Glimpses of Soul

12 hours flight

2013-06-11T16:42:00.001+02:00

12 hours in a plane sounds long, and it would be longer if we take the flight alone. But for me, I am kind of “used to it”, so here am I in an A380, made in France plane, going back to Malaysia with MAS. My flight has been delayed due to a “bombardment” of a suspicious luggage left without surveillance at Charles de Gaule Airport, and we were blocked for 1 hour without any explication. With 1 hour gone, I doubled up my walking speed in the airport to check in, to go through the passport control and boarding control. Luckily, I managed to get on board.

Sitting on my seat, I start to flip the flight magazine and wonder what movies I am going to watch. But for the first time, I feel sad to leave France and less excited to go back home. There are things that I miss here; there is a life that I’ve built. Of course I miss Malaysia and the people there as well, let’s make it clear. How am I going to handle the situation after two years, where I will leave for good? Aww, I just hate separation. Why these two countries couldn’t just combine themselves?

While my mind is flying here and there, the plane takes off successfully. The sky outside is blue enough and the buildings and cars are getting smaller and smaller. I start my marathon of movies with “Cars”, an animation movie that I thought I would never watch but changed my mind by a friend. Not sure if the ending is that touching or it’s because I am being emotional with all these separation stuffs and all, my tears flow out like the pipe water. I wonder what the French girl who is beside me thinks, but I couldn’t care more.

Did I mention the lunch we had was disappointing? I was expecting something Malaysian to choose but we only had beef with potatoes or chicken with pasta. I mean, at least they can add in a 3rd option with something sambal or rendang. Anyway, the service is good overall, shouldn’t have complaints on the hospitality of the crew.

I continue my marathon with “Life of Bugs” and “Populaire”. I choose to watch “Populaire” simply because I need and want to hear something French. I must say that I am troublesome. While I am in France, I watch and listen to English or Chinese or Malay because I think I have enough French. But when I am out of France, I just scared to disconnect and become unrelated with it. That explains the little joy in my heart when I see French people, French word, hear a conversation in French or anything French, while I am out of France, of course.

Then, I begin to watch “The Dangerous Liaisons”, an American movie based on the French book “Les Liaisons Dangereux”. But I can’t finish it as we are about to land soon. So I turn it off and concentrate on my breakfast, a deformed nasi lemak. I am disappointed once more. The first local meal for tourists is the meal provided by airlines, so shouldn’t MAS prepare something more likely to be Malaysian? I now have a conclusion, AirAsia’s meals are better than MAS’s. But I still have a little hope on my return flight 3 months later.

During the flight, I didn’t get to have enough sleep. It is 7am in Malaysia (1am in France), I think I am going to have a good day sleep later at home. The pilot then speaks, ”Kepada pelancong-pelancong, selamat datang ke Malaysia. Kepada anak-anak Malaysia, selamat kembali ke tanah air. ” I’m home! And there is a sigh and a smile in my heart…

I step out my foot from the plane and a warm, humid breeze welcomes me. This is it, I’m home. J

2013-05-21T11:05:00.001+02:00

I realise that i like to bla bla bla a lot on my blog, and sorry for those who read my blog, got to read all those meaningless bla bla bla written in my style (not a proper english or rojak)

And it has been a long time i didn't bla about my exams n all, but i did it alot in real life actually. but now i wanna talk bout it here now.

I really hate making careless mistakes, cause they are the stupidiest mistakes for me, and i did a lot of them in my entire student life. Worse, when it will influence directly the results. Worse, when the prof looks only the results without checking your steps. Today, i did several =.= gek sim!!! more gek sim than normally cause i did crack my head to find out the method to answer the question but mistakes while doing calculations~just hope the prof wont be so heartless, will give marks for my steps as well la.

haih, whatever la, many exams to go. jia you!

2013-05-20T09:02:00.001+02:00

Keep thinking about it recently, when i wake up in the morning, while i'am walking, while i am eating, while i'm trying to study, when i am about to sleep... and i cant get rid of it. Gosh, i'm haunted!

2013-04-21T22:16:00.001+02:00

So many problems : exams, internship, next year internship, move house, sell furniture, find house, mum n dad's europe trip etc. Hope everything will turn out smoothly la.

2013-03-19T17:29:00.001+01:00

真想找个洞,哗啦啦把所有的东西都吐出来><><><><><>

2013-03-11T22:33:00.001+01:00

I always think that if someone is willing to tell you anything about himself/herself, no matter if it's the slightest or the most important thing, it means that you actually mean something to him/her, and not just a normal friend or an acquaintance. And it seems like a recognition, an acceptance, and it feels good.

Otherwise, it feels horrible. Especially when you care about that person.

2013-03-06T21:45:00.000+01:00

"Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame

Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You gotta get up and try"

I am shocked by my dream last night. I need time. This cycle keeps repeating, and this is so not good for my health.(I am getting old every year~~) If and only if you knew what is in my mind~

2012-11-13T20:15:00.001+01:00

我的好朋友兼老朋友们，我真的真的很想念你们！想念当时天真地我们，比起现在更无忧无虑的我们。你们好吗？一定要过得好好的！

就算不常联络，也要想我，因为不喜欢单相思。。lol

2012-10-25T06:40:00.001+02:00

昨晚朋友问我, 给三个不能死的日理由. 我说, 爱我的人还活着, 还有留恋的人事物, 和还有事情还没做完. 我朋友就说, 怕死, 一个就足够了. Lol~! 其实也有道理...

突然想到小 s说过的一句话: 只要还有自己喜欢的人在世上, 我们都不自由。

现在是七早八早的, 难得能爬起来啊^^

2012-09-21T12:20:00.002+02:00

Soon, i'll be moving in with a friend, sometimes I think it's quite nice, but sometimes I think it's kinda mafan. In future, I'll always have a friend beside me, but in future, every details in life I gotta behave myself. I might being too pessimist though, but this worry couldn't be ignored.

Another thing that worries me is that after two years, she'll leave Lille. Then I'll have to move again, coz i have to stay here for another 6 months at least (or maybe not, it all depends, hate all these unknowns..). Move to a house for 6 months then I might move again..omg~~at the 1st place, who will lend me their house for 6 months? Where should I stay then?? Aiyo~~Moving is seriously troublesome!! And it's costly! Do you understand?

Sometimes I tell myself, enjoy ur these 2 years then only think about it la. But sometimes i just couldn't help myself like now...haih~

2012-09-09T15:42:00.000+02:00

希望你也会像小孩般，雀跃的和我分享生活中的点点滴滴。
希望你会愿意在我面前露出你脆弱的一面，掉泪，不武装自己。

2012-08-31T17:50:00.000+02:00

Sometimes. I feel like want to have a shoutout, but after jotting down all my feelings, I erase them...I'm thinking, "I wrote a post, so what??"

一堆东西

2012-08-23T18:15:00.001+02:00

突然间对中国的近代历史感兴趣，问一问自己，从辛亥革命以后所发生的事，自己是全然不知的，但各个朝代所发生的事，我也是东知西知一点而已，都不知道有没有5000年历史中的1%。。。唉，又觉得自己是井底之蛙了！

但最近我真的很好奇中国这个国家，想要了解它的文化，社会风气，人民思想，人民性质，政治 bla bla bla...也非常好奇他是怎么从一个穷的国家变成今天如此富有？？明明我7，8岁的时候，他还是穷的呢！（是吧，是吗？）猛然发现，我从小知道夏商周---清，今天关心今天的中国，（知道的还比我朋友少多了）中间跳了一大段完全不知道！

听到好多属于那个时代的名词（从1920多开始一直到今天吧）如：孙中山，蒋介石，国民党，共产党，宋家三姐妹，毛泽东，邓小平，知青，红卫军，中国解放，四人帮，香港回归，刘欢，唐山大地震，汶州大地震，中越战争，钓鱼岛 bla bla bla 说真的，要我用5句话说说关于以上人事物的东西，我真说不出来。。

但我最好奇的是中国变今天如此富有的那个过程。我不算看着他变富有的，我是有“意识”以来，他就是富有的，这东西真难让人明白理解接受！真希望有人能给我讲讲故事，省得我一个个上网查。

还有，我也想问一问我的中国朋友们，真想知道这些东西对他们来说意味着什么，听听他们的想法，意见，其实比网上看到的更宝贵。不知道有没有机会问，这种东西还是面对面讨论才有意思，但是见面时就没空管这些想这些了吧! (主要是现在暑假在家无聊才假惺惺想要“增广见闻的”~~)

我认识的和我同辈的日子应该过的不错，但他们家以前呢？是从什么时候开始家境渐渐好起来的？以前家里做什么的？虽然我只是想以此了解多点当时中国的社会背景（当然我知道这些都是个案，不能一次盖扩拥有14亿人口的国家），但毕竟是人家家里事，其实直接这样问还是不太好。。不知道他们是怎么想的， hmm~就希望以后有机会咯！

我对我自己家也感兴趣！其实非常庆幸家里还有一个阿公，可以问问我自己的家史。阿公说，是我的高祖父，也就是我爷爷的爷爷带着他的一些孩子，包括我的曾祖父南下的。祖籍是福建省泉州市永春县（是这样说的吗？突然想到永春面，咏春拳，叶问李小龙！！没吃过，也不会使拳）。为了谋生，曾经开了家咖啡厅，还有其他什么的，天啊，怎么说忘就忘，明天再问。后来日本军来了导致“家道中落”，当时爷爷是年轻人，就一切重新来过，之后和从未见过的婆婆结婚组织了一个大家庭，含辛茹苦地把家中9个孩子养大。我最佩服的是带着妻儿离乡飘洋过海的高祖父，下这个决定真不容易啊！而且也没让儿子们太苦了。。hmm, 真想知道多点，明天再问再问^^

历史真的很重要，虽然它很多时候表达方式是枯燥的。。。想要了解为什么我们有今天，就要看昨天，前天，大前天，bla bla bla~没有曾经，就没有如今。真的是这样的！所以我真的非常想要知道这些历史，尤其是中国的，马来西亚的也有点（自己的国家嘛），再来就是欧洲，美国的了。但是，就是自己太懒惰了。。谁能给我讲讲故事啊？？

感情的寄托

2012-08-10T11:13:00.001+02:00

每个人的感情都需要一个寄托，才有继续活下去的能量，活下去的理由。这个寄托可以是一样东西，一个人，宗教信仰，也可以是一个回忆，在我们感到寂寞无助的时候浮现在我们的脑海中，让我们有勇气面对所有的困难。我说得好像略显夸张了，但是其实事实就是如此。。想想，什么东西或是谁能让你有所期待，能给你力量，而你想要找它时，它永远都在你心中，让你觉得踏实，安全，温暖。。。

如果这个寄托是个人，而慢慢的成为依赖，你就要小心了。除非这个人能一直陪你到最后，不然它离去的那一天，就会在你心中狠狠地把出一块肉，试想想，那会有多疼啊！但是，因为害怕失去而失去更多的快乐，不值得！当然，这是最坏的打算，我们还是要有乐观的态度。^^ 如果这是个东西，那就容易多了，至少你只要小心保管，就保证它不会离开你。如果是一个宗教信仰，也是好的（只要不是邪教就好了），但是我觉得，我们不应该完完全全相信一个宗教里的每件事，完完全全的遵从它的指示，而是选择性的，毕竟时代不一样了，不是每个道理都还能行得通的。如果是个回忆，那这个回忆就了不得了！但还是要小心，不要沉迷于过去就行了。

没有一个寄托如同行尸走肉，心灵是空虚的。有人关心自己是幸福的，但是有人能让自己关心更幸福！当你想要对某人好却猛然发现没人需要你，没人在等你，那时有多么的可悲啊~~或是你心中没有目标，没有奋斗的推动力，没有东西能让你放多点心思，那么说活着，不如说是在等死。

Lee Chong Wei VS Lin Dan

2012-08-05T16:00:00.000+02:00

Compared to 4 years ago, this time, it was indeed a nice game! Lee Chong Wei, you didn't let us down, even though you've lost, but I'm still proud of you. You've fought well till the last second. Lin Dan, although I didn't want to admit that, but without you, LCW could have won a lot of medals, including these 2 Olympics gold medals, which are now both belong to you, and congratulations! You've made another world record, 2 gold medals for badminton men single in Olympics. You're a great player!

There's a nice phrase, 既生伟，何生丹？非要造出同一时代的两位英雄，一对宿敌！

Today, there were 2 badminton matches for Malaysian players: bronze medal match for men double and gold medal match for men single. Sadly, and disappointingly, Malaysia lost in both games. When will be the next time for Malaysia to enter into the finals? Who can replace Lee Chong Wei and our doubles: Tan Boon Hong and Koo Ken Keat? There's a long way for Malaysia to wait...When will Malaysia get it's 1st Olympics gold medal?

Imagine what if LCW got the gold medal? He wouldn't have cried, us, the malaysians wouldn't be emo like now~~

Still, nice game! Sad, but proud. 21-15; 10-21; 19-21, fought for almost 1 hour and half, you fought well, we know you've gave your best :) Thank you! 高手过招，比的不再是技术这么简单，而是心理战，是运气了。比赛就是这么残忍，输了，但没人会执意你的实力，你很厉害啊！^^

2012-07-22T15:48:00.000+02:00

刚刚在人人上看到一个关于“如何幸福”的帖子，其中一个是" 至少有5个深夜能打扰的电话。" 我就算了算，1，2，3，4。。好像就这四个了，虽然不曾试过，但是如果我真急起来，这四位应是我最好意思打扰的，他们也不会生我的气的人了。有4个，应该不错了。:DDD

曾经也看过一句话“不要以为我们距离远了，就认为我们不能再像从前如此友好了，因为我就是如此猖狂。”这句话听起来好像霸道，但其实更为温暖。如果真的有这样的朋友，其实我会非常开心的，也会觉得温暖。此外，对于自己想珍惜的朋友，我也会让自己猖狂起来的。但说真的，我不是个信心满满的人，试了几次没回应，就不知道自己会不会还有勇气主动了，或会觉得自己打扰人了，或会觉得别人其实不珍惜了这段友情了，渐渐的，自己也放弃了。。

因为曾经就此失去一位好友，所以就跟自己说，我不要再与自己想珍惜的人断了联系。友谊是一辈子的事，我希望让它发生在我和我的朋友身上。:)

24/7/2012:
在人人看到了一篇日志，觉得和我这个post的内容有关联，就在这里和大家分享一下：

不管友情，还是爱情，别人的主动，请认真对待、别以为自己是多么的高贵来源： ❀ 张月的日志

如果有一个女生或男生，放下自己的身段，主动联系你。给你打电话，给你发短信。

　　一次，两次，三次

　　如果有一个女生或男生，放下所谓的尊严，有事没事都联系你。总想知道你在干什么，

　　一天，两天，三天

　　或者好久，你觉得她他很廉价，

　　或许，你根本不在乎。

　　甚至，你以为一切都是理所当然的。你以为自己是高傲的，别人联系你是应该的，

　你错了，只是，她他，毕竟只是一个人，一个很平凡的女孩男孩，

　　她他也需要有人疼，有人照顾。

　　终有一天，她他会累了，倦了，

　　她他会哭着下定决心，再也不主动了。。甚至忍着痛，不在联系。
因为他＼她给你的短信你从没回过，打电话只是敷衍，总是说忙，不念了。
你没想过挂断电话对方的感受。

　　因为，每一次的主动换来的只是更深的伤害。

　　她他，宁愿没有这样一个借口让自己痛苦。

　　她他会离开，再也不打扰你的生活，

　　她他会离开，悄无声息，从此你的生活不会再被打扰。也许这就是你的幸福，
而你却因为不在乎而错过了。。有机会给追你的人一声问候，他＼她会高兴好久。。
你的冷漠，每个人都会累的。。因为我们是人，一样的人。累了，就一个人过吧！！

此日志字数不多，但说的都是重点。。人们都别在傻了。谁有谁的生活，没有谁离不开谁。
人家不在乎你的。。希望都想开些。还是那句话，他＼她不是不爱了，是爱的太多，
得到的却是伤害和更多的冷漠。。只好把这份爱埋在心底。。。永远。。永远。

　　　　不管友情，还是介于爱情，别人的主动，请认真对待、别以为自己是多么的高贵

我本人是非常认同的，因为怕受伤而不再主动的心理，我非常理解，但是这篇日志的结论
要我们把这份爱，这份关心放在心底，永远永远，说真的，有点难，因为心中难免会有点不甘心，
不明白，而且还是会傻傻的有着点点希望，希望不会再是自己的独角戏。
看这篇日志时，让我想到了两个朋友。。朋友啊，我还在等你

2012-07-19T17:07:00.001+02:00

Waiting is a looooong process. Hate it!　Oh, suddenly think of something damn xia sui..omg

2012-07-14T06:21:00.000+02:00

最近又了解到一件事，只要有爱，包容一个人，原谅一个人，真的不难。我承认我偏心，我以向来都是偏心的，对于不同的人犯了同样的错误，我的反应不会一样的，那是基于因为我疼惜一个人更甚于另一个人。其实这何尝只是我一个人的想法而已呢，大多数人都是这样的。还有一件事，我发现倔强有时候是种个性，但倔强过了头，只会让明明双方能好好相处的时间给抹杀了，然后就“黑口黑面”的对立着，试想想，多可惜啊！想到萧敬滕的一首歌--会痛的石头，就是再说两个相爱的人因为都不懂的妥协，只好忍痛分手的悲剧。所以说，何必呢？？

听一听这首歌吧！p/s:注意歌词

2012-06-20T20:27:00.002+02:00

Keep telling myself, relax~try to unleash yourself from the "planned-life" and try to have some adventures with your friend, go for an unforeseen trip..but i can't, cant even sleep...feel unsecured without knowing how and what..just couldn't help it.

2012-06-12T16:04:00.003+02:00

世上有很多的如果，比如说，如果我们不是生活在这样的空间，或许事情就不会一样了。但这一切也只是个如果，要走的还是要走。。

2012-06-05T23:05:00.001+02:00

Hope everything's gonna be ok! Jia you jia you!!!!

2012-05-29T12:26:00.001+02:00

自己一向来都有一个毛病，就是不会把自己的想法好好地说出来，不会好好地解释，就容易莫名其妙的被误会，但有时候还不解释！主要是因为不确定别人是否会在乎我的解释，不确定自己对别人来说是否有一定的重要性，也因为我心中希望 “你懂我的。虽然你口中是这么说，但你心中是懂我的。” 但说实话，这种事情发生的可能性，少之又少。。还是找机会替自己解释吧。。

2012-05-20T16:46:00.001+02:00

有时候做一些决定，虽然是会伤害人，但是如果不做，会让人家伤得更深，惨的是，只有自己知道。。

没想到会和王力宏有共鸣，呵呵！

2012-05-09T19:29:00.000+02:00

Recently, I overindulge myself, keep letting myself to sink into unnecessary thoughts and inexplicable sentiments while I've lots of other much more important stuffs to do, like my exams. I couldn't concentrate on my studies and my mind keeps flying everywhere but into my notes. Today, I passed an exam, and it was not satisfying. Next week, I have another one to go, yet, I haven't start revising, and in the class, I didn't understand much, and remembered even lesser. Today, I had my lesson, yet, the heart-break-feeling after a badly done exam is no more with me. Is it because I care less about my studies or I'm used to it or I've learnt to let go?

After a very short break later, I'll have my exam week. A part of me wishes that everything will come faster so end sooner, but another part of me wishes otherwise. I am not yet ready for the exams! Besides, when the exams end, it means that I'll be leaving this city, my fellow classmates and my dear friends. I feel sad even when I'm just thinking about that, haih, still haven't master the skill despite of numerous experiences. But, it's ok, time heals, and memories keep me warm and make me smile. :)

Alright, I should go back on my studies. I need no more lessons!

2012-04-25T16:51:00.000+02:00

De prétendre généreuse est trop difficile et trop attristant, seulement à me reprocher que je n’ose pas trop de poursuivre ce bonheur à court