random thoughts from a suburban mom

A long, hard month. And then light.

2012-01-27T22:24:00.000-08:00

A long, difficult month of battles, that I could feel rolling toward me during the brief respite of Christmas break.

I wrote a difficult post about that battle and I published it yesterday. I often find words after I feel feelings, and absorb stress. That's why I do this: I take it in, and then let it out by using my words.

And then, I woke up this morning; a bland, cold Friday in January, and I see this:

And the music playing in the background of him telling his story makes me suck in my breath.

I keep breathing.

Like I always have.

Like I always will.

Pushing The Boulder Uphill

2012-01-25T20:47:00.000-08:00

Pushing a boulder uphill for a long time is exhausting. I go to bed every night saying to myself, "tomorrow, this will all come together, and I'll be able to take a deep breath and rest."

There is no rest.

Every morning I wake up, and face the work again. Is it supposed to be this hard? This all-consuming? Where did I go?

Why did I believe that all her teachers would fight with me instead of against me?

I tape her hearing aid to her head, because as it stands, the aid doesn't stay in her ear without tape. I want her to have a chance of hearing what's being said by her teacher at school. Without the aid, she's missing so much.

"Have you noticed any changes since we've been having her wear the aid?" I ask.

"Well, she talks louder."

How am I supposed to interpret that?

I remind her, "What's the first thing you do when you get into your classroom today?" "Put on my FM system." The FM system that, after weeks of phone calls home, dropping everything to run to school and troubleshoot, phone calls to the experts, and "in-service" days, finally works.

I wait for the phone call daily. I anticipate having to rush to school to troubleshoot something else. My phone is never far. The leash is on.

When she was born, we were told, "I know it's shocking and frightening for you, but rest assured, kids with one-sided hearing loss do just fine. There's really no difference, just make sure they are seated where they can hear the teacher."

Why did I believe this? Was it because I wanted to so desperately? The complications have piled on over the years, so much so that I can't see ahead very far. I can only see where we are right now.

"Have you ever grieved her ear?" My friend asks.

I burst into tears. "I keep thinking that I have, but situation after situation keeps popping up, preventing me from fully embracing where we are. I've long let go of what I thought would be. I just can't seem to get ahead of what is right this second. I can't see past the giant rock I'm pushing uphill."

So I go to bed at night, and pray, "tomorrow it will all come together and I will be able to take a deep breath and let her fly."

Then I wake up in the morning, and the work starts again, everyday renewed faith that somehow, someday, this work will have a reward.

There is no try. Only do. She's my daughter.

Why Do You DO That To Yourself? A Fitness Post

2012-01-19T12:08:00.000-08:00

My good friend, Lisa Stark, is a total hard body. She's a fitness competitor, so she is incredibly disciplined and works hard to be in "show shape."

She also does my nails. Multi-talented, that one.

We were talking at my last appointment about how things were going for her getting ready for her upcoming show, and she said, "I was working on legs the other day at the gym, and the woman sitting next to me on the leg machine was just *staring* at me. I was working my legs to failure, giving the whole face squish, grimace, pain-thing, and when I was done I couldn't really stand up. Staring lady looks at me and says, 'Why on earth would you DO that to yourself?'"

Lisa said, "I had kind of an epiphany in that moment. I think people don't work themselves very hard in a workout because they think, 'if it hurts, it must be wrong.' It's a totally DIFFERENT kind of hurt. It's not fall down and skin your knee hurt. It's changing my body and that takes effort and soreness. You have to actually TRY to make something change, and change doesn't feel that good when you're in the middle of it sometimes.

Here's the point I'm trying to make: There are two kinds of pain. One kind of pain is that WITHOUT gain. A good example of pain without gain: is you, sitting on the couch, eating food that does nothing for your body, and bemoaning the fact that you aren't happy, then soothing that pain with the food that ultimately makes you unhappy.

Pain WITH gain: the last mile on your longest ever run, the extra five pounds you just lifted, saying "no thanks, I'm full," even when you're tempted to eat one more cookie

Losing weight is hard. Getting stronger is hard. Change can really hurt sometimes. But I defy you to find something in your life that you value that just landed in your lap without effort and sacrifice. I.e., Pain with gain.

Random Friday. Super Random Today: Featuring Adobé, Gwynnie, and Broadway

2012-01-13T16:05:00.000-08:00

The Girl and I have been stuck in sick bay all week. What that means, basically, is that I've spent a hell of a lot of time (more than usual) on the internet this week. I did manage to make dinner one day and do the dishes occasionally, but pretty much? I was a lump. A lump on Nyquil.

Your Very Special Random Friday Edition

1. I'm not alone in my general annoyance with all things Gwyneth Paltrow. Look, she may actually be a nice person. Her public image, however, is not. Snooty, WASP-Y, look-down-her-nose at the Mommy proletariat....no thanks. AND....I'm not alone. Hooray!

2. If there's a Broadway version of Sister Act, why is there no Broadway version of Blues Brothers? I might actually get SubHub to a theater if Blues Brothers was staged. He calls the Blues Brothers his favorite musical. I can't imagine that he's the only guy in the world who thinks that. Are you listening Broadway?

3. Awesome Post of the Week: 25 Rules For Parents Of Daughters, courtesy of "People I Want To Punch In The Throat." How can you possibly go wrong with a blog name like that?

4. You guys! Beyoncé and Jay-Z had a baby! The first ever by two famous married (to each other) people in the history of the last year and half! Stop the presses! No, really. Stop the press.

5. I witnessed a little internet dust-up this week, and I want to say something: I never "hate" my kids. I won't ever call my husband an asshole, a dick, anything derogatory. I love him. I respect him. I married him. If he were truly a jerk, the fact that I married him says exactly WHAT about me? And while I don't always like being around my kids for various reasons (Well, hello, vomit! Is there another grown-up in the house? Anyone?) I love them with every fiber of my soul, and I will never even infer otherwise. It's ok to have the "just go away" feelings, I just choose to keep them to myself, or spin them somehow to a brighter/funnier side.

6. Real Girl Moment of the Week:

7. This Week In Pictures:

Heart = Kaplooey

Happiness is a red balloon. Unhappiness is a red balloon that pops 10 minutes later.

Blanket wars.

Happy long weekend everyone. Remember who it's about and why.

WTF Moment Of The Week: Boycotting Girl Scout Cookies

2012-01-12T13:12:00.000-08:00

Girl Child is a Girl Scout. There is a huge storm brewing about Girl Scouts including a transgendered child in a troop in Colorado.

SO......WHAT? What would you have them do? The child is expressing interest in scouting. The troop is saying, "ok." Are they supposed to say, "NO! You're a freak!" Absolutely not. This is a child. The child's parents are giving said child some berth and letting him/her explore gender while he/she is still in the nest. (read: safe) The girls in the troop have an opportunity to learn inclusion and empathy long before learning these basic human skills, that a frightening number of young people seem to be lacking in, reaches critical mass. The leader is doing exactly that: leading.

This is bad, how, exactly? All you people decrying this in the name of religion: God loves this child, too, who is SEVEN YEARS OLD. Not eighteen. Seven. It could be argued that this little person is too young to identify as a different gender than the one he/she was born with. Is that your place to decide this and skewer the Girl Scouts organization for deciding that it ISN'T their place?

Buy cookies. Boycotting the purchase of Girl Scout cookies hurts every other girl in scouting.

A seven year old girl knocks on your door and asks you if you'd like to buy some Girl Scout cookies. You're boycotting them. Care to explain that you're boycotting them because a troop in another state let in a girl that's not really a girl? Are you going to stand in front of the grocery stores during booth sales and protest?

Let the grown-ups sort this out. Leave the girls out of it.

Buy cookies.

Dear Boy Child: We Need To Talk

2012-01-10T13:21:00.000-08:00

First, we love you. Of course.

However, we can no longer abide the conniption fits that seem to randomly happen at the worst possible moments during the day. For example, three minutes before school departure is not the ideal time to be having a hissy about socks, or whether the sleeve on your coat is inside out, or if you didn't get what you wanted for breakfast, because I was supposed to simply know that you wanted toast through my magical ability to read your mind.

Unfortunately, I have not been blessed with the "read your mind" talent. Perhaps a different mother could have provided that for you, but alas, you're stuck with me.

So, it's become clear to us, your loving SubRents (parents), to make the lines of what YOU control, and what WE control a *tad* more clear. I'm sorry it's come to this. Apparently you need some kind of chart. Today, anyway. Tomorrow, who knows?

Introducing: The New Rules.

Please examine the two columns. We'll help you read them. To the left: what you get to choose. To the right: what we get to choose. Please make a note of it.

Hopefully this will clear up any confusion as to who decides what, and when. Contrary to what you may think, we, your loving parents, ARE still in charge of this whole operation.

Sincerely,

Your Parents.

2012: The Year Of The Girl

2012-01-05T10:50:00.000-08:00

“The education and empowerment of women throughout the world cannot fail to result in a more caring, tolerant, just and peaceful life for all.” ~Aung San Suu Kyi

Last year was eye-opening for me for one big reason: Girls, and their place in the world. Everywhere I turned I saw and read about the lives of girls, and it bothered me. Here's why:

1. Western girls are bombarded daily by sexualized messages and "hyper girlie girl" culture. Pink "girl-ized" LEGOS, spa science kits, the under-dressed and over-makeuped dolls that line the shelves of toy stores all tells our girls that they are only valuable when they look good, and that this is what they should aspire to: being pretty. Read this article: Should The World Of Toys Be Gender Free? and check out the film Miss Representation. As the film states, "You can't be what you can't see."

2. Girls in developing countries are often married off to grown men by the age of 12. At that age, they are considered a woman, and eligible for marriage. Imagine your 12 year old daughter going off to live with and have children with a grown man. In the United States, that is considered a crime. It IS a crime.

3. Girls in developing countries are frequently murdered at birth simply by virtue of the fact that they are female. This practice is creating a large imbalance of males to females in countries where this is common practice. It's estimated that there are 70 million more boys than girls in China alone. The above link is a YouTube link to a show that aired on BBC called "India's Missing Girls." Be warned: some of it is absolutely horrifying.

4. Women (in other words....grown-up girls) are sorely under-represented in STEM (Science, Technology Engineering, Math) fields. Why? What's being done about that?

5. Girls in developing countries are frequently not allowed to go to school. When they are given even a small amount of education, they marry later and have fewer children. Their education reduces the rate of HIV transfer. Educating women and girls increases their ability to earn money, which means improved nutrition for themselves and their families, reduced vulnerability to exploitation, and access to understanding health information that can save theirs and their children's lives.

6. Women and girls do two-thirds of the world's work, but own only ONE PERCENT the world's property.

7. Girls are frequently the water bearers for their family. They have to walk for miles to a water source, carrying back full buckets on their heads. Their walk to and from the well is often fraught with danger, as they are at risk for being attacked, raped, kidnapped, or killed.

8. Girls everywhere, here and abroad, are frequently considered a commodity and trafficked in the sex industry.

We have a problem in the world, from killing a newborn infant girl because she's a girl, to steering young women into "women" fields of work from the time they are able to pick up a toy, limiting their view of themselves. Something is amiss.

So, I decided to dedicate one post per month to Girls In The World. In addition to attempting to raise even a smidge of awareness, I am also donating to some of the causes I am highlighting here. Please join me. We, as women, truly balance the world. Help our daughter's achieve the equality that the world needs.

Random Friday - The 2011 Round-up. What I Learned This Year

2011-12-31T10:13:00.000-08:00

1. It appears as though I have to hover over Girl Child more than I thought I would have to at this point. 'Cause this was the year that we had to deal with this and this. Sometimes life forces you into the role of "Helicopter Parent."

2. Pinterest has taken over my life. A time black hole. Fun, though.

3. Specific instructions are *key* to having 2-ply toilet paper brought home from the store by SubHub. He's learned, mostly because I outed him about his 1-ply propensity here on the internet. We're growing as a couple.

4. Boy Child's diet needs more fiber.

5. Girl Child had a taste of normal, regular life. The drama is starting to kick back in but what a glorious little stretch of time when we were able to almost forget the hill we're still climbing. It gave us such hope.

6. It was apparently the Year of The Dog Everywhere They Shouldn't Be. People. Your dogs in strollers at the mall? Hanging out with you in a massage chair (!!!) at the mall? In a crowded toy store? Stop the insanity.

7. My babies grew. And grew and grew. I'm feeling pretty awesome that we're keeping a couple of human beings alive and thriving. BooYa.

December 2010

December 2011

Happy New Year, everyone. May 2012 bring you joy and love and all that good stuff.

The Magic Room - A Blog Her Book Review

2011-12-27T20:14:00.001-08:00

This is a Blog Her Book Club paid review of The Magic Room by Jeffery Zaslow. The opinions expressed here, however, are my own.

I remember the moment I stepped into the wedding gown that became The One. It was a surreal moment. I stepped out of the fitting room to see my three friends who had accompanied me well up with tears and say, "that one."

My mom came back with me, just the two of us, and when I tried it on again, my always-practical mom said, "I really like it." She's not a woman known to gush, and her daughter's wedding gown choice was no exception.

The two moments that come to most bride's minds when they look back on their wedding, is the day they married their groom, and the day they found Their Dress.

The book, The Magic Room, is a lovely collection of stories centered around a fabled bridal shop in Michigan called Becker's, the three generations of women who have run it since the 1930's and the stories of some of the brides that came through their doors. What makes the shop unique is The Magic Room: a converted bank vault that the shop's current owner has turned into the magic place where brides see themselves in their chosen gown, surrounded by soft lighting and mirrors all around - seeing themselves, as the author states, "in infinity."

This isn't a book version of Bridezilla or Say Yes To The Dress. It is a story of women - their dreams, hopes, goals, and views of marriage. It is the story of Becker's Bridal shop, how this small family business has weathered 70 years of cultural change in regards to marriage, and how that has played out in the family's and business' survival.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It had me in tears more than once, and was a lovely impetus for me to think about my own marriage, how far we've come together, and what I hope for and want for Girl Child. I highly recommend it.

Join the conversation: The Blog Her Book Club Magic Room Discussion

30 Day Photography Challenge - Days 3-7

2011-12-27T15:40:00.000-08:00

Had to do some catching up on my project, here, but without further ado: Photo Challenge days 3 through 7.

Day 3: Clouds:

Day 4: Something Green:

Day 5: From A High Angle

Day 6: From A Low Angle: (creepy Santa decoration alert)

Day 7: Fruit:

Music Monday - 2011 Wrap-Up

2011-12-27T00:06:00.000-08:00

I experimented with dumping my random music thoughts on the blog here on Mondays, and thankfully for the feedback of my local peeps who are so kind to read, feedback was:

BORRR-ING. Stop doing that.

But I just can't resist one last music Monday.

My Fave 2011 Downloads:

1. Home - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes
2. Cough Syrup - Young The Giant
3. Welcome To Your Wedding Day - The Airborne Toxic Event
4. Punching In A Dream - The Naked And Famous
5. Poison & Wine - The Civil Wars
6. Suburban War - Arcade Fire
7. Americano - Lady Gaga (Keeping you on your toes. Great warm-up running tune.)
8. Little Talks - Of Monsters & Men
9. Skyscraper - Demi Lovato (Don't laugh. Look at the lyrics: Skyscraper)
10. Turn To Stone - Ingrid Michaelson

Take those gift cards and download, people. Music can be transformative. It can take you from one place in your mind to another, simply by lifting you up and out of the thinking hole you are in.

Use it to your advantage.

He's Vying For The Insurance Settlement.

2011-12-24T15:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,

Fork over the goods, soon, Tubby, or the Elf gets it.

Sincerely,

Every Elf On The Shelf Parent In The World.

(pic courtesy of my friend, IJ)

Imperfection In The Shape Of A Cookie

2011-12-22T20:50:00.000-08:00

I made Christmas cookies with the kids today. This is tough for me, because I'm a Lone Cook. I need to be able to read the recipe, think, work it out in my brain as to how I'm going to complete the tasks, and then move on it. I feel an enormous perfectionist pressure when I cook. This is NOT conducive to having very excited kids in the kitchen with me, all up in my business, breaking up my train of thought.

I need to get over it, so today, I tried.

While I was teaching Boy Child how to use a cookie cutter, and letting him go for it without hovering over him, I found something more important than the creation of the Perfect Cookie:

I found perfection in their very imperfection. Lesson learned.

30 Day Photography Challenge - Days One And Two

2011-12-21T22:07:00.000-08:00

So, one of my favorite blogger-types, Undomestic Diva, started a 30-day photography challenge.

She's a fantastic writer, photographer (by trade. A GIFTED black and white portrait artist, but she works great with color, too.) and all around "someone I want to meet in real life someday" kind of gal.

I'm a photography hobbyist. I want to get better at it, and I've been improving over the years, so I thought this was a perfect little project for me. I'll be updating the blog a few times a week with the pics.

So, pic number 1:

So, there you go. Day 1, Self portrait. My bangs pulled over to cover the giant, front-and-center zit that decided the week before Christmas was the perfect time to occupy my forehead.

Day 2: what I wore. Burn-out purple hoodie t-shirt, courtesy of Target, Gap Long and Lean jeans, helping me out because I am certainly not long, and the lean part is up for debate, and my new Dansko clogs.

My scarf is a sweet find from a tiny Indian grocery store in Seattle. I love it.

Tomorrow: clouds. Where I live, that should be easy.

Random Friday - Let's Get To Know Submommy Some More

2011-12-16T21:34:00.000-08:00

Here I am, people. Random Facts About Me:

1) My very first real memory was before I was three years old. We were at the beach, and somehow I got it in my head that if I went into a little boat with my Dad I would get eaten by sharks. My parents have corroborated this. The memory, not that they would let me get eaten by sharks.

This is about the age that I started having memories:

Check out my parent's STYLIN' decor.

2) I grew up in a completely functional, loving, Leave It To Beaver type of home. Growing up, the only struggle I ever experienced was that which I brought on myself.

3) I've always loved music. This is why I talk about it frequently here. I've always dreamed of being able to write songs with deep, meaningful lyrics. I can't. So, of course, I talk about it. "Those who can, do. Those who can't, talk about it."

4) I started writing in diaries when I was in third grade. You should see my high school and early college entries. On second thought.....don't. I should probably burn those soon.

5) I'm 5'2" tall. There's good and bad about being un-tall, as I like to call it. Good: being able to sidle my way up to the keg on the sly when I was in college. Nobody made a big stink about me taking cuts because I slid up to the tap under the radar. Bad: Having to ask for help to reach things way up high. Good: Never really worrying about being taller than my date. Bad: Having people treat you like a little kid LONG after you're an actual little kid.

6) I trained in college as a classical singer. I was never truly interested in opera as a career, but I loved to sing. I still do, actually. Just ask anyone who pulls up next to me at a traffic light, and catches me singing my lungs out to Broadway musicals.

I sang an aria from La Bohéme called Musetta's Waltz. Musetta is a character who spoke to every part of my heart, soul, and voice.

Yes. At one point in my life I could sing *almost* like this.

Musetta is a character who seems very show-offy and superficial, but in the end reveals her true heart by sacrificing so that her friend could be comforted in her last moments of life. In my mind, I'm never the tragic, fallen, delicate flower. I'm the survivor, even when it hurts. That's why Musetta became such a draw for me.

7) My favorite TV show of all time is China Beach. Colleen McMurphy was a strong female character on TV when our only options were shows like Dynasty. I wanted to BE Colleen McMurphy.

8) I suffered terribly from post-partum depression, which worked it's way into a regular ol' major depression after the birth of Girl Child. I just couldn't get past that initial phase of heightened alarm after she was born and didn't know what was going to happen with her hearing. It took me down a deep dark hole, that thankfully, I survived. No thanks to Tom Cruise.

9) I am Irish and Norwegian. SubHub is Czech and mutt.

10) I believe in God. (See number 8.)

If You Were Going To Teach Someone To Write...

2011-12-14T09:55:00.000-08:00

How would you approach doing so?

"Write down your idea, and then write your story. Don't forget punctuation."

Or....

"What's something you did yesterday?"

"Tell me about the room you went into - what does it look like?"

"What did you hear?"

"What did you see?"

"What did you smell?"

"How did you feel?"

"Write down all these different pieces of your observations and then tell me about them. After that we can talk about how to write them into sentences. Then, we can talk about conventions like punctuation, grammar, etc."

I'm sure for some kids who are naturally able to pour their thoughts out in words have no trouble with number one. How many kids do you know are like that? The Charlotte Church's of writing?

Writing isn't something that actually just poops out of your brain and shows up on paper, or an electronic facsimile. It's a process.

Your thoughts don't present themselves on paper in perfect convention. Sometimes they are a giant run-on sentence.

Ask a person who has invented something amazing, and they will likely tell you the story of years spent in a freezing cold garage, building prototype after prototype, until the hard work pulls itself together and creates the illusion of magic.

Writing isn't all that different. Prototype after prototype. Sentence after sentence. Thinking and writing. Writing and thinking.

Why is my fourth grader expected to understand that at nine years old? And if she's expected to know that process or she fails, how can I teach her?

When you were in the fourth grade, did your school's funding and your grades depend in no small part on your ability to write, and be tested on that writing, with a flourish, panache and whether or not you used punctuation in the correct place?

There Is An App For That - Simulation Of Hearing Loss

2011-12-12T19:50:00.000-08:00

I thought that when I had the privilege of experiencing this, it would be a once-in-a-lifetime peek into what sound was like for Girl Child.

I'm thrilled to report that I was wrong.

In our current round of frustrations, trying to get certain individuals to understand how Girl Child experiences sound in the world, how that may affect her at school, and the effect on her interpersonal relationships, I stumbled on something absolutely astounding. I found it in the App Store.

The Starkey Laboratories Hearing Loss Simulator. It's an app for the iPad that simulates different types of hearing loss based on severity (mild, moderate, severe) and type (frequency, range, etc.) If you have an audiogram, you simply compare the audiogram to the different presets they have, and it will simulate the sounds for you. For $1.99, I'd say it's worth more than every single cent.

I'm thrilled beyond belief to now have the portable ability to simulate her particular hearing loss. To be able to bring this to her Village Of School Professionals meetings, and say, "check this out" is a miracle to me. SubHub and I can now hear the way she hears and help the people around her understand what living with hearing loss is like.

One of the difficulties with one-sided hearing loss is trying to have people understand it. Hearing fully out of one ear doesn't make up for the loss on the other side. Imagine your brain always trying to compensate for what's happening with one side. Imagine always trying to catch what other people are saying, missing pieces or words, and not fully understanding what's happening when there's noise all around you and you can't filter out what's noise you NEED, versus noise you don't. If someone says to you, "Did you hear me?" how can a person who didn't hear everything quantify what they did and didn't hear? Were you counting words? If you didn't hear it, how would you know?

Now I can help people hear what she hears. If I can do that, perhaps that person will think about what hearing loss must feel like and sound like the next time they meet someone with a hearing loss. And then, just maybe, I will have done something, albeit small, to spread empathy and understanding someplace in a world that so desperately needs it.

Random Friday....Featuring Elf On The Shelf, Local Toy Store, What NOT To Buy Your Tween.

2011-12-09T19:16:00.001-08:00

1. Suddenly I see 'Elf On The Shelf' everywhere. I see them on the internet, I hear about them in conversation with people in real life, I hear about them in phone conversations, etc. They have cute little names like Max and Cryus. Why is this suddenly The Year Of The Elf On The Shelf?

This is a picture of a Christmas decoration that my Mom gave me. I remember it from my childhood. I would be willing to bet it found it's way into my childhood home sometime around 1967 - before I was born.

It used to scare the hell out of me.

2. Local-to-Portland people: I had a fantastic buying experience at Thinker Toys in Multnomah Village. They sell brands like Klutz, Haba, and Ravensberger, as well as a huge variety of games, science kits, imaginary play items, stuffed animals. . .even Hex Bugs and a healthy collection of Hello Kitty. Then, THEY GIFT WRAP IT FOR YOU FOR FREE.

You're welcome.

(Note: unless I disclose otherwise, all recommendations I give are mine. Thinker Toys did not put me up to this. I just like 'em a whole bunch.)

3. What NOT to get your nine, ten, or eleven year old daughter for Christmas:

T-pain microphone: "Mom, who's T-Pain?" "He's the guy on a boat, honey."

Barbie Studio Digital Nail Printer: For $149.99 (sale price) I can think of a bazillion other things I'd rather buy for my daughter for that much money. For instance, a Kindle, with a decent-sized selection of e-books on it. You know, so she can read, instead of doing her nails. Now, I'm not saying doing your nails is bad. But here's an idea: buy her nail polish with some nail stickers. That's less than $10.00. Save the big bucks for things that matter.

Justin Bieber 'Justin's World' Comforter and Sheet set - Think about it. Your pre-teen daughter will be in bed with an image of Justin Bieber. And then, when you climb in to read with her, YOU'LL be in there with him too. I think that takes creepy to a level not previously known to humanity.

4. Ok, here's Submommy's Kickass Download Of The Week: All I Ever Wanted by The Airborne Toxic Event.

I embedded the video because Playlist has let me down on this one. However, the song is available on iTunes, and the album recording is more electric guitar and heavy. I LOVE THIS BAND.

5. There's a new deal site in town: I have caught wind (I did not BREAK wind. An important distinction.) of a new deal site that has come to town, similar to Groupon, geared toward the grown-up chick set. Check 'em out: EverSave

(Disclosure: They contacted me to work together on a promotion for them. I wouldn't do that if I didn't think it was a good thing.)

6. One last rant: More dogs, in places where dogs are not normally welcomed. I'm allergic to dogs. Now, I don't generally have a problem with dogs. If they are on a leash being walked, or if they are hanging around their yards or a dog park where they are supposed to be, that's fine. I don't even mind when they are at my friend's houses and I am there. They are beloved members of their family. Here's the deal, though: I really don't want to nearly step on your dog's tail while I am shopping in a crowded store. Leave them at home.

Ahh. Friends. This has been a helluva week. My body and brain are tired. 'Til next time!

She's Not Being Rude Or Spacy Or Overly-Emotional. She Can't Hear You.

2011-12-04T22:40:00.001-08:00

I've been increasingly frustrated with several situations that have arisen lately related to Girl Child and her hearing loss. Without going into too much detail, suffice it to say I'm about to explode.

Here's what I'm going to do here to vent it out. Please read this:

3. What kind of problems could such a slight hearing loss cause for children in classrooms?
Children with minimal hearing losses experience problems in the following areas: hearing faint or distant speech (more than 25% of classroom instruction could be missed); hearing subtle conversational cues that could cause a child to react inappropriately; following fast-paced verbal exchanges; and hearing the fine word-sound distinctions that denote plurality, tense, possessives, etc. In addition, a child with a minimal hearing loss may appear immature and become more fatigued than normal-hearing classmates because of the extra effort needed to hear. In fact, when teachers or parents notice attention and behavior problems, they often do not even consider hearing loss as the source of a child's problems.

Taken from: FAQ On Classroom Management Of Children With Minimal Hearing Loss

This applies to groups, meetings, crowds and any activity where hearing is necessary. Basically, anywhere in public.

So, my child isn't spacing off, she missed something that you said. She's not being inappropriate, she missed the inflection or tone of what you said, and her mind filled in the rest. She's not hyperactive, she's trying to stay alert enough TO HEAR YOU. She's not manipulating the situation to suit her own ends, she's missing pieces of what's going on. Therefore, if she can't figure out an opening or a way to plug in when there is a fast-paced conversation happening, she doesn't know what to do, and frequently she separates herself.

Now, you might be thinking, "Well, she's not THAT bad. She knows. She hears. She's just not plugging in." Ok. You stick your finger in your ear and walk around all day like that and see how well you do. (Her loss is worse than that, actually.) Oh - and let's just say you do that and you also haven't completely learned language and it's usage, inflection, and tone, etc. as well. My child walks around like that every single day of her life. A hearing aid doesn't actually restore hearing. It just makes sound louder. There's a difference.

I watched my daughter nearly cry herself to sleep tonight asking me, "Why don't people understand me? I work so hard to get along with everyone. I would never hurt anyone. I would never be mean on purpose to anyone. Why don't people understand?"

Would you like to explain it her? Because I can't.

Conversations BETWEEN Boy Child and Girl Child - Poop Is Funny

2011-11-30T20:31:00.000-08:00

Backstory: We have an "old" (more than two years) iPod Touch that Boy Child uses quite a bit. There's a fun little app called "Doodle Buddy" that we installed on it, and you can use the touch screen to make different shaped "stamps" on the screen. Most of them make noise. There is a stamp option that actually looks like a steaming pile.

(preceded by full-on belly laughs, then:)

BC: KeeKee! KeeKee! Look! Look! Poop! A-hahahahahahaha! Poop!

GC: Ew. That's disgusting.

BC: KeeKee! KeeKee! Listen! Listen! It makes NOISE! (insert fart noise *here* - at LEAST 40 times)

GC: That's gross! Stop it!

BC: (fart noises continue with the use of the Doodle Buddy Steaming Pile stamp, followed by belly laughs)

GC: Stop it! Poop is disgusting! Mom! Mom!

MOM: (trying not to laugh because apparently I'm as mature as a five year old boy) "Ok, that's enough."

Poop is funny. So are farts. They just are, and they always will be.

How I Spent My Thanksgiving Break by Submommy

2011-11-29T22:43:00.001-08:00

You may have noticed, but I took a small break. So, I thought I would take a moment to share you all, my loyal handful of readers, what I did during my long Thanksgiving weekend:

1. Ate.

2. Drank wine. And whiskey. Also? Some beer. I'm drying out this week.

3. Sat, rendered nearly catatonic by sheer disgust, by the Black Friday Bad Behavior stories. Biting, PEPPER SPRAY? What, is pepper spray the new Must-Have accessory?

4. Participated in Small Business Saturday by actually shopping and buying from a small business: Scandia Imports. A veritable plethora of all things Scandinavian. They carry lefse sticks. I'm not kidding.

5.Spent 24 hours with SubHub while the kids had a sleepover at Gramma and Papa's house.(Thank you! I know you're reading this, so, thank you!)

6. Spent an afternoon shopping for mattresses. Super Fun! (which is code for: kinda tedious, and we didn't agree on which one we like best, so I'm still sleeping on The Rock.)

And you?

Traditional American Thanksgiving AKA The White Food Table

2011-11-24T09:44:00.000-08:00

Growing up, both SubHub and I enjoyed traditional American Thanksgiving meals.

In other words, tables chock-full of varying shades of white food.

I mean, think about it: Turkey (beige), mashed potatoes (white), rolls (white), stuffing (beige), green bean casserole (greenish, covered in beige), pumpkin pie (dark beige), with whipped cream (white), sweet white wine (duh, white).....

And, in my case, lefse (white). In SubHub's case, kolache's (mostly white)

Then, when I joined SubHub's family, I realized that they liked to mix it up a little. They had CORN (yellow!)

This year, I'm going rogue. Yep. No, not channeling my inner Sarah Palin. (Do I have an inner Sarah Palin? I'm thinking 'No.') And I'm bringing.......RED WINE!

Here's hoping I don't spill it all over the place.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Today, when you think about what you're thankful for, please consider this: You have water to drink on demand. If you're thirsty, you can go to your faucet and drink until you quench your thirst. Consider helping this fantastic organization this season:

Wello Water - bringing water to a thirsty world. (I'm spreading the word about this organization because I believe in it. They haven't asked me to.)

WayBack Wednesday: When A Family Member Passes

2011-11-23T10:08:00.000-08:00

My uncle passed away yesterday. He was my Dad's younger brother, one of a set of twins. He died of a massive heart attack.

Several circumstances came together on Tuesday that somehow made it possible for me to be present when my Mom got the call from my cousin, whom my uncle was visiting for Thanksgiving.

The news of his passing brought floods of images in my mind that always accompany my memories of my Grandmother.

I can see clearly in my mind's eye the time I sat in my Grandmother's dining area in her apartment, surrounded by her Erté prints, needlepoint projects, and small treasures from her trip to China. My uncle was there. I didn't know it at the time, but he had recently been divorced, and was likely very pained at this time in his life.

I begged and begged him to blow smoke rings with his cigarette. I thought he was the coolest of the cool when he did that. I'm sure that fact was much to my mother's chagrin. He did it anyway, knowing that it made us laugh and smile.

He drove a Volkswagon Bug. As long as I can remember he drove that car. He replaced the engine a few times. By the end of the car's life, I'm fairly certain that the chassis was the only remaining piece of the car that was there when he bought it. It was light blue, and rumbled when he drove it. I can hear a car drive by with a similar sound, and my mind goes right back to that blue Bug, pulling out of our driveway.

He was a Vietnam veteran. He saw things that people really shouldn't be forced to see. When my father would ask him about it, more often than not he would refuse to discuss it. Pieces of his Vietnam story would seep out occasionally. For example, he told my father that a helicopter he was supposed to be on was shot down shortly after take off. All of his friends on board were killed. He got off the helicopter to grab something he needed and said he would take the next one.

He told my Dad that story twenty years after it happened.

He drank coffee and whiskey, heavy on the whiskey.

His life was no fairy tale. He had a complicated and difficult relationship with my grandfather. My Dad said, "He's up there having a long-overdue talk with Papa. It's finally his time. I wish I could hear it."

These are how memories come to you and stay. Pieces. Smoke rings, light blue Volkswagons that smell vaguely of smoke, a shot of whiskey, pictures of a young man in uniform, imagined conversations that heal and give you hope.

Somehow, the day he died, he managed to get on a plane and travel to see his daughter and grandchildren. He wasn't feeling well when he took off. He got off the plane feeling light headed. When they were driving back to my cousin's house, he passed out in the car. He was gone. And yet, despite the fact that he lived alone in Texas, he found his way to his daughter and was able to be surrounded by people who loved him no matter what when he left this life.

I will miss him.

A Mommy's Bill Of Rights

2011-11-22T11:53:00.000-08:00

I wrote this a while back, but seeing as I just got out of the bathroom after having a magazine slid under the door "in case I wanted to read something while I went potty," I think it still applies.
**********

1. Pee and poop by myself.

2. Drink a can of pop by myself.

3. Eat a meal that's actually still warm.

4. Go out for a drink. Or two. Ok, three.

5. Hire a decent babysitter who doesn't charge fifteen bucks an hour and does the dishes while she/he is at it.

6. Not get treated like we're crazy when we're telling a professional what's happening with our children.

7. Not get dirty looks from old people who don't remember what having small children is like for the kid who's acting up in the store. And if dirty looks are thrown - "bite me" is considered a completely appropriate response.

8. Not listen to the same song on the iPod over and over again. No freaking out if I change the song. One can only handle Lady GaGa so many times before starting to get itchy.

9. Sleep all night long once no one needs to eat at 3:00 am.

10. Throw away the underwear you, child, just completely shat in, regardless of what Disney character is printed on them.

Conversations With Girl Child....The "What Should I Say When People Ask?" Edition

2011-11-21T09:29:00.000-08:00

Girl Child has reached an interesting cross-roads in her growing-up years. Not-so-suddenly, I'm no longer the front line for explaining her birth defect. She's taking the reigns.

Recently, at her Girl Scout troop meeting, the girls were playing "Two Truths And A Lie." The leader and I were having a conversation a day or so later, and she relayed to me that Girl had a tough time coming up with the lie. (My little over-thinker. She comes by that honestly, by the way.) Susan also mentioned that she brought up her birth defect as one of her truths, but when pressed about it, shut down and withdrew. Girl Child apparently used the term "disease." Immediately a few of the girls were all over it,

"What's that?"
"Can I catch it?"
"Well, what is it?"
"Are you going to die?"

All open, curious questions being asked with no malicious intent.

She didn't know what to do or say. While she's always been comfortable with herself, she hasn't had much practice telling people who ask about what's up when she's by herself. When she was four, it was as simple as, "I went to Disneyland and got a new ear!" And....cue Mommy.

So, I sat her down and we had a talk:

SM: Hey, honey, I understand you played Two Truths at your meeting, and you mentioned Atresia/Microtia as one of your truths.

GC: Yeah. I wasn't sure what to say for my lie, though.

SM: I understand from Susan that you called Atresia/Microtia a disease. You know it's not a disease?

GC: I didn't know what else to call it.

SM: Well, hon, when people hear the word "disease" they think, "Chicken pox! Measles! Cancer!" and that's not how I would describe you. You don't have a disease, you were born with a birth defect.

GC: Should I call it that?

SM: If you'd like, but disease is probably not the word you want to use to describe your ear. Also, when you bring it up, people are going to be curious, just like the girls were. Be prepared to explain what it is so people don't make up what it might be in their minds and start talking about you in a way you probably don't want to be talked about. The more upfront you are, the better. You've pretty much always been comfortable with who you are, and it makes me so proud of you. Don't stop now!

GC: Ok.

So, we did a little role-playing. Can I just say how HARD it is to hand over these reigns? Everything in me wants to put this part of her life in a bubble. However, she's in the world, and she will have to own who she is and define herself as she grows. That bubble would stifle the things I love the most about her.