Forever Young

Are you there God? It's me, Jasmin.

2013-10-11T13:41:00.002-04:00

Lately I have been finding myself searching for God. And I can not seem to find him. So I wonder am I living my life wrong am I a bad christian because not only am I doubting the love that I know God has for me but I am doubting myself. I did something that I should have not done and because of that I am nervous...but I am asking for Gods forgiveness...I know that I need to do better...but God has been on my side. I just am not on my own side? if thats possible..talking about God and believing are two totally different things. I can totally talk to you about how good God is to me but that does not mean that im not doubting his presence in my life. I love Jesus. I love him...but where is he? I have prayed not even for things but for necessities...like I keep smiling but I cant pay my bills...

And then I read this...
There are two kinds of conviction: one is a tool of God, the other a tool of Satan. Satan uses conviction to paralyze you, convincing you that you have no hope of change. He uses it to remind you of your failures long after God has both forgiven and forgotten them. Satan wrongly convicts you to rob you of your joy. In contrast, God uses conviction to cause you to turn to him for forgiveness and cleansing. He uses conviction to show you your need for a Savior and to draw you to him. So who’s wielding this tool in your life now?

The devil is not giving me any type of play
and i will not let the devil get the best of me.
i will not be weak
i will continue to pray
i will not fall victim
i will not be scared
i will be ok
i will be ok

Peace, be still!

2013-08-21T13:21:00.000-04:00

there is a fine line between peace and the quiet before the storm. i believe i am in the quiet before the storm. im moving but im not making any noise. im talking but literally, i am not saying anything. i have declared that i dont want anything but i desire so much. i need so much. i desire to be happy, i look happy...but i am constantly trying to figure out if i am happy. i am blessed, I am positive about that. but happy, i am not that sure. i remember moving to find freedom to find, Jasmin. Jasmin is some where but far from everywhere. She has traded orange juice for wine and polite smiles for genuine laughter. Searching for something that she has no clue of. How do you complain when the struggle was your decision...I remember once i found happy and it didnt feel like this. i remember once i found peace...peace was still...but still this is not peace. you know how hard it is to be vulnerable when everyone thinks everything is perfect in your life. but who's life is perfect? there are millionaires who are unhappy and poverty stricken families who are happy. finding peace in the middle of the storm is what makes the most sense. im in this storm...winds are moving so fast...rain is pouring down but still im in peace. be still, and there will be peace.

whoa is me

2013-05-31T12:52:00.001-04:00

23. Masters Degree. Wine at 12pm. This sounds like fun, relaxation? No this is depression. I have never been a person to say im depressed or i have never seen the glass at half empty but right now i think my glass is completely empty. Im drowning and i feel like giving up...or maybe I already gave up. I do not know. I moved to Atlanta April 9th and I thought I was doing the right thing, but since I've been here it is like i have been on a complete downward spiral. I moved here with all good intentions you know, I'd find a job, a man or a man then a job. I'd be happy. Im not happy. Im not sad. Maybe, I need a psychic or as a christian im supposed to say a prayer. But i think God is tired of me or maybe im not praying right. im drowning and there is no one to save me. I'm so desperate for a miracle that im drinking wine at 12pm. I think Jesus broke up with me. There are strippers who have their life together more than me. I am drowning in debt. And depression is seeping into my soul. How many times can i say im not happy. im sure i have reached my limit of complaints. i just wanna be able to pay my bills. on time. i just want to be happy. i just want to be debt free. why is it so hard. what was the point of me going to college? it was a crutch in adult hood. they said go to college so youll find a good job, go to graduate school so you can get more money...brahahahahahahahahaha just a fuc!!!!! joke. these degrees dont mean anything. when i have a child, he or she will be a disney star. stars are the only recognition to success. all of the congrats and well wishes dont mean shit when i cant pay my bills. i was just happy and then i got stuck right back in depression...maybe i shouldve stayed in detroit, got pregnant and then my blessings would have come. maybe i shouldve never went to college and then been a stripper and i would be ok.

it aint no sin

2011-08-31T22:33:00.000-04:00

the only way to get to success is wrong by wrong....
she didnt say that, but that is what I internalized from that...you get to happy by doing wrong...think about all successful people they have all been criminals or over-sexed

so here are some amazing quotes

A hard man is good to find.
Mae West

A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.
Mae West

A man in the house is worth two in the street.
Mae West

A man's kiss is his signature.
Mae West

Any time you've got nothing to do and lots of time to do it come on up.
Mae West

Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.
Mae West

I only have 'yes' men around me. Who needs 'no' men?
Mae West

I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.
Mae West

I see you're a man with ideals. I better be going before you've still got them.
Mae West

I speak two languages, Body and English.
Mae West

It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.
Mae West

Sex is emotion in motion.
Mae West

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
Mae West

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
Mae West

admitting

2011-08-12T21:13:00.000-04:00

I could walk away as soon as I meet someone new. I could leave you but I am truly still in love with you so I need to move on with a person. A living breathing loving man.

or I could never date again because I am emotionally drained and scarred but I don't wanna be a bitter woman.

I don't wanna be a lonely woman either but I don't wanna be a woman who needs a man. I feel like a woman who needs a man. I feel like I need him. When I broke up I felt like I needed him. I am an angry woman, an emotional woman, but it is all backed up love.

what the fuck happened to the red jeep wrangler??

i hate the red jeep wrangler and everytime i see one i cringe

finally

2011-08-06T05:23:00.000-04:00

ITS ALL ABOUT JASMIN BITCH

Inspiration is everywhere

2011-06-19T00:32:00.000-04:00

When your down and out and all you have is YOU
look around and find the peace that YOU deserve

I found power in the things I used to ignore
damn, I was down and out
but He brought me up and in
comforted me, saved me
just when I needed the inspiration

the sun shined
i knew the pain was gone
because the sun shined just for me

1044

2011-06-06T22:44:00.000-04:00

thought about loving you
couldn't help myself
thought about believing you...
things didn't add up
wasn't prepared to love like this

loved

2011-05-24T21:11:00.001-04:00

I loved real, real hard once
But the love wasn't returned
Found out the man I'd die for
He wasn't even concerned
I tried, and I tried, and I tried
To keep him in my life
I cried, and I cried, and I cried
But I couldn't make it right
But I, I loved the young man
And if you've ever been in love,
Then you'd understand

gave all my power

2011-05-24T21:04:00.000-04:00

See, I thought this feeling
It was all that I had
But how could this be love
And make me feel so bad?
Gave up my power,
I existed for you
But whoever knew the voodoo you'd do?

And what you need ironically
Will turn out what you want to be

Single. Again

2011-05-09T21:07:00.000-04:00

Nope, I am not single
but I do feel as if either we are headed for departure
or we are headed for greatnesss

Case closed.

2011-05-09T21:02:00.000-04:00

I cant even remember the last time i was happy with you.
i guess it was the last time i saw you
but shit,
i cant remember the last time i saw you
my memories fading away

memories of you and i happy
me and you happy

i dont fucking remember
i hate you
i dont believe in you
maybe i never believed in you
i was trying to create a new you for a new me
but i couldnt make an old you be a new you for me

trying to change you
makes me realize that i only changed me

the relationship guide

2011-03-27T12:12:00.000-04:00

why are relationships so hard? how do we make them work? how do we make them last? what is the worst thing in a relationship?? insecurity? being crazy?? lies???
they all make a relationship difficult, but how do we make it work?? if it cant work does that mean we arent meant to be?

i wish i never met you

2011-03-01T19:40:00.000-05:00

i should have known from the beginning that we would fall apart
promises of forever linger in the air
i cant let you disrespect me, im a queen

you.

2011-02-16T21:56:00.000-05:00

this one is for you.

i never been so consumed by one person
never knew this kind of love
sometimes i know that we'll be together forever

i know we will
you know its hard being in a long distance relationship
i want you with me 98% of the time

I want to wake up and kiss you
roll over and hold your hand
i want to miss you, while you're in the bathroom
not while your a million miles away

i just love you...its crazy

idk

2011-02-16T21:42:00.001-05:00

hurts to know you still think about her...
do you dream about you and her?
think about what it would be like if it were you and her?

makes me wish you didn't know me
not that i didn't know you
because i couldn't replace you

i actually hate you for thinking about her
i hate you for missing her
i hate that you were here with me, and you were thinking about her

how can you love me, if you love her too?

Love is a Motherf@#$!

2011-02-16T18:41:00.000-05:00

That's in my Diddy-Dirty Money voice

Yesterday, I fell in love
don't know why I gave my heart
if i had the chance to do it all over again

i would do it just like this.

you can't tell I f@#$ with you, i needed you

hold you, kiss you, miss you
need you, just like this

breathe you

couldn't get rid of you
give my all, you take it from me

touch you

just like this--> you like when I touch you like this
you need me to love you, you know
it feels good to hold me, you know

just like this

Endless love

2011-02-16T18:32:00.000-05:00

Just think, what exactly does endless mean? Forever, with no exceptions?
But doesn't every situation have an exception? Or shouldn't it?
My journey to love has been a journey, filled with amazing ups and some low-lows.
But I won't go.
I feel like we, I mean I feel like I have been through so much with this love that I cant imagine quitting on it right now.
How could I quit on something that has made me happy, blissfully happy for almost a year now.?
But how can I love someone who loves someone else?
I mean you know they love you, but some part of them still loves HER.
I understand, you never had time to finish or get over it.
but why drag me and leave me?
why create a world, with living together and joint everything...only to leave me for her again.
It is actually embarrassing when I sit and think about all we've been through
and sometimes I ask, what am I gaining?
Did I gain a love, only to lose it?

As women, do we fall in love to be in love?
are we tired of being single, that we just enjoy the companionship?
do we settle because we feel like maybe I could change you, maybe I could make you love me how I need to be loved
or maybe we start off and we see all the signs but we ignore, we ignore them because sometimes the wrong thing almost always feel like it's the right thing.
or maybe he does everything right, he just has a thing for other bitches sometimes...
maybe he's perfect, maybe he does everything right, maybe he loves you too good
maybe you should have met him in another lifetime
maybe we could be, when we were just we
maybe i'll lose you the way I got you
maybe we'll work out
maybe I shouldn't love you so much
maybe I should love you this much
maybe we're forever

hopefully, we'll be forever
all i wanted was your love
all i ever need was your love

don't ask for much

just need someone who wants to be with me and only me.

Happy Valentines Day!!!!!!

2011-02-14T19:01:00.000-05:00

y.o.u

2011-01-31T22:47:00.000-05:00

i dont even know how to ignore you
smh
ahhh, you make me crazy.
lol, but i just LOVE you so much...

crazy, crazy

top 6

2011-01-31T21:01:00.001-05:00

always on repeat- Monica- Superman, Here I am and One in a Lifetime

My favorite song(s) on repeat:
Sure Thing-Miguel
My Piece- Miguel

Excuse Me- Jazmine Sullivan
Long Way Down- Keyshia Cole
Don't Deserve You- Lloyd Banks ft Jeremih
Start it Up- Lloyd Banks

nerves

2011-01-31T20:48:00.001-05:00

you get on my nerves.
nerves
nerves
my last fucking nerve.

simple

2011-01-31T18:55:00.002-05:00

i miss simplicity.

i think i made a wrong turn back there somewhere

2011-01-31T18:52:00.002-05:00

sometimes i think im living another life
i dont know what the fcuk im doing
i dont know whats next im just waiting
waiting on God to rescue me.

What you won't stand for, but you do anyway...

2011-01-31T18:51:00.000-05:00

being that no one reads my blog but myself, its actually like a personal diary.

i hate that i know shit and i never have the balls to say it

i hate baby mommas

i dont wanna say i hate baby mommas because someones gonna think im talking about dres baby mama and im not

but i swear that i will never be a baby momma i will only be a wife

i changed my number

i miss my old number

i can write to vent my feelings because its the only outlet i have

my life is an open book basically because i dont have one

my whole life besides my school life revolves around a nigga

and who knows what he is doing

atleast i can admit it

im not ashamed

even if he is a cheater, id leave before i ever cheated

its just not for me

im completely satisfied

even if i give give give

but you know the story

maybe someone will read this and say

"she is dumb"

but think what you want

its my life and i can make all the mistakes i want