It has to be said: President Obama suffers from a syndrome I’d like to call “President Brain.” It’s like the guy pays so much attention to stuff like his job and the oil spill and the wars and the economic meltdown and the country’s soaring unemployment rate and SB 1070 and Robert Gibbs’s talking points or whatever, that he doesn’t have time to catch up on important stuff like Jezebel’s bitchy Daily Show drama or how Taylor Momsen may or may not be devolving into a teenage crackwhore!

But one thing he does know:

Lohan is in jail. Guess fame has its, uh, perks, after all.

Watch the full episode of The View with President Obama here.

[TWH Blog: President Obama on Education - “The Status Quo is Morally Inexcusable”]
[The View: President Obama - July 29, 2010]

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I remember the first time I laid eyes on this warm-skinned, super-duper man on a classic episode of 90210 when he was the gullible, white-toothed, sexy-eyed Wisconsin boy that bought Brenda Walsh’s bad French act one summer in Paris. I couldn’t believe a guy so dumb and wholesome could also be wicked hot and intriguing, but oh, how he was.

Time has treated this hapa well, which makes me very happy. Why oh why did I ever stop stalking this guy?

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We’re not convinced Palin would ever agree to have an honest, fair, even-keeled dialog with Park (or anybody that doesn’t instantly respond to her favorite call words: USA! RULES! TEA! PARTY! OBAMA! IS A MUSLIM KENYAN SOCIALIST! NEWSPAPERS! ALL OF ‘EM! GOTCHA! GOTCHA!). But if this fantasy conversation ever did happen, we imagine it would be quite illuminating. Perhaps something like…

PARK: It’s a pleasure to sit down with you, Mrs. Palin. Thanks for speaking with me.

PALIN: Ohh, you think I’m gonna fall for that one, dontchoo? You sneaky little buggers!

PARK: I’m not sure I know what you mean.

PALIN: I’m not falling into any of your socialist liberal commie traps, MIZ Park!

PARK: Please—just call me Annabel.

PALIN: Okay, Annabel. Can I call ya Ann?

PARK: Well, I guess so, I mean–but that’s not actually my name.

PALIN: Oh Ann, we gals know how to shake things up, don’t we? Why don’t we talk a little about how we gals in power really shimmy-shake things up?

PARK: I don’t know if I would call myself–

PALIN: Oh ANN, work with me here! This is a conversation, isn’t it? Don’t be so uptight! (winks)

PARK: Would you like a cup of coffee?

PALIN: We call it joe where I’m from, missy. That’s Alaska. It’s Main Street. We don’t drink all that fancy shmancy coffee on Main Street!

PARK: What do you drink?

PALIN: Tea, of course!

PARK: Tea is less fancy than coffee?

PALIN: Don’t you “gotcha” me, Ann.

PARK: Mrs. Palin–

PALIN: Call me Sarah. Or Sar.

PARK: Thank you. Sarah–I think we actually share more common ground than you think. I’m not interested in judging you or your politics, I’m not here to bust you. But I do want to talk about some of the major issues that our government faces—we need everybody working together if we’re going to see any progress.

PALIN: Ugh, you progressives are always about PROGRESS.

PARK: I’m talking about moving forward. It’s not a bad thing. We have problems and we need solutions!

PALIN: Nah.

PARK: “Nah?”

PALIN: Eh.

PARK: “Eh?!”

PALIN: You heard me.

PARK: Somebody that is as high profile as yourself has the potential to really influence people to actually get educated and be active for the common good in this country. If we weren’t just attacking each other all the time, we might actually be able to push forth some real change.

PALIN: Oh, it’s time to refudiate change.

PARK: Sarah, I’m not sure you’re listening to me. If all you do is naysay everything, and rustle up fear and anger in the people that follow you, nothing will ever get done in this country.

PALIN: Mmm, I think you’re missing the point.

PARK: Which is?

PALIN: All those scared people are still following me.

(pregnant pause)

PARK: Wow. You might be smarter than everyone thinks.

PALIN: Mmm-hmm. Gotcha.

[via HuffPo]
[Roger Ebert on Twitter]
[Facebook: Annabel Park v. Sarah Palin Debate]

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Thanks, Krystal!

Police in the Philippines are searching for a gadget-obsessed serial killer that pawns the electronics of his victims. Note to self: sometimes a book makes a better accessory than an iPad. [CNN]

Lucy Liu said there was “definitely some chemistry” when she hooked up with boyfriend Noam Gottesman. The fact that he runs his own hedge fund was just a bunsen burner. [Just Jared]

Are we witnessing a “cultural generation gap” in America? [National Journal]

North Korea’s soccer team was subjected to a SIX HOUR LONG PUBLIC REPRIMAND after returning from the World Cup with a 0-3 record. At least they didn’t get sent to prison camp? [The Chosun Ilbo]

But no one’s talking about how the show might create new stereotypes. Like, the stereotype that…

…ASIAN MEN REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HATE SHIRTS.

This stereotype has the potential to be seriously damaging. Think about it.

It could hurt Asian men seeking employment, especially with employers who require shirts to be worn in the workplace, a job sector where Asians have traditionally excelled.

Before you know it, “Asian men hate shirts” will become an internet meme. When people Google “Asian men,” the first suggestion that’ll come up won’t be “hairstyles,” it’ll be “hate shirts.”

Then after that, all you’ll see on TV and in movies will be Asian men with their shirts off.

This stereotype could even haunt Asian men for generations to come, causing those either brave or stupid enough to continue wearing shirts to feel like they’re not Asian enough or, worse, like they don’t exist at all.

[via channel APA]

Remember last week when we introduced you to our alter egos, Jan and Diane?  Those gals who are so, so, so not us?  The post ended with Jan and Diane in full bridezilla regalia, and one of our readers, crazyDonna, wanted to know who those ladies ended up marrying.  And we were like, You tell us.

So she told us.

And as you will see from this fan-fic about our alter egos, Jan and Diane, crazyDonna is not only crazy, she’s also a genius with stock photos, hilariously funny, and undoubtedly our favorite new person on the planet.

*******************

Jan and Diane are BFFs who have awesome lives and are basically perfect. Yet even for them, finding their Mr. Rights wasn’t easy. Busy professionals making oodles of money don’t have time to meet guys! So Jan and Diane turned to modern technology to help them out. Yes, they used… the Internet!

JAN: Online dating is perfectly fine nowadays.
DIANE: Everyone’s doing it.

So Jan and Diane posted a personal ad (together, like they do everything else!).

DIANE: At e”CharmMoney”.com!
JAN: Oh, you! [giggles]

At first, the results were disappointing.

JAN: I mean, the guys were cute.
BOTH: Of course!
DIANE: But they had issues. Like, you absolutely could not touch Giorgio’s hair, or he would freak.
JAN: And why was Carl always looking for phone booths, anyway?

DIANE: Then there were those two guys who said they were in LXD.
JAN: As if!

DIANE: Although they were very limber.

[Both giggle]

JAN: And Rico?
DIANE: Ugh! He was so not a Rico. More of a Little Richard, if you know what I mean.
JAN: [gasps] Oh, naughty!
DIANE: I’m kidding!

DIANE: And Rico’s friend, Wally?
JAN: Oh, yeah, “Wacky” Wally.
DIANE: Remember? ‘Heeeerrrre’s Wally!’
JAN: [shudders]

Our stalwart pair were beginning to get a bit discouraged. Would Jan and Diane ever find true love?

DIANE: There was that one week in Barbados.
JAN: Oooo, Paoloooo.
DIANE: And Ferrrrrnando.
JAN: The ones you don’t take home to Mother.
BOTH: Mmm-mmm-mmm.

Still searching for true love, they rewrote their personal ad and tried again.

And by an amazing coincidence–or was it fate?–that very day looking at the online dating site for the very first time were a pair of successful young businessmen named Ken and Donny.

Just like Jan and Diane, Ken and Donny were busy professionals making oodles of money. Just like Jan and Diane, Ken and Donny didn’t have time to meet girls. Just like Jan and Diane, Ken and Donny did everything together. Even “surfing” the “Web”!

Imagine their reaction when they saw Jan and Diane’s personal ad. They had so much in common! It was a perfect match.

Even though they were handsome, successful young businessmen, they were still a teensy bit nervous the first time they called Jan and Diane.

But soon they realized it was true love!

DIANE: Donny’s so much fun. He’s got his own sense of style, as you can see! And he’s in great shape. He loves soccer.
JAN: Really loves soccer. Really.
DIANE: In fact, his goal is to start his own sporting goods company some day.

JAN: I hope he has better luck with that “goal” than he does on the soccer field.
DIANE: …What?

JAN: Ken’s more serious. He’s focused on keeping up with emerging business trends and all the latest financials.
DIANE: Very focused.
JAN: And, no, he is not a Web addict!
DIANE: Just don’t try to come between him and his laptop.

After a whirlwind courtship, and with the blessing of their families, Ken and Jan and Donny and Diane got married in a lavish yet tasteful ceremony.

Ahem. A tasteful ceremony.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Basically.

crazyDonna’s Jan & Diane Fan-Fiction originally published here.

[DISGRASIAN: Meet Our Alter Egos, Jan & Diane]

Thank you, crazyDonna! You so crazy, we think we wanna have yo baby!

Yoshiki at an X Japan performance in 2009

The LA Times just published a lengthy profile about X Japan, a wildly successful J-rock metal band led by charismatic pianist-drummer Yoshiki (pictured above), that will attempt the leap from Japanese superstardom to American mainstream when they join the Lollapalooza tour this summer.

Why I know I already ♥ X Japan:

• The band flanks a HEAVY METAL PIANIST-DRUMMER.
• Hello Kitty produced a likeness of said heavy metal pianist-drummer, the only so far created for a human being. (Ed. note—Hi Sanrio! Jen and I are tooooootally open to having Kitty versions of ourselves!)
• Yoshiki is apparently Bono-esque, and X Japan aspires to be Metallica-esque, yet they’re probably–most accurately–KISS-esque.
• The early X Japan aesthetic appears to be a hybrid of early Mötley Crüe and Poison, but with almond eyes, so they look like the rockstars I wanted to be when I was a kid.
• Every time I hear the words, “Arena Rock,” my personal areas get warm.
• LAT refers to Yoshiki as a “fevered multitasker and established brand unto himself in Asia,” which means he is a) totally Asian and b) pretty AMAZIAN!
• We need somebody to freak out over other than Rain.

Read the whole X Japan LAT feature here. Check out the Lollapalooza lineup here.

[LAT: America, Meet Yoshiki]

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Thanks, Tina!

Resides in: London

Occupation: TV Chef

Why She’s a Babe: I’m of the opinion that anyone who can cook is hot. Because food is sexy, sometimes sexier than sex. Also, while I love food, I don’t like to cook. And with Chinese food, I’ve never even learned (reason #581 why I’m DISGRASIAN). This is why I love Chef Ching Huang, whose whole deal is Chinese Food Made Easy–which also happens to be the name of one of her cooking shows that airs on the Cooking Channel in the US. You can also find her video recipes on YouTube, and she even has her own iPhone App. Me? I’m going to start with Ching’s vid about seasoning a wok (or maybe convince Diana to come over and do it for me, in exchange for putting together some shit from IKEA for her):

[Ching-He Huang Official Website]
[The Cooking Channel: Ching-He Huang]

Thanks, gadgetsquirrel!

The NY Times reports that the demand for the end to public shaming arose out of sympathy for prostitution suspects:

The new regulations are thought to be a response to the public outcry over a recent spate of “shame parades,” in which those suspected of being prostitutes are shackled and forced to walk in public.

Last October, the police in Henan Province took to the Internet, posting photographs of women suspected of being prostitutes. Other cities have been publishing the names and addresses of convicted sex workers and those of their clients. The most widely circulated images, taken this month in the southern city of Dongguan, included young women roped together and paraded barefoot through crowded city streets.

The police later said they were not punishing the women, only seeking their help in the pursuit of an investigation.

The public response, at least on the Internet, has tended toward outrage, with many postings expressing sympathy for the women. “Why aren’t corrupt officials dragged through the streets?” read one posting. “These women are only trying to feed themselves.”

This expressed sympathy for prostitutes is consistent with an online survey conducted last year in China which found that people considered prostitutes more trustworthy than government officials, putting them third in trustworthiness behind farmers and religious workers(!). That prostitution and the Chinese government could be construed as binary opposites–trustworthy and untrustworthy, sympathetic and unsympathetic–has historical precedence. In 1949, when the Communists took over China, they attempted to eradicate prostitution–a capitalist evil–altogether. But as communist influence in the country has waned over the years, prostitution has been on the rise.

Shifting attitudes towards prostitutes and the treatment of prostitution suspects is also getting a nod of approval from human rights groups. And with China getting human rights props, I return to my earlier point: The Chinese are definitely becoming less Chinese.

[NY Times: China Pushes to End Public Shaming]

Age: 21

Occupation: Point/2-guard for the Golden State Warriors

Known for: Proving that Ivy Leaguers can ball and Asian men can jump; going undrafted but then impressing NBA teams with his performance for the Dallas Mavs’ summer league team; almost giving Jen and Diana a collective heart attack last week when he was rumored to be signing with the Fakers Lakers; signing with his hometown Golden State Warriors instead; becoming the first Chinese American player to join the NBA.

(The first Asian American player in NBA, as Lin was initially reported to be, was Wat Misaka, back when the NBA was known as the Basketball Association of America. Other Asian Americans who played in the NBA were Filipino American Raymond Townsend and Japanese American Rex Walters.)

[ESPN: Harvard's Lin signs with Warriors]

Thanks, Sam!