Choleesas World

Chocolate, fried chicken and tuna.....

2012-01-27T11:57:00.000-08:00

Have I got a story for you!!

I will ease into it though....cause, well, I am not even sure if I want to throw it out there...
but it was part of my world last night....so SHARE it I will..

Im sure Ive mentioned it before, I am a Diabetic, type 2.
I am a completely UNCONTROLLED Diabetic.
I love chocolate, carbs, and all things unhealthy.....
and I have absolutely NO SELF CONTROL!
Im similar to a druggie when I see candy....I sweat, I pretend I can resist, and the minute everyone looks the other way, I snatch it, and run......
speaking of snatch.....
haha, that was supposed to be my clever transition to the real story........but not quite yet.

In an effort to try and extend my life as long as possible I have started going to the gym again....namely the Zumba classes I have been taking.
Everyone and their sister has been trying to take this class.......150 in a room with maximum occupancy of 55.
So my gym had to start limiting the classes.
They have tried sign up sheets, numbers......and last night was the first 55 people who could get through the class room doors were the winners.....
dude, I swear, it was like 100 starving people scrambling for the last fried chicken leg on the planet....................NOT PRETTY.

Well, in all of their attempts I have been lucky enough to still get in the class, although last nights entrance required alot of pushing, shoving, and elbowing......(I. AM. NOT. JOKING.) hey, I did what I had to do to get through those doors....
I really need for you to understand the very fortunate position of actually being INSIDE the class......cause there was about 40 people outside of the class, looking in.......waiting for someone to relinquish their coveted spot!

Got a mental image yet??

Good, now on to the story......

As we started warming up.....
I got a whiff...........
I wrinkled my nose, and continued on with my workout....................
The longer I worked out, the more whiffs I got....so I looked over at my friend......(who fought just as valiantly as I did to get her spot) and she too was wrinkling her nose.........
At least now I know Im not the only one smelling it........
Well, like all rotten things.....the hotter it got, the worse it smelled...............
Thats right folks..............rotten snatch..............
I will wait while you gag................
done?
Now, mind you, I have a nose like a fucking bloodhound, so I could smell this nasty va jay jay like I was eating it........
(hows that for a mental picture?)
I couldnt quite tell who it was, but I could certainly smell her.
With every move we made, I moved further and further from my original spot......
but being that EVERYONE else in this room had to fight for THEIR spot, finding a new spot for myself WAS NOT GONNA HAPPEN .
I am stubborn, and I absolutely REFUSED to give up my spot...I had worked hard to get in the class, damn it, and I was NOT gonna miss it.
So I tried breathing through my mouth, not breathing at all, and none of it worked....then the nasty bitch next to me left the room, and miraculously THAT smell disappeared..................
REJOICE!!!!!!!!!!
It was gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I didnt have to give up the spot I had worked so hard for....... but wouldnt you know it??
She returned.

After about 30 minutes, I was literally GAGGING.
Damn it!!!!
DEFEAT.............I left the room!!!
I went to the bathroom, paced a little, got myself all pissed off that some stupid snatch (quite literally) had chased me away from my lottery winnings........
So I went over to my locker, rubbed my entire body down with scented lotion, put a good slathering of it under my nose, and went back to the room..........to find that my friend, whose sense of smell isnt nearly as good as mine, had taken one for the team, and traded her spot for mine................
How many of you can say that you have THAT GOOD of a friend??

SMOOTHIES were on me last night!!!

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch!

2012-01-26T08:47:00.000-08:00

I have been here a total of 19 minutes...........
I want to go home.
I think its time I start looking for a new job. Ive said it before, but I honestly believe that if I stay here too much longer, I might actually pick up my typewriter and throw it at someone.

I ask myself, REPEATEDLY,   "is it you Choleesa?"
and the answer is always the same,   "NO!!! it is not you, it is them"

The Dilda, aside from her various other sins....this bitch comes in every morning...late of course, and drinks the coffee that I make!
Whatever, I dont buy the coffee, but I sure as hell am the only one who makes it. I make it for me!! I expect to be the first one to get a cup, since I MADE IT FOR ME!! but nope, she SNEAKS into the kitchen, fills up her cup, and then walks back to her desk, holding her cup against her thigh on the side closest to the wall, so that no one will see it.......cause then she might actually be expected to make coffee for people.....
WHICH SHE DOES NOT....
and I think the bitch is stealing my creamer......
I have not caught her yet, and she better hope I dont catch her, cause I will hit her. That creamer is mine, I buy it with my own money so that its there when I want it.

Pajama Girl, steals ice.
Once a week, I go out to the ice maker in the shop and fill a bucket of ice, so that I can have ice when I want it......every time I go to get ice, I notice that there is hardly any ice left......and I KNOW I aint using that much ice..............
and yesterday I walked in the kitchen and caught the bitch.

Yes, they are ALL bitches, filling up a DOUBLE GULP sized cup with MY ice....So I said to her, "hey jammie girl, you gonna refill that ice??" and the bitch giggled.....seriously, she giggled....so I said "really, I filled that up for me.......so you gonna refill it?'"
"sure" she says......its still fucking empty.

Serial ass kisser plays stupid.....as if her computer is restricted from using google. Anytime she wants to know something, she asks me "hey Choleesa, what is a so and so" and I always reply with "I dont know, google it" and she whines, "you do it, you are so much better at it"
Yah, bite me bitch.
I dont do it, but you'd think by now that she would get the hint that I am not going to do whatever it is she is too lazy to do.
But then again....that would require a HINT of perception.

Why? you ask dont I stop making coffee, and getting the ice? Well, I have. But damn, we are all adults. When you use the last of the toilet paper at home, you put a new roll right? Why wouldnt the same principal apply here??? If you drink the last of the coffee, make another pot....if you use the last of the ice.........fucking refill it.

SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!

New picture

2012-01-25T11:30:00.001-08:00

I am thinking about changing the background of my blog, while I love the picture I have, Im kinda tired of looking at it..................

So Im taking suggestions.................what would make you want to return again and again to my blog??

What picture or background would you like to see??

2012-01-24T09:03:00.000-08:00

these damn hefers..............(I mean co-workers)

I am sitting here at my desk, and chaos is all around me.
Right now, there are 5 other people in this office, besides me.
Im the only one at my desk trying to get any work done.
One is coughing up what can only be the worlds largest hairball. Who has just informed me that she has the runs!

Choleesa thinks: "Yeah bitch, thanks for sharing....if you cough, and shit your pants, I do NOT want to know about it"

The dilda is with Pajama Girl, (who wasnt here yesterday), having a conversation that goes something like this:
Dilda: "detail, detail, detail, blah, blah, blah, i just sent you an email with all the details I just gave you"
Pajama Girl: "oh, I havent read my emails yet"

Choleesa thinks: , "I guess you dont need to read it now do you?? TIME WASTERS!!!!!!!!"

Serial Ass Kisser, is talking very loudly with someone about how she didnt see him walk in the door.

Choleesa thinks: " what does it matter if you saw him walk in the door or not?? either way, he is in the office, shut the fuck up and answer your phone BEFORE I DO...."Serial Ass Kissers Desk, Im sorry she isnt available right now, her lips are attached to someones ass, can I take a message??"

Why? I ask, am I the only one at my desk trying to work??

Cause Im a dumbass....thats why!!

Did I mention that I have my very mexican music on very loud??
Why you ask?
Cause it annoys the fuck out of everyone here...........
and if I have to listen to their bullshit, then its only fair that they listen to mine.

Weiner!!!!

2012-01-23T11:44:00.000-08:00

Its raining.
All I want to do right now, is crawl in my bed and catch up with all my recorded tv shows....
before the husband deletes them all.
Hes a weiner that way......
God forbid, that the memory on the DVR is lower than 50%
(keep in mind that the man does not watch TV, unless its basketball or football)

If the memory is lower than 50%, he starts bitching, and moaning, and deleting.........with no regards to who is recording.
(ME, since the damn thing is in the bedroom....so obviously, if hes not recording it, then I must be)

Fights ensue..........

Him: why the fuck is there never any room to record on this shit?

Me: what would you like to record?

Him: Nothing, but if I did, there wouldnt be any room.

Me: when you want to record something, let me know, and Ill make sure theres room
Him: Make room now...

Me: bite me bitch

Him: DVR whore

Me: fuck you

Him: Im deleting all your fucking shows right now.

Me: do it, and you better start running.

Him: Its my DVR, I pay the cable bill, and Im deleting all this shit

Me: do it, and DIE!!!

when we fight, I am always the first to pull out the bad words....
I cannot help myself...
try as I might to keep our fights within reason, and without name calling....
I cannot do it.
I go from 0 to 60, in a few seconds.
And he thinks its funny......
he laughs at me....(pissing me off even more)
"why do you have to talk that way?"
"because cursing makes me feel better, yelling soothes my soul, and arguing kinda turns me on".....
Im wicked that way.

your mama cant dance

2012-01-20T09:26:00.000-08:00

I have been taking a zumba class for the past couple of weeks.
LOVE IT!!
Since January 1, the class that should be the size of 55 (Maximum Capacity) has been attended by about 150 people.
(I hate January's at the gym......all these new years resolutioners...just breathing in my air, and taking up my ass shaking space)
Tight squeeze.
This class can be broken into 3 different types:

1. the latin women who have been dancing all their lives
2. the few who can keep up and not look like complete retards
3. the rhythm-less who just shouldnt be there.

Some of our latin dances are just ass-backwards. There are two foot movements on one beat, beats that just shouldnt be there.....and alot of hip and ass shaking, and alot of arm flailing.... all this must be done with attitude, or else you just look stupid.
These dances must be OWNED..............

Which brings me to why I love this class.....aside from the profuse amount of sweat I produce in this class......there is the fact that I am surrounded by the 3 different types...(I would be type 2.)
Its the rhythm-less that crack me up. I try not to laugh out loud, but being who I am....I just cannot help myself. But my laughter is usually masked by the spanish only speaking instructor yelling at us "Stas cansados??"
Or the type 1,. who think they are at a back yard bbq, dancing to their favorite cumbia music, and probably had a few shots of tequila before coming to the class....

Last nights class "starred" a rather tall, uncoordinated "man" who will be further known as "the fruit" (self explanatory I think)
this poor thing, flailed his arms about, shook his lack of ass, kicked his legs, along with a few of my fellow zumba-ers....
and all I could think was "the one fruit in this bag of nuts.....and he cant dance"

Real mom

2012-01-17T09:19:00.001-08:00

Ok, what the fuck??

Beyonces mothering skills are a headline at CNN???
Isnt CNN supposed to be a "real" news source??
And they are boasting that Beyonce is already a wonderful mother??
After 4 fucking days???
Really??
Cause any moron cant stick a bottle in a baby's mouth, and change a diaper??
Thats all it takes to be a good mother??
Then why the hell have I worked so hard the last 20+ years??
If all I had to do was change a few diapers, and warm a few bottles, to establish myself as a good mother??
All those years of taxi-ing, crying, yelling, disciplining, losing sleep, and worrying myself into an early head of grey hair, and all I had to do was change a few diapers, and shove a few bottles into my kids mouth.....
then CNN would sing my praises....
"Choleesa proves to be the worlds best mom, changes diapers, and warms bottles.....even goes the extra mile and washes the bottles HERSELF!!"

Yeah, Beyonce, lets you and I talk.......dont worry, I can wait til your nanny comes and takes the baby from you.

Girls, Girls GirlsGirls,

2012-01-12T10:51:00.000-08:00

Girls! ugh, Im glad Im not one.
I dont like girls.
I do not like the games they play.
I received a text from my cousin, telling me "it was a low blow, and I need to check myself and watch what I say before I say it"
This stemmed from a friggen spell-check on my phone, which changed a word .....ONE WORD.....from check to church.
I sent her a text that said, "I need to go church out your house"
Unbeknownst to me, she has had issues with her church, and took offense to my "churching out her house."
But it took her two days to reply to my "what the heck is your problem?"
Why cant girls be more like men, just say whats on your damned mind.
And dont take what is on other peoples minds to heart so damned quickly.
And move on, once the problem has been solved, explained, fixed.
Girls react with total emotion, and absolutely no common sense.
I dont like girls.
Or men that act like girls. (Little I.T. bitch, who is STILL making a show of ignoring me, I laugh, every single time he does it, its just pissing him off more)
Ok, maybe I like to play SOME girl games.....

I smell like a cheap whore

2012-01-05T13:02:00.000-08:00

That is not just a title........
I REALLY DO smell like a cheap whore.
Amid the Christmas shopping, I got a whole lot of perfume samples.
Calvin Klein "SHOCK" should be renamed 'SHIT', shit in a bottle. First whiff smelled nice, so I sprayed the shit on, and oh my gosh......I can be mistaken for a friggen porta potty.
Meanwhile, I am being IGNORED!!
Not by the Dilda, (I wish)
We have an I.T. guy, (short for sh.I.T. guy) (I am sensing a shit theme here)although Im not sure what exactly he is supposed to do, since his computer advice is ALWAYS, restart it. Hes a douche bag, douchey enough to give an elephant the cleanest vagina on the planet.
Around Thanksgiving, I had asked him something, and he did not reply, so I figured he didnt hear me, as the whole damn herd was moo-ing, so I said "Douchebag, (fictitious name) did you hear me?"
his reply: (and you will see where the doucheyness comes in)
his reply: " I heard you, I just didnt feel like answering you"
Asshole.
So I said : "ok, I wont talk to you then"
and wouldnt you know that that fucking little bitch hasnt said boo to me since.
He will actually say "bless you"to everyone else that sneezes, but when i sneeze, he doesnt say a word...
Little cunt. (oh, the "C" word, I dont throw that one out freely)
He purposely goes out of his way to say goodmorning, INDIVIDUALLY, to everyone else in the office, except for me. Really? are we 10??
I find it funny, but at the same time I get so pissed, cause I just want to say: "hey douche bag, stop being such a little bitch"
Thats the part that pisses me off........... that I cannot say that.
I want to bitch slap him, just for being a little bitch.
Or I would like to tell him that I can smell his breath AND his armpits from 10 feet away..... but he would run in and tell the boss on me.....I know this, because of a previous "clash" with this douchebag.
When I told him that I didnt want to hear him rant and rave about the government all damned day long.....
He told on me....:"he has every right to express himself"
Seriously.
That time, he was also being a little bitch.
I may talk alot of shit, but I can take it without crying. He cannot.
And that my friends is what separates, the BIG bitches, from the little ones.
Happy Thursday,

After Christmas sale

2011-12-28T14:27:00.000-08:00

Anyone besides me ever have a hard time coming up with good titles??

Anyways, Im off work all week.....woo hoo, no fucking dilda!!!!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday to me!!!!

Yes people, my birthday came and went, with only one happy birthday from my blog friends...ahem.

Oh well, dont feel too bad people, I woke up, and there was no key to a house under the tree, no brand spanking new black Cadi in the driveway......sucks to be me.

I did go out to happy hour with a few friends on Friday night, only to get the worlds worst fucking waitress, who told me I looked way too mature to be 21...yeah, thats right, conversation went something like this:

"its her birthday"
"oh, really how old are you?"
"21"
confused stare by 50 something year old skank
"no, your not 21, you look way too..............mature, for that"
"um, excuse me?" (said with some serious attitude)
"oh no, you dont look old, but you are definitely mature"
"and you are definitely not getting a tip"

stupid bitch.

Saturday night on the way home from my brother in laws house, we hit a dog, a rather large dog........ hit, then ran over with both the front and back tires......it was dark and we were doing 50........ in the companys brand new truck......... dead dog, dented bumper.....

On Monday, we went out to eat at the worlds largest chinese food buffet......(I will say it is about the most exciting thing to happen to me so far)
Apparently I was wearing a shirt that was completely see through in the flourescent lights.........guess that explains all the new friends I made in the mongolian bar-b-q line.....

Thats all I got for now..... Ill see y'all in a couple of days.

WHY I love spell check.......

2011-12-22T10:40:00.000-08:00

text:
handbags
(should have read: hahahahaha)

text:
I'll gonna say handbags now every time I Luigi...........ugh...................
I guess now I can say Luigi instead of laugh.
stupid stepchildren..........handbag!!!
(should have read: Im gonna say handbags now every time I laugh, ugh, I guess now I can say Luigi instead of laugh, stupid spell check. hahahaha)

In this same text conversation, spell check had the wisdom to replace the following words.......

or = offer
Liz = Lutz
understand = underarms
want = wasnt
other = tither
doing = fun
go = ho
live = love
butt = buffy
at = asst
not = knot
at = art
haha = Natasha
friggen = drunken
friggen = cherri.deck
my toes are all curled up = my tow are ark lurled yogi
am = ask
suck = such
spell check = Abimelech
Dilda = Sikhs

My son often asks me why I dont just turn the spell check off....but ..... look again at the words that got replaced!!!!
This was a hilarious conversation!!! And to think I was pissed when I began this conversation...

Are these babies mine??? I'll never tell!

2011-12-21T11:07:00.000-08:00

I have nothing of any real interest to say...
but the Dilda isnt here today, (big fucking shocker!!!)
so I get my birthday lunch after all!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAY.
I dont ask for much............. just a pastrami sandwich.
I love salty meat....
(yes there was a double ~~entender~~ (spanish for understand), entendre.

I am also told I have a thing for balls, however, I think they just get in the way!!

A few more days til my birthday, and while, I am suffering anxiety from getting that much closer to forty.....I am comforted by the fact that I look fucking awesome!!

And to keep in line with Crazy Assed Anne............(Im so glad I found her)
I give you a boobie shot.................

My birthday beast.

2011-12-19T09:24:00.000-08:00

I just turned down my celebratory birthday lunch.
(my birthday isnt until the 25th for those of you who DONT pay attention)

Its tradition around here....everyone pitches in and buys a person lunch for their birthday.
(big spenders)

I just turned mine down.

I found out they invited the Dilda to participate.

Im no hypocrite.

I dont like her, and I dont want her lunch money................unless I get to kick her ass to get it.

Just sayin

Dilda file

2011-12-15T08:55:00.000-08:00

I should make an entire link to all the Dilda posts......
Did I mention that she is now on a 6 hour work day??.......apparently, her mother in law is so effed up, that she cannot be alone, and the caretaker that they hired cannot stay past a certain time....
So every day Dilda leaves early....(Did I mention that she also comes in late???)
Well, maybe you are wondering the same thing I am.....
"why cant they hire someone who can be there when needed?"
well, I made the mistake of asking that stupid question, and I might as well have asked
"why not just euthanize her?"
Anywhoo, dumbass, was telling a story, and let it slip that she went Christmas shopping after work.....
Um.....
I guess her mother in law had a brief moment of clarity, when she called dilda up and said
"Dilda, I am in perfect health, and I will be for the next three hours, so you go ahead and get some Christmas shopping done....I will revert to my effed up state, when you walk in the door.....take your time"
Really, she keeps proving her stupidity over and over and OVER!!!!

For my favorite Flower

2011-12-13T10:49:00.000-08:00

Someone has suggested that they are tired of looking at crooked nipples, so I will write another post...............
(be warned its looooooong)

Last night I watched "Its a Wonderful Life" I love that movie....been watching it for as long as I can remember.

I just love the "lesson"

I feel so much.....(wait, let me google the proper word here....to empathy or not to empathy....that is the question)...

I feel so much empathy for poor ole George Bailey....
I understand his complete need to get out of that town...... how he begrudgingly gives up his hopes and dreams so that the ones he loves can flourish....and I understand the anger and frustration he feels while deciding to be so benevolent....and I love that one moment when he asks his wife "Why do we have to have so many darn kids" cause at that one moment, he blames his family for his current predicament. And immediately he feels sorry for having said it.
I understand the complete despair that he is feeling while standing at that bridge looking in the icy water.............and even then, he pushes his agenda aside, and saves the poor ole angel.
I understand the wish to never have been born........................
BUT I ABSOLUTELY LOVE, the way they show how this one man had such an impact on everyone around him. I love how he got to see the benefit of all his personal sacrifices. What the world would be like if he had never been born............
I love how all the people come to his aid at the end, just like he always did for them.

and to re-inforce the "lesson" I got a promotional magazine with the following story:

An old man walked up a shore littered with thousand of starfish, beached and dying after a storm. A young man was walking along the beach and flinging them back into the ocean. The old man asks "Why do you bother?? your not saving enough to make a difference" The young man picked up another starfish, flinged it back into the ocean and says: "Made a difference to THAT one"

Moral of this post:

Everyone makes a difference to someone.

Cause Im NOT a tease, Ill give you your picture.

2011-12-07T08:31:00.000-08:00

Since "some" of you thought you were gonna see a picture starring some nips, I thought I would give what I apparently promised......

A boob job gone terribly wrong.....

Model intends to sue the plastic surgeon......

Doctor sees absolutely NOTHING wrong with the job

Im cold, and you can tell by looking at my shirt.

2011-12-06T09:09:00.000-08:00

My world is either spinning way too fast or way too slow....but everything is out of whack!!!

Its cold.
I dont like the cold.
Now let me apologize up front to those of you who actually have to deal with REAL cold....but I am a California girl, born, raised, and probably retired....and this business of being 37° is just plain bullshit!
Ive said it before and Ill say it again......I pay a high premium to live here in the land of sun and sand, and damn it, I want what I pay for......

That being said, I can tolerate the cold cause I do have a heater, but ever since Friday, my heater has been making this high pitched squeal.
Non stop.
To the point that I believe that the fucking government is using me in some sick experiment.
They cannot find anything wrong with it!!!
Mother Flucking government!!!
It must be the high pitched, non stop squeal talking.

My car, well I went to start it and it made this odd noise (Of course I was not at home when it did this) so I turned the key off, and pulled it out of the ignition............meanwhile, the car continued to try to start..........without the key!!!
It eventually stopped, and when I went to start it up again....started normally. runs perfectly..........what kind of crap is that????

Anyone out there know anything about cars????

And a clip from the Dilda file....
Bitch called in an hour late this morning, and she says "Im late" (I think: DUH!!) and she says " I was asleep, and when you're asleep, why wake up?"
Wait.....WHAT?????
EXCUSE ME Dilda!!! I WAS ASLEEP THIS MORNING TOO, AND I FIGURED THE RESPONSIBLE THING TO DO WAS WAKE UP, GET OUT OF BED, GET READY FOR WORK AND GET MY ASS TO WORK........ON TIME............DID I MENTION THAT I ALSO CARPOOL KIDS TO SCHOOL IN THE MORNING??? AND I STILL GET TO WORK EVERY MORNING BEFORE THE DILDA.....WHO ONLY HAS HERSELF TO WORRY ABOUT....WHO IS SUPPPOSED TO BE SALES MANAGER...WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE BEFORE EVERYONE AND LEAVE AFTER EVERYONE AND SET THE EXAMPLE OF WHAT THE WORK ETHIC AROUND HERE SHOULD BE?????????

Ok, I feel a tad bit better now. Oh and where or where has Nixabn gone??

This weeks "news"

2011-12-01T13:04:00.000-08:00

This is how I spend some of my time at work....I read "news" stories, and if they make me make a comment, or laugh a little, I save it cause you just never KNOW when you will need some weird news story.....

****************************************

French Father Reportedly Charged After 3-Year-Old Son Killed in Washing Machine

....... put him naked in the washing machine to punish him for getting into trouble at nursery school

When I was in nursery school, I got my mouth washes out with soap, for saying the "S" word......."Stupid" (no............ Stupid was actually the "s" word that I said and got in trouble for.)

Miley Cyrus Jokes About Smoking 'Too Much Weed' at 19th Birthday Party

“You know you’re a stoner when your friends make you a Bob Marley cake,” said the “Hannah Montana” star

If the singer of the Achy Breaky Heart was your daddy, wouldnt you get high too????

LeAnn Rimes: Did she or did she not get breast implants?

Im gonna say she bought one of them there nifty bras that adds four sizes on to your itty bitty titties,
cause if your gonna pay for a boob job, then go large enough to be WITHOUT QUESTION.

Cancer-Fighting Cells Get Boost From Viagra

The drug works because it "wakes up" the immune system to fight cancer
That is not ALL it wakes up....Im all in favor!!!!

Presidential hopeful Herman Cain denies new accusations ahead of TV interview with woman claiming she had a 13-year relationship with the GOP candidate.

I just dont get it........Maybe its cause he LOOKS like a PIMP

Kobe Bryant in Secret NBA Training ... WITH THE JEWS!

dosnt even matter what the story said....I just loved the headline

Iran's 'Family Protection' Bill Raises Eyebrows

......It would give men the right to take a second wife without the permission of the first, and it would enshrine a man’s right to have an unlimited number of temporary marriages, which can last from 10 minutes to 99 years.
Im just gonna go out on a limb here and say that if any man is dumb enough to WANT more than one wife....(without permission)..................then let him have his "just desserts"

Ali Lohan Thinks Plastic Surgery Rumors Are 'Stupid'
do any of the Lohans have anything WHATSOEVER of intelligence to say??? ANYTHING AT ALL?????

Kourtney Kardashian Is Pregnant

just what we needed......another Kardashian.

Kourtney Kardashian: Styling Mason Is ‘So Much Fun’

Really, you are "styling" a 2 year old?? Your son is going to be as big a douche bag, as your boyfriend.

Kris Humphries: "My Marriage to Kim Kardashian Was a Fraud "

you dont say!!

Horses Could Soon Be Slaughtered for Meat in U.S.

hmmm, wonder if THAT will turn up in the McRib???

muffins, holes, and humps

2011-11-30T09:51:00.000-08:00

Not only is it Hump Day, Its donut day too!!!
Woohoo
Not that I got humped this morning, but I can honestly say that my hubby is a FUCK, so that counts right??

Every Wednesday, my boss stops at the donut shop and gets donuts for his loyal subordinates. And because he "loves" me, he gets me my own special BRAN MUFFIN...... because of the diabetes...he figures he is doing me a kindness.........but its a fucking bran muffin........
I dont have the heart to tell him that I have to chase every bite of the bran muffin with a gallon of water just to get it down

"And I figure that Im a tad bit special if he is buying me special muffins....and the fact that I get a special donut, just really pisses the Dilda off....so for that alone. I eat it gratefully.

But on some days, the sight of this box......

is too much for my weak will power to handle.........and I give in.......

notice the empty slot??

A donut should have been there.....

this donut..........

See the bran muffin behind the chocolate covered old fashioned???
Yup, that is what I should be eating......
I stuff the chocolate donut in the bag that the bran muffin came in, and I eat it little piece by little piece.....so that it appears Im eating the bran muffin........
did I mention that my weekly bran muffin pisses the Dilda off???
So I either eat it, or pretend to eat it..........
either way, I smile and thank the boss, for caring so much about my health....

and I watch out of the corner of my eye, as the Dilda rolls her eyes.............

Small pleasures.

Lame huggers.

2011-11-29T09:08:00.000-08:00

We all know them.
You know....those people that hug you like they are afraid to actually touch you.
The lame hug is the equivalent of the lame cheek kisses the french people give.
I hate lame hugs...Id prefer you didnt hug me at all if your going to hug me without meaning.
When I get a hug, I want every inch of your body pressed up against mine.
I want your arms to wrap around me and make me feel like you'll never let go....
Like you care for me.
Like you are happy to have the opportunity to show you care.
A bear hug, is the perfect hug.

Dont ask me where this came from.....this bitch is having a sentimental moment.....................must be the mormons and the white cotton panties.

Funny stuff!!!!

2011-11-28T15:15:00.000-08:00

Well it made me laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!

quickie question

2011-11-28T11:48:00.000-08:00

I have a quick question.....not sure who can answer it....but I am honestly curious as to why this is..........

"why?!?! do I feel more sexy in white cotton underwear than I do in black lacie underwear??

Seriously folks.......I cannot figure why this is.

Giblets

2011-11-24T08:46:00.001-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving ..........TURKEYS!!!!!

Bailey's induced delirium

2011-11-23T08:32:00.000-08:00

Good Morning all,

my morning has been good............so far anyways..........
I snuck some Bailey's into my coffee....................
Yee haw!!!
Dont tell the rest of the herd.

The Bailey's took some of the sting out of the Dildas remark : "you look tired this morning"
Fucking COW! (at least my nickname is Bitch, and not DILDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
(hmph, she just wishes she looked this good when SHE is tired)

I was chatting with a friend yesterday, and he made me feel so much better.

He pointed out that I am a person with "STRONG CHARACTER, WHO SPEAKS HER MIND, AND DOSNT CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS, and that is what he likes best about me"

When bitch gets defined with those words.....its a compliment. And I'll take it!!!

: (

2011-11-22T09:03:00.000-08:00

First thing this morning I made the mistake of clicking on Colonel ChestHams blog!!!! (click it..I dare you)
Definitely not work appropriate.

However, it did take my mind off being sad...

I got into a fight last night with the ~~hubby~~ asshole. Thats not what made me sad...Ill get to that.
(Quick summary: Last night, I got off work, went home, changed, went to the gym, worked my ass off, went home to cook dinner..........and Im not exactly sure what happened after that. )
I was completely blindsided.
I am usually the instigator of the fights....
or at least a full participant....
but this fight....Not even a fight really....he yelled, while I stood there with my bottom jaw on the floor..........Im not sure what exactly happened........
But I was informed by the ~~hubby~~ asshole that all my in-laws hate me.
They all think Im a bitch.....
"actually Im a bitch with everyone I meet. Everyone I talk to thinks Im a bitch, because Im such - a - bitch. Nobody likes me. They dont invite him places cause they are afraid I might show up too"
That was a direct quote...............
WOW.......(maybe they read my blog too???)
I made sure that he actually said the words: "even my mom thinks your a bitch" cause while I may have been blindsided with this.....I was still thinking ahead.
(I am not surprised that they feel this way about me, cause really, I guess I am a bitch.... I am who I am, and I refuse to let ANYONE change me.....because while I may in fact be a bitch...I do have some very redeeming qualities..............)

By getting him to say these words, I have FOREVER cemented IN STONE his families opinion of me, therefore giving me a complete and total OUT from any and all future "in-law" activities....

and because Im such a bitch....................I posted on facebook......for all my in-laws to see.........the wonderful news that my ~~husband~~ asshole had just shared with me.

I guess he underestimated my bitchiness.

Here are the parts that made me sad...........if in fact this is the opinion they have of me.....
why did they feel comfortable enough to tell him that Im a bitch??

Obviously, they know his loyalties are not with me....
cause while I may call my husband an asshole, I will NEVER let anyone else do it. Nor would anyone I know, dare to talk about something of mine like that. Guess thats changing from here on out...at least as far as he goes.
And why did he feel the need to share their opinion with me??
Does he not care that sharing that little tidbit might hurt my feelings just a little bit??
Is he truly so stupid that he didnt realize it WILL come back and bite him in the ass??

While I may be able to forgive some things....I ~~cannot~~ will not forgive this act of stupidity.
Seasons Change.
But I remain the same old bitch!

Cho-out!