LAUGHTER-O-METER _______ laughter unlimited

When Grandma Goes To Court

noreply@blogger.com (SmartJack) — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 07:43:00 +0000

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more ! than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

Tit for Tat

noreply@blogger.com (vipula) — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 08:59:00 +0000

TIT FOR TAT

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone.
After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her, "Er... Excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"

She responds in a loud voice : " NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them.

The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.
After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says, "You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

The young man responds loudly with, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIVE THOUSAND RUPEES FOR A NIGHT. THATS TOO MUCH !"

Indian Chap ...

noreply@blogger.com (Aakhir Dil Chahta kya hai?!) — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 12:40:00 +0000

A Small story.

The Manager says: "Do you have any sales experience?"

The Indian says: "Sir, I was a salesman back home in India." Well, the boss liked the Indian chappie so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow.. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

"How many sales did you make today?"

Indian boy says: "Sir, Just ONE sale."

The boss says: "Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day." If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale.

By the way, how much was the sale for?"
Indian boy says: " $101 237. 64" Boss says: "$101 237. 64?
What the hell did you sell?"
Indian boy says: "Sir, First I sell him small fishhook.
Then I sell him medium fishhook.
Then I sell him large fishhook.
Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.
Then I ask him where he's going fishing and he said down on the coast, so I told him he'll be needing a boat, so we went down to the boating department and I sell him twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to our automotive department and sell him that 4X4 Blazer.
I then ask him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sell him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents.
Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.

The boss said: "You're not serious? A guy came in here to buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck and a tent?"

Indian boy says: "No Sirji, actually he came in to buy Anacin for his headache, and I said: Well, fishing is the best way to relax your mind."

Amitabh Bachchan ka Maalik

noreply@blogger.com (Aakhir Dil Chahta kya hai?!) — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 09:10:00 +0000

This is when Amitabh Bachan got fit after his long illness.....

one fine morning he told his drvier "Arre bhai aaj Gaadi hum chalayenge..".driver, "Par saab aapki tabyat?.."amitabh "Aree meri tabyat thik ho gayi he, I am fit and fine...kya dance karke dikhau, dialogue, fighting kare dikhau.......

Hain"Ok then he starts driving the car very fast.... zoooooooooom breaks one red signal.........

breaks second red signal..........

breaks on more red signal...........

.........

Then a traffic hawaldar stops the car, tells the car to be sided to the road..Tells the driver to come out... "Chalo liscence dikhao, puc, gaadi ke kagjaaat..." Sees amitabh "are Amitabh Bachhan?!!!" he is verysuprised to see him.........

Then he quickly on wireless calls his senior officers...."Sir, aap jaldi yaha aye naake par..."Sir "KYun kya hua??" Havaldar: "Sir ek gaadi ne signal toda he aur maine us gaadi ko side me rakha he"Sir: "To phir?"hawaldar: "Sir, Us gaadi ka maalik bahut bada aadmi he sir .... mein uska challan nahi phaad sakta aap khud yaha aiye .." ............

.........

Sir "KON MAALIK HE US GAADI KA??"HAWALDAR : "WOH TO PATA NAHI SIR PAR USNE NA SIR ... AMITABH BACHHAN KO DRIVER RAKHA HE....".

THE PERFECT HUSBAND

noreply@blogger.com (SmartJack) — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 11:33:00 +0000

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club. After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(H - Husband, W - Wife)

H - "Hello ?"

W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club? "

H - "Yes."

W -"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

H -"What's the price?"

W - "Only $1,000."

H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."

W -"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005 models. I saw one I really liked. It's a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. And since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year...

H - "What price did he quote you?"

W - "Only $65,000..."

H - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else...

H -"What?"

W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beach front property."

H - "How much are they asking?"

W - "Only $450,000 -- a magnificent price.. .and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."

H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?"

W - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

H - " Bye...I love you too..."

The man hangs up & closes the phone's flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks " Does anyone know who this Cell phone belong to???"

SARDAR AGAIN

noreply@blogger.com (SmartJack) — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 07:21:00 +0000

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Sardar at bar in New York .
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but? ?
how much is DRIVING salary...?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES. ..NO...
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??" (means "do you know tamil")
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ......
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS..... ..
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Nirma

noreply@blogger.com (Aakhir Dil Chahta kya hai?!) — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 12:36:00 +0000

Shopkeeper:Oh ho Deepika ji , aaiye aaiye.
Kaun sa sabun lena pasand karengi.
Ye dekhiye ye..(Someother soap which is not nirma)

Deepika(Customer):Nahi Nahi ye nahi woh(pointing at nirma).

Shopkeeper:Par aap to woh, purana wala sabun....(stammering)

Deepika(Customer):Leti thi, par wahi safedi mujhe kam damo mein mile tokoiwoh kyun le, ye(nirma) na le!

Shopkeeper:Man gaye!!Deepika(Customer):Kise?

Shopkeeper:Aapki par ki nazar aur nirma super dono ko !!!

Now the song starts... ;-)

WASHING POWDER NIRMA

WASHING POWDER NIRMA

DUDH SE SAFEDI NIRMA SE AAYE

RANGEEN KAPDA BHI KHIL KHIL JAYE

SABKI PASAND NIRMA

WASHING POWDER NIRMA

NIRMA....... ......... ..

LOGO KO KUCH BHI BHEJO PADHNE LAG JATE HAIN........ kya yaar kab sudhroge...

Maar do - Sholay new version

noreply@blogger.com (Aakhir Dil Chahta kya hai?!) — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 15:25:00 +0000

Gabbar: Kitne admi they?
Sambha: Sardar 2
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar: Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba: 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba: Beech mein koi nahi aata
Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba: 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do

July Collection of humorous Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Aakhir Dil Chahta kya hai?!) — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 05:20:00 +0000

1. I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

2. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

3. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

4. "I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!" - Homer Simpson

5. 5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.

6. 47.5% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

7. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

8. Do you know the difference between God and a neurosurgeon? God doesn't think he is a neurosurgeon!

9. Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted: I am Napoleon! Another one said: How do you know? The first inmate said: God told me! A voice from another room shouted: I did NOT!

Dont Tell lies

noreply@blogger.com (SmartJack) — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 10:42:00 +0000

One day Mr John bought a robot.
The robot had a specialty. It could detect a lie and would slap the lier on the face. Mr John's Son returned late from school that day so he asked him, " Son why are you late from school?". Son answered, "Dad we had extra classes today". Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped the boy on his face. His dad told him" Son, this robot is special in that he can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the truth, " Why are you late?" "Dad I went for a movie", " Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments", 'Splat' again he got a tight slap on the face from the robot. " No dad honest I went for the movie Sex Queen." Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things." 'Splat', the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot. Hearing all this, the mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying, "After all he is your son, he will be like you", to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on the mothers face!!!!!

Ravan ka Dilemma

noreply@blogger.com (Aakhir Dil Chahta kya hai?!) — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 16:44:00 +0000

One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day for all his bad deeds. He felt that he should go an apologise to Ram for all the problems he had caused.

So he went to Ram's house and knocked on the door. Ram opened the door and was surprised to find Ravan standing there. Ravan just kept staring and thinking but didn't say a word.

What was he thinking?

Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?"

How communication matters a lot !!

noreply@blogger.com (Aakhir Dil Chahta kya hai?!) — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 16:41:00 +0000

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?" But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him. Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question.

Let me try." And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?" To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son...by all means."

Moral of the story: The reply you get depends on the question you ask. Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation??

INTERESTING EQUATION

noreply@blogger.com (SmartJack) — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 09:14:00 +0000

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy

If, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work

In other words,

Human that don't know enjoy = pigs that work

**************

Men = eat + sleep + earn money

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money

If Men - earn money = Pigs

In other words,

Men that don't earn money = Pigs

**************

Women = eat + sleep + spend

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Women = Pigs + spend

If, Women - spend = Pigs

In other words,

Women that don't spend = Pigs

**************

Summary:

Men earn money not to let women become pigs!

Women spend not to let men become pigs!

Men + Women = 2 Pigs

Wish all the pigs happy forever.

AMAZING TEST!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (SmartJack) — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 05:42:00 +0000

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,"Boy. what is your problem?"

Boy. answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Ms Neelam had enough. She took the Boy. to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."

Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agreed.

Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Boy., after a moment "Legs."
Ms Nee lam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?

Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

"Send this Boy to IIM Ahmedabad, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

THE TRUTH

noreply@blogger.com (SmartJack) — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 07:21:00 +0000

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth” -- even when you don't know anything.

The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don't tell your father.”

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don't say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, “Then come give your FATHER a big hug.”

IMAGINE YOU ARE IN AFRICA

noreply@blogger.com (SmartJack) — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 03:47:00 +0000

Imagine you are in Africa. You have been tied hanging on a tree with a rope anchored on the ground, a candle is slowly burning the rope, and the lion is waiting for you to drop and be his lunch.

Your survival hinges on the rope staying intact. There is no one around to help you. The only possible way is to somehow convince the lion to BLOW the candle out. How do you do that?

.
.

.

ASTROLOGICAL PRAYERS

noreply@blogger.com (SmartJack) — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 05:11:00 +0000

Aries

Dear God, please give me patience... And could you do it right now?

***********

Taurus

Dear God, help me accept change, but not too quick.

***********

Gemini

Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God?

***********

Cancer

Dear God!!!

***********

Leo

Yes?

***********

Virgo

Dear God, please make us perfect and don't mess it up like You did the last time.

***********

Libra

Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best?

***********

Scorpio

Our Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, even though the b*****ds don't deserve it!

***********

Sagittarius

Dear Lord, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, help me stop exaggerating.

***********

Capricorn

Dear God! I'd like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else!

***********

Aquarius

Dear God, I know I like change, but this chaos is ridiculous!!

***********

Pisces

Dear Lord, as long as I'm going to drink this fifth of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory .

***********

SOME HUMORUS SIGN ADDS

noreply@blogger.com (SmartJack) — Sat, 14 Jul 2007 06:02:00 +0000

Advertisement In A Long Island Shop: Guitar, for sale....... Cheap...........no strings attached .

Ad.. In Hospital Waiting Room: Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!

Seen on a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.

When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...I Gave Up Reading.

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses... He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off .

Sign In A Bar: "Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance."

Sign In Driving School: If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.

Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.

The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.

Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.

Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You sleep Alone.

The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit: We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.

A Traffic Slogan: Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be.

Sign In A Restaurant: All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window: Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Grandmother !

YOU WILL LAUGH YOUR HEADS OUT AFTER YOU FINISH READING THIS!!!!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (SmartJack) — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 04:11:00 +0000

Narrated by a women. Name not disclosed.

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
eating beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and
told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I
passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I
could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill
effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the dinner and
before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my
arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
"Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me
and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he
was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me
promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer
the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the
pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of
the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let
one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck
running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.

I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
was worse than stinking cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the
conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few
minutes.

The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells
signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more
times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it
feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been
the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for
taking so long.

He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I
had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner
guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"!! I nearly
died!!!

ENOUGH OF SARDAR JOKES.. MALLU JOKES ARE HERE!!!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (SmartJack) — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 04:09:00 +0000

1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
IngumDax

2) Where did the Malayali study?
In the ko-liage.

3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
He is very bissi.

4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in
Gelff.

5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught
fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen

8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.

9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office
everyday?
An Oto

11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask

12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
Kerala.

14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi

15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say
'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'

16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
" Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "

17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football
teams ?
Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.

18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of
kokanet oil.

19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana
Chibbs.

20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN
bones...

ULTIMATE INTERVIEW

noreply@blogger.com (SmartJack) — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 04:40:00 +0000

One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence?" He was asked.

"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.

"Who was responsible for our independence?"

"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another. " He replied.

"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"

"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.

When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.

Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"

He replied, " The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."

Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"

He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".

The interviewer was incensed.

" Hey! Are you mad or what?"

He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report ."

Kyunki .... sab gareeb the

noreply@blogger.com (Aakhir Dil Chahta kya hai?!) — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 16:10:00 +0000

Once in a kindergarten, a teacher asked all students to write an essay on the topic "A Poor Family".

One student gets the lowest marks for writing that essay. The student happens to be the richest girl in the entire class and her essay goes on as.......

She wrote:Ek baar ek bahut hee gareeb family thi, husband aur wife dono gareeb they, do bachey they, woh bhi bahut gareeb they!!

Ghar ke saare naukar bhi gareeb they, ghar ka maali, driver, aur guard bhi bahut gareeb they.

Ghar ke 4 kuttey bhi gareeb they, 2 din sey chicken nahi khaaya tha.

3 mercedeez car thi, unki bahut time se servicing nahi hui thi, ghar ka A.C bhi theek nahi chalta tha, aur uppar se ghar mein 1 saal se paint nahi hua tha!!Family ko holiday ke liye foregin country gaye bhi 6 mahiney ho gaye they, Ghar ke 5 mein sey 2 TV to chaltey hee nahi they!!!

All in all, bahut hi gareeb family thi!!

IMPACT OF JOB CHANGE

noreply@blogger.com (SmartJack) — Sat, 07 Jul 2007 06:02:00 +0000

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a
question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit
a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a
shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out
of me!".

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap
would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my
first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead
Bodies for the last 25 years....................

SOME RULES CANNOT BE FOLLOWED

noreply@blogger.com (SmartJack) — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 05:51:00 +0000

A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office.

" What is your name?" was the first thing she asked the new guy.

"John ," the new guy replied.

She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all.

I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed, "Darling............ My name is John Darling."

" Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "

MBA v/s BCOM

noreply@blogger.com (Aakhir Dil Chahta kya hai?!) — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 17:59:00 +0000

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian......

A MBA and a Bcom go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and fellasleep.Some hours later, the Bcom wakes his MBA friend. " look up at thesky and tell me what you see.The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars.""What does that tell you?"The MBA ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions ofgalaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we aresmall and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

The Bcom is silent for a moment, then speaks."Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".