drollgirl

Jeff Burton's photography has been exhibited at the Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, the Barbican Centre in London, and many other national and international museums. He has had seven solo shows at his primary gallery, Casey Kaplan. Burton's work is also represented at Galleria Franco Noero.

Burton has collaborated on advertising campaigns with Tom Ford, Yves Saint Laurent, Kris Van Assche, and Wrangler Europe, as well as projects with Jean Colonna and Lancôme. Burton has contributed to French Vogue, Vogue Hommes International, Domus, Arena Homme +, Vanity Fair, Fantastic Man, Numéro and The New York Times.

All Kinds of Wrong

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 18:18:00 +0000

Lol. This ad made me laugh.

And, for the record, I'd be a little weirded out if my grandpa looked like this.

Let's Talk About Sex

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 16:59:00 +0000

WOW. Enjoy this blast from the past!

as seen here

How to Lose 7 Lbs in 7 Days

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 17:55:00 +0000

This "diet" was unintentional and I don't really recommend it, but here is how one can possibly lose seven pounds in seven days like I did. UGH.

Go to a movie theater on an empty stomach. Order a medium popcorn and a medium coke. Snarf down as much of the popcorn as you can while you suck on that coke and giddily watch a movie. You'll feel great for a while as caffeine, sugar, fat and salt invade your system. And then you'll develop a nasty headache and a gurgling stomach. You'll drive home thinking you really don't feel so hot. Later on you'll feel worse. You'll probably go to bed at 8:30 pm because you feel so awful.

The next morning you will be super queasy. You will have gnarly diarrhea. You'll be in the bathroom with diarrhea about every thirty minutes for the next couple of days. Your asshole will be ON FIRE and you will whimper a lot. You will chug Imodium A-D hoping to stop the big D from killing you. You won't be able to eat much -- only a few bites at a time. You'll drink Perrier (HURL) and ginger ale and nibble on saltine crackers, hoping to calm your distended and angry belly.

You'll feel shitty (pardon the expression) for DAYS. On day 4 you will bawl your head off because you have not gotten better, and you will worry that you might have sudden onset IBS or colon cancer. You will face the notion that you have to go to the doctor if you aren't better in the morning, even though you would rather do ANYTHING than go to the doctor.

On day 5 you will call the doctor's office to make your case for a same-day doctor appointment. You will be told you should have come in sooner. You will be told that your doctor is booked, and you have to see another....one named DOCTOR VIGIL. You will balk at the doctor's name. You will feel it is a sign....a bad sign. You will put extra food and water out for your cats, pack your bag, and think you will most likely be admitted to the hospital. You will clear your computer history...just in case things go from bad to worse.

You will be petrified as you wait to see the doctor. You will be marginally less angry at having to step on the scale and be weighed by the nurse when you see that you have lost seven pounds. But you will still be angry and terrified, and make a note that you need to lose a lot more weight.

You will go into a private room to wait for the doctor. Your face will turn red and your heart will palpitate when you see a tube of E-Z Lubricating Jelly next to the examining table where you will wait in dread for the next fifteen minutes.

You will have to answer the doctor's terrible and humiliating questions about your poop. You will let the doctor feel around on your body, and listen to your stomach, your heart and your lungs. You will gasp and cringe and shake your head vehemently when the doctor tells you that you would have to submit a LIQUID DIARRHEA SAMPLE if you want to find out exactly what kind of bug you have worming around in your intestinal tract.

You will be surprised when the doctor tells you that you are going to live, and that you don't have IBS or colon cancer, but just awful awful awful food poisoning. You will frown when the doctor tells you that you don't really need to eat for the next few days (hint hint, porky), but says if you DO eat you should follow the BRAT Diet (bananas, rice, applesauce and toast) until your system has a chance to fully recover.

You will be extra surprised when the doctor tells you to get dressed. You will say to him, "SO THERE WON'T BE ANY ANAL PROBING?!" And you will laugh a little too loudly when the doctor says, "NO, not unless you are requesting it." You will politely decline. You will resist the urge to hug the doctor since he did not want to stick anything up your butt.

Slowly but (butt) surely you will get better.

End of story. Eat movie popcorn at your own risk. I WILL NEVER EAT IT AGAIN. EVER.

Krystopher Sapp

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 17:47:00 +0000

Krystopher Sapp

Krystopher Sapp has had a lifetime fascination with the machines of war. In his latest series of assemblage and sculpture, Sapp has gone to great lengths to acquire rare and powerful antique weapons, changing them from tools of death into elegant works of art and enhancing the natural beauty of objects created with heinous intent.

images and text found here

Coverjunkie

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 23:53:00 +0000

I still love magazines, and I subscribe to many. I am one of the few! The proud! And when I want to see covers of magazines that I don't subscribe to, I go over to coverjunkie.com to get my fix. They have so many to look at! So fab. And so entertaining. Here are some that caught my attention:

On Gays and Black People

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 18:10:00 +0000

Colbert skewers that nitwit Rick Santorum. HILARIOUS!

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

Contact Lens Hygiene

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 00:24:00 +0000

scene from A Clockwork Orange

Did you hear this contact lens hygiene story on NPR? I have worn contact lenses for about 25 years, so I gave the story a good listen hoping to learn something new. Boy, did I! Read it all if it applies to you. Or if you are lazy and just want to hit the part that made me cackle, see the highlighted portion below.

DAVID GREENE, HOST:

OK. If you wear contact lenses, you're in a club with 40 million other Americans. Most people probably think they're taking care of the contact lenses properly. But a recent study finds that's not the case. In fact, as NPR's Patti Neighmond reports, research has found practically nobody is taking proper hygienic care of their contacts.

PATTI NEIGHMOND, BYLINE: Cleaning and storing contact lenses isn't complicated, but it does require adherence to certain simple but important steps. And it turns out most people are taking some risky shortcuts.

DANIELLE ROBERTSON: For the most part, patients know what they should be doing, but yet they fail to do it.

NEIGHMOND: Danielle Robertson is a vision scientist at the University of Texas, Southwestern Medical Center, who recently surveyed 433 people who wore contacts. It turned out less than one percent were doing everything right. That means 99 percent were doing something wrong. Most commonly, it had to do with storage. When contacts aren't being worn, they're supposed to be kept in a small plastic container full of sterile solution. Robertson says too many people didn't bother changing it; they just topped it off.

ROBERTSON: Topping off means at the end of the day you go, you take the lid off your case. You still have some solution left from the night before. So rather than dump it out, you just squirt a little extra in.

NEIGHMOND: Big mistake, she says, leftover solution in the lens case is often already contaminated with bacteria.

ROBERTSON: So if you get bacteria in that lens case and it's sitting in old solution that's no longer effective all day, in that wet environment, the bacteria will continue to grow and they'll form little communities called biofilms.

NEIGHMOND: Biofilm, a sort of bacterial slime.

ROBERTSON: So once you get a big thick heavy biofilm in that case, it's going to be really hard to get it out of there. And studies in our lab and other laboratories have shown that, you know, after about nine months, I'd say 80 to 90 percent of lens cases have bacterial contamination.

NEIGHMOND: Which can cause eye irritations, allergic reactions, and even infections. Ophthalmologist Jim Salz, with the American Academy of Ophthalmology, says hygiene is important at every step.

DR. JIM SALZ: You wash your hands for sure and you remove each contact and put it in the reservoir, and then you leave them overnight. And then in the morning you take them out, with clean hands again. And you wash your hands, take the contact and put it in your eye.

NEIGHMOND: And ideally, empty out the case completely.

ROBERTSON: Clean it, let it air dry and then refill it with some more solution. And every month or so, get a new case.

NEIGHMOND: And always use a sterile cleaning solution. A recent study in Great Britain found that some people were actually using fruit juice, butter and even beer to store and clean their contact lenses. That's an obvious don't. Another, says Salz, sleeping in your contacts.

SALZ: The risk of sleeping in contact lenses, the risk of getting a serious corneal ulcer is one in 1,000 patients. Whereas, if you take them out every day, it's one in 10,000 patients. So it's 10 times riskier to sleep in contacts then to take them out every day.

NEIGHMOND: And one of the biggest and often overlooked risks is water - the ocean, lakes, swimming pools, hot tubs, even tap water - places where potentially dangerous organism like amoebas can lurk.

Researcher Danielle Robertson.

ROBERTSON: These amoebas can actually bind to your lenses and then you go back, you store your lenses in the lens case, you have an old lens case, there's lots of bacteria in it, these guys are going to feed on that, like sitting down at the table at Thanksgiving and they're just going to grow and flourish.

NEIGHMOND: Putting you at risk for an infection so severe it can cause permanent visual damage and even blindness. So don't cavalierly clean and store your contacts, make sure you adhere to all those simple, little, but critically important, steps.

Josh Dorman

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 17:22:00 +0000

Josh Dorman

Artist statement:

I paint in order to see things that would not exist if I did not paint them.

As I get older, it gets more difficult to write about my own work. However, the less I am able to articulate what I do, the more I trust in my process.

I collect outdated (pre-photography) textbooks, topographic maps, manuals, and documents. Paper that has lived a life and shows its age compels me to paint. I am intrigued by systems I do not understand and by information that is no longer relevant.

In the same way that dreams do not match reality yet contain an internal logic, I combine elements in an intuitive way, seeking relationships of form and color. The process guides me and I trust the ideas and narratives in my subconscious. Between apocalypse and paradise I seek metaphors for human hubris. The printed text on the maps can be altered, the locations become blurred, gravity sometimes fails.

I find the same family of forms in images of the solar system, botany, airplane engineering, cattle disease, microbiology… To create a place on the canvas where these images can live together seems natural. The combination of excavating imagery from topographic maps and imposing found images allows me to jump in space, scale, and meaning hundreds of times within a few square inches. Scale is spiritual for me–fractal forms echo infinitely, from the microscopic to the cosmic.

Besides culling forms and generating tales from peculiar antique sources, I am also looking to art of the past. Artists like Klee, Redon, Turner, Breughel are alive for me. Romanesque and Sienese art are alive for me. Inked Chinese landscapes do not feel distant or ancient, but eternally present. I cannot fathom why any contemporary artist would be content to be of this moment only.

Most of the time, I am able to trust my own hand and rely on my eye. I try to quiet the internal voices; the ones that demand reason, and the ones that demand chaos, the doubting ones. I add and subtract until the work makes sense and offers me a genuine surprise. But, as much as I want visual harmony and a narrative for myself, I also want the paintings to be a project and a puzzle for the person looking.

Josh Dorman

Unfortunate Last Names

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 20:24:00 +0000

And I love that they are located on Wacker Drive. BAH!

Over the Top

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 19:38:00 +0000

Talk about appropriately titled, have you seen the movie Over the Top? LOL! It is a RIOT! I think it is categorized as a family drama, but I found it to be STRAIGHT COMEDY! I laughed and laughed and LAUGHED while watching this horrendous movie.

The "plot" is as follows: Lincoln Hawk (Sylvester Stallone) is a struggling trucker who's trying to rebuild his life. After the death of his wife, he tries to make amends with his son who he left behind years earlier. Upon their first meeting, his son doesn't think too highly of him until he enters the nation-wide arm wrestling competition in Las Vegas.

The acting! The storyline! The soundtrack! The sound effects! CHEEEEEEEEEEESEFACTOR ELEVEN! A David and Goliath story! An underdog story! A redemption story! An inspirational story! A motivational story! All told with a Wrestlemania style of acting! HOORAY!

Here is the trailer for the movie:

Here are a ton of pics I took while watching the movie:

The acting is so bad. SO BAD! Stallone slogs his way through most of his lines, until he flexes and contorts his face up for the arm wrestling moments. The kid, well, the kid acts about as good as most kids act. The soundtrack made me cackle, as did the sound effects. If you are in need of a laugh, you might want to rent it. :]

P.S. Apparently some people take this movie seriously. Very seriously. Or not! I read this review which made me snort:

Over the top is such an emotionally moving film. The music that runs throughout the entire movie just adds to the effect. If someone is looking for the most inspirational speech in the history of mankind, then look no further than the scene right before the final arm wrestling match between Hawk and Bull Harley. Stallone emotionally explains how he becomes like a machine, or more specifically a truck, by simply turning his hat backwards. I watch this scene every morning to keep me going. This movie did not have enough white guys with perms in it, though.

Suspenders

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 16:48:00 +0000

Thoughts on suspenders?

I guess I am not really a fan of suspenders. They seem costume-y to me. Gimmicky. Maybe they are ok if they are genuinely NEEDED to support (as in the case of firemen), or maybe on the cute little boy pictured above. But other than that I think I'll pass.

Merry Christmas!

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 23:08:00 +0000

The Reluctant Reindeer (my cat Simba)

If you/your pets "need" any animal hats, check out Hats for Your Pet by Lena Pavia. Her prices are very reasonable, her selection is hilarious, and she ships super fast!

Anywho, hope your holiday is fab. :]

Heavy Metal Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 19:55:00 +0000

Bad Lip Reading: Newt Gingrich

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 16:44:00 +0000

Boner Time

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 20:32:00 +0000

I have a terrible habit of saying and/or thinking "BONER TIME" whenever a client comes in to the gallery where I work and my boss gets all pumped up and excited at the thought of selling them some art. I have been saying this ridiculous phrase more and more often, and it cracks me up....so much so, that I ordered a custom tee of the saying for manfriend. I am sure he will be thrilled to get this gift. Or not. I really don't care -- it makes me laugh! And he can always use the t-shirt as a dust rag if he hates it. :)

To make/order your own custom tees, try Customlink.com. I ordered this t-shirt on December 12, and received it on December 16. And it only cost $23.75! SCORE!

NO, I wasn't paid for this post (dammit), but was so pleased with the Customlink.com service that I figured I might as well pass the tip (LOL) on to you. :)

Walter Martin and Paloma Munoz

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 17:22:00 +0000

Walter Martin and Paloma Munoz

Personal Calls

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 19:18:00 +0000

Have you ever worked with somebody that gets personal calls at work ALL DAY LONG? As in their spouse calling ON THE BUSINESS LINE to discuss such important things as HOW'S YOUR DAY, WHAT'S FOR DINNER, I MISS YOU, ETC.? This drives me out of my fucking mind. Over and over this yutz keeps calling his wife to talk about stupid shit. I HATE IT. Can't you text that stuff? Email it? Call the person on THEIR CELL PHONE so that you don't interrupt the work place? Do you really have to CALL A PLACE OF BUSINESS TO DISCUSS THIS STUPID SHIT? @#$!*?!^#?&#%!$#&!!*(!&! I feel an intervention coming on, and it is going to be ugly.

Possibly the Cutest Teacups in the World

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 18:10:00 +0000

I squealed when I saw this photo on Instagram from Diana at ourcitylights. And then I scrambled to find this tea set. And I found it here and quickly ordered a set for myself. And then I ordered four more sets as Christmas gifts. SO CUTE!!!!

AND LOOK AT THE PACKAGING!

I scream for fabulous packaging (presentation counts -- BIG TIME),

and it doesn't get much better than this!!!

Let the tea parties begin. :)

It's All in the Name

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 18:42:00 +0000

I drove out from LA County to Orange County on Friday. I left work at 3pm and the 45 mile drive took nearly 3 hours. RAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My only laugh during the entire drive was seeing one of these Emergency Hookers tow trucks. BWAH! To add to their hilarious name is their tag line: You Blow It...I'll Tow It! BWAHAHHAHA!!!

Torkil Gudnason / Dogs with Wigs

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 17:50:00 +0000

Torkil Gudnason

While on assignment one day, fashion photographer Torkil Gudnason stumbled into a dog show and was struck by similarities between the coiffed pups and their owners. “Our dogs really are reflections of us,” he says. Captivated by these doggy doppelgangers, Torkil began this series of hilarious portraits of plucky pugs in emeralds and fro-tastic poodles. How do the dogs compare to the models he photographs for VOGUE? “There really isn’t much difference,” he says. “You have to be patient and quick. They may look like they’re sitting still, but their expressions change faster than anything.”

images and text found here

Dumb

noreply@blogger.com (drollgirl) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 18:02:00 +0000

I like looking through Elle Decor magazine, but sometimes the stuff designers come up with just makes me laugh. IN A BAD WAY. Like this pic. Books stored on a staircase?! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IDIOTIC.

It is pretty much as dumb as the idea of covering all books in the same paper for uniformity's sake.

HELLO?!?!??! NO VISIBLE TITLES ON THE SPINES?!!??! That sure makes for an aggravating experience if you are trying to find a book. IDIOTIC! BOOKS AREN'T PROPS! Or they shouldn't be! And does everything have to match?! NO! GET A LIFE!!!!!

DUMB!!!!