MARRIAGE ALIVE DIGEST

Love Is Not Enough: Building Marriage on a Solid Foundation

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Mon, 18 Aug 2025 08:00:00 +0000

Many couples enter marriage with deep love, but love alone cannot sustain a lifelong union. Without vision, values, and shared commitment, love may fizzle under the weight of life's challenges.

The Four Pillars of Lasting Marriage:

Vision & Purpose - Couples need a shared picture of their future together. Where are you headed as a team? What legacy do you want to build? Without common goals, you're two people walking parallel paths instead of one united journey.

Aligned Values - Your core beliefs about money, family, career, and faith must complement each other. Mismatched values create constant friction that erodes even the strongest feelings.

Daily Disciplines - Building a marriage requires patience, mutual respect, financial responsibility, and above all, faith in God. Love is the seed, but daily actions and intentional growth are what nurture it into a thriving marriage.

Communication & Conflict Resolution - Learn to fight fair, listen actively, and address issues before they become resentments. Many marriages fail not from lack of love, but from poor communication patterns.

Practical Steps:

Weekly check-ins about goals and concerns
Monthly budget reviews together
Regular date nights without distractions
Shared spiritual practices or values discussions

Love provides the motivation, but these foundations provide the structure. Without both, even the most passionate relationships crumble.

What are you doing daily to strengthen your marriage beyond feelings? Share in the comments.

The Power of Forgiveness in Marriage: The Foundation That Keeps Love Alive

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Sun, 17 Aug 2025 01:44:00 +0000

Marriage is one of life's greatest adventures filled with joy, laughter, shared dreams, and deep connection. Yet even the strongest marriages face moments of tension, disappointment, and hurt. The difference between marriages that thrive and those that merely survive often comes down to one crucial element: forgiveness.

Why Every Marriage Needs Forgiveness

No marriage exists without conflict. Whether it's a thoughtless comment during a stressful day, a forgotten anniversary, a financial disagreement, or a deeper betrayal of trust, every couple will face moments where one spouse hurts the other. This isn't a sign of a failed relationship; it's simply part of being human.

The real question isn't whether these moments will happen, but how we respond when they do. When we hold onto resentment, replay past hurts, or keep mental tallies of our spouse's mistakes, we're building walls instead of bridges. These invisible barriers gradually erode intimacy, creating distance where there should be closeness.

What Forgiveness Really Means

Forgiveness is perhaps one of the most misunderstood concepts in marriage. Let's be clear about what it is and what it isn't.

Forgiveness is not:

Pretending the hurt never happened
Excusing harmful behavior
Immediately forgetting what occurred
Avoiding necessary conversations about the issue
Becoming a doormat or enabling destructive patterns

True forgiveness is:

A conscious choice to release resentment
Choosing your marriage's future over your pain's past
Opening the door for healing and restoration
Refusing to let bitterness poison your heart
Creating space for genuine reconciliation

When you forgive, you're not saying the offense was okay you're saying your marriage is worth more than your right to stay angry.

The Transformative Power of Grace

Forgiveness has the remarkable ability to transform not just individual hearts, but entire relationships. When you choose to forgive your spouse:

Trust begins to rebuild. While trust may take time to fully restore, forgiveness creates the foundation necessary for that rebuilding process to begin.

Emotional intimacy returns. Walls of resentment crumble, allowing couples to reconnect on a deeper level and share their hearts freely again.

Communication improves. When the fear of judgment decreases, both spouses feel safer to be vulnerable and honest with each other.

Love flourishes. Forgiveness clears away the debris of past hurts, allowing love to grow and mature in new ways.

Drawing from the Ultimate Example

For many couples, the motivation for forgiveness comes from recognizing the grace they've already received. The Christian understanding of marriage is deeply rooted in the love Christ demonstrated, a love that forgave completely, sacrificially, and unconditionally.

Just as Christ chose to forgive our failures, shortcomings, and deliberate wrongs, we're called to extend that same grace to our spouse. This doesn't diminish the pain we may feel, but it reminds us that we too have been recipients of incredible mercy.

When we remember how much we've been forgiven, it becomes easier to forgive others—even when they've hurt us deeply.

Practical Steps Toward Forgiveness

Forgiveness is both a decision and a process. Here are some practical ways to cultivate a forgiving heart in your marriage:

Choose forgiveness daily. Some hurts require us to forgive not just once, but repeatedly as we process our emotions and heal.

Communicate your feelings honestly. Share your hurt with your spouse in a way that seeks understanding rather than punishment.

Set healthy boundaries. Forgiveness doesn't mean removing all consequences or failing to protect yourself from ongoing harm.

Seek counseling when needed. Some issues benefit from professional guidance to navigate the forgiveness and healing process.

Practice gratitude. Regularly acknowledge the good things about your spouse and your marriage, creating a positive foundation for when difficulties arise.

The Choice That Changes Everything

Every marriage will face its share of storms. The couples who weather these challenges successfully aren't those who never face difficulties. They're the ones who choose forgiveness over resentment, grace over grudges, and love over lingering hurt.

Forgiveness isn't always easy, and it's rarely quick. But it's always worth it. When you choose to forgive your spouse, you're choosing to invest in your marriage's future rather than remain trapped by its past.

Your marriage can't survive without forgiveness, but with it, your relationship has the potential to become stronger, deeper, and more beautiful than you ever imagined possible.

What step toward forgiveness might you take in your marriage today?

Building Family Legacy

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Mon, 28 Jul 2025 15:59:00 +0000

Samson ruled Israel for 20 years—he was a national hero, a judge, a man of renown. Yet when his strength failed and his story ended tragically in the land of the Philistines, only his family came to bury him. Not the nation he led. Not the people he delivered. Just his family.

Pause and think: What does this reveal about family, relationships, and true loyalty?

When all is said and done—when the applause fades, the wealth disappears, the influence wanes—who will be there for you? Who truly stands by you not for what you have, but for who you are?

Let’s reflect on a few hard, but necessary questions:

Who are your real friends, and who is your family in heart and deed?

How do you treat your spouse, children, and close ones when things are going well?

Are you investing in relationships that will outlive your position, possessions, and power?

When life’s storms come, who will come for you—not out of duty, but out of love?

In a world obsessed with status, achievement, and public image, Samson's story reminds us: Family and genuine relationships are the only true wealth a man can rely on at the end of his journey.

💭 Let’s Talk:

Are you prioritizing the people who matter most?

How do we build families and marriages that stand the test of time and trials?

What kind of legacy are you leaving behind—not just in accomplishments, but in love and loyalty?

Let’s explore this together.

"My Husband, Wayne Rooney Cheated, But I Love Him Still!" - Coleen Rooney

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 13:36:00 +0000

When former Manchester United and England star and striker made national and international headlines not too long ago, for infidelity, many people expected the union to break.

Indeed, Wayne and Coleen’s 20-year relationship has been marred with various cheating scandals – with the footballer making national headlines when he was found to have visited three prostitutes as a teenager.

Coleen, 37, married former footballer Wayne, also 37, in 2008 and their union has been at the centre of several scandals, with Wayne allegedly being involved with other women.

However, unlike many other Celebrity couple's whose marriages hit the rocks for related issues, the Rooney's are still waxing stronger.

According Coleen Rooney her home and love life is her choice. She said she held on her husband Wayne after he cheated on her and insists her marriage is nobody’s business but hers.

In Coleen's views, the public may not know the full story despite people’s assumptions.

Together, Wayne and Coleen are parents to Kai, 13, Klay, 10, Kit, seven, and Cass, five.

Wouldn't you rather build your home than tie it apart?

Did Marriage Change Manchester United's Andre' Onana?

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 13:09:00 +0000

It is usually said that marriage settles people, especially sportsmen and women.

It is true that a football player or athlete for instance, will be more focused on his professional career and the general tenets of the society where he lives.

Could this be the reason for the steady rise of Andre Onana, a professional Cameroonian footballer and Manchester United goalkeeper who has made tremendous mark in European football?

Andre Onana got married, Dr. Melanie Kamayou, a pharmacist, adding to their dynamic and accomplished partnership. Melanie is also a businesswoman and a philanthropist.

The couple got married when Onana was still the goalkeeper of Serie A giants, Inter Milan.

Melanie is reported to have been born in Paris, France and once lived in Algeria, Cameroon, France, and the USA, where she attended Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences.

As a multifaceted person, has become reputable in lifestyle and fashion.

Melanie won the Miss Cameroon USA 2010, thus underlining her sophistication, intelligence, and devotion to her heritage and culture.

The Onana’s co-chair and run the NGO @foundation_andreonana, a vehicle through which Andre gives back to the community and impacting the lives of so many people.

As Melanie inspires and uplifts those around her, we trust she would do same for Andre even as he soars in his career.

Snoop Dogg And His Wife...

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Sun, 27 Aug 2023 19:48:00 +0000

So many celebrities marry and suddenly we hear the same old story of separation and divorce.

Why do celebrities suffer this trend?

In the case of Snoop Dogg, his marriage has grown over the years and he and his wife, Shante Broadus are still waxing strong 25 years later after marriage.

What then did this couple do right?

When you marry your soul mate, a friend and a wife combined, the bond is stronger and marriage becomes fun, not an institution like a military regiment.

Kudos to Snoop Dogg and Shante Broadus. We celebrate you guys. Keep the bar up there!

Understanding Why You Can't Find Your Self-Worth in Someone Else

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 05:00:00 +0000

Self-worth, self-esteem, a sense of self, etc. are all terms used to describe a feeling that is very hard to put a finger on. Some people call it confidence, others call it courage and many call it independence.

If you truly looked at it, what it all really boils down to is how much you love yourself. When growing up, it was common to judge yourself based on your grades, the number of friends you have, and so on.

As we get older, we still play the same ‘game’ in our mind. Only this time we compare wages, cars, houses and how good looking our partner or spouse is. We constantly measure our self-worth by comparing ourselves with someone else.

This is a HUGE mistake and it’s one of the reasons why so many people are dissatisfied, stressed out and never truly happy. Even when they progress, instead of being happy that they achieved a goal, after a short while they look at someone else who seems better off than them and they feel dissatisfied again.

This applies to relationships too. Men who are married for years suddenly feel old and crave the attention of a younger woman. They may cheat on their spouse or they may lose interest in life.

Their self-worth is tied to another human being or an idea of how life should be. Looking at ‘Casanovas’ who have numerous affairs makes them feel like a failure. Instead of appreciating their own life and partner, they crave for more.

If one gives in to these temptations, the consequences can be disastrous. Marriages can end in divorce. Finances can be sent into turmoil… and when one looks back on it all, they will feel hollow and realize that it was all for nothing. So many people look back in regret and have no idea why they did what they did.

They fail to realize that their self-worth was intertwined with external results, appearances and lofty goals. As long as your self-worth is linked to achievements and an impressive ‘image’, you will be on an emotional rollercoaster.

Life is full of ups and downs. What truly stands the test of time is knowing who you are despite your current position in life. There have been millionaires who have felt like they were at the top of the world, and all of a sudden, a financial crisis causes them to lose everything and they feel worthless.

Yet, they’re the same person. Your money and position in life do not determine your value. The man or lady who is a millionaire has the same amount of self-worth when they are broke and homeless. Who you are doesn’t change. Only circumstances have changed… and guess what?

You can always change them and make them better.

If you’re in a relationship and you’re looking to your partner to constantly assure you of your self-worth, this will be very stressful for them. Your “stores” will always get depleted and you’ll expect your partner to constantly replenish them make you feel good.

However, they have their own lives and needs too. They may need you to be supportive of them and motivate them too. So, how will you do that if your self-worth is running on empty and you’re depressed yourself?

Spend time deep in thought. Self-reflect often. Write down your achievements and goals. Appreciate how far you’ve come. Work on loving the person in the mirror who has weathered many storms and is still standing tall.

When you love yourself and respect yourself, you will feel better and be able to stay strong no matter what life throws at you. Your relationships will be better because you’ll stop expecting your partner to constantly like you. You will like yourself.

“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do You Really Want Your Ex Back or Do You Fear Being Alone?

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Wed, 19 Jul 2023 05:00:00 +0000

A relationship break-up is one of the most painful experiences in life to most people. It could either be a couple that breaks up after a few years or a marriage that ends in divorce. Either way, it feels like your heart has been ripped out and left in shreds.

Generally, there’s one party that feels worse than the other. The one who initiates the break up tends to be less hurt because they knew it was coming and made the final decision.

It’s the one getting dumped or divorced who feels the real impact. Not only does the entire relationship feel like a failure but it’s a huge blow to their ego too.

There are two ways to react when you’re thrust in such a situation. You can either accept the break up and move on, or try to work things out with your ex.

The problem here is that the one who got ditched is in a more vulnerable position. Their pain may make them do desperate things like texting their exes multiple times daily or begging for a second chance or resorting to other dramatic displays of desperation while hoping to tug at the heartstrings of the one who left them.

The unfortunate reality is that the more one pleads and begs, the more their ex shuns them. There is a power play at work here and understanding it is of paramount importance.

Never forget that you are a human being who is worthy of love and respect. Do not let your fear of being alone confuse you and make you think that you really want your ex back. All relationships are destined to go through hell, but the really strong ones get through it.

If you’ve been abandoned, it’s usually better to move on and find someone who will love you for who you are. Begging, pleading and cajoling your ex is pointless. A relationship is worth fighting for, but you shouldn’t be the only one doing the fighting.

Find your sense of self and appreciate yourself for who you are. Find new activities to take up your time. Time is your best ally. All pain dissipates with time. You just need to allow yourself the time to recover from the break up.

Forcing a relationship to work is pointless if your ex is not someone that can give you what you want. It’s fine to have a few bad relationships. These will teach you to recognize the good ones when they arrive.

Don’t fear dying single. This is a common fear that millions have. They worry about going through life all alone without a partner to share life with. They then end up hastily picking the wrong people as their partner and life becomes a living hell.

It’s better to let your ex go and understand that the relationship had to happen but it’s now time to move on. At the end of the day, you don’t need someone to complete you. You just need someone to love you completely… and you will find the right partner with time. Have faith.

Why Do Some People Seem to Have No 'Luck' in Finding Love?

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Tue, 18 Jul 2023 05:30:00 +0000

You’ve probably seen or know someone who is constantly in and out of relationships. Every new partner that they choose turns out to be another ‘playa’ or ‘scumbag’ or ‘crazy woman’.

Despite their numerous relationships, one would expect them to do better and choose a better partner - but that’s never the case. Every new lover turns out to become just like the previous one. Maybe worse!

People in these situations even have a laugh and say that they’re a magnet that attracts all the wrong partners. But is this really the case?

Do they really have a case of no luck or bad luck? Or is there a root cause for all this confusion and disappointment.

Common sense will indicate that it can’t be a coincidence that these people keep choosing the wrong partners. There is another factor at play here – your sense of self-worth.

A common mistake made by many people is to choose Mr. Right Now, instead of waiting for Mr. Right. The whole idea of taking one’s time to carefully select a partner has become outdated.

The general idea is that no one is perfect so it’s just best to grab what is closest to you. The end result is you pick someone that’s easily available only to discover that they’re totally not right for you.

If you have a good sense of self-worth, you’ll be confident in your ability to find a good partner even if it takes you time. You’ll be less likely to tolerate abuse or nonsense from a partner too.

Many women endure partners who completely neglect them. The relationship is long dead, but they cling on to it hoping that it will work. Rarely do the relationships work, and the woman finally quits and feels bitter that she wasted so much time clinging to a husk of a relationship.

After that failed relationship, she mopes for a bit and jumps back into the dating scene and once again picks a man that is not right for her.

The same applies to men too. They want a woman who is faithful and someone level-headed, but they find a lady at the bar who is dressed in revealing clothing and acts wild.

She excites them and is merely ‘misunderstood’… and the knights in shining armor decide to try to make a “good woman” out of her. Rarely does that work out and to their horror, the princess they picked turns out to be a harlot. So, they end up cursing their bad luck when the relationship collapses and run for the hills.

You must spend time deciding what you want in a partner. If you’re a woman who is looking for someone emotionally and financially stable, don’t pick an out-of-work actor who is 5 years younger than you just because he has a set of washboard abs.

Once you get involved and try to “make it work”, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Either he never becomes the next Tom Cruise and ends up living off you, or he loses interest and goes off to find a younger woman. There may be a positive ending… but the odds are rarely in your favor.

This is the hard truth and so many people don’t wish to believe it. They hope for the candlelit dinners and happily ever afters… which never come. What happens is they move from one relationship to the next and the next… and keep losing their faith and hope of things ever working out.

Know what you want and choose your partner wisely. Spend time getting to know and love yourself. Once you can do that you will find a partner who is most suitable for you and you’ll no longer be unlucky in love.

Are You Attracting the Partner You Deserve?

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Mon, 17 Jul 2023 20:00:00 +0000

We live in a world where there are more divorces than successful marriages, more break ups than happy relationships and more unhappy singles than joyful couples. We’ve traded intimacy and sharing with one partner for quickies and superficial exchanges with multiple partners.

Sites like Tinder encourage quick meetups and people choose whom to go out with based on a small blurb on a website. Is it then any wonder that so many people have bitter and unfulfilled relationships?

The truth of the matter is that you must know your own self-worth before choosing a partner. This applies in two ways. Firstly, you need to understand that you are worthy of a partner who will treat you right.

There are millions of women in abusive relationships, but they stay on because of the occasional tidbit of love and attention that is thrown their way by their partner. They cling on to these little gestures while ignoring the fact that they are subjected to either emotional or physical abuse constantly.

It all comes down to how you view yourself. What is your self-worth?

If you feel like you’re unworthy of love, you’ll be grateful for any little bit of love or kindness that is shown your way. Having a partner (even if he or she is an abusive one) will seem better than having no partner at all.

Your sense of self needs to be better. You MUST understand that you deserve better and can get better. So many women feel trapped in a relationship and don’t leave because they fear being alone or not being able to get better.

What they don’t realize is that they can never find better unless they leave the current toxic relationship they’re in. You can only sail to new lands if you’re willing to lose sight of the shore.

Make a list of all the qualities you want to see in your potential partner. Know what you want and tell yourself that you deserve to be treated well. You do not have to be in a relationship when you’re constantly unhappy.

On the flip side, one also needs to be realistic when looking for a mate. There are thousands of women who post on their profiles a list of criteria that their partner should meet.

He needs to be over six feet, have good credit, have a muscular body and a great job and look better than a movie star. Yet, if you looked at the women’s profile, she is probably a single mother with two kids and on welfare.

Her demands are high, but she brings nothing to the table. In most cases, she will not find a partner who gives her the time of day and she will rue her fate and blame it on bad luck.

The key to getting the partner you deserve is to also be someone who is deserving of a good partner. Improve on yourself and strive to be the best possible you that you can be.

Once you do that, you’ll develop a healthy self esteem and be much more likely to attract partners who are on the same wavelength as you.

“Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90% of all your happiness or misery.” – H. Jackson Brown

Does Your Partner Consider You Attractive?

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Sat, 17 Dec 2022 13:17:00 +0000

Many married people fell in love at first-sight with their partners and then other things fell in place that culminated in wedlock. However, many of such couples tend to lose the charm that attracted their partners to them in the beginning.

I have argued severally that love at first-sight began with the very first couple on earth - Adam and Eve.

To create the woman, the first man was put to sleep and the woman was formed out of his ribs. When he woke up from the sleep, did he reject or run away from the woman that was presented to him?

Of course no! It was love at first sight! The simple reason for this was the charm they both exuded.

They were both charming and attractive and there was a compelling attraction, beauty far beyond any other consideration. However, they did not lose this charm and lived many years together.

The question to married people today is: why do we lose our charm after marriage? Why do we fail to make our partners to continually crave for the sparks they saw in the beginning?

· No matter the job you do, always freshen up. Use perfume or deodorants if you have body odour.

· Look good and presentable.

· Shave those beards and cut those nails.

· Untidiness is not a sign of humility.

· Check your weight, eating habits, and other things that might put off your partner.

If your spouse dislikes your appearance, he/she will despise your presence. It is extremely dangerous for your other-half to be uncomfortable in your presence.

Humbly ask your partner to give you a list of what they wish you correct in your appearance and personality.

Your partner must be confident with you around. If you are a woman, note that if your dressing and appearance is a reflection of whom you belong to or represent. Don't misrepresent your husband or wife in public.

This is why couples are proud to show off their partners at ceremonies and social gatherings and they sometimes tell their partners to change their attires to conform to their taste or expectation.

No matter how long you may have been married or how old you are, make yourself attractive and charming to your partner. This is important because if a person runs away from one thing, he or she finds comfort in another and clings to it.

Don't be repulsive to your wife or husband. Don’t drive your beloved away! Do all you can now to refine your appearance to put a fresh spark into your marriage.

Be attractive!

“We are Incompatible…” (Resolving Marriage Issues)

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Wed, 14 Dec 2022 14:13:00 +0000

A popular adage says, “Love is blind”. Yes, this might be true. Love may be blind; but (marital) life isn't! The marriage setting is a place for reality. It comes with complexities and it is filled with tales of the unexpected.

Note that automatic and inevitable stages of change emerge within the marriage union because when two people come from extremely different backgrounds, there are bound to be compulsory re-adjustments of values, character, and expectations. The ability and willingness to make these adjustments even as the couple remains sweet and loving will determine the success of the marriage.

When couples get married, they necessarily come from two entirely different families. And even though we seek to marry partners we are compatible with, it is very unlikely that you find someone with no differences at all.

Some people get married to those whose stardom, opulence, affluence and or beauty infatuated them, yet they do not share the same beliefs and values. Some are forced to wrongly marry spouses, to cement or sustain family ties, even when the couple not compatible.

So how would such marriages work; how would they resolve their differences?

If you perhaps suddenly realize that your spouse is not who (or what) you bargained for, do you just run away or give up? Or do you just fold your arms and conclude that whatever will be, will be? No!

According to John Fischer, “The success of marriage comes not in finding 'the right' person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married!” This is very crucial.

As married person, you must realize that when you focus on your spouse's weaknesses, you would end up weakening your marriage relationship. You must be determined to blend your differences rather than forcing your partner to become like you.

It is important to note that men and women think differently. Women are usually moved by feelings or intuition while men focus on depths of issues. There is therefore bound to be differences in the way husbands and wives act or react to things.

No matter how bad your beginning may be or how incompatible you are, you can turn things around and become successful lovers. Indeed, “What counts in making a marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility”

Understanding, compromise and acceptance will help you overcome your differences. This can be achieved firstly through communication and sharing information with your spouse.

· What is it that makes your partner tick?

· What loving thing can you do to make your partner react and relate with you positively?

What are the things your partner will responds to? These could involve:

· Spending time together

· Helping at home and other personal tasks

· Giving each other gifts

· And verbal appreciation

Another strong way to handle incompatibility is that you must realize that, loving your partner is a choice. You have to develop the will to love your partner and communicate this to them.

Communication enhances change. It opens a person up for correction, education and direction. It enables you to carry your spouse along and get her (or him) to believe in your values and goals.

Communicating with your partner will enable you to candidly and honestly resolve issues, which will definitely emerge.

As a couple, you need to patiently take time to identify such issues or problems, and resolve them promptly.

DIVORCE CASE: "My Husband Feels I am Am Burden..."

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Fri, 25 Nov 2022 13:29:00 +0000

A couple from Kogi State living in Mararaba, Nasarawa state have set for the dissolution of their five year-old marriage.

Sadinatu Adamu, married to Yakubu Abdulmajid, approached the Upper Area Court in Mararaba on Thursday that her husband perceives her a burden on him.

Mrs Adamu in her divorce petition accused Abdulmajid of battery and maltreatment.

“My marriage brought me no peace and happiness.

“I married Abdulmajid in April, 2017 according to Islamic Laws and customs of Ankpa in Kogi and we have two children.

“He beats and humiliates me at the slightest provocation. I cannot take any longer. I am afraid that one day he’ll kill me.

“He refers to me as a burden,” she told the court.

She alleged that he flogs her with sticks and his waist belt.

“I told my husband’s family, but they did not get him to change rather, he threatened to kill me,” she said.

The petitioner pleaded with the court to dissolve the marriage and to compel the respondent to allow her move her remaining belongings from his house.

The respondent, who was present in court, did not object to the allegations levelled against him.

The judge, Mohammed Jibril, however, adjourned the case until Dec. 7 for ruling or consideration of settlement

NAN

"I Don't Control My Husband.."

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Fri, 25 Nov 2022 13:12:00 +0000

Popular comedienne, Anita Asuoha, aka Real Warri Pikin, has opened up on the challenges she faces being a public figure.

Real Warri Pikin and husband, Ikechukwu

She disclosed that people often insinuate that she controls her husband because of the support he gives her.

Speaking with Saturday Beats, Anita said, “They say I am controlling Ikechukwu. They should leave my husband for me. Once a marriage is happy, people will say the husband is a ‘mumu’ (fool), and that the woman is controlling the husband. I hear that a lot of times.”

Noting that her husband and children completely support her brand, she said, “My husband and my children support me a hundred per cent. If my husband does not support me, I would not grow. Seeing that it is what makes me happy, he supports me.”

Regarding those who give her unsolicited advice about her marriage, she said, “If the person is older, I would just say ‘thank you’. But, I would go ahead to do whatever I want to do that I know is right. But if they are younger, I might insult them. If a man wants to be part of his children’s life, let him. It mustn’t be the woman’s responsibility alone.”

The comedienne, who made a social media post during the week referring to some married women as single mothers, emphasised what she meant. “Many married women are single mothers because they are left to take care of the children alone with little or no support from their husbands,” she said.

Proffering suggestions on how women can get their husbands to help them, she said, “Women should stop being enablers. If your husband does not support you with chores and childcare, or if he used to support you and stopped, especially if the two of you are both working, you need to communicate with him about it. Two people are working but only one person comes back to do the chores; that is wickedness. If you are a housewife, that is an entirely different situation.”

Selflessness: The Key To Successful Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Mon, 08 Jun 2020 22:56:00 +0000

The marriage bond is the highest relationship man and woman can ever experience; and its integrity, security and success can only be guaranteed when the couple is truly love each other and pursue selfless ideals.

It is a common fact that every husband (or man) wants to lead; he wants to be praised, obeyed and respected. But can a husband get all these by just seeking it?

In marriage, we grow love and receive authority/submission when we care, give and serve our spouse. And doing this gives you greater joy and marital fulfillment in return.

We need to learn how to give our partners what we know they need. Rather than push them away, give them what they want.

Successful marriages are built on love and selflessness; and it is achievable. The simple way to do this is to firstly accept that God loves you and wants you to enjoy your marriage. God has placed His love inside of you, because without having love, you cannot give love.

Secondly, allow sincere love to genuinely flow through you to your spouse and children. If you do away with selfish desires and become open to your husband or wife, you would not only please your beloved, your home will become sweeter.

Living a life of compromise which leads to fulfillment and sweetness in marriage comes by choice. Put your spouse first and watch your marriage transform.

Three things you must note include:

Your character and what you give out determines who you are.

Marriage runs smoother on the wheels of compromise.

You must shed every garment of ego, pride and selfishness.

Someone once said that love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. This is love and compromise at work.

My Wife Is Too Stubborn…

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Mon, 08 Jun 2020 22:54:00 +0000

Your spouse may be stubborn, lazy, rude, aggressive, and uncompromising. She may perhaps be contrary to your expectations. Do you just send her away?

Indeed it is your responsibility to build you spouse to become what you desire. It takes compromise, tolerance and patience.

Before you label your partner as a misfit, you need to ask yourself these questions:

What value have I contributed or added to my wife since we got married?

How have I assisted her to fulfill her dreams?

What changes or adjustments have I personally made to make my marriage better?

What habits do I need to drop to grow my marriage?

As a wife, in spite of your background or the circumstances surrounding the consummation of your marriage, don't condemn your partner.

Be submissive to your husband.

Honour him.

Be interested in his business, values, beliefs and spirituality.

Fellowship with him and go to church with him.

Serve and honour his God.

Remember that you are not only a wife to him; you are a mother to him, his friend and lover.

Let him know you trust him.

Don't criticize or question his authority in public.

Don't insult him.

Don't discourage him or disparage his achievements.

Praise his efforts (even if they are little).

Note that, you are his greatest encourager as well as his worst critic. If other people kill his ego and self-esteem, don't help them to bury him.

How To Build Your Marriage Through Compromise - Give and Take

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Sun, 07 Jun 2020 23:06:00 +0000

Building and enjoying a successful marriage is perhaps the most fulfilling thing we could ever achieve. If your marriage is not right, it consumes you and you can become bitter, impatient, frustrated and dissatisfied.

Marriage makes many couples find a new purpose and meaning to life. This is why successful homes are fertile grounds to grow stable children and good springboards to lunch successful career in diverse fields.

Having a successful marriage involves:

- Compromise

- Giving and expecting no reward in return

- It is a setting where forbearance thrives.

You must realize that your spouse becomes charming, sweet and special to you if you love and nurture him/her. But if you wait for spouse to be perfect before you truly love him or her, then your marriage would be unsettled.

Don't expect to enjoy your marriage if your sole philosophy is “as you lay your bed, so you lie on it!” Your partner can ruffle things. But you just have to tag along.

Marriage is an alliance between a man who like to sleep with the lamp on and a woman who likes it off. Perhaps the lamp would be half on and half off!

It is indeed easy to love and be kind to people who love us and are kind to us. However, if someone is a little terse or critical, we become resentful and as critical and unkind as they are.

But this would not work in marriage. If your partner is pulling the other way, you can turn the situation around by just a little compromise, which is an act of love.

Allowing your spouse to have his or her way is not weakness. Rather, it is love. Marriage is place to give preference to your partners.

- Praise your wife or compliment her new hair style even if you had a bad day at the office.

- Compliment her cooking even if she forced the wrong meal on you.

- And, Madam, tell your husband that he is doing great even if times are hard and you wish to scream at him.

Handling Incompatibility Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Sun, 07 Jun 2020 23:02:00 +0000

A popular adage says, “Love is blind”. Yes, this might be true. Love may be blind; but (marital) life isn't! The setting marriage is a place for reality. It comes with complexities and it is filled with tales of the unexpected.

Some people get married to those whose stardom, opulence, affluence and or beauty infatuated, yet they do not share the same beliefs and values. Some are forced to wrongly spouses to cement or sustain family ties, even when the couple not compatible.

So how would such marriages work; how would they resolve their differences?

Understanding, compromise and acceptance will help you overcome your differences. This can be achieved firstly through communication and sharing information with your spouse.

What is it that makes your partner tick?

What loving thing can you do to make your partner react and relate with you positively?

What are the things your partner will responds to? These could involve:

Spending time together

Helping at home and other personal tasks

Giving each other gifts

And verbal appreciation

Another strong way to handle incompatibility is that you must realize that, loving your partner is a choice. You have to develop the will to love your partner and communicate this to them.

Communication enhances change. It opens a person up for correction, education and direction. It enables you to carry your spouse along and get her (or him) to believe in your values and goals. Communicating with your partner will enable you to candidly and honestly resolve issues, which will definitely emerge.

As a couple, you need to patiently take time to identify such issues or problems, and resolve them promptly.

How Can I Submit To My Husband When I Am Richer And Older?

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Sun, 07 Jun 2020 22:55:00 +0000

The marriage institution is founded on love and it is built and sustained by love. And the greatest catalyst or fertilizer of love in the union is submissiveness. Submission is a precursor to marital love.

Submissiveness draws a wife closer to her husband and helps her to win his love and respect.

A man naturally likes to have dominion, to win. He is an aggrandizer. He is possessive. He enjoys being pampered, flattered and praised. He wants to hear “You are my hero, my king!” And the best place he can find this is from his wife.

Men truly love and crave for the company of their wives. She naturally reminds him of the comfort of his mother's breast as a child. This is why a man is usually protective of his mother, whose warm embrace protected and comforted him as a child.

As a wife, you can lock your husband in that same embrace and take the place of his mother in his heart, by obeying him, submitting to him, and pampering him. This way, he would do anything for you.

As a woman, when you submit to your husband, you do not lose your personality or position in the plans of God for your marriage.

A lady once asked, “Can I marry Tom? He is younger. I'm richer. But love him” The simple answer was “Yes”.

But she must be ready to submit to him; call him master, my oga, my king; wash his clothes; cook his meal and wake up earlier than everybody else to fix things at home!

Can you as and older and richer woman do all these and more for a younger guy?

You must realize that, as a woman, if you have all the riches and beauty in this world and yet you are not submissive to your husband, you are the poorest, most distasteful and ugliest woman a man can ever have.

If it is true that love is the foundation of marriage, it is equally true that submissiveness is the oil that will keep the lamp of love burning.

12 Successful Celebrity Marriages In Nigeria

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Mon, 11 Nov 2019 18:19:00 +0000

It is obviously no longer news neither is there any drama to hear celebrities, especially in the Nigerian movie industry, end up with failed marriages and broken homes. But in spite of the high rate of separation and divorce in the entertainment world, it is cheering to know that fame and affluence is not all divorce and doom with its attendant dramas.

In Nigeria today, there are 12 famous couples from the Nollywood industry who have happy marriages, which many upcoming stars and youths can emulate. Yes, they have also experienced celebrity gossips yet they are still together.

Indeed marriage is a big decision to spend your life with just one person forever. It is certainly not just another script for a movie or some stage drama. It involves sacrifice, compromise and deep commitment in spite of all odds to stick together after saying the words, “I do”!

Here are the happy 12:

1. Olu Jacobs and Joke Silva:

Unarguably Nollywood’s oldest power couple. The duo who are proud grandparents have spent over 30 years of their lives together as a couple. Despite going through some rough times together, losing a child and more, they both remain strong and according to them, the fuel keeping their home is God, communication and trust.

2. Sunday Omobolanle and Peju Ogunmola

Sunday Omobolanle aka Papi Luwe, a renowned comic actor, playwright, film director and producer and his wife, Peju Ogunmola, also an actress have been together for over 3 decades and still counting. Though, not many people are aware that Aluwe was a polygamist as actress Peju Ogunmola is the only known face among them. Aluwe’s first wife is the mother of Sunkanmi and she died a long time ago, precisely in the year 2006.

3. Iretiola and Patrick Doyle

Nollywood actress Ireti Doyle has been married for over 20 years to ace broadcaster, veteran actor and media personality, Patrick Doyle. Despite several rumours about a breakup, the couple chose to stay committed to each other.

4. Omotola and Captain Ekeinde

Nollywood sweetheart, Omotola has been married to her pilot hubby, Matthew Ekeinde for 20 blissful years and counting. The couple’s marriage is an enviable one and they have over the years managed to be scandal-free. They are blessed with four beautiful children.

5. Richard and Jumobi Mofe Damijo

Married for 19 years, Ace actor, Richard Mofe Damijo and former Africa Independent Television (AIT) presenter, Jumobi Adegbesan are still waxing strong and remain dedicated to their marriage despite rumours of infidelity. RMD married Jumobi in 2000, after the death of his first wife. They are proud parents of five children.

6. Tunde and Wunmi Obe

Tunde and Wunmi Obe, aka TWO, have been happily married for over 18 years. They met and began their music career as undergraduates in the 90s. The couple also featured in drama skits for ‘The Charley Boy Show’ aired in the 90s. The veteran musician and dad of 3 revealed he married a woman who supports his plans and also helps to make good decisions for the future.

7. Omoni and Nnamdi Oboli:

Married for over fifteen years and blessed with three handsome young men, the Obolis undoubtedly have an enviable relationship. They have successfully been able to balance their individual careers, work and family and are just an epitome of a perfect match. The couple who could pass for siblings are very much into each other that they do literally everything together.

8. Norbert and Gloria Young:

One of Nollywood’s celebrity couples, the Youngs, have been married for over 15 years. They are proud parents of three beautiful kids. Despite several rumours, the couple has stood the test of time and is still going strong.

9. Ruth and Odunlade Adekola

Ruth & Odunlade Adekola

Nollywood star actor, Odunlade Adekola is happily married to his sweetheart, Ruth. She is a committed Christ Apostolic Church member and the prayer warrior of the family. They have been married now over 15 years and are blessed with four boys.

10. Mide Martins and Afeez Abiodun

Nollywood diva and daughter of late Funmi Martins, Mide Martins, has been married to her beau, Afeez Abiodun Owo who is also an actor for over 13 years, and their union is blessed with two girls

Razak Olayiwola and Moji Afolayan

11. Razak Olayiwola and Moji Afolayan

Razak Olayiwola widely referred to as Ojopagogo by fans of Yoruba movies is married to Moji Afolayan, one of the daughters of late Ade Afolayan, Ade Love. The couple met on the job over a decade ago and has since been married.

12. Emelia and Ramsey Nouah:

Award-winning actor, Ramsey Nouah has been married to Emelia Philips-Nouah for over a decade and they are blessed with three kids.

Culled From PM News

Marriage Without Love...

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Mon, 11 Feb 2019 11:46:00 +0000

Marriage without love is immoral! But is love ever enough?

5 Investments Every Married Couple Should Make

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 13:00:00 +0000

If you want to grow your finances, the best way is investment and deliberately making plans and taking steps to change your lot. But do we really do the same for our marriages and family?

Do you want to grow your marriage? Here are a few bite-sized things to consider doing as a way to invest in your marriage:

1. Connect Spiritually

One of the most beautiful aspects of marriage comes with the opportunity to emotionally and spiritually connect with another human being. Add to that, the gift of Christian marriage that gives us an opportunity to connect, not only with one another, but with a holy and almighty God.

Oftentimes, believing couples tend to take their spiritual connection for granted, forgetting that some of the most intimate moments in marriage are when we’re sharing our hearts, communicating what’s in our spirit, and interacting about our relationship with God.

If you’re looking for a really powerful way of investing in your marriage, consider setting some time aside weekly or even daily to pray together and share about what God is doing in each of your lives.

2. Communicate Regularly

Believe it or not, the average married couple spends just minutes a day in active and meaningful communication. It’s also a known fact that communication gets less and less with each year of marriage.

This is saddening, because there is so much joy in being able to communicate with your spouse.

Each level of conversation is important, and has to be deliberately worked into conversation. If you want to do something small that will have a big impact on your marriage, set aside 10-20 minutes a day sitting face to face with your spouse, for the sole purpose of communicating.

Don’t let this be the time to discuss conflict or problems, but just a time to catch up and keep up with one another.

What was the best part of your day today? or What’s something I can do to help you out this week? The goal of this time is to enjoy each other and encourage one another.

3. Touch Often

Before having children, many couples many couples tag along fine. But what happens afterwards?

Many couples hardly ever have any physical contact with each other. No hand-holding. No snuggling on the couch. No arms around the shoulder.

But fast forward a few years and a few kids later, and I totally understand the struggle of trying to connect physically with your spouse, all while being pulled in a million different directions.

But even during seasons of life when it’s hard to come by, physical touch is such an important part of investing in your marriage. Take inventory of your marriage, and find times (or even schedule times if you have to!) where you can be deliberate about holding hands, kissing often, making love, or even doing something as simple as touching your spouse’s back as you pass them in the kitchen.

Physical touch conveys to your spouse that: I notice you, I desire you, and I want to be near you. Talk about a great investment!

4. Confess and Forgive Frequently

As much as we talk about confession and forgiveness, I believe we often fail to apply it in the context of our marriages, because let’s be honest, it’s a hard task!

The idea of being vulnerable and sharing your weaknesses and shortcomings with another person can be a really hard pill to swallow…which is precisely why God calls us to do it. The practice of letting down our pride in the act of confession opens the door for the opportunity to forgive, which is the sacred glue that holds marriages together.

The couples who are highly satisfied in marriage, are not the ones who have the least amount of disagreement, but the ones who have the most forgiveness. God has forgiven each one of us of so much, and those who live in that freedom are freed to forgive others.

Invest in your marriage by taking the time to search your heart frequently, being honest with your spouse about the things you are longing to change and the areas you need to ask for forgiveness.

5. "Get Away" Weekly

They say that couples who “pray together stay together”. But I think it can also be said that couples who play together, have the most fun! Life can get busy, and the stress of it all can make us lose sight of the fact that God wants us to enjoy one another and the life he’s given us.

Invest in your marriage by taking one time a week and setting aside the time to go out (or stay in if you can’t afford a weekly sitter) and do something fun!

Play a board game on the living room floor, go out for a fun dinner, take a hike, pack a picnic lunch, or even go on a scenic drive.

Rekindle your love for one another, by rekindling your friendship.

Investing in your marriage often means doing small things deliberately that will ultimately have a huge impact. Whether you’ve been married for 5 days, or 50 years, it’s never too early or too late to start making a difference in your marriage.

5 Things You Must Know When Your Spouse Struggles with Depression

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Tue, 04 Jul 2017 17:22:00 +0000

1. Depression is a whole-body problem. It affects our thoughts, actions, feelings, relationships and even our faith-walk. It can literally take over and distort every aspect of our life.

2. People don't ask to get this problem and they can't simply will it away. While treatment of depression is very effective, it often requires individual counseling, couples counseling as well as medications. Most people experience relief when they are willing to aggressively tackle the problem.

3. Depression impacts marriages. It steals joy and life. It robs not only the person suffering from it, but their mate, their children, their friends and family. This compounds the problem, creating even more distance, and more abandonment and isolation.

4. Depression is treatable. If you are willing to seek treatment through individual, couples and medication intervention, most recover. Communication in marriage improves, helping the individual rise out of their depression.

5. Finally, seeking God's help is critical. He is the ultimate source of our joy and promises to give to us life in abundance. Faith in God often leads to seeking wise counsel in these other areas of our lives. Developing a comprehensive treatment plan includes looking at the way we think, dealing effectively with the concrete problems in our lives, obtaining the support of our family as well as enriching our faith-life.

Finding joy is possible, though this may have been missing in your life for some time. Consider whether or not depression has been a secret part of your relationship struggles and if so, seek help.

Adapted from Dr. David Hawkins

15 Cancer Warning Signs Men Ignore

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Fri, 06 Jan 2017 19:58:00 +0000

As the New Year unfolds, people, especially fathers and husbands get preoccupied with a lot of planning and expectations for career, finances and for the family. For many, New Year resolutions are the order of the day. But for a lot of men, a trip to the doctor or a medical plan would be the least conceivable thing at this time.

However, as a father and husband, if you must stay alive for your family’s sake, this is time to begin to take stock of your health, especially early warning signs of cancer.

One of the best ways to fight the disease is to catch it in the early stages, when it’s more treatable. The problem is that the warning signs for many kinds of cancer can seem pretty mild and people tend to just ignore them.

Here are 15 signs and symptoms. Some are linked more strongly to cancer than others, but all are worth knowing about - and even talking over with your doctor.

1. Problems When You Pee

Many men have some problems peeing as they get older, like:

• A need to pee more often, especially at night

• Dribbling, leaking, or an urgent need to go

• Trouble starting to pee, or a weak stream

An enlarged prostate gland usually causes these symptoms, but so can prostate cancer. See your doctor to check on the cause of the problem. He’ll give you an exam to look for an enlarged prostate, and he may talk to you about a blood test (called a PSA test) for prostate cancer.

2. Changes in Your Testicles

"If you notice a lump, heaviness, or any other change in your testicle, never delay having it looked at," says Herbert Lepor, MD, urology chairman at New York University Langone Medical Center.

"Unlike prostate cancer, which grows slowly, testicular cancer can take off overnight." Your doctor will look for any problems with a physical exam, blood tests, and an ultrasound of your scrotum.

3. Blood in Your Pee or Stool

These can be among the first signs of cancer of the bladder, kidneys, or colon. It's a good idea to see your doctor for any bleeding that’s not normal, even if you don't have other symptoms, Lepor says. Although you're more likely to have a problem that's not cancer, like hemorrhoids or a urinary infection, it's important to find and treat the cause.

4. Skin Changes

When you notice a change in the size, shape, or color of a mole or other spot on your skin, see your doctor as soon as you can.

Spots that are new or look different are top signs of skin cancer. You’ll need an exam and perhaps a biopsy, which means doctors remove a small piece of tissue for testing.

With skin cancer, you don't want to wait, says Marleen Meyers, MD, an oncologist at NYU Perlmutter Cancer Center.

5. Changes in Lymph Nodes

Swollen lymph nodes, small bean-shaped glands found in your neck, armpits, and other places, often signal that something's going on in your body. Usually, they mean your immune system is fighting a sore throat or cold, but certain cancers also can make them change. Have your doctor check any swelling that doesn't get better in 2 to 4 weeks, Meyers says.

6. Trouble Swallowing

Some people have trouble swallowing from time to time. But if your problems don’t go away and you’re also losing weight or vomiting, your doctor may want to check you for throat or stomach cancer. He’ll start with a throat exam and barium X-ray

During a barium test, you drink a special liquid that makes your throat stand out on the X-ray.

7. Heartburn

You can take care of most cases of heartburn with changes to your diet, drinking habits, and stress levels. If that doesn’t help, ask your doctor to look into your symptoms. Heartburn that doesn't go away or gets worse could mean stomach or throat cancer.

8. Mouth Changes

If you smoke or chew tobacco, you have a higher risk of mouth cancer. Keep an eye out for white or red patches inside your mouth or on your lips. Talk to your doctor or dentist about tests and treatments.

9. Weight Loss Without Trying

Pants fitting a little looser? If you haven’t changed your diet or exercise habits, it could mean that stress or a thyroid problem is taking a toll. But losing 10 pounds or more without trying isn’t normal.

Although most unintended weight loss is not cancer, it’s one of the signs of cancer of the pancreas, stomach, or lungs. Your doctor can find out more with blood tests and tools that make detailed pictures of the inside of your body, like a CT or PET scan.

10. Fever

A fever is usually not a bad thing -- it means your body is fighting an infection. But one that won't go away and doesn’t have an explanation could signal leukemia or another blood cancer. Your doctor should take your medical history and give you a physical exam to check on the cause.

11. Breast Changes

"Men tend to ignore breast lumps because breast cancer isn't on their radar," Meyers says. "But 1% of all breast cancers occur in men, although they're usually diagnosed much later."

Don’t take any chances. If you find a lump, tell your doctor and have it checked.

12. Fatigue

Many types of cancer cause a bone-deep tiredness that never gets better, no matter how much rest you get. It’s different from the exhaustion you feel after a hectic week or a lot of activity.

If fatigue is affecting your daily life, talk to your doctor. He can help you find the cause and let you know if there are ways to treat it.

13. Cough

In nonsmokers, a nagging cough is almost never cancer. Most go away after 3 to 4 weeks. If yours doesn’t, and you’re short of breath or cough up blood, don't delay a visit to your doctor, especially if you smoke.

A cough is the most common sign of lung cancer. Your doctor can test mucus from your lungs to see if you have an infection. He may also give you a chest X-ray to check for another problem.

14. Pain

Cancer doesn’t cause most aches and pains, but if you’re hurting for more than a month, don’t just grin and bear it. Ongoing pain can be a signal of many types of cancer, especially those that have spread, Lepor says.

15. Belly Pain and Depression

It’s rare, but depression along with stomach pain can be a sign of cancer of the pancreas. Should you worry? Not unless this cancer runs in your family, Meyers says. Then you need to see your doctor.

Culled& Adapted

Can Sleep Affect My Husband’s Fertility?

noreply@blogger.com (Marriage Alive Digest) — Wed, 09 Nov 2016 03:30:00 +0000

“Can sleep or the lack of it affect my husband’s fertility?” That was the question a newly wedded wife asked her counselor. And I guess it is the same question bothering many couples. And answer to the question is a big YES!

Not sleeping well, too little or too much can indeed affect a man's ability to impregnate his wife. This is the findings of latest research.

The "sweet spot" appears to be 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night, said study author Lauren Wise, a professor of epidemiology at Boston University School of Public Health.

Among the 790 couples the researchers followed, "we found both short and long sleep duration - less than 6 hours or 9 or more per night - were associated with a reduced probability of pregnancy," Wise declared.

Using 8 hours of sleep as the reference point, men who slept less than 6 or more than 9 hours a night "had a 42 percent reduced probability of conception in any given month," she added.

The main explanation is most likely hormonal, Wise said. Fertility experts know that testosterone is crucial for reproduction and the majority of daily testosterone release in men occurs during sleep, she explained.

Total sleep time, in turn, has been positively linked with testosterone levels in several studies, she added.

All of the couples in the study were trying to conceive, and they had been trying for no more than six menstrual cycles. The couples answered questions about sleep patterns and whether they had trouble sleeping. Those men who had trouble sleeping more than half the time were also less likely to impregnate their partner than those who didn't, the researchers found.

While the study found only an association between sleep and fertility, "it can't prove cause and effect," Wise said.

But the link held up even after she took into account both the men's and women's ages, their body mass index, their frequency of intercourse, and other factors known to affect fertility. More research is needed, Wise noted.

"It is possible that poor sleep duration could contribute to an unhealthy lifestyle, decreased libido, a decrease in sex, but we tried to control for all those factors," she said.

The finding is welcome news to Dr. Peter Schlegel, vice president of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine.

"There is very little data about how men's sleep may affect fertility," he said. "We know any stress can affect fertility for both women and men. This study strongly suggests that for men, aiming for the 7 to [less than] 9 hours of sleep helps to optimize their fertility and their chances of contributing to a pregnancy."

Based on this new research, doctors counseling couples should talk about how much sleep the men are getting, Schlegel said. As for women and sleep, "we don't know for sure," he said.

Other research suggests that eating more fruits and vegetables yields better production of sperm than meats and fats, said Schlegel, who is chair of urology at Weill Cornell Medicine in New York City. Men who are at a healthy weight generally have better fertility, too.

One limitation of the study, Schlegel said, is that the researchers did not measure sperm counts. "But they looked at time to pregnancy," he said, and "most would say the chance of a pregnancy occurring is probably the best measure."

The findings were to be presented Wednesday at the American Society for Reproductive Medicine's annual meeting, in Salt Lake City. Research presented at medical meetings is considered preliminary until it is published in a peer-reviewed medical journal.

Culled: