AN AUSSIE IN GERMANY

Did Darwin Kill God?

2009-11-26T12:38:00.000+01:00

From a recent ABC Australian television "Compass" documentary on Darwinism called "Did Darwin Kill God?"

The human body has around 20,000 genes.

Pinot Noir grapes have more genes and rice even more again. Both have about twice the number or more than we do.

Might they be sentient?

Next time you wash down that asian meal with a glass of the red think about how they must feel being consumed by a less complex creature.

Is there no justice or just no God?

Musing On The Absurd.

2009-11-18T10:30:00.004+01:00

If a Jewish man marries an Italian girl and they have children together, will their offspring be, "Kosha-nostra"?

Dancing With Vikings

2009-11-04T16:14:00.000+01:00

It was a fun trip to Flensburg but really,really tiring. Don't think I was really 100% up for it but I made it anyway. I walked an average of about 10-15 km each day around various areas. On the trip up my reserved seat on the ICE (freebie from Bettina's annual rail card points) I was on a table of 4 people . The other 3 people turned out to be from Toowoomba in South Queensland. A 4 Aussie table. Larf!! They were off to an agri-tech fare in Hannover. Nice guys. Bought me a coffee for helping them sort out their rail tickets with the conductor and what they needed to know.

When I got off the train in Flensburg I was talking to a young turk at the bus stop about best bus cards to buy when a young school girl came up to me and said," Your from Australia!" She was a year 12 exchange student from Auckland in New Zealand with 2 more months to go till her return to Sheepland. Anyway Chloe sorted me out with the right bus passes for 3 days and then rode with me quacking away all the way to my guest house at Seeewarte. I think the poor lassie was starved of english speaking people. Nice kid and a big help given how done in I was after the 6.5 hour trip up there. So a full day of new antipodean acquaintences.

The weather throughout my stay was mainly overcast and gray. Really consistent light rain for the last 2 days. Still I forced myself to walk through it all and covered lots of ground. I took a new pair of Blundies to break in as my old ones were letting in water after 5 years on the run here. Great boots. Never gave me an inch of trouble as always. The weather also really did not help a lot with my photos as I think my little Trip 35 struggles in the lower light a bit. I should have had the common sense to go up to a 400ASA film for the trip but I had gotten a good deal on Fuji 200 so I used that. The results were not too displeasing but the higher ASA would have given a bit more contrast in some of the shots.

Where I stayed was an old guest house called Seewarte. The guy who owns it Willie gave me a fantastic deal at 15 euros a night plus 6 euros more for a full breakfast each morning. It was a really quaint place with a lot of historical naval and shipping stuff around. The town is not so far from Rostock one of the largest U-Boat dockyards of the war years. So a lot of old navy relics on the walls. The place was warm, clean and friendly so I couldn't ask for more,

http://www.seewarte.info/gaeste_galerie.html

Willie's nephew Heinrich worked in Australia for a while. I found out he worked on the vineyards around Ballarat at Seppelts Wines and lived in town for 8 months. Larf larf larf again! He had designed and built up a really modern, ultra trendy cocktail bar under the guesthouse. Best in Flensburg he says. I would believe him. He mixed me a cocktail and threw in some beers as well. Win, win, win!!!

On the first night there it was very quiet given it was a Sunday. I found an old tudor / fachwerk pub in the city centre called Porticus 1740 where I managed to get in a couple of quiet beers. Ancient building with very, very low doorways. Ouch!!! They were holding their annual Skät card playing tournnament and although it was a closed function till 2030hrs they allowed me stay and watch and drink beer. Made for a very interesting Sunday night.

On one day I went out to see Schloss Glücksburg (Lucky Town Castle) which is a lovely water castle set on a lake. It was raining lightly and the inside of the castle was closed for the Winter but I walked the 5km right around the lake which was lovely. Wet but lovely.

http://www.schloss-gluecksburg.de/

Flensburg was the original trading port for rum,sugar, tobacco and spice woods from the Carribean. As a result they learnt to make their own rum and at one point had rum distilleries all over the town. Today there is only one left, Braaschs, which I visited for a small free tasting and bought some rum truffles which were to die for. It's the last dedicated full time rum distillery in Germany. http://www.braasch.sh/

They have two breweries in the town being Flensburger famous for their, "Plop", the sound there swing top bottle seals make when you open them. http://www.flens.de/ I visited the Plop Shop and scored some nice glasses for my collection. One was a free gift from the lady at reception. Cool. Hansens Brewery on the harbour is the northern most brewery in Germany and the meals they served were grotesquely large. My god I have never seen the likes. My roast pork had 9 slices about 1cm thick and about half a CD in size. A half litre of pickled red cabbage (rotkraüt) and a solid mountain of baked potato chips. I really could not eat more than a half before I started to feel like I was about to expire. A valiant effort even for a piggy like me. They make seriously good unfiltered beers which were extremely addictive. http://www.hansensbrauerei.de/.

The town is only 3km from the Danish border and as a result the last stop on the city bus line is just over the border in Denmark. I decided to ride to the end of the route and check it out. Typical border station. Three casino type places, a bunch of fast food take aways and a large bus parking area. Next town was 30km on and by bus in Danish krone far to expensive. For lunch I had a pair of fabulous danish hotdogs (bigger than a longboat) for 4 euros then got on the bus and went back to Flensburg. So yes, I've been to Denmark but only for a hotdog lunch. As you do.

The harbour is really quaint and has a wide variety of older sailing ship as well as steam boats which ply the fjord in the Summer months with tourists. I visited the Maritime Museum to get a feel for the historic background of the port. Their history going back to the Viking longboats and such is awesome. Really interesting. On the last evening in town I went to a small pub across the road from the guesthouse and ended up drinking beers with a guy called Rolf. We had a funny evening. Turns out later in the evening that he captains the big steamship from the main harbour around the fjord. The Alexandra. He said that if I do come back when they are operating I can visit the bridge and sit with him. I think that would be fantastic in an old steamer. Some times really nice things happen. Right place, right time. Arrrr Cap'n, Arrrrr Jim Lad !!

http://www.dampfer-alexandra.de/dampf-rund-um-2007/index.php

Long trip home and totally worn out but a nice experience to the land of the vikings.

Vikings - 3

Jimbo Shorthorn of the Long Glass -1

They took all my gold!

Un-Made In Germany (Part 2 T-Home Alone)

2009-09-03T11:54:00.023+02:00

(N.B. Some names have been changed to protect the guilty)

Germany has, since the end of World War 2, embraced democracy with a fervour that is nothing short of fanatical. To be seen to be doing anything other than giving every man, jack and his dog his full and legal voting rights, is a throw back to very much darker times when personal choice was simply not on the public agenda in any way, shape or form. Franklin D. Roosevelt said, ”Democracy cannot succeed unless those who express their choice are prepared to choose wisely. The real safeguard of democracy, therefore, is education.” Germany on the whole has a fantastically well educated society and in general they reap the rewards of many long and arduous years of higher and advanced education.

In my first few months of living here I was given the opportunity to vote in the local Hessen state elections. It is a given right here, that anyone whomsoever that wishes to run for a public office, shall be given the right to do so. The pre-voting sample form that was wedged in my letter box, some 3 weeks before the elections, was to be the beginning of a long and convoluted understanding into the ways of the German psyche.

Having only recently arrived in the country and not knowing any of the potential candidates was not my main concern. What beggared belief was simply the sheer number of candidates on the ballot paper for your consideration. “Political insanity”, springs to mind as one appropriate term. Aristotle once said, “Man by nature is a political animal.” This undoubtedly was a safari park, the fences were down and someone had forgotten to feed the lions.

*** Make your free and educated guess from any of the 481 nominated candidates ....... yeah right !!!!!

Inherent to this new world process of giving everyone their unhindered freedom of choice, there has also arisen a darker and more menacing side effect of the overall process. A debilitating cancer that is slowly eating its way into the every day lives of people all over Germany. This staggeringly detrimental effect is seen in the daily inability, in offices everywhere here, to take charge, make a hard and fast decision of your own volition and to hold firmly to it.

This truly spirited embracing of the democratic procedure, now means that nothing at all can move forward in the workplace here unless you have the unequivocal backing of 99.9999% of your departmental colleagues. Every single form and memo must be stamped, countersigned, duly notarised by one of the 12 Apostles and distributed by registered mail to every living person within a 5km radius. Finally, somewhere within the triple bound and stapled addendum is a blood weeping stigmata being ultimate proof of God’s own seal of approval.

I see endless meetings everyday in my workplace. Hundreds of hours per year are frittered away without anyone apparently making a hard and fast decision about anything much at all. I hear the same sorts of stories from all my friends wherever they work, no matter the type of industry or its size. In German office culture no one ever wants to be the one who says, ”Alright, that’s final then, make it happen people.” When it comes to decision making it is far preferable that someone, anyone but yourself, does it so that your head and career, are not at anytime in jeopardy or god forbid, under scrutiny, from higher powers. Hence the regular use of stigmata to condone a decision truly does assist.

I do not believe I have ever found a German translation for, “The buck stops here!”. I have very strong and depressing suspicions that if indeed it ever did exist then it has probably gone the same way as all those back copies of, “Mein Kampf.”

Where I am living, my house mates and I have always led a very simple, eco friendly and cost effective life style. We try very hard to waste nothing at all. We only use electricity for the essentials like refrigeration and washing and most evenings the only light in the house comes from a pair of candles in the kitchen. This is not only cost efficient but it eases the stress on your eyes after sitting in front of computer terminal all day at the office. We collect as much rain water as possible for the garden and other house hold tasks as well as making good use of all the fruits, nuts and vegetables that mature in the garden. Television is virtually never watched apart from a very occasional DVD.

With a recent change to our circumstances and after 8 long years of careful deliberation, truly the German way, we decided to get the Internet connected at home. Initial enquiries produced some favourable results and after several more months of household round table discussions, as well as searching for a locally available Apostle to sign off on the decision, we signed up with Telekoon and their T@Home-Alone package. It was at this point that our odyssey into that bizarre and frustrating realm of German indecisiveness and buck passing began.

The initial switch over form our ancient analogue lines to the digital network was implemented on the 27 June. This fundamental alteration which is achieved by the mere flick of a switch in the local exchange resulted in our house being without any telephone connection at all for several days. The roller coaster was gaining momentum.

We enjoy our peace and quiet at home and rarely do not get more than a handful of phone calls in a week. To this end we were not particularly perturbed and life continued without any major dramas. What lay ahead of us would prove to be one of the most uncoordinated, mismanaged customer service events I have ever witnessed. The idea of full and proper, “Customer Service”, does not seem to exist in Germany either. I know this issue is becoming a bug bear the world over but some places still do it worse than others. Maybe I was looking in all the wrong places and should have been looking under “T” for “The Buck Stops Here” or under “M” for “Mein Kampf” but either way this much flaunted selling point of our new service provider failed to materialise under any guise or in any form when dealing with T-Offline. Ineptitude is such a lovely word that nicely sums up the total lack of any qualities that might have rendered their services of any value or redeemed them as a service provider. Ineptitude, yes, I like the way it rolls off the tongue and slithers off your chin to the floor, where you can then grind at it at leisure beneath the heel of your jaded, world weary, boot heel.

After 3 days the phone was eventually restored to life. This was a miracle of precedented proportions given what was to come. After having spent more than a day with our newly restored phone line trying to get the computer to connect, we conceded defeat. The error message was always the same. User-name and Password not recognised. Consulting our endless booklets of brightly coloured documentation, provided by the company to terminally confuse and bewilder the average customer, we actually discovered a Customer Service number. It was a free call number.

How soon we were to learn that nothing is ever free and that this so called free number would consume, without pausing for a redial, massive quantities of personal time, whole days of annual leave and endless mental stress. It was somewhat like having a black hole attached to a spiral cord in your house. Place the receiver to your ear and your brain would get sucked into an awaiting vacuum which resounds to the tacky sounds of bygone pop or worse. This was day one of the great telephone marathon and on this day alone we called T@Home-Alone 4 times.

Each successive call would reach a different operator, most often in a different location around Germany. Each operator had to be fully enlightened as to the reason for the call before they would inevitably tell you that it was a matter for the Technical Department and that they would transfer you. Most times the call transfer failed and you would be cut off, only to end up back at square one, redialling, just to tell another agent the same story once again, so as they would have an opportunity to disconnect you yet again. Eventually, we managed to talk to a voice at the Technical Department who advised us that they would raise a Job Ticket to look into the issue and that someone would call us back when the issue was resolved.

Thirty hours later we were calling them again, we were told that no error could be detected and therefore the problem lay at our end with either our Fritz-box, computer or cabling. By day 5 with the assistance of a friend and her laptop we ascertained that the outbound line was indeed functioning as she could access her office and emails from our property. Armed with this information it was time to go back into the T@Home-Alone freecall black hole.

This time we got rather a nice young lady, who listened very carefully to our tale of woe for 15 minutes, before telling us that we really needed to discuss it with, you guessed it, the Technical Department, soon to be referred to as “The Death Star in the Vacuum”. She transferred the call and surprise, surprise, the line fell out. Determinedly, we called back and got another person to whom we again explained the situation and then they transferred us successfully. The Tech person we spoke to agreed that the fault must lie with the User-name and Password, just as our home computer system had so kindly advised the first time. They would now open a Job Ticket, look into that particular issue and then someone would call us back to advise the outcome.

Two days later we still had no reply so it was back into the black hole. After going through 3 different people we were told that this last Job Ticket was also now closed and that no problems had been detected. We asked them what they would then suggest, given that we had access from our house to the net but not through our own house account, which was blocked by the invalid User-name and Password. The solution offered was that we now required a visit, from one of their technical staff, to our house to fully review the computer setup before they could take any further action. Action being a word which was used a little to freely given the com plete lack of it. The earliest appointment available was 4 days away, unable to do otherwise we agreed to have someone at home to meet them between 9-12 in the morning. On the evening before the appointment we had a phone call from the assigned technician asking us, had we tried this, had we tried that. He obviously had no love of house calls, he was going to solve it right here and now. After an hour of discussion and explanations he said that he would investigate further at his end before coming to the house the next morning. If and only if, we should manage to get a connection before he came, then please let him know so that he could cancel the appointment. We said that we would do this and that was that.

The following day the technician never turned up and one of us had taken a day off work to be there for him. After 2 more calls and another hour on the phone in the middle of the afternoon, we were told that the appointment had been cancelled, as they never received any input from our end as to whether or not we had established a connection. As they had heard nothing they assumed that we were now alright. Not that anyone there checked to see if our account connection was up and running mind you. The word KILL was slowly beginning to surface in darker thoughts as the honey toned agent prattled on about excuses and unavoidable misunderstandings etc etc etc. It was Friday and the next available appointment was Wednesday of the following week, a mere 5 days further on.

At this point, sheer frustration was slowly beginning to boil into a cauldron of barely suppressed anger. This was becoming to much to bear and the sheer lack of professional and helpful support was nothing short of sickening. How any company, in any country, could employ so many people with absolutely no idea how to do their job efficiently, defies logic. I guess it comes down to a badly run HR department and poor or non existent job training. At this point we had been waiting for a solution for over 2 weeks. We were none the closer.

On the following Monday, we contacted them yet again having decided that waiting till Wednesday for a home visit was utter nonsense. All they had to do was accept the fact, that the connection at their end was flawed, to reset our account and issue us with a new User-name and Password. Having gone through the entire rigmarole of explanation yet again, one begins to wonder why, a high tech company with so many agents, handling so many customers, would not have a more effective system in place. A system, whereby simply keying in your home phone number would show them the entire case history of your account and any pending works or tickets that were currently being actioned. Oh no, this would be far to logical and simple. There was only one way to do this and that was the hard way, with not one person ever recording a single bit of information on file with the exception of opening useless Job Tickets. Tickets that obviously got closed out without anyone investigating them properly. We were told that there were no pending Job Tickets open for our account, nor was there any record of the previous tickets. We would need to speak with, “all together now”, The Technical Department. Please hold while I transfer you to 'The Death Star'. Bloody Hell!!!!! This time it seemed the Gods were smiling. We got a girl who actually seemed to know what she was doing. One of Darth's daughters no doubt. Hurrah!!! She said that she could see in a separate system that our account had no connection to the T@Offline DS-LAN server. User-name and Password were false. Ahhhh sweet progress. At last someone could see the glitch. She knew how to work around 'The Dark Side'. She opened a new Job Ticket and said that we would be contacted as soon as the ticket was resolved. This was at 9am. When it got to 5pm on the same day we called again to check on the progress and why we had not heard back. After doing the explanation routine all over again to Agent 100-XYZ-Noname-52 we were transferred again to 'The Death Star' where we were answered by one of the lower minions of evil who explained that they were permitted 24 hours to to clear a Job Ticket and that we would simply have to wait. Obviously 2 and half weeks was not sufficiently long enough. Time is not relative in a Death Star and if you are not from 'The Dark Side' then be prepared to wait !

The following day at midday, 27 hours after the ticket was raised we called again. Same explanation routine to Agent 100-XYZ-Noname-53 and off again to the Darth's kingdom. We had to stop meeting like this, people would begin to ask questions. GRRRRR!!! The wonderfully intelligent, bright spark we spoke to then said that they had checked all of the data and that nothing was wrong at their end and hence no one had called us. They had nothing to report so why bother calling! He had obviously suffered damage in a recent meteorite shower or radiation storm and was not feeling quite himself. We told him that the girl on the previous day, Darth's daughter none less, could see in her system that we had no connection to DS-LAN server, how could he not see the same? We asked if he would PLEASE be so kind as to reset the account and issue us with a new User-name and Password. Just send us out our new log-in details as this was obviously the source of the problem, pleeeease!! After 18 days of inaction, we had had enough of the run around and all we wanted was some positive action from their end. He then asked us why we were calling on the Customer Free-call number and not the pay by the minute Death Star hotline? My housemate told him that after almost 3 weeks of paying for a non existent service, that the last thing we were going to do, was to pay extra to contact them when the problem was of their own making. He hung up on us! Click!! Un-bloody-believable! The incompetent jackass hung UP!! He was obviously suffering from delusions of adequacy. What a waste of flesh. Darth was obviously paying bonuses for acts of extreme vindictivness. Whatever social and mental dilemmas he was currently facing were obviously sufficient to get him institutionalised. He had the attention span of a short circuit. Dogs would refuse to lie down with him. Where was my AK47 when I needed it most. In old age Mikhail Kalashnikov had said that he was truly sorry that he had not invented the lawnmower instead of the Kalashnikov automatic assault rifle but I guess he had also tried to get connected with T-Offline. History written as needs must.

+ =

Mikhail Kalashnikov Home Internet Lethal Weapon

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein.

I think in the case of this particular Death Star employee Einstein had it right. This agent was no doubt on a, "Death Star Evil Executive Fast Track Program". He was surely destined for great lows!

Calling back yet again, with near bleeding fingers and a thunderhead circling the room spitting lightening bolts, we were subjected to the same numbingly pointless explanations again before being given another audience with 'The Dark Side'. Customer service my ass! Customer aggravation, customer exasperation, customer harassment! The song they were playing on hold was, "Don't You Want Somebody To Help You." So utterly painfully absurd it was almost worth laughing. I have to say it brought tears to my eyes. Tears of frustration and anger. This time the minion of darkness we spoke to agreed to send out a Telekoon technician (a separate entity to T@Home-Alone technical support) to get an overview but we would have to wait 2 days as he was booked up until then. The appointment would be scheduled by the end of the week and Santa Claus is an anorexic and the Easter Bunny has chronic diabetes. I wonder how hard he laughed after the call ended. I was positive I heard a deeply resonating evil chuckle echoing through the cavernous darkness of the Death Star and out to the galaxies beyond as the call disconnected. The kind of laughter that haunts your dreams and costs vast amounts of money on a psychiatric couch to treat.

The evening prior to his appointment, a very nice man from Telekoon phoned the house. He was courteous and helpful and was obviously schooled in a completely different level of customer assistance. He was to be our Mr Skywalker. (FX- Fanfares and cheering!) He went through a long series of checks with us and called us back on that evening a total of 6 times as he went off to re-check on each of the various possibilities. The eventual upshot was that he properly ascertained that our log-in details were false and that we should call T@Home-Alone, get new log-in details and then he would call back in an hour and see if that worked. Once again we set off on the road to nowhere. Dialled T@Home-Alone. Why oh why hadn't we made an MP3 of the full explanation, so we could tell the answering agent, please listen to this recording whilst we go and make coffee or have our dinner. Explanations and family history given we were transferred to Death Star central. It then transpired that one of Darth's severly inbred offspring was chosen to inform us with great delight and no doubt, maniacal rubbing together of the hands, that this information, no matter the request from the Telekoon technician, could not be given out over the phone and that we must wait for it to be sent out by post. It would only take but a few short days to set up a new account and post the information out to us. Let's not forget now, time is only relevent outside the Death Star. This was day 23 of the debacle and now we had to wait for them to send a letter out. I wondered about interstellar postal services and whether we would live long enough to see it.

When Mr Skywalker called back we told him what had been said to us and he said he would call us right back. Fifteen minutes later he called and gave us a temporary user name and password which, wait for it, drum roll ...... actually worked. He obviously, had not forgotten where he had stashed his AK47, light sword or whatever. The Dominions of Evil had fallen to his persuasive threats. The log-in was only valid for 7 days but he said it would be enough time for our new details to come by post barring any nearby suns going nova. Gravity wells and time warp distortions could not be guaranteed against either.

We all stood around our home computer staring at the Google home page as if it were the second coming of Christ. It certainly was not of any less significance. This battle was over, the forces of good + Google had prevailed.

Twenty three days of endless, mind numbing idiocy to get a simple problem rectified. Countless hours on the telephone, days wasted waiting on non existent call backs and appointments. The true cost in personal time, anxiety and stress was enormous. The impression that will remain for a lifetime of T@Home-Alone services will never sweeten. It is soured milk that not even pigs would deign to slurp.

This was the proof positive of all that is so very wrong in German businesses where no one wants to make a decision or put their head on the line to make a hard and fast decision. Better to pass it on to someone else and perpetuate the democratic process of which they are all so fond and deeply inured.

It is the true tragedy that this melding of democracy with modern office thinking in that little if anything ever truly gets efficiently completed. We have no doubt that we were not alone in going through this bungling chaos. The narcissistic democratic processes which thrive like a cancer is painful to watch and infinitely harder to work with. They are like ships at sea, steered by helmsmen whose eyes lie fixed, all slow, dead ahead. In the modern business environment the need to adapt to change on a daily basis is paramount. To wait for the rest of your department, the cleaning lady and him on high to give the tabled decision the thumbs up is simply not an expedient or practical way to run a business. In all fairness I will say that in so much as Germany is slow to adopt change and new practises it did stand them in good stead in the recent financial crisis. Pension funds, property prices and inflation barely registered a blip here in comparison to the rest of the world. Maybe their cautious and pedantic approach to change lies within the knowledge that not all change is good and if it's not broken then don't try and fix it. One firm that does need to adopt a better attitude towards their customers is certainly T-Offline. Just fixing any single thing at all, in a timely manner would be a monumental leap, in the right direction.

We have now been billed to date for the full period, including 23 days of non-existant internet service, as well as, a sum for Mr Skywalker to rescue us from the grubby hands of Death Star minions. AK47 rental and light sword polishing were obviously included in the rate. A letter of complaint has been written to the Head Office and sent over a month ago. Unsurprisingly it has not been answered. In some ways this is maybe a god send, as no doubt, any reply would ask us to ring the Customer Free Call number, where our complaint could be effectively dealt with. I think that paying the bill is better than going down that road to nowhere once again. This then, is surely the evil plan that lurks behind their diabolical thinking.

Somehow this entire ongoing business attitude in my every day life is driving me quietly but inexorably insane with frustration. Hence I have written this little blog, in the remote hope that others who have suffered the same mindless torture might be in someway be stirred to action against these bungling, inadequate, brain dead Agents of Customer Disservice.

Maybe it will be me that will be finally Un-Made In Germany!

Made In Germany (Part 1 - T-Home Alone)

2009-08-08T20:43:00.011+02:00

When I was a youngster growing up in semi-rural Australia in the late 60’s I was privileged to enjoy a relatively serene country lifestyle, surrounded by forests, fields and meandering creeks. Nothing was overly complicated on our 5 acre lot, we grew potatoes in the Winter, hay in the Summer and our 2 resident cows, named Raspberry and Strawberry, both lived long, fat, indulgent lives as an integral part of our family. No one ever had the heart to send them to the local market and they eventually succumbed to the rigours of old age and a visit from the local vet.

Life was abundant in the simple pleasures a young lad can find in exploring his own backyard. From the prickle of sun dried hay stubble under bare feet as you played cricket on a badly mown cricket pitch in the middle of the paddock, to the knee deep mud that would suck the oversized gumboots from your feet when the rains came and nearby dams would burst their banks in torrents of muddy brown water. A local dam bursting was a heaven-sent opportunity to break out the toy boats, and for that matter anything else to hand that by ones own highly evolved reckoning, might float long enough to provide some entertainment.

Lying spread-eagle on your trusty air mattress and having cast yourself upon the raging waters you skimmed the surface of the world and would soon be none other than Thor Heyerdahl on his Kon-Tiki Ra with his trusty boatmen from Lake Titicaca on their epic journey to fame. Anything was possible.

Thor was a 55 year old master Nordic seaman and boat builder facing the perils of the wide open Atlantic with a seasoned crew and the eyes of the world upon him. I was a 9 year old, alone on an air mattress, cast adrift in a sea of liquefied cow dung, plunging helplessly towards a 2 metre deep flooded creek filled with blackberry and gorse bushes. Now I ask you, discerning reader, which of us was the bravest?

Sometimes the air mattress would run aground on the hummock of a rabbit warren and send you sprawling into the muck and mire. Blinded by mud and spitting gritty residue from your mouth you remained resolute. This however was par for the course for any truly well seasoned adventurer of the day. Undeterred, you found yourself running wildly along with flailing rubber legs (you should try running in gumboots in the mud) beside the turgid rapids, disengaging any other wayward craft from the taller tussocks of grass that remained above water level and frantically dodging the patches of Scottish thistles enroute. Only the looming barbed wire fence ahead formed any kind of serious barrier to the race challenge. This was the America’s Cup of childhood boating. Truly a bonafide country regatta powered by knobbly knees under baggy, hand-me-down shorts. My simple world continued to turn, undaunted by flood or drought. Words that haunt our everyday lives in modern times like Financial Crisis, Swine Flu and Climate Change would have made admirable names for these ships of the upper paddocks. In short, life was good and uncomplicated and all things in the universe had a place and a stability that I still fondly reminisce about to this day.

There was however, in this near perfect universe always one yard stick that you could measure your world and self esteem by. One thing that set you apart from all the others around you, something that said ,“Class“, something that said, „Style“ and something that said that you knew what quality and taste were all about. This small but simple item was nothing more than an embossing or a sticker that simply said, „ Made In Germany“. It said, in terms not to be argued with, that the item you held was of the highest quality, perfectly engineered and most importantly when keeping up with the Jones’s, expensive! „Made In China“ or „Made In Taiwan“ really just did not cut the mustard. Even „Made in Australia“ was completely lacklustre and more liable to draw snorts of contempt from your peers than the „Ooohs and Ahhhs“, that would ensue from something German designed and manufactured.

My mother was clearly a woman of discerning taste as she drove a 1957 VW Beetle. This miracle of modern German engineering even had real tubeless tyres and was capable of accelerating from zero to 30 mph in 7.5 seconds and completing the quarter-mile in 23.8 seconds at a mere 52.5 mph. The top speed? Just 68 mph. Bavarian Beetle BAVOOOM!!! Alright so it wasn’t exactly a Porsche, and with its recent modification of a light truck gearbox it would shudder away from standstill, like an unbalanced load in Mum’s old spin dryer, till it reached a cruising speed of 20 mph, when a smoother transition of power from its vastly superior 1200cc motor kicked in. As kids we adored the character of this car and all of its shortcomings. I still recall the car registration, GSS-162, good ol’ Go, Shudder, Stop-162!! A few years later on she purchased a TS1600 Type 3 fastback and this put Mum clearly and beyond all doubt in the same league as Michael Schumacher. She would forever after, in my eyes, be seen as a woman of impeccable style and unerring chic.

This was what German engineering and the true pursuit of perfectionism was all about, and to a very impressionable youngster it was the epitome of my dreams. Dashing and fashionable, it had the panache to hoist my self esteem to undreamed of stratospheric heights. It was after all German designed and built! My mother as a life long journalist would spend the entire of her reporting career relying on the quality of German designed biros. Laszlo Biro was a very clever Hungarian and was indisputably responsible for the invention of the ball point pen but it took the Germans to truly perfect the art. Staedtdler, Stabilio, Rotring, Shaeffer to name but a few. Adler pens and typewriters were also an industry standard reknown for their durabilty and style.

You can only hope to imagine the absolute sheer delight and sense of pride that engulfed me when on one memorable Christmas morning in 1969 when I opened a smallish present from my uncle to find inside a glistening chrome Hohner Marine Band Harmonica. Staring me in the face and looming larger than a Broadway headline banner were those goose bump words, „Made In Germany.“ If all my Christmases could have come at once then this was most assuredly it. I stood transfixed and speechless. Eyes bugged. Heart racing. Mesmerised.

I was not now just any 9 year old countryfied lad from down under, I was now a man of the world with real means, undeniable good taste and in no few years I would no doubt take over the world. The first few notes that I blew were to my ears nothing short of the sweet notes that had issued forth from the heraldic trumpet of Gabrielle. Pure resonance, perfect pitch and worthy of an appearance at any Royal Command Performance. With this superb piece of equipment in my quivering palm, honed from centuries of Germanic craftsmanship and knowhow I would assuredly be playing alongside Larry Adler and Max Geldray on the next series of the Goon Show. Unbounded enthusiasm effused my every thought. Little doubt my family failed on that gratifyingly exalted day to hear the true beauty of my celestial tooting, but I cared little, for I was alone in a world of dreams as I was eventually exiled to the garden to continue my solo performance. By punk standards I was a virtuoso. Consumed by dreams of irrefutable world dominance, my only audience was our dog at that time, a dachshund named Otto. Another inspired addition to our family who required no manufacturers label as his entire attitude was one of aloof superiority and finest Germanic breeding. He was named after Otto Klemperer, a very famous German-born Jewish conducter and composer. Given a pince-nez, baton and tuxedo he would certainly have looked the part. It may however have been a bad choice of names as our sometimes faithful hound promptly deserted me for the sanctuary of the shade provided by the garden shed, safely out of earshot, some 300 meters away. I suspect he was tone deaf and probably did not have a single shred of musical appreciation in his entire half meter. Better to stay cool in the shade and to listen to his rumbling digestive juices as his share of the Christmas turkey went slowly south. To this very day, I still wonder if Neil Armstrong was ever aware that his historical step, on that July day in 1969, onto the Sea of Tranquility would but a few short months later, be eclipsed by the ascension of a meteoric rising star from a sunburnt dusty paddock in southern Victoria. His Eagle had landed, mine had only just taken off, shrouded in a nimbus of the scent of freshly cut Summer grass, the cacophony of evening crickets and yes indeed the accompanying overture of my ongoing heavenly serenade.

If I had only known then, that by my middle years, I would be living and working in Germany and that all my illusions of this perfectionist society would lie shattered and crumpled at my feet like the hastily discarded festive wrapping from my beloved harmonica. Had I been clairvoyant I may not have been so assuredly smug on that portentous Christmas Day back in 1969 and maybe, just maybe, Mr Armstrong may never have felt his moment of fame being so clearly erroded by a back country upstart with a solitary dog for an audience.

Menus Served On My Latest Trip to Bayern

2008-11-27T12:48:00.003+01:00

Hotel Königshof – Munich

8th November 2008 – 1300hrs

Königshof Restaurant

This award-winning restaurant defines elegant dining. From the moment you enter the restaurant, you sense the unrestrained dedication to elevated service and gastronomy.
Chef de cuisine Martin Fauster begins each day by sourcing the finest, freshest local ingredients, then crafting his menu to reflect the flavours that best capture the moment.
His commitment and inventiveness has earned the Königshof Restaurant a Michelin Star and 18 points in Gault Millau.

Entrée
Jakobsmuscheln auf cremigen Blumenkohl
Grilled and marinated Scallops with creamed Cauliflower and Pine Nuts

Served with:
2006 – Rully Les Cailloux Domaine P.Y. Colin Morey – Chardonnay

These wines have the colour of pure white gold, seductive aromas of citrus fruits, almonds and broom and an elegant taste with hints of fruits and flowers. The parcel "Les Cailloux" is one of the best of the appellation.

Main
Medaillon vom Reh mit Zwetschgen – Gänseleberpovesen
Medallion of Venison with Plum-Goose Liver Povesen and Poppy Seed

Served with:
2004 – Chateau La Serre St.Emilion Grand Cru
This variety of Red Bordeaux Blend is a blend using any or all of the five traditional Bordeaux varieties: Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Cabernet Franc, Petit Verdot and Malbec.

Dessert
Knuspriger Kaffeepudding mit Quitten und schwarzen Nüssen
Crusty Chocolate-Coffee Pudding with black Chestnuts and Quince and Raisin Icecream

Served with:
2006 – „Opitz One“ Zweigelt Schilfwein- Beerenauslese Weingut W. Opitz – Neusiedlersee

This dessert wine made from indigenous Zweigelt grapes was awarded "Wine of the Month" for June. It is dried on straw mats exposed to prevailing winds, from vine yards that yield only 7 hectolitres of juice per hectare of vine yard. Willi likes to compare with Yquem's 28hl/ha or so. It has a gorgeous, pure, strawberry and rose-hip nose, with some plump sultana notes and a certain mineral quality that is quite schisty and earthy. On the palate it is smooth and silky-textured, with a broad palate of raspberry and blackberry fruit, very refined tannins and that schisty, mineral acidity always present and adding a savoury grip despite the sweetness from 200g of residual sugar. This flagship wine is the Zweigelt straw wine „Opitz One“, which was named with reference to the famous Californian wine Opus One; a special bottling of this is called “Mr. President” and is served at the White House..

Seehotel Überfahrt – Rottach–Egern - Bayern

8th November 2008 – 1930hrs

Restaurant „Egerner Bucht“

Mixed Entrees
Auswahl von Blatt und angemachten Salaten mit vershiedenen Dressings.
Selection of salad leaf and mixed salads with various dressings

Frische Fin de Claire mit Zitrone, Schalottenvinaigrette und Chesterbrot
Fresh shucked oysters with lemon, shalott vinaigrette and soda bread

Geräucherter Lachs, Frisch aufgeschnitten mit Dill – Senfsauce
Smoked salmon freshly carved with dill and mustard sauce

Bayrischer Hirschschinken mit Kürbischutney
Bayern smoked venison ham with pumpkin chutney

Bayrisher Aufschnitt mit Kartoffel – Gurkensalat
Bayern cold cut with potato and gherkin salad

Rucolasalat aus dem Parmesanlaib mit Pinienkernen
Rucola salad with parmesan shavings and pine nuts

Detrüffelte Kohlrabicremesuppe mit Thymiancroutons
Truffled crème of turnip soup with thyme croutons

Served with:
2007 Grauburgunder HEGER Oktav - Weingut Dr. Heger Kaiserstuhl
With this Grey Burgundy the grape is greyish but the flavours say “green” with kiwi, lime and honeydew melon notes accented by herbs.

Mains
Auf der hautgebratenes Steinbuttfilet auf Wurzelgemüse mit Stockfischravioli
Crisp skin Turbo fillet on root vegetables with dried cod ravioli

Medaillon vom Kalbsfilet auf Provenzialischen Gemüse mit Lorbeerkatoffeln
Medallions of veal fillet on provencal vegetables with bay leaf potatoes

Served with:
2005 Rosso Di Montalcino Lisini
Lisini’s 2005 Rosso di Montalcino is especially generous in this vintage. It reveals attractive notes of black cherries, wild herbs, menthol and smoke on a medium-bodied frame, with excellent length and lovely balance. It is a beautiful Rosso to drink now. The wine’s structured personality works best at the dinner table

Dessert

Karamellisierter Tonkabohneneisauflauf
Caramelised tonka bean ice cream cake

Alpenländische Käseauswahl mit Tessiner Feigensenf
Alpine cheese selection with Swiss fig mustard

Aperitif
Chateau du Breuil XO Calvados

Seehotel Überfahrt – Rottach–Egern - Bayern

9th November 2008 – 1930hrs

Gourmet Restaurant Überfahrt

The art of chef Christian Jürgens with 2 Stars Michelin

Apéritive:

Champagne Mailly Grand Cru mixed with a puree of Fragolino grapes and green apple.

Amuse Bouche - (Amusement for the mouth)

Served on a wire helix rack on 3 levels.

Cornet Filled with Creamy Mackerel Tartar
Potato waffle with interwoven sardine
Cracker topped with Antipasti

and

Brioche topped with smoked ham /prosciutto and celery foam. Perhaps the best celery aroma I have ever tasted.

Christian’s Fischsuppe mit Krebsen
Gelierte Fischsuppe mit Sauce Rouille and Basilikum Pesto
Jellied fish soup with scampi on rouille sauce and basil pesto.

Jakobsmuscheln & Blumenkohl
Jakobsmuscheln und Blumenkohl auf Kapern und Rosinen
Scallops with Cauliflower on a Caper and Raisin jus

Kartoffelkiste & Ei

Gefüllte Kartoffelkiste auf Trüffelmousseline mit Perigord Trüffel
Filled potato box on truffel mouseline and shaved perigord truffel over.

This is Christian Jürgen’s signature dish which is a which is a steamed potato box filled with egg yolk, fried for 9 seconds to crisp the outside and warm the egg yolk then set on a truffles mousseline. When one cuts opens the box the soft egg mixes gently with the mousseline creating a nothing but yummy taste in the mouth. Over the years Jürgens seems to have perfected this dish. It now has exactly the right proportion of every element. What a technical masterpiece!

Served with:
2006 - Vernacchia di San Gimignano Trabusti – Toskana Italy
A minor white-wine grape of ancient origin grown in the Tuscany region of Italy. Traditionally used to produce dry white wines that need to age at least a couple of years to mellow. Also used to create sweet golden white wines. The colour is pale straw yellow with hints of green. The Aroma is refined, intense and fruity. The taste is dry, pleasantly fresh but soft and balanced, with toasted almonds. This wine is well suited to seafood, especially shellfish, as well as light meat dishes.

Main:

Hirschkalb
Oberbayrischer Hirschkalbrücken mit Preiselbeer – Pfeffersauce
Deer calf fillet with a cranberry and pepper sauce

Served with:
2004 Vino Nobile di Montepulciano Salcheto, Toskana, Italiano
A selection of grapes from the older and best-exposed vine yards. It undergoes long maceration, pumping over at the beginning and then crushing and delestage - all at a controlled temperature. It is aged in Slavonian oak barrels and Allier barriques. Deep ruby color, with black reflections. Hits the nose with mineral aromas, followed by a defined scent of cherry and withered violet. Full-bodied with silky and firm tannins. Very elegant on the palate. Perfect with roast meats and meat sauces.

Dessert:

Zitrone
Amalfi Zitrone kandiert and gefüllt
Candied Amalfi lemon filled with vanilla ice cream and mousse and sprinkled with sea salt

Zitrone and a pre-dessert refesher of chilled pineapple soaked in campari

Pastisserie

A selection of cakes and tortes from the trolley followed by coffee and pralines

Served with:
2005 Saarburger Rausche Riesling Auslese Geltz – Zilliken, Mosel
A very pale, lemon yellow wine with a typical green tinge. The nose is fairly simple, with exuberant yet steely lime fruit, although perhaps there are some notes of petrol coming through. The palate is bitingly fresh, with sharp, piercing acidity. This supports a good layer of blossom and lime cordial fruit, with a very clean, sweet, viscous texture. A truly marvelous dessert wine form the heart of the Saar Ruhr / Mosel.

Aperitif

SLYRS Single Malt Whisky 2004 Schliersee, Bayern, Deutschland
Fermentation in new oak barrels made from American White Oak with 225 liters volume.
Slyrs Bavarian Malt Whisky is produced in what might pass for a picture-postcard Scottish landscape, by a mountain lake near Munich.

The man behind the project, Florian Stetter, whose family firm has made schnapps and liqueurs for generations, got the idea of producing his own whisky after visiting Glenfiddich distillery in 1994.

Restaurant Notes:

Christian Jürgens – background

"Der Feinschmecker" voted him 2nd in the competition "Highest Mover of the Year 1998" thanks to his special commitment and creativity. His next success came in November 1998 when he was awarded a Michelin Star, only one year after having opened the restaurant. From 1999 until 2001 Mr. Jürgens wrote a column for a well-known daily newspaper on his „little cookery school” that was very popular with its readers.

In the jubilee edition of the magazine “Der Feinschmecker”, the restaurant “Am Marstall”, of which Christian Jürgens was both Head Chef and Managing Director, was awarded the title Restaurant of the Year 2000. The Aral Schlemmer-Atlas wrote about him: “We experienced a master performance at the highest level, the best possible expert preparation and a grandiose interplay of finest aromas” and awarded him four cutleries. The "Varta-Gourmet-Führer" awarded him two chef’s hats and thus made him one of the best twenty restaurants in Germany. „Besser Essen und Reisen“ awarded him two Gallic cockerels and made him one of the best thirty in their guide. The Gault Millau awarded him 16 points.

Christian Jürgens took over the entire culinary responsibility as the Head Chef at Burg Wernberg on 1.5.2001. The 30-room Relaix-Château luxury castle hotel includes a regional restaurant, one of the most modern conference centres in Europe and the gourmet restaurant “Kastell”. After only a short while, the "Kastell" was awarded two Varta chef hats, four cutleries in the Aral-Schlemmer-Atlas, 3 "F" in the Feinschmeker, 16 points in the Gault Millau and one Michelin Star. In 2002 the Feinschmecker awarded the restaurant „Kastell“ 3 ½ „F“ and the Varta Guide awarded it 2 of its coveted hats. In October 2002 the Aral-Schlemmer-Atlas evaluated the restaurant „Kastell” with 4 spoons and “arrow pointing up” and made Christian Jürgens the "Highest Mover of the Year 2003" out of a total of 3000 tested restaurants.

The biggest honour of his career up to this point was bestowed upon him on 27th of November 2002, when he was awarded the second Michelin Star! He was thus deemed to be one of the 17 best cooks in Germany and one of the 50 most successful cooks in Europe.

The “icing on the cake” was bestowed by the magazine “Die Bunte”, by catapulting the restaurant from 64th position the previous year to 17th place in 2002. The magazine “Capital” drew a conclusion of all of the year's evaluations in all guides at the end of 2002. It came to the result that Christian Jürgens was the shooting star in the cooking scene and put him in 18th place in their list of Germany’s best cooks.

In the 2007 ranking by the magazine “Der Feinschmecker” Christian Jürgens came in 9th in the list of the 10 best cooks in Germany and 1st in the list of the best country hotels.

Reich Wing Nuts

2007-06-15T15:40:00.000+02:00

The chief executive of the Australian Nuclear Science and Technology Organisation (ANSTO) says nuclear power is a viable alternative to coal-fired power in Australia.

But in order for Australia to have a viable nuclear power industry, Ian Smith says four or five nuclear power plants would have to be built on the east coast.

"This would mean, power stations would go on the main grids and would supply electricity into those main grids. A normal fleet of four or five nuclear stations would produce something in the vicinity of 5,000 mega-watts of power," he said.

Q: How much power does a modern nuclear plant produce and how does that compare with typical coal, hydro power, wind power & solar power? Why do nuclear power, wind power & solar power all "cost" more (in cents per kWhr) than conventional fossil-fuel power?

A: How long is a piece of string? If you install enough wind or solar power stations you can easily compete with nuclear, but what you have is a difference of scale - wind and solar are generally smaller, but you can have more of them. Nuclear costs more because it is a very complicated and dangerous technology. Coal is also a dangerous technology, but it's not complicated. With nuclear, you've got all the mining and related hazards and then you've got the radioactivity that has to be contained - it's 2 to 3 times more expensive then coal. Nuclear will probably never really be cheap, simply because of the safety costs.

Nuclear power plants require vast amounts of water to keep them cool. Sea water is not viable due to its corrosive nature. Just where is all this fresh water supposed to be coming from in a country that barely has sufficient fresh water for its own population. Are we going to start building massive desalination plants next to these power stations and what will be the cost of those at the end of the day. The Howard goverment already says that desalination plants are to expensive to build for the amount of water they produce. Obviously to expensive for drinking water but not for producing nuclear power when you are sharing in the profits. Dubya and Dubious, what a team.

The thing that is deeply disturbing here is that now that I live in a country of approx. 86 million people which is serviced by eight nuclear power plants I have to wonder why Australia with only 20 million people requires 5 of them. Do our politicians really believe that all Australians are mug punters???

Germany is in the process of closing down their plants at vast cost. About the only thing most Germans are sure about right now is the dire need to abandon nuclear power, evidenced by the "Switch Off and Rethink" mantra stamped on billboards and in newspapers, buzzing from television sets, and crossing people's lips throughout the nation. And tough policies enacted by the red-green government have laid an incredible groundwork for that move -- not just for Europe's wealthiest nation to become nuclear-free in the next 15 years, but for renewable-energy suppliers to double their output to provide one-fifth of Germany's power within the same period.

By mid-century, the country expects to derive more than half of its power from renewables. Between now and 2020, when the last plant is scheduled to close, Germany's nuclear-power stations expect to produce about 6,000 additional tons of spent fuel. In the last five years, thanks to this singular piece of Green legislation, Germany has doubled its production of renewable fuels like wind, solar, geothermal, hydro, and biomass, which now comprise more than 10 percent of the total energy supply. Using essential free-market principles, the country has begun a radical re-mixing of its energy system which, if things go as planned or better, means Germany will be running on at least 65 percent renewables by mid-century.

Currently there are 435 atomic reactors generating electricity in 31 countries across the globe. They fill 6.5 percent of the world's total energy demand and use close to 70,000 tons of enriched uranium per year. Atomic plants produce one-sixth of the total electricity supply -- roughly on par with hydropower.

Just who stands to make all the money from the contruction and running of these new plants in Australia. Here in Germany the main supplier is Siemens, the Australian plants would be in the main be contructed by Westinghouse and Halliburton if Mr Howard had his way.

Westinghouse Electric Company provides fuel, services, technology, plant design, and equipment for the commercial nuclear electric power industry. Siemens owns Westinghouse. Rumsfeld is an ex Board of Directors and a major shareholder. Rumsfeld is, after all, the same man who was photographed shaking hands with Saddam Hussein back in the 80’s when America was selling him arms. If the reports are true, these may have included biological agents such as the germs for anthrax and botulism — from what I’ve read, the UN reports following the first Gulf War indicated that the biological strains which Hussein had in his possession were identical to those produced in the US.

So let’s make certain we have this right…the United States sells arms to other countries when it’s expedient for them to do so, and then turns around and criticizes those same countries for actually keeping them. Anyone else see something pathological about this?

Halliburton’s business dealings in Iran helped fund terrorist activities there—including the country’s nuclear enrichment program. It was Dick Cheney who directed Halliburton toward aggressive business dealings with Iran—in violation of U.S. law—in the mid-1990s, which continued through 2005 and is the reason Iran has the capability to enrich weapons-grade uranium.

So if Australia was to go ahead and have these 5 new nuclear stations built we would be looking at nothing more than lining the pockets of people like Bush,Cheney and Rumsfeld who profit so greatly from selling nuclear technology whilst putting Australia's eco system at potentially huge risk whilst at the same time adorning the east coast of Australia with five potential terrorist targets. No doubt there are some very lucrative offers for a place on the Board of Directors for Mr Howard should it all go ahead. Considering the state of superannuation in Australia now I guess he may well need a payment equivalent to that of which Rumsfeld was payed for sitting on the Westinghouse board of USD$190,000 a year. Nice work if you can get it.

I feel that Australia needs to have a full referendum on the signing of any agreements for the contruction of nuclear plants on Australian soil. This needs to take place after a lengthy environmental impact study which hopefully will last long enough to see that Howard, Bush, Rumsfeld and Cheney do not stand to make a cent from their implementation. Any agreements signed by Howard prior to the end of his term as Prime Minister need to be declared null and void until Australians as a whole vote on the issue. Australia has sufficient renewable resources in solar, hydro and wind to far outway any supposed benefits that nuclear power plants would bring us. Howard can no longer stand there and say that he is doing his bit to meet emission standards by trying to get these plants approved as his stance on the Kyoto Treaty shows it to be a bald face lie.

Keep Australia free of nuclear power plants and we will not face the dilemma that Germany is now facing as it tries to scale down and close its existing nuclear plants and dispose of thousands of tons of toxic waste. Don't be a mug punter be a stand up Aussie and nip this farce in the bud before we all end up paying for it and our children's children as well.

Slide Into Summer

2007-06-15T13:41:00.000+02:00

After some time away from my Blog I have finally found some time to add a little more. The last couple of months have been given over to friends on tour from Australia, a trip to France and various other events such as the local four day rock festival. After going through the hottest April in history for Germany, our late Spring has turned into a semi monsoonal season with torrential rains and massive electrical thunderstorms brewing regularly.

Had a great weekend down in the Alsace in Colmar and Eguisheim. Everything was excellent albeit for the sore hips from sleeping 2 nights on the ground with only a sleeping bag for padding. Mate, I'm getting old!!!! Next year it will be an air mattress for Jimbo or it will be a hotel. The festival was great this year and the cheeses and wines as usual, simply magic. The weather was also brilliant with 27-28 deg each day. Warm nights too for sitting under the stars and drinking a red. New pics are up on Flickr. Got to mumph some seriously good ham and veal pie as well as the mandatory quiche and pure pork salami for which the region is famous. The Biofestival food is always good and I really pigged out there as well. Also had the best rotisserie chicken I have ever tasted.

Spent a lot of time sampling and purchasing bio Alsace whites and some lovely reds from France and Italy. The main food hall was a massive affair with a local orchestra and world music bands providing entertainment. They always put on a playground area for the kids as well adults and this year they has an incredible selection of bizarre bicycles in all shapes and forms. Fantastic.

Stopped off on the way back at Strasbourg to view the Notre Dame cathedral ( a true gothic classic) and for contrast we also stopped in Speyer to see the dom (roman era contruction) and the old town. Amazing stuff. God how I love this place. It is always doing my head in from every angle with sights that fill me with wonder.

Two old mates Bruce and Paula dropped in on their way through Europe for a few nights and we spent some lovely hours visting the local sights which included castles and medieval villages.

A couple of very late evenings ensued whilst sampling wines from across Europe and munching an array of cuisine that was in the main German but also included some french cheeses. It was amazingly good to see them both after more than 25 years and it served as a stark reminder of how easy it is to fall out of touch with people and what a loss that can ultimately be. I hope will see each other again before to much time sweeps past again.

Darmstadt annually hosts the Schlossgrabenfest which is a four day concert in the city centre. They put on over 80 bands, on 4 stages and the entry is completely free. The music ranges from rock and pop, to soul, hip hop, alternative, reggae, tribute bands and blues right through to jazz. Several of the acts were very good and some were just downright terrible. However, it was a mix for all tastes and all types. The weather true to form cracked up completely on Saturday night. It is the third year in a row that the festival has been totally awash. I do wish they would try a later date further into Summer. Some of the bands that played were Sweetheart a 70’s Galm tribute band doing T-Rex, Alice Cooper etc. Very entertaining indeed. Hole Full Of Love an AC/DC tribute band was excellent. Really tight covers and the guy palying Angus had all the moves. It really went right off. Sushiduke and Die Happy were also very good. It was the first year that they had introduced any form of security to stop people bringing in their own alcohol supplies. This was a shame as the beer was terrible and served in plastic cups which you had to purchase for one euro. I hope next year they have the common sense to review this as a lot of people complained about the lack of choice in beers and the cheap, tacky cups. Despite all a good was had by all. What's not to like about four day freebies :)

Next month the next wave of Aussie visitors sweeps in from southern Queensland. I am fully expecting yet another bomb crater to appear in the wine rack but as they say,” War is hell, Grace!” My partners sister has her 50th birthday shortly so we are gearing up there for a bit of a bash as well. I will head back to Berlin at the end of the month to stay a couple of nights in The Kempinski Bristol and to see some mates who will marry next week before heading off to live in Hong Kong, where one of them has a contract with the World Wildlife Fund. I have already nick named them ,” Panda Patrol”. Life here is always busy and I am forever finding less and less time available than I require to do all the things that I want to. The need for greed. Summer in Europe …… Bring It On !!!

Into The Spring

2007-03-15T16:54:00.000+01:00

It has been an interesting time of late with many different things happening. We have seen a very mild Winter and the last couple of weeks have given us a truly wonderful taste of an early Spring. Temperatures have risen to 19 deg C and even today the sun ws so warm at my office that it begged a little lunch time snooze on the outdoor bench, eyes closed and dreaming of Queensland days. I have met quite a few new people in recent weeks through my local English Club in Darmstadt. Several of them are very interesting with one working for Lufthansa Catering Division and another being a wine maker from Oppenheim.

My friend Laura who has sat beside me for the last 2 years at work has just finished competing in the German version of Popstar. She managed to reach the Top 10. Totally awesome!

She did very well indeed given that the starting field was almost 30,000 competitors. Unfortunately the chief moderator for the show was not on her side even though the rest of the judging panel gave her very good reviews. There is no cure biased judges. Truly a shame as she deserved a far better rap than the one Dieter Bohlen gave her. Hopefully the television exposure will give her the boost she needs to find a career somewhere in the music industry. Her rise through the various competition stages resulted in, amongst other things, in me venturing out to a variety of local hotels around Darmstadt to watch her on Saturday nights as she did her thing in Cologne.

It seems to be the year for visitors from Australia. I am expecting 3 in the next 6 weeks and 2 later in the year around September. Fantastic as I have only had 2 lots of visitors from Down Under in the last 6 years. I guess my wine cellar will take a bit of a pounding but this is only to be expected. I had always thought I would see many more visitors living here but the cost of the flights from Australia is truly prohibitive for most people.

I have been very busy getting my pictures from Greece and Barcelona digitised and loaded onto Flickr for friends to see. It has taken many weeks to get it all there but I have the bulk of them up now. Here are some samples.

Trips this year should include another run to Berlin and hopefully a return to Prague and possibly onward to Budapest and back through Vienna. A good opportunity exists to head to Italy to stay with a friend but that needs more planning at this point. I have recently won a couple of night in Hotel Du Palais ,Biaritz which was originally Napoleon’s Summer home. That should be really interesting providing the ceilings are higher than 5 feet. Napoleon never liked any thing to be a great deal larger than himself.

So here comes the Summer weather, the bar-b-ques and more of those wonderful German white wines. Hooray!

Into The Spring

2007-03-15T16:40:00.002+01:00

It has been an interesting time of late with many different things happening. We have seen a very mild Winter and the last couple of weeks have given us a truly wonderful taste of an early Spring. Temperatures have risen to 19 deg C and even today the sun ws so warm at my office that it begged a little lunch time snooze on the outdoor bench, eyes closed and dreaming of Queensland days. I have met quite a few new people in recent weeks through my local English Club in Darmstadt. Several of them are very interesting with one working for Lufthansa Catering Division and another being a wine maker from Oppenheim.

My friend Laura who has sat beside me for the last 2 years at work has just finished competing in the German version of Popstar. She managed to reach the Top 10. Totally awesome!

She did very well indeed given that the starting field was almost 30,000 competitors. Unfortunately the chief moderator for the show was not on her side even though the rest of the judging panel gave her very good reviews. There is no cure for biased judges. Truly a shame as she deserved a far better rap than the one Dieter Bohlen gave her. Hopefully the television exposure will give her the boost she needs to find a career somewhere in the music industry. Her rise through the various competition stages resulted in, amongst other things, in me venturing out to a variety of local hotels around Darmstadt to watch her on Saturday nights as she did her thing in Cologne.

It seems to be the year for visitors from Australia. I am expecting 3 in the next 6 weeks and 2 later in the year around September. Fantastic as I have only had 2 lots of visitors from Down Under in the last 6 years. I guess my wine cellar will take a bit of a pounding but this is only to be expected. I had always thought I would see many more visitors living here but the cost of the flights from Australia is truly prohibitive for most people.

I have been very busy getting my pictures from Greece and Barcelona digitised and loaded onto Flickr for friends to see. It has taken many weeks to get it all there but I have the bulk of them up now. Here are some samples.

Trips this year should include another run to Berlin and hopefully a return to Prague and possibly onward to Budapest and back through Vienna. A good opportunity exists to head to Italy to stay with a friend but that needs more planning at this point. I have recently won a couple of night in Hotel Du Palais ,Biaritz which was originally Napoleon’s Summer home. That should be really interesting providing the ceilings are higher than 5 feet. Napoleon never liked any thing to be a great deal larger than himself.

So here comes the Summer weather, the bar-b-ques and more of those wonderful German white wines. Hooray!

Quirky Bits And Bobs

2007-02-19T16:45:00.000+01:00

In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."

As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October)! Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term "big wig." Today we often use the term "here comes the Big Wig" because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.

In the late 1700s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the "chair man." Today in business, we use the expression or title "Chairman" or "Chairman of the Board."

Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile" In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . therefore, the expression "losing face."

Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in "straight laced". . . wore a tightly tied lace.

Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "Ace of Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."

Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV's or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars.They were told to "go sip some ale" and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. "You go sip here" and "You go sip there." The two words "go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term "gossip."

At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts," hence the term "minding your "P's and Q's."

One more: bet you didn't know this! In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem...how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey"with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys." Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey." (All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you.)

Latin, Lillys And Lions

2007-02-16T16:10:00.000+01:00

Don’t forget the English language: 65 percent of all words have a Latin origin.

The power and beauty of Latin is best caught in the story of an English botanist in Rome a few Springs ago. On a tour of the Colosseum, the botanist saw a flower he’d never seen in Rome before.

Puzzled, the botanist started to look closely at the other flowers growing out of the flagstones of the old arena (from “harena” – “sand”, i.e. the sand sprinkled in front of the auditorium – “ a place of audience”) and the cracks in the stone seats of the terraces.

The flowers weren’t native to Rome, nor even to Italy. The bemused botanist left the Colosseum to go and look at the patches of grass nearby, under the Arch of Titus, over the Capitoline Hill and in the stadium (a running track). He couldn’t find a trace of these exotic flowers outside the arena at all.

When he took the flowers back to his Cambridge laboratory, he found that they had come from precise, verifiable places: Libya and Tunisia mostly. The only feasible explanation he could come up with was that the flowers had grown from seeds that had lodged in the coats of lions brought from Africa to eat prisoners in the Colosseum 2000 years ago. The seeds must have fallen off as the lions got stuck into some serious fighting with their Christian victims.

I Can Hear A Ring Tail Possum

2007-02-16T12:59:00.000+01:00

Well here is my first blog for 2007 and a bit of a mixed bag at that. It has been an extremely busy period. Doing the Christmas bit with a visit to Gries in Saarland. Seeing in the New Year with the ubiquitous champagne and fireworks. Then the dismal flood of work that hits every year in my business throughout January and February as people book their skiing holidays and try to escape the northern Winter by journeying to sunnier climes. Not enough time in a day to Blog that is for sure. So better late than never with a resolve to be more regular in my postings. Bit of a quiet spell today and so here it is.

I was sent a fabulous article the other day which relates to the way in which Australians adopted Aboriginal words for many of the places they named. I have heard a few before but this example was an exceptional unearthing of the early settlers choices.

Would you pay 83 million dollars to live in Weed Lagoon? How about 8.7 million for a block of land in Damn Bandicoot? Or half a million in Woman’s Breast?

No? Well it may be too late! Aboriginal names for popular Melbourne suburbs give fresh insight into land we are all paying big bucks for.

Don’t fancy Weed Lagoon? Well how about its translation Turrack. Yes, Toorak – weed in lagoon or swamp with rushes.

Damn Bandicoot is now Warrandyte and Woman’s Breasts brings new meaning to a weekend escape to Nagambie.

Paul Paton, program manager at the Victorian Aboriginal Corporation for Languages, said most of Melbourne’s place names came from settlers simply plucking unrelated names out of the Kulin language.

This may explain Moorabin, aka Mother’s Milk, and Dandenong, once known as Frostbitten Foot. Maribyrnong residents have the long address of,” I can hear a ringtail possum”.

There are moves a foot to try and get Melbourne’s Aboriginal languages introduced into the education system.
“Excerpts taken from an article by Georgie Pilcher of the Melbourne Age”

Doin' The Van Gogh Go Go

2006-12-05T13:12:00.000+01:00

The Monday before last my partner and I packed up our bits and headed off to Amsterdam for a three night stay. We scored some Autumn Special train tickets through Deutsches Bahn and got seats on the ICE for 39 euros each per way Frankfurt to Amsterdam. Absolute bargain. The train took the new high speed line up to Cologne and we occasionally hit speeds of 300kph. Strange to sit there looking at the cars on the autobahn and knowing that most are doing 160 kph+ and you sail past them as if they are parked. The highest straight line speed recorded during an F1 Grand Prix was in the 1998 season and was set by David Coulthard, at 356.5 kph. Not far behind him on this train. Whooooeeeee !!! It took 4 hours to get to Amsterdam and we arrived about 7pm in the evening. The weather was very mild and being on the coast had that wonderful sea air smell that I so rarely get anymore living in central Europe.

The city itself is entirely bereft of hills of any sort and this makes walking and cycling a true delight. Amsterdam is cycle city and they rule the roost when it comes to the bike paths and roads. For the unwary it is diabolical. I encountered my first wave of kamikaze cyclists within seconds of leaving the train station. You dodge one way only to find yourself under attack from the opposite direction as well. If you get in the way you can reckon on being ridden into the pavement without ceromony. By the end of my three days I had not only a very healthy respect for them but something that bordererd on a nervous disorder. You don't hear them coming at all, they are liked winged angels of death swooping at you from all directions at once, like harbringers of doom. I think my neck did so much swivelling from side to side that I was in danger of getting accute muscle strain. A really tough call, bad neck for a month or tyre tracks up your back.

We walked from the train station through the city centre to our hotel which was located just off the Amstel River to the south of the city centre. Luckytravellers Fantasia Hotel is as the name suggests a little on the alternative side. It was booked on a very good rate and although it was quite simple in its ammenities it was also somewhat unique in its decor. The main theme surrounding the hotel is, just as you would expect, cows! Black and white, brown, dairy, jersey you name it all were represented. Every where you looked and particularly in our room there was a cow looking at you. On the curtains small ceramic lady birds and rabbits about 1 cm large were pinned to the curtains. Most peculiar. Downstairs the owners son had converted the lounge room in his small flat into a bar where he played film clips from the internet and various music tracks. He sold cans of beer at a very good price and I found myself there after returning to the hotel late in the evening for a night cap. Rather eccentric type of guy who provided some very amusing moments. I recommend the hotel for anyone who sports a decent sense of fun. Its location is very central and at under 60 euros per night with breakfast included is great value.

We spent the first full day walking around and taking in the sights as well as visiting several museums. The first in line was the Rijks Museum which houses the largest collection of works by Rembrandt in the world.

Being the 400th anniversary of his birth we were expecting to find a quite exceptional exhibition. The museum is currently undergoing major renovations and from what I could see at least 50 percent of the building was under construction. They were offering hard hat tours but given that we had not come to watch electricians and plumbers at work we declined the offer. The paintings and drawings on display were great and there was a considerable number of works attributed to his students as well. We had originally planned to spend at least four to five hours there but found that we had seen all that was available in less than two hours. They permitted the taking of non-flash photographs so I did click a couple on the way through. The other strange thing was a total lack of barriers between the public and the art works. Happily I did not see anyone being tempted to put their greasy fingers on them.

Next stop was just up the road at the Van Gogh Museum. This was very good as well and there were 3 floors of his works through various periods. There was a very good section on the the current scientific methods of taking tiny paint samples and seeing how he mixed his palette and layered the paints to achieve the various hues. All pretty amazing really. I was about to take a picture there as well when I was grabbed by a very large black security man yelling frantically, “ No pictures allowed!”. He really was completely out of order and the aggressive nature he displayed put a real damper on the whole visit there. I suggested to him that he really needed to chill out a bit and that if he and his colleagues would care to take some time and put some signs up in the entry area saying “No Photographs Allowed” then this would be a far better solution than dancing around, waving arms, getting upset and yelling at people. He stalked me around the museum for the remaining hour I was there. Just me and my shadow…….. Sheeeesh ! I continued to hold my camera by the lense and occasionally took a sharp turn around a corner and out of sight. I could hear the fast footsteps approaching behind me and a couple of times I doubled back and he damn near collided with me. Ha ha ha ha. I just kept looking at him as if he was some kind of psychopath. I think he was a bit unnerved but he was utterly convinced that as soon as I was out of view I would start taking pictures again. As we were heading for the exit I noticed a couple of bits paper drifting around on the floor and noticing a hologram on one I bent down and picked them up. They turned out to be 24 hr Amsterdam wide public transport tickets valued at about 7 euros each and only 45 minutes old. Wahoo what a find ! There were dozens of people around and I was not about to start asking each and everyone if they had lost their transport cards.

We departed the museum by, you guessed it, tram :) and went back up through the city to visit Anne Frank’s House. This museum of the house where Anne Frank and her family hid through the German occupation is very well done. There are a lot of interactive screens, movies and displays of both historical photos and her diaries. The story that lies behing it all is somewhat lengthy. Born on June 12, 1929, Anne Frank was a German-Jewish teenager who was forced to go into hiding during the Holocaust. She and her family, along with four others, spent 25 months during World War II in an annex of rooms above her father’s office in Amsterdam. After being betrayed to the Nazis, Anne, her family, and the others living with them were arrested and deported to Nazi concentration camps. The Franks were transported to the Auschwitz concentration camp, where Anne's mother died. Anne and her sister were transferred from the Dutch concentration camp, Westerbork, and then to Bergen-Belsen where they both died of typhus some 9 months after being arrested. The father survived and was instrumental in seeing thatb the world got to know of his daughters diaries. She had an amazingly mature and virtually copperplate hand that flowed so eloquently which for a teenager was quite unusual. I guess it says a lots for schooling techniques in the current day. All in all a very moving exhibition but I guess the museum and her diaries live on which leaves the world a very sizeable legacy for contemplation of a humanitarian nature.

Later that evening I set forth alone to look around the city at night and to visit some of of its more unique attractions. In 1976, the Netherlands decriminalised possession of soft drugs such as cannabis. To cater for demand, outlets quickly cropped up in and around the country, specifically in the capital, Amsterdam. These establishments are known as 'coffee shops', but most patrons don't hang out there for a caffeine fix. It's dope that floats their boat. A lot of cafes have signs in their windows saying," NO Drugs Here!". They are after all cafes and not coffee shops. Technically, the sale of cannabis remains an offence in Holland, and dealing in the streets remains illegal. Even so, possession of less than 30 grams for personal use carries only a minor punishment, and coffee shops are restricted to flogging no more than five grams per person. The only catch is you have to be 18 or over. Smoking in public is tolerated but many tokers report that such a laid back attitude takes some getting used to. As a result, they prefer to remain free from all risk of coming into conflict with the law by only smoking in the coffee shops. As expected the menus were full of space cakes and hash browns and definitely not the type associated with American breakfasts either. Business men were dropping in on their way home from work and buying their evening supplies much the same as I would a bottle of wine. I had several coffees and was highly amused by the thought that every single person that was sitting around me was totally off the planet. A most unusual situation and a very interesting look at an alternative cultural experience.

On the following day we went through the old diamond cutters quarter and looked at the housing and factories area that housed the workers when Amsterdam was the world centre for diamond cutting.

Even today no one disputes that the Dutch are the most skilled diamond cutters in the world. These days other major centres include New York, Antwerp, London, Tel Aviv and Surat. We visited Coster Diamonds at Paulus Potterstraat near the Rijks Museum. They had examples of the worlds smallest diamond as well as models of the Cullinan diamond as it was found and replicas of the many stones that it was turned into. The Cullinan Diamond, found by Frederick Wells, surface manager of the Premier Diamond Mining Company in Cullinan, Gauteng, South Africa on June 25 1905, is the largest rough gem-quality diamond ever found, weighing in at 3,106.75 carats (621.35 g). The largest polished gem from the stone is named Cullinan I or the Great Star of Africa and at 530.2 carats (106.04 g) was the largest polished diamond in the world until the 1985 discovery of the Golden Jubilee diamond (545.67 cts), also from the Premier Mine. Cullinan I is now mounted in the head of the Sceptre with the Cross.The second largest gem from the Cullinan stone, Cullinan II or the Lesser Star of Africa, at 317.4 carats (63.48 g), is the third largest polished diamond in the world and is also part of the British crown jewels, as it forms a part of the Imperial State Crown. Both gems are on display at the Tower of London, as parts of the Crown Jewels of the United Kingdom. Some rocks hey. We watched the craftsmen polishing smaller stones and toured the sales area. They had a very nice little Argyle champagne pink from Australia on special for 16,500 euros but it was so small I figured it would just get lost down the back of the couch at some point along with the TV remote and besides, I had left my Amex Centurion card back at the hotel and did not have sufficient loose change about me to purchase one for my partner :)

We slowly wombled up town where we found the Sex Museum, reputedly the largest in the world. As one would expect it pertains to all things pornographic. It was however quite interesting and a great deal more tatstefully done than I had imagined it would be. The basis of it centred mainly on historical photographic images from the 1800’s along with etchings, sailors scrimshaw and carved ivory items such as the handles on gentlemans walking sticks dating back to the turn of the 1900’s that depict erotic figures. The very early black and white / sepia toned images were well preserved and the clothing of the period added a somewhat bizarre air to them. Visions of my great great grandfather and grandmother just somehow didn’t tweak. The section on modern day images and items was quite small and placed in a back room bearing warnings that no complaints would be accepted. All in all it was very well put together and not over priced at 3 euros a head. Was that a bad turn of phrase?

That day was also the day that the England vs Holland soccer match was being played. As a result the streets were alive with the red and white Brits as they overflowed from the local pubs and coffee shops as well as the garish orange clothing and wigs of the Dutch supporters. Hundreds of riot police were in attendance as well. We kept a pretty low profile that evening and drank some beers at a local bar not so far from the hotel. Belgian Duvel beer (Devil Beer) is still my favourite and at over 8% certainly packs a punch. Food costs also bear mentioning as they are quite high. We found it very difficult to locate a simple meal at a reasonable price. They really know how to spike the tourists. I awoke the next day to find that I was still none the wiser as to whom had won the soccer match the previous day. Not that it mattered as to me it is not real football anyway. Go Aussie Rules !

During the course of our stay we had also searched unsuccessfully for a local Buddhist monestary that according to the guide book took 150,000 chinese 3 years to complete. We circled block after block searching for it where the guide book had it marked, all to no avail. On the last day as we were walking back to the rail station we took a small side street and lo and behold there it was.

Truly massive building. Unfortunately it was closed so we were unable to look around but at least we found it albeit by accident. In the middle of Amsterdam it really was out of place but it gives creedence to the number of asian sailors that have called Amsterdam home during their sea faring days. The Dutch were huge in the East Indies as traders and their ships often had a large contingent of asian deck hands.

Lastly I guess one cannot visit Holland and not make note of the tulips. We visited vast markets that sold almost exclusively tulip bulbs in all the colours of the rainbow. We promptly bought a variety of them as gifts and for our own garden. I came across an aerial shot of tulip fields which was so colourful that I photographed it.

A friend thinks it looks like a packet of plasticine strips. I think a trip to Holland in the Spring is looking like a must although the countrysdie is so flat I dare say you would require an aircraft to get a picture that truly capture the extent of the colours. The trip back was uneventful and we found ourselves back in the house a bit under 5 hours later. It was not a long visit but I think you can get a pretty good idea of the things on offer in as a little as 3 days. I will go back again at a later stage if only to see the Spring colours and possibly the Rijks Museum when they complete their renovations.

Chilling Out In Germany

2006-11-08T13:46:00.000+01:00

Well the chilly Winter weather is slowly creeping in yet again. Last night and this morning the fog was misting quite heavily and the temperatures fell accordingly. Only three degrees travelling home last night. October gave us such a wonderful burst of late sunshine but it has all to soon been snatched away. The trees are bare again and the sodden cloak of brown and gold leaves on the side walks and gardens sit as a blanket of portending doom, heralding the onslaught of ice and rain.

Already, my Winter armour increases in thickness on a near daily basis. The Germans refer to the best method of dressing for the cold as Zwiebeln kleidung or onion dressing (not the salad dressing sort either). Layer upon layer of lighter materials that can be peeled off if not required in the office or on the train and placed back as the temperature falls. The way my legs were freezing this morning I think I will be digging out the thermal long johns for tomorrow.

We move toward Christmas with alarming speed but when I think of the wonderful Weihnachtsmarkt (Christmas Markets) that are held all over Germany with their multitude of Glühwein (spiced red wine) vendors and fabulous stalls of handmade crafts then it helps to ease the transition and gives me something to actually look forward to. The most famous market to visit in my area is the one in Michelstadt in the Odenwaldes.

This market actually draws crowds by the bus load from as far away as England. The plethora of hand made wooden decorations and toys that are created by the local crafts people are outstanding. We now have a brand new train service between Darmstadt and Michelstadt which will provide a direct link to the Glühwein vendors and safely home again afterwards.

So onwards and outwards to the dark dim depths of the oncoming drudgery of Winter, the warmth of Winter fires and encounters with large goblets of mulled wine.

A good mix for making mulled red wine is:

Ingredients:
For each 750 ml (3 cups) of wine:
· 1 stick cinnamon
· 6 whole cloves
· Rind of half a lemon
· 2 to 4 Tbs. sugar
· Cardamon pod (optional)
· Rum, brandy, vodka or schnapps (optional)

Directions
Use cheap wine. Not that cheap, but still cheap, merlot or shiraz will do fine, but will need more sugar. The amount of sugar is inversely proportional to the cheapness of the wine.

Break cinnamon sticks into three or four pieces. Remove rind from lemon in large pieces or one long piece. In saucepot over medium-low heat, combine wine, spices and 2 Tbs. sugar. Heat 1/2 to 1 hour, but do not allow to boil. Longer heating brings out a warmer, more cinnamon flavor. Taste and adjust sugar. Serve, adding a shot of rum or schnapps if desired.

If you do add schnapps, be careful not to inhale while drinking the Wein; you'll choke on the alchohol fumes (I learned this the hard way).
PROST !!!

Fahren, Fahren, Fahren auf der Autobahn

2006-10-09T16:01:00.000+02:00

Recently I discovered a new way to get about in Germany. Having surfed for hours on the internet, to try and find a discounted airfare or train ticket from Frankfurt to Berlin, I eventually gave up hope of finding anything less than 200 euros return. Outrageous prices! Even the bus companies which normally offer reasonable rates were asking 178 euros return. It is only a 5.5 hour trip on the autobahn and 1 hour in a plane.

A friend suggested I look at one of the car sharing sites that are now on offer and to my surprise I found people departing on the day I wanted at the time I wanted and also returning 4 days later at the right hour.

There are 2 sites that seem to be most used and these are:

http://www.mitfahrzentrale.de/ (travel with central)

which has quite a few listings but in order to get the drivers contact number you have to call a number that costs 1.89 euros.

The second site:

http://www.mitfahrgelegenheit.de/ (travel with opportunities)

is far nicer as it is a free service and the contact details for the owner drivers are listed on screen.

I managed to organise a lift up to Berlin for 25 euros and a return ride for 30 euros. Quite a saving over the ridiculous prices asked by the main public transport providers.

My trip up to Berlin turned out to be with a nice young guy named Sebastian who had just completed a film & video degree and was currently looking for a job in a film editing room. The other 2 people in the car were a Lufthansa software trainee and a political student from Darmstadt. Everyone was really pleasant and the trip was full of many interesting and varied conversations. Way cooool !!! When we got to Berlin the traffic was just insane but thanks to Sebastians local knowledge we found ourselves ducking and weaving around the back streets and were at our drop off point in no time at all. What it is to have local knowledge. Fantastic.

On my return trip I landed a ride with a young Polish couple, Patryk and Izabela who both work in the financial trade in Frankfurt. They were a delightful couple who were really very good company. We traded stories of our various travels. I learned quite a bit about Poland and they something of Australia. We compared notes on places around Germany and all told, despite the long delays caused by traffic jams created by the Berlin Marathon and the Saturday night Pearl Jam concert, it was a very enjoyable journey. I hope to see them again sometime and hopefully get to enjoy a beer or two with them.

As an alternative mode of travel I highly recommend it. I may have simply gotten lucky with the rides I had but I have the feeling that most people offering to share their car on a trip are usually of an interesting nature. A great way to meet new people and possibly make new friends. C'est La Vie !

Birdman In Berlin & Kamikaze Queens

2006-09-26T15:44:00.000+02:00

Just came back from 4 days in Berlin where I was fortunate enough to see Radio Birdman on their 2006 European Tour on Thursday night. Had a fabulous evening at the Kalkscheune watching the boys rip it up. The lineup of Rob Younger on vocals, Pip Hoyle on keyboards and the twin guitar attack of Deniz Tek and Chris Masuak remains unchanged. You Am I's Russell Hopkinson is now on drums while Jim Dickson, a former member of the New Christs and Deniz Tek Group, is on bass.

I counted a total of 21 songs for the gig and I only recognized 5 of them as coming from the new Zeno Beach album. All of my favourite songs were played and my 2 friends from Berlin who had never even heard them before have become instant fans.

After the show Rob Younger came out and mixed with the crowd that was still drinking in the courtyard outside the venue. An Englishman who was following the tour through all its gigs who had spoken to me earlier came over and asked if I would like to meet him. I jumped at the chance of course. Rob is a top man (maybe in the language department as well) and was great to talk with. He was very softly spoken and was at the very least quite interested in learning of how myself and friends from Ballarat and Melbourne were such serious fans and followers. If you get a chance to catch then in passing then, “Book ‘Em Danno!”

Wild At Heart nightclub in Kreuzberg was taking part in the 2006 Popkomm Showcase on Saturday night with bands Phantom Rockers, Heartbreak Engines and the Kamikaze Queens.

The Kamikaze Queens playing essentially Punk / Rockabilly / Garage consist of Trinity Tarantula & Mad Kate on Voluptuous Vocals, Luscious Lloyd plucking Big Bad Bass, Tex Morton (ex Mad Sin, Nitro 17) on Twang Bomb Guitar and the sauve Nico Lipps playing Demolition Drums. Their own definition of their style is Punk Cabaret from Honky Tonk Hell!

I got a chance to talk with Trinity for half an hour which was great. She is lovely person with a good sense of humour and a very sharp mind indeed. She has lived in Berlin for 8 years although she is a San Francisco native.

She was kind enough to introduce me to Tex and Nico which was also really neat. They did a howling set that just left the place shaking to the rafters. I have rarely enjoyed a better Psycho Punkabilly band anywhere. If ever you are in Berlin look them up, style your ducktail and get on out there. These guys really rock.

Just Stay On Your Side Of The Line..OK!

2006-09-12T14:18:00.000+02:00

We left there to travel to the citadel at Bitche up near the German border.

The citadel was truly amazing.It was the site of one of the greatest sieges of the 1870-1871 war. On 19 July 1870, France declared war to Prussia. The Prussian troops entered the French territory and attacked the citadel of Bitche on 8 August 1870. The defenders of the citadel, led by Commandant Teyssier, repulsed the Prussians, who laid siege to the fortress. Both the citadel and the city of Bitche were repeatedly bombarded. On several instances, Prussian emissaries required the surrender of the French troops. Teyssier unshakeably answered he would leave the citadel only on the orders of the French government. The siege lasted until March 1871 when Napoleon surrendered his sword to the prussian forces. By the time that occured 280,000 French troops and 140,000 German troops lay dead. On entering the citadel you get a pair of head phones which leads you through a dozen different areas within the fortress. An ongoing movie documents the entire battle as you go from room to room. Fascinating stuff.

On the flank of the citadel were Jardin pour La Paix / Garden for Peace. The aim of the "Gardens without Borders" project is to revive the shared garden history and garden culture in the crossborder "Saar-Lor-Lux" region.

To date, the following gardens have been opened to the public:
Merzig (D): Sensual Garden
Perl-Borg (D): Roman Gardens at Villa Borg
Perl (D): Baroque Garden Terraces in von Nell Park
Perl-Nennig (D): Renaissance Garden (Schloss Berg)
Mettlach-Tünsdorf (D): Farmhouse Garden
Weiskirchen (D): Perennial Garden in the spa park
Wadern-Dagstuhl (D): Manor House Garden
Merzig (D): Rose Path along the embankment of the River Saar
Konz (D): Farmhouse Garden at the Roscheider Hof
Schengen (L): Baroque Garden and Herb Garden (monastery)
Bitche (F): Garden of Peace
Pange (F): Garden of Awakening

We left there and headed west to Lembach were we stayed over night in one of the old fachwerk hotels of the area. The next morning we went a few kilometers out of town to the Four à Chaux to take a look at the Maginot Line. The Maginot Line was a powerful line of defense which stretched from Switzerland to the Ardennes in the North, and from the Alps to the Mediterranean in the South. It was a vast, dynamic, state-of-the-art, ultra-modern defensive system. Most of its components were underground, where interconnecting tunnels stretched for kilometers, and where, beneath the earth, thousands of men slept, trained, watched, and waited for a war that never came. The massive 70 tonne gun turrets could be raised or lowered by either electric motors or by a one person crank handle. These turrets would lift out of the mountain tops like gigantic steel mushrooms, deliver their bombardment and drop back into the ground when under threat from enemy bombardment. Each cannon was on a chain driven automatic loading system which could fire 100 shells per minute.

The line was built between 1929-1939 over some 700km's as a defence barrier between France and Germany. In the end, the Maginot Line was considered by many to be a failure. It was powerful and supposedly impregnable, yet it failed to save France from a humiliating defeat by the German army in 1940 when its supply lines were cut off from behind. Remarkably despite the incredible fortifications and elaborate tunnels the Germans only took 12 months to take it over after the second world war began. Men spent 3 month tours of duty down in the tunnels and trained at the French naval submarine school to make sure they would with stand the conditions imposed by the claustrophobic living environs. They slept 3 men to a bunk in rotating 8 hour shifts. It really was a remarkable insight into one of mans most unique constructions. Well worth the look. Daunting in its magnitude and saddening in its loss of life. The tour took 2.5 hours and the temperature was a steady 13 deg through out. A chilly life but safe from the bombs and bullets outside.

Tippling The White Fantastic

2006-09-12T14:13:00.000+02:00

My holiday with my friend Graham from Katoomba in the Blue Mountains was a lot of fun and we certainly knocked up some miles both on foot and by car, train and boat. For the first 2 days we looked around the local area of Darmstadt, Bad Konig and Michelstadt. It took quite some perserverence given the heavy rain and the end of both days saw me stuffing my shoes with news paper to try and dry them.

On the Wednesday we went to Heidelberg for the ubiquitous tour of the castle and the viewing of its 220,000 litre wine barrel as well as taking the funicular rail to the top of the mountain to the Konigstuhl (Kings Seat) and then trudging back down the mountain to the city.

We left on Thursday for a main driving tour and drove north to Bingen where Graham and I jumped on one of the Rhine River cruises to Koblenz for a 2.5 hour cruise past some 50 odd castles, set amongst picturesque vineyards whilst Bettina took the car on ahead to meet us at the other end. The weather had really picked up by then so it was a magic little journey. At Koblenz where the Rhine and the Moselle Rivers meet (the Deutsch Ecke)we spent some time looking around at the magnificent statues and the fabulous old buildings of the town centre before heading off down the Moselle for the next 3 days.

We managed to score overnight appartments on most nights with balconies over looking the Moselle from where we could sip a couple of bottles of great wine and snack on cheese before heading out for dinner and more sampling of the local grape juice. On 2 evenings (after Graham and Bettina had retired for the evening) I got to meet the wine makers at 2 of the places we stayed and over long discussions on wine and viticulture styles I managed to get beautifully inebriated.

The white wines offered along the Moselle are truly magnificent with the area known as Urziger Wurzgarten getting my vote for best wine of the trip. Their Rivaner and dry Moselle were exceptional. Vineyards in this region depending on who you talk to are incredibly steep with gradients between 68-72 degrees. The grapes are harvested by a series of cable drawn pulley cars that run up the slopes between the rows of vines. Tough, hard, unrelenting work for anyone but the end result speaks for itself. Dr.Loosen 2003 Urziger Wurgarten Auslese, a very fine wine from the Mosel-Saar-Ruwer region is also to be found here. The meals served everywhere enroute were fantastic I have certainly put on a bit of weight of the last 16 days.

We eventually ended up in Trier for a look around before drifting across into Luxemburg for a short visit and then heading to Thionville in France for an evening. After that it was off to Colmar in the Alsace via Saint-Die (notable for its church and museum) for 2 nights and regional wine tasting at the cellar doors in Eguisheim and surrounds. After stopping off in Bitche and viewing the citadel and the "Gardens of Peace" we headed over to Lembach (entry place to view the Maginot Line)to stay the night. The following day was Wissembourg for lunch before heading up the Deutches Weinstrasse ( German wine route) through the Rhine Pfalz area. A few more tastings and purchases before rolling on home to Darmstadt.

The next couple of days were taken up with trips to vineyards closer to home around Wiesbaden at Hessische Staatsweingüter Kloster Eberbach where "The Name of the Rose" with Sean Connery, originally a book by Umberto Ecco was produced in the the holy vaults beneath the monastery.
Kloster Eberbach [klos-tur ay-bur-bark] is a 12th Century Cistercian abbey and now the HQ of the German Wine Academy. These days some of the modern dry Rheingau Rieslings are as distinguished in their own way as the great sweet wines of the region. Dry Rieslings from the Rheinpfalz further south where we had just toured had always been a different matter – richer, riper and with a healthier balance of fruit intensity and acidity. Maybe the Rheingau was just too cool a microclimate to do the same thing. Could it be a change of generation, with younger, better-educated winemakers taking over from their parents in the same way as has happened elsewhere in winemaking Europe?

All of my vineyard purchases were white wines which is what Germany and the French Alsace are reknown for, I did however score some great reds from the French supermarkets which are always favourably priced. The French supermarkets provided a wonderful array or terrines, pates, cold meats, pastries and cheeses to help keep the furnace stoked for a large part of the trip :) Mmmmmmm just love the way the French do food!!!!!

All told 1200km in the car plus the boat trip, several train trips and a great deal of walking through villages,museums, churches, up mountains, through castles and fortifications and around vineyards. Totally exhausting but really fascinating and rewarding both in an intellectual and an olfactory sense. Gave my single a brain cell a real work out :)

Grilling In The Rain

2006-09-12T12:38:00.000+02:00

The house party this year was an incredibly wet affair with deluging rain on the day prior, the day of the party and the following 2 days. Biblical type downpours that had me searching through the cellar to find enough timber for the contruction of the next ark. This year I bought Bettina a 6x3m pavillion as a birthday gift and this turned out to be a true god send.

It was large enough for everyone to huddle under without being to cramped and successfully avoid the worst of the wind and rain. It was a good turn out in general and as for every year the food, wine and beer was delicious. The wine cellar took a real battering but we got the food mix right this year and had very little left over by comparison to the other years where it has taken weeks to munch through the remaining dishes. On the Sunday after I stood in the back garden under an umbrella and defiantly cooked my recovery bar-b-que lunch for 8 staunch hangers on.

It was pretty bizarre but it still worked even though I was forced to change my t-shirt and jeans after lunch when they continued to squelch. Yeah the price of partying on regardless. The wine cellar took a real battering over that weekend but survived the onslaught and with due care and some diligent replacement purchases on my trip through the wine growing regions of central Europe it looks remarkably better once again :)

The UninTENTional Visitor

2006-05-04T13:19:00.000+02:00

It has been a very busy year to date and there has been little time for writing. Best intentions for regular Blogging completely thwarted.

A few amusing anecdotes have arisen in the last few months and are worth recounting here.

I had a call from my mother some weeks ago, who upon returning to her house and having parked her car in the carport became aware of hiking tent which, in her absence, had been set up squarely in the middle of her back garden lawn. Prime position on the best piece of lawn.

She was not expecting visitors herself, nor had her sons mentioned any of their friends passing through.

She went into the back garden and proceeded to walk around the tent. It was a small light weight dome style hike tent with a camouflage pattern fabric. The flap was open and there was no sign of habitation. No rucksack, no sleeping bag, no sign of personal belongings or a person what so ever. She walked around the side of the house looking for any sign of a visitor or a note but found nothing. Eventually she decided that the owner must have gone for a walk to the local shops and would eventually return at some point.

As the sun started to set she occasionally looked out from her bedroom window which overlooked the garden to see if anyone had shown up yet. Still nothing. Much later that evening she even went back out to the garden for another look around but the garden was empty apart from the tent which simply sat there, flap swaying in the breeze, silently mocking her.

The following day and the day after still provided no further answers to the mystery of the tent and its owner.

Upon discussing it with my elder brother he simply said to her, “ Mum, these things are as light as a feather and it has probably been blown in by the wind from somewhere nearby.” Given that she had been having quite windy weather in recent times this seemed quite plausible. That the tent would have needed to clear the surrounding houses, TV antennas and tree tops and then for it to land upright and squarely positioned, bang in the middle of the rear garden, was quite incredible.

My mother hung a sign on the front gate for several weeks saying, “Tent Found – Enquire Within”, but there was no response.

I can imagine some poor hiker setting up his tent, turning around to get the pegs to fasten it down and then turning back to see it sailing away into the wild blue yonder. My brother is right though, it could have come from a long, long way away. Just no telling. Life is full of the unexpected which is what makes it so great.

Brass Monkies In Germany

2006-03-08T12:59:00.000+01:00

What a beginning to March! The weather here has been more than a little ferocious of late with the snow falls being the heaviest in 15 years.

Last Friday it snowed relentlessly the entire day and left a blanket across Frankfurt and Darmstadt that was up to 30cm thick in places. The transport network basically failed as buses found their normal routes iced over, transport trucks jack knifed on the autobahns and regular vehicles put their own spin on things, adding to the crash statistics. On Friday alone there were over 250 vehicle accidents in the Hessen area and in Germany 10 fatalities, the highest in Europe.

With cars reduced to crawl speed, commuters shuffling along the iced over pavements and the train service becoming more delayed by the hour, it was a total nightmare getting home. My regular 1 hour and 45 minutes commuting time required almost double that, which I managed to see through with a variety of train station bars and local pubs sheltering me against the storm until the next transport service was available. The temperatures required for snow to fall are not so low but the wind factor can make it feel like entering into a cryogenic chamber. It is utterly freezing..brrrrr!

It brings to mind and old addage, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey". This saying comes about from the days of the sailing ships when cannon balls were racked in pyramid form beside the cannons. The lower tier of balls rested on a brass plate covered in indentations to hold the lower level in place which was known as, "the monkey" . In really cold weather the brass metal plate would shrink and the cannon balls would roll off all over the decking undoubtably causing mayhem. Hence the saying.

We have had some reprieve over the last 3 days with only minor falls here in Hessen where as Bayern and the Black Forest areas were hit yet again on Sunday causing further chaos. Bayern has been busy digging itself out of over 3 metres of snow in the last few weeks, only to have it all come back again in 24 hours. They have had mountain avalanches and the roofs of public buildings collapsing under the weight. One ice rink hall roof collapsed killing several people inside. Monday saw schools and train services completely cancelled in the south and south west.

Given how much I detest having to go out in the early mornings to clear the footpath of snow, a legal requirement here in Germany, we have had it pretty good here in the mid-West of the country.

Today it has been snowing lightly for the last 5 hours and I truly hope that it will clear before much longer. Weather experts (ha ha ha) say it could continue till the end of April. Welcome to the ice age! My greatest hope lies (optimum word) in the knowledge that, “ Little boys who tell lies, grow up to become weather forecasters!”. In the meantime I will maintain the lease payments on my husky dog team and sled.

Mush! Mush!

Elton John Howard

2006-02-23T18:07:00.000+01:00

It is alleged that the fastest selling nostalagia album in Australia in the last 12 months has been :

"Captain Bombastic and the Brown Shirt Cowboys".

Also picked up recently:

"What a silly, boring little man. His only function is to let you know what Harry Potter's going to look like when he's old."

British comedian Billy Connolly on Prime Minister John Howard.

Pink Elephants And Needles Of Ice

2006-02-15T16:07:00.000+01:00

Things certainly are cold here and getting colder all the time. Yesterday the wind was howling and driving blankets of wet snow along with it. Horizontal blizzard. I looked up as I got off the tram and my face was smattered with big wet flakes of snow that instantly melted and ran down my front. With a 40 kmh wind in your face it then becomes absolutely freeeeezing!!

As for Moscow, wow are they suffering the wildest extremes ever. We have a saying here, " Kannst du den Wodka von Ostwind her riechen?" or "Can you smell the vodka on the wind from the east?" When the wind blows hard out of the East from Russia, the temperatures here absolutely plummet like a stone a few days later.

It was -26 celsius in Moscow yesterday and 2 weeks ago it was down to -37 celsius. Out at the oil fields in Siberia it went down to -63 celsius. People in Moscow were being rushed to hospital with frozen eyeballs. Now that's what I call a very cold stare. They are enduring some of the coldest weather since 1927 and the death toll is steadily mounting.

A Russian circus resorted to giant vodka cocktails in an attempt to protect performing elephants from extreme cold. One of the animals got so drunk it nearly destroyed the circus. The clear liquor was added to the animals’ water buckets as they began to feel the chill of temperatures as low as minus 30 degrees Celsius. The elephant trainer was quoted as saying, "“Yesterday we gave one of the elephants a bucket and the circus lost its heater — the elephant just tore it off.” Zookeepers are taking a similar approach in the town of Lipetsk, south of Moscow, keeping macaque monkeys warm with sweet wine which is dispensed to them three times per day. I have heard of pink gins so maybe this is where pink elephants come from. He he he.

Last week we had 2 days of blanketing fog in Darmstadt. A real pea souper.

When I first awoke in the morning I thought it had snowed over night but as my eyes slowly peeled back with the dawn light I realised that it was not really snow white but more a very pale shade of grey. I though I was seeing things and after some eye rubbing I went out the back door and realised that everything was needled in ice which was allowing the colours from underneath to taint the colour of the ice.

The droplets of moisture in the fog froze to everything and produced these needle fine crystals, like cactus spines, in clumps along every outdoor surface. It was bizarrely pretty. The trees, the grass, the fences and even the cars which looked liked hedgehogs, were coated in it.

My friend Lynne took this picture on the same morning where she lives across town.

It really was just so beautiful and other worldly. I have never seen the likes of it before. A new highlight of life in a very cold Germany.

What's In A Name?

2006-02-10T11:24:00.000+01:00

I came across this map the other day highlighting some of Germanies more unusual town and city names. Every single marked town on this map translates into something bizarre. I include here some of the basic translations and I will let you be the judge. Nothing is sacred. He he he! I do love Germany and its people but where do they get these names from? Mein Gott! I will find out. I feel I must travel to these enclaves of deepest and darkest Germanic heritage in search of the truth. Possibly when visiting Kuhbier we can chew the fat with the locals and eventually end up back in Wixhausen for prolonged mastication of the facts.

Here are those names........

Kotzen - Vomit
Pissen - Urinate
Gammelshausen- Hippie Houses
Wixhausen - Wankers Houses
Fickmühlen - F**k Mills
Blödesheim - Stupid-ville
Affendorf - Village of Apes
Venusberg- Mount of Venus
Tuntenhausen - Transvestite - ville
Böß Gesäß - Bad Ass
Fickingen - F**king
Kuhbier - Cow beer
Bussenberg - Breast Mountain
Faulebutter- Rancid Butter
Drogen - Drugs
Oberkotzen - Vomit over
Mückenloch - Dirty Hole