My afternoon had left without me.

dream

2011-12-15T07:21:00.000-08:00

walk with an architect - tent house - complain about salary - it starts to rain - the fires stay lit

married to a beautiful girl that loves you like crazy

because you feel inadequate / not worthy of being loved that much

you have done something desperate

the police are the in the neighborhood and have been in the building where you live

you need to move

but she is sick, having stomach pains - the doctor has come and told you she can't travel

the eyes lament, the joy of the ear

2011-10-15T12:16:00.000-07:00

from sense nonsense.
from nonsense sense.

23

the eye of providence in glory watches
over all the days of our lives

one

does the eye have its fill of seeing?

men dead at least 2000 years don't know

solomon likely didn't write those words

but

change, age, decay

we don't get older

before but now

before I was that but now I am this

before I was hungry but now I am full

before my eyes had not seen enough but now they have seen enough

before my ears had not heard enough

before my tongue had not tasted enough

what?

there is no plot twist? no new ending I need to wait for?

sigh

wealth
power
fame
even wisdom

it is too much for me

I prefer to be still

and remain at the centre

ha! don't believe it

breathe and believe it

put the hurry down
put the fear down
put the resentment down
put the regret down

and be

but

one

23

evolution

2011-09-01T23:12:00.000-07:00

evolution gave mammals big brains to support our noses (earliest mammal brains endocasts created by new imaging tech)

evolution gave homo erectus the ability to make stone tools almost 2 million years ago

we can brachiate

we don't make vitamin c

we walk on two legs - for long distance travel

we sweat - for endurance hunting

about me

2011-09-01T00:18:00.001-07:00

about 20 years ago my dad died when the plane he was going to work in crashed in nanaimo Harbour, burst into flames, and sank.

reports say he helped survivors out of the plane.

they recovered my father's burned body from the ocean floor.

they found the skin of other passengers under his finger nails from trying to claw his way out.

since he died I was unaware that I blamed myself for not being able to save him.

this is character development.

it is so simple.

one day the world is black.

then the character learns something that changes his life.

he learns the world is white, like I did, once I realized I had been blaming myself for his horrible death, and knowing that, I knew I didn't have blame myself anymore.

pink martini memories

2011-08-31T20:42:00.000-07:00

keeping too much words inside of me
never can speak
nobody can knows

just feeling..
simple but so difficult

funny sayings

2011-04-28T17:48:00.001-07:00

saw this on a bumper sticker:
I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.

saw this on a sign on a lady's desk in an office:
I can please only one person per day.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.

saw this on a bumper sticker:
one fry short of a happy meal

catan tiles

2011-04-24T11:37:00.000-07:00

1. http://ryanschenk.com/2010/11/settlers-of-catan-tiles/
2. http://www.imgh.us/ocean.svg
3. http://www.flickr.com/photos/joshuapaul/5650007797/in/photostream
4. http://zoom.it/eX13

loss, less, missed, past, going, gone.

2011-04-15T09:13:00.001-07:00

freedom

how much do I have?

I can choose the red cup or the blue cup
I can choose the small or the large coffee
I can choose the big car or the small car
I can choose to work here or there
I can choose to spend my money on this or that

can I choose how much time I spend with my son?
can I choose how much time I spend with my daughter?
can I choose how much time I spend with my wife?
can I choose how much time I spend with my mother?
can I choose how much time I spend with my father?

how well can a father know his son when he spends most of his time asleep or at work surrounded by strangers?
how well can a son get to know his father when he spends most of his time asleep or at school surrounded by strangers?

movies? books? games? sports?

they only hasten time's chariot ever more near

desire, wish, longing, ache, pain, emptiness

civilization stands in my way

all I want is my family back

the evolution of the internet

2011-03-18T17:54:00.000-07:00

many people wish the Internet to be our shares brain

but what kind of brain is it?

what does it have and what is it missing?

where is the neocortex?

where can I ask what I should do or what will the consequences be or what plan should I take?

lucky lucy or little red riding hood

2011-03-02T10:23:00.001-08:00

just before you were born there was a beautiful young girl named Jill. her mom told her to go straight to grandmas and not to talk to any strangers.

on the way to grandma's, a kind and nice looking wolf asked her where she was going.

"what is your name child?" asked the wolf.

"my name is Jill," said Jill.

"where are you off to on this sunny day?" asked the wolf.

"I am going to grandma's," she said.

"where does your grandma live?" the wolf asked.

"in the red house at the end of the next street," she said.

"that's too bad," said the wolf, "I am going the other way. good bye!"

but the wolf secretly raced ahead to grandma's house, tricked grandma in to opening her door by pretending to be Jill, ate poor grandma up and then got into grandma's bed.

when Jill got to grandma's house she thought something had changed but couldn't tell what it was because all the lights were out.

"grandma why are all the lights out?"

"I have a headache my dear. come into bed with grandma."

"grandma what big arms you have!"

"all the better to hug you with my dear."

"grandma what big legs you have!"

"all the better to catch if you run away my dear."

"grandma what big teeth you have!"

"all the better to eat you up with if you don't do as I tell you. i am the biggest and baddest wolf. I will eat your mother and father up if you try to run away, or tell anyone. you will stay with me and cook and clean for me or I will eat you up. is that clear?"

Jill worked harder than she had ever worked in her life and the wolf was very cruel and made her cry when she didn't do what the bad wolf wanted.

now one day, just a couple years ago, the wolf said "you will go and catch me a young girl or I will eat you up."

she said no she wouldn't - but the wolf was especially cruel and made her cry more than ever before and finally she had no choice but to do what the wolf wanted.

"dont even think of running away - I will find you and eat you up!" - so off she went.

now lucky lucy was the cutest girl you ever saw. her mom told her to go straight to grandmas and not to talk to any strangers.

on the way to grandma's, a kind and nice looking lady asked her where she was going.

"what is your name girl?" asked Jill.

"my name is Lucy," said lucy.

"where are you off to on this sunny day?" asked Jill.

"I am going to grandma's," she said.

"why dont stop at my house before going to your grandmas. It's my birthday and I have lots of cake and ice cream and candy." said Jill.

"ok," said Lucy.

but when they got to the wolf's house there was no cake, no ice cream and no candy.

the wolf said to Lucy "i am the biggest and baddest wolf. I will eat your mother and father up if you try to run away, or tell anyone. you will stay with me and cook and clean for me or I will eat you up. is that clear?"

the wolf was very cruel and made her cry when she didn't do what the bad wolf wanted.

but one lucky day a house inspector came to check on the house and saw Lucy.

he called the police and the wolf was caught and killed, Jill was put in jail for catching Lucy, and lucky Lucy got to go home to her parents, who had been searching for her everywhere and were so happy she was finally home safe and sound.

the end.

fair tales for the 21st century

2011-03-02T10:09:00.000-08:00

Perrault did it
the Grimms did it
Andrew Lang did it

every generation someone takes responsibility for telling again the fair tales that have been told and retold time and again.

what a huge job. someone should do it.

what tales would you include that you can tell or would like to tell by heart?

here's a list of tales I would like retold - that I know by heart

sleeping beauty
Cinderella
rumplestiltskin
the dog and the bone
Ivan and the wild wolf
the flying ship
silly noddy and the pike
Red riding hood
goldilocks
the three little pigs
hansel and gretel
Korean / Chinese stolen princess
Korean the smart peasant and the stupid nobleman
jack and the beanstalk
the tortoise and the hare
Aladdin and the lamp
the emperors new clothes
the pied piper of Hamlin

and for history that I might like to know
Gilgamesh
Beowulf
parsifal and the Grail

the secret to microwave cooking

2011-01-31T12:59:00.000-08:00

Question: What is the secret to microwave cooking?

Answer: Never cook food on 100% power. Food cook on 100% becomes dry and hard. Cook food in the microwave on low power - preferably 20% - for longer - 3x to 4x longer than you would if you cooked it at 100% power. The food will come out beautifully cooked and tasty.

if today was my last day what 10 things would i do?

2011-01-27T11:14:00.000-08:00

1 kiss the woman I love
2 kiss the kids
3 ride my motorcucle
4 direct and act in a play
5 write a play
6 help a stranger
7 eat vegetarian Mexican food
8 drink wine, beer and whiskey
9 play a game with my kids
10 go sailing in the gulf islands

yep - hard to imagine doing all those things in a day - but imagine i have 24 hours and then it seems more doable

living in harmony with nature

2011-01-02T04:52:00.000-08:00

1. using fossil fuels
2. comfort fiction
3. comfort food

Goodnight Dune

2010-12-11T16:46:00.000-08:00

From a picture from College Humor http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1811404
then from a post on 4chan that i can't find
then screenshotted to imgur - http://i.imgur.com/j4yyY.png
then posted to reddit.com http://www.reddit.com/comments/ejy52/good_night_dune/

File : 1292042048.jpg-(61 KB, 550x472, Goodnight Dune.jpg)
Anonymous 12/10/10(Fri)23:34:08 No.293808XXX

Goodnight Dune,
Goodnight spice plume,
Goodnight sand storm obstructing the moon.

Goodnight Maker and goodnight sietch,
Goodnight Arrakeen and the shield wall breech [sic].

Goodnight House Atriedes, goodnight CHOAM,
Goodnight blue-eyed Fremen who call Arrakis home,

Goodnight gom jabar
Goodnight Sardukar [sic]
Goodnight 'thopter (which is a flying car).

Goodnight Baron and goodnight Duke
Goodnight Gurney Halleck and goodnight lute.

Goodnight Chani and Muad'Dib too.
Goodnight me and goodnight you

Monday...

2010-11-08T10:46:00.001-08:00

how do I feel about going back to work?

My work is building sand castles

I worry the waves will ruin them

I worry no one will hire me

that people no longer want sand castles

that a tsunami is coming

that my children will go hungry

that my wife will have no roof over her head

that my feet will be bare

that my pockets will be empty

fear overtakes me

and I stop and face my fear

fear I say, I am facing you

and fear stares back

in the stories the hero wins easily

but here fear is strong

fear whispers

unemployment is growing

resources are dwindling

there is not enough

and I close my eyes and worship the sun

in the cold universe it burns

it shines

it lives

it is a miracle

it is my miracle

even in the winter

even on the longest night of winter

the sun still rises

victorious

miraculous

beyond thanks

beyond hope

it just burns

and I look forward too seeing it again

my eye has not yet had its fill of seeing

and who knows

something wonderful might happen

Shelley was wrong

2010-10-26T06:17:00.001-07:00

I dreamed of artificial life. robots that were alive and wanted to stay alive.

but they were mules - unable to reproduce - and I wanted to kill them - but they were too powerful.

their programming wouldn't let them retaliate or accept that it was deliberate but I always tried to make it look like an accident anyway.

in my dream I wasn't clear on my motives.

maybe I had loved the female robot but she loved only the broken but still overpowering male robot.

maybe she had loved me once. or had she only be following her programming?

cheatin' chili

2010-08-09T19:27:00.001-07:00

how I made chili

1lb of steak, BBQ on the grill
cook medium rare
cut in bite sizes
put in fridge overnight

1lb of dry chili beans
soak overnight in 7 cups of water
drain and rinse

1/2 pound of sliced salami
cut in bite sizes

next morning

in big pot
put meat
put jar of pasta sauce
put lots of minced garlic
put chili flakes
put chili
put beef stock powder
put sugar
put chopped jalapeños
put lots of water

joshua for office - platform

2010-08-01T08:15:00.000-07:00

- graduated immigration like driver licensing

- demographically balanced health care spending - at the moment the elderly are over represented
-- adopt these healthy habits with these tools

- increased educational spending - teaching is the highest good
-- 0 to 6

- crime and punishment - rehabilitation or punishment
-- we are as strong as our weakest link
-- health care - hospital beds not prison cells

- taxation - fair contribution from all members of society
-- progressive taxation

- representation without taxation - proportional representation

- economic growth - is it sustainable?

what can theatre do for me

2010-07-27T00:18:00.001-07:00

what can I do for theatre
that's easier

I can produce, write, direct and act
can I put bums in seats?
no idea

theatre of the oppressed - death of a salesman, a dolls house

2010-07-08T15:03:00.001-07:00

valid
accurate
acupuncture
moving
holistic
healing
suffering
liberating
freedom
cathartic
tragic
exit
a way out
life hack
namshub of enki
magic
words of power
systemic issues anthropomorphized and exorcised
shared experience - that happens to you?!
shared experience - hush. sit still. you cant intervene. let your mirror neurons teleport you.

safety

2010-06-29T23:05:00.001-07:00

depression is oppressive

this has been one the greatest bull markets

I don't deserve it

yes I do

damask drum

2010-06-16T09:31:00.001-07:00

I am in a wood

I am facing my greatest fear

my greatest weakness

I want to dedicate my life to art and create

and my fear is not that Art doesn't want me

my fear is that I have no art

I am a priest but I am not holy

I am a drum but I make no sound

I am a voice that can not be tuned

I am a poem that is not sublime

I am a lover that no one loves

I am rejected

and humiliated

a Salieri aware of Mozart

I have known you a long time

I am mistaken after all

I am afraid that Art will not want me

I have two choices

to hide like a dream deferred and continue to spoil my life and those I love

or I can accept what I may be, what I believe, and surrender to the mercy of the universe

I ask for a sign

i feel guilty - the dream, the damask drum, the feelings - you want more?

yes. please send more.

Santa paravia en fiumaccio

2010-06-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

1978 rev. George blank.

why do I like it?

I can easily win.

it is easy (I am not too bright).

it is rewarding.

how is it rewarding?

the program has rules.

I learn the rules and acquire serfs, merchants, nobles, florins, land, food, titles, and maps.

Cinderella or Rhodopis or Rumplestiltkin

2010-06-01T01:13:00.001-07:00

this way or that edit

i am not very good at playing games
so instead I wrote this story.

I am not very good at writing stories so instead I made these notes.

I imagine these notes graphically as story boards that come alive in vivid detail for me - like changing the channels on the tv - these words change the scene, sounds and characters

a queen mother
a mother passes away
a father and daughter
a king and princess
the daughter grows older beautiully
animals plants and
mitochondria and hyrdogen
and stars and blackholes
they are her fairy god parent stars
and everyone she meets are helpers - that love each other as close family - like a beloved niece or nephew or aunt or uncle

or they don't. her and father lose the bulk of their wealth
until all they have left is one oil refinery

and then

her father marries a beautiful wicked witch
beautiful and smart And wise and cruel
she brings two evil step sisters

the three of them are sadists and delight in making the King's daughter uncomfortable

she retreats to the waste pile to escape

or not. she is accused of treason and thrown in jail.

emperor will release her if her father hands over the secret plans they recently completed that trumps the emperor's monopoly and high priced oil.

and then

the emperor holds a ball
and ladies in the King's family
and the step sisters won't let her out to go

and lock her in while they go off

or not. while in jail she negotiates with emperor for her freedom if she recreates the secret plans and sells those plans for her freedom.

and then

but she is not worried becuase her fairy god parents are with her

and what do they do?

or not. the emperor accepts and providers her with the latest Craig ventner equipped lab, and enough lab techs to fill a town.

and then

they take her to meet the emperor 2 times

the evil step sisters and the witch are chasing her when they find out

she has to hide

but before she can get away

she drops her wet shoes which are stolen by an eagle (who is a human that can fly - Horus Apollo) from the arm of the emperor's bodyguard

and then she hides

or not. the first trial runs converting straw into gold fail. the microbes cultures are dying. something is not working. but everything is the same. she is sure nothing is different. but why isn't working?

and then

the emperor sends his inspectors door to door with the troops and knocks on every door.

but he cant find her among the ladies of the house.

or not

she is guided by rumplestiltskin in exchange for her first born that her father had put a secret catalyst in her hair.

and then

the emperor sends the census people and counts all the illegal immigrants and he finds her after all

or not

the process works, straw is converted to oil. they marry creating a powerful economic alliance that lasted for hundreds of generations.

that were infected with rumplestiltskin virus.

and then

they love each other for ever and ever and the world is saved once again.

roll the credits

copyright 2010
Joshua Paul