Creative Life Management

Jacob and Fanny - Miss You [Official Video]

2018-06-29T10:11:00.001-07:00

I'm proud of my son and my daughter-in-law.

' Miss You' expresses the inner struggle of missing someone.

Embracing Empathy

2017-02-17T06:22:00.000-08:00

When my kids were young I just wanted them to be happy. When they were crying, agitated or sad, I immediately attempted to fix whatever was troubling them. I scrambled to change their focus and turn their attention to something positive. I would reassure them that everything will be better soon and it will all turn out okay. In fact even now as a parent of adult children, I still struggle with wanting to fix their problem. There is nothing wrong with the desire to bring relief to someone who is suffering. It's a natural response. However, insisting that a person come out of their immediate experience and into the one you believe they 'should' be having can be more damaging than helpful. Remember, "fixing" has a lot to do with what remains uncomfortable within YOU. You can't keep your child or anyone else from being upset.

While I strongly believe in positive thinking, this doesn't express empathy. When we only focus on the positive, rather than acknowledge a person's feelings, we are actually invalidating them. Put yourself in their shoes first and once they feel fully heard and supported in their emotion, it may then be appropriate and encouraging to help them see the bright side.

The kindest and most caring thing we can offer our suffering child, friend or partner is to simply sit in validation of their discomfort - holding their hand and staying close.

In an atmosphere of empathy, we all begin to learn that while certain emotions may not feel good, they are not dangerous. We can accept and process our feelings as they come up instead of stuffing them. The feeling that we are understood creates trust in the wisdom of our present experience and helps develop resilience. Compassion, gentleness and understanding shine the jewels of inner strength and wholeness hidden in the dark.

Welcoming Our Struggles

2014-03-22T20:30:00.000-07:00

Life is filled with countless emotions and experiences. When things are going well, we tend to glide easily through life. However, when suffering arrives, we struggle with it. Our difficulties usually bring us to a redefining moment. They challenge the way we look at ourself and our life. Our unfulfilled plans, mistakes, doubts and disappointments are all part of sorting through our life. All our experiences are valuable in some way.

Each day, we have the opportunity to welcome whatever emerges. Life is a full range of emotion. They arise when we arrive at a place in our life that fills us with joy, happiness or laughter. Or, we could reach a crossroad in our life that is filled with sadness, tears, and discontent. Sometimes, our pain gives us reason to wonder whether we will ever be OK again.

A wounded heart can be just as alarming and unwelcome as a broken arm or an illness. However, just like physical pain is a call to action, our emotional pain needs to be welcomed and given attention. Give your hurt feelings, your physical healing and your unmet needs the kind of support that allows you to more easily shift your approach in how you look at your circumstance.

In the poem, The Guest House, written by the 13th century Sufi mystic, Rumi uses the metaphor of a house guest to create an image; that each day we have the opportunity to welcome something new in our lives, even if it is unexpected. Oftentimes, just as house guests can cause us to feel uncomfortable with their visit, unwelcome feelings that stop by our life, can be just as frustrating. Throughout your life, you greet a range of emotional visitors, some just stopping by to say 'hello" and others coming through to cause havoc. Rumi's poem is a worthy reminder to embrace change, face our fears and it encourages us to "treat each guest honorably" and to "welcome and entertain them all!"

His poem is most simply about the importance of acceptance. Rather than judging or picking and choosing as a way to turn away from negative experiences, Rumi considers all aspects of our life are critical to one's overall experience, and therefore, good and bad alike must be accepted.

Acceptance for life as it is turns into resilience. And resilience is a tapestry woven with many threads; creativity, optimism, learning from mistakes, and finding meaning. Underneath the irritations of life can come incredible value. Sometimes, the unexpected comes bearing gifts of new insights, patience, and appreciation for who you truly are.

The Guest House

by Rumi

A teaching story translated by Coleman Barks

This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness,some momentary awareness comesas an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,who violently sweep your houseempty of its furniture,still, treat each guest honorably.He may be clearing you outfor some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice,meet them at the door laughing,and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes,because each has been sentas a guide from beyond.

Gathering Ourself

2013-08-26T04:36:00.000-07:00

"All emotions are pure which gather you and lift you up: that emotion is impure which seizes only one side of your being and so distorts you." ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

I enjoy days when my thinking is clear. I feel inspired, energized and my words just seem to flow naturally. This is my "in the zone" time. But then there are the low-energy days when I am slow moving and my mind is cloudy. On those low-energy days I feel unfocused and it's a challenge to get things accomplished.

It is natural for life to ebb and flow. There are the peaks and valleys. There are gray days and sunny days, and it is all part of life. The bottom line is in order to create a shift in our sulkiness, we need to honor our low-energy moods and accept them as part of the nature of who we are -- then we are better able to manage them. If we adjust our definition of what "normal" is, and practice accepting the highs, the lows and everything in between as "normal", we can feel empowered regardless of what the day brings or what our mood is.

As Claude Monet, the French impressionist painter said, "It's on the strength of observation and reflection that one finds a way." It is difficult to be unaffected by low feelings, such as loneliness, fear, self-doubt or even laziness. When faced with these feelings or when you feel depleted, begin to seize the moment to show yourself some attention and spend time exploring and rediscovering who you are and what you want. Reflect on how kind, loving and caring you are to yourself. Observe your tendency to accept, ignore or reject any of your unique qualities; your strengths or weaknesses. Notice when you get caught-up judging and resenting yourself for feeling depleted. Your self-criticism discourages you even more, and further, observe when you over-use your energy being stuck in useless thoughts.

The poet, Rainer Maria Rilke, beautifully expresses how we can get caught up in our destructive thinking. "All emotions are pure which gather you and lift you up: that emotion is impure which seizes only one side of your being and so distorts you."

As Albert Einstein said,"Life is all about choices. How many people are trapped in their everyday habits: part numb, part frightened, part indifferent? To have a better life we must keep choosing how we're living." To make choices that feel right, it takes a willingness to unconditionally accept whatever life is at that moment, and then personally be responsible to gather yourself when you feel unfulfilled. Sometimes our mind complicates things, so choose your thoughts and words wisely and then act accordingly. The ability to know and understand ourselves, enables us to fully choose how we want to express who we are and how we live each day. Seize your moments. Encourage yourself to create a life that feels good.

THAT BIRD’S GOT MY WINGS

2013-07-14T12:43:00.000-07:00

excerpted from Practicing Peace in Times of War, by Pema Chodron

One of my favorite stories about Jarvis Masters [a prison inmate currently sentenced to death row, who took vows as a Buddhist from behind bars] was when he unintentionally helped some other inmates connect with the absolute, vast quality of their own minds.

There is a teaching that says that behind all hardening and tightening and rigidity of the heart, there’s always fear. But if you touch fear, behind fear there is a soft spot. And if you touch that soft spot, you find the vast blue sky.

You find that which is ineffable, ungraspable, and unbiased, that which can support and awaken us at any time. And somehow Jarvis, in this story of trying to avert harm, conveyed this fundamental openness to the other inmates. One day there was a seagull out on the yard in San Quentin. It had been raining and the seagull was there paddling around in a puddle. One of the inmates picked up something in the yard and was about to throw it at the bird. Jarvis didn’t even think about it—he automatically put out his hand to stop the man. Of course this escalated the man’s aggression and he started yelling. Who the hell did Jarvis think he was? And why did Jarvis care so much about some blankety-blank bird? Everyone started circling around, just waiting for the fight. The other inmate was screaming at Jarvis, “Why’d you do that?” And out of Jarvis’s mouth came the words, “I did that because that bird’s got my wings.” Everyone got it. It simply stopped their minds, softened their hearts, and then there was silence

Resolving Anger

2012-07-27T06:09:00.001-07:00

Resolving Anger

We all get angry at times. Anger is an emotion that is necessary. When our individuality is threatened in some way it is human nature to become angry. Whether it’s a physical or an emotional attack, anger will arise when we are being threatened. We will either fight back physically or verbally, but sometimes we will withdraw inwardly until we feel it’s safe.

How many times are we confronted by people who control our feelings by judgment, manipulation or criticism? This may anger us. But if we learn to look below the surface, we will find the real cause of what angers us.

When our emotions are overlooked and we feel invalidated, it can weaken our ability to express ourselves; we get frozen in the sting of disregard. Learning to manage our feelings when this happens requires balancing our inner feelings with the external situation. In order to balance our inner feelings, it is important to be honest about our emotional state and what we are feeling about ourselves. For instance, how does it affect you when someone close to you overthrows or negates your feelings by telling you that you shouldn’t feel a certain way or that what you said wasn’t important? Or how do you feel when someone continually points a finger with ‘you’ statements?

When our feelings are repeatedly disregarded, we can get caught up in blaming or belittling ourselves, negating what we truly want, or just plain swallowing our pride. It’s important to remember that the problem may not be that you have trouble learning to manage your emotions but, rather, that the other person has an unhealthy need to control, manipulate, and gain the upper hand. In that case, it may require that you distance yourself from him or her a bit or learn to navigate around his or her incrimination. It certainly does not feel good to continuously sense that you are being put down, defeated, or emotionally hurt by a parent, spouse, or other loved one.

So, begin to recognize what you are feeling so you can decide how to proceed. The goal is to feel the feeling and then proceed by gathering your pride. When anger gets triggered, you can ask yourself, “What feelings about myself are activated?” Do I feel disregarded, useless, unsafe, negated, rejected, abandoned, or lonely? These are our core issues that will get triggered over and over again.

Self-inquiry requires that you be aware and honest with yourself. Catch yourself as you are withdrawing. Commit to inner validation of your emotions without blaming yourself. And when you do withdraw, pay attention to the part of you that needs safety, nurturing or support. Remember, even though, as children, we learned to distrust, deny, withhold, or doubt our feelings, feelings are neither right nor wrong, good nor bad--they just are. Everyone has feelings, and our feelings are worthy of our attention.

Pause To Pay Attention

2012-06-30T06:10:00.000-07:00

Pause To Pay Attention

When you know you are off-balance or when you are feeling distressed…. pause a bit, and be willing to acknowledge your responsibility in all of it; your thoughts, your feelings, your actions/your reactions, the sensations in your body. We pause to pay attention. With attention and acceptance for all that is happening, it becomes much easier to find a solution that feels right.

Pause

Breathe

Pay Attention

Assess

Adjust

Allow

Our Personal Holding Pattern

2012-04-01T06:54:00.003-07:00

Have you ever been stuck in an airplane circling around your destination until it's safe to land? An announcement comes on that says it's necessary to be in a holding pattern due to fog or air traffic. At first, you are okay with it, knowing that an experienced pilot is in charge. But after a while you become annoyed being stuck in the air. You start worrying about what could happen, and then you wonder when your plane will finally land safely.

How often do you feel stuck in your own personal holding pattern? Fear is a natural instinct when you feel unsure or confused. Predicting an impending negative outcome or being uncertain about the future and resisting change can put you in a holding pattern. It's natural to be rational and to look at all angles of a future scenario. Sometimes, though, you fabricate a scene that ignites apprehension. This causes you to linger about in a cloud, and you stay there in your holding pattern, afraid to move or take any action.

Eventually, circling around and around in uncertainty and fear becomes uncomfortable. When you feel like you are hanging around in the clouds for too long, that can be your signal to formulate strategies for finding a safe place to land. Consider what actions you may need to take in order to sort out any confusions or conflicts. What information do you need to gather?

        Sometimes you don't have the answers, so the key is to walk softly, one step at a time. This way you can discover the solutions as you go. Taking time to pay attention to each step helps you to recognize that the answers may be right in front of you or close at hand.
        As long as there is no imminent danger you can move forward beyond your trepidations by taking a moment to breathe. You breathe to center yourself. At your core is your goodness and strength. Sometimes you need to remind yourself of this. So take a deep breath to soften the tension and defenses around your core. Gently center yourself and proceed with courage to stand on solid ground.
        Staying "real" is an ongoing process. So, it's important to accept all that you are. Honor your stuck-ness, fears, imperfections, and worries along with your strengths and positive qualities. Once you do that, you can genuinely find your way through your problems to solutions that feel right to you.

Michelle-Putting Feelings Aside

2012-02-07T19:34:00.000-08:00

Michelle-Putting Feelings Aside

Varying Shades

2012-01-04T19:20:00.000-08:00

Have you ever watched a sunset and noticed how the colors of the sky gradually change as the sun slowly goes down? Carl Rogers said it perfectly: "One of the most satisfying experiences I know is fully to appreciate an individual in the same way I appreciate a sunset. When I look at a sunset ... I don't find myself saying, 'Soften the orange a little more on the right hand corner, and put a bit more purple along the base, and use a little more pink in the cloud color ... ' I don't try to control a sunset. I watch it with awe as it unfolds." Give yourself a kindhearted break, and discover the beauty of your varying shades and the shades of those around you.

Each shade has its own unique quality. Remember, that your stumbles are as complete as your successes. Each step, each breath, each action is complete as it is. As you accept this completeness, it encourages you to learn and to develop appreciation for your life as it is.

Time to Pause - Creative Life Management, Inc. - Miami - Florida

2011-12-30T12:35:00.000-08:00

Time to Pause - Creative Life Management, Inc. - Miami - Florida

Healthy? Happy? Relaxed?

2011-11-01T05:36:00.000-07:00

Want To Quiet Your Mind, Supercharge Your Energy Level & Manifest What You Truly Desire In Life? We've created a FREE audio e-course with meditation techniques to get you started. You'll get guided meditations to help you transform your life from the inside-out.
If your happiness is important, click here.

A Self-Hypnosis Script by Michelle Miller

2011-10-12T14:49:00.000-07:00

I sit in a comfortable position.
I adjust my body just right.
I quiet my mind.
I take a deep breath in--and then exhale.

I take another deep breath in… breathing in positive relaxation.

And this time, as I exhale - I breathe out whatever it is I need to let go off.
I take a deep breath in--breathing in calmness and as I exhale.
I release any tension.
I say to myself the words, "calm and relaxed".
Calm and relaxed to quiet my thoughts, to quiet my body.
I adjust my body in a way that will be most
comfortable for myself.
I begin to let the natural rhythm of my body take me into
relaxation.
If any thoughts of the day interrupt me,
I will acknowledge them and then I will let them pass.
Perhaps I want to imagine putting my worries in the clouds for
the moment and watch them slowly drift away.
I allow this time for myself... so that I can unwind completely...

I let my breath slowly flow easily and gently through me.

As I gently inhale and exhale-- relaxation is moving through me.

My muscles are relaxed.
Any stress or discomfort is slowly floating away.
My emotions are calm and peaceful.
At this moment I am at peace with myself.
I can sit quietly and calmly.
I will trust the silence.
I reaffirm positive thoughts.
I am open to receive calmness.
I give myself the gift of taking a moment to focus inward.
I feel good I know how to relax myself.
I can choose to change my focus by taking a deep breath in and then exhaling.
I exhale any frustration or doubts.
Pause...

When I’ve taken enough time-out, and I feel ready, I will open my eyes feeling

refreshed and rejuvenated -- with a renewed sense of inner calmness.

2011-09-06T10:29:00.000-07:00

2011-08-09T13:43:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a friend the other day catching up with what's going on with family and friends. In conversation she mentioned she had a problem of procrastination lately. I suggested that the word 'procrastination' is overwhelming. It creates all kinds of judgement calls. When we are caught in judgement about what we are not doing self-doubt sneaks in. It sort of freezes us a bit more. What if we hesitated? Hestitating is more like a pause. Does that feel better? Then you could look at the need to hesitate. Perhaps there is some uncertainty that needs clarifying. Do you need to take smaller step or reach out for someone to help you? Maybe you need to hesitate in order to gather your resolve and self assurance.

Have Less Stress: Learn to Pause

2011-08-09T13:22:00.000-07:00

Words of wisdom from a meditation leader

http://www.washingtonian.com/articles/health/17519.html

Flawed-An Explanation

2010-10-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

Flawed--Imperfection--Humanly perfect.

Most of the time 'flawed' is an inside job. Usually it's a result of how you feel about yourself? How much do you judge yourself, your feelings, or the reactions of other people towards you?

I was talking to one of my therapist friends about something that was bothering me the other day----and she said, "Oh, don't take it so personally." Such wise words!

The next day, one of my daughter-in-laws said something to me that was bothersome. In that instant, I caught myself falling into the pattern of feeling imperfect. She must be mad at me, what did I do wrong? Those feelings of rejection run deep inside us and float up to our awareness every now and then. The phrase--'don't take it personally' is certainly a good response to practice. It takes the pressure off yourself. What a relief! In fact, I began to feel as if she was loosing out on my warm and tender ways.

So, don't take it personally helps you to let go. To let go of your fears, the past hurts, the stories that have a hold on you. It helps you to quiet your mind and open your heart. Let's begin to take things personally in a positive way.

Agree to Differ

2010-07-13T14:13:00.000-07:00

Agree to Differ

Check out my @constantcontact newsletter

2010-06-05T06:47:00.000-07:00

http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs031/1102911955142/archive/1103253689087.html

Creative Life Management: Welcome to the Creative Life Management Blog

2010-05-24T18:43:00.000-07:00

Creative Life Management: Welcome to the Creative Life Management Blog

Does Hypnosis Really Work?

2010-05-22T06:52:00.000-07:00

"Hypnosis is a good tool for improving ourselves, for de-stressing and for self-discovery. Hypnosis calms you giving you confidence and energy to continue on more productively. If you are at a crossroad in life or struggling to conquer an addictive habit or behavior, hypnosis can help you find the direction you need. Hypnosis can also be used for pre-surgery anxiety, to ease pain and to encourage healing.

For deeper issues, hypnosis, uncovers emotional experiences of the past, and with understanding and awareness it becomes easier to let go of the control your past has over you.

A human skill is to proficiently operate our minds and hypnosis is a key to do that. It’s amazing but in the still quiet part of the mind, a person can usually come up with what’s best for them. All we need to do is to take the time to listen."

Why do I start or stop something? Why do I change direction?

2010-05-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

When you feel pushed, frustrated and irritable it's your internal signal to take a step back and pause for a moment. Clear you thinking critical mind. Give yourself some unfocused time in order to let yourself have space to simply 'be' without having to 'do' anything. And then you can navigate towards balance.