Get Off The Pew

Summer Camp Humiliation

2012-11-02T11:21:00.002-07:00

When Michael was 12 years old he went to summer camp with a friend from another church. At the end of the week Michael's mom picked him up.

It turned out that his camp counselor for the week had been another boy's dad. When Michael's mom asked the man how her son had done at camp, he told her (in front of the little boy and anyone within earshot) that he'd spent quite a bit of time in trouble. His crime? He was throwing rocks at trees.

Well, isn't that what 12-year-old boys do? I understand not wanting others to get hurt, but I'm willing to bet Michael wasn't alone in his rock-throwing.

The volunteer camp counselor then turned his attention to the boy's skateboard shirt. "Look at this shirt", he said to Mom. "Why would you allow your kid to wear something with this message?" Mom was shocked and Michael was embarrassed by the man's judgmental finger-pointing. He couldn't find one positive or nice thing to say about the little boy or the week they'd just spent together at a Christian camp.

Michael is now 16 and a junior in high school. This past summer he went back to camp. Once again, his mom dropped him off. The same dad was there - ready to be a volunteer counselor for the week. As soon as Michael spotted the man, he pointed him out to his mom and told her how glad he was that he'd been assigned to a different leader's group.

Like it or not, kids are learning about who Jesus is from us. I don't know whether or not Jesus would've approved of the skateboarder shirt, but I do know that he would've responded lovingly and gently. Jesus doesn't leave us with feelings of dread or condemnation, and he doesn't embarrass us by exposing our faults in public.

Kids often feel that Christian adults don't even like them. I'm willing to bet that in some cases - they're right. Jesus loved the little kids and wanted them close to him - no matter what they were wearing.

Pagans and Tax Collectors

2012-10-22T11:55:00.001-07:00

In Matthew 18 Jesus lays out for us the way we should deal with sin in the church among believers.

Step 1: Take out a Facebook page detailing why you hate that person. Oh wait, that would be my human way of taking care of the problem. Oh come on, don't act like you haven't thought about doing that very thing so everyone can share the pain inflicted on you by haters and abusers.

Step 1 (for real): "...go and point out their fault, just between the two of you." JUST BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU. Tell me, what part of "just between the two of you" do most Christians seem to not understand?

Step 2: If they do not listen, take a couple of trusted believers along with you so that there will be witnesses. Don't take the gossiping church ladies with you to do this. Take along someone who shows discernment, compassion, and who knows how to keep his or her mouth shut.

Step 3: If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church. I think this is a very misused scripture. I've known many Christians who've made some very human mistakes and were made to stand up in front of the entire congregation to confess and ask forgiveness. People who had no idea that a sin had been committed were given information they didn't need to have.

If you really take time to study the original writings, I think you'd find that "tell it to the church" actually means a bigger group than just two or three, but NOT the whole congregation. In today's context it would be more likely that Jesus would say, Tell your small group so that more of you can pray for, love on, and encourage the one who's gone astray.

Step 4: If they don't listen to the church, treat them like a pagan or tax collector.

Hmmm.... Treat them like a pagan or tax collector. So, shun them, tell everyone you know they wronged you, and ensure their rightful place outside the church doors. Right?

But wait, what kind of relationship did Jesus have with pagans and tax collectors? Guess what - he pursued them! He had dinner with them! In Mark we read how Jesus called out Levi from the tax collector's booth and said, "Follow me". Jesus then attended a dinner party with all of Levi's friends and there he dined with, laughed with, and shared conversation with "sinners and tax collectors".

Zacchaeus was not only a tax collector, but was the CHIEF tax collector - a really bad guy. Jesus went to his house for dinner. Read the story yourself in Luke 19.

Jesus pursued the sinners and tax collectors. He hung out with them. I promise you that if Jesus were here today, we'd see him at Starbucks having a cup of coffee with sex offenders, thieves, addicts, embezzlers, and every sinner imaginable. He'd be having coffee with me - with you!

We might be able to help reconcile one of God's prodigal kids back to the Lord over a burger, or a cup of coffee. What greater joy could there be? Why do we shun and isolate?

Get off the shunning pew and back into relationship. Get off the pew!

Too Old For The Sex Talk

2012-09-21T10:46:00.003-07:00

"Martha" is 73 years old and has been a faithful member of the same church for over 40 years. After her husband died she began volunteering her time at the church she loved.

Recently the young and fairly new pastor was teaching a series on Biblical principles for sex.

Once a week Martha came in to help prepare for the Sunday services. She would often stuff the bulletins with weekly announcements. A few weeks ago, as she was stuffing, she told another volunteer that she was old, widowed, and that her sexual days were behind her. Therefore, she said, she didn't feel the need to attend any of the services during the "Biblical Sex" series.

A couple of days later Martha was called into the office by the pastor. She was called on the carpet for "gossiping" and was told she was no longer welcome at the church.

Martha wasn't gossiping - she was merely stating her opinion in a (supposedly) safe place and to a friend. The "friend", by the way, is a tattle-tail gossip. What was her purpose in going to the pastor with the contents of a private conversation? As I understand it, that woman is still a welcomed parishioner.

Okay Pastor, get off your pew of self-love and wild insecurity. Not everyone is going to think every word that comes from your mouth is a gold nugget. Get over yourself!

Get off the pew!

Church Discipline or Public Humiliation

2012-08-22T11:39:00.001-07:00

Over the past year there has been a lot of controversy surrounding Mars Hill Church in Seattle, Washington. There was a public brouhaha surrounding the dismissal of a church member named Andrew.

The facts of the case have been made public. Andrew admitted to his fiancé that he cheated on her. As one would expect, she was devastated. Realizing that he needed to be held accountable, he sought out his "community group" leader, confessed to him, and asked for prayer. Oh, and Andrew admitted to having sex with his fiancé.

From there, all hell broke loose. The community leader told other leaders and the pastor eventually learned about Andrew's indiscretion. The entire church body was informed that there was a "wolf" in the flock and that he was under official church discipline. The members were told to shun Andrew - do not eat with him, do not talk with him, and walk away when you see him in public.

I realize that this is old news to many of you, but I want to address how Mars Hill Church defends its actions in a blog post:

In talking about the difference between confession and repentance, we should first distinguish true confession from various false forms of confession. True confession is agreeing with God that we’ve sinned and naming the sin as God would name it. An example of false confession might be to give partial details in a way that glosses over the severity of the sin. In that case, one’s hidden intention is actually not to bring the sin out into the light, but rather to offer true words as a decoy that keeps the underlying sin in the dark. In any case, confession amounts to bringing sin out into the light by telling the truth about it. To confess is to only to speak of a sin; to repent is to follow up a confession with change.

Mars Hill clearly makes a practice of judging a man's heart, intentions, and truth telling. How dare they claim spiritual authority equal to or above that of God. What happened to "judge not, lest you be judged"?

I know EXACTLY how Andrew feels. I was accused of having nefarious intentions behind completely innocent actions. One accusation made against me was this goody, "You saw me walking toward you in the hall at church and you turned and walked the other way. I have no choice but to assume you're jealous of me." Crazy? Well, judging the intentions of another person is not only crazy, but also wrong on every level.

I have no patience for pompous Pharisees who practice public humiliation. Jesus went to the woman at the well when she was completely alone. In another instance, men were ready to stone a prostitute, but Jesus silently began writing in the dirt and one by one, the men dropped their stones. It has been surmised that Jesus was writing the sins of the men in the sand. He didn't publicly humiliate or call people out - he just gently reminded them of their own past weaknesses.

Get off the pew of public humiliation. Stop shunning, and get back to some good old fashioned relationship building. Get off the pew (and away from Mars Hill).

P.S. Andrew, wherever you are, I hope you're doing well and that you know how very much God loves you.

Brenda's Mom is Crazy

2012-08-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

Brenda and Eric are 28 years old and have been friends since kindergarten. Eric is gay.

The other day Eric said to me, "Brenda's mom is crazy." He told his story.

Whenever Eric goes to visit Brenda, her mom greets him at the door and then slips into a nearby room where he can hear her pray. She prays for Eric's salvation and for the spirit of homosexuality to flee his body. She prays loudly enough for him to hear her!

How sad it is that Eric uses the word, "crazy" to describe this Christian mom. There are so many other words that seem a bit more Christ-like. Loving. Kind. Warm. Authentic. Accepting. Hospitable. Those are a few that come to mind immediately.

I don't begrudge Brenda's mom for praying, but instead of loving Eric unconditionally, she's driving him away and perpetuating the ugly stereotyping of all Christians as gay-bashers and homophobes.

Get off the pew and recognize that we should be known by our love. Get off the pew.

Mark Driscoll - shame on you!

2012-07-14T13:57:00.001-07:00

Mark Driscoll's comments are disgusting and shameful.

If people don't agree with his vision, he has no trouble running them over. He goes so far as to say that "by God's grace" there will be a "mountain" of dead bodies behind the Driscoll/Mars Hill Church bus.

Thank you Fighting for the Faith for speaking out.

A Hole In Our Gospel

2012-07-14T12:23:00.001-07:00

I've been brought to my knees as I've been reading the powerful book, "The Hole In Our Gospel" by Richard Stearns (president of World Vision).

Martin Luther King Jr. said, "In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." He was referring to the white pastors and the white Christian church. Surely, they would stand with him and defend him as the black/white issues of the day were issues of mercy and justice - things Jesus stood for.

But the white church was largely silent. In fact, some pastors called Dr. King a "tool of the devil". Of course, some white believers stood for and with Dr. King, but the silence of his "friends" was deafening.

When the AIDS crisis first began making headlines, the Church stayed silent for way to long. Those not silent were largely critical. Some said AIDS was God's curse on the homosexual community, and the disease was what they deserved. Where was the compassion, the love, the mercy?

I'm happy to report that more and more believers are rising up to meet the physical, spiritual, and emotional needs of AIDS patients, but we are still falling so short. We fall short in taking care of the hungry, the poor, the uneducated, and the broken.

There are hungry and homeless Christ-followers living in abject poverty all over the world. They are our brothers and sisters - they are God's kids. We sit here in America on our fat wallets and in our comfortable homes and we do little.

Here are some startling statistics as outlined in "The Hole In Our Gospel":

$168 billion - The extra money available if all American churchgoers tithed.

$705 billion - Amount Americans spend on entertainment and recreation.
$179 billion - Amount spent by teenagers ages 12-17 (2006).
$65 billion - Amount we spend on jewelry.
$58 billion - Amount spent on state lottery tickets (2007).
$39.5 billion - Total U.S.-government foreign assistance budget for the world.
$31 billion - Amount sent on pets (2003).
$13 billion - Amount spent by Americans on cosmetic surgery (2007).
$5 billion - Total overseas ministries income to 700 Protestant mission agencies, including denominational, interdenominational, and independent agencies (2005).

Further, "Universal primary education for children would cost just $6 billion; the cost to bring clean water to most of the world's poor, an estimated $9 billion; and basic health and nutrition for everyone in the world, $13 billion." - A Hole In Our Gospel

We've got to get off the pew and stop sitting silently in our big fancy churches. We complain about music and preaching styles. We gossip about the people whose kids are rebelling. We do all this while our brothers and sisters in Christ who happen to live on the other side of the world (or maybe next door) are dying at an alarming rate - from preventable diseases like MALNUTRITION!! It is shameful.

GET OFF THE PEW OF SILENCE!

Jesus Wants A Chocolate Bar?

2012-05-06T08:10:00.003-07:00

There are no words.

Missing Out on the Good Stuff

2012-05-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

There was a communion service on Sunday.

Communion (or The Lord's Supper), as most of you know, is a time during the church service when we are reminded of Christ's sacrifice for us. We drink some wine (or grape juice) to represent Jesus' spilt blood, and we eat a tiny bland, dry cracker to represent his broken body. I confess that I have always wished for a better tasting cracker.

But I digress.

Several years ago, one of the "church ladies" gossiped and judged me right out of the church. She shook her little finger of spiritual condemnation my way and convinced one of the leaders that I was not worthy to play a tiny servant role in ministry. The job went to her.

Time has gone on. She no longer has the position of authority that she once held, and I've come back to the congregation - much to her chagrin. Oh well.

When the communion elements were being passed, I saw immediately that the church lady's husband was serving the people in my section of seats. I've got to say that I was pleased and amazed at how God was working things out. This man was going to serve me. What better way for reconciliation and love, then to be served by someone who had once opposed me?

When the man got to me - grape juice and crackers in hand - he went past me to the other end of the pew. He ignored me, and refused to serve me.

A server from the other side of the aisle crossed over and gave me the wine and bread.

It made me sad to know that years have gone by, and this man still (apparently) harbors...I don't know...something toward me. Is it anger? Bitterness? Guilt? Judgment? Pride? I can't possibly know what motivated him to pass me by, but I know it wasn't right.

The Church uses 1 Corinthians, chapter 11 as an admonishment to believers about the condition one's heart must be in to be worthy to take communion. I suppose the plate passer might justify not serving me if he holds anything against me. I say that NONE of us are TRULY worthy to take or to serve communion, and he missed an opportunity for heart restoration.

Look, Jesus washed Peter's feet, even knowing that Peter would betray him. Jesus set the example for us. We serve - even those with whom we disagree. We serve.

I'm very disappointed that the church lady's husband missed the opportunity to smile, make eye contact, and take a baby step toward reconciliation. I think God was trying to do a great thing on Sunday, and the man missed out.

Get off the pew and quit holding on to past junk. Let God do the good stuff. He wants so much good stuff for us. Why won't we let him?

Get off the pew!

I Think You Should Leave

2012-04-25T16:59:00.002-07:00

My friend was going through a very difficult divorce - not that every divorce isn't difficult. It certainly wasn't something she desired, and the breakdown of her marriage was devastating.

My friend had raised her kids in the church, and the whole family had been members of a particular congregation for many years.

One day she got a call from her long-time pastor. He said, "Now that you and your husband are getting a divorce, we think it's better that one of you leave. We think it should be you."

Divorcing couples go to court to decide who gets custody of kids, dogs, furniture, goldfish - even friends. Shouldn't the decision to stay or leave a church family be left up to the husband and wife as well?

What are pastors thinking when they do this? Seriously. I'd love to know. What Biblical truth or standard do they use when they do this kind of thing? It's bad enough that children have to walk through the dissolution of their family, but now they have to choose whether to stay at Dad's church, or go someplace new with mom?

Kids are watching you pastors. They're watching and listening. How can you preach grace from the pulpit, but fail to show grace to a hurting part of the body? I'm guessing my friend needed her church family to put their arms around her and hold her hand during the rough waters of divorce. Why would you push her out of the boat without so much as a flotation device?

I think we should keep the broken and hurting as close to us as possible. They need us to pray for them, love them, and be intimately aware of their needs. We need to be part of the healing - not part of the pain.

Get off the pew of judgment, and extend the hand of grace and love.

Get off the pew!

Smoke Pot With God

2012-02-17T11:44:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles, California. As California goes, so goes the rest of the country (so they say).

A Christian Educator

2012-02-11T20:36:00.000-08:00

"Diana" is a dedicated teacher. She's exactly the kind of teacher you'd want your kids to have in the classroom. She's kind, smart, disciplined, and she genuinely cares about students. Diana loves Jesus and is a woman of deep unabashed faith.

Christian Educators Association International (CEAI) is an organization whose mission is (according to their website) "To Encourage, Equip and Empower Educators according to Biblical Principles." We are the only professional association for Christians who are called to serve in public schools.

After Diana spent a weekend at a CEAI retreat, she was excited to become a part of the organization. It can be tough to be a Christian teacher in today's public schools. We live in a politically correct world where fear keeps us from expressing our opinions - even when the law provides us the support to do so.

Inspired and fired up after the encouraging retreat weekend, Diana decided to plug into the resources made available to her through CEAI. She hoped to build lasting relationships with other like-minded Christian educators.

But there was a problem. Diana is gay.

The CEAI leadership opened their arms to Diana, but they said they were afraid the other members might be uncomfortable if Diana were at Bible studies or small group gatherings. You know, when I'm in a room with other people, I never think twice about what they do or do not do in the bedroom, so I can't imagine what could be "uncomfortable" about hanging out with Diana!

Christian teachers need all the support, encouragement, and legal know-how they can gather. They can be woefully ill prepared to go toe to toe with a bully principal who tries to hush their faith in the classroom.

Why can't we come together because we love Jesus and He loves us? Let's keep our eyes on the commonalities and shared beliefs. Let us hold one another's hand as we navigate the sometimes scary and confusing walk of faith.

Get off the pew. Take someone's hand!

God Speaks via my Television

2012-01-21T14:31:00.000-08:00

I wake up this morning and decide it's just too cold to get out of bed. So, I scootch (according to the Urban Dictionary, it's a real word) further under the covers, and then turn on the television. I'm thinking I might catch a bit of news before the Saturday morning cartoons take over the airwaves.

My Vizio monitor snaps to attention, and THIS is what I see on the TV screen:

Really? Wow, it's awfully early, and I'm not fully awake, but okay! Let's go. I mean, God needs ME!

Now I'm tuned in to the fact that a bad recording of an old hymn is playing in the background. The screen shot changes. I see this:

God needs me to "Broadcast Nonstop Prayers Into Every Home...Every Where". Every home? Every where? Shouldn't "Every Where" be one word?

Okay, now I'm up. God needs me!

It Gets Better?

2012-01-20T12:48:00.000-08:00

It's not often that a teen boy's suicide makes national and international news, but that's exactly what has happened in the case of 19-year-old gay teen, Eric James Borges. EricJames - as his friends knew him - died January 11, 2012 in California.

EricJames was a source of strength and encouragement to the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) community. He spoke out on his "It Gets Better" video, where he shared his own story of being bullied from an early age, and eventually being disowned by his fundamentalist Christian family.

He says his mother prayed for him and tried to exorcise the evil spirit of homosexuality from him. He was kicked out of the family home just a few months before he killed himself.

I have no intention of entering into a debate about the rightness or wrongness of homosexuality. This isn't about that. This is about the tragic death of a young man, who apparently felt hopeless, lost, disenfranchised, marginalized, and bullied to the point of desperation.

One of our favorite Christian bumper-sticker-isms is "Hate the sin, Love the sinner." Did EricJames know he was loved? Were the Christians in his life able to separate "the sin" from "the sinner"? I can't answer those questions, as I wasn't there. All I know for sure is that a young man is dead - and it should not have ended this way.

Today I'm praying for EricJames' family. I can only imagine the broad range of emotions they must be going through - brokenness, sadness, loss, guilt, anger, fear, and the dreaded "what if's".

Please get off the bully pew. Is there an EricJames in your life? I ask that you love him (or her) and please, please love his parents. Get off the pew!

Why I Hate Religion

2012-01-11T13:04:00.001-08:00

Suicide.

2012-01-10T17:05:00.000-08:00

"Marcus" died a few months ago. He leaves behind his wife, "Cindy", and their two grown children.

Marcus killed himself.

The family released very little information about their loved one's death. The paper said he'd suffered from cancer (he did), and the church announced that his death was "unexpected" (it was). But no one told the truth - Marcus committed suicide.

There are still so many stigmas in the church. We claim to be all-forgiving, all-accepting, and all-understanding, but there are still taboos - things we don't admit or share.

Some moms can't publicly acknowledge that her child is living a homosexual lifestyle. I know a dad who teaches a Bible study, but hasn't talked to his only son for many years. He's too ashamed to even ask for prayer. He misses his son terribly, but can't talk to anyone about his anguish. What would people think of him?

My heart breaks for people with deep gaping wounds, and who feel they have nowhere to share their grief. Some are simply too embarrassed to admit the "blight" on the family name.

Suicide is just such a blight.

Well meaning people have told Marcus's wife that she should be comforted by the fact that he's in a "better place". Others rejoice because his death was the end to his earthly suffering. Meanwhile, Cindy is feeling guilty and asks herself what she missed, and if there was something she could have said or done to keep Marcus from ending his life.

She feels she has nowhere to turn.

Get off the pew. Open your hearts and open your arms. Be someone who gives others a safe place to land - a place wherein they can tell the truth with no fear of judgment, condemnation, or behind-the-back whispers.

Get off the pew!

The Hurting People We Never See

2011-10-24T14:31:00.000-07:00

Last month I wrote about my friend's encounter with two busybody church ladies, and what happened when they literally backed into one another. One woman insisted the other was lying about the circumstances surrounding the parking lot fender bender, and was going to "tell Pastor Dave" about the deceiver.

My friend is an officer who, after more than 30 years, he has seen it all. But, it's the nasty trash talk that comes out of the mouths of so-called "Christians" that continues to dismay and confound him.

He worked a minor car accident the other day in which a truck driver was sideswiped by a passing vehicle while standing outside his truck. He's lucky his injuries were minor. Anyway, he was a large man, and he was missing a few teeth. These facts are important to the story.

My friend was taking the accident report from the visibly shaken man. When asked if there were any witnesses, he said his driving partner had seen the whole thing from his seat inside the stalled truck. Before speaking with the witness, the officer chatted a bit more with the victim, and he was struck by how kind he was. He wasn't angry with the driver who clipped him, but in fact he was concerned for the man's well being.

The officer complimented him on his gentle spirit and remarked at how calm he was. He said, "My partner is the angry, mouthy one. I find it easier to just relax and try to be a gentler person." He explained that the man who often accompanies him on long-distance trips could be a preacher because he knows the Bible so well. However, he always makes fun of people who are "fat" or "ugly".

As the sweet man nursed his wounded arm, he continued the conversation.

"My wife is overweight and she's very, very self-conscious. She is the kindest and most beautiful woman in the world - to me. However, she rarely leaves the house because of people like my friend over there."

The officer listened sympathetically.

"That man claims he's a Christian, but the words that come out of his mouth are cruel and ugly. It's hard for me to travel with him because I know it's because of guys like him that keep my wife from even going to church. He even makes fun of me sometimes." Apparently the guy tries to share the gospel, but his testimony is clearly overshadowed by his mean spirit.

My friend never did quite understand why the gentle, albeit scraggly, trucker had to share the cab of the eighteen-wheeler with the caustic Christian, but he felt his pain.

I don't care how much someone knows about the Bible. People don't care about how much you know; they need to know how much you care.

Every time you're tempted to make a joke about someone's appearance, think about the "kindest and most beautiful woman in the world" who can't even leave her home because of people like you.

Now, get off the pew and be kind to someone today.

Christian Isolationism

2011-10-20T17:34:00.000-07:00

I attended a church event last weekend with an unchurched friend. It's always interesting to see us through someone else's eyes, and I love hanging out with straight-talking non-believers. You know, we really can be an odd bunch of people.

We speak a unique language called "Christianese" and we sing songs about blood and bruises and blindness. Our concerns are not the same as the burdens of the world, and my friend had a difficult time understanding a few things.

A well-known Hollywood actor spoke at last weekend's event. At one point she opened the floor up to audience questions. The attendees wanted to know which actors were Christians and how to get their children involved in God-endorsed film projects.

This line of questioning greatly offended my friend. She couldn't quite understand how it is that we talk about being salt and light in the world, and yet work so hard to isolate ourselves from the very people who need the salt and light.

She's got a good point.

I remember an old camp song called, "Pass It On". The song begins with the words, "It only takes a spark to get a fire going, and soon all those around can warm up in its glowing." We used to sing that song like we believed it. But do we?

We preach sermons, teach classes, write blog posts, and challenge our kids to take the light of Jesus into a dark world. And yet, we can be the biggest isolationists. So, it's okay to be an actor, but only if we work with other believing actors in Christian film projects? What about doctors, lawyers, teachers, singers, and garbage collectors? Are they expected to treat, defend, teach, entertain, and serve believers only?

We talk about being an ocean of love, but many of us feel safer on our own island of like-minded separatists.

Yes, I love seeing us through the eyes of the unchurched. They challenge me to get off the pew of isolationism, and walk in the light of truth. Pass it on.

An Excuse Called Grace

2011-10-14T07:16:00.000-07:00

"Christians use grace as a blanket under which to hide all their sins."

Ouch.

I've written on this topic before, but it keeps rearing its ugly head. Many non-believers don't see grace as a free gift from God, but rather an excuse Christians use to cover bad behavior. My conversation with an unchurched friend of mine reminded me that this view of grace is very common.

When I've broached this topic with believers I often get the same response - "Don't look to people, look to Jesus." I remind you that the lost are looking to us hoping to SEE Jesus!

I'm going to try to put this in terms we all understand. I know quite a few vegetarians. In fact, I grew up in a meat-free home. Imagine knowing your best friend is a vegetarian, but one day you go out to dinner and he orders a steak. A few days later, you have lunch and you're surprised to see him order a big, juicy burger with all the toppings.

Your friend still tells people he's a vegetarian, but you doubt his commitment–what with all the meat eating. So, you question your friend about his commitment to the lifestyle. He responds with something like this: "Don't look to me, look to the vegetarian philosophy for truth and enlightenment. I'm not perfect, just forgiven."

After watching your friend enjoy a few slabs of prime rib, you finally realize he's NOT a vegetarian. He might want to be. He may claim to be. But, he's not. Does that seem judgmental? Not at all. He talks the talk, but he doesn't walk the walk.

If you consistently gossip, cheat on your taxes, lie to your boss about being sick, judge others, harbor angry bitterness, refuse to forgive, or are filled with pride and think yourself better than others, you might not be a Christian. You might want to be. You may claim to be. But you might not be.

Grace is a gift that God offers you and me. It is an honor for us to show grace to someone else who might be going through a valley of trial or temptation. It is not an excuse we pull out of our back pocket for our unChrist-like antics.

Like it or not, people are looking to us for hope. They want to see Jesus. I know we're not perfect and they know we're not perfect. When we mess up we need to 'fess up.

Get off the pew of excuses!

The Mormon "Cult"

2011-10-10T12:39:00.000-07:00

So, Pastor Robert Jeffress of Dallas, Texas calls Mormonism a "cult". He has endorsed Governor Rick Perry as the Republican Presidential candidate because he's a conservative Christian, but warns believers against voting for candidate Mitt Romney because he's a Mormon.

Well, I'm not going to enter the "cult" debate. I'm well aware of the fact that many Christians agree with Pastor Jeffress. I'm more concerned about our bigotry.

During the election season of 1960, many Christian pastors and leaders warned the American voter against supporting John F. Kennedy. You see, he was a Catholic. America had never had a Catholic president. Many believed (and still believe) that The Pope was the antichrist.

President Kennedy was way before my time, but my study of American history tells me that the Christian fear mongering of that time is similar to what's happening today. I would hope that we would cast our vote based on an intelligent understanding of where a candidate stands on issues.

Look, the conservative Christian candidate is going to make judgment calls and cast votes based on his or her knowledge of the issue as seen through the prism of their Christian worldview. Likewise, the atheist, Buddhist, Mormon, Catholic, heathen, etc... will make personal and political choices that grow from their heart, beliefs, and personal worldview. We the voters must do our homework, find out where the candidate stands, and vote our conscience.

I know many Mormons. They are loving, concerned, generous, thoughtful, kind, and smart. I also know many Christians, atheists, Catholics, and heathens who are all those things. Once again, however, it's the Christian pastor who comes across as sounding judgmental and small-minded.

So, Pastor Jeffress, teach your congregation to walk as Jesus walked, love as Jesus loved, and vote as Jesus might have voted. Voting against Mr. Romney just because of his religion is not an informed vote–it's a bigoted vote.

Get off the pew of bigotry.

Clueless Cleric

2011-10-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

Our children decided when they were teens that they wanted nothing to do with The Church. Pastors, parishioners, and pew sitters were judgmental hypocrites who would rather point fingers than build relationship.

That, sadly, was our church experience.

The other night I went to an event and sat at a table with a former nemesis – the pastor who decided I should be fired from my church job because I got involved with community theatre. Our kids were devastated when they watched the pastor's critical condemnations break my heart and spirit. I was angry at the time, not only because of how he treated me, but because his actions so profoundly and negatively affected our kids and their faith.

Despite the pain of the past, I'm always cautiously open to restoration. My former boss asked about the kids. I shared their comings and goings, including the fact that one of our kids is an atheist.

"You know," said the man, "one of our sons had doubts about his faith when he was fired from a church and treated so unfairly."

Now, at this point in the conversation I could have said, "Hmmmm....what a coincidence. You're the one whose actions caused my children to lose their faith."

But I chose to listen.

He proceeded to tell me just a bit more about how hurt his son had been and how he again found his faith. I realized that he's clueless as to how his behavior affects people. He doesn't see himself in the actions of others.

I love the book UnChristian by David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons. The book reveals the results of research that exposes how church outsiders see Christians, and how very clueless we are about how we are being perceived. I could've written that book a decade ago, and I don't need the Barna Group to give me research data. I've witnessed unimaginable hypocrisy first hand. According to the book and the data they collected, church leaders are woefully unaware of how their actions negatively impact both insiders and outsiders.

Get off the pew and look in the mirror. We are being watched, examined, hated, loved, emulated, and shunned. We're going to mess up, and when we do, we need to fess up. Being Jesus with skin on isn't easy, but it's who we ought to be.

Get off the pew!

Relying On The Kindness of Strangers

2011-09-29T16:26:00.000-07:00

Several of my friends are looking for work. Many more are underemployed.

These are tough financial times, and more than ever we need one another. In the Tennessee Williams play, "A Streetcar Named Desire" a fading but still attractive Blanche Dubois explains how she survives when she says, "I always depended on the kindness of strangers."

My friend "John" was laid off from the job he loved a little over three years ago. He was asked to appear on stage at his church in a presentation of "cardboard testimonies". I think most of us have seen these displays. The choir sings an appropriately emotionally manipulative song such as "Amazing Grace/My Chains Are Gone" and people appear on stage holding a large cardboard sign. On one side is written a confession or need, and on the other side - words of hope.

The pastor of John's mega-church asked him to participate in Cardboard-Sunday just a few weeks after he became unemployed. The words, "I just lost my job" were written on one side, and "Trusting God" on the other. He, along with more than twenty transparent and hopeful parishioners used simple words to share their heart with a congregation of more than 5,000 that day.

Two weeks later John had lunch with his friend Mark. Mark had to know, "So, did you get a lot of job offers after Cardboard-Sunday?" "You know," John replied, "not even one."

I was surprised by that fact. Five thousand people–brothers and sister in the faith–and not one single person could offer a job lead? Literally hundreds of the city's leaders, business owners, and movers and shakers claim this particular church as their own. I know many of them were sitting in the pews that day.

There was a time when the church rallied to help their own in times of need. Then the government began offering welfare and food stamps to help the poor and indigent. The Church threw up their hands and seemed to say, "Whew! Helping the needy is no longer our job."

Blanche Dubois relied on the kindness of strangers. I wonder if The Church had failed her.

It's been three years since John poured his heart out onto a large chunk of cardboard. His family still struggles as John continues to look for work. Life is further complicated by health problems, broken cars, and leaky house pipes they can't afford to repair.

I believe that if a need has made its way into my circle of knowledge and influence, then I'm supposed to respond. I can ask around, spread the word, donate a little money here and there, send a card of encouragement, pray, pray, and pray.

Get off the pew, look around, really see the needs in your circle of knowledge and influence, and then respond. Get off the pew!

Truth In The Text

2011-09-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

I received the following text message from my friend, who happens to be a highway patrol officer:

I have decided that a lot of church people are the meanest people I know. I worked this crash at $#@%&* Church where two woman backed out of a stall and hit each other. One woman just informed me she is going to tell "Pastor Dave" about this, because the other woman is lying, etc. I'm like REALLY!!?? Geez! All this woman wants to do is trash this other woman, and it's a tiny fender bender! Both at fault. I told her I based my conclusion on the physical evidence and HER statement too!

My officer friend is a very spiritual person, but wants nothing to do with church. Guess what, that strong opinion still holds–and with good reason. The text message continues:

I told her it's a small little accident and there is no need for this to escalate. Oh no, not good enough! Now it's going to be a full blown church fight.

My friend is very aware of the abuse my family has suffered at the hands of so-called Christians. I want to believe that our story is not the norm, but evidence continues to point to so much deep-seated arrogance and dysfunction among believers. My friend's text goes on:

So, it all reminded me of all that crap with you and your church and I felt like I wanted to just hug U....and kick this mean woman. She is just a shit stirrer. It's like junior high. I mean, this grown woman is running to the pastor like a child when it doesn't even involve the church. She just wants to hurt the other woman.

Once again...Christians have the opportunity to model who Jesus is for the unchurched, and we blow it. The patrol officer nailed it. So many problems are caused when immature Christians run to pastors to fix problems that should be resolved solely by the two people involved.

My friend's final observation:

It's no wonder pastors get big heads when their members run to them like kids every time someone looks at them sideways.

Ouch. Get off the pew. Resolve a conflict, restore a relationship, and renew your commitment to be Jesus with skin on. And next time you're involved in a little game of bumper cars out there on the road, remember that you might've just been given the opportunity to witness to the investigating officer. What a privilege.

When Pastors Choose Our Friends

2011-09-10T11:23:00.000-07:00

Is it ever okay for a pastor to tell a parishioner who said parishioner can and cannot have as a friend?

An acquaintance of mine was in the middle of a casual conversation with her pastor the other day, when he told her that he would rather she not be friends with someone. She became understandably defensive.

“Are you really telling me with whom I can be friends?”

“I’m just telling you to be careful.” He went on to explain how the person in question was an inferior Christian and therefore – inferior friend material.

Jesus modeled for us the example of how to be friends with people we “ought not” be friends with. Jesus was totally politically incorrect when he approached the Samaritan woman at the well. He talked with her, encouraged her, challenged her, and then sent her off to become the first evangelist.

Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.” John 4:39

When we stand in the way of friendships, we reveal our own insecurities, judgmental heart, critical spirit, and phobias. So many pastors have become arrogant and prideful. They seem to truly believe they and they alone know how to make right and good choices.

The number of pastor/teachers who seem to believe it’s their God-given right to literally direct every aspect of the believer’s life shouldn’t surprise me. I see it all the time.

Get off the pew and go make an unlikely friend today. Go. Go!

The Tithing Kiosk

2011-08-21T12:04:00.000-07:00

Well, we knew this day would eventually come, as we are a mostly cashless society now. That truth, frankly, is an easy excuse to not tithe, give, or donate. "Oh, I forgot to stop by the ATM on my way to church this morning and I ran out of checks a year ago. Sorry, I can't contribute to the offering plate today."

So, what is the answer to the I-don't-have-cash-on-me dilemma? The Tithing Kiosk.

I wonder...will people start impulse tithing? Will parishioners call the church office on Monday morning demanding a refund because they find themselves suffering from giver's remorse?

Now that the Tithing Kiosk has been installed, I fully expect giving to go up substantially. We love giving to God's work, we love our debit cards, and we love machines. Well, this is a win/win.