tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486Wed, 11 Sep 2024 04:56:40 +0000open adoptionparentingadoptionloveadventureparenthoodtoddlersopen-heartedriskemotional rollercoasterfearpath to parenthoodpre-adoptive parentsattunementconnectionobstacleswork in progressdifferencesexpectationslearning opportunitytryingboundariesemotional intelligencefearlessnessfeelingshappyhealinglgbtmirroringrelationshipsadoptive parentingbaggagebirthparent visitbookseffortfocuslesbian parentslgbt familiesmessagesnursery preparationopposites attractprocrastinatingsnorkelingswimmingGalapagosSantaapplauseart therapyauthenticitybaby scoop erabouncy ballscutting and pastingdear birthparent letterdiving boardendorphinsexercise for sanitygay agendagay parentsgender constructsgender normsgender roleshappy-ishhardhatehaters gonna hateheart surgeryholidaysmirrormissed callnon-conformityoccupy movementoccupy your heartphotophotoshopreadingrunningsharksspacesurf lessontreading waterwalkingword nerdopen-adoption. two-mom family. life. parenting. san francisco. http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)Blogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-888676040022803083Sat, 06 Feb 2016 19:48:00 +00002016-02-06T11:48:03.629-08:00attunementauthenticitydifferencesemotional intelligenceexpectationsfeelingsgay agendagender constructsgender normsgender roleslesbian parentslgbt familiesnon-conformityparenthoodtoddlersSometimes, though I know I shouldn't, I worry that because we support Gus's desire to have long hair or twirl around in skirts and tutus of his own choosing, that people will accuse us of having some kind of "gay agenda". That because we are two women parenting a male child, we are pushing him to be "girly". (Which, if you know either of us, is a pretty hilarious notion as neither of us is an http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2016/02/free-to-be-you-and-me.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-8950777746083954992Mon, 11 May 2015 22:37:00 +00002015-05-11T15:38:13.537-07:00adoptionadoptive parentingattunementbirthparent visitboundariesconnectionemotional intelligencefeelingsmirroringopen adoptionparentingrelationshipsspacetoddlersOver Easter/Passover weekend back in April, we went on a road trip to visit Gus' birthparents. As hard as I try to understand what it must be like for Gus to be adopted, I will never truly know. We chose open adoption, as we've discussed on this blog in the past, because we wanted to be able to provide Gus with biological ties. We are his parents, but so are they. And so, we are in contact with http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2015/05/road-trip-open-adoption-style.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-4583209416874209646Mon, 23 Feb 2015 21:28:00 +00002015-02-23T13:30:06.608-08:00adoptionadventureboundariesdifferencesemotional intelligencefearlessnessfeelingsopen adoptionparenthoodparentingsnorkelingsurf lessonswimmingtoddlersWhen you are two, a lot happens in half a year. It is amazing to me how much Gus has grown and changed in what feels like just a blip in time. Where do I even begin? Well, since I last blogged, there is a lot more talking. A LOT. Gus basically narrates every moment - what he's doing, what he's feeling (more on that later). And of course, he is full of questions. All kinds of questions. He has http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2015/02/playing-catch-up.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-7762607633278939740Thu, 31 Jul 2014 04:04:00 +00002014-07-30T21:04:17.076-07:00adventureattunementfearlessnesshappyloveopen-heartedparentingriskswimmingtoddlerstryingWe travelled last week to Isle of Palms outside of Charleston, SC for our annual Shaylor family beach trip. We were lucky enough to get to all stay together in a house right on the beach that also had it's own pool, which was really awesome. As a child we did this for a week every summer. Some of my fondest childhood memories are from going to this island, playing for hours in tidepools. Drippinghttp://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2014/07/just-keep-swimming.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-5540333946341195529Sat, 24 May 2014 19:36:00 +00002014-05-24T12:36:04.708-07:00adoptionadoptive parentingbirthparent visitbooksconnectionexpectationshealingloveobstaclesparentingrelationshipstoddlersSometimes I think when we're right in the thick of things, living the day to day in and out parts of life, it's hard to see what we're doing. It's like standing in a museum with your nose right up against a painting. You can't see much but the blurred brushstroke directly in front of you. You have to step back to really SEE. Sure, raising a kid is challenging. I joke that my new reason/http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2014/05/the-whole-picture.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-5935436694527866061Sat, 29 Mar 2014 20:18:00 +00002014-03-29T13:18:45.198-07:00adoptiondifferenceseffortexpectationsfearfocusloveobstaclesopen adoptionopen-heartedparenthoodparentingrelationshipstoddlerstreading waterwork in progressWe just got back from a visit with Shelley's parents (Nonna & Nonno to Gus) in Florida. Gus was in hog heaven because not only do they live on the beach and have a pool, but several of his cousins live very close so he got to play with them, and some even brought their DOGS! This kid could not have been more thrilled. The mommies were also really impressed with what an adaptable little guy wehttp://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2014/03/treading-water.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-1335104449795616158Sat, 15 Feb 2014 18:17:00 +00002014-02-15T10:17:31.419-08:00adventureattunementconnectionfearfearlessnessgay parentshatehaters gonna hatehealinglesbian parentslgbtlgbt familiesloveobstaclesopen-heartedparenthoodparentingrisktoddlers Love. Love. Love. I feel sometimes like I might be swallowed up by all the hate out there in the world, but I have to remember the only way to fight back, the only way that will ever make a difference, is love. But it's difficult. When there are people saying things about my family? When they don't even know us? I don't think Gus has a hateful bone in his body. He loves animals, and kids on http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2014/02/love.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-5583003947519103144Sat, 25 Jan 2014 19:22:00 +00002014-01-25T11:22:47.486-08:00adoptionbooksdifferenceslgbtlovemessagesopen adoptionparenthoodparentingreadingtoddlers Gus is obsessed with books. This high-energy, full force blur of a toddler will not stop for much, but he will sit still on my lap for book after book. He's been this way since very early on. When he was about 4 or 5 months old, he'd happily allow me to read him half a dozen to a dozen books at a time. As an introverted bookworm, I of course love this (except that it makes it hard for me to http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2014/01/whos-adopted.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-3562065430502826758Sat, 14 Dec 2013 19:52:00 +00002013-12-14T11:52:31.760-08:00happyholidaysloveparenthoodparentingSantatoddlers We are staying in San Francisco for the holidays this year. It was not an easy decision, but one that is best for our little family. Missing out on seeing friends and family is hard, but we are also pretty excited about being Home for the first time ever - taking advantage of the holiday activities here as well as spending time with our chosen family - and decorating! (an interesting endeavor http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2013/12/happy-holidays.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-863359152310481730Sat, 09 Nov 2013 20:46:00 +00002013-11-09T12:46:58.800-08:00adoptionadventurefocushappyhappy-ishhardloveopen-heartedparenthoodparentingtoddlerswork in progress I've been reading a lot of Glennon Melton lately. Love her. In my head I'm often as funny and profound as she is. In my head. (A lot goes on in this head of mine. But i digress.) Anyway, she has this concept of "happy-ish" that I love. You see, I'm just learning Happy. That is not to say that I have not had my share of happiness in my life - of course I have! But Happy and I are sometimes http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2013/11/focus.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-1244644287918237528Sat, 02 Nov 2013 01:51:00 +00002013-11-01T18:51:43.476-07:00adventureapplauselovemirroringopen adoptionopen-heartedparenthoodtoddlerstryingSo I mentioned before that when he was learning to walk, Gus would clap for himself if no one was around to give him the props he felt he deserved. It's pretty heartwarming to see how proud he is of himself. For everything. He has taken to regularly clapping for himself when he accomplishes something or gets something "right". We have been working on boundaries and limits (yes, it is going to behttp://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2013/11/applause.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-8434596081510387054Sat, 19 Oct 2013 21:36:00 +00002013-10-19T14:37:38.038-07:00adventureattunementboundariesconnectionlearning opportunityparenthoodparentingtoddlersGus is growing and changing and learning SO fast. It feels like he makes these giant leaps in ability and logic almost overnight. I know that isn't true, that all of these things are simmering in the background until the day he puts them together outwardly, but it feels so amazingly out of the blue sometimes. It's exciting to think about the millions of neural connections he's making all the timehttp://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2013/10/leaps-and-bounds.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-6902687204462749073Sat, 28 Sep 2013 21:22:00 +00002013-09-28T14:22:09.926-07:00adoptionadventurelearning opportunityloveparenthoodparentingwalkingGussie is walking! Like really, really doing it. Letting go of the furniture, standing up from the floor by himself, walking. It is amazing.  It happened practically overnight. He had taken a few steps tentatively from one of us to the other a month or so ago, but then lost interest. Who can blame him? His funny little one-leg-tucked crawl is fast. He's perfected it. It's his preferred way http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2013/09/learning-to-walk.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-1868156336717843438Sat, 14 Sep 2013 17:44:00 +00002013-09-14T10:44:27.737-07:00adventureattunementbaggagelearning opportunitymirrormirroringparenthoodparentingtryingwork in progressParenthood feels to me like a giant effin' mirror being thrust in my face all the time. I examine, and re-examine, and over-examine almost every decision I make during a day with Gus. I guess it's not totally fair to blame it all on the parenting. Some of it (okay a lot of it) is just me. But it does feel like decisions are more dire now. Before, if I forgot to eat or chose to eat badly, eh - http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2013/09/mirror-mirror.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-9098978853859133101Sun, 01 Sep 2013 04:10:00 +00002013-08-31T21:10:26.205-07:00adoptionemotional rollercoasterexpectationsobstaclesopen adoptionparenthoodparentingI've been thinking a lot about expectations (cause I'm a nerdy introvert who sits around and thinks about all kinds of weird shit. all. the. time.) People have all kinds of expectations about pretty much everything (or at least I do). And that's a giant set up for disappointment, in my opinion. As adoptive parents, I think we, by necessity in some ways, have less expectations about our kid than ahttp://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2013/08/expectations.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-7225293647727654651Sat, 24 Aug 2013 20:29:00 +00002013-08-24T13:30:14.482-07:00adventureeffortlearning opportunityobstaclesparenthoodparentingrisktryingwork in progress I've been thinking about obstacles while watching my son. He doesn't know what they are. Something is on the floor in your way? No matter, you crawl over it, force your way under it. There is a step, or a piece of furniture, or a cat in your path? Just keep going. If only it were that easy for the rest of us. One of his favorite games at the moment is to have Mama (me) crawl around http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2013/08/obstacles-i-dont-see-any-obstacles.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-7087467423613362825Mon, 12 Aug 2013 21:45:00 +00002013-08-12T14:45:22.619-07:00adoptionadventureemotional rollercoasterlgbtloveopen adoptionopen-heartedparenthood I've written a ton of blog posts this past year. In my head. But i think it's time to put more of it out there. We celebrated Gus's first birthday yesterday and I thought I really should update the blog. So here it goes: Quick summary: We finalized Gus's adoption. We got LEGALLY married, under a tree outside City Hall with our kid playing in the grass beside us (how cool is that?!). We began http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2013/08/525600-minutes.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-2566502249073920139Sat, 25 Aug 2012 17:53:00 +00002012-08-25T10:53:52.146-07:00adoptionadventureemotional rollercoasterloveopen adoptionopen-heartedparentingpath to parenthoodAs hard as it is for us to fathom, our wait is over! He's here! It feels surreal, so utterly natural and right on the one hand, and unbelievable on the other. Birthmom K has signed relinquishments, and they've been acknowledged by the state. There are a few more hurdles to get through before he's officially, officially a member of our family, but we're pretty confident, and he's felt like our kidhttp://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2012/08/hes-here.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-8960409260796418273Sun, 22 Jul 2012 18:28:00 +00002012-07-22T11:28:44.638-07:00adoptionbaby scoop eraconnectionemotional rollercoasterfearloveopen adoptionpath to parenthoodpre-adoptive parentsriskI've been struggling with how to write this post for a while now. I can't seem to come up with a metaphor that does justice to this part of our journey. Maybe there just isn't one. I've been thinking a lot about connection. In a myriad of ways, really. I am kind of a neuroscience geek and love reading about the brain. And the brain is all about connection. In fact, there are more possible http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2012/07/connections.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-4925090607629931114Thu, 17 May 2012 23:53:00 +00002012-05-17T16:53:25.776-07:00adoptionadventureemotional rollercoasterloveopen adoptionpath to parenthoodpre-adoptive parentsriskThe awesome 10 year old that I get to hang out with most mornings and afternoons each week visited the Santa Cruz Boardwalk last weekend. She rode the Giant Dipper for the first time (the famed roller coaster featured in the great '80s vampire flick - before vampires were as trendy as they are now - The Lost Boys). Anyway, she was quite proud of herself for this accomplishment because, as she http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2012/05/amusement-ride.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-2471344106097085374Fri, 13 Apr 2012 00:23:00 +00002012-04-12T17:23:04.124-07:00adoptionadventureemotional rollercoasterfearGalapagosopen adoptionpath to parenthoodpre-adoptive parentsrisksharkssnorkelingWhen Shelley and I were in the Galapagos last summer, we had the opportunity to swim with sharks. Now, I'm not a super phobic type person, I have no problem with spiders and heights and flying and such things that many people fear. I've done some daring, risky things in my youth. But sharks freak me out. In fact, the thought of them is always in the back of my mind when swimming or snorkeling in http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2012/04/swimming-with-sharks.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-1264101200392632439Tue, 06 Mar 2012 03:55:00 +00002012-03-05T19:58:48.682-08:00adoptionart therapyemotional rollercoasterfearlovemissed callnursery preparationopen adoptionopposites attractpath to parenthoodpre-adoptive parentsrisk So... The bat phone rang on Saturday. Shelley was parking the car and couldn't grab it in time and has now convinced herself that this was the one and only contact we will ever get and because she didn't answer the phone in time we have lost out on our chance to be parents. Did I mention my wonderful spouse can be a *bit* of a drama queen? This incident led to a conversation about how we http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2012/03/missed-connection.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-2793093146328886025Thu, 17 Nov 2011 19:41:00 +00002011-11-17T12:25:36.733-08:00endorphinsexercise for sanitymessagesoccupy movementoccupy your heartopen adoptionopen-heartedphotopre-adoptive parentsrunningMostly, I don't like running. I do it to stay in shape, to stay sane. A lot of times, the things I encounter when I'm out running annoy me (careless drivers who almost hit me, unaware people who almost trip me with their ginormous strollers, etc). But sometimes, sometimes I kind of love it. Of course the endorphin high is awesome, and when the weather here in SF is gorgeous and sunny and just thehttp://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2011/11/messages-from-universe.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-920515750177138199Tue, 08 Nov 2011 19:55:00 +00002011-11-08T11:55:18.113-08:00adoptionbouncy ballsfearnursery preparationopen adoptionopposites attractpath to parenthoodpre-adoptive parentsprocrastinatingSo, we are officially in circulation. Waiting. (I don't think we are very good at waiting.) On the one hand it feels really exciting, to finally be "on the books" and knowing we could become parents at any time. On the other hand, knowing we could become parents at any time is crazy scary! And then there's the whole not-really-knowing-anything thing (which is more a http://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2011/11/bouncy-balls.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7880164828603757486.post-2548970548475345083Thu, 20 Oct 2011 17:32:00 +00002011-10-30T09:49:43.999-07:00healingheart surgeryloveopen adoptionopen-heartedIt seems like I've been getting a lot of messages about open-heartedness recently. My dad is facing open-heart surgery, a literal opening of the heart to repair it. So this has me thinking a lot about the figurative implications of opening the heart. It's really only in western traditions that we believe these two are separate. Many traditions believe that the "figurative" healing leads to actualhttp://shaynitifamily.blogspot.com/2011/10/open-heartedness.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ellen and shelley)0