The Big Man Has Done it Again

Surprise........Humiliating and Humbling

2013-05-06T19:14:00.000-04:00

I'm at home waiting on a call to come and pickup my leg. It's been almost two weeks now. I'm very much excited about walking again. One of the things I've missed most about not walking is not being able to work out in the yard and cutting my own grass. No one can cut your grass the way you can yourself. I'm ready to get started........

My New Leg

While I've been waiting I've been doing a lot of thinking about therapy. It's been about six months now since amputation with no therapy, none at all. Now that all the pain is gone and off all the pain killers for the past six months my head is clear and I'm able to think about something other than the pain and I'm realizing I should have had some therapy. No one, not one Doctor during this whole time mentioned anything about it. The only one who had said anything about it was the Prosthetist and I felt that he didn't seem to be in a hurry, so I wasn't. ....Remember I've been in this wheelchair over three years.... I knew it was a long time but I still didn't think I would have much of a hard time walking again once I had my leg. I thought other people might have trouble but, not me.

As I was putting it back on for about the fifth time getting ready to go home they asked me if I was going to wear it home, I said yes. With all seriousness I asked if they thought I could walk out of there. They looked at me laughed and said, "NO". I was shocked because even though I knew better, at that moment when I asked that I was really thinking I could.

Before I left that day we talked about a lot things. They showed me how to walk and I practiced some on the parallel bars. We also talked about my insurance, what the leg cost,how much it was going to pay and how much I would have to pay. All I can say is that it Blowed me away. Anyway next time I want to talk about the Insurance and what happened..........

The Last Doctors Visit.......I Hope

2013-02-22T19:35:00.002-05:00

I had one more Doctors visit before I could say, I was certifiably Healed and that was with the Orthopedic Doctor, the surgeon who took my leg off. I was tired of Doctors and Doctors visits. My leg had healed up and very good I was thinking. It had taken about three months from amputation to completely heal and now there seemed to be no problems, no pain, just some phantom pain which was mostly at night and I thought I was dealing with that OK, for now.
All I really needed from this Doctor today was a prescription for a Leg. Wonder what he would say if I told him he owed me a leg since he took one away from me and that he should have to buy me another one. I am going to tell him though that I don't ever wont to see him again.....So Long and Goodbye.....

Well I got my Prescription and a order to start therapy. I live in a small town but we do have a Prosthetic Center here and I already had some dealings with them earlier when the Doctors attempted to fuse the knee joint together which left one leg two and an half inches shorter than the other. They had built me a pair of shoes and I thought they had done a good job with them, so I made my appointment with them. It was going to take a couple of weeks before I could get in so I started looking for a place to do my therapy with. I wanted someone who had worked with amputees and not having much luck the Prosthetic Center recommended a place. So that's where I went, and I want to say I have nothing but good to say about my time there. Which I will talk about in great detail later.

Finally the day came for my appointment to get measured up and fitted for my prosthetic. I didn't know what to expect, no one had told me much, all I really knew was that I was ready to go on down the road. My first visit was about three hours long and it seemed like forever. They took a lot of measurements and showed me a short film about the pin system and how the leg would go on. ' I was excited ' I asked how long it would take to make. Well come to find out that it's a process. I was going to have to go back in a week for a fitting and then back again in two weeks for my leg. Even afterwards, I would still have to go back for adjustments. Anyway, before I left that first visit, I asked, "What about some kind of therapy". I said that I had been in this wheelchair a long time, over three years now and I was a little concerned. I didn't know of what, but I was. He didn' seem to be worried through. He told me no hurry. So somehow I got the impression that therapy wasn't going to be much. " What a surprise " Anyway, I went home to wait..........For My New Leg...........

A New Day......In The Beginning

2013-01-19T03:40:00.000-05:00

This is definitely the start of a new beginning for me......I spent most of the day today waiting to see the Infectious Disease Doctor for the last time. That's what I was hoping for anyway. That would be two Doctors now that I've finally been able to kick to the curb. Well anyway, one Doctor and a Home Nurse. I think I'm doing good, right.....It's been a long time in coming. My "stump", I hate that word and "residual limb" that don't sound any better either. It seems like a better word could be used to describe a part of me that I had carried around and used for a lot of years, had finally healed. The awful pain I had lived with for so long was gone and I was still off all pain medication and having no problems with that. I felt I was on a roll....

It had been a little over three months now since I had went in the hospital with two legs and came out with one. And today, this Infectious Disease Doctor was going to give me a clean bill of health and tell me that the Mersa Infection was not there anymore. It was going to be a good day, I was sure of it and I was happy. I had come a long way and I knew it. I was kind of proud of myself for just being able to get this for. It had been rough, real rough and I knew I still had a long way to go. I wasn't kidding myself by thinking that the rest of my recovery was going to be any easier. It had been a little over three years that I've been living this horror story.

I wasn't expecting what happened next......She did tell me that the tests showed that the Mersa was gone. But it was what she said next that just about floored me. I sat there listening while she told me as delicately as she could that, " I more than likely wouldn't walk again". I just couldn't believe I was hearing her say this. I didn't want to hear anything like that and I told her so. I said I was So looking forward to walking again, that I was starting to see daylight again and than you tell me something like that. I asked her why she thought that. She said she thought I had been in a wheelchair too long and I was going to find out that staying in it was going to be for more easier than learning to walk again with a prosthetic, you have a fussed ankle and you have had a hip replaced on the other leg. Your age, it's not going to be on your side either. All I could say was," you're wrong". I didn't know what else to say.

On the way to the car and all the way home my wife and I we didn't say much to each other. We never mentioned anything about what had just happened. I think she was just as supervised as I was at what had just happened. She was waiting on me to say something, I knew she was. But I didn't want to talk about it so I was glad she was being quite. But I was thinking how wrong that Doctor was. She had to be. I wanted out of this chair really bad. I knew what was next. In about a week from now I was to see the Orthopedic Doctor, he was the one I had to get the ok from to get me a "Leg". That's all I wanted to think about, nothing else.

Part 2......Did I or Did I Not

2012-11-18T20:45:00.000-05:00

Well I'm back and as I promised, I'm going to tell if I Think I became addicted to painkillers or not. By the time I finish this Post it will be quite clear.    " Did I.......Or Did I Not "

  I do have an additive personality.....I like, in access, everything that's not good for me and everything that's good for me I don't like. I'm to proud, to vain and my wife and grandson say that I have obsessive compulsive characteristics. But I don't really think the OCD thing is true I just like things my way, when and how I want them. I think It's just a man thing and I believe most men would agree they like things the way they want them to. I'm not saying I get my way, but I do try. Remember, I'm married and have been for almost thirty years and that alone in the Addiction Community I could probably be there poster child.This ordeal all started for me with a knee replacement. Couple of days in hospital, couple of months off and than back to work for a few years before retirement. Talk about getting my way and having things the way I want them. I spent almost three years after the knee replacement in and out of the hospital, surgery after surgery and in some of the most intense pain that a person should never have to experience. .....I Thank God For Painkillers.....

After the knee replacement they gave me Percocet 5mg four times a day and that was OK. Thirty days later was when the knee blew apart and the real pain started. That's when the infection got a good strong hold and when they put the spacer in. For the next six weeks the pain was almost unbearable and this is when I started on the pain patches which I changed every three days. Also at the same time I was taking 80mgs. Oxycontin twice a day and they changed the Percocet to 10mgs. four times a day. When I first started taking this much at the same time, I was in another world. But as time went on the medicine got to where it didn't work as well as it did in the beginning. That's what I thought anyway. But if you was to ask my wife, she would tell a different story. I look back now and I see that it was a miracle that I made it through the medication let alone anything else. I'm talking about almost three years that it was like this every day.

One thing I realize now that I didn't know than was, that I was supposed to be in pain. I had a bad leg, a real bad leg and no amount of painkillers was going to take it all away. It's like Winter Time,"It's supposed to be cold in the Winter".

My wife says I can get into trouble in my sleep and I pretty much have to agree with her. I'm the worlds best at it. Here I was sitting at home all day every day, feeling sorry for my myself, thinking this was never going to end. Toward the end before I lost the leg I had already pretty much isolated myself from the outside world. I felt all alone, I didn't know about all these amputee support groups. No one ever mentioned it, not even the Doctors. If I would have known about them maybe I wouldn't have become so depressed. Anyway, I finally overdosed on the painkillers and wound up in the emergency room. I'm going to be honest and say what I wanted was just one day without so much pain, so I took an extra dose which was a lot. Well let me tell you it didn't work, all it did was create more problems.

After the leg was amputated and the pain started to leave, I knew I was going to have to do something about the pain medication. When I came out of the hospital all I was taking was the Oxycontin and the Percocet I had already given up the Patches. I had been home almost a month and I was to see the Doctor in a few days and I told my wife that I was going to tell him that I wanted one more prescription of the Percocet and no Oxycontin. I was thinking that I could wean myself off everything with the Percocet. " I was hoping" I don't think my wife believed me, but she was hoping to. And that's what I did. When I told the Doctor what I was going to do he just grinned and never said a word. I don't think he believed me either. So I left there that day with just a bottle of 5mg Percocet, went home that day and took myself off all of it. I say I don't know how I did it, but I really do. I had a lot of help from my family, more than I deserved. I really put them through a lot during that time of fog and haze. And by the Grace of God, he was looking out for me. Another miracle is that if there were any withdrawals I don't remember any. Now, that's the story of Did I or Did I Not, and no I don't think I was addicted. What do you think? Let me know.

It's Just A Matter of Balance 08/22 by Storytellers Campfire | Blog Talk Radio

2012-10-26T00:54:00.000-04:00

It's Just A Matter of Balance 08/22 by Storytellers Campfire | Blog Talk Radio

It's a good story, the man knows what he's talking about. He's very down to earth, his story is very encouraging.....Name of his book is It's Just A Matter of Balance....By: Kevin S. Garrison

Going Home.......Minus One

2012-09-30T20:02:00.000-04:00

      I've lost count how many times I've come home from the hospital. In the two and a half years I've had this infection in my leg it's been at least six or eight times, maybe more. Each time I hoped it would be the last time. .....This time though it was looking pretty good.....
This time I came home minus one leg.  They told me they got all the infected area when they took the leg off. It's been about a year and a half now. .....Got my fingers crossed.....
      I came home in pretty good spirits, mostly because ninety five percent of the pain was gone. Also because I had another bag full of pain medication. The only time I needed any was at night time. In the beginning the phantom pain was really bad at night and if I wanted any sleep at all I had to take it. .....In my next post I'm going to tell if I had become addicted or not to the pain medication....The pain was all but gone during the day, sometimes I would have this real sharp stabbing pain in the heel of the foot that wasn't there. But I was happy with the pain situation, except at nighttime. But for some reason I knew even that would get better.
        I was glad to be home. I still had a nurse that came once a week to check everything and she also said my stump was looking good. I had a Dr. appointment in ten days after coming home to take the stitches out, so back to the Dr I go.
        I'm home again without stitches in my stump. But there was one place that wasn't healing very good. There was about a one inch open place and no matter what was done it wouldn't close up. I was becoming depressed again and I couldn't help it. I was still seeing the Infectious Disease Doctor, she said she wasn't worried, that it would close up in a couple of weeks. She said that I had a small infection, that it wasn't anything to worry about and that the Mersa wasn't there anymore. The surgeon he wasn't saying anything, nothing at all. I was becoming depressed again and I couldn't seem to help it. I wasn't telling anybody but I was scared. I was scared because I didn't know how much more I could take. I needed for this to be over. It had been a long time since I had even as much as enjoyed getting up in the morning. This had been going on now for over three years and three years was a very very long time......
Somehow I got up every day and I look back now, I wonder how I did. I did have a good support team at home and I know that helped a lot. Also I still had those two dogs that absolutely adored me. My Grandson who lives with us, he was in school every day and my wife she worked every day. So it was me and the dogs every day and they were sticking right beside me. I had to get up and make it through the day for them. They expected it. Whatever works right......
........Well it took three months for my stump to completely heal up........
I remember when I told the home nurse she didn't have to come anymore. That was a big day for me. I kinda hated to see her to go because, I had gotten used to her coming around. She had been coming once a week since 2008. I was also glad to see her go because it meant, I was better.
........I Was Home<> Minus One........

Did I.....Or Did I Not............Part 1

2012-08-12T20:49:00.004-04:00

Did I or Did I Not....Become addicated to the pain medication? That's the question. You tell me, Did I or Did I Not. Leave me a comment telling me what you think and later I''ll tell if I did or not. It's quite a story. And to the people that know me personaly and know my story, "Don't give it away."
Let me know what you think........

As Bugs Bunny would say,"What's up Doc"

2012-08-06T21:38:00.000-04:00

I was out of surgery, out of recovery and back in my room by 2:30 that afternoon.Of course I don't remember getting back, this is what my wife told me later.

     My daughter and my wife were there when they brought me back to my room and they both say I was not in good shape, that I was in a extreme amount of pain. "Wonder why" My daughter said it was almost more than she could bear to watch. She thought that maybe I was having a hard time accepting what happened. They said I kept asking, " What did they do to me." When I first got back to my room that afternoon my wife told me I asked her if they really cut it off. Of course my wife being one not to mince her words and to tell it like it is said,"Yes Roger,they cut it off." She said I looked over at my Daughter and asked her, " Did they cut yours off to." Instead off answering me, she ran from the room.
        Laura, my daughter, she had a very hard time that day. She even admits it was probably the worst day of her life but she wanted to be there that day. I was glad she was there because I needed all the help I could get that day.
         We had already talked to our grandson Koty who was ten years old at the time so he knew what was going to happen. He told me,"I'm not going to treat you any different." We made him go to school that day with the promise that he could come down later. He just wanted to make sure I was ok. Afterwards he told his grandma,"That's not my grandpa."
          I guess finally I gave up and accepted where I was at and what had happened. My wife said she sat on the side of the bed with me and I sat up a little, layed my head on her shoulder, closed my eyes and let out a little sigh of relief. She said she felt the disbelief leave and the acceptance come. My daughter was watching this little moment, and saw something very sweet and tender pass between the two of us, It made her cry.
           Day one of my life as an amputee, better yet day one after they cut my leg off. Sounds like I had a lot of fun.
           The next day was pretty much like the first, still not in very good shape. The drugs were doing what they were supposed to, keeping me in a state of total oblivion. The only thing I remember this second day was two young girls coming into the room telling me to stand up. I didn't understand what they wanted. I said, "I can't stand up." They said they would help me. This was the last thing I wanted to do, but to get rid of them so I could go back to sleep, I was willing. I remember what it felt like when the blood rushed to the end of my stump. Do I need to say more.
           Day three was the same. I was still in another world. They made me stand up. I fussed and said I wasn't going to do it, but each time they wanted me to I did.
           By the end of day four I was awake. I was still in a painkiller (there's that word again) haze, but I pretty much knew what was going on around me. And I woke up hungary, starved to death. I remember thinking I'm getting better. It had been a long time since I had been really hungry, remember I had lost a hundred lbs. The bad part is I'm still hungry. On this fourth day I also seen the Doctor for about two minutes. All he asked was if that horibble pain was any better, what he meant was before the amputation. I told him, "Yes."
            Day five, six and seven I spent in hospital rehab. Day eight they sent me home with a bunch of instructions and again with a lot of heavy duty painkillers.
             My first week as an amputee...........

The Last..........One More Time

2012-05-23T23:10:00.001-04:00

    I'm going back into the hospital again, and it's going to be very hard to put into words how I was feeling that morning. This time to have my leg taken off. ( still hard to use the word amputation ) All I wanted was for the pain to stop. ....Just one more time....It just had to stop....
   I loaded up with painkillers and on September 3, 2010 at 7:O'clock in the morning my wife and I arrived at the hospital, with bells on. My daughter arrived a little before they took me to surgery. Both my wife and her, had taken the day off to be there. Both were there all day.
    I don't remember much of anything that morning. I don't remember getting out of bed, or getting dressed. My wife would have had to help me get dressed and help me out of bed. I couldn't do anything without help and even with her help the pain was horrendous. I don't remember the drive to the hospital or getting there even, nothing hardly at all. I remember being in this little room where they put you right before they take you over to surgery. I remember my daughter being in there with me when the Dr came in. I remember her telling the Dr to take off enough to get all of the infection. That was one of my big fears, that they would take the leg and not get all the infection. I was praying that wouldn't happen. But for some reason I felt that if I could get through This Last....One More Time that things were going to get better. ....I Really Believed That.....
    The Dr marked my leg where he was going to take it off at and left the room without saying a word and. He wasn't much for chit-chat.
    One thing I remember now, is that I don't remember my wife being there,and I think that's awful. I wonder why? That woman was my rock and still is. I wouldn't have been able to come this far without her. And I knew that she would be there through the rest of it and beyond. You think maybe those extra painkillers I took before I left the house had anything to do with my memory?....I Bet it Did....
    They came in and gave me a happy shot and the last thing I remember was that the pain went away. ....It Didn't Hurt Anymore....        ....I Was Happy....

Man's Best Friend

2012-03-07T14:37:00.001-05:00

Man's Best Friend

    I came home after they fused the knee not a happy man. I wasn't seeing any light at the end of tunnel and hadn't for a long time. I was still in a lot of pain and I was  starting to worry about the amount of pain medication I was taking. It   was a lot! My wife worked during the week. That left my grandson and he was in school every day.    So that left me at home during the week pretty much by myself. About all I did was sit in a wheelchair messed up all day and wait on someone to come home to help me to bed. I couldn't even do that by myself. I wasn't leaving the house much except to go to the Doctor. I was very isolated and that was the way I wanted it. It had been this way now for way over a year. There was a home nurse that came once a week. She was about the only person I saw other than my immediate family. My wife told me I was Depressed and I told her she would be to if she was in my shoes. I knew she was right through. She did try to get me to leave the house, but I wouldn't do it. It was just to hard. I wasn't eating hardly anything at all now and I had lost close to 100lbs. All I could think about was losing this leg. I just knew I was going to.
     I look back now and I see that all I wanted to do was feel sorry for myself. ...You think maybe Pain Medicine was involved... I didn't then, but I do now. But I was able to pull myself out of it with the help of..Man's Best Friend..
     One day the home nurse was telling me her dog had puppies and she was trying to find good homes for them. I'm a dog lover from way back so I had to know everything about them. Well guess what, she talked me right into letting her bring a couple of them out to look at. We already had one inside dog and I didn't think my wife would go along with us having another one. But the way the nurse talked about them, I wanted one and I thought I could talk her into it. I told the Nurse that I didn't see how she could refuse a soon to be "one legged cripple", and I was right she didn't stand a chance.
      That evening she brought two out to the house and that was it. My Wife and I, my grandson, we all three fell in love with them. My grandson he wanted them both but I knew that wasn't going to happen and I was happy with just one. I knew one was going to be hard enough. Now there's going to be two dogs in the house and one is a puppy that's not housebroken. I'm thinking my wife works all day, my grandson is in school all day and I'm in a wheelchair with my leg straight out in front of me and I'm in so much pain I can't even move. I'm wondering can I do this. < Well Guess What >
      We named her, Ginger. Now we had two inside dogs, and the fun started. Our other dogs name is Major and the two of them got along great. They soon became the best of buddies and were right beside each other all the time. Guess what, Now I Had Something To Do. I didn't have time to sit around in this wheelchair all day feeling sorry for myself. I really believe they got me through that rough time right before they took my leg off. During the day when no one else was here Ginger would sit beside this wheelchair and look up at me and never move. Pretty soon she had Major doing it with her. It seemed like they would sit there for hours at a time. They would follow me from room to room, sit there and wait on me. They adored me and still do.
       I'm a type person that believe things happen to us for a reason. I believe those dogs helped me get out of the rut I was in and feel better about what was going to happen.
       My situation was bad and I was starting to believe that it could be worse. No, I knew it could be worse... It had been about six weeks now and the Doctor's said the bones weren't fusing together and the infection was getting worse. So we made the appointment for surgery to amputate.
   ...I told the Doctor to save it, I wanted to make a lamp out of it...

And The Party Rocks On

2012-02-26T10:00:00.000-05:00

   I made it through the six weeks with the spacer in my knee, but I wasn't doing so good. The constant pain was really starting to get to me. I was still taking a lot of pain medication, it was either not working as well as it did in the beginning or the pain was getting worse. I think it was some of both.   During this time the Dr's. changed the IV Antibiotics two or three times, it wasn't working either. They said it was even getting worse, and the infection was now in the bone.
    I was pretty sick, I had lost a lot of weight. I'm talking 60,70 lbs. We couldn't get rid of the infection and the Dr. said it was time to take out the spacer. Supposedly we could only leave it in for so long.
    So back to the hospital and surgery I go. My Dr. told me that my options were getting slim on what we could do to end this nightmare...
     My wife and I had already talked about me losing the leg. I wasn't very happy about the idea, but we both felt that it was going to have to go. Also the Infectious Diseases Doctor was saying now it wasn't going to get any better. We had been fighting this now right at two years. Do I need to say, " It was hurting me bad."
      I hadn't heard anything about amputation from my Orthopedic Doctor yet, and I wasn't quite ready for a PegLeg yet.... SO .... We all decided, back to surgery again. This time we took all the hardware out and fussed the joint and what that meant was that the knee would not bend and the leg would also be about a inch to 2inchs shorter than the other leg....My wife and I wondered, Was This a Good Idea. There was no guarantee that the bones would even fuse together....
       I was in the hospital this time about a week. Left with a lot of pain medication again and wondering when I would be back again.

When I Was Down and Almost Out, " I Never Heard Her Complain "

2011-12-30T07:27:00.000-05:00

    I knew that I had never done anything in my life time to deserve to be in the situation I was in. Sometimes bad things just happen,no reason...
    I Think now is a good time to bring up about the wife in this little drama of mine. Good woman are worth their weight in gold and boy did I have one...
When I finally came home, I came home with bells on. I came home in a wheelchair, on IV Antibiotics, a lot of heavy pain medication and with my left leg straight out. I spent six wks. with that spacer in my leg. And this woman my wife did everything for me. She helped me out of bed in the morn., and back in it at night. And what sleeping I did was on my back also. She had to even help me into the bathroom and help me while I was in there. ....How awful for her, Right....
         She took me to Dr. appointments, which started out in the beginning to be once a wk. She listened to my winning about why me, my complaining about the awful pain. She did all this while working a full time job. What a Woman, right! We are also raising our 10 yr. old Grandson and not once did I hear her complain.
     These six wks. and the next six or eight wks. where most likely the worst time in my life......

Sometimes You Are the Bug and Sometime You Are the Windshield

2011-10-26T00:39:00.005-04:00

I went in for a total knee replacement on April 13th,2009. I had put it off for as long as I could. The pain was awful. I had a good Dr.,and I had no problem with a hip replacement about eight months before. I needed to get back to work... Surgery went fine. Everything was A-OK, I thought. I was walking, slowly and with a cane, doing everything I was supposed to and the knee blew apart. This was almost a month after surgery. I had noticed a few days before that it was a bit more swollen than usual and a little red. Also where the stitches had been was a little puffy and red. But it didn't look serious and I had a Dr. appointment in a week. I wasn't worried at the time.
When it blew apart it was bad. The bones separated from the implant, an I was standing up when this happened, but not for long... I tore completely into, every tendon and ligament there was. I was laying on the sidewalk with the bones sticking out of my leg. Do I need to say more....That Day I Started a 27 Day Stay in the Hospital....During those 27 days they found out that Mersa had gotten in there and loosened every thing up. A ambulance took me to the emergency room and straight to surgery. I knew it was bad. I thought I would lose it then, but they put it back together. But it would'nt stay together and before I could even wake up I went back to surgery. they took the implant back out and replaced it with a spacer to keep the joint seperated and supposedly let the antibotics work better. I was on a lot of heavy pain medication and I barley knew where I was. The pain was horrendous, I did know that.

What Happened

2011-10-10T00:12:00.000-04:00

Infection....That's what happened. I've worked hard all my life, never missed a paycheck. I spent 27yrs. on Big Boats hauling coal & grain up down the Ohio & Mississippi Rivers. Wore my hip & knee joints out from all the jumping up & down off barges. Part of the job.

Big Boat

I had one hip on right side, one knee on left side totally shot, couldn't even hardly walk, let alone work. I took a leave of absence to get them fixed and than go back to work for another four or five yrs. before I retired. Well, that didn't go my way. This was the early part of 2009. I had the hip done first, no problem at all. Than the knee and you've heard the saying," Without bad luck you would have no luck at all."