Northern Reflections

You've probably wondered . . .

2006-11-15T06:53:00.000-05:00

You've probably wondered just what happened to me when I disappeared with no word to you. Several months ago, I started to feel really exhausted all the time and just generally "unwell". After a long time of trying to figure out what was wrong with me, I was finally diagnosed with lung cancer. It's surely not a diagnosis that anyone would welcome but it isn't the end of the world either.

After all of the tests were completed and I knew where I stand, I decided to start a new blog to chronical what's happening to me. The new blog, "Never Say Die" . . . Living with Lung Cancer, has three goals:

To keep my friends and family informed of what's going on with my treatment and how I'm progressing.
To allow me to express my thoughts and feelings about being a cancer patient.
To help other cancer patients, even if it's just to let them know they aren't alone.

There will probably not be any further entries in this blog ~ at least for the time being ~ as I concentrate my efforts on getting well. If you want to follow the new blog, you can find it here: http://fightingforyourlife.blogspot.com. Despite what the link would indicate, this is not a gloom and doom journal. Those of you who have been familiar with this blog know that isn't my style. Hopefully , some of the messages will have value to you whether you suffer from a major illness or are just making your way through life. I urge you to check it out.

But, whatever the case, I thank you for reading Northern Reflections and I'm sorry I can't continue with it right now. I've enjoyed sharing my thoughts with you and I hope you picked up some valuable tidbits along the way.

My love to you all.

When our parents get older . . .

2006-06-22T12:39:00.000-04:00

If we're lucky to have our parents with us long enough, there comes a time when we begin to notice a subtle shift in our roles. Those who were our guiding lights for most of our lives, begin asking for our guidance. Those who were our anchors, our strength, reach a point where they need our strength. And, finally, those who gave us unlimited love and understanding, need us to give them ours.

It isn't easy to watch your parents age. In fact, it's a bit frightening. You suddenly realize that your mom and dad are not going to be with you forever and you wonder how you'll get along without them. They've probably been the most stable part of your life ~ the two people who were always there and upon whom you could always depend. It's scary to imagine life without them.

When your parents die, they take with them a very special bond that exists with no one else on earth. Nothing can replace that bond between parent and child. You may have a loving wife or husband, children of your own, siblings with whom you've shared most of life's experiences but none of these are the same as what you've known with your parents. It's special and something to be treasured. When it's severed, it leaves a huge void.

No matter how old we get, mom and dad possess a place in our hearts that no one else can fill. And no matter how successful we are, how independent or self-sufficient, we still need to know they're there when we need their wisdom and support. We may have mentors and best friends but there are still some occasions when we just need to touch base with mom or dad.

As our parents age, it's important that we accept our new roles with love, understanding, and compassion. We accept their forgetfulness and listen to the same story many times over as though it's as fresh as it was the first time. We treat them with the same respect we ask from them. As they become more infirm in mind and body we ensure that they are not robbed of their dignity. We willingly give them the support they request but we never treat them like children.

We set aside whatever petty disagreements may have cropped up over the years, knowing that, like us, they aren't perfect. And, like any long-standing relationship, there were certain to be times when we couldn't agree. The most important thing to remember is that, while we may have been disappointed with their reactions at times, they always had our best interests at heart.

Almost every parent wants their children to be happy, fulfilled and live a life that's free of major disappointments and heartache. Sometimes they may have thought we took the wrong path ~ sometimes they may have even been right. But, always, no matter how rough they may have been on us, it was a result of the love they felt for us and their desire for us to live our lives according to the highest standards possible.

As they age, we need to show them how important they are to us. There's no longer time to put off telling them how much they mean to us or how much we love them. There aren't a million tomorrows left to get to know and admire them as the people they are. Now is the time to spend that extra hour with them here and there, share the things they enjoy with them, and wrap them in our love.

It's time to let them know, once and for all, that we're proud of them and proud to call them mom or dad.

Don't wait until time runs out . . .

What's Wrong with Procrastinating?

2006-06-18T16:19:00.000-04:00

Do you put things off? Are you a procrastinator? Yeah, me too.

It's one of those nasty habits I have to work really hard to overcome. It's especially difficult when it involves tasks that I don't particularly enjoy doing . . . Like laundry.

Now, don't get me wrong ~ I love having clean clothes and an empty laundry basket. And, if I can remember to throw in a load of laundry each day, I don't mind doing it at all. But, when the piles of laundry reach half way to the ceiling, I hate the thought of starting. I will do most anything to keep from being trapped in that room with all those dirty clothes!

I guess I have a mental block when it comes to laundry. I know it only takes a few minutes of my time if I just keep up with it. But, you know how it goes. I get busy doing other things and the laundry is the furthest thing from my mind. That is, until it's grown to mountain-sized proportions. Then I think about it constantly. The important word there is "think". It's always in the back of my mind, plaguing me like a bad toothache. When the amount becomes overwhelming, I start procrastinating. : (

You know what happens then: the piles keep growing, I feel more guilty, my concentration on other things is affected, and I accomplish less. It has a really negative affect on how I feel and perform.

It's so unnecessary!

I developed a new system. I throw a load of laundry in the washer and set a timer at my desk to go off when the wash cycle should be finished. Then I put those clothes in the dryer and set my timer again. This way I'm not left with clothes languishing in the washer for days or until they need to be washed again. Yes, I have had that happen in the past! Plus, I'm right there when the dryer stops so the clean clothes don't get wrinkled.

When the laundry is done, I feel so wonderful! It's worth taking a few minutes from my online work to do it. When I don't, I feel totally out of control and I don't like being out of control. It's just so much easier to do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done. Then you can go on with your other activities and not have to worry about it.

Of course, I'm only using laundry as an example. The same thing applies to any task you have a tendency to put off . . . Maybe it's writing ads for your online business, making dental appointments, or balancing the checkbook. Whatever it is, if you just force yourself to do it when you should, it never becomes a thorn in your side and it never becomes overwhelming. Best of all, you always feel good about yourself and what you're accomplishing.

The more you dislike doing something, the sooner you should get to it. Get it out of the way so you can get on to something that's more enjoyable. And just imagine how noble you'll feel when you've completed that onerous task! You'll feel lighter, happier, more capable and have a lot better self-image. You'll be in control.

I have to go now, the timer just went off . . .

"Of the people, by the people, for the people"? Who's kidding who?

2006-06-15T11:33:00.000-04:00

I try to keep the articles in this blog positive but, every once in awhile, I get fed up with the way things are going and need to let out a little steam. This is one of those times. I also try to leave my political beliefs out of my comments. This is an exception.

Is it any wonder the mood in this country seems to be getting angrier every day? Maybe everyone is starting to feel the same way I am ~ sick of our government selling us out!

Let's just consider some of the things that are going on this month:

Gas prices are reaching the stratosphere. Oil companies say they have nothing to do with it and yet they enjoy the billion dollar profits they're hauling in because of it.
Social Security is an endangered species. However, our illustrious Senators and Congressmen enjoy a retirement program the likes of which we'll never see.
The Network Neutrality law was voted down by our House of Representatives ~ striking yet another blow to the "little people" and giving big business another shot in the arm.
We're embroiled in the Iraqi War with no end in sight and where more and more of our troops lose their lives each day. Mr. Bush visits Baghdad for another "photo opp" in a desperate attempt to improve his sagging approval rating.
Pharmaceutical companies develop drugs that kill people ~ all with the blessings of the FDA.
Next week, cell phone numbers will be turned over to telemarketers ~ this time WE'LL have to pay to be harassed by those "can't take 'no' for an answer" vultures.
Our own government is invading our privacy and spying on us in the name of National Security and the "war on terrorism".
Due to the economic instability of our nation, the American dream of home ownership is becoming a pipe dream for many citizens.
We open our doors to immigrants from other countries and yet can't provide enough jobs to keep our own citizens working.
These immigrants receive more benefits and tax breaks than the average American does.

These are just a few of the things that make my hair stand up and my blood pressure rise.

While we supposedly elect our government officials to do our bidding, to represent us, and to fight for our needs and wants; it doesn't seem that the majority of them get the message. Could it possibly be that they're more concerned with lining their own pockets than with helping us pay the grocery bills? Do huge campaign contributions carry more weight than the beliefs and desires of their own constituents? No! That couldn't be true . . . or could it?

Let's forget the economic issues for a minute and think about the way our government is selling out our very culture. This country was founded as a Christian nation . . . "one nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all". Remember that? Then, why is it now against the law to display the Ten Commandments in public buildings; why is prayer outlawed in our schools; why are churches forbidden from displaying nativity scenes during the Christmas season? In fact, why has the Christmas tree been turned into the more "politically correct" holiday tree?

Since its beginning, the United States of America has opened its doors to those of other nations. That's fine ~ that's where it got its name as the "melting pot". However, it seems that things have gone a bit awry. Now foreigners who come to America seem to have more rights than our own citizens. We worry so much about offending those of different religions that we've watered our own religious freedoms down to the point where they hardly exist.

This is still our country ~ it belongs to American citizens! If other nationalities want to make their homes here, fine! However, they should have to accept us as we are, the same as we accept them as they are. We don't forbid them to practice their religions or their customs. Why then should we be forced to give up our customs?

I received this email a few days ago. It speaks of recent events in Australia. It also reflects my own beliefs about ALL immigrants who come to this country ~ not just Muslims:

Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia, as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.

A day after a group of mainstream Muslim leaders pledged loyalty to Australia at a special meeting with Prime Minister John Howard, he and his ministers made it clear that extremists would face a crackdown

Treasurer Peter Costello, seen as heir apparent to Howard, hinted that some radical clerics could be asked to leave the country if they did not accept that Australia was a secular State and its laws were made by parliament.

"If those are not your values, if you want a country that has Sharia law or a theocratic state, then Australia is not for you", he said on national television.

"Immigrants, not Australians must adapt. Take it or leave it. I am tired of this Nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in
Patriotism by the majority of Australians.

However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others. I am not against immigration nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Australia.

However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some who were born here, need to understand.

The idea of Australia being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Australians we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle.

This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom. We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese or Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you want to become part of our society, learn the language.

Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push but a fact because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.

We will accept your beliefs and will not question why, all we ask is that you accept ours and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.

If the Southern Cross offends you or you don't like a "Fair Go" then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet.

We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. By all means, keep your culture but do not force it on others.

This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining and griping about our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you to take advantage of one other great Australian freedom:

THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

If you are not happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.

"I'd be saying to clerics who are teaching that there are two laws governing people in Australia, one the Australian law and another the Islamic law. That is false. If you can't agree with parliamentary law, independent courts, democracy and would prefer Sharia law and have the opportunity to go to another country, which practices it, perhaps, then, that's a better option" Costello said.

Asked whether he meant radical clerics would be forced to leave, he said those with dual citizenship could possibly be asked to move to the other country.

Education minister Brendan Nelson later told reporters that Muslims who do not want to accept local values should "clear off"

"Basically, people who don't want to be Australians and they don't want to live by Australian values and understand them, well then they can basically clear off" he said. Separately Howard angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques.

It's about time the American people demanded their country back. It's also time for us to expect our wishes to be reflected in congressional and senate votes and to determine the priorities of our government's actions. Is this thinking too radical? I hope not.

From the other side . . .

2006-06-08T10:03:00.000-04:00

Do you recall when you were a child under 10 and thought your parents had the answers to everything? Remember how you counted on them to solve every problem? You trusted they would always know what to do ~ no matter how dire the circumstances seemed to you. They seemed bigger than life ~ the anchor of your well-being. A hug, a kiss, a word of reassurance from them and everything was okay again.

How old were your parents then? In their twenties or thirties? Maybe early forties? Thank goodness we didn't understand that they, too, were often insecure, unsure and had a million questions of their own that were unanswered. LOL Many times I'm sure they were just as scared as we were. But, they put up a great front and none of us ever believed for a moment that they couldn't fix whatever needed to be fixed.

I can remember times when my children were small, incidents frequently arose that I really wasn't sure how to handle. But, since parenthood doesn't come with an instruction book, I just did the best I could. Did I make mistakes? Certainly! Did I ever say to myself, "I want my mother!" Of course! After all, my mother had all the right answers . . . didn't she?

You have to be a parent yourself before you truly understand what you owe your parents. Only then can you appreciate the uncertainty, the sleepless nights, the hopes and dreams they experienced as they stuggled to raise us to be good people capable of contributing something to our world.

Until you have your own children you can't understand the fear and apprehension that accompanies parenthood. Remember the first time you let Jimmy walk to school alone and were so scared he'd get lost or that some predator would take him? Remember how you worried that Janie would be lost in the forest or drown in the lake that first time she went on a camping trip without you? Even when kids are just toddlers, parents have a million worries ~ Bobby could fall down the stairs . . . Susan could choke on a toy . . . if you turn your head for a second, John could slip into the pool. Even eating has its risks! So, you cut all food in tiny little pieces and watch nervously as your "baby" picks it up in his chubby little fingers, turns it over and over as he examines it and finally pops it into his mouth. Each time he doesn't choke you breathe a real sigh of relief.

Remember the first outing to the park or playground? The swing, the slide and the teeter-totter all seemed like monsters with the sole purpose of maiming your child! Then, how about that first bike? Oh dear! A whole new category of worries! But they're nothing compared to those you experience when the time comes for your child to drive and ride in cars with his friends. That's just a total nightmare. There are dates, parties, sleep-overs, trips to the mall ~ all filled with dangers only a parent can understand.

All of this presents a real conundrum for parents. On one hand, you want to raise your children to be independent and become good, responsible adults, capable of making sound decisions. On the other, it's torture to let them do the things that will give them the experience they need to learn how to function independently in the world. So, you convince yourself to let go and just pray!

But meanwhile, at least until they finally figure out otherwise, your children never suspicion what's going on inside your head, don't suspect what fear reigns within you when Mary is 20 minutes late getting home . . . when Jake's fever spikes to 103° in the middle of the night . . . when Jessica falls and knocks out a tooth . . . when Sam gets poked in the eye with a stick . . . when Callie comes screaming in the house with blood dripping from her head . . . or, when the police call at 10 pm to say Hank's been involved in an auto accident. Nope, they sure don't ~ you have your "parent" face on! The face that says you're in control, you know exactly what to do, and everything will be fine.

Isn't it amazing that we fool them as long as we do??

If you can see it . . . You can be it.

2006-06-04T08:35:00.000-04:00

The human mind is an amazing thing. Those in the know say we only tap about 10% of its potential. Imagine if we trained our brains to give us the things we want! They could be every bit as magical as Aladin's lamp. It's really not that hard to do ~ like any skill it just requires time, focus and persistence.

You've heard of visioning . . . That's where you create a picture in your mind of how you would like something to be. Say, for example, you want to lose weight. You imagine how you will look when you reach your desired weight. In order to be effective, your picture must be very detailed . . . What clothes are you wearing, how do they feel? What do you see yourself doing in this picture? Are you dancing? Talking with friends? Walking along the beach? What are you thinking? How do you feel in your thinner body? How has your self image changed? Can you see yourself stepping on the scale and watching the numbers gradually decrease until they reach your goal weight? Can you imagine leaning over to tie your shoes comfortably AFTER you've buttoned and zipped your jeans? There are any number of things you can add to your vision ~ but I'm sure you get the idea.

Does visioning work? Yes! It isn't anything new. Athletes use it all the time. Let's say you want to perfect your free throw shots in basketball. You imagine yourself standing at the line. You feel the crowd around you. You picture how your arm and hand move, how your muscles feel as they follow through with the shot. Then you see the ball dropping through the net. In other words, you envision every step it takes to make a perfect shot, see yourself doing it and feel the muscles in your body as they carry it out. You play this movie in your head several times a day and really concentrate on the feelings it involves. You'll eventually see it happen on the court in real life.

Affirmations are the best friends of visioning. These are positive statements you repeat as if you had already reached your goal. "I weigh 125 pounds and my clothes feel wonderful." "My body is fit and slender." "I'm energized and confident. I can do anything I set my mind to." "I love exercising my new body." "I feel vibrant and beautiful." "I love eating healthy foods that keep my body looking trim." "My free throw average is 100%." "I'm the best free-thrower on the team." "I love the sound of my ball swishing through the net." "I'm calm and focused when I make my shot." "I'm confident my shot will go through the hoop."

Like visioning, you must repeat these statements over and over and over again. Eventually your mind accepts them as true and that's when they become the reality! All you're doing is reprogramming your mind to give you what you want. You can apply this to any goal you want to achieve.

Neither of these methods can be used haphazardly. In order to be effective, they must be practiced over and over again until they become a part of you. When that happens you'll achieve the goal you set for yourself. What was once a vision will become your reality. What you repeated to yourself is now true.

You have the power to change your life if you use these methods faithfully. Nothing is beyond your reach if you can see and feel yourself doing it. Try it and see what happens!

Don't Get Stuck in Your Past . . .

2006-05-11T11:02:00.000-04:00

How much time do you spend thinking about yesterday, last week, last year or many years ago? Do you worry about things you did that you now regret? Memories are wonderful things ~ they give us a chance to relive happy times, remember those who are no longer with us, and, sometimes, teach us lessons.

But . . . there always seems to be a "but", doesn't there? But, if we spend more time reliving our past than we do enjoying the present, we're not getting as much from our lives as we should. It's important to know where you've been but it's equally important to know where you are and where you're going. Too much time focused on the past keeps us from making the most of today.
We all know those who seem fixated on things that happened in their pasts ~ usually unpleasant things. They beat themselves up over and over again for mistakes they made years ago. They just can't seem to get past those experiences and the memories are heavy burdens to shoulder year after year.

Of course, we all know that you can't change what's already happened. Unfortunately, life doesn't have a rewind button. We can't go back and edit things to make them better. If that's the case then why do we waste our time focusing on mistakes and errors in judgment we may have made? Doesn't it make more sense to just admit we didn't do what we wish we had, forgive ourselves and try to live in a way that ensures we don't to the same thing again? Mistakes are great teachers if we use them productively and learn from them.

However, if we continue to chastise ourselves after we make a mistake, we aren't gaining anything from the experience. Learn from it and let it go! We must focus on what's happening now and where we hope to go tomorrow. If we live in the past, we have no present or future . . . they're totally wasted on us.

All of us have regrets, things we wish we'd done differently ~ that's because we're imperfect humans. No matter how hard we try, we're still going to make mistakes now and then, that's just part of developing and growing. To expect anything different of ourselves is unreasonable and places an unnecessarily heavy weight on our shoulders.

I know only too well how heavy the attempt to be perfect can be. There was a time in my life when my standards were so high that it was almost impossible to reach them. The house had to be cleaner than clean ~ if I wrote a letter to a friend and my handwriting wasn't as even as I wanted, I'd start the letter over until it was. Yeah, I wasted a whole lot of paper in the process. But the worst thing was that this attempt to be perfect made me a real pain to live with! Not only did I expect unreasonable things from myself, but also from the rest of my family.

I thought a towel should always be folded neatly and placed on the rack after a shower. It drove me crazy when someone threw it over the shower curtain bar! I've since learned that the towel dries much quicker and stays fresh longer if you allow it to dry before you put it back on the rack. ; ) But, no one could have convinced me of that then ~ it didn't look tidy to have a towel slung over the bar! My philosophy was that everything has a proper place and should be in that place ~ no matter what!

Does that sound like a pretty rigid way to live? It was, believe me. Did it make me a better person? No! It made me a discontented nag! Even when I stopped nagging about little things like that and folded the towel myself, I still felt resentful that I had to do it. Tiny little insignificant things can have giant repercussions on our attitudes. When I think back to those days, I laugh, but it wasn't humorous to me then.

The attempt to be perfect had even more destructive results in my relationships with others. I hated it when someone expressed an opinion contrary to mine; I became defensive and unpleasant. I somehow interpreted a differing opinion as an assault me and on my intelligence. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? It was! But when I was in my 20's and 30's that's how I was. Can I change that now? No, but it doesn't mean I have to continue being that same person either. I had to forgive myself for being a nag and a pain and become more flexible and accepting.

Back in those days, my mother accused me of being a snob and I was highly insulted. I really didn't think I was. But now, as I look back, I see she was right. It wasn't that I felt I was better than others, it was that I expected everyone to see things the way I did. That's just another form of snobbery because I wasn't accepting the value of other people's thoughts and feelings.

That was yesterday, I don't live like that today. I learned from my mistakes. I don't waste time and energy punishing myself for the way I was then. Instead, each day I try to learn something about myself, others, or life in general, that will make me a better person. I'm free to enjoy all the wonderful little blessings I find along the way because I'm open to them ~ I'm not reliving my past. It's that openness that has made all the difference.

Life is happening today ~ don't miss it!

Take Time Just to Be . . .

2006-05-04T14:09:00.000-04:00

If we allowed it, every minute of our day would be filled with something . . . there's work, our families to care for, the house to tend, laundry to do, meals to shop for and prepare, there are things to fix, bills to pay, calls to make and return, events to attend, the yard to keep up . . . the list could go on forever. Sometimes things seem so hectic that we can hardly catch our breath. We're racing here and there to do this and that ~ always in a hurry.

But wait a darn minute here!

Who says we have to live this way? Is there an unwritten rule no one told me about? Is there a Universal Law that requires humans to keep pace with this wild continuous beat? I don't think so!

No matter who we are, we all need time just to be . . . to refresh our bodies, our minds, and our souls. We have to get off that treadmill and spend some time just being ourselves. Forget about work, forget about dusting and doing laundry, let the phone ring and, yes, let our families take care of themselves for a little while. In other words, we need to forget about everything but ourselves for a few minutes.

What we do during this time doesn't matter. Maybe we want to take a walk in the woods and spend a few minutes sitting on a fallen log and just breathing the fresh air. Maybe we want to take a long, relaxing bath or have a private conversation with our God. Maybe we'd like to throw a stick for the dog to fetch or jog in the park. The only thing that matters is that we do something we enjoy doing ~ something that allows us to get in touch with our inner selves.

And ~ we need to make these little micro-mini vacations a habit. They keep us in balance and provide a time for us to nourish our spirits the same as we nourish our bodies. We wouldn't think of not eating for weeks or months at a time ~ what makes us think we can ignore the hunger pangs of the place deep within each of us that makes us who we are?

Just as we must keep the lines of communication open with our customers, our families, our spouses, we must also have a clear, static-free direct line to our own thoughts and feelings. If we don't, we lose ourselves amid the chaotic "busyness" of our lives.

So, take time just to be . . .

On a Spring Day . . .

2006-05-03T12:11:00.000-04:00

Today is one of those perfect spring days that make your heart sing and your spirit soar. The windows are open and a gentle breeze is playing with my lace curtains. From one window I can see three whitetail deer frolicking in our front yard. The other window gives me a wonderful view of the blue, blue sky and fragile new leaves opening on our oak tree. If I could see the back yard from here, I'd look out on our pond with it's soothing waterfalls, and, further back, near the forest, pert little yellow daffodils adding their touch of glorious color.

Everything is coming back to life after a long winter's nap. It's a time of renewal and hope ~ a time when everything seems possible. If the tiny little seeds and bulbs can live through the hostility of a frigid climate and grow again into beautiful flowers; if the dormant brown grass can turn into a velvety green carpet almost overnight, then surely we can survive the ups and downs of this rollercoaster ride called life.

We know the skies will eventually darken and the heavens will send electric spears of light coursing through them. The clouds will produce sheets of rain and the earth will vibrate with explosions of thunder. The tallest trees will swing back and forth with the angry wind. Those days, too, have a special beauty if one takes the time to appreciate it. The storms are necessary for the flowers, grass and trees to grow and flourish.

The same thing can be said of the dark times we experience in our lives. Without them, how could we appreciate all the goodness that comes to us? As we struggle through the stormy episodes, we grow stronger and more resilient; if we're lucky we learn and become wiser with each passing storm. Our confidence blossoms and we finally understand we're capable of withstanding even the most powerful onslaughts that life can deliver.

Without challenges, without obstacles, we fail to become the best we can be. Without challenges we never test or build our strengths. And, while we may sometimes think that's just fine with us, we wouldn't achieve the potential and possibility that lies within each of us. Like eaglets, we need to be pushed from the comfort of our nests if we are to learn to soar.

But, now, the day is perfect and I'm committing each moment of it to memory. On the next dark, stormy day, I'll pull it out and relive it.

A Word to the Discouraged . . .

2006-04-28T07:47:00.000-04:00

Are you having one of those days today? Does everything in your life seem to be running out of control? Do you feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of tasks that are waiting for your attention? Do you find yourself becoming short-tempered, frustrated, discouraged?

If you do, just remember that we all have days like this. No matter how well we plan, there are times when everything just seems to fall apart. You have too many distractions, emergencies arise, the car breaks down, your boss gets on your case, a child gets sick, you wake up late and the day goes downhill from there. Some days make you feel like you should've just stayed in bed!

So what do you do?

You do the only thing you can do . . . you start putting the pieces back together one at a time. Think of your life as one giant jigsaw puzzle. You thought you had it all together and then, bam! Something knocks it off the table and there you are ~ looking at all those separate pieces again! Disheartening? Of course. Defeating? Not unless you allow it to be.

You allow yourself a few minutes to scream in anger, cry in despair and then you take a deep breath and start over. If you're lucky there are some pieces that managed to hold together. You set them aside to fit in the appropriate place and then you start on the easy stuff first ~ you put the border or framework together and go from there.

You'll soon find yourself steeped in the challenge again and, as you begin to make progress, the task won't seem as difficult or as unmanageable. That's the wonderful thing about taking action ~ it gives you back the satisfying sense of being in control again. Your mood automatically brightens and your self-esteem and confidence soar.

Isn't that a much better result than sitting around feeling angry and disappointed that things didn't go the way you planned? What does that accomplish? Of course! The answer is nothing! Nothing positive that is. All moping and beating your breast does is keep you down and reinforce the feeling that you're a victim of circumstances. You aren't! Sure, your plans were destroyed but that shouldn't give you an excuse for not making new plans and getting back to where you want to be.

It all goes back to the fact that, while things happen you can't control, you can control how you react to them and that gives you immeasurable power over your life. Use that power to make your life the way you want it to be. Don't allow other people or events to pull you down into the pits of negativism and self-pity.

When you're faced with a challenge ~ accept it with a positive attitude, knowing that you'll end up stronger and, yes, even a little wiser.

Why Wait for Happiness?

2006-03-26T13:28:00.000-05:00

How many times do we hear someone say, "If only I had more money, I'd really be happy", or "When the kids are in school all day and I have more time for myself, I'll be happy"? Then there's "When I finally lose 20 pounds, I'll be happy." How many times have you said similar things yourself?

We seem to have a tendency to postpone happiness until this or that happens. Why? Don't we deserve to be happy now? Of course we do! And we can be. We don't have to wait for anything to experience joy in our lives. It's there for the taking; all we have to do is reach out and grab it.
But too many times we prevent ourselves from doing that. We put conditions on our own happiness. That's pretty foolish, don't you think?

What's wrong with being happy today? Aren't there many, many things in our life now that can make us happy? Can't we feel joy when we see a spectacular sunset? How about when the trees sprout the first buds of spring? What do we feel when we see our family happily gathered around us? Then there is the satisfaction of completing an especially difficult task or one that we procrastinated doing. Doesn't that make you feel good; doesn't it make you happy?

We don't have to wait for life-altering events to find happiness. We can find it in the simple things that surround us every day. Things like our dog meeting us at the door, his whole body wagging in welcome . . . a meal that turned out especially delicious . . . an unexpected card or letter from a friend . . . a sticky jelly kiss from our child or grandchild . . . the warm light in the window when we arrive home from a long, tiring day . . . a loving glance from a special person . . . a warm fire on a cold, snowy night . . . the brilliant fall leaves as they float to the ground . . . the list is endless.

What's that you say? But those are common, everyday things? Yes, they are! And that's where true happiness comes from. That's a lesson we must all learn. Joy and goodness surround us but they do nothing for us if we don't take the time to notice them, to delight in them, and to allow them to fill us with their special powers.

Sure, it would be nice to be thinner, richer, have more time, or whatever our specific wish may be. We should keep working toward those goals if they are important to us. But, we should also take time to enjoy our lives now. We may be fat, poor, and rushed but there is still so much to celebrate. If we're constantly waiting for things to happen before we allow ourselves to be happy, we miss out on so much.

Look around you! Allow yourself to experience the wonderful things in your life today. Let yourself go and feel the blessings you already have. Not only will you develop a much more positive outlook on the world and life, in general, you'll increase your happiness quotient many, many times over.

And, a nice side benefit to your new positive way of thinking is that it will empower you to achieve your goals quicker and more easily.

Don't wait . . . tomorrow is an unknown entity! Embrace the joy that's here waiting for you today!

Breaking Down the Roadblocks . . .

2006-02-19T11:06:00.000-05:00

We're all unique beings but I think, deep down inside, most of us want the same basic things ~ primary among those is loving, satisfying relationships. It's been said that "no man is an island" and, generally, that's true. Oh, you run across someone now and then who seems to prefer living a solitary existence ~ takes pride in living independently from others and forms no close bonds with anyone. But these people are in the minority and, even then, I can't help but wonder if, deep within, they, too, don't really want to love and be loved ~ maybe they just don't know how to go about it or have been emotionally scarred by close relationships in the past.

But for the majority of us, relationships are what life is all about. Whether in business or in our personal life, relationships play a supreme role. And yet, sometimes we're so clueless about the things we need to do to grow and nurture strong, meaningful, and enduring relationships. Prime among the mistakes we make is our tendency to take them for granted; we fail to devote the time and attention they require. Like flowers in the garden, relationships wither and die if they don't get what they need to survive.

If we want lasting relationships we have to truly listen to what the other person is saying and, maybe, to what isn't being said, but is, instead, being communicated non-verbally. Does that sound hard? It really isn't, as long as we make the effort to really get to know someone. For example, if you have young children, you know when there is something bothering them even if they don't tell you. When they're troubled, you can tell by their expressions, the way they react to other people, and their general behavior. But first you have to take the time to notice what may, sometimes, be subtle changes. The same is true of all close relationships.

How many marriages end due to simple neglect? I would venture to say it's a lot. We stop paying attention, we stop listening, and, we grow apart. Soon our mates are simply strangers with whom we share the same space. I'm certainly not a marriage counselor, but I know this wouldn't happen if we took the time to show our wife or husband how much we appreciate the things they do for us . . . how grateful we are that they share our lives . . . that we love them before all others . . . that they always have our support . . . that we are always there for them. It seems like such a simple recipe for a successful marriage and yet so few people seem to stock the necessary ingredients.

How long does it take to say "thank you", "I love you", "you look beautiful (handsome) today", "tell me what's bothering you", "how do you feel about____?", "I need your advice", "I'm so happy you're home", "I really appreciate what you did"?? How long does it take to send a greeting card or cook a favorite meal? How much would it mean if you left little notes expressing your love and appreciation? Simply taking the time to do these small things can make all the difference.

What about our friends? Do they know how much they mean to us? If they don't, why don't they? Everyone craves acknowledgement and appreciation ~ whether that person is a spouse, a child, a family member, a friend, a business associate or a customer ~ and when we show that, we not only cement our relationships, we make those people, as well as ourselves, feel good.

Giving another person your undivided attention is one of the greatest gifts you can bestow. This involves listening with both of your ears and with your mind. It doesn't mean letting your thoughts wander from what's being said to what happened in the meeting today or what remains on your to-do list. Listening is becoming a lost art and we can't afford to let that happen. We must put our own concerns aside and, for a few minutes, concentrate on another instead of on ourselves. Isn't that what you want when you're talking? Why would anyone else expect less?

If we all gave to one another the same consideration we want for ourselves, there wouldn't be so many broken relationships, alienated families, lost friendships and lonely people. Just by treating others the way we'd like to be treated, we can tear down most of the roadblocks to fulfilling relationships. All it requires is a little time and a little effort and a lot of caring.

The Music of Our Lives . . .

2006-02-10T10:30:00.000-05:00

For many of us, music plays an important role in our lives. Music can transport us back in time, recall memories of specific times in our lives, of places, events and people. You can listen to a song that was popular at any particular time and, just for a few minutes, you are the person you were then. You can remember where you were, who you were with, and how you felt when that particular song played.

When I hear songs from the 40's (yeah, my memory goes back that far!) I think of my parents as they were then. I think of how young they were and all the dreams they must have had. I wonder if those dreams came true. I remember sitting on my dad's lap while my mother played the piano. For that reason "Daddy's Little Girl" will forever be part of my memories. I hear the war songs like "Over There" and think of how life was for Mom and Dad then. He was fighting in the Pacific and she was very likely worrying about his welfare. I wonder how those experiences changed them and helped to form the people they later became.

I remember the 50's and watching "Your Hit Parade" on TV with my family. I can still recall some of those songs like "The Tennessee Waltz", "How Much is That Doggie in the Window?", "Oh Mine Papa", and lots of others. Then there was "The Ed Sullivan Show" when Elvis Presley made his first appearance. I was immediately smitten. I recall my mother saying with disdain that he wouldn't be around long, that he was nowhere near as good as Pat Boone. Later on, my mom became a great Elvis fan and somehow the world forgot about Pat.

Thinking of those times, I remember the sizzle and pop of corn kernels, butter and salt on my fingers and everyone joined together in front of the black and white TV set. That was back when families watched programs together and discussed what they saw.

Music became especially important to me in the late 50's and early 60's. Is there a teenage girl who doesn't remember what song was playing when she first danced with that special someone? Or, what song she cried to when that relationship disintegrated? There are memories of homecoming dances and proms and special dates that come flying back when you hear a song from that time. I remember "It's All in the Game" by Tommy Edwards and The Fleetwoods singing "Come Softly to Me". When you hear those special songs, in your mind, you can see the smile on someone's face, what they were wearing and hear the words they said to you; you can feel the way you felt then. For just one moment, you are that teenage girl again. (My guess is that it works this way for men too.)

I remember the old hi-fi with lots of 45 rpm records. Laying on my bed listening to them by the hour. It was a time of dreams and puppy love and lost love, penny loafers and pleated skits, corsages and tears, class rings wrapped in dental floss or yarn or hanging on a chain around your neck. Every romance was "the one" and, when it ended, it seemed like the end of the world. And music was the ever-present companion that saw us through it all.

In the late 60's and early 70's, the world was in the midst of great change and nowhere was that illustrated more than in the music of that time. Social consciousness was raised by Joan Baez with "Kumbaya", "Blowin" in the Wind" and "We Shall Overcome". Then there was Peter, Paul and Mary singing "If I Had a Hammer" and "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?" Just listening to those songs calls forth images of peace marches, civil rights demonstrations, anti-war demonstrations, bras and draft cards burning, Kent State, flower children, and my friends going off to war. It was a time of social enlightenment, changing values and a lost sense of security. For the first time, my generation was facing war, both on the homefront and in Southeast Asia.

I could go on and on with these remembrances, but the important thing is the way music can recall another time, another lifestyle, another facet of who you were then and how you became who you are today. Music can change your mood, let you relive special times ~ times of love, times of loss and heartbreak, times of innocence and times of destruction. Music can pick you up or take you down ~ it can be bittersweet or happy, fill you with joy or cause tears.

Isn't it amazing what a simple song can do?

View from the Kitchen Window . . .

2006-02-05T11:41:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid and was forced to do the dishes (my most hated task) I spent a lot of time gazing out the window above the sink. I could see who was driving down the road, the trees that bordered our yard, and part of the side of the garage. ; ) That window represented freedom ~ it allowed me to travel, if just in my mind, beyond the walls of the kitchen and away from the stack of dirty dishes.

Over the years I've lived in many different homes, but, none of them boasted a window like I dreamed of ~ a window where I could look out and feel that same sense of freedom I felt in my childhood home. Some had no kitchen window, much less one over the sink, one had an excellent view of the inside of our carport, and another looked out into the added-on family room. (At least with that last one I could take adventurous trips via the TV.)

Oh but now . . . !! I have a window that more than surpasses any dream I ever had. When I look out of my window I see the woods that surrounds our yard and watch the branches dance to and fro. I can watch whitetail deer nibbling the grass, fawns frolicking, birds flitting around, squirrels and chipmunks scurrying here and there. I can see our backyard pond with it's three waterfalls, rocks and the water plants that fill it. From my window I can also see the sky in it's variety of colors and watch the clouds in all their different moods. When the weather is good, I can hear the relaxing murmur of the water, the happy songs of birds, the inspiring melodies of the wind chimes and the wind rustling in the leaves.

From my window I can watch the seasons change; nature discarding one robe for another . . . colorful new spring blossoms, the lush foliage of summer, the vivid muti-colored leaves of autumn and the blankets of winter white. Each season has its own special mood that dances before my eyes and calls forth a million memories . . . of people and places and special times.

Does the view from my window make my life better?

It helps me to feel at one with nature. It reminds me that God is in His heaven. It causes me to stop and notice the beauty around me. It lets me delight in the changes of the seasons. It forces negative thoughts from my mind and provides a soothing balm. It reminds me that I've been blessed.

Aren't those the things that add quality and peace to our lives?

Isn't it the simple joys that make life a wonderful and exciting journey?

"Today I move ahead with courage."

2006-01-30T17:52:00.000-05:00

What do you think of this affirmation?

"Today I move ahead with courage."

No matter how secure we think we are, no matter how healthy our self-images may be, we are all afraid of something. For me, it's the fear of water. As soon as the water level reaches my waist, my heart rate increases, I start to get shaky and I panic. Even putting my face into the shower spary used to frighten me and I went through all kinds of contortions to make sure my face was always free of water. Over the years, my fear has diminished somewhat but I still haven't conquered it. It's now on my list of things to do.

Can you imagine all the fun I've missed by giving in to this fear? I never learned to swim, I missed all the fun my friends had at the pool and at the beach. I was just an observer; never a participant. And, if the truth were to be told, I've always been a bit ashamed of myself for not tackling the fear and putting it behind me.

I used to be terrified of flying. I was barely able to breathe when I got on a plane. I spent the entire flight with wet palms and a racing heart. I didn't dare look out the window until we were making our final approach ~ for some reason the knowledge that we would soon be on the ground gave me a modicum of courage. Every little sound the plane made startled me and I was sure it signaled trouble. My husband wanted to go to Hawaii but I refused because I couldn't envision myself trapped in a plane for that long and, of all things, flying over water!

It took me a long time to get over that fear, but now I enjoy the flights. I don't get panicky at the mere thought of getting on a plane. I now feel comfortable enough to sleep on a plane and look out at earth below. I enjoy looking at the different cloud formations we pass through and the hum of the engines is tranquilizing. I'm even fairly composed when we fly through storms. All those years I could have been enjoying all of this instead of cringing in abject horror, sure the plane would soon plummet from the sky. And . . . I wouldn't have missed a Hawaiian vacation!

Last summer, I had a corrective procedure done on my heart. I was terrified of that. I'd put it off for seven years because the thought of it scared me so much. However, when I finally went ahead and had it done, I found out that it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd anticipated. I was proud of finally getting it done and also sorry that I'd lived so long with the daily threat of tachycardia episodes when I didn't have to.

We all have those things that scare us to death. It may be public speaking, cold-calling a prospect, getting on an airplane, going to the dentist ~ the list goes on and on. The point of all this is that we aren't living up to our full potential as long as we let fear paralyze us and prevent us from living our lives fully.

It takes courage to confront and overcome our fears ~ there's no question about that! But . . . imagine how much we stand to gain if we develop that courage and use it to travel down paths we've always been afraid to tread. Our self-confidence will soar, we'll accomplish things we never dreamed we could, and, most importantly, we'll know we have the courage to take on any challenge life presents us. Think about it and see if there's a fear that's keeping you from being the best you can be and preventing you from living a full and satisfying life. If there is, "ahead with courage"!

If I can do it, you can too.

Do You like Yourself?

2006-01-22T17:53:00.000-05:00

Sadly, there are millions of people walking around on this earth who don't like themselves. Even sadder, is the fact that, except for those who suffer from a severe mental disorder, it doesn't have to be that way.

We're capable of changing what we don't like. It's that simple and that hard. Take, for example, the man who feels bad about himself because he's never been able to hold down a job. Why hasn't he? If he's really honest with himself and examines the reasons he was let go, he will likely come up with one or more truths about himself that he must confront and set about changing. Is he always late for work? Why is he late? Does he take too much time off? For what reasons? Does he fail to complete his job assignments? Again, why?

There could be a hundred and one different reasons why any particular individual isn't successful at keeping a job. Sometimes, he may be the victim of downsizing or some other factor that isn't under his control, but, that's unlikely to account for a life-long pattern. Most of the time, things happen because of something we're doing or aren't doing. That's why we have to take responsibility for our own lives and change the things that need changing.

Why wouldn't we want to? Would we rather go through life being unhappy with ourselves, feeling that we're less than we should be? Unfortunately, for many that's the option of choice. But, is it really easier to put off making the changes that could improve our lives when the alternative is being unhappy with ourselves?

We have to first love ourselves before we can truly love another. If we fail to do that, we aren't giving or getting back all that we deserve. How many relationships have been ruined because one of the partners suffered from low self-esteem? I know several and I'm sure you do too. We can't depend on someone else to build us up; that's something that must come from within ourselves.

Sure, there are times when comments from another make us feel good ~ momentarily ~ but to really be able to internalize those positive remarks, we must believe they're valid. So many people send messages to themselves that go something like this, "If he knew what I'm really like, he wouldn't have said that", or "If she knew the real me, she wouldn't like me."

Sometimes attitudes like this result from things that were said to us in the past. Maybe our parents or friends said things that attacked our self-esteem and self-confidence. In childhood, we pretty much accept as fact what people we care for say about us. We don't usually stop to analyze it and decide if it has merit or not. We may go years believing that we're useless just because someone we trusted made us feel that way. That's unfortunate and it happens to most of us at one time or another.

However, we still don't need to live our lives with that label we accepted when we were children. There comes a time when we have to judge ourselves. We must decide what we feel our strengths and weaknesses are. Then, if we find things that need correcting, we need to correct them.

In order to do that, we need to set goals and allow ourselves a series of small victories. It wouldn't make sense to set a goal like "Become a better person". What do we have to do to become a "better person"? What does that mean? Does it mean that we need to stop procrastinating, or that we need to spend more time with our children? Or, does it mean we need to better educate ourselves in a certain area, start attending church again, express our feelings more often, or learn to control our tempers? Maybe, for some, it means all of those things or another list equally as long.

We didn't become who we are in a day and it's silly to assume we can change who we are in a day. But, if we tackle just one negative behavior at a time, we'll eventually be the person we want to be. Now that we know it's possible to change, the only question that remains is if it means enough to us to make that change.

As I said in the beginning, we have a choice ~ we can stay as we are and continue to be unhappy with ourselves ~ or, we can choose to change the behavior that makes us unhappy. That's a decision we each have to make for ourselves, but, don't try to fool yourself with rationalizations like "this is just the way I am and I can't change it." That's simply an excuse ~ it doesn't hold water. Don't short change yourself by accepting it.

You can become the person you want to be ~ the hardest part is deciding to do it.

Setting the Child Free . . .

2006-01-18T12:55:00.000-05:00

Inside all of us, no matter how young or old we may be, there lurks a child. We may have forgotten about him but he's there ~ the reminder of how we once were.

When we were children, we looked at life through wondrous eyes. Everything aroused our curiosity, we asked endless questions, we learned. But, more than that, we experienced true joy. Listen to the laughter of a young child ~ it comes from deep inside and infects everyone within hearing distance. You can't help but at least smile when you hear that joyful, abandoned glee! Even the most jaded among us reacts to a child's laughter.

And, what causes this joyous sound? Almost anything . . . puppy kisses, flying high in a swing, swooping down a slide, a dripping chocolate ice cream cone, and a special mommy or daddy touch. Children don't know about inhibition ~ at least not until we teach them. They fully express whatever they feel ~ their joy, their sorrow, their anger and their frustration.

Unfortunately, as we help them learn to express negative emotions appropriately, we also teach them to rein in their expressions of joy. I suppose it's a natural, unwanted side effect but it happens none-the-less. And, as we grow older, we lose much of that unbridled enthusiasm that makes childhood such a wonderful time.

However, that doesn't mean we can't reincarnate it! If we set aside the jaded views we've adopted over the years and really pay attention to all the miracles that surround us each day; if we let the child out of our souls and let him lead us ~ we will again feel the wonder and excitement the world offers us. We will again react spontaneously to the beauty of a butterfly, the peace of a rippling brook, the security of strong arms that enfold us, and the love that surrounds us.

We can learn to play again, to forget, just for a moment, all the challenges that confront us and let ourselves have fun ~ feeling nothing but the delight of the moment. Can you imagine how wonderful it would feel, how restorative it would be? Imagine how it would feel to fall on the blanketed ground and make snow angels, to cover yourself in autumn leaves or to splash in springtime puddles . . . maybe even to go skinny dipping in a remote stream. Silly? Of course! Isn't that the attraction?

Now and then we need to set aside adult preoccupations and return to the carefree mindset of a child. If you don't want to call it what it is ~ just having fun ~ consider it an exercise for improving mental health for it will surely improve our attitudes and our moods.

So c'mon! Have some fun ~ romp on the floor with your puppy, go down the slide with your child, lay on the grass and find pictures in the clouds, play in the sprinkler, chase your wife or husband with the hose . . . be a child for just a little while, and . . . laugh 'til your sides hurt and tears are streaming from your eyes! Then you'll remember just how joyous life can be.

The Magnificent Power of a Smile . . .

2006-01-13T12:26:00.000-05:00

I read a verse today that I'd like to share with you. It goes like this:

"It costs nothing, but creates much.

It enriches those who receive without

impoverishing those who give.

It happens in a flash, and the memory of
it sometimes lasts forever.

None are so rich they can get along without

it, and none are so poor but are richer for its benefits.

It creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill

in a business, and is the countersign of friends.

It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged,

sunshine to the sad, and nature's best antidote

for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen,
for it is something that is no earthly good to anyone
until it is given away.

And if in the course of the day some of your friends

should be too tired to give you a smile, why don't
you give them one of yours?

For nobody needs a smile so much as those

you have none left to give!

- Author Unknown

A smile is just a little thing, easy to give ~ why then, do some seem to find it so difficult to accomplish? We all know those who walk around every day with such sober expressions they look as if they've just received terrible news. But if we ask them what's wrong, they look at us quizzically and say "Nothing, everything is fine." And it is. They have no idea that their faces tell a much different story.

Then there are those who can never seem to find anything in life about which to smile. They look at everything from a negative perspective. If you say, "What a beautiful day!", they respond with "Yeah, but it 's gonna rain later." Their grumpy visages are true mirrors of what they feel inside. When I meet someone like this, I challenge myself to get at least one tiny little smile from him. Most of the time I succeed but, every once in awhile, it proves to be an impossible feat. It's those people who need our smiles the most.

Imagine how horrible it would be to go through life feeling there is nothing at all to smile about! Imagine how dark your soul would be. Yet there are those who spend their lives that way. To them, life is something to be gotten through, not enjoyed. They know nothing about the simple joys that can be gained from the sight of a glorious sunset or dew glistening on a soft rose petal. They aren't filled with emotion by the strains of "America the Beautiful" or "Amazing Grace" or any other song that elicits strong feelings in most of us. Theirs is a sunless world pervaded with emptiness and sadness.

Smiling is a wonderful habit to adopt. It makes you look more approachable, friendlier, and as if you find good things in life to acknowledge and celebrate. I read a little saying somewhere that said "Smile ~ it increases your face value." That's certainly true, but the truly amazing thing is the affect it has on others. How do you feel when you meet someone who's face is brightened with a smile? Doesn't it automatically make you feel a little better, a little brighter, too?

We seldom think about the impact something so simple can have. Yet, the power of a smile is awesome. Your smile may give comfort to one who grieves; it may give hope to one who is disillusioned; it may warm someone who has experienced only coldness. Your smile has the power to change another person . . . just for a moment or for a lifetime.

So, don't be stingy with your smiles ~ share them with everyone you meet ~ because you never know what amazing changes they may achieve.

Never Too Old to Learn . . .

2006-01-09T00:25:00.000-05:00

Last week I started a course, written by a woman I greatly admire, that's designed to help you make whatever changes are necessary in your life. Even at age 61, I'm learning things about myself that I didn't realize before. It's amazing what you discover when responding to questions that, at first glance, seem to have self-evident answers.

When you begin to really examine those feelings that are buried deep within you, all kinds of things reveal themselves. I'd thought I knew myself quite well. Now I realize just how wrong I was. I guess I'd never before taken the time to delve into what really makes me tick. That's not to say that I was completely ignorant of who I am ~ I wasn't. But at the same time, I had a rather superficial understanding of myself.

One of the biggest surprises was learning that I don't place the appropriate value on myself and my abilities. I thought I had a healthy self-image but I now see I don't give myself enough credit for the things I've accomplished in my life. Maybe we're all too quick to disregard our own achievements, to think they're nothing extraordinary.

I believe it would be a good exercise for all of us to sit down and examine what we've done in our lives ~ the strides we've made, the challenges we've overcome, and the things we've done that no one else in this world could do in exactly the same way. While we all have many things in common, each of is also unique and graced with special talents. We need to acknowledge those qualities that set us apart and, not only show gratitude for them, but take a certain amount of pride in them.

Most of us don't give ourselves enough credit ~ we consider ourselves pretty average. In many respects we are; however, we each have at least one area where we shine. We owe it to ourselves and, to those around us, to make the most of our unique abilities, but we can't do that unless we first discover and acknowledge them.

Quality time spent in self-discovery could be the very thing that opens doors for us that we never knew existed. What a wonderful and productive way to begin this new year.

When Life Spins Out of Control . . .

2006-01-07T12:54:00.000-05:00

Everyone experiences those times in their lives when things just seem to spin out of control. Everything seems to be going along great and then, wham, the washer goes wacky and spews out water all over the floor, your 10-year-old comes down with strep throat, your mother tells you her doctor is concerned about her blood counts and has ordered more tests, your best friend announces her husband has left her, your husband is concerned he'll be laid off from the job he's held for 12 years, and . . . you receive an NSF notice from your bank.

When things like happens, you want to crawl into bed, pull the covers up and sleep until everything is resolved. But you can't. So, what do you do? First off, it may be therapeutic to just sit down wherever you are and have a good cry! That behind you, you can start to deal with the issues that confront you. Let's take them one at a time ~ trying to handle all of them at once is just too overwhelming.

What are the issues you can do something about? You can clean up the mess in the laundry room and schedule a service appointment. You can give your sick little guy the prescribed medication, keep him comfortable and give him some extra TLC. You can call the bank and find out why your check bounced. Okay, now you're handling the things you can control.

But what to do about your mother, your friend and your husband? Is there really anything you can do about these situations other than offer an understanding ear, a compassionate touch, and a strong shoulder to cry on? Will anxiety and worry affect the outcome? Not at all! But you can fret and stew until you are half mad with fear and negative thinking if you choose. Of course, that path will only lead you to misery and exhaustion.

Do you have another option? Of course you do!

First of all, you have to recognize that life will always present you with situations you can't fix. They are perhaps the most bothersome and frustrating because there is nothing you can do to change them. Once you acknowledge that and accept it, you can begin to change the one thing you can change ~ the way you react to them. We each have a choice . . . we can let negatives overwhelm and defeat us or we can turn them into positives. Does that sound too simplistic? It isn't.

How you view you world is the number one factor that determines what you receive from it. If you spend your days looking for negatives, you'll undoubtedly find them. However, if you focus on your blessings instead, you'll find all kinds of wondrous things begin to happen. Learn to expect this; accept nothing less! Whatever thoughts you fill your mind with become your reality. If you think about happy, cheerful things ~ your world will be happy and cheerful. If, on the other hand, you focus on ugly, scary things, they will take over. It's up to you to create the kind of life you want.

Of course, we all realize there are disasters and tragedies that will always turn us upside down. Some losses are simply too great to be handled with just a positive outlook. These kinds of things take time to work through. We have to go through all the normal stages of grief until we can accept the loss and prepare to get on with our lives. Sometimes faith can help pull us through, or the support of friends and family; other times we may need professional counseling.

However, even in these situations, we have to believe things will eventually get better . . . the pain won't always be as acute, our world won't always seem as dark . . . that down the road we'll be able to feel joy and happiness again. Even amid the deepest grief, hard as it may be to do, we have to keep that spark of hope alive. Otherwise, we risk falling into an abyss so black and deep, the struggle to climb out may not seem worth it.

We each have an immense power inside ourselves ~ the power to control how we react to the things that happen to us and around us ~ it's imperative that we learn to use that power to create the life we want. This is the only way we can exercise control over our lives and live our dreams .

As Dr. Norman Vincent Peale said: "No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see the possibilities - always see them, for they're always there." Focus on those possibilities instead of the darkness and your life will always be bright.

Thoughts on a Snowy Day

2006-01-05T12:12:00.000-05:00

It rained all day yesterday and then began snowing last night. This morning a beautiful wonderland greeted us when we got up. The usually barren trees are dressed in their most elegant winter finery. Snow coats every branch and twig and turns them into soft, white, graceful sentinels. The only thing that would make it prettier is a bit of sunshine, but, I'm afraid that isn't to be today.

Looking out on this scene makes me remember just why we moved to this area in the first place. Cities were fine when we were younger ~ they held all the activity and excitement that you enjoy at that time in your life. However, as my husband, Dave, and I grew older we wanted something different ~ more peaceful, quieter, more private and filled with nature's beauty. We both grew up in small towns and we longed to be part of a real community again; a community where you know your neighbors and the people you see in the grocery store all have familiar faces.

We live on a private lane that winds from the main road back through an old woods. We live at the furthest end and are surrounded by oaks, poplars, maples and pines. There are three other homes on the lane but each of us have enough property that we are well separated from one another. Our neighbors aren't full-time residents so we have the whole area to ourselves most of the year. It's like our own little park where we have grown to love the solitude.

I've found a lot of peace here. Things are simple and our lifestyle is very casual. It's a relaxing change from traffic jams and noise, too many people and not enough trees. We've lived here 11 years now and have never looked back. We don't miss the hustle and bustle of the city. In fact, on those rare occasions when we're forced to go back, we wonder how we ever stood living there!

The area is filled with wildlife. We have whitetail deer who come to visit every day, along with occasional visits from foxes, porcupines, possum, and, more frequently, raccoons. There are dozens of squirrel who live in our trees and funny little chipmunks who scamper around during the warm months. Many different types of birds serenade us and become very disturbed when the feeders are empty. Hummingbirds spend their summers with us and I never tire of watching them. One day we were even visited by a huge turtle. He lumbered into the yard, stayed long enough arouse the curiosity of our two Labrador Retreivers, and then made his way slowly back into the woods. We never saw him again.

It's just a short walk to a lovely, large lake where our dogs love to go swimming. The sunrises and sunsets there are truly remarkable. It's a beautiful place to go even in the midst of winter. The wind that whips off the lake then is very invigorating and certainly cleans the cobwebs from your mind! We also built a pond in our backyard and, during the warm months, it's a treat to sit on our deck and listen to the water course over the falls. It's so relaxing . . . it washes whatever problems you may have away with its softly murmuring tranquility.

Yes, I feel blessed to live here where I can focus on the things that really matter in this life . . . where I feel centered and at peace with myself, with nature, and with my God.

The Underestimated Power of Kindness

2005-08-06T22:15:00.000-04:00

Today we have a guest article by Steve Brunkhorst. Steve is a person I really look up to. He knows a lot about life and living and has a wonderful way of expressing his thoughts.

I hope you enjoy Steve's words.

The Underestimated Power of Kindness
By Steve Brunkhorst

It was a bright Saturday morning in the late fall. I had stopped at a cafe' to enjoy a cup of coffee and scan the morning newspaper. Suddenly, I felt a hand on the back of my jacket and heard someone say, "Hey Steve! How ya doin'?"

Looking up, I saw a boy wearing a mechanic's uniform worn by employees of the gasoline station next to the cafe'. He looked familiar, but, at first, I was unable to recall where we had met.

He also held a cup of coffee, so I asked him to join me. Very soon, his story--and probably my coffee--began to thaw out my memory.

Five years earlier, he had been traveling home late on a February night. He still had several of his friends with him. A ferocious blizzard had arrived that afternoon, and by midnight, the snowdrifts were getting deep. He recalled hitting a drift just down the road from my house.

He had walked to my house for help. I had taken my pickup and a towing rope and pulled him out of the snowdrift and up to the highway where maintenance trucks had cleaned away the snow.

This has been a common occurrence here during the winter. I cannot count the times someone has also pulled my car from a snowdrift.

However, it was an unforgettable experience for him. He was only eighteen at the time, and he described how frightened he had been. One would not want to be stuck all night in a storm like that one. Within a couple hours, my pickup would not have made it to the highway.

As it turned out, his memory and account of that snowy night was a very unexpected--and much appreciated--kindness toward me. I thanked him sincerely for stopping to chat during his break.

His memory of our unexpected meeting in a snowstorm brightened my entire day. Since then, we have had several chats over a Saturday morning cup of coffee.

"Leo Buscaglia wrote, "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Such simple actions can indeed have an underestimated power.

Many people desperately need kind words, smiles, and listening ears. They need ears that will hear without judging and respond without possessing.

One simple kindness at the right moment can change the direction of a life and shine a light of hope when all light seems to have gone out. Sometimes it has the power to save a life.

Here is a great quote that I keep in my e-journal. It was written by William Penn...

"I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again."

Make today a memorable day by sharing a smile or kind word with at least one other person. It is difficult to estimate the tremendous power and value that the simplest acts of kindness bring. However, they do not stop where they begin. Their underestimated power will continue to bring you a life of joy and memorable experiences.

© Copyright 2005 by Steve Brunkhorst. Steve is a professional life success coach, motivational author, and the editor of Achieve! 60-Second Nuggets of Inspiration, a popular mini-zine bringing great stories, motivational nuggets, and inspiring thoughts to help you achieve more in your career and personal life. Get the next issue by visiting http://www.AchieveEzine.com

Article Source: http://ezinearticles.com

Why Wait . . . ?

2005-08-05T05:35:00.000-04:00

This came in my mail today. I have no idea who wrote it or I would give credit. It's a very thought provoking piece and I'd like to share it with you . . .

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on theTitanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you? How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?" She would gas up and stammer, "I can't ... I have clothes on the line ... My hair is dirty ... I wish I had known yesterday ... I had a late breakfast
... It looks like rain." And my personal favorite: "It's Monday." She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches .... We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect! We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Steve toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to," "I plan on," and"Someday, when things are settled down a bit.

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now ... go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to ... not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And Why are you waiting?

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry-go-round
or listened to the rain lapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight
or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed
with the next hundred chores running through your head?

Ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow."
And in your haste, not seen his sorrow?

Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die?
Just call to say "Hi"?

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift .... Thrown away .... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

"Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!"
-- Author Unknown

Those Who Matter Most . . .

2005-08-04T22:30:00.000-04:00

I read an interesting quote today. It said:

You cannot add to the peace and good will of the world
if you fail to create an atmosphere of harmony and love
right where you live and work.
-- Thomas Dreier

It's ironic that I happened upon this particular quote now because I'd been thinking about how we treat those who are the closest to us. Maybe it's because we feel the freedom to be ourselves with them, especially with our families. We know they'll likely put up with us however we act. Because of this we often take our bad moods out on them, snap at them, go around the house with a forbidding expression on our face that says "Approach at your own risk". In other words, we can be just downright grouchy and unreasonable.

If this happens only now and then, it's considered just being human and is overlooked by those who love us. However, if we make a habit of it we may find tension and unhappiness developing in our homes. No one likes to be used as a scapegoat for long, even if they do care about us. This applies to children as well as spouses.

The fact is we sometimes treat our families in a way that we would never consider treating a virtual stranger. Sometimes the tone of voice we use is rude and inconsiderate. Other times we don't listen to what's being said to us because we're too focused on our own issues. We may even treat the person who's speaking as an unwelcome interruption.

When these things happen, do we even stop to think about how we're making the other person feel? Most of the time I don't think we do. We are so wrapped up in our own thoughts that our actions don't penetrate our consciousness. If they do we may feel bad for a minute and promise ourselves that we'll be more considerate the next time. Seldom do we take a minute to apologize, set aside our own concerns and ask our wife, husband, child to go on with what they were saying.

Of course, not one of us is perfect. There are going to be instances when we mistreat the members of our family. That's not to say it's acceptable, only that it will happen. The secret is to make certain it doesn't happen often. And, when it does happen, we have to acknowledge that we're wrong ~ not just to ourselves but to the person we've injured with our unkindness.

We all want to know we're important, that our feelings are important. When we are continuously made to feel that we aren't, we start to believe it. This is especially true of children. If we don't give them the quality, as well as quantity, of time and attention they seek, they begin to think there's something wrong with them, that they don't deserve it. Then we have the making of an insecure person who doesn't believe in his or her own self worth. They don't realize that it's our problem, not theirs.

Even our spouses can begin to lose confidence if they are constantly treated as unwanted pests. Is that what we want? Of course not! We love our families and want each person to be happy and secure. But sometimes we make the mistake of thinking they should just know how we feel. That's a big mistake. People need to told how special they are to us, how much they're loved. And, even more importantly, they need to be made to feel it.

For that to take place, we have to show them through our actions that what they say and how they feel matters to us. Maybe you're up to your neck in alligators when your son comes home from school upset about what another boy said to him. Maybe you're bone-tired and looking forward to nothing but sleep when your wife is excited about being elected president of the women's professional club. What do you do in these cases?

The ideal answer is to put your own cares away and give your full attention to the matter at hand. But if you positively can't do that, you still need to let your family member know you care about what's happened and want to discuss it further; ask if it would be okay to take it up a little later after you've had a nap, resolved the current crisis, taken an aspirin for your blasting headache, etc. Then, be sure you do!

We've each made a commitment to our families to be there when they need us, to care about the things that affect them, to show our love and affection, and to put them at the top of our priority list. If we're successful in keeping those commitments we don't have to worry about having harmony and love in our homes. Once we've achieved that, the rest will take care of itself.

The Difference Between the Curmudgeons and the Serene . . .

2005-07-31T13:35:00.000-04:00

Have you ever noticed how many unhappy people there are in this world of ours? Almost every time I venture out I come in contact with them. You see them in the stores, the market, on the roads ~ everywhere. They are the ones who don't seem to know how to look pleasant. Their faces are scrunched up in ugly frowns, they sigh and grumble a lot. They're rude to store clerks and restaurant servers. They honk their horns if traffic doesn't move fast enough to suit them. They let the door slam in your face as you enter a store. They yell at their children and lose their tempers if they are made to wait.

They seem to be chronically angry. Nothing seems to please them. What's wrong with them?

Maybe their lives haven't turned out the way they had planned ~ maybe the stress of everyday living is too much for them ~ maybe they hold bitterness and resentment inside until it becomes visible for all to see. And ~ maybe a few of them are just having a bad day.

When you meet these kinds of people your first inclination is to stay as far away from them as possible. That's probably the safest thing to do! ; ) But sometimes, if you make an effort to talk with them, maybe just smile and say hello, you find their countenance changes ~ they almost seem surprised that anyone would make the effort to connect with them. Their faces soften and they smile back at you. At times just saying "hi" to one of these people can start a pleasant conversation.

One day at the grocery store I happened to get a cashier who really looked surly! I asked her if she was having a bad day. That started a ten minute conversation in which she told me she had been working 16 straight days without a break; that she was getting married in a month and had a million things left to do for the wedding. As she talked she became more animated and began to smile. As I left, I noticed she greeted the customer in line behind me in a pleasant, happy voice.

Maybe the fact that someone took the time to speak with her and was willing to listen to her story was enough to make her feel a little better. Sometimes we all feel isolated from our fellow man. We focus so intently on what's wrong with our lives, with our world, that we fail to see the goodness around us. All of our negative thinking makes us miserable and that's the face we present to others. We may not even be aware of what we're doing or how we appear. When that happens all it may take to bring us out of our self-imposed misery is a kind word from someone, even a stranger.

We're told that, in large part, we create our own unhappiness. I believe that's true. Whether we want to believe it or not, our attitudes play a significant role in how happy or unhappy we are. There are people who can take things in stride that would bring others to their knees. What's the difference between the two? Maybe it's as simple as the way people react to the things that happen in their lives. Some people look at problems as challenges, others look at them as roadblocks. The first group finds ways to resolve issues, the second group develops a defeatist attitude and doesn't even try.

When we come up against an obstacle we have a choice. We can whine about how unfair it is or we can do something to remove it. It's our decision. If we choose to do nothing, nothing will be accomplished and we'll fail to progress beyond that point. If we continually choose to do nothing we end up with a life of frustration and broken dreams. Our self esteem plummets and we see ourselves as losers. Or, we may feel victimized and become resentful and bitter. Either way we're going to miss out on much of the goodness life has to offer.

We have the power to literally change our lives. All we have to do is change our attitudes toward life. Making the changes isn't always easy but it can be done. I'm living proof of that. I used to be very negative, always focusing on the bad rather than the good. I was the proverbial "glass half empty" type of person. That kind of attitude is self-perpetuating unless you make a decision to change it and start concentrating on the good things that happen.

No life is without its bumps and sometimes it seems like you're driving over boulders, but that's okay. Peter Marshall wrote, "When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure." We have to accept those bumps and feel confident that they will help us grow stronger.

We all have blessings to be grateful for ~ it's those we must rely on to support us when we hit a rough patch on our journey. It's up to us to make the best of bad situations and develop the ability to see life as an endless stream of wonderful possibilities. To react in any other way drastically limits our capacity for joy and happiness.

That being said, it's up to all of us to do what we can to make it easier for others to see the positive side of life. Not only does it help them, it makes us feel better too. So next time you see someone who looks like a thundercloud, summon up your courage, stand tall and make a simple human connection.

You can make a difference.