Life, the Universe, and Everything

What I Learned By (Almost Completely) Unplugging from Facebook for Six Weeks

2015-07-08T18:23:00.000-07:00

On May 18th I decided to try "99 Days of Freedom" which is a project that encourages Facebook users to unplug from the site for 99 days. Since the site did a controversial mood experiment in which users' news feeds were manipulated purposely, the project's goal is to measure how happy you can be without Facebook. I must admit I was a little apprehensive at first. Facebook was such a big part of my life. It is how I keep up with far away friends and family. It's how I've made new friends from around the globe. Many of the businesses and groups I'm involved with and/or want to stay updated about use Facebook as their main information platform. How would I be able to go over three months without logging on?
I decided that I would do the experiment with a few adjustments. I left Facebook Messenger on so those who didn't have my phone number could still contact me. I also checked a couple of groups so I could keep up with happenings around town. Other than that, I didn't post status updates, check my news feed, post in groups, etc. Here's what happened:

At first, I felt liberated.

No more constantly staring at my phone! No more constantly refreshing my news feed! No longer did I feel jealous because all my friends were doing fun, cool things without me all the time. Now I had time to do all the things I'd been neglecting. I could dust off my keyboard and learn a new song or two. I signed up for Camp NaNoWriMo, which is a month-long event in July where people get together to work on writing projects. I joined a summer reading program and started reading like crazy. I got a part-time job. Things were looking up for awhile. And then...

I got bored.

I never thought about how much time I actually spent on Facebook until I was only on it for less than 5 minutes a day. I found myself having withdrawals, much like a smoker craves nicotine when he tries to quit. Reading was fun, but after a couple of days voraciously devouring books I was bored senseless. I found it difficult to concentrate on writing too. My keyboard started gathering dust again.

I also got lonely.

While a few of my friends stayed in contact with me, others didn't speak to me at all. For the most part, I understood; it's summer right now and many of my military friends are moving, school friends are on vacation, and some other folks have demanding jobs. However there were times when I felt isolated and starved for human contact. I went almost two weeks without seeing a single friend. (Work interaction just isn't the same.) Being an extrovert, that was torture.

I found other ways to waste time, too.

I discovered Pinterest (way late too the party, I know) and Distractify. I also used my Twitter way more than usual. When I had nothing else to do, I'd spend hours surfing the net. In this way, I just replaced my Facebook addiction with other addictions. So, in reality, I wasn't being any more productive or creative at all. I was right back where I started.

Overall, I learned that Facebook can make me unhappy, but being without it makes me unhappy too.

I could not go the full 99 days of the experiment. I missed everyone too much, and I felt like I was missing out on everything. So I came back after six weeks. Turns out, not much had changed. I still feel a little jealous when someone I know is going on an "AH-MAY-ZING vacay" and secretly happy when an ex's latest flirtationship bites the dust. I've learned not to read too much into people's posts either. Most of the time, people only post a fraction of what's going on their lives on Facebook. I've also resolved to spend less time on the site, but I can't quit completely.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have Candy Crush requests to block.

How to Become A Slave to the System

2015-06-28T18:27:00.000-07:00

Work. Buy. Consume. Die. --OTEP, "Smash the Control Machine"

Chances are, you're already on the path to becoming a mindless drone, but by reading this blog, you've become aware that you aren't doing nearly enough. Well, I'm going to show you exactly how you can live a purposeless, meaningless, consumerism-driven life. It's not as hard as you think. Trust me.

Get a job you absolutely hate (but pays really well).

I want you to think really long and hard about what you wanted to be when you were a child. Did you want to be an astronaut? A firefighter? A farmer? A fairy princess? Grand High Pooh-Bah of the Starflowers and Unicorns? Wrong, it was always your dream to become Senior Vice Executive Assistant to the Manager of Finance. It must have been, because that is what you wasted your four years in college (no wait, two in community college to save money) studying to be. You wanted to get a real job because your well-meaning parents told you that your dream of being a music producer was impractical, or your high-school sweetheart said you'd never make it as an artist. Success is measured in the amount of zeroes in your salary. That being said, now that you make a lot of money, it's time to

Spend, spend, spend on stuff you don't need.

So, it's Black Friday-- That wonderful day after Thanksgiving where, after sleeping off your turkey coma, you can go to just about any big-box store and stand in horrendously long lines whilst you wait to get the best deals on useless crap you'll throw out in six months. That huge big-screen TV that says "I'm cool because my TV is as wide as I am tall?" Thanks to the wonders of planned obsolescence, it is flimsy and made to break after a couple of years, thus requiring you to purchase a new one. But who cares? Status is the name of the game. Go to as many tag sales, door-busters, and grand openings as you can. Accumulate stacks of merchandise that will rival any hoarder's. You'll find a use for those twenty cosmetic bags... Eventually. You've spent a lot of money so step two is:

Get yourself in a mountain of debt.

Well, say you don't have enough money for all the stuff you want, thanks to all those student loans from college to get you the education for the job you hate. You've had your eye on that expensive, fancy smartphone from Best Buy for weeks now, but its $250 dollars, not to mention the two-year contract. No problem! That's where credit cards come in. Credit cards make it easier for you to buy now and pay later. Sure, you'll have to pay for it SOMEDAY, but for now, you get the instant gratification of being the envy of your friends. You can do the same thing with that fancy car you want. Lots of car places will give you a loan so you can have it now and pay it off for the next six years. Oh, and that big house you want? Get a mortgage! You'll be paying it for twenty-five or thirty years, but that's okay. At least you have lots of space to put your useless stuff.

Have no idea what's going on in the world.

This is probably the most important rule of becoming a slave to the system. If you know too much of what's going on in the world, you might suddenly start caring and doing things to change them. Corporations are counting on you to keep buying, Hollywood is counting on you to see their latest mind-numbing blockbuster, and television channels would rather you watch their latest Kardashian special rather than the news. If it doesn't affect you, it doesn't matter. Never mind that your trendy Hollister shirt was made by a ten-year-old working in squalid conditions. Never mind that we always seem to be at war with someone. The less you know, the happier you'll be.

Have no idea what's in your food, either.

Eat whatever the fuck you want. Life's short and we're all gonna die anyway, so why not have that Triple Whopper with cheese? And who cares about all the poison that's in processed food. If it tastes good, eat it. With medical technology advancing so much, they can fix just about anything that happens to you with pills or surgery. There's no need to torture yourself by living off bland rabbit food. But what if that excellent job you have doesn't give you health insurance? Well, that's just more debt you can add to your credit cards, car payment, house payment, and costly data plan.

Get married and have kids.

This is what society expects you to do, that way you'll always be slaving. Kids are also mini-consumers and have lots of disposable income (yours). Teach them that they need things to be happy, and shower them with fancy electronics so they can keep themselves out of your way so you can catch up on online shopping or the soap operas you have on the TiVo.

And there you have it folks. Now get crackin'! There's a sale at KMart you're missing.

She's with the Angels (SONG LYRICS)

2014-12-30T16:54:00.001-07:00

She puts the makeup on her face
Silently she closes the door
Pulls the dress over her shoulders
She doesn't have to hide anymore
She's always known her body was a mistake
"Cheer up, boy," they say, "One day you'll be a man"
Just looking in the mirror causes so much pain
They want her to be someone she can't
And she's with the angels now
In a far more loving place
She's with the angels now
In a quiet, safer space
But I wish that she could see
The beautiful person she was meant to be
Mom and dad, they don't understand
They think they did all they could, raised her right
Why does she insist on wearing a suit to church?
Why does cry herself to sleep at night?
She closes her eyes
She knows it will be over soon
Stayed up all night writing her last good byes
Didn't sleep till half-past noon
Makes her way onto the street
Why oh why did that guy have to speed?
He couldn't stop in time, but that's just fine
It's over now
It's over now
And she's with the angels
She no longer has anything to fear
But she doesn't belong with them
Because we need her here
Because we need her here

--M. Dos Santos

29 Things I've Realised by (Almost) 29

2014-12-15T10:46:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year, I wrote a post called "28 Things I've Realised by (Almost) 28" a week before my 28th birthday. I didn't expect it to be so well-read and received; as a matter of fact, it is probably my most well-read non-recipe post to date. Now I'm looking 29 (aka practically 30) in the face. I'm still waiting for gravity to make everything sag (inevitable) and for my biological clock to start ticking (never going to happen.) Here are 29 more things I've learned this year.

1) Stop making excuses for why you can't get started on your goal of having your own business, learning a new language, taking over the world, etc. There is no better time than right NOW, right this very second. Quit wishing and daydreaming and get on that shit.

2) Don't worry about what people who don't even like you think about you. Sure, you could change, but they still won't like you... They'll just find something new to dislike about you. Their opinions don't matter. So forget them.

3) It's not about who you spend the most time with, it's about who you have the best time with.

4) A lot of people spend their 20s spouse-hunting rather than building their career and investing in the future. Be patient; love will come to you at the right time. Go back to school, learn a trade, make yourself useful. That way you'll have something to fall back in in case Mr./Ms./Mx. Right doesn't work out.

5) When you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and say to yourself, "I am f***in' awesome." Repeat until you believe it.

6) Be realistic about your goals. You'll probably never be the next American Idol, but you can be the winner of your school's talent show. You might never be president of your country, but you might be able to be PTA president one day.

7) The amount of people you sleep with has no bearing on how good of a person you are.

8) If something seems to good/scary/weird to be true, it probably is. Say it with me: "When in doubt, Snopes that shit!"

9) If you don't forward that email or share that picture on Facebook, a little dead girl is not going to kill you in your sleep. Sorry to disappoint you.

10) Own at least one outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks. (Just make sure it doesn't cost a million bucks.)

11) Rich people (that is, normal rich people, not celebrities) don't blow their money on frivolous crap like 30 dollar hairspray and 500 dollar handbags. You know who does? Poor people trying to look rich. Companies know this, and that's who they market to. Don't fall for the hype.

12) Being a parent doesn't automatically make you an expert on anything... except maybe your own kids.

13) Make a budget and stick to it. Stop impulsively spending money on stuff you don't need with money you don't have. When you have a million dollar nest egg to retire on, you'll be grateful.

14) Every day, do something that makes the world a little better. Buy a homeless person a meal. Donate to a charity. Say "good morning" to your neighbour you never talk to. Smile at a child.

15) There is ALWAYS room for dessert.

16) Sometimes, you just need to spend the entire day in bed, doing nothing productive. If this becomes a habit, however, you should probably go to the doctor because you might have depression.

17) Got a crush on someone? Ask them out. The worst they can say is "no."

18) You can't fix anyone. Loving someone will not make them a better person. Don't fall into the trap.

19) When you meet someone who laughs at the same stupid crap you do, marry that person. A sense of humour will get you through life much better than a huge bank account or good looks ever will.

20) Break up with the person who makes you feel like crap. Quit your soul-sucking job. Stand up to the person who picks on you.

21) It's a lot harder to fall for the charlatans and snake oil salesmen of the world when you've got a strong set of core beliefs. The old saying "if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything" is truer than you think.

22) There's no shame in being wrong. It's a learning opportunity.

23) There's no shame in crying. Having strong emotions doesn't make you weak, it makes you human.

24) If you're at that point in the night where you're asking if you should stay for another drink or go home, it's time to take your drunk ass home.

25) Don't believe anything you see on Natural News or Fox News.

26) If you can't take care of a pet, you sure as hell can't take care of a kid. Keep this in mind every time you get baby rabies.

27) Stop comparing yourself to Photoshopped models. Stop comparing yourself to other people, period.

28) In college, major in what will get you a good job. Minor in something you love.

29) Humans never outgrow the need to play. It's perfectly okay to let your inner kid out. Swing on the swings at your local park. Play a sport. Get into video or computer games. Don't let anyone tell you that you're immature because of this.

-- M. Dos Santos

Please Don't Say (Poem/Song Lyrics)

2014-11-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

Never thought I'd see your face again
Never thought we'd be in this place
Once upon a time, we were in love
Then you disappeared without a trace
We were young and hopeless
Fate was never on our side
And now you want to pick up where we left off
Like we never ever said good-bye
Please don't say we've both changed
And we could make it if we try
Please don't say it's not too late
And it'll be different this time
You left me cold and broken-hearted
But I managed to move on with life
I found myself a soulmate
He's always by my side
I'll be honest, though, it's tempting
To relive those beautiful days
Before you make another promise,
Make sure it's one you won't break
If I let you stay the night
If I let you in my heart
I could throw my whole life away
And make a brand new start
But I'm too old to be chasing ghosts
The fleeting dreams of my youth
I just wish I had an answer
No freedom in the truth

I'm Quitting Writing.

2014-05-04T13:26:00.001-07:00

For some time now, I've had writer's block and I thought doing writing exercises every day would help me get back into the game. So, last month, I did a 30 day writing challenge. I downloaded a "Writer's Boot Camp" e-book and every day I had to write a piece from the prompts given. Some of them were interesting, but most of them were kind of dumb. There were things like, "Pretend your writer's block is your boyfriend and write him a Dear John letter." Or "One day you find a mysterious note in your cookie jar. What does it say, and what happens next?" Really? How am I supposed to turn that drivel into a masterpiece? A few years ago I would have jumped into this challenge with aplomb, knowing I could craft something awesome. Halfway through the challenge, I got stuck. I gave up.
There is also the matter of my novel in progress, "Teacher's Pet." In January 2013, I binge-wrote the two-thirds of the book. By September, I had only completed an additional three chapters. With the exception of some editing and adding a few more paragraphs, I have not done any work on it at all. It's not that I don't know how to end it (believe me, I have a heckuva conclusion in mind), it's just that I can't bring myself or to write anymore. Much as it pains me that Ethan and Alyssa's fates hang in the balance and only exist in my head, I stare at the document that was "last modified 12/13/2013." I used to think that this work, once polished, might even be good enough to publish. Now I'm not so sure. It will probably go on the long list of "Projects Matti Started And Never Finished."
And this blog... I started it with one purpose in mind: to collect my ramblings in one place, and share stories from my life. It's become a disorganized mess and because of this, I feel like it failed to reach any particular audience. In the 3 years it has been up and running, it has only had 30,000 views. That's roughly 278 views a month, or 9 views a day. This amounts to spit in a vast ocean of blogs. If one of my goals as a writer was to reach a diverse audience, I've failed spectacularly.
Writing and I have been together for about two decades. When we first met, it was pretty much love at first sight. I used to spend most of days and nights with her, when I wasn't with my other mistress, Reading. Together we created a large body of work: poems, stories, novels, and even song lyrics. Writing was there for me when no one else was, through some of the toughest times in my life. I never thought for a second that we'd ever be apart.
Truth is, I don't love Writing anymore. We no longer have fun. It feels like a chore. Over the years, I've moved around a lot, and a lot of our hard work has been lost. Dozens of stories, a few unfinished novels, some really bad fanfiction, hundreds of poems, have all disappeared into the ether. Therefore it seems like a lot of my hard work has been for nothing, since I don't really have a lot to show for it.
Though breaking up with Writing has been painful and even a bit challenging, it's also been rather freeing. I've discovered new pursuits and fallen in love with old hobbies. Not to mention, I've gotten better grades this semester because I've been focused more on school work and my future career rather than a hobby that I no longer enjoy. I've also spent less time sitting alone in front of my computer and more time making friends. Why, I even met the love of my life and got married!
I have a feeling that I will go back to writing one day. I just don't know when. I still haven't decided what I am going to do with this blog or if I am ever going to finish my novel. I'm probably going to take it down eventually and use the gems to either start a new blog, or try to get them published elsewhere. As for the novel, it will probably sit on a shelf until sweet Inspiration decides to visit me once again. This is not the last you'll hear from me, folks. I will make my mark some other way.

Goodbye for now,

Matti Dos Santos

28 Things I've Realised by (Almost) 28

2014-01-16T15:10:00.001-07:00

My 28th birthday is this Sunday. I'm getting closer and closer to the Big 3-0. I'm sure life still as many lessons left to teach me, but I've learned quite a bit in my almost 28 years on this planet. I wonder what I'll have to add to this list in 28 more years.

1) A lot of the folks you went to high school with are graduated from college, in the careers of their dreams, in the city they hoped they'd end up in. If you're still working on this, don't worry. Everyone has their own journey and comparing mine to someone else's will only make you miserable.

2) When you're 21 and barely legal to drink, it's perfectly okay to spend your weekends puking in dirty club bathrooms and doing silly things you won't remember later. When you're 28, it's pathetic and kinda sad.

3) Cartoon character tattoos (like Winnie the Pooh) are never okay at any age.

4) Rebound flings are fine, but make sure they *stay* rebound flings. Making them into a relationship is a terrible idea pretty much all the time.

5) Did you have a shitty childhood? I did, and while it sucks, I made peace with it. There comes a time when you have to stop blaming your parents and realise you're an adult, therefore you're responsible for your choices.

6) If your shitty childhood won't stop bothering you, get therapy.

7) People will say just about ANYTHING to get you to sleep with them.

8) Bring baked goods to the office every now and then (bonus points if they're homemade) and you'll be popular.

9) Quit going out to eat all the damn time. It's expensive and unhealthy. Suck it up and cook your own food. If you don't have time, make time.

10) Spend more time reading and less time watching TV. You'll be much more interesting, your vocabulary will expand and your imagination will grow.

11) Do something out of your comfort zone. It keeps life exciting and will help you overcome your fears. For me, it's really hard to talk to strangers so I make it a goal to say hi to a stranger every day.

12) Don't keep around a toxic friend just because you feel sorry for them, or because you've known them for years and feel like you owe them. Cut them out of your life and you'll be much happier.

13) It's better to have a small group of good friends who will always be there for you rather than lots of acquaintances that you never see.

14) Stop being so self conscious. No one is paying attention anyway. They're too focused on themselves to notice you.

15) Many people never really grow up; they're stuck in junior high/high school popularity contest. I've seen middle aged women act like catty 13-year-olds. I've seen grown men act like bullies on a schoolyard playground.

16) If you haven't already, start taking care of your skin now. This means cleanse, tone, moisturise. Day cream with SPF during the day, night cream before you go to bed. You can't fight wrinkles forever, but you can have healthy, moisturised skin.

17) Don't feel bad if your biological clock hasn't started going haywire yet. (I'm pretty sure mine is broken.)

18) As you get older, losing weight gets harder. There's a good chance that if you're fat now, you may always be fat. Changing this will be a lot of work, but it will pay off in the end.

19) Stop reading beauty magazines. They just make you feel bad about yourself. Start reading magazines like Mental Floss. At least you'll learn something that doesn't involve finding the perfect shade of lipstick or giving your man the perfect blowjob.

20) Oh, and if you've reached the age of 28 without knowing how to give a good blowjob... I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

21)It's true that you may never forget your first love, but for heaven's sake, don't waste time chasing those feelings with every person you meet afterward. When you're a teenager everything feels new and exciting. When you get older and you've had a few heartbreaks, love feels a lot different but that doesn't make it any less meaningful or wonderful.

22) No matter how old you get, your parents will always consider you their baby. And your mum will always have the power to make you feel like you're five years old. Don't try to fight it, just accept it.

23) Sometimes people just won't like you. Hell, some people may just hate you on sight. This doesn't necessarily make the other person a bad person, or mean you have some fundamental defect. It just means someone doesn't like you. Move on.

24) The teenage version of you would cringe at this thought, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with dressing for comfort and not fashion. Jeans, a giant hoodie and comfy sneaks 24/7? Sure, why not? (Bonus points if the comfy sneaks are Keds.)

25) As you get older, hangovers suck more. In your early 20s you could usually fight them with Gatorade and a good breakfast, but now they require spending the whole day in bed.

26) Getting carded at bars and clubs makes you feel awesome. "I don't look old enough to be here?... You have to card everyone? Dammit, just let me have this!"

27) Your younger friends will sometimes annoy you with their naivete and your older friends will annoy you when they say "Well, when I was your age..."

28) Life is one big, beautiful, chaotic mess. You will rarely get everything you want. The trick is to be happy with everything you have.

---M. Dos Santos

The Time We Had (song lyrics)

2013-11-17T21:35:00.002-07:00

Days are long

Nights are longer

Every day I get stronger, though

I still miss you so

Shine a light

Help me, guide me

Another morning

Without you beside me

Oh, why did you have to go?

No fly by night lover can heal this pain

There's no more sunshine, there's only rain

The time we had is gone

The love we shared is gone

I've been replaced

You've found another

Remember when we said

We'd only love each other, well

That's all gone to hell

I'll give away your things

Put your pictures on a shelf

Wish I could solve all my problems

With someone else

But it just feels so wrong

The love we shared is gone

Gonna drown it all in alcohol

Wash everything away

Maybe I'll get some sleep tonight

And face another day

Why can't I just move on?

The time we had is gone

The love we shared is gone

---M.

Better Than Nothing

2013-11-09T18:44:00.001-07:00

Imagine the most beautiful girl you know. She's sweet, charming and just plain fun to be around. Every day you look forward to her “Good morning” texts; you can't go to sleep until you text her good night. The best days are the ones where you just lounge around together, watching bad TV or talking about everything and nothing at the same time. The best nights are the ones when she's stretched out on your bed, dozing peacefully while you lie next to her, wondering how anyone so perfect could possibly real.

She calls you her brother, her partner in crime, her best friend. But she doesn't want you the way that you want her. “I just can't see you like that,” she says. So steadfastly, you stay by her side, consoling her when someone else breaks her heart, listening to all her bad date stories and friend drama. You're there for her when she can't make ends meet. When you have to go away on business for a few weeks on a long trip, you send her flowers and bring her souvenirs. Deep in your heart, you know you want something more than this, but you don't want to push her away. Sometime companionship is better than no companionship. Something is better than nothing.

Better.

Than.

Nothing.

Better than nothing is what a person settles for when they're tired of being alone, sick of blind dates set up by well-meaning friends. They're sick of online dating which feels more like some kind demeaningof competition, like soulmate shopping rather than dating. They're over their coupled friends dispensing unhelpful advice, or worse, saying things like, “Man, I wish I was single again!”

Truth is, in some ways, this kind of relationship is even worse than being single, because you are this person's partner in everything but name, and probably sex. This kind of relationship may last for a few a weeks or months, but invariably you will get dumped for someones that this person is actually into. It will feel just as bad as a breakup, if not worse.

Whilst you remain blinded by an unrequited soup of emotions, there is someone waiting in the wings, watching you and wondering what the hell your problem is. She may not be as beautiful or charming as the object of your affection, but she's crazy about you and just wishes you would notice her. She watches your wannabe paramour push you away as you try harder and harder to make your way into her heart. She wonders if she even has a chance.

Eventually you get tired of playing second fiddle and you realise you want something more. You crave something more than this hollow, frustrating pseudo-relationship. You know now that you've been settling for way less than you deserve, and you've been starving for affection and romance that has been sorely lacking. You let go... And fall into the arms of the one who was watching from the wings. In that moment you have an epiphany: you deserve love, real love, not the candy-coated frustration you been given for so long. You were like a prisoner kept alive on bread and water... Now, her touch makes you feel whole, and your soul is nourished.

You realise now that when your beautiful friend was acting like she didn't give a shit, she wasn't playing hard to get... she really didn't give a shit. You were content to let your heart be trampled on; you were content to be used, then thrown away like a Kleenex when you didn't fit into her life anymore. You know now that you're free... and you're not better than nothing anymore. You're something to someone who adores and cares about you. Now you'll never settle for anything less.

Ask a Plant-Muncher: "Are you veg*n because you don't like meat?"

2013-10-06T12:14:00.000-07:00

I've got a confession to make. This may come as a surprise, seeing as I have not eaten it in over two years, but I love meat.

There was a time in my life when nothing made me happier than a big, juicy steak (covered in A-1 steak sauce of course). I adored going to restaurants like Fuddrucker's and Carl's Jr, indulging in a meaty burger. One of the best dates I have ever been on was at Marcello's, which is a chophouse in Albuquerque, NM. My date and I had porterhouse steak, truffled mac and cheese, and listened to live jazz. One of my favourite recipes was bacon-wrapped pigs in a blanket. (Pretty sure I have pics floating around somewhere.) So,yeah, clearly a meat aficionado here. So, what changed?

Well, like many people, I only liked meat a certain way. I could not stand seeing bones, cartilage, fat, gristle... Anything that reminded me that it was once a living being. Once, Mum ordered chicken wings from Domino's, I bit into a big fat vein, and went straight away into the bathroom where I threw up. Another time I got a steak which had been undercooked. When blood started running onto the plate I could not finish my meal because I was so disgusted. I also could only eat meat if I had been either heavily processed (like deli slices or bacon) or covered in sauce, gravy, or condiments of some kind. I knew a guy who was into bodybuilding who ate plain chicken breasts and spinach for dinner; I used to always tease him and say, "Put some barbecue sauce on that shit, bro!"

Over time I started becoming more disgusted with myself because I could not seem to keep up the same kind of cognitive dissonance like others around me. Why could everyone else eat sausage and eggs for breakfast and feel nothing, and I couldn't? I remembered the project I did on factory farming back in high school, and the revulsion I felt after learning about the horrors chickens go through for our chicken sandwiches and eggs. I decided to revisit that, but not after getting into a lot of debates with vegans and vegetarians on the Internet. One day someone sent me a message saying, "Watch Earthlings" with a link to the movie. Narrated by Joaquin Phoenix, the movie details the different ways animals are killed and exploited for human consumption. I forced myself to watch the entire thing (even though I was in tears ten minutes in).

I decided then and there that if I couldn't look my food in the face, I didn't deserve to eat it. I also could not, in good conscience, support the cruelty and horror involved in factory farming. Then and there I became a vegetarian. A few weeks later, I went even further and became vegan. Though I'm nowhere near perfect and I have the occasional slip-up, I feel like this lifestyle is the best thing that ever happened to me, and my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

Do I still crave meat? Yes, on occasion. Same way I crave cigarettes. (There was another time in my life when I was rarely seen without a cigarette poking out of my mouth). I know cigarettes are bad for me , make me smell awful, burn a hole in my pocketbook, change the way food tastes... But that doesn't mean I don't crave the comfort a cigarette used to bring. Meat, too, was a comfort food for me. No longer. All it takes it a little willpower and I am stronger than my tastebuds, cultural conditioning and societal pressure.

--M. Dos Santos

Darlin' (poetry/song thingy)

2013-09-28T15:56:00.002-07:00

I'm in love for the first time since the last time

Think I'm finally ready to fall

I've taken your hand, we're setting sail for uncharted lands

I'm gonna give it all my all

Put your arms around me

Hold me tight

Call me your darlin'

Make everything all right

For so long I was lonely, I was lost in space

With no one to call my own

But in your beautiful eyes I see a future, I see a better place

I've found somewhere to call home

Just put your arms around me

Hold me tight

Call me your darlin'

And make everything all right

You didn't win me with wine

You didn't bribe me with flowers

And though it may not be perfect

I love it cos it's ours

I'm not the kind of girl

Who needs a man, it's true

But now I can't imagine

Living life without you

I need your arms around me

Holding me tight

Whisper in my ear, darlin'

And make everything all right'

Keep On Forgetting (poem/song lyrics)

2013-09-02T18:41:00.000-07:00

I know I shouldn't think about you
Pretend you don't even exist
Move on with my life
Cross you off my list
It would be so easy
To pass you by in the hall
Minding my own business
Not caring at all
But in a world full of lies
This is the only truth
I keep on forgetting
To forget about you
Won't give you a chance to reject me
You don't even know my name
Somehow I'll silence the yearning
And live through the pain
Somebody help me
Tell me what should I do?
I keep on forgetting
To forget about you
Somebody save me
It's bleeding through
I keep on forgetting
To forget about you

Higher (poetry/song thingy)

2013-08-21T11:26:00.001-07:00

"Higher"

Hey, why don't you pick up the phone?
Haven't heard from you in awhile
And I'm tired of being alone
Hey, I know you're hurting inside
But if you just give me a chance
I'll make everything all right
Cos you're like heroin
Coursing through my veins
First comes the ecstasy then the pain
Just take my hand
Maybe then you'll understand
And as your golden hair surrounds me
I'll take you higher than you've ever been before
Don't try to fight it, just embrace it
Tell me, tell me now that you want more
Hey, I understand that you're afraid
Those other girls, they've hurt you
But I'm not the same
I'll do my best to wash it all
Away from your memory
First, I need you next to me
This chance comes once in a lifetime, make the best of it
As for my lifetime, you can have the rest of it
You've nothing left to prove
And nothing left to lose
And as your golden hair surrounds me
I'll take you higher than you've ever been before
Don't try to fight it, just embrace it
Tell me, tell me now that you want more

-- M. Dos Santos

An Open Letter to Someone Whose Heart I've Broken

2013-01-15T20:36:00.000-07:00

When I first met you, I was thirteen years old. Awkward, short, chubby with bad teeth and no fashion sense to speak of. No one would have called me pretty. You were fifteen and amazing. You were tall, with almond shaped brown eyes, and a mop of black hair, and a mouth full of the craziest braces I'd ever seen. You were the first person who ever gave me butterflies in my stomach; I bet you didn't know that, did you? Well, even after all these years, when I think back these days... I feel bittersweet nostalgia.
You were best friends with my best friend's boyfriend. Therefore you were always in the background. Those two would be acting lovey-dovey and we'd be standing around awkwardly, unsure of what to do or say. I wanted very badly for you to be my boyfriend. But of course, I had no idea how to tell you how I felt. I thought about writing a letter. I thought about telling Danielle to talk to you for me. In the end, I ended up resorting to something only a 90s creeper would do: I looked up your phone number in the phone book. There weren't many people with your last name, and it didn't take me long to get to you.
You actually seemed pleasantly surprised to hear from me. For over an hour we talked about silly, mundane things; and yet, I could not bring myself to tell you those magic words. Fear won in the end. When we hung up, my initial elation turned into misery. I had failed. I was not allowed to be talking on the phone with boys and I was punished severely. But it was worth it, just to hear your voice and your laughter.
Our friends eventually broke up, and we never hung out anymore. You went on to high school and I went on to eighth grade. Of course I had other loves over the years, but every now and then I would find myself thinking about you and wondering what happened to you. Did you go to college? Did you get married? What were you doing for a living? Where did you live now? For some reason I couldn't get you out of my head.
Then, in June 2011, I found you on Facebook. Oh man, I thought to myself. The years have only made him more handsome. Your adolescent brown mop had become something wild, and untamed. A beautiful halo framing your exotic features. I wondered if you would even remember me. I sent you a friend request anyway. It was over a year before you accepted it.
You didn't remember me at first, because I had changed my name and I looked nothing like the person you knew before. On June 22nd, 2012, you asked me out on a date. 13 years later... and I finally had a date with you. I was ecstatic. You showed up at my door with a shy smile and a dozen red roses. All these old feelings came rushing back. Destiny had brought you back into my life for a reason, I told myself. I vowed to hang onto you as long as I could.
Soon enough we became lovers. And that's when things started to change. I had not seen you in over a decade and I didn't know your story. How was I to know you had inner demons you were still fighting, and you had known so much despair and pain? How were you to know that three broken engagements and one failed marriage had given me more trust issues than most people could be reasonably expected to handle? We were both very messed-up, lonely people, clinging to each other. I thought I could just put a Band-Aid on my wounds and forget it; but I didn't realize just how deeply I'd been cut. For being with you shook me to my very core, and I became terrified that you would leave. The harder I clung to you, the more you pushed me away. We were locked in a battle of wills.
You told me you would never say "I love you" because you didn't believe in love. That was what hurt the most I think. I wanted to give you my heart, but you wouldn't let me. I became angry and resentful. I held it in because I didn't want to start any more fights.
The end came in mid-August. You were tired of my nonsense and I was tired of you not feeling the way I wanted you to feel about me. It was ugly, it was long, and I cried for days. I would spend nights staring at the ceiling, wishing I would just fall asleep and not wake up. My junior-high fantasy didn't come true. Instead, it became a nightmare, an emotional train wreck. The worst part about it all was that I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship, but I decided to enter one anyway, all for the sake of a happy ending for my puerile fairy tale. There was only one way our story could end, and that was not well.
I wish I could tell you how sorry I truly am. I wish you could know how much I regret trying to make you into something you're not. I wish you could be happy with me, but I know that's an impossibility because you will always have those walls built up. I want to hand you my heart on a silver platter but I know you will just turn your face away. So I guess, in the end, all I can say is this...
I love you.
I'm sorry.
Please don't hate me.

Matti's Slow-Cooker Seitan Roast Recipe-- So Good You'll Want to Slap Yo Momma!

2013-01-05T23:37:00.001-07:00

Imagine the taste of tender, flavourful, succulent roast. Remember that? Amazing, isn't it? Just because you're vegan, that doesn't mean you have to give up eating your Sunday roast. You just have to make it animal-free. Seitan, aka "that amazingly versatile stuff made with vital wheat gluten" can be very tricky for the newbie vegan. Don't fret! This simple, no-fuss recipe will be sure to please everyone (yes, even the die-hard carnivores).

Note: You can seriously throw in whatever you have on hand when you make seitan. Mix it up a bit!

For the Seitan:

2 1/2 cups vital wheat gluten

For the stock:

2 cups of water
1/3 cup steak marinade (I like Lawry's)
1/3 cup barbecue sauce ( I use Emeril's Sweet Molasses)
1/3 cup Bragg's Liquid Aminos
3 vegan beef-flavoured stock cubes (try Edward&Sons)
1 tbs Marmite or any other yeast extract
2 tsp liquid smoke, preferably mesquite flavoured
2 tsp crushed garlic
1 1/2 tsp onion powder
2 tsp Mrs Dash or Spike Seasoning

Kicked up version (thank you Emeril)

Sub spicy barbecue sauce
Instead of Mrs Dash and onion powder, substitute cayenne pepper and chili powder

Now let's put it all together!

1) Mix all stock ingredients in a large bowl. Divide stock in half. Mix one half of the stock with the gluten, making sure all ingredients are well combined. Use your hands and knead for 5-10 minutes. (If you have a stand mixer, the bread hook will do all the work for you!)

2) Place the seitan into the slow-cooker and cover with remaining stock. Add a little more water if necessary. Let it cook on high for 3-4 hours (depending on how tender you want it).

That's it. Seriously. When it's done, you can carve it up and serve with whatever sides you desire. I like to top mine with steak sauce and eat it with salad and French fries.

Bon appetit! *burp*

Relationship Lessons Learned

2012-12-20T22:16:00.003-07:00

I've been in the dating game for a few years-- okay, make that the better part of a decade. I had my first real relationship when I was 16. In that time, I've had one failed marriage and three broken engagements, a fling or two, and some one-night stands that I'd rather forget about. I'm currently single (and not looking, either) but I have learned a lot from everything that's happened to me. Now I'm passing it on because I don't want people to make the same mistakes I have. Sure, mistakes are how you learn, but if you can avoid heartbreak, you should!

So here goes, take some notes, there will be a test.

1) Take things slow.

When I was 22 I met this amazingly handsome guy named Roy. He was charming, he was witty, he was intelligent... did I mention amazingly handsome? We seemed to click right away. By the second date I found out we not only liked the same books, we had the same favourite band (Lacuna Coil) and we liked all the same anime. By date three I was sleeping over at his apartment. Everything seemed perfect.
However it only took a few weeks for everything to fall apart. There was no air of mystery, we'd become too close too fast and the whole thing felt stale. I guess he felt the same way because he decided to stop seeing me before we even became officially boyfriend and girlfriend. Had we taken things slower and gotten to know each other better before sleeping together and swapping life stories, I'm sure things would have been WAY different.

2) Don't make someone into a project.

Another person I dated when I was 22 was Joe. He was a playboy who drove a fast car and jet-setted around the world seeking out new adventures. He'd moved to Albuquerque from Miami and was full of stories about the scene there. I was fascinated by his charisma and joie de vivre. At the beginning, though, he was clear about one thing: he did not want an exclusive relationship. He had no interest in settling down, ever. On the surface I was okay with it but inside I thought, I bet I can make him love me enough so that he won't want anyone else.
This is a pretty common mistake. A fitness enthusiast dating an overweight person trying to get him to be fit, for instance. Or an extrovert trying to drag her introvert girlfriend out to clubs every weekend. Problem is, many people are stubborn and set in their ways, especially the older they get. They'll change if they want to, and coercing them to do so to prove they "love" you is counterproductive.
The night I breached his trust and stole his phone, only to find sexy texts from other women, proved that he and I weren't meant to be because we wanted different things. Which goes along with the next lesson...

3) Work out your ideological differences before you commit.

My ex-fiance and I were perfect on the surface. We were both rockers who loved going to concerts and spending nights in watching trashy shows on CW. He was a Christian and I was a Pagan. I had no problem with his religious beliefs, but over time it became apparent he had issues with mine. He was always bugging me to go to church with him. I said over and over that I didn't want to go, and I'd be uncomfortable, but he was insistent. One night, after we'd been drinking a lot, he blurted that he was afraid that we wouldn't be together in heaven because I'd be in hell for not believing in God. That was the beginning of the end of our two-year courtship.'
I'm not saying the ideological differences spell doom for every relationship. I'm sure there are plenty of happily married liberals and conservatives, vegans and hardcore meat lovers, and so on. However, be clear about who you are upfront. For example, if you want kids and your partner doesn't, you are going to be in for years of heartbreak and disappointment if you choose to remain in the relationship.

4) Let go of all the baggage.

Seriously, do it. You're going to ruin every relationship you have if you don't. Yes, your ex cheated on you. Yes, another ex ditched you at the altar. But thinking everyone new you date is out to get you will only cause problems. Come to each new relationship with a clean slate and no expectations. If it ends up becoming serious, great. If not, it's okay to grieve for a time, but move on. You'll feel a lot better, trust me.

5) Don't turn a fling or a one night stand into a relationship.

Enjoy them for what they are, but don't expect anything more. Being single for long periods of time can be, admittedly, sexually frustrating. However, if you've just gotten out of a relationship, it can be easy to make a friend with benefits or one night stand into something more. Avoid it at all costs. You're already heartbroken and vulnerable, and you're not in the right frame of mind to be in a relationship with anyone. If you want sex, fine, but leave it at that.

6) If you're being abused in any way, leave. Do whatever it takes, just fucking leave.

Statistics say most domestic violence goes unreported. I dated someone who would hit me and verbally abuse me in front of his friends. I was afraid to tell anyone, but I'm sure that everyone noticed the bruises. Eventually I became so scared for my safety that I ended up packing all my stuff when he wasn't around on day and having my family come get me. I wonder what would have happened if I'd ended it when the red flags started popping up. Unsure if you're being abused? Go HERE. Someone who claims to love you should never hurt you like that. There is no excuse, it's not okay, and you don't deserve it.

7) Never forget your first love.

I've written pretty extensively on my first love so I won't re-hash that story. I will however, add to it, because I am grateful for that experience. This person was the one who taught me what it is to fall in love, and what it is to love someone completely with no predispositions or baggage. I may never feel this way about anyone ever again, but that doesn't make me any less grateful for the experience. Hold onto those memories, write them in your diary if it's easier. You only get one first love.
And hey, if you're an artsy type, you may get a good poem or song out of it.

-- M. Dos Santos

Haibun (Japanese Poetry)

2012-12-12T23:40:00.002-07:00

Haibun is a form of Japanese poetry that was popularised in the 17th century by poet Matsuo Bosho. it combines a prose poem and a haiku, which communicate with each other either subtly or directly. 3rd person objective is used in the prose, while the haiku follows the traditional 5-7-5 rule.

The First Time

She had waited so long for this moment. The timing was perfect. He was perfect. Conversation, which before had been so shy and awkward, came to a standstill. The long night stretched before them as they dove into each other face first.

fear morphs into joy
unexplored terrain conquered
infinite rapture

Vegan On a Budget

2012-11-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

Who isn't on a budget these days? Unless your last name is Trump, you're probably one of the many people who has to plan out where each of their hard earned dollars goes. In the short time I've been on a plant-based lifestyle, I've been told, "Oh, Matti, I'd love to go vegan-- but it's just too expensive. We're on a tight budget and we simply can't afford it." Now, I could preach all damn day about how expensive medications like Lipitor, Cymbalta, and Viagra are-- they can cost several hundred dollars a month. I could go on and on about about how expensive open heart surgery is. (I hope you have about 60 grand laying around.) However, truth is, most people do not think in the long term. They want to know how to save money NOW. So here they are: my best tips for living vegan on the cheap!

First of all, you need to recognise that certain things are going to cost you. Vegan cheese, faux meat, vegan baked goods-- these are considered luxury items. There are some vegans who can afford to eat these kind of things almost daily. (Alas, I am a poor college student. ) If you are cash conscious like me, you must learn to limit these to an occasional treat. For a newbie vegan this may be a bit tough, but I assure you it's worth it. Rice, beans, and tofu are very cheap, nutritious and filling; they can be prepared a variety of ways. When grocery shopping, check out the bulk section of your grocery store. You can often find great deals on vegan staples! Not to mention, dry bulk items keep for a very long time. If you cannot afford to have fresh produce all the time, stock up on frozen. Stay away from canned produce as much as possible, as nutrients are often lost in the canning process.

Invest in a rice cooker or a slow cooker. You can use these to make large batches of cheap vegan meals! One idea is filling the steamer basket of a rice cooker with tofu and vegetables, cooking it alongside the rice. You can use the slow cooker to make vegan chili or stew. The wonderful thing about these appliances is that since it takes some time to cook the food, you can literally ignore them for hours while you get important things done. Of course, though they'll save you money in the long run, rice cookers can be very pricey upfront. Check out local secondhand shops. I found a rice cooker at Goodwill for $5.99.

Sometimes, in our efforts "to keep up with the Joneses". we take on more financially than we can realistically handle. We may have expensive cable or satellite TV, we may go out to eat too often, or we may buy impulsively buy stuff we can live without. Does this sound like you? If so, consider moving towards a minimal lifestyle. (I've got a great beginner's guide on minimalist living right here). You'll not only de-clutter your life, you'll save money, and be able to afford the crazy 15 dollar shipping fee for St Martaen's vegan cheese. Kidding, but the possibility is there.

Health food store prices got ya down? Check out your local ethnic markets! Many Asian and Indian markets are chock full of vegan options. I live in a rural farm town where you can expect to pay about $8 for a pack of vegan hot dogs. However, I can vegan ramen, tofu, hard-to-find spices, and so on for cheap at my local Asian market. Why, I once found a quart of the tastiest coconut milk ice cream for just $4. If you're not sure about an ingredient on the package, just ask one of the staff. I have found that most folks at ethnic markets know what "vegan" is and can tell you whether an ingredient is suitable or not.

Now that you have the general idea of how easy it is to be vegan on the cheap, check out the following websites for some easy meal ideas:

http://www.tryveg.com/cfi/toc/?v=07budget

http://photos.happyherbivore.com/pdf/7-Day-Meal-Plans-Sample_Day.pdf

http://www.cheapandsimpleveganrecipes.com/how-to-be-vegan-on-the-cheap/

Being poor is no excuse not to be vegan. Now you know. Get cooking!

M/

The Dark Side of Fatherhood

2012-10-12T14:55:00.004-07:00

"I stay late at work just to postpone coming home to a screeching wife and kid. I don't know which one is worse. I have no freedom. I can't go back to college. I can't travel. I feel as though I'm wearing a ball and chain. If I had one wish, it would be to go back and get a vasectomy before I met my wife."

So reads on of the many entries on the now defunct website, "True Dad Confessions". For some people, this may not be too shocking. We hear about deadbeat dads all the time. However, many of the guys on the website were not deadbeats in any way. They're your average married Joes, doing exactly what society expects of them. They're fulfilling their obligations to carry on the family name, give their parents grandchildren, and hopefully raising productive citizens.

And not surprisingly, many of them HATE it.

They hate the drudgery, the hum-drum mediocrity of day to day living, sharing space with small people who sometimes can't do much but cry and soil their diapers. A lot of men don't even LIKE children, or even want them.Proclaims a good friend, "Babies are disgusting! I'll never have any of of those." And another man on "Confessions" echoes this sentiment:

"Babies are flat-out boring. Maybe when it's old enough to have some kind of a personality, I will love it. But now? Eh. All it does is lie there, shit its pants, cry, eat and sleep."

Another dreaded thing for men is the way their wives change when Baby makes three. Sometime the fun-loving free-spirit they married because a neurotic mess. She transforms into a woman who suddenly cares about Mommy and Me yoga, Blue's Clues, Kindermusik and to breastfeed or not to breastfeed. She becomes so enthralled with motherhood that anything that isn't child-shaped suddenly doesn't matter, and her husband treated like the hired help.Guys will do anything to make their wife happy, even if it makes them unhappy in the process. After all, love involves sacrifice and compromise... right?

Men are in a pretty awkward position in this regard. While he can choose to wear a condom (or not) ultimately he is not the one who carries the baby, and he has little say in what the woman chooses to do with her body. He is often forced to go with whatever his wife decides. He may feel like he was "tricked" into parenthood and feel resentful, maybe even bitter. Such as this fellow:

"I wish I'd never let her talk me into having kids. I didn't want them. And now that we do, we can't go back to the way things were. Things were perfect before. Don't get me wrong, I do love them and would do anything for them. It's just life was so much better before. We're living paycheck to paycheck because she quit work to be a stay at home mom and we never get to do anything fun. It's just kids, kids, kids. I'd switch places with my childless buddies any day."

You may wonder, if so many men hate fatherhood so much, why do they do it? Why even bother? The answer's easy. They feel like they don't have a choice! Turn on the television or watch a movie sometime. How many long-term, happy single men do you see? Probably few, if any. Unmarried men are seen as lazy, immature, irresponsible and selfish. Guys have it drilled into them their whole lives that in order to be a grown up, they must marry and have kids. They're never even told that there's an option to stay single (or if they do choose to marry, not have children). Once a man realises what he's gotten himself into, it's too late. He can't just leave his wife and children or he'll look like a deadbeat, It's a vicious circle.

True Dad Confessions ia archived, and the posts I've included here are a small sampling. I hope that men who are on the fence would take a look and see what some other dads have to say. Men should realise that there is a choice and they don't have to live their lives being dictated by societal norms. Travel, get a hobby, learn a language, do something with your life! Let these confessions be a reminder that parenthood isn't for everyone.

How To Deal With Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder

2012-08-07T00:32:00.001-07:00

People with Borderline Personality disorder rarely have stable relationships. They are often laden with conflict, intense, and short-lived. Familial relationships are often strained as well, because family members have a difficult time coping with their loved one's erratic behaviour. Many people with BPD struggle with addiction and this can be a burden on their families and friends as well. If you have a friend or relative who has BPD, you need to understand that their minds do not work like a "normal" person's does. Read on to find some simple strategies that will help you cope with their behaviour, ease conflict, and strengthen your relationship.

Recognise that Borderline behaviour is not deliberate.

It can be very hard not to take some of the things a person with borderline does personally. They may snap at you for seemingly nothing at all, get angry over silly things and hate you for breaking a promise. While this can be distressing, realise that a your loved one is not doing it on purpose. They simply don't know any other way to think and have difficulty controlling their emtotions.

Learn to communicate in a way that your loved one will not find offensive.

People with BPD often have a short fuse. Saying the wrong thing can cause extreme anger and the borderline person will often stew over what someone has said to them. This is because BPDs tend to feel negative emotions an average of 20% longer than someone who doesn't have BPD. Find a neutral setting (like a coffee shop, for instance) and ask your loved one about the specific words or actions that upset them. Let him know that you care for him and his feelings matter. Be patient, as he may be skeptical and may not open up right away.

Help him boost his self-esteem.

BPDs tend to have very low self-esteem and are their own biggest critics. They may feel worthless, like their accomplishments don't matter, and beat themselves up when they feel like they have failed. Pay attention to your loved one's achievements and praise them. (e.g., "You've been sober for 30 days? That's wonderful! I knew you could do it.") His first response may be to demur and downplay his accomplishment because praise often makes BPDs uncomfortable. If this is the case, immediately restate your appreciation but back off if your loved one gets frustrated.

Understand that you need to regulate your own emotions as well.

It can be very difficult for someone to watch a loved one suffer and be unable to control their behaviour. It is also difficult to deal with the aftermath of their impulsive or risky behaviours, such as picking them up from jail, getting a call from the hospital because he has overdosed, and so on. Many family and friends of BPDs become fearful, guilty, judgemental and desperate. If you find yourself feeling this way, seek help from a counselor. If you can regulate your own emotions, you are better equipped to help your loved one deal with theirs.

Recognise suicidal behaviour, but do NOT enforce it!

At one point or another, you are most likely going to deal with a suicide attempt or suicide threat from your loved on. If he starts displaying suicidal behaviour, try your best to handle it in that moment. Ask him about his emotions and validate (don't contradict) them. Don't bring up past issues, focus on the getting him through the crisis. It is also imperative that you do not give your loved one special treatment only when they threaten suicide, because you may inadvertently be reinforcing the behaviour. He may start acting suicidal to elicit attention when he feels he cannot get it any other way.

Encourage him to get professional help.

While BPD does tend to improve when a person reaches their thirties and forties, long-term therapy may help curb impulsive behaviours and teach new ways of thinking. Try to find a therapist in your area who is experienced in cognitive behavioural therapy. This can be expensive and may not be covered by insurance, so if money is an issue, look into clinics that offer sliding scales for fees. Your loved one will most likely refuse help and if this is the case, do not force the issue. Instead, seek help yourself and support your loved one as best as you can.

Have a safety plan handy in case of emergency.

This should include a list of phone numbers to call or places to visit in case of a crisis. Include suicide prevention hotline numbers, emergency services, close friends, and family members. Make sure that there is someone available every hour of every day. Also important to note are positive coping techniques (such as listening to music, meditating or taking a walk) that the person can use to re-focus their mind. List warning signs and things that may trigger a crisis on the plan. For people who have anxiety or panic disorders it is also important to have some instructions included, such as "Take your Klonopin on the way to the ER". Remind your loved one to keep the plan with them at all times where they can easily get to it, such as in a wallet.

--Matti Dos Santos

For a look into the mind of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, check out the following video:

HMS (Poetry)

2012-07-14T16:02:00.003-07:00

Note: This poem was actually written sometime in 2007, but I decided to dig it up and rework it a bit. It was
written in a pretty dark and tormented period in my life. Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

"HMS"

All is lost, so go on, jump ship
Don't you dare look back
Everything you ever loved is burning
Your heart is a smoldering wreck
Send the SOS, all hands on deck
We can't save her, the flames are consuming
We're surrounded by the remnants of
A powerful love kindled between
Two childish and naive souls
These words, like water, cannot quench the fire
Their liquid embrace is quickly overpowered
Now is the time to surrender
Forever lost in the seas of emotion
I will go down with this ship...
Save yourself, let me die knowing I failed
Raising the tattered white flag with my burning hand
This ship, my heart, is ablaze in defeat

Matti Dos Santos

5 Diet Habits That Are (Secretly) Making You Fat

2012-06-22T06:55:00.004-07:00

60% of American adults are considered overweight, and worldwide obesity is climbing every year. We eat way too much processed food, don't exercise enough, and have way too much stress. Perhaps you've decided that you're tired of shopping for clothes in the plus-size section and you want to look and feel healthier. But what if you've been dieting and exercising but find that those pounds remain as stubborn as ever? Take a look at the following common diet saboteurs.

Calorie Restriction

The Reasoning: Most people believe that in order to lose weight, one must simply consume less calories than you use in a day. It seems pretty simple. Conventional wisdom dictates that if you simply eat 100 calories less than you burn in a day, over a month you will lose one pound, or 12 pounds a year. Well, what if you want to lose more than that? Easy, just cut more calories.

Why It's Wrong: You'll definitely lose weight on a low calorie diet, but once you go back to your former eating habits, you'll gain it back. Other risks of a very low calorie diet include gallstones and heart disease (due to the rapid release of cholesterol into the bloodstream), fatigue, nausea, dizziness and constipation. Recently, the HCG diet which touted eating 500 calories a day and using supplemental human pregnancy hormone for weight loss was exposed to be a dangerous and expensive scam.

The Fix: Find out how many calories you need a day by checking out this simple and easy to use calorie counter. Keep a food diary to make sure you're getting enough to eat. You may lose weight more slowly this way, but it will also be much easier to keep off in the long run.

Drinking Diet Soda

The Reasoning: Diet soda has zero sugar or calories, while a 12 ounce can of Coca Cola has 180 calories and 39 grams of sugar. You figure that since you're saving yourself these calories by drinking a diet cola, you might as well splurge and have that chocolate cake with lunch.

Why it's wrong: When you have any kind of soda (diet included) with a meal, you stimulate the flow of stomach acid, which allows you to consume more calories than normal. Also, diet soda causes blood sugar levels to become unstable when your brain receives sweet flavour signals but no sugar into the blood stream, therefore you start craving sweet foods to overcome the deficit. In essence, you will end up making up for the calories you "save" by drinking diet soda.

The Fix: Soda does nothing but bad for the body and if you are trying to lose weight, it is best to give up. Drink water instead. However, if you just can't live without that sweet fizz, limit soda to one small can a day, and make it a treat (and not as a beverage for a meal). Better yet, make your own fizz by mixing seltzer with a spritz of fruit juice.

Being Dehydrated

Why it's Wrong: Without adequate water intake, the body cannot flush out the fat you lose. This will make it harder to lose weight (mild dehydration slows metabolism by about 3%) Many people do not like the taste of water so they drink sodas (they only dehydrate you faster), sugary sports drinks or fruit juice. These drinks contain unnecessary calories which can lead to weight gain.

The Fix: Water can be pretty boring, but it is essential to get at least 64 ounces a day (more if the weather is hot or you have been exercising). Try making your own low-calorie "vitamin water" by adding lemons, strawberries, or cucumbers to a pitcher of water, then leaving it in the refrigerator until it's cold. If you like to drink sports drinks after exercising, consider coconut water. It's has half the calories of sports drinks and three times the potassium of a banana. Another thing to remember is that the brain gets the signals for hunger and thirsty confused. If you feel hungry a couple of hours after a meal, you're probably just thirsty. Drink up, and the hunger will disappear.

Thinking Carbs Are The Enemy

The Reasoning: You can't look at a cake, bread, fruits, or starchy vegetables without thinking, "Oh my goodness, so many carbs." It's common knowledge that eating too many carbohydrates will make you gain weight. So, you resolve to go on Atkins or some other such low-carb diet and hope the pounds just melt away. After all, protein is needed to build healthy, lean muscle, so the more you get the leaner you'll be!

Why It's Wrong: The brain uses glucose as its primary fuel, which can be gotten most efficiently and effectively from complex carbohydrates. In a study done by Australian researchers, participants who ate a low-carb diet reported feeling stressed, while those eating a high-carb diet reported feeling happier. A low carbohydrate intake also boosts production of the stress hormone cortisol, in turn causing people to binge eat. Low-carb diets also stress the kidneys, raise your risk for osteoporis and high cholesterol.

The Fix: Carbohydrate-rich fruits and vegetables are also packed full of nutrients and fiber, which aid weight loss. Be aware that the kind of carbs you eat matter: complex carbohydrates such as whole wheat, brown rice and sweet potatoes are generally good for you, but simple carbohydrates such as table sugar are best limited or avoided. Eat as much fruit and vegetables as possible: sneak them into your meals, have a piece of fruit for a snack, throw them on the grill for a fresh twist. Go easy on fat-laden gravies, sauces or dressings.

Thinking Low Fat Equals Healthy

The Reasoning: Your favourite ice cream now has a low-fat version; you toss it into your trolley. You see Skittles labelled low fat, this also goes into the trolley. You stock up on Lean Cuisine, Weight Watchers and other TV dinners because they're low in fat as well. You congratulate yourself for being such a smart and health conscious shopper.

Why It's Wrong: Low fat products are not marketed for weight loss. They are merely for people who ave to watch their fat intake for health reasons. Manufacturers also use the "low fat" label to entice people to buy otherwise unhealthy foods such as candy, potato chips, and frozen yogurt. Many "weight loss" TV dinners are low in fat but contain large amounts of sodium.

The Fix: It is important to read the labels before you buy anything. Stick to whole, unprocessed food as much as possible. Consume small amounts of overt fats such as avocados (they're delicious on sandwiches and in guacamole), olive oil, and nuts-- we actually do need fat in the diet as it helps keep the skin soft and helps carry fat-soluble nutrients such as vitamin E in the bloodstream.

Want to read more about the diet wrongs listed above? Check out the following links, and happy eating!

http://www.livestrong.com/article/194142-risks-of-a-low-calorie-diet/
http://www.epigee.org/fitness/diet_foods.html
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/180858.php
http://www.nature.com/oby/journal/v16/n8/abs/oby2008284a.html
http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/features/fruits-veggies-more-matters

Matti Dos Santos

A Beginner's Guide to a Minimalist Life

2012-05-15T21:43:00.001-07:00

I was born in the US, a country where excess is the norm. You can buy a drink at a gas station soda fountain that is bigger than your stomach. Automobiles such as Hummers and SUVS get awful gas mileage and are bad for the environment, but they make the person driving them look affluent. Restaurant portions meant to feed one could feed a whole family in a third world country. Not to mention, everyone's busy, working stressful jobs, in order to make money needed to buy expensive things: the latest smartphone, the newest fashions. It's important to HAVE. Everyone seems to be afflicted with the need to HAVE, and if you don't, well, you're just a friendless loser going nowhere in life.
However, is all this HAVING really making anyone happy? Of course not. More people are being diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Stress can take years off your lifespan because chronic exposure to stress hormones damages body tissues. But instead of handing over your hard-earned money for anti-depression medication, why not try a different approach to life? By this, I mean living minimally. Living a minimalist life means getting rid of all unnecessary clutter and spending more time with the people that you love.
"But, Matti!" you protest. "Do you expect me to live out of a suitcase or something? And I can't get rid of my iPhone, I'm addicted to it." First of all, you can still live in a your fancy loft and be a minimalist. Heck, you can still have an iPhone and be a minimalist. But that pile of stuff that you have in your closet that you barely look at, and stresses you out, has to go. That huge credit card bill, car payment, cable bill? Those can go too. Below, a few simple steps to making your life simpler:

1) Write out a list of everything you own. Seriously, everything. But wait, you can't name everything? That right there is a sign you have too much. Once this list is done (this is the hardest part) start thinking of everything you can do without. Give away those extra clothes to charity, and sell that unwanted furniture on Craiglist. If you have extra canned food cluttering up your pantry, donate it to a local food bank and make a needy family in your area happy.

2) Removing clutter from your life also means removing unnecessary people as well. We all have at least one "friend" who's a toxic person, brings you down, constantly whines about how much their life sucks or needs you to bail them out all the time. If having these people around decreases your quality of life, then you probably should end the friendship. If this person is someone you rarely see anyway, then it may be as simple as deleting them from your Facebook page, phone contacts, unfollowing on Twitter, etc. If this person is someone you consider a close friend or even a family member, this can be a bit more complicated. See this article for help.

3) Stop going out to eat, ordering takeaway, and relying on processed food all the time. It's expensive, unhealthy and unnecessary. When we get back from work or school, we are often so tired and drained that we just want to pop something in the microwave, or pick up the phone to order pizza. However, eating this way all the time is bad for both health and wallet. Find one day a week where you aren't doing anything and make a large batch of something simple: soup, chili, pinto beans, whatever tickles your fancy and freeze it. That way, you'll have a week's worth of dinners and won't be tempted to order out. Pack lunches for work (think stuff like sandwiches, pitas, leftovers). Have a simple, but nutritious breakfast, such as a smoothie, whole-grain cereal, or homemade granola.

4) Learn how to be alone. This can be hard for some people, but is very worth it! Spend this time doing something you love: learning a new instrument or skill, meditating, communing with God (if you're religious), writing in a diary or writing a letter to a loved one. Sometimes it is best to spend a day in quiet solitude than having a shopping spree or visiting an amusement park. Take social media "fasts" and disconnect from the Internet for awhile (even if it's just for a few hours), turn off your phone and television. A long, solo walk or hike can also be beneficial and stress-relieving.

5) Reduce your overall consumption and avoid advertising as much as possible. Get AdBlock for your web browser (go here for a free download) to get rid of annoying ads.Cancel your subscriptions to magazines that are mostly ads and check out their online versions. Have a gas guzzling car? If you can't get rid of it, start using it less. Carpool with friends, ride the bus, ride your bike, or even walk. Due for a cell phone upgrade? Consider getting a prepaid, emergency-only cell phone instead or trading in your smartphone for something simpler. Are you a fashion lover? Instead of shelling out big cash for the latest haute couture items, check out thrift stores and resale shops.

I have been living minimally for about 4 years now. At first it was due to necessity, but now it is out of choice. I do not own a car, a cell phone, or a single piece of furniture. The majority of my possessions are books and clothes. Now, I am not saying that this is for everyone, but it works for me. Most of us can take at least some of the steps listed above. Even doing something as small as getting rid of cable and only having basic TV channels will make a huge difference.

Want to learn more about living minimally? Visit: http://unclutterer.com/ and zenhabits.net

Peace,

M.

Sympathy (A Love Song)

2012-04-12T04:01:00.000-07:00

1) You're so far away
And every second I'm without you
Is a second I get closer to breaking
My body's crying out for all the love
That we're not making
You say it will be okay, and you feel so bad
But there's nothing you can do
Well, we both know, yeah we both know
That's not true

Chorus:
I don't need your sympathy
I just need you next to me
To me, to me
I don't need comforting words
Baby they sound so absurd
To me, to me
Come a little closer
And I'll show you what we can be

2) Well I don't wanna rush
But I want you so badly
And I've waited long enough
Let me take you over
I promise it'll be worth your while
Give me one night
Won't stop until I make you smile

(chorus)

Bridge:
Sick of all this pointless waiting
Can't keep on anticipating
Baby come on, come on
Whatcha waiting for?
Come on, come on
I want more |
Come on, come on (2x)
I don't need your sympathy (chorus)

Common Fears About Becoming Vegan (Read This And Put Them To Bed!)

2012-03-26T06:04:00.003-07:00

So... You've watched "Earthlings", "Food Inc", "A Delicate Balance", "Forks Over Knives" or some such documentary and decided you don't want to contribute to animal cruelty anymore. Or maybe you've decided you want to be healthier. Maybe you read somewhere that adopting a plant-based diet would reduce your carbon footprint. Heck, what if you want all three? Well, making the choice to become vegan is a good place to start. However, having been raised a certain way, or being led to believe you need meat to be healthy can make the transition extremely tough. You may have quite a few fears about being vegan. Here, I am going to address the most common ones, so you can be a happy, fearless vegan!

"I won't be able to get enough nutrients".

Many people fear they will not get enough calcium, iron, protein, or B12 on a vegan diet. The truth is, you do not need as much of these nutrients as you think. New research has shown that more than 750 milligrams of calcium a day doesn't do much good for the body; as a matter of fact, it can actually cause problems such as irritability, depression and fatigue. Consider this: The US consumes more dairy on than any other country on the planet, and yet has more osteoporosis than any other country too! Why? Because often, the American diet lacks magnesium and potassium, which is essential for calcium absorption. You can consume a ton of calcium but they body will not absorb it without these two minerals! Have a handful of nuts for magnesium, and chow down on bananas for potassium.

As for protein, most people get way too much. Bodybuilders do not even need extra protein; the body doesn't absorb it, and excess causes kidney problems and dehydration. The rule of thumb is 0.36 grams per pound of body weight, so a 150-pound person needs 54 grams a day, and it is very easy to get this just by eating plenty of beans, tofu, tempeh, and grains!

Anemia is really not a common problem for vegans, despite the stereotype (especially not for men!) But make sure you're getting enough iron by eating leafy greens,beans and nut butters.

As for B12: Everyone (including our meat-eating brethren) needs to take B12 supplements a couple times a week for insurance purposes. A shot once a month works well and its effects are immediate.

"I won't be able to eat my favourite foods anymore."

Is it possible to be a vegan and a food lover? Well, according to my waistline, the answer is YES. In my omnivore days, I loved breakfast burritos, hamburgers, cakes, lasagna... If it was unhealthy, I ate it! Guess what? Just because I became a vegan, I didn't stop loving my favourite foods. I just "veganise" them now. Search the Internet and you will find thousands of ways to make everything you love vegan! Why, not long ago I tried mock fish from Sophie's Kitchen (because I miss fish, but I don't miss eating toxic waste) and it was heavenly.

"Vegan food is so boring. I won't be able to stick to it if I just eat salads and tofu all the time!"

There is so much wrong in that statement! Eating vegan is only as boring as you make it. It's a culinary adventure: Asian foods such as Thai, Japanese, and Chinese are very simple to veganise. Yearning to try something completely unique? Try Ethiopian food! The combination of spicy, flavourful stews (called wat), bread, and tibs (sautees) will be a delight for your taste buds you won't soon forget. From the pungent curries of India, to the gyros of Greece, there is always something new to discover. I personally think the fattening sandwiches and meat-and-two-soggy-cooked-vegetable combination I used to eat so often are boring! If you're too busy to cook sometimes, there are many convenience foods available (look for Amy's and Yves at your local supermarket).

"What about going out to eat?"

Ah, restaurants. Many of our social gatherings involve food and it is hard to know exactly what is in your food when you don't have control. Restaurants often cook vegetables in butter and put milk in mashed potatoes. One restaurant in my town puts bacon and cheese on their dinner salads! Rule Number One of vegan dining out: DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SPEAK UP! Ask questions such as "Does the bread have honey or butter?" Check out www.happycow.net to find vegan or vegan-friendly restaurants in your area. Where I live, we have very few vegan options (small town) so I be sure to bring something to snack on if I get hungry or eat a small meal BEFORE I go, so I do not get tempted to order something iffy when I'm out.

Office potluck? If a well-meaning coworker offers you something with meat, dairy or eggs in it, be as polite as possible when you decline! Bring a yummy vegan dish or better yet, dessert to share. Sometimes the best way to a person's heart is through their stomach. (Hint: You may not want to slap the vegan label on it, just in case. Call it "dairy-free" or "egg-free" if you have to.)

"I'm a picky eater and I hate vegetables! What am I gonna eat NOW?"

A food critic I knew once said, "Picky eaters are bad, but picky vegetarians are the worst!" When it comes to health, yes they are. Sadly, many parents these days do not have their children eat vegetables, or eat enough, because they are busy, work long hours and don't have time to cook. In this way, one is set up for failure, because one grows accustomed to eating fast food, packaged convenience food, and other junk. This pattern of eating can have serious consequences such as type 2 diabetes, heart disease and early-onset dementia. Do you have the palate of a five-year-old? Then you need to take a kid-friendly approach! www.vegkitchen.com has many recipes for the picky--ahem, discerning--taste buds. Also, do note, that over time your taste buds will change and you will grow to like, and probably love, the new foods you are eating. Take it from the former biggest vegetable hater in the world: yours truly.

Are there any fears you having about eating vegan I didn't mention above? Please mention it in the comments!

Matti Dos Santos