Neurofreak Talks

Punch & the Plushie

2026-02-21T15:36:24.554-08:00

Maybe Punch was never meant to be there. He is discarded from the society, bullied by it. His mother abandoned him, denied him any warmth she was capable of, and he in need of. Monkeys his age refuse to play with him. The adults best him senseless for no reason. Perhaps there's something in him that the clan does not approve of. Something they are not used to and can't tolerate. An Anthropologist would conclude he is unfit in some way, and this is all a part of "survival of the fittest". Regardless, he's bannished from his own family, his own clan.

And so he turns to his plushie, and ironically of not even his own species. He senses comfort in it, a warmth that he never recieved. He senses it to be his friend, mother and everything in between. When he is bullied, he runs back to his safe place, to his protector, the plushie. He holds it dearly, cuddles it, walks around with it.

Interestingly, the plushie never offered him anything. It did not save him when he was bullied, it did not fight for him when he was beaten, it did not offer a mother's milk. All it offered was a chance to feel home. To feel content, without actually providing anything. The plushie is a symbol, a hope. A false reminder that he has somebody, someone to rely on, someone to come to when distressed. And maybe, this is what Punch needed the most. Not someone real to fight for him, or do him favours. All he needed was a a symbol of hope, however false and idiotic. But a symbol nonetheless .

To be there with him when he's at his lowest. Standing by him even tho it can't really even stand. Offer him a warmth it isn't capable of. Offer him love it can't feel itself. Offer a partner to talk to tho it lacks a mouth or ear.

I can't help but see in it the primal need of any animal. Hope. Symbol. Something that is rooted in falsehood and impracticality. But the mind gives it the power to heal themselves. Although it is the mind, that ultimately heals itself. But it needs a medium to channel it through. A symbol.

The orangutan plushie is the symbol humanity needs.

Beings of past

2025-11-02T03:37:00.000-08:00

As a child, I was fond of little animals. Not all, only the little ones. I had a fish tank, which I acquired with my marvellous talent of pleading and crying to my parents, it was the most beautiful part of my life then. I adored it, I truly did. There were many phases my fish tank had, at the very first there were a dozen mid sized fishes in it, mostly 8-10 cm. That wasn't my favourite phase tho, I liked better the time I had only and only small fishes, 2-3 cm, scores of them. I loved it when they dived their world in schools of different colours. Admittedly the tanks wasn't huge, hardly 25-30 inches, but it was gigantic when my little hands held it by it's flanks as if hugging one big fish, a collective pet made of several others.

I was fond of birds as well. But in this genre there was no partiality done on the basis of height, each were as lovely as the other. I had many as pets throughout my childhood.

I remember the first one I had. 2 pairs of the loving birds and a parrot. I remember the visuals of the day I got them. My father came home unannounced, it was afternoon if I'm right, which isn't the usual time my father got back, not till late evening. His job required him to travel within the city a lot, my father. So thinking back now, I think he left all his "big people" errands to get this to me. Anyways, i remember him presenting it to me, two cages, one with the 4 loving birds and one with the parrot, almost bending down to reach me. His smile, almost ear to ear, presenting me with the birds. I don't remember the words he used, but I remember the happiness, the excitement, the screaming in happiness and excitement.

My father wasn't much of a gifter, so it really was a surprise for me.

Speaking of gifts i remember he once got me a cake for my birthday, on my mother's suggestion. But, made of jaggery... I kid you not it was a jaggery cake. Too hard to even mark it with me teeth. My mother had a good laugh out of it and arranged another cake at short notice from elsewhere.

Getting back to the point, birds. I would not remember it but I'm sure I bugged my parents for weeks for some birds as pet. And my father got them for me.

It was my summer vacation I think, when the parrot died, while i vacationed at my grandmother's. And the two out of four other birds did too. At last it was a decision to free the other two birds as well, as suggested by my mother. The day I freed them, I remember, thinking they will return, as all those loyal and loved ones do. I waited days, sure in my heart of their homecoming.

One night there was a sound of a bird flapping it's wing frantically on the terrace. Me and my brother, playing video games on the computer, looked at each other, and ran at once, towards the terrace. There were no birds ofcourse.

I wish there were.

My fondness for birds never died. I became sort of a bird hunter for a while, except I didn't want to kill them, only capture. I had a brilliant idea, perhaps from watching too much Tom & Jerry, to catch the migrating old world sparrows, which at that time painted my skies brown, using a tokri, a stick, a rope and a handful of wheat. I used to set my cartoonish style trap and wait behind a pillar with rope for hours on my terrace. I think I got success once or twice. I remeber once I got a hold of a little sparrow. I tied her fragile leg with a harsh coconut rope. She tried flying but always crashed. At the time I was oblivious of the pain I was causing to her, that innocent little creature. It was only after I observed her fragile leg all scratched, broken, that I realised it was a monstrous act I did. I freed her ofcourse, and she flew away.

But I doubt she survived long with that injured leg of hers.

Those old world sparrows have abandoned their canvas that afloats above my head. I haven't seen a flock in years, a decade maybe. I miss them, their art. The way they painted the sky with such precise strokes, all of them painting like one painter, from east to west, then to north, and back to east. Those hundreds of wings of marvellous engineering, maneuvering like one. I miss them.

If they could talk I'd promise them of never plotting against them again. Just get back and paint on my bland blue of a sky again.

Qatar must not retaliate !!

2025-09-11T15:11:00.001-07:00

The recent strikes by israel on Doha, Qatar must not be followed by a "strong" military retaliation by the gulf country. It has all the reasons to do so, and that's what Israel is counting on.

Ultimate goal

In the grand scheme of Israel's military plans, this was an important strike.

The ultimate goal of the Israeli military tactic is to push itself into a full blown war with at least 3-4 countries from the middle East, which was very evident by their choice of strike method and location. They could have easily assassinated the hamas leadership in a silent way and hence prevent a ceasefire talk that was designated to occur in Qatar, and ultimately stop any hindrance they may face in their genocide.

But what they did is they made a grand show out of it, almost as if asking for a military retaliation.

Why

Given the shifting global and specially western opinion about Israel's ongoing genocide in Gaza, and many countries going forwards to recognise the Palestinian statehood as well as the genocide occuring, Israel sees its future in a corner fending itself from its own old allies (Europe and America). The increasing recognition by the genral public of its unethical influence over the American congress and other governments all over world is a cherry on the top.

In addition to all this, if you observe the internal politics of Israel, it is clear that Netanyahu fears losing his power.

It's simple, Israel believes it cannot survive without a war

The solution

The only solution to all this chaos is to start a war big enough to diverge everyones' eyes from israel.

And in fear of a global shift of order, the west will back israel against the whole of middle East and help it fight them.

What Israel has actively been trying to do is to find a way to pull America and Europe into a war so all their dirty deeds are temporarily forgiven, and a bigger war means less eyes on the ongoing genocide in Gaza.

A big war solves all of Netanyahu's problems

• Pull all of Europe and America into a war with Israel's enemies.

• Postpone pending cases against him in the Israeli court

• Give Israel the opportunity to become the Middle East superpower

• Give Israel the opportunity to push for the zionists long awaited dream of a "Greater Israel"

• Opportunity to control Iran, which is pivotal to fight Russian influence in the middle East and gain the very important trade route and oil offered by Iran's geology.

In short, if Qatar retaliates, it will be an Israeli victory.

Rethinking Our Place in Space Time

2025-07-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

We, as humans, have evolved the ability to observe and perceive the universe in three dimensions only. Although with our cunning minds and amazing mathematical skills we have started to observe the 4th dimension, which we refer to as time, we are still far from understanding it. At our highest ability, we perceive time as a linear flow—like one dimension but worse—because although we do traverse it forward, we lack the ability to even choose our own speed while traveling in this dimension, unlike the other three dimensions.

A unique dimension?

Is there something inherently different about the 4th dimension from the other three? Because the other three do show common features and differ only in their directions. So if we can perceive these three so well, why not the fourth? Is the 4th dimension categorically different from them? Or is it a flaw of our brain that limits us from experiencing the full capacity of the 4th dimension? Or is it the way we are raised after birth? What if, at birth, when all children have absolutely no perception of space and time—or at the very most have a partial sense of it—they are rigorously pressured to see the world in a certain way, the time to flow a certain way? And lose the possibility of a unique perspective.

Ants

If you observe ants, you will see they travel in two dimensions only. Of course, they aren't actually two-dimensional, but they tend to be. They walk forward, backward, left, and right—but not upwards. Again, I'm talking relatively, so of course they will walk downward if they walk down a vertical wall, but that's our down. For them, it's only forward.

For this reason, I'd like to argue that they are 2.5-dimensional beings. Because they perceive the two dimensions in their full capacity (they can walk forward, backward, left, and right as much as they'd like), but the third dimension (that of height) is not perceived by them at its max capacity—though it is perceived to some extent nonetheless.

For example, imagine an ant walking on top of a cubical box. When it's walking straight, that is its 1st dimension. When it walks left or right, that is its 2nd dimension. But when the ant reaches the edge of the box, there is a moment—a moment when it can see that the way forward has "bent." It is going "down." It's not going straight, not left or right, but down. This is a brief moment when the ant can experience the 3rd dimension. And once it has crossed the edge and hopped onto the vertical wall of the box, it no longer needs to bother about the third dimension anymore and will continue to live its 2D life, not knowing what's beyond. And due to this limited capacity of its interaction with the 3rd dimension, we can argue ants are somewhere between 2D and 3D in terms of being able to perceive it—therefore, 2.5D.

Humans

In that same way, we humans can walk forward, backward, left, and right—even jump up or use rockets to go up—making us able to perceive the three dimensions in their full capacity. What we now lack is the ability to walk back, left, or right in the 4th dimension (time). Our only path is forward, and even that at a constrained speed. We cannot make time go fast or slow even.

Just like ants have a very limited understanding of the 3rd dimension, we have a very limited understanding of the 4th one. But the difference is we understand time even less than ants understand heights. Ants may not be able to jump or launch themselves in a rocket, but they can still fall. What we lack is this ability to fall through the 4th dimension. We have a constant rate of traversing in this 4th dimension. We are very limited in this dimension. So we can argue we are beings of somewhere between the 3rd and 4th dimensions—maybe 3.5 or 3.1 (given we can explore time less than ants can explore heights).

What we need to do is adapt a new way of seeing reality, which isn't as simple as it sounds. Our brains are hardwired due to the rigorous training we had as infants to see the world a certain way—and also by our own biology. An infant has no spatial recognition senses, but as it interacts with this world, it "grows" one.

What if we gave up the idea of the world as we see it and adopted a new form—one that can perceive time at its fullest—making us 4-dimensional beings, practically time travelers... or maybe 4.1...

They

What now rises is the question: Can there be an intelligent species out there in the universe—or beyond—that can perceive the 4th dimension completely, essentially making them real-life time travelers, not by some time machines but by their own nature? And can this species interact with us? Like we struggle to interact with an ant, would they be struggling with the same? Maybe they are up there currently observing us, figuring out a way to interact with us while we are busy being ourselves.

We can do nothing but wait,either for the brightest minds of our species to figure out a way to make contact, or those 4D beings to do the same.

Our intelligence limits us

love transcends time

2025-07-05T19:56:00.001-07:00

There are layers to this cosmos. The outermost would be the universe itself, then the galaxies, then the stars, (given we actually have an idea of what the cosmos is made of).

We may not be sure of what's the outermost layer but we sure are blessed with the ability to look for the innermost one. This subject is not as easy to express as it is to explore. I think that is the reason this knowledge never took off like other branches of science. It is almost impossible to express.

But I'll try

When you spend your lifetime into understanding your innerself, your pure consciousness, the ultimate and innermost layer of the cosmos, the very thing that has driven philosophers crazy, the very thing that has driven scientists crazy (they tend refer to it as the singularity or the theory of everything), when you are on the edge of your sanity and are about to fall into your doom there will be a moment, a moment of perfect balance between awareness and what's being observed, a small moment where you will know what it is, what this has all been about, you will have the ultimate knowledge this universe has to offer, and it will be then when you will find - it is nothing.

In the core of human mind and all others there is awareness, everything else floats above it. All feelings that are, are our channels to connect to the other layers of this cosmos. Through all those channels there is a distinct one, one called Love.

It is the strongest of them all, there is something unique about this feeling. It might be the rawest sensation our mind is capable of stumbling upon. Whatever it is, it somehow tunes our awareness to be aware of itself. And being aware of awareness itself is, i believe, the key to understanding cosmos. When you are one with the cosmos your three dimensional restrictive sense can be broken free of. At that moment the fourth dimension "time" is no more something beyond your reach. You can turn it, amend it, manipulate it as you wish. It's all yours to play with. Let alone time travel, when you ascend above three dimensions, you can make noodles out of the fabric of time.

You can transcend it.

The Imperfect Empty Diaries

2024-09-23T17:42:00.001-07:00

I wish I wrote something in it. I wish it wasn't so empty. I wish I wasn't so scared of imperfect things.

Why should it have mattered if my 7 year old self didn't write the perfect things (whatever that may have been) to write about in that Ben Ten diary my uncle gifted me. He should have just went for it, wrote something in it. Something silly & stupid, something a kid would write, something... Imperfect..

He should not have scrapped the pages out after what he wrote in the diary was deemed (by him alone) as imperfect.

I look at my old things, things from past, things from my childhood. It sends me to the land of joy and worriless life. To a time where "tomorrow" didn't matter, only "today" did, or maybe not even that. To a time where doraemon's new episode was the highlight of my day.

All those stuff bring joy to my eyes. But. I only wish my countless diaries, that I collected to write (perfect) stuff, weren't inkless, so dry, so void. I wish I had tried to write something and not hated every imperfections. I wish I wrote about my day. I wish I expressed my feelings in it. I wish I atleast scribbled in it.

The empty notebooks and diaries bring me regret. But what is this regret worth. I still have recent notebooks lying empty on my table, I even have this website left biting the dust, which are somehow magically supposed to have amazing ideas inked in them.

Imperfection, however far away it might be from perfection, is a million times further away from incompletion.

Some things aren't perfect for their extrinsic appearing quality, but for the work that was put behind them in the making.

Is It a Thing To Love That Which You Hate?

2022-03-18T04:14:00.001-07:00

I was very young. My mother took me with her to a relative's place. I was too young then to just sit at a place, so I was running around the home playing. I remember I grabbed a stool (the chair, not an excreta) and walked around the home with it when suddenly a big spider (a daddy long legs) reached my hands from below the stool. It started running up my hands and towards my face. As it just reached my shoulders I panicked and crushed it with my face (Yes, pretty disgusting but my hands were busy grabbing the stool). This is all I remember of this incident apart from the fact that this was probably the triggering point of my Arachnophobia (the fear of spiders). Although the intensity of my phobia never really peaked too much to cause me serious problems but it always caused me fair amount of anxiety everytime I encountered a spider. I was scared of spiders. Yet, I often went to the internet and looked at peculiar looking spiders and would watch documentaries about it for hours. I'd try to find the most scary spider the biggest spider and what not. I was fascinated by spiders, I was "into" spiders. And to me it always felt unsettling, to be so obsessed and be so fascinated about something that I fear a lot. Why is that? Is that just something true only for me? Or is it a common phenomenon to "Love That Which You Hate" (I know the word "hate" doesn't suit here, it should rather be "fear". But I've always been close to this phrase of mine, on which I didn't give much thought initially).

I've always wanted to go sky diving, it's one of my life's dream to jump off a plane from a very high altitude. I always wanted to have the Superman's flying ability so that I can fly to the top of the sky and just watch everything, from up beyond. I love sky scrappers, i want to have my home on a sky scrapper some day. Yes, I love heights. Or do I? More than my Arachnophobia, I've always struggled with my Acrophobia (fear of heights). This is probably the biggest phobia I have. I remember once I was tasked by my uncle to assist in passing a very long iron tube from the ground floor to the terrace. The task was simple, someone would hold the pipe at the ground floor at push it up and my uncle would hold the pipe from the terrace (2nd floor) (the pipe was long enough for him to just grab when it's kept longitudinally on the ground floor) and pull it. While I had to assist the pipe's direction from my balcony on first floor which was maximum 8-9 ft above the ground floor. My role wasn't of any importance, it was just that since I'm there I should just hold it and push it up and assist them. And guess what, I terribly failed. Pushing the pipe triggered my Acrophobia and I was constantly in fear of falling from my balcony as it required me to extend my hands around 2-3 feets from the balcony's end and push my stomach against the railing. I couldn't do it, I couldn't make myself push it even after so many attempts because of my Acrophobia. That was one of the most terrifying incident of my life. I had never felt that intensity of fear before. Yes, the most terrifying incident of my life involved my fear of a 9ft height. That's the extent of my fear of heights. And yet It is my life's goal to have a skyscrapper home with the highest height possible and to jump off a plan from thousands of feets of altitude. Why do I love that which I hate.

This is quite peculiar. It is one thing to be scared of heights and still volunteer for skydiving. But it's something entirely else to love the idea of skydiving so much that it's one of your life's goal although you suffer from great fear of heights.

Why Indian Right Wing Supports Russian Invasion Of Ukraine.

2022-03-05T05:55:00.001-08:00

I am no geopolitics expert. Whatever I'm going to write is my opinion on only one aspect of the ongoing geopolitical tension between Russia and Ukraine.

The ongoing invasion of Ukraine by Russia has divided the world into two parts. Although, one is much bigger than the other. Most people globally are against this invasion and a lot of countries are doing what's in there capability to fight Russia, either by sanctions or supplying Ukraine with weapons and funds. All the nations are also careful to not give an excuse to Putin for waging a nuclear war, and thus are holding themselves back.

I will restraint myself from commenting on the historical tension between NATO, Ukraine & Russia, and will not formulate an opinion on who is right on the matter, given how little my knowledge in this subject is. Although I've been following this tension for almost 2-3 months now, I still do not qualify to be able to formulate an opinion upon which I can myself stand firmly on. But what I will NOT restraint myself from saying is that "Invasion of Ukraine by Russia is wrong". Don't get me wrong, I'm not commenting on the historical tension between the two countries, I'm only saying whatever the tension may have been (of which I do have some idea) does not in any way justify an invasion. We do not need to be a historian or a political expert to conclude that invading an independent country just because it (democratically) decided to join an organisation (NATO) you are afraid of. There is no justifying an all out war just because you are afraid the west's influence will grow near your nation. There are several diplomatic ways to solve it, even if there isn't, resolving to an all out war, to kill thousands of soldiers and civillians, to make millions of people flee their own home and country, destroy thousands of business, making childrens orphans, and dropping missiles on their home IS NOT AN OPTION, at least not a sensible one.

There is no question on whether this is right or wrong, right? NO. There are tonnes of people right now announcing their allegiance with Putin, the dictator of Russia. Even the Russians don't support Putin on this invasion and are protesting daily against it. But people of several other countries are pro Putin. One of those country is India. The Indian right wing (not all of it, only a fraction) has come out in support of Russia (although their support are worthless for Russia, except that it might make Putin smile a little). And this is scary, to see people support an invasion of a democratic country just because they wanted to join NATO democratically.

(NOTE- Following "justifications" are something I observed by exploring various tweets, subreddits, and under various pro Russian hashtags etc)

The first justification that Indian right wing gives is that Putin supported India during it's various border crisis, and is a major supplier for military equipments in India. Yes, that's their argument. Pretty laughable. It's like saying "I will support my friend in a mass shooting, because he's my best friend". It's that's stupid. And yet you see tonnes of people all over internet supporting Russia with this rationale.

The second justification they give (which was a major one on Indian subreddits) is that Ukrainians are racists. I can't even begin to express my disappointment with their thought process. The whole world is fucking filled with racists, murderers, rapists, robbers and what not. How does that justify an all out invasion of a country? Our own country, sadly, is infamous for caste related violence, religion related violence. Does that mean the world should invade India? Fucking no. We have our problems and we are trying to fight it, an invasion would not solve the problem but only increase it and cost thousands of people their life. I don't know why am I even trying to explain how dumb this justification is.

There's a third reason that I think is the prime cause of Indian right wing supporting Putin. The Indian right wing has long been fascinated by the idea of "Akhand Bharat" which is an imaginary boundary of a new India which devours most of its neighbouring country, establishing a new order. This has long been the dream of hypernationalists around our country. I do not know what their plan is, to execute the "akhand bharat project" but I've observed them often talking about invading these countries and making them a part of India by force. Anyway, the point is that Indian right wing loves the concept of revival of a great theocratic nation which was once broken into different factions. And this is what people assume Putin's ultimate goal is (although I think it's far-fetched), to revive the glorious Soviet union, for which the first step is to invade and take control of Ukraine. And the Indian right wing resonates with Putin in this nation expanding fantasy. And thus it makes them sympathise with Putin and support him in forming an "Akhand Russia". No, I'm not making this term or this theory up. Few days ago Hindu Sena, an Indian right wing organisation set up posters on statue of a Russian poet Alexander Pushkin, which said "Indian Hindus are with Putin and Russia in establishing the Soviet Union. Jai ho Akhand Russia. Jai Bharat."

Vishnu Gupta, National president of the Hindu Sena said, “We only put up posters to support Russia in times like these. No war is good, but if we have to choose between good and better, we would stand in support of Russia, as Russia has always been a true friend of India… We pray and support Russia getting back their old Soviet Union and the country taking all necessary action to safeguard their borders.” source

Mr. Vishnu Gupta justified invasion of ukraine using two of the above reason that I mentioned.

Yes, this is no fictious theory. The Indian right wing actually supports Russia for having a similar goal as them. To be honest I don't think it can even remotely affect the outcome of the invasion, but it's quite scary to see such thought process. It's disheartening to watch people on the internet talk about how they support the invasion of a country with such ill justifications, and with no consideration of the suffering a war like this causes.

Although I'd like to say that the official Indian stance has been great so far on this tension. Indian government has played it's card right uptill now, and is succeeding in staying neutral. Neutrality is very important for India right now. We cannot afford to turn against either Russia or the west. We need both of them for strategical growth in future for various reasons, one of which is the ongoing tension with China.

I'd like to conclude it with saying, use your own reasoning, do not borrow anyone else's. Do not follow the herd blindly, nor go against the herd blindly. Formulate your opinions with logic and not emotion. And be open to change once presented with a more plausible argument/opinion.

Peculiar Observation About Sleep - Daily blog #5

2022-02-21T12:46:00.000-08:00

I'm laying down on bed, finally writting my "daily" blog which is not so daily anymore. Past few days, I haven't been writting blogs. No, not because I was busy, but because I was very unproductive throught all my days, and it's difficult to face my failure while typing these blogs, so I avoided writting blogs. Everyday I promised myself to skip the blog today and be productive tomorrow and write the blog tomorrow, so that I don't have to face my failures, the very thing the blog was supposed to do.. hold myself accountable. Anyway, I'm writting it today, as it was a better day than most. I watched 4 lectures, which isn't much but it's better than most of my days. Let's start summarising my day with a promise to be regular, no matter how unproductive my day is.

I woke up at 10:15. These days I've noticed that my sleep cycle has improved exponentially. I wake up at exact time I expect to wake up, sometimes even without an alarm. So that's an improvement. Also I've observed something peculiar about sleep a long time ago, which I don't know if I'll be able to articulate, but let's try. So I've noticed that whenever I change my sleep timing drastically, my sleep gets punctual, waking me up at exact time I'm supposed to wake up. For example during summer vacations I would get a habit of waking up at 11-12 in the morning. But when the school reopens, I would suddenly wake up at exactly the time I was supposed to, like 7 am. Even without my mother waking me up. I naturally woke up at 7 am in the morning, when I knew that I have to wake up. But this doesn't stay for long, after 3-4 days I lose this natural waking up schedule, and start being super sleepy in mornings. This is quite peculiar. I can wake up without an alarm at my desired time only and only if that desired time is not my usual time of waking up. I don't know if I got this through, I am not very good at articulation, and that's a major part of me writing these blogs. Anyway, so I woke up and brushed, read the front page of my newspaper, I didn't read newspaper thoroughly today. I had my tea and then sat to complete the lecture that i had started last day. I completed it and had my lunch. Sorry, I forgot to mention that I meditated for 20 minutes before studying. Today was open eye meditation practice, which I really don't like. It is difficult to see my visual field as just a collection of different shades of colour appearing in my consciousness. It is much easier to notice my thoughts and sounds than to notice my visual field. Sometimes I can even catch my thoughts just as they are arising, and even the sounds. But observing visual field is not my cup of tea, it's quote irritating. But I'm hoping to get better at it.

So, after I had my lunch I wasted some time in YouTube and then got back to study, and watched 2 hour botany lecture. I felt quite productive as it was only 4:30 and I had watched 2 lectures already. But this sense of achievement drowned me, as I "rewarded" myself with 30 minutes break, which eventually turned out to be 3 hours long break! At 7:30 I started my thermodynamics lecture of 2 hours and then had my dinner and watched some YouTube again. After an hour or so, I started my 4th lectures of the day, that of organic chemistry. It was about properties of alcohols. After its completion I felt a sense of "not having wasted my day again" and that feels good :)

After that I had to study some more but I ended up deciding to go to bed, and here I am.

Today's points would be 4×1.5 = 6

I hope to be regular now, writting blogs everyday.

Adios

My Thoughts Are Not Me

2022-02-14T01:13:00.001-08:00

Yesterday as I was meditating, my guide (Sam Harris) asked me to notice my thoughts, just like he often does. But this time I realised it, I noticed it, I saw what he always meant. In an attempt to dissociate me from my sense of "self", he often uses this method of noticing whatever arises and then noticing that whatever arises, just arises. That I do not have a say in whatever appears, whatever feeling it may be, or whatever thought it may be. And this time I (or rather he) was successful. I realised that the thoughts that I associate to myself are not "me", neither are they "my" thoughts, they are simply "thoughts", a result of some process in my brain. I did not intend to think whatever thought I was thinking about, it just appeared suddenly, without my consultance. I, for the first time, was actually able to dissociate myself from "my" thoughts and emotions. My thoughts and emotions, as I realised, are like an object that passes through the space that I call myself, my awareness, my attention. I do not have an authority over what object passes through my awareness, I simply have the option of either flowing with that object, or simply notice that object. And this is what manifests itself as "letting your emotions control you" or "controlling your emotions".

I love Newspapers - Daily Blog #4

2022-02-09T12:15:00.001-08:00

[9th February]

It was an average day, quite better than an average day. I woke up early (10:30), had my tea and read newspaper for an hour. That's one thing about me, I can't start my day without a calm newspaper session. For some reason, recently, I've grown quite a taste for current affairs and global politics. Speaking of global politics, Russia really needs to take a chill pill, and leave his long lost brother, Ukraine, alone. The world is on the move to divide into two blocs, one in support of Russia and one in support of Ukraine. It will be interesting to see what side India choses. As of now, india has maintained a diplomatic silence on the issue, but that can't go on forever. Given the recent ties with USA, I am positive we will chose Ukraine and the NATO, which is further supported by our enimity with China, who is the number 1 partner in crime of Russia rn. Let's see how this unfolds.

Speaking of my day from a productivity pov, it was okay. I did 3 lectures and solved 2 DPPs. Although I had plans to do 4 lectures, which I really needed to accomplish. But 3 ain't bad. I really need to push upto 4 lectures at least everyday, which will alone eat up my 9-10 hours of the day. I have no other choice. I really need to up my lecture game. I also didn't meditate today again :(

Points-

4.5 (3 lectures)

0.8 (2 DPPs)

5.3

Adios

It Was A Fruitful Day - Daily Blog #3

2022-02-08T12:47:00.001-08:00

[8th February]

I didn't publish any blog for 6th and 7th February. Those two were very unproductive days, and as a result I was unable to face myself in the form of writting this blog. I lost both the battles, of doing what I'm supposed to and facing my failure once I failed it. I've noticed whenever I face discomfort I don't tackle it, I don't even lie about it to myself. I simply do my best to ignore it, to think of something else. While ignorining accountability, it feels like I am a vampire in a very dark cave, and there's a small beam of light. It feels like if i acknowledge that light, I might go towards it and end up burning myself.

Well, today was quite productive. I woke up at 10, which is an achievement for me and a moment of festivity for my family. I was on an average productive throughout the day. Although I think I could have done much much better during my "breaks", which always exceeded the intended duration of time.

I did not meditate today, I procrastinated and ended up not doing it. Although I did a 30 seconds walking meditation while randomly walking while listening to a podcast. It was a spontaneous mindful space that I reached. I could listen to the words of podcast and at the same time feel my legs walking. Going up, forward and down. I noticed with every step my body tilted a little. I noticed the movement of my body as a whole. It was a nice experience. I should do more of walking meditations.

Points

4.5 (3 × lectures)

2 (2 × Notes revision)

0.8 (2 × DPPs)

Total = 7.3

Very fruitful day :)

I've decided to make a daily goal of achieving at least 7 points each day, without missing even a single day for this month. This will be my month's goal.

Ciao

Better Than Yesterday - Daily Blog #2

2022-02-05T13:28:00.001-08:00

I woke up at 11:30 today. Quite an average day, a little productivity mixed with quite a lot of procrastination, 5 minute breaks turning into 2 hour breaks, etc. But it was better than the last two days, so it's a win for me. I did a total of 3 lectures, but the botany lecture was very hectic today, so that's an achievement in itself. I meditated as well, which I had skipped for the past two days.

I noticed today I was not in a good mood, I was annoyed at everything. For example, when I learned that my uncle cancelled my newspaper subscription thinking I don't read it anymore, or when I had to go to get some snacks for my cousins (I hate going out : a little trivia about me). In those short moments of anger and annoyance I did try to calm myself down by the best way ik, and that is to observe my anger. This method, taught to me by Sam Harris, is an excellent method for meditation practitioners to control their emotions. This method is literally just one step, and is quite effective. Once you've mastered the ability to differentiate yourself from your emotions and experiences, it gets easy to see things as they are, and get in control of your emotions rather than give your emotions your control. But to my disappointment it didn't work well today. It never actually works very well for me yet, I'm still just an amateur, but it does help me mellow down my unwanted emotions. The thing with mindfulness is that once you've achieved it, life gets very smooth and free of unwanted emotions. Okay I should not get carried away with the topic. I'll continue some other day. Now let's focus on academics

Points -

I've decided to update my point system and give lectures 1.5 points oppsosed to the previously decided 1 points.

3 lectures = 4.5

Total - 4.5

Takeaways from today -

I really need to work on my breaks. Each 2 minutes break of mine always ends up costing me hours. Even if I've achieved a flow of productivity, that break breaks it. I need to work on this. I shall not use my phone during the break and simply rest, or maybe take a walk tomorrow. Let's see how that goes.

Ciao

I Was Very Unproductive - Daily Blog #1

2022-02-04T13:51:00.001-08:00

I am burdened with guilt. I feel many things right now, satisfaction ain't one of em. I wasted last 2 days hardly doing anything productive. There's something about unproductivity, which triggers a vicious cycle of unproductivity, but the same thing resides in productivity as well. Once achieved a flow in it(either productivity or unproductivity), it is difficult to break out of it.

I was supposed to start blogging my daily life on 3rd Feb, but it was completely unproductive which demotivated me to even write the blog, because I couldn't face my failure, I couldn't write about how unproductive I was. So i postponed my first blog to 4th Feb, with the motive of making the most of the day and writting the blog at the end of it. But... This day went unproductive as well. I was about to sleep, postponing my blog to a new "tomorrow", when I had the realisation, that this is yet another product of my procrastination habit. I have a deadly procrastination habit, which is probably the root cause of all my life's problem.

I, at last, convinced myself right before sleeping to face my failure, to not run away from it with the hope of a "better tomorrow", which is just a false hope, and never gets translated into action. As I write this sentence, as I write each of the sentence, I'm trying to hold myself back, to give in to my fear of discomfort, my fear of facing accountability, to just sleep now and do better tomorrow, to start fresh and start my blog on a happy node, to forget about the bad day I had. But I won't.

This is often the case. I seek to be free from the consequences of my actions. And this is what I have to fight. Winning small battles like these is the path to win the war (very cringy lmao). I won this battle, for I've started to write this blog, therefore facing accountability. And I wish to start winning more and more battles.

I'll now summaries my two unproductive days:-

3rd February - I woke up at 12:30 (that's my normal waking up time, I sleep late) and was all set to start my day and be productive, so I can boast about how productive I was in my blog (spoiler alert : I didn't). I was planning on to start my studies at 2, but sometimes before that my mother told me she had to go to this relatives place, and I had to drop her. I already now had a sense of what the day was gonna be like, I knew (from my last experience) that this 45 minutes job will eat up all my day because I've never been able to focus on something again once I've been distrubed. And the same happened, I came back home at 6:45 (I also went to a friend's home since I was already out). As I came back I was all set to study, after a smal break... Which, ummm, took around 4 hours. After which I was completely demotivated to study, so I decided to sleep and wake up early the next day and cover for the bad day that I had. So i slept at around 12.

The end. A day wasted.

Takeaways from 3rd Feb -

1 - I need to stop wasting time over things that I have to do sometimes later. For example, I left my house with my mother at 3:30, but I wasted all the time before that, thinking I've to get up anyway. I should have utilised that 1:30 hours.

2 - once half my day was gone, I could still make up for it, or at least utilised the other half fairly. But the guilt of already wasting half my day took up my other half as well.

4th February - despite sleeping early (at 12) I woke up at 9:30. With a good starting, I wastched a 3 hour lecture which boosted me and made me feel like I'll be super productive today. And after the "hard labour" I decided to "rest" for "a while" which suddenly cost me 5 hours :-) and then began the everyday vicious cycle of me being in guilt of wasting half my day which results into me wasting the other half as well. And now I'm a little sleepy, it's already late and I should sleep. So I won't go much more into detail. But spoiler alert 4th Feb was a disaster as well. If I had to use my rating system to rate the productivity, it would be 2 points... including both days... :-)

I'll post this blog now and sleep, in a hope of a "fresh day, fresh start". Let's see where that goes.

The last 2 days may have been bad, but I'm real proud of myself for fighting myself and gathering the courage to take on my fear of accountability, and write this blog. Tbh I didn't imagine to get good with my days right after I start writting my blog. This blog is anyway to capture my journey of whatever it's gonna be. And it helps create a dramatic effect when the first try is a failure and the last one's a success lmao.

(I'm too sleepy to review the blog before posting, so please forgive me for any spelling mistakes or grammatical error)

Ciao

I Am Starting Daily Life Blog - Daily Blog #0

2022-02-02T13:40:00.001-08:00

I've decided to start blogging my daily life. Mainly focusing on my academic life and my spritual pursuit. Keep in mind that when I say "spritual" I don't mean it in the exact sense that it's famous for. For me "Spritual pursuit" is synonymous to the pursuit of "mindfulness", not to unlock my soul or some bs like that. Anyway, so the idea behind blogging my daily life is to fulfill my desire of writting (not fiction lol), to record my daily life to reflect upon in future, and most importantly I wanna blog to hold myself responsible for my actions. I am quite a procrastinator, and very unproductive, but with this blog I wish to give myself a sense of accountability, to motivate myself to be more productive throughout the day, so when I write about my day before sleeping, I don't feel any guilt. I've noticed that I do my best to avoid accountability, and this blog is to help me face accountability.

So let's talk about the format. Honestly, there won't be a fix format (atleast not anytime soon). But there will be a few things that I will mention everyday, and they will be :-

1 - I will calculate my daily academical points. I will give myself points for every productive (academic) work. The basis for my point system will be - 1 point for every lecture I watch, 1 point for revising my notes of a complete chapter, 1 point for revising a complete chapter from my textbook, 0.4 marks for every DPP I solve.

2 - I shall summarise my day, mentioning how much of it was productive, how much wasn't. And what went wrong with my day, and how can I improve it the next day, to be more productive.

I also wish to give myself long term goals, like a goal for what I want to achieve in a few weeks.

My first goal that I shall be working towards is to make myself a productivity geek (not really, I'm exaggerating lmao) by the end of my 21st blog. I wish to be productive enough to not have any regrets before I get to bed (regrets of what I did or did not during the day).

And I promise to myself to be very honest in these blogs :)

I was going to start blogging from today but while I was writting this I felt like I should keep this one as an introduction to my blog and start blogging from tomorrow. But I should mention that I was not productive at all today. I did not meditate, I did not study. If I had to give myself academical points, it would be only 1 for today. I wish to improve from tomorrow and everyday onwards.

Ciao

Losing

2021-12-29T12:30:00.002-08:00

I just got into an argument with a very close friend. The topic of argument was "what was the purpose of this blog". Being a well wisher, they were annoyed at me for not fulfilling the purpose of this blog, which I insisted was to keep a record of my thoughts for me to reflect upon in future. But it was more than that, I wanted to start my journey of becoming a pop philosophy writer, which I failed at, due to laziness. They knew it and called me out for it but I kept insisting I wanted nothing like that but just a blog for myself, not the world. At that moment, I wasn't really lying to them, nor was I lying to myself, but worse. I was simply a victim of emotional thinking or cognitive bias. I was too afraid to accept the reality, the reality that I failed at my goal of pushing this blog to the mainstream. I never really put any effort on this blog while dreaming of it climbing on top of the world. At that moment I was blinded by my fear of failure so I subconsciously decided to change the narrative of why I started the blog to escape the bitter reality of my failure. We often do that. We don't mend our beliefs on rationality, we mend rationality according to our thoughts. We tend to defend our belief with supportive rationale, while we should really build our belief with the available rationale. So, in that argument which got heated, I fabricated a fake memory (that I never wanted this blog to go famous, rather I write it for myself) that was never real without myself realizing that its not real. All of it to escape the reality. I'm a sore loser, I hate losing, which can be a good thing if it makes you give your best. But what it does to me is stop me from giving my best. I'm scared of what will happen if I give my best and fail, then I will be an actual loser, while if I fail without trying I can at least lie to myself that I'm worthy, and would have succeeded, had I just given my best. Therefore I didn't really lose. This is a vicious circle that I have fallen into and not only in my goal towards this blog, but a lot of other important part of my life. I give up before ever starting, because I'm too scared of being a stupid who can't succeed even at their best.

Lipid | Poetry #3

2021-08-16T00:01:00.001-07:00

Make way for the lipid,

for he's drowning in the water.

Though his density is lower,

buoyancy refuses to push.

He is a molecule of lipid,

hydrophobic all around.

Drowning slowly,

waiting for the kiss of the ground.

The Perfect Life for my 6 year-old self

2021-08-09T04:56:00.001-07:00

As any other normal child I hated school, and the notion that I needed to study everyday to be successful. I did not enjoy the idea of a stressful life. I was a very god-believing child and always wondered why God decided to put me into this human body? Why couldn't I be a deer in the jungle? My life would have been so amazing, so stress free, just full of joy. And then my mind turned towards the cons of being a deer and realised I could be eaten by a lion any day, and I'd not enjoy constantly living in fear of being eaten.

So now I had to think of another animal that has the best life. I decided I wanted to be a lion. Who eats the top species in a food chain? It is lion who everyone fears. I could now enjoy a few days fantasizing about being a lion and living a peaceful life with no stress or fear. But then I saw lions fighting each other on National geographic channel. And also realised they are captured and kept in zoos for people to enjoy viewing them. And I did not want to lose my freedom at all. And I also came to know about how lion's cubs are always at risk of being eaten by other animals. So now lion was off the list too.

I began my search for another animal. Now I had to chose an animal that is on top of the food chain, isn't captured by humans, and whose progenies are big enough to not be prey to other animals. So I turned towards sea life and picked a Blue Whale, the largets animal on the whole planet, whose progenies must also be large enough to not be preyed upon. I started feeling proud of my amazing choice and started fantasizing about being a Blue Whale, and how I wouldn't have to worry about homeworks and absolutely anything. But to my disappointment I found out Blue Whales are hunted down by us for their organs to produce oil or something like that. And I had to scrap off Blue Whale as well.

Now it was frustrating to think of an animal who had the perfect life. Is everyone on this planet miserable? Is every being just struggling to live? But I still wanted to find an animal with perfect life. I had now discarded uncountable animals after finding out flaws in their life. And then one day it suddenly struck me. I've been watching that animal everyday of my life. It flies over me everyday. It is considered a very ugly animal and that was probably why it never occured to me to think of it's amazing life. It's a Crow. A crow has the perfect life that I wanna live. It is not hunted by any other animal, while other small birds are hunted by eagles and hawks (because of which I never considered being a small bird) and because of their "ugly" look and "ugly" sound they are not considered as a pet or an animal worth watching in zoos, like eagles and hawks are. I even once saw a crow and cat sitting nearby and found out cats are not interested in hunting it either. It's progenies live in a nest in a tall tree so they are very safe. They are not considered a threat by humans and hence are safe near them, unlike jaguars, lions etc. They are also "useless" for us, as they don't provide any benefit to us and hence are not exploited by us, unlike chickens.

It was the perfect animal to live as. It has the perfect life. I finally decided I wanted to be a crow, to be ugly enough to go unnoticed by the cruelty that this planet holds, to be small enough to not be considered a threat, to be big enough to not be preyed upon, to be dumb enough to not create a civilisation and force their kids to complete their homework.

It's a crow's life for me, savvy. *insert Pirates of the Caribbean theme music*

Note :- I acknowledge that the reasoning I used isn't very accurate. The purpose of this blog was not to tell everyone how amazing crows are. The purpose here is to look into the mind of a 6 year-old. The reasoning used here is of my 6 year-old self and is highly flawed.

Pretend

2021-07-05T10:50:00.001-07:00

Pretend. Pretend to be whatever you are not, untill you are. Pretend to be that "I don't give a fuck" character untill that character devours you. Don't let your vulnerabilities show, conceal them at all cost. Weakness attracts submissiveness. Only when people look up to you, will they want to interact with you. The moment your weakness is revealed, people lose interest. This is a well known human behaviour. I don't intend to say everyone is bad except me, not at all. I'm only stating the true nature of human mind, and it stands for me as much as any human being. The longer you can maintain that character, the longer will you not be alone. And, inevitably, once you are alone, don't be harsh on yourself. Loneliness isn't as bad as it seems. We are social animals, we reached the peak of civilisation using this social character of ours, so of course we can't bear with loneliness. But we are also intelligent animals. Animals with the ability to see through our own biology and understand ourselves at biological level. See through your desires, and find out it's reality. It is your biological need to interact with someone, to not feel alone. Don't you think you should rise above your biological needs? And not feel so f*cked up about something that only affects you because of your biology. You need to break-free of that vicious circle of emotion.

In the end it's just you, and always will be. Realise the absurdity of letting your body decide what you need. You are not your body, you are not your brain, you are something incomprehensible. You are the mirror that everything ambient to you relfects upon. You are a dimension that's unheard of. Everything you see or feel are merely a vibration in that dimension. That vibration is used by your body for its selfish use, to manipulate you into feeling sorry for yourself. Don't give in to it, realise it and break free.

All these aside, I hope you never have to realise all of it. I hope you'll never have to feel alone :)

Hide your vulnerabilities, untill they vaporise.

Myrmarachne | Learning #1

2021-06-29T11:59:00.001-07:00

Today I encountered an insect who at first sight looked like a Carpenter ant. But upon further close inspection I observed it hanging with its web. It was really confusing for me, was it an ant who can make webs? Or a spider that resembled ants. I suspected it to be later and killed it as spiders can be very venomous and with this one being out of ordinary, I could not take any chances. Here's a photo of it that I clicked

the top part is it's head

I then looked about this insect over the internet and found out it's a Myrmarachne, a genus of spider who adopted appearance of ants for various survival reasons that I'll talk about.

Here's a picture of it from the internet

There are several species under the genus Myrmarachne that resemble different species of ants. They walk like ants (in a zig-zag pattern), and they even wave their front legs to resemble an ants antennae. Their large jaws resemble a cargo that ants usually transport.

Ants are not on the top menu for a lot of predators because they don't taste well and are very agressive (defensive). On the other hand spiders are not gifted with defensive skills and taste comparatively better and hence are preferred over ants as food by the predators. This drove the evolution of these spiders to look like ants. It not only reduces their chance of being eaten, it also helps them prey on ants. A normal ant predator would have to chase ants to eat it, while these spiders simply approach them like a fellow ant and then suddenly attack it.

But this phenomenon of resembling ants for survival advantage isn't limited to these spiders. This is so common that it has its own term "Myrmecomorphy" - mimicry of ants by other organisms. There are lots of species under this genus Myrmarachne that resemble different species of ants. There are even plants who show myrmecomorphy.

Who, What, Where am I?

2021-06-16T13:38:00.001-07:00

I am not inside my head !! My head is inside me. My body is inside me. I'm not what I see in the mirror, that is merely a materialistic medium through which I recieve informations. I'm a manifestation of billions of neurons firing that resides in a dimension completely different from those that we know of.

I don't have consciousness, I am the consciousness. Everything that I feel or touch are just a perception in my consciousness.

I'm not the self I think I am, the whole concept of self is an illusion.

I need to rise above the materialistic desires that ny so called self, a.k.a body, needs. I don't need love or companionship or pleasure or money or absolutely anything to be happy.

Everything I percieve is meaningless. It could all easily be a part of simulation centered around me and still not be any different for me. So why should I waste time into considering all these perception as valuable when it's geniunity makes no difference in my life at all?

I'd still experience exactly the same things even if I was just a brain in a very advanced laboratory lying in a machine being stimulated by it to perceive what I percieve now.

I am not what people see. I am a non-matter living in a completely different dimension, using this body as a communicator to this dimension.

I just experienced something extraordinary while meditating.

2021-06-12T13:42:00.001-07:00

I just got over with a short random meditation session. I've been trying to learn the art of meditation and mindfulness through the "waking up" app by one and only Sam Harris. This app is truly amazing, hats off to the waking up team and specially Sam Harris. Okay enough of fanboying over Harris. I've been trying to fit random short meditation sessions throughout my day and I was just doing the same right before I started writing this. And what I experienced right now is something that freaked me out and at the same time clamed me.

I was practicing open eye meditation with some soft music through my earphones. Right now it is 1:50 AM, so it's a little dark except for the light glancing from the kitchen, which is right around 2 metres away from where I'm sitting. Keep in mind that there's enough light for me to see everything very clearly, I could even read with some focus. I started the session with noticing the sound of the second hand of the wall clock and the soft music, complemented with some dogs barking. And my eyes are wide open staring deep at a random point in the hall. As I sink deeper into the session I notice everything turn dim in my sight and get back to normal in under a second. At first I assumed I'm sleepy and my eyelids are giving up, but and I continued the session. It happens again, everything slowly dims away just for a few second and gets normal after I shift my focus away. Excited by this I continued the session making sure my eyes are wide open, and it happens again. I could not experience it for more than a second or two at once. I kept practicing for 2-3 minutes and got better each time, and got to the point that while my eyes are open there is darkness all over. It is as if my eyes are closed while my eyes are wide open. It is as if I can control what appears in my consciousness, and chose to not let the visuals in. Everything under my sight slowly turns dark to the point that it's no different whether my eyes are open or closed. I've never felt more relaxed and excited during any meditation session. Is this the beginning of the journey to mindfluness? I hope so.

Chaos wins over Calmness | Life #1

2021-05-10T06:11:00.001-07:00

I was up early at around 4. I couldn't sleep that night, thinking of the ambient problems I have. Problems that cannot be defined in languages that humans are capable of. Those problems can only be read on a surface level. We all have those problems.

My problems won't let me sleep, won't let me eat, won't let me talk, won't let me work on it. Working on my problems can only be followed by accepting my problems, which I'm scared of. I can't accept them, I can't let them become a part of me. Although they are a part of me, I can't accept they are a part of me. To know a problem is different from accepting it. And the problem with accepting it is that you let it define who you are. Without accepting it, you live with those problems, but with denial of them (Ignorance is a bliss, ain't it).

Anyway I got carried away, I was going to talk about what I experienced that morning. After I couldn't sleep I started writting a poem. I'm not a fan of poems, I haven't read a single poem out of my acadmeic literature in the past. But I've realised I like composing poems, although they turn out to be really bad, but it's satisfying. I wrote a poem and published it on this blog. This helped me feel better but not the best. Very few things make me feel the best. I decided to meditate on the terrace and watch the sun rise. Unfortunately, sky was a little cloudy on East so I couldn't see the sun go up. This is the picture I took trying to spot the sunrise.

I sat there for a while listening to birds chirping and strong wind flowing. And after 2-3 minutes of taking the above pic, I turned around to west and saw this.

My phone couldn't capture the darkness of those clouds accurately that my eyes could see, so I edited it a little to show what my eyes saw.

Those dark clouds were rapidly covering the whole sky. But I was able to watch them rise from west all the way to east, it took about a minute (I regret not capturing a wide angle picture of the whole sky). And for a minute I could see the darkness of the west and the brightness of the east, the chaos of West and calmness of East, and watched the two collide, slowly, yet rapidly.

I witnessed the battle that Chaos won over Calmness.

The victory of West was celebrated with strong wind flowing all around. Knocking everything it crosses.

Afraid of a sudden burst of rain I came down to my room and wondered what were the odds of me not watching such a dark force coming from the West, although I had just turned away from West a minute ago only to turn back and realise the darkness has taken over half the sky, and is on it's path of conquest.

But the conquest did not last very long. After around 20 minutes, the calmness was restored. The bird started chirping again, the sun came out shining like a diamond. And everything was back on track. It will come back again, but it will also go away again.

No, you don't have a Lizard brain in you | A modern myth about brain | - Taking Notes #1

2021-04-26T09:05:00.001-07:00

This is a new blog series called "Taking Notes" that I am starting. Here, I'll be summarising things I learn on a daily basis. My goal is to write a blog under this topic at least 3-4 times a week.

I've started reading "Seven and a half lessons about the brain" by Lisa Feldman, a neuroscientist who I got to know about through Sam Harris' recent podcast. This blog is highly inspired by the first chapter of that book.

Humanity has been believing in the "Triune" theory of brain for a long time. Although it has been disproven decades ago but people still preach this theory. I have myself read about this theory as a kind of "fact" from reputed sources. This is actually a modern myth. This myth was started by philosophers like Plato, and recently popularised by Carl Sagan in 1977.

Plato said that our mind has 3 parts. One controls survival instincts, like hunger and sex drive. Second controls emotions. And third controls rationality. Plato said these 3 parts are in constant conflict with each other.

People through history then started to theorise that since we are evolved from reptiles i.e. once our ancestors were reptiles like lizards, our brain has a lizards brain as core, which is the part that controls survival instincts. And with evolution a layer of brain was added on this Lizard brain and the brain of pre-historic mammals was formed. Now this new layer was called limbic system, which controlled emotions. So now these mammals were also capable of emotions along with survival instincts, which reptiles lacked (according to this theory). Then came the topmost layer that modern mammals (mainly humans) had, Cerebral cortex, which made us capable of thinking, specially rational thinking. This layer is what makes humans different.

Later in mid 20th century someone (sorry, I don't remember the name) examined a human brain with whatever technology was present at the time, which was mainly microscope. And then compared it with reptile brains and found similarities between our lower brain and reptile brain. And concluded this theory to be true. People widely accepted this theory, to the extent that it is still famous and discussed, although it's been debunked decades ago.

Scientists recently found that our brain are fundamentally similar to that of reptiles. Overall most animals share fundamentally same type of brain. All of them have all three layers (reptile brain, limbic system, cortex). The only difference is that they have it in different proportion. Humans have larger cortex than lizards and other reptiles (by large, I don't mean the absolute size, but size campared to other parts of the brain) which means that even lizards have the cortex (the rational brain) that we thought they lacked, but proportionally smaller.

Most animals have the potential to have brain parts as large as humans (again, I mean large proportionally, not absolutely), but they don't. The size of brain parts is decided during the growth period of embryo. In due course of evolution, different animals adopted different size of brain parts. For instance, our cortex grows for much longer time during human embryo period compared to lizard's embryo period, which results in larger cortex in humans than in reptiles.

So there you go. This was about the modern myth of "Triurne brain". Next time someone explains you how you have a Lizard brain, educate them. Spread the knowledge.

Or not? | Poetry #1

2021-04-20T13:07:00.001-07:00

It's not the sharpest,

But it'll do just fine.

There it lies,

At arms reach.

To extend the arm,

Or not, is the question.

What could possibly go wrong?

Isn't Grief just a form of love.

Does it matter how you recieve love?

As long as you recieve it,

Filterless?

The darkness waiting, is dark but numb,

Better than the darkness presiding.

But it's not fair to them.

This conflict is complex,

Will this be the end?

Or just a pause?

Only to continue without me?

Will it go away with me?

Or persevere without me?

To fight is the task of the braves.

But braves often die a violent death.

To be the brave,

Or not, is the question.

Is it a hallucination?

Or the reality?

Either way it's scary,

It scares me.

Scares me like a lightning does,

Helpless, open in the field.

Mother isn't reachable,

For I pushed her away too.

If I hadn't,

I could hold her,

Like I used to.

Hug her and kiss her.

The lightning scares me.

To wait for it to go,

Or not, is the question.

Run away?

I wish I could.

But there's nowhere to go,

For what I'm running away from,

Resides inside me.

To run away,

Or not, is the question.