tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72403410398712565472024-09-09T14:56:10.957-07:00gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.comBlogger142125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-24848827932821811652015-02-16T15:44:00.001-08:002015-02-16T15:45:09.959-08:00There is nowhere I want to be other than following in His steps. I am loved. I am forgiven. I am called. I am going. gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-75575883698096162952014-02-24T06:44:00.000-08:002014-02-24T06:44:12.105-08:00I thought I had learned my lesson last time. I have been in this terrible, lifeless rut before and of course I promised to never get stuck in the motions of life and forget my real purpose. I am eating my words right now. I am once again feeling my beating heart shouting at me telling me that life is about more than the day to day things. We have a purpose. We have a mission. Every day that passes is a missed chance at living life to the absolute fullest. We become so obsessed with living as long as possible, but if we make it to 90 and have not accomplished the passions He has impressed on our hearts, did we really live? Yes, we have responsibilities, but although they are important our purpose is much more so. We cannot forget this. I must not forget this.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-21701543636227140082013-10-05T13:21:00.000-07:002013-10-05T13:21:13.523-07:00I have been so intrigued lately about living healthy. I never realized how much junk I put in my body constantly and don't even think about it. We wonder why we live in a world full of so much sickness and health problems but the more I study the more obvious it becomes. Even foods labeled "organic" or "natural" are not always what they seem and all of the trash labeled diet and fat free is such a scam it should be a crime. We almost literally live off food coloring, fat, salt, sugar, and artificial flavors. We believe every lie food companies tell us and willingly buy their products no questions asked. I used to laugh when James talked about living off the land but I am realizing more and more how much healthier we all would be as a whole if we did eat more foods that we grew with our own hands. And there really aren't excuses. We live in an apartment right now and we still manage to have an herb garden in little containers by windows. I think what bothers me the most is hearing people complain about how expensive organic or eating healthy is. First of all, organic companies offer coupons, samples and put their products on sale just like regular products. Secondly, not everything needs to be bought organic. Produce can be gardened, gotten from neighbors, gotten from farmers markets or produce stands locally and also can be washed and peeled. No one needs to buy organic produce that you peel unless you eat banana peels for example. And lastly, the statement that junk food is cheaper and therefore I buy my family junk food is the most awful statement ever because that is like saying money matters more than health. Would you not prefer to buy your family less healthy foods that will satisfy them rather than twice as much junk food that leads to obesity, cancers, attention disorders and diabetes? I have realized over the past year that eating healthy is not only better for you all around but also completely doable. It is scary how processed almost everything is in grocery stores from prepackaged meals to frozen dinners to almost all commercial cereals. However, there is a healthy version of anything you can buy, it just all depends on how willing you are to work at learning it.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-83106634410514969942013-08-16T11:35:00.002-07:002013-08-16T11:35:29.205-07:00It has been such a life changing experience being married(and it has only been a few months!) Being married challenges you in many ways but two for me in particular. The first is that is shows me who and how I really am. I thought I was such a good person before XD Now it is like seeing my true reflection for the first time.  I see my true desires, my selfishness, my deepest hurts, my longings. And these things do not just affect only me now. The second thing is becoming one with someone. I never fully understood what it meant when the Bible says "the two will become one" Even at the wedding those words still rang a little hollow, but I understand now. When two people become one it is no longer MY hurt feelings, it is ours. If I am self conscious or demeaning or hurtful I am not just hurting myself I am also hurting James because we are one. And likewise for him. When one of us is damaged we are both damaged. If  I have negative thoughts or use hurtful words or mistreat my body I am also doing all of those things to James. That is a hugely sobering thought. No wonder those few who learn to truly become one with someone are such amazing Christians. They have been tested by fire and emerged still being one. The ugliness of divorce become even more horrible after being married because you realize that because you are one person there is no way to separate two people who have become one without painfully destroying the other person. There is no way to make it 50/50. Someone will always pull away with more and both people will forever carry scars and pain. Marriage is so much more powerful than I realized.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-64213433641832418032013-08-12T04:29:00.003-07:002013-08-12T04:29:53.195-07:00There seems to be more going on in the world now than ever. You cannot get away from the news and there is never anything good in it. I choose not to even listen to it in any form because you can never believe even half of what it says. I was reminded Sunday of how much suffering there is. There is staggering amounts of pain, sickness, hurts, and injustice. All of this goes on every second and yet we obsess ourselves with our little problems. We riot, petition, and cry injustice about gun laws, security, and lack of freedom, but in looking only at ourselves we purposefully ignore the true injustice going on all around us. America is just as lost as India. Europe needs the Gospel as desperately as Africa. We live in a culture consumed only by our own  wants, but this is not what Jesus suffered for. We could have pursued all of these things regardless of whether he died on the cross or not. How, especially can we as Christians pour so much of our time and money and resources into getting our wants and trying to make our own lives as comfortable and self interested as possible when in doing so we almost literally have to step over people headed for eternal separation from the only thing that matters? Maybe I will always have the government watching my every move? Good! Maybe in monitoring my every word and move they will experience the Gospel. Maybe I will never be able to carry a weapon. It only shows that only Jesus is my true protection. We want so much to be the keeper of our own lives with safety and security and resources and yet when those resources run dry then we want to turn to Jesus our back up plan. But only when all else fails us. This is not true Christianity. I do not care to have a safe, financially secure, passive life. Not when I hear the hearts of the rest of the world crying in my head to have this same Salvation that I have. I can never forget what Salvation tasted like for me when I felt it. It was the sweetest thing I have ever known. I cannot forget how it felt to once be lost and hopeless without a purpose or reason to live. Now I have both a reason to live and a longing for the life that follows. Death no longer exists for me, only a new life to follow this one. gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-57777900973385583322013-07-19T06:12:00.001-07:002013-07-19T06:12:25.448-07:00It is hard to love when you feel unloved. It is hard to show affection when you feel unnoticed. It is hard to share your thoughts when you feel that you are on the outside of someone else's. But this is where marriage gets beautiful. It is in the ugly parts. It is in the seemingly impossible times. It is when change seems like it will never come. And I am still in the learning part but I am determined to be the wife God has called me to be. I am determined to love when love is the last thing I feel. I am determined to forgive when I feel betrayed. I am determined to show affection when I feel like I am in a one sided relationship. Because it is easy to think our problems are the whole world. It is easy to think our thoughts are the most important and that our fears are center focus. But in reality----they aren't. What if I took the time to dive into his head and embrace his fears and feel his hurts? I think my problems would seem so small.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-85336907282799904502013-04-19T06:26:00.002-07:002013-04-19T06:26:52.465-07:00Abby has become an even bigger blessing than I ever imagined. For those who don't know, Abby is mine and James' lab/retriever mix we rescued last year. Just like she has grown into her over sized paws and adult head that she had even as a puppy, she has also grown in our heart. Abby asks for nothing more than love(and a lot of beggin strips), but she gives so much more. She is gentle and protective, loyal and loving, playful and laid back. She also has a great sense for knowing who needs who at the moment. If I am the one having the bad day then she is cuddling in my lap or showing my extra attention, if it is James then she is in his lap. She is impossible not to adore even by people who are not dog lovers. She is just a dog I know, but we couldn't have hand picked a better one than Abby.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-15565397327050336832013-02-21T12:51:00.000-08:002013-02-21T12:51:01.503-08:00I have been so overwhelmed by everything going on lately. This has definitely been one of those times when it seems everything happens at once and you go "whoa, slow down!" God reminded how much we need Him today though. I decided to get away for some quiet time and it made all the difference. Away from all the noise, needs, and long to do list, I found I could finally listen. And like always, it was in the quiet that God spoke and He told me that instead of wanting my situation to change, maybe I needed to change my perspective about it. He was right. We always think everyone or everything else is the problem when sometimes the biggest problem is how we are viewing things. Learned something today.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-74438682960123581472012-12-15T07:02:00.000-08:002012-12-15T07:02:57.263-08:00 Most people will probably disagree with everything I will be saying, but this is my blog and I promised to write only truth in it. Everyone has been talking about the Elementary school shooting that happened yesterday. How 20 children and 6 adults were murdered for seemingly no purpose. The media has made almost a celebrity out of the killer who was really only a child himself at 20 years old. I don't think he should be seen in that light yet my heart aches for him. The children were all innocent and as someone who believes in eternity and heaven, I fully believe those little ones are safely in peace now. But, my heart cries to imagine the eternity of that young man who make such a heart breaking last choice for his life. I long to sit with him and listen to whatever was on his heart that eventually led to him ending his life by taking so many innocent ones. We, as humans, like to think of ourselves in a better light than we probably should. We like to say that we are decent people because although we might cheat in small ways such as by "small lies" or on our taxes since "it is really our money anyway" or since we don't literally kill people we only hate others who we deem deserve that hate then we are really pretty okay people. Well, we aren't. Because we don't get to determine our level of goodness. How could we? By what measure are we using? Does everyone get the same measurement? We, as fallen creatures are incapable of determining what we deserve. By God's standards of justice we completely fall short every time. We murder people in our hearts. We destroy covenants that we make. We lie if it helps us, cheat if it is to our advantage, are unloving with our words and our actions. And we find all of these things to be okay as long as we don't rape or murder. Those two things seem to be deemed the worst of the worst although even then we cannot seem to agree which is a bigger offense. To scar another's life or destroy it? And in which cases in murder okay? The murder of an unborn child? War? "Justified" murder to get revenge? I will never condone what this young man did, but my heart breaks for him and his family just the same as for the victims. We do not get to play judge or God with him. And until we learn to live as the one true judge Jesus did and learn to listen to what people have to say without biased condemnation, murders and tragedies like this will become the norm. gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-18220794015852922362012-10-29T11:41:00.001-07:002012-10-29T11:41:48.467-07:00Here is the moment I have been feeling expectantly in the air. The moment when this waiting time is finished and the call to the next mission has sounded. I so look forward to investing in Monika and Josh again. I look forward to finding ways to give our brave soldiers hope. Anticipation hangs in the air, but it is within reach now and I will grab ahold of it and start this new journey. gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-89940691817957374832012-10-19T05:32:00.001-07:002012-10-19T05:32:03.392-07:00We like to think we know so much. And by we I mostly mean me. I tried so hard to make someone perfect for me because I wanted them to be. All that did was hurt us both. James doesn't have to be changed to be good for me, he just is. He is as patient, grounded, responsible, and serious as I am impatient, flighty, careless and playful. He balances all the extremes of me. I will be leaving in 2 short weeks to head back to Hinesville to serve that town with him. There is much hurt and loss there and about time for some healing. gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-14149897537787467252012-09-09T13:38:00.000-07:002012-09-09T13:38:08.086-07:00Life is about to change hugely. I don't know how. Or when. Only that it will. Soon. Here goes.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-47156631035178493792012-08-23T16:12:00.000-07:002012-08-23T16:12:04.739-07:00Life is about to change again. I feel it all around me in the air. My entire being is tensed in waiting for big things to happen. Of course, I have no idea what they are, but come they will. I still feel as though I am in training here, so I have to remember to use my time here wisely. More to come. gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-13810890015840748052012-07-30T15:25:00.002-07:002012-07-30T15:25:30.987-07:00Even through this time of me having no idea why I am here, God is all good and providing. He has blessed me with an incredible church family, time with the Whitton's who are an amazingly loving and generous family, friendships, a job, and unbelievable joy. Proof that circumstances do not determine joy, rather, your depth of happiness in Christ does.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-15101520696165111642012-06-07T15:00:00.001-07:002012-06-07T15:00:22.290-07:00Life remains exciting these days. In about 3 weeks I will be headed back to the mountains. To what I don't know. It feels like I Just got here and here it is over. Life is as unknown as ever, but it sure is exciting.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-6803650573200324572012-05-16T12:45:00.001-07:002012-05-16T12:45:46.423-07:00Whew, today was a sad day. I have gotten so close to my Monima and Amyia. It ceushed me today goodbye to the Today and it is hard not knowing what environment they will be in. But Jesus sees all and I know He has this in his hands as well. I haven't experienced a goodbye this hard since leaving for here but I am thankful to have such a friendship that I miss them so.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-36282182590987750552012-05-02T08:29:00.001-07:002012-05-02T08:29:52.140-07:00Life needs to slow down a second so that I can catch my breath. I feel like I am on the move 24/7 and I feel like my purpose is suffering because of it. I need to really sit down and decide which things in my life are most important and let the rest go, because the way I am going right now doesn't seem to be doing good for anyone and I, especially am getting worn down from it. Priorities.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-77256783370580383962012-04-04T08:40:00.002-07:002012-04-04T08:47:22.455-07:00Life has been hard pressing lately. Work is hard, tutoring is hard, life is busy, busy, busy, and never seems to slow down. I am exhausted and restless. Part of me wants to just go somewhere else, but I can't justify doing that. I feel like here is where I should be even though right now it isn't completely where I want to be. This is when standing strong and persevering counts. And so I press on.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-45024918992610279322012-03-19T16:44:00.002-07:002012-03-19T16:51:18.717-07:00I haven't made this public yet and things are always open to change, but I am almost positive I will be staying here a little longer. I will add details later but to keep it short, there is much ministry to be done here and the military now has a very special place in my heart.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-86425236145116783282012-03-06T18:21:00.001-08:002012-03-06T18:24:48.928-08:00It is funny. I haven't been homesick for here in a while, but now after being back after a couple months I was surprised by the twinge of longing I felt to be back here. Daddy, speak and tell me where to go. My feet won't go a step without your word.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-78646662067088485692012-03-04T14:36:00.002-08:002012-03-04T14:47:54.335-08:00My brother asked me today what I planned on doing in a couple months when he leaves and I realized how okay I am with that. In fact, I am very okay with it. God could send me anywhere or keep me right here. Life is so exciting living in the unknown. Even just knowing that I have no idea where I will be in the next couple months is so thrilling. Am I nervous? Yeah. Am I completely dependant on God's response to my questions? Absolutely. Am I in the dark about it all? You have no idea. This is living on the edge...of Eternity.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-61962733612844378072012-03-02T10:13:00.002-08:002012-03-02T10:26:03.163-08:00I had such a heavy heart last night. So, I am determined I am not going home until I get this worked out. I go to Waffle House, which is my chill place and I am reading, drinking coffee, and listening to music. I sit there writing little notes on my iPod about how I am feeling and such and feeling sadder by the minute. It was strange because everyone feels sad sometimes but this sadness was heavy and I couldn't really place why I felt sad. And finally, as I am feeling overwhelmed, I stop and ask God "This is too heavy. Will you carry this too?" To which He replies, "If you unclench your fist and lay it down." I was a bit stunned to say the least. I had been so busy asking God to take it away that I had no idea I was grasping it like the last flotation device in an open sea. And I wonder how often we probably do that. God can't carry what you won't lay down or let go of. I felt much lighter after we talked.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-72569930286340973872012-02-27T09:21:00.003-08:002012-02-27T09:29:28.221-08:00It is a strange thing to see yourself grow up. Usually it is something that happens and months or even years later you see how you have changed, but lately I have been almost watching myself grow up in many ways. Situations and circumstances that would have stressed me out before no longer do and I no longer need or even desire to control things. Life changes very quickly and I have to keep my focus on Jesus lest I swerve and miss a turn. I think this year, more than anything else I have the goodness of God in everything. He doesn't need my life to be simple or easy or pain free to be a good God. He is always good. Life is good.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-28779436203497873822012-02-22T18:58:00.002-08:002012-02-22T19:03:55.577-08:00I am slowly learning the art of investing in others. I have made so many friendships and work relationships here and I have very overwhelmed trying to sort them all out, but I am improving. I have co-workers, youth, and friends who all need the Gospel. What a privaledge to be given such an honor as sharing it by living life together.gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7240341039871256547.post-57840856010938894092012-02-15T08:21:00.000-08:002012-02-15T08:22:53.331-08:00How come there are so many churches and so many "followers of Jesus", yet still so many people trying to lead their own lives. What part of follower confuses us or do we just like the way it sounds?gapeach18http://www.blogger.com/profile/16461692021883873496noreply@blogger.com0