Funny Stuff

Retired Husband

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 00:35:00 +0000

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Clifton:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Clifton, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail from a jar of brown gravy on the floor leading to the both the ladies and men's restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

Cat With Bunny Mask

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 17:26:00 +0000

Have you ever seen a cat put on a bunny mask? If not, then you have got to check out the video posted below. This is incredibly funny stuff! In fact, this is one of the funniest videos that we have seen in a long time.

I'm a cat - wait - now I am a bunny!....

Wasn't that a great video?

It is amazing what people are putting up on the Internet these days.

If you enjoy the funny stuff on this blog, then we also encourage you to check out the great collection of funny products on Amazon.com.

In addition, we hope that you will visit some of the other websites that we have been working on....

*Portable Generators

*The Debt

*Swedish Furniture

*Movie Memorabilia

A Funny TSA Parody Song: Help You Make It To Your Flight

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 19:44:00 +0000

If you want to get on an airplane in America today, you either have to let gawking TSA agents look at your exposed body using the new full body security scanners, or you have to let TSA agents grope and feel up every inch of your body. Yes, including "those" parts. Fortunately, many Americans are speaking out about this outrage. Some Americans are even using comedy and humor to fight back. For example, the video posted below is incredibly funny stuff but it also makes some very serious points. The video was produced by Buck Howdy and it is entitled "Help You Make It To Your Flight". It is a takeoff on Kris Kristofferson's classic hit "Help Me Make It Through The Night". Howdy's "revised lyrics" are so hilarious that more than a half million people have watched it so far on YouTube.

If you have not seen this yet, you have got to check it out....

The full lyrics of "Help You Make it to Your Flight" are posted below....

Take the ribbon from your hair
Shake it loose and let it fall
Leave your shoes right over there
Now get up against the wall

I'll run my hands inside your thighs
Up your legs and out of sight!
But you can trust the TSA
To help you make it to your flight

We don't profile that'd be wrong
Just ask the ACLU
We'd rather check your nooks and crannies
Every inch of you

Got no life except my job
But I don't mind it's all right
I get to grope you legally
If you want to take a flight

This badge and uniform we wear
Might look like a rent a cop
But your life is in our hands
We like it that way, especially if you're hot

Awful lonely being me
No girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife
So let me squeeze you, oooh, right there
If you want to take a flight

You can trust the TSA
You'll be in our dreams tonight

It is good to see the American people standing up like this. We should not have to be sexually groped before we get on an airplane.

If you want to send a message that you do not like to be groped by TSA agents or anyone else, then we would encourage you to check out the new line of "Don't Touch My Junk" clothing available on Amazon.com.

In addition, to keep up with the latest on this scandal along with all of the other news of the day we encourage you to check out some of our other websites....

*Truth

*End Of The World

*Mysteries Of The World

*The Debt

The Best Football Trick Play Of All Time?

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 20:47:00 +0000

Over 6 million people have already watched the video posted below. It is from a Driscoll Middle School football game, and many are already calling it the best football trick play of all time. Just try to watch it without laughing. This is some really funny stuff....

By the way, if you really love football, you will definitely want to pick up Madden 2011. This year it is better than ever.

If you are looking for some other great gift ideas for the holidays, then we encourage you to check out some other articles that we have written recently....

*10 Unique Gift Ideas For Women

*10 Unique Gift Ideas For Men

*The Ten Best Christian Books For The 2010 Holidays

*The 10 Best Star Wars Gifts For The 2010 Holidays

*The 10 Most Popular Toys For The 2010 Holiday Season

Grover From Sesame Street: Smell Like A Monster

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 03:54:00 +0000

The following video starring Grover of Sesame Street is entitled "Smell Like A Monster". It is a hilarious parody of the Old Spice commercials that are out there right now. If you want a good laugh, check this out....

Wasn't that incredibly funny?

You have got to love Grover!

For much more from Sesame Street, we recommend the following....

#1 Best of Elmo's World DVD Collection

#2 Sesame Street: 40 Years of Sunny Days (2009)

#3 Sesame Street: Old School, Vol. 1 (1969-1974) (2006)

Also, for even more humor we encourage you to visit some of our other websites....

*Cat Gifts

*UFOs And Aliens

*Celebrity Fashion

It Is So Hot....

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 16:38:00 +0000

IT'S SO HOT THAT...

..The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

..The trees are whistling for the dogs.

..The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

..Hot water now comes out of both taps in the sink.

..You can make sun tea instantly.

..You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

..The temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel a little chilly.

..You discover that in August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

..You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

..You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

..You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

..Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

..You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

..Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

(originally from http://www.mikeysfunnies.com/)

Did you know that summer is a great time to start up a new business?

We encourage you to check out our brand new site about how to make money online: Make Money On The Internet.

In addition, if you are struggling with debt, we also encourage you to check out another one of our new websites: How To Get Out Of Debt.

If you are looking for more funny jokes like the ones you just read above, Amazon has some really great deals on joke books right now. In particular, we recommend 777 Great Clean Jokes by Abraham and Ken.

Funny Stuff!: A Monkey Taking A Picture

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 02:37:00 +0000

When we saw this picture it made us smile. You have to admit - the thought of a monkey taking a picture is quite hilarious! But the intensity with which the monkey is looking through the camera lens is what makes this photo an instant classic.

If you know of any other funny stuff that we should post up on this site please let us know.

Meanwhile, we encourage you to visit our brand new instructional websites: How To Get Out Of Debt and How To Make Money On The Internet.

Also, if you have not tried out the Apple iPad yet, you really should. It is very cool! A great place to get one at a very low price is on Ebay.

In addition, if you are looking to make some extra money online, we would encourage you to check out The ShoeMoney System.

For more interesting reading, we encourage you to check out our brand new book shop: The Economic Collapse Bookstore

Finally, we wanted to ask you a very important question.

If you died tonight, what would happen to you?

Would you go to heaven?

Are you completely sure?

If you are not 100 percent certain of the answer to that question, then we encourage you to read the following article on our sister site: What Does The Bible Say About Salvation?

Funny Stuff! Is This The Greatest World Cup Commercial Of All Time?

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 00:31:00 +0000

Has Adidas created the greatest World Cup television commercial of all time? We certainly believe that they have. We here at Funny Stuff try very hard to bring you some of the funniest stuff from all around the globe, and we have surely delivered this time. The Adidas commercial posted below is a parody of the cantina scene from the original Star Wars film. It includes such notables as David Beckham, Daft Punk, Snoop Dogg, Franz Beckenbauer, Noel Gallagher, Ian Brown, Ciara, Jay Baruchel and DJ Neil Armstrong. Whoever came up with this idea should be promoted. It is a very rare commercial that you want to watch over and over. Trust us, you are going to want to watch this more than once....

A Star Wars Baby Stroller

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Sun, 09 May 2010 21:24:00 +0000

One father likes Star Wars a LITTLE too much. After all, what kind of a dad would put their kid in a Star Wars baby stroller that looks like this?

Actually, it looks kind of funny. And if I was still I kid I would LOVE to be pushed around in something like this.

If you have more funny stuff that you would like to see featured on this site, please let us know.

In addition, if you have enjoyed this site, please visit our brand new instructional sites as well: How To Get Out Of Debt and How To Make Money On The Internet.

If you love to read, you should check out the amazing deals that Amazon.com has on the Kindle book reader right now.

If you are looking to make some extra money online, we encourage you to check out The ShoeMoney System.

Lastly, we want to ask you a question.

If you died tonight, would you go to heaven?

If you are not 100 percent certain of the answer to that question, then we very much urge you to read the following article: What Does The Bible Say About Salvation?

George Washington And His $300,000 Library Book Fine

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 18:49:00 +0000

Uh oh - George Washington is in big trouble!

It turns out that George Washington, the first president of the United States of America under the U.S. Constitution, took two books out from the New York Society Library in 1789 but did not ever return them.

On October 5th, 1789, the two books that George Washington checked out were "Law of Nations," a dissertation on international relations, and a volume of debate transcripts from Britain's House of Commons.

Doesn't that sound like fun reading?

Well, Washington never brought them back to the library and now he owes big money.

How much?

Are you ready for some really funny stuff?

If the fines are adjusted for inflation, it turns out that George Washington owes approximately $300,000 in fines for being 220 years late.

Ouch!

So kids, please learn a lesson from our first president and don't forget to return your library books!

Also, don't forget to take your vitamins, do your homework and get out of debt.

Not that any of us always remember to do those things.

If you have more funny stuff that you would like to see featured on this site, please leave a comment and let us know!

Yes, A Woman Driver Did This

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 02:40:00 +0000

Yes, a woman driver did this.

Yes, some women may find this joke offensive.

But it is still funny.

So take a chill pill and relax.

Or better yet, go check out our new step-by-step guide about how to create compelling websites and make money on the Internet.

Beaker From The Muppets Meets His Match

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 01:56:00 +0000

The Muppets are still alive and kicking and are still putting out some really funny stuff. Just consider the video posted below. This has got to be the funniest bit that Beaker has ever done. It recently went viral all over the Internet, and suddenly the Muppets are relevant again. In fact, if they consistently could produce this kind of material they could have their own show again.

Seriously.

This bit by Beaker is seriously, seriously funny. If the Muppets could be this funny week in and week out I would watch it.

Wouldn't you?

After all, for those of us who are old enough to remember it, who doesn't have very fond memories of the Muppet Show?

In any event, you have just got to see this video. It is incredibly, incredibly funny stuff....

For more entertainment-related stories, we encourage you to check out our new blog: Celebrity Fashion.

Pants On The Ground - The Latest American Idol Phenomenon With Lyrics

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 19:59:00 +0000

Who said American Idol was finished?

"Pants On The Ground" by General Larry Platt has become the biggest American Idol audition phenomenon since William Hung so many years ago.

But this time Larry Platt did not do someone else's song. He did his own material and even Simon Cowell admits that this could be a hit.

Video of General Larry Platt performing Pants On The Ground in front of the American Idol judges is posted below along with the lyrics.

What do all of you think about Pants On The Ground?

LYRICS:

Pants on the ground
Pants on the ground
Lookin like a fool with you pants on the ground
Gold in your mouth
Hat turned sideways, pants hit the ground
Call yourself a cool cat looking like a fool
Walking down town
With your pants on the ground!

A Politically Correct Holiday Greeting

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 21:25:00 +0000

The following is an anonymous "politically correct" holiday greeting that has been circulating by email and on blogs and social media websites....

****

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2000, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical disability, religious faith, choice of computer platform,or sexual preference of the wishee.

Legal Disclaimer: By accepting this agreement, you are accepting these terms.

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Sincerely,

(Name withheld for legal, social and cultural considerations.)

The Weirdest Trick Play In The History Of The NFL

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 00:33:00 +0000

The other night the Washington Redkins ran the weirdest trick play in the history of the NFL. Trailing 24-0 with 2 seconds left in the first half, the Washington Redskins sent their field goal team on to the field. What happened after that is almost too bizarre to describe. Almost the entire field goal team was shifted out to the left and then the kicker was also sent in motion out to the left. Then the holder took the snap and sent a wounded duck of a pass downfield that was intercepted by the New York Giants. I don't know if a play like this has ever been run in the history of the NFL. Watch the video posted below for yourself and see what you think....

If you enjoy the funny stuff that we have posted on this blog, then you will also likely very much enjoy the new site that we have created. We encourage you to visit Celebrity Fashion and read about all of the weird things that celebrities are doing lately.

UFO In Russia! Is This The Best UFO Footage Ever?

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 16:01:00 +0000

Is the footage below solid evidence that a UFO was flying over Russia?

Could this be the best UFO footage ever taken?

Sometimes UFO footage comes along that is so stunning that you can't help but be amazed....

Sarah Palin Vs. William Shatner On The Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 01:58:00 +0000

Did you get to see Sarah Palin vs. William Shatner on the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien the other night? If not, you are in luck because we have posted it below. It was a thing of beauty. Conan's writers certainly know how to come up with some great stuff. First Shatner was very funny as he read quotes from Palin's book, and then Sarah Palin brought the house down as she read quotes from Shatner's book. If you have not see this yet you have GOT to watch it....

Is This The Greatest Picture Of All Time?

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 17:33:00 +0000

Is this the greatest picture of all time?

Perhaps.

We just bring the funny stuff - you decide.

A Solider Is Reunited With His Dog The Day He Gets Back From Afghanistan

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:52:00 +0000

No matter how you feel about the wars overseas, the following video of a soldier being reunited with his dog that day he gets back from Afghanistan is incredibly touching. If you know someone who is down today, just send them this video. It will surely brighten their day.....

How To Figure Out What To Say On Facebook

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 02:30:00 +0000

Have you ever wondered what you should say on Facebook? Well, someone has put together a very creative flowchart to help you figure out exactly what to say on Facebook. If you are up late tonight and if you are wondering how you should respond to the latest inane status update on Facebook, just follow the directions below and see what happens.....

Raccoon Invasion

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 00:16:00 +0000

Are you ready for the raccoon invasion?

I don't know if this raccoon picture is very cute or very creepy.

This reminds me of a line from a famous song:

"I always feel like somebody's watchin' me....."

The Coolest Jogger In The World

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 14:31:00 +0000

We officially present to you the coolest jogger in the world.....

If you know of other funny stuff like that please let us know. Also, we would encourage our regular readers to check out our new site on dining rooms:

http://thediningroomchairs.com/

The Carrot Highway - An Incredibly Funny Video Apparently For Kids

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 14:49:00 +0000

Sometimes the videos we make for our children are unintentionally really, really funny.

Just check out the following video.

I don't know if this video is supposed to teach kids about carrots or traumatize them for life.....

But the truth is that food is no laughing matter? Do you and your family have enough food for the hard times that are coming? If not, then we would encourage you to check out our new site about emergency food:

http://theemergencyfoodsupply.com/

Is This The Greatest T-Shirt Of All Time?

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 13:53:00 +0000

This is our first nominee for the greatest shirt of all time.

It seemingly has it all - three cats dressed in shirts playing keyboards and a moon.

Pretty funny stuff.

Do you have one that you think can top it?

If so, please send it to us.

In addition, if you like the cat humor on this blog, then you are going to LOVE our new website with tons of cat humor entitled Cat Gift.

World Of Warcraft Freakout Trailer

noreply@blogger.com (Shattered Paradigm) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 22:04:00 +0000

Do you remember how a while back we posted the greatest World of Warcraft freakout of all time?

Apparently some kid's mother had canceled his World of Warcraft account, and he went into a rage that his brother caught on film that went super viral on the Internet.

Well now, someone has made an AWESOME trailer out of that footage. Check it out - this will have you rolling on the floor.....