A Different Perspective

The Truth About the 2009 Gaza Massacre

2009-01-29T17:17:00.000-08:00

President-Elect Obama: We Need a Change in Israel/Palestine Policy

2008-12-19T08:49:00.000-08:00

The US Campaign to End the Israeli Occupation is organizing a petition of organizations and individuals to President-Elect Obama calling for a change in U.S. policy toward Palestine/Israel to support human rights, international law, and equality for all. Sign the petition today.

Read and sign the petition by clicking here.

Secret Love (final part)

2008-11-29T08:35:00.000-08:00

<<- Continued from here

The gossips: "She's knocked up, she has health problems, she's too short, she's too tall, she is a cold person, he is marrying a whore, he only cares about himself, he thinks he's a foreigner". Jordanians need to get something better to do with their time. I guess on the bright side we are providing them with lots of entertainment.

Some of the valuable advices directed to my fiance:
"Come here and I'll show you a girl who is even better looking than her"
"You have to take the opinions of other people, just like when you buy a car you show the car to other people."
"Just live away from her. Come to Jordan for 2 years, and I am sure you'll forget her. This is what I did and in a month I completely forgot my ex"

Live in Jordan! As if we didn't have our share of long distance!

My mom breaks into tears and says in a shaking voice "I feel sorry for you that things have to be this hard. I am jealous of those who things just work for them".

"I don't feel sorry for myself" I replied "Having him and having experienced love like this completely overshadows the pain that I go through due to the problems. I am a lot luckier than all those people you're jealous of"

My mom didn't think so, but she was touched that I do.

The threats and the rumors are growing out of control, and we don't see an end in sight. At this point, we realized we have to do something, we need to take some control over the situation, otherwise it will just keep escalating backwards. We put a wedding date! One month from today we will be married. Obviously it will be a small wedding. After this, there will be no more stuff to fight about, talk about or be threatened about. It will all be done, and people will just have to make their own choices of whether to attend or not to, and whether to speak to us or not to. (And whether to kill us or not to!). It will be final soon. Waiting is only making things worse.

My dad: 7atitina ta7t el-2amr el-waqe3 (Tu me mets devant le fait accompli!)
Me: I wish we have another choice.

We were in a difficult position. Maybe we didn't handle every detail, every action and every conversation perfectly. But, overall I think we did well. We did our best. We were patient. We explained our position many times.

My parents thought I was making the wrong decision. But, they thought that since I'm insisting, they will have to help me out to get the least possible damage out of it. They decided to attend the wedding. They flew in for the 3 days around my wedding. It was all the support I wanted. It was the first time they get to know my fiance, and the first time they see how well we work together. And they were impressed! If only his parents were here, if only they would give me the chance to get to know me and get to see us together, I'm sure they too will be impressed.

His parents chose to continue the protest. "You can't make us do things we don't agree with. And I don't agree with this marriage"
My fiance replied "I'm not asking you to agree. And I'm not asking you to marry a Muslim. I am the one who is getting married so I am the one who gets to chose. I am only asking you to accept my choices"
Nice shot, but this concept is too foreign anyway.

My fiance's dad urged him (and still does) to talk to a wealthy well-positioned far relative (obviously christian) for advice on this matter. Do we speak gibberish when we say 'It's our choice'? It doesn't make any sense to me to speak to this guy about my life choices because he has some money! Have I been living here for way too long that my mentality is becoming too foreign?

I guess we had a different perspective on the matter; we saw it as our choice. But others saw it as their choice, the extended family's choice and the entire Jordanian population's choice. After all, we are the ones who have to deal with the consequences of our choices, not the whole Jordanian people. I often ask myself why do I love Jordan this much, when Jordan doesn't love me back?

It was a memorable day! Some family and many friends attended the wedding. Our friends realized how special this day was to us and what a bold step we were taking. They threw in several surprises for us on that day. We had had very little time to prepare for it, which gave them a lot to play with. They surprised us with a poster, video taping, photo shooting and speeches. Oh, the wedding speeches were quite touching! You would have to be there.

To this day I get butterflies in my tummy when I look into his eyes. To this day, I find it difficult to say goodbye when I leave him every weekday morning to go to work. I fantasize about the man whom I am already married to.

The Love of War

2008-11-25T13:28:00.000-08:00

The federally budgeted military expenditure of the United States Department of Defense for fiscal year 2009 is 515.4 billion. At the same time the U.S Sentate approved a $700 billion financial bailout package.

Here's a thought. Lose the love of war, stop paying the pentagon and start saving the economy.

If saving the economy is not all that interesting, here are other ways to spend 515,400,000,000 other than buying weapons:

- Desalinize enough seawater so all Africans could drink safely until 10,000 AD.

- Cover New Hampshire and Vermont in gold leaf.

- Send everybody from South Ossetia into space.

- Buy 100 McDonald apple pies for every single person in the world.

- Buy 438 pounds of rice for every man, woman and child in Africa.

Conflicting Interests regarding an Economic Recession

2008-11-18T12:10:00.000-08:00

The current U.S. economic recession is affecting countries all around the world. There is less spending by U.S. consumers and companies reducing demand for imports from other nations. The drop in the U.S. stock prices is dragging down markets elsewhere, and the crisis of the U.S. subprime-mortgage market has pushed up credit costs worldwide and forced European and Asian banks to write down billions of dollars in holding. A GDP decrease has been confirmed by experts in several countries already. No one knows how long the recession is going to be nor the extent of it. Some economists say it will be as bad and worse than the Great Depression of 1929, and some economists say it will be equivalent to the tech bubble burst in 2000.

John Gray's article talks about not only a US recession, but a US's fall from power. He says that the global financial crisis will see the US falter in the same way the Soviet Union did when Berlin Wall came down. He says it will be the end of the American dominance era. This is not a ridiculous thing to say, if history taught us anything it is that every empire collapses, no exceptions. The only question is when. I, among many others in the world, would be happy to see a more balance in the political powers. I would be quite happy to see China, India and other countries step up and create other powers. As for the war in Iraq, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and other disasters around the world, a balance in world powers can only be beneficial, at least on the long term.

On the other hand, how will a US collapse affect people around the world short term, including me and you. As I mentioned earlier, a US collapse will most definitely cause a recession in so many places, so no matter where we live chances are we will be affected. Unemployment rise, GDP drop, investments shrinking, risk of lay offs, working longer hours to compensate of employees who aren't hired...etc. When I consider my personal life, a risk of a US collapse scares me.

What is it going to be? A recession, a depression or a collapse? Only time will tell, but let me hear your opinions. Also, do you welcome a U.S. collapse?

Separate Is Never Equal

2008-11-10T09:43:00.000-08:00

I was reading "Separate Is Never Equal: Stories of Apartheid from South Africa to Palestine, Fall 2008 National Tour" on the internet and started wondering how something that sounds so basic to me is actually very disputed.

When it comes to the israeli-palestinian conflict, I am a supporter of a one-state solution. In this solution, arabs and jews live in the same state where the same laws apply to both. They attend the same schools, live in the same neighbourhood, enjoy the same rights, go to the same clubs, same universities and interact with one another all the time. I know there is currently so much hatred between the two, but I think if a one-state solution is implemented the hatred will go with the next generations. And both people will have equal human rights and learn to live together in peace. I realise this is not going to happen, as Israel (the stronger side who currently has the upper hand) wants to be an all-jewish state. Also, israeli's are happy with the status-quo as they are not currently suffering like the palestinians are.

When I discussed this with my relative, who have lived in Palestine, he completely disagreed with me. He pulled out the "Break the bones" video on uTube and said to me "sorry, but I can't live with those people!" I agree the vedio is brutal, but I am still not convinced. I argue people are the same everywhere. There is no such thing as an evil population and a good population. But, there is unchecked power and corrupt politicians. If the israeli soldiers were taught better, this wouldn't have happened. For example, you can't say that the Tutsi in Rwanda who have led a genocide and killed 100,000 Hutus are evil people. An entire nation's people can not be all bad or all good. It's the politics that lead to that, not the individual's genetic composition!

Hence, I say, yes we can live with each other if we try. We are all people in the end.

"Separate is never equal" applies to many other things as well. For example, you can't have different schools for boys and girls and claim equality. If there is equality they would be going to the same schools.

Blacks in north america have fought for a long time to get equal rights including attending same schools. Back then, whites argued that black people have smaller heads and smaller brains and are therefore not capable of attending the schools of normal-headed white people. The other day I was watching Steve Pakin's show where they were discussing new public schools that are to be available only for black people. However, this time the blacks were asking for this. They argued that not enough black history is being taught in public schools, and this will allow them to have their own curriculum where they can learn more about their history. Needless to say, I found this very absurd. Fighting to be separate! I can understand arguing for more black history to be included in the cirriculum for everyone, but I don't understand the separate schools. Unfortunately, it does seem to be something that will be implemented.

Oh my God! A Palestinian!

2008-11-07T08:09:00.000-08:00

I was making small talk with familiar faces in the coffee room at work when one says "Can you believe those palestinians", and he points at an article in the newspaper titled: Israel army studies 'abuse video'. "What do you mean those palestinians?! The article is talking about a palestinian who is being humiliated by a group of Israeli soldiers at a checkpoint" I protested.
"Huh?!" He sounded confused. At this point, I realised he probably didn't really read the article or cared what's in it. Maybe he just saw the headline and thought it was a good conversation starter.
"I am palestinian" I declared proudly.
"Palestinian! Oh my god! I have never met a palestinian before" He was over excited. It was like I am a creature from outer space. He turned a bit red and continued "I mean it is so wonderful to meet a palestinian! But, I didn't think it would be like that...or look like that.". Okay now, I'm a little freaked out. What was he expecting? Horns, sharp teeth sticking out of my mouth, a hook instead of a hand?

Secret Love (continued)

2008-11-04T07:30:00.000-08:00

<<- Continued from here

"My unorthodox love, so good, yet so painful" I explain to the stranger sitting beside me on the train. It was Friday after work. I had left three hours earlier this time, hoping to be there by 9pm. "It is our 5 year anniversary. 5 years! it is special. Look what I got him...maybe we'll celebrate with a dinner when I get there.

Our immigration papers are finally out. He is graduating soon, and we can start looking for positions in the same city. We can't wait! The long distance is really wearing us out.

"ana kol ma bashofak ka2eny beshofak le awel mara 7abyby.
ana kol ma tweda3na ka2ena tweda3na la2akher marra" by Fairouz

[Everytime I see you, it's like I'm seeing you for the first time, my love. Everytime we say goodbye, its like we are saying goodbye for the last time] by Fariouz

Having to say goodbye every weekend was only becoming harder and harder with time. We were not getting used it.

Seven hours later, there he was waiting for me in the train station with a rose in his hand. A soft smile on his face that makes me melt; he was looking so handsome as usual. He takes me aside and gives me 5 things; one for each year we were together. He hands me the rose and says "for all the love we share together", a computer mouse "for all the time we spent studying together", a chocolate "for how sweet you are", acrylic paint "for all the color you put in my life" and then a ring "to a future where I try to make you as happy as you make me". A ring! Is this a proposal?! I'm engaged! Surprise! I can't remember my words after that, but I started sobbing, and he followed. We cried, hugged and kissed. We got very emotional even though we already knew that we wanted to get married. But, the decision to declare it out loud, and knowing that the battle is yet to start, made the moment more emotional. We spent the rest of the night in the same restaurant we went to on our first valentine. Champagne, food and excitement! We felt confident; we were on top of the world. Nothing mattered but being together. The joy was overwhelming.

Me: Where was the question?
My fiance: What question?
Me: You didn't ask me to marry you, you just told me so.
My fiance: Hehehe. Why ask a question when I know the answer.

Next morning I called my parents, I made sure they are all around including my siblings. They put me on the speaker phone and I break the news. My dad "You're insane, you don't know what you are putting yourself into" and then he followed with a hundred other questions. How? When? What?

My fiance's turn; he called his parents. The sirens went on! It was a state of emergency. And, it stayed that way for a very long time.
The phone rang in the middle of the night that same day, his mom tells him "If you marry this girl, you are dead to us. We will put a na3e biljareedeh [write your obituary in the paper ]".

Yesterday, we were on top of the world, tonight we have been crushed. My throat sores as I swallow my tears and promise myself that it will be okay.

Later during our engagement, a relative of his tells him over the phone "I heard who you are engaged to. Let me tell you something. I have heard from my sister who went to your fiance's sister's wedding that there were hijabi women in this wedding. Why do you want to marry terrorists? If you do, I am going to kill her myself. Or better, I will hire someone to do the job". My fiance to himself "hmm...my fiancee is a terrorist because some of her relatives wear a hijab, but it is completely normal that you are threatening to kill her. Makes perfect sense!"

We kept hoping that things will get better as the news sink in. But, on the contrary, they kept on getting worse. As the news propagated, they became full of rumours, full of hate and completely distorted. We kept on hearing harsh words, and swears. Sometimes we heard it through other people, and sometimes directly to us. People emailed us, phoned us, wrote letters to us and even text messaged us. Some of them were anonymous but most of them were not. There were all kinds of threats you can think of. All kinds of swears and painful assumptions about me and my fiance. We were literally the devil in those people's eyes.

Today when I remember all this I tell myself "Think of those people who hurt you. Then look deep down into your heart and try to forgive & forget...okay, if you can't forgive & forget, then maybe just forget." Tears run down my eyes when I realise this is so hard to do. It's a lot easier in principle than in action. "How do you forgive people who will never apologize?"

Click here to read the next part ->>

Out-of-body experience

2008-10-30T13:48:00.000-07:00

Versus our every day in-body experience?

Many people associate a soul with out of body experience. So it goes something like this: Your soul lies inside your body. If your soul left for a while and wandered around, then you are experiencing an out of body experience. Also out-of-body experiences, or OBE for short, are often linked with near death experiences. Your soul leaves your body when you die, hence you might get an OBE if you were about to die.

Many people have said that they experienced an OBE. According to them, OBE's feel a lot more real than a dream. Science does not have the evidence to confirm or dispute it. However, there was an interesting study that involved recreating the experience.

There are some scientists who believe that an OBE is a sensation of seeing yourself in front of you and therefore feeling that you are no longer in your body. The scientists say that people feel that they lie inside their eyes, so if they see their bodies and eyes somewhere else, it triggers an OBE. Those scientists regard OBE as a hallucination in which the subject's viewpoint is not coincident with the physical body. It is due to a temporary brain dysfunction. The scientists were able to successfully recreate an OBE in a lab, however, they were unable to prove or disprove whether this is the only cause of an OBE.

Lets leave the scientific theory for a second and take a second look at the spiritual theory. You are having a near death experience. Your soul left your body for a while, and during that time you can see yourself lying on the bed. What is doing the "seeing" for you? As in which sensory organ responsible for the "seeing" is connected to your soul? If the seeing was being done by your physical eyes that are still lying on your bed, then you would not be able to see yourself from this angle. So your soul must have its own sensory organs which are similar to those that your body have. Does a blind person's soul also have eyes?

Back to the scientific explanation. Here is a good read regarding the OBE recreation experiment and the scientific take on it. BBC also has the story.

Define Soul

2008-10-26T19:07:00.000-07:00

Different people define soul differently. Some think of it as a thing that lives on after a person's death, and some people think of it as a person's personality or maybe the sympathetic part of a personality. Some associate it with their religion, some call it a brain and others dispute its existence.

What does "soul" mean to you ?

Secret Love (continued)

2008-10-21T11:48:00.000-07:00

<<- Continued from here

"The man who writes about himself and his own time is the only man who writes about all people and about all time."
George Bernard Shaw

It gives me a reason to continue sharing my story.

There we were happily in love yet hiding it behind doors. It was getting more and more obvious with time, which slowly and sadly alienated us from the arabic community. As our graduation was approaching the pressure was on, we have to set ourselves up so that we can keep what we have. The good news was that we were both blessed with opportunities that will facilitate work/study permits and hence we can still be together. The bad news was that they were 700 kilometers apart.

I was very lucky to have been offered a job. They generally make it difficult for foreigners like myself in order to secure the job for immigrants and nationals. Fair enough. I also get paid hence, food and shelter. My boyfriend was accepted in graduate studies. We could see each other every and each weekend. One weekend he would commute and the next I would commute. It was a 7 hour train ride each way. It ate up half of every weekend for those 2 years.

My boyfriend's dad was still in disbelief. He tells his wife "There is no way our son would do such a thing. His heart would not allow him to" His mom was scared "What if he does? His heart seems to be somewhere else."

How is he going to tell them that although he loves them dearly, he is still planning to do it, and he is convinced its the right thing to do? His dad suggests to him that he shouldn't travel on weekends. He actually forbids him to travel on weekends. And then he points out that it would be nice if he finds himself a french blond girl to marry. My boyfriend knows that what is meant by "french blond girl" is "anyone but her". He wants to follow his own dreams and live his own life, but he's afraid of hurting those people around him. Those people have lived their lives doing everything they can for their son's sake, and now they have dreams and fantasies about their sons life. "Is he going to fulfill them?" They often ask themselves. He didn't want to disappoint his parents, but will it make them happy if he sacrificed his own happiness to fulfill their dreams? Apparently, yes, that is what they want.

'Saalony' for Wael Kfoury used to be our song. After he left Jordan and when he went back for short visits, people asked him "you've changed, but we can't pinpoint what changed?", he used to think to himself "nothing has changed in me, except that I'm in love", hence the song 'Saalony'. During the long distance years our song has changed to 'Riddo ya hawa la 3indi' also for Wael. I listened to this song while I painted a picture of me next to him, wishing the distances were smaller. "A couple of more days for the weekend" we told each other on the phone.

Next morning the door bell rings, it was a delivery of a dozen red roses. It is valentines day! We'll celebrate it together this coming weekend. I still have those roses to this day. They dried out and now they're displayed in our living room.

Two years after graduation passed; we're hoping we will get immigrant status soon so that we can roam freely in this country and live in the same city. We're getting tired of the weekly commute and it is wearing us out financially too. My parents are getting more and more worried "It is unacceptable to date a guy, let alone date someone you have no future with" my dad complains. But, I could see a future, it is just not the one my parents want for me. The pressure is only increasing as the days pass by "what is a young Jordanian girl doing so far away from her family, unmarried? She needs to come back home so that her parents find her a man"

When are we going to solve this with our parents, or do we need to solve it with the entire Jordanian society? Will time just magically make our parents loosen up, or maybe the Jordan society will snap out of it in a day. How long do we need to wait? and what is it that we are we waiting for?

"I see happy couples who grow old together and love each other, but I haven't seen anything like you. You guys are simply crazy; and with all the complications it really sounds like you should leave each other" my western roommate tells me.

Today I thank our past-selves for our persistence, it paid off well. My real estate agent told us yesterday "Driving in my car, I see this beautiful couple walking out of the metro station holding hands with big smiles. Love is written all over them. The sun was shining, it looked like a hollywood scene. I swear. Then I realized oh those are my clients. And I honked the car to get your attention and say Hi". We met him late afternoon on the same day he saw us. It might be good for the business to complement your clients like this, but I was still flattered. Here we are looking great, feeling good and shopping for a house to share together. We have gone a long way.

Click here to read the next part ->>

Sexually Assaulted by a Co-worker

2008-10-15T12:09:00.000-07:00

I was thrilled and excited to get my first job. I am so lucky to have this opportunity; usually jobs like this are not given to foreigners like me. It is fair enough I suppose; the government is securing the jobs for the immigrants and citizens. I appreciated how lucky (and talented!) I was, I am going to build some experience and I get to stay in this country where I can still see my boyfriend. The only thing though is that the job is in a city 700 km away. A boring, quiet and old city where I know no one.

The company offered all the new employees -5 people- rooms in a nearby hotel. It gave us some time to look for our own apartments. At the end of our workday, we all went together in one of my co-workers cars to look for apartments. We did this everyday until each of us found a place to live in.

One of those days, I was having a drink with the co-worker, call him Tom, in his hotel room. We were discussing the company, the job and the potential apartments. I thought it was a good idea to build a relationship with those who I work with. Little did I know, he had ulterior motives. Suddenly, he pushed me on his bed, jumped over me and licked my shoulder. Before I had the time to think, I pulled myself away and ran to my room. He followed me and mumbled something about showering together. I shut the door and locked it, while he stood there begging. I took some time to absorb what had just happened. Why the hell would he do that to someone he is going to be working with? He was forceful and his hand left a mark on my arm.

'My wallet' I remembered. I forgot it in his room. I figured I am in a hotel with many people, it is safe for me to stand outside his door and ask for my wallet. I did exactly that; and he gave me back my wallet without touching me. However, he did say a couple of sleazy lines about my ass, the size of his penis and his skill level in bed. I ignored him, took my wallet and went back to my room. I phoned my boyfriend and told him what happened. He was furious and worried, and he tried to calm me down. It was the beginning of our long distance relationship, and I really wanted him next to me.

As the days went by, I decided to share this story with some other co-workers who knew both Tom and I. It was shocking to them that Tom would do such a thing, but they still believed me and definitely did not blame me. When I look back I think of it as a life experience. Live and learn.

Do you think it was my fault?

Distribution of Wealth

2008-10-15T07:36:00.000-07:00

"Almost half the world - over 3 billion people - live on less than $2.50 a day."

"The GDP of 41 Heavily Indebted Poor Countries (567 million people) is less than the wealth of the world's 7 richest people combined."

"Nearly a billion people entered the 21st century unable to read a book or sign their names."

"Less than one per cent of what the world spent every year on weapons was needed to put every child into school by the year 2000 and yet it didn't happen."

Causes of Poverty

Who is to blame for this poverty? Is it the poor people's fault? Have they been too lazy, and making poor decisions? Or is it their governments making bad policies? While these could be a factor, there are deeper and more global causes of poverty.

Along with globalization there are global decisions, policies and practices being initiated and driven by the rich and powerful. Be it the leaders of these countries, the multinational corporations or influential people. The governments of poor nations and their people are most often powerless. They face an enormous external influence which makes it hardly their choice. As a result, a few in the globe get wealthy and the majority struggle.

Examples

- The Sudanese government's efforts to control oilfields in the war-torn south have resulted in the displacement of hundreds of thousands of civilians according to the Human Rights Watch group. Foreign oil companies operating in Sudan have been complicit in this displacement, and the death and destruction that have accompanied it. These companies include the Canadian company Talisman Energy Inc. and the Swedish company Lundin Oil AB.

- Rural poverty in the West bank and Gaza strip is a consequence of the difficult conditions faced by farmers in their territories. The Israelis have destroyed agricultural infrastructure, confiscated and reduced access to land and water resources and restricted the movement of agricultural goods and trade. The 670 km separation wall dividing the West Bank from Israel which begun in 2002 restricts the access of tens of thousands of Palestinian people to work, schools, hospitals and family.

..and there are many more other examples.

Secret Love

2008-10-07T10:40:00.000-07:00

I was in love with a boy and my mommy could tell. Well, according to her the blind could tell too! It was years ago when I was in Jordan for the summer vacation. My boyfriend (currently husband) and I were sitting in a public coffee shop two meters apart pretending to be nothing more than casual acquaintances. We restricted how often we see each other and did our best to act out some formality in our relationship. We were hiding it from all our Arab friends to limit the spreading of rumors.

My mom is very far from naive though. She could see right through us. Picking me up from the coffee shop, she told me "It doesn't matter how far away from each other you sit when you look at each other with goo-goo eyes." She immediately voiced her concerns about religion, and how unforgiving our society can be to mixed religious marriages. She was very worried, and there was nothing that I could say that would help. I am not leaving him.

She wanted to share the problem and the responsibility with her husband; my dad. And, at the same time she didn't want to lose my trust by telling on me. I could sense all this and I decided I can't leave her this way, and I should tell my dad myself. It wasn't easy. It wasn't easy on me, on my dad, nor on my boyfriend.

My dad was sick worried, he slept fewer hours and ate less. We had a two way relationship of trust and respect, of be and let be. But, at this point, he wanted to break the shape of our relationship and play the role of the dictator. But, he didn't. I was already independent at that time. I felt bad that I am burdening my family with all this. I wanted to desperately explain what I have with my boyfriend. But no words can explain it. Love like this can only be felt, it can not be described.

"When the time comes, if you don't leave him, he will leave you" My dad told me. "He won't be able to withstand the pressure of our society". "He won't" I replied. I was so sure of it. But, my dad thought I was just being innocent, and that I didn't understand the repercussions of my actions. He thought well of my boyfriend, and he assured me that it is nothing personal. But, he thinks we should stay away from each other in order not to hurt one another down the road.

When I shared my story with a close friend of mine, she was shocked. She was more happy than sympathetic. "You, the supposedly top student and a perfect child, have disappointed your dad and made him worried" She told me with a smile on her face. She had this romantic image of me and my family living a smooth life free of problems. She was always jealous, but now she found out that her perception was not entirely true. Sadly, it made her happy. She couldn't help but compare it to her own life and be glad that there are others who have problems too.

Soon we were back at campus. Living the other reality of roses and butterflies. People around us envied what we have. We were the happy young couple that can't stand a second away from each other. Our anniversary was coming up and I went to buy a red rose for him and a small present. I was meeting him in his studio apartment to celebrate the date. He didn't tell me what he was planning for us. It was a surprise.

It is a small student apartment on the top floor of a high rise building. A sunny room overlooking the university. My boyfriend had looked up a recipe from the internet and was preparing a 4 course meal. He was a newbie in the cooking area, just like myself and most students. So, a home cooked meal was not something I was expecting. In addition, he had got me a painting stand; it was his way of encouraging me and telling me he thinks I have some talent there. I made great use of this stand in the following years.

As I entered his apartment, the stand was sitting there with a piece of paper that said happy anniversary. His smile and his watery eyes moved me. Classical music was playing in the background. The table was set up with candles, wine glasses and appetizers. I found out this day his cooking talents. Yummy, the sauteed mushroom and the asparagus followed by fajitas. They were made not spicy for my low tolerance to hot food. The desert was an apple pie. He had tried to make the dough from scratch but, it was sticky and out of control. We ate everything anyway, it was a romantic meal and there was a lot of love in it. "I was thinking of you all the time while I was cooking, and that made cooking very enjoyable".

The quality time that we spent connecting with each other at the end of the evening is what made it such a memorable date. All of a sudden it was 4am in the morning. We lost track of time, and we didn't want the day to end.

We continued to live those happy days interrupted by the worries of 'will it always be like this?'. Will we ever be forced apart? We need to work hard to get job permits to get immigration status because if we go back to Jordan we might lose everything. We might lose each other and that meant everything to us. This nightmare was haunting us for years to come.

Secret Love is the name of a piece he composed during those years. It is a beautiful piece and it takes your emotions through all the stages we went through. The roller coaster of the happy times that makes you want to jump in the air, and the sad times that makes you scared. My friend broke into tears while listening to it and I thought to myself "Wow, this piece moves the emotions of other people too"

Today, when I listen to it, I remember the roller coaster. I take a good look at my life and wonder how is it that I get to live only the happy periods now. Until this day, we spend every minute that we can with one another. We prepare every meal together, do every sport together and discuss every aspect of the world around us. We relate to each other intellectually and personally, and provide each other with motivation. It's a dream world which exists when I am wide awake.

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The sexism free world.

2008-10-02T12:22:00.000-07:00

It's a dream world, nonetheless I can still talk about it.

In this world we dress our baby girls and baby boys in blue and pink just as often. We buy car toys and barbie toys for both of them. At the daycare center there is a 50% chance their babysitter is a man. And when they go to school they have both male and female teachers to look up to. Some girls like math and some boys like reading and vice versa.

As they hit their teen years and start dating, we encourage them but ask them to be safe. Boys are not cool because they dated and/or screwed many girls. And girls are never looked down upon because they kissed a boy.

They start liking and disliking various subjects, some prefer sciences and some prefer arts. And, there is no gender gap between the two. Some plan on pursuing careers and some plan on looking for less demanding jobs.

There is no such thing as a guys night out or a girls night out. There is no point in restricting one of the sexes from the night out anyway. We don't divide ourselves into those who like beer and those who like pink cocktails, for our genitals have very little to do with our taste buds.

For those who believe in civil unions and wish to pursue one, there is no pressure on either party to pay for the diamond ring, the wedding or the dowry. They work it out together from whatever money they make.

We look around us and see as many stay-home dad's as stay-home mom's. An equal number of men and women running for the presidential elections, an equal number of them becoming CEO's, and an equal number of them cleaning homes.

The clothing, shoes and makeup industry attracts both of them equally, and so does sports. Sexy ads have men or women models posing. And family decisions are taken care by both parties; the man and the woman. Or both men or both women for homosexual families.

In the event of breaking a civil union (divorce), the person who was making more money will have to assist the other, especially if the other was a stay-home parent.

In the event of death, inheritance is divided as by the will. In the absence of a will it is divided equally between the kids. Honor crimes do not even make sense in this world. The subject in all governmental laws are 'the citizens', it is never the 'man' nor the 'woman'.

Lost Sexuality

2008-09-29T13:35:00.000-07:00

As a conservative Jordanian girl she was an asexual being. She had an iky-thing between her legs that she tried to ignore and never think about. She felt ashamed if the 'down there' is ever mentioned. She definitely did not masturbate. Actually, She finds it offensive that you even thought so.

One day her dad came to her with wonderful news. He found a great man for her; well-educated and comes from a good family. She just can not miss this great opportunity. She felt both anxious and excited.

As she was getting married and as soon as she said 'na3am', God put a spell on her and turned her into a sexual being who likes her genitals and enjoys sex. Or, maybe He doesn't do that.

Instead, her man did his thing in bed before she was psychologically ready. She felt the pain and screamed and hoped it never happens again. Yet, it did. It kept happening again and again and it was always just as painful.

If only she touched herself during those single years, she would have been more sexual. If she had replaced the shameful 'down there' with a proud 'vagina', sex could have been fun. Her husband would have probably enjoyed her moans more than her current screams.

After a long and painful time, she decided to seek medical advice; she asked her doctor for a pill that will make it less painful. Her doctor offered no pill, but she talked to her and her husband advising her to practice and him to go slow.

Unfortunately, it did not work out. Her husband did not know how to wait until she is ready. It could take years. And she remained frustrated with her body, which further inhibited her sexual desires.

Sexual Liberation

2008-09-26T08:20:00.000-07:00

I ran across an article about Heba Kotb, and I was very impressed.

She is a Muslim hijabi women who talks openly about sex and encourages women to learn about their bodies and enjoy sex. She also consults married couples.

"Many women know nothing about their bodies, not to mention sex, and they were raised to believe sex is for men and a dirty thing," she says.

She does her work from a very Islamic point of view, which is a good thing since Islam speaks louder than anything else to most Arab viewers.

Uncertainty Avoidance

2008-09-25T10:32:00.000-07:00

I fell in love with Geert Hofstede cultural dimensions. And as the UAI dimension goes hand in hand with my last post, here's a summary.

The arab world had a high ranking of 68 with respect to this dimension.

Uncertainty Avoidance Index (UAI) deals with a society's tolerance for uncertainty and ambiguity; it ultimately refers to man's search for Truth. It indicates to what extent a culture programs its members to feel either uncomfortable or comfortable in unstructured situations. Unstructured situations are novel, unknown, surprising, different from usual. Uncertainty avoiding cultures try to minimize the possibility of such situations by strict laws and rules, safety and security measures, and on the philosophical and religious level by a belief in absolute Truth; 'there can only be one Truth and we have it'. People in uncertainty avoiding countries are also more emotional, and motivated by inner nervous energy. The opposite type, uncertainty accepting cultures, are more tolerant of opinions different from what they are used to; they try to have as few rules as possible, and on the philosophical and religious level they are relativist and allow many currents to flow side by side. People within these cultures are more phlegmatic and contemplative, and not expected by their environment to express emotions.

Here's hofstede analysis to what the arab world ranking of 68 means:

The high Uncertainty Avoidance Index (UAI) ranking of 68, indicates the society’s low level of tolerance for uncertainty. In an effort to minimize or reduce this level of uncertainty, strict rules, laws, policies, and regulations are adopted and implemented. The ultimate goal of these populations is to control everything in order to eliminate or avoid the unexpected. As a result of this high Uncertainty Avoidance characteristic, the society does not readily accept change and is very risk adverse.

It is fairly visible to me that we (Jordanians) don't like change and don't like differences; which very often acts as a resistance to evolving/developing. After all, development always requires change. This might be something we need to work on.

As mentioned by the study we're also a bit intolerant to opinions that are different from others. We simply don't accept differences. And from my personal experience, I can tell you it's pretty difficult to do something that is not approved by the mainstream in Jordan.

Blending Religion and Science

2008-09-24T07:06:00.000-07:00

Christianity, especially in the west, has been reshaped and molded heavily to fit each decade. In the past they insisted the earth was flat, but today many churches here are accepting gay marriage, spherical earth, Darwin's theory of evolution and so on.

My colleague goes to church every Sunday and always has. He lived with his girlfriend for many years bore 2 kids from her and after that they got married. The wedding ceremony was in a church. He believes he did nothing wrong and his likes are many where he lives.

In Jordan though, Christianity has not been molded as much. Islam even less. Is it good or bad, I'm not sure.

Here, I'm surrounded by religious people who blend their religion with their everyday life. They can't cut loose with what they were taught as the most important thing - God. He, the Creator, the Provider, the Protector and everything that matters must be worshiped and his rules abided. At the same time there is everyday life, there is science, there is logic and there is today's society. Everyone around here is having premarital sex, it is illogical to say all of them are going to hell. With globalisation, we know that there are so many religions in the world and it's illogical to say only those who follow mine go to heaven and the others burn in hell. So, people are choosing to live their lives as they know how and go to church on Sundays and all will be fine. Contradictory, but fine.

Most Jordanians however don't like to mix and match like that. I don't blame them, because I would be the same if I believed in a religion. I wouldn't be able to interpret obvious things differently just to suit my lifestyle. But does that limit our Jordanian society from evolving? Does it stop us from changing and growing? We don't want to live in the same mentality we did 2000 years ago, we want to incorporate new streams of thought as we see fit. Like minority rights including gay rights, women rights...etc.

Prophet Mohammad is credited for a huge step in women's rights. And for that we thank him. However, he came 1500 years ago, what was a huge step forward then is a step backward today. We can't stop there, we need to keep moving forward. In today's world marrying 4 women at the same time and giving women half the inheritance share as men is not good enough. Another example is slavery. It is accepted in the religion but unaccepted (and barely exists) in today's society.

Out of respect or out of easiness?

2008-09-23T06:59:00.000-07:00

"Mixed boys and girls parties are not appropriate for you in this culture" my dad once told me. This was a very long time ago, I was just hitting my teenage years and wanted to attend a friend's party. "Okay" I said, and canceled with my friend.

Back then my parents considered me the easy child. Listening to my dad was seen as the respectful thing to do. For me though, it wasn't about respect it was just that the party was not worth the fight. I would rather not go to the party than sit here and fight with you for a small chance that you would let me.

My sister on the other hand, had the patience to communicate with my dad her point of view. Go over what she sees as appropriate or not, and explain the generation differences. Almost always ending in a fight.

What's more respectful blindfolded obedience or back and forth communication? Thinking that he is too old to understand, or believing that he is worth the effort of discussing.

Okay this might be an easy one, but I have more examples.

My colleague is very religious, and he often refers to Allah when he talks. I always nod in agreement. Am I respecting his point of view, or do I just find it easier not to voice mine. If I was being respectful wouldn't I be acknowledging his view and then telling him mine?

I choose not to drink alcohol in front of my religious aunt, even though she knows that I drink. I say it is out of respect. But in reality, if I did drink, I anticipate a speech from her where she would expect me to listen to and agree to. I find this speech disrespectful to me so I avoid it by not confronting. Isn't it hypocritical to say I don't drink in front of religious Muslims out of respect when most often it is out of easiness?

I attended a wedding where the brides family, although Muslims, enjoy the occasional drink. And the grooms family is more religious and see it as offensive. So, the wedding was a dry wedding, meaning no alcohol. The brides family agreed to that out of 'respect' to the grooms family, yet there were plenty of bottles of vodka, whiskey..etc. under the tables (literally hidden under the table). Would you call this respect or call it "makhdeenhom 3ala 2ad 3a2lat-hom"?

I eat in Ramadan in front of some of my Muslim fasting friends and not eat in front of others. Which ones do you think I respect more?

My in-laws asked me to not answer the phone when they call out of respect to their wishes. So, I always hand the phone to my husband when I see their number. Is it out of respect or avoidance?

My friend is living with her boyfriend, who at one point lost his job. Her mom who is a bit materialistic wanted her to move out and take a break from the relationship. My friend said 'okay' to save herself from a headache. But, never actually moved out. This was satisfactory enough for her mom. But, her boyfriend thought it was more descending to her mom than it is respectful.

So, next time you ask people to do certain things out of respect to you, think twice.

Irony

2008-08-30T16:39:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in the backyard at my best friend's place. He's a gay friend of mine who used to rent an apartment with his boyfriend for the last two years. Recently, they both moved in with his boyfriend's parents, where we were spending the evening.

My mobile rang, it was a call from Jordan. My husband answered it; it was his mom. She called to complain about how he married me. On the bright side, she is speaking to him.

As he was talking to her, my friend looks at me and says "I don't get it. I don't get how I can be gay living with my boyfriend's parents, and everyone is happy for us. His parents, my parents, we all come together as a family and dine together. While you guys are having all these problems because of religion. And to top it off, both your parents and your husbands parents are non-believers. I just don't get it".

I wasn't sure what to tell him "We Jordanians love problems. If we don't have any, we create some. You guys live in a culture where you just want to be happy and get a long, unfortunately we don't."

Why are Arabs 'Sexist'?

2008-08-29T09:30:00.000-07:00

Sexism refers to the discrimination between the two sexes. Sexist refers to the person who discriminates.

I stumbled upon a website that gathered extensive data on the world's cultures and it expresses them using five dimensions. Three of which I thought were specifically important to the sexism issue in Jordan. Here is a link to Geert's Hofsteded's website as I found it very interesting.

The Arab world has a PDI of 80 compared to 40 in USA and a world average of 55. PDI is the power distance index which measures the extent to which the less powerful members of organizations and institutions (like the family) accept and expect that power is distributed unequally. And those inequalities are usually embraced from the followers as a cultural heritage rather than enforced on by the leaders. For example in the Arab world compared to other countries parents have more power over their children, even when their children are adults. And that power is not enforced by the parent, but is accepted by their children and is practiced as part of the culture.
Same goes to power gaps between employee and employer, man and woman, political hierarchies, old and young...etc.

Moreover the Arab world has an IDV index of 38 compared to a 91 in USA and world average of 64. IDV (Individualism) measures the degree to which individuals are integrated into groups. On the individualist side we find societies in which the ties between individuals are loose: everyone is expected to look after him/herself and his/her immediate family. On the collectivist side, we find societies in which people from birth onwards are integrated into strong, cohesive in-groups, often extended families (with uncles, aunts and grandparents) which continue protecting them in exchange for unquestioning loyalty. Jordan's low IDV means that Jordan is a collectivist society where loyalty is paramount, over-riding most other societal rules. Examples of this is the 3asha2eryeh and qaba2elyeh culture we have.

A collectivist society expects sacrifices of the individual for the good of the group, with the high acceptance of inequalities (high PDI), the sexism can now freely manifest itself in the rules and laws of the country. And can more easily display itself in people's behaviors, life choices and mentalities.

Examples of these laws:
- Marital rape is legal.
- Honor killers are exempted from penalty
- Inheritance law give women half the share of the men.
- Taxes are calculated differently for men and women
- According to the 1952 Constitution (Chapter 2, Article 6), Jordanians are equal before the law, irrespective of “race, language or religion," but sex-based discrimination is not specifically mentioned.
- ...and the list continues

Examples of other forms of sexism in the society:
- Only 11.9% of Jordanian women are economically active.
- Women are often judged by their looks, which can steer their interest into shoes, shopping, make up...etc.
- Women are stereotyped to be bad at math. Here is a link to an interesting study that shows how negative women stereotypes are affecting their performance.
- Women are judged harsher than men on their sexuality, whether it is having a boyfriend or having sex.
- We buy dolls and barbies for our daughters, but car toys and electronic toys for our son, which re-enforces the message that they should have different interests in life.
- ...and the list continues.

Atheists need to 'speak up'

2008-08-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

Atheists in Jordan have very few rights, if any. Many of them do not even "come out" fearing how it can affect their lives, social status, jobs...etc. Therefore, the idea of them coming together and asking for their civil rights is not even on the table at the current time.

So, I'm compiling a list of things that Jordanian atheists might want to ask for.

- Respect and tolerance. Being able to share you belief system with those around you at work, family and friends and treated back with respect. How would your boss react if you "came out" with your atheism?

- Awareness. We need to increase awareness about atheists. Most atheists are moral respectable beings who believe doing good is worth while for its own sake and doesn't need to be enforced by super natural beings. Moreover, we don't have a neutral word in Arabic that means atheist. The closest words I can think of are "kafer" and "mul7id" but there is a negative connotation to these word. It's like using "faggot" for gays. We can continue using “kafer” and “mul7id” just as long as we remove the negative connotation with them.

- Ability to register yourself as atheist with confidence that it won't take away from you other rights, like ability to marry, inherit...etc.

I personally believe that the government has no business in people's religion, and everyone should be equal against the law regardless of their beliefs. Unfortunately, in Jordan it doesn't work that way. In most secular countries the government doesn't keep a record of each citizen’s religion as it is not their business. However I do realize that "fasel el-deen 3an el-dawleh" is too ambitious at the moment. So, I won't ask for not including religious status in the records just yet, I'll just ask for the right to declare it as atheist without losing other civil rights we have.

- Civil marriages. We need the right to marry not in a church or mosque, and the right to marry someone from any religious background (obviously, with their consent).

- The right not to brain wash our kids with one religion or another.

In Jordan, kids are fed with religion at a very young age, and are told that to question it is a sin. I suggest we teach our kids about all religions (including atheism) and then let them chose their own when they are old enough to do so.

Even in Islam, followers are supposed to choose Islam with their own free will, and not follow it blindly because they're taught so since they were born.

- The right not to conform to our ancestor’s religion, and have their religious laws imposed on us e.g. religious marriages, inheritance laws, not eating in Ramadan...etc. I know many Christians who complain about the last two I mentioned here. Because, just like atheists they have the Islamic laws imposed on them even though they don't believe in them.

Finally, I would like to ask the readers to share any other rights that they think I missed, and any objections they have about the rights I listed.

How much I love you

2008-08-25T14:35:00.000-07:00

Every morning when I wake up, I smell you beside me and I think to myself I'm so blessed. What did I do to deserve all this?

You make me feel so good every second of every day. And I hope I do the same to you. I hope so so much that this has become the purpose of my life. All what I want to achieve in this life is to make you as happy as you make me. Give you that inner peace that you give me.

When people ask me where do you consider your home is. I say my home is my love. My home is portable because me and my love can travel together. Wherever he goes is home to me.

You are the air I breath in. Just like an oxygen mask that I wouldn't be alive without. I started living the day I met you and I want to always be alive.

When I remember those days that I thought we might not be able to pull it through, and that I might lose you, I start crying. Crying like a baby, crying just like I cried then. The memory of it is painful and hard to explain.

I remember that day when you held me in your arms and we cried for hours. We thought that the only way we would be together is to run away and disappear. We were looking for that place that we can run to.

Today when I look back, I say everyone was wrong, except for us. We made it. We're together and always will be.

Today we never leave each other. We share our deepest thoughts; we share our feelings, memories, emotions, things we love, things we hate, things that scare us and things that make us feel good. We spend all our time together and we love it this way.

I'm so blessed I have all this. My life is great and I couldn't have imagined it any better.

Animosity between different faiths in Jordan

2008-08-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

I'm constantly being judged. I'm a Jordanian women who doesn't believe in God. And that alone is an enough reason for Jordanians to judge me. I believe in freedom of speech and accepting our differences. I respect all faiths and expect people to accept mine.

I once had my religious status on facebook to say "Atheist", but after too much pressure I removed it. Although, it's not a big deal to remove it, I feel that one of my rights have been stepped on.

Putting atheism aside, I watched what Christian and Muslim Jordanians say about each other behind their back.

I got married to a Jordanian man from a Christian family, but he's atheist in his beliefs. We spent the many years we were together before getting married convincing our parents that we will be happy in spite of any problems our marriage would entail. And that we will be strong facing any struggles imposed by the religious society in Jordan.

My parents were too worried about me and how it will affect my life. They found themselves stuck. If they can't convince me to leave him, it won't do them any good to abandon me. The only thing they can do is stick around and try to support me through any problems I may face from our society.

As for my other Muslim friends and family, some accept and some don't. But, I'm very firm about it. I don't let anyone be disrespectful to me. But, I do know that they are very often disrespectful behind my back. Many are judging us and calling us names.

As for the Christian side of our story, things were a lot worse. My husband's dad tells him "You joined my enemies and I can't deal with you anymore". Since when are the Muslim Jordanians the enemies of the Christian Jordanians?
He says "You discontinued my family". And I don't understand why are my husband's kids going to be any less of grand kids than if he were married to a Christian women.

He wasn't the only one that reacted this way. We've heard what many other Christians are saying about us. And it ain't pretty. Some of the things are personal and not even related to religion. It's like they say it just to hurt us.

We are so happy together and we are so happy in our lives. This is a small obstacle for us and it doesn't let us down. I ask our family and friends to be happy for us. And I ask the rest of the world to always "Be and let be"