CROSS ROADS

He-Man Women Haters Club

2012-01-27T06:39:00.000-06:00

Without going into the details, I'll just say that I was reminded of this episode of "The Little Rascals" several weeks ago by someone who is very dear to me. And I've not been able to get it out of my mind.

It is really a stab at the Gentlemen's Clubs of yesteryear. The social establishments created so that men could get away from the women-folk in their lives, and have quality "guy time". You know, smoke cigars, drink their beverage of choice, and let their hair down. Or worse.

But I think the underlying concept is generally sound. You do need to have friends, a social support network, comprised of members of your own gender. One person cannot possibly provide all of your social needs. Nor should they be expected to bear that burden. And we should be mutually supportive of one another in seeking this. It's good for each of us, and if used wisely makes a couples time together as man and wife that much richer, valuable. It allows us to enter that space more "us", able to give from a full storehouse within. Not out of lack, or a thin margin. It helps us keep perspective, maintain a healthy concept of "self', and allows us to bring that healthy self into the relationship to the glory of God, and in the best interest of our partner. It's all about balance.

But, as ridiculous as the clip above looks, this is the risk we run if we seek to redeem and restore masculinity on it's own, in our own strength. All on its own. There are examples enough. In fact, our history is more about this club than the new one Jesus came to establish.

But masculinity doesn't exist in a vacuum. As odd as it seems, it's only recognizable and valuable because of its counterpart, the women in our lives. And they can make the same claim toward us. We are two halves of a whole, and can't see ourselves clearly apart from each other. Apart from what appear to be our differences, but which can become the individual strengths we bring to one another. At least that's my perspective on it.

Jesus took time apart, not in an effort to get away from those he was called to, but in order to rest, recharge, and spend time before the Father. So that He could live in the present before them, aware and involved in all the Father was doing on behalf of those he was called to serve. So as men seeking out mentors, and fathers, and guides, we need to keep in mind Gods design. His purpose in this. If we stray too far afield, flexing our muscles and trash talking like the barber shop guys in Gran Torino, we miss the real reason for our being. Our original calling.

We are simply blessed to be part of Gods perfect design. One half of the whole, complimentary forces for mutual good.

The Yin to their Yang.

Seth Godin on Curiosity

2012-01-23T06:21:00.000-06:00

Seth has some interesting comments on curiosity, and makes a comment on Fundamentalism as a way of thinking that doesn't consider truth unless it fits into a narrow, predefined framework. I'm not sure that I agree with that assertion, although I understand where he's coming from with it.

But this is interesting to me, because believing in an All Powerful, All Knowing God, I don't have that fear. All truth, real truth, is God's truth. So a careful study of a thing can only confirm and enrich what I already believe. :)

Now I am so glad that my mom tolerated the little boy who was constantly dragging home radios, vacuum cleaners, and televisions in order to perform circuit board lobotomies. Just to see what made them tick. She allowed me to feed my curiosity, to let it breath.

Thanks Ma, for the freedom to exercise curiosity.

The Next Three Days

2012-01-16T22:24:00.000-06:00

I've been watching films for a while now, with an eye toward finding scenes that portray the timeless and defining struggles of life that seem to be mirrored in our own stories over and again. Especially those that capture the essence of the battles that men and women called to walk in the Light invariably fight in this life. There is so much darkness and confusion brought to bear against us in this, that we constantly need to be awakened to it. To see the struggle that we are in for exactly what it is. Else we may forget our new, Good Heart and believe that we deserve our fate, that we belong in prison, and run the risk of never escaping. Of not accepting God's complete Rescue.

I found this one tonight, purely by chance, as I watched Russell Crowe in "The Next Three Days". In this clip, the main character is coming into the visiting room to talk with his wife once more. In the previous scene she had falsely confessed to him that she was guilty of the murder that has landed her in prison. He left looking shaken, and confused. The clip begins at their very next interaction. Watch the entire movie if you have the chance.

Listen to the dialogue, watch their faces. It is so very powerful, recognizing that there are times when we need others to speak truth into our lives. And fight for us. There are battles we are not meant to fight alone.

Back To The Grind

2012-01-15T23:07:00.002-06:00

I'm home again, and ready to jump back into the fray tomorrow morning. I think.

I took a week off in order to rest, recharge, and forget. To clear my head, to hear and maybe discover a little more of what He may have in mind for the future. And to remember.

I think it usually takes a little time before you really see it, are ready to step out into it. I've missed a few things He's planned before.

And sometimes it takes a good cup of coffee or two to help me get there ...

I plan to drink plenty of coffee, and keep thinking on this. :)

Let's Get This Thing Started

2012-01-01T14:56:00.002-06:00

OK, I'm not really one for making New Years Resolutions. Primarily because I'm not driven enough, or whatever enough, to work off of a list when it comes to living. It doesn't work for me if it's too detailed. Accomplishing things at work, or home, no problem. A list helps me to remember, although it's still no guarantee!

I like to think more in terms of things I'd like to do, people I'd like to see. Not command performances, but things that I've already felt deep inside, and are already on the horizon.

That said, there are several things I hope for 2012. In no particular order;

1.- Colorado Springs; I'm planning to visit my friend Skip once he's moved into his new diggs. He's been taunting me me with pictures of beautiful Brook Trout, and great mountain scenery since he visited back in November. He's done that on purpose, bait in order to lure me West. It'll probably work.

2.- Michigan; I'll possibly be heading home for Easter to spend time with my sister and her family. I've never been to their new home, and will be able to see my cousin Randy too!

3.- Here; helping D finish up his Eagle Scout requirements. He's close, and wants to do it, but he'll need some help to get his project scoped out, and funded. That's Dad territory :)

4.- Colorado; I'd like to make it Ransomed Heart's Advanced Boot Camp. I need that, on several levels. Maybe I can tie it into my visit with Skip!

5.- Texas; want to spend time helping my friends Michael and Paula around the stables. Maybe take my Ginger Snap along for riding lessons. And to begin exploring this fascinating state. It is a very interesting place, and I've even discovered that I have relatives there now... so, you know I've got to visit my family!

6.- Simplify; I need to simplify my life. There are too many time wasters, unnecessary parasitic things that drain the precious life we have. I'm planning to go through my office, apartment, closet, and my storage unit. Ruthlessly. :) This has become more of a focus for me in the last 6 months. It needs constant attention. The simpler things get, the better I feel. Wonder what that says about me? Simpleton! :)

7.- Build relationships. 2011 was the year that really showed me how much we, I, need others. So I'll continue to spend time with my kids, make new friends, try new things, and stretch myself. It's not a matter of convenience, or recreation. It's really a matter of life. I can feel this. It's palpable, right under my skin.

Speak Lord, Your Servant Is Listening

2011-12-27T05:59:00.000-06:00

I really like the story of Samuel, as a child in the Temple. How the LORD spoke to him, called to him, and that he could hear and respond to Him.

And I've often wondered what ran through Eli's mind as he realized that the Living God was speaking to this child and not to him.

I wouldn't have been jealous, but I'd have been doing some serious soul searching.

And so it is that God often by-passes the instruments we've been accustomed to, and comes to us in a new, unrecognized, and fresh way. Through someone who is actually listening.

More than ever lately I'm aware of the principle of dynamic tension in the spiritual realm. No, not the Charles Atlas muscle building technique! You know, loving God, AND loving man. The Spirit and The Law. Grace and Law. Faith and Works, hearing and doing, etc.

Most things in life are not simple choices, although the ones that are usually are very good for us. But there is usually an element of discernment, or balance, required to make things fly rightly. Kinda like riding a bicycle. You have to pedal, maintain balance, AND steer all at the same time. You cannot focus on performing one aspect of that well to the neglect of the others. The result is obvious disaster.

And so I'm working on listening, hearing. God. Because I know He is always speaking. But am I always listening?

I went to a Christmas Eve service, and sat and listened to the music, the few words that were spoken. And I realized that the weariness I've been feeling lately, the anxiety that I've fought off, has been largely because I'm not sitting and listening close enough. God is speaking, continuously. But am I in a place of listening? Regularly? And if so, what is the proof of that?

Speak Lord, your Servant is listening.

Learning To Breathe - Switchfoot

2011-12-21T20:01:00.000-06:00

This is the way... I'm learning to breathe, dying to breathe in these abundant skies!

Makes me think of the lesson in Cast Away. Keep moving, keep breathing. The journey is not over, it's right here, where you are, at the crossroads.

Take a deep breathe, fresh air...

Cast Away Reloaded

2011-12-19T21:51:00.000-06:00

Hmm. After writing what I did the other day about Cast Away, and Texas, and how they've spoken to me over the years, I had to refresh my memory. Allow it to speak to me again.

I watched it once more tonight.

There were several things I really needed to do, the least of which was to sit and watch a movie. Alone. But I did.

I'm not going to try to draw any further deep spiritual meaning out of what is very obvious in this, at least to me. The only observation I can make is that this STILL SPEAKS TO ME. It still moves me.

Perhaps it moves me even more than before. The events of the last year and a half have sensitized me, tenderized me. I guess they can do either one of two things. They can make you hard, or they can make you tender. And it could be that they do both. I'm not sure how that works, or how much control we have over it, really. It's a mystery. It may have more to do with how we're made, who we've become, God's purpose in it, and what we believe. Others may be able to tell you more about what it's wrought in me than I can myself. It's hard to say, looking from the inside out.

Oh, I flipped through the scene selection menu, and looked up the signature scene from the movie. In the menu it's scene 31, "At The Crossroads"... the reason I chose it to represent this blog, after all.

The final dialogue goes something like this;

Woman: "You look lost. Where ya headed?"

Chuck: "Well, I was just about to figure that out."

Woman: "Well that's 83 South, and this road here will hook you up with I-40 East. Um, if you turn right that will take you to Amarillo, Flagstaff... California; and if you head back that direction you'll find a whole lot of nuthin' all the way to Canada."

Chuck: "I got it..."

Woman: "Alright. Good luck, cowboy!"

Chuck: "Thank you..."

She drives off, and Chuck sees the angel wing emblem on the tailgate as the truck disappears. He catches himself, stunned for a second, as he realizes what he's just seen. He then turns and fumbles with his map for several minutes, standing in the middle of the crossroads. Turning in each direction, he pauses and stares down the road stretching out ahead of him. It's a long way to anywhere on them from what I can see. In any direction there is a journey to be had. He turns back in the direction in which the truck had disappeared just minutes before.

He stares with a far away look in his eyes, obviously thinking about all he had experienced, and the package that saved his life. It gave him hope, spoke something into him, although he couldn't tell you what that was at all. He just knew it had.

I think that's how you know which way to go. When you're standing in the crossroads, and all possible roads look the same.

So, now it's time for bed, and I haven't accomplished a thing. :)

Recognizing The Obvious

2011-12-16T23:50:00.003-06:00

I realize that things in life which are most obvious are usually the most overlooked. I guess that's one way of saying that we take things for granted, or can become so easily hypnotized by life that the 'aha' moments can slip up on us, and away from us, without being recognized for what they are.

As I was preparing to begin another entry here, I took a minute and looked at my design one more time, and realized something.

The signature photo of my blog lays at the intersection of Farm To Market Rds. 48 & 1268 in Hemphill County, Texas. This scene from the movie "Cast Away" has been the underlying theme of my blog from the very beginning. Where after surviving the loss of life and love, all he held dear, Chuck Nolan is at a place of decision. He has returned the one package that survived along with him, which in some way actually helped him survive. It gave him hope, kept him going, and looking toward the future. It was like a message in a bottle, a time capsule, that came to him on that island.

And after finally delivering the package to an empty home, he finds himself standing in this now famous intersection. He stands there looking at his map, checking the horizon in several different directions. As if by just looking he might determine the road that leads to the new life that has been calling from deep within. He doesn't recognize that this life is right here, in this intersection, and that the journey doesn't go on simply because he can see much further down the road.

As he's standing there, an attractive woman pulls up in a pick-up truck, and offers him help. She points out exactly where he is, and the destinations that are possible from that one place. You can sense the chemistry in the air, perhaps you'd call it a kairos moment. And as she drives off, he can't help but stare in her direction. And as she drives away he sees the monogrammed angel wings on the tailgate of her truck. The same wings that were on the box he'd been guarding for so very long and had just returned. There was a message to him about his future in those wings. And now here they were again once more.

The rest of the story is left up to us to write, in our minds.

How do you think it ends? Does he recognize the moment, this Divine, Appointed Moment, and step into his destiny?

Or does he simply pick out a comfortable destination somewhere, just plopping his finger down on the map like some kid playing travelers roulette in his bedroom?

If you are like me, then you're going to write the same ending. He recognizes that voice within, that gave him hope, that told him there was a good place at the end of all of this.

And he follows that pick-up truck in order to gain a proper introduction to the future that's been calling him to him over those 1500 brutal days.

The smile that slowly comes across his face tells it all. He may not be able to tell you exactly what is stirring in his heart, but somewhere down in his spirit he knows that he can't afford to miss this chance.

I think it's left unfinished for a reason. It is there to call to me, to you, and to remind us of this adventure that's called life. That life may seem hard, brutal, and we may come through some really hard deserts to arrive at this crossroads. We may have lost a lot along the way. But it's been preparation. Underneath it all, there has been a Guiding Hand that has been gently pointing us toward this path all along.

We may not know what it's all about, but when we get to that place of looking at the horizon and trying to find our own way, we will see. If we stand still, and look, there will be Angel Wings to help us find our way.

I've always identified with Chuck, and his passage. And this scene has always spoken so loudly to me, to the point of bringing tears to my eyes and stirring up the faith within me. It has been one of the messages that has helped me make it through. So, in some way, this scene in Texas became my angel wings. It has called to me in the very same way.

That God has indeed seen me along the way, and that angel wings do appear if we're watching, so that we do not miss that good gifts He's been preparing all this time.

I'm heading back to Texas soon. If you drive through an intersection out in the middle of nowhere, and happen to see this lost man doing his best Tom Hank's impersonation, toot your horn and wave.

I'll just be standing there.

Listening to the wind, watching for Angel Wings. :)

Grace-Land

2011-12-15T20:40:00.000-06:00

I'm standing in front of the mirror, practicing my quick draw. You know what I'm talkin 'bout. My Faux Cowboy hat tugged down low over my right brow, eyes squinted, toothpick barely peeking out from between my lips like some small, fashionable cigar. The corner of my upper lip is quivering in a stylized TV-gunfighter snarl. My right hand is taught, just a hair's breadth above my Vaquero. You HAVE seen High Plains Drifter, right? Clint Eastwood? Classic spaghetti Western stuff.

Well, I don't look like Clint Eastwood. Then or now. Though he does strongly favor my Uncle.

OK, a classic Clint-quote, "If she looks back, she's interested..." Of course she looks back, and he smiles. I like this one, like some kind of grade school game. There are a number of other very funny, crude, and even profound lines from his films, but this blog is PG-13. Go to Youtube and see for yourself. Several from Gran Torino just put me on the floor... And even though Kowalski was a rotten, miserable "blankety-blank" (that's better, right? :), heck, he called his Hmong neighbors "fish-heads", they could see in him what he could not see in himself. What he thought was dead and gone, lost, and couldn't be resurrected. He was so sure that he was beyond saving, so hard, so far gone. And was so wrong about it all. I digress... Good movie, great message about rescue, sacrifice, and redemption. And that others can often see what's most true about us when we simply cannot. Not that the Church Lady would ever watch this film, or even "get it". But the message spoke to my heart. I felt this, and this is what salvation is all about, what God wants others to see and experience. To be made new. But for others to see it, to read it out of our own stories, we have to take the christian-veneer off of it, and let them turn the pages themselves. The truth is unvarnished, the pages dog-eared, and when it's up close and personal it can be just a little "too real" for some. That's what makes it beautiful though. I like people who have lived life, and are brave enough to keep doing it. The wrinkles and scars that come with those kinds of miles are really attractive. They tell the story of an inviting life, a courageous heart. A Brave Heart.

K, I can get off on a rant, can't I? All distractions aside, I spent a few beautiful days at Grace Riding Stables in Georgetown, TX. No, I didn't return with a Texas accent. Or a 10 Gallon hat. Or even a 5 Gallon hat. Although I heard a few very nice accents, and did see a few cool hats at the feed store. I wish I could pull off a Texas accent at will. I'll practice in the bathroom mirror later on, it may come in handy. Next time I go, I may ask a cowgirl I know for a dance, and if I've got the accent right, she may oblige me. I really DON'T have an accent ( we never think we do, do we?) but if I did it would be a blend of upper Midwest, Coastal Georgia and Central Alabama. Yeah, Mongrel-speak. Not quite as bad as the junk they spoke in Blade Runner (one of my early fav's) The upside is that now, wherever I go, I can understand when people are speaking. That wasn't the case years ago. And I can generally "blend". More or less. Texas will require a bit of practice. But I'm willing to give it a spin. :)

Interestingly enough, the accents I heard in Texas could not hold a candle to those I regularly hear in Southern Alabama. Several of them were distinctly British, which just added to the intrigue. The accents in that part of Texas, at that time, were all very classy. Of course I only saw one very small part of the great state. I'm sure that SOMEWHERE in Texas there is a poor soul with an accent that can stop a train in its tracks. I could be wrong... My son believes that Texas is ruled by characters with accents, hats, and handlebars like those out of the Dish Network commercial. Below.... :)~

If they are there, they live just a little further South and West from where I was staying. I suppose!

It was a long drive, filled with incredible music, great scenery, and relaxed me like I haven't been in a very long time. I did however make the mistake of listening to my Garmin GPS unit once I crossed over the border. It behaved just fine in Alabama and Louisiana, but once I crossed that magical line, the thing wasn't worth a toot. Texas really is altogether special. For the last two hours, I listened to Betty and consistently remained one hour away from my destination. It didn't look like it on the screen, but I must have been circling Georgetown like a 747 in a holding pattern over Dallas-Fort Worth. Betty has a British accent, BTW. I bet if I'd have downloaded an assistant with a Texas accent, I'd have been on the back deck with a beer by sunset. Next time...

I finally arrived after driving for 15 hours, late, visited briefly with my friends, and entered the travel trailer I'd call home for the next several days. I was pleasantly surprised to find it had a fantastic bed. It's certainly far better than my own, and much better than the cot and sleeping bag I used last winter for about 3 months. And better than most hotel beds I've ever slept on. That reminds me, I have to go bed shopping once I have paid down the co-pay for my heart cath, which I didn't tell you about. It's enough to pay for a really nice vacation anywhere else in the continental United States. Or Europe for that matter. Or a down payment on a nice car. Or a cruise. Que Sera, Sera. I didn't enjoy the Cath nearly as much as I would have any of those. Sigh.

If I warrant a bonus this year, I'm buying two beds, a new vacuum, and a decent coffee maker. Mine works fine, although the lid doesn't shut all of the way, and black gold dribbles out of it under the best of circumstances. Can't have that. So, a Black & Decker Coffee Maker it is. This is a MANS kitchen after all. My mixer is B&D as well. How do you think I maintain my swagger after all of the cooking, baking and cleaning that goes on here? Man tools.... Oo-rah! The sign over the kitchen entrance says "Hard Hat Zone". Just kidding, it's really very tame.

Anyway... I did do some work around Grace-place. I hauled a bunch of horse feed, helped pick up and transport one horse back to the arena where the clinic was to be held, narrowly escaped being stomped by said horse, and helped put the arena into shape for clinic.

But I was not without some free time. I sat by a great fire, with great company, and conversation. I drank wonderful coffee, hung out with new friends, and with old ones. My visit ended far too soon at 3:30am that Friday morning. I made the drive back to Tuscaloosa for the AHSAA 6A High School Football Championship. Which our team proudly won. You are Young Lions!

This was technically my second visit to Texas, although I'm not sure what little border burger shack outside of Shreveport we actually crossed over to late one night. The guys made the drive because they discovered I had never been to Texas, and that just wasn't acceptable in their eyes. It hardly counted at the time, except in my mind and theirs. But this time, I was REALLY there. And I really liked it, it exceeded all expectations.

All I know, is that the next time I head that way, I'll be better prepared, will stay longer, and see more. And try out my Clint impersonation on the locals. That should be fun.

And may possibly, under the right circumstances, try some line dancing.

But if I'm to get this Lass to the dance hall, I'd better get some real boots, a BIG hat, try out my accent, and grow a large handle-bar mustache. Hmmm. I'll just settle for some new boots, normal sized hat, and a clean shave.

I really did wear a Cowboy hat years ago when I worked outside every day. And a felt Croc Hunter style hat in the winter.

I wonder if it still works for me... or if it ever did. :)

The Recovery of Your Heart

2011-12-11T05:39:00.000-06:00

"Brave Heart Outpost", BHOP, is the place I now call home. My fellowship of the heart, the small band that I walk with. And that walks with me. There are no coincidences, at least I don't believe in them. :) The homepage link is to the right under "My Home".

Have you lost heart? You can't do much without your heart. Without a heart that's healthy, and strong, as I know from recent experience. About a month ago I had to have a heart catheterization because of sudden, debilitating chest pains. The Doc found a few unique things about my heart, but nothing that will slow me down, or prevent me from riding. So, I've learned a lesson in handling stress, and about the power of relationships. We all know that relationships can harm us, but they can also nourish and heal. That's why we shouldn't, can't, do this alone.

What does it look like to lose heart? How does that affect your vision, what you believe is possible in this life? Does it affect how you think God sees you, what you believe His attitude toward you is in this life and the next?

What you read and see below comes straight from the pages of BHOP's website. Immediately below each video is some of the text from each respective page. We believe that these videos depict our unique struggles as men and women to recover our hearts, and to live out of that Good and Noble Heart that Jesus came to create in each one of us.

From "The Man's Heart";

"The movie Gladiator tells a powerful story of Maximus, a man who loses everything—his family, his position, his freedom. Following the brutal murder of his wife and son, he is sold as a slave and forced to compete as a gladiator.

Understandably, Maximus loses heart. But through battle, adventure, and a community of fellow captives, he begins to remember his dream of Rome as it was meant to be. He sees that his story is part of a much bigger story, one in which he is destined to rescue not only what was lost from his life but also from the lives of those around him."

Perhaps like Maximus you’ve felt this same realization that something has been lost. And perhaps you sense that stirring in your heart that life should be much grander and more glorious than reality suggests. Friends, there is more, so much more, to life than you can think or imagine—more love, more triumph, more rescue, more restoration, more release.

The good news is that you are not left alone to rescue your heart. As Maximus tells his fellow gladiators, “Whatever comes out of these gates, we’ve got a better chance of survival if we work together.” This is the reason for the existence and mission of Brave Heart Outpost."

From "The Woman's Heart";

"Does your heart long for more out of life—
more love, more restoration, more freedom, more triumph?

In The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Arwen is a queen-like woman, gentle and longsuffering, whose presence brings calm and healing. Eowyn—a beautiful princess-warrior—relentlessly protects family and friends from the darkness of tyranny. Despite their differences, these women share common desires of the heart:

•to be precious enough to be pursued by the man they love;
•to be embraced, accepted, and understood for who they are;
•to be life-saving and life-giving;
•to play a significant role in life’s adventures.

In pursuit of these desires, they experience unrelenting opposition. As she waits for her love, Arwen wrestles with her identity: will her destiny come true? In her loneliness and isolation, darkness creeps in, smothering her dream and causing her to lose heart in the journey. Eowyn feels her heart caged by circumstances. Stifled by expectations to be someone other than her true self, she experiences bitterness and despair that cause her to lose heart.

Their hearts are awakened by true romance—an invitation to become part of an adventure and a fellowship of kindred hearts. When they accept and understand their stories are part of a much bigger story, Arwen and Eowyn rescue not only what was lost from their hearts, but also from the hearts of those around them.

Perhaps like Arwen and Eowyn you share this realization that something in your heart has been lost. Perhaps you sense a stirring that life should be more glorious than reality suggests. Perhaps you desire a brave, new heart.

The good news is that there is a God who is for you and a faith community who wants to help you discover more to life than you can imagine. Explore the pages of our website to see how Brave Heart Outpost can come alongside you and help you rescue and restore all that has been lost."

Me now; guard your heart, care for it, and then when it's beating strong and free, follow it. Because He who sees the heart has redeemed it, placed good things within it by His grace. And they are to be discovered, enjoyed, and shared with those who come along on the journey.

What Is She Worth?

2011-12-07T04:47:00.000-06:00

This post has been in the cooker for a little while now, and stems from reading "I Want Them To Know What They Are Worth" over on Barista Bruce's Brews. And from a number of things that have converged over the last 5-6 months. All of which make me remember. Read these posts if you have the time, they are very good. And very important.

A while back I had dinner with an interesting man, trade and credentials are not important. He was extremely witty, a great conversationalist, and soon zeroed in on the fact that I am single and "life must be really great, eh"? winka-winka. With a sly smile, he steered the conversation towards the benefits of being single, "what with all of the available women out there and all". I shook my head, laughed, tolerated his brief comments, and gradually steered the conversation in a different direction. "It's no better, certainly not the way I want, life is just different." You know, I don't live or react any differently than I did when I was married. I certainly pray about possibilities now, because I can't see God leaving me this way for very long. My attitude is that I've done my time in the box, and I've been paroled. And I aim to be rehabilitated into society. :-)

As a young man I had difficulty getting past a woman's outer beauty in order to really get to know her, to really see her. Beauty can be inviting, an obstacle to clear vision, or even used as a weapon. Calling on the wisdom of years, or whatever, I now know that this treasure resides in earthen vessels. Don't get me wrong, I am impressed by His handiwork. Eve, IMHO, is the pinnacle of Creation. If man was created just a little lower than the Angels, then woman rests her head on Heavens footstool. Jesus always saved the best for last, didn't He??

As the pinnacle of Creation, our better half, they generally appreciate, create, and bring far more beauty into this world than us men-folk could ever dream of. And we would generally starve for lack of it, we need them in so many ways that we can't begin to understand. Women are generally incredibly gifted in the things of the Trinity, relationship, love, and creativity. If it weren't for this gift that women bring into our reality, we would happily live in our own version of the post-apocalyptic "Book of Eli". Our world would be colored in varying shades of gray. I have no problem admitting to that, just stay out at "Deer Camp" for one week and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. "Beer, boollits, and burritos". With lots of dusty animal heads hanging around for artistic effect. I once saw a lamp made out of a Jack Daniels bottle... see what I mean?

I've had several conversations with my teenage son about the the fairer sex over the years. It began early on, but really in earnest around age 13. We were on a long trip home, when he and I pulled into a Rest Area in Northern Kentucky. We stopped for a drink of water, to stretch our legs and 'rest" before we made the final run into Cleveland.. As we walked toward the pavilion, an attractive Mother-Daughter pair walked past us in short shorts and halter tops. I can't say I didn't notice, but I was able to make my way with dignity. Junior, on the other hand, clipped an aluminum light pole with his shoulder and spun half around in the walkway as I steadied him. I laughed, deftly assessed the situation, and soon after we got back into the truck I eased into "Phase 3" of "the talk". I struggled to maintain composure at first, I really wish my Dad had been around to hear that one. So, several conversations ensued about beauty, dignity, and respect.

Life can be strained for men, though it's often a much harder and darker dimension altogether for women. You'd have to be blind to miss that. I know the thing that brought it all home for me was one day realizing that every woman, be she a girl, young woman, mother, or grand mother, was someones daughter. I know the stories of the women in my family, my sister and mother, and how they have affected me. And I know how I want men to respect my daughter. Disrespecting a woman, in any way, disrespects all of humanity. I hear my Father... If I want my daughter to be treated like the priceless creation that she is, that means all other women are instantly afforded the same honor. They are sisters, all daughters of Eve. I think Paul had a lot to say about this, "so easy a cave-man could do it".

I pray that no one ever disrespects her, and that she never believes what the world will inevitably try to tell her about herself, her femininity. About her own particular beauty.

Because it is not true. And if for no other reason, because her brother who at 6'5" and 300 lbs. doesn't believe it either.

750 Words

2011-12-04T19:33:00.000-06:00

Isn't it strange how epiphanies come to us sometimes?

Paul is struck by the brightness of the risen Christ, blinded, and knocked from his horse. A conversation ensues, the New Covenant is written down for all time, and the world is forever changed.

St. Augustine hears an ethereal, child-like voice telling him to "take up and read". He later becomes the Defender of the Faith, an anchor of Truth across all generations. His thought and writings subtly guide us even today.

But I wonder if epiphanies are all really so sudden. I'm beginning to think that they are the culmination of something we've sensed, been aware of, for a long time and have simply chosen to ignore. Put away out of convenience, or for lack of courage, till one day they rise up to their full height and demand attention. "You will hear me, now, and deal with it".

I think Paul had been secretly struggling with Christ, through the Law, for a long time. "It's been hard for you to kick against the goads". What was that all about? One day, Jesus had had enough, and had to administer an old fashioned smack-down in order for Paul to really look and listen to what he already knew inside. Augustine struggled with his faith, and his natural desires for a number of years before he came to the place of total surrender. Hitting the wall, so to speak. Addicts may call it hitting the bottom, those of us less honest souls have to use words like 'epiphany" to say that we've run out of options, and that the way of Truth is the only way left open for us. I apologize for being a little melodramatic, still on cup number 2, and my caffeine high has not quite taken effect.

I've been struggling with career choice, calling, and who God made me. And for what possible reason, for a while now. Some days I feel like the two-headed calf at the County Fair. Possibly interesting, different, but really, which mouth should I eat with?

And as I've more or less told my story of calling, and the search for belonging, a few themes have gradually risen to the top, like cream.

Could it be that, poor as it is, my writing may play a part in my calling? That I can turn this in a more outward direction, and begin to harness the Force for good? For the Kingdom, even?

A friend mentioned this to me the other day, she meant it as an honest observation of what she sees. And I am being completely honest with you in that IT NEVER EVEN OCCURRED TO ME.

Never.

Occurred.

To.

Me. Ever.

That makes me feel a little dense, although I've sensed it on some level before. Hence the gradual epiphany motif.

So today I joined 750words.com, and began. I'll write 750 words a day, "morning pages", in an effort to sharpen, and recover artistic creativity, while I begin to look into what this desire that God placed within me is all about. Where I might be able to use this for good, employ it, let the desires that have been placed in my heart become useful in the world, for the Kingdom.

After Day 1, 750words.com tells me that my writing is affectionate, concerning religion, and that my mindset is "extrovert, positive, uncertain, thinking". And today, my focus is on the future, my primary sense is sight, and my perspective is "me".

I like most of what it sees, except the "me" part. Of course, what I wrote today was all about my sense of calling, and how to define and hear God in it. So for today, 'me" centered is OK.

Back in the Saddle Again...

2011-12-03T13:29:00.001-06:00

I'm home, having made a whirlwind trip to Texas and back. I left a day later than I had planned, and returned a day earlier than I had planned. I spent several days at Grace Riding Stables, and hung out with some good friends, and a few good horses ;)

Yesterday, I awoke at 3:30 am, packed in 15 minutes, and then stumbled around carrying things out to my truck in the dark, trying to think of things I may possibly forgetting. Without coffee... that's nearly a death wish. Really. I'm surprised that I survived at all.

So I pulled out at 4:30am, cutting cross-country below Dallas, and hitting I-20 near the Louisiana border. I saw some beautiful country side, and met a few interesting Farmers in one particular gas station. We talked briefly, and I was struck by the simple generosity, and kindness of one man in particular. He was genuinely very interested in my travels, accent, and destination. Had I some room in my schedule, he seemed like a person who would have had some godly wisdom for me in the midst of some good stories. You can just tell that about a person when you meet them, at least I can. I made it to Tuscaloosa at 4:15pm, met some friends for dinner, and went on to watch our boys beat the Hoover Bucks in the State Championship, 35-34, what a shoot out! Amazing... Got home at 12:30 am, and slept hard. I'm ready for a nap now. Downtown is covered in toilet paper, BTW. That's how we celebrate in Central Alabama...

Shreveport, and all that lays between there and Tuscaloosa, became my office yesterday. The phone rang incessantly, clients are unhappy, there is too much to do. The reasons for my much needed break all quickly re-assaulted me on the drive home. And looking back, I realize that it was truly an assault. An attempt by the enemy to steal any good that was deposited in me while I visited with friends. I felt so relaxed, and carefree. And while it was dusty, and windy, I liked it well enough. Although I still think Colorado, a Saloon, and a woman that was needing a dance partner would be a much better destination. I'm just sayin'. I could even do without Colorado, and the Saloon, for that matter. ;-) jussayin'.

And while it's far away, I can readily make enough excuses to head to Texas periodically.

OK, at least three off the top of my head;

1-They have Fat Tire.

2- It is the land of the most exquisite potato chowder you could possibly imagine. Unbelievable...

3-And the women simply have the most delightful Texas twang, so easy on the ears, I could listen to it for hours at a time...

If all three of those ingredients were there, you'd have me positively hypnotized.

Come to think of it, I was. Which is why I want to go back!

Now, if I could just ride the Giant Horse...

WHOA!

2011-11-26T11:13:00.001-06:00

Considering the incredible, absolutely spooky similarities, THIS IS my story. Except it's honestly not me, even though the nickname is the same. really. wow.

I did wake up, deliberately walked through steps 1 thru 3, am better than I've been in a long time, and believe "happily ever after" still exists. Done with Maleficent, looking for Aurora. And it's really more about me becoming who I'm meant to be, something like "Become the person you're looking for is looking for". Become the best you, and find a graceful Someone that understands and appreciates that from the inside out.

Oh, I've got the t-shirt. But it sits in the rag bag, and is only brought out for things like cleaning up the cat urine in my suit case. Open suit cases look very much like litter boxes under the right circumstances, evidently. Loooong story. But true. Nice kitty. : )~

The Warrior-Poet

2011-11-22T06:59:00.000-06:00

As Erwin McManus says in this interview,

"I think of David in the Old Testament. He was an artisan and a warrior. He was a warrior poet. He had the strength of courage to kill Goliath and the artistic tenderness and sensitivity to soothe Saul’s spirit by being a harpist".

The tradition of the Warrior-Poet is an interesting, and relevant one... " (he) is not a badass who enjoys poetry. That's not enough. It's about a particular philosophical outlook bordering on pacifism. A Warrior Poet is a character who can and will fight, but yearns for a more peaceful world, and believes that a more peaceful world would be a better world, typically as a result of an epiphany or spiritual enlightenment of some sort, and often in a way that puts them at odds with others. In short, a warrior who has grown out of bloodlust."

There is an element of pacifism to the Warrior-Poet. He's traveled far, and seen too much blood shed for sport, gain, laziness or lack of principle. And in my view, he is one who is willing to go the distance for ultimate rescue and redemption. In other words, he is sacrificial.

This is the basis of chivalry, which after all is emulating Jesus as Warrior-Poet. YES. Chivalry was the elevation of a life aspiring to beauty, and honor, which came to be the foundation of Nobility. It is also where the idea of courtly love originated, if Wikipedia is worth a plugged nickle. Who else but God Incarnate could understand the human condition? And then out of a Noble and Good heart, be willing to sacrifice his own blood in order to enter hell, and rip the keys of slavery from the hands of the enemy. Yes, definitely a Warrior-Poet, who strode into the enemy camp, humble and desiring any other way, but intent on doing everything required to ransom mankind.

This individual has been planted somewhere within our collective consciousness. He appears in numerous cultures over time, a character so ancient that no one remembers where, or when, his name was first called.

We Need The Warrior

2011-11-16T21:32:00.000-06:00

The Reason For The Warrior

Our God is a Warrior because there are certain things in life worth fighting for, must be fought for. He makes man a Warrior in his own image, because he intends for man to join him in that battle.

One day the young man Moses, prince of Egypt, went out to see for himself the oppression of his kinsmen. When he witnessed firsthand an Egyptian taskmaster beating a Hebrew slave, he couldn't bear it, and killed the man. A rash act, for which he becomes a fugitive, but you see something of the Warrior emerging in him. Years later, God sends him back to set all his people free, and, I might add, it is one intense fight to win that freedom. David also fights, battle after battle, to win the freedom of his people and unite the tribes of Israel. Something in the man compelled him, that same something that wouldn't allow Lincoln to simply sit by and watch the Union tear itself apart, wouldn't permit Churchill-despite the views of many of his own countrymen-to sit by and let the Nazis take over Europe unopposed. For he knew that in the end they would have England, too.

There are certain things worth fighting for. A marriage, for example, or the institution of marriage as a whole. Children, whether they are yours or not. Friendships will have to be fought for, as you've discovered by now, and churches, too, which seem bent on destroying themselves if they are not first destroyed by the enemy who hates them. Many people feel that earth itself is worth fighting for. Doctors fight for the lives of their patients, and teachers for the hearts and futures of their students. Take anything good, true, or beautiful upon this earth and ask yourself, "Can this be protected without a fight?" - Fathered By God
=======================================================================

Boy, is this ever true. Anything good, true, or beautiful is worth fighting for. And is worth protecting in battle. Especially the heart.

I think that we have relegated the role of the Warrior in our society to the obvious. Military personnel rooting out 3rd world villains, or fighting to establish the rule of law elsewhere. But in the last 50 years, the male Warrior has fallen out of favor. Some has been due to a lack of accountability, perhaps our own sins. Blood lust without high principle and honor remove us from the company of Angels, and relegate us to the place of beasts.Consequently, there has been a backlash among men over the years. We have been told we should be more like Mr. Rodgers, or like one of the fainting ascetics who walked around in clorox-white bedsheets. The nice / safe man that society has desired is like highly refined sugar. Too clean and sweet, not healthy for you, and lacking nutritional value. Lacking substance, he WILL kill you. This expectation has caused many men to go underground. Seeking understanding and mastery over this part of themselves, they've been drawn to movies that can only be described as bloodfests.

The Warrior, as God intends him, does not desire rage-filled revenge. That seems to be a popular stage in our collective entertainment psyche. There, on the movie shelf, we've placed the Warrior somewhere between "Rambo" and a number of Arnold-flicks. The true Warrior seeks justice on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves. He is a Knight, true chivalry is not dead.

But the Warrior does have a place in our world, and is needed more than ever. But sheer battle, and blood lust, are not what this Warrior is about. He is a Warrior of the Spirit. Disciplined, aware of the disparities that define and drive him, he is a Warrior-Poet.

They live oblivious to the brightness of their glory. I think society is beginning to require them once more, and is trying to restore them to their rightful place. Generations of gamers have lost their Warrior identity even as they sought it, fighting the enemy in the dark recesses of their mind. There, the Warrior is perpetually dying in an effort to escape the Matrix and become a real boy. Maybe if society once again allows the Warriors among us to breath, we'll stop losing so many fine young men to lives of fantasy. There are so many honeypots of our own making that claim our young men, and make us weaker by not allowing them to come to maturity.

"We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and then bid the geldings to be fruitful."- C.S Lewis

I want to spend some time fleshing out the Warrior, as God designed him. Looking at specific examples of this archetype who have demonstrated selfless courage, great love and sacrifice, and at once beauty. The Warrior-Poet is the reluctant Warrior, a Renaissance man. One who knows that there is a better way, and desires that more than any glory, fame or wealth. He is looking for a Heavenly City. He doesn't seek glory for himself, and is warring first and foremost in the heavenlies. Because at some level, he recognizes that his battle is not primarily against mere flesh.

I think that the phrase attributed to Confucius describes this man well. "Never give a sword to a man that can't dance". The Warrior-Poet knows love, life. How to live and die well. Looking that over, I wonder. A man who can't dance may not live well, may not express his love for others as well, and may possibly not know how and when to properly use a sword. That's the premise, anyway.

I've never been much of a dancer. Where I came from, it was held in question, although enough married folk demonstrated it well enough at weddings to make me wonder. How did they ever learn? Guess dancing was something married folk did once they tied the knot. Really?

Alas, I think I grew up just a little too tightly wrapped. Wonder if I can get these grave clothes off in time to really learn how to dance? I'm beginning to think that it's important. Somehow.

I'm smiling, because it will take a very brave woman. And someone will inevitably call 911 to help the poor man on the dance floor who is having a seizure.

Just think "Joe Cocker". ;-)

Light Travel

2011-11-14T20:04:00.001-06:00

Traveled to Georgia and back for work, and actually got a little bit done. Made it in less than 2 hours ago, and am sitting here thinking about Thanksgiving. I'm supposed to have the kids, which will be great. We've been invited to my friends place, which will be nice. Nice to be gathered together with others.

I am now convinced that email, and cell phones, are straight from the pit of hell. OK, maybe just from purgatory :) They're convenient, and extremely helpful, except that they've made us too accessible. I think. Is that possible? I do believe so. I am now just the click of a button away from 50 corporate support staff, as well as the heavyweights that make things go.

It makes scheduling much more important, and even that more difficult. I can be visiting a client property in another state, and be swiftly redirected back to my office. Which on the road looks very much like Starbucks, or in the outback where I generally travel, McDonalds. You can find wifi and caffeine in one place, which after all is the definition of "work" for most of us. I can email documents to our Admin just as easily from MickyD's in LaGrange, Ga. as I can from my desk 40 feet away. Have laptop and cell phone, will work.

I don't know if I've become grumpy, disillusioned, and maybe just need a break. But something significant has shifted. We've all become accustomed to just-in-time inventory. But what about just-in-time scheduling? Isn't that an oxymoron? I think it is, hence my frustration. Work plans are almost meaningless now, because they are so dynamic that they no longer constitute "a plan". They are more like flexible work "suggestions". Obsolete as soon as they are entered into Outlook. There's a whole nuther nut to crack...

I think I need a short break, and will then follow that by taking early retirement in Colorado. And there I'll only use the internet once a month when I drive my horse and buggy into town. The internet cafe' will be between the Saloon, and the General Store. There I'll buy my flour, bullets, pork bellies, and Dapper Dan Hair Tonic. And once we get ourselves cleaned up, and we get a little smellum in our hair, I'll ask one pretty little filly for a slow dance. One whiff of smellum, a few of my smooth moves, and she'll swoon... soon to be riding shotgun in my buggy, off into the sunset. If you don't hear from me after a little while, you can fill in the blanks... :-)

Naw, the truth is that I may be right here a year from now, talkin' internet smack, and dreaming of the good old days, when a work schedule meant something. Sheesh...

Time to get down to living life, man. I'm sure it's coincidental, but the more thate my super-triglycerides come under control the better I feel. I feel like riding again, feel adventurous, ready for life.

And really do feel ready to make some big changes once the kids are through High School. At that point, I think I'll really be ready for Colorado, or other points West.

But without a pc? I need another cup of Joe, because the thought makes me feel a bit queasy. The DT's from this addiction would be severe enough to disturb the electron balance in my brain. But a new Equilibrium would be established, which would be "oh so healthy" in the long run. Don't think so...

Maybe I'll think about this next year. Besides, I can quit anytime I want to...

Risk, Reward and Courage

2011-11-08T05:49:00.000-06:00

Age does have it's benefits, I think. Although it would be great to have all of this "experience", AND my youth, in order to take one more crack at this thing called life. Although I'm convinced that on my own, I wouldn't do appreciably better. Maybe different! But after all of this, I am convinced that just about anything worth doing, anyone worth knowing, involves risk. Risk of failure, rejection, or loss. And to risk anything that is important, tender, or valuable to you, requires courage. Because the thing you fear may happen. That's part of what makes it valuable, and rare.

I'm learning a little more about this. About speaking the truth, and taking the risk. And so far, with only a few exceptions, things have gone much better than I had expected. And even in the "not good", good will have been served, and new life created. So in most cases, what I feared didn't come about. The good I had hoped for DID come about. Seems that this "truth-risk-courage" motif is near at hand, lately. Whatever that means, I am less concerned about the 'what-ifs" than ever before. Yes, there may be a train wreck around the corner as a result, and only time will tell how I handle that. :-) But somehow, it doesn't seem to matter all that much. I've either become more mature in my thinking, developed a clinical condition, or maybe just don't give a rat's... whisker. Gotcha. I'm hoping for number 1, although 2 or 3 could be drafting on my back wheel. :)

I like what Jesus said to his disciples about those who leave it all behind in Mark 10:17 - 31;

They were even more astonished and said to Him, "Then who can be saved?" Looking at them, Jesus said, "With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God." Peter began to say to Him, "Behold, we have left everything and followed You." Jesus said, "Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for My sake and for the gospel's sake, but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms, along with persecutions; and in the age to come, eternal life.

Peter is protesting, I think. "Look Jesus, if you had told us that we couldn't get in no matter what we did, we wouldn't have let all of the "real" stuff go. It's too late, now what?" He could have simply made the mistake of thinking that the rich man is evil, and damned because of his love of money. But he leaped past that to what Jesus was saying, the bottom line. That the rich man loves his money, while the rest of us love something else. And that the Kingdom is not about following the rules, being good, or nice. It's about something much more essential. It is about who we follow. Who, what and how we love.

Wrestling with that tells me that Love is Divine, and is a Person. I want that, Him, to be my life. And to share that. But this Kingdom is upside down. It works the opposite of how we think it should. Believe it does. The effort, the love, the desire, the motivation all come from a different place. Not from within us. They have already been flowing "INTO" us when we hear and believe. I believe God is granting that gift of life in this. :)

But the immediate landscape can look SO DIFFERENT from your certain destination. I find myself wondering, "Do you know what you are doing here? Do you have a clue?" And I have to admit that at times I feel like I am simply wandering.

I've spent many days in the woods over the years. And I know that it's true. If you don't have an idea of where you are, and how to hold a true course, you will walk a long way only to stare at your own footsteps. That's a bad feeling, and can cause men to mutter terrible things under their breath... so I've heard.

BTW, I think Jesus is just making sure that they (we) realize that it's not about what they (we) give up, sacrifice, and lay careful plans for. It's about what He is doing, where He is going, and we are simply following. And when we do that, we will lose whatever we need to lose. And gain everything in the process.

It's so simple a child could do it, really. But if I use my darned head, I will make it too hard.

You Can't Do This Alone

2011-10-30T00:03:00.004-05:00

Friday, October 21, 2011

We Happy Few

Once more, lend a mythic eye to your situation. Let your heart ponder this:
You awake to find yourself in the middle of a great and terrible war. It is, in fact, our most desperate hour. Your King and dearest Friend calls you forth. Awake, come fully alive, your good heart set free and blazing for him and for those yet to be rescued. You have a glory that is needed. You are given a quest, a mission that will take you deep into the heart of the kingdom of darkness, to break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron so that your people might be set free from their bleak prisons. He asks that you heal them. Of course, you will face many dangers; you will be hunted.

Would you try and do this alone?
Something stronger than Fate has chosen you. Evil will hunt you. And so a Fellowship must protect you.

Honestly, though he is a very brave and true Hobbit, Frodo hasn't a chance without Sam, Merry, Pippin, Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli. He will need his friends. And you will need yours. You must cling to those you have, you must search wide and far for those you do not yet have. You must not go alone. From the beginning, right there in Eden, the Enemy's strategy has relied upon a simple aim: Divide, and conquer. Get them isolated, and take them out.

You see this sort of thing at the center of every great story. Dorothy takes her journey with the Scarecrow, the Tinman, the Lion, and of course, Toto. Maximus rallies his little band and triumphs over the greatest empire on earth. When Captain John Miller is sent deep behind enemy lines to save Private Ryan, he goes in with a squad of men. And, of course, Jesus had the Twelve. This is written so deeply on our hearts: You must not go alone. The Scriptures are full of such warnings, but until we see our desperate situation, we hear it as an optional religious assembly for an hour on Sunday mornings.

Imagine you are surrounded by a small company of friends who know you well (characters, to be sure, but they love you, and you have come to love them). They understand that we are all at war, know that the purposes of God are to bring a man or woman fully alive, and are living by sheer necessity and joy in the Four Streams. They fight for you, and you for them. Imagine you could have a little fellowship of the heart. Would you want it, if it were available?

That is our destiny.

(Waking The Dead , 186, 187 )

===============================================================================

Who makes up your "fellowship", the small group that lives with you this way?

Mine is small, and has become smaller. Well, I had two, now I have only one. But that's as it should be, I think. It fits right in line with my "less is more mentality" of the last several years. I still have a ways to go here in the "less" department, but it's quickly approaching the right balance. In many ways, less IS more.

"Would you want it, if it were available?" Are you kidding? He is kidding, right?

No, he's not. Maybe it is the first question on the journey. It sounds a bit like Jesus asking the man by the pool of Bethesda if he wanted to be healed. I always knew that it was a loaded question, and that while it sounded simple, he was asking a whole lot more. "Are you ready to have your life changed? Can you give me the thing that hurts you, but which has become familiar to you? Will you get up and follow me, instead of going back and laying down in that familiar place?"

So asking me "Would you want it, if it were available?" is not an unfair question. I know it's the only way to take hold of the Life offered to us. But the temptation is walk too cautiously, retreat to what is comfortable, to lay back down in that familiar place. But that's like eating a stale piece of bread. One bite and I want to spit it out, and then I can barely scrape the taste off my tongue fast enough.

I'm not sure what you call this. Divine Dissatisfaction? Whatever "it" is, it keeps you looking for the promise, wanting and expecting more, moving. Still, I hope to make peace between the hunger and the promise.

Looking at what I just wrote, you'd think I was a perfectionist, hard to please. I'm not. I can look past my imperfections, and yours. I want, and need, to. Jesus said we'd be forgiven as we have forgiven others.

I guess the hardest part of living this way is being "present", and consistent. I've laughingly said it'd be easier if honesty, transparency regarding your true self, could be handled like at an AA meeting;

"Hi, my name is Jim, and I've kicked a dog, shot the bird and yelled back at rude drivers (didn't that make me one?), am divorced, and have done or thought enough terrible things in my life that if you knew you wouldn't like me, and would know I don't deserve love or forgiveness." That's our real fear, isn't it?

If it would help I could made a list before the next gathering ;-). Would that be WAH, or True Faced? It doesn't really matter, I know it would be exciting! But the folks there would probably nod their heads, perhaps shed a few tears of recognition, and softly smile.

Somehow, I think they already knew me. And they care deeply, but not in a bad way. They don't care "too much".

And they love me, but not because of me. Now that looks strange in print, but it's a relief.

I think that's called grace, mercy, and forgiveness. It's medicine for spirit and soul, to be sure.

It's a hard, messy road, gang. And we may sound and act a little weird sometimes. But I'm really glad it's available, because it is the only real game in town. Hopefully there will be good company along the way at some point.

But if you ever want to compare lists, we can go get a cup of coffee. It's good sometimes to sit down, unroll "it", and let everyone see where you've been. To confess our sins to one another, to allow God to speak through someone else about what you may have misunderstood, and to hear healing words of restoration.

So it's a very good first question... "Would you want it, if it were available?"

Nature Reflects The Glory of God

2011-10-20T06:48:00.007-05:00

18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. 19 For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20 For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. 21 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.

The wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness. And Unrighteousness suppresses the truth. The truth is evident, plain, and yet the enemy and those under his spell actively suppress the truth.

And yet God has left behind some indelible marks, Divine Breadcrumbs, so that any who may begin to consider them may find Him.

This really gets quickly to the place of election, predestination, and concepts in which many heavyweights of the past have become hopelessly mired down. I'm going to by-pass that whole bog hole.

But the nature of God, His divine attributes, power, majesty and beauty have all been put on display by the Creation. The created world testifys to the Creator. And this part gives me pause. The same attributes of God which we intuit from the Creation, His beauty, power, and majesty, are the very same which reveal His wrath from heaven against ungodliness. The same sunset which causes lovers to draw together in awe, is also condemning ungodliness, is revealing His wrath from heaven. This is telling me several things. First, that God is truly beautiful, majestic, and good. The Creation displays it. And we can plainly see it. And that His wrath, when it comes, is a reluctant, patient, ever hopeful one which is restrained in the hope that everyone will see Him as He is, in the sunset. Recognize His heart, be moved, and saved.

In Psalm 19;
1 The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. 2 Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. 3 There is no speech, nor are there words, whose voice is not heard. 4 Their voice goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them he has set a tent for the sun, 5 which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy. 6 Its rising is from the end of the heavens, and its circuit to the end of them, and there is nothing hidden from its heat.

If you miss the imagery here, and the allusions to Christ, you've really missed something. The Heavens, the moon, sun, and stars, all declare the Glory of God. They are exquisite, delicate, unfathomable, spell binding. And these are some of the attributes of God that they are telling us about. This is the Creation that displays His Glory, and yet also reveals His wrath against ungodliness. This is like the Jailer walking in on a man bound on death row, and setting down a heaping plate of food, and placing the keys to the jail on a nicely folded napkin next to the plate. God is not a cosmic killjoy, He is not an austere Father. We often see the Jailer, but don't realize He's at once handing us the keys. His wrath is revealed in a sunset? What does that tell you of His character, how much He really desires to punish? His Son became a curse, that we might be set free, "who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth".

The Sun is like a Bridegroom leaving his chamber. A Bridegroom? What a strange analogy. Yet if I think back on the excitement, the hopes, the pomp and ceremony of THAT day in my life, and then see Jesus as "The Bridegroom", I see a few things here. It is a Messianic passage, going so far as to tell us something unique about Jesus. And He used this imagery in his parables, to draw us back here, to tell us something about himself. He ran his course for the joy set before Him. A Bridegroom leaves his chamber in the morning, knowing that on that day NOTHING can come before him that will make him lose heart, and stop short of being united with his Bride. On that day he is THE strongman. His only thought is to finish the day. And when he has, to finally lay in the arms of his lover, whispering sweetly together with her, burying his face in her hair. And the Sun runs it's course with joy, like a strong man, like a Bridegroom. I'll never look at the sun in the same way. And it definitely explains something of why sunsets are so romantic!

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. The words of Jesus in the various accounts of the Last Supper have him saying "I have earnestly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. " From what I know, what he said that night is not quite so dry, so flat or monotone. This is NOT QUITE what he said. The words he used were επιθυμια επεθυμησα. He's saying, unequivocally, that he has passionately desired, lusted or longed, to eat this Passover with them before he died. He ran his course, like a strong man, a Bridegroom, longing to fulfill His great Desire at the end of His day. It is hard to understand how passionate Jesus was to fulfill this for His Father. The only way he could convey how strongly He felt about this was to compare himself to a Bridegroom who longed to be with his Bride at the end of their wedding day. Perhaps that's why the Ancients referred to Jesus determination to walk the Via Dolorosa as "His Passion." They remembered much of what was said here, that we have gradually lost. Some may be offended, but I'm sure that this imagery falls far short of what he actually felt, but it was the best analogy he could make that we would understand. That is running the race with Joy! Jesus desired to obey the Father with this kind of visceral drive, he was obsessed with fulfilling the Law, so that He might bring many Sons into Glory. He ran His race like a Strongman or an Athlete, like a Bridegroom, like the Sun determined to make it to Sunset. His love for us is beyond our comprehension.

In Psalm 67:5 in the Septuagint, there is another clue. God knows that the sun doesn't really set. But yet he chose to tell us that He rides in the sunset. What this means to me is that in one of the most beautiful, and regular, occurrences in nature, the setting of the sun, God has chosen to be present. To make a spectacular, glorious, and heart stopping display of His glory. In that moment, lovers hold one another, people everywhere stop in awe, and simply stare. I've seen many sunsets, but am still moved each time by the beauty of it. And the reason is that in that moment the Creation is testifying of the beauty, glory and majesty of the Creator.

People the world over can stop and read a sunset, it speaks volumes to them about God, whether they've ever held a bible, or heard even one word read from it. Or fully understand it. They may not be able to say it like I just did, but it is communicated to their heart just like this. They KNOW they've seen something beautiful beyond all reason, breath taking. We all speak this one common language, beauty, and that is the language God has used throughout time to tell us about Himself.

And I have to ask myself, if this is how He's chosen to speak, and tell us about how much He longs to restore us along with the Creation, what does that tell me about His heart?

Your "Story"

2011-10-11T08:35:00.000-05:00

You've heard that phrase used, and know that it refers to your life. The unique events that have formed you, blessed you, scarred you, or in any other way have contributed to who you are and how you view the world.

Someone asked a question as to how you put actions to "reading someone's story." That's a really good question. When someone tells you about the events of their life, good, bad, or indifferent, they are telling you more. There is more left unsaid, often much more. But some of it can be inferred between the lines if you reflect a bit, if you are a student of people, and slow down to really look at them and listen. I don't think it's really very hard, but it is an investment. If you love them, and care for them, then you'll want to know what makes them tick. What are the great disappointments, the great hurts, the great challenges and triumphs that they've experienced along the way? These things tell us more about a person than we first realize, if we listen. They tell a story of their glory, their dreams, disillusionment's, and of the unique way that God has been speaking into them. How and what He's been quietly saying to them all of these years.

That's one thing I've really discovered. That no matter how messed up, lost, dark, or distant someone is, God is still speaking to them, calling to their heart. Think of the story of the Prodigal, or perhaps your own story. And you'll realize that it is true. He never stops seeking the lost.

Looking back, I can see some of how the events of my life have made me; wounded me, motivated me, changed me, and gifted me.

I'm reading Truefaced, and it's touching on some areas where I feel I need to step up, and drop any pretenses about who I am. Or what I think I should be. That's a biggie. Because for the longest time I felt overlooked, insignificant, and that fed into some of what I did. For recognition. At one point along the way I learned that I had a love /hate relationship with recognition. I liked the attention, being noticed. But I also feared it. I wanted to be seen, but was afraid of being really seen. Deep down inside of us, there is a place that yearns to be seen, to be fully known and accepted as we are. But it's afraid to come out of the shadows and into the sunlight. Fear, sense of worthiness, and shame. What a cocktail.

And while we may have a sense of what God wants to do in our lives, I'm not sure that we ever see more than a fleeting glimpse of who He really made us to be. Others may see it more clearly. I have struggled to see myself, although the picture is getting clearer.

So, what things about my life are important to know, so you'll know when I'm veering too close to the edge? Or which events might give you a window into my soul?

Up until age 9, my life was rather uneventful, your typical midwestern childhood, I guess. It was unique in a small way, having grown up in a very ethnic community (German), but other than that nothing out of the ordinary.

At age 9, I had an unwanted interaction with a much older boy. Yeah. That brought a great deal of shame, and confusion, into my life. And as those events are prone to do, it complicated my teen years. No SS attraction, or anything like that, but it made what should be a normal maturation process more lengthy. And when I was 49, 40 years after the fact, God spoke very clearly regarding how He felt about it. He didn't feel toward me the way I had believed. That's what fear and shame do to you. They cause you to isolate, believe the lie, and miss the truth. For forty years.

At age 10, my Mom nearly died from the Hong Kong Flu. After suffering from a 105 degree fever for more than a week, she spent the next 12 years in and out of mental institutions. The Doctors did the best that they knew how at that time to care for what they now call Bi-Polar Disorder. All we knew is that after the Flu, Mom was still sick, and couldn't help it.

So, I entered adolescence a little more reserved, and unmothered, than the average kid. I don't understand all of the implications, but I do know it's part of my story. I have no idea what it may tell you, maybe it will allow you to read between the lines a bit. Sometimes I wish I was someone else, that I was more socially adept, more visible. Less complicated. But who I am, what I am, was made for a reason. I think of Jacob's son Joseph, his story speaks to me. Lost and wasted years can be used to reveal brilliant light. That's not to say that I'm content to rest here. There is more deliverance, more healing, more beauty, more love and growth in my future to be experienced and shared. I absolutely believe that. And whatever things may be in the past have been used for good, will be used for good. More than I can realize, or see.

And now, at 52 years of age, I find myself divorced, and once again following the lyrical song of the Spirit. Getting to this point took a while, and I've learned a lot about myself in the process. I own less now than I ever have in my entire life, but the future is also now more full of possibility than ever before. Seems like there ought to be some scriptures or a parable somewhere to support that whole thing. It's got to be a natural law of some sort.

Looking back, God has always been there, very near, even when things looked to be at their most bleak. And more often than not I didn't fully recognized Him when He was so close. But my nearsightedness didn't offend Him, He stayed right there. I could still hear His voice...

There. A little more of my True Face is showing.

Hmmm. The sunlight feels nice.

It's In Your DNA

2011-10-04T06:36:00.000-05:00

"It's in your DNA"

We hear those terms all of the time. We might be talking about Grandpa's mechanical abilities, or your Fathers dark good looks. Or some special ability or unique trait that someone else in the family, way back in your tree, shared with you.

What about this one...No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God.

Whoa. In a "Biblical" sense, someones seed was literally what they contributed in the act of creating a new life. Today we sterilize it, talk about it in clinical terms that belie the very personal, intimate nature of contributing ones "seed". But God contributed His seed, into you and me, in a very glorious act of love, and it's something that has gone deep into us. It has rooted itself down into our soul and spirit, permeated the depths of our beings.

Deep down inside of you, there is a place where God's DNA, His seed, is still actively at work, producing His life in you.

And that Life has, and will continue, to change you.

Because it's in your DNA. And from the way the world looks at it, and evidently God Himself, you can't help it.

You will live a new life!

Retweet- Beyond Evangelical: Part 1

2011-10-01T22:19:00.000-05:00

Please take a look at Frank Viola's post, here, "Beyond Evangelical: Part 1".

He makes several very important clarifications in "Beyond Evangelical". The point being that "beyond evangelical" does not exclude our heritage, but allows for continued growth into what that means. My observation is that if we are static in our definitions, and "dogma", not learning or growing, we are dead because we have traded the Gospel for the letter of the Law. The sense I gain is that Frank is defining "Beyond Evangelical" as an attitude of growth, exploration, and development. Not excluding anything, but growing into more, maturing beyond the past, moving toward an essential New Testament life.

The additions he points out to the "Evangelical Quadrilateral" are all essentials of New Testament life that anyone serious and in relationship with Jesus already desires. Copied and pasted below;

*Christ-centered – a recovery of the Bible’s consistent and razor-sharp emphasis that Jesus Christ is supreme, preeminent, sovereign, the center of biblical revelation, and the practical, living head of the church. In today’s evangelicalism, countless religious “themes” and “subjects” have replaced Christ as the centrality and supremacy.[4] My message Epic Jesus: The Christ You Never Knew illustrates and expands what I mean by “Christ-centered.”

*Resurrection Life-centered – what stands beyond the cross is the resurrection of Jesus. The resurrection means so many things. It means the beginning of the new creation. It means the triumph of God over all things, including death, His greatest enemy. But it also means that God’s people can live in the foretaste of our future resurrection, participating in its life and power here and now. It means that Jesus Christ is still alive, can be known, and has come to live out His resurrected life in and through us. Learning to live by the indwelling life of Christ in a corporate context and all that it involves is a missing note in modern evangelicalism. (The latter is focused on imitating Jesus as an individual through one’s own efforts.) Living by the life of Christ also means being radically sold out to Jesus without being legalistic on the one hand or libertine on the other.[5]

*Body Life-centered – the typical evangelical holds to the idea that the Christian life is an individual pursuit. “Church” is something Christians attend in order to be motivated to go out and serve as an individual Christian and live a strong individual Christian life. But those who have gone “beyond evangelical” believe that the church is, as Dietrich Bonhoeffer put it, Christ existing as community. Church is not a denomination, a service, or something you attend. It’s the experience of the body of Christ, a la, “body life.” In fact, the Christian life doesn’t work outside of a local, shared-life community that’s meeting under the headship of Jesus Christ as His body on the earth. Consequently, how a local church functions and expresses itself is imminently important.[6]

*Eternal Purpose-centered – God has an eternal purpose, or grand mission, that provoked Him to create. That purpose goes beyond the saving of lost souls and making the world a better place. God’s purpose transcends evangelism and social action (both of which are focused on meeting human needs). The eternal purpose is primarily by Him, through Him, and to Him. Meeting human needs is a byproduct, not the prime product.[7]

It's a very good blog! I've got a lot to get caught up on here!

Life On The Wire

2011-09-28T20:54:00.002-05:00

Sometimes life lulls you to sleep, and you think things are nice and dull. They may actually be dull and boring. But that's not how life is supposed to be. It's supposed to be joyful, bursting at the seams with fruitfulness, no missing teeth, and definitely not requiring reading glasses. I threw that last part in because I'm trialing "mono-vision" contact lenses. You know, where you use one eye for distance, one for reading, and both to create that "I am cock-eyed, and the world looks weird" face as you slowly move from one eye to the next, looking at whatever it is you're interested in. It's comical, really. Because you never know how people will take you. I can tell that every once in awhile, people wonder what is up with me. I know I have this far away, out of focused look on my face. That's simply because things really are out of focus! And my mind is often "far away". Other times, a person may get the sense that you are making some sort of strange eye contact. "Are you winking at me?" Oh, NO! I am not, I assure you it's simply the film that has built up on my contact lens, making things very fuzzy. Nice goatee, BTW. Oh, sorry ma'am...

So life will eventually require some inconveniences of you, like reading glasses, and upper or lower plates... I have all of my original teeth BTW (ok, a couple of crowns) for anyone who is interested :) But it WILL exact its price, one way or another. You can live a nice, safe, boring life. And grow fat, and pleasant, and go to your grave satisfied that you've avoided all of the major pitfalls that those "other" people had to endure. Poor Cretans. Or you can take a walk on the wild side, step into a few pot holes along the way, wrench your knee and come out with a limp. But have really lived in the process. Maybe that's what Jesus meant when he said "I have come that they may have life, and that abundantly." He didn't come to give you a new SUV with all-terrain tires. He came to set you on the road to the cross, and while you may wish you had all-terrain tires for the ride, you'll end up with a limp instead. Which is fine after all, because it's not a sprint, it's a marathon. And while a limp will kill you in a sprint, it won't matter in marathon.

I remember seeing the Flying Wallenda's a long time ago on television. They were known for incredible high wire feats, death defying acts requiring nerves of steel, the cool composure of an iceberg, and unshakable trust in one another. And because of these rare traits, they did amazing things for a long time. But as every daredevil knows, your day is coming. It's not a matter of "if", but of "when". That reality was part of what made their lives so "alive". They were not bullet proof, they would not live forever. That's what makes our lives beautiful as well. We are fragile, the times of our lives are rare, and we will never pass this way again. What makes a thing valuable is its scarcity, thereby its cost.

Jesus said abundant life was ours, the reason he came. The abundant life may be more hard spots, more miraculous deliverance, more death, and more LIFE than we can imagine. Maybe it's EVERYTHING in life in super-abundance, to the point where only Christ can be the reason, and the answer. And receives the Glory.

From the outside, that life looks more like the Flying Wallenda's than anything we would want to admit to. Except that when the inevitable fall came, the nay-sayers back slapping one another with "I told you he'd go down", believers walking on a road to nowhere with heads hanging low, He appears again. He walks through the wall, eats a fish sandwich, and shows us that life on the wire is only Act 1. We may follow and do great things in His name, and we may be asked to fall in a way similar to his. That's not the focus, or the end.

If Act 1 is all there is, we had better guard it and live it as safely and extravagantly as we can now. But if Act 2 is near, then the abundant life starts now. And it starts off looking like a seed sown into the ground in corruption. It looks like death. Act 1 is where we get to "do the Wallenda". Act 2 is where we get to come back, take our curtain call, and then throw our crowns at His feet. For showing us how to live lives of fearless love, for pouring incredible grace and mercy upon us. And leading us along a way we have not known.

My life has taken on a different look. Time to get busy... because Act 2 is coming. FAST