Strangefellows

Bullet and the Bullseye

2014-08-17T20:44:00.000-07:00

                  Well, here we are again. Slightly drunk, not remotely tired, and very much bored. It's been over a year and a half since my last time posting and you'd think I'd have figured things out by now. However, even as I sit here trying to fill up this staggeringly empty page with some sort of fluid thought, I'm still lost. How do people do it? So many people seem to know exactly what they want out of life and how to make it happen. I still have no idea what I want out of life. I keep seeing people around me with an incredible drive to accomplish goals and enjoy what they're truly passionate about and I cant help but feel lost.
                   Things are a little better though. I moved to Tallahassee this year. Everyone always asks if I moved for school, and it's gotten to the point I just say yes rather than explain that I just wanted to live somewhere new ( That one seems to weird people out). I've also found a great new lie to tell people when they ask why I don't drive. I've just started saying that I care too much about the environment. People seem to grasp that concept a lot easier than the idea that I'm absolutely terrified of driving and traffic. As and added benefit, people assume I'm a good person for walking and using public transportation, rather than eat away at the ozone.
   Now I just feel like I'm stalling. I've decided that I want to start writing again, but I feel like I'm hitting the same problem that caused me to stop. I have no idea what to write about. I'm a pretty boring person. I tend to just work, play video games, and watch a stupid amount of movies. I might try my hand at movie reviews until I either work my way through every movie in my archive or realize that I am in fact the douche bag movie reviewer that I've always hated. I have to do something other than binge watch Andromeda though. Hunt out.

The Hard Truth

2013-01-09T23:17:00.004-08:00

                    Today, I was hit with a very firm truth. I am destined to live alone. Sure, I've got my amazing beard and charming smile, but I just hate people too much to want to have anything to do with them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a dick head who kicks puppies and sneers at little kids, I just don't like people.... like.... at all. People are just dirty, annoying, and they waste so much time on useless social customs. Sure, I could continue to rock my fake smile and boring small talk, but it's just not me. I actually had a conversation today about the differences between fountain soda and canned soda. I shit you not, that really happened.
                     Of all my issues with people, its the dirtiness that gets to me the worst. It's almost like people want to get each other sick. Parents allow their kids to smear god-knows-what all over anything they can reach, decrepit old men get on the public bus and shit themselves ( A guy did this in the seat next to me today), and everybody wants to touch. How did all of this touching become the polite way of interaction? If I want to say hello to someone, I shouldn't have to shake their hand, bump their fist, give them five, or give them a fucking hug. If you can't get your point across with your words, then it obviously isn't a very important point. I just wish people would keep their hands to themselves and shower on a daily basis.
                      Working in a hotel, I've had to interact with some annoying people. I've heard complaints about anything you could think of and, to tell you the truth, most of them are pretty fucking stupid. I've heard guests complain about their sheets not being cleaned from the night before ( Do you change the sheets in your own home every night?), their appetizer got cold while they were eating their salad ( Maybe you should eat hot food first and not talk on your phone while you're in a damned restaurant.), and the ever classy "I can hear my ac unit (Then turn it the fuck off!). People just want to complain and voice their opinion on everything. I wish people would realize that I truly don't care. All I want to do is get through the week so I can spend my day off alone, at home, not having to interact with people.
                     Does anyone really like all of the social customs? There are so many that are just pointless. Why would anyone other than your family/close friends care how you are doing today, how your holidays were, or what your weekend plans are. The question "How are you?" and its response has become so structured and automatic, that people have to know that no one cares. Every time I make eye contact and repeat the line " I'm doing well. How are you?" I feel a little part of my soul tearing off and dying. All these phrases do is trigger an automated response, or initiate a longer conversation that has no reason but to waste time and energy that could be spent doing other things.
                     Well there you go. Now you know what I think to myself every single time I leave the house. Sure, I may sound like an old man or a complete dick, but I'm not. I'd like to think I'm a pretty nice guy. I just don't like leaving the house. Now if you will excuse me, I have some vidya games to play and some Dexter to watch. ( I just downloaded every single episode of Dexter. So good.)

Middle Distnce Runner

2013-01-02T23:00:00.001-08:00

I have survived Wintereensmas 2012 and I am back! For those of you who don't know, Wintereensmas is the winter ( Halloween-Christmas) video game season. As a nerd, it was my duty to focus all of my energy on work and (more importantly) video games. With all of the games that were spewing into the stores, I had no time to crush them and keep up with this blog. I had to make some cutbacks, but now I'm back. And to prove that I truly did crush this Wintereensmas, I will briefly share my adventures from the past few months (in sequential order).

Borderlands 2

Borderlands 2 Kicked off Wintereensmas and really set the bar high. In Borderlands 2, you could team up with up to 3 friends for a whirlwind adventure filled to the brim with violence, midgets, and diamond horses named Butt Stallion. Sure, the game was crude at times (all the time) but that's what gave Borderlands 2 its charm. It was a great game, and I will be replaying it with all the dlc soon enough.
Resident Evil 6

And then there was Resident Evil 6. RE6 was a major letdown for me. Being the recluse that I am, I went into RE6 solo. Starting as Leon S. Kennedy (super awesome zombie killing agent), you are partnered with Helena Harper. Without anyone to control Helena, the game's A.I. takes control and fucks your world up. The game's A.I. was so terrible, I have deemed this game unplayable until I have a partner to run through it with. Seriously, I only made it to the last chapter of the first campaign.
Dishonored

Dishonored was the surprisingly good underdog game this year, but I'm going to love any game where you play a steam-punk assassin. Getting close to the release date, I almost let this game slip by me, but something stopped me and told me to go for it. In Dishonored, you are Corvo, the queens guard. Framed for her assassination, you are taken to prison, where you escape and (with the help of a rag-tag team) put an end to those who framed you and save the princess. With the use of crossbows, swords, and magic powers, nothing can stop you. I definitely recommend this game.
Assassin's Creed 3

Assassin's Creed 3 was another letdown in my book. With shoddy game mechanics and a terrible main character, I was finding it hard to focus on how awesome the Assassin's Creed story is. Even more than the mechanics, I hated playing as Connor so much. Playing as a North American savage (Indian) is probably the only way a game could ever make me miss the days of being a dirty Italian jumping along the rooftops of his people. I'll get more into this (the game, not my hatred of the white guilt that pushes our country's hand every day) later, but in the mean time, just rent this game. There is no reason to buy it.
Halo 4

If you own an Xbox 360 and do not have/plan on getting Halo 4, then you are a terrible person who probably enjoys kicking puppies. For shame. Finally playing as Master Chief again was great and all, but the real nerdgasm lies in the multiplayer. Sure, the maps aren't great, but the weekly updates and added Spartan Ops missions makes this game near perfection. Halo 4 is so good, that I feel bad for having not played in in the past 4 days. As cheap as I am, there's no reason to not buy this game right now. Sure, there will be a price drop someday, but you will also die someday. Think about that.
Black Ops 2

Black Ops 2 was good. Not great, just good. the multiplayer engine used in this Black Ops just feels too much like the one used in Modern Warfare. Being a big fan of the first Black Ops, I'm left feeling rather disappointed. Sure, there's a zombie mode, but I miss mowing down other players with a Galil and not being killed by Hunter Killer Drones every five fucking seconds. I really wish this game was better, but its just good.
Far Cry 3

Far Cry 3 is pretty sick. You play as Jason Brody ( "Bro" being in his name is actually a major hint at his personality), a rich twenty-something who decided that skydiving into a random jungle with his friends was a good idea. Surprise Surprise! They all get kidnapped by a crazed pirate who intends to ransom them to their families, then sell them into slavery. Despite being out matched and out gunned, Jason gets a magic tribal tattoo ( You can't make this shit up) that allows him to murder just about every pirate on the island. As Jason saves his friends, he really grows as a character and with one line, became my favorite playable character of the season. He was told that since he had help fetch an item it was his job to install it. That's when he said my line that I've been saying for all of 2012. " Wait.... is that even a thing?"
Star Wars : The Old Republic

I know, The Old Republic didn't even come out this year, but I finally have a laptop that can play video games. With Elder Scrolls Online quickly approaching, I figured it was time I got into the whole MMO thing. I am really surprised how good this game is. I was pissed that Knights of the Old Republic 3 never happened, but it kind of did. SWTOR plays more like a Bioware RPG than an MMO. You make a character, choose your speech options, gain light side/dark side points, have the option to romance a follower, and have your own unique story in the Star Wars universe. SWTOR went free to play in November, so if you're not sure about it, you should really download it and give it a try. I highly recommend it.

There you have it, proof that I haven't just been sitting around doing nothing for the past few months. I have been saving planets, rescuing rich white kids, assassinating the British, killing zombies, and mastering the fucking force. I am back, but for now, I must excuse myself. I have a bounty to turn in and a Jedi to kill.

Stay classy.

What a Lovely Way to Burn

2012-10-13T23:09:00.000-07:00

                      Hey guys. Just to be clear, I'm not dead. Sure, I've been gone for a while, but I have a really good reason for that. I have been working my balls off. A guy at work got fired a few weeks ago and I picked p all of his hours. It wasn't until this past week that I realized how much that guy worked. But I'm not there right now, so I don't even want to think of that place. What I do want to think about is me. I moved back home and started this blog as a way to grow as a person. I really haven't done anything to help that. I'm right back to doing what I did before. I don't talk to anyone outside of work or xbox live, I'm still terrified of driving, I have virtually the same job I had before, and Im still not in school.
                      Sure, I'm helpful and my parents like having me around, but I'm pretty disappointed in myself. I just thought I would have done something by this point in my life. I know there is still plenty of time for me to do something, but I just wish someone would give me some sort of hint as to what that something is. I've been avoiding the question " What do you want to be when you grow up?" my whole life. I just want an answer to give.
                      But enough about that. Lets talk about games ( I'm sorry, it's one of the few socially acceptable things I know enough to talk about). The game I considered the underdog game of the year came out this past week. Dishonored places you in the role of Corvo, a spectral assassin who's life was fucked over when the Empress ( his boss and lover) was assassinated and all fingers pointed to him. After escaping from jail, Corvo gains the use of magic abilities and advanced stealth tech and is given a plan to seek his revenge and rescue the princess.
                    I wasn't too sure about this one and had no plans to buy it. Drunk Addison (D.A.) thought it would be awesome and preordered it a few months ago. After frantically trying to figure out how I lost $60 in my account, the doorbell rang and there was a package from Amazon. Turns out, I got smashed one night and preordered it. I even had it gift wrapped and left a note for myself. " I know you want to thank me, but don't. That's conceited as fuck. - Drunk Addison" After playing it, I was right. I really did want to thank myself. Dishonored is a great game and I would have missed out on it had it not been for my good friend D.A. ( And his buddy JackOnTheRocks).
                    Any who, my bother is in town for the week and I really don't want to hear him making fun of me for doing a vlog, so I'll wait until he's gone for the next explanation of the video game industry ( with severely less "fuck"s). It's getting to that time of night now where I have two options: Sleep or play Skyrim. I'm considering the second one, but I'm pretty tired right now. I hope you have have an awesome fucking day.
                                                        Boom Goes the Dynamite

My First Vlog!!!

2012-10-05T00:20:00.003-07:00

Hey, guys. So I just made my first vlog! I have to say, not a fan of watching myself speak.... Any ways, in order to help you all better understand what I'm talking about, I put together a little dictionary of terms for you. A "vocab list" if you will. I hope this helps.

NPC- Non-Playable Character. Any side character in a game that you do not have to option to play as.

RPG- Role Playing Game. Any video game where you have the ability to choose your characters appearance, the outcome of the story, or how the game is played. RPG's aren't always played with 9 sided dice in a basement.

FPS- First Person Shooter. Any video game that puts the camera in the eyes of the character. when you turn, he turns. When you move, he moves. His eyes are the camera.

TPS- Third Person Shooter. Usually an over the shoulder view. Sometimes the view is from directly behind the character.

RTS- Real Time Strategy. A type of game that puts you in control of an army. You gather minerals, build armies, conquer enemies, and construct additional pylons (Star Craft reference).

RROD- Red Ring of Death. A common problem among the first generation Xbox 360's. The 3 red lights in the power ring were an error code signaling one of many fatal system errors. This problem has since been fixed with the update to the 360 design.

OP- Over Powered. Many people find various weapons or characters over powered. Usually, this is because said people just suck at video games and whine when it gets too tough for them. These people are the panzies that the video game developers pander to and are the reason that games are so much easier now.

Nerf- Developers nerf certain elements of a game that they feel are too OP. The amazingly awesome pistol in the first Halo game was Nerfed so hard that it became the worst gun in the game. I would rather use the needler.

Glitch- A glitch is an error in the coding of a game. Sometimes a glitch can be as little as a flicker in a wall texture, while other times it can be as game breaking as a complete level reset or constant game crash.

Patch- A patch is an update to a games software after the release of a game. With the current generation of consoles having constant internet connection, patches are much more frequent and regular than before.

Lag- Lag occurs when one or more people in an online game have shitty connections, causing characters to jump from place to place with no control on positioning. The game is essentially trying to figure out what the fuck those people are doing.

Lag Switch- Lag Switching is when a person intentionally connects and disconnects from their router during an online match, causing lag. If they are the host, they can walk around the game smoothly while everyone else is left with the effects of the lag.

Hacker- A hacker is someone who actually manipulates the coding of a game. However, many assume that just because someone is better then them at Halo or Call of Duty, they must be hacking the game.

Death Match- A death match is usually a game type in which 5 people compete to get the most kills. Usually the score limit is 25, but it varies by game.

Team Death Match. A team death match is just that. A team of usually 4 against another team of 4. Loads of fun with some buddies.

Spawn Point- A spawn point is the spot on the map in which you a brought back into the game. Like a checkpoint.

Camping- A legitimate strategy. Camping (usually with a sniper) is when a person finds a nice spot to sit and blend in with the surrounding as unsuspecting prey run by and are quickly taken down.

Noob- Noobs are people who know very little about a game. They jump right in, figure it out as they go, and when they find something early on that works, they stick with it. Imagine playing Mortal Kombat against a guy who just bicycle kicks the entire match. That is a noob.

Noob Tube- The attached grenade launcher in any of the Call of Duty games. Being a one hit kill, many noobs flock to this attachment and use nothing else the entire game.

HUD- Heads Up Display. A HUD is any kind of meter on the screen. The health bar, ammo count, mini-map, and any other extras that your character wouldn't be seeing make up the HUD.

Mini-Map- The map usually found in the corner of your screen. Most games have them, but for some reason, games have been getting rid of them to incorporate shittier methods. (The bread trail in Fable 2)

Platforming- Platforming is a jumping obstacle course in a video game. Sure, they are annoying as shit, but they are relaxing at the same time. Takes you back the the days of Spyro the Dragon.

Farming- Farming is when you repeatedly kill the same enemy over and over again to gain experience points, money, or a rare item. People farm the shit out of the bosses in Borderlands 2 for the rare weapons and the customizable heads they drop.

There we go guys, I hope you can all enjoy my video now, and begin to understand a little more about gaming in today's society.

Claudia's Eulogy

2012-09-25T21:34:00.003-07:00

It is with a heavy heart that I inform you all of the death of a very dear friend of mine. Being in my company for the past six years, Claudia and I have shared many adventures. She was there for the start of my band, Pussy Patrol. She aided in the closing of the Oblivion gates, the slaying of Alduin, and the Purification of the DC water basin. Hell, she was there when Commander Shepard defeated the Reapers and got to third base with Tali. Claudia was with me through my awkward teens and straight into my awkward twenties. I remember it like it was yesterday.... With my grades dropping, my father blamed no one but Claudia, and therefore banned me from spending time with her. But that wasn't even about to stop us. Each day, as I got home from school, Claudia and I would have an hour to roam the streets of Liberty City, Fight off the Covenant in a galactic war, or destroy the evil Darkspawn. It is these memories that I will Cherish and be thankful for, because they will allow her live on forever. Claudia can never be replaced, for she lives on with me, and will never be forgotten.

R.I.P.
Claudia
12/25/06 - 09/23/12

Forming the band! Claudia's 1st birthday
12/25/07

She had an identity crisis a few years back, but I nursed her back to health

From You To Me

2012-09-22T22:45:00.003-07:00

Hey,guys. Sorry its been a while. Borderlands came out and I got extremely distracted. Anywho, I've made a few lists at work, and figured I should start posting them. First up is a personal favorite of mine. Of all the games I've played, I've compiled a list of the top five video game companions. I hope you all like it.

#5 Sparx : Spyro

In Spyro, Sparx is your friend, health bar, and gem detector. Sure, he doesn't speak and he is always eating defenceless butterflies, but he's the best friend a tiny purple dragon could ever ask for. I was there when Spyro took on Gnast Gnork, Ripto, and that evil sorceress bitch. He never ran, and for that, Sparx deserves the spot at #5 on this list.
#4 Garrus Vakarian : Mass Effect

Garrus Fucking Vakarian! In the first Mass Effect, we meet a Turrian named Garrus. Garrus was a security officer who was through with the corruption on the streets and the uselessness of the justice system. His "shoot first, ask questions later" attitude gives off a very "Dirty Harry" vibe. Once you reconnect with him in the second game, you find out that he is The Bat Man. Come Mass Effect 3, Garrus is pulling a Tom Hanks and rescuing a single soldier from the middle of a trench war. Ladies and gentlemen, Garrus Vakarian is a fucking badass.
#3 Serana : Skyrim

Serana may be an anchient, evil, bloodsucking vampire, but she is my anchient, evil, bloodsucking vampire. Being locked away for centuries, Serana grew to resent the shit out of her evil father. She is so pissed at that guy, she joins up with a group of vampire hunters just so she can fuck him up. Being a vampire, she has some pretty rad powers that help out... like a lot. Her powers and disposition toward her father ( and the Sun) earn her the #3 slot.
#2 Morrigan : Dragon Age

Morrigan is fucking awesome. She is funny, condisending, savage as fuck, sexy, and voiced by the amazing Claudia Black ( Whats not to love?). Throughout the course of the game, You never quite know where Morrigan's loyalties lie. You wonder if she is secretly spying on you to her mother. You Prepare for her to stab you in the back at any moment. You even wonder if she will bail on you when you truely need her, unless you put a baby in her ( It's the last one.). Morrigans motives and loyalty may be a mystery, but that in no way stops her from being the second greatest video game companion.
#1 Carth Onasi : Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic

Carth Onasi is a glorified Badass. He was a war hero during the Mandalorian wars, he helped Revan defeat Darth Malak and destroy the star forge, and (nearly a half hour after finding his long lost son training in a Sith compound) shot his treterous son right in the fucking head. Carth is a mother fucking badass and I can't even imagine playing through Knights of the Old republic without him in my party the entire time. Carth Deserves this spot at #1. He has earned it.

What I Got

2012-09-14T23:02:00.001-07:00

Hey, everybody. With the end of the world quickly approaching, I figured I would figure out the type of team I would need to survive in a post apocalyptic wasteland. I came up with 9 different archetypes : The Leader, The Wheelman, The Shadow, The Demolition Man, The Medic, The Powerhouse, The Slut, The Spotter, and The Survivalist. If you find yourself wandering through any sort of post apocalyptic wasteland, find these people. With this group setup, you won't be let down.

The Leader : Rick Grimes

Rick Grimes (The Walking Dead) is an obvious choice for the leader of the group. He knows how to make the tough decisions, he has lead his group through some crazy shit, and the only time something goes wrong is when Carl fucks up and doesn't stay inside at night. Seriously, I hope they kill off Carl soon.... That little shit bag.

The Wheelman : Third Street Saints Leader

Playing as the leader of the Third Street Saints in Saint's Row the Third, I have come to realise that she is a total badass. Not only does my version have the same voice as Serana (Skyrim), but she can drive/fly just about anything ( And if it has guns attached, that's a plus). She even picked up on flying a jet bike really fast.

The Shadow : Ezio Auditore

Ezio Auditore ( Assassins Creed 2) was really the only choice fore the role as The Shadow. In a post apocalyptic world, you tend to need supplies, and as every video game has taught me, the best loot is usually the hardest to get. Whether its conquering obstacles or evading enemies, Ezio is your man. And if zombies are the threat, his mastery of silent killing will come in handy.

The Demolition Man : John McClane

Shit seems to always be blowing up around John McClane ( Die Hard). As a New York cop who has pissed off far too many German terrorists, John is constantly running from bombs, disarming bombs, or repurposing bombs to destroy his enemies. Personally, I can't think of anyone I would rather have in charge of blowing shit up.

The Medic : James

James (fallout 3) is the father of The Vault Boy. James, living in a post apocalyptic world, would know how to treat radiation poisoning, various infections, and other dangers to be found in the wasteland. As a doctor/scientist, he discovered a way to purify a lake of irradiated water. That is the kind of guy you want to be friends with. Oh, and he is voiced by Liam Neeson, so badass points are earned there.
The Powerhouse : Darth Revan

(Star Wars: Knights of the old republic) Let me be clear here. I do not mean Revan, the Dark lord. I mean Revan, the redeemed Jedi on a mission to destroy Darth Malak and the Star Forge. Revan, eager to advance his knowledge of the force and how to use it, became one of the most powerfull Jedi of his time. With the help of 9 others, he was able to cripple the Sith empire and defeat Darth Malak. He even discovered the Star Forge twice (He lost his memory, then found it again). With his mastery of the force, Revan can rock shit any day. He is the perfect fit for The Powerhouse.

The Slut : Zoey

Before you assume that I'm talking about the Zoey from Left 4 Dead, let me clarify. I'm talking about the Zoey from the porn parody Left 4 Head. The reason this slut is important, is because she was able to find a fatal weakness in the special infected. Zoey was able to single handedly take down a witch ( crazy hard zombie that mercs everybody). What Zoey found, is that zombies need love too. Yes, she killed a witch by having sex with it. Oh, and it turns out witches are squirters.... maybe that's what kills them?

The Spotter : Cortana

Cortana (Halo) is an A.I. or Artificial Intelligence. When interfaced with any computer connected the internet, she can hack anything you want. So if you need recon done, the is probably a camera near by. She can hack the shit out of that camera. She really doubles as 2 specializations. Recon and Tech-Expert. This ideal member of your team will make sure nobody ever gets the drop on you.

The Survivalist : Kenzi

                      And then there was Kenzi (Lost Girl). Being a runaway, and the only human in a gang of Faye ( Fairy Folk or magical creatures), Kenzi often relies on her street smarts. She has "a guy" for everything, knows how to escape any situation, and is a bit of a clepto. You would be surprised how important thievery is in a post apocalyptic world. When currency holds no value, you need to pick up any trinkets you can. Kenzi is perfectly suited to deal with the currency issue, and being Russian as fuck, she is well versed in the art of haggling. Plus shes got that oddly attractive punk/goth thing going on.

                       There we have it, my post apocalyptic dream team. Sure, none of these people actually exist, but if the multiverse ends up crashing in on its self and they all end up existing in the real world, then at least I'll know who to find. Oh, and for all the people with their ideal teams of four other people or those wondering why I didn't make it an even, let me remind you of something. You want a space in the team too, right? Never have an odd number team. As long as the buddy system is in place, you should be fine.
                           Until next time, this is Addison signing out.

Things I Can't Wait For #3 : October 14th! The Walking Dead season 3 premieres on the 14th, and it will be sweet.

Winter is Coming

2012-09-12T14:06:00.003-07:00

Hey, everybody. Sorry I've been gone for a while, but I was making videos, reading terms and condition ( Yes, I actually read those), and playing Saints Row the Third. I have to say, after posting the videos and hearing my voice, I really hat the way I sound. There is almost no inflection. At first, I thought it was the mic I was using. But no, that's just my voice. How do people not fall asleep when I speak? It's the most monotone voice ever. If I ever start smoking, I might sound like the brother from Everybody Loves Raymond. Fuck!
But I'm not going to dwell on that. I got an instant approval for YouTube partnership, I've started posting my videos, and I have been playing a shit ton of Saints Row ( Such an awesome game!). With only 6 days until Borderlands 2 comes out, all is right with the world.

https://www.youtube.com/user/MrAddisonRulz

Things I Can't Wait For #2: Game of Thrones Season 3!!!! I just finished the second season last night. Soooooo good!

Where's All The Side Boob?

2012-09-09T10:31:00.001-07:00

                     Hey, everyone. Sorry that I've been gone, but it's been for a good reason. In this next week, I will be posting on my YouTube channel and getting all of that started. I've been recording a lot of video lately and finally have the channel started. We have our name and will be posting an intro video before the end of the week, and will then begin our regular segments. I'm really excited out this, and can't wait to start. So close.
                    On a side note, I recently started watching movies from my past to see if they hold up, or if nostalgia has just taken over my brain. The movies I tested first were Total Recall and Demolition Man. Total Recall totally holds up. Sure, the computers in the future are dated as fuck and jazzersize is big, but I can look past that. I'd say the only thing I can't look past is the three boobed mutant. I love boobs. I love them so much, I wish chicks really did have three. It's a beautiful thing.
                     Demolition Man, on the other hand, really does not hold up. Watching it now makes me feel like my childhood was a lie. This movie is horrible. Bad acting, horrible story, and ridiculous characters make up this travesty of a movie. They even managed to mess up a sex scene with Sandra Bullock. How does that even happen? It's not hard to make a good sex scene when you have a hot actress. All they had to do was do what early 90's movies do best. Show some boob. Demolition Man showed no boob, not even a little side boob action. The slightest bit of side boob would have even excused the fact that Stalone missed with every gun ( Why did he even try?). Watching this movie was worse than playing through the first hour of Duke Nukem Forever ( That's right, I had to play the first hour for a video. It was so bad, we might not even use the video. FML.).

That's an actual quote. Why is there no side boob?

Well guys, the next movie on my list is The Great Mouse Detective. I have high hopes for that one. If you guys would like to to check out any other movies ( as apposed to you risking your childhood memories), just let me know. I'll let all of you know when the first video goes up, and keep you posted from then on. Borderlands 2 comes out soon, so I'll have plenty of material for the channel. Have a great night/day.
Addison out.

Things I Can't Wait For #1: This November, Star Wars: The Old Republic will become free to play. As a fan of Kotor, and Star Wars video games in general, I will be buying it then. So stoked!

(p.s. I tried posting this last night, but Brighthouse decided to be shitty and I didn't have internet from 1 am to after 4 am.)

Dustbowl Dance

2012-09-01T23:04:00.001-07:00

                      Hey, everyone. So, I was feeling an absence in good gaming the other day and ordered Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. Let me tell you, it totally holds up. After an hour and a half ( So close to getting off Taris) I am still proud to say that it is the best RPG I have ever played. Sure, the graphics are crazy dated, but the mechanics and story are sound. I just can't wait until I'm off Taris and can become a Jedi on Dantooine. Once you become a Jedi, you can pretty much do anything. NOSTALGIASM!
                       I did notice a few things this time through. I guess Bioware wanted to make the game so much like the films that every single person is a terrible shot. I'm serious, more than half the blaster shots miss. I don't really get why you would need a blaster after Dantooine though. I mean sure, Get on for Cath ( That guy is never leaving my party), but Does anyone even use them once light sabers are unlocked? Another thing I noticed is the armor. The bad guys (the Sith) use a sweet, shiny looking armor that you initially think gves them an advantage. It soooo does not. The Sith armor is so horrible, I didn't even want to wear it through the securety check point for fear of bumping into a wall and dying on impact. This is obviously a stab at the Storm Trooper armor in the original trilogy. That armor was so usless that tiny bears were able to stab through it with sticks. Yea..... that happened.
                       Anywho, I'm going to be getting back to this sweet game (Hopefully I will be getting off Taris soon.). I don't think I will be able to play for long though. I got raped at work today (Figuratively of course) and they didn't even use lube ( I guess I'll find out if it was real if I take a pregnancy test). I hope you guys have a great night/day.
Addison out.

Facts I Hate #8: If I go to Star Wars Celebration 7 dressed as Carth Onasi, no one will know who I am.

The man. The myth. The legend.... Carth Onasi.

Dissolve

2012-08-30T23:28:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. So, I was recently judged for my taste in women. It was assumed that I am attracted slutty women. That's not entirely true. What I am attracted to is a woman that is attracted to me. To disprove the naysayers, I am about to share with you all my top ten celebrity crushes. I would lie to preface this list with saying that I came up with this list when I was like 15. While I still agree with the people, I did have to change the order ( Despite popular belief, my tastes have matured over the years.). Oh, and I left porn stars off the list because of their natural advantage. Sorry, Allie Sinn.

#10) Giada De Laurentiis

For those of you who don't watch the Food Network when bored, Giada De Laurentiis is the hottie that does Everyday Italian. I found out about this gem of a show when I had to sleep on the couch in the living room for a week. One day, I awoke to the the beautiful sight of a woman with huge "personalities" making a sandwich. It was glorious. That right there was the American dream. A perky chick making sandwiches and looking nice doing it. Since then, I have watched the Food Network so much more..... But I still don't know how to make grilled cheese....
#9) Kate Moss

I am a firm believer that everything beautiful needs one flaw. Christina Perri has her bottom teeth, Megan Fox has her toe thumbs, and Kate Moss has her mole. I know many of you are Google-ing it up trying to find out what mole I'm talking about, so I'll just tell you. Kate Moss has a mole on her boob, casting the illusion of a third nipple. A part of me isn't sure if this is indeed a flaw, or just the next step in evolving the tri-boobs from Total Recall. Either way, I like it.
#8) Rachel McAdams

I don't care who says otherwise, Rachel McAdams is fucking beautiful. She was the only reason I was ever able to sit through that depressing Terms of Endearment ripoff, The Family Stone. Sure, the mom is dying of cancer and the family is falling apart, but Rachel McAdams is hot enough that I can overlook that. Hell, shes hot enough that I almost downloaded The Time Traveler's Wife. I'm not saying I watch her movies with my pants around my ankles. I'm just saying I wouldn't be too ashamed if I got caught.
#7) Alessandra Ambrosio

I still remember it like it was yesterday. I must have been ten when I discovered the gold at the end of the rainbow of catalogs in the bathroom. I had been going to the bathroom for years and somehow managed to overlook the wonders of Victoria's Secret. It was like a dream come true. It was an entire catalog of women in panties, and since I grew up with two girls in the house, it was perfectly alright for it to be in the bathroom. God bless the USA.... and what ever country Alessandra Ambrosio is from.
#6) Claudia Black

I don't even know what to say about Claudia Black, so I'll just go through my nerdy milf checklist. Sexy as fuck? Check! Cult science fiction star? Check! Hot accent? You fucking bet! Video games? Did two of my favorites! Speaks at ComicCon? We have a winner! Has a thing for average 20 year old nerds that live in Melbourne Florida? If there is a god, then that will be a yes one day....
#5) Milla Jovovich

Milla Jovovich is probably the only Russian woman I would ever confess my love to. She first peaked my interest in The Fifth Element as Leeloo ( Sexy redhead who beats the shit out of people and exposes herself a lot). Now a days, Milla stars in the Resident Evil movies as Alice, the hottie who survives the zombie apocalypse in tube tops, short shorts, and knee high boots. could she be any more perfect?
#4) Brody Dalle

Brody Dalle is a bad bitch. Being the front woman for The Distillers, Brody could be seen as intimidating as fuck. That intimidation, coupled with her general sexiness, gives her a "When I'm done with you, I'm going to crush up your bones and snort them" vibe. Whats weird is that I am more than ok with that vibe. What can I say, I like when a chick is stronger than me...... I should just stop now, before I fend off any chance of ever having a girlfriend.
#3) Shannyn Sossamon

You may remember her as the hot princess from A Knight's Tale, or the hot druggie chick from Wrist Cutters: A Love Story. I remember her as the hot chick whose name shows up far too often in my google images search history. It doesn't matter how we remember her though, because in the end, she will go down as one of the few women in the world to have perfected the art of the toothy smile. For those of you who do not know the power of the toothy smile, allow me to explain. The toothy smile, when perfected, allows a woman to break into the very soul of a man and enthrall the shit out of him. In this state, she can command him to do anything from pay for her meal to kill a family of seven. The toothy smile is just not fair, but I can't get enough of it.
#2) Kate Beckinsale

Kate Beckinsale is a beautiful classy lady. Sure, she's fucking bonkers, but in today's society, that's just considered quirky. I can honestly say, without a shadow of a doubt, Kate Beckinsale is the sole reason for me watching the Underworld movies. They were alright, but it was pretty shitty of the writers to through in that prequel. After about 30 minutes, I had given up any hope of seeing Kate in the leather cat suit and corset, so I shut it off in disgust.
....... I would drink her dirty dirty blood any day. (I'm sorry, I had to say it.)
#1) Ryan Reynolds

It is 2012. I am allowed to have a man-crush without it being gay. Ryan Reynolds lands the #1 spot not because I want to be with him, rather because I want to be him. He is everything I want to be in life. He's charming as fuck, funny a shit, and he's fucking good looking. Sure, he might be a little stupid for breaking up with some of the beauties that he has, but can you honestly say you would even stand the chance that he had with them? That's right, you can't. However, with every great thing comes one fatal flaw...... Ryan Reynolds is Canadian.

There we have it, guys. The list that occupied most of my time at work today is now in front of me. I have to say, I'm not disappointed. I hope all of you guys enjoyed this list and keep coming back for more. If you have any feedback or comments, please feel free to leave them at the bottom. I hope you all have a great night/ day, I need to be getting to some Soul Calibur 5.
Addison out.

Facts I Hate #8: If the zombie apocalypse doesn't happen, then I have wasted so much time pre-planning.

Why Don't You Do Right

2012-08-28T23:24:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. I just wanted to let you guys in on whats been going on with the YouTube channel. Turns out, every bit of footage I had was really distorted. The sound would speed up at some points and be uber slow at others. However, I figured out how to fix that today and can start re shooting. Right now, I'm working on an introductory video. Its going to have a montage of badassery in various video games. Now that I have to re film everything, it might take a while. Don't worry though, we will have everything up and running soon. ( We do still need a name though....)
For the montage, I'm thinking of having some sweet assassinations from Assassins Creed, a dragon take down from Skyrim, killing something huge in Gears of War, Something amazing from Mass Effect, and maybe some mass zombie death clips. I'll be sure to let you all know when it's in its final stages and being posted. Any who, I should get some sleep. Tomorrow is my first day back at work since picking up this damned flu. After two days of staying in flannel pajama pants and being sooooo cold the whole time, I find myself craving the money to buy some adult footie pajamas ( and I still need to pre-order Halo 4 and RE6). Before I go, let me leave you with one bit of advice that will benefit the shit out of everyone. If you are sick and there is even the slightest chance that it is contagious, STAY THE FUCK HOME! If you are not in elementary school, you should know by now that if you go to work with the flu, somebody else is getting sick. That's kind of a dick move. With that, I'm going to try to stop feeling like I've been hit by a bus. I hope you all have a great night/day. And now that you've been playing with the mouse/keyboard/phone, go wash your god damned hands. All those things are disgusting ( I know what else you do on the internet!).

Incase you didn't know how it's done.

Facts I Hate #7: I am not independently wealthy.

What Lucas Should Have Fixed

2012-08-27T20:02:00.001-07:00

                     Hey, everybody. I went to Star Wars Celebration VI the other day and was given the chance to watch the original trilogy on the silver screen. Being on a bigger screen made me realize that, while awesome, the original trilogy has some bad point. So I came up with a list of 15 things that bug the crap out of me in the trilogy. Some of the things are a little more cliche than others, but they all belong on the list. So here we go, starting at number 15.

15) Sounds in Space
                    I'm cool with them having sounds in the fight scenes, but did the character really have to hear them? The movie would have really sucked with no explosions and fighting sounds, but I can't stand when there is a sound and C3-P0 goes "What was that?". Space is a Vacuum! There is no sound!
14) Aiming
                    Why does everyone suck at aiming with the blaster rifles? There is a scope at the top of every single rifle, but the giant fucking bear on the team seems to be the only one that knows that. If the storm troopers ever decided to use the scopes, everyone is screwed.

Totally has a scope!

13) Throwing the Light Sabers
                    If you really pay attention, every time a light saber is dropped by Luke, it shuts off in seconds. If it needs to be held at all times, then how can Darth Vader throw his and cut down the cat walk that Luke is on? That shouldn't be able to happen.
12) Hiding Luke
                    So, Obi-Wan did do a good job at placing Leia. However, when it comes to Luke, he really kinda screwed the pooch on that one. When it comes to hiding a kid from his dad, the last place I would hide him is where he grew up. Sure, it was only his half brother, but Anakin grew up there.
11) Dragging Vader through the Death Star
                    I have a few problems with this one. 1, how does Luke drag Vader through a space station filled with bad guys and never get stopped? If I was tasked with guarding the emperor and failed to do that, I would at least stop the guy dragging my boss away. 2, Why does he drag him? If he was really a master of the force, why not float him to a ship? The tiny green Muppet was able to pull a space ship out of a swamp, and he has to actually carry a limp body through a space station.
10) Luke's Real Father
                     Am I the only one that's noticed the fact that Luke looks way more like the emperor than that crusty old white dude under the helmet? They both have sunken eyes, butt chins, and nasty ass skin. And if the force runs strong with Luke and his family, then why is Vader the emperor's man slave? If the Skywalkers were stronger in the force, then Vader would be in command. Therefore, I think the Skywalker kids are really Palpatines, and Amidala was a whore.

Still think he's a Skywalker?

9) Mod More Ships Like the Falcon
                     If the Millennium Falcon is just a cheap cargo ship that was modded to evade the empire, than why didn't the rebels just build more of them? Instead of replicating the Falcon, the seem to have invested in shit tons of tiny ass ships that blow up with one shot from a tie-fighter. And for everyone that thinks it wasn't the ship, but Han, Lando, and Chewie's flying that was superior, Why aren't they teaching the rebel how to fly their ships better? If I had Han on the payroll, I wouldn't waste his talents. He would be the top instructor.
8) Building the Light Saber
                       Ok, when Luke first faces Vader in cloud city, Luke's hand gets cut off and he loses is light saber. At this point, Luke had abandoned his lessons with Yoda, and is trying to rescue Han. When he shows up at Jabba's palace, he has a whole new light saber. What I want to know is where they hell did it come from? Yoda's is like a foot long, he still had his blue one when he left Dagobah, and he didn't return to Yoda until after he rescued Han. Who they hell taught him how to build it? In Kotor, I had to ask the council how to build one. They were gone by this time! Did Luke really just kinda wing it?
7) Ancient Tech?
                       If light sabers are such an ancient technology, why doesn't everyone have one as a side arm? They block blaster fire way better than any body armor in the galaxy and can cut though anything. If I had any job in the Star Wars universe, a light saber would be my go to tool. Hell, they must be easy to make, Luke did it.
6) Luke's Real Alignment
                       I'm drawing from one specific scene here. When Luke shows up at Jabba's palace, He does the Jedi mind trick to one dude. That's cool, every Jedi does it, and others try to do it in normal lives. What bothers me is when the Gamorrean Guards show up to stop him, Luke (dressed all in black) gives them force heart attacks. Personally, I see this as being way more dark side than force lightning. He essentially performed the cruciatus curse on a muggle. In Harry Potter, that's illegal. In Star Wars, that's a dark side move.

5) If You Really Knew All Along.....
When Luke tells Leia that she is his sister, she isn't that surprised. She even goes as far as to say she always knew. If she always knew that they were related, then why did she kiss him? Instead of simply acting surprised, she went for the know-it-all look and made herself out to be into that sort of thing. It's not like they are from West Virginia. Incest is weird.

4) Robot Hand
At the end of Return of the Jedi, Vader is being shocked by the emperor. This causes his suit to stop working, and in turn kills him. How is it when Luke is being shocked, his robot hand is still able to function? With that amount of electricity, anything mechanical is fried. Was it the "magic" glove that Luke was wearing? Or was it bad over-acting on Hamill's part?
3) Worst Armor Ever
Storm Trooper armor is shitty. It's constricting, doesn't defend against blaster, and isn't really designed to hide out in the woods either. You would think it would have some sort of redeeming quality. However, when the Ewoks join the fight near the end of Return, we find out it doesn't even help them against tiny bears with arrows and sticks. If your armor is so bad that a tiny bear can stab through it with a sharp stick, it might be time for an upgrade.

2) Why Wasn't Chewie Their God?
When Chewie activates the trap on Endor and everyone is taken captive by the Ewoks, the Ewoks see a scrawny gay robot and believe that he is their god. My question here is " Why the fuck didn't they think Chewie was their god?". Chewie is a 9 foot tall version of those tiny bears, and they just tie him up and try to cook him? What the shit, Lucas?
1) GO TO THE OTHER SIDE!!!
This one pisses me off the most. When the ships show up at the end of Return and find out that Han didn't take down the shields, they fly in front of the Death Star and try to wait it out. Once the Death Star starts taking out ships, they move on to fighting Star Destroyers and hoping the Death Star doesn't fire again. I may not be an admiral with a fish head, but I am pretty sure i have a solution for you guys. Instead of flying around the big ass gun that can only fire in one direction, go to the other side of the fucking station. There is only one big ass gun, and it shoots straight. Stay the fuck out of its line of fire.

Don't get me wrong, I love the original trilogy, but somethings just piss me off. I'm sure I could do a whole list on the other trilogy, but I feel like it's bad enough without me pointing out every one of it's flaws. However, if enough people ask me to, I will watch them all again and make that list. Any who, I hope everyone has a great night/ day. I'm going to attempt to get over this flu by getting to bed early tonight. Peace.

Facts I Hate #7: I don't know enough about computers to get Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic to play on my laptop.

A Day in the Life of a Star Wars Nerd

2012-08-26T02:06:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. I just got back from Star Wars Celebration VI, and I have the count for you. I counted 67 different Slave Leias. By 5:30, I figured I had tapped out at 66, and I was very content with that. I even started to make up a parody of the song "88 Lines About 44 Women". However, as I was contemplating the chorus, I spotted a new one. On the balcony overlooking the entrance I noticed the uniqueness of a very steampunk Slave Leia and promptly ended the song development. For a while, my uncle kept accusing me of double counting the S.L.'s, but he soon noticed that I was passing up on a few of them. I had to explain to him that, as a twenty year old heterosexual, I have photographic vision when it comes to scantily clad women.

A memorable #60

Don't get me wrong, Celebration VI was more than just the S.L.'s and sexy Boba Fetts. They had so many booths, shops, displays, conferences, activities, and everything else you can imagine. When we first showed up, the 501st was doing a big formation in front of the main area. After the tucking and weaving to reach the entrance, the fun began. Some people may not realise this, but if there is someone showing up to a convention in a costume, they really want people to compliment it and ask for a picture. If you were to show up anywhere dressed like a member of the kiss army, would you get mad if someone asked for a picture? No, otherwise, you would just dress to blend in. I got some great pictures with people. I got one with Ezio Auditore, Bender, a female Jawa, The Emperor, an Australian storm trooper, and so many more. All you have to do is ask, and they will rarely say no to a picture.

He actually had a hidden blade.... where was security?

They did have a large assortment of shops, but only a few really caught my eye. One was the sweet biker jackets. They had the built in body armor, and they were themed. They had a Boba Fett jacket, storm trooper jacket, and a sweet Batman Jacket. The Batman one will run you about $1500 though. To me, that's a bit ridiculous. The next one to catch my eye was amazing. It's like While E. Coyote decided to make and Addison trap. They had one side of a stand loaded up with Captain America props ( The best super hero ever) and the other had Thor's helmet and Mjolnir! The props were a look and not touch deal, but they did have posters. Leave it to me to go to a Star Wars convention and buy the only non-Star Wars thing. I bought a Captain America war support poster that promoted buying war bonds (It's so awesome!). The third, and final, vendor to catch my eye was Jumpin Jammerz. This is a company I would have loved to have heard about when I was trying to make a Max (Where the Wild Things Are) costume. Jumpin Jammerz actually sells adult footie pajamas! How awesome is that? They have a bunch of different themes, and will even be coming out with a Marvel theme soon. So, if you remember the feeling of being little and thinking the footie pajamas gave you super human agility, you should totally go to the site and buy some ( I know I am come next paycheck). As for the below picture, I can't resist a woman in footie pajamas asking me if I would like to feel her. It's a weakness of mine.

I never actually took part in any of the activities, because they were mostly dealing with legos. For some very strange reason, the majority of the Star Wars fan base is addicted to legos. I for one hate legos with a passion. I hate them so much, that when I die, my own personal hell will be based on the lego shop in Downtown Disney. The idea of having kids play with blocks that snap together to build things is ok, but it is so not ok when the pieces are so tiny that walking through a living room becomes a sharp annoying minefield. And why the ridiculous prices? You shouldn't have to spend that much for the pieces to build a toy that you cant even play with when it's built. I tried helping someone build a Millennium Falcon once, and stopped when I found out that he was opting for not filling it with fireworks or road flairs. I just don't see the point, and I can't stand how crazed children get at the very mention of the company. I hate them so much, that I refuse to capitalize the word lego. I could be talking about the company its self, or the product. To me, the capitalization of a proper noun requires a certain amount of respect for the name. I have nothing but disdain for all things lego.

After all the festivities, my uncle, cousin, and I relaxed in the big theater room and got to watch the original trilogy on the wall. And let me tell you, it was amazing. As a twenty year old, the only "Star Wars movie" I saw on the silver screen was The Phantom Menace ( The next two were lame, so I waited until they hit dvd rental). I finally got to laugh in a movie theater as Darth Vader says " I felt him..." or when Luke said " It's in you, you must feel it.". While I thought those lines were hilarious and couldn't help but laugh, I'm pretty sure every light saber in the room became ready to cut me down.

All in all, Celebration VI was awesome. Next time ( two years from now ) I plan on having a Han Solo costume ready, and bump up my experience just a little more. As for now, I am left with a few discrepancies in the original trilogy that will make for a great list tomorrow night. As always, I hope you all have a great night/day. Feel free to comment. If you have any issues with the movies, I would love to add them to the list.

-Addison out.

Facts I Hate #6: Some people still don't think Han shot first.

I decided not to count this one.

Celebration VI!!!!!!

2012-08-24T22:23:00.002-07:00

                      Hey guys, this is going to have to be a really quick one. I just go back from work ( only made $20 today) and have to get some sleep for tomorrow. Tomorrow is the big day! Star Wars Celebration VI is finally here, and I am going o enjoy every minute of it from my Red bull haze. There were some sad changes however. Instead of myself, my mom, my old boss, my uncle, and my cousin going, it has been shortened to just my uncle, cousin, and myself. My mom ended up with the flu in the past few days and that ended up changing the day we were going. Because it was moved from Sunday to Saturday, Tom can not go (he has to work). While It will still be amazingly awesome, nothing would have topped that group ( there's always celebration VII).
                       Now I find myself in a bind. I need to find two very different, yet equally awesome, gifts for the two that can't make it. Last time, I bought a Lando Calrissian mustache. I really don't see how I can top that, but I must try. If I can find Boba Fett helmets or Lando capes, I would have winners, but it will probably be harder than that.
                        Anyways, I should be getting some sleep. As always, I hope you all have a great night/day, and if anyone else will be there tomorrow, let me know. I'd love to get some pictures to post up here. I'll be playing Count the Slave Leias tomorrow, so lets start the bets now. I'm sure there will be over 50, while only about 6 will look good in the bikini.

Sadly, I don't think they will have an imperial strip club at the convention.

Facts I Hate #5: I actually bought Dragon Age 2....

City of Refuge

2012-08-23T23:41:00.000-07:00

Hey, guys. Video games have been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember. Today, I sat there for a while I put together a list of my favorite games. Some of these are newer, but most of them are older. However, they are all pure awesome sauce. So, without further adieu, I give you The Best Video Games of the Past 20 Years!.

10) Rampage

Playing this as a 7 year old, I thought Rampage was the shit! I could be Godzilla, King Kong, or a giant ass wolf and my whole goal was to destroy cities. Fucking awesome. At 7, I had no idea that I was playing the bad guy in the game, I thought people liked getting eaten by a giant wolf.
9) 007 Nightfire

Sure, Nightfire wasn't great, but it had an awesome multi player mode. Nightfire, unlike most first person shooters of its time, had one thing I loved. By this time, my brother had realised that I was better at video games than he was, so he stopped playing them with me. Nightfire was the only game that I could play against bots (computer generated players) in a death match mode. Bots were probably the only reason I had this game.
8) Super Mario 64

When I was younger, I spent the night at my grandmother's house every Friday night. When she would go to bed after watching Galaxy Quest, Harry Potter, Frequency, Little Vampires, a Tom Selleck movie, or whatever movie she was obsessed with at the time, I would go back to her art studio and play the shit out of some Mario 64. The camera may have been horrible, but that was just how the N64 rolled. Sure, people get pissed when they have to wall jump in the early snow and the dickhead camera guy decides to flip the camera in mid jump, causing you to fall to your death, but that doesn't stop anyone from going for all the stars. It's a completion itch that needs to be scratched.
7) Star Fox 64

Star Fox was fucking awesome. Not only did you fly a space fighter, but you killed giant robots and giant alien things. If that's not enough, you fought alongside a badass named Falco ( Not Keanu Reeves in The Replacements). There were secret shortcuts to levels that would change the path you take in the galaxy map to the ending boss, and I think I speak for everyone when I say I would take any path that let me skip the lava level. That shit was horrible!
6) Halo 3

I only have one bad thing to say about Halo 3. Bungie uses horrible ass manufacturers. I would probably still be playing halo 3 if my disk lasted more than a few months of playing it. For some reason, every halo game I've ever owned has had the same problem. After a few months, the disks warps to the point that the single player campaign is unplayable. Every time I try to start a mission, the "disk unreadable" error pops up and I have to restart my xbox. Bungie puts out great games, but I have to give the a big " Fuck You " for the poor disk quality.
5) Alan Wake

Alan Wake scared the crap out of me. I've played plenty of survival horror games, but this one was probably the best. It has an amazing story, and pretty sweet combat (but as a writer, you probably want to avoid fights). I loved this game so much that I almost bought the sequel that was released on the xbox live arcade, until I found out that the stripped the story from the game and made it all about the combat. Fuck that. You shouldn't mess with greatness.
4) Mass Effect 2

There are probably going to be a shit ton of people getting butt hurt over thins one, but I couldn't care less. I'll say it. I liked Mass Effect 2 more than the first one! It had better characters, better story, and better mechanics. Sure, Carth Onasi's voice was in this for only 2 scenes, but it was still better. Hell, Martin Sheen was in it and did what he does best. He played the crazy super rich guy that pays you to be evil as fuck. It felt like a modern Knights of the Old Republic.
3) The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Dude, I don't even want to think about how many hours I put into this game. Each character I made had at least 100 hours put into them, and I made like over 10 people. This game was my salvation in middle school. Having no friends and dealing with the loss of my grandmother, I sunk my life into this game. Thinking back, I'm pretty sure I was the target demographic.
2) Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

It was so hard to not put this game at number one. this game is hands down, the best rpg in the history of video games. This game had all the great elements: love, Star Wars, redemption, choice of good or evil, HK-47, and fucking light sabers! If you disagree with this being the best rpg ever, you probably need a swift kick to the vagina to set your thoughts strait. Play this game, you won't regret it. It soooo holds up!
1) Spyro 2: Ripto's Rage

Spyro! Any product of the 90's will agree with me, Spyro is the shit. Spyro 2 introduced orb collecting, Hunter the cheetah, that dickhead Moneybags, and that hot Fawn wanted to bang Spyro. ( After google-ing "Spyro fawn" my childhood is a little more ruined. Damn you rule 32... damn you strait to Hell!) If you are 20- something and never played Spyro, you should be ashamed. Spyro was a defining point of the 90's and still holds up. Hell, I bought a PS3 just so I could play the original trilogy again. I do recommend, however, that you only play the first three. After those three, the series goes down the crap shoot. They even tried to reboot it, but I can't bring myself to even read up on that. The thought of all that orb collecting and dragon egg finding never happening saddens me.

Ok, while writing about Alan Wake, I realised I messed this list up horribly. Talking about how they destroyed the game in the sequel by removing all elements of story and pandering to the combat oriented gamers ( douches, if you will) made me realise I forgot the second best rpg ever, Dragon Age: Origins. Dragon Age: Origins was an amazing game that played just like Knights of the Old Republic and filled the void left by Kotor 3 being cancelled years ago. Being such a great game, I can't begin to fathom why they changed the game so much in the sequel. They took a great game and made it downright horrible. They trashed the character development ( my favorite part of Bioware games) and ruined the story. They even removed any real character customization. In Origins, you could choose your race, sex, background, skill set, appearance, and voice. In Dragon Age 2, you could only choose the skill set and sex. And you couldn't really make the story yours. It's like the game assumed all characters were bisexual and formed the story around it. It pissed me off and made me regret pre-ordering it after playing Origins. I really lost a lot of respect for Bioware when Dragon Age 2 showed up at my door. Oh, and did I mention that Claudia Black voices a companion in Origins? Yea, that's whats up.

There we have it, guys. The best games of the past 20 years. I hope you all enjoyed it, and I would love some feedback ( Unless you are arguing against Kotor. If that's the case, you can go fuck yourself.). I'm really close to getting the YouTube channel up and running, so keep and eye out for that. I think I should have a few videos up my the end of next week. I have some days off coming up, so I'll get some of those posted, even if I can't get Mike in them, that way we can at least get started. And now for the fun part, spell checking this whole post! There are always so many spelling errors. I even write entire sentences backwards sometimes. It's pretty bad.

Facts I Hate # 4: There will never be a Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 3. They rushed the second one along so much that it lacked in a few areas and was poorly received by critics, resulting in the third being cancelled.

Take it or Leave it

2012-08-21T22:06:00.002-07:00

                    Hey, everyone. Before I go to sleep ( or lay wakefully waiting for the sun to come up and only then will I become tired ), I wanted to give you all an update on the channel. I have started recording more video and have started to get the hang of the editing process. I had a problem earlier today with my voice picking up, but I soon realised I still had my RockBand microphone, so that problem is no more. I was going to film a Minecraft adventure with Mike today, but the weather had different plans.
                   With the lingering storm continuously dipping the power levels in the house, I figured it would be a good time to turn the game off and watch some Game of Thrones. Let me tell you, shit has hit the metaphorical fan in Game of Thrones. The main character was executed by the new king ( Teenage boy arranged to marry the main guy's oldest daughter), the holds of the north have combined forces to rebel against the new king, oh and fallen warriors are going zombie to kill guards of the wall. This shit is pretty ridic. And I haven't even told you the best part. There are dragons now! Yes, they are only baby dragons now, but Spyro was young and kicked Gnasty Gnork's ass.
                    Other than that, I haven't really done anything today. Tomorrow is going to start early for me though, so I should be going (Apparently the is a 7 am. I knew there was a 7 pm, but having one in the morning is a little too much.). Before I go, Mike and I have been having a hard time coming up with a name for our channel, so if anyone has any suggestions, we would love to hear them. Good night/morning, everyone. Addison out.

Facts I Hate #3: (Spoilers!) They are killing off Amy Pond ( hot slutty redhead) in the new season of Doctor Who.

This is the shirt I have for the convention!

Everybody Wants to Rule the World

2012-08-20T22:39:00.001-07:00

                          Hey, everyone. I want to start off by saying that I will be getting back to posting every night. I know I started to drift off, but I have been trying to plan how to start and work the new YouTube channel. Now that I have the pvr, I have been able to test and find out what problems I will face. So far, I think the only problem will be the quality of other people's voices. It took a few hours today, but I was finally able to amp up the sensitivity of my laptop's internal microphone and find which video format I have the ability to edit. It will require more space per video than I previously expected, but my new 500GB hard drive should off set that.
                          As of right now, Mike and I are in the process of recording footage, learning how to master the editing software, and figuring out what kind of channel we are going to be. We will not be one of the many annoying channels that clutter the internet using douchey sound effects and weird fake accents. However, we are not the weirdly serious gamers. We don't strategize games too often and we piss each other off a lot. As a heads up, there will be a lot of Minecraft, Halo, zombies, swearing, TNT, diking around, and drinking. If any/all of these offend you, I suggest you avoid the internet ( or any sort of media in the world today).
                         I'm just going to back away from the whole YouTube thing for a minute and say "Holy shit! Game of Thrones is amazeballs." I'm not even entirely sure whats happening sometimes. Right when you start to trust that a character has forged an alliance with someone, Blam! They back stab the shit out of them. It's awesome, bloody, and filled with female nudity ( always a plus in my book). If anyone hasn't watched Game of Thrones, I really really recommend it. It's essentially Skyrim in the form of a Tv show.
                         Well, I should be getting back to recording some footage for the channel. No idea what I'm recording, but I don't want to miss anything awesome. If anyone has any requests for videos ( news about certain games, gameplay footage, game review, or walkthroughs/achievement guides) just let me know, and I will be sure to start working on them right away. I hope everyone has a great night/day, and I'll let you know when we start posting videos.

Facts I hate #2: Nathan Fillion will not be playing Nathan Drake in the movie adaptation of the Uncharted series. Even though he really wanted to do it, they went with Marky Mark.

Purple Rain

2012-08-14T22:45:00.000-07:00

                     So, I just looked and found out that my last post never actually posted. Nor did it save. So, instead of re-writing my sexytime play list, I'm just going to summarize it. If you want music to get down to, music that will make panties drop, you need to play some Prince. And if for some awkward ass reason the girl you're trying to hook up with isn't down with his purple majesty, play some Peter Gabriel. Bitches love Peter Gabriel. And before you assume that they are one and the same, let me inform you of the message they both pose. Playing Prince for your woman presents an animal magnetism. It's Saying " Baby, I love you. I want to do all the wrong things in all the right places". Peter Gabrielle on the other hand has a sweeter vibe. Playing Peter Gabriel for your woman is essentially saying " I love you. You're beautiful. Please let me stick it in." There is a big fucking difference between the two, and now you know. Anyone who gets laid because of this information can thank me in the form of a drink or contribution to my upcoming web series.
                     Now that that's out of the way, I'll let you all know what I've been up to. After making $150 tonight, I now have enough money to order the recorder and preorder the games to start my new YouTube channel. The segments are not set in stone, but I've been putting together a weekly schedule for their release. To start, it will just be my good friend Mike and I doing the videos. They will be video game oriented, but we are pretty damn hilarious, so the focus shouldn't even matter to some people. I will be ordering the recorder tomorrow, and once we have it, mike and I will start testing and leaning the editing process. With all of that, I think we should have our channel up and running in about 2 weeks tops. If anyone has a segment idea, please let us know. We would love to get some input from our future viewers.
                       As always, I hope you all have a great night /day. And remember, if you want to see panties hit the floor, turn on some prince, then buy me that drink. "I must go, the fog is rising."

Facts I Hate #1 : Ryan Reynolds is Canadian. :-(

Gentleman Who Fell

2012-08-09T12:52:00.002-07:00

                    Wow, I just realised I haven't written anything in a while. My bad, guys. I guess i just haven't really had anything to talk about. I have been trying to cleanse my palate from those zombie movies with some video games. I decided that i really wanted to 100% portal 2. So I picked it back up, updated, and started grabbing those achievements. As of now, I think I only have about 5 left to get. Oh, and I think I've braked from Minecraft for long enough. As of right now, I think I know what I can build as Fort Addison, I just have to do some smaller practice buildings to figure out the specifics.
                     Later today, I will begin work on a new music playlist. I was talking to a friend of mine last night and asked what kind of playlist I should work on, and she told me to do a sexytime playlist.... I'm not really sure what it's going to consist of, but there will be plenty of Prince and Kiss From a Rose by Seal. I will really try to get that one posted tonight. That is if I'm not balls deep in some scientific testing action ( If you have ever played portal, you know whats up).
                       Before I get started on any of that though, I'm going to have to keep watching women's water polo. I must say, I love the Olympics and all the underwater cams. I have no idea what water polo is, or where the horses are, but what I do know is that I am loving every second of it. I hope you all have a good day, and I'll try to get that playlist posted up here later.

Portal Tip #1: Never trust and artificial intelligence. Haven't you ever watched 2001: A Space Odyssey?

Zombies! (part 2)

2012-08-06T00:14:00.004-07:00

Hey,everyone. I'm back with another fun filled post! I've gotten some good feed back on the last list I made, as well as a few people asking about the nip slip in Resident Evil (Btw, it's at the beginning when she's in the hospital, then there is a second one at the end when she's in the recovery tank). And now there's the matter of the movies I couldn't bring myself to put on my list last night. Like I said before, I have made two zombie lists. Tonight, I bring you the second. Tonight, for your reading pleasures, I present to you, the Z.C.D.( Zomcom Count Down).

#10) Black Sheep

Such a weird little movie. Black Sheep isn't about your normal zombies. It's about zombie sheep. near the end you find out that one guy has been doing the horizontal hokie pokie with of the the zombie sheep and becomes a zombie sheep/man combo thing. It's all really weird New Zealandy.
#9) Bio Zombie

Bio Zombie is essentially Dawn of the Dead, but way more Asian. The food court in a Hong Kong mall has been serving soda that turns people into zombies. If this was a joke about the amount of high fructose corn syrup is in our everyday diet then consider me impressed. But who am I kidding? This was just Asian Dawn of the Dead.
#8) Night of the Living Dorks

Ever wonder what American Pie would be like if the Germans made it? Well this is it.... just with zombies... and the kinky band girl is a kinky goth girl. Crazy Germans, hot goth girls aren't real.
#7) Zombie Strippers!

Not going to lie, this is the only Jenna Jameson movie I have ever watched with both the volume and my pants on. Even though the quality and the cast instantly makes you think this is porn, it is actually a zomcom, and a decent one at that. Oh, and Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger) is in it too.
#6) Dead Alive

If you ever feel like your mother is the worst, watch Dead Alive. In this one, the main character's mother is a horrible and always trying to ruin his life. Once she is bitten by a weird rat thing she becomes a zombie and infects the town. And just so you guys can finally figure out your pop culture, this is the movie where the guy picks up a push mower and runs it through a crowd of zombies. If you play Left 4 Dead, you will know what I'm talking about.
#5) Return of the Living Dead

Return of the Living Dead is a retro classic. When no one knows how to take down a zombie, all they have to do is ask the guy who watched Night of the Living Dead. Just so everyone knows, this is the movie that started the belief that zombies eat brains. Hell, it started the zombie moan of " BRAAAAAIIIIINNNSSS!!"
#4) Dead and Breakfast

Dead and Breakfast taught me a few things. First off, don't ever stay in David Carradine's house (You will either find him jerking off in a closet, or starting the zombie apocalypse). And the second thing I learned was that, if need be, you can always make a shotgun with household items.
#3) Zombieland

After about five minutes of trying to decide which joke to use, I guess I'll just pitch a few of them. #1: Zombieland: The future biography of Mark Zuckerberg. 2: How did Michael Cera have time to film this, Scott Pilgram, and do all the digital shorts on SNL? 3: The ratio of hot girls (like Emma Stone) that sleep with nerdy guys to actual number of nerdy guys in the world makes me really sad :(
#2) Fido

Ok, I want you to picture the show Lassie. Got it? Good, now swap out the dog with a blood thirsty zombie being controlled by a collar. then that collar breaks. Normally that would spell disaster, but for Timmy, that means his pet zombie has his back. This one is definitely worth a download.
#1) Shaun of the Dead

The pairing of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost is just amazing. It's like the combo of Chris Farley and David Spade, it just works. I'm at a loss of words for how amazingly awesome and hilarious this movie is. Just watch it. I don't care if you've seen it a million times, watch it again. Then watch Paul. That was a good one too.

There we go guys. After a week of nothing but zombies, I feel like I need a palate cleanser. Good thing this is the age of the Internet and I can go back and watch the women's field hockey, volleyball, and other Olympic events that feature athletic women in sports bras! I hope my week was worth it and you guys all liked my lists. As for whats next for me and my blogging adventures, I have no idea. If anyone has a genre they would like me to explore, just leave me a comment and I will totally go for it. Since it is now late as hell and I work tomorrow, I should probably get some sleep. Have a great night/day, everyone.

Zombie Survival Tip #5: Cut your hair and wear tight clothes. The zombies are going to have a hard time grabbing you if there is nothing to grab on to.

ZOMBIES!

2012-08-04T22:36:00.001-07:00

After a long day at work, I can finally type this one up. I finally finished my zombie watch list and decided it would be best to make two separate lists. One list for zombie films, and the other for the zomcom ( zombie comedy). Before I begin the task of making these lists, I would like to make something very clear. The movies that make up The Evil Dead trilogy, why amazingly awesome, are not zombie movies. The Evil Dead movies are about demons and demon possessions. Sure, dead bodies are re-animated, but they torment Ash and are purely the embodiment of the demon. Zombies do not have goals beyond the basic need to feed. Now that we've got that out of the way.....

Zombie Films

10) Resident Evil: Apocalypse

What's better than Jill Valentine running around in a tube top and short shorts killing zombies? That would be a Milla Jovovich nip slip. And yes, this movies does have both.

9) Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever

Cabin Fever 2 is campy, gory, and all around awesome. I can't think of a better way to spend a Friday night than watching this combo on a big ass tv.

8) Dawn of the Dead (2004)

I know I'm going to catch some hate for saying this, but I liked the 2004 re-make more that the original George A. Romero movie of the same name. Pregnant zombies giving birth to zombie babies just hits home for me. This movie may also be the reason I can't bring my self to watch Modern Family ( I just really hate that guy.).

7) 28 Weeks Later

Earlier this week, I sat through both 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later. I didn't really care for the first one. However, I really liked the second one. Maybe it's the society making it, then being destroyed violently in a mess of confusion that got to me, I couldn't get enough of it.

6) Deadgirl

Deadgirl was just wrong. The movie starts with two friends spelunking in an old nut house. After being chased by the guard dog in the facility ( Who the hell keeps it fed?), the boys come across what they believe to be a kidnapped woman who is naked and tied down to a table. After discovering that she cant speak, they come to the conclusion that she must just be crazy. At this point, one boy wants to help her, and the other thinks it would be fun to put his penis in her..... yea..... I'm really not sure whats worse, raping a zombie, or raping a zombie while thinking shes just a crazy chick that was locked up and forgotten about in a basement. Just a heads up, this one has a whole lot of nudity and you will probably want to vom.

5) I am Legend (2007)

While I have yet to see the original, I have seen Will Smith's re-make several time. Throughout the movie, you start to feel bad for Smith and become aware that he is batshit crazy. Screaming at manikins, you realize that his only friend is his dog. And then the movie goes all Marley and Me. I tend to turn the movie off at that scene.

4) Dead Snow

I bought Call of Duty Black Ops for the same reason I watched this movie. Nazi zombies are just badass. However, listening to a group of people cry out in Norwegian get very old very fast. At least Swedish sounds close enough to English that you can understand without reading the subtitles.

3) The Crazies (2010)

Yet another case where I like the re-make more than the original ( I know a few people that are going to hate me for this). I first watched this movie without knowing it was a zombie movie. Netflix realised that I think the dude from Justified (Timothy Olyphant) is awesomesauce. After watching, I realised that he is way more badass than I had previously thought and is incredibly under rated. I also liked the idea of zombies seeming like people that truly don't give a shit anymore.

2) Quarantine 2: Terminal

For any horror fans reading this, don't judge me. Personally, I like the Quarantine movies and I don't get why they are so hated. A terrorist organization making a zombie plague and releasing across the world and only having enough anti-viruses for themselves is great, especial after the " ruh roh" moment of realising that the anti-virus doesn't work. And if that doesn't get you sucked in, a chick gets her mouth eaten in the beginning. Sick!

1) Land of the Dead

Should Land of the Dead have the number one spot on this list? Who can say? I thought this movie was the best one Romero did. This one was so good that the video game company Bioware payed homage to it with Tennpenny Tower in its high profile game Fallout 3. I have known for quite some time that when the zombies attack I want someone like Patrick Jane from the Mentalist on my team. Now i think I just want Simon Baker there so he could just "badass" everything to death.

I hope it was worth it. After watching 37 zombie movies in 1 week I have finally completed my list. Even if you guys don't like it, I'm pretty sure when Z.A. (Zombie Apocalypse) happens, I might just live a little longer than everyone else. After all, surviving the zombie apocalypse isn't about killing the most zombies, it's about surviving. Since I have off tomorrow, I'm sure I'll be able to get the zomcom list typed up and posted tomorrow. Have a great night/day, everyone. And good luck during Z.A.

Zombie Survival Tip #4: If there is only one zombie in your way and sneaking is not an option, do NOT fire a gun. That just attracts a hoard. Hoards are no bueno.

Heartlines

2012-08-01T21:59:00.001-07:00

                   On a day where so many people are appalled by Chick-fil-a and disapproval of the gay community ( Really? A christian company that is against the idea of cultural acceptance? Say it ain't so!), I find my self in a state of shock. No, not shock over the fact that I like waffle fries and have nothing against gays. I'm in shock over the idea that Liam Neeson is more badass than Bruce Willis. Before tonight, I would have no problem saying John McClane was the most badass character in the history of film. I would have said he was more badass than Ash from The Evil Dead.
                    However, everything changed tonight. Tonight, for the first time, I watched Taken. As the movie started, I figured " Meh, he doesn't seem all that awesome.". Then the real movie started. His daughter was taken and he went into full killing mode. Bryan Mills gave little to no fucks when it came to the law or the safety of others. He flipped his shit and went to Paris to get his daughter back. He started his ballad of badassery by chasing a man until said man jumped off the freeway and was hit by a truck. With that lead cut short, he pissed off a pimp in order to infiltrate a sex den where he figured his daughter was being sold. She wasn't there, but but after he was done, neither was anyone else. Saving a girl that might have information to help him, he was confronted by the French who wanted to send him back home for "disturbing the peace". I know the French are dirty people in the literal sense, but I had no idea their government was as dirty as ours. It seems they were profiting off the sex trade, and didn't want Bryan Mills to ruin everything.
                     If there is one thing I have earned from this movie, it's that I should never piss off Liam Neeson. He went to his old "buddy" in the French government one last time. He showed up at his house and had the French wife prepare dinner. That lady was easily the nicest to Bryan. She was scared and just wanted to know what was going on. This is where Liam Neeson surpasses Bruce Willis in terms of badassery. He shoots her to prove a fucking point. That bullet wound ended up paying off though. He found out his daughter was to be auctioned to the highest bidder ( It would seem virgins are a delicacy in Europe).
                     After a sweet ass murder spree at the "auction house" Bryan chased a car (on foot) to the docks, where his daughter was being loaded onto a boat. At this point, it's all or nothing. Some how, Neeson has to make it onto the boat to save his daughter. He does so in the most badass way. Neeson drives the wrong way down a one way road to reach a bridge. From the bridge, he jumps off, onto the boat, and breaks the guard's neck as he lands. After another sweet 5 minute killing spree, Bryan knocks down the door to the man that has his daughter. This guy is fat as fuck and all of his guards are dead. Does he surrender and apologise? Nope, he thinks holding a knife to the girls throat and trying to bargain will work. One head shot and he's down.
                     Now you all see my dilemma. I have made it a point to have at least one Bruce Willis movie in every movie list I have done, with the exception of the Robin Williams one. To think that I was wrong in declaring John McClane the most badass Character hurts me. What else am I wrong about? Did Rocky even really end the cold war in Rocky 4? I just don't even know anymore. He was a Soviet, a Nazi, a Jedi, and a ninja. He trained Obi-Wan Kenobi, Batman, and the Vault-Boy. Hell, he has been a god in more than one movie and can punch a wolf to death. It is for these reason, on the night of Wednesday, August 1st 2012, I hear by declare Liam Neeson more badass than Bruce Willis.

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

Zombie Survival Tip #3: Cover up. The whole Road Warrior look may be rad as fuck, but if one bite can end you, get some damned body armor.

A Dustland Fairytale

2012-07-30T23:39:00.001-07:00

                  Hey, everyone. I just wanted to start by saying my second day of work was pretty awesome. I took a few tables, and made some money. I really can't wait until I make enough money that I can get some new shoes. Since the uniform is black, I have to wear the only black shoes I have... I haven't worn them since high school and let me tell you, not the most forgiving on feet. I'm pretty sure my first $80 is going towards buying my favorite shoes in black. I know, $80 is a lot of money, but when it comes to shoes that I'm going to be wearing all the time, I don't care how much they cost. I know those shoes are going to be worth it.
                 As far as the zombie movie search goes, I've watched a few good ones and downloaded a few more ( I have about 30 left on my watch list). After some thought, I might have to break my list into 3 separate categories: ZomComs, Campy Zombie, and True Horror Zombie. Hell, I could go as far as to break them down into fast zombie/ slow zombie. The possibilities are countless. I guess I'll just have to decide my plan of attack when I get there. For now, I'm still in the research stage of this one. I'm totally planning on watching White Zombie and I'm finishing up the George Romero movies now, but if anyone has any other movies they think I should add to my watch list, I'd really appreciate it. I did add 28 days/weeks later to my list. I'll get to those soon.
                 So far, there is no official start date for our YouTube channel, but rest assured, I will link the hell out of it once we get it started. We don't have the recorder yet, but once we do and figure out how to work it and edit everything I'll let everyone know. We have been working on plans for once we get everything together ( How we will do it, how we will grow it over time, and what type of games we will use). The more I think about it, the more excited I get. I really can't wait to get all of this started. I hope once we get our idea going that you guys will tune in ( if only just to hear how hilarious I am without even trying).
                 As always, I hope everyone has a great night/day. I really appreciate everyone who is still reading this after a month of my posts. I started this blog expecting to have maybe 10 people reading. Now, after only 23 posts, I have almost 600 page views. With a self worth as low as mine, seeing people actually reading something that I write makes me feel awesome. Thank you.
Zombie Survival Tip #2: Do not think that being on an island will protect you. Zombies are already dead. Therefore, they can walk the bottom of the sea and reach you. Best place to hide? Antartica.

BTW, Bicentennial Man totally holds up.