DATING AND MARRIAGE

Do I Need a Mobile Phone?

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 15:15:00 +0000

"I feel very insecure and irritated if I don't have a mobile phone with me."—Akiko.* MOBILE phones are becoming ever more popular in many lands. They are convenient. Your friends and parents can contact you anytime, anywhere—and you them. Some models allow you to exchange short text messages, which "is the latest way for young people to feed their urge to communicate," says The Times of London. There are even mobile phones that can connect you to cyberspace, providing access to Web sites and E-mail.

You may already have one, or you may be planning to get one. In either case, you might consider the saying: "There are two sides to every coin." A mobile phone may well have some benefits. However, you may want to think about the other side of the coin, for even if you choose to buy one, being fully aware of its potential drawbacks will help you use it wisely. "Calculate the Expense" Jesus stated the wise principle that one should "calculate the expense" before undertaking an important project. (Luke 14:28) Can that principle be applied to mobile phones? Certainly.
Now you may be able to get the phone itself at very little cost, or it may even be free. However, as 17-year-old Henna discovered, "the bill can suddenly get very high." There can also be constant pressure to keep up with additional services and to buy more-expensive models. Thus, Hiroshi says: "I have a part-time job and save money to get a newer model every year." Many youths do the same.# Even if your parents agree to pay the bill for you, it is still important to understand the costs. A traveling Christian minister in Japan notes: "Some mothers are taking on extra part-time work just to pay for their children's mobile phone, which may not be necessary in the first place." You surely would not want to put such a burden on your parents! "A Time Killer" Many who start out using the phone moderately may find it taking up more of their time than they expected—and crowding out more important things.
Mika used to spend a lot of time with her family around the dinner table. "Now," she says, "after we have our meal we go back to our rooms with our own [mobile phones]." "A third of young adults aged between 16 and 20 prefer text messaging over all other means of written communication," says The Guardian of London. Text messaging may cost you less money than voice conversation, but it costs you more time to key in text messages. Mieko admits: "If someone sends 'good night,' I answer 'good night.' Then, messages start flying back and forth for an hour. It is just silly talk." Many mobile-phone users might be quite surprised if they were to stop and add up all the time they spend using their phone in one month. A 19-year-old girl, Teija, admits: "For many people, a mobile phone is a time killer rather than a time saver." Even if your circumstances justify owning one, it is important to be time conscious while using it.

A young Christian girl named Marja observes: "At Christian assemblies many young people keep sending trivial messages to others. It's very common!" Similar behavior has been observed among youths engaging in the Christian ministry. The Bible advises Christians to buy out time for spiritual activities. (Ephesians 5:16) How sad when such precious time is taken up by telephone conversation! Secret Communication Marie comments on another pitfall: "Since the calls come directly to the individual, not to the home, there is a danger of parents not being aware of whom their kids are talking to or even whether they are on the phone or not." Some youths thus use mobile phones to establish secret contact with those of the opposite sex. Some have dropped their guard, bypassing standards they would normally observe when communicating with others. How so? "Text messaging means that no one can monitor what [young people] are doing," says The Daily Telegraph of London.
Not seeing or hearing the other party can affect you. "Some feel that a text message is a more neutral way to communicate," observes Timo. "In a message some may write things that they would consider too bold to say face-to-face." When Keiko, a 17-year-old Christian girl, started using a mobile phone, she let many of her friends know her number.

Soon she started exchanging messages every day with a boy in her congregation. Keiko says: "At first we just talked about everyday things, but then we started sharing our troubles. We created our own little world by means of our mobile phones." Happily, she received help from her parents and the Christian elders before things got too serious. She now admits: "Even though before giving me a mobile phone, my parents had warned me so much about exchanging mail with the opposite sex, I mailed him every day. It wasn't the best way to use the phone."% The Bible admonishes us to "hold a good conscience." (1 Peter 3:16) Doing so means that when you use a mobile phone, you must make sure that, as Koichi says, "you have nothing to be ashamed of," even if someone else should see your messages or overhear you. Always remember that there are no secrets when it comes to our heavenly Father. The Bible explains: "There is not a creation that is not manifest to [God's] sight, but all things are naked and openly exposed to the eyes of him with whom we have an accounting." (Hebrews 4:13) Why, then, try to maintain a secret relationship?
Young woman talking on mobile phoneYoung man talking on mobile phone Some youths carry on secret relationships via the mobile phone Set Limits If you are considering getting a mobile phone, why not first evaluate your situation carefully to see if you really need one? Discuss the matter with your parents. Some feel as did young Jenna, who says: "A mobile phone is too big a responsibility for many young people." Even if you decide to own such a phone, it is important to keep it under control.
How? Set reasonable limits. For example, limit the number of features you use or the amount of time and money you spend on the phone. Since most phone companies provide a detailed report of your usage, you might want to analyze the bill with your parents from time to time. Some find it convenient to use a prepaid type of mobile phone to limit usage.
Also, give careful thought to when and how you respond to calls and messages. Make your own reasonable guidelines. Shinji explains: "I open my mailbox only once a day, and I usually reply to messages only when they are important. As a result, friends have stopped sending junk messages. If there is a really urgent problem, they will call me anyway." More important, be selective as to the people with whom you communicate. Be careful about giving out your phone number. Apply the same standards you always use regarding good association.—1 Corinthians 15:33.
The Bible says: "For everything there is an appointed time, . . . a time to keep quiet and a time to speak." (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7) Clearly, there are times for mobile phones "to keep quiet" too. Our Christian meetings and ministry are the "appointed time" for worshiping God, not for using the phone. Restaurant and theater managers often request that their clients refrain from using mobile phones.
We respectfully comply with such requests. Surely the Sovereign of the universe deserves no less respect! If they are not expecting a crucial call, many choose to turn off their phone, or they switch to a silent mode when engaging in essential activities. Some put their mobile phone out of reach. After all, cannot most messages be attended to later? If you decide to own a mobile phone, be determined to control it and not let it control you. Clearly, you need to stay alert and keep your priorities in order. The Bible encourages us: "Let your reasonableness become known to all men." (Philippians 4:5) If you decide to have a mobile phone, by all means resolve to show your reasonableness in the way you use it.

Whats wrong with sex on Phone?

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 14:53:00 +0000

"PHONE SEX," according to one well-known American magazine, "has replaced the love letter as the preferred means of romantic communication for couples who find themselves apart." What is phone sex? It involves talking about or listening to explicit erotic matters on the phone.*

Those engaging in the practice often masturbate to relieve their arousal. Whether the obscene talk takes place between courting couples or between strangers, phone sex is alarmingly popular. In fact, some are openly advocating it. "It's the safest sex you can have," claims one woman. Apparently, quite a few agree with her. For instance, in October 2000, in response to an increase in HIV infections, a group of Russian health experts took out newspaper advertisements to promote telephone sex. Other people, however, are promoting telephone sex strictly for profit. Phone sex services—where people pay to hear obscenities—have become a billion-dollar industry in the United States alone. Just why has this practice become so popular?
The book The Fantasy Factory puts it this way: "Intimate physical and emotional contact is dangerous. There are physical risks of sexually transmitted disease, personal/professional risk of exposure, fear of judgment and the repercussions of 'abnormal' desire. Phone sex subverts the risk." Granted, phone sex doesn't involve physical contact with another person. But does this mean that there is nothing wrong with it or that there are no dangers or risks at all? Is Telephone Sex Harmless? Sexual desire is especially strong during youth. The Bible calls this period when sexual desires are at their peak "the bloom of youth." (1 Corinthians 7:36) During this crucial time in life, a Christian youth should learn to "get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor." (1 Thessalonians 4:4) That is, you must learn how to cope with and control your sexual feelings.
This is crucial to having a healthy, balanced view of sex. Telephone sex, however, teaches one to indulge, rather than control, one's sexual impulses. More than that, it promotes a degrading, distorted view of the opposite sex. The Bible teaches that sexual intimacies should be enjoyed only within the framework of marriage. (Hebrews 13:4) But phone sex encourages young ones to experience sexual pleasures outside marriage. The Bible teaches that real happiness comes from giving—not getting. (Acts 20:35) But phone sex teaches one to use others as a means for selfish gratification. The Bible teaches married couples to develop true intimacy by cultivating mutual love and trust. (Ephesians 5:22, 33)

Telephone sex, however, promotes coldness and anonymity. A Harmful Addiction Ancient Corinth was renowned as a city of immoral vices. With good reason, then, the apostle Paul wrote to Christians there: "I am afraid that somehow, as the serpent seduced Eve by its cunning, your minds might be corrupted away from the sincerity and the chastity that are due the Christ." (2 Corinthians 11:3) Telephone sex is one of the means that Satan the Devil is using to corrupt young ones today. For some youths, calling telephone sex lines has become an uncontrollable addiction. One young man we'll call Jim demonstrates just how "hooked" some can become. Jim saw the number for a telephone sex line on a billboard advertisement. He memorized the number and later called it out of curiosity.
The calls to the line became more and more frequent. Before long, he had racked up a $600 phone bill! Stimulating sexual desires while you are still unmarried runs counter to the counsel of God's Word. It urges: "Deaden, therefore, your body members that are upon the earth as respects fornication, uncleanness, sexual appetite."—Colossians 3:5. The Dangers in Courtship What about young adults who are engaged in a serious courtship? Of course, it is only natural for people who are in love to want to express their feelings toward each other. Back in Bible times, one God-fearing young woman said regarding her fiancé: "I am my dear one's, and toward me is his craving." (Song of Solomon 7:10) As the wedding day approaches, it is right and proper that an engaged couple discuss certain intimate matters. However, is phone sex a safe way to express romantic feelings? No. Even engaged couples are obliged to follow the counsel of the apostle Paul: "Let fornication and uncleanness of every sort or greediness not even be mentioned among you, just as it befits holy people; neither shameful conduct nor foolish talking nor obscene jesting, things which are not becoming, but rather the giving of thanks. For you know this, recognizing it for yourselves, that no fornicator or unclean person or greedy person—which means being an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of the Christ and of God."—Ephesians 5:3-5; Colossians 3:8.
Young man talking on telephone Courting couples must beware that their talk does not become unclean Young woman talking on telephone Intimate talk that deliberately arouses immoral thoughts or that triggers masturbation is obviously unclean in Jehovah's eyes. And it could lead to even more serious violations of godly principles. One couple, for example, were enjoying a long-distance courtship. At first, they used their frequent telephone conversations as a means of getting to know each other. Before long, however, they began discussing immoral topics. Their conversations became increasingly explicit. It is not surprising, then, that when their circumstances finally allowed them to be together, they quickly fell into unclean behavior. Surely, we who want to please God will do our utmost to avoid falling into the trap of telephone sex. How can we be successful in doing so? 'Pummel Your Body' Telephone sex can become addictive.

We need to 'pummel our body and lead it as a slave' in order to meet Jehovah's approval. (1 Corinthians 9:27) If you are currently engaging in telephone sex, why not get some help? Telling your Christian parents would be a good start. Yes, they may well be upset with you. But they may also be in the best position to help monitor your behavior so that you don't have a relapse. The elders in your local congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses will also be willing and able to help out. If you are courting, be determined to remain chaste, even when talking on the phone. An engaged Christian woman named Leticia says: "My fiancé and I have read together Bible-based articles on staying chaste. We appreciate the way they have helped us maintain a clean conscience." Have the courage to change the topic if your talk becomes suggestive. Consult together about the need to keep your conversations clean.
Young man studying the Bible Reading God's Word and Christian publications can strengthen your resolve to remain chaste In some lands, advertisements for telephone sex are featured on television late at night. Perhaps it would be best for you simply to avoid watching late-night TV. Since masturbation will similarly arouse, rather than deaden, immoral thoughts, it is vital that you avoid this unclean practice.# You can successfully expel unclean thoughts from your mind by dwelling on upright things. (Philippians 4:8) Surround yourself with friends who use wholesome speech, and read God's Word and Christian publications daily to fortify your resolve. In this way you will not allow room for immoral fantasies to creep in and corrupt your thinking. Most important, pray to God for help.
The apostle Peter wrote: "Throw all your anxiety upon him, because he cares for you."—1 Peter 5:6, 7. "The pressure on young ones to get involved in illicit sex is very great," says a young Christian girl from Brazil. However, Jehovah knows the challenges you face. Be assured that he will give you all the help you need to stay clean in his eyes.

Teen Pregnancy—A Global Tragedy

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 16:39:00 +0000

Mothers Too Soon

My boyfriend was a cute guy. He had money, and we could go places and have fun. When I missed my period, I realized something was wrong. How was I to tell my mom? How could this happen to me? I was only 16 years old, and I didn’t know what to do.”—Mary
TODAY Mary,* in her mid-30’s, is a confident, energetic mother of three. Her oldest child is 20 years of age. Yes, years ago she was one among millions of unmarried pregnant teens. Like other teenage mothers, she found herself lost in a morass of formidable challenges, tough decisions, and uncertain prospects.

Mary does not often talk about the shock, the denial, the fear, the anger, and the despair that marked her late teenage years—a time when her peers worried about their clothes and school grades. Nevertheless, Nicole’s situation was not hopeless. She came from a loving family that had tried to instill high moral principles in her. Although for a while she chose to disregard those principles—and paid the consequences—later on, those same values led her to a productive and meaningful life. “Not all hope is lost” became her motto.
Teen mother envying other young girls

Unfortunately, not every teenage mother has a supportive family—or such an optimistic outlook. Many quickly find themselves trapped in a seemingly hopeless state of poverty. Some must deal with the emotional aftermath of rape and violence.

None of this bodes well for the children of teen mothers. Says the book Teen Moms—The Pain and the Promise, babies of teen mothers “tend to have lower birthweight, more childhood illnesses, more infant mortality, poorer medical care, suffer more from hunger and malnourishment; they are exposed to more violence, and have more delayed development than children born to older mothers.” Indeed, daughters of teen mothers are more likely to become teen moms themselves than are children born to older mothers.

MOST WONDERFUL AMONG WOMEN

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 15:22:00 +0000

The Best woman in the world and in my world Evelyn Shulda

The most beautiful woman in the world,who was annouced missing in heavean as an Angel is EVELYN SHULDA, she is so sweet, a lovely wife, mother and friend. Imagine what the world would be like if we have a beautiful woman like her all over the earth, the earth would have been a perfect planet for all man to live.

The best woman in the world is Evelyn Shulda, she is so beautiful, loving and sweet, she is everything in a woman, if you have to think of it yourself, the way she smiles alone can make the countries that are fighting against each other, be in peace and harmony.

I want you every one in the world to know that if she was to be the first woman on earth the first woman on earth, the whole mankind of earth would have been filled with perfect humans who worshiped God in spirit and truth, she is so loving, to the extend that every one in the world would love to get to know her. She is an Angel in form of a human.

If you want to talk about her qualities, she is loving, forgiving, joyful, wisdom is what is found in her, she is caring, kindness is what God has blessed her with, she is tender, mighty in wisdom and power, she is an Angel from the heavens, I really can't say why she was created among we imperfect humans, but I think it was because God wanted me to meet her and have her as the love of my life, she is so beautiful. It is in the garden of love, home of romance, where nothing grows bu flower of love that I am say I love her so much.

Which you all the best of luck in finding a woman like her, but if you can't just keep on searching, I love her so much and wouldn't want to share her with any body, I have a poem for her.

Im lonely
But at the same time not lonely
The text messages are hard and cold
But that’s all I have
That and the music
You’re so far away
My heart hurts wanting to be with you
I love you
I want you
I need to be with you
I cant said to be away from you
But all I can do is keep loving and hearing your voice, until I meet you soon
I wish I could give you a kiss, I love you, and miss you baby
Is what you send me
I need your kisses
I love you more than anyone on earth
I never missed any one as much as I love and miss you
It hurts not being with you and I can’t take it
In a way im glad you can’t see me like this
But I wouldn’t be like this if you were here
Tears run down my face as I realize how much I love you
I have never loved any as much as I love you
I know you love me to
I can never explain how much I love you
Or how much I need you,
Each time I hear your voice..
I cant help but to swing my body
To the tune of your voice..
‘Coz you are my song…

You are my song
The music playing into my ears
Where the lyrics
Makes a way into my heart
Even approaching my soul

You are my song
Playing softly in my heart
I can feel the nearness of you
Though we are miles apart

You are so near
Through the song in my heart
Binding us together
Sharing today tomorrow and forevermore

Because I know this love is real and I will meet you soon
And I know you and me have a true relationship that will last till the end of time.
I love you baby and need you
For this I just wrote is true and I love you more than words can tell and express. Honey that is why I leave by faith and not by sight.So, either with your presence or absence by my side, no matter for how long; I know you are still the same...one I love and will be loving for the rest of my life. Please my readers forgive me that i sound too self centred about my the love of my heart, i love her so much and will always love her till death do us apart. Thank you for reading, I appreciate your time and effort in reading this Hub.

Increase the Joy of your Wedding Day

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 05:08:00 +0000

“MY WEDDING day was one of the most meaningful and joyful days of my life,” said Gordon, who has been married for almost 60 years. What makes the wedding day so meaningful for true Christians? It is a day when they make a sacred promise to ones they dearly love—their mate and Jehovah God. (Matthew 22:37; Ephesians 5:22-29) Yes, couples planning to marry want to enjoy their wedding day, but they also want to honor the Originator of marriage.—Genesis 2:18-24; Matthew 19:5, 6.

How can a groom enhance the dignity of this happy occasion? What can a bride do to show honor to her husband and to Jehovah? How can others who attend add to the joy of the wedding day? Considering some Bible principles will help to answer those questions, and applying those principles will minimize possible problems that could detract from this special occasion.
Who Is Responsible?

In many lands, a minister of Jehovah’s Witnesses may legally officiate at a marriage ceremony. Even in places where the legal step must be performed by a civil agent, a couple may want to have a Bible-based talk. In such a talk, the groom is usually asked to reflect on the God-given role of the family head. (1 Corinthians 11:3) Accordingly, the groom has the prime responsibility for what happens at the wedding. Of course, the arrangements for the wedding ceremony itself and for any gathering that may follow are usually made well in advance. Why may this present challenges?

One reason is that relatives on one side or the other may attempt to exert a dominant influence on wedding plans. Rodolfo, who has performed many weddings, notes: “At times, the groom comes under tremendous pressure from relatives, especially if they are helping to pay for the wedding reception. They may have strong opinions as to what should happen during the wedding ceremony and at the reception. This could undermine the groom’s Scriptural role as the one responsible for the occasion.”

Max, who has been performing wedding ceremonies for more than 35 years, observes: “I have noticed a trend toward the bride taking the lead in deciding what will take place at the wedding and at the reception, with the groom having less to say.” David, who has also officiated at many weddings, comments: “Grooms may not be used to taking the lead and are commonly not sufficiently involved in the wedding preparations.” How can the groom effectively shoulder his responsibility?
Communication Increases Joy

For the groom to carry out his responsibility for wedding preparations successfully, he must communicate effectively. The Bible pointedly says: “There is a frustrating of plans where there is no confidential talk.” (Proverbs 15:22) However, much frustration can be avoided if the groom first discusses wedding preparations with the bride, family members, and others who can give sound Bible-based advice.
A couple planning their wedding

A couple should communicate openly but respectfully while planning their wedding

Yes, it is vital that an engaged couple first discuss with each other the plans and possibilities. Why? Well, listen to some comments from Ivan and his wife, Delwyn, who have been happily married for many years but who came from different cultural backgrounds. Recalling their wedding plans, Ivan says: “I had definite ideas about what I wanted for my wedding, including a reception with all my friends present, a wedding cake, and my bride wearing a white wedding dress. Delwyn, on the other hand, wanted a small, simple wedding with no wedding cake. She even considered wearing something other than a wedding gown.”

How did this couple work out these differences? By kind, honest communication. (Proverbs 12:18) Ivan adds: “We studied Bible-based articles on the subject of weddings, such as those published in The Watchtower of April 15, 1984.* This material helped us to have a spiritual view of the occasion. In view of our different backgrounds, we had to compromise in several areas of personal choice. We met somewhere in the middle.”

Aret and Penny followed a similar course. Regarding their wedding day, Aret says: “Penny and I discussed our different desires for the wedding, and we were able to reach a harmonious agreement. We prayed for Jehovah’s blessing on the day. I also sought the advice of our parents and some other mature married couples in the congregation. Their suggestions were very helpful. As it turned out, our wedding was beautiful.”
Maintaining Dignity in Dress and Grooming

It is understandable that both bride and groom want to be well-dressed for their wedding. (Psalm 45:8-15) They may spend time, effort, and money on appropriate clothing. Which Bible principles can help them to choose what is both dignified and attractive?

Consider what the bride wears for the occasion. While tastes vary from person to person and from country to country, the Bible’s admonition is applicable everywhere. Women are “to adorn themselves in well-arranged dress, with modesty and soundness of mind.” That applies to Christian women at all times, and it certainly includes the wedding day. The fact is that a joyful wedding does not require “very expensive garb.” (1 Timothy 2:9; 1 Peter 3:3, 4) How satisfying when this advice is applied!

David, mentioned earlier, comments: “Most couples endeavor to follow Bible principles, and they deserve commendation. There have been cases, though, when the gowns of brides and bridesmaids were immodest, being very low-cut or see-through.” In his meeting with the bride and groom beforehand, one mature Christian elder helps them to keep a spiritual perspective. How? By asking them whether the attire they have in mind would be modest enough to wear to a Christian meeting. Granted, the style of clothing might be different from regular meeting attire, and what is worn for the wedding may reflect local custom, but the level of modesty should accord with dignified Christian standards. Even if some in the world might view the Bible’s moral code as restrictive, true Christians are content to resist the world’s attempts to squeeze them into its mold.—Romans 12:2; 1 Peter 4:4.

“Rather than viewing the clothes or the reception as the most important thing,” says Penny, “Aret and I focused on the ceremony, the spiritual part of the occasion. It was the most important part of the day. The special things I remember are, not what I wore or ate, but whom I spent the day with and the happiness I felt at marrying the man I love.” A Christian couple do well to keep such thoughts in mind as they plan their wedding.
The Kingdom Hall—A Dignified Venue

Many Christian couples desire to have their wedding ceremony in a Kingdom Hall if such is available. Why do they prefer this? One couple explained their reasoning: “We realized that marriage is Jehovah’s sacred arrangement. Getting married in the Kingdom Hall, our place of worship, helped impress upon us right from the start that Jehovah needed to be part of our marriage. Another benefit of having the ceremony in the Kingdom Hall instead of at another location was that it showed our nonbelieving relatives who attended how important worship of Jehovah is for us.”

If the congregation elders responsible for the Kingdom Hall give permission for the wedding to be held there, the couple should advise them in advance of preparations that are being considered. One way the bride and groom can show due respect for those invited to the wedding is by being firmly resolved to arrive at the scheduled time for the wedding. And they will certainly want to be sure that everything is done in a dignified manner.# (1 Corinthians 14:40) They will thus avoid the outrageous displays that mark many worldly weddings.—1 John 2:15, 16.

Those who attend the wedding can also show that they have Jehovah’s view of marriage. For example, they would not expect the wedding to outdo other Christian weddings, as if there were some competition as to whose wedding was more elaborate. Mature Christians also realize that being at the Kingdom Hall for the Bible-based talk is more important and beneficial than being at a wedding feast or a gathering that might follow. If time or circumstances will permit a Christian to be present for only one of the two, being at the Kingdom Hall would certainly be preferable. An elder named William says: “If guests are needlessly absent from the Kingdom Hall but are present at the reception later, this shows a lack of appreciation for the sacredness of the occasion. Even if we are not invited to the reception, we can show our support for the bride and groom and give an excellent witness to nonbelieving relatives at the wedding by attending the ceremony at the Kingdom Hall.”
Joy That Lasts Beyond the Wedding Day

The commercial world has turned the wedding celebration into a huge industry. According to one recent report, the average wedding in the United States “costs $22,000, or half the average [annual] income of an American household.” Influenced by commercial propaganda, many newlyweds or their families incur for that one day a burdensome debt that they carry for years. Is such a course a prudent way to start one’s marriage? Those who do not know or do not care about Bible principles may opt for such extravagance, but how different it is among true Christians!

By limiting the size of their wedding to what is reasonable and affordable and by focusing on the spiritual aspect of the event, many Christian couples have been able to use their time and assets in line with their dedication to God. (Matthew 6:33) Consider the example of Lloyd and Alexandra, who have continued in the full-time ministry for 17 years since their marriage. Lloyd comments: “Some may have viewed our wedding as a rather simple event, but Alexandra and I were very pleased. We felt that our wedding day should be, not a financial burden to overcome, but a celebration of Jehovah’s arrangement to bring great happiness to two people.”

Alexandra adds: “I was in the pioneer ministry before we were married, and I did not want to give up this privilege just to have an extravagant wedding. Our wedding day was very special. However, it was only the first day of the rest of our lives together. We applied the advice to avoid concentrating too much on the act of getting married and have sought Jehovah’s guidance in our life of being married. This has definitely brought us Jehovah’s blessing.”%
A couple getting married

Keep the spiritual significance of your wedding day uppermost in mind

Yes, your wedding day is a special occasion. The attitudes and actions evident on that day can set a pattern for your married life for years to come. Therefore, rely on Jehovah for guidance. (Proverbs 3:5, 6) Keep the spiritual significance of the day uppermost in mind. Support each other in your God-assigned roles. You can thus lay a solid foundation for your marriage, and with Jehovah’s blessing, you will have joy that lasts well beyond your wedding day.—Proverbs 18:22.

Why Is Pornography So Widespread?

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 10:19:00 +0000

LASCIVIOUS material designed to arouse sexual feelings dates back thousands of years. But during much of its history, pornography was difficult to produce and was therefore available primarily to the rich and the ruling classes. Mass printing and the invention of photography and moving pictures changed all that. Pornography became affordable and available to the less affluent.

The development of the videocassette recorder escalated this trend. Unlike cinema reels and old photographs, videocassettes were easy to store, copy, and distribute. They also allowed for private viewing at home. Recently, the proliferation of cable systems and the Internet has made pornography even more readily available. The consumer who is afraid that his neighbor will see him in the adult section of a video store can now "stay at home and order by pushing a button on his cable system, or his direct TV," says media analyst Dennis McAlpine. Easy access to this kind of programming has, according to McAlpine, contributed to "a lot more acceptability."
Pornography Becomes Mainstream

Many are ambivalent toward pornography because it has now entered the mainstream. "It is already a vastly bigger cultural presence than all our opera, ballet, theatre, music and fine art put together," says writer Germaine Greer. Modern attitudes toward pornography may be reflected by the 'prostitute-chic' fashions many celebrities sport, the music videos that increasingly flaunt sexual imagery, and the advertising media's adoption of a "porno aesthetic." McAlpine concludes: "Society is accepting what is being spoon-fed to it. . . . That's helping create the idea that all of this is good." As a result, "people don't seem to have a sense of outrage," laments author Andrea Dworkin. "They don't seem to care."
Computer, videocassette, DVD, television

Pornography has become more accessible
Pornography's Rationale

Echoing author Dworkin's comments, retired FBI agent Roger Young points out that many people "just don't see the big picture of obscenity and the problems that it causes." Some are swayed by those who defend pornography, claiming that there is no proof that pornographic images have a negative effect on people. "Pornography is fantasy after all," writes author F. M. Christensen, "a fact that its opponents seem to have difficulty keeping in focus." But if fantasy has no power, then upon what is the advertising industry based? Why would corporations spend millions of dollars producing commercials, videos, and printed ads if they have no lasting impact on people?

The fact is that like all successful advertising, pornography's main purpose is to create appetites where none existed before. "Pornography is about profits, pure and simple," write researchers Steven Hill and Nina Silver. "And in this marketplace gone amok, anything is considered an exploitable and expendable resource, particularly women's bodies and human sexual relations." Greer compares pornography to highly addictive fast food, devoid of nutrition and laced with taste-enhancing additives and chemicals. "Commercial fast sex," she says, "is fake sex . . . Food advertising sells fantasy food and sex advertising sells fantasy sex."

Some doctors claim that pornography can spark an addiction that is far more difficult to overcome than drug addiction. Treatment for drug addicts usually starts with detoxification to remove the substance from the body. But addiction to pornography, explains Dr. Mary Anne Layden of the University of Pennsylvania, "produces mental imagery which is permanently implanted in the mind of the user and is scaled in by brain chemistry." That is why individuals can vividly recall pornographic images from years past. She concludes: "This is the first addictive substance for which there is no hope for detoxification." But does that mean it is impossible to break free from pornography's influence? And what specific harm does pornography cause?

Internet Pornography Facts

* About 75 percent of Internet pornography originates in the United States. Close to 15 percent originates in Europe.
* It is estimated that some 70 million people a week visit pornographic Web sites. About 20 million of these users are in Canada and the United States.
* A study revealed that during a recent one-month period, Germany had the largest audience for on-line pornography in Europe, followed by Great Britain, France, Italy, and Spain.
* In Germany, Internet pornography users spend an average of 70 minutes each month viewing pornographic sites.
* Among European viewers of Internet pornography, those above 50 years of age spend the most time connected to adult Web sites.
* According to one source, 70 percent of Internet pornography traffic occurs during the day.
* It is estimated by some that 100,000 Internet sites include material on child pornography.
* About 80 percent of the Internet's commercial child pornography originates in Japan.

PORNOGRAPHY Harmless or Harmful?

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 09:50:00 +0000

It creates appetites that should not exist, it stimulates cravings that should never be satisfied."—Tony Parsons, columnist.

JOHN never intended to become addicted to 'Internet sex. Like many other people who are accidentally exposed to pornography and sex chat rooms, he was using the Internet one day when he stumbled upon a site offering such chat rooms. Soon, he was completely absorbed in cybersex. "I would wait for my wife to go to work," he remembers, "hop out of bed and spend hours in front of the computer." During marathon sessions, he would not even stop to eat or drink. "I had no awareness of [being] hungry," he says. He began to lie to his wife about his secret activities. It started to affect his concentration at work, and he became more and more paranoid. His marriage began to suffer, and when he finally arranged to meet one of his cybersex partners in real life, his wife became aware of it. Today John is being treated for his addiction.

Antipornography activists point to stories like this as proof of the degrading effects of pornography. It destroys relationships, they claim, demeans women, abuses children, and engenders a perverted and harmful view of sex. On the other hand, supporters defend pornography as free expression and view the detractors as prudish. "People should not be ashamed of their sexual orientation or desires," writes one proponent. "Pornography can be used to start and stimulate open discussions about sex." A few even suggest that the proliferation of pornography is the hallmark of an open, healthy society. "A society mature enough to cope with the explicit depiction of sex between consenting adults is likely to be one comfortable with sexual diversity and women's equality," says writer Brian McNair.

Does society's ambivalence make pornography acceptable? Why is it so widespread? Is pornography really a dangerous pursuit? The Next Article will consider these questions.

Keys to Family Happiness

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:13:00 +0000

He says: “After we were married, Sarah* and I lived with my family at my parents’ house. One day, my brother’s girlfriend asked me for a ride home in our car. I obliged and took my young son along. But when I returned home, Sarah was furious. We started arguing, and right in front of my family, she called me a womanizer. I lost my temper and started saying things that irritated her even more.”

She says: “Our son has a serious health problem, and at the time, we had financial trouble. So when Fernando left in the car with his brother’s girlfriend and our son, I was upset for several reasons. When he came home, I let him know how I felt. We had a huge argument and called each other names. I felt terrible afterward.”

IF A couple argue, does this mean that they no longer love each other? No! Fernando and Sarah, quoted above, love each other dearly. Yet, even in the best of marriages, there will occasionally be some conflict.

Why do conflicts arise, and what can you do to prevent them from ruining your marriage? Since marriage is an arrangement designed by God, it makes sense to examine what his Word, the Bible, has to say on this subject.—Genesis 2:21, 22; 2 Timothy 3:16, 17.
Understanding the Challenges

Most married couples want to treat each other in a loving and kind manner. However, the Bible realistically notes that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) So when disagreements arise, emotions may be difficult to control. And if an argument starts, some may find it a real struggle to resist bad habits, such as screaming and abusive speech. (Romans 7:21; Ephesians 4:31) What other factors might cause tension?

A husband and a wife often have different communication styles. “When we were first married,” says Michiko, “I discovered that we had very different attitudes about discussing matters. I like to talk about not only what happened but also why and how it happened. My husband seems to be interested in just the end result.”

Michiko’s dilemma is not unique. In many marriages, one partner may want to discuss a disagreement at length, while the other dislikes confrontation and wants to avoid the subject. Sometimes, the more one partner pursues the matter, the more the other tries to avoid it. Have you noticed this pattern emerging in your marriage? Does one of you always seem to play the part of the discusser, and the other, the part of the avoider?

Another factor to consider is that an individual’s family background may influence his or her perception of how married couples should communicate. Justin, who has been married for five years, says: “I come from a quiet family and find it difficult to talk openly about my feelings. This frustrates my wife. Her family is very expressive, and she has no problem letting me know how she feels.”
Why Work to Resolve Problems?

Researchers have found that the most reliable indicator of how happy a marriage will be is not how often the couple say that they love each other. Sexual compatibility and financial security are not the most important factors either. Instead, the most dependable indicator of marital success is how well husband and wife manage any conflicts that arise.

In addition, Jesus said that when a couple marry, it is not man but God who yokes them together. (Matthew 19:4-6) Therefore, a good marriage honors God. On the other hand, if a husband fails to show love and consideration for his wife, Jehovah God may ignore the man’s prayers. (1 Peter 3:7) If a wife does not respect her husband, she is really disrespecting Jehovah, who appointed the husband as head of the family.—1 Corinthians 11:3.
Keys to Success—Avoid Damaging Patterns of Speech

No matter what your communication style or family background, there are some damaging patterns of speech that must be avoided if you are to apply Bible principles and manage conflicts effectively. Ask yourself the following questions:

‘Do I resist the urge to retaliate?’ “The squeezing of the nose is what brings forth blood, and the squeezing out of anger is what brings forth quarreling,” states a wise proverb. (Proverbs 30:33) What does that mean? Consider this example. What starts out as a difference over how to balance the family budget (“we need to control credit-card spending”) may quickly mutate into an attack on each other’s character (“you are so irresponsible”). True, if your mate ‘squeezes your nose’ by launching into an attack on your character, you may feel the urge to ‘squeeze’ right back. However, retaliation only leads to anger and an escalation of the disagreement.

The Bible writer James warned: “Look! How little a fire it takes to set so great a woodland on fire! Well, the tongue is a fire.” (James 3:5, 6) When marriage mates fail to control their tongue, small disagreements can quickly flare into raging conflicts. And marriages that are repeatedly ravaged by such emotional firestorms do not provide an environment in which love can grow.

Instead of retaliating, can you imitate Jesus, who when being reviled “did not go reviling in return”? (1 Peter 2:23) The quickest way to take the heat out of a quarrel is to acknowledge your mate’s viewpoint and to apologize for your part in the conflict.

TRY THIS: The next time a dispute arises, ask yourself: ‘What would it cost me to acknowledge my mate’s concerns? What have I done that contributed to this problem? What prevents me from apologizing for my mistakes?’

‘Do I minimize or belittle my spouse’s feelings?’ “All of you be like-minded, showing fellow feeling,” commands God’s Word. (1 Peter 3:8) Consider two of the reasons why you might fail to apply this advice. One is that you may lack insight into the mind, or the feelings, of your mate. For example, if your spouse is more distraught over some issue than you are, you might tend to say, “You’re just overreacting.” Your intention may be to help your mate see the problem in perspective. However, few people are comforted by such comments. Both wives and husbands need to know that the people whom they love understand and empathize with them.

Having undue pride might also prompt a person to belittle a mate’s feelings. A proud individual attempts to elevate himself by constantly putting others down. He might do so by means of name-calling or negative comparisons. Consider the example of the Pharisees and scribes of Jesus’ day. When anyone—even a fellow Pharisee—expressed an opinion that differed from that of these proud individuals, they resorted to name-calling and derogatory remarks. (John 7:45-52) Jesus was different. He empathized with others when they expressed themselves to him.—Matthew 20:29-34; Mark 5:25-34.

Think about how you react when your mate expresses his or her concerns. Do your words, tone of voice, and facial expressions convey empathy? Or do you tend quickly to dismiss your mate’s feelings?

TRY THIS: Over the coming weeks, notice how you speak to your spouse. If you are dismissive or say something demeaning, apologize immediately.

‘Do I often assume that my partner’s motives are selfish?’ “Is it for nothing that Job has feared God? Have not you yourself put up a hedge about him and about his house and about everything that he has all around?” (Job 1:9, 10) With those words, Satan called into question the motives of the faithful man Job.

If marriage mates are not careful, they may fall into a similar pattern. For example, if your mate does something nice for you, do you wonder what he or she wants or is covering up? If your mate makes a mistake, do you view this failing as confirmation that he or she is selfish and uncaring? Do you immediately recall similar mistakes from the past and add this one to the list?

TRY THIS: Make a list of the positive things that your mate has done for you and the good motives that could have prompted these actions.

The apostle Paul wrote: “Love . . . does not keep account of the injury.” (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5) Real love is not blind. But neither does it keep score. Paul also stated that love “believes all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:7) Not that this kind of love is gullible, but it is open to trust. It is not cynical, suspicious. The type of love that the Bible encourages is ready to forgive and is willing to give others the benefit of the doubt. (Psalm 86:5; Ephesians 4:32) When mates display this kind of love for each other, they will enjoy a happy marriage.

How Can I Cope When Tragedy Strikes?

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 14:45:00 +0000

Why did the terrorists have to kill my mom?"—Kevin.*

"[Before September 11], I used to love tunnels. Now I imagine dying in a tunnel because of its being blown up."—Peter.

Related topics:

* Does God Really Care About Us?
* Mankind's Problems Soon to End!

KEVIN'S mother was killed in the September 11, 2001, attack on the World Trade Center in New York City. Peter did not suffer a similar terrible loss, but he was still greatly affected by the events.

One news report says: "Thousands of children living in New York are struggling with mental problems related to [the attacks on] September 11 that in many cases will last into adulthood." Alarmingly, signs of emotional trauma were "just as prevalent in children who were nowhere near ground zero as in those who had witnessed the attacks first hand."#

The same might be said regarding other tragedies, such as suicide bombings in Israel and random shootings elsewhere. Regarding such shootings one expert on the effects of trauma said: "Even if [the children] live 2,000 miles away, these events can still increase [their] anxiety."

The reason? When disastrous events take place, young ones are exposed to a flood of graphic media coverage. Frightening images of terrorist bombings, school shootings, and natural disasters are repeated over and over again, making it difficult for many youths to erase the pictures from their minds. Little wonder that a survey conducted for the New York City Board of Education revealed: "Six months after the World Trade Center collapse, 76 percent of 8,266 public school students still thought frequently about the terrorist attacks."

We live in what the Bible calls "terrible times." (2 Timothy 3:1-5, New International Version) How can you cope when terrifying tragedies occur?%

Why Bad Things Happen

One way of dealing with emotions that seem to overwhelm you is to arouse your "clear thinking faculties." (2 Peter 3:1) Try to look at things from a rational, godly point of view. For example, you may need to remind yourself that many tragedies are simply the result of "time and unforeseen occurrence." (Ecclesiastes 9:11) Jesus Christ gave an example of this when he spoke of the collapse of a tower in Siloam. Eighteen people were killed in that local disaster. However, Jesus made it clear that the victims were not being punished by God. They died simply because they happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. (Luke 13:1-5) Meditating on this fact may help you to put disasters in perspective.

Clear thinking can also prevent you from becoming "enraged against Jehovah himself" and blaming him for the sad events. (Proverbs 19:3) Far from causing our misery, Jehovah is "the God of all comfort." (2 Corinthians 1:3) When tragedies occur, we need to draw close to him—not pull away in anger. Meditate on the Bible's words at James 1:13: "When under trial, let no one say: 'I am being tried by God.' For with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone."^

A tragic event that occurred centuries ago in the Middle East may serve to illustrate this point. The Bible tells us that the sole survivor of that catastrophe reported: "The very fire of God fell from the heavens and went blazing among the sheep and the attendants and eating them up." (Job 1:16) What a horrible calamity! And this terrified man obviously thought that God was responsible for it. Yet, God was not. Job 1:7-12 reveals that the fire was sent, not by God, but by God's Adversary—Satan the Devil!

That was a unique situation: Jehovah had given Satan special permission to test Job's integrity. So don't conclude that Satan is directly responsible for natural disasters such as storms and floods.** Even so, the Bible does say that "the whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one." (1 John 5:19) Hence, he can use human agents to wreak havoc and destruction.

Still, we do not need to feel helpless. Consider another incident, recorded in the Bible at 1 Samuel 22:12-23. There we learn of the vicious massacre of a group of faithful priests and their families. No doubt Satan had some role in spurring wicked King Saul on to commit this brutal act. However, faithful David, who later became king himself, wrote Psalm 52, in which he expressed confidence that God would annihilate the wicked men responsible for the calamity.—Psalm 52:5.

Similarly today, you can be sure that God will not forever tolerate Devil-inspired acts of murder and violence. Why, the Bible promises that God will soon use his Son, Jesus, to "break up the works of the Devil"! (1 John 3:8) Eventually, there will be no traces left of the damage Satan has done. By means of a resurrection, God can even restore to life individuals who have died in tragic acts of violence or terrorism.—Acts 24:15.

Practical Ways to Cope

This Bible-based hope can help you to avoid being overwhelmed by fear. But there are also some practical steps you can take. For example, note the Bible principle at Proverbs 12:25. Only by sharing your feelings with others can you receive the "good word" of encouragement. Doing so will also help you to realize that you are not going through your ordeal alone. So if you are feeling distressed, try opening up to your parents or to a mature member of the Christian congregation.##

Another suggestion: Don't overdose on graphic media coverage of tragic events. Doing so only makes it harder to erase troubling images from your mind.—Psalm 119:37.

Are you a Christian? Then stick with your routine of Christian activities. (Philippians 3:16) Such activities include attending meetings with fellow Christians and sharing your faith with others. (Hebrews 10:23-25) That will help to keep you from dwelling on negative thoughts. Isolating yourself would only damage you—emotionally and spiritually.—Proverbs 18:1.

Continuing to read the Bible daily can be particularly helpful in any stressful situation. The mother of a youth named Loraine was dying of cancer. Note how Loraine coped with this tragic situation: "I remember reading the book of Job several times during the ordeal. The book of Psalms also provided me with much comfort. As I read the comforting words from the Scriptures, I felt as if Jehovah were embracing me." Her sister Mishael likewise recalls: "If there was a day I skipped reading the Bible, I felt it. My mind would automatically go back to thinking negative thoughts. Reading the Bible gave me the spiritual nourishment I needed to get through each day."

If you have suffered loss—especially the death of a loved one—reading the brochure When Someone You Love Dies%% can be very comforting. Take the time to read and meditate on all the cited scriptures. Meditate, too, on the hope of the resurrection. "I would literally envision my mother coming back in the resurrection," says Loraine. "I would imagine hearing her say: 'I'm back. Now what did you cook for dinner?' That would make me smile."

Leaning on Jehovah in prayer can also give you the strength that you need to endure the worst of tragedies. Loraine recalls: "I was in the room when my mother took her last breath. I immediately asked Jehovah to give me the strength to endure and to get through this. I immediately felt the peace of God." Be specific in your prayers to Jehovah. Let him know exactly how you feel. "Before him pour out your heart," urges the psalmist.—Psalm 62:8.

As time passes, distress on earth will likely increase. (2 Timothy 3:13) Still, the Bible promises: "Evildoers themselves will be cut off . . . But the meek ones themselves will possess the earth, and they will indeed find their exquisite delight in the abundance of peace." (Psalm 37:9-11, 29) Clinging to this hope will help you to cope successfully when tragedies occur.

How Can I Deal With Sexual Harassment?

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 14:42:00 +0000

"Boys make wolf whistles and catcalls."—Carla, Ireland.

"Girls call on the telephone again and again. They try to wear you down."—Jason, United States.

"He kept touching my arm and trying to hold my hand."—Yukiko, Japan.

"Girls make suggestive comments to me."—Alexande.

"One boy kept shouting things at me from the school bus. He didn't really want to go out with me. He was just harassing me."—Rosilyn, United States.

A FLIRTATIOUS stare, a "compliment" with sexual overtones, an obscene joke, an overtly sexual touch—such treatment, when unwelcome and repeated, often amounts to what can be called sexual harassment. Although global statistics are hard to come by, surveys indicate that most school-age youths in the United States have experienced it.

Just what is sexual harassment? The book Coping With Sexual Harassment and Gender Bias, by Dr. Victoria Shaw, defines it as "bothering someone in a sexual way . . . It can be physical (such as touching someone in a sexual way), verbal (such as making unwelcome comments about someone's appearance), or nonverbal." Sometimes the harassment involves crude propositions.

Much of the harassment in school probably comes from your peers. However, in some cases the offending behavior has come from adults, such as teachers. An article in Redbook magazine speculates that the relatively small number of teachers who are actually convicted for sexual offenses "probably represents only the tip of the iceberg."

Women—and sometimes men—were subject to such mistreatment even back in Bible times. (Genesis 39:7; Ruth 2:8, 9, 15) And the Bible made this grim prediction: "There will be difficult times in the last days. People will be selfish, greedy, boastful, and conceited; they will be insulting . . . ; they will be unkind, merciless, slanderers, violent, and fierce." (2 Timothy 3:1-3, Today's English Version) So it is possible, even likely, that you will encounter sexual harassment yourself.
God's View

Admittedly, not all youths are distressed by sexually aggressive behavior. Some may find it amusing—or even flattering. One disturbing U.S. survey showed that among victims of sexual harassment, 75 percent admitted that they themselves had harassed others. Some adults may aggravate the problem by downplaying the seriousness of sexually aggressive behavior, brushing it off as just childish experimentation. But how does God view it?

God's Word, the Bible, clearly condemns all forms of sexual harassment. We are told not to "encroach upon the rights" of others by violating sexual boundaries. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8) In fact, young men are specifically commanded to treat "younger women as sisters with all chasteness." (1 Timothy 5:1, 2) Furthermore, the Bible condemns "obscene jesting." (Ephesians 5:3, 4) Therefore, you have a right to feel angry, upset, confused, and even demeaned when you are harassed!
What Do I Say?

Sharing religious beliefs Letting your Christian beliefs become common knowledge can be a protection

How, then, should you react if someone bothers you in this way? Sometimes a weak or vague response only makes a harasser try harder. The Bible tells us that when Joseph was propositioned by his employer's wife, he did not simply ignore her. Instead, he firmly rejected her immoral advances. (Genesis 39:8, 9, 12) Today, being firm and direct is still the best way to fend off harassment.

True, the one bothering you might not mean to offend you. What looks like harassment may actually be an unpolished attempt to attract your attention. So do not feel that you have to resort to uncouth behavior yourself to halt an unwanted advance. Simply saying something like, 'I don't like that kind of talk' or, 'Keep your hands to yourself, please' may get your point across. However you word it, do not water down your message. Let your no mean no! Young Andrea puts it this way: "If they don't catch on to your kind hints, you have to tell them straight out. It often comes to that." A firm 'Cut it out!' may do the job.

If the situation escalates, do not try to handle things alone. Try talking it over with your parents or other mature adults. They may have some practical suggestions for dealing with the situation. As a last resort, they may even feel it necessary to alert school officials. As uncomfortable as doing so might make you, it could protect you from further victimization.
Preventing Harassment

Of course, it's best to avoid being victimized in the first place. What might help in this regard? Andrea advises: "Never give the impression that maybe you are kind of interested. Others will hear about it, and the pressure will continue." The way you dress can play a major role. Young Mara says: "I don't dress like a grandmother, but I do avoid clothes that attract attention to my body." Rejecting sexual advances while at the same time wearing provocative clothes may be sending a mixed message. The Bible recommends dressing "with modesty and soundness of mind."—1 Timothy 2:9.

Two groups of young people By not associating with the wrong crowd, you may prevent harassment

Your choice of friends also affects how you are treated. (Proverbs 13:20) Rosilyn observes: "When some of the girls in a group like the attention from guys, the guys may assume that all the girls in the group feel the same way." Carla made the same point: "If you hang around with ones who give in to the remarks or who enjoy the attention, then you will get harassed too."

The Bible tells of a young girl named Dinah who associated with girls from Canaan—where women were known for their loose behavior. This led to her being sexually assaulted. (Genesis 34:1, 2) With good reason the Bible states: "Keep strict watch that how you walk is not as unwise but as wise persons." (Ephesians 5:15) Yes, being "strict" about how you dress, how you speak, and with whom you associate can do much to protect you from harassment.

For Christian youths, however, one of the most effective ways of fending off harassment is simply to let others know of your religious stand. Young Timon, one of Jehovah's Witnesses, recalls: "The kids knew that I was a Witness, so that stopped almost all the harassment." Andrea observes: "Telling them you are a Witness makes a big difference. They will realize that in many ways you are different from them and that you have strict moral standards."—Matthew 5:15, 16.
If You Are Harassed

Try as you may, you cannot entirely escape rude, abusive people. But if you are the victim of a harasser, there is no reason for you to pummel yourself with guilt—as long as you have behaved like a Christian. (1 Peter 3:16, 17) If the situation distresses you emotionally, find support by talking to your parents or to mature ones in the Christian congregation. Rosilyn admits that it's hard to feel good about yourself when you are being harassed. "Just having companionship," she says, "someone you can talk to, is very good." Remember, too, that "Jehovah is near to all those calling upon him."—Psalm 145:18, 19.

Taking a stand against mistreatment is not easy, but it is worth it. Consider, for example, the Bible account of a young woman from Shunem. Although she was not really harassed as the term is commonly understood today, she did receive unwanted advances from Solomon, the rich and powerful king of Judah. Because she was in love with another man, she resisted those advances. She could therefore say of herself with pride, "I am a wall."—Song of Solomon 8:4, 10.

Show the same moral fiber and determination yourself. Be a "wall" when it comes to unwanted advances. Make your Christian stand clear to everyone around you. By doing so, you can remain "blameless and innocent" and have the confidence that you have pleased God

How Can I Conquer This Habit?

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 14:38:00 +0000

PERHAPS you, like Luiz, have been enslaved to the habit of masturbation. You know that Jehovah would be pleased with you if you resisted the urge and exercised self-control, a fruit of God’s holy spirit. (Galatians 5:22, 23; 2 Peter 1:5, 6) But at times you give in. After each relapse, you conclude that you are a lost cause, that you are incapable of living up to God’s righteous standards.

That is precisely how young Pedro viewed himself. “When I relapsed, I felt terrible,” he says. “I thought that I could never atone for what I had done. I found it hard to pray. I would start by saying: ‘Jehovah, I don’t know whether you are going to hear this prayer, but . . .’” A young man named André had similar thoughts. “I felt like such a hypocrite,” he says. “It was a struggle to get out of bed in the morning and face the day. I found it difficult to sit through Christian meetings or to participate in the ministry.”

If your feelings are similar to those of Luiz, Pedro, or André, take courage. You’re not alone, and your case is not hopeless! Many young people—and older ones—have struggled with masturbation and have been able to overcome it. You can too.#
Dealing With Guilt

As already noted, those who have fallen into the habit of masturbation are often plagued with guilt. Without a doubt, being “saddened in a godly way” can give you the incentive to overcome the habit. (2 Corinthians 7:11) But excessive guilt can be counterproductive. It can make you feel so discouraged that you just want to give up the fight.—Proverbs 24:10.

Strive, then, to put the matter in perspective. Masturbation is a form of uncleanness. It can make you a ‘slave to various desires and pleasures,’ and it fosters attitudes that can be mentally corrupting. (Titus 3:3) At the same time, self-masturbation is not a form of gross sexual immorality, such as fornication. (Ephesians 4:19) Hence, if you have a problem with masturbation, you need not conclude that you have committed the unforgivable sin. The key is to resist the urge and never to give up your fight!

Sometimes it is easy to become downhearted after a relapse. When that occurs, take to heart the words of Proverbs 24:16: “The righteous one may fall even seven times, and he will certainly get up; but the wicked ones will be made to stumble by calamity.” A temporary setback does not make you a wicked person. So do not give up. Instead, analyze what led to the relapse, and try to avoid repeating the same pattern.

Instead of continually berating yourself for your problem, take time to meditate on God’s love and mercy. The psalmist David, who was no stranger to weakness, stated: “As a father shows mercy to his sons, Jehovah has shown mercy to those fearing him. For he himself well knows the formation of us, remembering that we are dust.” (Psalm 103:13, 14) Yes, Jehovah takes into consideration our imperfection and is “ready to forgive” when we err. (Psalm 86:5) On the other hand, he wants us to put forth effort to improve.

What practical steps can you take to conquer your habit and to avoid a relapse?
The Value of Confiding

Despite the publicity given to sex in a number of lands, many people still find it difficult to talk about sex in a serious, dignified way. In your case shame might make it difficult for you to bring up the subject even to a confidant. One Christian who struggled with masturbation for several years commented: “How I wish I could have summoned the courage to talk to someone about it when I was a youth! Feelings of guilt plagued me for many years, and it seriously affected my relationships with others and, above all, with Jehovah.”

Whom should you talk to? The best person would be someone who is spiritually mature, preferably a parent. You could start by saying: “May I talk to you about a problem that is bothering me a lot?”

Mário decided to talk to his father, who proved to be very sympathetic and understanding. He even admitted to Mário that he himself had battled with the habit when he was younger. “My father’s honesty and sincerity encouraged me greatly,” Mário says. “I reasoned that if he had been victorious, I could be too. I was so moved by my father’s attitude that I broke down and cried.”

André gathered the courage to talk to a Christian elder, and he is glad that he did.% “As the elder listened to me, his eyes filled with tears,” says André. “When I finished, he assured me of Jehovah’s love for me. He told me that my problem is a common one. He promised to check on my progress and to bring me more information from Bible-study aids. Talking with him, I resolved to keep up the fight—even if further relapses occurred.”

Like Mário and André, you can find help in your efforts to conquer the habit of masturbation. Follow the advice in the accompanying box, “Take the Offensive!” Yes, be assured that you can win the battle!

* Names in this article have been changed.

# Although the people quoted in this article are males, many females also struggle with masturbation. Hence, the advice given pertains to both genders. Note, too, that this article discusses masturbating oneself. Doing it outside of marriage to another person is included in what the Bible calls fornication, a very serious sin in God’s eyes.—See the article “Young People Ask . . . What’s Wrong With Premarital Sex?” in our issue of July 22, 2004, pages 12-14.

MARITAL FIDELITY WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN?

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 15:30:00 +0000

Most people expect marriage mates to be sexually faithful to each other. This view of marital fidelity agrees with the bible, which says: “Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement.
Is refraining from sex with other partners the full extent of what it means to be faithful in a marriage? What about sexual fantasies involving someone other than your marriage mate? Could a close friendship with some one of the opposite sex become a form of infidelity?
How ask an individual ask yourself : Are sexual fantasies Harmless? The bible present sex as a natural and whole some part of married life, a source of mutual joy and satisfaction. But many experts believe that it is normal even healthy for a married person to fantasize about other sexual partners. Are such fantasies harmless as long as they are not acted upon? Sexual fantasies typically focus on personal gratification. Such self-centered behavior is contrary to the bible’s advice for married people. Regarding sexual relations God’s word says: “The wife does not exercise authority over her own body, but her husband does; likewise, also, the husband does not exercise authority over his own body , but his wife does. Following the bible’s counsel prevents sex from becoming a fantasy-fueled act of lust and selfishness. As a result, both marriage mates enjoy greater happiness.
Fantasies of sex outside of marriage involve mentally rehearsing actions that if carried out would cause great emotional pain to one’s mate. Will engaging in sexual fantasies increase the likelihood of committing adultery? The simple answer is yes. The bible illustrate the link between thoughts and actions: “Each one is tired by being drawn out and enticed by his own desire. Then the desire, when it has become fertile, gives birth to sin”-James 1: 14, 15.
Jesus said: “Everyone that keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. This statement apply to both male and female, If a woman look at a man so has to have affection for him has already committed fornication in her heart. So by refusing to dwell on adulterous fantasies, you will safe guard your heart and protect your relationship.
Why do you have to be emotionally faithful? A successful marriage requires giving exclusive devotion to your mate. What does this mean? While it is normal to have friends of both sexes outside marriage, your marriage mate has first claim on your time, attention, and emotional energy. Any relationship that takes what is right belongs to your mate and gives it to someone else is forms of “infidelity” even if no sexual activity is involved, also I want you to note some thing, and that is sexual relationship outside the marriage constitute grounds for scriptural divorce.
How could such a relationship develop? Someone of the opposite sex may seems more attractive or empathetic than your spouse. Spending time with that one in the workplace or in a social setting can lead to discussing personal matters, including problems or disappointments in your marriage. An emotional dependency can grow. Communication in person, by telephone, or through online chat could become a betrayal of trust. Marriage mats properly expect that certain topics will be discussed only with each other and that their confidential talk will be kept private.
Beware of rationalizing that no romantic feeling exist when in fact they may!!! The heart is treacherous, says Jeremiah 17: 9. If you have a close friendship with some one of the opposite sex as yourself: ‘Am I defensive or secretive about the relationship? Would I be comfortable if my mate overheard our conversations? How would I feel if my mate cultivated a similar friendship? Always remember an improper relationship can lead to a marital disaster, since emotional closeness paves way for eventual sexual intimacy. As Jesus warns” out of the heart come adulteries. However, even if adultery does not result, the damage caused by loss of trust can be extremely difficult to repair. A wife named Joy said: When I discovered that Matthew( her husband) was secretly talking on the phone several times a day with another woman, my heart was broken. It is very hard to believe that they were not involve sexually. I am not sure that I will ever trust him.
Keep friendships with members of the opposite sex within appropriate boundaries. Do not ignore the presence of improper feelings or rationalize impure motives. If you sense that a relationship threatens your marriage, act quickly to limit or end it. The bible said: “Shrewd is the one that proceed to see calamity and conceal himself.”-proverbs 22: 3.
Our creator intended that marriage should be the closest relationship two humans. He said that husband and wife must become on flesh. THE FLESH BOND INVOVLES MORE THAN SEXUAL INTIMACY. It includes a close emotional bond, which is strengthened by unselfishness, trust, and mutual respect. Applying these principles will help to protect your marriage from damage caused by mental and emotional unfaithfulness.

Making money online without lefting up a finger

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 19:23:00 +0000

Investment you can do online, and make money with lifting a finger

Now every blogger now's you can make money with ads on your blog and due to high population of bloggers you just have to struggle hard for your blog to be seen by many, and for you to have some resonable amount of clicks to make money. But I want to tell you a secret you will forever cherish and appreciate me for telling you, and that is invest you can do online without lifting up a finger.

There are some sites that pay you to invest your money online without you lefting up a finger, let me tell you how it works so that you don't just start thinking how the hell are this site going to make money to give me back and even give me , my interest for investing with them. You see some of this site are associated with forex traders online, so some times when the traders run out of money intheor account, they may be lend some money to be able to trade and this money are lend is the money you invest and if they make profit the money will be shared into two and you will be paid from this money without having been invovle in the stress. I know you may be saying if the trader doesn't make any profit will my money not be lost.......lol, well the trader will not be allowed to trade beyond the money he had borrowed. So don't panic, even if the trader gain or loose, you will be paid okay.

Some times the money you invest is given as a leverage that is the trader will have the ability to control a large amount of money using none or very little of your own money and borrowing the rest. For example, in forex a trader, can control $100,000 with a $1,000 deposit. The trader leverage, which is expressed in ratios, is now 100:1. You’re now controlling $100,000 with $1,000, so the additional money that is given to the trader can also be the money you invested, so even if the trader looses or gain you will be paid for it.

Now I want to tell you , you can make enough money from this investment without worries of how many people visit your page, it a very good investment online, but you will have to have a liberty reserve account to be able to make deposit online and invest, you can register for a liberty reserve account at http://www.libertyreserve.com/?ref=U8990422

Now this are sites that pay you for just investing your money

The best internet investment
Earn a XXX% daily profit!

Use thsi link to register for a Liberty Reserve account http://www.libertyreserve.com/?ref=U8990422

The sites above are the sites that pay you to invest your money online, register Now, using the above link and invest your money why you realize and just check how much you have made. Thanks for reading through this hub. for more information on how to make money online go to http://moneyinus.blogspot.com Now.

PARTS OF YOUR BODY THAT MAKES YOU LOOK ATTRACTIVE

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 00:46:00 +0000

1. The Eyes
Often cited as the windows to the soul, the eyes were given as the number one feature you notice first! How do you improve it? If you're a woman, get out the books and fashion magazines and research some tips on making your eyes sparkle. If you're a guy, or if you are not big on make up, try these tips that always makes the eyes look great:

Get enough sleep. Red around the eyes is not very attractive.
Get your eyebrows shaped. The eyebrows are often over-looked, but if shaped properly can add a whole new dimension to your eyes.
Look directly at the person you are talking with. It shows your confident, and that you interested in them as person.

2. Your Smile
You can tell how open and loving a person is by their smile. And, if that special someone's curved, gorgeous lips are directed towards you... watch out! Improving this is as easy as taking care of your lips. Keep them out of the sun, or protected, and be real when you smile. Remember the instant turn off, a fake smile.

3. The Face
The attraction to the face is fairly self-explanatory. If that special someone doesn't like looking at it, then you're going to have problems! To keep your face looking great, keep it clean and protected from the sun. Find some products that work best for you and USE them!

4. Your Personality
Your personality is something that can't quite be changed unless you want it to be. So be comfortable with who you are, and the people who are around will be comfortable with you to!

5. Your Hair
There is something about running your fingers through silken locks of hair than can drive both men and woman alike crazy. If you don't feel confident about your hair, take a trip to the salon and find a style you really like. This is one area where it may be worth the extra money to get something really great!

6. Your Figure
The only thing that can help you here is good old fashion exercise and healthy eating. Or, a great self-image! :) Don't be fooled into thinking you have to have "the perfect body" either! Being confident about who you are is more than enough for someone who's worth having!

7. Your Posture
Someone who slouches, or walks with their head down is easy to associate with laziness or lack of ambition. Therefore, your posture is incredibly important when it comes to first impressions. To improve your posture, try stretching daily and/or a visit to your chiropractor.

8. Your Mouth
Your mouth is an easy target for desirability. Soft, full lips just beg to be kissed. Keep your lips in top shape by following the advice for your smile!

9. Your Clothes
Your clothes, are like a window to your personality. The care and the time you take (or lack of) on selecting your clothes lets other people know what you are like. Depending on what you wear, they also help you attract certain types of people.

10. Your Hands
There is something about hands that seem to attract many people. Maybe it's the thought of being protected, or sharing an intimate moment with another person. Whatever the passion, you can keep your hands looking great by keeping your nails well groomed and clean, and protecting your skin with lotion and/or sun screen.

A Lone Parent, but Not Alone

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 19:29:00 +0000

"When my children come home and give me a hug and tell me that they love me, that's the best part of being a mother."—Maria, A SINGLE MOTHER OF TWO.

SINGLE parents can find reassurance in the Bible statement: "Children are a blessing and a gift from the LORD." (Psalm 127:3, Contemporary English Version) When children are raised in a single-parent family, they are no less precious in God's eyes. Our Creator desires to see single-parent families succeed. The Bible says of him: "The fatherless boy and the widow he relieves." (Psalm 146:9) Single parents can be certain that God is ready to support them.

A child is entitled to be raised in a loving, safe, and secure environment that will allow him to develop physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It is each parent's duty and privilege to be used by God to train a child.

Many single parents have found that success requires diligent prayer, consistent application of Bible principles, and complete reliance on Jehovah. This is in line with the exhortation found at Psalm 55:22: "Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you."

From time to time, grandparents, local elders, and experienced parents in the Christian congregation may be available to assist a single-parent family to manage trying situations. True, family members and fellow worshipers can offer much to support the efforts of single parents, but the ultimate God-given responsibility rests with a child's parents.*

Happily, many single parents have managed successfully to handle the unique challenges of their situation and raise responsible, well-behaved, God-fearing children. Awake! spoke with a number of them. Here are some of the things such parents have in common.

* Sound home management. Successful single parents strive to be well organized and work hard to coordinate schedules. Proper planning and organization are essential. The Bible says: "The plans of the diligent one surely make for advantage."—Proverbs 21:5.
* Commitment. Successful single parents make family life one of their first priorities. They focus on putting the needs of their children ahead of their own.—1 Timothy 5:8.
* A balanced approach. Successful single parents neither minimize nor exaggerate problems; they seek solutions. They accept the difficulties and try to cope with them without self-pity or bitterness.
* Good communication. Successful single parents foster communication. They encourage clear and open expression of thoughts and feelings in the family. Says a single father about his children: "I talk to them at every opportunity. We have ‘cozy moments' when we prepare dinner. It is then that they really confide in me."
* Caring for oneself. Despite the demands on their time, successful single parents recognize that caring for their own spiritual, emotional, and physical needs is important. Ethel, a divorced single mother of two, explained: "I try to save some time for myself. For example, when a friend gives the children music lessons, that gives me an hour to myself. I sit down and leave the TV off."
* A positive attitude. Successful single parents maintain a positive outlook toward parenting and life in general. They see positive aspects in stressful situations. One single mother states: "I've come to realize that being a single parent is not all negative."

Gloria with her children

Family Bible study has helped Gloria's three children to become full-time Christian ministers. Here they look at a letter from and a photo of the oldest son, now serving as a missionary

Success Stories

Are these principles effective? Yes, as can be seen from numerous success stories of single parents. Gloria, a divorced, single working mother in England, who was mentioned in the first article, raised two sons and a daughter. All three of them grew up to become full-time Christian ministers, devoting their lives to promoting Bible education. When asked how she managed, Gloria explained: "The first challenge was to keep up a regular, interesting family Bible study. I wanted the children to be happy, to have peace of mind, to be content, and to be protected from pitfalls. I found a job working nights. My aim was to have the children with me whenever I could. Before I went to work, we had a family prayer and I put them to bed. My aunt stayed in the house while I was at work."

How did Gloria help her children set the right priorities? She continues: "My greatest aim was to put spiritual things first. We didn't have much money, and I was very open about this with the children. Whatever I asked them to do, I would do myself, and they were all cooperative." Reminiscing about how she kept a close-knit family, Gloria says: "The secret was doing things together. Nobody went off to his or her own room. We cooked, cleaned, decorated together. We balanced our activities. I always made sure there was recreation too."
Carolyn and her son, Joseph

Carolyn and her son, Joseph

Carolyn, a single mother of a young boy named Joseph, is pleased with the way he is growing up. What is her secret? "We read the Bible together at bedtime," she says, "and then I ask him questions about what he has learned. Additionally, we consider selected paragraphs from Bible-based publications and apply them personally. This helps Joseph when he faces problems, such as bullying at school." Carolyn admits that her life is by no means easy, but she does not feel that she is alone. She observes: "It is a constant struggle, but I feel that Jehovah has really helped me. I also receive a lot of encouragement from the Christian congregation."

The success stories of thousands of single parents, such as Gloria and Carolyn, prove that parents today can rely on the time-tested principles of the Bible to raise fine, spiritually strong children. (Proverbs 22:6) Success is possible! Single parenting provides many challenges that are opportunities for growth and sharing. Relying fully on God and being convinced that he will provide help is the best way to cope with the demands of single parenthood.—Psalm 121:1-3.

HOW A SINGLE PARENT CAN SUCEED

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 19:19:00 +0000

SINGLE-PARENT families have become a permanent and noticeable feature in many societies today.* As the traditional structure of husband, wife, and children gives way to other forms of family life, demographers and sociologists in many parts of the world are asking why.

Sociology professors Simon Duncan and Rosalind Edwards note that "long-term changes are taking place in family patterns and gender relations." Why? Some observers state that this is the result of people's choices about how they live their lives, within a context of economic, cultural, and social change.

Let us consider some of these changes, as well as the choices being made. Pressures of life are a major factor affecting people's lives. The outside world intrudes on their every waking hour. Time formerly spent on family activities is now spent on the Internet, in front of the TV, on the phone, in the car, on the run.

Economic pressures also take a toll. Modern conveniences come at a cost, so more parents are working. Being part of a mobile society has led many family members to live and work far away from the support system of their extended family and in some cases even far away from their spouse. In many lands popular culture is not helping either, as it often focuses on tearing down institutions that provide a sense of stability, such as marriage and family.#
The New Single Mother

Today's single mother does not necessarily fit the old stereotype of an unwed teen living on welfare. Unwed motherhood has lost much of its stigma and has even been glamorized by celebrity role models. In addition, many women are better educated and better able to support themselves—so marriage is no longer a financial prerequisite to motherhood.
Some Definitions

Various terms are used around the world to describe mothers who raise children alone. In some countries "single mother" is used to refer to never-married mothers, while in other lands "lone mother" is a term that encompasses a whole range of mothers who are bringing up children without a male partner in their household. Such mothers may be divorced, separated, or widowed, or they may never have been married.

In this series of articles, we use the terms "single parent" and "single mother" to refer to parents raising children without a spouse.

Some single mothers, especially adult children of divorced parents, remain single because they do not want to make their offspring suffer the pain of watching a parent leave. Other women become single mothers as a result of abandonment, not by choice. "Lone parenthood is not generally a selfish and wilful choice," states the Joseph Rowntree Foundation of Britain, "and children in lone-parent families are not neglected and undisciplined."

Still, the prevalence of single-parent families is a matter of concern because single parents and their children may suffer emotional stress, economic need, and social disadvantages. Some people may wonder if it is possible for one parent to raise children successfully. What are some of the special challenges facing single-parent families? How can a Christian successfully meet the challenge of raising children as a single parent?

* Sociologists point out that the number of single mothers 'overwhelmingly outweighs the number of single fathers.' Hence, these articles deal primarily with single mothers. However, the principles discussed apply equally to single fathers.

# For a detailed discussion of the general challenges of motherhood, see "Motherhood—Does It Take a Superwoman?" in the April 8, 2002, issue of Awake!

SINGLE PARENTHOOD—A TREND IN MANY LANDS

United States: "The number of single mothers increased between 1970 and 2000, from 3 million to 10 million; over the same time frame, the number of single fathers increased also, from 393,000 to 2 million."—U.S. Census Bureau.

Mexico: According to the newspaper La Jornada, teenage mothers account for about 27 percent of the total number of pregnancies in the country.

Ireland: The rate of single-parent households increased from 5.7 percent in 1981 to 7.9 percent in 1991. "Marital breakdown remains a very important route into single motherhood."—Single Mothers in an International Context, 1997.

France: "Since the late 1970s, the proportion of single-parent families has increased by more than 50 per cent."—Single Mothers in an International Context, 1997.

Greece: "Since 1980, the number of unwed mothers in [Greece] has increased by 29.8 percent. And according to data provided by the European Union, in 1997 the percentage of children born out of wedlock was 3.3 percent, while in 1980 it was only 1.1 percent."—Ta Nea newspaper, Athens, September 4, 1998.

Britain: "The proportion of families headed by a single parent has topped 25 per cent for the first time, reflecting a huge growth in the number of never-married mothers and a significant rise in the divorce rate over the past 30 years."—The Times, London, March 2, 2000.

Germany: "The number of single parents has doubled in the past two decades. Nearly all single-parent families . . . are headed by the mother."—Single Mothers in an International Context, 1997.

Japan: 'Lone-mother families have been on the increase since the 1970's.' In 1997, 17 percent of all households were headed by single mothers.—Single Mothers in an International Context, 1997; The World's Women 2000: Trends and Statistics.

Australia: Nearly 1 in 4 children live with only one of their biological parents. This is usually the result of a breakdown in the parents' marriage or relationship. It has been projected that one-parent families will increase between 30 percent and 66 percent over a 25-year period.—Australian Bureau of Statistics.

ACCURATE!! STEPS FOR BREAKING UP IN ANY RELATIONSHIP.

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 19:36:00 +0000

Just the words, break up, indicate a situation riddled with impending pain and loss. Even if both parties involved agree it is in their best interests to part romantic ways, there is still a certain amount of loss attached. The best way to approach a break up is to offer the person, to the best of your ability, a clean and clear separation. While there is no definitive way to do this, hear are a few guidelines that may help you.

#1 - Specific Reasons
Don't let them wonder what went wrong. Give them the exact specific reason why you want to break up. It will give them an opportunity to really evaluate what they've done to contribute to the demise of the relationship, and hopefully apply their knowledge to their next one.

#2 - Where To Do It
If you think they will be terribly upset, try a public place that will afford you some privacy, but will deter your partner from possibly "acting up." If at all possible, try to do it some place you can be alone to really talk things through. Avoid places that contain happy memories from your relationship. You don't want to spoil them.

#3 - How To Do It
While following guideline #1 is important, you also want to make sure you are not damaging their ego either. Make it clear to them that the relationship isn't working for you both because you expect different things from the relationship, or that you've reached a line that you don't feel you can cross back over. Take extra care in your choice of wording, but never lie.

#4 - After The Break Up
Your first meetings after a break up can be strained, at best. If you don't feel you'll be comfortable being around them until your emotions are more under control, try a cold turkey break up. Agree neither of you will have contact with each other for an agreed amount of time. Make sure you agree on the set amount of time during the break up process, or the ideal of remaining friends after may diminish.

Your other option is to try a sliding scale approach. Agree to only call or see each other once or twice a week, and slowly narrow it down from there. Agree not to talk about certain things like wishing you were back together, or whether you are seeing anyone new, etc.

If you must remain in contact with them because of school, work or family it is important to remain mature about the situation. Don't run out and date everyone. Allow your partner some breathing room and time to digest their newly found situation. Also, avoid gossiping about what went wrong. It just makes everything ugly.

#5 - Trial Separation
If you are unsure about wanting a permanent break up, try a trial one instead. To signify your commitment to trying to work things out, arrange an agreed upon dating schedule with your partner, maybe once a week. Arrange for the exact dates and times when you are asking for the separation!
Remember, no matter how you do it, or what you say, if you are completely honest with yourself and your partner you both will be able to move on and grow from your experience. Like the common phrase says, "If it was meant to be, it will be."

WHEN SHOULD A RELATIONSHIP BE OVER?

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 19:14:00 +0000

There are few things in life that are harder on a person than the time when they realize that the love they have worked so hard at, and spent so much time on, is finally over. For some, this realization is a complete shock and for others, they have seen the writing on the wall for some time now.

Breakup signs are often very difficult to spot, primarily because the people involved often do not want to admit that the relationship has failed. And unless something comes along and hits them in the face, telling them it's over; the natural tendency is to try to work through the problems. This happens more so when the couple have been together for a while.

The question that remains, therefore, is at what point do you really know that it's over?

First lets start with the glaring signs that the relationship is over:

1. You catch your partner in the act of having an unforgivable affair.

2. Your partner uses physical violence against you.

3. You argue non-stop about everything. You can't agree on anything.

The above are obvious, any of the three things occurring above, ESPECIALLY NUMBER TWO, are sure signs that the relationship is coming to an, often abrupt, end.

There are however some other signs to look out for. Sometimes it is necessary to accept the painful fact that the relationship you are in is just not good for you. While I am usually the staunchest advocate for the "you can make it through anything as long as you have love" club, even I have to admit that there are situations where one or both of the partners are just better off apart.

The most common instance of this is when one partner is INTENTIALLY holding the other partner back. When two people have separate dreams and goals, friction can occur, especially if neither of them are willing to compromise. In some instances, however, jealousy leads one of the partner's to be excessively controlling of the other. In these situations, if they are UNRESOLVABLE, it is better to leave than stay.

Other reasons to leave include:

1. You realize that you don't love your partner.

2. You find yourself thinking more and more about how good single life was.

3. You realize that your partner doesn't love you, but is with you because they don't want to hurt you.

4. You have no common interests or goals.

5. You find that you cannot stand their annoying little habits, and they won't change.

6. You find it impossible to be yourself around your partner.

7. Your partner cuts you down, makes you feel bad about yourself, and constantly devalues your goals and ideas.

Under no circumstances should anyone stay in a relationship that is bad for them, just because they feel that being in a relationship, even a bad one, is better than being alone.

Ways To Feel More Confident To Date

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 18:07:00 +0000

Some people are so shy when it comes to dating anyone, or even taking the initiative to start a new relationship.
Okay, so the idea of approaching someone for a date absolutely terrifies you. Or, maybe you're so nervous about revealing too much about yourself that you can't get past anything other than, "Do you come here often?" If this rings true, then it's time to conquer that inner voice inside of you and become the dating guru you know you were meant to be.

First, you need to realize that you're not alone. Your fears are the same fears just about everyone else in the room also has. One person may be worrying about their weight, the other about their height. Everyone has his or her insecurities. Once you truly realize this, the playing field becomes much easier to approach. The next time you're out in a public situation, try to figure out each person's hidden insecurity. If you watch closely you'll begin to read more about people than just their insecurities.

You're more in control of how people view you than you think. Take a good look in the mirror. What do you see? How is your posture? Your smile? Your clothing? Could you use a mini-makeover? Taking time for personal enhancement is a very self-rewarding gesture. I'm sure you've heard the saying, "If you look good, you feel good." Guess what? It's true! Make it a point to consciously think about the way you are standing, if you are smiling and the effort you've put into your appearance. Pretty soon it will become natural way of thinking.

Actions can drown out your nagging voice of self-doubt. When was the last time you did something that terrified you? Shake things up a bit. Try something new at least once a week. The more you're able to successfully navigate the world around you the more your self-confidence will increase. In addition, if you're busy doing things and being a part of the world around you'll have less time to worry about self-doubt.

Are you prepared? You can quickly lose self-confidence and end up trying to anticipate defensive maneuvers by being caught unprepared for certain situations. Be on the offense instead. Lose that nagging voice inside and go ahead and try your hand at small talk. It may feel very uncomfortable at first, but hey, riding a bike the first time wasn't a piece of cake either!

So take the initial approach and take to her the way you heart feel for him or her, then you will gain her heart, Just make sure you dress well, because I want you to always have in mine that the way you dress is the way any one will address you, Always try to dress well. I bet you you will win her heart.
If you have any thing to say about these, either contribution nor suggesstion please do not hesitant to do that.

How you can Build your Self-Esteem to Date any One

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 16:24:00 +0000

Is self-esteem a crucial ingredient for a happy, healthy long-term relationship? To answer simply, yes! For a more in-depth reason as to why, let's take look at what self-esteem actually means.

Self-esteem is a feeling of pride in yourself. It is feeling worthy of your own AND another's respect. In a relationship, no other trait has more value concerning the way we perceive each other's actions. If your sense of self-esteem is off, you are more prone to see things incorrectly and judgmentally. If you're always worried that people will see you for the worthless thing you feel you are, then chances are your perspectives on situations will slant towards the negative.

People who are truly comfortable with themselves are naturally going to be comfortable with other people. It doesn't stop there. A healthy dose of self-esteem does more than just make you feel good. It makes you an actual, equal partner in a relationship. Therefore, if you've been grappling with issues of insecurity and self-doubt you will find the following six golden rules to a healthy self-esteem of immense value to you. Read through these ideals and discover ways you can integrate them into your life. They may be just the right amount of insight for you to finally find the happiness you deserve.

#1: Only Make Commitments You Know You Can Meet
One only has to become burdened down with overwhelming, hopeless tasks to understand this principle fully. Do not agree to do more than you are capable of. Doing so just makes everything you attempt feel like a failure. Soon or later, those feelings are going to start making you doubt yourself. To correct this path of self-doubt, first finish everything you've started. Then, take a look at new projects you'd like to tackle…one-at-a-time. If taking on too much is a problem area for you, try using this system. Most people can expect to do two undertakings extremely well. When you start adding on a third, a fourth or even more, each activity or undertaking suffers to the degree you are overburdened. A perfect example of this is the person who is attending college and working full-time. If they choose to do extremely well in both of these endeavors, you will usually find their social, family or other life areas lacking.

#2: Let Your Creativity Rule
The only way to know how well you do something is to actually do it. Creativity plays a large part in the level of self-esteem we each contain. If you allow your creativity to direct you to new experiences without invalidating it, you may discover a new and more resourceful you. Creativity also plays a practical role, in addition to its naturally whimsical nature. For instance, instead of focusing on the problems of your life, learn to trust your instincts and your creative attributes to find the perfect solutions. To fully develop this characteristic, take one creative idea a week and actually do it. It could be anything from a desire to learn a new hobby or to finding a simple way of doing an old task. Just make sure you do something!

#3: Look At The Bright Side of Things
It is extremely difficult to find respect in others or ourselves if we continually focus on the negative things that are happening around us. No matter where we are, or what is going on around us there will always be unpleasantness in our world. Dwelling on it isn't going to make those things disappear. No one is asking for you to live your life with blinders on, but rather to realize that true living is actually living moment-to-moment. It shouldn't be spent focusing on how things may hurt us, or who's done what to us, or even why things have happened. The only occurrence you can hope to achieve by this is a life that has fallen short of your expectations. Instead, take time to notice one positive aspect about everything that happens in your life. If you can learn to trust in yourself fully, you will realize that circumstances enter your life for a reason. Maybe, you need to learn a valuable lesson or you are being steered away from something that would have been harmful for you. Don't underestimate the power of positive thinking.

#4: Be Honest With Yourself And Others
The quickest way to losing your self-esteem is through dishonesty. How can you ever hope to feel confident in yourself if you are always worried about what someone may find out? Being dishonest, even holding back a truth, opens the door to nagging self-doubt and insecurities. Do yourself a huge favor AND save a lot of needless worrying by just staying true to yourself and others.

#5: Acknowledge Yourself
I feel a rather large and undeserved amount of time is spent on getting other people to acknowledge us. While a "Hey, you did great!" feels wonderful, we shouldn't get in the habit of expecting it from people. No one needs someone else to tell him or her that what they've done is valid or true. Deep down we all know if it is. Whatever you do, learn to feel confident and trusting about your own abilities, without the opinion of a third party.

#6: Never Devalue Yourself
If you want people to learn to respect you and your wishes, you have to learn to respect yourself first. If you are being asked to do something, or you'd like to try something new, don't belittle yourself to the point of not attempting it. How do you know if you'll have talent in an area or not? Every time you think something negative about yourself, outweigh it with a more positive self-thought.

Thoughts To Ponder:
"He who sets a very high value upon himself has the less need to be esteemed by others." -Samuel Butler

"Tackling a job that seems worth doing, and doing it in a competent manner, is…the best way for a person to gain self-esteem." -John Holt

"Self-control and self-esteem vary directly: The more self-esteem a person has, the greater, as a rule, is his desire, and his ability, to control himself. The desire to control others and self-esteem vary inversely: the less self-esteem a person has, the greater, as a rule, is his desire and his ability, to control others." -Thomas S. Szasz

HOMEWORK: Gaining self-esteem is often found by gaining a thorough knowledge of one's self. This week make learning more about your habits, your abilities and your thought processes a priority. On a piece of paper make three columns. In one column, write down everything that you can do extremely well. In the other column, list the things you feel you are average at. In the third column, write down the things you feel you are really terrible at. Choose one thing from each column to devote more time to. When you feel you have adequately tackled these endeavors to the best of your ability, chose another set of things to do, and so on. In addition to this, keep a "feelings journal." Use it to record your feelings about certain occurrences that have happened, and to log how you're feeling each day. After a while, go back and read through it to see what things happened on the days you were happiest and the days you weren't. Keeping this type of journal is an excellent way of discovering patterns of behavior we weren't aware of doing.

42 THINGS THAT MAKES UP A GREAT PARTNER FOR A RELATIONSHIP

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 10:53:00 +0000

Many have been wondering what really makes a great partner, that is why I am telling you now to lookout for these qualities in any one that you think you want to date, The followings are what makes up a great partner:-

1. Someone who knows what you need before you say it.
2. Someone who knows when to laugh and when to cry.
3. Someone who truly listens when you have something to say.
4. Someone that's there for you during the good and bad times.
5. Someone who is caring .
6. Someone who loves you with all their heart and soul.
7. Someone who is interested in reality and not as a fashion display.
8. Someone who is honest.
9. Someone you can trust them like a sibling, confide in like a friend but most of all, love as the great lover they are.
10. Someone who is open and responsive.
11. Someone who is never critical and ill-tempered in respect to your needs.
12. Someone who knows when things have to be compromised in the relationship.
13. Someone who understands listening is a key, but using what is heard is even more important.
14. Someone who's there for you no matter what.
15. Someone who is trustful.
16. Someone who is a friend.
17. Someone who gives a shoulder to cry on.
18. Someone with a great sense of humor.
19. Someone who has things in common with you.
20. Someone who takes time to listen and enjoy you for who you are and tries not to make you something else.
21. Someone with a constant open ear, open heart, and open mind to accept and love people for who the really are.
22. Someone who will always be there to support your ideas without argument and love you for everything that you are.
23. Someone that can get a point across without yelling.
24. Someone that remembers all the cute stupid stuff you love.
25. Someone that has a personality with qualities you don't have yourself, but admire greatly in them.
26. Someone who realizes you're two separate people, and appreciates the differences.
27. Someone who can sense a mood problem, and not take it personally.
28. Someone who understands the difference between PMS, and a real problem.
29. Someone who can make you happy when your sad.
30. Someone who tells you the truth even if you don't want to hear it.
31. Someone who will not hurt you intentionally.
32. Someone who is a sweet, romantic person who cherishes you no matter what.
33. Someone that you can laugh with.
34. Someone who you can feel comfortable with and that you don't care what kind of weird stuff they see you do because you know they will still love you no matter what.
35. Someone who will love you in spite of your little idiosyncrasies.
36. Someone that would do anything to show how much they care.
37. Someone who is a great pal, a great kisser, and a great lover!
38. Someone who allows you to be yourself around them.
39. Someone who will respect you.
40. Someone who cherishes your hopes and is kind to your dreams.
41. Someone who knows you're not perfect, but treats you as though you are.
42. Someone who listens with their heart and is your source of inspiration.

ARE YOU SOME ONE THAT CAN BE DATED?

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 10:49:00 +0000

So often when there is something we decide we want, we spend all of our focus and energy on the flow of getting it. Unfortunately, what we don't realize is that with an attentive eye focused on ourselves we will find the answer to our quest. If you've ever wondered why you may be finding it difficult to find your perfect match, it may be time to analyze what it is you are offering. The following questions are aimed at helping you discover your date ability.

Are you happy?
People pick up on unconscious thoughts. If you're not happy, it is pretty safe to say you are permeating the air with your negativity. Find out what would really make you happy, and do it! Positive people are people magnets. Find yourself and you may also find the other half you are looking for.

Do you say "my ex" more than 5 times a day?
What's done is done. If you want a potential partner to remain interested, don't give off signs that you're still emotionally committed. Allow yourself the freedom to be free. Sometimes it is easier to cling to the past than to face what is right in front of you. Don't let thoughts of an ex hold you back from enjoying your future.

Are you financially stable?
While this is not an end-all criterion, it does reflect how independent, stable or ambitious you are. If you're not in a comfortable financial place now, make a change. Do some research on getting out of debt, or ways to increase your monetary flow. You'll feel happier, and be a better catch, even if all you have is a plan of action that you are carrying out.

Do you have future goals, dreams or desires?
A dream is an aspiration for something greater than you have now. It could mean improving yourself, visiting a foreign land, or even owning a rare collector's piece. Whatever your dreams and goals are to you, it is important to have them, and have plans to achieve them. A person who is trying to achieve a goal or dream is showing that they are willing to grow as a person. It can also show your ability to make something happen for yourself and possibly for a potential partner.

What are you doing for you?
If you aren't engaged in any hobbies, self-improvement or other interests you may be giving signals that you will be overly dependent on a potential partner. Furthermore, having independent interests will help you keep your personal identity in a relationship, which at times can feel like a thing of the past.

Do you know what went wrong in your past relationship(s)?
The first step to overcoming a problem is to realize there is one. If you haven't already, take an objective look at your past relationships and find out how you contributed to their demise.

Do you know what you want in a new partner?
If you haven't taken the time to narrow this down, this could very likely be the reason you are without. When creating your list, be sure to include things you do not want as well. Mark off which things are red flags and which things you can live with. If you find an interest entering a red flag zone, do yourself a favor and look for someone else.

Pondering on these questions and answering them accurately from you Heart will help you know if you are dateable.

How you can Avoid - Homosexuality?

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 12:40:00 +0000

“When I was 12, I was attracted to a girl at school. I was confused and worried that I might be a lesbian.”—Binta

“During my teens I struggled with an attraction to other males. Deep down, I knew those thoughts weren’t normal.”—Olef.

“My girlfriend and I kissed once or twice. Since I still liked boys, I wondered if I might be bisexual.”—Sarah.

TODAY’S tolerant attitudes have prompted a number of youths to experiment with same-sex relationships. “Many girls in my school claim to be either lesbian, bisexual, or ‘bi-curious,’” says 15-year-old Becky. Christa, 18, finds the situation similar at her school. “Two classmates have actually propositioned me,” she says. “One wrote me a note asking if I wanted to see what it was like to be with a girl.”

With same-sex relationships being flaunted so openly, you may wonder: ‘Is homosexuality really bad? What if I’m attracted to someone of my sex? Does that mean I’m gay?’
How Does God View Homosexuality?

Today, many people—even some clergymen—soft-pedal the issue of homosexuality. Yet, the Bible leaves no room for confusion. It tells us that Jehovah God made man and woman and that he purposed for sexual desires to be fulfilled only between husband and wife. (Genesis 1:27, 28; 2:24) It comes as no surprise, then, that the Bible condemns homosexual acts.—Romans 1:26, 27.

Of course, many would say that the Bible is out-of-date. For example, 14-year-old Megan asserts, “Some of the things stated in the Bible have no place in today’s world.” But why are some so quick to make that claim? Often, it is because the Bible’s view conflicts with their own. They reject God’s Word because it teaches something different from what they want to believe. That view is biased, though, and the Bible encourages us to rise above such closed-minded thinking! In fact, in his Word, Jehovah God urges us to consider the fact that his commandments are for our good. (Isaiah 48:17, 18) That is reasonable. After all, who knows our human makeup better than our Creator?

As a young person, you may be experiencing a variety of emotions. What if you feel attracted to a member of the same sex? Does this automatically mean that you are a homosexual? No. Remember, you are in “the bloom of youth,” a period in which you are subject to involuntary sexual arousal. (1 Corinthians 7:36) For a time, your attention may focus on a member of the same sex. But having such an attraction does not mean that you are gay. In fact, statistics indicate that such inclinations usually fade in time. Still, you might wonder, ‘How do these desires start in the first place?’

Some say that homosexuality is rooted in the genes. Others say it is a learned behavior. It is not the purpose of this article to delve into the “nature-versus-nurture” debate. Indeed, it seems that it would be a gross oversimplification to attribute homosexuality to a single cause. Homosexuality—much like other forms of behavior—appears to be far more complex than that.

Regardless of the cause, the important thing to realize is that the Bible condemns homosexual acts. Thus, the person who is struggling with same-sex desires is presented with a reachable goal—he or she can choose not to act on those desires. To illustrate: A person might be “disposed to rage.” (Proverbs 29:22) In the past he may have freely given in to fits of anger. After studying the Bible, though, he becomes aware of the need to develop self-control. Does this mean that he will never again feel anger welling up inside him? No. However, because he knows what the Bible says about uncontrolled anger, he refuses to succumb to his feelings. It is similar with a person who has felt attracted to others of the same sex but who has now come to learn what the Bible says about homosexual practices. On occasion, an improper desire may still present itself. Nevertheless, by heeding the counsel of the Bible, the person can refrain from acting on that desire.

Granted, same-sex desires may be strongly entrenched. Be assured, though, that even deeply rooted wrong desires are not insurmountable. (1 Corinthians 9:27; Ephesians 4:22-24) Ultimately, you are in control of how you will live. (Matthew 7:13, 14; Romans 12:1, 2) And despite claims to the contrary, you can learn to control your impulses—or at least refrain from acting on them.
Reject Wrong Practices

How can you keep from getting involved in homosexual practices?

* First Throw all your anxieties upon Jehovah in prayer, confident that “he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7; Psalm 55:22) Jehovah can fortify you with a peace that “excels all thought.” This can ‘guard your heart and your mental powers’ and give you “power beyond what is normal” to keep from acting on wrong desires. (Philippians 4:7; 2 Corinthians 4:7) Sarah, who struggled with the fear that she might be bisexual, says: “Whenever my thoughts disturb me, I pray; and Jehovah sustains me. Without his help I couldn’t have dealt with this problem. Prayer is my lifeline!”—Psalm 94:18, 19; Ephesians 3:20.
* Second Fill your mind with upbuilding spiritual thoughts. (Philippians 4:8) Read the Bible daily. Never underestimate its power to shape your mind and heart for good. (Hebrews 4:12) A young man named Jason says: “The Bible—including scriptures such as 1 Corinthians 6:9, 10 and Ephesians 5:3—has had a powerful effect on me. I read these scriptures whenever wrong desires occur.”
* Third Shun pornography and gay propaganda, which will only fuel wrong thoughts.# (Psalm 119:37; Colossians 3:5, 6) Some motion pictures and television programs also foster the belief that homosexuality is nothing more than a so-called alternative lifestyle. “The world’s warped thinking affected my mind and added to my sexual confusion,” says Anna. “Now I steer clear of anything or anyone that promotes homosexuality.”—Proverbs 13:20.
A teenage girl confiding in a Christian adult

Seek the support of a mature Christian adult

* Fourth Seek out a confidant, and talk to him or her about your thoughts. (Proverbs 23:26; 31:26; 2 Timothy 1:1, 2; 3:10) Olef, who sought the help of a Christian elder, recalls: “His counsel was very effective. I wished I had spoken to him a lot earlier.”

Do Not Give Up!

Of course, some would say that there’s no point in doing all this, that you should simply embrace your sexuality and accept what you are. But the Bible says that you can do better than that! It tells us, for example, that some early Christians who had formerly practiced homosexuality changed. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11) You too can win the battle—even if at this point it is only being waged in your heart.

If your desires persist, do not give up or conclude that you are a lost cause. (Hebrews 12:12, 13) All of us battle wrong inclinations at times. (Romans 3:23; 7:21-23) If you refuse to act on wrong desires, in time they may subside. (Colossians 3:5-8) Above all, lean on Jehovah for help. He loves you and knows what will make you happy. (Isaiah 41:10) Yes, “trust in Jehovah and do good . . . , and he will give you the requests of your heart.”—Psalm 37:3, 4.

* Names in this article have been changed.

# “Metrosexuality”—a lifestyle in which men give excessive attention to themselves and particularly their appearance—has done much to blur the line between gay and straight. According to the man who reportedly coined the term, the metrosexual “might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference.” The popularity of the term, says one encyclopedia, “followed the increasing integration of gay men into mainstream society and a correspondingly decreased taboo towards homosexuality and changing masculinity.”

A Child’s Early Years What Should Parents Do?

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 19:56:00 +0000

WHAT a person learns or does not learn during childhood can affect his future abilities. What, then, do children need from their parents to develop into balanced, successful adults? Consider what some have concluded based on research done in recent decades.
The Role of Synapses

Advances in brain-imaging technology enable scientists to study brain development in greater detail than ever before. Such studies indicate that early childhood is a critical time for developing the brain functions necessary to handle information, express emotions normally, and become proficient in language. “Brain connections are being wired at an extraordinarily rapid rate in the early years, as the landscape of the brain is shaped by moment-to-moment interactions of genetic information and environmental stimuli,” reports Nation magazine.
A baby

Scientists believe that the majority of these connections, called synapses, are made in the first few years of life. This is when “a baby’s potential future wiring for intelligence, sense of self, trust and motivation for learning is laid down,” according to Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, a professional in the field of child development.

A baby’s brain grows dramatically in size, structure, and function during the first few years. In an environment that is rich in stimulation and learning experiences, synaptic connections multiply, creating a broad network of neural pathways in the brain. These pathways make thinking, learning, and reasoning possible.

Baby left alone

Infants left alone without stimulation may not develop as well as others

It may be that the more stimulation an infant brain gets, the more nerve cells get turned on and the more connections are made between them. Interestingly, this stimulation is not merely intellectual, acquired through exposure to facts, figures, or language. Scientists have found that emotional stimulation is also needed. Research indicates that infants who are not held and touched and are not played with or stimulated will form fewer of these synaptic connections.
Nurturing and Potential

Eventually, as children get older, a sort of pruning takes place. The body appears to discard synaptic wiring that may be unnecessary. This could have a profound effect on a child’s potential. “If a child does not get the right kind of stimulus at the right age,” says brain researcher Max Cynader, “then the neurological circuits will not develop properly.” According to Dr. J. Fraser Mustard, the result can be lower IQ, poor verbal and mathematical skills, health problems as an adult, and even behavioral problems.

So it seems that the experiences a person has as an infant can have a definite effect on his adult life. Whether the person is resilient or fragile, whether he learns to think in abstract terms or is lacking in this ability, and whether he becomes empathetic or not can be influenced by his early childhood experiences. So the role of parents is especially important. “One of the most critical aspects of this early experience,” notes a pediatrician, “is a sensitive parenting figure.”

That may sound simple enough. Nurture and care for your children, and they will prosper. Unfortunately, parents know that understanding how to care for children properly is not always so simple. Effective parenting is not always intuitive.

According to one study, 25 percent of parents polled did not know that what they did with their child could enhance or hamper his or her intelligence, confidence, and love for learning. This raises the questions: What is the best way to develop your child’s potential? And how can you provide the right atmosphere? Let us see in the fellowing article. to get the next article please post a comment or subscribe for new hits okay.

How Important Is Early Child Training?

idemisaac@yahoo.com (isaac) — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 19:53:00 +0000

A woman who was 40 years old and desperately wanted a child. During her pregnancy, however, a doctor warned her that her baby could be born with a learning disability. She refused to give up, and she gave birth to a healthy baby.

Shortly after the birth of her son, she began reading to him and talking to him at every opportunity. As he got older, they played games, went on outings, practiced counting, and sang songs. “Even during bath time we played something,” she remembers. It paid off.

While still in his mid-teens, Stephen graduated from the University of Miami with honors. Two years later, at age 16, he finished law school, and according to his biography, he later became the youngest lawyer in the United States. His mother, Dr. Florence Baccus—a former teacher and retired guidance counselor—has devoted much time to the study of early learning. She is convinced that the attention and stimulation she gave her son in his infancy changed his future.
Nature Versus Nurture

A subject of important controversy among child psychologists in recent times has been the role in a child’s development of “nature,” that is, what the child has inherited, and “nurture,” the rearing and training it has received. Most researchers are convinced that a child’s development is influenced by a combination of these two factors.

Little girl typing on a computer

Early life experiences
can influence how a
child’s brain develops

Child-development expert Dr. J. Fraser Mustard explains: “What we clinically now know is that the experiences the child is exposed to in the early years of his life influence how that child’s brain develops.” Professor Susan Greenfield likewise states: “We know, for example, that violinists develop more brain territory for fingers on the left hand than other people do.”
What Training to Provide

Taking a cue from these findings, many parents not only go to great lengths to send their children to the right day care but also spend lavishly on music and art classes. Some believe that if a child practices everything, when he gets older he will be able to do everything. Specialized tutoring programs and preschools are proliferating. Some parents are willing to do whatever they possibly can to give their children an advantage over others.

Young boy playing with paints

Play stimulates creativity
and develops a child’s skills

Does this type of devotion prove entirely beneficial? While it may seem to offer children an upbringing with boundless opportunities, in many cases these children miss the crucial part of the learning experience that comes through unstructured play. Spontaneous play, say educators, stimulates creativity and develops a child’s social, mental, and emotional skills.

Some development experts believe that parent-led play is creating a new type of problem child—micromanaged children who are stressed and emotionally volatile, cannot sleep, and complain of aches and pains. One psychologist observes that by the time these children reach their teenage years, many have not learned to develop coping skills and are “burned out, antisocial and rebellious.”

Thus, many parents are in a quandary. They want to help their children to reach their full potential. Yet, they can see the folly of pushing small children too hard, too fast. Is there a way to strike a reasonable balance? What capacity do young children have for growth, and how can it be nurtured? What can parents do to ensure that their children will be successful?