Ice Cream And Rainbows

N!loc's Note To Self...

2026-05-10T21:54:04.976+08:00

Niloc's Note To Self...

2026-04-11T22:28:00.004+08:00

Nice Guy...

2026-03-29T13:13:00.003+08:00

i guess i wasn't feeling that empty after all...

Empty...

2026-03-08T00:03:00.002+08:00

Empty is how I feel
When all is edged and done
You turn your back… check your phone
Awkward silence… has set the tone

I pack my things as fast as I can
The silence is killing
But here’s where I stand

You knew what would get me
Make me change my mind
Your pit show did the job
Was so damn hard to decline

As beautiful as you are
Empty is how I feel

When my heart isn’t there
My body doesn’t fare
That’s why I should stop… (until who knows when)
Cuz no one seems to be… someone to even care

by ~ N!Loc Nat

No Fun At All...

2026-01-07T20:29:00.001+08:00

3 Things...

2025-12-03T20:49:00.001+08:00

There were 3 things that i lost this year...

at the beginning , when i got a new laptop to replace my old laggy one... I made a minor mistake when transferring my vault of porn... to an external hard drive.. and i lost a good chunk of a few categories of my porn folders... specifically the "ASIAN" category...

i was so dumbfounded... and feeling conflicted.. because i felt such a huge sense of loss... but it was just porn .... but it was porn i collected over the YEARS!....

Eventually I did start scrapping back and saving videos i could find again on youtube and stuff... and got back a few gems that meant alot to me.. (yeah why do i have such a sentimental feeling towards my porn videos ? hmmm )

during the middle of the year... i was on one way track and slow descent on the loss of my sex drive.. and it started right after my annual CNY sexcapade back in february.

after all the things that happened... good and bad... my mental head space.. and emotional well being all contributed to my lack of urge to want to meet up with guys for fun anymore.. (and perhaps it wasn't really all that much "fun" for me anyways...)

and lastly... towards the end of the year... i lost my facebook group....

members totaling over 180,000 gone... due to a 4th violation of facebook's community standards for "adult sexual solicitation" ... it may sound simple and direct... but it really wasn't the case at all...

all appeals were rejected , and poof ... group was suddenly suspended indefinitely... but crazy as it sounds... i was resilient enough to start the group all over again from square one...

https://www.facebook.com/groups/gayconfessions2.0

i originally started the group because i needed a distraction.. and it has been a welcoming distraction over the 3 years... (on and off) with some crazy drama and stressful moments along the way...

2025 has been the year where i lost 3 things...

and what have i gained ?

.....

..... weight .

Pity Party...

2025-11-11T00:01:00.000+08:00

I get it now…

I really do…

Finally, after all this time… of wondering why guys with “kinks” always seem to look outside of their relationship for their kinky satisfaction…

And here I am… always thinking that it was my rightful duty of sorts to try and explore and satisfy and please my (non-existent) partner’s kinks and fantasies… let alone guys I have met from recon….

I have been putting their needs (first and foremost) before my own…
And it was always muddled in to the notion of a “tickling good time” for me…

I have been :

“pity” whipping….

”pity” interrogating….

“pity” punching….

“pity” edging….

“pity” tour guiding …

"pity" humiliating...

“pity” formal wearing…

“pity” role playing… for all of them this entire time…

And I keep going back to that reminiscing feeling with that ONE TRUE TICKLE TOY….
For he was the only one.. that awakened my burning desires for REAL….

Its no wonder my proverbial “flower” is practically out of “bloom” indefinitely…

I have been too worried about taking every chance I can get … any opportunity I can have with another living breathing guy… that I sell myself short just for the sake of it…

How pitiful indeed….

By Choice...

2025-10-04T22:18:00.005+08:00

After a string of unfortunate events & feelings these past couple of years…

Where by me breaking a sweat caused such a sudden pause and almost silent disdain
The repeated kink shaming that played like a broken record
The first signs of boredom from a regular
And where everything seems like a competition of who has the best performance and technique
When fun wasn’t really fun anymore and became somewhat of a job (minus the service fee)
The constant preferences that I always tried to oblige in lieu of my own enjoyment
Hot and cold , yes then no , in then out... games I just have no tolerance for anymore
The hidden drama that could punch you in the face at any moment
The miracles that do happen only to remind me how real the curse is
And of course … the ghosts

I mean it when I say this….

I am officially in my truest form of MEN~OH~PAUSE

Couple that with my ever-worsening introvert’enism

The upcoming annual sexcapade trip will probably have to get a new name… because a very high chance there would be no “xxx” this time around… only difference is , this time around is:

By choice….

I Had A Dream...

2025-09-28T19:23:00.004+08:00

that i saw a rat in the house... and i took a bottle citronella spray and sprayed it like hell...

it then slowly morphed into a young twink .. light skinned indian or perhaps pakistani.... and very tween looking... (hopefully of legal age)...

he was shirtless and wearing black shorts with a large red stripe on the sides....

as i continued to spray his face... he slowly opened his sleepy eyes....

i grabbed him from behind by his pits...

oh my fingers deep into the depth of his pits....

and sat him over on a chair....

as i was about to say a something to him....

POOF!

(i woke up)

***hmmm... i heard the saying you have to "kiss alot of toads to find your prince charming"... but spraying rats ? hmmmmm oh whatever ***

Used To Be...

2025-09-19T20:32:00.002+08:00

I used to fit into my checkered shirts which I stockpiled over the years…

Now they all seem to have shrunk… and for the first time I find myself buying an “M” just to feel comfortable

Because I used to think that I should be wearing more slim fitted shirts so guys would notice me

Now 2 big bags of shirts (some never worn, still with their price tag on) dropped off at goodwill charity

I used to rejoice at the day when mariah announced a tour date in Singapore

Believe it or not , I made a decision of not going this October and more weirdly so… I feel no FOMO at all

I used to get the feels when I listen to music in general

I feel nothing now adays… cuz nothing connects with me anymore…

I used to be ghosted and wonder what did I do wrong

Now when ghosts try to scare me…I just say “oh well” and move along

I used to be excited getting chat messages from guys

Now I sometimes don’t even bother replying cuz it’s mostly just a waste of my social energy

I used to be desperate for some kinky fun to fulfill the physical void of a man’s body

Now it’s like I don’t even want it at times… and let rare opportunities pass me by

I used to have libido

Now I have truly embodied “MEN~OH~PAUSE”

I used to dream , hope , wish , wonder & ask why

Now I just don’t want to even think about it anymore

I used to be in my 30’s

And now… I will be :

Niloc's Note To Self...

2025-02-17T10:42:00.003+08:00

Niloc's Notes To Self...

2025-02-13T14:15:00.003+08:00

especially sad with note number 2... as it wasn't about the money... i told myself it would be ok i never saw that 200 bucks again... but ... what hurts more is that i did it because i know what it was like to be in that position... but then coupled with (and most probably) ghosting and being taken for granted ... and used... it's just sad really that it had to turn out this way...

my better judgement and gut instincts has failed me on this one...

i mean... why can't i just have ONE good experience now ? why did everyone i meet in KL had to have a shitty fallout ?

This "year of the snake" could be shaping up to be a real epic one... and i just hope i can handle it...

Toxic...

2025-02-11T21:37:00.006+08:00

niloc's note to self :

this has been something that i just can't seem to get over...

ever since the moment i divulged to him that i like "tickling" many years ago... he has always somehow managed to kink shame me in either the most micro aggressive minute way... or passive nonchalant snarky disgust ... and everything in between...

just earlier before this he even alluded that my tickling fetish was "kindy"... as in kindergarten ??!!!

i have never ever said anything remotely negative about his kinks and desires for pain and masochism then why the hell does he always find a way to put my "kindy" fetish down????!!!!!

with constant remarks like those... i tell you.. it will stick with me... because it's very difficult for me to ignore...

i always get this WTF feeling and i have told myself to not mention tickling again around our conversations... yet this time he even asked me first about enjoying other guys sweaty pits...

this is just about a week removed from our playdate and somehow... he has managed to piss me off again...

i think... (and i may be a little late to the realization party about this)... that he could very well be the type of "toxic" that is just no good for me...

but perhaps its because he has a way with his desperation and obsessing and flattery towards me...all the constant chatting and bombarding of texts and lately ...(lots of sweet little nothing poems) ... that i just get a little too comfortable and forget what a jerk he can be...

kink shaming has become one of my bigger pet peeves... i write people off when they do that.. so why do i still entertain this one???

i know i'm over sensitive and take everything personally... but ... nah ugh... this has happened just one too many times over and over and over again.... just when i feel like my walls are worn down and thinned out... and ready to open up freely with him... he pulls his signature jerk move...

i cant be happy for anything now adays eh ? there seems to always be a downside to everything good that happened to me during my recent KL trip...

sigh.... fu<k th!s

5~6~7~8~Bittersweet...

2025-02-09T21:28:00.005+08:00

continued from : 5~6~7~8~Hello Beautiful!!!

(this KL trip... hmmmm amplified alot of unrefined feelings deep inside me.... now i guess i have learned that i should not ever hope for meeting again beyond one night stand playdates... because it is what it is... and i'm afraid i do have to change my mindset in this particular department....)

I've become disenchanted...

I've grown introverted...

but i cant deny i still want love...

its instinctively embedded in my soul...

sad that i know that it's not for me...

so i just get what i can get...

if only for a second.... (like seeing a guy in a tanktop)

if only for a moment... (like sharing a sauna with half naked man beside me)

if only for week... (like a jam packed sexcapade fun time with in KL guys from recon)

i do this to feast my senses and my yearning soul...

for a little bit is better than nada...

thought most times i just want the whole enchilada....

it's just unimaginable now... i cant even relate anymore....

but then again ... did i ever really ?

dreams came true...

true colors were showed...

showed me the meaning of being alone...

alone is fine , alone can be good...

good riddance to liars who can do it with a straight face...

faced my fears , no "needing" this time around...

around i go, navigating through this curse...

cursed i may be, but i go on with my life...

life is like a dream...

a dream so real ...

something u can touch ...

but far beyond to feel.

this dream will never come...

enjoy the ones that pass by...

for life can be bittersweet...

it's ok to let the dream die...

***

5 nights....

6 days...

7 guys...

8 playdates...

until next year....

5~6~7~8~Hello Beautiful !!!

2025-02-09T21:26:00.002+08:00

continued from :5~6~7~8~Philipino Bear

Something crazy happened while I was passing by the transit mall to take the express train to the airport…

As I was lugging my heavy ass ninja turtle luggage along… I heard a guy suddenly say “HEY BEAUTIFUL!!!” … and it was sort of weird because it was almost as if he was cat calling me…

As I headed up the escalator… he followed behind me and said hello beautiful (in a more normal conversational tone)…

Now… this is (in context) technically another dream come true… I always wondered what it would be like.. for a guy (rice queen) to just randomly come up to me and talk to me, says that I’m “his type” ... finds me cute… and he asks if I'm gay… and I openly tell him yes I am… and we would exchange numbers and the rest as they say is history….

Well… how about : he asked if I was free to show him around town… but I told him that I would love to but he was too late as I was literally on my way to the airport….

He said it was a shame… so I just asked where was he from ?

“London”

And I said I was from kuching , sarawak.

And his eyes got all flabbergasted and big… and said really ????? because he said he would be in kuching in 2 days !!!!!

In that moment… my life flashed before my eyes… (and not in a serial killer murder kinda way)… more like.. a… OMG this is it ??? its really happening… this could be the moment that could change my life ! my love life!!!

***

Well… before I get too carried away…. I have to just stop everything right there… because long story short :

I texted him the next day. Told him to let me know when exactly he will be in town..

He didn’t seem very enthusiastic anymore… which was a complete contrast from how he was when we met the day before…

And so…no surprise here …

he arrived in my town... (as i could see his newly uploaded video on youtube).... yes... he's an old fart... but he is one of those crazy travel youtubers... with his own youtube channel... hahahah

and radio silence from his end .....

It was just another jerk encounter… only this time… I experienced it first hand… by meeting someone face to face FIRST!… and not the other way around which is the usual online / chat first …

Its scary how someone could “act” all one way one minute … and then be a totally different person the next…

What a bloody high I experienced… in that chance encounter… and to be let down again by the curse….

I mean… I almost feel silly to have thought for that split second.. that this would be IT !

Hey… at least I now know what it feels like to have that sort of chance encounter now…

continued to : 5~6~7~8~Bittersweet

5~6~7~8~Philipino Bear...

2025-02-08T17:11:00.006+08:00

continued from : 5~6~7~8~Cute Tickle Chub

and the last playdate on the itinerary was philipino bear....

although he wasn't on my dream bucket list of "world flavors" to taste.... it was a tick of the proverbial (i'll try) "try anything once" attitude... and not only was he my first philipino.. he was sorta my first full fledged BEAR too ...

hairy chest and back and all the good chubby bits all around... calves of steel and thighs of thunder... belly so round.. and man boobs so squishable...oh and not to forget his warm and toasty pits...hmmmmm

he chatted with me exactly 1 year ago... as he just came to KL for work... and was on a probationary contract...and we stayed in touch all the way to this meeting... and at one point he even suggested that i should consider him as a potential bf... which i knew was not going to happen.. as my gut instincts picked up on a few red flags early on... and after meeting him face to face.. my suspicions were validated when he did admit he was struggling with some internal homophobia...

i mean... he did say some discouraging stuff to me when i first told him how i own a "flower" shirt.. and used women's perfume....

we had a real good time.. even at first meeting.. there was a sense of comfortableness.. with him.. i mean.. i have been chatting with him for a year .. but still... meeting someone for the first time.. u never know how it feels in real life...

as i had dinner by myself later that night at a restaurant... there was this sense of sadness that came over me... and i knew why...(more on that later)

but so he was the final playdate of my KL trip....

... or so i thought...

whipping pig decided to make one last minute plea in the morning to meet again before i left KL.. and he wanted me to keep the special (steel strips whip) he made, since he claims that he doesn't trust any other master to whip him with it...

and so.. before i checked out of my room at noon... we had an early morning quickie playtime... and fittingly so... he book ended my sexcapade. i started off with him as my first of 2025 and he could very well be my last of 2025 too...

and halfway during the session... he whispered those 3 words to me... which i fully and whole heartedly do not believe in whatsoever ... coming from him.. it meant nothing....it was just another form of sweet talk in the moment.. which really is just more crap talk... i actually find offence in hearing him use those words towards me in vain...

continued to : 5~6~7~8~Hello Beautiful!!!

5~6~7~8~Cute Tickle Chub...

2025-02-08T16:23:00.005+08:00

continued from : 5~6~7~8~Spongebob

shortly after spongebob left my hotel room...

just as i was getting ready to go for another round of shopping... i received a cruise on recon... and this time it was from a guy who wasted no time.. in saying he wants to be tickled...

plain and simple.. sudden... and impromptu...

i mean ... my schedule was kinda packed at this point as i only had a few days left in KL... and i had hairy pits uncle penciled in for tonight at around 8pm...

mind u ... it was about 5.3o pm.. and so when we made an executive decision to just meet up literally now... as he himself had plans at around 7.30pm...

i mean... i thought about it.... i could either go shopping... or play with a new guy... ...

shopping ? .... play time.... ? it really wasn't that hard of a decision to make... plus .. with all that just happened with spongebob... i think this would be good for me to take my mind of things and perhaps it was good i didn't have time to feel down about what just happened ... as i surely was gonna over think things as usual..

when cute tickle chub arrived ... i was surprised that he was lugging around a carry on luggage... i assumed that he was on his way to catch a flight later or something.. but he literally just got off a plane and checked his recon... cruised and chatted me up and now he's here in my hotel room.... he really wasted no time... eh??!

he was cute... he was a chub... and he had hairy ticklish pits... ripe ... and salty... he had a pout when things got a little too torturous for him... but what surprised me the most was how i got an immediate hard on when he was trying his hardest to passionately kiss me ...

just the sight of him blindfolded and bound.. struggling to stick his neck out to try find my lips.. got me hard! if only for a short moment.. and mind u... up until now.. i haven't gotten hard with any of the guys ive played with...

after all was finished up with...

he did say.. that he would come to my city ... no problem!... it was sweet talk... but i knew it was all crap talk too...

i just don't want to believe stuff any guy says to me...

(later that night i had the 3rd playdate for the day...hairy pits uncle...)

no time for dinner.. no time for shopping ... just played...

back to back to back....

continued to : 5~6~7~8~Philipino Bear

5~6~7~8~Spongebob...

2025-02-08T10:48:00.005+08:00

continued from : 5~6~7~8~Cordy

ahhh spongebob.... the bdsm virgin... the special one that appeared in my life at a time where i was just feeling like $h!t....

i felt that the universe was being sorta kind to me by aligning this guy in my path... as i depicted in a previous post here

but ... little did i know all the drama that would ensue later on leading up and what transpired immediately after all was tickled and done...

see... we had been chatting alot... he was probably the most regular chat mate i had all last year... planning our eventual meet and greet cum CNY 2025... but a few months before i was to be in KL... he kinda went radio silent for a bit...

and what i assumed.. came to be true... as depicted in a previous post here

yes.. he had a new bf... and so... maybe the guilt was just to0 much for him to handle if he went through with meeting me so he eventually called our playdate off a few weeks before my trip..

but just like how "dramatic" dramas can be.... the very day i touched down in KL... he declared that he and his bf suddenly broke up.. and was free to meet up with me just as planned originally...

so .. i just went with the flow.. because i already had him penciled in my itinerary for that afternoon anhyways....

now he was another so called dream come true.. as he was my first malay guy i've ever had and tasted... it has always been on my curious list of flavors to try... and i am glad this could come to fruition...

he was a bdsm virgin... the moment we met face to face... he was still visibly nervous... i mean who wouldn't be on their first time doing this kinda thing ?

but after all was tickled and done....

something changed "dramatically"....

it turned out that... spongebob suddenly changed his tune... and when i say tune... i mean his supposed sexuality ...

he basically lied about being gay. because when i talked about the possibility of meeting again in the future the next time i would be in KL... he deflected it swiftly and disregarded the notion...

he then went on to say that he is bi.... and something to the tune of he now wants to seriously look to settle down and get married and stuff... and how he is now more to "girls"... and not really into being with "guys" anymore... which made it seem like this whole conclusion was just an experimental thing... in his own words.... his "first & last time" doing this sort of thing...

well i didn't want to make anything more awkward so we chatted about other stuff and when it was time for him to go... i went in for a hug goodbye... and he shockingly said "why do you want to hug me???"

hmmmm... ( for the past half year.... he said to me that he loves hugging and cuddling.. and simple stuff like that ... but when i finally get a chance to hug him in person... he is standoffish and all that ???)

well.. i guess i found out the true agenda of our meeting then....

and to think... we had alot of things in common with to chat about... shopping, brands , perfumes, bitching and stuff... silly girly stuff like that...

and on my last day in kl.. he did message me to say goodbye.... but in a sense of how aware i am of the situation... that word "goodbye" probably has a bigger meaning... like... a real goodbye "GOODBYE"...

and so ... i guess... this half year experiment for him has concluded... que sera sera...

i mean what do you want me to do right ?? feel bad for myself ??

continued to : 5~6~7~8~Cute Tickle Chub

5~6~7~8~Cordy...

2025-02-08T10:08:00.005+08:00

continued from : 5~6~7~8~Indian Dream

the next afternoon... i had a tickle play date with cordy...

he contacted me last year a few days after i left KL and we kept in touch all through the year and made it a point to meet the following year...

he was a 50/50 switch.. and was curious to be tied up and tickled.. and it turned out .. he is indeed ticklish.. and enjoys it very much...

as far as i can remember.. this was probably the youngest guy i have met being just 21....

he downplayed when he told described the hairiness of his pits... because i was pleasantly surprised that his pits were kinda hairy !

he had a thick girthed cock that was nice to hold in my hand...and was fairly easy to edge...

he messaged me the next day saying that he couldn't wait till the next time i'd be in KL again...

(well... words are just words.. and we'll see if he ends up being an actual regular playmate...)

continued to : 5~6~7~8~Spongebob

5~6~7~8~Indian Dream...

2025-02-07T22:08:00.002+08:00

continued from :5~6~7~8

he cruised me on recon even before i was in KL... but that was it... and it was nothing to it. i didn't even bother to initiate anything.. but that night as i was shopping... he finally texted and asked if was nearby (as he probably saw my from location tracking through recon)... and just like that... we made immediate plans to meet up that very night itself...

he said he was still exploring his kinks and stuff.. and was interested in trying tickling...

with his justin Bieber, circa 2011, flip-flip heartthrob hair-do in tow... and his bag of kinks which included a few whips and a bamboo cane...

i felt magic happened that night...

after all was tickled and done... a familiar feeling washed over me... and that was a simple high....of happiness...i was smiling effortlessly... like a drug... as "if i never knew you" was playing on my spotify... i was dancing in my hotel room just like i did after i met "horny boi"...

realizing then and there that i liked him.... AL0T ... hoping for the best that we would meet again sooner or later...

his "MR. TRANQUILLO" tattoo across his upper back... and his "ZERO MIEDO" tattoo on his right wrist/ forearm... ahh... he was shot of ecstasy...

yes... he was a dream come true indeed...

he was my first taste of "indian" ever ...

and after sending him that heartfelt message...

continued to: 5~6~7~8~Cordy

5~6~7~8~

2025-02-07T21:50:00.002+08:00

when i first bought these bondage cuffs from a local sex shop (ages ago)...... never in a million years would i have imagined that it would get to a point where it would be so used and seasoned and practically falling apart...

i feel a sense of pride that my trusted bondage cuffs now look the way they do... and its probably time to move on to the next pair of cuffs.

on my first day in KL (my annual chinese new year escape -vacation- sexcapade) I met up with whipping pig that very night... and before we even got to the "main course" ... things got a little too excited for him and he somehow managed to break the chains off my bondage cuffs from struggling too much...

it was a funny lighthearted moment.. i mean at least the cuffs were still usable (at that time)....

but little did i know , these straps on the cuffs would practically disintegrate and be rendered almost unusable somewhere towards the end of the week...

as i was in for a few pleasant surprises... along the way.... never void of any drama because it's me.. and i reiterate...

the "curse" is real....

but for now... this is what happened the very next day....

continued to : 5~6~7~8~Indian Dream

From Whipping Pig 6 +++...

2025-01-22T16:09:00.015+08:00

One week more you'll be on that plane,

Then you'll find me at your door again;

Taken into your dark domain,

In for a time of pleasure and pain;

My moans and groans with mind insane,

Will sound to u like sweet refrain;

My body before u will start to strain,

My energy u will start to drain;

A love pig slave whom u disdain,

Is bound so tight with rope and chain;

Torments from u, I can't abstain,

To suffer well, I won't complain;

My wrist u bind, and feet enchain,

My body u will sure restrain;

My composure I will maintain,

In agony I'll entertain;

A masochist you'll see that plain,

All resistance will be in vain;

A slave to punish and to train,

A slave of yours, u will obtain;

U are my Master, you'll be the main,

With kisses and whips, u will ordain.

***

(here is a thread of more poems he has written since)

Intense Insanity and Insane Intensity

Moments before it does its thing,

I anticipate the pain,

Tho I'm blindfolded and cannot see,

It signals in my brain,

First, the clanging sound of chain, attached to both the clips,

Then the closeness of those clamps nearby my waiting nips;

I flex and try to prep myself, tho it's a waste of time,

To ward off this intensity, which should be termed a crime!

Yet, there I am, all bound secure, and you gaze upon my face,

The calm countenance which I have, will shortly be erased;

Your finger tips are on my chest, you slowly touch my nip,

You sweetly bring your face to mine, and kiss me on my lip;

You firmly pinch my nipple, you want it perky tight,

I tell myself to hold on strong with every bit of might;

Soon the clip is placed on the tip so raw and bare,

I tug my bonds, and writhe in pain, but you could hardly care;

The cry of anguish pass my lips, the feel indescribable,

My other nipple now prepares for the unbearable;

The same process repeated, your fingers do their trick,

While still adjusting to the first, the second's rather quick;

The pain now distributed, the left and right now clamped,

I hang in sweet surrender, like a prisoner condemned;

My expressions must be showing, with clenching teeth and all,

Inside, you're quite excited, like dancing at a ball;

My cries and groans like music, you hum along a tune,

My agonizing ecstasy takes me to the moon;

The skin, the nerves, the muscles react in harmony,

A slight tug at the chain, increases agony;

It's only the beginning, a few more times to go,

My fingers clasp and open, my body starts to show,

That though I can't withstand this, the insane intensity,

The fact I still endure it, is intense insanity!

"How much more can he take?" that riddle on your mind,

Will only have answer, a discovery you'll find,

When the clamps release their strong hold, each nipple sore and red,

In between each clipping session, comes to pass what I most dread!

Your hands press hard so cruel, on my nipples raw with pain,

There are no words to utter, as I suffer once again;

The brutal force of pressure, my chest fights hard to fend,

In vain, then I'll surrender, to this torture at your hand;

It seems this will continue, as the clamps repeat their course,

You smile and watch me suffer, no feelings of remorse;

You know that you have got me in your captivity,

To endure intense insanity or insane intensity!

***

U say I've nips of steel, they're not,

Two fleshy tits are all I've got;

As sensitive as they can be,

I think you've seen that part of me;

And while it hurts so much to bear,

To the point my skin might tear,

It's that masochistic side of me,

~To satisfy you endlessly;

It's norm for anyone to feel,

And let out cries one can't conceal,

The clenching, clipping of that clamp,

Along with arms that start to cramp;

With blood flow halted with a pinch,

Each part of me begins to cringe,

My chest just feels like it's on fire,

To suffer more, it's my desire;

Please help say NO should I request,

For you to torment my bare breast;

Or yank me closer to your lips,

And fix those clamps upon my nips;

What can I say, what can I do?

I want to suffer under you;

You've made me now a pig for pain,

O, torture me, my dear, again!

It means nothing...or does it?!

***

To fondle and to hold, a smack of kiss or two,

May never be the wisest thing to do;

Emotions all laid bare, and feelings get confused,

When the person's only there to be abused;

It's a sadistic streak, with compassion in between,

Inflicting pain is what these sessions mean;

But when passions interrupt, and when stronger feelings grow,

It's hard to lash out harder than you know;

So, "bratty moves" they're called, when I stretch out my neck,

To kiss you, hoping you will kiss me back;

And trying hard to hide, any feelings I might have,

I'm slapped and reminded I'm a slave!

Because it's physical, my skin and body touched,

It makes me feel I want you, oh, so much,

And though I try to keep as fit and looking stronger,

You're just a torture master who's much younger,

I mean nothing to you, of that you must insist,

Not thinking about all the things I miss;

For nothing more can be, than a session now and then,

Although we never know just where or when;

No desire to be more, than a master and slave,

Even though your tender touch I'll always crave;

The truth is plain to see, I'm attached and cannot stray,

Even if I'm 40 years today;

We're both from different worlds, and separate lives we lead,

I only get from you just what I need;

Some pain and suffering, some torment so intense,

To others all this doesn't make much sense;

To drown in your caress, overtaken by your voice,

To want to be your slave, gives me no choice;

It makes me think of you the day and whole night through,

What a pleasure just to suffer under you!

You ask me to try out another one or two,

Who might make me enjoy the things you do;

But the startling truth remains, as I think of you again,

There's no one I'd rather have me in disdain;

So, here I am, all yours and at the same time, not,

For short acquaintances is all we've got;

Till we meet and I'm laid bare, stripped and strapped for you to stare,

There's nothing more you'll really need to care;

Just go on with your life, and spare no thought of me,

Until you desire, wish to see,

A pain pig wanting to endure, a slave who wants to suffer more,

Under a Torture Master I adore!

Have a lovely weekend!

***

Of Whips and Nips and Clips

It's at my finger tips, to type a thing or two,

About our time together spent, especially me with you;

From the time be both connected, to the day we finally met,

If you never had accepted, there'll always be regret;

Your voice, when first I heard it, had drawn me to know more,

This younger guy across the miles, I've never met before;

Our chats were quite interesting, for me at least I'll say,

My heart was always yearning, to meet with you someday;

To show you what I'm made of, to bare it all for you,

But the distance in between us, there was not much I could do;

So, came along the videos, with angles carefully planned,

With scripts and some scenarios, each one creatively penned;

To show only the best of me, as I didn't know you well,

And though I tried to hide some parts, I'm sure that you could tell;

With lighting dimmed and softened, to make it dungeon like,

With moans and groans, I hoped you'd hear, as I spoke into the mic 🎤;

With chains and cuffs included, I tried my best to show,

And tried to work my body out, and make my muscles grow;

You didn't seem to bother about my body type,

So I just made my videos, with no concern for hype;

Yet your voice I always wanted, included in a scene,

You obliged and you recorded, every word you seemed to mean;

Like you would really torture, if you were there with me,

And I would really suffer, oh, what a fantasy;

But time and years just went on, no plans on meeting yet,

Maybe not the right time, but one day, I'd sure bet;

I'd play, replay my videos, imagining the day,

When we would actually, finally meet,

And really get to play;

We talked of many ideas, from whips and clips and nips,

I wondered how I'll get to you, in planning all my trips;

But still the many years rolled by, no session was to be,

I thought it'll just be wish and hopes, and not reality;

Off and on we chatted, some long and some just bits,

And in one conversation, I found out you liked pits!

So, certain videos followed, with still my body bare,

But making sure you'll get to see, my bushy armpit hair;

Sometimes I shaved and kept clean the under of my arms,

Never thot that hairy pits were anybody's charms;

I couldn't understand it, this one thing I would do,

Nothing else had mattered, more than pleasing you;

I day-dreamed of you doing, the things we spoke about,

And called your name so many times, although I didn't shout;

Fast forward to the present, my videos I don't see,

Cos every bit of fantasy has become reality;

With all that I desire, there's always wanting more,

I must have been so desperate, going to a distant shore;

Still I was glad I came by, and spending two more nights,

Good thing there was no sailing, but economical flights,

Seeing your cool investment of tools and implements,

I'm glad I added all my whips as torture instruments;

Being tied and then blindfolded, I'd want that everytime,

Every moment spent with you, exciting and sublime;

Oh, when is the next session, I dare not think or ask,

With reminiscing memories, in that I'll have to bask;

Still I must always thank you, for accepting me as friend,

From Facebook chats to meeting up, I hope it'll never end;

And maybe I may have to view all my video clips,

Recalling all we did with the whips, and clips and nips!

Have a great weekend! 😉

***

How Thrilling

How thrilling it was for me,

To have my arms raised high,

Doing it voluntarily,

So both hands you can tie;

But just so that you know,

Before you strap my hands,

I love that I could be like that,

Awaiting your demands;

That thrill of sweet surrender,

Of submission delight,

The pleasure of just giving up without a single fight;

I loved that I could hang on that bed bar raised that height,

And tell myself to endure with all my strength and might;

At least for some good moments, I can "dead hang" just for you,

To have you looking at me, wondering what to do;

I'd try to hang for longer, my feet raised up a bit,

I wish I was much stronger, I wish I was more fit;

Yet in those shortlived moments, as my arms are overhead,

I think of all the pain I'll bear, some of which I'll dread;

But way before that happens, when it's only you and me,

I love the way I'm all yours, as I hang there helplessly;

No need to bind my hands yet, just watch me as I pose,

A hanging pain pig just for you, and closer comes your nose;

You sniff and smell my bare skin, your kisses soft and nice,

I only feel your sweet lips, I can't see with my eyes;

I'm weakened even further, as your hands caress my skin,

My heart beats even faster, as I'm slowly taken in,

Your hold and your caresses, I want to hold you too,

But I remain there hanging, submitted just to you;

I try returning kisses, our lips would slightly touch,

Never knew I'd be so weakened, wanting it so much;

The power you have o'er me, control so absolute,

And every fiber of my being, to you I attribute;

Without the cuffs and bondage, I just want you to know,

That I am all surrendered, until it's time to go;

Yet even when I've left you, and our paths don't cross so soon,

The thought of being your prisoner, just takes me to the moon;

You may cuff my wrists and let me, you'll see my willingness,

To present myself, my body whole in sheer submissiveness;

Oh, how I wish that moment could magically appear,

I'd stretch my hands and arms up high, for my Master, sweet and dear!

***

Of Slaps and Body Taps...

(Memoirs of Moments of the "make~shift" Torture Rack as tho from u to me...)!

It seems to be much nicer on a rack,

When you are made to lie down on your back,

With limbs stretched out and firmly tied in place,

In only undies, you look like in disgrace;

I look at you while you can see me not,

Your body bare is everything I've got;

We both wished a torture rack could be,

The actual thing satisfying me;

But a make-do rack will have to do for now,

So stretching more will have to wait somehow,

Still laid out bare, and all for me to use,

Your body there to suffer more abuse,

I sit by you and let my finger tips,

Caress your pits, your chest and then your nips;

You moan in ecstasy, anticipate,

What you long for on this torture session "date",

A few face slaps is followed by a kiss,

Oh, how have you become reduced to this?,

Still you lay there just wanting more of me,

To lay on you, is what you wish, I see,

But torture must continue on again,

You brace yourself to take in all the pain,

While roller pins across your torso run,

To watch you suffer gives me so much fun,

My clamps are slowly fixed upon your nips,

Your thirst is quenched by my caressing lips,

Your groans are loud, and understandably so,

Still I make sure that you will suffer more,

A slap or two lands hard upon your face,

I'm making sure my captive knows his place;

But caressing kisses makes it worth the while,

Behind your lips there is a grateful smile,

And once again, your chest is heaved up high,

As my elbow hits a clamp it passes by,

Seems accidental, yet purposefully done,

As I have the power to torture anyone;

You cry out loud, my hand is on your lips,

I check to see if the clamp still really clips,

You writhe in pain, and I feel slightly touched,

Yet sadism is filling me so much,

Your arms are flexed, I stretch them even more,

I know your nips will hurt more than before!

It's all a pain and pleasure game to me,

There's still much more that I would love to see;

If t'was an authentic torture rack,

I'll turn the wheels, and arch your tortured back,

Which still bears welts from whippings so severe,

I want to make you suffer, that is clear,

Yet, there's a part of me that's passionate,

I'm there beside you, I don't hesitate,

To cover you with kisses and caress,

You long for that amidst your long duress;

From movie scenes, I seem to recollect,

The side of you my hand begins to smack,

I kiss you still, with cruel facial slaps,

You take them all even with body taps;

You love to be on a rack with me,

From slaps to taps, just suff'ring endlessly!

***

Thrilling Emotions

Thrilling emotions that I could feel, not a romance that's meant to last,

Having you close to my body still, under some spell which you had cast;

Hands clasped in yours, and yours in mine, bare skins are felt by close caress,

Tho mine is tied, and your hands are free, I can feel you with nothing much less;

Only a session, and after we're done, no lingering feeling is left,

For I'm there for pain, not sure what's your gain, divided by distance, there's cleft;

Oh, don't read me wrong, there's surely no song or a meaningful rhyme in my heart,

For I have my life, and you have yours too, and that will keep us apart;

But yet, when the time we're together again, I'm prepared to surrender to you,

There's no one in mind, no other in place, I seem to be all yours, it's true;

My attire removed, I'm stripped bare to my skin, and you now get to see all of me,

I can't run away, I don't want escape, for nowhere else I'd rather be;

I'm entirely yours, and only because, that's what I had wanted so long,

Your exerting control and your power o'er me, leaves me weak tho I want to be strong;

I know I must bear the agony you'll share, liberally dishing out pain,

And when the torment, seems to come to an end, I'm wishing to suffer again,

But, why is it you, just a regular guy, that I want to feel on top me?

I feel all enslaved, feeling all well behaved, not wanting to ever be free,

Then comes your touch, and your kisses much more, more than it was e'er before,

Drawing me in, from the time you begin, I was already yours at the door;

You try to numb out, and I try not to shout, as the torture you slowly inflict,

My emotional thrill, maybe something I feel, your hands trying so hard to constrict;

A distraction with pain, I can't move being restrained, as I try to return your sweet kiss,

You taunt with your lips, then you torture my nips, what a pleasure to suffer like this;

And maybe you feel something else that's quite real, as I stick out my neck for a taste,

Of your skin or your face, I'm a state of disgrace, and maybe you think what a waste;

Of a slave that's so nice, and that makes you think twice, should he suffer or mercy be shown?

But no feelings must be, no emotions to see, nothing inside you must ever be known,

So with pain I'm distracted, tho by you I'm affected, so attracted to all that you do,

With each ounce of pain, I'm all yours again, to endure this, if the whole night through;

Your lips rest on mine, and I start to resign, knowing that I can never resist,

This one sadistic streak, you impose on this freak, more kisses I want to insist;

But enough said and done, after pleasure and fun, all feelings must now be erased,

And though I must leave, there's no time to cleave, I'm still grateful by you I'm embraced;

Do I still want some more, will I be at your door, would I desire to wait out until?

I can be yours again, tied with ropes and a chain, and feel that emotional thrill!

***

As I leave for the north and out of the country...

Been busy I confess, not much fond thots of you,

But you're still on my mind, as the day passes through,

What lingers and plays in my broad scope of thoughts,

Are the kisses and slaps, and the torment of sorts;

Yet, today, I must say, what's been most on my mind,

Are the kisses and slaps, which are now far behind;

And the idea of you just placing your arms,

Over my shoulders all sweaty, with your sadistic charms;

I imagine being sweat drenched, all helpless and yours,

As the night takes us into a pleasurable course,

To have you caressing my body all wet,

The whipping's brief break, will continue on yet,

But in those sweet moments, of intervals few,

I long for the kisses and slaps just from you!

***

Only For You!

How did it feel the morning I came back?

For another round of a brutal attack;

Most parts it seemed like a sensual play act,

But the suffering was real, the pain was a fact;

The act of surrender as I raised up my arms,

To "dead hang" before you and feel all your charms;

You could feel I was yours, completely and true,

Blindfolded and tied, nothing much I could do;

I'd surrender like that a thousand times more,

And be tortured by you like I was before;

O, take me, my Master, my body is yours,

Submissive and yielded, without any force;

Just kiss me and hold me, before you begin,

To inflict all the torture I'll gladly take in;

My body all given to your sweet embrace,

Your kisses and slaps all over my face;

I hang there as long as my strength lets me do,

I'll suffer and suffer, just only for you

***

Workout Sweat

There's nothing more thrilling, than a good workout sweat,

Whether under the sun, or the gym that you're at;

Toiling construction, a shovel in hand,

Under the hot sun, right where you stand;

The trickle of water from forehead to waist,

The sweat drenching body all lovely to taste;

When arms are high lifted, the pit hair all wet,

The dripping of moisture, is so tempting yet;

The chest glistens brightly, with shadowy cast,

That moment you so wish that somehow it'll last;

Sweat droplets forming, and run down his chest,

The front of his torso is looking its best;

Then comes the back, all covered and drenched,

Mixed with the fragrance of what seems so stenched;

The same scene might be in a gym where he'll work,

His muscles, while in some corner you'll lurk;

Watching intently, as dumbells are raised,

The trickling of more sweat, leaves you amazed;

Your hands want to rest on those shoulders so broad,

Running your fingers on that leaves you awed;

Playing with water, especially that way,

Leaves no explaining, there's nothing to say;

Imagine that body all strung up and taut,

Imagine a dungeon, so dim lit and hot;

With sighing and moaning, that body's all yours,

With no chance escaping and only becos,

That body is yielded to one Master sweet,

For only his pleasure, and sadistic treat;

Yet, still stands afar off, this beautiful sight,

You long for his body for just one more night;

He knows you are looking and longing for him,

From under the sunlight or straight from the gym;

His sweat drenching torso, you so long to hold,

To feel that warm body, with sweat which is cold;

He knows that you love that, and that he will give,

On that special night, when it all will relive!

***

Of Whips and Welts

If I took a whipping from you, a dark and aimless night,

Would you care enough to hold me and squeeze my body tight?;

Every lash that I've been given, every mark upon my back,

Would you care to kiss each portion, in between each cruel act;?

If I lived right there beside you, maybe couple of miles away,

Would you visit and tend my body, after night has turned to day?;

Would you come and gently touch me, lay your hands upon my welts?,

Even though it feels quite tempting to use one of my belts?;

Would you gently kiss my body, and caress my tortured skin?,

Or would you think another session should really quite begin?;

Would you turn my body over, laying my back on sheets of white,

And then kiss my tortured nipples, which you tormented through the night?;

With my arms raised up before you, and my pits all laid out bare,

Would you kiss and run your fingers gently through my armpit hair?;

In undies as I lay there, stretched out on a double bed,

Would you snuggle up beside me, laying your face beside my head?;

Would you want to climb on top me, after covering my eyes?,

And remove your clothes and tell me, how you love to hear my cries;

All my moans and groans and breathing, everytime you torture me,

Every action and reaction, all the things you hear and see;

Would you want to feel my body underneath your naked flesh?,

As your fingers gently feel

the welts of every lash;

Would you stretch your arms on my arms, and clasp your hands in mine?,

Whispering in my ears that all things will be working out just fine;

Would you gently kiss my cheeks then, bring your lips so close to mine,?

Would you want me to confess that to you, I will resign;

And be your slave for always, no other will I serve,

And in the midst of suffering pain, You'll be the one I love!

The whips and welts together are a testament so true,

That I will always want to, just suffer under YOU!

***

Did you think I'd beg to stop, when lashes u delivered,

The very first time all my clothes you had them all uncovered;

Did you plan on just a few strokes to see my pain reaction,

Did u think the way I suffered would give u an erection?;

I couldn't see, my eyes were closed, so with just anticipation,

I flexed and tighten up myself, prepared for that sensation;

When elastic, leather or steel strips, would land upon my back,

When all my nerves under my skin would take that brute attack;

U took your time with whipping, though some lashes seemed so quick,

U teased with different timings, that was your cruel trick;

But yet, I stood restrained there, not fighting to be free,

Only with some light straining, I'm sure that you could see;

The tightening of my muscles, as the weight of each lash fell,

From groans and cries of my torment, I was suffering, you could tell;

Still I would have wondered, if at one point you might stop,

As not just different whips were used, there also was your black crop;

From shoulders, down to my thighs, you selected where to hit,

As each contact the whips had made, I felt like getting bit,

You must have seen endurance, I had so much in store,

This must have surely made you feel this pig can handle more;

So, on and on, continued your cruel whipping spree,

Secured by your restraining bonds, no way I could be free;

But even if I hung there, no cuffs or no restrain,

I'd have you know, I still submit, to your torture once again!

***

It may have seemed you only favored bondage, sweat and pits,

With the occasional pleasure of tormenting someone's tits;

I recall you telling those days, how whipping's not your thing,

How your interest with tanktops and pits were just your fling;

To have your slave all tied up, with pits exposed to see,

And do whatever you may like, whatever that might be;

So, as I spoke of whipping, how I'd love for you to try,

I thought that might disgust you, I thought that was goodbye;

We kept in touch no matter, with videos I would show,

You might enjoy the whipping, and the power with each blow;

I voiced my moans and groanings, I showed how it could be,

A worthwhile time experienced for you and also me;

I guess with few "tutorials" on other videos seen,

It may have made you want to try now something off the screen;

With different whips I showed you, describing their effects,

With all of my reactions and physical deflects;

I tried hard to entice you, draw you into my world,

Convincing you with torture scenes of fantasy, unfurled;

When you said you'd do it, the deal not very big,

You christened me a new name, I was your whipping pig 🐖,

Now that we encountered a session more than twice,

I'm sure that you discovered that all of this is nice;

The skills which you developed impressively are great,

I know the wait was worth it, our meeting not too late;

I'm glad that we connected, with every chance to meet,

And now with whips and pits for you, it seems a double treat;

I'm happy that I gave you the simple makeshift whips,

I'm grateful for the time we spend on our occasional trips;

Thank you for obliging, for all the fantasy,

I just wish we were closer, not having cross the sea;

Yet, still I'm glad I know you, and can chat from day to day,

I'm glad that you're my Master, that's all I'd like to say!

***

Thinking of the time we might spend (on the bed) before the actual torture session begins...

Hands clasped in mine, with you being on top,

I'm under your pow'r again;

First part is sensual,

the feeling all casual,

There's no sign of any restrain;

It's exactly as planned,

an initial start,

to a night we've discussed long before,

Of being romantic,

before being sadistic,

And facing what might be in store;

With lights turned down low,

soft music playing slow,

the scent of the night fills the room,

If one didn't know,

what the night would be like,

some might think it's a bride with her groom;

As I'm laying out bare, outstretched arms on the bed,

You will gaze down and gloat over me;

Looking at me so willing, surrendered, submissive,

I seem trapped though I still could be free;

But this night I am yours, every square inch of me,

I await the delights you might share,

I'm presenting myself,

to your will and desire,

whether pleasure or pain, I don't care;

You draw closer to me,

your face closing on mine,

and I hold up my head to your lips,

As I long for your kiss,

and a slap maybe two,

You caress me with your fingertips;

Our lips nearly meet,

both of us breathing hard,

as I arch up my chest touching yours,

With your face next to mine,

and your hands near my pits,

there are no words for us to discourse;

You dig deep in my pits,

I let out a soft cry,

and desire for more to be done,

Then your head shifts aside,

and you bury your face,

as your nose and my pits become one;

I heave up my broad chest,

tilt myself to one side,

as though trying to ward off your move,

Your hand firmly placed,

on my shoulder beside,

You press hard like you would disapprove;

I'm trying hard to kiss you,

with my hands firmly held,

in desperate attempts I do fail,

You lay your whole weight,

on my torso and then,

I lift you but to no avail;

I'm terribly weakened,

by your sweet caresses,

my mouth is now gasping for air,

My lips look quite tempting,

and soon meet your lips,

in a game where losing seems fair;

My neck and my chest

are so lovingly kissed,

as your lips run across my bare frame,

I'm desperately trying

to hold you so tight,

but I only can call out your name;

I feel something harden,

and pressed down below,

as your waist makes alignment with mine,

Once again I am desperate,

to kiss you and hold you,

but for now submission is fine;

I spread eagle myself,

giving you full control,

as you lick and you bite both my pits,

I cannot describe it,

the way I am feeling,

except to love you to bits;

How I wished I was younger,

my body much stronger,

how I wished I was living alone,

But it is what it is,

I can't change the tide,

like I'm living in some twilight zone;

But just so you know,

I'm prepared to submit,

to the pleasure that all this may give,

Though one night or two,

I'm so glad to be yours,

maybe something you just can't believe;

In a universe strange,

different time, different place,

we may feel somewhat different inside,

But for now it'll suffice,

as a Master and slave,

in this domain I'm glad to reside,

And while thinking of this,

I feel what's hard is wet,

as we both seem to cum the same time,

And as good as it feels,

I can't help but be still,

and imagine that this is a crime;

As I think, so do you,

and befitting this crime, you will punish me with whips and pain,

So the night carries on,

as you whisper to me,

that the torture will shortly begin!

***

Doesn't happen all the time but...

I'm spilling while calling out your name,

It's thrilling but never quite the same,

Than standing in front of you all bare,

Withstanding all I'm 'bout to bear,

Knowing you're looking straight at me,

Growing in anticipated glee,

Planning what to do at first,

Manning your tools to do their worst,

Undressing you seem to do real slow,

Caressing my body now on show,

Smelling my shoulders and my back,

Telling I'll suffer pain, no lack,

Raising my arms for you to see,

Praising my pits your words to me,

Fixing my arms to either side,

Mixing your cuffs and ropes I'm tied,

Stripping my tanktop from my frame,

Whipping this pig is why you came,

Remembering before the torture starts,

The tempering of both our beating hearts,

Feeling all vulnerable and weak,

Dealing with pain, no words to speak,

Memories still linger in my mind,

Injuries my body soon will find,

Rewinding before all that begins,

Reminding myself who really wins,

Playing this game I'll surely lose,

Staying with you becos I choose,

Being completely yours alone,

Seeing a master on his throne,

Submitting to your sheer delight,

Admitting I cannot win this fight,

Confessing I am your slave and pig,

Expressing my pain in this our gig,

Kissing your hands, and face and lips,

Missing your touch and all those whips,

Waiting for yet another time,

Wasting my days in thoughts sublime,

Living each day craving for more,

Giving myself just like before,

Trying hard to hold back, not to spill,

Crying out your name, I cum until,

Squeezing out each bit, thinking of you,

Pleasing self is all that I can do,

Everything which you have done to me,

Something deep I can't be free,

Releasing cum is all I do,

Increasing my desire of you...

***

If u stopped with what u do,

If the feel and drive's no more,

If the testorone has dropped to levels low,

It'll be sad, and somehow bad,

That a young and brilliant lad,

Has to bid farewell to his majestic show;

Don't know what can stir it up,

Don't know what can fill your cup,

Don't know what can make u feel that way again;

Can't think of enticing u,

No words or vids be tempting too,

To draw u into pleasure added

with some pain;

Guess we'll just leave it at that,

Something else may show up yet,

In the meantime, let's be friends along the way;

If something good comes out of this,

Maybe a changed life filled with bliss,

That'll be more than anything that I can say;

Whether we meet, for what'ver reason,

I'll still be grateful for that season,

To be your slave and suffer under u;

Come what may, the future hold,

What'ever the coming days unfold,

I'm glad we met and felt each other's touch;

I wish u well, only the best,

With all your passions and your zest,

For all you've done, I thank u very much!

You're The Best!

****

From Whipping Pig 5

2025-01-21T09:06:00.004+08:00

Always want to be right there!

Days will pass and then we'll meet,

I'll be with u, like at your feet;

All surrendered and willing there,

To be stripped down, before u bare;

Your hands on me, your lips so close,

I stand before in submissive pose;

I cannot wait, till I'm undressed,

Be tied by u, and then caressed;

To present my body as your slave,

To give much more than I once gave;

Oh, how much more, you'll never know,

Perhaps u will, when I will show;

The way my body yearns your touch,

The way I'll suffer very much;

As lashes land, and clips are fixed,

My emotions, oh, they'll be so mixed;

My tightened arms, my body lunged,

As pain sets in, pleasure expunged;

U smile to know u have my all,

And in my agony, u will enthrall;

My body stripped and all for u,

Enduring what u want me to;

One time, one evening won't suffice,

To suffer under someone nice;

Oh, Colin, tho it's all you'll spare,

I'll always want to be right there!

From Whipping Pig 4...

2025-01-18T15:05:00.005+08:00

Days Ahead

Many months away and I think of that day,

I imagine it over when just days away;

I live weeks ahead, just longing your touch,

Your sadistic tortures I'm wanting so much;

To have u unshirt me, my frame nearly bare,

In tanktop and jeans, and having u stare;

Both minds, thots are racing, and hearts beating fast,

Both wishing somehow the hours will last;

With sadistic pleasures, and masochistic will,

I know I'll be tortured by u then until;

Either begging for more or for u to stop,

When I'm sprawled on your bed, when you're sitting on top;

By that time I am weakened, submitted to u,

Even tho right this moment, I'm feeling that too;

Days ahead I surrender, my body is yours,

To endure what is planned, in your torturous course;

I'm slightly afraid, yet brave I must be,

To take every pain u will dish out to me;

Just hold me and kiss every part u see fit,

From my face to my shoulders, from my chest to my pit;

I am yours, Master Colin, no other will do,

I surrender myself and my body to u!

Service Job Work Fun...

2025-01-15T16:29:00.001+08:00

from tickle toy 2.0

something that i've been told...by whipping pig before...

and tickle toy 2.0 has just cemented it ...

to them... i'm just someone who does a "service"... a "job" ... because now a days it has felt like somewhat like "work".... when this was just supposed to be recreational "fun"...

Ice Cream And Rainbows

N!loc's Note To Self...

Niloc's Note To Self...

Nice Guy...

i guess i wasn't feeling that empty after all...

Empty...

No Fun At All...

3 Things...

Pity Party...

I get it now…

I really do…

Finally, after all this time… of wondering why guys with “kinks” always seem to look outside of their relationship for their kinky satisfaction…

And here I am… always thinking that it was my rightful duty of sorts to try and explore and satisfy and please my (non-existent) partner’s kinks and fantasies… let alone guys I have met from recon….

I have been putting their needs (first and foremost) before my own…And it was always muddled in to the notion of a “tickling good time” for me…

I have been :

“pity” whipping….

”pity” interrogating….

“pity” punching….

“pity” edging….

“pity” tour guiding …

“pity” formal wearing…

“pity” role playing… for all of them this entire time…

And I keep going back to that reminiscing feeling with that ONE TRUE TICKLE TOY….For he was the only one.. that awakened my burning desires for REAL….

Its no wonder my proverbial “flower” is practically out of “bloom” indefinitely…

I have been too worried about taking every chance I can get … any opportunity I can have with another living breathing guy… that I sell myself short just for the sake of it…

How pitiful indeed….

By Choice...

I Had A Dream...

Used To Be...

Niloc's Note To Self...

Niloc's Notes To Self...

Toxic...

5~6~7~8~Bittersweet...

5~6~7~8~Hello Beautiful !!!

5~6~7~8~Philipino Bear...

5~6~7~8~Cute Tickle Chub...

5~6~7~8~Spongebob...

5~6~7~8~Cordy...

5~6~7~8~Indian Dream...

5~6~7~8~

From Whipping Pig 6 +++...

From Whipping Pig 5

From Whipping Pig 4...

Service Job Work Fun...

I have been putting their needs (first and foremost) before my own…
And it was always muddled in to the notion of a “tickling good time” for me…

And I keep going back to that reminiscing feeling with that ONE TRUE TICKLE TOY….
For he was the only one.. that awakened my burning desires for REAL….