Everyn Kildare

Moving on...

2017-07-03T12:45:00.000-04:00

Well, some of you may have heard the rumors, and I'm here to tell you...

THEY'RE COMPLETELY TRUE!

Me, my blog and my randomness have relocated to a new website! From this post onward you can find me at:

www.everynkildare.com

or for the new home of the "Adventures in Insomnia" Blog:

www.everynkildare.com/adventuresininsomnia

both of which now load into the new, super shiny and way more organized Everyn website. If you were subscribed to the old RSS feed here you will unfortunately need to subscribe to the new RSS again. Mailing list subscribers have already been moved to the new list, so no need to re-subscribe for that.

I will be leaving this Blogspot site up as an archive, rather than transferring all the post from the past four years (last time was a nightmare!)

Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me! On to bigger and more productive things!

CURSE is finally HERE!!!

2017-06-24T13:05:00.000-04:00

It has technically been "here" since Thursday, but I've been making tweaks to the formatting (which I think you'll LOVE when you see it!) and getting the paperbacks put together... also, waiting for each of the online retailers to pick it up so I could provide you with all the links at one go.

Aren't the new covers pretty? I can't wait to get ALL the paperbacks updated to match Curse (This summer! More info to come later! Squeeeee!!!)
Curse paperbacks haven't gone live yet, but barring any hang-ups, they should be available by the end of this weekend. I'll update as soon as they go up for sale.

If you prefer your words digital, you can currently get your hot hands on Curse from the following online retailers:

Amazon Kindle

Apple IBooks

B&N Nook

Kobo

For all others here's the universal link: Books2Read

I know some of you have been waiting, like forever for me to get this one out. I hope it was worth the wait. 🖤

All the best,

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This time it's for REAL... The "Cursed" Book Commeth!

2017-06-14T16:06:00.000-04:00

OKay! I promised another announcement this week, and here it is:

1) The *NEW* cover for Curse (to match the others)

2) Updated blurb (because I never liked the old one anyway)

AND

3) An official E.T.A. on Book Four (I'm almost done!!!)

Oh yes, the Everyn has been busy! After a seemingly idle start to what had been a promising 2017, I've kicked it into high gear and expect to publish the ebook versions of Curse A WEEK FROM TOMORROW: June 22, 2017. I will try to get the paperback version up at the same time, but if I can't then I should have it available by the following week.

Curse (The Crow Series: Book Four)

Raise hell and take back what is yours!

Denora Garro doesn’t want to be found. The safety of her friends and loved ones depends on it. After another unexpected act of betrayal, she’s more determined than ever to free her brothers on her own.

With her mother’s journal in the palm of her hand, Denora is finally putting all the pieces together - unraveling the mystery of Silas’ century old curse, as well as Leena's true intentions for her and her brothers. Her search guides the wayward young woman through time, showing her the New York of the distant past, and hinting at a dark and impending future.

Will Denora's new discoveries lead her to the closure she so desperately seeks, or will they lead her straight into the clutches of her enemies?

When it comes to love and fate, there is no room for doubt.

Until next week!

Much love 💜

A new cover for Release!

2017-06-07T08:20:00.000-04:00

It's been a week since I unveiled the new cover and blurb for Book Two. Those of you with good pattern-spotting abilities will correctly guess that I'm about to announce the new treatment for the third book today.

Seeing how I have a million things left to do, I won't delay (besides, I'm so pleased with this new cover I think it speaks for itself!)

Without further ado, here's the new cover for Release:

The new blurb for Book Three:

Not just her heart - but her life is on the line.

Denora Garro has seen her fair share of trouble. She’s street-smart, wickedly sarcastic, and recklessly bold.
She’s also horribly impatient.

After months of idle waiting, Denora can’t stand it any longer. She’s made no progress on her brothers’ curse, her mothers’ secrets remain just out of reach, and she hasn’t heard a word from Silas since he ran off with her enemy.

When a once in a lifetime Clandestine Event is arranged, both friends and enemies unexpectedly return - along with Denora’s hope for a cure. With each step forward, her family’s secrets come into the light. Betrayal comes from someone she least expects, and her enemies take a prize that shatters Denora’s faith in family.

As everything you love goes up in flames, what else can you do but raise hell and take back what is yours!

*Yes, we did switch the color scheme for Release from purple to green. Those who have read the story already probably know why. Let's just say, the green powder she is blowing off her hands on the new cover comes from an integral scene in the book and just made more sense - that and purple becomes more of a theme in the later two books (*cough - D gets purple hair - cough*).

I'm off to my editing cave. I'll be back next week with a new announcement! 😁😸

Three Years After Crow

2017-05-31T07:35:00.000-04:00

It's the THREE year Book Anniversary for my very first book - CROW! (I love that a Book Anniversary is really a thing! heehee) I think I may want to start a new tradition and try to do something fun to celebrate this anniversary every year from now on. That's what makes me look forward to anniversaries at least - the excuse for plotting and planning of fun things (I'll take almost any excuse for fun things, actually.)

But first, an update after my announcement last week:

The old Crow is now in a state of undead limbo. By that I mean all ebook versions of Crow have now been switched over to the *NeW* wonderful and lovely cover and less crappy blurb. The paperbacks, on the other hand, are still sporting the old ones, because I have some other work and formatting I have to put together first before I can change those. Soooo, in some places it's Crow reborn - and in others the old version is still sinking its claws in and holding firm.
I know, I just went way out there on that one...

On the plus side, it means anyone wanting to get a copy of the old versions in paperback before they no longer exist still has time to do so (because once I change the files the old ones will no longer be printed, thus making the old ones "limited edition". You see what I did there? Gotta prop my ego up somehow. I'm sinking here! LOL)

So, in celebration of Crow's Three Year Book-a-versary, I decided to release the new cover and blurb for Shift early!

The new blurb for Book Two:

No one can be trusted.

On the precipice of adulthood, Denora is torn between her old life as a trouble-making New York teen, and the dangerous complications of her newly accepted magical abilities. The mysteries of the Clandestine World, and the heavy burden of saving her brothers from a horrible fate certainly aren’t a walk in the park - and her conflicted feelings for the green-eyed traitor Silas only make matters worse.

When things get messy, Denora turns to a new friend for comfort. Even a girl with the ability to shatter light-bulbs when she’s angry isn’t immune to a sexy set of dimples and a warm smile. But like everything else in the city, the flashing lights can often blind one to the unseen grit of betrayal. Denora’s trust is put to the test, because in this twisted metropolis not just her heart, but her life is on the line.

*Dun Dun Dun*

MUCH better than the old blurb! Though I have always been very fond of the original cover for Shift, I really like the new one as well, and feel it suits the series better 🖤

Just like last week, the new cover and blurb will start popping up on the online retailers between now and June 7th. Next year I should have ALL FIVE books in the series out, so I'll plan something BIGGER on the blog to celebrate the Book-a-versary.

Let me know what you all think of the new covers!
I'm off to my editing cave 😁😸

Ninja-Cover-Facelift-ATTACK!!!

2017-05-24T09:17:00.000-04:00

All right. I know my post title sounds like I'm having some sort of freakout, or I've been watching way too many anime cartoons with my kids (possible, but not today!)

A few weeks ago, I mentioned how my husband was stuck home recuperating after severely hurting his back. He was going stir crazy at home, and since he finally had some free time on his hands, I talked him into helping me put together my ideas for the book cover I envisioned for Songbird of Souls. It came out amazingly! I'm still smitten with the cover 💓

Well, we've also been discussing giving the Crow Series a facelift since... like... the first book in 2014. When I put out Crow we were just dipping our toes in the water, and the cover we designed was simple, because we didn't have the skills or the resources to make a better one. The subsequent covers were kept with the same design, so it was obvious they were a series, but we've always wanted and intended to give them an upgrade when we had the means to do so.

Guess what?
A week from today, on the three year anniversary of when Crow was first published, the first book in the Crow Series will be sporting a shiny new cover and blurb (not sure why some sites says it went live on May 29th - but Crow was first published between May 30th and the 31st.)

Less than two weeks later, Shift will get the same treatment - and two weeks after that, Release will as well. Then I'll be getting set to publish Curse, so it will be released with the new cover design instead!
Yay! So exciting! I've been practically crawling out of my skin, waiting to finally tell you guys what I've been up to.

The new blurb:

Someone, or something is stalking Denora.

Deep in the underbelly of New York City, a troubled young woman has lost it all - her parents, her home and her childhood best friend. She’s broke, practically homeless, and her wayward brothers have gotten themselves into some sort of trouble.
The worst part?
It’s the kind of trouble Denora isn’t prepared for - the magical kind. Denora’s reality is turned upside down, introducing her to a world of talking rats, deadly curses, and a mysterious stranger who promises to help her navigate this daunting new side to the city she thought she knew.
Though gorgeous, green-eyed Silas may be more than willing to lend Denora a helping hand, it’s his secrets that put her in the most danger - because if there’s one lesson you learn growing up in the city, it’s that no one can be trusted.

I'd really appreciate any feedback on the new blurb and cover while I make the final tweaks (especially the blurb, because I never feel like I get those quite right! lol)

I've still got tons of work to do, so I'm signing off for now.
Thanks for coming by and taking the time to read!

It's been a while: How about another Curse teaser?

2017-05-16T12:44:00.001-04:00

Teaser Tuesday!

So - lot's been brewing and stewing in my office lately.
As I stated in my last post, I now have all three books currently published in the Crow Series available on all major online retailers - for those of you who were asking for it outside of Amazon.

I've also started posting the first book in my new steampunk fantasy series (that I'll be putting out later this year) to Wattpad . I'll link to Songbird of Souls again below if you're interested!

But today is all about Curse!

I'm still putting the finishing touches on it, and felt I wanted to share another snippet with all of you as a thank you for continuing to be so patient, waiting for its release.

Curse - The Crow Series Book Four:

He slowly emerged from the darkness - first his shoes, then his long lean legs, next his shoulders, glowing under the faint light from the window as he stepped into view. His midnight hair fell loose about his face, and as he lifted his head, his eyes sparkled a vibrant emerald green as they met with mine.

It was easy to see why they were all so enamored with him. He was perfect - every inch of him. I couldn’t fight the way he made me feel, even though I knew I was just another naive, love-sick Duvain - getting butterflies in my stomach when he so much as said my name.

I wasn’t the first to fall under the spell of his intoxicating beauty, and as McFinney had once suggested, I probably wouldn’t be the last.

“Denora?” The way he said it was like a caress, and I shuddered, trying to resist how badly I wanted to go to him.

“I’ve been retracing my mother’s footsteps - trying to figure out what happened between her and Leena all those years ago. So far, all I’ve learned is that they were both hopelessly in love with you.” I whispered the last part, feeling both sick and stupid for saying it aloud - and even worse, for saying it to him.

A small smile crept up the side of his cheek, “I assure you, I never encouraged them.”

“I know…” I mumbled, turning my eyes away.

He moved with fluid grace, swiftly crossing the space between us until he stood over me, his hands gently clutching at my shoulders to lift me back up onto my feet. His hands slid down the bare skin of my arms, following the curve of my elbow to my wrists. I still had the pages clutched protectively against my body. Silas slowly coaxed my arms free, pushing the pages down and away from me.

“If you want to know about Helena, all you have to do is ask.”

___________________________________

And that's where I'm going to leave it.

If you'd like to check out the new book I've been posting on Wattpad, you can find the first chapter of Songbird of Souls available to read (with more incoming in a few days):

Thanks for Reading!

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I work in the shadows - muhahaha!

2017-05-10T10:29:00.001-04:00

Confession time - lest you all think my silence of late means I've been sitting around on my ass twiddling my thumbs:

I've been very busy quietly working on a few projects I've had stewing on the back-burner since last summer.

The first one is, I've finally gotten all three books currently available in the Crow Series published on the other major online book retailers (no longer just exclusive to Amazon!) This means for the first time you can now get Shift and Release through Kobo, Nook and iBooks - as well as a few others!

FREE EBOOK:

Kindle / Nook / iBooks / Kobo
~

Now Available At:
Kindle / Nook / iBooks / Kobo

~

Now Available At:

Kindle / Nook / iBooks / Kobo

The second is kind of an update / cover reveal... for Songbird of Souls!

-SURPRISE-

Since my poor husband has been trapped home, bored out of his mind while recuperating from his back injury, I finally pestered him into putting together the cover for my new steampunk book that I hope to put out sometime this year (after Curse, don't worry!)

I'm madly in love with this cover. It came out just the way I pictured it in my head 💕 Squeeeeeee!!!

OKay, enough fan-girling over my own book...

Here's the blurb as it currently stands:

Once in a generation, a woman is born with the ability to manipulate the emotions of others through her song.

Silvanni Eddowes is the Songbird of Souls - given the illustrious title of “The Syrene”, and thrust into the decadent world of The Fair who rule the walled City of Kenmor.

But Silvanni is the eighth daughter of a washerwoman from The Gray, raised as a singer and actress in The Veridan Theatre. This new life and title whisks her away from the poverty and hardships of living in the lower slums, but it also separates her from the impetuous young actor who’d loved her since they were children.

After years abroad, cruel fate has summoned The Songbird of Souls back home to Kenmor, just as a treacherous plot puts her childhood companion’s head on the chopping block. With nowhere else to turn, Linus Lahoul seeks out the only person with any power he’s ever known - The Syrene.

The Songbird of Souls has to make a choice, because saving her wayward friend may cost Silvanni more than she’s willing to gamble - her new life and her freedom.

If you're interested in reading more, I've started posting the first chapter to Wattpad!

(Told you I've been busy... sneaky and busy... muhahahaha!!!!)

So, there's my updates for now. The edits on Curse are coming along nicely. I'll be posting more about that soon.

Hi-Ho! Hi-Ho! It's back to work I go!

Thanks for reading!

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End of April Musings...

2017-04-29T12:50:00.001-04:00

I've been writing a lot of poetry lately.
If you've even peeked at my Instagram in the past few months (or those very few awesome "Champions of the Everyn Cause" who help my sorry-ass by supporting me on Patreon every month - I'm looking at YOU Mom! LOL ) you'd probably stumble across #poetry mentions and pictures of my long-running journal in poetic form.

It's partially thoughts I'm working through / actual poetry (yeah I write that too...) / and the occasional rant too scary even for my blog. Also doodles. And pictures / scraps of things I find and glue inside for inspiration, or just because I fucking like whatever it is next to whatever I wrote on the page. *shrugs*

I've kept one of these poetry books off and on since I was 14. There was one book prior to that, but it was swiped, along with my bag, my Discman (look it up kids!) and about $200 worth of punk music CDs. The lot disappeared off a park bench back when I was a wee scribbler in high school. It had a cool swirly green velvet cover. I mourn it to this day 😭

Twenty years of my life in those little books ❤ #poetry #amwriting #nostalgia

A post shared by Everyn Kildare (@everynkildare) on Mar 2, 2017 at 7:46am PST

I'm up to Book Six now, not counting the one that was stolen (ahhhh the words I will never get back!) For some reason I stopped writing them right around the time I stopped working on my novels regularly (somewhere in my mid-twenties? It's kind of hazy.) I was going through a lot emotionally at that time, and in my floundering and confusion, I unwittingly stopped the flow of words.

Words meant thinking, and I was tired of thinking all the time - especially when thinking led to being miserable or angry.

It's a mistake I don't intend to ever make again. The floodgate burst recently, and the words came pouring back out. I suppose I've been through a lot the past few years - I've grown a lot; found new things to love and new things to dread - I've experienced the hardships and worry of a parent trying their best for their kids and always feeling like it's not enough - I've also learned to buck it up, and laugh when shit looks ridiculous, just so I can keep moving forward. Especially right now. Things have been pretty stressful and uncertain after my husband severely hurt his back and has been on temporary disability trying to recuperate at home (thus the most recent delay on Curse, but I'll get back to that later...)

Writing is an outlet. It's how I process the world. When I can no longer make sense of myself, I look to poetry.

When someone asks to see the new #poetry book. #whatgoesbetweenthecoversstaysbetweenthecovers 😈

A post shared by Everyn Kildare (@everynkildare) on Apr 24, 2017 at 7:37am PDT

I suppose it makes sense - I use poetry to flush out thoughts or make sense of emotions I find perplexing. Poetic Therapy? Wouldn't be the strangest thing I've done.

I'm not sure if it's the cause or just another symptom of this, but a lot has been changing in my life since the start of this year particularly. Some of the internal changes started in the middle of 2016, in terms of how I was approaching my work and how I was feeling about myself as a person. I don't know how to explain it. The phrases "personal metamorphosis" and "coming out of your shell" sound so pretentious I'm laughing just typing them... but still, it would explain the resurgence of, and need for, my poetry books again.

It is really more akin to waking up after a really long sleep - like a few years of self-imposed hibernation.

Yep - I'm a Cosmic Bear! Wait, no... I just made that up.
I'm simply someone, constantly striving to improve and evolve in the areas that matter most to me. Learning brings me joy, and music keeps me moving forward. Writing, and my family, give me purpose.

Even though shit in my life feels like a sewage pipe that just keeps carrying me along, kicking and screaming against the current, I'm still feeling really positive about what I'm doing and what I have planned for the rest of 2017.

I'm a hopelessly romantic, optimistic dreamer right now about my work.

To top it off, I am now about 50% of the way done with the final FINAL final (damn that book has been a pain in the ass!) edits for Curse.

I told you I was still working on it! I've just been moving at a much slower pace since my husband injured himself. For about a month there, I felt like a single mom with a third (over 6 foot tall and helpless) kid. I don't envy ya'll who do it everyday! It's hard enough being a mom as it is.

I handled everything for my household on my own with him unable to walk - which also meant I had to tend to him like an invalid until he could function on his own again. I'm so glad he's finally on the mend now! I'm also really glad to have more time to myself and to be able to focus and edit again.

As a matter of fact, yesterday while fine-tuning a really obnoxiously difficult scene, I had an epiphany while searching for a word in the Thesaurus. A single word summoned an idea that finally made sense of one of my plot muddy-areas in the final Crow book (which I've written, but since it's not edited yet, still has wiggle room for those kinds of additions. 👍 Yay!)

I'm giddy just thinking about the new resolution to that particular mystery in Denora's life.
No, I will NOT be telling you which one *evil grin*
See? I'm in a really good mood right now. Which is surprising, because I woke up with a migraine, and as I type this, my chin has gone completely numb because of it. Weirdest-feeling-EVER. I almost want to laugh!

Now I'm wondering if it was a good idea to try and write a blog post while in the midst of a migraine... I seem to be rambling more than usual. Hah!

Well, I suppose that's all for now. These are my random April Musings. Spring is in full swing - so let's start fresh and embrace the changes and renewals of the season (or whatever really cool greeting-cardish poignant thing I was going for...)

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FML and other woes

2017-03-29T12:11:00.000-04:00

THIS IS THE MOST HORRID AND HATED BLOG POST I'VE EVER BEEN FORCED TO WRITE... but I couldn't not say anything, so I'm going to keep it short and to the point.

Shortly after my excitedly optimistic last post we were struck by a serious family emergency. My husband was injured and was put on bed rest for the past three weeks. My life is currently chaotic. I'm still editing my ass off, but there's no possible way for me to finish by tomorrow.

I probably shouldn't even be trying, or feeling guilty, but I am.
Family comes first though.

I'll be back when I feel like I can show my face on the interwebs again without feeling like a slug.

Until then, my sincerest apologies.

Forcing my own hand...

2017-03-10T10:37:00.001-05:00

Maybe, if I just blurt it out - quickly and immediately - I'll actually do it and won't have time to second-guess or talk myself out of it again... Oh, but wait! I'll still have until I finish typing out the rest of this blog post to change my own mind. *sigh* I can feel the cold feet already kicking out under my desk at this very moment!
No.
I'm just going to do it - force my own hand, once and for all!
Here it goes:

I-AM-OFFICIALLY-SETTING-THE-RELEASE-DATE-FOR-CURSE-TODAY!!!!!
IN THIS VERY BLOG POST! I'M DOING IT! YES, I AM!

I've had brain-splitting migraine attacks every day for over a week now. Before that, I was obsessively engrossed in plotting and writing out scenes for Firechild that were plaguing my mind like a rabid animal, refusing to let go until I did what it wanted. Firechild is totally the bratty older sibling (also like a rabid animal) who pretty much shoves its other siblings around until it gets the best cupcake with the most frosting, simply because its the biggest, the oldest and the most ruthless.😕
I kinda want a cupcake now.

But back on point, I had a good go at the final edits on Curse at the beginning of February before I did all that shit I mentioned a second ago - then I fell off again into the abyss.😢

I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this book. I've analyzed my hesitance over and over for months, trying to get around this block. The story is there, it's written, and it's complete to top it off, since I wrote out the fifth and final book last year as well. I don't know if it's a sense of perfectionism kicking in, or dread that I'm in that sticky middle area where the story arc starts wrapping everything up that's been set in motion... rolling faster and faster down the slope towards The End.

Thoughts like "Are readers going to be happy / satisfied with how I finish things? Did I fuck this up? OhFuckingHell! Just stop now! Full STOP! What have I done????" which is followed shortly after by, "Stop being stupid. The story is great. I have this under control. No one will ever like it or not like it if I never finish the damned thing!" And so on, and so forth, into infinity.😉

So, I'm forcing my own hand. Once I've said it, I'm stuck holding to it and trying my damnedest to meet the date. I'm setting the release date for Curse as March 30th. One way or another, whether I feel like it's perfect or not, Curse will be made available on Amazon by that date. I'll try to have the paperbacks ready the same day if I can.

There.
I did it.
Now to go hyperventilate in my bathroom.
Then shut off the wifi on my laptop so I can focus on the task at hand.

Wish me luck - and lots of coffee.
Always wish me lots of coffee. Always. 💗

A New Curse Teaser To Whet Your Appetite...

2017-02-02T11:35:00.000-05:00

Teaser Tuesday!

Wait... what the hell? It's NOT Tuesday?
Okay. We'll roll with it anyway :D

Yes, this means Curse is underway. I'm tearing through the final edits right now and hope to have it ready in the next few weeks - so until then, let's have some treasers!!!

This week, I'm offering a snippet between Denora and a certain black tomcat *wink*

Without further ado, here is this week's sneak peek...

Curse - The Crow Series Book Four:

Everything was spinning as I darted across the busy intersection towards the store on the corner. I hugged my bag into my side, pushing through the chiming glass door into the stagnant heat of the bodega. Row after crowded row of metal shelving greeted me with brightly colored snack bags, paper products and nudie-mags as I headed past the fridge filled with soda and water bottles towards the register.

“Black coffee with sugar and a package of Asprin, please?” I mumbled to the man on the other side.

He nodded without a word and turned to the large coffee-machine beside the make-shift deli counter where they prepared sandwiches to order. I watched dispassionately as he poured the stale, thick brew into a paper cup, splashing in a swig of milk before popping on the plastic cover.

I rolled my eyes, too tired to correct him, and focused my attention on the six-packs lining the bottom shelf of the fridge behind me. The owner of the store knew me well enough by now not to ask for my ID.

“This too…” I said, sighing as I pulled the ice-cold beer out of the fridge, setting it beside the paper cup and small package of Asprin.

A large black tomcat with flashing green eyes peered at me from behind the counter as the man punched the amount into the cash register.

I groaned inwardly, slapping my money down and turning swiftly towards the door. I knew he would follow me out. Half a block away, I ducked into a short alleyway and waited.

Silas sauntered slowly around the corner and sat on his haunches, big emerald eyes fixing me with an exasperated look.

“So, you’ve finally traded your nice cushy spot on Henriette’s couch for the glamorous life of a bodega cat?”

His whiskers twitched, “I’m going to pretend I didn’t just hear you say that.”

“While you’re at it, how about you just pretend I’m not here and go about your business?” I groaned.

Silas narrowed his eyes at me, “You had to know eventually I’d find you.”

I laughed and immediately cringed as the throbbing in my head grew to blinding proportions, “Didn’t mean I was going to make it easy for you.”

“After what had happened - with me, with Henriette - how could you take off like that? We’ve all been worried sick.” He lowered his gaze, his tail flicking back and forth behind him, “I thought something had happened to you.”

“Something did happen.” I snapped, the pain causing me to sound angrier than I’d intended, “I finally got realistic! The only way I’m going to break my brothers’ curse is if I take matters into my own hands.”

His small furry body sighed, “I’ll help you. We all want to help you.”

“No.”

“No?” His expression shifted into an odd mimicry of a raised eyebrow.

“You heard me. I’m the only one risking my neck from now on. I don’t want you in the way.”

“In the way?” He growled in disbelief, “I should drag your stubborn ass back home and be done with this nonsense.”

“Silas, did you just curse?” I snickered, trying to dull the agony in my skull with some lighthearted banter. The miserable look on his feline face was starting to eat away at my resolve…

“Your way with words is rubbing off on me.” He cracked a smile, sharp feline teeth shining menacingly.

I grinned back. I couldn’t help it. “Gonna be pretty hard to drag me anywhere when you’re a tenth my size.”

“I’ll do it if I must.” He said with complete confidence.

Being around him made it just so easy to fall back into our old habits - the way we’d tease and bicker. The sting of missing him pressed in on my chest like a festering wound. It had been easier to ignore when he wasn’t standing right in front of me - feline or otherwise.

“You’d have to shift.” I responded, raising a challenging brow. “Unless you’re planning on tickling me into submission with your whiskers.”

Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! I'm so excited to have those two together again! Too much fun. Like a reunion with old friends who you just know are gonna leave you fucked up and laughing hysterically by the end of the night. Maybe that's just me...

Probably just me. :D

Thanks for reading!

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A look back at 2016: The year that just plain SUCKED!

2017-01-28T14:51:00.000-05:00

That's right, it's time for my yearly look into the recent past. This year I'm dreading it more than most, because as the title reads, and John Oliver said so perfectly with his sorrowfully amusing montage:

FUCK YOU 2016!

You were awful, and I'm so very glad you're finally over.

Now that I've gotten that out of my system...
Yes, 2016 was a hard year for many reasons - deaths both celebrity and personal, political strife, fear, feuding and chaos that I won't get into here. War, destruction, cruelty... that list could go on and on.

But - this is my blog, so I'll keep it on point, and stick with my own personal reflections on my writing, my goals, and my failures from the past year.

As always, I've learned quite a bit. That in itself redeems this last year as not being an absolute gold-star-worthy steaming, fetid pile of shit. I experimented with new projects, platforms (Patreon, I'm looking at you!), and tried to expand the way I was viewing my work as a whole. That last part excites me tremendously, but it's more of a "you'll have to wait and see" kind of thing. I've got things planned. I plot and laugh maniacally. Trust me, I do. Trying to explain here would just be too confusing though, and at the moment I'm trying my best to keep this shit simple. Not kidding - it took me twenty-eight days to write this fucking blog post. I had to rip it apart in the end, just so re-reading it didn't give me a migraine...

But - I meandered off topic again. Let's flip this parade of words back a bit:

I wrote A LOT last year. Three books, several shorts, as well as bits and sections of several other novels that are in the works. I completed the first drafts of BOTH the last two books in The Crow Series, which was one of my major goals for 2016. At least I can check THAT one off... most of my other resolutions for 2016 went up in noxious, nauseating flames :(

I only managed to publish one thing : Release.
Despite the large amount of creative work I accomplished in 2016, my publishing ambitions were just beyond my reach. I intend to do better this year, especially since I have three books already waiting to be finished and unleashed upon the world. Muhahaha! Y'all are in for it. Seriously.

On the personal end, I did a great deal of self / soul - searching (I added "/soul" because saying I did a lot of "self-searching" sounded a little too dirty :P)

There were a lot of new things I tried - and failed, and tried again, and probably failed at those too. I know I haven't stuck to my guns much the past few months, but it's hard to break out of old habits sometimes. Hiding, wallowing in failure, wrapping myself in other work to keep from wanting to smash my head into a wall EVERY TIME I think about all the writing I want to do and can't seem to manage... Wow, that was a long, winding sentence. I'm not fixing it though. It conveys how I feel. Depression is a gaping hole that sucks you in. It takes a while sometimes to find your way back out. I've realized recently that it's cyclical for me, and other than coming to terms with my migraines (which are connected), learning my own emotional rhythms has been eye opening. As long as you keep trying, right? Just keep going until you get it right.

One thing I can tell you for certain is that I'm very excited for the coming year. I have big plans - they may all go down in flames too, but right now I'm looking forward to a new start in my writing life:

Wrapping up The Crow Series. Starting on new projects. Trying new things. Making new memories.

It's gonna be awesome.

Thanks for reading <3

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Everyn breaks radio silence...

2016-11-14T11:27:00.000-05:00

It is I, the author commonly known as Everyn, here to assure you that I have not died and I am not in hiding... well, at least not in the real world.

I've been taking an extended break from all things internet-related while I try to refocus and recharge. Believe it or not, I have been incredibly busy lately (and feeling mostly better, thank you for asking). I have so many projects in the works I've actually been feeling overwhelmed, and as time slips by I become more frantic about how much I have left to finish and how little time I feel like I have to do it all.

This writing and publishing thing is a lot of fucking work. It's worth it, but don't expect it to be easy and quick.

But none of that is really important today, because I can't tell you about what I'm doing without adding the stress of "they're expecting it now, I need to work faster" to the heap that's weighing me down.

Deadlines are not my friend right now, so I'm avoiding them like the black plague. I'm just going to say that and move on.

Outside of my writing, there is something else in my life that is really exciting...
My daughter is learning how to read.
Not just read, but to enjoy reading. Helping nourish that enjoyment, and watching her find that love of words that has driven me my whole life is just awe inspiring. For me it's been like holding my newborn child for the first time - that kind of "WOW this is amazing" moment. I don't know how else to explain it.

So for now, I'm reveling in this new marvel, and gearing up for all the work that lies ahead.
Hopefully I'll be back soon with more news and possibly one of those dreaded deadlines.... errr, I mean release dates.

Thanks for reading!

Delays, delays, infuriating DELAYS!

2016-10-13T12:36:00.000-04:00

I know I haven't been around much the past few weeks.
After my eldest started school we were flooded with the inevitable chain of colds and sicknesses that come with kids being in close constant proximity to other kids. I weathered the first one - a stomach bug UGH! - in a matter of hours and went back to work... but the second one a few weeks later hit me hard, causing a sinus infection that still hasn't resolved and near daily migraines for the past three weeks straight. (If you missed my post about my constant migraine issues and diagnosis you can find it HERE).

My hopes for getting Curse out in early October have been flushed down the drain. I still haven't been able to get back to the last two rounds of edits since every time I sit down in front of my laptop the throbbing in my head makes it difficult to focus my eyes and read. For an avid reader and writer this shit is exasperating.

Basically, I'm feeling incredibly impatient and frustrated. I WANT to get back to work, but my body is holding me back. The practical part of me knows I need to wait and rest until I'm better, but it's just taking sooo damn long that it's driving me crazy.

So this is me, venting because I don't know what else to do... and also once again feeling sheepish for having to apologize for delays that are beyond my control.

It's hard when your own body stops you from doing the things you desperately want to do. I'm sorry once again for the delay, but I promise I'll keep trying. It's important to me to finish this series. I hope to be back regularly in the near future...

Sincerely,

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A Snippet of Silas

2016-09-23T09:18:00.001-04:00

Unfortunately, as soon as school starts, my kids bring home every cold, flu and virus. My frantic momentum this past month has slowed while I recuperate, but I anticipate diving back into editing in the next few days when I'm feeling better.

In the meantime, I thought I'd share a little something I've been working on for fun while my brain recharges for the next round of edits on Curse. If you're already a fan of The Crow Series, you may get a kick out of this.

I present to you: The first time Silas and Denora meet from Book One, told from Silas' point of view!

I wasn’t sure if I could trust myself around her. The strange way I felt every time I thought of that smile made me wary and uneasy. But what choice did I have?
I had to tell her about her brothers. We’d figure it out from there.
Her brothers seemed to trust me at least. I peered up at Julian who had taken the lead, following in long strides up the sidewalk. I was certain he was leading me to his sister, peering at me over his shoulder every block or so to make sure I was keeping up.
They stopped outside the somber facade of a funeral home.
Perhaps she’d been unhappy for a reason?
The thought of her in mourning sent a sharp pain through my chest, and I quickly pushed it aside.
No more of this nonsense. I have a job to do…
The door swung open and she was suddenly there, a young man with ridiculously blue hair shuffling out drunkenly beside her with his arms wrapped over her shoulder for support. I clenched my jaw at the familiar way she touched him, helping him light his cigarette before hailing him a cab.
Probably her boyfriend.
I turned towards the birds where they’d perched over the entryway to the funeral home just as one of them let out a loud screech.
Denora spun around, her eyes wild and ready for a fight.
God, she was beautiful like that!
“What the fuck is with these birds?” She said, flicking her cigarette at them. Her brothers cawed and flapped away.
Now was my chance.
She was all alone.
I swallowed down the feeling of nervous jitters and strolled up behind her into the light.
“Strange creatures.” I said. It was the first thing that came to mind, and I instantly felt the fool.
She spun around, that same fire glinting in her eyes, and then they widened sharply over my face. Considering I’d now twice made an idiot of myself in front of her I was somewhat hoping she wouldn’t recognize me.
“Small world, Mister Green Eyes.” She said, a small smile curling over her supple lips, “You’d better not be following me.”
I laughed to kill the tension building the longer she looked at me, like she was appraising my being to her high standards. Was I worthy of even a moment of her attention?
“Small world, indeed.” I managed to respond, “Mister Green Eyes. I like that.” I’d only met her a moment and she’d already given me a nickname. She was certainly interesting.
I was growing intrigued.
“My name is Silas.” I said, extending my hand. It was simple and to the point - fairly easy as far as introductions go. Hopefully the rest went as smoothly…
Her hand slid into mine, small and warm, and she shook it firmly, “Denora.”
The moment she touched me my heart began to race.
“It’s a pleasure.” I said, trying my best not to let her influence show.
Great, that went well. Now the hard part…
“Denora, do you think we could—”
The door to the funeral home banged open and a young woman with bright blond hair peeked out, her eyes widening as she spotted us together.
“There you are!” The young woman chirped excitedly.
I sighed as I felt Denora’s hand slowly pull from my grasp and she turned towards the door.
“It was nice meeting you.” She said over her shoulder as she headed away, “See you around, I guess.”
The moment she was gone I started to pace up and down over the sidewalk. Her brothers cawed at me insistently.
“Yes, I know. I’m trying.” I snapped, staring at my feet as they crossed back and forth over the pavement.
She must have cast a spell upon me. How else could she be affecting me this way?
Yet, by all accounts Denora had no knowledge of her abilities. She didn’t even know they existed - so how was she doing this?
My foot paused mid-step and I turned in the opposite direction before leaning back on the hood of a parked car with a perfect view of the doorway.
I’d wait for her.
Even if I wasn’t bound to her by the curse on her brothers, it was a mystery I needed to understand. I barely had control over my own body, my heart was the one thing I did control… or so I’d thought.

What do you think? I've written a few more scenes from Silas' point of view. If you'd like me to post more of them let me know.

Have a wonderful weekend and happy reading!

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September Mojo

2016-09-18T07:59:00.001-04:00

My brain is on fire.
Not sure what happened but the story won't leave me alone right now.
After struggling all summer to edit Curse, the moment I said I was taking a break Redeem started pouring out of me - I wrote the whole first draft in a week.
Then, I picked Curse back up.
I finished the first round of edits I've been struggling through for months in less than a week.
I don't know what's going on but my inspiration is burning a hole through me. The story has consumed me again and it's all I can think about.
So, it looks like you may be getting your hands on Curse earlier than I'd expected.
I still have to get through line and grammar edits so I won't set a release date yet - but it's coming, and soon!
I'm so pleased with how the story turned out and I really think you'll all love it too... especially now that I know how it all ends in Redeem.
*sigh*
I really want to get back to work now, so I'll keep this blog post short. That's a good thing, right?

Be back with more updates and perhaps a release date very soon!

P.S. Also want to mention, if you're one of my Patreon subscribers, I've posted the second Advanced Access chapter of Songbird of Souls for your reading pleasure.

Enjoy your weekend!

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I just don't know what to do with myself...

2016-09-10T13:00:00.000-04:00

It's official. The Crow Series now has a beginning, a middle and an end.

If you've been following me on social media at all lately you'll likely be aware of the massive wave of inspiration that hit me last weekend, resulting in me writing 15 hours a day for a week straight. I poured out about four to five chapters a day, writing like a woman possessed.
More like deranged, but that's just the way it goes.
I wrote the very last chapter of Redeem last night. There's nothing left. It's done.

I'm both melancholy and elated. I feel like I'm losing friends I've grown to love over the past four years, never to see them again (unless I decide one day to write a spin-off series. I have ideas but not settled on doing it yet).
Everything just fell neatly into place. This makes me overjoyed and excited as well.
So I'm sort of floating in this sad-happy place right now, trying to figure out what the hell to do. Writing Redeem hadn't been on my agenda for a while and it busted my schedule wide open.

I literally don't know what the fuck to do with myself right now. I know diving back into editing Curse now that the story is complete would be the wisest choice. I'm going to attempt it tomorrow and see if it comes easier now. We'll see...

In the meantime, I have this song stuck in my head:

(I chose the video without the girl dancing in her underwear... because I'm behaving myself today.)
So, basically I have nothing else to say. I'm going to go try and figure out how to get this song out of my head and keep myself busy.

Thanks for reading.

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Learning from your mistakes...

2016-08-28T11:04:00.001-04:00

There are times when I feel as if this blog is just a diary of my frustrations and failures.
I've failed a lot.
I fail constantly.

You know what that means? I'm learning - a lot. I'm learning - constantly.

There is something I've learned recently about myself and the way that I write. Something I was blind to by choice and it wasn't until I was banging my head against the wall in frustration that I finally opened my eyes to what my brain had been screaming at me all along.

I've handled this whole thing the wrong way.
I was so focused on putting out the next book in The Crow Series, only focusing on finishing The Crow Series, and getting the next book in the series out to the readers who were asking for it. Though I am constantly inspired to work on other stories, I push them off, trying to keep myself devoted to one story until it's finished.

There's a reason why I've only been managing 1-2 books per year, and why last year when I secretly indulged in a second pen name I busted out five episodes in only a few months. I wasn't slowed and hindered the way I am now... and once I gave myself enough time away, working on the next book in The Crow Series became easy.

When my brain refuses to work on a project, it's because I need to give it space. I need to step back and work on something else so I can return to the first project with a clear head. I cannot, and now realize should not, try to tackle editing and revising a book a month after writing the first draft.
I've been doing this wrong - at least, wrong for me.

I need to work on more than one story at a time. I've always been this way, even back in High School when I worked on both Firechild and Lusus Naturae in the same year. They're completely different books set in completely separate worlds. I need to pull my mind out of one world and place it into another to find clarity. It takes me almost six months between a first draft and when my brain is ready to return to it. I struggle all those months in between, trying to force myself to work on something my brain refuses to touch.

It's why I'm constantly distracted by other stories when I'm supposed to be editing - but once I've given myself enough time away from it, I return with gusto and a renewed vigor. The story almost feels new and I can see it with fresh eyes, diving into the editing with the same enthusiasm I had when writing it initially.

It took me almost a year between writing Release and publishing it. I dreaded working on it. My brain refused. It made me miserable.

I'm experiencing the same thing now with Curse.

I've realized I should have tackled Songbird of Souls before trying to finish the fourth book in The Crow Series. I'm excited and inspired by this new story, and look forward to working on it when I get up in the morning. It's what my mind wants to focus on, and the more I try to force myself to only work on Curse, the more I'm swept into despondency and longing for something else.

I'm not sure what to do. I've already promised that Curse would be the next book I put out - but I still can't seem to get my head to agree. Editing is horrible and grueling the more I try...

I was getting ready to start posting advanced chapters of Songbird of Souls to my Patreon subscribers this coming week and it necessitated I give the chapters a passing edit first. The difference between my attempt to edit S.o.S. (yes, I shorten it. It takes too long to type out over and over) and my attempt only days earlier to edit the next chapter of Curse was obvious. This new knowledge about how I need to write slapped me hard enough to knock the wind out of me.

So what does this mean?
As I said, I'm not quite sure. I've already promised Curse and I plan to keep trying to honor my word and get it finished, but it may take me a bit longer than I'd like. After Curse, things are going to change with how I organize my writing. I'm going to start anticipating a five or six month gap between when I write something and when I am ready to publish it. It means working on other stories alternatively until I develop a rhythm. I need to work on what my brain wants to focus on or nothing will get done in those months in between.

The good news is, if I can get it all worked out and establish a rhythm in anticipation of the six month delay, you'll be seeing twice as many books from me a year, in more than one series.

The bad news is, I'm going to stop posting teasers for Curse until my head is ready to move forward with the edits. I'll still post updates and snippets here and there, but I can't keep promoting a story I don't see myself finishing for a few more months. I apologize to those of you who have already been waiting so patiently, but a block is a block and I need to listen to myself and understand why the block is there in order to get around it.

For me - that means working on something else until I'm ready. It may be edits for S.o.S., or it may be gleefully going back to work on the new rewrite of Firechild, which I'd like to put out after Curse but before tackling Redeem. All I know is, in order to be productive I need to allow my imagination to take the lead and follow my instincts when it comes to what I need to work on and in what order.

Thank you for taking the time to read.
You guys are amazing <3

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Curse Teaser #4

2016-08-23T09:08:00.001-04:00

Teaser Tuesday!

It's Teaser Day!
With the Patreon officially up and running, I'm now busily back to work editing and getting Curse ready for publication. I still don't have it together enough for a set release date but we're getting there.

This week, I'm offering a snippet between Denora and Graham who has been begrudgingly helping Denora hide out from the rest of the crew.

Without further ado, here is this week's sneak peek...

Curse - The Crow Series Book Four:

Graham didn’t seem to notice. He circled around the plywood table and headed into the kitchen without looking back. I could hear the fridge door open and then slam shut a moment later. When Graham returned, he had a cold beer in his fist.
“How’s Henriette?” I asked casually, dropping down onto the edge of the bed as I began kicking off my boots to get comfortable.
“Why don’t you call and ask her?”
“Because she’s just going to yell at me the whole time.”
His lip twitched, a shadow of an amused grin appearing and disappearing like a dream.
“She’s very weak, but she’s still got a fiery temper. I’d say she’s on the mend.”
I twined my fingers around the dangling purple patch of hair over my eye and gave a soft tug, “And Silas?”
“Still running all over the city looking for you.” He narrowed his eyes dangerously, “You know he’s going to kill me when he finds out I’ve been hiding you - and he will find you sooner or later - haircut or not.”
I clenched my jaw, trying to keep a cool head, “Just remember why you agreed to help me. You want Conner and Silas out of Leena’s line of fire just as much as I do. It’s me she’s aiming for.”
He raised the rim of the bottle up to his lip and fix me with a skeptical look.
“And you’re gonna do what? Kick her ass with your little boots?”
“Believe it or not, I’ve got some aces up my sleeve.” I said defiantly.
“I’ll believe that when I see it.” He grunted, taking a long chug.
“Why should I show you anything? Don’t think I forgot - you’ve tried to kill me.”
Graham narrowed his eyes even further, until they were barely glimmering slits in his shadowy face, his hand slowly pulling the bottle away from his mouth as he spoke, “And don’t think I’ve forgotten why I didn’t. I don’t know how you got those two wrapped so tightly around your little finger, but I swear, if you fuck this up, I’ll break it and every other bone in your body.”

In other news, I'm gearing up to start posting advanced chapters of my new book / series Songbird of Souls to Patreon subscribers by the end of August. I know I haven't delved too much into the new story, as I've been trying to focus on wrapping up The Crow Series, but I felt rather than offering Patreon subscribers sections of Curse or Redeem, when they may not yet be caught up on the first three books, it would be better to offer something new from the beginning.

Every subscriber, even at the $1 a month level, will get access to these advanced chapters. Right now my intention is to post a new chapter every two weeks, but if we reach the $100 a month milestone I'll bump it up to every week, on top of the other goodies I'll be posting for subscribers throughout the month.

If you're interested in checking out my new Patreon and seeing what it's all about, you can find it at http://www.patreon.com/EverynKildare

If you'd like to help out but can't commit to the monthly donation, please help spread the word about what I'm doing.Word of mouth is an author's best friend (which us why reviews are so damn important!)

Still have questions about Patreon? Shoot me a message or comment down below and I'll do my best to answer any concerns you may have.

Thanks for reading!

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Author Patronage - Starting a Patreon

2016-08-19T09:41:00.000-04:00

If you've been following along with my posts of late, you're likely aware that I've decided to jump in and start a Patreon Page. After two weeks of setting everything up I finally launched the campaign a few days ago.
Now first thing's first - I am aware that my fan-base is still pretty limited and I will probably not gain a lot of support there right away - that's okay. Even a little bit is helpful, and I'm hoping as I put more work out in the coming months that my reach will grow.
BUT - the main issue I'm facing is the fact that a lot of people don't know what Patreon is or how it works, so I felt it would be prudent to make a post to help explain.

What is Patreon?

Patreon is a crowd-funding site where people can pledge a certain amount of money to an artist / author / project either on a monthly or on a "per creation" basis. My Patreon is currently set to monthly, so anyone pledging to my page would be charged on the first of each month. It is similar to Kickstarter, if you need a popular reference, but unlike Kickstarter which is a one-time pledge for a single project, Patreon is meant to be a patronage system where supporters back an artist continuously so they can continue doing what they do and making the awesome things that they make. It's like paying an artist a salary so they can keep working - or better yet, a Tip Jar that refills every month.

Why do I need a Patreon?

My need for support is pretty basic - I can't afford to keep producing my work the way I've been doing it. It takes me months to write, edit and publish a new book and I'm doing it 100% on my own right now. My personal finances are already tight and I don't have the extra funds to hire out my editing, purchase professional artwork for covers, or advertise my work to find more readers. On average (on a good month) I make about $25 - $30 on book sales. That's two hours pay at my day job after taxes. Producing a new book costs not just for the things mentioned above, but then you have to take into account the hours upon hours I spend working on it, for MONTHS - basically unpaid. I LOVE writing these books, but I have to consider my family's needs first. Those countless hours could be spent making money the old fashioned way, and if things don't pick up they likely will.

For my birthday a few years ago, family members chipped in to help me pay for my website and blog. It didn't take long before it got too expensive, so I closed it down and moved my website to a free Blogger page. You see where this is going, right?

This year for my birthday, my family gave me money for stock photos for the book I was publishing that month and a little extra so I could advertise my free book and maybe find some new readers.
I spent $40 on stock photos and $60 on a handful of inexpensive ads. Considering the ads were for a book that I'm already giving away for free, I made $80 that month...

At this point, producing my work is costing me more money than it's making me. Money I don't have. Money my family needs. The Patreon is a way to offset some of those costs. Readers who want me to continue writing the books they love to read can help keep me funded month to month so I can continue without bleeding my family dry in the process.

What do Patrons get in return?

There are, of course, benefits to supporting an artist or author on Patreon. Most people there offer special incentives to people who support them - behind the scenes access, deleted scenes, advanced copies of their work before publication etc etc. Each Patreon is slightly different and the rewards you get for supporting them vary depending on what they're offering and the level of patronage you subscribe to.

For example:

My first tier reward for $1 per month patronage is: Access to my patron-only emails and feed - with sneak peeks into my current projects and bi-weekly chapters of one of my unreleased books prior to publication. All Patrons will be given access to my "I Support the Artist!" button and will be thanked by me for their support on social media at the end of each month."
It's pretty simple but still offers a little something extra to those who commit to supporting me each month at this level.

How much do you actually get from the money Patrons provide?

One thing that people aren't always aware of is the fact that the amount shown on Patreon that an artist recieves is not wholly accurate. Patreon takes a 5% cut, there are Paypal / bank fees for transfering the funds, and a smart artist / author also has to set aside about 30% for taxes. There is also the issue of declined payments and people who sign up and then bail before the end of the month when payments are processed. For every $100 an artist on Patreon "receives", they only actually get about 50% on average. HOWEVER, that's still 50% they wouldn't have had otherwise.
It's not all that different from how I get paid from online retailers for books sold. Books over $2.99 I make about 70% from Amazon, so I average about $2 per book. The same goes for paperbacks (roughly $2 per book) and that's BEFORE the 30% for taxes gets removed.

Producing art and writing books is not free for the person making it. So many people take for granted how much time, effort and money people put into the things that they create. They deserve to eat too, and pay their bills, just like everyone else. Artists and authors don't get paid a salary to handle these things. The Patronage system allows the people who love what's being created to help the artist / author keep making those things without, you know, starving...

If you're interested in checking out my new Patreon and seeing what it's all about, you can find it at http://www.patreon.com/EverynKildare

If you'd like to help out but can't afford the monthly donation, please help spread the word about what I'm doing. The more eyes I get on the page, the better it will do.

Still have questions about Patreon? Shoot me a message or comment down below and I'll do my best to answer any concerns you may have.

Thanks for reading!
All my love and gratitude,

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Teaser #3

2016-08-16T08:28:00.000-04:00

Hello Friends and Lovely Readers!
It's that time again (and this time I'm posting on the correct day - Go me!)

For this week's Tuesday Tease I chose a scene that sheds light on what Curse is all about - Fiona's secrets from her journal. I won't spoil it by saying HOW exactly Denora comes by these visions of her mother's life but to make it a little easier to wrap your head around, just think of it for now like her journey in Book One with the Spirit Potion.

Without further ado, here is this week's sneak peek...

Curse - The Crow Series Book Four:

The vision faded and was immediately replaced by another.
A sudden crush of overwhelming sensations washed over me. The shrill circling yowl of the sirens, the flashing lights, bodies in uniform hovering over her… and the air was filled with this strange tension, a bitter sadness that was palpable and raw.
My mother was even smaller than the previous memory. Sitting in the back of a police car, her small arms wrapped hard around her chest and her short knobby legs kicked aimlessly over the edge of the backseat. They’d wrapped a thick woolen blanket around her and set her off to the side, tears burning in her light blue eyes as she gazed out through the open car door into the mangled metal shape that had once been her parents’ SUV.
Someone crouched down in front of her and gentle fingers curled up under the young girl’s chin, lifting her eyes to meet the soft brown of Henriette’s. My Great Aunt’s thick mascara was already running rivers down her plump round cheeks and her face was worn with worry and fatigue.
“Are they still here?” She asked softly.
My mother nodded, pointing to the ambulance in the distance. Henriette’s shoulders stiffened and she took a deep breath.
“I’ll be right back, dear. Wait for me here.”
We both stared at her petite black heels and the dark line in her stockings that ran straight up the back of her legs as she crossed over the pavement.
Fiona’s shoulders shook.
“Mommy…” She whimpered.
Her feet were suddenly pounding over the asphalt towards the mangled car, her heart pumping so hard it made us both dizzy.
Henriette was leaning over the stretcher just outside the back of the ambulance, her fingers clasped around her sister’s bloodied hand. They were talking quietly, Henriette’s head bent low so they could whisper into each other’s ears without being overheard.
Fiona skidded to a halt, her eyes wide with horror as we witnessed her aunt stagger in surprise and suddenly rock back, almost collapsing. My grandmother’s hands had fixed firmly to either side of her temple and Henriette shuddered as her sister suddenly released and fell back limp, her hands dangling lifeless over the sides of the stretcher.
“I don’t wanna think about it. Aunt Henriette is my Matriarch now. Aunt Henriette is my mother…”

In other news, despite some set backs with my formatting, the Patreon campaign is almost ready to go live. Patreon's site apparently has limited html capabilities and I spent all day yesterday trying to arrange my images in a pleasing manner only to have my formatting stripped out time and again.
*shrug* I guess my page won't look as pretty as I'd like, but oh well. I'm still excited.

I have to add some more Patron-exclusive content to the page, but otherwise it's ready to go. I'll be making it available either this Friday or Saturday, depending on how well I can control my anxious fingers from posting - 'cause you guys already know how hard a time I have with being patient.

Thanks for reading!

Writing for other people

2016-08-14T10:20:00.000-04:00

There is a part of me that cringes when I think that I started by publishing something other than Firechild first. The intention was always to get that particular story out there. It, along with Lusus Naturae, has haunted me for over half my life now, and though most authors smile fondly and shake their heads when asked about the first book they ever wrote and laugh about how looking back it was a mess and they're glad it remains behind them - I still need to finish this particular book.

At the time I started Crow I had pushed Firechild aside yet again, but for differing reasons.

One, I still didn't think I had the story arranged the way I wanted and until I figured it out I was only making a bigger mess of it. I've re-written it so many times that now it's more like fitting together a complicated jigsaw and tossing the pieces that don't fit - but there are enough extra pieces to make eight more complete puzzles.

Secondly, at the time I was getting a lot of advice about "making it" in the business and I was eagerly absorbing as much info as possible on how not to fuck the whole thing up. "Find a niche audience you can connect with. Learn the genre and the tropes. Cater to you reader's wants and expectations..."
It was my first book and I really wanted to find my readers. I'd write something I thought they'd want, even if it wasn't really the story the way I'd like to tell it.

So, I started a YA urban fantasy series. They were meant to be novella length, but as it usually works out with me, they grew longer and turned into short novels instead (ooops?) I included popular YA and urban fantasy elements (also part of the advice) even when I wasn't sure I wanted some of those elements in there. But I wanted to please my perceived audience. I included things I thought the reader would want.

I'm not saying I regret writing The Crow Series. Not in the least. It started with the vague notion of a girl desperately trying to save her brothers from a horrible curse and meeting a cryptic young man with dubious intentions who helped show her the way. Even though I meant it to be more commercial, I couldn't help but include the deeper more tormented things that came along while writing - the way I usually write. Loss, grief, guilt and betrayal. Mistrust. The thin line between love and hatred. Trying to be your own hero when you don't know where else to turn.

These same elements are part of why the series turns people away. The very first page is sad and talks about losing a cherished friend to suicide. I was sad when I wrote it - pulling from deep within myself from my own feelings of guilt and pain over friends from my youth that I'd lost along the way.

So, what was meant to be a commercial work turned into something most people were turned off by.

*shrug*

I guess I'm not cut out for the whole "commercial" thing. With each book, trying to keep it in the same vein as the previous books in the series has gotten harder and harder because I'm pushing myself to write in a way that is not authentic for me. I think, when I have other stories out to compare it to, maybe my blathering right now will make more sense - or it won't and you'll scratch you head and wonder what hell I'm going on about.

Last year, after spending months struggling with myself to finish Release, I was suddenly inspired by an idea for another story - an adult fantasy adventure serial with shape-shifters, pirates and time travel. It had adult (like, with a capital A - Adult*) themes and bordered on the erotica genre with some of its content. Because it was so different from the "Young Adult" series I was already publishing, I published the first five episodes under a different pen name.

TaDa!
So now you know. Last year when I "didn't" publish anything, I actually published A LOT. Five episodes and a compilation. I'm only half way through Season One, with 5 more episodes to go, but stopped when I got ill last summer. When I finally got well enough to go back to writing, my guilt over the long delay necessitated I finish Release instead, which was already a year overdue. I haven't gone back to finish the other episodes - yet.

And why did I do this?
Because writing the serial was FUN! I told no one I knew, other than my husband and my parents, who I instructed NOT to read them. My husband still hasn't read a single page. It would probably be a little weird with all the sex and suggestive situations. He already gets playfully jealous about how much time I spend with my characters. Instead, he now constantly makes up Bond Girl type names like "Major Peter Acrecock" and "Hugh Janhornie" and offers to let me use them in the next episode to make me laugh. (I don't have characters named like this - it's a joke between us)

The point is, with no one I knew aware that I was doing it, and no worry over readers' expectations of me, I threw myself into the story and LOVED it. I was cranking out an episode every two weeks up until I started feeling sick last August. I was writing them for me, because I was inspired to do so, and it was exhilarating.

I didn't sell a lot of copies. As a matter of fact, I gave away episodes regularly. I got ZERO reviews for it on Amazon, despite lots of downloads of the freebies, but did get one really nice and glowing review for the serial on Goodreads.

Yet, even though my work went mostly unnoticed (again) the first episode won second place in the SFWG's (Short Fiction Writer's Guild) New Series Contest that September. I hope that means my writing isn't actually a festering boil that people are too polite to mention, and is instead just a freckle hidden in a sea of larger blemishes.
That analogy was horrible. Forgive me, the burn on my arm has me obsessed with painful bodily issues right now lol.

Basically, I've reached a cross-roads in my career where the needs of my family outweigh my own need to create. I cannot financially afford to continue focusing on my writing. Unless I find a way to compensate for my financial obligations to my family (mind you, my husband still works his ass off full-time and I continue to work whatever days I can get at my day job, which are fleeting and far between) I will have to stop committing my free hours to writing and go back to trying to pick up extra work to ease the burden.

I've given myself until the end of the year to work it out. Until then I'm going to be trying something a little unorthodox.

I've decided to start a Patreon page to see if whatever fanbase I may have might be willing to help support me so I can continue my work without starving my kids. I know that sounds dramatic, but it's true. I don't know how successful it will be, because despite trying my damnedest for the past three to four years I've barely managed 100 followers on any of my social media things. But who knows? Maybe this will be the thing that saves me.

Patreon looks like it could be a great deal of fun - connecting and creating things directly for your audience. I have a plethora of projects, stories and art pieces to share and I look forward to interacting with people who enjoy my work as much as I do.

One of the things I'm going to be offering my Patreon subscribers is advanced chapters of my new steampunk fantasy series, Songbird of Souls, while I get it ready to publish by the end of the year. I wrote it just after finishing the first draft of Curse, so it's ready and waiting to be edited once Curse is complete.

Depending on what subscribers want, I may even throw in some of the episodes from my other pen name, but since they're Adult (with a capital A*, remember?) I'll likely leave that up to the Patrons to decide.

In that way, I'll be writing for others, but not in the way I've been doing. The people who support my Patreon page will get behind the scenes access to me and my work, and they'll be given opportunities to make decisions on some of my future writings (like character names, which projects I tackle next and Q&A's with me about my inspirations, plans and worlds I have created).

I think having a direct line to my readers will help keep me motivated too. Knowing that there's people out there actually waiting and asking for my new work will help push me through those days when I'm convinced everything I touch is a pile of stewing crap.

That, and knowing I don't have to worry about how I'm going to squeeze out money for a new cover or (hopefully one day) hiring someone to help ease my editing load so I can work faster will be a lot easier if I'm not also obsessively worrying about how I'm going to be able to buy groceries the following week if I can't pick up any extra days at my job.

I'm really excited about starting this, but also incredibly nervous. I'm not very good at building relationships with people and starting anything in the social-sphere always makes me feel slightly manic. But you can't create in a vacuum and art by its very nature is about sharing what's inside you that you can't express any other way - so I'm going to give this a shot and cross my fingers.

For those of you who are interested in seeing what I'm doing, I'll be making the new Patreon page live sometime next weekend once I've gotten everything set and in order. I'll let you guys know when it's up so you can take a peek and see what it's all about.

Much love,

The Tuesday Tease for Curse - on a Thursday.

2016-08-11T14:41:00.001-04:00

Yup - I'm really late, but I've been really busy!

There's been a bunch of stuff going on which has left me rather frazzled and feeling all over the place, but I'll get to that in a moment.

First - and again, sorry for the delay - I have put up the first half of my new About the Author thing I've been working on. It got longer than I expected and I ended up cutting it into two parts because who the heck wants to be met with fifteen pages of story when expecting a short author bio?

I haven't put the second part up yet because I had a little cooking accident which has hindered the use of my arm a little bit (won't slow me for long though!)

That nasty blister is the result of a scalding hot butter-splatter while making french toast the other night. Yes, we have french toast for dinner on occasion. It's awesome, just not when you get burned.

Anyway, this post is supposed to be a teaser for Curse!

I picked one of my current favorites. I'll probably use it as one of the excepts for Curse in The Crow Series section when I finally get around to that...

Curse - The Crow Series Book Four:

I waited until she was almost out of sight before I crept out from the darkened alley and started following her with a determined gait. She walked down several blocks, peering over her shoulder every few feet.
I slowed my pace, pushing the sunglasses firmly up over the bridge of my nose as she turned into an old bookshop and the door jingled shut behind her.
What is it with this girl and books?
I counted to twenty before stepping inside, panning my eyes across the endless shelves until I spotted her in the back.
She was leaning over a long wooden table, flipping through stacks of books laid out under a twenty-percent-off sign. I casually circled through the room, picking up random books and glancing down blankly at the covers while I watched her out of the corner of my eye. I slid over onto the other side of the table, lifting up a romance title with a shiny red cover just as Eva looked up and her eyes suddenly widened with recognition.
“Denora - is that you?” She took a hesitant step back, “Funny, Conner was just asking me if I’d seen you around. Seems like everyone’s been looking for you lately.”
I reached across the table and grabbed her by the front of her rose-print shirt in a firm grip, pulling her hard over the flat surface until her hazel eyes widened an inch in front of my face. Stacks of books thudded to the ground around us but all I could see was the look of dread on Eva’s face.
“I know you’ve been keeping my mother’s journal from me. I don’t know if you’re working for Leena or you’re just angry about Conner, but if you don’t give me all of it - right now - I’m going to make you regret ever having laid eyes on him.”
It was a hollow threat, but Eva accepted it without hesitation. She sucked her breath in sharply, the color draining from her cheeks.
“I would never get involved with Leena.” She said, her voice almost a whisper in fear, “I don’t have the book on me. It’s at my sister’s place.”
I released my grip on her shirt and she quickly slid back onto her feet, her hands smoothing down the front of her clothes as she peered over her shoulder to see if anyone had observed.
I waved my arm in front of me toward the door, oblivious to potential witnesses.
“Take me to it.”

So there you go! Now I'm excited.
In other news, I've been going back and forth with myself for some time over an idea that won't seem to let me alone. I'm not sure how many of you know about Patreon or how it works but the prospect of it has my brain buzzing the past week or so.

It's essentially a "patron the artist" system where people who like the work a person is producing commit to giving them a certain amount of money per month. A lot of people just do $1 a month, but a lot of people adds up. In return, the artist agrees to send the patrons certain rewards for helping them out based off how much they've committed to giving each month. Things like signed copies, behind the scenes videos, personalized art pieces etc.

The very idea of it both thrills and terrifies me. I feel anxious and excited, like I can't hold still - but at the same time, I'm nauseous and nervous to the point of cold chills. I'm taking the terror to mean I should jump in and just do it. Probably not the smartest move, but I don't feel like this very often. When I do, it usually means something big.

I like it though. The intimacy of the interactions with your patrons - people who have already shown an interest in what you're doing by their very presence there. You start out automatically having something in common. Sharing things blindly with the wide world online is daunting. I often feel like I'm watching a torrential storm, trying to pick out individual raindrops. The vastness of social media often leaves me more isolated and contemplative than enthusiastic and co-operative.
But that's me. I do better in smaller groups I guess - more personal, less plastic.

Anyway, it's still in the plotting stages. I've got a lot going on right now with finishing the other half of the Mouse Interview, pushing through the current round of edits on Curse to get it publishable in the near future and a couple of other side things I have in the pipeline. I've already built a basic Patreon page, I just haven't gotten up the nerve to launch it yet lol. Kind of feels like it did the very first time I hit the Publish button on Amazon. Actually, that's exactly what it feels like - every time I publish something. Hopefully that's a good sign, otherwise I might be doomed :P

Thanks for reading!

What the hell do you mean, it's already the end of July? (aka where the fuck does the time go?)

2016-07-31T18:17:00.003-04:00

I think the post title sums up the way I'm feeling pretty accurately right now.
I have so many things I'm trying to finish and seem to be going nowhere real fucking fast. It's already been a month since I mentioned my new About the Author project I'd been writing and I just spent this past weekend in a mad dash to finish and edit it so I could put it up for my blog post today. 'Cause it's already been a month. It should not have taken me a month to do this...

You see it here anywhere? No? Me neither.

Same goes for Curse. Still struggling to get through my edits and it's been over two months now with at least another month's worth of work ahead of me before it's finished.
I feel like I'm drowning right now, trying to keep my head above water and only just surviving.
Yes, that means more than just keeping up with my writing deadlines. My money situations just seem to be getting worse and worse, making me more stressed and less able to focus.
Vicious cycle and whatnot.

On the plus side, this month finally brought answers to my weird health issues that have been plaguing me for the past year. We ruled out a dozen awful possibilities - like Lyme disease, Lupus, for awhile we even feared M.S.

Nope - After being poked, prodded and zapped with electricity, I just have a severe migraine disease with Aura (which means it effects my eyes) kinda like Lewis Carrol, I was told. No wonder Wonderland is so trippy! I wanna laugh at that, because headaches don't seem so serious, and when I tell people migraines leaving lesions on my brain are causing my neurological issues, blurred vision, extreme fatigue, chest pains, numbness and a host of other insidious seeming symptoms, they look at me like I'm nuts.

Case in point - when I first told a certain relative of mine the neurologist's final diagnosis, their reaction was to tell me all about the "migraine" they'd had the night before (probably from drinking too much red wine, tbh). *dramatic eyeroll*

Yeah, that's why I didn't really tell people.
I mean, everyone gets headaches once in a while - just not these kind I guess. Probably why it had never even occurred to me that all my weird symptoms were caused by migraines in the first place. I was told I get what they call "silent" migraines as well, meaning all the migraine symptoms only sometimes without the head pain.

You know what part of it annoys me the most? I mean, really frustrates me and pisses me off?

That damned aura! My vision alters during a migraine - blurs and is hard to focus - which means it's really hard and kinda uncomfortable to read. TO READ! And these migraine episodes are frequent with me, and sometimes last for a couple of days at a time. You ever try to edit when reading is painful? Yeah, so it effects my work and my enjoyment of words. Way to ruin things, brain!

Anyway, now I know it's not a death sentence - just a debilitating state of being - because it can't be cured, only assuaged with meds to dull the symptoms as they come.
This little adventure sunk my family into even more debt / stress for medical bills that my insurance didn't cover in full - tests and procedures to give me peace of mind, even though I'm no better off, or feeling any better than I was before I went to the doctor in the first place...

Sorry, I just needed to vent for a moment. The stress levels are only increasing post-diagnosis, and sometimes it's overwhelming and hard to feel positive.

I hate when people whine in blog posts.
I hate even MORE when I whine in blog posts...

Fine. Change of subject:
How would you guys feel if I started posting Tuesday Teasers for Curse? I'm thinking if I can get my shit together in the next few days I'll start posting snippets ASAP up until it's ready for release. And I should have at least the first part of the new About the Author posted by the end of this week.

Thanks for being patient with me. Things get kinda heavy from time to time, but I'm gonna keep bulldozing through. It's either that, or give up - and I don't do that shit.

See you in August!