incensed with fiery righteous indignation and understandably so.

How could he do that to her? How could he do that to us? How could he...?

I was angry for her, once again a witness to the fallout and consequence of someone else's selfish, self-serving choices.

It comes packaged in so many ways--

You learn your teenage daughter - a leader in her youth group and a missions trip veteran - has been sexually active at the same time you discover she's pregnant.
You find your spouse has been making risky financial decisions for years without your knowledge or input, destroying your credit and bringing you to bankruptcy's cliff.
Randomly deciding to use the car your son's been driving, you find cigarettes and a lighter tucked away in the side of the door...and you can't decide whether or not to be relieved that "at least" it's not what your neighbor found in her son's room--illegal drug paraphernalia.
The friend you considered your best, your secret keeper, your kindred, curiously drops out of your life, becomes close to others, never explains why.
Your parents' marriage crumbles when your dad confesses his involvement with another woman, and his profession of love for her poisons your relationship.

No man is an island, no woman lives in a vacuum, and as much as we'd like to compartmentalize, our actions and decisions affect those around us...even if that's not our intention.

So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. ~ Colossians 3:12-15 (NASB)

There's a reason God commands us to love and forgive; if it were optional, I'm convinced we wouldn't.

But people make it so hard, don't they? And in response, aren't we inclined to make our love and forgiveness conditional?

When your life is rattled or upside-downed by the decisions and actions of others, how are you supposed to move beyond the immediate offense, pain and betrayal? Is that even possible?

I believe love and forgiveness are possible and even in every circumstance.

* * * * * *

But how can I make such a crazy assertion? I hope you'll continue reading "When People You Love Make Choices You Hate" today at (in)courage...and find some encouragement as I wrestle through practicing what I profess (or offer your own perspective in comments).

When I'm scattered and smothered I give you bigger and better

2013-06-12T10:49:08-04:00

When I'm quiet on the blog, it usually means one of two things:

Life offline wants more of my attention.

~ or ~

I'm writing elsewhere.

As a regular contributor to (in)courage, Simple Mom and Deeper Story's family channel, there's always a chance I'm writing something for one of them, but it's my role as Bloom (in)courage Book Club Coordinator that's keeping me busy for the next two months.

In January I accepted the part-time position with DaySpring to write content to companion book club videos by Jessica Turner and Angie Smith, and recently we announced the our summer selection:

Bread & Wine: a love letter to life around the table with recipes

In Bread & Wine, author Shauna Niequist has married together her love of people and food in this part-memoir, part-cookbook book. I love it. In my wildest dreams, it's the kind of book I could have imagined writing--I've always said the kitchen or dining-room table is a sacred place, an alter, the place where family and friends come together, face to face, to share life and love...and the foods that bring comfort and delight.

So. Saturday the girls will be filming in Nashville and I can't wait to meet Shauna, spend the day with Angie and Jess, laugh (a lot) and eat (a lot)...and gain a little inspiration to write the posts to accompany the videos.

(Consider this post a personal invitation from me to you to join us, too!! Click here for details and today and tomorrow you can comment to WIN a copy of the book plus an Ever Grateful Cake Pedestal!!)

And, talk about inspiring, who knew Doogie Howser was so talented?! Neil Patrick Harris opened this year's Tony Awards with a BIG bang, and though he had a line or two I could've done without, he demonstrated that you don't have to pull a SETH-MACFARLANE-OVER-THE-TOP-RUDE raunchification to be funny and brilliant. Enjoy this seven minutes of entertainment, and if you're like me, you'll be ready to break out in song and dance to join 'em.

Better than free kittens because you can eat 'em (do YOU know what national holidays are Friday & Monday?)

2013-06-06T12:44:25-04:00

In case you were unaware, I feel it is my civic duty to alert you to Very Important Things you might otherwise miss.

Of course it's near impossible to miss a blasted thing these days with the Twitter and the Facebook SCREAMING AT YOU EVERY SECOND if you don't mute it every now and then, but just in case, civic duty calls, lovies. I'm all about keeping you informed.

Mark your calendars for Friday, June 7 (tomorrow) and Monday, June 10th for National Doughnut Day and National Iced Tea Day, respectively. (Remember when you learned how to use the word "respectively" in middle school and you thought you were ALL THAT to KNOW how to indicate "in the order given" so sophisticatedly?)

Wonky sentence structure and using "sophisticatedly" in that sentence just knocked any chance of me sounding smart out of the ballpark, didn't it?

Anyways, on Friday both Dunkin Donuts and Krispy Kreme are giving away doughnuts in celebration; DD requires a purchase but KK just wants you to walk through the door.

I like Dunkin Donuts doughtnuts just fine, but it's their coffee j'adore; so I'm good with the purchase requirement. And when the Krispy Kreme HOT&NOW sign is flashing? Well, if inhaling four melt-in-your-mouth hot-and-nows is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

Last year I commemorated my undying love for Dunkin Donuts coffee by writing an Ode to Dunkin Donuts. An ODE, people. I was a little miffed that corporate Dunkin Donuts didn't take notice and send me a hundred pounds of coffee and a dozen doughnuts. Or a royalty check. I mean, LOOK AT THESE GORGEOUS doughnut pictures and read my poetic brilliance! That takes skill.

Or a sugar high.

Y'all. One more thing about Dunkin Donuts: they have a new sandwich coming out tomorrow--a fried egg and cherrywood-smoked bacon inside a split glazed yeast ring donut. Bacon+doughnuts? Brilliant or blech? What say you? (And is it me, or does adding the words "cherrywood-smoked" before "bacon" make it sound even deliciouser?)

Speaking of sugar, National Iced Tea Day means nothing to me if it isn't sugar-shocked iced tea. (Which reminds me of a story. Would you like to hear the story? If you ask nicely in comments, I'll be happy to tell you about it. In fact, please DO ask nicely in comments because it's a fun story to tell!) (And if no one asks, well...THAT would be mortifying!) (This is kind of a test to see if anyone reads all the parenthetical sentences I'm littering this post with.) (Forgive me. For both littering this post with parenthetical asides AND for ending a sentence with a preposition.) (I hope you pass, and by "you" I mean someone!)

Back to tea-talk, does anyone do sweet tea better than a barbecue joint? I mean, Chick-fil-A and McAlister's Deli are right at the top of the Sweet Tea hierarchy, but I guess it's the pairing of sweet tea and tangy barbecue that makes it a winner. And in honor of National Iced (Sweet)Tea Day, Sticky Fingers restaurants are giving away buckets of the Southern Nectar with purchase (by buckets I mean their ridiculously large glasses, which if you stuck a handle on 'em, could be used to mop the floor) (with cleaner, not tea, sweet or otherwise).

C l e a r l y I'm full of sass today. Or maybe I'm just under the influence of BooMama after writing about her new book yesterday (you can still enter to win a copy through midnight Friday).

Your turn: I've asked a lot of questions in this post and bonus points to you for answering any of 'em. A prize might be awarded if you dare to answer all. Also, feel free to Twitter bomb @DunkinDonuts about my poem or you can copy & paste:

Hey @DunkinDonuts ~ have you read @RobinDance's "An Ode to Dunkin Donuts"? http://bit.ly/zWmQv8 PERFECT for #NationalDonutDay #brilliant

(Feel free to substitute #fun #quirky #insane or any other adjective where I so humbly hashtagged #brilliant.)

Stick a fork in me. I'm done.

Reason to Celebrate: A Salty & Sweet Giveaway!

2013-06-05T13:16:12-04:00

Sophie Hudson speaks my language:

Southern, Story and Sass.

Mounds and mountains of all three.

And she understands and rightly uses ALL CAPS (and parenthetical asides) EXACTLY and APPROPRIATELY when necessary to maximize effect. That's an art.

Perhaps better known online as BooMama, she celebrated the debut of her first book yesterday, A Little Salty to Cut the Sweet: Southern Stories of Faith, Family, and Fifteen Pounds of Bacon.

BACON, y'all--What a BRILLIANT addition to any book title!

If I wasn't on the road (and if I was a better writer-aheader), I would have published this yesterday. Or the day before. Except you couldn't buy it the day before so maybe today IS better.

I was not just tickled pink to receive an advance copy (and treats, y'all), but HOT PINK, and all I can say is this is a delightful summer read. And delicious--it ends with recipes mama-tested and generations-approved, complete with brand names. Because in Southern cookin', Land O' Lakes butter is not the same as butter. Amen.

If you follow BooMama's blog, you've likely already met the cast of characters; but if not, she takes time to introduce you to each and if you need a chart, there's a nifty family tree in the front of the book to keep track. Let's just say I happened to refer back to it a few times BECAUSE I HAVE A NEED TO KNOW who everyone is and how they interrelate.

"A Little Salty..." is nothin' if not a tribute to family and how they shape a person.

From She Speaks '08 ~ http://bit.ly/1b4J4uU

At times poignant and other moments pure-T laugh out loud, you'll find 186 pages of family, faith and fun, a literary cup overflowing with cheer. Sophie is a gentle storyteller, having learned from the best: her family. Her faith is natural, never preachy.

I've followed BooMama about as long as I've been blogging, pleased to have spent a little time with her. I've learned from her, laughed with her, been inspired by her...and genuinely love her. It is my pleasure to celebrate this milestone with her in some small way by sharing her book with you.

Dawn (My Home Sweet Home), Shannon (Rocks in My Dryer), Jo-Lynne (Musings of a Housewife), Melanie (Big Mama), Annie (Annie Blogs), Sophie (BooMama), me, Valerie (Valarie at Home), Lisa (Simply His) and Sarah (Genesis Moments)

Would you like to win a copy? Share a link to this post on Twitter or Facebook OR Pin it on Pinterest, come back here and comment how you shared it, and please tell me your favorite thing about the South!!
(p.s. Comments written in Haiku may or may not have an edge....)

This is my little love gift to you,
and a thank you to Sophie & her publisher, Tyndale, for gifting a copy to me.

~ ❤ ~ That's it! ~ ❤ ~

Deadline to enter is Friday, June 7th @ midnight EST, U.S. addresses only.

And if you're ready to pony up the less-than-the-cost-of-a-movie-and-popcorn to buy the book, here's my Amazon affiliate link for under $12!. Good, clean fun and endearingly entertaining, it's the best buy of the summer if you ask me. :)

If I haven't convinced you to add this to your summer reads, maybe Sophie's own voice will.... Enjoy!

Congrats to #26, Lib!!

Golden crumbs, elephants and ponies

2013-05-29T10:32:18-04:00

I'm not sure when I first noticed the DNA of my family's footsteps, but it was when I was recovering in our downstairs guestroom with my day-after-Christmas knee injury when my notice gave way to affection. What a peculiar thing to appreciate - like, even - knowing who would be walking through my bedroom door before I heard their voice or saw their face.

My husband's steps are consistent with who he is: deliberate and even. Funny how his stride belies personality.

My daughter's, on the contrary, are the opposite of who she is; I'm amazed someone her size can cause me to imagine a lumbering elephant, a herd of buffalo, a lummoxing clodhopper outside my bedroom door. In her defense, it's a hardwood hallway and even a pindrop would echo, but her Native American name is Thudnerfoot. "Fairy steps, Baby," I've said a thousand times a thousand. She's proud when she remembers.

My six-foot baby boy has a light step. Not quite silent but catlike. If you can hear someone coming, but barely, it's him.

And then there's my middle child. My first-born son. This one who has just closed the door on high school, the one perched on the edge of our nest and poised to take off.

His steps are my favorite. He's a pony; not on even ground, but on the flight between upstairs and downstairs, between coming and going.

Going....

s i g h

His is an uneven gait, a show pony's trot. A prance, a dance...carefree spirit puppeteering his feet.

To some I must sound crazy, to write about and wax poetic about my family's footsteps for cryin' out loud, but not to a mother. No, not to another mama, I think.

It is a mother's lot and grace to notice the things the world will never see in her children; to find delight in the common and otherwise taken-for-granted. Wise is the mother who calls out and names as good a birthmark, a physical anomaly, an impossible cowlick...or any of the other things that make a child different. Special. Unique...

Precious because it is that birthmark or physical anomaly or impossible cowlick that sets them apart from every other person on the planet.

Our culture tries so desperately to cookie cut young people; there's so much pressure to conform to an impossible standard that only lives in magazine covers and imagination.

A mother notices and celebrates milestones, yes, but isn't it the ponderings of her heart she treasures most? The minutia of a fleeting moment that no one else may ever know or witness that she gathers like golden crumbs?

So, yes, I listen for my son's trot and quiety thrill to the timbre of his step.

Both joy and dread fill my approximation of him--shoulders, broad; body, lean and sculpted; heart, on his sleeve; confidence, a roller coaster.

He is perched and poised on nest's edge, leaning into the wind. I sense his eagerness, though it is tinged with hesitancy, and rightly so. He knows that first step is big and charts direction.

His sister launched before him, so I know too well his steps will soon be an echo in my heart.

Oh, how I'll miss the elephants and ponies.

Marriage advice (the kind that's hard to hear...)

2013-05-28T10:25:02-04:00

We've been married 25 years, a quarter century, over half our lives.

No matter how you phrase it, especially in our culture of divorce-made-easy, that's a looong time.

I like how my friend Patsy Clairmont puts it, "We've survived each other." If you know Patsy at all - through her blog, books or speaking - you can imagine how she delivers that line with an extra twinkle in her sparkly eyes. Oh, how I wish we were neighbors, to soak in her wisdom and spunk 'cause, surely, it can't help but splash off.

Far be it for me to put words in Patsy's mouth explaining what she means by "surviving each other" but for us it means celebrating and cherishing the good times and accepting and enduring the hard times.

God likely enjoyed himself when he matched the two of us, opposites in so many ways--except for we're both strong-willed and opinionated. Fuel on fireworks. I'd say we're lovers and fighters.

But I believe our love covers a multitude...

And I've learned sometimes you can't go over or around stubborn mountains, you've just gotta push through 'em...

And when I look at our amazing children I have no doubt that he was and is The One.

During my darkest season I understood how a woman could walk out the door, leaving a husband and children behind. Mind you, I didn't want to do that, but I was low enough to understand it and That Knowing rattled me to the core.

He loves and knows me like no other, and mostly that's good...but sometimes that can make life difficult. For instance, he never tells me what I want to hear, he tells me what I need to hear. A sword, double-edged.

Now mostly, I think it's dangerous to use words like "never" and "always" especially as they pertain to marriage; but in this case it's good because that means he's speaking truthfully.

Like the other day.

We went out to window shop sofas - our 20-year-old, saggy, re-upholstered sofa is now mostly serving as a bed for our sneaky-in-her-own-mind Australian Shepherd - and somehow ended up clothes shopping for me. Really, truly, this was no subversive plan by the wife...

but we were out...

the stores were there....

it's Memorial Day weekend and the SALES WERE SCREAMING AT US...

so I found myself in a dressing room trying on a pile of All The Clothes In The Store. Maybe minus one or two things, but I'm not so sure.

Speeding through the clothes pile like a well-trained Olympian, I started with shorts (the first pair fit, the rest RUDELY DID NOT) before moving on to skirts, capri's (score!) and jeans (holy heck, BETTER SCORE) and interspersed throughout, all manner of tees, tanks and shirts.

I was just about done when I discovered a pair of shorts, the shorter kind, the kind I've long given up because I'm a Golden Gal, and let's just say my thighs have always been generous compared to the rest of me, and particularly now since I was sidelined for several months with a knee injury, but this pair was cute and looked like a possibility, so I was giving them the ol' college try. Right? (breathe)

Except that buzzard of a husband of mine shook his head no and urged me not to try them. "You look better in capri's than shorts," he says, and "You know you aren't going to be comfortable in shorts that short...."

I was HIGHLY INSULTED AND INDIGNANT and his advice was GAUNTLET THROWN DOWN, A CHALLENGE TO BE WON, A DULL, UNIFORMED MIND THAT DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT--I'LL SHOW HIM bygoshbygolly--JUST YOU WAIT 'ENRY 'IGGINS, JUST YOU WAIT...!

So I slipped them on...

And then I slipped them off.

Before you get all judgy and think my husband dreadful for telling it like it is (was), take the golden nugget I offer:

**Give your husband permission to tell you the truth. Always.**

Because then you can trust if he tells you--

You don't look fat in those pants, you don't.

You look great in that (not short-short) outfit, you do.

He's struggling in an area, he trusts you enough to love him enough to help.

He loves you, he does.

Do you realize the way you react to him (if you don't care for what he says) can make him bite his tongue the next time you ask for his opinion? Or train him to speak in half-truths? Or give him reason to resent you not "allowing" him to share his heart? Or train him to suppress secrets he hesitantly (or desperately) wants to share? Subtle are the ways a wife can shut down her husband (I know this works both ways, but since I'm not a husband, I'll only speak to what I know....).

Consider yourself lucky if he's the guy who will rightfully tell you you do, in fact, look fat in those pants. Don't get mad at or punish him (oh, I think you know exactly what I mean...) for telling you what he honestly believes; doing so will make him hesitant to be honest the next time.

Sometimes your feelings will be hurt; and I hate that part for you and for me.

But what if you believed, really believed, that he had your best interests at heart?

Doesn't that change the way you hear him?

It's possible you don't even realize how you've denied him in the past (sometimes we'd prefer hearing what we want to hear, no?). It was on a road trip with my husband reading For Women Only where I first discovered the value of extending this kind of freedom and permission.

Give your husband permission to tell you the truth. He may never tell you thank you but I promise he'll be grateful.

2013-05-26T08:30:52-04:00

With thanks to Jennifer Dukes Lee, who captured my words and created art because we're loved by a King.

We interrupt this blog to bring you a PSA for those who (n)ever text and drive (which pretty much you & me)

2013-05-24T14:58:51-04:00

I'm probably a teen's worst nightmare when it comes to driving: my mantra to my own children when they were of legal age to get their permit (and, later, their license):

A car in the hands of a driver is a loaded weapon.

They understand the depth and breadth of this truth from losing a 17-year-old friend in a tragic accident a few years ago; another beautiful young friend lost her arm just last year. I can think of half a dozen friends between the three of them who've been in wrecks as recent as two weeks ago...and my own babygirl called one night with words that froze my blood: "I'm okay mom but...."

Shudders.

As a mom, one of the hardest seasons to endure is the "learning how to drive" season. Perhaps The Hardest Thing Of Them All, though, is the first time they make a solo drive. The minutes between home and "there" feel like tortuous hours. The gracious advent of cell phones afford us a peace of mind our parents didn't have--they can easlily let us know when they've arrived.

The inherent danger associated with driving--especially inexperienced teen drivers who cannot understand ALL OF THE THINGS THAT CAN GO WRONG--is why I tell my own "I will snap you like a twig if I find out you're texting and driving." They'll lose their phone, they'll lose driving privileges...and they'll lose my trust in their judgment.

Here's the worst part: I've been guilty of doing this very thing I rail against.

Someone should snap ME like a twig!

Just this week I was driving 65 mph on the interstate when a four-car collision happened in front of me; I didn't see the beginning but I saw a red car spinning and smoking across four lanes of traffic, another silver car with airbags deployed and a shatterd windshield, and two drivers already to the shoulder, both screaming into their cell phones. THE CAR SPUN DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME, and I, together with each of the cars in their respective lanes, stopped cold (fishtailing) on the interstate!

It scares the ever-living daylights to think about what if I had been texting and driving.

At a minimum it would have been a five-car collison.

When Verizon told their team of bloggers about how they were teaming up with other carriers for the It Can Wait campaign to discourage texting and driving, I knew I had to share the details with my readers.

And beg you to take the pledge. I did, and I agree with its sentiment: "NO text is worth the risk."

Teens aren't the only ones guilty of texting and driving; EVERY time I'm on the road I see it. And then I find myself channeling my inner Barney Fife and I want to roll down my window and scream "CITIZEN'S ARREST! CITIZEN'S ARREST!!"

Wait. That wasn't Barney....it was Goober. No...GOMER! It was Gomer Pyle!

But I digress. Forgive me.

I don't text and drive anymore; I've tried voice commands but I'm still distracted when I see what my cell phone interprets for my words. Sometimes what it comes up with is beyond laughable and possibly prosecutable under the law! Mercy!

Ninety-five percent of my readers don't comment to my blog (and if you're one who does, you know you're my favorite, right? You emailers, too ;) ) but I'm asking you PLEASE comment to let me know if you signed the It Can Wait Pledge.

Comment by telling me what prompted you to do so; let me know how you're sharing the campaign with others. I know a lot of you don't blog, so are you emailing it to your friends? Sharing on Facebook? Pinning to a board that shares important information (or parenting tips or teenager info)? Printing out the flyers available on the campaign site to share with your kids' high school when it starts back up?

If you're on Twitter, feel free to cut/paste the following.

Take the pledge to stop texting and driving—I did! http://bit.ly/14ZPaLD #vzwvoices #VZWA #itcanwait
It CAN wait: No text is worth dying for—take the pledge http://bit.ly/14ZPaLD #vzwvoices #VZWA #itcanwait
#Verizon is taking a stand against texting while driving. Join in. http://bit.ly/14ZPaLD #vzwvoices #VZWA #itcanwait

And if you're willing to BLOG about this, even if it's in a round-up or link list, please use the graphic on this post and link below; if there are at least 10 who join in by Friday, May 31, I'll give away a FANtastic prize (once I figure out what it is, at least $25 out of my own pocket. It's a small way to say thank YOU for helping to save lives...I don't think that's an understatement.)

What say you...are you in? Will you sign the pledge and let me know you did? I sure hope so! Memorial Day and weekend is when we remember and honor those who gave their lives for our country. Isn't it the perfect time for Everyday People Like Us to do a small thing that might have a powerful influence...and maybe protect someone you love?

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The happiest celebration of them all (pssst--help me surprise HIM!!)

2013-05-23T11:18:29-04:00

Raising children well is challenging under the best of circumstances.

Not too terribly long ago I was a mom with three babies under the age of five, and there were some days I wasn't sure I'd make it to the next. They needed me or wanted me for e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. and if I thought I learned how selfish I was when I got married, I re-learned that lesson times a squillion after giving birth.

Imagine wanting to use the bathroom without an audience? WHO did I think I was??

But now as I look UP into the eyes of my high school and college-age children, I realize how worthwhile every challenge has been, how the "hard" of parenting has softened my edges and made me a much better person. And I realize I've had it pretty easy if we want to start comparing....

Fourteen years ago, my sister- and brother-in-law were awaiting the birth of their first; our little family was on vacation waiting to hear their good news.

One afternoon when we returned from a day on the beach, we had multiple messages waiting: one was from my brother-in-law (and I can't remember now if he told us Caleb was here OR to call him), but the others were for family who urged us to call them before speaking with the new parents.

We knew something was wrong but had no idea what.

Soon enough we would learn that Caleb had Downs Syndrome, and all those dreams Philip and Bebe (and all our family) had changed. They knew their path just gotten bumpier; the unknowns back then were bewildering.

What we couldn't have known was the beautiful impact Caleb would have in our lives, and that he might be the cousin who taught us all the most. His parents have done (and are doing) an amazing job in parenting him and their two younger children, and all of us have been tendered in a bigger way to children and families who manage special needs.

Tomorrow is Caleb's 14th and Bebe (Caleb's mom, my sister-in-love) had a wonderful idea; I'm copying and pasting directly from her Facebook page so you can read it in her own words:

This week we will celebrate Caleb's birthday! While our journey with Caleb is not always an easy one, there is much to rejoice over and be thankful for. The same way I am confident our Heavenly Father rejoiced in perfectly creating Caleb!

I enjoy birthdays but buying presents for Caleb has always been difficult. He is happy with simple things! So this year I thought of a different kind of present...serving and loving others by doing random acts of kindness in honor of Caleb's special day.

You could pay the parking meter beside you, tape quarters to a vending machine, pay for the person behind you in the drive thru line, help someone load their groceries, return the carts to the store, send a letter to someone you love...ANYTHING...and think of Caleb!

He has taught us so much about unconditional love. If you do something, please snap a pic and post it. I'd love to collect all the photos for his scrapbook. Who wants to celebrate with us this week?

I was so moved by Bebe's wish for Caleb, I asked her if I could share it on PENSIEVE; she was thrilled to open this opportunity for Random Acts of Kindness to whoever would like to join in.

So...if YOU would like to join us in celebrating Caleb's birthday, will you let Bebe know on Facebook? (Here's her Facebook URL.) Also, would you let me know in comments what you've done to honor him in celebration? I might miss it on FB if you only post there.

As Bebe said, she's collecting photos for his scrapbook, and wouldn't it be wonderful to FILL several pages? And from Caleb's favorite Auntie (ok...his OLDEST aunt!!), thank you. For you to love on this sweet family is blessing to me.

...then the dance gods wept

2013-05-22T10:17:20-04:00

In an era of reality TV gone wild, there's one show that stands head and shoulders above the rest--

Dancing with the Stars. I love it.

Their judges, Len Goodman, Carrie Ann Inaba and Bruno Tonioli, deliver constructive, entertaining, and sometimes contentious criticism, but it's clear they know what they're talking about and their interest is in serving the dancers.

Every season, there is One Dance that explodes my heart in a million pieces, and this year I thought it was Kellie Pickler's and Derek Hough's Argentine Tango (start at the 1:25 mark).

I was wrong (though it's a close second).

It's their Super-size Freestyle from Monday night; super-size only in its beauty and simplicity. I knew she won the moment I saw it--pure, emotive dance that steals breath. Stunning. Show stopping. Brilliant choreography.

You must watch even if you don't care for DWTS. Their bodies are art in motion, and you'll be moved by their poignant, exquisite storytelling through dance.

Derek has always been my favorite choreographer, and if I'm not mistaken, this will be his last year with the show. What a way to end his time with DWTS--earning this year's ridiculous but coveted Mirror Ball Trophy, his fourth win. Kellie might not have won when she competed in American Idol years ago, but her country music career is doing just fine thankyewverymuch, and I'm inclined to think this crown means even more.

Your turn: If you're a DWTS fan, do you agree with that the best team won? Do you have a different favorite reality show? Hate 'em all? DO tell me more!

Photo credit

On luck and charms

2013-05-21T12:45:01-04:00

"Is everything okay?" he calls out, unleashing his dog on the far side of his driveway, beyond the vacant lot on which I'm trespassing.

I had noticed them half an hour earlier, at the beginning of my hilly, neighborhood powerwalk. French Bulldogs are such a curious-looking breed, they remind me of Bartok the bat from the animated Anastasia. I almost expect them to rise on two feet, do karate-chop hands and squeak "I'd give her a HA! And a HI-YA! And then a OUU-WA!" and I can't help but wonder if I'm the only person who has ever imagined that.

Hunched over with my nose inches from the ground, I suppose I might have looked like I was sick or maybe searching for a lost contact. My posture indicated anything but "okay".

"Oh, I'm just looking for four-leaf clovers," I explained, like that was perfectly normal, a grown woman hunting clover anomaly. It strikes me that I'm the deviation from the norm.

But in the very moment I speak it, I spot one. Thrilled, before I allow time to think before I gush, I tell him, "You must be my lucky charm YOU'RE A LUCKY CHARM!" and as soon as those outrageous words excape my lips, I want to burrow under the grass and hide from this stranger-neighbor.

Kindly, he shrugs it off with a manufactured laugh before quickly disappearing into his home. Away from the crazy lady.

Undeterred, I return my attention to the clover patch.

I see another...

and another...

and another!

Eventually, six in all.

If fairies are real, this is where they live.

* * *

I continue my walk homeward, heart brimming with good cheer and hand pinching a tiny, leafy bouquet. My steps are lighter.

Friendly, concerned neighbors breed goodwill.

* * *

I cannot pass a clover patch without looking down and trying to find a four-leaf clover, even if I'm walking fast. If I'm forced to, I feel like I'm missing something special...extra-ordinary...lucky.

It's a quirk.

It's one of those things I name and know and like about myself.

I think it's important to notice the things about yourself, the ways you're wired, that make you you. The little things. The commonly uncommon. Maybe even the things no one else on the planet knows about you.

* * *

Like so many others, I carry a phone most everywhere I go. I do this not to talk or check in or to socially document my every step, it's so I can take pictures to make moments last longer. So I can remember what I so easily forget.

Like lucky charms and verdant fairy bouquets and nice neighbors and bat-like dogs.

What a bonus to discover the phone I'm demo-ing as a Verizon Wireless Ambassador (a Blackberry Z10) has a Story Maker feature; I just wish I had been brave enough (aware enough?) to steal a picture of the man and his dog.

But maybe that would have made me bonafide crazy. (Maybe that I wouldn't think was so wonderful.

Enjoy the mini movie; it's my first so they can only get better, right?

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55 REALLY good graduation gift ideas

2013-05-15T09:28:13-04:00

Sons, daughters, girlfriends, boyfriends--it's that time of year when people are scouring the internet for high school (and college) graduation gift suggestions, especially those who don't like giving money. Google "great graduation gift ideas" and you'll still find lists I shared on both Simple Mom and my blog two years ago, so I thought it might be helpful to combine them into one place - and not in a frustrating slide show format (am I the only one who deplores those? I much rather scroll than click.).

Below I've updated my previous lists using input from high school and college friends; from $10-100s, you're bound to get some great ideas for every price range. Your suggestions are welcome in comments.

Disclosure: Some links below are strictly for your convenience, others are affiliate links; my heartfelt gratitude if you click through and purchase.

One Line a Day: A Five-Year Memory Book. Under $15, this is by far the most-often purchased item from my list of suggestions (based on an Amazon order summary over the past two years). People buy 'em by the bunches and it continues to be a gift my daughter continues to thank me for, years after I gave her the copy I bought for myself. My son likes the likes the Q & A a Day version(Don't worry, I can't track who buys what but I was thrilled to discover this info is available. Obviously, I'm not a huge affiliate marketer...).
Apollo Precision Tools 39-Piece Pink Tool Set. This is second in popularity behind the One Line a Day. The girl who owns this will be the most popular girl in her dorm. Under $25, it's a great price for multiple gift-giving, too. Here's a guy's version of the same thing.
Men's travel/toiletry kit. There are inexpensive hanging toiletry kits or you can go with a more Dopp Kit.
Hanging Jewelry and Accessories Organizer. This one has 80 pockets but you can find them everywhere women's accessories are sold.
Pepper Spray. Especially for girls who might be traveling back and forth to work or class alone from their apartment, this is a gift of peace of mind!
Monogrammed towels. I used to think this was too high falutin' but a new friend told me this was the ONE THING her college-graduating son had kept through two different dorms and two apartmets. He always knew which ones were his. You can pick up nice, inexpensive towels & have them monogrammed yourself or I like these nicer quality ones from Waterworks Studio.
A hammock. Again, this is one of my kids' Favorite Gifts of All Time. My sons and daughter love these Eagles Nest Outfitters DoubleNest Hammocks--they're large enough for two, a help when a friend doesn't have one for hanging out.
A Terry Wrap. One size fits all, these are fantastic for dorm living if you have to walk down the hall to a shower.
Jewelry. Pearl studs, something special from Tiffany & Co. or a classic piece of jewelry is always a good answer. I happen to be partial to Lisa Leonard hand-stamped jewelry, but I REALLY like this Skeleton Key Keychain or the Dream Big Keychain (UPDATE! If you're seeing this 6/17/13, you're in luck! 20% off site-wide at Lisa Leonard using code summerishere (excludes hope{ful} line). DaySpring offers a faith-inspired line of Lisa Leonard hand-stamped pieces, too.
Heirloom jewelry. A grandfather's watch, a grandmother's ring--these aren't intended to be worn everyday but their significance gathers with time.
Chubbies Shorts. Guys in our area are buying them like crazy! The company has brilliant marketing (they say things like Chubbies Shorts: American-made thigh liberation for your Quadzillas) and if you want to be the COOLEST gift-giver, you'll pony up for a pair. Unless you've heard about them already however, you WILL NOT understand them. But trust me, if you're looking for a gift for a college-bound GUY, Chubbies Shorts will be a GREAT choice. Enough said.
Underbed storage. Because dorm or apartment space is at a premium, graduates can get a lot of use out of something like this. I LOVE my niece's favorite--Scout Be-Low-Me. It's cuter than a standard Big Box store version and at $10 very affordable for multiple gift-giving.
A piece of their hometown. I don't know what this means for you, but for my kids a special gift is a plaque on a local historical bridge. If they're inclined to appreciate something this abstract, look for something in their hometown.
School/team apparel. If your graduate is headed to college, they'll want to deck out in school mascot/colors. If not and you know they're a big fan of a pro team, a nice tee or sweatshirt would be great.
Posters or Art. This is tricky--what YOU love, they might not. This is a better choice if you know the person well. Safe bets are campus buildings, sports-related scenes or inspiring word art. J'adore this one from allposters.com.
Mattress topper or feather bed. (Another of my daughter's top three favorite gifts; it's become my go-to for gifts in this price range.
Back of door full-length mirror; include Command Hanging Strips, easy on the walls. (I LOVE this innovation in hanging stuff! Removable tape + Velcro = winwin)
Binoculars. You can pretty much spend whatever you want for these but you can get a decent gift for under $30.
A flashlight. Today's flashlights are smaller & better than ever. Don't forget the batteries.
Earbuds. My kids prefer Skullcandy. Combine it with an iTunes giftcard and they'll love ya.
Headphones. You really do get what you pay for with quality headphones. My kids drool over Beats but you can get something decent for a quarter to half that price.
Deck of giftards in the town they'll be living post-graduation. Restaurants, retail and entertainment will be VERY welcome to a poor college student. Did you realize you can get just about everything at Amazon and not have to pay shipping?!
Luggage. This has been a standard for generations (I was so proud of my powder blue hard shell Samsonite forEVAH) and American Tourister's 4-piece set seems like a quality buy for a reasonable price. Collapsible, rolling duffles are a good idea, too.
A AAA Membership. Especially if your graduate has a long drive home from job or school.
Laundry survival kit: put together something fun including a dirty clothes basket or heavy duty laundry bag and all-in-one detergent. I used to suggest including a roll of quarters but the colleges we've visited include free use of machines now.
Hot pot & supply of Ramen Noodles. We've all been there.
A small coffee maker. This Black & Decker Coffeemaker with Travel Mug is dual purpose.
Speaking of coffee, a French Press. I would never have thought a college student would want one, but my daughter and hallmates are sold on theirs.
Umbrella. Go for school colors or a fun design; if it's recognizable it's less likely to get lost.
Cordless Screwdriver. Practical but they'll thank you when they need it.
First Aid Kit. You can buy one ready made or put together a kit yourself. Include bandages, anti-bacterial cleansing wipes, Advil, Neosporin, Benedryl, matches, tape, gauze, scissors. Ummm, unless you're making several of these, it might be more economical to buy the kit.
Digital camera or if you know they have one, a camera case and memory cards.
Adventure. Hang gliding, Skydiving, Rock Climbing, Repelling--if there's some type of adventure in their backyard, surprise them with a MEMORY instead of a thing. Look for Groupon, Living Social or other deal sites.
Bookbag or Messenger bag. Look for great quality (my kids like Patagonia but they are pretty pricey to give as a gift).
A nice study Bible. It's time to ditch the cheap paper student Bible they've used throughout high school. Leather makes it special. (This recommendation came from a graduating guy friend of ours--love it!!)
Sound Machine. Drown out the sounds of dorm/apartment living. Wish I had had one.
Dry erase board to hang outside their room. When we toured colleges with our kids, I loved seeing notes written to friends outside dorm rooms.
Bulletin or Memo Board (don't forget the thumbtacks if it's a cork board and Command Strips to hang it.)
University-themed stadium throw.
Stadium chairs.
Nalgene water bottle. Fill it with their favorite candy & this makes an affordable gift if you have a lot to buy.
A watch. I know, I know, everyone uses their phone to tell time. But for an athlete, a sports watch is nice; for the fashion- or business-minded, something blingy or professional.
Lap Desk. Another one they'll appreciate more once they use it.
Pocket knife. Yeah, I know it's old school, but I like old school.
Leatherman tool. These are easy to loathe until you find yourself in a bind and NEED one. I don't know how many times we've used the one in our car. They'll have it forever.
Tailgait Toss (aka Corn Hole). It's curiously addicting once you start playing, and whoever owns a set brings the party with them.
Sleeping bag. Feather-light and compactable, a nice sleeping bag is something the adventurer WILL appreciate.
Cooler with wheels. For tailgaiting and roadtrips.
Picnic blanket. My daughter stole mine and keeps it in the back of her car. A nice thing to have for outdoor concerts, lake outtings, beach, etc.
Dorm fridge. One less thing they'll have to buy for themselves.
Microwave. Same as above (but if they'll be living in a dorm, make sure it's permissible).
Portable GPS. Or teach them the antiquated skill of reading an actual map.
Kindle or Nook. Not just for general reading but many (most? all??) textbooks are available electronically.
iPad. Because it's so much more than an e-reader.
Laptop. Every student I asked for suggestions said this first. Every one.