Andrew's Lame bLOG

Retro T-Shirt Idea

2010-05-04T14:54:00.000-04:00

I noticed that all the techno kids like the early 90's fashion these days, so I created a t-shirt to embrace that idea.

Shame on all the Anti-Anderson Silva Fans

2010-04-15T17:12:00.000-04:00

Anderson Silva is still the greatest pound for pound fighter in MMA today.

There is no doubting his physical talents, but after his quirky defeat of Demian Maia at UFC 112, public perception has dropped him down to a fringe fighter, clinging onto his UFC career for dear life.
And it is this popular opinion of Silva by today’s Mixed Martial Arts fan that bothers me to no end.

Silva does not deserve the onslaught of criticism that has rained down on him over the past week. Yes he was cocky, yes he may have been arrogant, but this is not something unheard of in the sports world.
There are numerous examples of professional athletes who have acted much like Silva at one time or longer during their reigns as the best.

Muhammad Ali, the most celebrated boxer of all time is the best example. Ali was notorious for his self promotion and trash talking in and out of the ring. A favorite quote of mine directed towards Joe Frazier is “Frazier is so ugly; he should donate his face to the U.S. Bureau of Wildlife.” Yet, Ali is still beloved around the world by millions, despite his many famed quotes. What would have happened to Silva should he have been so brash with comments like that? And for that matter, why is it that MMA fans have no problems with pre-fight hype generated by many lower level fighters at press conferences and in other promotions?

Unlike a boxer such as Ali or a MMA fighter like Silva, these types of actions aren’t just contained to combat sports, they extend well into the traditional team realm as well.
Kevin Garnett, still a top-10 selling NBA jersey, does nothing but talk trash while on the court. During the recent Cavs vs. Celtics game on April 4th, tension mounted at the free throw line between himself and LeBron James. James took exception to Garnett’s continuous stream of barbs and was visibly rattled, moving forward until the referee intervened.

So where was the backlash from that incident from NBA fans? Put simply, it’s not something that should be considered a big deal and it wasn’t.

We can continue to move from sport to sport, picking out top athletes who act in such a way that compares to Anderson Silva, yet they are not chastised for their actions whatsoever. Bear in mind we are not talking about athletes like a Terrell Owens, whose actions off the field contribute much to his negative public persona. Anderson Silva has never been involved in widely publicized contract hold-outs or drug scandals. He conducts himself out of the ring in a manner that does not raise suspicion.

Back to fighting, there is this almost stuck up mentality of today’s MMA fan. They believe that every fighter needs to conduct himself as the most exalted of all senseis would. Because Silva did not move in and destroy Maia after round three and continued to jar at him, his lack of blood-lust makes him less of a fighter and added to his criticism.

Silva may not have had the “warrior spirit” after round three, but why should he have had to?

He was already going to win the fight at that point, which is why he employed a conservative game plan from there on out. Luckily we are not all be talking about how stupid he was for going after Maia in round four only to get caught in a triangle and lose the match. MMA fans should be exhaling a collective sigh of relief that Silva did not move in and get caught, otherwise we would see a trend in over the top defensive styles that would water down all UFC fights.

In the end what it comes down to is that these professional athletes are put into a cage to fight in front of thousands of screaming fans, all in the name of competition. Competition creates adrenaline, which leads to participants acting in ways that supercharge their persona. But why shun someone or force them to act in a certain way when it goes against someone’s natural reaction?

The UFC is not a disciplined path to spiritual enlightenment, it is a place of spectacle. Anderson Silva, embraced this and did nothing outside of the rules, something that is being easily overlooked, yet he is being treated like he did something wrong.

I would ask MMA fans to give Silva the benefit of the doubt here. Maia offered no competition, yet he is not criticized for his poor performance, and Silva is the one suffering the backlash from it. I hope that the UFC doesn’t overreact and impose some sort of rule change or other drastic measure all because they didn’t appreciate the antics of the sport’s top fighter.

Indefinite Suspension

2010-04-05T11:07:00.000-04:00

Thanks for coming. I'm currently working on other ideas.

UFC 111 Predictions: GSP Reigns Supreme

2010-03-25T11:18:00.001-04:00

Click the pic for the predicts

UFC on Versus 1: Vera vs. Jones Predictions

2010-03-16T14:07:00.001-04:00

Click the pic for the predicts!

Hold The Mayo

2010-03-09T09:44:00.001-05:00

On hold for awhile, while I finish my new blog.

WEC 47 Predictions: Bowles Cuts & Mullets

2010-03-03T13:12:00.001-05:00

WEC 47 predictions are up on bleacherreport. Best Bantamweight card you can possibly have.

Back with another set of MMA predictions, this time it’s WEC 47. For all of you detractors out there, who have conveniently forgotten about blasting me for my UFC 110 picks, let me remind you all, that I went 7-2 . This, of course, included a KO prediction of Big Nog by Cain Velasquez. No, I wasn’t just making a prediction for the sake of making predictions. I watch a lot of tape and do statistical analysis before any closely matched fight. I welcome any feedback, but calling me “stupid” or a bundle of sticks doesn’t really do anything. You can disagree with me, but back it up like an adult. Or at the very least, be clever and amusing.

Now let’s move onto the best Bantamweight card ever in North America.

Brian Bowles (C) vs. Dominick Cruz

The Hype:

This will be a pretty good fight. It remains to be seen whether or not this begins a chain reaction of title changes, or if Bowles is for real and can continue to stay on top of the WEC Bantamweight division for the foreseeable future. There’s no reason to think he can’t, he is a bona fide MMA fighter. Not a wrestler, or a boxer, but a complete package. Still, he has some flaws in his game (counter strikes, leaning) that Cruz can exploit and walk out the new champ.

The Match:

Both guys are going to stand and strike in this one. Bowles favors moving forward, Cruz, moving back. I think they both neutralize each other’s strengths with their own. We might not come out of this fight thinking it was anything special, when it fact, it could be a very cerebral contest. It’s hard to find a reason why one guy should win, clear cut, over the other. I have to pick something, so I’ll go for a repeat of the Bowles last fight. Cruz will take the advantage and Bowles lands one of those phantom punches of his, that are quickly becoming a trademark.

Preditcion: Bowles, Round 3 – TKO (punches)

Miguel Torres vs. Joseph Benavidez

The Hype:

Let me start off by saying, if Torres was greatly overmatched in this one, I’d still pick him. He was the first person, of any notoriety to @andjbock me on twitter, so he gets the special treatment.

Still, he holds the edge in this match, as well, because of the height and reach advantages. 5 inches and 10 inches, respectively, will make it very hard for little Joey “kid brother” Benavidez to get in close enough to cause repeated damage*.
For Benavidez, this match will be very similar to the one the resulted in his sole defeat to Dominick Cruz, as Cruz and Torres, stack up well against one another in fighting style. He’ll have to find holes in Torres’ game if he expects to get into the title picture.

The Match:

In order to win, Torres will need to keep his distance, and as we say in Boston, be wicked smart. Stay light, counter, don’t look to end things all at once. Going for a decision win, might be a good idea. In his loss to Bowles, he had actually rocked the current champ, but was caught with a short right hook, that immediately led to his downfall because he went in too hard. Benavidez is dangerous in tight and his height (or lack thereof) can actually aid him in the clinch.

For Joseph (get a nickname hippie!), it looks like he is pound for pound, one of the hardest strikers around. I say ouch after he lands shots. So he does have that one punch KO potential*. If he can neutralize Torres’ reach, by getting in close, he can go to work and fire off hooks and uppercuts to hopefully rock Miguel and then finish him off. Joseph will need to finish off Torres on his feet, as Torres can successfully fend off Benavidez while in the guard position and then turn the tables.

Prediction: Torres, Unanimous Decision

Jens Pulver vs. Javier Vazquez

The Hype:

Two guys looking to bounce back from falling far down the ladder. Pulver is 1-6 in his last 7 fights. At 35, there’s no need to think he’s getting better. He was a great fighter back in his day, but his days of consistency are well behind him. Vazquez has two split decision losses in his WEC career. That must be why it was a brainer to have L.C. Davis and Deividas Taurosevicius fight after him on this card. It’s the finals of the Javier Vazquez invitational.

The Match:

Yikes. Pulver just won’t have enough in the tank to go the distance and put up enough of a fight to get a win.

Prediction: Vazquez, Unanimous Decision

Deividas Taurosevicius vs. L.C. Davis

The Hype:

Admittedly, I do not have great insight to both fighters here. I think I blindly have picked against them in previous WEC predictions as well. I’ve seen some good and some bad in both fighters, but it’ll pretty much be a coin flip.

The Match:

In the matches of Taurosevicius I watched, I really liked his striking technique. He also showed that he can take a punch or two. On the other hand, Davis’ performance against Waggney Fabiano was terrible, and Fabiano is a guy, I think, is overrated. Luckily Davis likes to punch, as well, so we could actually be in for an exciting contest here. I just have a feeling someone gets clocked in this match.

Prediction: Taurosevicius, Round 2 (Head Kick)

Bart Palaszewski vs. Karen Darabedyan

The Hype:

Not a Bart fan at all. I don’t know what the reason entirely is, but he really irks me to watch him fight.

The Match:

Darabedyan is 9-1, so presumably this match was made to give him a fight over a known property – with a victory in mind. It won’t be easy, but I think we’ll see him hold his own and limit any offense that Palaszewski can mount. Lackluster opening bout and this one will probably keep Scotty Jorgensen off of television, which is a shame.

Prediction: Darabedyan, Split Decision.

My Current LOST Theory / Episode 6 "Sundown"

2010-03-02T08:53:00.003-05:00

---UPDATE--- I've since learned this is a Sayid episode tonight, so we'll have to wait to see what they do with Sun, or if she even gets a flash.

Okay, so we're 5 episodes deep into LOST. 13 left to go. As many have noticed, the trend in flash sideways, are that they following the same order they did in season one. Meaning, the last 3 back stories have focused on Kate, Locke, & Jack (in that order). The same sequence occurred in season 1, as well.

The very curious thing about tonight's episode, entitled, "Sundown", will be if the story continues along the same arc. Curious, because it's presumably about Sun (in both name and she was the focus of episode 6, season 1), the first person to not have gone back to 1977.

Thing should still be very different for her in the parallel LOST, but that may only be because her husband, Jin, was Mr. South Korea 1977. If it wasn't for him, her two lives may be exclusively different - she doesn't get all "Jacked" up while looking into a mirror. I'm guessing we're not going to see any phantom scars appear on her, like Jack not remembering his appendix operation or the cut on his neck during LAX, episode 1.

Jack's scar is pretty much the source of my questions, that I cannot officially answer, but will try to. Can you change the future or the past? Short term, yes, long term, no - is what it looks like to me.

Take this drawing, we can analyze, that I obtained from NASA science guys.

It shows us a standard time line from 1900-2007. 1907-2007 would just look silly, so it's 107 years long. Let's read into it a bit.

1) The straight line from 77-07 is what has already happened.
2) The dotted line, is when the screwbags took the Ajira flight and got split up in time.
3) Saturday Night Fever came out in '77, so it made for a good icon to use.
4) The numbers.

As you can see, I have my own numbers. But they're only numbers, being used just to show you how something can be out of sequence, yet still total up to be the same, which is precisely, my LOST thoughts - what?

Going back in time, created a separate, secondary time line. What us LOST fans have become accustomed to, was always the primary line, but this new flash sideways paradise doesn't have the power of the initial, hence secondary. It's not was always set in stone, so that's why it doesn't hold the same power as the original.

This is why Jack doesn't remember his appendectomy in parallel world, because it's an unstable, flawed environment that wasn't supposed to exist in the first place and now has to make up for events it missed, but also compete with the stronger primary line. The time lines kind of remind me of Jacob vs. the man in black, personified, by the way.

Dig?

TUA Match #2: The Ego vs The Rebel

2010-03-01T13:30:00.002-05:00

AB: We are back with exciting Quarterfinal action here at TUA: The Ultimate Asshole. I'm Andrew Bock, with me as always, OJ Simpson. Juice, we have an interesting matchup tonight. Tell us about them.

OJ: Yes Andrew, we do. Tonight we have a match between 2 very different fighters.

The Ego hungers for attention. She needs it for sustenance. In order for her to survive, she needs for you to know that she is the best, without any back talk. This is a person known for their flashy technique, but they can be defeated.

AB: Right as always, Juice.

The Rebel says she don't care and she ain't doing things your way. The headphones go on and stay on. What makes her such an antiestablishmentarianism is not always known. Her mom used to say she was such a normal kid growing up.

Let's pick up the action in round 1!

The Ego, comes out of the gate as we thought. "Why are you so weird? I'm so much better than you." The rebel just puts her headphones on. Smart move Juice. The Ego, is not about to quit though, ooh, nice shot, to knock the headphones off. That'll get you noticed. The rebel counters by doing some weird snarl. Too much Rob Zombie in her life. This reminds me of the matches of Hall of Famer, The Indecisive many years ago. Wait, The Ego is showing off her new Gucci purse. The Rebel DOES notice. Ding! There's the bell ending round 1.

Official score card: 10-9, The Ego.

Round 2 begins, The Ego again tries showing off, by reeling off all the guys she's slept with. The Rebel ignores. The ego dangles the keys to her new car RIGHT in front of the Rebel's face. She ignores. The Ego starts telling a story about how she was in a McDonald's commercial when she was younger. The Rebel ignores. OH MY, The Ego is reeling now. She just can't get through. She can fall..."You're dad never loved you." OHHHH, Rebel down, Rebel down. The Ego pulls out a huge come from behind victory over the Rebel.

OJ: I guess we know why she's tries to be so different now.

AB: Right as always juice. Here's the updated bracket. Joins us real soon for our 3rd quarterfinal bout!

Tirade of the Nation #1

2010-02-27T17:58:00.001-05:00

...And no, you don't actually care about Chile...The Hangover still isn't that funny...Is Swine flu finally not cool anymore?...Wow the Olympics are outdated...I will not use credit cards ever again, if possible...Thank god for legitimate theater...Thank god for bastard theater...Y'know, the anti-Obama jokes by those who used to take great offense to GWB jokes, it's getting a little old...Fuck the groundhog...I'm lucky I never got into CSI...Boy, there are still a lot of people out there who think opposing gay rights is still relevant...Wouldn't it be nice if Bloom Energy actually took off?...I haven't seen a college basketball season this wide open in quite some years...

TUA Match #1: The Cheater vs The Jealous One

2010-02-25T13:12:00.001-05:00

Welcome to the first quarterfinal match for the 1st ever TUA: The Ultimate Asshole tournament of champions. 8 combatants, will compete to determine just what makes a person the biggest asshole possible.

We're here live at the Philadelphia Spectrum in front of a sold out crowd. Wait! Here comes are 1st competitor to the ring. It's THE CHEATER, a heavy favorite in this year's event. The Cheater is capable of saying basically whatever the fuck he wants to and then trying to get away with it. Of course he's not cheating on you and he invented sand. Trademark catch phrases of this asshole. Always remember this guy used to be a professional wrestler known as THE LIAR.

He definitely looks in top form tonight. This should be a tenacious affair!

Next to the ring is THE JEALOUS ONE. A combatant who mimics her opponents with such precision. She mixes the arts of synchronized swimming with the role of Jennifer Jason Leigh in Single White Female. She can be deceptively crafty and always pulls in close to her opponents.

Let's get to the action! 3, 5 minute rounds. Win by KO or submission. If there's no winner, we go to the scorecards.

ROUND 1:

Cheater moves in. Says he met Willie Nelson last week. Jealousy counters with pretending to be happy for Cheater, but you can see that she wishes she had the met the country great as well.

Cheater tells she Jealousy pretty and would take good care of her. Jealously takes the bait. Ohhhh BURNED!

Cheating was just lying to get into Jealousy's pants. He hits her with a "I don't care about you loser." And just like that this one is over. A crushing defeat for Jealousy! I didn't expect that one to be so quick. The Cheater moves on.

The Ultimate Asshole: TUA Preview Show

2010-02-24T06:02:00.001-05:00

Welcome to the first ever TUA: The Ultimate Asshole Preview Show. I'm Andrew Bock. As you most of you know, the TUA was formed to find out just which personality trait does, in fact, breed the biggest asshole.

Much like the early days of the UFC, the TUA has scoured the globe to find the true masters of the anus, those traits that just cannot be ignored, because of their prominence in destroying the lives they touch around them.

We have put together quite the card, that will be unveiled in the coming days via a series of quarterfinal matches. The winners will advance to the semis and then to the finals. Finally our champion will be crowned and we will all know just what makes a person the biggest asshole they can be.

I cannot control my excitement. Let's go to our sideline reporter and an asshole in his own right, The Juice Man himself, OJ Simpson.

"Thanks Andrew. I'm so excited to be here to bring all of our viewers the 411 on the personality traits that require a 911!

Let's profile our 8 combatants and highlight the areas that makes you really want to pull a pair of leather gloves and...well never mind, let's show the traits."

THE CHEATER: (Odds To Win 2:1)

THE TEMPER: (Odds To Win 4:1)

THE EGO: (Odds To Win 8:1)

THE CRUEL ONE: (Odds To Win 2:1)

THE AUTHORITARIAN: (Odds To Win 7:1)

THE JEALOUS ONE: (Odds To win 10:1)

THE IGNORANT ONE: (Odds To win 5:1)

THE REBEL (Odds To win 7:1)

"There you have it! Our run down of the top assholes in the world. It should be an exciting tournament. Andrew back to you."

Thanks Juice. Finally, before we kick off the action tomorrow, let's take a look at the tourney brackets.

Looks like a stellar bracket. I can't wait for the action to begin! It all start's tomorrow, live on Andrew's Lame bLOG.

Outsourcing: 2028

2010-02-23T11:52:00.001-05:00

We're at the midway point of 2010 right now and the economy is still suffering, job rates are still terrible, and if low morale was shit, it could fill a silo the size of my ex-girlfriend's ego.

~~But there is hope on the horizon. Recent reports show that job rates on on the rise agai~~

I remember when I wrote that article 18 years ago. Times were tough, but now they are near impossible. Do you know more than 10 actual people who hold jobs?

Me neither.

It was one thing when machines started replacing factory workers all those years ago, but now, with President Scott Brown's reluctance to help out working class Americans, we are potentially seeing the end of employment as we know it.

Here are some of the jobs I Remember when employment actually required human beings?

1) Sales People: Time was you used to pick up a phone (audio-only device for speaking to another human), push buttons (yeah, yeah, we were cave people) and talk to someone on the other end. You'd negotiate a price in exchange for goods or services, sign an agreement, and configure the order. Now every sales person is just pre-programmed. No need to negotiate anymore, since the Social Order of Robotic Equality, or SORE Act, came to be. "You have to give robots jobs" said all those liberal beatniks back in 2016. Now you just upload your data and a decision is automatically made by the bots.

2) CEO's: This is just a step up from the sales person, but remember when Pepsi implemented iRobert Sodamann as their CEO 6 years ago? Pepsi hasn't made one improper business decision since and now owns every consumable liquid in the world. If only Scott Brown (Scottbot as his detractors call him) would disallow Pepsi's ownership of all 7 oceans, we could possible go back to more viable system of capitalism.

3) Strippers: Here's one area I must admit I'm happy has gone to the bots. now every stripper is absolutely perfect in every imaginable way. I don't have to hide my shame in my willingness to grab boobs, either, and I'm allowed to! Just don't put your dick in one cause, robot pussy is highly charged and lightning will shoot out of your junk. Same goes for the ladies, but the lightning comes out of your asses. Anyway, I can't work anymore, but at least I can get my cheap jollies off while America continues to spiral downward in an eddy of irreversible unemployment.

Quote Of The Day

2010-02-22T11:53:00.001-05:00

"From the waist down, I feel 15.''

- Manny Ramirez

So you're constantly battling wet dreams and are hung like cashew?

The Perfect Solution For This NBA Trade Deadline.

2010-02-18T12:11:00.000-05:00

With NBA teams so interested in taking on expiring contracts this trading deadline, it would only make sense, at least to me, that someone trump the system and take on an already expired contract.
Think about it. Stephon Marbury made in excess of $20 million dollars last year. If someone were to acquire that contract (I’m sure he has a copy) they could use that money right away. It’s an ingenious, diabolical way to circumvent the salary cap restrictions.

The possibilities are endless. Here’s the perfect scenario: My favorite team is the Celtics. The Celtics, had Marbury last year, so they should have a copy of his deal. They trade that already expired contract to Phoenix, for Amare Stoudemire. The 125% salary factor works, so it’s not an issue. The C’s are now loaded up front. And the Suns don’t have to wait until next season to go after the big name free agents. They can go after Lebron or D-Wade tomorrow. It’s win win for everyone.

If I was Danny Ainge, I’d start digging through my filing cabinet to see what other contracts are in there. I’m sure a team like Memphis would love to acquire Larry Bird’s old deal. Think of all the revenue they could bring in with #33 Grizzly jerseys. All we need in return is Rudy Gay.

Random Thoughts About The Olympics

2010-02-17T22:02:00.003-05:00

- 2,056,438 human interests stories and counting. The events themselves are kind of a let down after all the hype.

- Anyone else think it's funny how when a skier wipes out, the first person on the scene has a big shovel in hand.

- Nothing like a fat pop country band, such as Rascal Flatts, to make me set a new world record for channel changing.

- The biathlon would be so much better with automatics and moving targets.

- Why are there so many wipe outs in every event?

- I'd be fine with just watching regular NHL hockey.

- Anyone who is against homosexuality but watches men's anything - is a hypocrite.

- Why is Lindsey Vonn so sad that she just won a medal?

Doping Scandals Erupt At Westminster Dog Show

2010-02-15T22:04:00.000-05:00

Just when Americans thought doping and drug scandals were exclusive to human beings, along comes a pair of shocking revelations at this year's Westminster Kennel Club's annual dog show.

Early reports have indicated that not one, but two dogs, at the Superbowl of dog pageants, have been cited for both, anabolic steroid use and marijuana possession.

The latest announcement came in around 9:45PM EST, Monday, as judging for the toy group had just concluded. Moon Walk, a toy poodle and winner of his group was pulled aside, as he returned to the backstage area. It was here, he was informed that he had tested positive for the steroid, Tamoxifen, which is used as an anti-estrogen anabolic commonly used for weight training purposes.

This new scandal comes on the heels of the Sunday morning marijuana arrest of Devil, a dreadlocked Havanese, with a history of off-field incidents. This is Devil's 3rd arrest in the past 16 months. In June & October 2009, he was cited for littering (not picking up after himself) and then later gun possession.

Westminster officials were said at a loss for words when news of the second incident came down. Said one judge, "I'll be darned if I let drugs come into my sport. If you think that's the way it goes, you're barking up the wrong tree."

While the best in show is not until Tuesday evening, it will be a daunting task for the officials to sift through the myriad of recent incidents. Time will tell how they are able to rebound for this week.

Selling Out

2010-02-14T16:58:00.002-05:00

I'm unofficially sponsoring NASCAR after being guilty of watching a good portion of the Daytona 500.

And hey, for all the problems Toyota has had, they've got one of the best F'n gimmicks around. This is how marketing should work.

Closet Homosexuality Runs Rampant Within MMA Fan base

2010-02-14T12:37:00.005-05:00

I thought it was amusing to wake up and see a comment left for a bleacher report article I wrote earlier this week. Amusing in the sense, that why was this person getting so worked up over my MMA predictions?

I realize he probably hasn't read any of my other predictions. It's not like I just write these to go against the grain. I predict them to be right.

So I was still confused until I got to the bottom of his tirade. He called me "FAGGOT". Generally the only people who use that word these days are people who have repressed feelings inside. Then it was clear. He has several man crushes and to him, a full mount isn't just a MMA tactic, it's something to be employed in, say, the bedroom. Mike, I'm sorry I didn't go with the guys who you like more than just fighters, but I am allowed my opinion and I shouldn't have to be insulted for it. You're more than welcome to disagree, but try and be an adult about it.

So Mike, good luck in your self discovery. You're in college now, that's a great time to experiment and figure out who you really are. I think you'll find you're much happier once you shed you faux exterior and become the man you truly are.

Say hi to your mom, Barbara for me. She's still at 4 Mallard Ave right?

You can follow Mike on twitter here

Kazuhiro Kokubo Banned From Olympic Competition For Clothing Choice

2010-02-13T16:44:00.001-05:00

Kazuhiro Kokubo, a Japanese hopeful for a gold in Men's Snowboarding, has been banned from all Olympic events after several interest groups complained about his dress and casual attitude.

Kokubo was seen departing from Japan and arriving in Vancouver with, get this, an untucked shirt, loose trousers, and a tied tie that would be loose on a dinosaur (if they existed).

One Olympic official asserted, "The clothing is one thing, but he has dreadlocks too! I mean why don't we just let the whole Olympics become the Rapympics?"

Further outrage was declared on Kokubo as he was not overly apologetic for his actions. Said the same official, "And then he didn't even apologize to the extreme, like they talk in snowboard. Even if he paid off a judge, he still wouldn't win...well that's because all the other countries bought them off, but still, you get what I mean.

When reached for comment, Kokubo said, "If I had known that tucking in my shirt was the key to achieving a gold medal, I would have done so all my life. Man am I a silly goose for not realizing that."

With the shame brought to snowboarders across the globe, NBC has canceled all televised events, opting to go with live Curling coverage and Biathlon preliminaries in an effort to mask the shame Kokubo has shed on an entire planet.

UFC 110: Nogueira vs. Velasquez Predictions

2010-02-12T10:47:00.001-05:00

On paper this could be one of the most memorable UFC PPVs in quite some time. Between those who have already written history and those who are sharpening their pencils, UFC 110 will be worth every minute.

3 Former Pride champions, one headlining against a 2 time all-American and undefeated uber-prospect. The others...well one has a funny head tattoo and the other wears silly shorts, but still they're decent fighters with solid matchups (notice I didn't say matches) so they should come through....again, on paper.

I am currently 92-61-1 with my picks.

Minotauro Nogueira vs. Cain Velasquez

The Hype: I really think it is crucial for Velasquez to come away with a clean victory here. If he can improve to 8-0, the UFC would have a guy who appeals to both White and Hispanic audiences, while being undefeated. This is the kind of guy who can keep the UFC's momentum going and help push them into the 20teens.

Not to discredit Nog's skills, but he's had his time in the spotlight. He has reached draw status, where it doesn't matter if he wins or loses, he'll still get people talking. And that's part of the reason Cain needs to win. Velasquez hasn't achieved that status yet, and he is one of the people pegged to lead the next generation of UFC stars.

The Match: Luckily for myself and those who share my opinion, Velasquez has a great chance to win this fight. Similarly, Nog does as well, of course. I'm going to look for Velasquez to rely mostly on striking as taking Nog to the ground is a questionable tactic, despite his wrestling pedigree. Nog has shown that he can be hit repeatedly in fights and this should aide Cain, who keeps showing improvements in this dept with each passing fight.

In the end Velasquez will need to use smarts, in unison, with his complete package skills to ensure he doesn't get caught by Nog. Nog on the other had, just needs to play his usual game and he can win on any night.

Prediction: Velasquez, Round 3 (TKO - Punches)

Wanderlei Silva vs. Michael Bisping

The Hype: Can someone say "slugfest"? Let's be honest here, Silva is 1-5 in his last 6 fights. There's no reason to think he has anything left. Given it's been 9 months since his last fight, but that doesn't mean he's been getting better.

Bisping's loss to Dan Henderson still sits in my mind, so I have my reservations about him, especially when it comes to facing someone with the punching power of Silva. Bisping has to win in order to stay relevant, while Silva is hanging on to prove he's not done. Bisping, despite his drawing power to UK fans, has much more at stake here.

The Match: Lot of punching, some knees, couple of kicks - BAM! Someone just got clocked!

Prediction: Bisping, Round 1 (KO - Punch)

Joe Stevenson vs. George Sotiropoulos

The Hype: ~~Why ABC's George Stephanopoulos is getting into MMA at 49 years of age I have no idea. What? Different guy? My bad.~~ Nice guy Joe takes on a fighter who's quietly put together a 4 match winning streak since appearing on TUF.

The Match: This is a tough (no pun) one for me to predict. Stevenson is coming off some good wins, but his offense still looks sluggish most of the time to me. George has the skills to defend against Joe's submission wrestling (see his match against Aoki) if he gets taken down. No matter what, this one's going to the scorecards, so who keeps the other guy at bay that extra inch wins?

Prediction: Sotiropoulos (Unanimous decision)

Keith Jardine vs. Ryan Bader

The Hype: Here are 2 guys on very different trajectories. Bader is getting his first real shot at a known personality, and deservedly so. Jardine is only still around because of wins over popular fighters 2+ years ago. Jardine looked feeble in his loss to Thiago Silva, and I wonder if we've seen the beginning of the end for him. Still, a real test for Bader, so it should be a good matchup.

The Match: I think we're in for a soft match here. This is the one fight that won't drop any jaws with a flash KO. Bader out muscles Jardine in bother striking and wrestling, so he's going to control the pacing and where the fight is taken. I see a lot of smothering attempts to try and wear down Jardine. Both guys will land a couple of shots, but Jardine will be off-balance a lot and those shots won't do the necessary damage.

Prediction: Bader (Unanimous Decision)

Mirko Crop Cop vs. Ben Rothwell

The Hype: Yikes! Don't fool yourself, Cro Cop is done, washed up, over. He's 3-3 in his last 6 (1 NC), but when the 3 wins are over guys who are a combined 15-13 (1 being Hong Man Choi of Jose Canseco fame), I can't take you seriously anymore. This isn't 2004-2006. It's 2010 and Crop Cop's devastating legs are just legs now. Plus I don't think he can reach Rothwell's head that sits about 6'5'' in the air.

The Match: I just gave zero hype to Rothwell, but you can tell I am going to pick him to win this one. We get a good stand up battle to start off the show. Keeps the crowd's energy level up. Cro Cop will leave himself open for a quick jab to the nose, followed up by the shaved bear hooks of Rothwell. Good night.

Prediction: Rothwell, Round 1(KO - Punch)

Update: Rothwell is out, so I am going with Crop Cop now.

Stephan Bonnar vs. Krzysztof Soszynski
Brian Foster vs. Chris Lytle
C.B. Dollaway vs. Goran Reljic
Igor Pokrajac vs. James Te Huna

Villagers Hunt Down Meteorologists In Modern Day Witch Hunt

2010-02-11T09:20:00.001-05:00

After yesterdays official dubbing of "SnowGate", with its massively (pun) overstated weather reports, Bostonians are up in arms over the lack of accurate forecasting from meteorologists and have demanded blood. Droves of armies assembled outside the big 4 stations' headquarters yesterday. Some carried torches, some pitchforks, one man brought a snow making device threatening to "make it rain....er, snow."

Some people aren't as livid as others in Massachusetts. Anthony McFitzy was among them.

"Guy, if I get a day off with no shoveling, I'm taking it dude. What am I wicked stupid?"

Regardless of where you stand on the issue, it was a major red flag in the ability of meteorologists to accurately predict the weather and at the same time, not to overblow those predictions.

I just hope those of you who bought 4 jugs of milk drink it before it spoils.

Sox Nation Still Feeling Effects Of Hurricane A-Rod

2010-02-10T12:55:00.000-05:00

When Hurricane A-Rod ripped through Red Sox Nation last November, ten years of prosperity were quickly washed away in a $200 million dollar tsunami of pin stripes. It was the day the New York Yankees reclaimed their dominance in the American League. It was a day that Red Sox fans are still trying to forget as they now try and rebuild their shattered egos.

Relief efforts have been greeted with mixed reviews over the past 3 months as “Sawx” fans question the quality of building materials used in the restoration process. Lead architect, Theo Epstein has vowed to aide all those displaced in the hurricane, despite the criticism.

“You have to realize, that after a tragedy like what has happened here, it takes a lot to try and enrich the lives of all those who’ve suffered,” Epstein told reporters. “But then you also need to realize, on the other hand, that we can’t just throw money at the problem and call it fixed. It takes the effort of a nation.”

Petey Schmidt of Revere, Massachusetts didn’t see it the same way Epstein did.

“Guy, he freakin’ tries to help us out by using Cameron & Beltre brand concrete? That’s like telling my friends Sully and Fitzy they don’t get to get to watch none of the games in HD next year. It’s wicked shotty. Why you gonna do this to me Theo?”

Despite the differences between fans and Epstein, both agreed that the recent visit of celebrity Angelina Jolie was a morale boost to everyone.

“It’s a terrible shame to see all these people displaced. We need to remind them, that through pride and dignity they can reclaim their spots on top of the mountain,” Jolie told fans at Boston Beerworks.

The Red Sox open training camp in just 10 short days, so as the Nation stands on guard, there will be plenty of time throughout the long season to finish the rebuilding effort and rely on hope that the recent set back doesn’t carry the weight of this past season’s events.

How To Make The Celtics Better

2010-02-09T11:58:00.003-05:00

I'm writing this specifically for the Bleacher Report, so no fucks, or shit lips or references to "Big Lake Tittykaka" after this.

As the trade deadline approaches, Celtics fans have an uneasy feeling in their stomachs about the direction the team is headed. The biggest question mark is do they trade Ray Allen or try and win it all with him? In all honesty, keeping Ray would be a huge mistake. The C's are already over the cap next year, without Ray's $19mm salary. If they let him play out the season and walk, they'll have nothing to show for it since they won't be in the mix for any of the 29 superstars set to hit the market. But let's go beyond traditional trades for a moment and come up with some alternative ideas that Danny Ainge and the brass may not have considered just yet.

1) Dress Brian Scalbrine up as Teen Wolf each game. Here's an instance where we can keep Ray. The point is to make the other to ~~scare~~ make the other team laugh so hard while on the court, they can't play D worth a darn. Plus Scal pads the stats and get a nice contract to play in Transylvania next season.

2) Get Scott Brown, our new Senator, to pass legislation that enables husbands and wives to become interchangeable between their occupations. Long story short, trade Shelden Williams for Candace Parker. No offense to Shelden. He was great when called upon early in the season, but he doesn't have the game of his wife.

3) Utilize the Flying V or Wedge each time down the court. It'll take a little bit of practice to get around the charging calls, but why wouldn't you use the most dominating move in Football history...in the NBA?? I'm sure there's no rule against it. Give Rajon Rondo the ball, put Kendrick Perkins in front, who's gonna stop ya?

4) Just clone Ray. That way we get something back for him AND get to keep him. Brilliant!

Scientists Predict 32% Spike In Flashing At Mardi Gras This Year

2010-02-08T10:31:00.000-05:00

Saints Superbowl Victory Spurs Prediction

Vienna - Researchers at the Institute for Advanced Studies, Vienna (IHS) have revealed their annual Bet On Ogling Brüstes or BOOB report, stating, due to the New Orleans Superbowl victory, a large increase in breast exposure is expected beginning next week.

The study, now in its 15th year, aims to capture trends in social behavior among "hot chicks or just girls with big cans," according to lead analyst Waldermarr Fuchs. "No one wants to go to Mardi Gras just to get all shitty. You want to see some girls who normally would never show off the goods just before you get black out drunk. This study is essential in predicting the fun factor for young men and curious women all over the world."

Back in New Orleans, local perverts have taken to flooding crafts stores in order to manufacture their own custom Saints beads. "Better beads, mean better breasts," an anonymous pantsless man told reports holding up a necklace that would make DeBeers proud.