Pip's Bad Ideas

Blogger and iPhone

2011-03-17T22:06:00.001-04:00

Once upon a time a blogger bought an iPhone 3Gs and found out that despite having the most advanced handheld device ever created it could not be used to update his blog. He was sad and dissapointed. So distraught was he that he criticized the iPad for not being a useful tool, and that it was just there to play games and read comic books.

Many months passed and this same blogger noticed that the google app on his iPhone had an update. He clicked the update button and moved on to other things. A day or two later, at the end of an extremely bad day he decided to take a peak at the updated app. He dug around and saw a button for Blogger. He got more curious and saw that he was just taken to the website. Disheartened our blogger decided that Google knows what they are doing so he went to edit a semi-abandonded post. "Oh Hello!" he cried after successfully typing two paragraphs that no one will ever read.

Our blogger had found that his iPhone could now function as a tool from which he could blog!

"I can fucking do this on my phone! I am fucking doing this on my phone!!!" he screamed, scaring his cats and aggravating his wife.

Many of his readers would care not for this fact. But that did not stop our blogger from his self-indulgent quest. He added some random tags and posted (not pelted, stupid auto-correct) his discovery for the world too see.

Thanks for reading,
Your friendly neighborhood iPhone blogger,
Pip

PS- He then went and played the new levels of Angry Birds until waaaaay past his bed time. The End

Kay Bee Tuesday: Screaming Babies Scoring System

2011-03-15T21:26:00.000-04:00

Thanks to my near 5 years at KBToys I am now immune to screaming babies. I did this by developing a grading or scoring system for their cries. It was a simple 1-10 based upon three criteria.

I) Volume: How loud is the cry? You would be surprised at how much this influences a person tolerance level of screaming baby. And yes this also takes into account the environment. If I was out in the food court getting lunch, the cavernous nature of the food court meant that a baby needed to be crying much louder than if he was crying in my store.

II) Pitch: Does the scream have that ear splitting pitch? This differs not only baby to baby but from person to person as well. Each one of us has a different point at which we cringe.

III) Duration: How long can that baby maintain that scream? A child with a small set of lungs will have to take more breaths, each breath is a precious pause in the cry. This is the crucial one for me. I graded so harshly on this one that I would openly mock babies with weak lungs, while simultaneously sharing in the long term relief this provides the parents. Conversely I would be in awe of, and give props to a baby with a powerful set of lungs. the ones you just cannot believe how long they can go between breaths. I truly felt bad for these parents.

Add these scores up and you get your total score for how good a crier that baby is.

Unless you had as much exposure to screaming babies, do not try to implement this, or any similar system. It takes years of judging to get the scoring down right and to judge fairly.

Thanks for reading,
You favorite screaming baby judge,
-Pip

PS- The moral of the story is that when life sucks, turn it into a game and mock it ruthlessly.

Pi Day 2011 - The end of Pi Day?

2011-03-14T21:58:00.000-04:00

I am usually a big fan of Pi Day. But my world was rocked this morning when I heard about the anti-Pi movement. Oh Vi, how could you destroy my pleasant, simple world so swiftly and brutally. Please watch this heart breaking video for yourself, and do so at your own risk. For if you love Pi Day you may cry. But I know that some of you are cynical, and will enjoy the nerd-on-nerd intellectual violence.

Ceci n'est pas une Pi. :(

Celebrating Tau day would be difficult. I could have two pies...but it would not be the same. The Pun dies if we accept this. Watching a beloved pun die hurts. But it is an important life lesson, especially concerning being a geek or nerd or math science related at all. With new information come new conclusions and we must move on as life does.

*sigh* I cannot and will not let Pi day go. I ate some chocolate cream Pi today on principle. I have decided to support Tau day, because you cannot have enough Greek letters in your life.

Thanks for reading,
Your favorite disillusioned blogger,
-Pip

Girls are so mean, always ripping your heart out and stomping on it gleefully.

Careless Whisper

2011-03-14T15:14:00.000-04:00

I was struggling today on what song to use to get stuck in your co-workers / classmates heads. And then it came to me.

Careless Whispers:

I must thank the genius of Remi Gaillard, and Nerdcore for this one. And you'l have that sax bit jacked into your head for a month.

For those that need a fix of the classic George Michael song:

Wow, the 80's really was a scary decade.

Thanks for reading,
-Pip

I'm not a doctor......

2011-03-01T17:52:00.000-05:00

But I got my medical degree from ESPN. No dead serious. My boss got injured x-country skiing last week. He described the symptoms and demonstrated the ability to put pressure on the knee but that he could not flex it. It was odd to see, but I said, "Oh, you tore your MCL." Then followed up with my "I got my medical degree from ESPN" joke. My boss said that the doctor said it was a torn Meniscus.

When the MRI came back, who was right?

I was. Not the doctor, the wise-ass.

ESPNU I demand my diploma!

Thanks for Reading,
Your favorite I'm not a doctor, I just watch way too much TV, blogger,
-Pip

PS- Based upon the the effect that online Poker had on competitive Poker Tournaments and the burgeoning influence the Madden Football game is having on fans reactions to coaching decisions in the NFL, it is really only a matter of time before this joke becomes reality. Blogs killed journalism, it's killing despotism, and the AMA better watch out they are next!

Batman and the minor coincidence

2011-02-23T16:49:00.000-05:00

I love my google reader. It my own personally tailored daily newspaper. Comics, news, lolcats, music, you name it, if I like it, it's there. I do love when coincidences occur in my reader. Random, completely unrelated events whose connection makes me giggle.

Today we had one of these. Batman. Now, I know what you are thinking, Batman has got to come up quite often in your google reader.

And you are somewhat correct, but today's incident was a touch more significant that a random batman joke and some custom action figure. Today the subject of being Batman came up. And honestly both of them really came to the same conclusion.

First from Nerdcore.de, the long form, we see an article about what it would take to become Batman and whether or not it was actually possible.

Second from Surviving the World we get right to the real heart of the matter. It' takes a man with a lab coat and a chalk board to bring out the inner truth.

Thanks for reading,
-Pip

PS - Tomorrow's coincidence will be comparing labor strife in the NFL to Dr Who's fight against the Dalek's. (And no I don't really watch Dr Who but it seems everyone I follow does so I get the jokes, which is the only thing that matters to me.)

Wovel

2011-02-15T19:18:00.000-05:00

The Wovel:

Found via this blog's comments. The comments section can and should be the best part of any article/blog post. And sometimes, if you are on the right site, you get to see that in action.

My idea, after my experiences this winter, is to invent a modular snow shovel. One with a few different heads. A plastic head that light weight, a plastic head with the metal weather strip for the chunky stuff plows leave at the end of the driveway, a very wide plastic snow pusher, a metal head for ice storms, a squeegee and a brush for cleaning your car off. So I would sell you one handle with a bunch of heads. I'd make a killing! A KILLING!

Anyway, so the Wovel has inspired my bad idea for the day, the Modular Snow Displacement Kit.

Thanks for reading,
Your friendly neighborhood waited until it had not snowed for a week and we had a day upcoming with predictions for 60 degree weather before posting this blogger,
-Pip

PS- As always, anyone who wants to steal my idea will be charged a fee, anyone who wants to help me develop my idea will have a pain in the ass business partner.

Random Life Lesson - An Atomic Bomb is a Two-Stage Device

2011-02-12T14:51:00.000-05:00

Have you ever read Tom Clancy? You should, the guy is smart and can can tell a story. Plus he seems to be clairvoyant due to the logical way he completes thinks through a scenario. Despite his neo-fascist right wing politics I cannot stop reading and re-reading his books. He is just that good.

In The Sum of All Fears, he take a chapter to explain how a Nuclear Bomb goes off, and most of the book talks about the making of one. The chapter is less than half a page, and the bomb goes off wrong, resulting in a fizzle. An Atomic Bomb is a two-stage device. You need a perfectly executed implosion to trigger the nuclear chain reaction that gives you the mushroom cloud.

Life is like this. It's taken me 35+ years to figure this out and I am writing this to make sure I drill it into my own head. In life, mistakes happen. But in order for things to get completely and utterly screwed up, there needs to be that secondary chain reaction. If you can intervene and cut the situation off at a small mistake (no matter how big a mistake it may be or may seem to be) you can avoid the mushroom cloud.

This absolutely a variation of, or a different way to look st the Make a mountain out of mole hill colloquialism.

This realization came to me at work. My company takes customer service very very seriously. They have to, it's the only way around people's obsession with price. As a result of this commitment, we treat all problems, big or small, equally. We do everything we can to fix the issue, correct the mistake, or whatever it takes to satisfy the customer. We get the issue presented to us by the customer and it belongs to that person. It almost does not matter who made the original error, it matters that the issue is put to bed as efficiently as possible. Sometimes the buck needs to be passed, but only after all other options have been exhausted.

I say this because I have seen repeatedly, nearly 100% of the time, that the serious problems come in when the person who gets the original issue handed to them by the customer, screws up the solution. I have avoided the cynicism trap, despite my years in retail, and I understand that people are understanding. Listen to them, play fair with them, and they will be truly thankful of your efforts to fix a problem. Especially when that person already has a relationship with your business.

I have witnessed this phenomenon in life. I had an experience recently that helped me see that this is not a work-truth, but a universal-truth. That I need to identify problems quickly and deal with them quickly. I tend to get hung up on the problem itself and it's source, when the source is irrelevant. The solution is the only thing that anyone else will ever notice. It is truly ok to be a complete fuck-up as long as you handle it right, and handle it right away.

I apologize to all of you for any lack of bad ideas in this post. For any lack of humor, or irreverence. For having no links, no video, no puns, and no pictures. But as I said, I need to drill this lesson into my brain if I ever want to get my life in order.

Thank You for reading,
Your favorite soon-to-be-motivational-speaker-millionaire,
-Pip

PS- Yes, I absolutely had to ruin it with a joke in the signature. You know I can't keep a straight face for that long!

Keyboard stickers

2011-02-02T20:54:00.000-05:00

Check out these adorable alphabet keyboard stickers! (Hint the first one is Q for Quaker!)

Coda

Thanks for reading,
Your most favorite horrible blogger,
-Pip

Triscuits and a Dangerous Lesson

2011-01-24T21:20:00.000-05:00

The title of this blog is a warning label. A very serious warning label. I allow myself to think freely, peaceful in the knowledge that no one takes my madness seriously. I throw it out like garbage, because it amuses me, entertains me, and it devours me if left to rot in my brain. This situation, and my own concern for the well being of others makes me worry when people encourage me. The most dangerous form of encouragement is when people seem to follow the "leadership" of my ideas. For example:

Earlier today I was talking on twitter with a friend of mine about our mutual love of Triscuits. The friend commented about how an endorsement deal should be obtained for the sole purpose of getting free Triscuits. I then tell this friend that they should get a Triscuit Tattoo. No, not the logo, or the word, but an actual damn Triscuit.

Said friend seemed to like the idea. Whether or not I have talked someone into getting a Triscuit Tattoo is completely irrelevant. You see, a fire needs fuel, oxygen and a spark. My ideas are the spark, this blog is the oxygen, and dammit anyone even hinting that any of this is at all worth following through on is the fuel. Any encouragement is dangerous and I beg you not to feed my trollish behavior.

A wise man would start a journal and then have a journal bonfire party once a quarter or once a year. Where I read the journal and burn it page by page. That is actually a really good idea, but still yields a public airing of my mental dirty laundry. It would end up on YouTube and we'd be in the same boat we are right now.

See what I mean? My brain is a perpetual motion machine of Holy Shit. I fear the consequences of my actions, but I am tired of the rot. So out it goes, and if this man's trash happens to be someone else's treasure (or triscuit tattoo!) then that really is their problem.

You are responsible for your own actions. If you take me seriously then I am not responsible (unless it makes you money, then I'm taking my cut).

And god forbid the day comes when I actually develop a following and have minions. Oh my, that is a frightening day indeed.

Thanks for reading,
your friendly neighborhood lunatic,
Pip

PS- Tattoos are forever. Remember that kids.

PPS- I will admit that having Triscuit Tattoos become the new finger mustache tattoo would actually make incredibly happy.

Tab-aholic

2011-01-16T17:44:00.000-05:00

I have a problem. My name is Pip, and I am a Tab-aholic. Right now, between two different browsers in three separate windows I have eighty three tabs open. I am going to present to you every single link, but before I do let me explain. This is indefensible, inexcusable, and just plain lazy. Most of these tabs represent a video I need to watch, an article I need to read, research I need to finish before making a decision, or something I am thinking about writing about. I know I am not alone in this disease, and frankly I don't want to be cured. I want to get it under control. Regardless here they are, with mild editing. For example, I keep blogger in draft open, instead you'll get linked back to my blog.

open in Rockmelt:
Facebook (Not sending you to my FB page. If you need to know it, you know it.)

Subversive Cross-Stitch

My friend Chris' Klout page (He's an anime/mange reviewer)

My friend Tracy's 365 photo project. (Proof that you can be both a Steelers fan and a cool person. hehehehe )

Tumblr (You'll get sent to geek cubed, because my dashboard is open.)

Herochan's Deadpool tagged posts

Indie Web Camp's Plancast page. I am still trying to figure out both Indie Web Camp and Plancast.

Twitter

My Disqus dashboard (you get the profile)

C-3PO Suicides (I keep forgetting this tab is open! I need to check this out to decided if it's worth subscribing.)

Google Search for Type to Learn

Learn 2 Type

Learn 2 Type's typing test

Free Typing Game

Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing (Wikipedia page)

Mavis Beacon's website

Google search for Jumpstart Typing

Oversigning (about college football problem of school's signing more players than they have scholarships)

We Make Carpets latest post (unread)

Geekosystem

A graphic designer's page that explains Twitter to her Mom.

Daily Drop Cap

Geek Art Gallery

Qbar's Soup

Soup.io (Very similar to Tumblr. I have yet to fully explore it)

Fox in Sox read super fast - Laughing Squid

*whew* breathe

Ready for more?

tabs open in Chrome window #1

Google Reader (You get my shared page, though I don't share much....)

Worth 1000 Celeb time travel photoshop contest (these are always amazing)

Flash Game License's games of the year awards

One True Fan (turns your blog into a facebook-esque game looks interesting)

SuperPunch's post where I found out about One True Fan

Minddrive.org A cool project on many levels (btw also from superpunch. I'm not going through the list but a good portion of this section is from him)

Universal Hub's post about the Great Boston Molasses Flood of 1919. (No really, a 40 ft wall of molasses. 2 million gallons of it traveling at 35 mph. People died.)

Geekosystem's Top 10 non-super powered super heroes

Audio version 1 of someone comparing Buffy the vampire slayer to facebook marketing

2nd audio version of the same talk. Different file format, that's all. (These fall under LAZY)

A story about the new tv show The Cape

Trader Joe's exposed! (not really, but still kind of fun!)

More Trader Joe's Exposed! (if you only click 2 links, do these 2!)

A Wikipedia page about weird deleted Wikipedia pages. (Wikipedia is a weird cult, that's open sourced so you get to see it all.)

Bostonography (can you tell, I'm that guy that grew up in the suburbs that wishes he was a townie?)

The Red Seat (again, maybe I have another problem....)

Laughing Squid - Fuck You (Song) in Sign Language (Actually to be used in a blog, mostly written, maybe I'll finish it.)

Track This Now (No idea what this is, I have yet to touch it, but it looks interesting.....)

Cool EPIC web comic (And it's a chapter 1. wait a year for chapter 2!)

The artists' site from the web comic above.

My Gmail (no link)

The OEDILF forums (The Oxford English Dictionary in Limerick Form)

Superpunch's post about new rules for boring board games

Boring RPG

XKCDinosaur (For a future OMG there's a ton of XKCD spin-off sites post)

Quickish (Sports + Twitter to give breaking news Very interesting)

An SI article about the BCS

A site showing the top Marginal US Tax Brackets (pssst...high taxes = a good economy)

Scott Fujita rips the NFL about the labor situation.

Boston's new NAACP chairman talking about Boston's bad rep when it comes to race.

Best sports stats graphic ever

Intermission #2. Breathe

The 2nd batch of tabs open in Chrome:
Surviving the World an awesome webcomic about a guy and a chalkboard

Reddit post, a video from Neil deGrasse Tyson about intelligent design. You must watch.

more Reddit the gamers subReddit

An essay from Thomas Paine about Deism (psst...he wasn't Christian)

Discordian Quotes

Discordian Parables

Snow Pics subReddit (I have an amazing pic to post for valentine's day. I will share it with you guys then)

Metafilter (if you start your day at this site, you will end the day informed, entertained, and amazed.)

The Volokh Conspiracy. For very intelligent legal analysis.

The Smiths Project One woman covering every single Smiths song. Beautiful.

Indie Games Blog

a Metafilter post about banks. (Way above my head and have not read it yet)

Why Does Martha Stewart have a Skull in her Kitchen?

The Noun Project

Hall of Lores One man's journey into the dark whole of avatars.

That man also has his own Webcomic

Blogger in Draft (you get the link to my blog now.)

A list of awesome 80's ads. (#12 has Giles from Buffy in it!)

The Calendar my friend Jordan made that I never wrote about because I am a bad friend.

Play my 3 words game damnit!

Crazy Streetlamp guy!

We've already had our first Super Bowl ad controversy. (Cue my lack of pity, and cruel comment about a certain scandal)

Secret Service agents from JFK assassination finally speak.

Namecheck press release

School kids teaching adults about raising the politcal discourse

And that is it.

Now I ask you to take this and Meme it, if isn't already.

RockMelt

2011-01-06T21:16:00.000-05:00

I will admit it, I have a problem. I am a browser whore. And not just any browser, I must use the latest shiniest new toy at all times, and I must adopt a superior attitude whenever anyone mentions having a problem with an inferior piece of software. It started in 1998 when I discovered Opera. Opera was my first, and as such it holds a special place in my heart. Since then I have never had less than 3 browsers on my computer. Quick name me 3 borwsers! Most of you reading this can, but a quick count currently sees me with 6 browsers on my computer. IE, Safari, Opera, Firefox, Chrome, and Rockmelt. Listed in reverse order of preference at the moment.

Rockmelt is the latest "It" Browser. Attempting to integrate social media into the browser. It runs on Chrome's chasis but folds in extensions of it's own. The advantage to that is like buying an option from a car manufacturer and having them put it in while building you car, compared to buying something after market and doing it yourself. You can add a sunroof to nearly every car, with after market kits, but there are many good reasons why people don't do it.

Right now Rockmelt is still very very new, and as such is focused on the 2 big guns, Twitter and Facebook. In fact it uses your Facebook log-in to allow your settings to carry with you from computer to computer. The downside, is that plenty of people hate Facebook. I have little doubt that Rockmelt will change and you will be able to choose the service you want to log-in with (myspace, google, yahoo, bing, etc...)

Because of the permanent extensions it is a bit heavier than Chrome, but for someone that uses Twitter and Facebook as much as I do this integration is more than worth the trade. And the more I use it the more I realize that this format is an ever better fit for lighter users of facebook and twitter. People who check either/both occasionally will have it there as a convenience, while someone like me has facebook open, so a sidebar update can be redundant.

It is not yet my sole browser, as Chrome had been since it came out, and Firefox before it. Nor have I given up on Tweetdeck or Google Reader. Although I can potentially see all three things happening if Rockmelt updates and adds the right features. For people who are not as hooked on Google Reader as I am, the app sidebar is perfect. If you have 5 sites you reload daily, stick them on the side and watch how easy it makes it to keep track of them.

And for those who like Facebook, or are at least pleasantly ambivalent about it, the integration within the browser is amazing. Chat, updates, basically everything but games/apps are right there.

Sharing is the best part, and has the most room to grow. You can send link's via Twitter and Facebook DM. No email yet, but they will figure out that email is not dead.

Twitter integration is nice and honestly, all that's missing is Tweetdeck's ability to RT in the old style.

For the type of user I am, it is great. For the way I think most people use the internet, Rockmelt is a must have.

I have a few invites to hand out for those interested. This one is a keeper.

Thanks for reading,
your hopeless browser whore,
Pip

PS - coda for more information.

3 words

2011-01-05T19:32:00.000-05:00

Ok, so this 3 words thing is the new hot thing. I'll bite, because I got nothing else inspiring me today. I skipped 4square and formspring, but for some reason I like this one. It's weak, but we're going with it. And to make up for it, look for the return of Top Ten Friday Night later this week.

Hopefully you guys can be creative and give me some legit post worthy stuff. Make it believable!

Thanks for reading,
-Pip

PS - I'm not sure which result would be worse, tons of BS fake answers aimed to mock me, or getting no answers...

Donating Blood

2011-01-04T21:07:00.000-05:00

Today I started in on my blood donating for the year. I have been really bad recently and the last time I donated was August of '09. Donating blood is not the bad idea. The bad happened while trying to document the blood donating. No blood was spilled. But a nurse did have a near heart attack. I am very good at giving near heart attacks. If you know of a way to monetize this, please contact me. Anyway, I got my phone positioned to get a good shot of my arm.

Not bad. So I decided I needed a picture of the cool squeezy ball thing they gave me to hold in my the arm that the blood was coming from. Of course I needed the picture right then. So I did something bad, and slightly moved my arm. Cue Nurse having a very justifiable minor meltdown. Some slight re-taping and things were fine. Thank god I did not move my arm more than the 1/2" that I did. Eeek.

You can see why I was fascinated by it. It's a ball with a finger handle. Kind of like those old handle bouncy balls I had when I was kid.

So my like for the stupid thing is 100% understandable. And getting caught up in the picture taking moment was as well. Nearly stabbing a needle through the other side of my vein would not have been fun, the nurse assured me.

That picture of the cool squeezy ball with the finger handle was today's bad idea.

Thanks for reading,
Try not to cause yourself any bodily injury while trying to do something good,
Pip

OBI (Other's Bad Ideas) You Clicking this link

2011-01-03T19:10:00.000-05:00

I will try not to fall upon this gag too often, but today was a day of discoveries. Sad, scary, frightening discoveries. So click the following link at your own risk. It will be your bad idea.

DON'T DO IT!

I know you hovered, that's ok. It's not cheating in this case. The URL is part of today's discoveries for me, but it won't reveal anything about why you should not click the link. So hover again and look at that URL. Look at it. ANGELFIRE is still around! But look at how many people are willing to admit they like AngelFire on Facebook!

1,490 people. Are you kidding me? Wait it gets even better...

Developed using HTML5 and CSS3. The site is up to date. They are spending money on it, which means it's making money! I nearly added Lycos to my list from yesterday. But I had no joke to make about Lycos. Fortune smiled upon my renewed efforts at blogging because I got all the Lycos jokes I needed today.

The rest of today's discoveries can wait, because this was just too good to not run with today.

Thanks for reading,
Did you click?
-Pip

PS- If you are prone to seizures really don't click the link.