Cryptic Writings

Rihanna's a Slave

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 02:42:00 +0000

Madonna set the bar long ago with videos to such songs as "Papa Don't Preach," "Express Yourself," "Justify my Love," and "Erotica." And ever since, pop princesses have been trying to establish themselves by cloning the original -- even while the original has faded into a pathetic case of "look at me, I'm still relevant." It's like a lopsided game of one-upmanship where the newcomer ends up looking like the rodent chasing the fox. If the '80s were good for anything, it was originality.

Lately we've had Lady GaGa pulling off some artsy performance-type of S&M latex-clad crap and now Christina Aguilera is being chastised for making a comeback while mimicking said Lady with her latest single "Not Myself Tonight." Couple of points: Aguilera was "dirty" long before Lady GaGa was on anyone's radar, Aguilera is a million times more talented (vocally, at least), Aguilera is more accessible to the mainstream, and Aguilera isn't a tranny. She has durability and will be here long after GaGa's 15 minutes are up.

Now Rihanna is also guilty for trying to capitalize on some shocking imagery. Sure, she's also using latex and extreme makeup, and, yeah, she looks pretty hot in her video for "Rockstar 101," but as a black performer why is she using slavery and racist imagery with the black paint and chains? Also, I hate it when R&B artists put that token guitar-laden track on their albums. What, you think you're fooling anyone? I'm all for an artist trying to broaden their sound, but please give me an entire album of that sound -- you know, like Ice-T did with Body Count. So, contrary to what Rihanna is saying in this particular track, no, you're not a rock star -- so stop trying to look like Slash and put the dude who's featured on this single in your video.

And to conclude, I feel for the teenage boys who are growing up with the ubiquitousness of these erotic sadomasochistic images.

Samsung I7500

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Sat, 16 May 2009 18:40:00 +0000

Samsung introduced the world to its first Google Android cell phone. As a Google Android piece of hardware, users of the Samsung I7500 will have total access to the entire suite of Google services, such as Google Search, Google Maps, Gmail, YouTube, Google Calendar, Street View, and Google Talk. Unfortunately, those in Europe will have access to the Samsung I7500 (sometime in the second half of 2009) before we will in the U.S.; what really sucks, however, is that there isn’t an official drop date for the U.S. release.

Read my full review on the Samsung I7500 at CraveOnline.com.

Back in the Game

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Mon, 11 May 2009 02:50:00 +0000

Dear readers (not that I have any),

I've been away for a while, not due to a windfall or tragedy, but due to a massive workload, a two-year-old daughter, and some laziness. My intentions are to get back in the game, make some interesting posts, and get a google ranking.

When I logged into my account, I was amazed to see that my last post was back in September and I can't believe that I actually went an entire and long winter without making one post. Since September I've gone to Windsor, Ontario, to celebrate Canadian Clubs birthday and taste some 30-year-old whisky; shortly after that I was off to Halifax, Nova Scotia, to live in a beer commercial come to life for three days courtesy of Alexander Keiths; and most recently, I was off to Mexico (Guadalajara and Puerto Vallarta) to drink and learn about tequila made the Milagro way. While all that is fun and great, it was for work and I've had to perform as a journalist -- though I'm not one.

Ok, so now that we've established that I'm a professional drinker, I'll also let you know that aside from my job as an editor at the internet's largest men's lifestyle magazine, I've also been working toward establishing myself as a freelance writer. Yes, I have a long way to go, and I'm not really interested in making a "name" for myself, just in earning some supplemental income (aren't we all these days?).

So, since I've indulgently babbled long enough, I'll end this here and promise to post as often as possible (I know, I should make a schedule).

Rock on!

CD Review: Metallica – Death Magnetic

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 04:58:00 +0000

Release date: September 10, 2008

Rating: 4/10

I’ve been listening to Metallica’s Death Magnetic nonstop since receiving it as a gift—I had no intention of buying it despite the hype about how it was the groups return to its thrash metal roots.

For Death Magnetic, Metallica has brought legendary producer Rick Rubin onboard for the recording of Metallica’s first album on the Warner Bros. label. It has been reported in the New York Times that Rick Rubin informed the band that their ‘86 album Master of Puppets was their greatest achievement. If Rubin did in fact say this, I’m surprised that the individual egos that make up Metallica allowed him into the same building. How demoralizing must it be to have one of modern music’s greatest producers tell you that everything you’ve done in the last 22 years is subpar? And it’s true, with the exception of ...And Justice For All, in the last 22 years Metallica hasn’t been much more than crusty vomit on a toilet bowl’s rim or an excellent Nickleback or Creed.

It’s obvious that Metallica has made the effort to return to something resembling the Metallica that most of us appreciate the most, but not even Rick Rubin and his powers to resurrect dead careers (read Johnny Cash) was able to summon the inner metal heads of James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, or Kirk Hammett for Death Magnet. That’s why the cover of the album, which features an open grave, is fitting.

Death Magnetic’s first single, “The Day That Never Comes,” while compelling with its somber tone, is nothing more than a rehashing of Metallica’s famous “One” from Justice. Take a close listen and you’ll agree that the slow build and the general song structure are identical. Also, some of the vocal melodies and the second guitar riff on “The End Of The Line” sound an awful like a “Some Kind Of Monster” rewrite, only softer and with the inclusion of guitar solos.

Vocally, Metallica can be forgiven for missing the mark in the attempt to recapture their former sound--time is the enemy to any vocalist and there’s no way Hetfield could sound like he did 20 years ago. So, while James Hetfield sounds good, he doesn’t really sound any different than he did on St. Anger. Toddler Lars Ulrich, on the other hand, sounds like he’s still learning the drums and, again, sounds much the same as he did on St. Anger. Robert Trujilo, well, he’s there. The only member to make any major strides is Kirk Hammett, as there are plenty of guitar solos to make up for their complete absence on St. Anger. Still, Kirk Hammett couldn’t write a guitar solo to fight his way out of a wet paper bag. This is one of the major reasons why when reviewers state that this is a return to Metallica’s thrash metal days, and also why it bothers me when Rick Rubin gave the order to Metallica to envision that they were writing a follow-up to Master of Puppets–it can’t be done without Dave Mustaine. Mustaine, Megadeth’s driving force, is a giant guitarist next to the effeminate Hammett and he’s responsible for much of Master’s sound and style.

It’s pathetic that Metallica decided to continue the sad saga of The Unforgiven, but they did with The Unforgiven III, which opens with a thinly veiled rendition of Ennio Morricones “The Ecstacy of Gold.” Metallica has opened their shows with this griping score from the film The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, so how Metallica expected to get away with this, I don’t know.

I really wanted to like Death Magnetic; I really wanted Metallica to recapture the sound that established them. But as a supposed return to thrash metal, Death Magnetic falls short and Metallica fails.

Playboy Cover to Cover: The ‘50s

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 04:43:00 +0000

If you’re tired of the modern street-corner versions of beauty, such as Kim Kardashian, Tila Tequila or Vida Guerra, that are so prevalent in today’s cheap society, then you might want to do yourself the favor of picking up Playboy Cover to Cover: The ‘50s. Unlike the paper versions that introduced your dad to the wondrous curves of a woman’s body, Playboy Cover to Cover is a box set of DVD-ROMs that are driven by the powerful Bondi Reader software (Macs and PCs) and search engine, which allows users to navigate and locate any article, interview, feature story, piece of fiction or photo in a matter of seconds.

In much the same way as Rolling Stone Cover to Cover: The First 40 Years, Playboy Cover to Cover is a complete digital archive of every page of the epitomous magazine’s first decade of service. Because we like to read Playboy for the articles, we can now enjoy pieces by such literary luminaries as Jack Kerouak, Ray Bradbury, Ernest Hemmingway, and John Steinbeck. Don’t worry, however, if you’re not interested in reading;Playboy also included all their pictures from the era. Witness the resurrection of the legendary women who started it all: Bettie Paige, Jayne Mansfield, Marilyn Monroe, Bridgette Bardot, and more are all present and accounted for.

It doesn’t matter if you choose to organize the contents to your personal preferences or leave them as Playboy intended; Playboy Cover to Cover: The ‘50s offers a peek into a bygone era. Enjoy the Americana culture and show off your latest acquisition at your next cocktail party (which you learned how to throw proper from The ‘50s) – and don’t forget to enjoy the pictures.

Dog Tags & Fashion

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 05:02:00 +0000

Normally I don’t care what an individual wears – be it a T-shirt with a strategically placed middle finger, an “offensive” phrase, revealing clothing or white socks and a suit. Yes, I’ll snicker and maybe make a joke to whomever I’m with if you’re dressed like a social leper, but it’s not usually done with malice; it’s more like pity. I’m not a style icon or even a metrosexual, but I like to think that I can at least assemble a decent looking closetful of clothes.

One fashion accessory that I have strong opinions (and they’re not very friendly) about is dog tags. There is no way in hell that anyone besides a military serviceman or a veteran should be wearing dog tags, and certainly not some 16-year-old douche who is so oblivious to the greater world around him that he thinks the conflict between Russia and Georgia is between Russia and the fourth state of the Union.

I’m frothing at the mouth about this because over the weekend and within two minutes, I saw two teens (who clearly didn’t know each other as they were back-to-school shopping with their respective mothers) exit a store proudly wearing their dog tags on the outside of their shirts. I also served in the US Army and have some understanding of the purposes, which can ultimately mean that a funeral is in your future, that dog tags serve – like informing a medic or doctor about your blood type, your religious preference and your service number.

I also know that a lot of men shed their blood, lost their sons, lost their fathers, became amputees, and even died for our freedom – which, yes, includes your freedom to wear dog tags whether you served in the military or you’re a self-absorbed fashion retard. But I just find it so disrespectful to those who’ve worn dog tags around their toes and to those who placed them there. Anyone who wears a dog tag without having earned the right to do so has about as much respect for his forefathers as President Bush has for being an American ambassador and representing our nation in a positive light to the rest of the world.

I don’t know if these kids think that wearing dog tags as a fashion accessory makes them feel empowered or if they think chicks dig it, but their ignorance deserves a punch in the mouth. They need to remember that those who’ve been initiated belong to the world’s biggest and greenest gang – the US Army... HUA! And to me, these kids look about as clueless as a 10 year old smoking cigarettes.

No blood; no glory.

D-Link Wireless N Router (DIR-615) – Reviewed

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 03:37:00 +0000

D-Link Wireless N Router (DIR-615) – Reviewed

First I have to mention that I recently purchased my first notebook. It’s an Acer and so far I’m happy with it; it’s not the most powerful machine ever created, but that’s not exactly why I bought it. The fact that I bought this new computer required me to setup a wireless network, so that I can continue to bring you these quality posts that have you hooked like a socialite is addicted to Starbucks from anywhere I take my notebook. And that brings me to the post (no, I’m not a Starbucks junkie), which is to discuss first impressions on the D-Link Wireless N Router (DIR-615).

This is my first foray into the wireless world and while it wasn’t hard, it was almost as bumpy as a Montreal road. FYI: Montreal is notorious for horrendous roads that often leave cars paralyzed on the side of the road and angry Frenchmen foaming at the mouth. I might be leading you up to a major disappointment here, kind of like how Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure left you feeling awesome while Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey left you feeling like warmed-over vomit, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about my first impressions of the D-Link Wireless N Router (DIR-615).

I’m not anything like David Lightman (aka Matthew Broderick) in Wargames, but I’m not a complete idiot when it comes placing a disc in a drive and following installation instructions. So, the D-Link website promises that you’ll have your “router up and running in minutes” and that you “don’t have to be a networking expert to get it set up.” Problem is that D-Link assumes that the average guy coming in off the streets understands wireless 101. This means that there is a slight encryption to the user manual and, also, everything in the text points to the “Wizard” that’s supposed to set up your new system, but seems to be AWOL at first glance. On a positive note, the installation on the PC and the hardware was very easy to set up – almost idiot proof. Still, the fact that I had to call customer service to get my notebook set up on the wireless network leaves something to be desired.

In the end, don’t look for the word “wizard” anywhere and working the system is a lot simpler than the language in the manual indicates.

As far as how I like the DIR-615? Well, I just got it set up yesterday and I’m too new to it to make a comment.

Music Review: Slipknot – “All Hope Is Gone” & “Psychosocial”

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 03:03:00 +0000

Release date: August 26, 2008

Rating: 8/10

Slipknot will release their fourth studio album All Hope Is Gone later this month, but the band has teased fans by making two songs available at Slipknot1.com. It these two songs, “All Hope Is Gone” and “Psychosocial,” are any indication, Slipknot fans are in for some metal that’s as raw as a freshly butchered bovine. Fans will also be happy to see that Slipknot has made good on their promise of putting out an album that ranks among their heaviest, and one that expands on their thrash metal guitar work and vocal melodies. Corey Taylor has stepped away from lyrics that reflect his own life, choosing to turn his focus to what’s wrong in life. Of All Hope Is Gone, Taylor has said that it is “very dark” and that “It’s going to rip your face off… I don’t think the world will be ready for this album.” Slipknot fans will be the judge of that.

“All Hope Is Gone” opens with enough drum and percussion to send any WW II vet into shellshock and back to Normandy before it breaks into frantic guitar riffing and an outright vocal assault. There is a speed metal solo on this track that seems to belong like a white kid in South Central, but after several listens it grows on you and serves as a nice breather before getting slaughtered by some more skull-crushing metal. We first hear the bridge of “All Hope Is Gone” at 2:27; it’s a more rhythmic grind that’ll send a calming wave through the crowd, causing fans to retract their fists and throw up their horns. Being that “All Hope Is Gone” lyrically deals with America’s paradoxical situation on a global scale, perhaps fans should throw up a peace sign.

“Psychosocial,” my preferred track between the two, relies heavily on tradition metal elements. Hitting you hard with a sonic intro before leaping into a head-swinging/fist-thrusting verse that’s sure to leave a pit weak in its knees, “Psychosocial” aims to please with its metal muscle supported by pop sensibilities. “Psychosocial” is sure to be the track that will garner Slipknot a fresh lineage of fans, just as it’s sure to be the guilty-pleasure track for the die-hard fans. Joey Jordison has a sweet slow roll during the chorus and Taylor breaks into a more mainstream vocal styling, all of which contribute to the soft touch of this track. Still, I can see our soldiers blasting this anthem as they drop bombs in the desert.

Cell-Phone Citations

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 03:31:00 +0000

Just so that we’re clear on this, I fully support the issuance of traffic citations to drivers who use their cell phone while operating their vehicle; there’s not much in this world -- aside from nu-metal kids who preach their creed and don’t know who Slayer is or what a Spider Riff is, toy dogs and their self-centered owners, Canada’s little-brother complex, Heineken, pretentious and elitist socialites or hipsters, the "precious few," etc., -- that I despise more than cell-phone users who chat away oblivious to the road conditions that surround their boxed world. Seriously, wake up you establishment slaves. All of which to say that I’m happy Quebec now fines such cell-phone users $115 and three demerit points.

I did, however, see something when I left my office building in Montreal’s plateau area on August 7, 2008, that really confused me, which then angered me and finally left me stupefied; I saw a squad car “pull over” a bicyclist because he was talking on his cell phone. Really, does the Montreal police department have nothing better to do than bother a 19-year-old kid on his way home from spending a summer day at Parc Jeanne-Mance? Maybe little boy blue ought to worry more about the needles and syringes that litter many on Montreal’s streets than his frosted tips. Actually, I’d feel much more satisfied if I knew my municipal taxes were going towards Montreal’s “finest” stopping the abundant and obnoxiously arrogant Quebec drivers who think that they can speed around town like their on Circuit Gilles Villeneuve (that’s the F1 track in Montreal).

Anyway, after I’d stopped to watch the police take this young kid’s identification, I decided to head toward my car. Between five to ten minutes later, the time it took me to reach my car and circle the block so that I could head north on St. Laurent Blvd, the cops were still wasting this kid’s time and my tax dollar. Seriously, copper, get a job.

Ironkey USB Flash Drive

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 03:20:00 +0000

USB flash drives are great for making all your data portable and pocketable. Unfortunately their small size, while convenient for quick body-cavity disappearances, makes them prone to becoming lost or easily stolen and, therefore, subject to breaches of privacy. So, whether you want to safeguard confidential DOD documents, your Doogie Howser-style journals, your wedding plans or (and celebs such as Pamela Anderson, Kim Kardashian, Dustin Diamond, and Verne Troyer should pay particular attention here) your bedroom escapades on your USB flash drive, you can’t go wrong with the Ironkey.

Not only will the Ironkey encrypt your drive contents with AES CBC-mode encryption, but it’ll also self destruct once 10 incorrect passwords are entered consecutively. Other features include onboard password management, web-surfing encryption, metal encasement, military waterproofing standards, a self-destructing encryption chip should physical removal be attempted, and 30MBPS read and 20MBPS write capabilities.

The Ironkey is available for shipping throughout the U.S. and Canada and worldwide through Iron Key Resellers. The Ironkey is sleek, tough, and keeps its mouth shut for you; that’s a lot more than your girlfriend or ex-girlfriend was ever able to do for you.

Movie Review: The Dark Knight

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 02:38:00 +0000

Release date: July 18, 2008
Rating: 8/10

From beginning to end, The Dark Knight is nonstop edge-of-your-seat suspense and action. And as the film’s title indicates, it’s about the darker side of human nature. I wouldn’t want to ruin the film for any potential readers who have yet to see the film (however, with a 10-day take of more than $300 million, it’s highly unlikely that anyone reading this hasn’t already seen the second installment of Christian Bale’s Batman), so I won’t give anything away, but I’ll be honest.

First, is The Dark Knight worth seeing? The simple answer is, “yes.” But why you should see it is a different matter. If you didn’t, you’d be a social outcast since everyone in the free world will eventually see it – in this respect The Dark Knight is akin to Woodstock because if you didn’t see it, you wanted to. The Dark Knight is also worth seeing for the lurking story that drives the action, both of which keep the viewer in suspended anticipation. Whether you like Batman or not, you’ll find that the movie is badass. This is due to the fact that there are no real “good guys”; Batman is dark and vengeful and The Joker, well, he’s just everything you want a villain to be, which is to say sadistic, complex, humorous, ballsy, disturbed, and never, ever, sympathetic. The Dark Knights’ film rating is PG-13, but that’s only for a lack of bloodshed and coarse language, not for a lack of violence or disconnected humanity. And if there should be any Oscar buzz, it should be for two things: the musical score and the directing, not to honor someone posthumously for what is, in all truthfulness, an acting job that any hungry actor with more than above-average talent could pull off. Still, Heath Ledger did bring a comic book character off the page and into a believable existence.

Second, what’s wrong with The Dark Knight? It’s too long with too many endings brought about by the same plot technique. Now, it’s this very technique that brings me to the next element that is wrong with The Dark Knight; it’s moralistically preachy. That’s one of many indications that The Dark Knight is a comic book adaptation, which is sad because while Tim Burton reveled in it, Christopher Nolan tries to hide it. Batman’s forced growl is yet another nerve-shredding annoyance and an uncommitted romance serves no purpose other than to explain Batman’s future plunge into greater darkness.

Third, would I go see it again? I plan to.

CD Review: Alice Cooper – Along Came a Spider

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 02:46:00 +0000

Release date: July 29, 2008

Rating: 6.5/10

Well, the 60-year-old grandfather of shock rock did it; Alice Cooper (aka Vincent Furnier) has put together a solid collection of jams with which to furnish one of this summer’s more enjoyable albums. There are some funky beats and there’s plenty of sweaty, swampy Southern charm (see “Wake the Dead” for a prime example), but it’s all Alice on Along Came a Spider. The album, however, isn’t just a compilation of five-minute, take-‘em-or-leave-‘em songs, it’s a story that follows it’s principle character, Spider, from stalking his prey to chloroform abductions to fitting perfectly in his trunk to falling in love to institutionalization. What I find most amazing is Alice’s adeptness for creating original and catchy hooks for each track while maintaining the plot found on Along Came a Spider.

OK, so there are no songs about girls kissing girls and how it felt so wrong or how it felt so right, but Along Came a Spider might be your biggest surprise of the summer if you give it a chance. Though following the story of a serial killer as he constructs a spider from human body parts is a bit morbid, the songs themselves are rich with happy classic rock riffs and enough modern crunch to give Disturbed something to contemplate their relevance over. Along Came a Spider is a fun listen this summer and Alice Cooper deserves massive credit for not losing his cool by trying to sound more current than he is; Alice knows his place and stuck to his ‘70s roots, which paid off in tracks like “Vengeance is Mine,” “Wrapped in Silk,” “I’m Hungry,” and “I am the Spider.”

Harley-Davidson Museum

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 03:04:00 +0000

Opens Summer 2008

It’s an American icon. It’s an American legend. It’s American steel. It’s American badass. It’s Harley-Davidson and it’s Live to Ride & Ride to Live. It’s a realm of steel and leather that no Japanese or European company can compete in, try as they might.

After 105 years of producing some of the world’s most beautiful bikes, Harley-Davidson has finally decided to open a museum that will offer visitors countless exhibits that span the manufacturer’s great history. The 130,000-square-foot facility, which will rest on 20 acres of riverfront property, is also expected to offer guests a restaurant, a café, and a retail store. The majority of visitors, however, will most likely want to see the much-anticipated 450-bike archive and take in Harley’s heritage. If this is the case, they should begin their tour on the second floor of the museum; here’s where they’ll find a chronological gallery that boasts about the bike’s uncompromising lineage. The museum’s second floor will primarily deal with the second half of the 20th century, but it’ll also serve up a good dose of the design and engineering that goes into creating the world’s most lust-worthy bikes. After, and only after, you’ve completed your two-story visit will you be permitted to go grab a bite to eat and a café latte.

Where can this structure built for greatness be found? There’s no better place than in the state of Harley-Davidson’s birth, which is Wisconsin. And if you were a real Harley man, you’d prefer to refuel on one of Milwaukee, Wisconsin’s other notable commodities, such as a Miller or a Milwaukee’s Best, instead of a cappuccino from the café.

2010 Chevrolet Camaro

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 03:15:00 +0000

Wake up Dodge Challenger, Ford Mustang, and Nissan 350Z, an old friend has slumbered long enough and is ready to come out and play – despite insufferable gas prices. Most of us got our first glimpses of the beast in the 2007 film Transformers, but little did we know what the legendary car was packing under its hood.

For starters, the 2010 Camaro will be available in three different models: the LS, LT, and SS. While the former two will entertain drivers with a 300-horsepower 3.6L V-6 engine, those lucky enough to sit behind the wheel of the SS will feel the true American muscle offered by the 422-horsepower 6.2L V-8, which, incidentally, will really move the 3,860 pounds. And while the 3.6L Camaro is projected to offer 26 mpg on the highway, the 6.2L SS will drop to 23 mpg – and that’s with the help of the Active Fuel Management technology that disengages four cylinders during light driving. All 2010 Camaro models will be offered with either manual or automatic 6-speed transmissions, Stabilitrak, rear-parking assist, OnStar, Bluetooth connectivity, and four-wheel disc brakes; however, only the 2010 Camaro SS will offer the four-piston Brembo calipers.

Gas prices be damned, any guy with a pair should want to drive one of these all-American classics with retro stylings that call upon the much-revered 1969 Camaro. With each passing year it’s getting harder and harder to find an original classic that’s worthy of an arduous restoration process; might as well start collecting the modern classics. And the 2010 Camaro is a choice place to start.

The MSRP on the 2010 Camaro has yet to be determined, but you can expect it to hit showroom floors in 2009's first quarter.

CD Review: Towers of London - Blood Sweat & Towers

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 04:09:00 +0000

Release date: June 5, 2006

Rating: 6/10

Now here’s a refreshing band that’s resurrecting a brand of punk rock that has lain dormant for decades. Sure, the British snarl is reminiscent of Johnny Rotten or even Joe Strummer, the guitar solos are rife with Slash influence, and the general song structures owe a considerable debt to the New York Dolls, but that does nothing to detract from the catchy hooks and the sing-along melodies produced by the Towers of London. This is neither the beginning nor the end of the comparisons to the punk-rock pioneers whom the Towers of London are so obviously and unabashedly indebted to; one look at the cover of Blood Sweat & Towers and you’ll instantly recognize The Clash, the New York Dolls, and The Ramones. Come to think of it, the Towers of London might be what Malcolm McLaren had in mind when he stole incomplete songs from the Dolls and gave them to the Sex Pistols.

So, if there is so little that is original about the Towers of London, what makes the band so special? That’s not so difficult a question to answer. These Londoners provide a fresh flavor in a musical cesspool that has increasingly been neglected and left to fester in its own excrement. Granted, this “fresh” sound is about 30 years old and it sounds like polished chrome, but it’s still a swift kick to the balls and a great diversion to rock’s top 40.

So, while Blood Sweat & Towers was released in 2006 and the “Beaujolais” track sounds an awful lot like “New Rose” by The Damned (in fact, it wouldn’t be a lie to say that the members of the Towers of London extracted their favorite parts of their favorite songs by their favorite bands and reassembled them for the album), it’s still a worthwhile purchase for any music fan interested in something “new.” Truth be told, Blood Sweat & Towers is about five songs too long; if the Towers of London had cut those five songs, they would have left us with a much more solid and aggressive punk rock treasure.

The Towers of London have been making noise in the UK since the release of Blood Sweat & Towers, opening for such acts as Guns n’ Roses and the New York Dolls, and I only hope that the schmuck Emo kids in the U.S. wake up and see what punk rock, or at least a modern incarnation of it, really is. And whether or not punk rock is in the bones and the hearts of the Towers of London, what they are most guilty of is trying too hard.

CD Review: Cyndi Lauper – Bring Ya To The Brink

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Sun, 25 May 2008 06:57:00 +0000

Release date: May 27, 2008

Rating: 3/10

I keep telling myself to be kind with this review, but not even my boyhood crush on the ultra-cute Cyndi Lauper can salvage this dry heave of an album.

Cyndi Lauper’s Bring Ya To The Brink is basically a Eurotrash dance/pop album that begs to be remixed for the club sprinkled with a couple token tracks to give her long-time fans something to appreciate. So, if you’re a club kid with the attention span of a dog, you’ll probably like Bring Ya To The Brink as much as you liked last week’s favorite. And if you’re an old-school Cyndi Lauper fan, you’ll likely be disappointed by the return to her Sisters of Avalon era.

Cyndi Lauper has always been one to explore her musical artistry, and her 2003 effort At Last seemed appropriate for her aging career, but it seems that the girl who just wants to have fun isn’t ready to go quietly into the night. The first track to be released off of Bring Ya To The Brink is “Into the Nightlife,” a club track rife with deep bass and heavy synth. Up next will be “Same Ol’ Story,” which features a high hat-driven ‘90s beat and Cyndi Lauper belting out “same ol’ fuckin’ story” throughout the chorus.

The best tracks on Bring Ya To The Brink are by far those that pay homage to Cyndi Lauper’s ‘80s pop sensibilities. These tracks include “Grab a hold” and “Rain on me.” If you’re smart enough to grab the Japanese edition of the album, you’ll also be treated to a Jane Siberry meets “True Colors” track called “Can’t Breathe.”

The Offspring – Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Thu, 22 May 2008 04:35:00 +0000

Release date: June 17, 2008

The members of The Offspring might look like they’ve seen better days, but come June 2008, they’ll be back with a new album – the group’s first since 2003’s Splinter. Judging from the few tracks available on the Internet, Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace sounds like an offering of standard The Offspring fare. Dexter Holland and Noodles aren’t reinventing the wheel here (they’ve long since established a formula for creating catchy three-chord riffs and breakdown bridges that are at once dire and hopeful), but they’ve created a power-punch wall of sound, which isn’t surprising after two years of writing and recording and enlisting the aid of famed hard rock producer Bob Rock.

If the tracks available online (“Hammerhead” is free for download at The Offspring’s website and live versions of “You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid” and "Half-Truism" are on YouTube) are any indication of Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace’s tone, The Offspring haters will continue to hate while The Offspring fans will continue to mosh, albeit with a few more visits to the ER.

Though it is very obvious that The Offspring aren’t the hungry little spermatozoon that they were in the ‘90s, it’s about time that they showed up to the party to keep shit-disturbing poseurs like Fall Out Boy in line.

Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace – Track List:
"Half-Truism"
"Trust in You"
"You're Gonna Go Far, Kid"
"Hammerhead"
"A Lot Like Me"
"Takes Me Nowhere"
"Kristy, Are You Doing Okay?"
"Nothingtown"
"Stuff Is Messed Up"
"Fix You"
"Let's Hear It for Rock Bottom"
"Rise and Fall"
"O.C. Life" (Japanese Bonus Track)

Night of the Living Dead – 40th Anniversary Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Wed, 21 May 2008 10:52:00 +0000

Release date: May 20, 2008

Can you believe that it has already been 40 years since the release of the original flesh-eating zombie nightmare, aka Night of the Living Dead (1968)? Though I missed out on the original release of the iconic film, I continue to live through its aftermath and the undying legacy.

We all know that George A. Romero is the master of zombie horror, but does what scared society back in the ‘60s still scare us? Slow-moving masses with a singular thought (brains), an overbearing and ignorant patriarch, and a black hero… sure, these things still scare us. I’m a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to slow versus fast zombies, but I do see the inherent problem with zombies that move slower than pond water – there’s no way that you couldn’t weave through them like a bumble bee weaves through flowers in a summer field. Well, you wouldn’t have a problem until the masses density blocked your way like pubes block a shower drain.

The 40th anniversary edition of the Night of the Living Dead features a restored and remastered film, a feature-length documentary, commentary, the theatrical trailer, and a Q&A session with the master himself, George A. Romero. All that is worth the $20 alone, but you still get what you came for, the classic Night of the Living Dead film that will scare the crap out of you while giving you comfort and protection in Duane Jones.

CD Review: Teenage Bottlerocket - Warning Device

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 04:15:00 +0000

Honestly, a friend introduced me to Teenage Bottlerocket, which disappoints me because I can’t even claim discovery; any music fan knows that laying claim to band discovery is not far removed from the thrill of getting your driver’s license or kissing the hottest girl in school when you know she shouldn’t be kissing you.

Warning Device (2008) marks Teenage Bottlerocket’s third release, following Total (2005) and Another Way (2003). Seems like the band likes to release albums too few and far between—lazy ass punk kids. What Teenage Bottlerocket and Red Scare records has in Warning Device, however, is a pop-punk record that’s rife with teenage angst, love’s promise, and senseless fun. You’ve heard all that crap applied to other similar albums and bands, so I’m going to tell you the truth: because Warning Device is a kick-ass album, it’ll cause you to involuntarily tap you toes, sing along, and make you believe that you can actually play drums (or want to buy a snare, high-hat, and a kick drum). If you’re not careful you’ll end up twitching like a kid with Tourette’s.

Pop-punk is more about venting, moving, and having fun than it is about complex chord progressions, incendiary solos, or lyrics with highbrow sensibilities or philanthropic messages. That’s why it bothers me when I read criticism that Warning Device sounds a tad too similar to Teenage Bottlerocket’s influences, namely the Ramones (though you could also count the Mr. T Experience, The Dickies, Screeching Weasel, and the Groovie Ghoulies among them). It’s true, however, that when “Gave You My Heart” starts off I can’t stop waiting for the Ramones’ “Pinhead” to kick in.

Still, if we’re going to expect Teenage Bottlerocket to write completely original songs, then we should expect the same from do-no-wrong, established pop-punkers Green Day. To get a better sense of what I mean, take another listen to “Jesus of Suburbia” and “Give Me Novacaine” from American Idiot (2004) and then take a another listen to “On With The Show” by Motley Crue and “Bullet the Blue Sky” by U2.

With dual vocals provided by Ray Carlisle and Kody Templeman, there are a number of killer tracks on Teenage Bottlerocket’s Warning Device; keep an ear to the ground for “Bottlerocket,” “In the Basement,” “She’s Not the One,” “Crawling Back To You,” and “Pacemaker.”

Salon des vins et spiritueux de Montreal

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 03:51:00 +0000

How do you sum up utter surprise and total enjoyment? I think that wow! will suffice.

What am I so excited about? Well, on Friday, March 28, 2008, my office, which belongs to a prominent Internet men’s lifestyle magazine, sent me and a few colleagues to the Salon des vins et spiritueux de Montreal, Quebec, Canada. This was essentially a wine show, not unlike a trade show with tons of free alcohol for those fortunate enough to have press passes – like us.

The only condition for the pleasure of going to the wine show was to accept an assignment, which entailed writing a brief review on a wine varietal of our Editor-in-Chief’s choosing. I have to say that I was somewhat discouraged upon receiving my task since I had never (I may be showing my ignorance here) heard of Gewürztraminer. After doing a bit of digging, I found that it’s largely produced in Alsace. This suited me fine since I’m a big fan of Riesling. Gasp! You can’t compare Riesling to Gewürztraminer. Well, I just did. And while I’ll agree with any enophile that the two wines are very different, you can’t deny the fact that if someone likes Riesling, they’ll likely enjoy a glass of Gewürztraminer.

Though I had just been acquainted with Gewürztraminer, I found that I had a preference for those that came from Alsace. Germany also makes a good one, and the grape is grown in other parts of the world as well, such as Canada, the U.S., Australia, and Israel. From what I can tell, and from the information that was given to me, the Gewürztraminer from Alsace is sweet and when the wine comes from Germany it is a little dryer. In general, however, Gewürz is a medium-dry wine that typically presents a bouquet of lychees, roses, passion fruit, and floral notes. It’s also perfect for fatty seafood.

A couple of my favorite labels were: Pfaffenheim Steingold, 2006; Ruhlmann Grand Cru Frankstein, 2003; and Riefle, Bonheur Exceptionnel, 2006.

So, what else did I come away with after attending the wine show? I now know what tannins are, I learned that something as simple as the soil (when all other conditions are identical) can completely change the taste of a wine, producers sometimes try to cover a bad wine with lots of oak flavors, barrels can cost about $1,000 and they’re usually good for a single use, and wine shows are a lot of fun.

Some other wines that I had the opportunity to try include:

Francis Ford Coppola Zinfandel, 2005
Francis Ford Coppola Merlot
Leon Beyer Gewürztraminer, 2003
Pfaffenheim Riesling Steinert, 2004
Ruhlmann Riesling Vieille Vigne – Coteau du Blettig, 2003
Ruhlmann Riesling Grand Cru Frankstein, 2003
Mulderbosch Sauvignon Blanc, 2005

Ace Frehley: Rocket Ride Tour (Montreal Metropolis)

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:05:00 +0000

I would have and should have posted about this sooner, but it has been a bit of a whirlwind of misadventure that hasn't provided much time for this blog since it happened, which it shouldn't have in the first place. That is, instead of being on a plane to visit my family in Wisconsin, I spent the night (March 3, 2008) at Montreal’s Metropolis watching former KISS guitarist Ace Frehley rock the house on his Rocket Ride Tour.

Now, don’t think of me as uncouth, my flight was canceled and postponed until the next day; I had nothing to with it and absolutely no ulterior motives. And although visiting my grandmother and 23-year-old cousin, both of whom were diagnosed with cancer in the same week, was very important to me, I'm glad for my third chance to see Ace Frehley play (my first time seeing him without KISS).

On with the show!

Ace Frehley rocked and exceeded my expectations in the process. His playing was tight, his vocals (though he didn’t sing every number) were spot-on, and he doesn’t appear as acned or as bloated and droopy as he does in photos (especially photos of him in his KISS uniform), which might have something to do with his being 17 months clean and sober at the time of the show. He still sounds like a drugged-out hippie when he attempts to entertain the audience between songs, which probably has something to do with 40 years of not being clean and sober.

Ace Frehley’s backing band – comprised of Anthony Esposito (bass), Derrek Hawkins (rhythm guitar), and Scot Coogan (drums) – played like a machine, and it looked like one too. Esposito and Hawkins were decked out in identical overalls, which says to me that they are replaceable, expendable and ruled by a one-man KISS Army. Coogan was fortunate enough to go shirtless under the stage lights, but he surely falls into the same category. The point is that they performed as a tight unit, but I felt like I was watching a second-rate KISS cover band whenever anyone else but Ace Frehley took over duties on the mic.

We all know that Ace Frehley is far from being a guitar virtuoso, no matter how much you like and admire him. What he could do exceptionally well, however, was write wicked licks that were so simple that he made everyone else look like idiots for not having written them earlier. He also could put on a show, either with a custom guitar with flashing lights built into it or with pyro that set his Les Paul on fire. Though I was surprised to see Ace carry this relic from his KISS years to his solo show, I was pleased tee ito s nevertheless.

The venue was hardly at capacity and the demographic of the crowd was definitely diverse, but all who were there were undoubtedly KISS fans. Though there were kids there who were barely in their teens and hot, slutty rocker chicks, three were also the old folks who were present for KISS’ first coming. I might be showing my age, though I’m in none of the previously mentioned age groups, but I had an epiphany while at the show when I saw a man standing at the back of the crowd during Ace Frehley’s encore – the dude was rocking out playing air guitar on his cane! I guess it’s time for me to start looking to attend concerts held at the county fair.

So, what were the songs that Ace Frehley played on this extremely loud set list? If you must know, he rocked the shit out each and every one of the following:

Rip It Out
Hard Times
Parasite
Snowblind-I Want You
Rock Soldiers
Breakout
Into The Void
Strange Ways
Shock Me
NY Groove
Shot Full Of Rock
Rocket Ride
Love Gun
Deuce
Cold Gin

CD Review/Artist Review: The Pierces - thirteen tales of love and revenge

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 16:03:00 +0000

I’ll admit it, I judged The Pierces by their looks when I first saw them. I thought that they would be a CW brand of underground/indie rock: over-produced, polished, thick like molasses, and plastic. In short, I thought that The Pierces, comprised of sisters Catherine and Allison, would sound like Paris Hilton’s “Stars Are Blind.” I couldn’t have been more wrong.

When I fired up my YouTube to give The Pierces a listen, the first song I fell on was “Boring,” a smart and sarcastic look at the life of a socialite. As they name the finer things in life and complain about how “life is such a chore” with Chris Isaak undertones, Madonna (circa early ‘90s) shadows and a Sean Connery-era James Bond vibe, The Pierces succeed at drawing the listener in with sexual languidness and an almost disturbing sister-on-sister contact.

The folk-rock duo released their third album, thirteen tales of love and revenge, on March 20, 2007, which at once infuses the macabre, eerie sound of The Doors with what you’d expect to hear in the carnival tent of a traveling gypsy circus. Other key tracks include the melancholy “Three Wishes,” the playful and sinister “Secret,” and the man-destroying “Lights On.”

What makes The Pierces so appealing? Resounding harmonies, lyrics with substance, a unique sound that doesn’t descend into self-absorption, and photogenic sisters (can’t lie, that’s a part of it).

CD Review: B-Movie Rats - Radio Suicide

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 04:48:00 +0000

Their name is as forgettable as their tracks. And what are they trying to say anyway; that they like bad movies as much as they like bad music? To say that the B-Movie Rats make bad music wouldn’t be entirely fair, it’s just that their tunes lack a polished production and it’s devoid of any originality (they even were so inspired by their muse that they decided to name their fan club the B-Movie Rats Army, which is, in case you didn’t know, very similar to the name of KISS’ fan club). Having said that, the band serves up enough grind-worthy juice to be a staple in any sticky-floored tavern in America.

On their website, the B-Movie Rats claim that they want to put the "Rock" back in Rock ‘n’ Roll, but they only manage to pass a gallstone on their new release, Radio Suicide. Despite numerous comparisons to old-school hitters like AC/DC, KISS, Aerosmith, and even punk pioneers MC5, there’s an overwhelming sensation that you’re listening to throw-away tracks or demos from The Black Crowes, The Datsuns, Jet, or even Buckcherry. B-Movie Rats don’t even attempt to disguise blatant influences, as their track “Cold After Dark” sounds an awful lot like the Crowes’ “Seeing Things.”

If you're looking for gritty snot-nosed rock, do yourself a favor: opt for the bands that influenced the B-Movie Rats or some of the newer versions of classic rock, such as Wolfmother, Buckcherry, New Wave Hookers, or Witchcraft and take a rain check on B-Movie Rats.

Heath Ledger Dead At 28

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 04:37:00 +0000

Heath Ledger was found in his SoHo, New York, apartment on January 22, 2008. The 28-year-old actor was found naked, sprawled out on the floor, with prescription sleeping pills on the nightstand by his housekeeper at roughly 3:30 p.m.

Heath Ledger, though he had appeared in a number of other quality films, was nominated to receive the Oscar for Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role for his groundbreaking role as a gay cowboy in Brokeback Mountain. Other notable roles occupied by Heath Ledger include his first role in Clowning Around (1992), 10 Things I Hate About You (1999), The Patriot (2000), A Knight's Tale (2001), Monster's Ball (2001), Four Feathers (2002), Lords of Dogtown (2005), and The Brothers Grimm (2005).

Though Heath Ledger had established himself long ago, and despite the fact that many consider his role in Brokeback Mountain his breakout gig, he was perhaps about to embark on his most exciting ride as an actor to date. The Dark Knight, sequel to 2005's Batman Begins, is set for release in July 2008, and Heath Ledger portrays the infamous Joker. While many critics question Heath Ledger's ability to top Jack Nicholson's Joker, the previews that are available throughout the internet prove Heath's chops.

Heath Ledger's Australian peers have emerged to give condolences to his family, such as Nicole Kidman, who has stated, "What a terrible tragedy. My heart goes out to Heath's family." Early reports that claimed that Heath Ledger was found in Mary-Kate Olsen's New York apartment have been retracted. Though there are no outward signs of suicide, police have not ruled it out as a possibility. Heath's ex-girlfriend and mother to his 2-year-old daughter, Michelle Williams, was reported to have boarded a plane in Utah to fly to New York once she heard the tragic news. Also, Naomi Watts, another Heath Ledger ex, pulled out of a press junket. Family, friends, and acquaintances have said that Heath Ledger appeared healthy and well in the weeks leading up to his death.

Still, not to detract from Heath Ledger's talent, but as with every celebrity death, the press comes out in droves to praise and hail the actor or singer, postmortem. If Heath had disappeared within the next couple of years, would anyone have missed him? Certainly, he didn't have the ability to draw a crowd or cause the media to swoon like other A-listers.

Rolling Stone Cover to Cover: The First 40 Years

noreply@blogger.com (Shawn T. Loeffler) — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 03:51:00 +0000

What started in 1967 as an “underground” newspaper that embraced the hippie subculture while maintaining journalistic professionalism, Rolling Stone has long since become the authority on what’s relevant in music, entertainment and left-wing politics. And although Rolling Stone has made its share of mistakes with regards to its cover (read: Zack Efron, Fall Out Boy, King Kong, Borat, Avril Lavigne, The Rock, and the six-cover issue featuring ‘Nsync – and that’s just since 2000), it’s the cover that’s the coveted spot that often tells up-and-comers that they’ve arrived.

In 2007, Rolling Stone issued three unique issues that celebrated its 40 years of existence; and the issues must have been a smash because now the respected publication has released Rolling Stone Cover to Cover: The First 40 Years. Cover to Cover is a simple, easy-to-use DVD-ROM that allows you to search its digital archives from the last 40 years.

You can easily navigate to the issue of your choice using the “cover flow” type of technology or you can narrow your search by selecting a specific year. Once you’ve found the issue you want, call up the table of contents and find the article you’ve been looking for. If Rolling Stone has a particular writer that you like, you can search for every piece he has written for the publication. While reading the article (which appears on your screen as if you had a hardcopy issue spread out in front of you), you can easily zoom in and out to make reading easier.

Essentially, Rolling Stone Cover to Cover: The First 40 Years is your tour guide to the last 40 years of rock, pop, counterculture, and politics. So if you want to read timely articles about the death of John Lennon, Kurt Cobain or Saddam Hussein, or if you want to read about the cultural climate during every presidential campaign year since 1967, or if you just want to look at the charts and read the new release blurbs, then Rolling Stone Cover to Cover: The First 40 Years is a must-have.

So, what else is inside Rolling Stone Cover to Cover: The First 40 Years? Well, you get every issue up to and including 1026 and 98,000 articles appearing as they did when originally published. You also get a 208-page coffee table book that’s filled with photos that tell the tale of Rolling Stone’s history. They even threw in a one-year subscription.