Blue Bar Cage

Impact Review 4/20/2017

2017-04-20T19:33:00.005-07:00

Thinking of Rosey.

Being today is RVD Day, let's enjoy our last review in the next while.

Tonight, both men in the main event are waiting. But we begin with Impact World Tag Team Champions LAX defending. LAX dominate two wrestlers that are not signed here. Not much to say, it ends fast, then brings LAX with a promo. Konnan gets the fans going here before The Decay enter for the brawl.

Karen Jarrett is out here to be like if Steph tried "acting" face. Then brings news we're now having to share our office with GFW. Then she talks about the matches tonight. Then our attempt to appeal to through Sonjay Dutt. He wants the X-Division match to main event & have him put in. Andrew Everett emerges to say he's gone too far to let more wrestlers in the match. To finish brilliance in our United overbooking here, Impact X-Division Champion Trevor Lee & Gregory Shane Helms also say no to his appeal. Wait, now Bruce says it will now be six wrestlers.

Krimson's back to be part of the VOW group. If we knew he was in the Army, we wouldn't have made fun of him so much.

Another KO One Night Only. That match won't happen again. Believe us.

Impack Knockout Champion Rosemary vs. ODB starts with a brawl before heading outside, where the veteren ODB has things until the clothesline by Rosemary is followed up with suplexes before her missing the dropkick leads to ODB using her power, and slamming Rosemary's face into the buckle. Though a mistake by her leads to Rosemary hitting the red wedding to end the match.

Swoggle got in despite us hiring Haku to scare him away.

Don sells in the Ziggler way.

Suicide will be in the X-Division match as Sienna wants to face a GFW wrestler.

We see Braxton Sutter & Allie's issues with Sienna & Laurel Van Ness. This leads to Kongo Kong mutilating someone.

James Storm is discussing that he's waited for a while to wrestle Impact World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley.

Alberto El Patron thinks of both Storl and Lashley to be great opponents. This sees GFW World Heavyweight Champion Magnus demanding a shot before him.

Lashley vs. Storm is now. Josh is here with Lashley. We knew he wasn't going. As the match starts, the attention is not on the two guys busting their damn asses in there. Lashley dominates early before Ethan Carter III enters. We suspect there's a swerve on the was as Storm and Lashley take brawling to the outside going to break. Back from the break, Don respects AJ Styles, and The Pope tests his headset. Lashley throws Storm around as the audio guy tries to prevent you from having to hear one announcer. Storm begins coming back with clotheslines & a neckbreaker. He hands Lashley everything including a lungblower before going for the Last-Call, but has to improvise because of the power of Lashley. After hitting the dominator, Lashley goes for a pin, Stork kicks out as we see Lashley EC3. Lashley goes for a steel-chair, but nearly has it backfire. But the referee bump has Storm get a pin that no one is there for. Storm goes to use the bottle, but EC3 enters & uses it on Storm. Because of this, Lashley hits the spear to get the pin.

Dutch says Dezmond Xavier is in the X-Division match.

After video of Impact Grand Champion Moose being attacked by Chris Adonis, Moose wants to wrestle him, but Davey Richards will. Eddie Edwards may be there.

We see the end of Lashley vs. Storm, then hear Trevor Lee & Everett talk before the bout. It is revealed the sixth wrestler is not Sean Waltman, but it is Low Ki, who leads the early mayhem. Including everyone trying a dropkick as we see Low Ki wrestles in his suit. Has to be taxing. The brawl even heads outside one wrestler at a time going into break. Back from break, Lee drives Everett to the matt with both of Lee's knees. This has Lee sending others that want in, back out before we see Dutt's leflt eye is swollen. Oh, and Josh is not leaving. Wrestling has a s---ton of bait-and-switch. Suicide attacks Lee obly for a moment until he is sent outside. Everett Pele's Lee until we get everyone hitting a move for 3 minutes. Everett Frankendriver's to both Xavier & Lee, but Low Ki gets the pin. After the bout, Borash punches Josh.

The angles are not likely to impress, but the wrestling may.

Impact-4/13/2017

2017-04-13T19:40:00.001-07:00

We see last week's events. Hated having to make everyone watch alone.

Reno Scum battle Laredo Kid & Garza Jr. & The Decay. Jim Norton-Guy has some offense as the announcers try to sell a match no one wants, Crazzy Steve dominates Garza Jr. as we hear more stupidity from our announce team. Almost didn't notice Garza Jr. playing Ricky Morton as bigger Reno Scum guy takes things away from being Abyss' battle. The annoyance ends as both Reno Scum wins, and Andrew Everett talks about wanting to wrestle TNA X-Division Champion Trevor Lee for the belt. He even decides to challenge Gregory Shane Helms to take part in a 4-way match.

Bruce is here to say who the fans say is the #1 Contender to the Impact World Heavyweight Championship. James Storm will drink not because he's in Impact, but to celebrate being #1 contender. Ethan Carter III is not happy he doesn't get the match. He seems to be turning with the way he says he built the promotion. Bruce tries telling EC3 he needs to go back to being the way he was. EC3 takes his advice, shakes his hand, and that's it.

The other Angle talks about Jeff Jarrett or something.

Braxton Sutter & Allie are here to battle Sienna & KM. Sutter battles with KM to start as we see Josh sadly returns. Sutter tries beating himn early as Josh talks about his team in tonight's main event while KM takes Sutter to the ground as again we ask the Presedent to bomb the table while Sutter tags in Allie, who starts to bring Sienna to a stumble, and pins her. We then see Kongo Kong, who beats up Sutter while Laurel Van Ness completes showing United the way overbooking is done.

Selling women's merchandise, boy they were nice.

Impact Knockout Champion Rosemary wrestles the returning Santana Garrett. The titleist shows the best can't plan with crazy. At least until a Frankensteiner by Garrett. But Rosemary takes things back her way until Garrett breaks the inverted STF. Garrett uses quick offense, and another Frankensteiner. But where the moonsault by Garrett doesn't get her target, it would be Rosemary's red wedding that ends the match.

Davey Richards has Angelina Love talk about last week. We don't think he has a memory of it.

Everett in a 4-way match with Marshe Rockett, Suicide, and Helms, who leave the ring to save himself. Lee is ejectet as Everett sends Rockett outside, where Suicide flies, but Helms gets a few hits before letting the other wrestlers get their hits in. No one stays at the top as the only times Helms enters the ring is when he has an advantage. His hubris though sees Everett hit him a few before Rockett uses the gourdbuster on Everett. Suicide incapacitetes him, and Everett throws him outside, then wins. After the match, Lee attacks, but Everett stands tall at the end.

Matt Morgan talks about whooping people.

Davey is in action against DJZ. At the start, Davey brawls with the 2-time X-Division Champion. He stops to make-out with his wife, which leads to DJZ bringing him back inside, but Davey uses the clothesline before trying the Coup De Grace, but DJZ avoids it, and even uses the neckbreaker. Though Davey wins with the ankle lock, but Eddie Edwards wants to fight as he and Elisha Edwards are spoiling for fighting.

We have veterans. And yes, we'll use different Presidents.

Team Borash: Morgan, GFW Heavyweight Champion Magnus, Alberto El Patron, and Chris Adonis. vs. Team Mathews: Impact World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley, Bram, Eli Drake & Tyrus. 2 of the guys here are or were married to a WWE wrestler, and one will. Must truly mangle them inside. Alberto starts by dominating against Drake as he tags Adonis in. Drake makes space and Lashey tags, brings dominance. Adonis has Lashley stumbling, which sees him tag Bram in. Well this has Magnus tag in & beats up Bram. However, Bram recovers & tags Drake into the match. Magnus gets some offense in, but Drake is too much, so he tags in Alberto, who dominates going into break. Back from break, Drake and Adonis are brawling before Tyrus tags in. Tyrus suplexes Adonis and splashes him. Lashley tags in, and tries a pin before he uses his speed and power before tagging Bram back in. His offense is worth him being signed until the year 2084. Drake tags in, Lashley punches Adonis outside. Tyrus uses his power on Adonis until he hits the desperation maneuver, and tags in Morgan, who shows he still has it. This brings the everyone hits a finisher/signature before the boot by Morgan, and the pin by Magnus.

The wrestling is good, and the angles are not getting in the was as much,

Impact Review 3/30/2017

2017-03-30T19:56:00.001-07:00

Here we are again, Fighting to be the owl in the coalmine with this show.

Josh tries to testify before Karen interrupts wanting the rest of creative to find Sienna, then we see last week, when she hit the moron.

Karen is out here, she won't fire, but now wants to discuss Sienna bullying everyone. Great timing given what WWE has happening. Sienna tries intimidating Steph-Lite, but it doesn't work. The exchange goes like this several times before the cousin Sienna only told us about now, Kevin "KM" Matthews interrupts. Braxton Sutter runs to make the save to end the segment.

The remaining X-Division talks about making it great, then DJZ wrestles Andrew Everett. As each feel out, Everett goes outside, only for DJZ to fly after him. DJZ brings him back inside & crossbodies Everett as Josh reminds us why no one should follow him. DJZ has this until a springboard dropkick puts Everett in the lead before trying his moonsault. DJZ gets his feet up, then tries a ZDT, but is rolled-up to end the match. After the match, The Helms Dynasty berate him.

Up next is Impact Knockout Champion Rosemary to talk about her 5-month reign. She talks about dispatching everyone she's ever faced. This brings out ODB to drink and talk trash. We like her. Before Rosemary can leave, the division are out here. Everybody wants some before the brawl breaks out.

Don tries selling the shirt Reby improved.

Josh suses "Slap Nuts". Damn.

Now out here is Ethan Carter III. He thanks everyone, then aplogizes to Karen. He then says he needs to be the man he was before in order to defeat Impact World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley. For some reason, James Storm, looking like The DCC better be dead. Storm respects EC3, but he says he built the place. Storm talks about the things he's done as why he deserves the shot. After asking everyone if they should wrestle, they agree to accept the outcome.

Lorado Kid & Garza Jr. talk about looking to win the Impact World Tag Team Championships. Followed then by Reno Scum. Both have a shot, Right? Maybe. But we don't remember.

But now Cody, GFW Not-X-Division-Champion battles Impact Grand-Champion Moose for the Grand gold in only the second bout tonight. Well this is a new low for 2017. Moose begins by using his power, until Cody uses a tornado DDT, though Moose breaks out a moonsault. The match heads outside, where Moose begins chopping away, until he his the post. He duck's the kick of Cody, which KO's a judge. Back inside, Cody uses a hagman's DDT as the 1st ends going into break. Don has LAX stuff, none with Hernandez. Back from break, Bruce is here to judge. The 1st goes to Moose. As the 2nd begins, Moose brawls before Cody hits the clothesline, which enables him to stomp away before using the knee on Moose's stomach. This soon has Moose try a pin, but the match heads back outside, where Moose goes for a weapon, but Brandi Rhodes tries to stop him. This buys Cody to strike, then use the figure-four before the round ends. The 2nd belongs to Cody as Brandi leaves. The 3rd starts with a brawl before Moose bashes Cody with the clothesline, then Cody uses the disaster-kick. Then a yay/boo starts until they grapple and punch to the ground. Again brawling to end the 3rd. The fans take to believing in one more-round, but the win is Moose's.

We see the exact moment The Wolves explode before hearing about a last man standing bout next week.

Eli Drake talks about the new stars the promotion has, and that he brings it to a new level.

Karen hands Borash the note that next week will feature the battle royal to decide who will be wrestling Rosemary.

KM next vs. Braxton Sutter. KM throws Sutter until Sutter begins chopping away & 10-punching. Both wrestlers exchange momentum until the double-clothesline. Allie briefly heads in the ring to run away from a pursiung Sienna, this keeps going until it brings KM the opportunity to use a powerbomb into his own knees to end the match. After the match, all four brawl until Laurel Van Ness emerges looking like she four our 4-Loko.

LAX speaks in English ti devise their strategy.

Someone will try something on Sutter and Allie on the 14th.

The Decay vs. Reno Scum vs. LAX vs. Lorado Kid and Garza Jr. Still not sure who's who with most of these teams, but do our greatest. Both Reno Scum guys have Lorado Jr. isolated, but his agility helps him until LAX member Ortiz brawls. This leads to everyone brawling outside until Lorado Kid flies, after him, Garza Jr. does so going into break. Back from break, Lorado Jr. does well, but LAX uses some great double-teaming until Abyss tags in & dominates Lorado Kid. But when Crazzy Steve tags in, he forgets to be nowhere near Reno Scum, who take over until Lorado Kid tags in LAX, who taks out anyone entering. Even the women get involved, but this leads to LAX getting the win over Lorado Kid.

The wrestling gets interesting, the booking hinders.

Impact Review 3:16 2017

2017-03-16T19:42:00.001-07:00

Sadly do not have the review of last week’s mess, though we hope to have one more often as we see AndFuc ThatOwl try to go to war while trying to pay wrestlers. This will go awkwardly.

We see last week’s mess first though before Alberto El Patron walks out without the gold, uses his lady’s phrase, and talks about beating TNA/Impact World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley. This brings Ethan Carter III to demand a match to see who goes after the gold. Alberto says EC3 is not Lashley. EC3 mocks Alberto, who insists he’s not wrestling, followed up with a brawl. This leads to Alberto accepting. Obviously one is turning, but whom is likely to anger many.

A One Night Only with guys who are not here, followed by Eddie Edwards talking about trying to help this place. If this place goes, we hope guys like him get a shot in WWE.

A worked-shoot-Lite about the deal with the TNA/Impact tag team issue.

The announce team is a mess as we see a video about Tyrus and Eli Drake. Then they team against Lerado Kid and Garza Jr. Drake starts with Lerado, both hold their own as Garza Jr. tags in, and sends Drake outside to get hit with a team assault. Lerado is in, but Tyrus tags in going into break. Back from break, Tyrus keeps Lerado separated as he tags Drake in and out of the match, but the hot tag presents the rally and ducking the hit, sending Tyrus to the ground, and winning using the school boy.

We see Edwards, James Storm, and TNA/Impact Grand-Champion Moose talking about NOAH. Strange we have a promotion working with us. We think they may be paid better.

Barging through, Cody talks about his name being pimped out as he holds Jeff Jarrett’s failed promotion/Alleged gold scam’s midcard belt. He does a worked-shoot while bribing Brandi Rhodes’ opponent on the small price she’s being paid. Maybe if Jarrett paid her in time shares. Back from break, TNA/Impact Knockout Champion Rosemary attacks.

EC3 talks about defeating everyone is what makes this place great. Strangely, his match is next. Both begin by brawling into break. Back from break, EC3 beams right in the stomach. As EC3 stomps away and throws Alberto around, he pins as Lashley talk booms up. Both wrestlers head outside as we think about pushing Josh Mathews do… We promised a friend we would not say that. Back in the ring, EC3 gets out of a wristlock and uses his moves of doom, and sends Alberto to both the outside, then the table. Once back inside, EC3 is sent outside this time going into break. We like seeing Don on TV. Back from break, EC3 blasts away before being hit with Alberto’s own moves of doom. Alberto goes for an armbreaker, but EC3 rolls out of it. Alberto goes to fly, but EC3 brings him into the turnbuckle. After brawling, EC3 gets out of the stomp attempt, and hits the TK3 before cornering himself to heal. He hits a second TK3, but heads outside to catch his breath & the chair. He wants to strike, until he throws the weapon. Alberto hits the kick, then locks in the armbreaker, getting the win. After the bout, respect is paid from Alberto to EC3, who shakes his hand. Makes the bout’s outcome tolerable.

Reno Scum yell about becoming TNA/Impact World Tag Team Champions.

EC3 is enraged, we suspect he’ll be wrestling in the cage.

Madison Rayne talks mainly being in TNA her adult life. A sad-life perhaps.

A fan with a sign believing in cutting Josh.

We found the Suicide gear and put it on some guy. He’s wrestling Andrew Everett, Braxton Sutter, and TNA/Impact X-Division Champion Trevor Lee. Everyone starts by eliminating Lee, then brawling with each other. When Suicide goes to fly, Lee stops him. Everett brawls with Lee, as both he & Suicide fly going into break. Back from break, Lee & Everett brawl while Gregory Shane Helms distracts as the announce team argues about “She” being here next week. That’s not very helpful. Lee throws Everett around before choking Suicide before being put in an abdominal stretch, and pin attempt. Sutter battles in, but then they all hit a tower of power. Laurel Van Ness looks drunk eating cake. She’s ours. The distraction attracts something, a win. Sienna emerges, and warns Sutter and Allie about their new love.

Moose talks about making the show great through his work.

Bruce heads out to say the Tag Team Belts will be decided in two weeks with four teams battling. The Decay are on their way. Abyss mumbles before Crazzy Steve adds not much before Rosemary says her team deserves them. Reno Scum emerge. Only time before Lerado and Garza JR., the second in different gear. All brawl until LAX destroy absolutely everyone.

Well tonight was something. Perhaps something needed.

WHATCULTURE WRESTLEMANIA FACTS ARCHIVES

2017-02-24T13:15:00.002-08:00

For those who've been enjoying the lists of facts I'm writing for WhatCulture on each WrestleMania, I figured I'd archive them here for simple convenience.

Also enclosed are Adam Blampied's video versions of my lists, in which he adds his charming wit and whimsy to my entries. He does wonderful work, and he's put a larger spotlight on my writing, so yay Adam, gracias.

If you haven't done so already, follow Adam on Twitter, and what the hell, follow me too.

I (video version)
II (video version)
III (video version)
IV (video version)
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VII (video version)
VIII (video version)
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XXX (video version)
XXXI (video version)
XXXII (video version)

ImpactReview 2/23/2017

2017-02-23T19:50:00.001-08:00

Thoughts this week to the families of George "The Animal" Steele, and to Ivan Koloff.

Fighting to be certain Josh says nothing. We’ll have to kill him last

Broken Matt Hardy speaks to George Washington, then departs part of his abilities to “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy. Boy, the TNA World Tag Team Champions. Also, we see more about Braxton Sutter and Laurel Van Ness. We’ll drink more.

Cody briefly talks about TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley before bringing up Brandi teaming with Moose. After asking to see him, Moose enters. After being thanked by Cody, Moose says he has their backs. Cody begins to wonder about Brandi. After feigning it was a joke, he attacks Moose. After the assault, he hints at being Bullet Club. Still a better use than on RAW.

The recap of Cody’s assault of Moose sees him leaving with Brandi.

Eli Drake and Tyrus talk about the issues they have before locking-up, which happens after this promo. Before the bout, Drake berates his former guard. After trying to take Tyrus down, he then grabs another microphone and tries to get a fingerpoke, but Tyrus refuses, and pokes him back. After trying to get him to lay down again, it is decided by Drake to KO referee Earl Hebner. Tyrus goozles Drake until Drake offers more money. Tyrus brings Drake in for a hug.

Sienna is getting herself in her make-up for tonight, but Allie is not around. We think we know where.

Don West sells awesomely.

Matt’s back out of Egypt, wearing gold. He says they will need to get more gold.

Jade talks taking back the division TNA Knockout Champion Rosemary dominates. This leads to the Champion saying Jade should be saving herself instead. Jade demands a Last Woman Standing match, which is accepted.

Sutter and Mike Bennett drinking and talking about later. We almost joined them, but they may worry about our drinking.

Bram vs. Jesse Godderz starts next. Eddie Kingston tries to distract Jesse twice, but only succeeds after the third time. This leads to the match twice heading outside, but Bram can’t get the pin. Bram runs off the ropes, but is caught in a powerslam. Jesse locks in the Adonis lock as he drags Bram in the middle. Kingston tries to distract, but Bram is now slingshotted into him, and is pinned by Jesse. Afterwards, Jesse avoids the two DCC members out here.

The Hardys are in another lockerroom, where they asks to wrestle the Tag Team Champions of this promotion.

Allie’s here. She looks aggravated. Her voice seems normal. She then asks Sutter if he wants to do this. He seems ready to explode.

The Hardys wrestle what may be a shoot. Live in the Madison Civic Center, maybe the biggest bout. The Hardys battle Mathis-&-Rage. Again, mainly highlights of the match, with Jeff as a face in peril until he brings Matt into the match. Bringing them down with a double twist of fate and a side effect, the fight brings itself outside, before Jeff sends Rage down a staircase, and then helps Matt bring this to it’s end. The Hardys return to add these belts.

Josh Barnett talks about Lashley, then being sure to be clear he will win the belt.

Don sells brilliantly like Ziggler.

Josh Barnett aims to treat Bad Bones like he plans to treat Lashley. Barnett begins with kicks and a takedown. Before Barnett does any more, he is hit with a spear by Bad Bones, who dominates a bit, but is reversed into a powerbomb, then after a Northern Lights suplex, Barnett locks the keylock to get a win.

TNA X-Division Champion Trevor Lee defends against DJZ tonight. DJZ starts by lunging out at Lee and brawls with him on the outside of the ring. Once back inside, Lee kicks DJZ, but DJZ is able to get things his way, though he still has an injury bringing him down a bit. DJZ uses plenty of clotheslines, but is caught into a suplex, and punched by Lee, who targets the ankle of DJZ. Lee stays on him as Josh Mathews acts the second dumbest he has this week. DJZ uses a hurricarana, but the distraction of Gregory Shane Helms enables Lee to use the roll-up with tights to retain. After the match, DJZ attacks, but is almost Pillmanized until Andrew Everett makes the save.

Sutter is told he has to marry Laurel.

Next week has Lashley vs. Barnett. Ready up.

The wedding is now. Sutter brings the drunken Bennett. He should not have started drinking with us this morning. Rockstar Spud brings Aron Rex out. Bennett may want to start drinking some more to get through this. Laurel’s bridesmaids into break. Back from break, Laurel is introduces without the kayfabe dad who is financing this. But out is Allie. As fans begin chanting “We don’t care”, we prefer the wedding from Spaceballs. But while Laurel starts talking in a way Lee Ving know about, we get to the objections part, where Allie is stewing, but won’t say anything now. After being tripped, then berated, the rings are presented. Sutter proceeds to stutter before saying he won’t marry Laurel. He then says he’s in love with Allie. He then makes it official Allie’s job was at stake. Allie bellows out “I quit”, then Sutter bashes Bennett. Brooke runs out, then Robbie E.

A fun segment on an otherwise good, but plain show.

Impact-Review 2/16/2017

2017-02-16T20:28:00.001-08:00

Thoughts out to the loved ones of Chavo Guerrero Sr. And Nicole Bass.

Fight to be the best, or the Raw Deal awaits.

Before TNA World Tag Team Champions The Hardys defend, we see 2 recaps. One see Eddie Edwards betrayed. After this, The Decay battle Moose and Brandi Rhodes. The match begins with TNA Knockout Champion Rosemary distracts Moose, but it doesn’t help until they get Moose outside. This brings Crazzy Steve dominating with holds & chops, but Moose brings himself back up until Abyss begins to distract him. Despite this, Moose sends Steve outside, and tags in Brandi, who dominates Rosemary off the top. She brings Moose back in, who gets the pin over Steve.

Edwards does not stop to say barely anything, but Davey Richards is his target.

Moose tells Brandi she’s being Mini-Moose. A) That name is familiar. B) He may want to get with her.

Edwards says that what happened was his biggest low-point. Angelina Love says Davey is not fighting, and asks where Eddie was when Davey was injured. She then introduces Davey. The two former partners argue & Davey says he will destroy the name they built before they brawl. When it’s over, Edwards demands a street fight to be held tonight.

Last night, Braxton Sutter was at the bachelor party held by Mike Bennett. The guys there look about what you’d expect of us.

The Hardys are in the arena out in Mexico. Boy, the referee will go underground.

Next week Sutter marries Laurel Van Ness. But Allie’s stuff last night doesn’t appease many.

Eddie Kingston wrestles Jesse Godderz. Jesse is dominated early on with strikes, but Jesse brings his surprising speed to battle out. It doesn’t last long, as he is suplexed, and is sent into the middle-rope. Jesse takes advantage of a miss to break out, using the blockbuster to try to pin. When Kingston goes outside, he is grabbed, but hangs Jesse on the rope, and hits an STO to try a pin of his own. Jesse battles out and tries an Adonis Lock. After a few more moves, Jesse gets the pin, but has to run after the arena blacks out.

Sutter doesn’t want what’s implied to be drugs, and wants to leave, but Bennett refuses to let him leave. One of Bennett’s buddies climbs a ladder, brings himself on the possible drug guy. Well, it’s not the 1st time we had guys wrestle wasted.

Tyrus will host Fact of Life this week. Guessing Greg Gutfeld won’t join him.

Allie’s party pisses them off. Should’ve had drinking.

Tyrus introduces Eli Drake, who despite having an arm in a sling, demands Tyrus get off the table. Drake becoming like The Rock with his mockery of Tyrus’ weight, and ends up with Tyrus hand on his throat. Both will wrestle next week.

The Hardys meet Konnan, who’s happy to know they’re used to not wanting money.

Laurel gets some freaky looking present. It’s from us.

The Hardys battle Psicosis and Super-Crazy to be Tag Team Champions in Mexico too. Basically, it’s in clips as Vanguard 1 interacts with some femininas. Fun action as we see the win of The Hardy’s. Now, they’ve teleported to their home. Next week sees them battle in Mid-Atlantic action.

Brooke wants Sienna next. She may be drunk with us though after what we think will happen.

Brooke vs. Sienna starts with the speed of Brooke and the power of Sienna keeping it even-handed, with each one exchanging moves like a game. Once Sienna uses Brooke’s arm to apply a sleeper-like attack. Sienna then uses her tape to resume the choke, then stomps away. Brooke still kicks out as we get the indication Sienna possibly becoming her own entity will happen. Brooke rolls out of the way, leading to Sienna having to stop before plowing into Maria. As Brooke gets out of the AK-47, she uses the roll-up to win. Seems like it was on RAW.

Sutter wants to leave while it’s Bennett’s friend bringing an altered DVD of Bad Teacher, then Bennett’s idea of the stripper is the bust. Didn’t think there would end up a time where that DVD would work nicely. Still better than the recent party we went to.

Don West is selling more great stuff. Or stuff is being sold by great Don.

Drake promises to beat Tyrus next week as he intrudes on the cameraman’s personal space.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley is out here. As Lashley takes being TNA Champion with arrogance, he says he loves fighting, battling, & hurting people. This brings out Josh Barnett, who everyone suspects will soon be TNA Champion. We’re not joking. Barnett doubts Lashley’s drive to be TNA Champion. Lashley warns him not to do this as he shakes hands. Lashley says in MMA, there are going to be rules to protect Barnett, but Barnett tries to lock the arm of Lashley. This results in both deciding to wrestle.

Sutter leaves after everyone’s plastered, but not before placing Bennett’s phone next to him after sending out a phone-call on it. Even the happily married & faithful need to put a passcode on.

Edwards is here for the bout. This leads to Angelina speaking to distract, leading to Davey attacking from behind. Davey tries to throw Edwards into the rail, but he’s reversed & chopped. Edwards goes to again, but Davey gets out of the way. Davey attacks the arm that was sent into the ring-post going intobreak. Back from break, Davey hit’s Eddie’s hand with the chair. Davey then stomps on Eddie in the corner. Davey’s stopping to taunt brings the opening to Eddie, who sends Davey outside & flies at him. Edwards throws him back inside and brings the chair back in, but this brings the chair of Angelina to again distract. Now Davey strikes. Davey goes again, but Elisha Edwards makes the save, but is beaten up as Angelina handcuffs her to the bottom rope. As Angelina goes to use the weapon, Edwards throws himself over his wife as a shield. Davey then grabs it and slugs away. Angelina puts the second weapon on Edwards, which Davey uses to con-chair-to. Then she low-blows referee Earl Hebner. The match is officially a no-contest, though Angelina begins to count as a symbol.

Next week’s match with the Hardys is advertised. A bit much after that. Oh well.

Not a bad week, though it is again slower than Nick Patrick’s 3-count.

Impact Review 2/9/2017

2017-02-09T19:17:00.001-08:00

Many are snowed in, which means those watching are freezing in hell. Arnold has not steered us wrong.

First, the bouts of last week, but this week starts after the DCC enter in their gear. James Storm talks about having a mission, and they will hurt whoever gets in the way. Eli Drake enters. Tyrus says they’ll wrestle the three on them, despite what Drake is implying. Tyrus mock the three of them until a brawl breaks out. Tyrus gets the better of Eddie Kingston until Storm gives the low-blow going into break. Back from break, Tyrus beats up Kingston on a 3-on-2 match. Bringing in Drake off the tag, Drake leave an opening to have Bram tag in. Before Bram takes things his way, Drake uses a powerslam and punches. A suplex by Drake gets him two, so he brawls before tagging Tyrus into the match again. Tyrus and Drake use a distraction to use a team assault on Bram. Drake tries for an elbow, but Bram rolls out of the way and tags in Storm, who tries the last call, but Drake falls back to tag in Tyrus. Storm tries to get Tyrus to dance, but gets elbowed. Drake inexplicably walks away. Tyrus holds his own until the last call to end the match.

We see Bobby Lashley’s win in July to unify both the TNA World Heavyweight & X-Division Championships to hype a final fight.

Brandi Rhodes intends to call out TNA Knockout Champion Rosemary. This will be a beautiful disaster.

Braxton Sutter and Allie meet over water before Maria bellows to her to bring her coffee and now whiskey coffee, that’s ours. Then she tells Sutter to propose to Laurel Van Ness.

Brandi calls Rosemary vile, and wants to set things straight. After a standard-CAW promo, then The Decay emerge with Rosemary licking the belt. Rosemary adds Brandi should’ve tasted her sickness. This is still a family show. But then Rosemary uses the choke until Moose destroys both of the men in the group.

Aron Rex again shows wrestling should be as accepting as wrestling fans.

Don West is better than half the commentators.

Recap of Moose saving Brandi has Moose threatening The Decay before Brandi challenges Rosemary to wrestle her & Not-Cody.

Rex appears to set the LGBT image back 50 years. We hear this is supposed to be the real him. The real him will be happy to get a Gooker Award nomination. He still has Rockstar Spud proceed to sing before Robbie E stops this. Robbie E looks like he stole Johnny Mundo’s gear, but Rex takes over early on, but each time he’s hit. There is a hysterical scream. The battle heads outside, where Spud attacks and sends Robbie E back into the ring. A missed knee by Rex sees Robbie E piece together a series of moves before Rex grabs Spud. Robbie E goes to hit Spud, but is hit with Rex’s ring hand to end the match. This gimmick won’t die fast enough.

Next is TNA World Tag Champion Broken Matt Hardy assuring both Reby and “Brother Nero” Matt Hardy that the Seven Deities would not steer him wrong. That means he’ll be defeating Bray Wyatt at Summerslam.

We see Eddie Edwards winning the belt in October, then Edwards is seen with his wife, Davey Richards, and Angelina Love-Richards. Try to guess who will be on his side in the ending.

Mike Bennett tries to calm Sutter about this stuff with Laurel. Trust us, she’s better with us.

The Hardys are next up. Matt says he’s gotten broken pieces of his expedition, but now it’s clear after Vanguard 1 was updated for teleportation. Basically, this is too messed up not to be the absurdist hit of wrestling. Matt talks about winning different Tag Team Championships. Jeff asks Matt to simplify it. This leads to Matt saying they will touch Vanguard 1 teleport them. Possibly to ROH to battle The Young Bucks, or to “MeekMahan”. Soon. Then, they teleport to Tijuana. This is getting so wonderfully messed up, WWE will try to get another Gooker Award-nomination.

Don again. Nice.

Finding the battle involving Edwards and Lashley to be near.

TNA-Impact-Grand Champion Drew Galloway defends against Mahabali Shera, who shows he’s improved a little bit, but Drew won’t go so easy, even going to fly, but he’s thrown off the top. Shera goes to follow, but Drew sends him down outside. Drew begins to chop, and sends him on the rail. Once inside, Shera uses some bland clotheslines and a sky-high, though Drew’s saved by the bell. Once the seconds begins, Drew hits like he was injected with pure adrenaline. He throws Shera around. Shera tries, but is hit with the Claymore, and future shock to end the match.

Laurel wants lights. Trying to not say red ones. Sutter does the person misinterprets what he’s saying.

Gregory Shane Helms introduces TNA X-Division Champion Trevor Lee. He says, basically, that he’s the best of the division, and his team. But then Helms takes Andrew Everett to task for not making the most of his opportunities. Everett says he’s made sacrifices for the team, but they didn’t need Helms. This sees him beaten up by Helms & Lee.

Lashley and Edwards talk about Lashley’s brutal offense. Edwards says he will overcome this, and Lashley boasts he will retain.

The Hardys interact with fans before an ad for next week’s bout with Psicosis & Super-Crazy.

Lashley and Edwards main event. Lashley starts with a slight advantage, and goes to harass Mrs. Edwards, but Edwards flies out and brawls while chopping brutally. One back inside, Lashley delivers a spinebuster going into break. Back from break, after Lashley bashes the head of Edwards, he goes for a pin, but nothing. Lashley then stops away as we notice Davey’s nowhere. Edwards uses a desperation move before chopping both in & out of the corner. When Edwards goes to fly, he is set up for a powerbomb, but Edwards sends them both outside. Then Edwards then gets back in & flies. Bashing with the elbow, Edwards is then caught, and hit with the dominator. Lashley then looks to Mr. Edwards, and blows one kiss before taking the belt. Davey appears to grab it, leading to the blue thunder bomb by Edwards, But once again the battle goes outside. Edwards goes to the well one too many times, as he is suplexed. Once back inside, Edwards ducks the spear, and hits the Boston knee party. This sees the turn by Davey, who pulls referee Brian Hebner out of the ring as Angelina hits Mrs. Edwards. Lashley hits the spear to end the match. Afterwards, Angelina holds Mrs. Edwards while Davey attacks Eddie, who at one point asks what is wrong with Davey. This sees Davey use his belt to choke Edwards to end the show.

The turn everyone anticipated happened. The promos won’t do well, though the matches should be nice.

Impact Review 2/2/2016

2017-02-02T20:19:00.000-08:00

Finally back. We’re Back. Now let's going so Bill Murray will get to go home were he belongs.

We see the men with briefcases, then the recap of Bobby Lashley regaining the TNA World Heavyweight Championship, then TNA World Tag Team Champions The Hardys arrive. First thing brings Broken Matt Hardy talking about the Seven Deities ordering them to get more gold. Matt talks about trying to get more Tag Team belts, and they must go to other teams. Then, “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy talks about making his challenge at Lashley to be Champion. Out next Is Lashley, who says he doesn’t think The Hardys are stupid, and he’s up for anything they throw at him. Jeff says he doesn’t want an excuse. Lashley then says he has no problem defending now. Finding that both Lashley, & The Hardys are not to be challenged for their belts now tonight. Lashley uses a suplex, and aims for a spear, but Jeff gets out of the way, and takes things his way. Sending the bout outside, and Lashley takes brutality pretty well as he is smashed against the side of the ring & the rail. Jeff then hits a twist of fate, but Lashley promptly recovers, and powerbombs Jeff on the steps. Lashley bashes Jeff’s head against the steps twice going into break. Back from break, finding that both wrestlers are back inside. But we want to say we have in the Brown Bag a DVD with two greats in James Storm and Braden Walker. Jeff battles back against Lashley, then both the twist of fate & Swanton bomb. This sees Lashley kick out of it. Jeff hits it again, but Lashley puts his leg on the rope. The fight again heads outside, where Jeff uses the steps to dropkick Lashley, followed by Jeff bringing himself back inside to fly, but misses Lashley, who goes under the ring. Once back inside, Lashley hits the spear & retains. After the match, Eddie Edwards makes his way out to congratulate Lashley, and invoke his rematch at a later date. Lashley personally does not like being mocked, and goes off verbally before saying Edwards has one match.

Eli Drake and Tyrus are not saying who it is they’re challenging. We should let them know behind the scenes employees are not eligible.

We see last week Rosemary propositioned Brandi Rhodes…, To join The Decay. She tries again, but no.

Aron Rex & Rockstar Spud driving around. This better win the Gooker.

Brooke returns in a bout with Sienna. Brooke dominates early on, and pursues Maria, who seems to be wearing ill-fitting pants. This leads to Sienna using her power to throw Brooke around in and out. A distraction allows Sienna to use her wrist tape to strangle a bit. Sienna tries the AK-47, but Brooke reverses, and uses a few moves before putting in an inverted STF-like move. She then turns it into the neckbreaker. Brooke tries to head up to, but is distracted by Maria. This leads to the silencer to end the match.

The DCC are vague about who they’re challenging. We’ll guess Bram is challenging us for all those police jokes. Again, we’re not eligible.

Rex bringing wrestling back to the 1940’s.

The DCC want to wrestle The Decay in a falls-count-anywhere match. Everyone brawls to start. As Storm throws Abyss into the steps, Both Bram & Eddie Kingston beat up Crazzy Steve, who avoids a table. Storm hits Abyss in the head with a trashcan before Abyss brings both he & Bram down. Steve kepps them that way when he jumps off the stage. Once back in the ring, Abyss uses thumbtacks, and Steve has the barbed wire board. Abyss strips Kingston of his shirts to try to send him through the tacks, but he gets out of it and goes to fly, but TNA Knockout Champion Rosemary mists him, and he is send in. Storm hits Abyss with a bottle, and last-calls, bringing him into the board. Steve tries to hit Bram, but Storm kicks him, then Bram piledrives him through a table, which sees Storm get the pin.

A lot of photos, one’s on Mondays.

Braxton Sutter is being blackmailed into marrying Laurel Van Ness. Mike Bennett promised to throw the bachelor party. We want in. Gonna be great to be there.

TNA Impact All Seeing Owl Grand Champion Drew Galloway talks about saving the division when Moose emerges to talk about Drew using underhanded tactics twice to win it. Moose wants to fight, but Drew says he had his match. Drew says he already has an opponent, and tells Moose to leave. Drew’s going to be wrestling someone named Rob Ryzin. Drew slaps & kicks before tossing him around while Josh plugs Rudy with the calm natural tone of having someone’s revolver pointed at him. Drew uses the future shock to end it 2 minutes into the 1^st.

Lee wants to wrestle TNA X-Division Champion DJZ in a ladder match despite DJZ’s injury. DJZ is presented as enough of a veteran to send Lee outside, and use the ladder to strike. DJZ’s offense is not too bad, but his leg is bashed against the side. Lee goes up the ladder, but is sent down by DJZ. When Gregory Shane Helms distracts, Lee strikes and goes up again. DJZ stops him, but his leg is attacked and bashed with the ladder. Lee stomps on the leg and tries to smash it with the ladder. DJZ stops it, but his attempt to end it sees both wrestling on the ladder. When Lee is downed with a ZDT, he goes up, not seeing Lee is given a weapon. Lee bashes the leg with his chair. Using both the chair and ladder, brutality is unleashed by Lee, who then gets the belt.

Robbie E interrupts Rex now, Rex will wrestle him next week.

Drake will still not say who he’s facing.

Drake has an opponent. Tyrus announces it will be Ethan Carter III. EC3 shows his bruise, then the brawl starts between him and Drake, who attacks the bruise into break. Back from break, both brawl outside as EC3’s side is hit further by Drake, who grabs a baseball bat. He strikes the injured area before bringing him back inside. Stomping on EC3, Drake then further strikes until EC3 begins to come back into this. Drake stays on him until EC3 uses a jackknife pin to win. After the bout, Drake attacks with his bat. The lights go out, and the DCC attack EC3, Drake, then Tyrus.

This week feels like WCW’s time waiting for the buyers, but the buyers have happened.

Impact Review 1/12/2017

2017-01-12T19:15:00.000-08:00

We find the bastards that are helping are nuts. We suspect they had problems with the vacation they had implanted. This might be a dream.

After showing the win by TNA World Heavyweight Champion Eddie Edwards last week, we hear TNA World Tag Team Champions The Hardys talk about their intent on defeating both Edwards & Davey Richards later tonight. Fantastically bizarre, we’re glad these guys aren’t Gooker-nominated.

Ethan Carter III is here as we see Davey helping Edwards win on two nights. EC3 talks about wanting one match without interference. He then, as we see the new logo, he talks about the problem Davey started as he wants to see The Wolves. Bobby Lashley then emerges to mockingly ask EC3 about being interrupted. Lashley then says EC3 acting like a face is what cost EC3. Lashley says they both want the TNA Championship, he challenges EC3 to a Last Man Standing match. After they both mock Anthem’s All Seeing Owl, they brawl to possibly amuse it. The match begins before the break. Back from break, EC3 is on the stage while Lashley is in the ring. Once EC3 enters, Lashley tries using the chair, but misses, leading to EC3 hitting a fast-paced assault. The brawl then heads outside, where Lashley uses punches, and the apron to daze EC3 enough to try a suplex through the table, but neither man does so. Instead, Lashley hits the running powerslam outside. EC3 is up at 5, leading to Lashley rolling him insid. As Lashley begins to climb the turnbuckle, EC3 sends him flying outside. A snap suplex by EC3 gives him time to get a second table. By 6, Lashley is up going into break #2. Back from break, EC3 sends Lashley down with both clotheslines and a splash before using a flapjack. EC3 tries the 1%er, but Lashley gets out and tries a spear. EC3 then gets out of the way and suplexes. This then sees EC3 hit a superplex. Lashley surges with adrenaline, and delivers a superplex of his own. When EC3 gets up, he is speared. He’s up at 5, and is speared again. Lashley brings a third table as EC3 is up at 9. Lashley sets it up in the corner. We get a yay/boo before Lashley hits the spinebuster. Lashley goes for one more spear, but is reversed into a 1%er, and speared through the table. Both respond before the count. EC3 inside, Lashley stumbling outside. EC3 follows and blasts with the chair. Lashley’s up at 7 thanks to the steps. EC3 then goes for a sleeper, which sends both men into the tables Lashley set up. Lashley barely is up at 9, but EC3 is up slightly too late. Both put on a great match, which is why we hope we don’t win the Gooker.

We see a man’s pinky-ring. This won’t do any good. Any bets on if it’s the infamous new gimmick everyone heard about are permitted.

Boy, Hulu doesn’t have any idea what they’re signing up for.

Feast or Fired with a new name.

Eli Drake seems to be Negan when he and Tyrus threaten someone to start reading a statement.

Rockstar Spud reads a statement before Aron Rex is introduced. Spud is dressed like his servant, Rex has a brutally white robe. Rex’s name is sung as he starts talking as stereotypically effeminate as possible. Basically, this reminds us of The Rainbow Express, a tag team that we had to book. Painful then, painful now. Robbie E mocks them and attacks, but they beat him down. Rex then beats him with his ring hand. We may hear everyone involved asking if Japan is an option.

The DCC talk about beating up The Decay. Bram remembers something other than his attorney’s number. Brilliant.

The Allie and Maria stuff keeps going and going and going and going.

The Decay vs. The DCC is next up. Both teams brawl to begin as Abyss works over Bram. Crazzy Steve attacks Eddie Kingston with his speed, but Bram has dealt with Abyss and uses the numbers to beat up Steve. Back to two, Bram slugs Steve before tagging in Kingston. Both use frequent tags before Steve tags in Abyss. After the hot tag, everyone brawls before they’re counted out. Despite this, they’re still brawling. Russo might be erect now.

The Wolves talk about teaming up. We think Davey is happy with Edwards’ success and will not be costing him the TNA Championship.

Returning KO you say? Who forgot her pay rate now? Guess.

TurboTax again after H&R Block. The Thursday Night Tax Wars.

Ok, it’s Brooke. No, not that one. She’s back to wrestling after having her kid. She hopes to be TNA Knockout Champion again.

Mike Bennett vs. Braxton Sutter is now up. Both lock-up to start before Sutter begins chopping, then clotheslining away. Sutter’s attack is not long, because Bennett sends him outside, and throws him between the rail and apron before trying a pin inside. Bennett’s chinlock is broken by Sutter, who uses right hands and a spinebuster. Sutter uses his agility to fly, but Maria’s distraction leads to Bennett hitting the MIP, then a piledriver at Maria’s orders. Allie then tries to tell her to stop, but she tries to have Allie see, but Bennett takes entirely too much time, as he’s pinned with a jackknife.

Bennett has given her an idea.

TNA Knockout Champion Rosemary is out to speak. She talks about being Champion, and who’s tried to stop her. Jade interrupts to say that the mist is why Jade doesn’t have the belt, now she wants a shot. Rosemary says it’s a death wish she is not denying, so long as it’s Monster’s Ball, to which Jade accepts. Afterwards, they brawl, which sends Rosemary running.

Next week is Race 4 The Case as it is now known.

The Hardys vs. The Wolves main events. Edwards starts battling Broken Matt Hardy. Both will swap working on the arm before Davey and “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy tag in. They exchange holds before the double-team by The Wolves, leading Edwards tagging in. Edwards next is teamed up on by The Hardys keep tagging in and out going into break. Back from break, Edwards battles with Jeff, but needs to tag Davey in. Matt tags in and goes for a pin before Davey breaks it up. Edwards hits The Hardys with a hurricarana, and tags in Davey, who hits both with a suplex. Davey locks Matt in a figure-four. Jeff tries to stop it, but Davey additionally puts him in an ankle lock. Davey targets the leg of Matt before Edwards drags Matt into the post. Frequent tags bring both Wolves until settling on Davey. Matt brings Davey down, leading to Edwards and Jeff tagging in. Jeff hits a few of his Moves of Doom, but Davey breaks the pin attempt. Jeff uses the whisper in the wind on both before tagging in Matt, who tries a twist of fate before he is countered be Edwards. Jeff tries a Swanton bomb, but the knees of Edwards leads to an attempt to end the match, but Matt breaks up the pin. After a few near-finishes, Matt hits Davey with a twist of fate, bringing next the Swanton bomb. This does not end the match. Edwards goes after Matt, After this, Edwards tries to signal to Davey, but is caught by Matt, leading to a pin from Jeff to end the match.

Week 2 was not bad, unless you look at the bad repackaging, but that doesn’t even screw up the show now.

Impact's New Day-1/5/2017

2017-01-05T20:19:00.001-08:00

Forget the bastards, we’re getting paid! We’re now buying Commando.

After the announcers talk about Anthem, we hear news by TNA World Heavyweight Champion Eddie Edwards about being a target, but Bobby Lashley wants a shot at the belt, Ethan Carter III does too. EC3 wants to repeat his win last year to become TNA Champion. After the two former WHCs argue, Edwards says all three should wrestle, and says he has a surprise.

An ad for the show we are not up.

We see the main event later.

TNA Grand Heavyweight action as Moose defends in a match with Mike Bennett. Both clash to start, but neither man gains much in the first minute before Moose downs Bennett briefly. This sees Bennett use a hit to the knee to gain the advantage. It doesn’t last too long, as is basically the pattern in the first. Before the next round, Bennett is announced as winning the first, but Moose brutally attacks to start off. Moose breaks out some speed, including a moonsault. After both kicking, then hitting the cutter, Bennett tries a pin, but the kickout keeps Moose in it. Hitting the discus then has Bennett try the MIP, but it is reversed into a finisher by Moose, but the second ends going into break. Jon Ham stands like he’s photoshopped on a dummy. Back from break, it is a Moose win, which sees him hit the go 2 hell, but Bennett kicks out. Moouse tries another moonsault, but misses, and is piledriven by Bennett. This also sees kicking out. This leads to a yay/boo before Bennett hits the kick off the second turnbuckle. Both men are on the ground before the third ends. Moose is awarded the bout.

TNA World Tag Team Champions ask 2-time Gooker winner Swoggle about “MeekMahan”. Not sure if this is good or stupid.

Rockstar Spud wants the man that turned his back, we’ll review later. Swoggle emerges to accept. Spud attacks at first, though brought down by his spear and emerald fusion. After being bitched out by the man many say was the worst Cruiserweight Champion in WWE’s time with it, Spud says he quits. That all happened.

Bennett challenges Moose one more time at a PPV tomorrow night. We’ll likely hear the outcomes next week.

Eli Drake speaks for the first time in this year next.

Drake says his show is setting trends, and EC3 is not out of his mind. He switches gears to introduce The Hardys. Broken Matt Hardy basically introduces himself, but Drake talks about Total Nonstop Deletion needing Drake. Matt says the invite was an open challenge. Drake says he needs invitations, which sees “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy ask if he needs to fall in love. Drake says they were afraid of him. This goes on a few more instances until Drake talks about the live PPV tomorrow, where he says he’ll get a partner. He tries to hit them, but they cut him off.

Edwards says he will leave TNA Champion. But while he’s talking, Lashley interrupts trying to hear the surprise. Edwards leaves.

Another promo for a show the network presents.

Hamm stands normal.

We hear about The Hardys. Even the local news picked it up. We may have a shot.

Trevor Lee says there is no eye in unity. The Helms Dynasty battle The Decay, who have new music for some reason we don’t think has anything to do with screwing Billy. Momentum shifts fast in this early part. Andrew Everett blocks Crazzy Steve’s attempts to tag Abyss, but the big man barges in. He uses strength to even attack Gregory Shane Helms. TNA Knockout Champion Rosemary mist Helms, and Abyss chokeslams Everett to win. The DCC emerge and attack The Decay. Bram never forgets.

Maria talks to Allie about her win over Laurel Van Ness, and that she should be ready next.

Maria, Sienna, and Laurel are here to talk about Allie. This leads to Allie making her entrance. Basically, no camera’s on Sienna. This director may be hurt. Maria berates her as usual. This angle seems to be in the same place as before. However, Allie accepts battling Sienna. Allie brawls with Sienna at first, but the power is Sienna’s. Braxton Sutter is out there trying to support Allie as Laurel tries putting the moves on him. We try to tell her we’re available, but she seems to prefer married men. Well anyway, Allie still fighting before catching sight of Laurel. This gives Sienna a shot to hit the kick, but it’s not enough. Allie doesn’t like being spit on, so Allie slaps, then blasts with the crossbody. After a bodyslam is hit, Laurel has to distract again, leading to Sienna ending it with a silencer.

Promotion for tomorrow’s bouts, which has Rosemary vs. Sienna, and TNA X-Division Champion DJZ vs. Lee, Sutter, and Spud.

Edwards vs. EC3 vs. Lashley main events. All three brawl with 11 minutes until the overrun. Edwards and EC3 work as a team as Lashley battles. When Lashley is sent outside, they go after him and assault by the ring chopping away by the rail. Once back inside, Lashley tries to gain ground, though the two men are united going into break. Back from break, EC3 works on Edwards while Lashley tries getting back in. Edwards takes EC3 down with an armdrag, but as they begin switching, both now remember Lashley after he suplexes both of them. Lashley exerts his power before ripping padding off of a buckle. EC3 attacks, but is sent down so Lashley will remove the second padding. Edwards avoids the buckles before they both deliver a suplex. Both Edwards and EC3 have a yay/boo before taking Lashley down again. Edwards avoids a 1%er, and they battle while Lashley heals. Edwards avoids a suplex before Lashley hits a dominator. EC3 takes Lashley down. EC3 sees Edwards up top, and tries for a superplex. Lashley hits a tower of power. Lashley’s spear is blocked by EC3, and Edwards hits a lungblower on Lashley. EC3 then hits the TK3 on Lashley, but it does not get the win. EC3 tries to fly, but is locked into the chinchecker, but EC3 counters into a sleeper. Lashley sends both into Chekov’s buckles, and the battle heads outside, where Edwards flies. Both Edwards and Lashley are back inside, where Lashley spears Edwards, who rolls outside. Lashley grabs the gold to try to hit Edwards, but the surprise, Davey Richards grabs it, leading to a Boston knee party to win.

The first broadcast of Anthem Wrestling Exhibitions wasn’t actually bad. Perhaps we’ll have a great time.

Impact Review 12/1/2016

2016-12-01T20:46:00.002-08:00

Matt’s Back, He may need an apprentice.

TNA Impact Grand Heavyweight Champion Aron Rex makes an open challenge. He is bummed its Moose. He wanted Grado. Many did. Before the bout, Rex stalls for time before the bell rings. He still stalls, even rolling outside. Once back in the ring, he’s thrown, kips-up, and does the chinlock eye deal. Moose no-sells, hits the gamechanger, and wins. Not all the bouts will be like this. After his win, Moose says Rex was good, but now Moose has the belt, for anyone who wants a bout. Rex won’t speak.

When interviewed, TNA World Tag Team Champion Jeff Hardy says Matt, will be there, then shows he has his Brother Nero lenses.

The Payday team is on their way. Bram moves his mouth under his mask to act like he’s robotic. Strangely, he delivers a better promo Shockmaster-style. Jeff emerges in Brother Nero mode. Jeff talks about how their facing two guys from World War I or something. Kingston asks where Matt is, Jeff attacks, but the numbers are too great. The DCC music hits and the lights go out. When back on, Matt’s in the ring and sends them away. Matt says the belts belong to them.

TNA X-Division Champion DJZ, Mandrews, and Braxton Sutter talk about the 3-way match they will be in tonight. They all act too face for no one to turn.

A sale. No, not of this place.

Recap of Moose winning.

A Tweet of the night goes to @IanRichards1: “I picture the Team X Gold match similar to WCW World War 3 where the last three left were all nWo members.”. As these three are here to win, the match begins. They begin to circle before all three go for near falls early on. DJZ is sent outside so Sutter and Mandrews exchange moves. When DJZ enters, he is given the Northern Lights suplex, and is back out of this. Sutter uses a bit of power, but is sent outside by DJZ, where both men are downed with a moonsault. After Mandrews gets a breather, DJZ dominates, until getting in the ring, where his knee stops him from fighting. This sees a pin attempt by Mandrews on Sutter. DJZ fights through his pain to deliver a crossbody to both. DJZ tries a ZDT, but is hit with a flatliner by Sutter. Mandrews effectively eliminates Sutter, but the recovered DJZ gets a pin over Mandrews after a Mandrews splash. After the bout, DJZ’s knee is attacked as Mandrews shows he’s not happy with the end.

Laurel Van Ness berates Allie about last week, and says she may not have a job.

Maria and Laurel are here to talk about the pie stuff. Allie is asked to bring herself to the ring. Allie says she did not mean to force her pie in Maria’s face, but this goes to the Allie/Laurel spat. Then the beration continues before Laurel says she had a date last night. After being called a bitch, Allie slaps Maria. Laurel attacks.

Before her bout, Rosemary tells Jade she will make history, and win the TNA Knockout Championship.

Bram teams with Kingston to wrestle The Hardys. Kingston with his D’Lo Brown/Roman Reigns look as both teams brawl. Matt bring Bram through two corners before a double suplex assault on both opponents. The Hardys use their team experience to isolate Bram and whoop him the way many want to see happen. Bram escapes a chinlock by Jeff, but it sees The Hardys beat him and his partner up going into break. Back from break, Kingston has the edge over Matt before tagging Bram in. Bram has an edge briefly before Matt brings him down and tags Jeff, who is rolling until James Storm kicks when referee Brian Hebner is distracted. Kingston tags in and dominates for a little bit before tagging Bram back in. The two men wear Jeff a bit more before Jeff brings both himself & Bram to the canvas. Matt tags in while Kingston. Matt bites both men’s hands like their Michael Biehn in a James Cameron film. Before Matt hits the twist of fate, he is hit by Bram. Jeff takes both Storm & Bram out then helps Matt deliver two twist of fates to befall Kingston to retain.

We see Gail Kim put over Jade without losing to her before Rosemary attacks them some weeks back. We see Jade’s training for this bout.

We see last week Ethan Carter III silenced Eli Drake last week, and now messes with him.

We see Al Snow and Mahabali Shera being whipped. Is it racist if they’re European? Maybe. It seems to be a strap-match.

EC3 is out here to talk about his shot at TNA World Heavyweight Champion Eddie Edwards. He wants Edwards to come out. When he does, EC3 talks highly about Edwards against Lashley before they talk business. Basically, EC3 talks about having another shot, and Edwards talks about being the best.

Next week is the TNA Championship match.

Jade battles Rosemary in the cage in this main event. They start by brawling outside of the cage, but Jade brings her in and dominates going into break. Back from break, Jade uses a tilt-a-whirl headscissors, but Rosemary uses a fake-mist to bring things her way. She even grinds her face against the fencing. She is still attacking even when taking a break. She even suplexes Jade into the cage. Rosemary looks to head coast-to-coast, but Jade recovers her bearings, and sends her to the ground. Jade now uses the structure to throw Rosemary around, and powerbomb her for two. Both brawl until Rosemary uses a German suplex that brings both down. After they both get up and brawl on the wall, Jade sends Rosemary down before the crossbody off the cage. Only two. Jade goes to fly, but mist by Rosemary interrupts the climb, then the red wedding secures the gold.

Standard, but interesting. Just feels like it will end soon.

Punk Wants to Fight Again

2016-11-21T12:43:00.001-08:00

On #themmahour with @arielhelwani, @CMPunk says he will fight again. Says it's up to Dana whether or not it's in the UFC.
— Seán Sheehan (@SeanSheehanBA) November 21, 2016

Hey, best of luck to him. I'm sure UFC could milk some kind of 'redemption' story out of his fame, but I'd bet on Bellator throwing insane money at him for some big televised one-off.

Cynical Thoughts: WWE Survivor Series 2016

2016-11-21T12:01:00.000-08:00

-I just turned 33 last week. I've been watching WWE for over 27 years, and I'm more guilty than most when it comes to updating my expectations as a fan. When an event like Survivor Series rolls around, I get annoyed when I realize that not every match on the show is a traditional elimination match. Hell, that annoyance only spikes when WWE opts to license some contemporary song for the event's theme instead of using the old saxophone-and-trumpet fanfare from 1989. So yeah, next time you see me laughing at the IWC for their inability to change with the times, just remember that I'm part of the problem.

-That kind of mindset seemed to be setting myself up for disappointment once more when I heard that this year's event was going to have a 20-man elimination match featuring ten "legitimate" tag teams, a la the 1987-88 events. Coupled with a womens elimination match and one featuring ten male main eventers, it seemed like they were recreating the 1987 magic. Fuck Goldberg/Lesnar, put this on Thanksgiving night, and add an elimination match featuring guys from the Intercontinental/US Title/general midcard scene (Raw's Rusev/Zayn/Neville/Dallas/Truth vs. Smackdown's Miz/Ziggler/Crews/Hawkins/Harper), and I'd be in my element for sure. Four old school elimination matches? Hell yeah. But then I'd complain that they didn't bring in Jesse Ventura for commentary, and lament the lack of clothesline and elbow drop finishes, and I'd be back to square one of never being happy. Again, part of the problem, I.

Overall, I enjoyed the show, even against my lofty, "It could be as good as Survivor Series 1987, one of the greatest pay-per-views EVER!" expectations, which all but maybe four WrestleManias have failed to meet. Having inundated my palette with classic Survivor Series events in the lead-up to this year's show, I think I re-educated myself a bit on how to just check my brain at the door and enjoy something through simpler eyes. I could still note things about the show I didn't like, but without the usual spite and venom. Brimstone wasn't needed.

Womens Elimination Match: Charlotte, Sasha Banks, Bayley, Alicia Fox, and Nia Jax def. Natalya, Becky Lynch, Alexa Bliss, Carmella, and Naomi in 17:30
I did think it was pretty funny when the crowd wildly approved of Natalya filling in for the apparently-injured Nikki Bella. Granted, it was Toronto, but still. The match was fine, with the latter-day sped-up eliminations in spots. Frankly, it was surprising when the first elimination didn't occur for like six minutes, but then they squeezed the next seven eliminations into an eleven minute stretch. Sasha getting bounced early was only half-surprising, given how her stock has apparently diminished over the past few weeks. Apparently, freezing over a table spot gone wrong can be a temporary kiss of death. It's also a bit weird to see Bayley act as anything but wholesome when breaking up pins and smirking at the babyface opposition, but what do I know? I don't work for main roster creative, after all. Charlotte vs. Bayley could be a fine program, so long as they're not just using Bayley as placeholder before transitioning to Dana Brooke (aka Woman Weigns). A serviceable opener. **1/4

WWE Intercontinental: The Miz def. Sami Zayn in 14:05
Miz has been on such a roll ever since his fiery tirade against Daniel Bryan, and it's kind of a shame that he wasn't really appreciated sooner. It's lamentable to have him and Zayn on opposite shows, because Miz has proven effective against well-established babyfaces, particularly in the surprisingly-awesome feud with Ziggler (WWE's main roster feud of the year for 2016). Miz finding ways to cut off the hope spots of the scrappy, fight-the-odds Zayn, while twisting the knife through mannerisms and facial expressions, continues to be a treat of his 2016 career revival. Some bitched about the fuck-finish of Maryse ringing the bell in order to trick Zayn, but wasn't that Zayn's lot in 2014, to be screwed over by his own naivete? It only added to his feud with Neville (Neville faking a knee injury), and I just hope they can continue Miz vs. Zayn somehow, some way. ***1/4

Twenty Man Tag Team Elimination Match: The New Day, Swiss Cheese Potatoes, The Shining Stars, Enzo and Big Cass, and The Club def. Above Ground Watering Holes, American Alpha, The Hype Bros, The Usos, and Breezango in 18:55
Yeah, my fictitious names suck, but at least I didn't come up with "Breezango". Speaking of, they and New Day were both eliminated within the first minute for 'reasons', partially trampling my plate of Member Berry pie. Teams LASTED a while in 1987-88, damn it! At least have the Shining Stars survive inexplicably for 40 minutes like the Conquistadors did in 1988. The eliminations were way too quick, but at least the action was fun throughout. The final sequence of Sheamus and Cesaro against The Usos was extremely well done, as they could go either way with the two Europeans as begrudging allies or eventual enemies again. The matches would be good either way. It was also good to see WWE throw The Club a bone and let them eliminate two other teams. I think that qualifies as the first time Luke Gallows has pinned someone in WWE since he was Festus. ***1/4

WWE Cruiserweight: Brian Kendrick def. Kalisto by disqualification in 12:25
Ideally, if you're in the Cruiserweight division, wouldn't you band together and beat Kendrick with clubs and wrenches before the match so that you can all escape Raw for the friendlier confines of Smackdown? (Thanks to James Hornsby of Botched Spot for using my very idea in one of his comics!) Another fairly pedestrian Cruiserweight match, though Kalisto's Spanish Fly off of the apron to the floor was pretty incredible. I suggest calling it the Good Lucha Thing. Corbin causes the DQ, because he hates indy geeks so much that he wanted to give them the ultimate fuck-you: forcing them to be stuck on Raw. The Corbin feud with Kalisto seems kinda randomly-selected, but I've learned to keep an open mind with recent Smackdown endeavors. James Ellsworth's shirt sells more than Roman Reigns' merchandise, for Chrissakes! **1/2

Mens Elimination Match: AJ Styles, Dean Ambrose, Randy Orton, Bray Wyatt, and Shane McMahon def. Kevin Owens, Chris Jericho, Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins, and Braun Strowman in 52:55
A pretty good match, but toooooo loooooong. They could've shaved ten minutes off of this, added it to the 20-man, and we could have potentially had a couple of four-star outings. Alas. The big story here is Shane getting shattered by a Reigns spear, off of Shane's attempt to springboard dropkick him. It was a legitimate scary moment, particularly with Shane twitching without blinking on the mat. Apparently, Orton kind-heartedly went over to reassure Shane's kids in the front row, which hit a lot of online fans in the feels when they heard the story. Meanwhile, I was wondering if any of them asked Randy why he punted their grandpa in the head eight years ago. Me and my silly kayfabe-mindedness. I did find it amusing that Toronto spent the interminable match savaging Reigns every chance they got, but when he joined up with Rollins and Ambrose to give Styles the Shield Powerbomb, they couldn't cheer the move loudly enough. Just as comical was after Ellsworth's stuntman bump, Cole calmly saying, "Let's reset things here," mere moments after a science-class skeleton was thrown to his death from the stage. There was a lot of good in this match, but it didn't need to be 53 minutes. It's like those baseball playoff games with a few web-gem moments that end with a dramatic walk-off, but it took until the 13th inning to end. Sure, you're not sad you watched it, and you went nuts a few times, but you're not sitting through it again without the miracle of fast-forward. Matches like that can only top out at three and a half stars. Consider this the full monty for bloat. ***1/2

Goldberg def. Brock Lesnar in 1:24
Well, this was surprising. At first, I was wondering if WWE finally went the USADA route and punished Lesnar for his failed test from the summer, but then I realized I was happy to be thrown this curveball. I was recently listening to some Bryan and Vinny Shows that covered Impact episodes in 2013 (angry Bryan is funnier than Carlin), and Bryan Alvarez had a gem of an idea: every eight matches or so, a match should end during the heat segment. It would keep people on their toes, and not draw them into a lull as they wait for the finishing sequence. Fuck 'em once in a while and give them a flash finish to keep their instincts honest. Grant you, this match didn't even have a heat segment to slog through, But it is a problem, and a long-standing one, when unbreakable muscleman Goldberg hits the Jackhammer (a veritable death sentence) on his opponent, and fans are waiting for the kickout because only ninety seconds have elapsed. There was an anticipatory silence on the count of two, and then stunned jubilation when the three-count was rendered. It really is indicative of a larger problem, that fans are way too familiar with tired patterns. When Lesnar broke The Streak nearly three years ago, fans were stunned because they didn't look at it through realistic eyes: a pale Incredible Hulk landed his devastating F5 on his opponent for the third time in a long battle, and instead of thinking, "I don't care if he is The Undertaker, he can't kick out of this much punishment," they thought, "Well, he's kicking out because The Streak doesn't die." I know we're all jaded now, and that's the problem: we're jaded. We're never going to be happy with wrestling if we're jaded, because pretty much the only way you can enjoy wrestling through jaded eyes is by nitpicking the most technical elements of a match. That stops being fun after a while, and it barely qualifies as a hobby. And yeah, most of us are going to question why the almighty Lesnar lost such a brief skirmish ("DOES HE HAVE HEAT WITH VINCE?!?"), so maybe we're too far gone as fans to ever be truly happy with what they present when they pander to their less-jaded audience. But the more I thought about it, the more I actually liked last night's booking. Different is good. NO RATING

Overall: 7/10 - kept me entertained and showcased a lot of diversity among the roster. That was the spirit of the old Survivor Series events, so on that front, it succeeded.

Impact Review 11/17/2016

2016-11-17T20:36:00.002-08:00

We have found that because of yet another stable war, everyone’s yelling Russo’s back. We already terminated him six times.

We see last week’s brutal DCC revelation and here is TNA World Heavyweight Champion Eddie Edwards, Edwards says he understands being the target, but that the DCC’s actions lack honor. This sees the DCC appear in a package, a new voice, but still masked. They yammer before appearing like Undertaker or Bray Wyatt. Here they still wear masks. Edwards wants to fight, but Eddie Kingston assaults him. Edwards fights back, but the other two run into the ring. TNA World Tag Team Champion Jeff Hardy breaks it up.

We see the assault from just now, and Edwards an Jeff talk to Aiden O’Shea, who lets them in the supposed Billy Room.

Jesse Godderz faces TNA Grand Heavyweight Champion Aron Rex in non-title(Thank Lemmy) action. Jesse Starts by brawling Rex into the corner. As Jesse bashes Rex around, he tries for the Adonis lock, leading to an eye poke. This sees Rex starting on offense with a knee drop and chinlock. Jesse reverses a suplex, but Rex cuts him off. After Jesse is sent outside, Rex sends him into the rail, then back inside with clubbing hits on the apron. He then uses the ring skirt itself to cover Jesse’s head and hit some more. After it’s back inside, Rex wears down Jesse a bit more before Jesse surges out of a chinlock. Jesse punches away, and uses an eye-rake. Once Jesse sends both men outside, he grinds the face against the steps. Jesse gets it back in the ring, and 10-punches away. As Jesse tries brawling, Rex dodges, targets the knee, and tries for a submission before being reversed into an Adonis lock for a submission.

Allie is told by Laurel Van Ness(A lot of California references), as Maria and Sienna use intimidation to try to stop Allie from helping Brandi Rhodes.

WWE World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles. Boy that’s weird.

After A look at TNA Knockout Champion Gail Kim getting beat up, she’s vacating. This puts no one over. “Tell me a lie”.

Sienna and Laurel face Brandi and her partner. After Allie’s sent to the back, it’s revealed to be Madison Rayne. Brandi chases Maria, and avoids Laurel. Madison tags in, and handles Laurel, ever holding her own with Sienna until Laurel grabs the handful of hair. Laurel tags in, and chokes Madison for a bit before tagging in Sienna. Laurel provides a hidden assist, as Sienna wears Madison down, she tags in Laurel, who continues to wear away at Madison before trying the curbstomp, but misses. Madison tags in Brandi, who runs around for a bit until Sienna boots in the chest. Brandi is undeterred, and goes for a pin until Laurel and Madison enter. Brandi reverses the AK47 into a flatliner known as Shot of Brandi, leading to Brandi winning.

TNA World Tag Team Champion Matt Hardy is slowly on his way back, but he’s not there yet.

Mike Bennett vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Trevor Lee vs. Ethan Carter III. Ethan starts by Attacking Lashley, but it becomes three-on-one until EC3’s outside. Everyone tries to pin everyone until Lashley brutalives them both. Lashley stars with the Bennett suplex, then sends Lee outside going into break. Back from break, Lee directs at assault by Bennett and himself. Bennett kicks EC3 in the head, but Lee tries a pin. Lashley is still outside, leading to Bennett attacking further. Both men in the improvised team are angry, leading to EC3 getting a few hits in. Lee targets Lashley while Bennett is with EC3. The team seems to end as EC3 beats up both men. Lashley tries getting in, but EC3 punches him. EC3 attempts a double 1%er, leading to everyone else hitting a finisher. Both Lee, then Bennett start another sequence like this, but Lashley dominates, leading to his spear, but Lee reverses to collision course. Eventually, a fast-paced brawl leads to Lee jumping on both EC3 and Lashley before Lee tries a pin. EC3 fights back, hits a TK3, and uses a sleeper hold to win.

Matt is shown footage of his behavior, including the great moments that make this the least deserving Gooker angle ever.

We see EC3’s win, and hear from Eli Drake, who’s angry at the win and demands EC3 return. EC3 allows Drake his time to speak, to which he mentions the times EC3 has not emerged TNA Champion. Drake now wants the shot on the line. Now the other man wants to have the shot. EC3 is surprised to hear this idea, and says no as well. This now leads to Drake offers the no TNA Championship match for a year. Again, not an interesting offer. EC3 wants as many wrestlers as possible. Even getting Drake’s laughtrack to agree. EC3 says he respects him, and because of that, he will only accept it if Drake agrees to a vow of silence for the last 6 weeks of the year. The match is on.

The Decay tell Jade here that Rosemary wants to speak to her. We’re sure this will end just fine.

Jade looks to speak to Rosemary near our office.

Basille Baracka vs. Mahabali Shera. Baracka starts with a brutal brawl that heads to the corner. Shera then gets out and attempts a brawl himself, but a crossbody by Baracka puts him back on this. Baracka then lifts up Shera for a stomp, then tries another crossbody, but is caught in a powerslam. Shera again uses his power to keep sending him to the mat. Even Baracka trying to use tights goes nowhere. Shera uses a camel clutch to get a submission win. Great Tribunal push. Baron Dax then aids a Shield-ish assault. Al Snow is next out, feigning trying to get approval, but then sends them off.

The meeting Jade has with Rosemary has videos implying a lesbian angle, though they will wrestle to win the Knockout Championship. Oh, and a cage will be involved.

Next week has Team X-Gold, and EC3 vs. Drake.

DCC vs. Jeff and Edwards. Jeff has new music. Guessing he has his identity back to head to WWE. Both teams brawl before Jeff and Edwards take all three out on the outside. Though The DCC brutally use their numbers to divide Jeff and Edwards. Once back inside, it’s Ring of Honor vs. Chikara going into break. Back from break, Kingston holds Edwards while Bram hits him. Jeff beats up James Storm outside. Bram sets up a chair in the corner while Kingston attacks Jeff. Before Bram can send Edwards into the chair, Edwards sends him outside, where Jeff and Storm brawl. Kingston tries a suplex into chairs. Edwards however sends him into the chairs. Jeff has Storm back in the ring, where he’s destroying him. Storm has a opening to hit the eye of the Storm, but Jeff kicks out. Edwards enziguri’s Storm, but Bram attacks, and hits the brighter side of suffering on the outside onto a table. Jeff hits the twist of fate on Storm, but trying it again is reversed into the last call to end the match.

Not a bad week, but depending on where the next payer is from, basically, it is tough.

Impact Review 11/10/2016

2016-11-10T20:45:00.001-08:00

Funny to be on after a mess of legal war, but like Arnold, we'll be back.

After presenting TNA World Heavyweight Champion Eddie Edwards winning, he talks about overcoming a lot before Eli Drake interrupts to reminds Edwards he has to face him later on. Ethan Carter III is next out. Ethan says he will beat whoever he has to in order to get back to the top, and says Drake is not ready to be Champion. After Drake and Ethan exchange words, Mike Bennett says he is the roadblock to Ethan’s championship aspirations. Drake then everyone around him is a dummy, and is attacked by Bennett. A brawl begins until Moose breaks it up before his #1 Contender tournament bout with Bennett.

Moose starts strong by chopping Bennett. Everything goes his way until Maria attacks, she is ejected, but Bennett takes things into a new gear. Moose blocks Bennett’s suplex, but is kicked in the leg. Moose uses a desperation hit, but his assault is stopped by Bennett kicking again, and piledrives him for two, but Moose brings his energy back up to block Bennett’s cutter. After they both punch away, it is hit however. Moose still gets up, and gets out of thering. The brawl heads outside, where Moose hits the steps and is, because Bennett’s back, counted out.

The recap of TNA World Tag Team Champion Matt Hardy’s injury sees Al Snow back for a surprise.

Selling almost all videos.

Jeff Hardy visits Matt, and Senor Benjamin’s drinking. Already great. Jeff sees Matt thinks he’s an engineer. Jeff SHOULD use the time to get his name back.

The Tribunal is again in an Axel Braun-style Shield-cosplay, and they want to see Snow. When he starts to praise them, they say they don’t need him. But they were winning matches with him. As fans “boring” chants break out, The TriShield beat him up. Mahabali Shera fights them before being chokeslammed.

Basically, Captain Obvious is a pilgrim now, and Mucinex watches The Simpsons.

Jesse Godders wants to attack Aron Rex. Should be good.

Ethen vs. Abyss in the tournament. Abyss starts of with the power game, seeing Ethan having problems taking him down. The fight brings itself outside, where both exchange chops before Ethan is chokeslammed on the apron. Once back inside, referee Brian Hebner has trouble keeping Abyss normal. Ethan begins to comeback, until Abyss again uses power. Ethan does not quit, and finally brings him down with clotheslines. Abyss hits a brutal chokeslam, but only two. This leads to Abyss grabbing a steel-chair, but his attempt sees him in a sleeper hold, which gets EC3 a submission win.

Edwards and Drake talk about their bout tonight.

Matt does not know Jeff’s music. We’re trying to get the prize. Jeff wants to take him for a trip.

Jeremy Borash introduces TNA Knockout Champion Gail Kim, who is first thanking basically everyone. Then she asks to see Jade. Gail says Jade is important to the division. After spending a few minutes putting her over as one of the next big wrestling stars of the future. She alludes to hanging up the boots, but The Decay interrupt. Rosemary mists Gail, and beats up Jade. Rosemary hits the VanTerminator on Jade.

TNA X-Division Champion DJZ battles Trevor Lee, who battles Rockstar Spud intournament action. The action heads outside at the start, where DJZ flies, but once inside, each man uses the other as a weapon on yet the other. Lee sends DJZ across the span of the ring, but Spud sends him outside. Spud then focuses on DJZ for several minutes before Lee sends him outside to rest. DJZ fights ahead to bring both into a weaker state before a Spud low-blow takes DJZ out of the fight long enough to see Lee hit a fisherman’s buster to win.

Aiden O’Shea says the room that’s supposed to be Billy wants Robbie E and Grado to wrestle against Lashley before the two of them leave knowing they’re doomed.

Allie and Bradi Rhodes talk about a team, but Allie is hesitant.

Lashley emerges for his feeding, which has tournament implications. Both men try to hold him off, but he suplexes and punches away. The team gets some good offense in, even suplexing him. However, Lashley gets Grado alone, spinebusters him, and spear’s Robbie E. Lashley gets the duke.

Recapping Rex’s tainted win sees Rex slowly going back to Sandow, which he should’ve done from the beginning.

Jesse beats up Rex, who’s wearing a puffy shirt because of a low-talker.

Jeff takes Matt to see Skarsgard. Jeff brings Matt to the water, but he won’t go in.

Edwards battles Drake in the main event. Both begin by locking up. Neither man has the advantage until Edwards starts to drift things his way with grappling Drake to the mat. Drake uses the strength advantage to slow the match, and avoid Edwards’ dive. As they brawl outside, Edwards hits a hurricarana, but Drake also sends Edwards into the apron. Drake stomps away in the ring while targeting the back of Edwards. Drake uses a powerslam, and an elbow. When Drake takes his time going up top, Edwards surges up, kicks Drake, and superplexes Drake. Next is a yay/boo. Edwards sends Drake out, but Drake skins-the-cat. Edwards sends him out again, and flies at him. They are back in the ring when Edwards hits a lungblower, but can’t capitalize. Drake hits Blunt Force Trauma, but only the count of two. When Drake goes up top, it’s countered into a backpack stunner attempt, but Drake counters as well. Drake goes up top one last time, but Edwards gets out of the way. Edwards then hits the Boston Knee Party to retain. He is then attacked by the Beatdown Clan… DCC, who show themselves to be Eddie Kingston, Bram, and James Storm.

Not a bad week, but not long now.

Impact Review 11/3/2016

2016-11-03T20:53:00.001-07:00

Funny Billy’s not here. This place may be terminated soon.

Brandi Rhodes tells Bobby Lashley better watch out with Cody. Maria interrupts with her usual iffy promo style. She talks about how Allie had to learn a lesson, then offers a spot with Sienna and Laurel Van Ness. Brandi turns it down like an independent wrestler should turn us down. Anyway, Sienna attacks, and hits the AK47.

A Video about TNA World Heavyweight Champion Eddie Edwards. It ends with his 2015 injury.

TNA Impact Grand Champion Aron Rex defends again against Jesse Godderz. After a feeling out, Jesse dominates with punches and sending Rex into the turnbuckles. He then amazes again by dropkicking. He uses some more power, with Rex still trying, but it’s all Jesse in the first, bringing Rex down with an armbar. The first ends in Jesse’s favor. Before the second begins, we see more of Jesse. As the second begins, Rex attacks and tells Jesse he won’t be winning. Rex then hits a suplex. Jesse tries to go for a few pins, but the match goes on. Jesse’s back is attacked, but with 30 seconds left in the second, he uses power and locks back the Adonis lock before the round ends and is awarded to him. We’re selling stuff. As the third starts, Rex rakes out of the chinlock. With his vision affected, he’s hit with Rex’s ring hand to end the match. After his win, the berating by Rex begins.

We still have the X-Division. We even have Team X Gold. Not sure if there will be a belt.

Trevor Lee, Andrew Everett, and Marshe Rockett. Vs. Rockstar Spud and The Decay vs. Go For Broke. Instead of a belt, there are flags. Lee and Crazzy Steve are outsmarted by TNA X-Division Champion DJZ, who then flies around, and tags in Mandrews, who gets assaulted by Lee and Everett. Because Rockett tags in, Abyss tags in, and both men brawl before the double kick by Mandrews. This leads to everyone hitting their finishing move. After The Decay are inexplicably ejected, Spud is attacked, and pinned by Braxton Sutter.

A second video about Eddie. He got married during his injury.

TNA World Tag Team Champions The Hardys defend against The DCC. Before the bout, Matt Hardy talks about how last week saw an assault be the DCC. The DCC starts by attacking both Hardys before simply leaving. Jeff Hardy wants them back in the ring. The match starts with a brawl that sees two of the DCC dominating early on. Matt gets one of them down. Jeff hit a twist of fate before the third DCC member entering causing a DQ. After this, one of the guys that somehow got a match attacks and stomps referee Earl Hebner. The two groups are brawling near a guy that looks like Paul Ellering. We hear music as weapons are used, then they interrupt a Grado promo. Matt uses a bucket of the lake to make Jeff his 2010 self. Matt smashes one of them into pallets while yelling “Delete”, as the other throws Jeff and the bucket in a box, revealing present Jeff. Matt is sent off a forklift, and now doesn’t have an idea who Jeff is.

Ethan Carter III intends to call out Eli Drake. After that segment, tough to beat.

A One Night Only event. We still have those.

EC3 says Drake runs his mouth about him non-stop. Drake says EC3 needs to watch his tone with him. EC3 invites Drake, who says he knows it will be a brawl. EC3 brings up Drake’s belief about being handed EC3’s accolades.EC3 says he earned everything he got in the promotion, including wins over everyone EC3 says Drake is too scared to use his guaranteed bout. Drake says he does not need any of the things EC3 earned. EC3 again makes his challenge for the Bound-for-Gold status. Drake does not agree with EC3’s idea, until he hears EC3 will never challenge for the TNA belt if he loses. Drake decides against EC3’s match, and he will face either Edwards or Lashley.

Lashley tells Jeremy Borash that Cody will never be back, and Edwards’ dreams will end tonight.

The final look at Edwards sees Edwards talking about the passing of his mentor, and becoming TNA Champion.

Edwards and Lashley battle in the main event. Both wrestlers lock up to start this bout. Edwards’ technical approach early on gives way to both men brawling before Lashley sends Edwards into the corner. Edwards uses an inverted atomic drop. Neither man has the lead at the start of this match As Lashley brings the proceedings outside. Edwards would fly before chopping, but is thrown with a BAAAAAACK BODY DROP! Lashley sends Edwards into the seats before taunting in the ring. As Lashley bashes away with elbows, he then chokes Edwards with his wristband going into break. Back from break, Edwards kicks out of a pin attempt Lashley brings on. Lashley shifts to using his strength to keep Edwards on the ground. Lashley then high-fives referee Brian Hebner. He tries kicking Edwards, but misses, and has to use now the crossbody. After another miss, Edwards now uses his speed to get Lashley outside, then flies at him. Once back inside, Lashley hits a dominator, but only gets two. Before Lashley can go off the top, he is sent outside, and Edwards flies one more time. After a few fast moves, Edwards accidentally hits the Boston knee party on the referee. Despite a spear, there needs to be the second referee. Edwards kicks out. Lashley hits the second referee. Hebner wants to call it, but is threatened. Edwards then hits the Boston knee party to win.

A great night, but it may be worth nothing soon. See you next week.

Impact Review 10/20/2010

2016-10-20T20:33:00.000-07:00

We have no more debt. Boy wrestling will have this RAW Deal for a while.

We see the angles from last week, that brings us to Cody Rh… Talking about wanting to win the TNA World Heavyweight Championship, he then starts talking about telling his dad he wanted to be a wrestler. This brings out TNA Champion Eddie Edwards. Eddie talks about everyone having loads of respect for both men. After this, we hear both men talk about how they will prove they’re the best. As Bobby Lashley enters the ring, he tells them whichever one he faces will get hurt, but then Moose is next out. He gets his match now. Both men stary by brawling before Lashley suplexes, but it does nothing. Eventually, the fight heads outside. Lashley uses a punch to the head to steer things his way. There’s a Fight Network mention. Take a shot. Lashley shouldersinto Moose, but Moose is able to dropkick Lashley outside. At this juncture, Moose attempt to end the match, but Lashley uses an inverted atomic drop. Lashley then uses a superplex, but Moose gets up and spears for only two. They now enter a yay/boo before Lashley hits his spear, but that only gets two. As Lashley brings himself for another, Moose hits the Gamchanger, but only has two. Before Moose can hit go to hell, Lashley blocks, then spears to win.

We see last week’s attack on TNA Tag Champions The Hardys. This then has The Legionnaires interrupted by The Payday Crew. Bram may know something about this.

Slammiversary ad and Tryus ad. Only one matters.

Eli Drake hosts Fact of Life. He’s interviewing TNA AWF Champion Aron Rex. Drake has audio to give the idea we have an audience. But Rex talks about how great it is to have the belt. Drake talks about hor doing what you have to in order to win. Rex is heeling a bit about who he’s beaten. Drake says they’re nothing like him. They begin to belittle Ethan Carter III. This brings out EC3, which prompts Drake to end the segment. EC3 demands the button be pressed. Only these two make a button deal work. Drake presses several times, bringing EC3 to brawl before Rex tries to stop it, gets his, and attacks before Jesse Godderz makes the save.

The Hardys plan on deleting Faux-Shleld. After a fun promo, a brawl begins. The Hardys are a better team here. Dominating early on, and preventing Shield:TNA. Jeff hits a DDT, and then the attempt to team leaves Jeff playing Ricky Morton. Jeff his the side Russiam legsweep, and tags in Matt. As Matt bites away, he makes the strange noises everyone knows. After hitting a side effect, Matt gets a twist of fate set-up, but the team assault wears him down until Jeff makes the save. After both hit twist of fates, they get the win. Then the video of those dudes with masks hits, and they attack Faux-Shield.

Allie is talked to be Braxton Sutter, but Laurel Van Ness doesn’t know why she has no shot.

BFG ad and Tyrus ad. We used this joke already.

Another deal with these guys. Dixe loves heel mega stables.

Lashley is now mocking Cody, who says Edwards defeated him. We imagine Lashley may want Cody, belt or no.

We see last week when TNA Knockout Champion Gail Kim won. This brings out Maria, Allie, and Laurel Van Ness. Allie tries talking, though they keep mocking her. This leads to Allie standing up for herself. Laurel attacks. Next week, Allie faces her. We need to remind you she’s supposed to be untrained.

Edwards tells Lashley to bet against him if he wants.

Tyrus tells Mahabali Shera never to dance. We do agree with this. He seems to be training Shera. Kendrick tried with Eva Marie.

EC3 and Jesse want to wrestle the team of Drake/Rex next week.

Shera battles Mike Bennett, who has music. Bennett’s chops don’t seem to do much against Shera, who responds with power. Bennett uses kicks while mocking Shera before locking the chinlock in. Shera again with power by slamming him several times. He locks in a bearhug, but Bennett uses an eyerake and the MIP to end the match.

A look at Edwards before his battle with Cody.

TNA X-Division Champion DJZ talks about the X-Division distracton when Rockstar Spud interferes and announces his team.

Edwards defends against Cody tonight. Both men start with a handshake before they begin feeling out. Neither man has the edge going into break. Back from break, the stalemate is back. Edwards starts to pull away, using his brutal chops, until Cody makes it the chop-off. Before Cody can lock in a armbar, Edwards makes it to the ropes. Before Cody can fly, Edwards sends him outside. This sees Edwards lunge out. When Edwards brings Cody inside, he’s sent outside with a beautiful disaster, then slams Edwards on the ramp. Once back inside, Cody tries to springboard, but end up in a chin-checker for two. Bringing things his way, Edwards goes to fly, but Cody hits a muscle bulster. Edwards fights away from a submission attempt, and starts a yay/boo before Cody gets Edwards up top for a superplex. The move took a bit out of Cody, as his legs are hooked for a win. After the match, another handshake. Honor. Brandi Rhodes is attacked by Maria.

Another good week. Hope to disappoint you little next week. Happy Birthday Tom Petty.

Impact Review 10/13/2016

2016-10-13T20:57:00.000-07:00

Funny to be sued by several people. Arnold may know this as the end of days.

We see Eddie Edwards winning the belt last week. We see him saying he does not believe he is TNA World Heavyweight Champion, and thanks everyone. He then says he was beaten twice before by Bobby Lashley, but he knew he would here, and adds he will have to be killed to get it. Sadly, that sounds like paytime. This brings out Lashley, who brawl with Edwards while choking him. Edwards gets offense in, but is speared. Great way to make the new top man look good. As Lashley basically demands to see referees, Moose and Ethan Carter III make the save.

Two stereotypical French guys talk to a fake Irish guy.

A recap of Lashley’s assault leads to Jeremy Borash talking to Billy and said Irish guy who is fast. Billy may be suing this place. Billy decided Lashley will have to defeat the winner of a match with two guys Billy hasn’t decided on yet.

TNA Grand Heavyweight Champion Aron Rex defends against Jesse Godderz, who’s leg is suspiciously taped. Jesse starts off strong, literally using his strength. Rex gets technical, but the surprising improvement of Jesse has him a few times. Basically winning the first. As the secobd begins, Jesse again shows maybe we shouldn’t be the usual assholes we are. He even uses the Adonis lock before Rex gets out. Jesse has made this type of match interesting. Jesse wins the secong going into break. Slammiversary may be our penultimate PPV. Back from break, the third begins. Jesse again domintes by sending Rex outside. Jesse wants the match back in the ring. Now we see Rex again show his time as a face did nothing by attacking the injured leg and winning.

Lashley talked to Billy. This will be great later

The Hardys talk about their win. Jeff Hardy’s Jeff again. We feel happy.

Now Allie tells Maria her whole group is banned. This angers her. Hope Mike’s not angry to leave.

EC3 and Moose are interrupted by Lashley to tell them they’re both wrestling to wrestle him next week.

TNA World Tag Team Champions The Hardys are in the ring. Matt talks about Jeff’s journey. Matt mentions The Young Bucks and The New Day. Sadly he forgot Beauty and the Manbeast. Jeff sings they’ll fade away. Matt says the #1 Conteners will be revealed tonight. And like that, The Legionaires attack dressed like an adult film parody of The Shield(The stable, not the show. That would be weird).

Cody Rhodes and Mike Bennett talk about their match later tonight. A good feud, but Billy barely wrote anything.

Bennett has no music. Morale is fine. As the match begins, they do their feeling out for a bit. As they have an early stalemate, Bennett goes to the outside, but Cody flies at him. As they brawl, Bennett uses a DDT to gain an advantage. Once inside, there are boots by Bennett. This leads to Bennett using a chinlock. The offense by Cody is short-lived until ducking a clothesline. He then hits an Alabamaslam, and a beautiful disaster kick. After avoiding a moonsault by Cody, Bennett uses a pedigree. As long as he doesn’t bury anyone or use a bucklebomb. Well anyway, Cody uses a superplex, but is distracted by Maria. This leads to the yay/boo before Cody hits the crossroads to win.

Moose says he and EC3 may be friends, but the TNA Championship means a lot.

BFG was great, and may be the last.

TNA X-Division Champion DJZ defends against Marsche Rockett. May not have DJZ’s music either. Early on the match belongs to Rockett, but DJZ’s speed gets him back in it like that, at least until he’s sent outside. Once there, things are back in Rockett’s way, even chopping. When he tries for a superplex, he finds he has to dropkick instead. DJZ manages to get him outside, and jumps out at him. When DJZ tries the ZDT, he is blocked, but gets another shot, which he uses to win. Again no music.

Bennett thinks this place is out to get him. We tried warning him. Oh, he’s banned in his wife’s match too.

Maria throws a lot of weapons in the ring, but runs when Gail arrives. This however leads to Gail sending a cart with Maria in it, into the ringpost. Despite this, it’s back with Maria after use of a trashcan lid. She then uses the lid like a camper in a deathmatch, until as glitch sends Gail’s foot in her face. When Gail uses eat defeat, she breaks her own pin, and uses the lid for a second one to get a win.

EC3 says he will be winning, but is interrupted by Eli Drake. They’re feuding over a button.

A recap of Cody winning leads to talking about his match with Edwards soon. Edwards says despite his injury, he can’t wait to wrestle Cody.

The lame Payday-knockoff group has a video. Be ready for another group.

EC3 and Moose main event. Moose has a little bit in his direction, but EC3 moves quckly. Both reverse out of the other’s finishing move. They both chop away until EC3 uses a dropkick to Moose’s leg. Moose gets enough unter his feet to dropkick EC3. After briefly brawling outside, both men are back inside. EC3 uses a suplex, forcing Moose to gead back outside, where he sways things back his way for a moment before EC3 gets inside. Once there, neither man stays in the drivers seat for long. Including Moose using a pop-up powerbomb like he was Canadian. EC3 hits a splash, and tries for a 1%, but is hit with Go To Hell, then a gamebreaker to allow Moose advance to next week. After this win, Lashley emerges to stare him down to end the show.

Great show tonight, though management is getting a whole section in the DVD.

Impact Review 10/6/2016

2016-10-07T01:20:00.000-07:00

Thoughts to those in the path of the hurricane.

Showing what many found brilliant about BFG has TNA Champion Lashley emerge like Arnold winning. He says he beat everyone until Grand “We Had A Different Belt Laying Around” Champion Rex interrupts saying he’s better, then gets put down by Lashley. Now Gail spouts something about 2016 fixing thing, but she has Tag Team Champions The Hardys interrupt. Matt talks about TNA not existing. X-Division Champion. DJZ makes this even more overbooked. Lashley mocks them before leaving. Billy interrups him with Aiden O’Shea. He tells Lashley he will have to face someone. All will defend save for DJZ, who’s in another convoluted mess. It’s a 6-man tag with strict enforcement. Boy would rounds be interesting. The action is good with Marshe Rockett teaming with The Helms Dynasty against DJZ, Braxton Sutter, and Mandrews. We are a bit too relaxed to know everything except to say DJZ holds his own against a new threat. Boy Rockett isn’t bad. Mandrews gets to win as he pins Andrew Everett.

A BFG ad if you want to travel back to Sunday.

Moose wants to battle Lashley tonight.

Eli Drake is quite over as he interviews Ethan Carter III. After berating EC3 about not winning on Sunday, he presses the Dummy button several times. We sense a double turn. EC3 says he won’t make excuses, but now he’s angry before ripping into Drake before telling him he better be ready to try becoming TNA Champ. After daring him to press the button. Drake says he was never given anything, he earned it.

Allie is being yelled toward about telling everyone Maria’s doctor cleared her. Strange anyone here has a doctor.

Eddie Edwards’ promo about wanting to face Lashley has a fan yelling to support Trump. Lashley knows about both now.

A recap of Gail’s induction. We hope to have one more at least before WWE.

Gail battling Sienna becomes a brawl early on as Madison Rayne has to talk to Josh. Sienna starts by targeting Gail’s back. Gail gets away from the AK-47 to hit her moves of doom. Gail then wins by rolling-up Gail. After this, Sienna is joined by Maria and Laurel Van Ness. Then we hear Maria has a No-DQ match against Gail. If only Madison was some type of wrestler.

EC3 is the last one to be a possible opponent in the main event.

There is a cage match named after the show this network has Josh plugging, and it has The Hardys defending against The Decay. Matt bellows to Rebecca to defend Maxel. The Hardys start dominating as Jeff staples Abyss’ head. Matt is punched by Crazzy Steve before getting hooked with a hook. When The Decay switch up, they get dominated by The Hardys. Fans break out when Matt tries using a chainsaw. Jeff uses a twist of fate before trying to climb. He’s misted by Rosemary before we get interference. The storm seems to have gone back to that infamous night. We’ll get back to reviewing once the show actually is back.

BFG once again.

Because of WWE, it’s Cody and Brandi Rhodes. She never used that name there. He talks about how BFG was, and talks about Mike Bennett being on his list. He adds he has a shot at being TNA Champion. Bennett interrupts this to accidentally say the incident was “last night”. Kayfabe! There is a brawl before an escape by Bennett. During the ad break, Cody challenged Bennett.

Aiden tells Maria she gets her match, but her position at the top of the division is at stake.

Rex defends the AWF World Heavyweight Championship Against Baron Cor… Dax. Rex starts by chaining together some moves before Dax uses a neckbreaker that gets only to. Dax then attacks the stomach before trying to pin. Dax seems to be winning the first with 30 seconds left. The first belongs to Dax. As the second begins, Dax has moved to the head before Rex chop blocks and uses a sharpshooter-type hold to win. A possible turn. He says he looks to prove he’s better than the others in the division.

Lashley is to decide who he’s facing. He says because he beat EC3, and says because Moose is dumb, he’ll face Edwards because he thinks it will be easy. Lashley’s spear misses early on, but a German suplex helps to set things his way. As Lashley bashes Edwards’ ribs, he then suplexes Edwards, who kicks out. Edwards fights back, but Lashley powerbombs, and chinlocks. Even when Edwards gets out, he gets an elbow by Lashley. When Lashley slaps Edwards, this enrages Edwards. After hitting a Frankensteiner, Edwards uses his comeback, though Lashley stops the momentum with a powerslam. Lashley tries for a spear, but Edwards sends him outside, and follows-up with two dives. He tries three, but Lashley moves out of the way. As Lashley brings Edwards back inside, he goes for another spear, but is hit with a Boston knee party to become TNA Champion. While it means the wrong match main evented, Edwards has a great moment.

We have not gotten WWE pay yet, but it seems more likely to happen.

Impact Review 9/29/2016

2016-09-29T19:06:00.000-07:00

We may be done, but that hasn’t stopped us from having our usual TV. Just be sure to talk about. the hilarious. We’ll power through like Arnold

Before Lethal LockDown, Ethan Carter III and who may be the last or penultimate TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley say their teams. Lashley selects Drew Galloway, Mike Bennett, TNA KO Champion Maria. EC3 selects Aron Rex, Moose, Gail Kim. They exchange that they will be winning. Ethen than tells Lashley he wants to start against him, and they will start.

The first bout is between TNA X-Division Champion DJZ and Eddie Edwards. Both men start slow, but get in gear with Edwards striking away. DJZ uses his speed advantage to fly around the ring, until Edwards flies to the outside. Edwards uses a backpack stunner, but only two. Every time Edwards goes to power, DJZ kicks out. DJZ nails a desperation kick, and a DJT to win. After the match, The Helms Dynasty attack. Guess what match it will be.

Allie has to help Laurel Van Ness. We’re sure this segment won’t anger the internet.

May be the last BFG.

Josh interviews Bennett and Moose. The former says the latter didn’t do his job. Moose says he taught guys like Bennett a lesson.

Madison Rayne battles Laurel. Laurel uses underhanded tactics while mocking Allie. Yep. Gail gets the belt while a new star battles a debuting wrestler. Madison tries for several pins, but Larual uses a boot to the head to win.

Lashley promises a shot to whoever takes EC3 out. What if they dent his car.

Drew wants to talk to Rex. Drew talks about saving TNA, but Rex says he’s delusional. He may be right. Drew plays the independent star deal before delivering a piledriver.

Bram’s death is mentioned by Rosemary, then back from Break, We see a package about The Hardy's. This angle saved nothing. Well now it will be Rosemary vs. Reby. The match starts with Reby attacking, but Rosemary licks her. The fans being in this match does not hide the inexperience of Reby, who goes for a pin, but a distraction leads to a mist by Rosemary, and a brawl. There is a Jeff/Steve brawl along stairs, followed by Rosemary delivering a side effect on Reby through a table.

Lashley has the advantage in War Games.

Another BFG ad sees Jeff and Steve go at the eyes as Matt and Abyss, who’s on after the show, fight over music. Jeff wanders as Matt is Tyson and Abyss is Holyfield. Jeff is in a chair as Abyss shocks Matt’s nuts like Kane.

Boy Cody Rhodes picked a bad time to leave.

Gail and Maria talk about facing-off. BFG may be the last time to see this match.

Tyrus and Eli Drake talk about teaming. Tryus decides it’s a bad idea. Both men in that battle royal at BFG.

One last look at the last matches.

EC3 talking to his team before this last match… Of the night. They give a “Woah Bundy”.

A Lashley battling EC3 video is shown before tonight’s main event. EC3 wants to start, but it’s Bennett he’s battling instead. EC3 exchanges with Bennett. EC3 delivers a suplex, but Bennett scurries up. As EC3 tries to splash, there is a maneuver by Bennett, who kicks away and sends EC3 around as he yells “shut up” to fans, but EC3 battles out and hits a TK3. As the next wrestler is Drew. As Drew stomps away before chopping going into break. Back from break, Bennett stomps away before Rex emerges and goes at Drew. It’s now an elbow of distinction. The faces bash away at the heels until Lashley heads to war. As Lashey brings everyone near him down, until Moose gets in and destroys whoever’s left. They all brawl until Maria stays out until the predictable Gail appearance. Once that happens, they’re all brawling, plus in play going into break. Back from break, they all brawl, well, the four guys. Lashley directs the assault until Drew hits the corner. After this, every face beats up Lashley. EC3 goes to use a pipe, but Bennett takes most out until a Moose dropkick. After a spear by Lashley on Rex, Lashley takes a moment either to set up a save by EC3, or is shaking webs. EC3 sends him off the structure walls before grabbing a Kendo stick. After some fast blows, Lashley locks EC3 in a submission hold until EC3 has to tap. After winning, Lashley names the match as “NO HOLDS BAAAAARED”!

Whether this is the last ever, the last Impact, or just another week, we’ll still be on Twitter, and may expand to talking about wrestling news. Bring this place back.

Impact Review 9/22/2016

2016-09-22T20:42:00.004-07:00

We see the major angles, this will be a great event Junior.

TNA Impact Grand action (Yay) as Drew Galloway starts against Eddie Edwards. Surprisingly even handed early on, Edwards takes the fight outside. Drew gets the match back inside, where Drew keeps trying to end the match, but Edwards ends the first by being unbeatable. In the second, Edwards begins with a brutal clothesline followed by a yay/boo. When it gets up to, Edwards gets Drew in a tree of woe, but Drew uses is strength to stop it. Drew tries for a Claymore, but is hit with a Boston knee party that sends him outside. Edwards uses a dive to end the second. The third begins with a quick brawl, but Drew remains dominant before locking in the Iron Maiden, which Edwards reverses, which Drew reverses to try a tombstone, which Edwards reverses out of. Another yay/boo of brutal chops until a quick series ends in Drew making a near fall with a future shock. This goes to judges after break. Back from break, Drew wins. Now we know who he’ll face in the finals. After this match, Drew says it doesn’t matter. After everything, down comes Ethan Carter III, who tries to calm Drew down, but Drew says he thinks Bobby Lashley will still be TNA World Heavyweight Champion (Assuming we make it that long). EC3 says he would beat Drew anywhere. Lashley brings himself out, but Mike Bennett sneak attacks. Moose emerges to make a save, but the heel team does well for themselves.

Allie is on the phone trying to get a tomato can as both Aron Rex and Eli Drake talk about their match next.

BFG is not far away. Stay with us.

Lashley tells Bennett there is no friendship. Not even a friendzone, damn.

Drake battles Rex in more Grand action. Drake starts by berating everyone, to which Rex briefly channels Sandow to bring up Drake in a bedtime tale than ends the Sandow promo. Drake starts by grappling Aron down, but Rex is able to get out several times. This leads to him using a flurry of offense before Drake escapes. Once back in the ring, Drake briefly dominates before Rex attempts a submission to end the first. Basically, Rex has the first. To begin the second, Rex’s submission attempts lead to Drake brawling and using the rope to choke Rex. After using a quick neckbreaker, Drake goes for a pin, but Rex uses the rope. After a near-fall by Rex, Drake uses a DDT, and attempts Blunt Force Trauma, but Rex has to be slammed. Drake takes too long to pin, and brawls to end the second. The third begins with Drake attacking the head before being hit with the discus elbow called the revelator to secure Rex the win.

Well now TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay get a message from Senor Benjamin. This is not going to be normal, as it shouldn’t be.

A recap of Rex’s win has another match signed for BFG. And Rex tells Drew to expect a hospital.

We now have Cody Rhodes. No, he’s not going to be Red Reign.

The Decay promise to destroy The Hardys. This leads to “Broken” Matt Hardy interrupting. Matt says he will delete their reign. This leads to “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy, who acts like he did before 2011. After lights go out, Abyss and Crazzy Steve are tied up, and Reby, now with gray hair attacks, but Rosemary runs. We are not sure if they know what the ending will be.

EC3 and Moose talk about beating the Lashley/Bennett team. Moose may get a shot at gold soon, unless Rhodes wants it.

TNA X-Division Champion DJZ defends against Trevor Lee. DJZ starts by brawling with Lee, but Lee is able to bring the Champion down. Lee sends DJZ into the turnbuckles, but once the fight is outside, DJZ dominates outside, and brings things back inside as he flies higher that a stoner pilot. DJZ uses a Frankensteiner, and a DJT to win. After this, Andrew Everett attacks until Edwards runs them off and asks for a microphone. Through his thick Boston accent, Edwards asks the Fighting-Champion for a shot on the go-home show next week. DJZ accepts it.

Allie again is berated by TNA Knockout Champion Maria. Boy we hope it will be her ending the reign.

A Tyrus based package. He’d still here.

Allie introduces this segment that starts with Sienna in the background and Maria yelling. After more of this yammering, we realize the most over person in Gail vs. Maria is Allie. The unnamed wrestler I sneak attacked, and this segment bores on until another person, a masked person acting like a ninja, appears. After this person out-wrestles Maria, she is revealed to be Gail. Sienna stops the assault, but is given eat defeat. Boy this is probably the lease offensive thing we’ve done.

Finding that BFG has one great match.

EC3/ Moose vs. Lashley/Bennett. As Lashley begins the match alone as Bennett avoids tagging in going into break. Back from break, Bennett hits a cutter on EC3. Lashley then tags in and targets the torso of EC3. After this, a tag in the match by Bennett sees him also bash the ribs until EC3 fights his way out of the corner. EC3 tags in Moose, who goes straight at Bennett. When Lashley tries to make the save, he gets kicked by Moose. Both large men brawl outside as EC3 gets the pin with a sunset flip. The brawls continue after the bout is over. As Lashley brawls with EC3, the X-Division try to break it up before Billy comes out and says next week sees both teams in Lethal Lockdown.

Decent build-up. Maybe next week helps.

Impact Review 9/15/2016

2016-09-15T20:32:00.002-07:00

So is last week the top? Well you decide.

“Broken” Matt Hardy reassembles his commandos by putting “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy in water, he’s 2010 Jeff minus the problems at first, but Nero’ed again. He was better the other way.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Lashley talks about beating Ethan Carter III, so there is no BFG main event, and mocks Jeremy Borash. Grado tries to help in this problem, but Lashley makes it clear he will hurt them both. Grado tries to tell Lashley he’s human, and gets destroyed. After saying no one is able to stop him, Moose emerges. With that, the fight is on. Moose sends the Destroyer outside, and says he will defeat him tonight.

Aaron Rex says Drew Galloway was handed everything so far here. No, he’s not being ironic.

Lashley will not fight Moose because it’s bad for Moose’s health.

Rex battles Trevor Lee in the AWF World Heavyweight Championship tournament. Rex dominates the first half with grappling, Lee manages to break this with general brutality. Rex has a streak of strikes to end the first. Bringing the judges, Rex won the first. In the second, Lee starts off with punches, kicks, and clotheslines, but Rex his elbow of di… unhappiness, then a discus clothesline to get a win.

TNA Knockout Champion Maria doesn’t want to be outshined at BFG by Gail Kim by moving her induction to later in this show. What does this mean.

BFG ad leads Broken Matt procuring Vangaurd 1. His "MENDOZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"! Moment sees the drone return after going over his time with Senor Benjamin.

Maria’s back to be pissed off, so she’s hotshotting Gail’s induction. We see nothing wrong happening as this goes on. Nosiree Bob. After a video that shows Maria beating up Gail, no use of Gail’s move we marketed as the happy ending. Allie has a gift for Gail, but Maria smashes it. Dixie is out now, and goes back to last week, when Maria was told she had no power. Gail will get inducted at BFG, AND is in the #1 contenders match. Who’s surprised.

A recap of Rockstar Spud attacking Braxton Sutter is the reason for an empty arena match. Which is different from our quarter-full arena matches.

This match will have to padding on the turnbuckles. They brawl on the ramp to start the bout before going into to empty stands. They make there way to seats that usually may have fans to brawl. As Sutter uses a belt to whip Spud without the use of a safe word, they make their way to the cheaper than free seats, where Sutter also yells at Spud, who needs a low-blow to bring him down. Once in the ring, Spud punches away. Sutter shows turnabout is fair balls. Sutter sends Spud into the buckles, which hurts the latter enough to get a pin.

Vangaurd 1 finds Senor Benjamin, and Matt says there will be weapons brought to his house. We know a few guys.

Moose makes it know he will still demand a fight.

Last week’s main event is shown in HIGHlights.

The Hardys are now in the ring to talk about winning the TNA World Tag Team Championships from The Decay. We haven’t decided if they should win them or have Jeff turn on Matt. Well anyway, Rosemary is near the hard camera, and says Maxel deserves a better place. He will be in NXT in 2030. She says Bram was destroyed. Well then who’s signing his deals! Abyss says The Hardys will not win. Next to be out is Crazzy Steve, who says they offer destruction. Matt is not scared. Jeff says he will make them obsolete. Matt then says they will fight in a great war. But Woodrow Wilson said there would be no war. This ends up being a brawl that sees the default faces emerge as winners.

We have another One Night Only, no World Title Series this year.

Mike Bennett tries to get Lashley to accept, but is not successful.

Jade starts off with an even exchange with Laurel Vaness, who looks to be Chelsea Green. Once Sienna’s in, they both attack Jade. Gail is next. Gail fights, but the heels resume until Marti Bell hits the ring. Marti is impressive until Raquel enters. This match is Tough Enough. Everyone is attacking everyone until Madison Rayne emerges. Madison wails on Marti going into break. Back from break, Sienna downs Gail, and is bashed by Raquel, which sees an everyone hit their move. Laurel eliminates Madison and Marti after the latter does so to Jade. Sienna reverses a sleeper hold into eliminating Raquel. Sienna argues with Maria as Allie accidentally eliminates Laurel. Sienna works on Gail, and tries to eliminate her, but Gail holds on despite the stomps and powerbomb attempts. Gail tries a sunset flip to a pin, but only gets two. Gail avoids the silencer to predictably get her shot at BFG.

Eddie Edwards has to help Mahabali Shera in this tournament match. Both exchange holds before the clothesline from Shera, leadind to Edwards having to move fast to bring the big one down and sent him outside. After Edwards dives out at Shera, he gets him inside to kick and hits the Boston knee party, which is not sold to end the first. Needless to say, Edwards has the lead. In the second, Edwards tries moving fast despite having apparently hurt his ribs. Shera’s power has Edwards reeling through the round to end the Second. No shock, Shera wins the second. Edwards starts the third with kicks, but Shera uses power until Edwards gets the win using a half Boston crab. The matches tonight show more speed, though more is needed.

Lashley is here to make his decision about Moose. After Lashley begins saying everyone wants this, he says it won’t happen. He says he’s a businessman, so he wants to fight at BFG, knowing the man already has a match. Moose says he won’t be waiting, and they brawl. Lashley throws Moose into the guardrailing, but Moose isn’t downed. Both do everything to stop the other, though there is little give between them. Bennett tries to deliver hits on Moose, but needs an eye poke, leading to Lashley delivering his spear to Moose. EC3 enters, and they brawl. That is the end of tonight.

Decent wrestling this week, though there is one angle fans truly bring their cheers with. Until next week.

Impact Delete or Decay Review 9/8/2016

2016-09-08T19:17:00.001-07:00

Fighting the bastards like a commando.

Perhaps the two greatest stars we have, Senor Benjamin and Vangaurd 1 warn everyone before a recap is shown, then we get some more strange goodness from “Broken” Matt Hardy.

Mike Bennett and his wife, TNA Knockout Champion Maria hit the ring to be pissed at Moose. Bennett says his mother warned him not to bite the hand that feeds him. Here it’s the hand that feeds barely. He says Moose should’ve been happy to be paid. Problem is he works here. Bennett wants to be TNA World Heavyweight Champion, this brings outgoing TNA President Dixie. After they bicker, Dixie says she has an idea. Bennett assumes it means he’ll be added to Bobby Lashley vs. Ethan Carter III, but instead, she makes Bennett vs. Moose. After Moose tries to strike, Maria provides a distraction that help Bennett escape.

Gail Kim and Jade vs. Sienna and Allie. Before it begins, Dixie says Bennett’s bout will stand, and Maria is no longer in charge of the division. Next week decides the #1 Contender Guess who she defends against. When the match starts, Gail goes straight to Sienna, who has to tag to the kayfabe non-wrestler. Sienna then plays the heel be saying Allie wanted in. When Sienna tags in, she dominates as fans want Allie. Gail battles through, but her opponent keeps dominance before pretending to tag Allie, but doesn’t. Sienna hits a Samoan drop before looking for an AK-47. Gail gets out and hit a desperation move. Gail then tags in Jade, who uses more kicks than an experience online multiplayer. Allie accidentally tags in, and is hit with a silencer by Sienna. Jade uses the moment to pin. After the match, the faces help Allie up.

Jeremy Borash needs a scoop from Billy, who denies the request like it’s a singles bar. Though Billy say he has an announcement.

BFG ad sees Matt talking about his zoo. He thinks George Washington is a Giraffe and Joe Frazier is a kangaROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. He jokes about TNA X-Division Champion DJZ, Madrews, and The Young Bucks as spot (literal) monkeys, and says Genghis Khan is a tiger.

Billy reveals the TNA Impact Grand Championship, which was supposed to be the new TNA Championship belt. Drew Galloway interrupts. Drew wants the belt. Billy says there are new rules, which has a video explaining the rules. We do those a lot. Basically, 3 rounds of three minutes where you can win at any time, but judges may decide. This will eitherbe great or the AWF. After they argue, Aron Rex says he will send Drew back at Scotland. Billy says Rex will debut next week and Drew wrestles in a tournament match once back from break.

Unusually Thicke. Imagine the segue.

Drew will face Braxton Sutter. Both engage in a feeling out before Drew suplexes and chops away. After Drew hits a big boot, he goes to pin, but only two. We keep hearing this is being scored. After the first ends, Drew wins it. Drew begins round 2 by brutalizing some more through the first half, then Sutter gets Drew with a superplex and goes to pin for two. Both chop away before Sutter brings Drew down and punches away. After a powerslam, Sutter stays on him to end round 2. As we begin round 3, we realize this is the opposite of the Broken Matt/Brother Nero angle. Drew piledrives Sutter, and locks in the iron maiden to win. Presentation is similar to the Cruiserweight Classic, but the wrestling is too different and needs to find soul.

During break, Rockstar Spud attacked Sutter.

A drunk guy doesn’t like 1979, but likes Rosemary. When the guy wants to sex her up, TNA World Tag Team Champions The Decay attack, and possibly Heidenrape him and steal his whip.

EC3 and Lashley both ready to sign in a segment from earlier this week. EC3 tells Lashley he’ll be at BFG to fight, and Lashley brings up how TNA is under fire, and needs someone who defends wrestling. EC3 says he may not be the most dominant, but he will kick the ass of the most dominant. Lashley says EC3 is hype, and he’ll be training harder to win. Afterwards, both men brawl. Normal signing.

Slammiversary on DVD. Almost never made it to PPV.

We see the brawl continues. Lashley’s pissed there’s no poster of him. He then wants a garage door opened so they brawl outside. They may see Olive Oyl if they go by the park.

Jesse Godderz wants to win the Grand Championship. Seems like he has a match.

Speaking of which, he wrestles Eli Drake. They start be tying up before Jesse shows surprising mat work. Drake uses an armdrag, but the round seems to belong to Jesse. He keeps using a mat based game to win the first. In the second, Drake brawls his way ahead. These matches seem to be WWE’s 50/50 booking in one match. Drake uses a powerslam to dominate through to the second half, where Jesse surges to lock in the Adonis lock to bring the round to an end. Jesse is 2 to 0 as he starts the third on fire, but Drake begins to get in gear with his offense, and breaks the Adonis lock before it’s too late. Jesse may be ahead on points, but Drake manages to hit Blunt Force Trauma, bringing him a win. Matches aren’t bad, but the points are emphasized too much, bringing PS1 level slowdown.

We again see Tyrus’ ad. We should hire him.

A recap of Drew and Rex brawling, and the announcement of the newish belt. This sees an angry Rex, who says he’s not thinking. That’s what goes into most Tosh.0 videos.

Next week sees more Grand Championship action as we see Rex vs. Trevor Lee, and Eddie Edwards vs. Mahabali Shera.

Senor Benjamin digs fast. Voyeurism has Matt interrupt going into break. Back from break, The Hardys use Roman Candles like they were AA-12’s to send The Decay running. This sees Matt and Jeff head on as Reby protects Maxel. Abyss uses Skarsgard briefly as a shield before “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy kicks him away. Senor Benjamins sees Joseph Park before tasing him. Jeff fights brutally with Crazzy Steve in a pool before seemingly killing him, but is pulled back in. Senor Benjamin tries burying Abyss, but is stopped. Matt then begins pursuing Rosemary, but is stopped by Abyss, who has Janice. Matt is saved by Jeff, who may be dead, or at least as Brother Nero. Vangaurd 1 becomes every bit of a cyber protector as later Arnold Schwarzenegger is, as he stops Rosemary from whisking Maxel away. Sadly, he dies from brutal mist, which has no effect on Matt. The Decay heads off as we see Jeff and Senor Benjamin are hurt.

An average week that sees the great sequel. See you guys next week.

Impact Review 9/1/2016

2016-09-07T22:37:00.002-07:00

We'd be pumping iron, but few of our guys know what a gym is.

We see the Brother Nero angle singing before Senor Benjamin is trusted to guard the place.

Mike Bennett talks himself up about battling Bobby Lashley for the TNA Impact Wrestling Heavyweight World Championship of the World. He asks Moose to head out. Instead, Lashley walks out and says Moose wants nothing to do with Bennett. Lashley then brings up the wrestlers he beat, and wants to throw out the rules. Well he is a WWECW original. Lashley then says the match should be no DQ. After Bennett hears this, he says Moose is his friend, and wouldn’t eat with Lashley. We think dinner with Lashley would be the next great wrestling item. Basically, both wrestlers feel they’re bold enough to win. Moose is out now. He says he knocks others on their ass, and basically says Lashley’s working a psych job. He then says he’s not letting Bennett off, and he will decide who is winning tonight. A standard promo that sells a match. Strange.

A recap of Ethan Carter III defeating Drew Galloway, and Drew attacking Aron Rex. We may get a decent promo about it later.

“Broken” Matt Hardy, with “Brother Nero” Jeff Hardy, battles TNA World Tag Team Champion Crazzy Steve, with no-one, in a nut-off. Matt bites Steve’s arm, but Steve battles out. Matt tosses Steve, but Steve kicks away, and dominates briefly. Matt battles ahead as fans bellow “Delete”. We may have found success as Matt delivers a side effect. Jeff even hits Steve with a BOOT BEFORE Matt wins with a twist of fate. Steve then says “King” Maxel belongs to Rosemary. Bram would’ve had a son.

Stars of the X-Division talk about innovating. WWE aped from us. And we aped from WCW.

Between a BFG ad with Matt, and a recap of Steve’s proclamation, Matt tries phoning them, but no answer.

Trevor Lee and DJZ start the “Gauntlet” Ultimate X match. DJZ starts by whooping Lee with a wide array of aerial maneuvers, even stopping Lee from getting to it. We see the other wrestlers waiting either to enter or get paid. Lee gets hope in the form of Andrew Everett, who helps him with a team attack. DJZ stops Everett from winning, but Lee strikes. DJZ briefly hits a few moves, but it’s all The Helms Dynasty, until Mandrews enters, and brutalizes the team every time they try to stop him going into break. Back from break, basically, the ring is empty as Rockstar Spud enters. He’s fought by Braxton Sutter. At this point, we are not sure we can describe the action well enough. Several wrestlers fly, and Sutter throws around Lee before going to grab it. Spud hits him in the hip with a chair before he’s kicked by Mandrews. As Lee and Everett try going for it, they both unhook the belt, but DJZ grabs it to win. A psycho trip that yields gold. Like our trip to Vegas.

EC3 talks about the main event before being interrupted by Eli Drake, who is confident he will be winning.

Drew tells the person trying to interview him that the person will not be the one to hear his answer. We do like his sinister Scot approach.

A recap of Allie winning. Just wait.

Drew is wearing a hooded sweatshirt as all new heels have to wear. Drew does what all TNA heels will do now, blame the promotion. Well, publicly blame the promotion. Drew says Rex is trying to be him, and Drew will put him in the hospital. Sadly, Billy’s here to talk. As Billy says he was asked not to suspend Drew, it angers Drew that Billy is a puppet, but Billy say Rex was the one. Rex strikes before security tries to stop him. Soon, both men brawl before referees, wrestlers, and maybe the Broncos, end this.

Moose has to decide, but even that is nothing compared to Matt seeing Rosemary is in the house.

See, Suicide is not in the Cruiserweight Classic.

A recap of the fight brings an unrelated match. EC3 vs. Drake. Both taunt before locking-up in the corner. Drake is first with strikes, but EC3 shows glimpses of power before throwing Drake outside. Both brawl outside, even having EC3 chopping with Drake, who takes things his way once inside the ring. Both use repeated quick moves. But every time Drake is leading, he tells fans his name. As each one punches away, EC3 reverses into a TK3. EC3 uses his moves of doom. Feeling bold, EC3 wins using the 1%er.

Brand new TNA Knockout Champion Allie is planning her own celebration. Boy we hope Billy hasn’t booked something dumb.

Reby decides she wants to battle Rosemary. Linda Hamilton may inspire her.

DJZ is happy to be X-Division Champion again. Strangely the happiest anyone is here.

Allie is out here. Guess how this ends. If you guessed Sienna runs out angry, is told by Maria she has the night off, berates the new Champion, makes her lay down to become Champion, and even make her announce the winner, you’re right, and are wondering why LOLTNA is down.

Moose is reminded for TNA, Brady is represented by Bennett. After handing him a pipe, we imagine Moose is Aaron Hernandez.

Reby finds Rosemary flies, disappears, and goes everywhere. Taker has another child.

Lashley vs. Bennett is the main event. Lashley backs Bennett into a corner, and dominates with shoulder-checks. Bennett tries to be quicker, but Lashley’s power proves to be too brutal. Moose brings his pipe going into break. Back from break, Bennett is now surging in the match. As Lashley battles, Maria proves to be challenging. Despite this, Lashley is still going. Being back, Lashley now uses his power to put Bennett in a torture rack, but Bennett is out into Lashley’s dominator. Lashley tries for a spear, but Maria interrupts, leading to Bennett delivering a cutter, but Lashley’s up. Moose feigns giving the pipe, but leaves Bennett hanging for a spear, leading to Lashley emerging the winner. Bennett demands Moose get in the ring. After berating, slapping him, Bennett is laid out.

Next week is The Final Deletion 2: Delete Or Decay.

Interesting night, but next week might be much better. See you next week.