Dementia for 2

A Tragic Moment Of Clarity

2012-01-17T19:30:00.002-06:00

There are times when I really long to carry on a meaningful conversation with my grandmother. Sadly, I have not had a moment like that in several years.

Sometimes it takes a great tragedy to bring about a moment of clarity in our lives. My grandmother has recently suffered such a tragedy.

Last week she fell out of her wheelchair and fractured her C1 and C2 vertebra's. She also has a huge bruise over her right eye along with stitches above her right eye and scalp. This type of break is typically know as the "Hangman's fracture"

She spent 3 days in ICU which was very hard on all of us. Because of her age, she is not a candidate for surgery or a halo vest. They did fit her with a collar to keep her neck from moving for the next 6 weeks.

Because this happened in the nursing home with the aid in the room, we made the decision to move her to another facility. My mother also spoke with a lawyer today.

The new facility is 30 miles away so it will be more expensive to go and see her what with the price of fuel these days.

The biggest concerns are with her skin. Because this collar/brace extends down her torso, we are concerned about infection due to moisture getting trapped inside the brace. Granny also has a cold and we are concerned about pneumonia setting in since she is confined to her bed until at least the end of the month.

I have not been able to see Granny since she left the hospital. I am hoping to get to see her this week. My sister has been able to make the drive with mom twice this week. On both occasions, Granny was very coherent. She spoke about her youngest daughter and how much my sister resembled her. This conversation prompted my sister to call our aunt and relay the conversation to her. I truly hope it will help my aunt put some of the past behind her once and for all.

The second conversation was only 2 words. They were turning my grandmother to clean and check her out and she told my sister "I'm scared." These words really break my heart. My grandmother has been through so much in her life and I cannot bear the thought of her being scared. How can you possibly comfort someone with this type of fear? What words can ease their physical pain and emotional distress? Just because she is speaking coherently does not mean she will understand what you are saying to her.

I am very afraid for my grandmother right now. I am helpless in this situation and I am not sure I can mask my own fears from her when I see her. I really want to just go up to this nursing home and go off on everyone I come in contact with. This was senseless and unfortunately we may never know what truly happened.

I know I have to keep all of this in check not only for Granny but, my mom as well. She needs me to be clear headed and strong for both of them right now. Thank God my sister and I have mended our own relationship so we can take turns with all of this.

I will try to keep posting updates about Granny's well being but it is so emotional for me right now that I am not sure I can be right on top of this blog.

I appreciate any insights any of you may have and would ask that you please pray for my grandmother.

The Real Prez And His VP

2011-12-29T01:28:00.004-06:00

After much consideration, I have come to the conclusion that it really doesn't matter who we vote for. We get the same two entities election after election. The party may change but, the ones in charge do not.

Big Corporations are "The Man". They pay a pittance in taxes and whine about that. They move their companies overseas and hire cheaper labor. They have a stranglehold on Congress with all the backroom deals that are made. There is no control in this area and it doesn't look as though there ever will be.

Second in command goes to the Lobbyists. While most lobbyists are former members of Congress, they have the interests of their clients at the forefront. While the lobbyist should be a noble profession, it has become just as corrupt as all other groups on the Hill.

I don't know if this will change and if it does, if it will be for the better. We need a serious over haul of our government and as much as it pains me to say it, I don't think it will happen. If it does occur by some twist of fate, I am not entirely sure that it will turn in favor of less government, more jobs, and an America that is truly free.

I am listing some interesting links below that I found concerning this. I hope that it helps you the reader to be better informed.

On Lobbyists:
http://www.ou.edu/special/albertctr/extensions/fall2006/Intro.pdf

This is an article I read concerning corporations FedEx in particular.

http://blogs.reuters.com/david-cay-johnston/2011/12/20/the-corporations-that-occupy-congress/

I tried to use the "insert link" button but it did not show the links on my preview page. Hope that doesn't discourage you from reading these articles.

Will the Real change Please Stand Up?

2011-12-28T03:53:00.004-06:00

President Obama has a plethora of information on the web and in numerous newspapers concerning his decisions over the past four years.

My personal views aside, he did use the first 2 to pass the buck to Bush. While it is true up to a point, that horse died at the barn long ago. These last 2 years he has been blaming every Republican for miles. At some point he will have to accept responsibility for his own actions or lack thereof.

I do not think his health care plan is a good plan for America. While I don't have the answers, I do think forcing anything through Congress that is obviously full of loopholes and exceptions for your cronies is not good for the masses. Considering that Medicare and Medicaid are some of the most corrupt programs in the government, this new healthcare is doomed from the get go.

As far as his faith goes, he does seem to have a better rapport with the Muslim community. I like most have read the articles concerning the Ramadan dinners and the like at the White House. When you take into account all his talk about being a "Christian" this does seem a little out of sorts. Also you have to consider the fact that he has not gone to church in the last 3 years and now all of a sudden he is attending.

His foreign policy still needs some work to say the least. The Libya thing was not a good move and showed arrogance that he has a hard time concealing. Yes he did get our troops out of Iraq. In an election year. But, if you talk to a few or even many of these same troops you know that they are not home for good. A lot of them are slated to go to Afghanistan in the not too distant future. And we all know what that country is like right now.

While he has not come right out and claimed to be a Socialist, he does have Socialist ties in Chicago. He also appointed some of those men to offices once he was elected. Unfortunately the media is too easily distracted to do any real research on this part of his life. They seem to be obsessed over a birth certificate that should have been settled before he ran the first time.

He has made domestic decisions that have hurt this country. We are ignorant,broke,and there seems to be no end in sight. His "put America back to work" plan which involved building roads and bridges was so strict that most states could not use the money. With the bank bailouts, car company bailouts,government bailouts,housing bailouts I need a bailout.

While President Obama is not my choice for the next president, neither is anyone else at the moment. Prince Mongo is looking better and better.

The Liberpulican

2011-12-18T03:55:00.002-06:00

I have refrained from posting lately because so much has been going on with the candidates! I wish I would have waited on some of them since so much has come out since my posts.

Ron Paul seems to be the red-headed stepchild in this race as well as past Presidential races. I am surprised that he gets any coverage at all. His following seems to be mainly grass roots similar to that of Ross Perot. However, he does not have the financial backing to ensure a more prominent presence. Conservative, Republican, and Libertarian are some of the terms that have been used to describe his political tendencies. I tend to think of him as a Libertarian. This seems to hold true when you look at his voting within Congress.

While I agree with his stance on less government and foreign policy for the most part, there are things that need to be considered. His age would be the foremost. He is almost 80 and I think that has been a stumbling block for him. His lack of support from the masses and especially the media, has not helped either.

However, if he classifies himself as a Libertarian, that would mean that Mr. Paul supports the legalization of drugs, prostitution, pornography, gambling, removal of any restrictions on homosexuality, and censorship. That is just the "short" list. I would venture to say that there really aren't that many true Libertarians out there.

While I don't think Mr. Paul will be elected as President, I do think it would be interesting to see just how much he could remove in the way of government. Maybe a younger man will step up and keep things shaking within the Republican Party. They could use a little shaking.

Gimme Mitt

2011-11-13T09:57:00.003-06:00

Mitt Romney's political views are akin to most women getting dressed. We decide on one thing, and then we change 3-4 times before finally deciding on what we want to wear.

First he is pro choice now he is pro life. He runs for Governor in 2002 under the "everyone deserves to be happy" umbrella in support of gay marriage. Now he is against it.

While his religious preference is trying to become an issue among other runners, namely Rick Perry, I don't think Americans as a whole truly understand what the Mormons actually believe. I am not going to delve into all of that here, but, I do encourage you to do your own research on this subject.

While Obamacare is similar to the healthcare in MA, he has said he will dismantle this law and leave it up to the states.

During his last bid for President, Romney advocated for states to play a larger role in the gathering of intelligence supposedly to be used to stop terrorist attacks. This measure includes the opening of a "fusion center" in MA to help states in this endeavor.

His foreign policy is very typical of the Republican Party. Wipe out the jihadists while embracing the moderate Muslims. Continue with China and try to sweet talk them into importing more American products. Refuse to lift embargo against Cuba as long as anyone named Castro is in charge. North Korea, Iran, Israel he is pretty much the same as all Republicans in the past. Of course, this is all subject to change if a new poll comes out regarding any of these issues.

How can Romney expect us to make up our minds about him, when he can't even make up his own mind?

Michele My Belle

2011-10-28T09:08:00.004-05:00

Tea Party doll Michele Bachmann is being asked to drop out of the Presidential race by those that put her in the limelight in the first place.

Her campaign seemed doomed from the beginning. While she has had a few bright moments in the debates, ultimately, she has proven that she needs to go back to school with Sarah Palin. The most recent problems in New Hampshire should have been enough for her to see the writing on the wall.

I cannot decide whether it is the woman herself or the lackeys she has surrounded herself with that is the problem. While she was running for the Senate many things came out about her that should have put her out of the running. Sarah Palin's endorsement helped her immensely.But, she has not had any ringing endorsements from anyone that the American people have been willing to listen to during this campaign.

She is masterful at sidestepping questions and seems unable to give a straight answer to many questions that seem to come to the forefront in elections. When she finally gives in and does answer, she sounds more like Richard Belzer than a presidential hopeful.

Ms. Bachmann is relatively new to the political scene, and that could be part of her problem. She has not had all her "rough" edges polished so to speak. If she it to be taken seriously by the masses, she needs to get it together and learn how to make her point without sounding so ludicrous.

The Big Fig Newton

2011-10-22T15:46:00.004-05:00

I truly cannot believe that Newt Gingrich is still trying to run for President. You hardly even see him on television and he really has not contributed that much in all these endless debates.

He has more problems that me and that is no small feat. His past record speaks volumes about his real agenda. A rerun of past Bush era policies. Thanks but no thanks.

While it is true, he was a Republican favorite at one time, that time has long past. He needs to wake up and smell the river. I am not sure if his dropping out will benefit either of the two front runners, but the Republicans need to realize that it is time to start thinning the herd.

A Rock And A Hard Place

2011-10-21T07:21:00.005-05:00

I have not written about Granny in a while, so much has been happening that I really don't know where to begin. Maybe I can just number them in no particular order.

1. Shortly after I started recovering from pneumonia, my grandmother contracted pneumonia. Since she has received the shot to prevent this, we were surprised that she became ill. Mom had her admitted to a different hospital farther away from home this time. It was discovered that Granny aspirates on thin liquids such as water, coffee, etc. Hence the bout with pneumonia. The doctor prescribed a thickener for her liquids so maybe this will help.

2. Since no one can care for your family to suit you, there are always problems with Granny's care. Since mom is no longer working, she is spending most of her time with Granny and this issue has come to the surface. There are serious issues with more than one aide and mom has tried to resolve them in such a way as to allow at least a civil relationship. However, not everyone is this mature. This has led to a letter writing campaign followed by numerous phone calls. The outcome is still undecided but, I am worried about both my mom and grandmother.

3. Mom is trying to see if Granny qualifies for Medicare Home Health Care. Since the qualifications are very specific, we are not sure if Granny is even in the running for this. Mom is going to make some calls and try and set up an appointment with Granny's doctor to see if this is a viable option. Since Granny needs so much equipment, lift, hospital bed, wheelchair, etc. I am not sure all of this will be covered by Medicare. I don't know if you can rent any of this or what the cost will be. Mom thinks this will be the best thing for both she and Granny but, I worry that she may not be thinking this through.

Overall, Granny is doing very well. Since her discharge from the hospital, she has been a little difficult when it comes to taking any medication. She just flat out refuses to take any if mom is trying to give it to her. No one has figured out what is going on with her concerning this yet.

Yesterday she was talking to people in her room that were not there. This is a new development and does have us a little concerned. I do hope that when mom goes to visit her today, she will be more like herself. I know a lot of people say that their family members experienced similar things shortly before they passed on. However, my father in law talked with people for months before he died. I am not as concerned as mom but then again, I have dealt with Granny's "spells" more than mom.

I hope you all have a great weekend and hopefully I will have better news in my next post.

Revolution Number 999

2011-10-19T15:37:00.004-05:00

I must confess I thought a lot of these Republican candidates would have waved the white flag by now. The "Hermanator" included. But, apparently it is still to early for the white flag of surrender.

Herman Cain is another candidate that is well liked by the Republican Party. I cannot understand why some people think that just because you can run a successful business you can run a country. A business has a Board of Directors and possibly stockholders.
If you don't own a lot of stock, they don't really care what you think.

Yes there may be backroom deals and covert favors, but no where near the degree that is in our fair Capitol. I don't think Mr. Cain is ready for all the wheeling and dealing that goes on in Washington.

As far as his 999 Plan goes, Congress will NEVER and I do mean NEVER allow the IRS to be abolished. To do that would mean letting go of all that money that they just freely spend with no thought as to the consequences of this action.

By implementing this 999 plan, a lot of public works will suffer. Roads, schools, libraries, etc. will all have less money to continue to do provide the same services.

All in all, I don't think this plan could work given the state of our economy. America isn't a pizza joint.

The Longest 15 Minutes Ever

2011-10-07T14:06:00.003-05:00

This week Sarah Palin officially decided not to run for president in 2012. More than a few seemed to quite disappointed with this decision. I know my mother in law is among those lamenting this decision.

While I think that Ms Palin is a great crowd pleaser and can definitely fill up a room, I do not feel she is "Presidential" material. She seems to take statements made by the media to heart which has caused her temper to flare on more than one occasion. You have to have a pretty thick skin to run a country. Especially one with "free" speech in its Constitution.

Ms Palin does seem to have become a master at perpetuating herself in the media to her advantage. She has managed to keep herself in the limelight for 3 years and that is no small feat. Her endorsements of certain Tea Party candidates seem to have been made without proper research on her part. Hopefully, this will change in the future.

She also resonates well with the "soccer mom" crowd. This can be a tough crowd to relate to especially over 50 male politicians. There are some that are running that would do well to learn from Sarah Palin in this area.

While I think that Sarah Palin is a young, fresh, attractive addition to the political scene, the fact that she is so ignorant of current events and American History is very detrimental to her in the long run. I also cannot deal with that "you betcha" folksy speech she uses.

Maybe in the future she will take these issues more seriously and in the process be taken more seriously by others.

Twin Sons Of Different Mothers

2011-09-30T13:00:00.004-05:00

I cannot watch Rick Perry at all. I just want to laugh every time I hear him speak. I am not trying to offend any of you Perry fans out there, but, he sounds so much like "W" that I cannot take him seriously.

I know a lot of people from Texas and none of them speak with the same accent as these two. They even share some of the same mannerisms!

I know that Mr. Perry is a favorite in the current races and it will be interesting to see how he stands up to all the scrutiny. Hopefully, he will fair better than the last president from Texas.

I am sure that some of you are not amused at all this. But I would remind you of a line from a favorite movie: "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion." That would seem to be the feeling I have this election year.

I wish you all the best in your choices this coming election. I do hope that you do your on research and not rely on the reality shows we call news.

Old Friends Lead To Old Habits

2011-09-27T03:48:00.004-05:00

I have not blogged in a while due to my illness. It has taken me quite a while to get over this bout of pneumonia. I think I am finally out of the woods.

Granny has been in the hospital for a week battling the same thing. They also found fluid build up on her heart. The doctor has decided to treat her with aspirin. We are praying that this works out for her. She should be going back to the nursing home today.

I don't usually write about my family in such a frank way, but I fell compelled to tell my son's story. I am hoping this will help others that are dealing with similar situations.

"J" has an addictive personality. He is very soft hearted and compassionate and children are just drawn to him. However, he like all of us has made some very poor life decisions. The main one being his love of drugs. He thinks I am blind to this because I don't always say something about his condition when I know he is strung out.

A few months ago he moved to Texas. This was very hard for me to deal with since I have never been separated from either of my children. We talked about this decision before he left and we both knew this was the best move for him at the time. "J" moved there specifically to dry out. He spent 2 weeks in hard withdrawal before he could even leave the house.

Once he was clean, he started trying to find work. I don't have to tell any of you how incredibly hard that is right now. Things did not work out for him for a variety of reasons and he is now back at home. I am overjoyed that he is here. He has been able to secure a job through the help of family and friends. Best of all I have the "J" that I know and love back.

The lesson he still has not learned will probably lead him back to his old lifestyle. This lesson is simple. You cannot hang out in the same places with the same people if you are clean. These people will constantly try to get you to partake in the things you used to do. Right now he is still able to say no. But I fear there will come a day when he will be unable to say no. I have been there done that.

He and I have talked about this at length. I have explained to him that the next time he gets in this situation it will be worse and much harder to get clean. I cannot make him change these things in his environment. I am praying for him and when it comes up we do talk about it. But the fear for him is great in me.

If you are in a similar situation, I cannot stress enough how important it is that you change your environment. These people are not your friends. Those old haunts of yours are not safe. Everything must be different if you are to succeed in your quest to remain clean.

Another Year Older

2011-09-08T04:00:00.003-05:00

My grandmother turned 95 on the 2nd of this month. I have been so ill that I have not been able to function let alone update ya'll on her health. I am hoping this round of antibiotics will do the trick.

I think this is the first year that she did not even realize it was her birthday. Due to my illness, I have been unable to visit her for almost 3 weeks now. I do miss seeing her smiling face.

I am not sure if this lost recognition is a step towards another faze in her Alzheimer's or not. Mom brought her a cake with balloons and really made a big deal about it. She and a few of Granny's favorite aides sang Happy Birthday to her but, she still was unable to comprehend that it was her birthday.

Mom seemed to take it in stride, but, I am having difficulty accepting this "new" Granny. She has ALWAYS known when it was getting close to her birthday. She would tease me for days before the event about how "young" she is.

I know that I have to deal eventually but not today. Today, I am just trying to get well so I can sit with her and have some fun with her for just a little while longer.

That Time Of Year Again

2011-08-16T15:57:00.003-05:00

The presidential elections are right around the corner......again. I am trying to brace myself for all the fodder that is disguised as promises to make America "great" again.

It will be interesting and sickening all at the same time. For me it is kind of like a train wreck. You want to look away but you just can't seem to pull your eyes away from all the carnage.

I would like to think that we as a whole, would seriously research the candidates and learn what they really stand for. But, I just don't think that is possible with all the far left/far right opinions being blasted at us from every direction. Fair and balanced just doesn't seem to exist in our society any more. I am not sure it ever did to be honest.

There is a plethora of political sites, blogs, opinions available. After a while it all just becomes white noise. We just want it to stop. I have not decided who the lucky candidate will be that wins my vote.

I saw an advertisement the other day proclaiming that I, yes little ole me could run for president for as little as 99 dollars. Maybe I will just vote for myself.

Sympathy Or Compassion

2011-08-13T15:49:00.002-05:00

While reading Oswald Chambers the other day, I was struck by how often we bring one another down with our sympathy. I have come to the conclusion that we as a whole tend to confuse sympathy and compassion.

I have been trying to sort this out in such a way that would make it easy for me to put into words. I am not sure if I have succeeded. Another word that is in this same category for me is empathy. I don't seem to be able to think of the other two without this one also.

Sympathy is sharing the feelings or emotions of another. The issue with sympathy is that it tends to spill over into gossip and can make us feel as though we are a victim depending on the circumstance. We also tend to use sympathy as a way to gain more information about a certain situation.

Empathy is more of an emotional understanding of another's situation. I think of empathy as more impersonal than compassion or sympathy. With empathy, you may have had a personal experience that allows you to really understand what another person is going through.

Compassion is a feeling of anguish for another along with a desire to help alleviate their suffering. You are sincere in your endeavors to help another in a painful situation.

I used to think that being a sympathetic person was a good thing. I thought I was conveying all the right things. Then I really started to think about the people involved. I realized that my sympathy was misplaced. There are people that just want to feed off of your sympathy. They are not interested in moving beyond the point they are in. I also realized that I was getting caught up in their saga and that is never a good thing.

I am learning to be more compassionate and empathetic without so much sympathy. It can be a very fine line between the three, but you can learn to distinguish between the three and covey what you truly mean without confusion.

Guess What I Heard?!

2011-07-27T09:54:00.003-05:00

Exactly what are idle words? What comes to mind when you heard that phrase?

I think of work. Rampant with rumors, gossip, and backbiting. Since there are so many employees, there is never a lack of something/someone to talk about. There are days when I just don't want to talk to anyone. I reach my threshold of trash talk if you will.

We are told that we are responsible for every word we speak. This has given me great pause as of late. When I think of all the idle words I speak in just one day it can be convicting to say the least.But, is it just words that we are responsible for? What about idle thoughts? Thoughts of ill will or what ifs or if onlys? How do we handle those instances?

How can we curb all of this? I study and read the Word and still can't control my mouth much less my brain. It can be quite daunting to have the "mind of God" when you are bombarded at every twist and turn in the journey of life. It seems as though we never really conquer anything.

I have been talking with God lately about my idle words and in the process have become a quieter person. For those that know me, you know I can be quite loquacious. I am hoping that I don't become rude in the process of curbing my mouth, another tendency of mine. As you can surmise, this is going to be a prolonged process to say the least.

The goal is to only have interesting and uplifting things to say/think. I just hope the process doesn't become a hopeless situation.

Leaving On A Jet Plane

2011-07-20T02:48:00.002-05:00

My son has decided albeit rather quickly, to leave for Texas. I know I should be excited for him. This is a new adventure. A chance to "start fresh". A very enviable position to be in for sure. Why can't I stop crying if this is so great?

But I am a mom with all of a mom's fears and worries. I am afraid that he is running from himself. That has a way of catching up to you rather quickly. I worry that he will get out there and get stuck and have to much pride to call home. I worry that it will be to easy to forget he has a son here that loves and adores him. I worry he will get mixed up with the wrong crowd again and this time the outcome will be very dire indeed.

But, I also know that this may be the only way God can reach him. It may take some hard knocks away from mom and her "help" to get right with God again. How do you "let go and let God?" What does that really mean?

A new page is turning for all of us. I am not sure he even realizes how much he means to so many. Since his conception I have never been separated from him or his sister. If this is what cutting the apron strings feels like, you can keep it.

I am going to miss the late night conversations, early morning breakfasts, card games and board games. I am going to miss waking up and finding out he has come and raided the fridge in the night. No more teasing him about cutting his hair or all the constant calls from the fairer sex. No weekend cook outs and trick or treating with little "J".

I am going to truly miss my son.

Trust And Obey

2011-07-18T05:00:00.003-05:00

As if I am not reading enough books I have picked up "The Ten Commandments" by Thomas Watson. I love reading the Puritans. Those guys go straight for the jugular!

I have just started reading this so I am still going through the intro (55 pages thank you very much). Watson has some very interesting things to say about obedience. He asks some very thought provoking questions as well as providing answers that just leave you begging for forgiveness.

One of the questions he asks is "Why don't we obey God?". He only lists 2 reasons which really cut to the heart of the matter.

1) Lack of faith. The thought of heaven and hell seems so abstract to most that they just don't believe in either.

2) Lack of self-denial. To quote Watson, "If lusts cannot be denied, God cannot be obeyed."
When I think of lusts, I think of the "biggies". Adultery, idolatry, murder, etc. But, there are other lusts that can be just as dangerous. Things that we do everyday without even thinking about them. "White lies", envy, harsh words, wrong thoughts, the list goes on and on.

So, how do you deny those lusts? How can you get to the point that you have only Godly thoughts? How does your obedience get to the point that it is cheerful, devout, fervent extensive and sincere? That is a very tall list and one that I don't know that I can ever fully accomplish.

I hope that you will stay with me as I learn more about the Ten Commandments and how to live a life of obedience!

If you care to read along with me, you can read this for free at the below link.

The Ten Commandments

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

2011-07-08T00:08:00.003-05:00

Today I was studying about faithfulness. Paul speaks of faithfulness as a fruit of the Spirit. A gift from God.

When I think of being faithful, I think of my own faithfulness. Just how faithful am I? Am I faithful in church? What about tithing or my relationship with God? There are other things that also come to mind. Very mundane things, everyday life things. Things like paying bills or cooking or cleaning house or spending time with family. How faithful am I in even those things?

Sadly, I fall short in every scenario. I think most of us do. I could use all sorts of excuses or give a plethora of actual reasons as to why or why not I am faithful. But, the truth is, I am weak. I allow myself to be too easily distracted or put the important things off for the end of the day.

When I think of God's faithfulness, I am in awe. He is steadfast in His faithfulness. It never falters or wavers. Does this mean that true faithfulness is unattainable? I don't think so. I think that we have to really look within ourselves and see what our priorities are. Faithfulness to God requires discipline and constant nurturing and thought. Saving the best for last is not always the right thing to do.

My grandmother always eats her dessert first. God is our dessert. If we are to grow in our faithfulness, we should savor the sweet time with Him. By spending time first with Him, we are better prepared for the days obstacles.

Easy peasy right?

Do The Limbo

2011-07-06T01:48:00.002-05:00

I hate being in limbo! I want to know what is going on and when changes are coming. I have never been one for surprises so I don't do well with indecision.

We are STILL going around and around with the bank over our house! Once again they have sent us a foreclosure notice with "options" that are available. This is the second time we have gone through this. We have sent paperwork to all the necessary people involved in the short sale 3 TIMES! Yet they still don't seem to know what is going on.

We have not even bothered to look seriously at other places to live because of this. From what I have looked at, it looks kind of grim for us. Since the housing bust, rental property has skyrocketed. Apartments are just as high.

I have been packing stuff up that I know I won't need any time soon and donating tons of stuff that I just refuse to move. I have also been building a flowerbed for my friend Carla. She is the mother of my grandson and she is wheel chair bound. So, I have been taking some of my plants over there to fix her backyard up so she will have something pretty to look at.

Hopefully, we can find affordable housing soon and start over. I will have to put most of my stuff in storage if we move to an apartment due to space issues. Fortunately, it is just tools and the like so we can do without those until we can afford to get something larger.

While I know that God is in control of all of this, I still have apprehensive feelings about all of it. I am worried about the move. I worry that we will get somewhere and something terrible will happen and we won't be able to afford it. I worry that we will be stuck there for YEARS. I worry about starting over at my age. I know that I shouldn't be so stressed out over this but, I can't seem to help myself.

Life just shouldn't be this HARD all the time! I know that we brought a lot of this on ourselves. I know that we have to pay for the consequences of our actions. That seems to be all I do anymore. Pay for decisions. When does it stop? At what point is it enough?

Enough whining! We will get through this one way or another. God will be there every step of the way and my faith will be stronger when all this is over. That is truly all that matters.

Who's That Lady?

2011-06-21T07:48:00.004-05:00

Mom and I have been battling health issues that would be contagious to Granny lately so it has been a bit since I have been to visit her. My sister has been trying to pick up the slack.

Mom has HFM,and I have poison ivy. during all of this my sister developed pink eye. I told my brother in law he should take a photo of us posing as the 3 monkeys.

Apparently, Granny also had pink eye. Since mom and I were unaware of the signs of this, it is good that my sister contracted this while she was helping with Granny. She is the one that knew what she was seeing and made sure Granny received the proper medical care.

Sis has been helping keep Granny in clean clothing and the like. She also disinfected her room since I have been unable to get up there. While she is with Granny, her every move is watched. Granny has not spent a lot of time with her so she is not sure just exactly who she is. Sis called during one visit and mom spoke with Granny via phone. I think that Granny knew she was speaking to mom because she said, "That woman is here again." I think that is so funny! I can just see Granny watching my sister's every move and not saying a word. I am sure that when she left Granny took inventory of her stuff.

My poison ivy has cleared up enough that I was able to go and visit yesterday. She really looks good and we had a great visit. We did the mani-pedi thing and she really enjoyed teasing me.

I think I am going to call "That Woman" today and let her know just how much it means to mom and I that she took the time to help during all this. We are not sure just when mom will be able to go and see Granny again maybe another week or so. They miss each other terribly and I know that mom will be glad to be done with this illness so she can get back to being momma.

Cruel To Be Kind

2011-06-05T05:36:00.004-05:00

When you think of being kind, what comes to your mind? This is a discussion I have been having with others lately. The answers have been as varied as the individuals. I must confess I myself seem to have a perverted sense of just exactly what this word means.

According to the dictionary, the word kind means:

1. Of a friendly, generous, or warm-hearted nature.
2. Showing sympathy or understanding; charitable: a kind word.
3. Humane; considerate: kind to animals.
4. Forbearing; tolerant.
5. Generous; liberal.
6. Agreeable; beneficial.

The reason that I bring this up is a study I have been doing on the Fruit of the Spirit. One of the characteristics listed is kindness. I have put this study down because I have realized that I do not want to be kind. I consider it a sign of weakness. I see kind people pushed around all day and I do not want that to be me. But God desires that I be a kind person.

I keep running all these scenarios in my mind and I always seem to feel angry and defensive just thinking about them. To be kind in the face of rudeness or verbal abuse or just plain indifference is a very daunting task.

To be kind I have to be forbearing when my husband speaks to me in a sharp or condescending tone unnecessarily. I have to have a warm heated nature in spite of the things that are being said or done to me. That is definitely not in my nature. I am more apt to tell you exactly what I think and can be quite sharp in doing so.
I do not want to come across as a cold hearted person but at the same time I do not want to be a doormat either.

Kindness is more about actions to me but I am coming to the realization that kindness is about words and attitude also. Some of the people I have spoken with have politeness confused with kindness. While I do feel that these two things can go hand in hand, I also think you have have one without the other.

I tend to use my work environment as an excuse for being unkind. The problem with that is that Christ walked with the lowest of the low and still remained kind.That tells me that it is possible to be kind regardless of your environment. I also want to use my past as a crutch. While my past has shaped me it does not have to rule me.

I am not sure if I will be able to understand enough to conquer my trepidation over this issue. I do know that God has convicted me about this and if I am to progress in my journey, I must make some changes in my thinking.

My Flood Vacay

2011-05-18T05:36:00.003-05:00

Well I have been off work for almost a month due to flooding in my area. I would like to say that I got tons of stuff accomplished. But, I was not able to get near as much done as I would have liked. It is really hard when you have to depend on others for help with things. Between conflicting schedules and inconsistent weather, I feel fortunate to have accomplished anything at all!

I have some photos that I am sharing with all of you. Some of them were taken before the flooding and some were taken on Mother's Day this year. You can really see how the river took over Memphis for a while. We were very fortunate that the damage is not any worse. Some areas were really hit hard by all this water.

I do go back to work this Friday. While I do not agree with a lot things that this company has done to "better" my workplace, I am astonished at the manner in which they have treated their employees during this most difficult time. They have continued to pay us and keep our benefits active while we have been furloughed.

So here are some of the photos that we took. Hubs refuses to take a photo without me in it . Why I have do idea but that is his little idiosyncrasy.

Tom Lee Park Before:

Tom Lee Park after:

I have others but I seem to be experiencing a computer malfunction so I will have to put those up in another post.

Stay dry and have a great weekend!

Old Man River

2011-04-29T10:38:00.004-05:00

I am sure there are not that many people out there that are unaware of the devastating weather that hit the south these past few days.

Since Memphis is situated on the banks of the Mighty Mississippi, this is of great concern to all of us that live near there. They are predicting that the river will crest somewhere around the 10th of May. All around us, rivers and creeks are filled to capacity. I cannot remember seeing flooding like this around here.

Since I work in a casino that is on the river, we have all been concerned about our jobs. The gaming commission has decided that all of the casinos in the area must be closed by 2p.m. on Monday. They are estimating that we will be closed for about 3-6 weeks. Fortunately for us, they are going to pay us. We do not know exactly how much as of yet, but I am just grateful it will be more than the 200 I would collect from unemployment.

I am also grateful for the short vacation! My son immediately said to me, "Now maybe you can get some rest mom." I am looking forward to having a few weekends off and helping some of my family with their yard work.

God has been so gracious to me to put other means of employment in my path and this extra money will truly be needed during this time.

Hopefully I can get some photos of all this for y'all to see in the not too distant future.

The only concern I have is when we go back to work. The last time they closed a casino due to flooding, there was a serious problem with Water Moccasins also known as Cottonmouth Snake, in the building and hiding in the slot machines. Hopefully, they will secure the buildings enough so that won't be a problem.

Please remember all of us in your prayers. So many have already lost their homes in the area and I fear more will lose theirs within the next few weeks.

Can This Marriage Be Saved?

2011-04-23T04:43:00.003-05:00

I remember when we first met so long ago.
Life was so much fun then.
We used to laugh and talk and go places.

Now we barely speak.
When did arguments become conversation?

When did I start having more fun with others?
When did we start dreading to come home to one another?

At what point do we finally decide enough is enough and move on?
I feel like a widow.

I don't know if I can go on like this anymore.
I don't see how you could possibly want to continue to live like this.

All the misery and pain that we inflict on each other with our words or lack there of has got to be getting to you.

A decision has got to be made and soon.
Otherwise, dread will turn to bitterness and love will turn to distaste.

We are not the same people we used to be.
We have become strangers to ourselves and each other.

I do not like who I have become and I cannot continue to be this person.
You seem so caviler about the whole thing that I cannot tell if you are even bothered enough to care anymore.

The guilt that I feel at the thought of leaving seems too great.
That is no reason to stay.
What keeps you here?
You say one thing but your actions say something else entirely.

We need to conclude this act in our lives.
I feel the curtain drawing for good. Do you feel it to?

What I don't feel is an encore.