Little Miss Moneybags

Interesting

2013-05-15T17:25:00.000-05:00

Well, this is an interesting read. The Forbes article details how hard it is to avoid making the rich richer by detailing the ways your everyday spending lines the pockets of billionaires. The article highlights an app that helps you make different decisions, if you choose. (The most interesting part of the article, to me, was the slideshow showing how pretty much all of your purchases benefit a billionaire somehow.)

I've been frustrated in the past, especially when reading books like Salt, Sugar, Fat to realize how closely linked almost all the big brands are and yet how opaque it is to the consumer. The Buycott app (which I absolutely just downloaded) makes that a lot more transparent.

Should we care about things like whether our cereal company spent money to oppose labeling of GMO foods or that a CEO makes 11 times the average salary of someone employed in her company? I don't know. I go back and forth on the issue myself a lot of the time. I'm not going to live an ascetic life just to avoid the possibility of someone being exploited somewhere - it's not very practical. I can make small changes, like buying secondhand whenever possible and doing without a lot of "necessities". But what I really like about the app is that it gives you the information to make a choice when you do make a purchase, which I feel like has really been missing for the layperson.

How do you feel about your money going to make rich people richer?

The Color of Money

2013-05-10T15:13:00.003-05:00

I'm catching up on all my magazine reading, and I came across this very interesting article from the March issue of Real Simple: How Color Affects Your Spending.

According to the article, different colors can get you to open your wallet through a combination of psychological associations and marketing. Black signals sophistication, blue connotes trust, green indicates environmentally friendly (even when the products really aren't), red can slow customers down, white suggests purity and yellow gets your appetite going. I know that purple tends to catch my eye (the article says this is because it makes me think of royalty, I think it's more because it's my favorite color).

Do any of these ring true for you? Any colors you have a hard time passing up - or bringing home?

Quality vs. Price

2013-05-06T14:39:00.000-05:00

These two recent posts have me thinking: The bitterness of poor quality from The Frugal Girl and Goodwill, Badwill, Questionable-Will from The Non-Consumer Advocate.

For some reason, I have a very hard time remembering that I like high quality over low price. Because of this, I own a ton of cheap shirts from department store clearance racks that last one season, or maybe two, and then have to be replaced.

I'm starting to get better about this - last year Peanut and I replaced a lot of our cookware with restaurant supply store items instead of big box store brands, and we've been very happy about that. We're planning a small revamping of our living room/office set up that will require some new to us furniture and I've been struggling with how to achieve it. We are on a very tight budget, but it really needs to be done in order to babyproof the computer area. So I'm torn between going to Ikea, trying to find the same pieces I want from Ikea on Craigslist, or hoping that I stumble across something that fits the space at an estate sale. The first two options are likely to end in broken down furniture in a few years, and the last option is an exercise in frustration. Maybe there are options that we haven't really explored, though, like unfinished furniture stores, or building something ourselves...any suggestions? We need two desks, six shelves, and a cabinet that can be turned into a modified window seat. The cabinet/window seat is the big priority, since that will hide all the dangerous wires.

I'm still working out how we're going to manage all the updates I want to do - have you been in a similar situation? What did you decide?

Mother's Day

2013-05-03T12:43:00.001-05:00

Mother's Day is coming up...and I have learned my lesson. No more ordering flowers from national companies! I went with a local florist in my mom's hometown, who I have used before. Finding this florist was just as easy as using 1800Flowers, but I'm betting that I will not have the problems I have had with the latter.

The Consumerist had a great post about this as well: We Don't Want to Hear About Your Disappointing Flowers This Mother's Day

April Recap/May Goals

2013-05-01T20:40:00.000-05:00

April Goals
1. Finalize estate planning documents. Ahem.

2. Take advantage of Baby M's naps. Better! Her naps were nice and consistent early in the month, devolving into completely unpredictable the last week or so (four month sleep regression!), but I managed to get a lot of little projects off my plate while she snoozed and also made time for things like reading for pleasure again.

3. Sell some things on Craigslist/eBay. No go. I have weeded through a lot of things that I want to sell, but I spent a lot of those naptimes mending, writing descriptions, or taking photos. I want to do some batch selling here instead of doing it piecemeal, so that's what's taking so long.

May Goals
1. Get the wills signed and notarized, FFS. I am so tired of this damn project I could scream, and I've got no one to blame but myself that it's not done. Right after we filled out all the forms, I panicked that we need to see a lawyer instead of using software. The reality is that our wills pretty much simply ratify what our state's laws already would decide, so it's a mere formality indicating our wishes as to Baby M's custody should something happen to both of us. So a home-done version is absolutely fine, and if there are any problems with it that would cause state law to override them, we'd have exactly the same outcome. So it's time to just get some signatures and file the pages and BE DONE WITH IT.

2. Declutter. This is basically me just putting April's third goal back on the list, but I also have a lot of stuff that I want to take to Goodwill because I won't get anything for it if I try to sell it. Once again, using those naptimes!

3. Set up one playdate. Now that Peanut has the Jeep up and running, I have a car during the day again. And Baby M has been cleared to go visit very healthy friends and family. It's a big production to leave the house with her, and has to be carefully timed because eating is a problem and she'll only do it at home under familiar circumstances. But by golly I need to get out of the house, and setting up a playdate with another friend with a baby should help me get over the fear of going out with her.
What are your goals for May?

April Spending Recap

2013-05-01T20:39:00.000-05:00

Baby $78.44
Business $3.89
Car (Mazda) $138.81
Car (Jeep) $1,039.65
Cat $25.95
Cell Phones $111.46
Charity $25
Clothing $136.92
Dental $274.40
Electric $87.69
Entertainment $41.24
Food - Groceries $318.87
Food - Other $258.41
Gas $104.45
Gifts $19.03
House $1,366.54
Household $137.48
Hygiene $15.00
Internet $72.50
Medical $20
Student Loans $178.63
Transportation $50
Water & Trash $78.05
Yoga $40
Therapy $26

Total $4,648.41

Things of Note:
The weather (briefly) got nice enough for us to become a two-car family again, but getting the Jeep ready for the summer cost us quite a bit of money. Luckily, this was a one-time cost (new tires and wheels and some other things) and won't happen every spring.

We both got our teeth cleaned and I'm getting more dental work done in May, but we now have an HSA set up so at least that money is being spent pre-tax. Our utility bills are creeping down now that the days are longer and the weather warmer, and I've been able to line-dry diapers a few times instead of running long dryer cycles. I plan to get a clothesline up in the backyard this month.

Our food spending was higher than it has been in previous months, for no real reason that I can discern. I guess we just got a little lax about eating out!

And lastly, you'll notice a new category - therapy. Now that Baby M is home from the hospital, I am starting to face some of the trauma, grief, and stress that I've been holding onto for the past eight months following her birth and hospitalization. Longtime readers of this blog know that I am no stranger to therapy and find it enormously useful, and I expect that to be the case again this time around. Time and money are both a little more precious to me now than they were five years ago, so I will be going every other week, keeping the cost to around $50 per month. Money well spent!

Just Enough

2013-05-01T11:22:00.000-05:00

I love this series from Parent Hacks: Manage Your Money Just Enough

Mainly what I love is the title. It's easy to get swept up in doing everything "right" - finding the perfect envelope system, tweaking investments to get top performance, developing systems, perfecting budgets.

The reality is that if financial freedom is a recipe, there are two ingredients: action and time. There's only so much you can do before you have to let time pass, and while that's happening, managing your money "just enough" is a great plan.

I believe it was in a book about Eastern medicine where I read about a concept called "80% is perfection". This means that in any holistic approach to your life - diet, exercise, etc. - there is no achieving 100%. It's just not possible on a human scale. But getting things right 80% of the time will get you to where you want to go, and is achievable.

Is it a bit of a cop-out to only aim for 80% or for "just enough"? I don't think so. I think it's a great sanity saver!

Costing other people money

2013-04-29T13:34:00.001-05:00

I think I have mentioned that we are extremely lucky to have great health insurance. Peanut and I each have insurance offered through our jobs, and after a lot of research 18 months ago, we went on his insurance. It's a high deductible plan, but after that costs were covered at 100% - and his employer pays the entire premium. It's a major company so almost anywhere we go is considered in-network.

It was hard to swallow the idea of shelling out a few thousand dollars before we got any coverage at all, but wow, did that wind up being a great decision when we had a child in the hospital whose stay cost almost $10,000 per day. If we had gone with my company's health insurance, we would have been on the hook for 20% of that.

This month, we got word that Peanut's employer is having to change their health insurance plan - because of us. We have cost them over $1,000,000 in health care claims since Baby M's birth.

The new situation is as follows:

Employer still pays 100% of the premiums

Deductible is $3,200 for the family before insurance kicks in at all

Co-insurance of 20% for all in-network health care up to a max out of pocket of $6,400

It basically means an additional $3,200 cost to the insured per year. Which, in the grand scheme of things, is totally awesome. (Especially because it won't really affect us until next year at the earliest - due to her birth weight, Baby M gets state medical assistance as a secondary insurance to cover out of pocket costs for her care.)

I feel bad for the other employees who now have to pony up more money for their health care. It's a risk I'm sure Peanut's boss was willing to take because he employs mainly young guys who don't go to the doctor very often. And I'm so glad it's a risk he took, because it allowed us to get the very best care for our daughter and not go bankrupt in the process.

Three Thing Thursday

2013-04-25T08:47:00.002-05:00

I'm starting a new feature here, called Three Thing Thursday. It's a place for me to share links and thoughts about things that don't otherwise fit into regular posts. This one happens to be book related. I hope you enjoy!

Thing the First: If you're a fan of Downton Abbey, you need to check out these two books: Lady Almina & The Real Downton Abbey and Below Stairs. They're fantastic!

Thing the Second: If you're reading to learn about a particular topic, such as infant sleep, be sure to read a number of books by different experts. That way you won't feel like you're doing something wrong if it turns out that your baby has not read and agreed to follow one particular philosophy! Most likely he or she will line up with one of the experts, but you won't know unless you read them all.

Thing the Third: I love book clubs but I don't have time for them right now. The greatest online book club replacement I have found is Twitter - you can easily find someone who's just finished the same book you have!

Cheap birthdays!

2013-04-24T11:39:00.002-05:00

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me...

This month is my birthday month. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed a distinct difference in how I feel about birthdays, particularly my own. I don’t like the idea of spending money throwing a party — I’d rather spend the money on myself! Here are some great ways to celebrate your birthday on the cheap...

I $ NYC

2013-04-23T18:17:00.000-05:00

Another interesting article from The New York Times - this one about how New York is totally affordable compared to other places in the country.

Part of their argument is that most people don't own cars, so the costs of car payment, gas and vehicle maintenance make up for the much higher cost of housing. They also cite massive competition as lowering prices on everything from manicures to cookies.

Right when Peanut and I got married, he quit his job to go freelance and we were living off of my income alone. Right now, I am staying home with the baby and we are living off of his income alone. The dollar amounts of these two salaries are almost identical, so we are in a unique situation to compare everything. So, as a recovering ex-New Yorker, here's my take.

In New York, our rent was $1,444 for a one-bedroom 500 square foot apartment. Here, our mortgage is $1,366 for a three-bedroom, two bath 1,500 square foot house with a lovely backyard. Point: Minneapolis

In New York, metrocards cost us $100 per month each for unlimited bus and subway rides. We didn't take taxis. Here, our vehicles are paid for, and monthly maintenance costs are around $150-200. Point: Close tie, tipping toward Minneapolis because I don't have to carry a stroller up and down subway stairs here.

Crunching the numbers, we spend virtually the same amount of money for groceries and eating out. In New York, grocery shopping was a pain at best because we had to physically carry everything home and no store doubled coupons. Here I have a Target, local chain, and an Aldi all within two miles of my house and can get better deals. Point: Minneapolis. In terms of eating out, New York wins hands-down, for quality, price, and sheer diversity. Point: New York

Certain things in New York were cheaper due to competition - massages are the best example and pretty much the only one that has ever actually popped up in my life. Point: New York

So, it's an awfully close tie. But the tie-breaker point definitely goes to Minneapolis, because even though the costs of living wind up fairly even, the quality of life is so much better as to be priceless. Living in a detached house with private outdoor space? Having the option of public transportation or personal vehicle? Easy access to specialized medical care? Local family support? Having our child grow up in an environment we are more comfortable with? All of these things are beyond measure.

So, yes, New York. You are more affordable than most people realize, and I love to visit. But I am so glad I moved away!

Working Ourselves to Death

2013-04-22T19:26:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago, The New York Times ran an article about entry-level positions that have no limits.

This is one of the reasons I left New York. Publishing is a notoriously low-paying and long-houred position, and my work life was getting crazy. As much as I tried to set a balance, my workday was edging towards 10 and 12 hours. Many coworkers worked from 8 to 8 AND came in at least once over the weekend (the only time I ever came in on the weekend was to set up my new office when I switched jobs).

Why are we so work crazy? Is it because we are money crazy? Prestige crazy?

I really don't have an answer to this. What do you think?

Mid-Month Goal Check

2013-04-18T10:48:00.002-05:00

1. Finalize estate planning documents. Errrr.....working on it!

2. Take advantage of Baby M's naps. Success! She has organized herself into three pretty consistent naps, two of which are usually at least an hour long. I try to stay off the computer (um, except for right now) and get other things done and I feel like I am making good progress. I could probably try to nap myself, but I'm getting *almost* enough sleep. I do try to lay down sometimes, but her naps just don't time well with my sleepy times.

3. Sell some things on Craigslist. I added ebay since I have some things that might go better there. I haven't got anything listed yet, but one of the things I'm doing during nap time is getting them all ready. Taking pictures, writing descriptions, setting prices, that sort of thing. I may not get everything up this month, but I'm definitely making progress.

How are your April goals going?

Whose salary pays for childcare?

2013-04-16T17:47:00.001-05:00

Peanut and I just discussed an issue that The New York Times recently covered - in a two-income household, whose salary pays for childcare?

For many women, it seems like their salary has to cover the cost of childcare in order for them to justify going back to work. I sort of feel like that, even if it's unfair.

I have only started digging into what childcare might cost us - given Baby M's health situation, the only viable option is a full-time dedicated nanny who works out of our home. That makes childcare not only pricey but also hard to calculate. (More on this in a future post, but we'd be required to pay taxes and expected to provide health insurance, mileage, and paid vacation and sick days as well - wow!) I'm doing it with a mental note towards whether the total winds up being more or less than what I bring home.

But why me? Why not Peanut?

He carries our health insurance, but my job offers health insurance too. His salary is higher, so we could afford "more nanny" even if we'd be affording less other stuff. He likes his job - but I like mine too. Someone has to care for our child - it could just as easily be him, right? Prior to her birth, all of our money went into a single pot and covered all of our expenses - so why is this one issue so thorny?

Despite all the advances we've made in feminism, I've still internalized the idea that it's the woman's job to care for the child, whether that means literally by staying home or figuratively by providing the money that pays for his or her care. On one hand, financially, it makes more sense for us to lose one income rather than pay that entire income and then some to someone else to do a job I could do. On the other hand, leaving the workforce might affect my career path for the rest of my life - it will certainly affect my earning potential.

So, which is it to be?

Well, in our situation, money won't exactly be the deciding factor. Even if we find super affordable childcare, Baby M's health will dictate whether I stay home. I am more than a primary caregiver at this point, and until her weight gain is stable and her medical needs are less critical, it's not something I can trust to anyone else. I'm happy, in a way, to have that as a reason, instead of the question of whose salary covers her care.

How did you determine how to pay for childcare? Did you struggle with this issue?

Broken Windows in My Life

2013-04-07T12:06:00.000-05:00

A while ago, Gretchen Rubin posted about her "broken windows" of happiness.

The Broken Windows Theory came to my attention about a decade ago, I believe in a book by Malcolm Gladwell. It posits that minor crimes like subway fare dodging, graffiti, or broken windows make way for larger crimes like robbery, rape, and assault because it seems as if no one cares about the neighborhood. Think about it: if someone bothers to fix broken windows, they'll bother to make other things nice and safe, too.

Gretchen's post details the "broken windows" that make her unhappy. When these things aren't handled, she feels overwhelmed. This really resonated with me - I have noticed that sometimes I'll be in a bad mood, just all out of sorts, for no apparent reason, and if I spend half an hour straightening up my living space, I feel 100% better.

Here are some of my broken windows:

* Messy kitchen/dishes piling up

* Piles of laundry strewn about

* Unfolded blankets on the couch

* Water all over the bathroom counter

* A list of phone calls to be made

* A dirty car, inside or out

If I can keep these things under control, the rest of my life seems like it's okay, even if the bigger things aren't getting done.

Do you have any "broken windows" in your life?

On closets full of stuff

2013-04-04T14:29:00.001-05:00

This post by The Frugal Girl, about how much stuff is the right amount of stuff, has been on my mind.

It seems like not that long ago*, Peanut and I lived in a tiny one-bedroom apartment in New York. Our things fit easily into the apartment, and it seemed sort of absurd that we hired movers to move it across the country.

Then we lived in a slightly larger one-bedroom apartment, and we had an empty closet and an empty storage room in the basement, because we just did not have enough things to fill them.

Then we moved into a three-bedroom house, and we marveled that the people who lived here before us moved because they needed more room for their family. How could anyone feel confined in a house, we thought. We have an entire floor that we don't use. We have two rooms to use as giant closets! We are rattling around in here!

I don't really feel like that anymore.

It's not just the stuff that accumulates with a baby, although that's certainly part of it. It's not even that we have taken hand-me-down from family, so we now have a partially-furnished guest room and the beginnings of a rec room in the basement. It's just that there's a lot of stuff that doesn't get used.

And I didn't realize that it wasn't about the space but about the stuff until recently.

I'm not very sentimental and it's pretty easy for me to let most things go. I feel strongly that things should be used and not stored away being useless. But I've been hanging on to a number of things and it's weighing me down, because it's keeping me from being who I am now.

I've been holding on to books that I picked up at my old job so that I could read them someday, but I'm never going to get to. For a while I was considering an MBA, so there were lots of management insight type books, which I am just no longer interested in (plus, if you've read one, you've pretty much read them all in my experience). There's some fiction that I really don't want to spend my time on, and there's poetry - and if I know one thing about myself, it's that poetry is really not my bag. So out the door they are going.

I've got several things that I keep meaning to put on Craigslist - mostly purchases that I almost immediately regretted but couldn't return for whatever reason. A cat house our cat has never even deigned to look at, a lamp that doesn't match anything else, lots of other odds and ends.

I'm hanging onto a dozen professional belly dance costumes. They're gorgeous and they hold great memories of my time in a company, but they are not being used. Not only am I not performing anymore, but my body has changed since giving birth in such a way that they will never fit me again. I'm having a hard time facing this fact - it's the starkest reminder I have that I am not the same person that I was two years ago.

And while I am in fact tremendously happy in my life now, it's so weird to officially say good-bye to the woman I was then. It's hard to realize that doors are not only shut, but that you are the one who shut them. Still, I think I will feel a bit lighter when I embrace the fact that the past was, and the present is, and the road connecting them is sure and firm, even if it is only one way.

* Less than two years, actually.

You've either got it or you don't...and you probably don't

2013-04-03T13:10:00.000-05:00

Does anyone ever really feel like they've "got it"? Or are we all just wandering around, feeling like other people are "there", and we're still sitting on the frat-house sofa?

Let me explain.

Despite being in RSV isolation with Baby M, we have a lot of visitors. We see a nurse and two therapists weekly in our home, and a number of other support people have been by - even one of her doctors makes house calls. This is in addition to the friends and family members who got multiple vaccinations to come hang out with us, and who always bring food.

This means that I feel maybe a little more pressure than most new moms to keep my house clean. For the most part I'm able to let it go. (Dusting? What's that?) I keep things picked up and try to keep the cat hair under control and pretty much ignore any cleaning that requires more than five minutes of my time before I go to bed.

But I'm self-conscious about something else: my furniture.

I have never felt like I had any kind of really great design aesthetic. I am lucky that the previous owners of our house had some nice taste so the rooms are all tastefully painted and ceiling fixtures and window coverings are nice. And it's not like we're sitting on milk crates with a blanket thrown over it, but...well, I have never, ever upgraded any of our furniture. Quite a lot of pieces were found on the street in NYC (pre-bed bug epidemic). Our couch came from Peanut's apartment in New York, where he bought it off the previous tenants who didn't want to move it (It's huge. And comfy. But huge.). I feel like it should be a basement couch, but it's hanging out in my living room for every guest to sit on.

I look at some of my friends whose homes I've been in, and I feel like they've got things together. They have matching furniture sets, or stuff hung on the walls that seems like it was put there intentionally instead of trying to cover up nail holes left by the previous residents. I know that their financial situations aren't much different from ours but somehow they manage to make things look like a home, and not just a bunch of jumbled stuff in a room.

I can go on in that vein for a while, but then I realize that probably someone, somewhere, is looking at my living room and thinking that I look like *I* have it together. Maybe they feel like their Ikea couch has no resale value and isn't that comfortable to sit on. Maybe they are still paying off furniture purchased on credit. Maybe their couch has cat scratches and pen marks that I've just never noticed, because who really looks all that closely? And maybe no one actually gives a second thought about anyone else, because they're all so worried about how their lives look from the outside.

Which sort of makes me feel better about the whole thing. I mean, long term, I have a plan for how my living room will look and it will include furniture that I picked out, rather than that fell into my lap. It will include things that match and coordinate. In the meantime, I guess I can just be glad that I won't be irritated if Baby M pukes or draws on it. And I can keep reminding myself that, probably, no one ever feels like they've "got it".

March Spending

2013-04-02T21:34:00.002-05:00

Baby $82.53
Business $3.89
Car $114.31
Cat $60.43
Cell Phones $111.46
Charity $10
Clothing $84.98
Dental $84.95
Electric $85.35
Electronics $0.53
Food - Groceries $213.02
Food - Other $224.37
Gas $127.41
Gifts $23.39
House $1,366.54
Household $6.76
Hygiene $68.02
Internet $72.50
Medical $50.40
Student Loans $261.94
Taxes $96.99
Water & Trash $87.47

Total $3,237.24

Things of Note:
So far, living on one income is still working out for us! On the whole I'm pretty happy about how our spending shook down this month.

Eating out could have been lower, but still our total food spending is under $500. Student loans includes adjustments for interest, and taxes includes state taxes plus the TurboTax fee for federal filing (we're not eligible for the free version due to freelance shenanigans). I'm looking forward to warmer weather when our gas bill will be lower.

How was your March spending?

March Recap/April Goals

2013-04-02T16:34:00.000-05:00

March Goals
1. Once again, get this whole estate planning thing taken care of. I can almost claim success on this! Peanut and I used Quicken WillMaker software to create the documents I wanted, which I'll write about in a future post. We just need to get them witnessed and notarized. FINALLY.

2. Do some menu planning! I did really well with this, actually. At least two weeks were planned and stuck to, which is like 10000% improvement on where we were.

3. Start - and hopefully finish - taxes. Success! We filed our federal taxes with TurboTax and got our refund last week. I'm very happy with TurboTax, as usual - we accidentally filed our state taxes through them just as we learned that Minnesota uncovered some serious problems with some calculations and was threatening to not accept returns through the software. Our filing fee was refunded quickly, and we did our state taxes on paper, which I haven't done in probably a decade. I bet that's one of the last times I'll ever be able to do them by hand, too, so that was kind of neat.

April Goals
1. Finalize estate planning documents. Soooooo close to being done - so let's do it!

2. Take advantage of Baby M's naps. I have been squandering Baby M's naptime on the internet or watching 30 Rock instead of getting to all the things I want to do. Now that her naps are both longer and more consistent, I have lots of things to do! Read books, get chores/laundry done, have dinner started before Peanut gets home, blog, clean out filing cabinet and closets, and more. I won't get all of those things done every day, but I'd like to work on at least one thing per day during her extended nap.

3. Sell some things on Craigslist. I have a few things that I have been wanting to list on Craigslist for, um, months. I'm going to try to get that done in April.

Frugal entertainment: Casinos?

2013-04-01T21:27:00.002-05:00

Disclosure: This is a sponsored post. All opinions are my own.

I know, that headline doesn't really seem to make sense. But I think that - like anything else - casinos CAN be a frugal hobby!

I went to my first casino when I was 19 - my mom and my grandparents took me to Canada, where I was old enough to gamble. It's something of a family tradition, I guess. At any rate, since I was only 19, I didn't have a lot of money to spend and I promised myself that if I didn't win anything I would consider it the price of admission, sort of like paying for a few hours of entertainment at a movie theater. And if I won anything I would keep half of it so that I could go home ahead.

I don't recall whether I won or lost much on that trip, but I have kept that attitude towards all future trips to the casino. And I have hit nice jackpots a few times, once in Canada and twice in Las Vegas. Probably all told I've come out ahead because I generally bring less than $100 with me to the casino and end up playing nickel or quarter slots. The house has the advantage but on the other hand $100 for an entire day of games, free soda and buffet meals, and hanging out with my family - well, I would certainly blow more than that if we spent the afternoon at the mall or at a theme park.

I have never gambled in an online casino or played other card games like poker, and I'm not sure how it would compare to going to a real casino. Part of the enjoyment of the real thing is basically spending time with my family - and if I run out of money, I can go watch someone else play. :) But really, the most important thing, to me, is having the self-control to spend only a set amount of money and save half of all winnings, whether you're playing in a casino or online. If you've got that, a casino can be fun entertainment for the money spent.

Have you ever visited a casino or played online betting games?

This Saturday: The Secret Life of Money

2013-03-28T16:16:00.001-05:00

I got invited to watch a screener of an upcoming Discovery Channel special called The Secret Life of Money, and I found it really interesting!

You deposit your money in your local bank - where does your bank deposit its money?

How are coins made?

What does a gold ATM machine look like - and what does it dispense?

What does the new $100 bill look like?

Are you ready to say goodbye to physical money and hello to a digital-only currency?

All of this is covered, along with a lot of other stuff. One segment of the show particularly caught my attention, about an artist who makes art that looks like money - and attempts to exchange it for goods at stores around New York City. I imagine he's turned down more often than not, but his method is sparking conversations about what money really is (an agreement) and what value it inherently has (none, other than what we bestow upon it). And he's got a neat little plan for helping the store owners who take him up on it get something they can take to the bank in exchange for taking a chance on him - but you'll have to watch the show to see that.

It sort of reminds me of the episode of 30 Rock where Liz dates her cousin, because (before they know they're related), they argue with a bodega guy about whether he has to take a $100 bill. Since it's "legal tender for all debts public and private", his "no bills over $20" is an illegal policy and those signs always used to drive me bonkers when I lived in NYC. If we can agree that these pieces of paper have value, then they should always be accepted, and if they're not accepted then they don't really have any value and so why don't we just barter something else and skip this whole carrying money around thing in the first place?

Anyway, check out The Secret Life of Money on Saturday at 9 eastern time for all that and more. There's more about the special on the Discovery Channel website.

Disclosure: I was not compensated for this post, although I did get to watch the episode ahead of its air date. I just think this is really cool!

Leaning

2013-03-24T09:34:00.001-05:00

So, in the interest of full disclosure, I have not yet read Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In. I've read a lot of the posts around the blogosphere that the book has inspired, and it leaves me with one question.

Why is being a business leader - male or female - the pinnacle of achievement to which we are all supposed to aspire?

The assumption is evident in the editor's note on this article, which really stuck in my craw: What's really holding women back? The glass ceiling? The boys' club? Having a family? Or is it women themselves?

What's really holding women back FROM WHAT? Why is it a given that everyone regardless of gender wants the CEO's office or salary or responsibilities? Or even upper management?

In the hierarchy of every office that I've ever worked in, the number of people at each subsequent level of management gets smaller. And I'm not talking about the percentage of women but the straight up number of people - you've got one CEO, three executive VPs, six middle managers, 27 staff people. Obviously, not everyone is going to be able to rise to the top - so why does it reflect badly that some people just decide from the get-go that they don't want to deal with eighty-hour weeks and having nannies watch their kids grow up?

I have mentioned before that I realized that I don't want to be the boss - and I mean that in both the sense of the corporate cog-in-the-wheel and the entrepreneur. Two quotes from this article in New York Magazine sum up how I feel:

"Maybe most important, what if a woman doesn't have Sandberg-Slaughter-Mayer-level ambition but a more modest amount that neither drives nor defines her? "

and

When Slaughter tours the lecture circuit, she is often approached, she says, by women younger than 30 who say, "I don't see a senior person in my world whose life I want."

That last one is especially important - when I lived in New York, everyone above me seemed so stressed. They had hours-long commutes, and they worked 60+ hour weeks. They "worked hard and played hard." They slept poorly and ate worse, they complained about how the nanny raised their kids, they tried to bow out of work parties because they were so exhausted. Worst of all, for someone working in publishing - they didn't have any time to read. They read summaries of the books we were working on, but they never read for pleasure, never read anything else that was being published in the world. Why work with books if you don't have time to read them?

That was a big reason why Peanut and I moved away. We wanted to live in a place that allowed us the freedom to quit jobs we didn't like, to have a nice place to come home to and time to enjoy it, to have time for hobbies. We wanted to be close to family and friends and be able to spend time with them instead of working. All of these decisions were made for US, without regard for gender. We knew that we would be "hurting" our careers by moving to the midwest and "settling" for a "mediocre" life.

I'll tell you what, though, I am happier here. I am happy in a deep, secret part of me that I never had access to while I was surrounding myself with Beautiful People doing Interesting Things on their Way to Greatness. And I only got that way by stepping off the treadmill for less prestige.

But of course, the discussion that Sandberg's book has prompted is most specifically about women leaving the workplace to raise children, and I'm in a peculiar place with regards to that right now myself.

I've had a lot of jobs and have worked in two different industries. I'm goal-oriented and I like to work. Right now, I'm staying at home as a fulltime mom - I can't even get to the housewife or homemaker part of it, because being a mom is more than a fulltime job. And it's the hardest job I've ever had. The pay is abysmal, the hours are terrible, the boss demanding. Compared to this, my office job is a piece of cake. I'm good at it, I know what I'm doing, I understand the expectations, the compensation and hours are more than reasonable. No one throws up on me.

I have a few more months of maternity leave before I have to decide whether I am going back to work or not. I know how lucky I am in that this actually is a choice available to me, financially, but I'm frustrated that I live in a world that seems to think that only one of those choices is a valid one, and that the other option is "holding me back".

The best commentary I saw on Sandberg's book was over at The Simple Dollar, where Trent covered the idea that "leaning in" can apply to men as well as women, and that the most important thing anyone should do is to take time to consider where they'd like to lean and how far. I totally agree with him that we should all take an honest look at our lives and realize that it's impossible for anyone to truly have it all, regardless of our gender, and to make sure that we're making the choices that really will give us the lives we want.

On a related note, I think I would like to teach Baby M to respond to questions of "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with "Happy!" and hope that the asker lets her define that for herself.

What do your habits cost you?

2013-03-23T17:08:00.000-05:00

This is a neat little website that tallies up the cost of your vices - smoking, drinking, fast food, lottery tickets - and helps you visualize how much you could save if you gave them up. Very clever!

Cost of Your Vices

Here's mine:

Source: eBay Deals Blog

As a new mom, I guess I don't have many vices! I haven't had an alcoholic beverage in months, and I avoid caffeine while pumping as well. For fun, I put in how much I used to smoke, and quitting has saved me $613 per year - probably more than that, since I was buying cigarettes in New York where they cost about $12 per pack.

This is a neat little tool for figuring out where you can quickly cut down extraneous spending. What's your cost?

Ladies, Put Yourselves First!

2013-03-22T13:58:00.005-05:00

Who do you work for? No, the answer is not the name of your boss, or even the name of your company. The answer is YOU.

I’ve had terrible guilt quitting jobs in the past. I feel loyal to my coworkers, my bosses, even the faceless corporations who have employed me. I feel like I am abandoning them by choosing to switch careers or make other plans with my life like moving across the country.

Read the rest of this post at Dimespring.

Baby M Update

2013-03-19T09:46:00.000-05:00

Thanks for your comments on my recent post about coming to terms with feeding Baby M. Several of you mentioned that she's thriving at home, which made me realize that it's been a while since I've posted an update on her health.

Because, well, she's not thriving.

She's doing okay. We don't have an official diagnosis yet of failure to thrive, but she has gained less than a pound since leaving the hospital nearly eight weeks ago, and babies are supposed to gain around two pounds per month. Moreover, she has lost weight between her last two weigh-ins, and is taking in only half the volume of formula that she should be taking. She has dropped from the 10th percentile (respectable for a preemie) to between the 2nd and 3rd percentile.

It's a complex situation. Due to her severe chronic lung disease, she has to work really hard to eat. Making things more difficult is the fact that we have to thicken her formula to the consistency of honey to keep her from aspirating on it (basically sending it down the wrong pipe and choking on it). That makes it even harder to suck. And then there's her reflux, which is heartbreaking to see - she doesn't spit up that often, but you can tell that the acid is traveling up and down her esophagus and hurting her. She doesn't like to swallow anything from the pain, and frequently screams, fights, or refuses her bottles. She's on meds, and we keep her upright, and we have feeding therapy, and we're trying every remedy under the sun but this is something that we may just have to wait out.

What all of this means is that I am expecting her doctor to recommend supplemental tube feedings, either by nasogastric tube (which goes through her nose) or g-tube (which requires surgery). At the end of February, she was given a few more weeks to turn things around and start gaining weight but since she's now losing weight, I'm not optimistic that we will avoid a tube. We should find out more next week.

Aside from the feeding issues, she is doing well. She's generally cheerful, very smiley, interested in the world. She sleeps well, including through the night. And she's reaching a lot of her milestones for gross and fine motor and social skills. This is one of those things that can be par for the course with preemies, so we're doing everything we can to support her through it, and get through it ourselves.