Just some thoughts from a wannabe Peace Corps volunteer...

Invited to Serve!!!!

2010-06-30T22:46:00.000-07:00

Now that I’ve received my invitation to serve as Peace Corps volunteer, I’m moving my blog here: http://rachelpcv.blogspot.com/. Please come visit me and find out what I will be doing as a Peace Corps volunteer in… (click here to find out)

No this is not a picture of me but it's VERY representative of how I feel right now!

It’s coming, it’s coming, it’s coming…

2010-06-28T05:34:00.000-07:00

Just woke up (much earlier than expected) and did my usual rollover and pick up my phone to see if I have any email from the Peace Corps. I was totally NOT expecting a toolkit update on Monday morning because it takes 24 hours for the toolkit to update after Peace Corps does anything with it and their offices aren’t open on Sundays. So when I saw the, “application status update” email heading, I literally jumped out of bed and ran to my computer. Anyway… I checked my toolkit and MY INVITE IS COMING, IT’S COMING, IT’S COMING, IT’S COMING!!!!!

Weird things about this invite:

1) It says it was mailed on 6/27 which is a Sunday. Either someone was working weekends (are you allowed to do that in government jobs?) or the invite was actually sent on Friday and I didn’t get the update until yesterday because Peace Corps was doing site maintenance this weekend and their site was down on Saturday. Would be really cool if it was sent on Friday because then it might actually come before I leave for New York on Thursday.

2) I never actually spoke to my placement officer. Not once, about anything. So I have no idea where I might be going or when I might be leaving.

Well that’s it, that’s the update. In just a few more days I will know where I’ll be spending the next TWO YEARS of my life. This whole time I’ve thought I might be going to the Eastern Caribbean but given how everyone’s invites have seemed to be outside of their nominations recently, it really could be anywhere.

Here’s the list of places I could maybe be going:

August 9 = Uganda (the 6 week deadline for Uganda is TODAY so it’s still a possibility)
August 10 = Guatemala
August 13 = Senegal
August 16 = Namibia
August 17 = Panama
August 17 = Mexico
August 18 = Kazakhstan
August 18 = Dominican Republic
August 19 = Philippines
August 23 = Eastern Caribbean
August 31 = Nicaragua

I’m not crazy because crazy people don’t ask other people if they’re crazy, right?

2010-06-24T15:07:00.000-07:00

If you look at my blog archive you can pin point the exact date of when my Peace Corps anxiety kicked into high gear. It started in March when I began writing more and more often with 6 and 7 blog entries a month. I wonder if I’d known then what I know now, if I would have been so anxious. Something tells me that if my current self could have told my past self that on 6/24 I’d still not have an invite, then March, April, and May would have been more restful months. Instead of thinking “any day now I might see an invite.” I could have thought, “Sit back and relax because you won’t be hearing anything at all for a long, long time to come.”

I thought all the waiting was bad in March, I didn’t even know how much worse it would get. With just two weeks left until my close of invitation, emotions are heightened, frustrations abound, and my cell phone is ALWAYS within arm’s reach during Peace Corps HQ business hours (5:30 am – 2 pm PST). I am not going to discuss how often I’m on Peace Corps Journals, the Peace Corps Wiki and Facebook because frankly it’s embarrassing. What have I turned into? A crazy person? Am I crazy now? Is this what crazy feels like?

When I see that people have gotten their invites for September, I cringe. I really dislike this reaction; what kind of a person doesn’t get excited at other people’s successes? I want to be excited for them and the rational side of my brain IS excited for them, but the emotional part of my brain reverts to a childlike state where it says things like, “that’s not fair, I was next! My turn, my turn, my turn!”

Seven days from now is the first day of July and also the day I leave for vacation in New York. I’m so excited to be distracted by vacation for 5 days and to not have to think about why I’m still waiting for the call.

Everyone is getting their invites...

2010-06-17T22:51:00.000-07:00

***Spoiler Alert: I’m going to throw a virtual tantrum for the next few hundred words. ***

Everyone is getting their invites except for me. Or at least that’s how it feels. I’m 3 weeks away from my close of invitation, which means I could be leaving in 9 weeks for two whole years and still, no word from the Peace Corps. Six weeks is really an absurd about of time to pack up your life, regardless of what stage of life you’re in. Whether you’re 21 or 61, six weeks just doesn’t seem like enough time to quit a job, pack an apartment/house, finish paperwork, say goodbye to friends and family and leave the country for two years.

When I first started applying for the Peace Corps (14 months ago) I thought that I would take a month off before I left to wrap stuff up. There’s just no way that that could happen at this point. Not with only 9 weeks before possible departure.

I don’t even know what to say at this point other than, I’m frustrated.

Graduation and Other News

2010-06-14T18:51:00.000-07:00

I think that I’m going to have a bit of trouble being articulate in this blog post so I probably should apologize in advance. It has been a whirlwind of a weekend and my brain is a bit foggy from lack of proper sleep and a multitude of activities.

First of all, let’s talk Peace Corps news. I received an email from placement today, I’m fairly certain it was as standard form letter but I’m including it below for your reference. It said…

Rachel,

I hope this email finds you well. I am writing from the Peace Corps Placement and Assessment Office where I have recently completed the preliminary review of your file. Your file will now be passed along to your Placement Specialist who will consider you for an invitation. The only additional item that we will need from you is a copy of your final transcript. We will continue with the placement process without your final transcript, but will ultimately need it before you could depart for a potential Peace Corps assignment. Please do not try to mail the transcript via U.S. Post since it may take as long as a month to get through screening in a federal facility. If you must mail the information, please send it via Federal Express. Below are instructions on how to submit your final transcript.

Please submit a copy of your final transcript for your bachelor’s degree once you have graduated and the date your degree was conferred appears on the transcript. Please make sure the transcript shows:

Your name

The name of the institution

The degree you received and the date it was conferred.

It can be an unofficial transcript, as long as it reflects the required information. Please email or fax this document to my attention at the number listed below. If you intend to email your transcript, please scan it and send it as a PDF. We cannot accept transcripts that have been pasted into an email or a Microsoft Word document. Note: we do not need another copy of your incomplete transcript at this time.

Thank you, and please don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any questions.

The email didn’t come as a shock. My final transcript is in the works, two of my last three grades are already in so I should be able to send them something soon. My hope is that since my application is past the preliminary screening, the next phase will go quickly. However, I’m slowly learning to not get my hopes up when it comes to all things Peace Corps. I’m breathing, I’m exercising as much patience as humanly possible and I’m waiting to hear from them for more information. It’s really all that I can do, right?

In the meantime, I’ve been slowly preparing my life as though I’m leaving. I’ve pretty much ticked off everything from my packing list with the exception of a few non-essential but “nice-to-have” items. I’ve taken all of these items and stored them neatly into a rubber-maid bin and when the time comes to pack, I’ll transfer them ever so nicely from the bin into some kind of luggage. I have no idea what packing for two years will look like, I’m sure it will be nothing less than organized chaos. But really, I’m getting ahead of myself. Invite first and then concerns about packing.

For anyone who is curious, the 6 week deadline for my program is now just 26 days away. While I’m hoping and praying that they contact me before that, it’s nice to know that I’ll at least have some kind of word by July 12th.

Next on the agenda, graduation.

Um, I did it. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my tiny little brain around the idea that all of that hard work is over. Full-time work and full-time school for three stinkin’ years and as of this weekend, it’s over. It’s weird for me to think that tomorrow when I drive into work, I won’t have to think about racing off to class afterward. I won’t have to worry that there’s something due that evening that I haven’t finished, or that there’s reading that hasn’t been done, or that I’m forgetting something that I don’t even know that I’m forgetting. If I want to work late, I can. If I want to go out with friends after work, I can do that too. If I want to read a book tomorrow night, any book at all, I get to do that too. There are so many options available to me, oh me oh my, FREEDOM MY FRIENDS, FREEDOM! It feels a bit like a cold shower, shocking and refreshing all at once.

I’m only slightly worried about what happens now that I don’t have the pressure of school. Will I crack under the strain of all the free time? Will I fill up my life with more random work just to have something else to do? Will I turn into a hermit and hole myself up in my apartment? Only time will tell.

Reminders

2010-06-10T07:50:00.000-07:00

Logged into the Peace Corps webpage today just to make sure I hadn’t missed anything (you never know right?) and saw the below. Yep folks, it’s been 12 months since Peace Corps issued me a toolkit login they wanted me to update my password. Wow. I started my application in April of 2009 so it’s actually been just over 14 months of applying, not 12. But who’s counting, right? (sigh)

For All My Fellow Peace Corps Blog Stalkers

2010-06-08T16:58:00.000-07:00

I’m just curious to find out if anyone who was nominated specifically for Youth and Community Development with an August departure date has already gotten their invite. It seems like all of the August invites that I’ve seen have been for health, business, NGO development, etc. but not any for Youth and Community Development. I know it’s silly but somehow it would make me feel better to know that most of the invites that have been sent out are not from the YCD program desk but from all of the other desks. So if you don’t mind taking a two second poll, I’d love your feedback!

P.S. I fully recognize that I said that I'd stay off of Peace Corps Journals, Facebook, etc. but I apparently can't help myself! I just want to know where I'm going to be living for the next two years so darn badly. With just two months to go until August, I really did think that I would know by now.

Breathing in, Breathing out, Breathing in, Breathing out

2010-06-04T08:50:00.000-07:00

I will keep this short. I just got off the phone with my placement assistant who very nicely told me that they probably won’t be reviewing my file for another two weeks. So for the next two weeks I’m going to do my best stay off Peace Corps journals, stay off of Facebook, avoid the wiki and concentrate solely on other parts of my life. I’ve got two papers to write before I’m really done with school, I’ll have my mom and sister in town from the 10th thru the 14th, I’m going to the rainforest on the 18th. There is a lot for me to think about and do that is not Peace Corps related. It’s time for me to focus all of this weird Peace Corps energy in some other more positive direction before I drive myself nutty.

I’m breathing in, I’m breathing out, I’m breathing in, I’m breathing out. =)

One More Week of School

2010-06-01T13:35:00.000-07:00

A few hours ago I realized that this week is my last week of classes at UW. I can’t say that it’s my last week of classes ever (can anyone say advanced degrees?), but it’s my last week of classes for this degree and that’s enough for me right now. In a few short days the only thing I’ll have to do is work, I can’t even fathom what that will be like. All that free time? What’s a girl to do? I guess I can get started on some projects that I need to take care of before I “leave”. Leave of course is in quotes because with just a month to go before the close of invitation for my nomination, I suppose there’s a chance that I won’t end up leaving in August.

What else can I work on? Expand my volunteer hours? Take up Yoga more seriously? Resume marathon training? Work over-time? All of these are possibilities; there are just lots and lots of possibilities about the best way to spend the upcoming onslaught of free time I’m about to experience.

I sure would love to hear from the Peace Corps soon so I can start planning for my departure.

Patience.

Countdown:

1 week of class left and 11 days until graduation
1 month until NYC
1 month 7 days until Close of Invitation

Finally, some answers!

2010-05-26T11:23:00.000-07:00

I spoke with the placement office earlier this morning and the person I spoke to was super nice and gave me much needed answers (however vague some of those answers may have been) to many of my questions.

Q: If the placement desk is still working on sending invitations for July; why are people getting invites for September and October? Is it just luck of the draw?

A: All of the placement desks have different deadlines. For example, the deadline for health volunteers within your nominated region is not the same as the deadline for community development volunteers.

Q: Has my nomination changed since August 2009? I’ve heard some people say that their nomination has changed and they weren’t aware of the change until the invite went out.

A: At this time, your nomination is still the same.

Q: In the giant pile of files that I assume is littering your desk; how far down is my file?

A: I’d guess that you’ll probably hear from our office in 2 – 4 weeks, your 6 week deadline is July 12th so you should hear from us pretty soon.

Q: If I’m invited, will your office call me?

A: Probably not, we’ll just send you a package in the mail. However, if we need something then we will call you. But right now it looks like your file is all up-to-date

I love getting answers to questions, I’m breathing much more easily now. I can exercise patience and wait four more weeks. I mean, I’ve already waited 57 weeks so what’s four more?

Medical Clearance!

2010-05-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning at 6am and the first thing I did was call my Pre-Service Nurse (PSN). She did get my paperwork last Thursday and said that it looks like everything is finished. She said she’s giving it one last glance over to make sure she didn’t miss anything but she’s pretty sure she’ll be able to medically clear me today! WAHOOOOOOOO! Stuck in medical limbo for 5 months and there’s finally an end in sight.

She was super nice on the phone and said that they’re trying to find ways to streamline this process a little bit more and provide nominees with more transparency into their applications. I hope they do find a way to do that, right now it’s just painful.

So after 13.5 months my application will finally be off to placement. It would be awfully cool if that happened quickly. Given how long medical has taken though, I’m not holding my breath. But with medical clearance I feel confident that I can finally start to make plans to wrap up my life in Seattle. I mean, I can’t quit my job or give up my apartment; but I feel better about giving some of my stuff away and getting my life to fit into a backpack and a suitcase.

Countdown Update:

15 days until finals
20 days until graduation
1 month 7 days until vacation in NYC
1 month 17 days until Peace Corps 6 week deadline

Later that morning (7:35am)
I just received the stanadard contact email from placement. You know, the one that says "we're reviewing your file". So exciting!

And to make it official

Countdown and Medical Limbo

2010-05-21T20:06:00.000-07:00

In countdown news…

6 more days of classes before graduation. (WHOA!)
27 days until I get to go to the Hoh Rain Forest (love it out there!)
1 month and 9 days before vacation in NYC
1 month and 19 days before my Peace Corps 6 week deadline. That is the last day they can possibly notify me about where I’m going. tik... tok... tik... tok... tik... tok...

What happened this week? Well on Tuesday, I got an email from my Pre-Service Nurse (PSN) that said, “I just returned from 2+wks of vacation. I will be getting to your file hopefully today or tomorrow.” When I got that email I thought, “That was nice of her, at least I know now that something is being done with my file.” And then surprisingly a few hours later I received a call from her where – after what was quite possibly the craziest conversation I’ve ever had this far in the process – it was finally determined that she needed more blood work from me. She was totally nice and it wasn’t her fault that the conversation was crazy, it’s the subject matter that makes my head spin. Once again, I was put in the position of convincing the Peace Corps medical staff that I’m NOT anemic.

I’d just like to write that one more time so that the universe gets this fact. I AM NOT FREAKIN’ ANEMIC AND I HAVE THE PAPERWORK TO PROVE IT.

Ok, I feel better after having written that. Long story short, I had to go in for more blood work on Wednesday, got the results on Thursday and emailed them to my PSN around 4:00pm (EST) that same day. I called to make sure she knew that she had an email pending from me but she didn’t answer… I don’t blame her; she’s probably swamped after vacation. Nonetheless, I haven’t heard anything from anyone since sending the results.

This morning I had a follow-up appointment with my doctor to go over the results of my blood work (all good by the way). She asked me how the process was going and when I told her what had happened she said, “That’s just crazy, do you need me to write a letter? You’re perfectly healthy!” Somehow having MY OWN doctor tell me that I’m healthy makes me feel oh so much better. I’ve got to say that she and her nursing staff have been so incredible these past few months. They’ve scheduled last minute appointments for me, turned around test results in less than twenty-four hours, filled out mountains of paperwork without even batting an eye. They’ve gone above and beyond the call of duty and all the while keeping a smile on their faces.

So that’s it, that’s the update for now. Which is basically a long way of saying; “nothing has changed, I’m still in medical limbo.” Ha ha ha

The People Have Spoken

2010-05-13T16:05:00.000-07:00

And the word of the day is...

I’ve never thought about the actual word patience until now. It’s one of those words that doesn’t seem to need defining because we hear it all of the time. Well fellow Wannabe Peace Corps Volunteers, let’s take a look at the definition for a moment.

patience
–noun
1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.
3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.

Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast. (Thanks Wikipedia)

It’s one of the seven heavenly virtues:

Chastity
Temperance
Charity
Diligence
PATIENCE
Kindness
Humility

He that can have patience can have what he will. – Benjamin Franklin

Genius is eternal patience. – Michelangelo

A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue. – Ambrose Bierce

Patience, it would seem, carries a lot more weight than I had previously given it credit. It might just be the new soundtrack to my life. Although I’m tempted to, I’m not going to write a long conclusion about the virtues of patience. Instead I’ll just let you all noodle the word patience for a while.

Using Time as a Tool

2010-05-04T16:51:00.000-07:00

John F. Kennedy once said, “We must use time as a tool, not as a couch.”

I think I’m using time as a tool, to the best of my ability anyway. Full-time work, full-time school, part-time social life; I’m a gal on the go! (cheezy!) All of this busyness however, does not preclude me from constantly thinking about when the folks at the Peace Corps will get around to telling me where I’m supposed to be going in August. Every day that I wait feels like a month and it’s exhausting. I can’t help myself, I think about it all of the time. I’m not sitting idly by twiddling my thumbs and waiting for them to call, but I can’t help wishing they would… if only to give me a little peace of mind and the chance to start wrapping things up. (sigh)

I don’t understand why I can’t just let it go. I want to walk away and stop thinking about it. Take on that cool breezy attitude, “Whatever happens, happens.” But instead I feel trapped by the “not knowing” of it all. I’ve never been so hung up on anything in my whole life. I’m certain there’s a lesson I’m supposed to be learning here but I’m too deep into the trees to see the forest. I have so many other things going on to keep me preoccupied and yet the Peace Corps will pop into my head multiple times in an hour. It’s getting to the point of ridiculousness. Something has got to be done.

Upcoming things to get excited about that aren’t related to the Peace Corps:

My Birthday: Trying to get excited about turning 28 in 5 days. Not sure how I feel about it to be honest.
Final Exams: 1 month and 1 day away
Graduation and seeing my family and friends all at one time: 1 month and 8 days away
Finally being able to focus on work and work alone: 1 month and 8 days away
Vacation to NYC: 1 month and 26 days away

Dear Peace Corps,

Please stop using time as a couch. I know my 6 week deadline isn’t until July 11th but let’s not wait around for that day to come and go, ok?

Best Regards!
Rachel

Medical Hold Released

2010-05-01T04:18:00.000-07:00

Woke up early this morning to finish my homework for restoration ecology before class (BLECH) and I had an email from Peace Corps that came at 2:00am. The nurse must have gotten to my file before she left on Friday. Woot, woot!

I love getting toolkit update emails.

I chanted, “Please have medical clearance, please have medical clearance” as I walked to my computer, signed in and saw this…

Ok, it’s not medical clearance but it’s nice to know that the hold was released. Take that iron deficiency!

And now the waiting continues...

Birthday Wish

2010-04-30T19:17:00.000-07:00

My birthday is coming up in two weeks and currently I have just one Birthday wish.

I bet most of you thought I’d wish for my invitation, but I’m trying to be reasonable. Yes my nomination is for August but I’m still waiting on medical clearance so placement clearance in just two more weeks would be crazy cool!

The forms that I received yesterday from the medical office are officially sent off and out of my hands. I’m still kind of shocked that “mild iron deficiency” was enough to warrant a medical hold on my application but alas it did. (um because people die from MILD iron deficiencies all the time? NO!) When I went to the doctor to pick up the medical forms, I decided that I’d read the forms before leaving her office to make sure they were complete, had no blanks or errors. I’m glad I checked. Under “current status” she wrote, “needs to reschedule iron panel, results pending” which is exactly what got me into this trouble in the first place. I almost threw a fit right then and there in the doctor’s office. I waited until she finished with a patient and then asked for two minutes of her time to try to explain why her answer was um… less than ideal. When I told her that her answer would most assuredly keep me in medical limbo and that what I really needed from her was to convince Peace Corps that as long as I’m taking my iron supplements I’ll be perfectly fine, she was more than willing to comply. Phew (wipes brow). She laughed at the idea that anyone would not grant medical clearance because of an iron deficiency, I tried to laugh but really I think I’m past the point of laughter.

Sadly she kept the line in there about needing to reschedule the Iron panel but added, “Anemia iron deficiency is very mild, she is on iron supplements now and I am 100% sure that her anemia is corrected by now.” So I’m hoping that Peace Corps accepts this answer. Oh Peace Corps won’t you accept this answer? Just in case they don’t, I’m scheduled for an iron panel on Monday morning. Worst case scenario, Peace Corps comes back and says “yeah we really need to see your lab work” and then I get to say, “WAMO here it is!” I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that though.

Tomorrow is May 1st which means I’ve been applying for the Peace Corps for THIRTEEN MONTHS. It’s really insane to think that it has been that long but it has. I think my friends and family are well within their rights at this point to believe that I’m never going to be invited. I mean, so far all I’ve said is “if this, then that”, “if that, then this”. I think that desperation is starting to set in. Desperation coupled with the fear that I’ve been preparing myself, my friends and my family for my departure in August 2010 and with just 3 months left before August, I still have no idea if I’ll be leaving. I’ve become wholly fixated on a non-existent departure date and it’s completely crazy making.
So… Peace Corps… dearest Peace Corps… put a girl out of her misery and grant a birthday wish.

Early Morning Phone Calls, Snoopy Band-Aids, and a Lesson in Micromanagement

2010-04-29T10:42:00.000-07:00

At 5:29 this morning I woke up to my phone ringing with a “202” area code. By some miracle my brain clicked and thought, “OMG it’s the Peace Corps” and I answered the call. How my brain realized that this was a phone call and not my alarm clock I’m not sure. I am not a morning person; my brain usually ceases to work so early. Anyway, it was my pre-service nurse (PSN) returning my phone call from yesterday. I started fumbling trying to remember why I’d called yesterday and then it suddenly came to me. The paperwork they were supposed to send last week still hadn’t come and I needed to get into my doctor before the end of the week because she only works on Thursdays and Fridays and my PSN is leaving for vacation next week. The last thing I wanted was to delay my paperwork several weeks because I’m waiting on some ridiculous snail mail to finally find its way to my house. So I asked the nurse if there was any way for her to email or fax me these forms. Please note that I had previously asked this EXACT SAME question and the answer I got was, “No, the paperwork has your SSN on it so standard mail is the only way we can send it.” I’m not sure what changed but thankfully the nurse emailed me the forms as an attachment.

So I decided to go back to sleep for another 30 minutes because I felt like my body was really not ready to be out of bed yet and when I woke up – to my complete surprise – the paperwork had already been sent to my email inbox. I got ready, waited for my doctor’s office to open at 7:30, called them and got an appointment at 8:30am. It’s amazing how much a person can do before 9 am if they put their minds to it. Actually, correction, it’s amazing how much I can do before 9 am if I put my mind to it. Normal people probably get lots of stuff done before 9, I’ve just never been one of those normal people.

So it’s now 9:30 am, I have already gotten my polio booster shot (and I have a snoopy Band-Aid to prove it) and I’m waiting for my doctor to complete the last forms for my medical paperwork. Hopefully she’ll get those done today and I’ll be able to fax them off to the Medical Office this afternoon. And then, God willing, I will finally get medical clearance so my application can be sent to placement.

Throughout all of this, I can’t help but think; “What would happen if I hadn’t called Peace Corps several times and bugged them into giving me what I wanted?” I guess it’s really true that the squeaky wheel gets the grease in this application process. It’s a hard lesson for me to learn because USUALLY I’m the person who waits for people to do their jobs. I don’t like to micromanage other people because I don’t like to be micromanaged. But I can’t help but think that this is a glimpse into what service will be like; micromanaging every person who you need something from until they give you what you want.

I Blame My Restless Spirit on Robert Frost

2010-04-23T22:31:00.000-07:00

I think I must have been in seventh or eighth grade when I first read and fell in love with Robert Frost’s poem, “The Road Less Traveled”. I keep the poem on my wall next to other quotes and sayings that help me muster the energy to “fight another day”, and I read it whenever I start wondering what exactly it is I’m doing in my life and why I’m working so dang hard.

This week has been full of craziness, disappointment and frustration. I’m not going to go into the details but suffice it to say that I’ve ended this week feeling, well… sad I guess. But as I sit here at my computer (avoiding my restoration ecology homework) and look up from my monitor to read Frost’s poem, I smile. I’m smiling because I have realized that I don’t need to explain myself or my decisions to anyone else. That’s the glory of being a single twenty-something, is it not? Later in life, if I have a family and responsibilities, I’ll have to explain myself all of the time. I won’t have the luxury of being selfish because when you have a family; it’s really not about you anymore. But right now I can sigh with relief, safe in the knowledge that my choices are my own. So long as these choices don’t hurt anyone else; I can continue making decisions that make sense to me but may not make sense to anyone else.

In spite of other people’s well intentioned advice, I choose not to live a fear based life which will inevitably end in regret.

Robert Frost

The Road Less Travelled
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

But there are so many ways to reach me?

2010-04-21T10:49:00.000-07:00

I’ve got two phone lines (cell phone and office), 3 email addresses (that I use, and many more that I don’t use), Facebook, Twitter, snail mail, instant message, LinkedIn, text messages… I’m sure there are other forms of communication but those are what come immediately to mind. There are all these ways to communicate with me and yet, I MISSED A CALL FROM THE PEACE CORPS!?!? How in the… I mean… why would I… but I swear that I…??? (Ok, breathe.)

I called the medical office of the Peace Corps this morning because when I called last month they told me that I should call back in 4 weeks to check up on things. Until this morning I didn’t understand why they’d tell me to do that. In my head I thought, “Gee, there are so many ways for them to reach me and I’m sure if there’s a problem they’ll let me know.” But according to their files, they did call me. According to my phone records, they did not. And this, my friends, is why they say you should follow up with them once a month. I didn’t want to call because I didn’t want to feel like I was nagging them but apparently, they like it when you call and nag them. It’s curious, I know.

This morning when I called my pre-service nurse she said that someone called me on the 15th and left a message (that I never got) about a problem with my medical paperwork. I was transferred to the person who left the message (that I never got) and she didn’t answer. So I left a message (that I’m hoping she’ll get) asking her to call me back; all the while praying that when she does call me back, I’ll actually get the call and it won’t go into the same voicemail box as her first message (that I never got). Sigh!

Today’s mantra? “This mysterious medical hold on my file will not drive me mad.”

Update:

Just got a call back from the Peace Corps nurse and she said that she needs a test of my iron levels. My doctor apparently indicated that I have anemia and that I should go back and test my iron in a few months. One problem, I’ve been really bad about taking my iron supplements so if there’s not an improvement in the blood test that might cause a problem with my medical clearance.

Ugh.

So I guess for the next week or so I’m going to have iron for breakfast, lunch and dinner and try to boost my iron levels. The internet says it takes a month for this to show up in your blood chemistry but I’m hoping to fix this in 2 weeks. Who has two thumbs and will be eating liver for breakfast? THIS GIRL!

Toolkit Update

2010-04-16T11:25:00.000-07:00

I was really nervous when I saw that I had an email from Peace Corps this morning. I jumped out of bed and rushed to the computer just to read what you see in the image below. All I have to say is, I write ONE blog post about how I’m not sure what I’m going to do about this whole Peace Corps/work dilemma and BLAMO, Peace Corps gives me a toolkit update! It seems that decision making time will come quicker than I thought it would. Oh me, oh my.

Dear Peace Corps,

Your timing is impeccable (as usual).

Sincerely yours,
Rachel

Song of the day Carol King…

I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down, tumbling down
I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down, tumbling down

I just lose control
Down to my very soul
I get hot and cold all over

Should I stay or should I go?

2010-04-15T15:18:00.000-07:00

Taking a minute away from work to write out some of my random thoughts because they’re cluttering up my head today and keeping me from moving on and getting stuff done. (frustration!)

Earlier this week I met with my manager who notified me that I’d be getting an “out of cycle” promotion soon, which would be followed by a relatively significant pay increase. (It’s out of cycle because promotions usually happen at review time in September, not at mid-year discussions) For someone in my position this is almost completely unheard of. Most people who work in a position like mine have to leave the company, gain more experience and then return in order to find a job with more responsibilities and pay. It’s a compliment for sure and I suppose a testament to the hard work that I’ve been doing over the past three years. Other people have noticed the work that I do but it’s not been until this manager came on board that anyone has tried to do anything about getting me a promotion. The last few weeks of working with her have been great and I can see that she’s more than capable of making a lot of the changes in our division that need to take place, which is really exciting since things have been kind of crazy for the past year and a half.

Normally a promotion would be a good thing… last year this promotion would have been a GREAT thing. But now I’m all conflicted. Peace Corps tells us that as we apply for the Peace Corps we should continue to live our lives as we normally would. They tell us not to sell our cars, quit our jobs, etc. But they don’t tell us what to do when someone offers you a huge promotion and you’re wondering whether or not you should take it because you have one foot out the door. On the one hand, Peace Corps hasn’t committed anything to me yet. Sure I’m nominated for a program leaving in August but they’ve not finished reviewing my medical file and they’ve not sent me an invite. For all I know something could go terribly wrong. Maybe they don’t like something they’ve seen in my medical file. Maybe the program they initially nominated me for has changed? I don’t know what the outcome of my application will be yet. So really, it would be dumb of me to turn down this promotion. But in that same vein, it feels dishonest to take a promotion when there’s a chance that I’ll be leaving in four months.

So now I’m faced with the question; do I accept the promotion and postpone my Peace Corps service until next Spring (February/March)? Or do I accept the promotion and take off in a few months possibly making a bunch of people (who pushed really hard for me to get this promotion) look bad? People tell me that I shouldn’t worry about my managers, that in the end they’re doing this more for themselves and the business than they are for me. But it’s hard to think of people that way. It’s hard to separate the people from the job. I don’t want burnt bridges or hurt feelings, the whole thing is turning out to be terribly frustrating.

What’s crazy is that I’m sitting here agonizing over two AWESOME choices. “Poor me, should I stay here, make a bunch of money, gain some more experience and leave for the Peace Corps 6 months later than planned? Or should I take off in August and say to hell with my job?” It’s probably not fair to say that chosing between two good choices is often harder than chosing between two bad ones but that seems to be the case for me.

I called up the Peace Corps office earlier this week to ask them to weigh in on this decision and they basically said that since I don’t have an invite out, pushing out my start date would not negatively impact my application. They even went so far as to say that the added experience would not only be good for me but also for the Peace Corps and the community that I serve. This is really good news for me but there’s a little voice in my head saying, “that’s too good to be true, something will go wrong, you’ll see.” Shouting alongside that voice is one that’s screaming at me to “leave, leave, leave, don’t wait or you’ll never go.”

Biggest fear about staying: I get caught up in work and never go to the Peace Corps.

Biggest fear about leaving: I miss out on an opportunity to learn about being a business manager/communications manager and also on the opportunity to build my resume for after the Peace Corps.

Part of me thinks that I’m more scared to stay than I am to leave.

Decisions!

Aum………..… Aum……………………….. Aum……………….

2010-04-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

My mantra for the month of April, “no news is good news”. (Or so I hope.)

Why?

2010-03-31T10:59:00.000-07:00

Why are some people getting invited for programs that start in September when other people are still waiting for May invites? Why have some people been medically cleared for programs leaving in September while other people are still waiting to be cleared for programs leaving in July and August? I know there has to be some reason why people who were nominated at the same time as me and who got their paperwork submitted around the same time as I did, are getting medically cleared and invited to programs but my application seems to be lost in the Peace Corps ether. Restless Applicant Syndrome (RAS) is in overdrive. Need to bring it down a few notches.

Starlee Kine tweeted yesterday, "Can Google tell me "how to build a time machine" so I can go back and assassinate the internet?" Funny, right? But I kind of understand where she's coming from. At the moment I have access to way too much information and it's driving me crazy. I need to go cold turkey. No more facebook group pages, no more Peace Corps wiki, no more Peace Corps journals until I get a call from placement. Otherwise I'm going to drive myself nuts. It has been written and so it must be. COLD TURKEY! =)

What I'll Leave Behind

2010-03-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

I’ve spent a lot of time on this blog talking about my Peace Corps application process… mostly about the waiting but some timeline stuff has worked its way into there too. It’s a frustrating process and somehow the blog-o-sphere feels like the right place to express those frustrations. What I haven’t spent any time on though are my feelings about leaving the country for two years and the friends and family that I’ll desperately miss.

It’s far too easy to get caught up in the “glamour” of the Peace Corps. Granted, it’s a different kind of glamour. Not so much sparkle, jazz hands and chorus lines as it is new people, new experiences, and new places. It is nonetheless glamour. Since the Peace Corps is an unknown quantity, something that exists and at the same time doesn’t exist for me at all, it’s easy to dream up an amazing adventure that is not bound by the confines of reality. Or in other words, the place that I’m envisioning in my head not only doesn’t exist in reality but the experience will be so vastly different I really should quit with my VERY unrealistic expectations or I run the risk of being greatly disappointed in a few months.

What I was reminded of today was that my current reality, as frustrating as it can be sometimes (ehem WORK), is actually pretty great. Carrie and I made a last minute trek up to Mount Vernon today to see the start of the Tulip Festival and it never ceases to amaze me just how beautiful Washington State is. It’s right around spring when I start to remember why I live here and how much I love this place. We’ve got mountains, oceans, islands, a border crossing (YAY Canada!), tulip fields in spring, and lavender fields in summer… I mean seriously just drive two hours in any direction and you’ll run into any of the things I listed above. It’s amazingly beautiful and I know that I’ll miss it a lot.

I’ll miss spending time with my friends doing nothing. I’ll miss our adventures too… flying kites on the beach, trekking through Tulip fields, taking the ferry to the San Juan Islands. I’ll miss being able to call my mom whenever I want to and share good news or bad. I’ll miss calling my sister during my morning commute just to talk about nothing (yes I know talking on the cell phone and driving all at once are not a good idea). My family is far away now but really it’s just a two hour flight, when I leave that flight will be um… a little longer. So basically, I’ll miss all the people in my life that make life fun, interesting and well, tolerable! What will I do without them?

My biggest fear with regard to the Peace Corps… my only fear really, is that all these amazing people who make my life so wonderful will slip through my fingers somehow. One of the craziest things about life is that it persists – with or without me. I’ll be gone but my friends and family will still be here, living their lives as they always did but um, without me. And while I know that they won’t forget about me (or at least I hope they won’t), I know there are a ton of things I’ll miss out on. There will be adventures both little and big that I won’t be around to experience and many that I won’t hear about.

I’m not sure how to mitigate this problem or how to control the situation so that nobody misses out on anything. I don’t believe that it will be possible. I know that there will be many things that I’ll experience that they’ll miss too. My hope is that when I return it will be as if I never left, that our relationships will just pick up where we left off. I suppose that only time will tell.

For my friends and family reading this entry… BIG HUGS, LOVE YOU ALL!

Rachel
Song of the Day: “Beacon” by A Fine Frenzy

Carrie in the tulip fields earlier today.

Me in my new rubber boots. Good for tromping in the tulip fields but also for my restoration ecology class this quarter. =)

Little Clues & Tidbits

2010-03-24T19:05:00.000-07:00

So much of this Peace Corps application process has been about finding little clues. Scouring the web looking for little tidbits of information that fellow applicants or current PCVs have mentioned about the program that I’m nominated for or about the country to which I hope to be assigned. I’ve spent countless hours typing search queries into Bing or Google Blogs Search that begin with “Peace Corps” and end with “Belize”, “Eastern Caribbean”, “Packing List”, “Nominated”, “Medically Cleared”, etc. I sort by “date added” or “related to”. I’ve scrolled through pages and pages of blogs on Peace Corps Journals, Blogger, WordPress and Peace Corps Connect… all in search of some tiny bit of information that might make MY process clearer.

No matter how many times I read about the Peace Corps process, I inevitably think; “Well that’s all fine and good but what about me? What does this mean for the region I was nominated for or my timeline?” So I continue to search. Knowing full well that the only people who can provide answers for me are the people at Peace Corps headquarters who are holding my medical file and waiting to place me into a program. I sit and I wait and I hope that they haven’t forgotten about me.

Last night while thumbing through my Peace Corps folder I had this weird feeling that maybe I forgot to include my immunization record. I thought that maybe the Peace Corps medical office knew that this was missing and somehow forgot to tell me that I’d failed to send it. So earlier this morning I called them to make sure my file is complete and that they’re not missing anything. It is complete, I’m officially a lunatic. Ha ha ha… what’s a planner to do?

During my conversation with the nurse she said that I hadn’t heard anything from medical because my 6 week deadline isn’t until July 11th. (That’s a clue) After getting off the phone with her, I of course went two places. First I went to my calendar to count 6 weeks from July 11th (it’s August 22) and then I went to the Peace Corps wiki to see if there are any programs that are scheduled to leave on or around August 22nd. And there is! There’s a program scheduled to leave on August 23rd to the Eastern Caribbean!!!!!! Now unless there’s a program scheduled to leave that same week for Belize (which is entirely possible) it seems that there’s a high probability that I’ll be in the Eastern Caribbean Islands.

Little clues my friends, little clues. They may mean nothing in the end but strangely they help to calm me down. I’ve never in my life spent so many months pouring over the same information looking for a new answer. It’s the definition of crazy I think, right? Doing the same thing over and over again but hoping for a different result. I guess there are worse things to be crazy about than the Peace Corps. I can’t figure out what those are at the moment but I’m sure they’re out there. He he he.