As Random As It Can Be

An ode to anxiety and life.

2016-05-26T00:01:00.001+05:30

There are good days and then there are bad.
So bad, that you can't make yourself get out of bed.
So bad, you have to remind yourself to breathe,
wish you didn't have to open your eyes.
So bad that you wish it was night time,
and you were under the sheets,
and mom couldn't see that your eyes are swollen from all that crying.
There are some days when you find yourself clasping the blade,
making small incisions, slicing, slicing away.
and some times, you cut a little too deep.
Your friends and family send you to a doctor,
a doctor who makes all the right diagnosis,
says all the right things,
while a storm brews inside, and you fear you will wither away.
As the world becomes a voyeur of someone's suicide,
you hide in the shadows, crawl back into your shell,
and try to grapple with demons.
You fall, and pick yourself up and repeat.
Away from empty rhetoric of healing, happiness and love.
You know the good days are some times rare, so you cling to them,
you cling to them like the last bite of your favorite ice-cream,
Savoring it, slowly.
Those days when your overbearing anxiety seems as light as a feather,
And the voices inside your head don't bother,
instead encourage you to go on a bit longer.
And you meet people, and you laugh a bit.
You set little goals, make promises to yourself.
And you finally go to bed, dreaming about another good day.

It is everywhere...

2015-11-15T10:19:00.001+05:30

Blood here and fire there,
People succumbing to the war against humanity.
Screams surround us, and the bodies keep piling,
As the abyss of our collective doom slowly becomes a reality.

Stories of you and me

2015-10-25T14:37:00.001+05:30

You begin to tell me your stories,
Of the dark dreams and thoughts,
And I stare at you with a child-like wonder.

You begin to tell me your stories,
Of the dreams that haunt you, of memories that don't let you be.
And I trace your scars with my fingers.

You tell me about the lost childhood,
Cursing yourself as you continue.
And I place my palm on the scars, trying to cover them and make them all disappear.

You tell me things that remind me of my own demons,
And I wonder how we are both the same,
From the same tree of sorrow, wishing for it to all go away.

You continue to tell me about the past,
As we get engulfed in this smoke.
Ashes around us, from things we are both trying to burn and from this cigarette you hold in your fingers.

You tell me your stories and I
go back to your childhood &
picture the child trying to fight the monsters.
The monsters that never go away,
Lurking under the bed.

I try to hold you, trying to figure out where the broken pieces go.
And you share your silence with me,
& we let everything get lost in this dimly lit room.

p.s.- This is for you. Wherever you are, whenever you read it. I'm here.

Just a Tea-boy...

2013-06-18T22:57:00.000+05:30

The clouded glasses on the window,

they always have a story to tell,

of disillusioned thoughts, shabby dreams,

unformed patterns and blurry distant future.

The empty cups have tales they hide,

of people, their lives and the lips they touch.

Witnessing events that may have been important,

of few hurried whispers and silences.

These hands which clean the tables have nothing to say,

for they have been shackled for so long.

The scars on the arms are quiet as well,

tired of screaming behind the closed doors.

The eyes don't shed a tear anymore, longing to see someone familiar,

The ears don't pine to hear the name, his mother used to call.

How long has it been he doesn't remember?

Was it yesterday or has it been a hundred years.

The books are lost, so are the dreams.

The promises made to his family to keep him well,

are broken along with his will and soul.

He is just a tea-boy, a prisoner of fate,

neglected like those window panes,

broken like those cups.

He is just the tea-boy lost among the crowd of others just like him.

Questions and Suspicions.

2013-03-01T17:14:00.001+05:30

A rape every 21 minutes. That's the current statistics of the heinous crime in our country. Somehow I feel it might be even more than that. No matter how scary that thought is, I still have to get out of my house everyday and return late in the evening. I am interning with an organisation, and that requires me to return home late, sometimes VERY late. In between frantic and worried calls, whatsapp messages and other things (yes too much communication is a menace), I return home. Safe and Sound.

It is not that the rapes, specially the brutal 16th December, has not affected me. It has scarred me. I have closed myself and I go into a shell whenever I'm in a public space. This shell thing is funny 'cause I go into a shell even when am in the Ladies Compartment. I keep myself guarded, it's like an emotional armor that am wearing (an armor I wish was metal and was more physical in nature). So from closely watching every guy I pass when am travelling to, keeping a blank face to hysterically panicking that am being followed, I do it all, every single day.

Is it just me? I don't think so, it must be every other girl in the country. Always thinking of worse possible scenario and keeping a straight-face-demeanor, that is me now a days. But it is not just my assumption that things are wrong right? I still get groped, or see girls being 'touched', or that slight brushing of the hands, I see it every day.

Why shouldn't I be guarded, why shouldn't I question every guy around me then? Who to trust? No it is not that I'm victimizing myself or am considering everyone as a predator and thus generalizing the entire 'breed' under the category of pervert. It is safe-keeping I think. I want myself safe, no matter what happens. Because mentality won't change, nor will the 'patriarchal society'. There will be more funds like the Nirbhaya Fund but it won't make a dent in the present situation.

I'm happy with my questions, my suspicious looks and considering every guy a jerk, instead of reciting the Saraswati Mantra or staying away from Chowmein as far as possible. Thank You!

It is a Man's World

2012-12-04T10:31:00.002+05:30

Awake with a startle, wondering where she was,

How long was she unconscious? She doesn't remember.

Tries to open her eyes, she just cannot.

Why does it pain so much, she's perplexed,

She suddenly remembers the blows on her face,

musters up the courage to face herself.

In herself she sees the first day he hit her,

and days that followed with flowers and gifts.

10 years after, that routine still follows.

Being beaten to pulp and then flowers.

Is she supposed to cushion herself with them?

Are they nothing but false promises?

Is she going to be compensated for the drunken violence,

night-after-night-after-night?

Why does she stay, why does she put up with this life?
Is it love? Is it fear? Is it about her own insecurities?

She touches the scars that have now found a permanent place.

Will she ever find herself? Will she ever find answers?
Will he ever be the same?

She's lost more than she thought herself to be.
It is a man's world indeed.

She hears a distant wail, stammering, stumbling, she goes,

Her only child, the apple of her eye, her savior in her dark gloomy life.

She picks her up, and cradles her to sleep,

singing the songs her own mother used to sing.

The child falls back into a deep slumber,

safe in her mother's arms, oblivious to her hell.

Fifty Shades Trilogy by E L James

2012-07-09T13:43:00.001+05:30

A lot has been talked about this not-so-new E L James trilogy, Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed. Am an ardent reader and after I got to know that it was about BDSM ( bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadomasochism or sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M), I knew I had to get to it straight away.

I won't get into the details of BDSM 'cause I know you people either already know about it or will have researched thoroughly while reading this book review. I myself had to research a bit about it to get a clear idea what exactly I was getting in to. Though the wikipedia gives a pretty well descriptive explanation, the book however tries to give it a romantic twist.

The story is simple, and am sure all those people fans of Stephenie Meyer and her Twilight series might find a bit of similarity between the story style. Controlling guy, Timid yet defiant girl, and the undying love in a twisted weird way.
Anyway, so Anastasia Steele, the gawky freshly graduate falls in love with much older filthy rich, dark and mysteriously handsome Christian Grey, who want's to harm her in a not-so-harmful-way.

The story keeps on revolving around too much sex and too much BDSM for my platter, I mean yes I knew before reading it what I was getting into, and that it wasn't the usual fairytale-cliched-chiclit, but there's a limit to which two people can have sex.

There are somethings which are totally unreal, such as:

1. YOU CAN NEVER HAVE SEX THREE TO FOUR TIMES IN A ROW WITHOUT TAKING A BREAK. Not unless you're on some medicine or steroid or something. It is just unreal.

2. ORGASMS, IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO HAVE TOO MANY ORGASM IF YOU'RE A VIRGIN THE FIRST TIME. I mean come on, EL James goes over the top with the number of the big O's Ana has in the series.

3. WHY WOULD A PERFECTLY NORMAL GIRL BE IN A SELF-DESTRUCTIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH A GUY SHE KNOWS IS DAMAGED.
Yes, I understand she's totally in love with him and he can't think of anything else other than her, and both of them complete each other, but still, WHY? He's way damaged and yes I understand the whole "I can make him alright, I'll change him and kiss away his tears" psychology but this is way too much.

No matter how much I may criticize and try to find the obvious faults with the book, I would still say that reading it was an addiction, I didn't put it down without finishing all the three books. I don't know if it was the dominant yet caring nature of Christian, or that I could relate to the defiant character of Anastasia or that their twisted relationship somehow appealed to me, whatever it was that book got to me on a certain level.

But let me warn you, you're sure to fall in love with either or both of the characters while you're reading it.
Christian Grey for his boyish charms which he keeps well hidden behind his dark past and his BDSM lifestyle, his incessant habit to stalk and control and his 'Love' for Ana.
Anastasia Steele to put up with a damaged guy, to stand up to him when she thinks she's right (despite him trying to be all scary), her passion for her dreams (though her rich boyfriend owns the company she works in), her admiration for Christian and his lifestyle, and her coping mechanism with his past.

There are other many small but important characters which James have beautifully put in the series, Ana's best friend and a bit obnoxious Kate Kavanaugh, her boy friend Eliot Grey (who is Christian's Brother), Jose Rodriguez; Ana's close friend who's smitten by her in an obvious manner and Ray Steele; Ana's dad.

Sometimes when I was reading this book I really felt as if Christian was trying to buy Ana's love buy showering her with the most expensive gifts.

Like any other lovestory, we have the amalgamation of disapproving best-friends, clingy ex-girlfriends, villains and even a shrink, but James gets it all straight in the end by giving it a very Happily-Ever-After Ending; which again appeared too unreal to me.

So don't go by anything anyone says about the book, it doesn't even matter that you're halfway through it and it doesn't make much sense to you, I would say complete the trilogy and just get it over with.
It will take some time to sink in, and you might just love it despite of all the complains you might have against it. And who knows you might end up wishing for a boyfriend/husband like Christian Grey or a girlfriend/wife like Anastasia Steele.
But do remember it's all fiction, don't get too lost in the characters or the story.

I wish you a Happy Reading!

p.s.- I take no responsibility of whatever twisted thoughts may come into your mind after you're done with it.

Back!

2012-07-09T12:36:00.002+05:30

I am back to the blog! I have been told by almost every single person I know to move my lazy ass off the couch and do something on the blog. I thus, have promised myself to update it as regularly as I can! so please bear with me! :D

Broken Window; Lost Dreams

2011-12-31T18:48:00.003+05:30

The following poem is on a subject which is too close to my heart; Human Trafficking.

Broken Window, Lost Dreams

Taken away from the threshold of the familiar ground,
Her childhood sold to a poacher of flesh.
She cried, she bled, she struggled till she turned blue,
The monsters didn't leave her even when they were through.
"You're our investment" they said, passing her on to the next customer,
Tattered and bruised, they went, dragging her,
Along.

All left was a soulless body, thrown away for the day,
"You'll feel nothing, It will be fine", each time, they'd say.
Left Alone in the dark room, each night after the ordeal was over,
Holding herself tight, motionless, she would stand in the corner.
All that the room had was a Broken Window,
Unkempt, withered, a mirror image of her, kept for show.

Years have passed since, she is now old and battered.
Still she looks through that same old Broken Window,
Thinking of all that the walls around her know.
and the terrible secrets that they both share,
threatened by the shadows of her own nightmare,
Lying on the bed, she doesn't have much time to spare.
The doctors say she has what is incurable,
she's alive, till the virus is stable.
Her life has been nothing except for the "Investment" they said she was.

Years lost, innocence corrupted before their prime,
Some dreams forgotten, she was a girl, that was her sole crime.

All that would be left- Same Broken Window and Some Lost Dreams.

© Dipannita Saha, 2011

Untitled...

2011-12-31T18:47:00.001+05:30

She takes a deep breath as she decides to write the story of her life,
Rummaging through all that she once reluctantly had left behind.
Of the empty cups of coffee and the sleepless nights,
And those songs she wrote once upon a time.
Some silent screams and the ear-splitting whispers.
The memories of the rain and the warmth of the winter.

The fables from the forlorn pages of her life,
Stuffed somewhere between all the storms and the chaos.
The tale of a lovely dream she once weaved,
The dream which now she has burnt and buried.

"Juxtaposition of your dusk and my dawn,
Your favorite dreams and my worst nightmares,
As I lose myself in the abyss of my present,
Picking up the remains of my past,
You stay alive with me.

I play hide and seek in your dreams,
Trying to weave some for my own,
A story so familiar to us, of us, of happy times,
Of past and the future that will never come,
You stay alive with me.

I pick up the stones that once help me carve,
the reality I once loved, now bleed me dry.
I might smile to people around but,
all my heart does is cry.
Even the tears that flow carries your name,
Reminding me the memories we shared,
and some that we left to fade away.
You stay alive with me with every breath that I take.

Years after when you arrive on my funeral,
Putting the soil on my casket and the rose on my grave,
And you hold your tears back,
I hope that you say,
"You stay alive with me"".

She left the story at the bedpost,
Kissing him and his memories for that last time,
May be not a future together, but she'll always have,
that 1st kiss they shared,
the piece from his fave mug that she broke,
the tee-shirt from his cup-board that she took.
the memories of their first fight, the 1st holiday,
The pictures she clicked he has no idea about,
Bills from all the dates they went together.
So many memories, so much of love,
Amidst all he'll always be alive with her.

© Dipannita Saha, 2011

No One Killed Jessica!!

2011-01-09T00:04:00.005+05:30

"After almost 8 years of turmoil, she finally got what she and her family deserved. JUSTICE"

No One Killed Jessica

"Delhi is about Power, aur Power sirf taqatwar logo ke haath hoti hai.. AAm aadmi ke paas hoti hai to sirf use sehne ki aadat.. This was a fact but I was not ready to live with it." The movie starts off with 'What is Delhi?', the narrator Meera Gaity, a renowned journalist of NDTV which I believe is the spoof on Barkha Dutt (Kargil coverage) tells how she could never understand the city and its people though being brought up there, the visuals of the typical 'delhiites' getting in to fights on trivial things, the roads making you oh so nostalgic, sometimes for the very wrong reasons too!!
The movie moves on with a steady pace gripping the audience on what's going to happen next, often keeping you unmoved with its nail-biting sequences. As a fast pace crime thriller it totally does justice to the true story where a 34-year-old Jessica Lall was shot brutally when she refused to serve the 'power inebriated' spoiled Manu Sharma.
The first half of the story takes you on a ride of truth in the world of the 'Rich and Corrupted' and the ordeal of the common man stuck into the whirlpool of complexities. The background score makes every scene having a much larger impact as you get sucked into this mystery. Amit Trivedi *bows down* does an awesome job on the Dilli track, I kept on singing it through out the movie, even all the way in the metro, pissing off many people I guess (they kept on giving me weird looks, yea fine I can't sing Salla).

Rani Mukherjee, now who said she has taken an ultimate exile from B-town? She sure is back and that too with a bang, as Meera Gaity an amazing news-hounding 'bitch' journalist who can't control herself from spewing curses to get her work done, another impeccable performance was of Vidya Balan as Sabrina Lall, an ordinary lass who tirelessly fights for justice for her sister. Her simplicity, the dialog delivery, body language, her silent screams, her tears would make you feel what Sabrina must have really felt and stealing your heart away in the process. "kya kisi ki zindagi ki keemat, itni kam hai hamari country mein?" this question really shakes you up..

Myra, the newcomer, does not that bad a performance as Jessica, in fact I would say she was indeed one of the highlights of the movie other than the part of Jessica's mother played by Geeta Sudan also the part of the Police Officer played by Rajesh Sharma is just immaculate. The script till the first half is totally flawless though I felt the second half lacked something, it missed a certain fervor it had sustained earlier.

Its sad, will make you feel totally agitated due to all the wrong that is there in our system and how the 'aam aadmi' is always the victim and his tireless trials and tribulation in order to strive what he deserves.
Its true that 'Justice Delayed is indeed Justice Denied' but it is at least some justice!
The movie is a MUST WATCH for everybody, though it would make you feel disgusted about the judiciary and the trend of 'If you are rich then you can get away with anything', still lights a ray of hope to keep on fighting. Also the movie projects Media on a positive side, makes me happy (me being a media student), the fact that we, the people who are the part of Media, can do things in a right way if we keep aside our own selfish desire to get high TRPs.

Rajkumar Gupta does it again after the much acclaimed Aamir!!

No One Killed Jessica surely nailed it!!!
*hums Aali Re.. Saali Re.... Muh khole to Gaali Re*( shit even my mom is giving the similar weird looks)

Ra.One or Two. Who cares? I don't!!!

2011-01-02T21:16:00.014+05:30

What is Ra.One (or two or three or whatever)? According to Khan, "Ra.One" means "Random Access - Version 1.0". (blah, blah and more blah).
It is the latest movie starring Sharukh Khan, Kareena Kapoor, Arjun Ram Pal, Shahana Goswami and Tom Wu. It is supposed to be one mega-movie, I know why it wouldn't be Sharukh Khan is in it, according to his fans he can make even a Idiotic Low Grade movie a blockbuster (well thats what the audience and the makers of this 'sci-fi supposedly super-awesome' movie hope!!) (Ya Right)

But you know what My question is?

Whats wrong with Bollywood? seriously I mean WHAT IS WRONG?

What is this sudden fixation with the word Rawan? Whats the sudden obsession to make movies or rather I should say moolah from low grade sci-fi (which they think are sci-fi but are totally just wastage)?

There have been so many lately some were good though but the others BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

am talking about the contemporary ones..
There was -
1) Koi Mill Gaya ; despite of being a poor copy of ET, it was nice in its own way. Superb acting by Hritik, wonderful direction and music score, nice action, all and all a nice package.. I enjoyed it!! everybody did...
2) Alag ; anybody remember this movie? gosh I do, I mean I think I do.. all that comes in my mind whenever I think about this movie is what was the director thinking? I guess there was Diya Mirza in it (now what was she thinking?) and a guy (don't remember and I don't even care to look him up on google to find who he was, WHY HE WAS!!)
3) Krishh ; sequel to Koi mill gya, couldn't do much on the box office except for the fact that Hritik was there as the son of the Koi Mill gya Hritik (typical bollywood ishtyle to make the son look exact copy of the father, father he never met!!)
4) Love Story 2050; Man!! this movie sucked, it sucked so much that I dozed off within 20 minutes of the start of it.. Harman Baweja (WHAT WAS HE THINKING? THAT HE CAN ACT?)
5) Alladin; Jaquelin Fernandes (who is she? *scratches head* oh yea the Srilankan beauty or something), Ritesh Deshmukh (do me a favour, STOP ACTING) and Amitabh Bachhan .. Oh yea and Sanjay Dutt I guess.. I have no words for this movie just *gag*...
6) Jaane Kaha Se Aayi Hai ; Ye Movie kyu banayi hai? this is what I kept asking myself!! again *gag*
7) Robot; *faints while thinking about this movie* man!! I mean WHAT??? And the SONGS? are they really songs or jokes? Yes I am well aware its 'the RajniKant' !! but still give me a BREAK!!!

I know I have missed out on many such blunders, I intended to, It was a torture remembering some of these bullshits!!!

And now this Ra.One.. I mean common haven't we seen enough of sci-fi bullshit? Just because Koi Mill Gya was such a sucess that doesnt mean we can pass any bull shit for a movie.. Koi Mill Gya was some class man!!
But yes All I hope now is that Film makers do wake up and start making some nice movies..
Advice- PLEASE STOP TRYING YOUR HAND AT SCI-FI!!

( *to myself* I wish none of my friends take me to watch this shit)
Adiose!!!
-- Dipannita Saha

Bidding Adieu 2010

2010-12-30T23:58:00.006+05:30

Another year came to an end, another will start which obviously will end too.. Its so sad and mundane..
sigh..
was going through all that has happened in this year, have been extremely happy, sometimes down in the dumps, sometimes so lonely that I almost tried ending my life.
Had some amazing fun with my friends/family, had huge fights too..

It has always been the extremes with me, I guess.. And then again I totally remain clueless today as of what have I gained, What have I lost? I didn't manage anything efficiently this year, nothing, time, my relationships, myself, my studies.. Did I waste another year of my existence?
I got a text from my brother asking what was my year like? good or bad? Did I learn anything? What do I expect from the year 2011?
I couldn't reply to him at all.. I don't know the answer myself. how has the year been? I don't know, mixed I guess, with all the extremities anyone can imagine. Its been good and bad at the same time. I learnt a lot this year, I learnt how deceitful people can be, how I always have to look closely to everything but then to contradict this thought of mine I also learned that its better to be in the illusion of something rather knowing the truth.. no matter how deceitful the other person is, have this thing in your mind that you are better off knowing the reality.
Have low expectations and again I contradict myself by dreaming big.
sigh.. What extremes, see again extremes..
No, not everything is this negative with me, there have been moments I will be reminiscing them as they are gone and will never come back, those stroll down the memory lane to relive those times I have been happy...

I don't know what I expect from 2011, I hope I do get into a good college in masters, I hope the people who are close to me remain close and never leave (obviously there's no guarantee to it), I hope everybody is happy and am happy too.

I don't know what all to ask for, I don't know what 2011 is gonna bring for me? Peace? Turmoil? Heartbreak? Gratification? Vacuum?
I just hope am strong & prepared enough for whatever it has in store for me..

All I can think of is this song... " Zindagi kaisi hai ye paheli haye.. Kabhi to Hasaye... Kabhi ye Rulaye..'(Oh what a mystery this life is, sometimes it makes us laugh, sometimes it makes us cry)

Amen!!

-- Dipannita Saha

An awful Interview

2010-11-27T12:21:00.006+05:30

Introduction: Hi this is Abhishek Sahu, the almighty himself (if you think otherwise, I don’t give a shit to your opinion!) and the co-author of this blog though I seldom write here!! One good question may bob up in your head that: Why I’m not writing or posting it in my blog? Answer to this is simple- Female bloggers have more readers :). Now enough about me, girls who wanna know more can mail me and guys- common you’re not faggots!!

Well here I’m posting an interview, which I took, of a fat, ugly and self-centred bitch and believe me after the interview I felt like hitting someone on balls to vent my frustration out.
Some stuffs you should know before hand:
Bitch’s name: Jugni Misra.
Location: Under the open sky, in front of a roadside tea stall.

Tea with Abhi (Coffee is unaffordable)
Me: Hiee Jugni! Glad you could make it for the Interview.
JM: No No! its ok, I hardly move my heavy bum outside my house so..
Me: whatev! As if I care.
*In the mean time tea arrived, but only for me. *
Me: You have to pay for your own Tea. Order if u want, anyways looking at your size you gotta buy the whole fucking kettle.
JM: *giggles*
Me: No am serious here. Anyways what are your hobbies?
JM: Well I like going on dates, I’ve dated almost every fucking faggot in and out skirts of this city. Apart from that..
Me: STFU! Dating is a hobby for you?! In dictionary look for letter “l” then “I” then “f” then “e”, you’ll find a word called life! How can u be so fucking lame?!
JM: *Giggles again*
Me: Stop Giggling, why don’t you get killed! Anyways, your greatest achievement?
JM: Lost 2 kgs in 2 years! Ain’t it just awesome?
*Me looking somewhere else, trying hard to not to listen to the brain fucking shit*
Me: Greatest failure?
JM: I gained that 2 kilos in a single meal, in a wedding party, but believe me I like to eat like dog whenever I go to marriages lol!!
Me: You should re-evaluate your purpose of existence. Are you always this lame?
Greatest disappointment?
JM: Once I scored lowest in my college but…
Me: Okhh so you’re career oriented?
JM: No, No! You’re wrong that’s not my greatest, you didn’t let me complete the sentence, actually my greatest disappointment came few days back when a friend of mine deleted me from her facebook account just because I updated my status as “I am the fatty bitch, beware of me!”
Me: You should be blocked from facebook and hate communities should be made against you. No seriously you suck!
JM: Hey is this interview going to be published on filmfare magazine?
Me: NO!! Not even in those cheap hindi porn magazines!
Your favourite outfit?
JM: Well I am this fat so hardly I have any options. So Salwar Kameez all the time, but to look kewl sometime I wear “tailor stitched” jeans below the salwar. Hardly any company made jeans fit me, lol! Hehe you must be thinking how lame I am, lol!!
Me: Well not anymore, and stop saying lol so frequently I feel like am being hanged by my balls, btw do you know whats lol?!
JM: Er.. No *shows me her tongue*.
Me: Ok leave it you’re a constipated soul anyways. Your dream job?
JM: What Blow..
Me: No… I mean your dream JOB! Not your bloddy fucking gross fantasies. Ok leave this too, tell me how many friends you have?
JM: I have hmmm… *thinking* four no no five actually. You know all of them earn while they learn.
Me: That’s seriously good. What sort of work they do?
JM: Well its like they’re professional escorts.
Me: Escorts? As in?
JM: *Comes closer to me and whispers in my ears* Arey baba Hookers you idiot. Should I book one for you *winks*, don’t worry just for free, you took my interview na that’s why.
Me: What the fuck are you talking? You bloody fucking asshole just shut the fuck up.
JM: *eyes filled with tears* You could have said that politely.
Me: Just Fuck off from here, enough talking.
JM: But don’t you want my address and phone number?
Me: *laughing so loudly that it scared all the stray dogs around* You’re so fat that I can track u up on my google map, and start loosing weight, you’re a walking human time bomb and a big reason for global warming.
Now will just fuck off!
JM: *offers hand shake* Are we meeting again?
Me: *Rudely ignoring handshake* No bitch we aren’t!
*Her phone rings*
JM: Hello?
Something Something shit on the other side.
JM: hmmm, no customers right now? So pick me up from Chandni Chowk!
*I ran from there till my feet started bleeding*

-- Abhishek Sahu

Aliens where are you?

2010-11-06T21:14:00.004+05:30

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......boooommm... baaadada badaaaaaa badaaaaaaaaaaaaam........

I wanna get abducted by aliens...

I seriously want to.. Dunno why but I think I would be the best test material for them to understand the human species!!

1) Its fascinating enough for them to get a homo-sapien who actually wants to be abducted and is already ready to be tested and all that!!

2) I would totally understand even if they are mute. ( I think I'll!!) isn't it weird that I believe that I'll understand them?

3) I can be a nice company!! hahaha.. I mean I can send them nice songs through bluetooth!! also I can tell them all the gossip, can introduce them to nice hot girl (provided they are straight that is!!)

4) I would be the most interesting piece for them to get astonished as I can totally display all that they don't require to see in a homo-sapien!! Will fart the most poisonous fart in the history of mankind!! (heheh am so evil!!), I'll take them to shopping, will make them do all my college assignment, will tell them to fight with all the bitches in the college!!

5) I know am AWESOME and I would be able to establish a wonderful symbiotic relationship with them.. Let me tell you why.. 1st obviously because am awesome (i just can't stop 'self-praising'!) then 2nd because not only I would sneak in their technological secrets and I would give them tasty food in return!!

Ain't I smart....

now all I want is some aliens!!!

P.s.- the most important thing, I think which I should have mentioned before, I need very friendly (read over-friendly) Aliens, who'll treat me like their Queen!! not like those scary War of the World types!!

hey tell me was I being abducted by the aliens or was it other way round?

-- Dipannita Saha

And time just runs away...

2010-11-06T13:18:00.004+05:30

And I wait for the clock to tick,
been sitting idle, making me all so sick.
The mundane routine just wont budge,
I only walk when given a nudge..

its been such a long while,
saw your twinkling eyes and your smile.
the phone wont ring, the texts wont come,
and i keep looking at the phone like a bum.

strange how you come back to me,
through songs and movies, I hear and see...
I dont even have a guitar I can hum my feelings with,
strings are broken and I can no longer breathe...

LOVE fizzes out they say, nothing is as it seems,
and time just runs away breaking all my dreams.

things falling apart in and around me,
words lost, people dead, nobody seems to hear my plea.
the smiles are fake, friendship long forgotten,
all essence lost, bonds seem stale and rotten..

Of all the silly fights and the long glances,
I remember the faces and all the nuances.
I fight with myself, crawl back into my bed,
brooding over the blood and tears I have shed.

Its all gone now, it was never meant to be,
we would have been happy if only you could trust me.

It was, is and always will be you,
wish had more words and i would have said it to you...

I have lost my all now, I don't know how to be me,
what all has become of me, if only you could see.

LOVE fizzes out they say, nothing is as it seems,
and time just runs away breaking all my dreams...

and time just runs away breaking all my dreams....

© Dipannita Saha, 2010

THIS IS HOW IT BEGAN... a story of two friends deeply in LOVE...

2010-11-06T13:13:00.005+05:30

Over with her first unsuccessful, horrendous relationship, Ekantika just couldn't be anymore happy being single again. Its been a tough time for her to get rid of her EX, he was clingy, neurotic and impossible to be with, and now she was finally able to flush him out of her life.

Life was back to normal again amidst all the threatening calls from unknown numbers which she knew was obviously from those drunk menacing bastards trying to suck out the peace out of her life, everything was slowly falling into place. Signing up for cupid-struck.com wasn't just a normal thing for her, it was one of her numerous impulsive decisions (which would eventually lead her to some soup as usual!).

Ekantika was always this naive little piece of sunshine who had nothing in life apart from keeping herself and the people around her happy and of course apart from studying for her exams at the 11th hour, she was pursuing LAW or rather was trying to slog through.

Back to cupid-struck.com, she would hardly ever reply to any mails from any of those "too-desperate-for-a relationship-losers", she was losing interest gradually in that sordid online dating site, well thats Ekantika she could hardly hold interest in a thing for long!!

Of those numerous "cheapskate" as she would coin them, she would reply to one or two and finally finding out that those are of the same category of kids she despises. Guys were like kids for her, according to her innumerable fundas- "Guys are like kids, they are nothing but looking for a mother to pamper them and a new toy everyday to play with (though none of the guys she was friends with would ever admit that). Her funda remained the same, after the days loafing around, she would sit, login and would try to amuse herself with those "kids".

things changed when Advay first messaged her, it was nothing but a simple hello, and after talking for a few days and "critically examining" his profile almost everyday, she thought of finally adding him up to her gmail account.

It was not supposed to be a whirlwind romance or a romance of any kind at all, he matched her frequency, he was fun to talk to, he was like her long lost twin!! They would talk almost everyday, and he would be the first one that she would look up for whenever she went online. he was a nice guy, had a penchant for books and he used to write too, it was really surprising for her to find someone like herself.
It was on diwali that she first called him, just talking normal things, about how he's gonna celebrate and all, the festival lights had ignited a pretty strong friendship..

"YE TUMHARI MERI BAATEIN HAMESHA YUHI CHALTI RAHE"
Then started the extensive increase in both of their phone bills, they would talk for hours or text each other when not talking, whichever way they were always in constant contact. They were friends and almost becoming her first guy best friend (mind you, thats pretty rare according to her). she would tell him all the gossip in around her, all the bitching and he would do the same. Two people almost of the same personality talking all day long, it was as simple as that. starting from his tiresome torturing engineering semester practicals, to his stalking juniors, he would tell her all. she was becoming a part and parcel of his life. they lived far way from each other being in two different cities, distance never came in between their friendship. She would tell him if she got any bad calls from her ex or his friends, and he would promptly take some actions and provided her with a shoulder to cry on. She knew everything about him, he knew everything about her, there was hardly any reason to hide anything anyways.

destiny had something else in mind, amidst all those flirting, sharing things and infinite calls and messages they eventually started liking each other, and well obviously he proposed to her through a text (It was too sweet)." I have been having sleepless nights, and would continue having them till I tell you this I LOVE YOU, will you be my gal?" it read. Ekantika was shell-shocked for a moment, she had expected this sometime later but not too soon, she was in a fix, it has been just over 6 months since she had been in a relationship, and she thought it was too soon to get into one. but she liked him too, she replied him with mindless questions and her erratic excuses, "are you sure you are not drunk?" / "am too emotionally numb to get into a relationship now" / "do you want me to kick your ass?" / "I don't have much strength left in me" / "are you playing april fools' prank on me, its not even april, its december". he just said only one thing to all these statements, "I LOVE YOU, I really don't think anything else would matter", and after many 'tension-filled pacing down her room' Ekantika finally said yes to Advay.

They could make each other laugh, she could make him beg!! It was just perfect, those harmless flirting were growing serious in nature!! They would chat till their fingers pained, talked till their mouth went dry but their conversation would never be put to stop!!
She was really falling head over heels for him despite of numerous distractions starting from professor's son to her next door neighbor to the cute guy in metro she saw daily to her friend's brother. She managed to stay with him. Months passed just perfectly and Advay gave a surprise to her by visiting her on her birthday. It was all so special, flowers candles, love... and they made LOVE for the very first time... she was dead sure this relationship was surely going to last, they grew even more closer and his visits to her town became even more frequent.

They would roam around all the time, laughing, watching every damn movie, checking every food stall (well sometime that resulted in frequent visits to bathroom!!) they were the best friends who were in love, and who's friendship grew every minute, who's love grew every second.

and so grew the age old pregnancy scare, you leave two people deeply in love raging with hormones alone, that is supposed to happen. but nothing affected them (she wasn't pregnant!!). she would inspire him to write, he would coax her to study, all went well.
there were frequent fights as usual, and frequent was the sorry session and the smiles after that. He aced his campus placement job (he tried all his jokes there too, and despite of him believing he won't clear it and Ekantika's undying trust on his sense of humor and obviously on his capabilities) and temporarily shifted to her town till they called him up. they would meet up with their friends, do nonsensical chatting, disturbing people around, they were just inseparable. BUT...

"WHY DO ALL GOOD THINGS COMES TO AN END.. FLAMES TO DUST.."
one serious fight regarding yet another nonsensical thing and Ekantika snapped and told him to not to call her ever again, he was depressed, he was shattered, she was the 1st girl he ever loved and now she was gone, was she?
Ekantika was equally depressed, did she do the right thing, was it right for her to let go of that one guy she thought she would keep loving till her last breath...

she was distraught, her ego being too big to apologize to him, Advay being too tattered to call her and cry his heart out....

WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN? WILL SHE LET HIM GO?

perhaps some stories never ends and perhaps they even fail to get a perfect ending.....

May be they'll get together, may be they won't , may be there is nothing as such as "Happy Ever After"... may be.....

but this is how it all began...

© Dipannita Saha, 2010

The picture...

2010-11-06T12:46:00.004+05:30

The edges of the picture

are beginning to fade away

The color isn’t as bright

As when we took it that day

I remember the day when we met,

running together towards the gate.

It was the 1st day in college,

that was when I saw you..

I remember the day the picture was taken,

I was as usualsad and broken.

You came upto me with your dazzling smile

'Lets take a picture' you said, 'everything would be alright'.

The two of us together

It seems like forever ago

Through the years and all the tears

What have we left to show?

A memory here or there

A phone call or two

No reason as to why

We let it all slip through

As I stared a little longer

I began to space

I thought of back when

To a different time and place

I remember all the secrets

That we all somehow forgot

The fights that we got into

We were so close I thought

When I think of all the memories

Each one bring a tear

And as I continue to think

I realize my biggest fear

I remember the day we promised

We’d be best friends forever

Together no matter what

Always and forever

That memory broke my heart

All our fears are coming true

The close friendship we both had

Is finally falling through

The glass in the picture frame is cracked

Just like our friendship it’s falling away

We pretend to do something about it

But it gets worse everyday

As I watch our friendship continue to drift

I can’t help but let the tears fall

Because if we let our friendship go this easily

Maybe we weren’t that close after all…

All I want is to say,

you mean alot to me, don't walk away......

YOU adorn my night sky...

2010-11-06T12:26:00.006+05:30

From those mild whispers, to those sleepless nights.

From holding hands, to those long looks.

From the 1st kisses,to the frequent I love you's.

from the bad fights, to the 'making up' talks.

From loving you, to musing about you all day long,

From writing your name on my hand, to forming non-rhyming poem of love,

'YOU' are the one on my mind.......

And whenever I can't go on, I tremble and fall,

you reach my hand, help me rise above all.

Through the uphill battles, through the narrow lanes,

being by my side, calming me, take away all my pains.

Your wit that makes me laugh, your sensible demure, your charm,

you always manage to melt me away in your arms..

The stroll in the park, my tantrums for an ice-cream,

my whims about a dress, my incessant habit to scream!!

your soul in my soul, your sensible ways to cajole.

your smile, the twinkle in your eyes

mere touch which makes me go that extra mile.

hovering my mind, YOU are the only one.

Every time I hear your voice, It makes my heart rejoice.

The conversation we have, the time spent together,

I replay it in my mind, last days and days after forever.

My love, my anger, your voice, your guitar,

So overpowering is your presence, I feel you even when you are far.

Fireworks in my mind and around,

with every touch crossing leaps and bounds.

Finding myself in you, looking into your eyes,

you are the star, the moon that every night adorns my sky.

The girl next door...

2010-11-06T12:20:00.004+05:30

Looking out the window,rain pouring down the street,
she kept sitting there,staring blank.
wondering if he was the reason behind her speedy heartbeats.
she wore specs,was never considered hot,
geek was her name, every one used to tease her a lot.
she was always unnoticed,
never asked for more.
she was the girl next door.

It all started few months back,
when he moved down her block.
She saw him while leaving for college.
standing in the passage helping
his parents with all the baggage.

sweaty on a summer morning,loaded with all the boxes.
she was awestruck couldn't just,stop giving him those long glances.
even then she remained unnoticed,
and didn't ask for more,she was indeed the girl next door.

surprise came, when he took admission in her class,
she just couldn't gather courage to talk, alas!
had cute dimple, light brown eyes and was very smart,
with a charismatic persona that played a hypnotic part.

he got friendly with one of her friends who bitched about her a lot,
she never really loved him but her lie was never caught.

she dumped him for a senior and never noticed those tears,
our girl silently cried,his sad face was like thousand spears.
everyday she would listen to his sad voice on his guitar
making her morning sad yet bright, he was indeed a rockstar.

some months later, they got a project to do together,
she was ecstatic, went over his place on a nice weather.
they got talking and the boy got to know,
our gal was simply cool and was not at all a foe.
she was now no longer unnoticed
yet didn't ask for more, she was the sweet girl next door.

time slowly passed and they became the best of friends,
used to hang out often, studied together on weekends.
the guy started falling for her and she had no clue,
she was head over heels for him, everything felt just new.
he wanted to tell her how he felt but was scared,
she might just break his heart and thus never dared.

one day while studying he found her diary,his heart skipped a beat,
it was filled with his name, it was all so sweet.

he confessed to her on her b'day,several roses in his hand.
fumbling trembling all the way went to her and
kneeling down he said, "you are the one I always wanted
I hope you don't consider me unwanted,
without you my world is just incomplete,
don't be silent, don't get cold feet.
I wish you be with me and fill my life with sunshine,
don't fret I'll be with you just tell me once you are mine"
she took out the roses she had hidden behind
they both hugged and and their souls intertwined.
she noticed him, he noticed her,
they lived happily ever after..
she had all she ever wanted,
need not ask for more
she was his girl next door..

© Dipannita Saha, 2010

writer's block...

2010-11-06T12:16:00.002+05:30

uff its been ages I last wrote even a line in my blog... dude its like a writer

's block... can't figure out what exactly to fill my blog with so what I have thought is that am gonna start posting my poems that I have written till now...I guess thats not much of a bad idea now is it?

-- Dipannita Saha

Random...

2010-09-03T08:33:00.002+05:30

lately I have been extremely lazy, I actually don't do anything except sleeping and all.. and when I thought about it I got to know it is after all my own fault, its because i wont drag my ass out of the bed every morning.

have also become a loner lately (obviously if I confine myself to home that is bound to happen) , I crib that am lonely but deep inside I do like being alone. being in my own world, doing things my own way in utter solitude. and then again I say am so unhappy and blah blah blah... Is it what human nature to crib all the time though you are happy with what you got? WEIRD...

They say some people are too unlucky/ unfortunate to find happiness. I say are they really? may be they do find it and then when its in the 'too-good' stage just ruin it themselves or don't actually value the happiness, thus... BOOM world just explode for them and all what remains is the ashes of something which was wonderful but they were too dumb to destroy it and again they start cribbing....

It is because of this that people do become loners, its after all their own fault right?

"so am in the trance, things don't make sense, I can't be just normal,

my world keeps crashing down, everything turns out abysmal."

so moral- STOP cribbing, rather work for what you actually want...

but the main question how do you actually figure out what you want? and also what you need?

see I can never find any answers.... SOS!!

adiose

-- Dipannita Saha

Relationships....

2010-08-07T19:50:00.005+05:30

People meet, fall in love and then after a certain period of time choose different path and drift away. after that you are all alone. The question mark is all what is left sometimes with you. you keep on questioning yourself why everything you thought was supposed to be right suddenly shattered like paper castles( tash ke patto ke mahal ki tarah). and you just can't think of a solution, everything in the world seems to be working against you, every single dream of your keeps crashing down.. and you keep asking yourself what if this is how things are supposed to end, what if you are not supposed to get what you want?just sit and think, analyze what went wrong, if even that doesn't seem to help, leave the thing as it is... may be something else is in store... what about broken relationships then one might ask...

are we supposed to leave that too in its tattered condition.. well every relationship has its own course, its just like a river, it might start on a pretty nice course when its young, irrigating several barren lands as it goes... serving to be an elixir to everyone around making everything around it fresh, full of life and positive... then comes the phase of destruction, calamity, when it destroys everything in its way, it gets onto an uneven course in the rain causing floods and in the end gets one with the ocean and dissolves forever... its never dead, this process goes on and on.. same is with a relationship I think, the first few months or even a year is all 'too-good-to-be-true" phase, everything seems lovely, there are no fights, everything is romantic and beautiful in and around you... Then after this phase is over comes the phase of fights, depression and rare romance, where every little thing triggers a heated conversation, everything about one would irate the partner, there would be frequent fights.... and then slowly love seems to fade out... it seems that though you don't wanna leave that person as you love him/her, you tend to speak less, brood and crib more and then in turn fight even more..

that's why sometimes its better that there is a certain distance between two people, too much closeness and intimacy often leads to these problems... from the very beginning make this a point... take everything slow, have a certain pace, don't rush into anything, let time take its own pace, unravel the mystery on it own.... most important TRUST one another, when there's no trust, there is actually no relationship at all. be patient enough, and obviously its not possible to both of the people to be patient at the same time but when one is not the other one should shed his/her ego and try make amends. Specially when its a long distance relationship, problems arise every now and then but if you really love that person, don't let him/her go, if you know S/he's "THE RIGHT ONE", don't let all the love go to vain.

otherwise you might just end up with a broken relationship and even more badly broken and bruised heart.... remember one thing LOVE never dies, its just we somewhere lose ourselves in the whole process..... but this all doesn't mean that you stop showering your partner with all the love you have got but just let all the love sink in, maintain a certain distance, let both of you breathe in your own certain space...

I think that's all I can say as that's all I have personally gathered from every experience I have had and everything I have seen..

-- Dipannita Saha

CONSTIPATION & DIAHORREA

2010-06-26T17:25:00.007+05:30

first of all what's the damn spelling? diarrhea or diahorrea? searched wiki, gives both as an option!! how silly!!
yea anyways whatever!!

I have a fan in my bathroom!! Now don't give me that look, seriously I do!! its so useful, specially in the summers of delhi, sweating yourself in the bathroom I guess won't be anybody's choice!!!

And specially when you, like me, have a weird stomach situation; gets upset on its own!! I guess it has a mind of his own, and as we know with mind comes erratic mood swings and behavior (yes am talking about myself and my stomach both!!) so anyways back to my Tummy, either its constipated or is in loose motion mode!!! weird I tell you that it just cant be a normal stomach, so both of these conditions require frequent visits to the bathroom and spending long hours in there, thats when the fan in my bathroom comes handy!! Its such a respite, even when showering you can have the leisure of cool breeze around, sort of having a bath in a tropical rainforest under the waterfall and its windy!!! :)

so yea a word of advice to you guys get a fan in your bathroom!!
hey hey before concluding this, a weird thought stuck me, If somebody isnt looking too good or something like that we use the phrase- "He/She is looking so constipated" so why don't we use a phrase like- "He/She is so Diahorreated" LMAO!!
think about it!!

Adiose

-- Dipannita Saha

Raining Goals in Raining Cape Town!!!

2010-06-21T20:38:00.004+05:30

"Tsamina Tsamina eh eh, Waka Waka eh eh, Tsamina Tsamina Zangalewa, This time for Africa!!" can't help but sing this song out loud specially after today's magnificent game of Portugal. I mean DUDE it was 7-0, the biggest defeat for DPR Korea even beating the 7-1 defeat of theirs in 70's. Portugal was surely on fire we can say..

Ronaldo, after his what some 16 months of International Goal drought surely got some respite today after his umpteenth efforts to score a goal. poor Ronaldo, we can't blame him can we? he's the most well paid player out there, may be it makes him a little 'AIR-HEADED'!! He's gonna get more focused am sure, this one goal of his was enough to massage his ego!! (no-offence to all those Ronaldo devotees). There were many surprises today - Tiago(2), Mireles, Almeida & Lieadson,.

well so anyways Portugal is back to nice strong form( or Koreans were having another bad day in defense and attacking!!) I just can't stop thinking how interesting it would be to see some action between teams like Spain, Argentina(TEVEZ is awesome), Brazil, Germany (have li'l hopes for them), Italy and of course Portugal!!

So after 7 goals, I am gonna hit the sack for a while now!! too tired from cheering and all the shouting!!

ADIOSE!!

-- Dipannita Saha