Nicole J. Butler: "Living Truthfully"

INTRODUCING "The Live True Project"

2011-06-18T15:45:00.000-07:00

MY NEW SITE IS UP!

I've been working on it for awhile (and will continue to tweak a few things here and there), and she's finally ready for her close-up. So, without further ado, here's the official announcement:

Going forward, the info from "Nicole J. Butler: Living Truthfully" and my official website, "NicoleJButler.com" will be housed under one roof:

"The Live True Project"

This is the continuation of a journey that has been underway for some time. Now, more strongly than ever, I have come to believe that we realize our maximum potential when our work is a natural outgrowth of ourselves as individuals. I also believe that our gifts are primarily for the benefit of other people.

As I've come to this realization and taken a look around at my own life and the lives of others, I see lots of us holding on to habits, doctrine, and belief systems that do not serve us. I see that a lot of us that started have gotten stuck.

To quote Marianne Williamson: "Your playing small doesn't serve the world."

Not one of us was created to live a life of drudgery and suffering, playing out endless dramas, waking up to desperate lives that drain us, rushing off to jobs that we hate, staying in relationships that deplete us, raising children who are not prepared and not even aware that they are to be the future guardians of the light in the world. Then come home everyday, eat processed food, watch processed TV shows, and processed news, then go to bed and visit our greatness in dreams. Then do it all over again the next day. Yet, that's what we do. And we call it "normal everyday life." For such capable living beings with wiring so complex to be reduced to this is a criminal waste of precious resources.

Do I have the answers?

If I, or any other human on earth says that they have the answers to all of the world's problems, run as fast and as far as you can. Heck no, I don't have the answers. But I'm asking the questions as they arise within my purview. "The Live True Project" is about asking the questions, answering them as honestly as possible, and finding real-life humane solutions to moving us all forward, individually and collectively. I've laid my own learning experiences out for you for years now, and will continue to do so, but in addition to my personal life and acting career, I want to inspire YOU to live the life that YOU were created to live. Hopefully I can light your torch, and you'll be able to light the torch of someone else who needs it. In time (read: when I figure out how to do it), there will also be a "Giving Back" component, because philanthropy is so important in helping us to remember that we are all connected.

It's a tall order, and while I have some ideas, I really don't know where it's going (which is why it's a "Project"). In all honesty, I'm nervous about it, because I'd like to have more control, but I ain't no punk, so bring it on. The horse is galloping and I'm holding on for dear life. And if you ride with me, I'm confident that we'll all end up somewhere even more wonderful than where we started.

XO

--Nicole

P.S. - If you subscribe to this blog, please re-subscribe at the new location!

Steroid Rosacea

2011-06-04T19:32:00.000-07:00

YES! It's ugly. But it feels 10x worse than it looks.

This is what I'm dealing with right now, and have been dealing with for about a month.

I got it from using a (prescription) corticosteroid cream to clear up a reaction to another prescription medication.

Some days are better than others. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the worst itching & burning imaginable), I've had a LOT of 11 & 12 days. I've been going to 3 different doctors, and none of them really know what to do other than prescribe medication (um... no more, please). This week I've mostly been in the 3 to 5 range. Home remedies (colloidal oatmeal, manuka honey, aloe, blended bananas) seem to soothe more than any of the products I've had to buy (in front of- or behind-the-counter). I've also taken this as an opportunity to change my makeup, my facial cleanser, and my laundry detergent. It can't hurt.

Auditions have been slow, and while I've done some drops & mailings, and I definitely could use the work, maybe the slow-down is a Godsend - while makeup helps, it's not a good on-camera look.

I'm hoping & praying that it goes away and isn't a lifelong condition.

I'm hoping it's just a lesson in patience and attitude adjustment, because I've had to practice both a lot. I think I've got it down now.

We'll see.

In the meantime, there are things that need to be done. And there are always people worse off than me who are continuing to do what they need to do.

So I sit quietly & gather myself when I need to, and then I get on with it.

I ain't no punk.

--Nicole

The Symbiosis of Hateration and Success

2011-05-27T16:35:00.000-07:00

I tried to write a post entitled "Haters" back in 2007. It remains in "draft" form to this day. Periodically, I feel the urge to broach the subject from time to time, but never have, because I'm not a fan of giving airtime to people who devote time to making other people's lives difficult.

In my experience, the word "hater" is often misused by virtue of being extended to include anyone who doesn't agree with you.

Difference of opinion does not a hater make.

Haters put more energy into tearing down than building up. They exist in many forms: from the openly hostile who let you know EXACTLY where they stand, to the 'frenemy' who smiles at you while s/he snipes away at your dreams, to the relative with whom you share your plans, only to be left with a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, and not quite know why.

Haters are quick to point out problems, but offer little (usually nothing) in the way of a solution. Their protestations are full of sound and fury, signifying nothing other than more cheap talk.

Anybody who is doing anything worth doing, or is moving a direction that looks like they may be on the road to doing something worth doing, has haters.

That's one way of knowing that you know that you're on to something.

Haters don't hate on people who sit on the curb and bitch right along with them. They hate on people who decide it's time to get their feet out of the gutter and elevate. Hateration is born of insecurity, and haters hate on people who are doing things they wish they had the courage to try, or the talent to do. Haters hate on people who expose all of their excuses as just talk. If we were both sitting on the front porch talking about people last week, and this week you're out moving in the direction of your dreams, I either have to talk about how stupid, unworthy, and untalented you are, or I have to take a serious look at myself. Haters are people who aren't ready to put in the work that it takes to self-excavate.

When someone close to you turns out to be a hater, it can really hurt your feelings. Recognize it for what it is, and understand that it feels very personal, but really has nothing to do with you. Don't hate them back. You don't even have to pity them. Just know that this is part of their journey, and hope that someday they will realize their worth, get off the curb, and follow their passions too. Maybe they'll be inspired by you - who knows? This is why it's important for you to do your work: because you never know who needs it.

Haters'll continue to snipe, but you just keep doing your thing - onward and upward. It's harder to hit a moving target, anyway.

--Nicole

P.S. - Mary J. Blige coined the word "hateration" in this video, so I thought it only fair to pay homage.

"I Ain't No Punk!"

2011-05-26T11:51:00.000-07:00

"Take your best shot!"

Turns out, when you tell life "I ain't no punk!" life tries to punk you.

I've been stubborn since way back. My family will swear the truth of the story that my mother told a two-year-old me to go to bed, and I didn't want to. After a test of wills, I did go to bed, but slept with my head 2" off the pillow all night. I wouldn't think that's even humanly possible, but every adult family member who was around at that time tells the same story, and I can't remember one way or the another, so I just accept it on faith.

And it's very much in-line with my personality.

Recent years have found me working at becoming a more patient, malleable soul. Life has taught me that if you don't learn how to bend, you are more prone to breakage. I'm practicing non-attachment, because everything changes all the time, and holding on to things that are transitory really does cause suffering. I'm not as "black-and-white" as I used to be, because I now believe that we really are all doing the best that we know how, and when we know better, we'll do better.

But that little girl who found a way to obey and defy at the same time still lives in me, and when a challenge comes my way, I grit my teeth and remind myself that "I ain't no punk!" It has become a battle cry of sorts. A warrior's mantra. A warning to whatever monster is threatening me: "I don't know what you heard, but if you think this is going to be easy, you might want to think again."

Sometimes the monster runs away. I chuckle as I imagine it - big screaming purple thing with a mane and lots of teeth, tucking its tail between its legs and scampering away.

Usually the monster calls my bluff, and I have to fight. For my career, for my health, for my loved ones, for my life.

I've been fighting wars on several different fronts lately, and have more than a few battle wounds, but I'm also stronger than I've ever been, and getting more so everyday. I'm less afraid because I stare fear down, and use its weak spots to dismantle it. Turns out when you ask fear "What's the worst that you can do to me?" The answer is anti-climactic.

Through all of this, I feel like a lesson has emerged: Sometimes what you believe in will necessitate an out-and-out brawl. The questions are: How bad do you want it? What are you willing to do to achieve what you say you want to achieve? Does your passion burn hot enough to fuel you?

If you need to hit what you're aiming at, then put on your boxing gloves and brawl like your life depends on it. Because it does.

--Nicole

P.S. - Yes, I know that photo is goofy. I took it to mock my teenage sisters & niece for the types of pix they always post on FB. Don't judge, lol.

My Latest Painting!

2011-05-15T02:34:00.001-07:00

Instead of.

2011-05-03T16:53:00.000-07:00

I am in such a funky mood.* Like one of those funky moods where I just want to squirm on the floor & scream at the top of my lungs. Just typing that has me contemplating whether or not I could get away with it, or if my neighbors would call the cops. I don't know which option would be worse. Maybe I won't do that. Maybe I'll just write, instead...

Lately, I've been thinking about all of the things that I (still) want to do with my life, and applying the only lesson I retained from my brief stint in a college economics class: "Opportunity Cost." The cost of every choice you make is the value of the opposite choice. Basically, if you are at a fork in the road, and you go left, the cost of that choice is the value of going right. I've been "conducting informal field studies" (i.e. "asking people") to find out how others made the decision to take one road or the other. I thought I'd get a lot of clear answers, but what I found that there is a huge crowd of people standing at the fork, waiting for a sign.

Really? Precious minutes are ticking away, and we're waiting for a sign?

So, then my investigation took a turn: "If you (we) aren't doing the things that we say are important to us, what are we doing instead?"

Here's what I found:

Lots of reacting instead of acting.

Waiting for things to change instead of changing things.

I've been guilty of it too. Wishing things were different instead of doing things differently. Letting precious moments tick away, and blaming my reaction or inaction on "circumstance" rather than "choice."

Excuses, excuses.

The world moves forward. Everything in nature evolves. If you have willfully stunted your own growth, you may as well be moving backward.

* Today, right now, I choose to breathe.
* I choose to stand in what's true, regardless of how things appear.
* I choose to remember that I have been blessed with everything I need to serve the purpose for which I was created.
* I choose not to let go of optimism's hand.
* I choose not to feed pessimism.

And in writing this, I now remember that I can choose to adjust my attitude. Instead of being a slave to circumstance, I can (and will)choose to practice joy. I choose to win.

--Nicole

P.S. - *I've been really salty because, just as I had gotten ahead financially- paid off ALL debt (except for my student loan), contributed to my retirement fund, and had a little something in savings, my car (just paid off in November) decided to develop a chronic illness that is threatening to deplete my savings. I had plans for that money, and it didn't include rescuing an ailing car over & over. Still, it is what it is. I am practicing joy. I will make more money. I will do the things on my list anyway, and this will be no more than a bump in the road. I've been here before. I'ma be aight.

She's BACK!

2011-04-17T00:58:00.000-07:00

When people start referring to themselves in the 3rd person, either they are really bad-ass or bat-shit crazy. Humor me, and let's pretend (just for today) that I'm the former.

Today was the last performance of my play, the Los Angeles premiere of Horton Foote's Pulitzer Prize-winning "The Young Man From Atlanta". I just got home, and I'm still aglow!

Although I LURVE theatre, this is the first full-length play that I have done in 8 years. Most theatre in L.A. doesn't pay the bills, and although I've missed performing onstage, I just couldn't afford to do work that wasn't going to contribute to my bottom line until now. Going into this, I was apprehensive, fearful, rusty, and undisciplined. I almost didn't even audition for it. 3 months later, it was the best thing that I could have done at this time. I need to find a way to do more theatre. N-O-T-H-I-N-G will whip your acting muscles into shape like performing in front of a live audience. Those people paid their hard-earned dollars to see a show, and you had better give 'em one. You get one take, and you'd better make it good. No "oops, can we do that again?" No "Sorry, what's my line?" Make it work. The end.

I got to work with a great cast of professional, seasoned actors, a few of whom have been in this business as long as (if not longer than) I've been ALIVE. I learned so much from watching them. The producer and director were happy with my work, I received some great compliments from the audience and fellow actors, some good reviews, and by week 3 it was second-nature again. Like riding a bike. This is what I do.

I need to get back to the theatre regularly. I'll be joining Actor's Equity next week so that I can audition for Equity productions, and not have to do the non-Equity open calls. I don't yet know if I need to find an Equity agent or what, but I'll figure it out as I go. My mother likes to quote Proverbs & tell me that my gifts will make room for me (basically, if I use my gifts, things will work out to enable me to keep using them), so I'm just going to accept that on faith.

I feel like I've found my way home.

Color me happy. And a little tipsy from the wrap party. Hic.

Cheers!

XXOO

--Nicole

P.S. - My scriptfrenzy script isn't going so well. I'm supposed to be writing 3.3 pages a day, and I don't think I've written anything in a week. More on that later. I'll be writing my butt off tomorrow. I don't want to break this commitment to myself, and I'm salty that I've even gotten into this situation.

The Best That You Can Do.

2011-04-13T15:05:00.000-07:00

This is not what I was planning to blog today... but then I ran into Sue.

A little background:

A couple of months ago, I was at the gym, working out on one of the machines. An old* lady approached me and told me how beautiful she thought I was. She went on and on, and was so sincere that I just sat with my mouth open before responding to her "Thank you so much for that. I really needed to hear that today." She asked "Did you really?" I told her "Yes. Thank you." And I meant it. (Some days you just need a pick-me-up, ya know?)

Fast forward to today. I had just left the gym, and was headed to Chipotle to pick up lunch & go home. The lot was full, so I parked my car a country-mile away, walked to Chipotle, got my food, and began the trek back to my car. I saw a woman standing next to my car, and tried to assess what she was doing (honestly, as I type this, I realize that I still don't know why she was standing there). As I got closer, I realized that she looked familiar. "Where do I know her from? The gym? I think her name is 'Sue'" ran through my head in a flash. "Are you Sue?" I asked her? She turned to me and said "Yes! Do you know me?" I told her that we had met at the gym, and that I had thought it was her from a distance, but now that I was able to see her beautiful blue eyes (like Paul Newman), I knew for sure. She smiled, and asked me to forgive her if she didn't remember me, but that she was 80 years old and had a hard time remembering faces. I told her that she made 80 look good, and to keep doing whatever she was doing. "You know, you really have to start taking care of yourself at your age so you can keep it together at my age." She said she wished she had known that at my age. I told her she was doing a good job, and she told me "I'm just doing the best that I can." I agreed "That's the best that any of us can do." She went a step further and said "And everybody does, because when you know better, you do better."

And that's when it hit me.

I started doing yoga a lot last year, and while struggling with a pose in the middle of a class, I realized that it's not about putting your leg behind your head or twisting your head 180 degrees while touching the floor - it's about focus and doing the best you can. At that moment I realized that everybody in class was just doing the best that they could, and that it was good enough for that moment. Not everybody is built the exact same way: Some of us have bum knees, others have tight hip joints, some of us have a little more girth in the midsection that doesn't permit us to touch our toes just yet - if ever. And you just do the best that you can.

It felt like a metaphor for life. It's easy to say that the nice people are doing the best that they can, but what about the a-holes?? (Don't act like you don't know who I'm talking about.) I'm talking about those inconsiderate or willfully malicious jackasses that make you want to make up cusswords just to address them properly. Are they doing the best that they can?

As tough as it is for me to remember when they piss me off, I have to answer "Yes, they are." If they knew (I mean REALLY knew) that they and everyone around them would be kinder, more considerate, and more compassionate.

Myself included, since I am well aware that I do have my jackass moments. We all fall down, and we get up when we are able. Every one of us.

As I was driving home from my encounter with Sue (who told me she probably wouldn't remember me the next time she saw me either, and to please just reintroduce myself), I saw some dude honking at a very cautious driver in front of him, and yelling "Go, go, go!" I chuckled and shook my head. Just yesterday that was me.

Empathy and compassion are boomerangs: you send them out - and they come back.

Just open your hands.

Thank you, Sue.

--Nicole

*I do understand that some people think "old" is a negative term. I think it is a descriptive term that is made negative when loaded with a negative value judgement. Some of the most influential people in my life have been old people, and I hope to live long enough be one someday.

I finished my first painting in class!

2011-04-07T01:18:00.000-07:00

I worked on it one day a week for 4 weeks. I didn't think to take photos of it the first week, but here is the original photo and the progression of the painting over the past three weeks:

Next week I start on a painting of two of the most delicious-looking donuts that I've ever seen! Wish me luck!

--Nicole

Growing Pains.

2011-04-06T20:05:00.000-07:00

A commonly-held misconception is the notion that growth causes pain. Until recently I accepted that as truth, but I no longer believe that to be the case, and think "growth" is getting a bad rap when all it's trying to do is to make us better.

I submit that the pain that we associate with growth is actually caused by our resistance to growth. Put another way, trying to reach the sky while refusing to allow our feet to leave the ground will rip us apart. And after our torso has been wrenched from our lower limbs, and we are writhing in pain on the concrete, others will make an example of us. Swear that we were too ambitious. That we were just fine where we were. And, in pain, we think that maybe they were right, and fearfully resolve to be more careful next time. Next time, instead of reaching for the sky, maybe we'll just reach for that low-hanging twig - that can't hurt too much, could it? And when we reach it, people will cheer like we've really done something special.

But inside ourselves, we know.

We still want to touch the sky.

In order to grow, sometimes you have to walk by yourself. Sometimes you have to accept that people who had their own designs on your life will be disappointed that your path diverges from theirs. Sometimes you have to let go of things that you thought you would (or should) hold onto forever. That's the part that hurts. The actual growing part? Not so much.

In a voice class in college, I was given the following poem to read, but I really didn't "get" it then, so I didn't do it justice. Now I get it. And I want to share it with you.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

--Mary Oliver

Let go of whatever it is that you should no longer be holding. Most of that stuff isn't even yours anyway: it's stuff the media told you that you should aspire to, it's stuff your mama taught you that no longer fits the person that you are today, it's stuff you thought you should have accomplished by now but haven't... let it go. It ain't easy, but it's simple. None of that stuff is real. What's real is that right now, in your gut, you know it's time to fly. And you can't do that if you insist on keeping your feet in the trench that has appeared under them.

Take a deep breath. Then open your hands and grow.

--Nicole

I Hear Little People.

2011-04-05T01:46:00.000-07:00

A couple of nights ago, on my way home from performing in my play, I flipped on NPR in the car. L.A. Theatre Works was presenting a reading of Caryl Churchill's play "Top Girls." I had half-heartedly read as an assignment in college, but it didn't really make much sense, and it has been on my bookshelf ever since. The actors on the radio brought it to life in such a way that I was enjoying it before I even realized what it was.

I couldn't stay up and listen to it all because I needed to get to bed so that I could be well-rested for my matinee the next day, but when I awoke on Sunday morning, I heard the children talking to me.

Let me go back to college for a second:

On my first day of my first playwriting class in college, the teacher asked "How many of you see things?" About half of the students each raised a hand. Then "how many of you hear voices?" A bunch more raised a hand. I was one of the people in the latter group, and it was a good feeling to know that other people were hearing them too.

I hear characters before I see them. Sometimes they tell me who they are. Sometimes they just start talking... to me, to each other... and I have to listen closely and write down what they're saying, in hopes that full stories will be revealed to me over time.

So I woke up waaay earlier than I intended to on Sunday morning, and these kids were talking a mile a minute. I pulled my duvet over my heard, and tried to shush them for just a couple more hours, but no go. I sighed, got up, and started typing.

I had enrolled in Script Frenzy (an online contest that challenges you to write a 100-page script entirely during the month of April), and while I was busy trying to decide what to write about (2 days into the month), the kids worked it out for me. I still have no idea what their stories are, but as I write, I just have to trust that it will work out.

I've always had a tough time writing creatively on command. I'm always waiting for the muse to show up (and she can be one fickle heifer), so writing 3.3 pages everyday is great for the discipline.

Can't wait to hear what these girls have to say.

--Nicole

"Weighty" Matters...

2011-04-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

Last night before I went to the theatre to perform in my play, I received a commercial audition notice that gave me pause. It was for a household product, and they were looking for a tall, confident woman (check, check, check) who is 50-80 lbs. overweight (skreeeee-). What?? I read the sides thinking that they must just be looking at a variety of women because they aren't sure what they're looking for, but there is actually a line in the sides that says "I'm fat, and I'm fine with that."

I started to call my agent and tell him that I didn't think I was right for it, any more than I would be right for an audition where they are looking for someone who is 50-80 lbs. underweight. And that line about being fat & fine with it just didn't feel right. I work out for an hour at least 3 times a week, keep my diet in check most of the time, and encourage others to do the same. I do it, not so I can wear mini skirts & skinny jeans, but because I don't want high blood pressure and diabetes (which runs rampant in my family, and amongst black Americans in general), and when my weight goes up, I huff and puff when going up the stairs, and my knees hurt and I don't like that. So I watch it. To me, saying "I'm fat and fine with it" in a commercial is like condoning a self-imposed health problem. I would NEVER do a cigarette ad (they're no longer on TV, but still...), and I would find a commercial touting how skinny one is to be in poor taste. Even moreso if the actress was 50-80 lbs. underweight. So why paint obesity as "fabulous?" At the same time, I think it's important to feel "fabulous" enough to know that you are worthy of self care and proper health management.

Sigh... what to do?

I waffled so long that it would have been unprofessional to cancel. I worked on the sides, loosely committing them to memory. I put on a gorgeous dress that I've had for a couple of years, but never had the occasion to wear, piled my hair onto the top of my head in a heap of ringlets (it actually COOPERATED!), and painted my face something FIERCE. I put on a hot pair of stilettos, and a pair of dangly Swarovski crystal earrings (made by yours truly). Maybe I'm not right for this, but still - they called me. Maybe I AM right for this, and they see me as fat (which I am by Hollywood standards). Maybe they'll love me so much that they'll change the wording. Maybe they won't. My job is not to obsess over the minutiae - my job is to "werk it."

I decided to go in and give it to 'em. And decided that if I book it and they leave that wording in I'll donate a percentage of my earnings to an organization that promotes healthy living. Not really sure if that squares everything or not, but that's what I thought about on the way to my audition.

As I was waiting for my audition, a woman who I would consider to be closer to what they were looking for came in. I felt like an imposter - much like I did when I auditioned for the first commercial that I ever booked: everyone there looked like a super model, and then there was me. I booked it then, and maybe I'll book it now.

We'll see.

I am glad that auditions have picked up. I had a one-line audition for a BIG show this week, and it went well, but I wished it were a larger role. I didn't book it, but I got a call checking my availability for another show that they cast.

I also contacted SAG and had them send a letter to Actors' Equity letting them know that I am eligible to join. So I'll be contacting Equity next week to find out how I need to proceed.

There is always hope. And as long as there is hope, I can keep going.

XOXO

--Nicole

The Muse...

2011-03-26T00:08:00.000-07:00

has been sitting on my shoulder ever since I started doing the play. I'm painting, writing, being inspired, and seeing things more clearly than I have in awhile. Day after day I find myself saying "I have no problems." Not because everything in my life is "perfect" per se (I can read you a litany of things I wish were different right now), but because there are people in the world who are really, really suffering: serious health problems, natural disasters, living in tortuous conditions from which they don't have the means to extricate themselves. It makes my "challenges" very small by comparison. It's like the old saying "I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man that had no feet." I have no problems. Things are as they should be, and as they change (or I change them), they will still be as they should be.

I firmly believe that all art comes from the same place- the need (not just desire) to express your truth, no matter how unwelcome or unpopular. When it is ego-driven, it destroys. When, however, the truth is set free with the humble knowledge that you are only the messenger (not the author), there is no reason for the ego to even be involved, and the truth serves humanity.

As artists, when we act, write, sing, paint, or CREATE from a place that is pure, it resonates with people: what comes from the heart, reaches the heart. Because we all have to make a living, we trade our art, usually for money, and can easily fall into the trap of creating for money. We use all sorts of tricks to churn out what looks like art, but is really a cheap imitation geared toward consumerism. The muse will not be prostituted, and soon leaves us wondering why we started down this path in the first place. Once we remember and settle back down into the stillness that made us fall in love with our craft in the first place, the muse can return.

I've been a little 'different' all of my life. At first it seemed like a childhood thing that I would outgrow, then adolescent angst, followed by the "who am i?" journey expected of young adults. Instead of outgrowing it and becoming more compliant in whatever role was assigned to me by virtue of my class, race, gender, or other checkbox label, I seem to have continued down a road less traveled. Right now, I'm looking around - it's unfamiliar, and a little scary at times. The people who started down the road with me aren't here, and some of them alternately wonder at and curse at me for taking this road in the first place. But this is my road. And nobody can walk it but me. The same is true of you. Live in your truth.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I've started taking a painting class, and I am sooo friggin' excited that I get goosebumps! I always felt like I would be able to paint, and for years I planned to buy an easel and some art supplies and try my hand at it. One year, for my birthday, I did just that. I remember talking on the phone to my grandmother (rest her beautiful soul) while I was in the store. I told her what I was doing, and she encouraged me. I started painting, learning as much as I could from books and tutorial videos on the internet. I did some that I was really proud of, and others that are doomed to hang out in my closet forever. When I painted, hours would go by. I really found flow.

I drove by an art studio last October, and saw a sign saying that they were having an open house for their Grand Opening. I stopped by, met the owner, saw the work that the students were doing (artwork so beautiful that I wanted to go live inside of it), and knew I had to study there.

So, here I am - week 2 of my studies. I wish class was more than once a week. I'm actually doing better than I thought I was going to do, but it's really a lesson in patience because I sooooo want to be better than I am, and I want it RIGHT NOW. When I tense up because I screwed something up and don't know how to fix it without the assistance of my teacher, I usually screw up even more. So I take a deep breath, look at the situation without judgement and put my focus toward conveying things as they are. What's funny is, when I am close to my painting, I am often convinced that I am failing miserably, everything is all wrong, and that I'll never be really good. When I stand back, however, things look a lot better: I can see the whole rather than it's seemingly incongruous individual parts, and, with one hand on my hip I find myself nodding "There's hope." A lot like life, huh?

--Nicole

P.S. - Here's my rendition of the photo above. It's a work in progress. I'll post the finished product when it's done.

What I've done in my 10 days without Facebook or Twitter...

2011-03-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

* Auditioned.

* Been put on hold for a small role in a pilot (fingers-crossed)

* Caught up on sleep (ongoing project)

* Started taking an oil-painting class (so friggin' excited)

* Performed in the first two weekends of my play's 6-week run

* Spent quality time with my mother when she came to town for the opening weekend

* Gardening

* Consulting with other people who are ready to "Live Truthfully."

* Gone to the gym at least every other day (I know, I know...)

* Writing/ planning/ thinking/ creating (i.e. "spent time in the 'lab'"

* Attended the LA Times Travel Expo with an actress-friend I hadn't seen in awhile

* Spent more time with friends & loved-ones in REALITY than I do VIRTUALLY

* Actually listened to NPR more (instead of having it on while I check FB or Twitter)

* Decided (okay, re-opened the case) to learn to surf (more on this in future posts, I promise)

I really feel silly admitting this, but before I gave up Facebook or Twitter for Lent, I was worried that people would forget about me as an actress, and as a person. My online presence had become my avatar, and without my avatar, I was just "Nicole, at home reading a book" or "boring Nicole going on an audition," or whatever. Like, "if I fall down in the woods, and nobody is around to hear it, do I make a sound?" (or, like... whatever. Y'all get it.) But what I've re-discovered is that the people who really matter REALLY matter, and, while social media can be a great way to communicate with people in my life, it can be really easy to overestimate the importance of Facebook "friends" and Twitter "followers."

I HAVE built some real-life friendships via social media, but I can count those on one hand. Looking at this truth, I think my time would be better served cultivating relationships with people who I already know & love. I really don't want to talk on the phone for hours everyday (it makes me tired and eats up my day in a way that doesn't work for me), so social media (along with texting, if that counts) serves as a facilitator to communicate with people ALREADY within my 'circle.' Instead of saying that I'm 'friends' with all of these people and pretending that folks I haven't seen since 6th grade (or NEVER seen) actually care to receive updates about me, I would do better to focus my efforts on using social media as a business tool.

I must admit that I have really missed social media on a few occasions, including:

When I realized that I couldn't tweet: "Somebody shot Wyclef?? WTH???"
&
When I realized that I had cut myself off from two very effective ways of promoting my play.

For the most part, though - I feel like I am making better use of my time. It seems that using Facebook became a default action anytime there was something going on with me that I didn't feel like addressing. "Oh, let me see what's going on with so-and-so." 90 minutes later, I'm looking at my ex-boyfriend's homely wife (EXAMPLE only). Even lurking at Facebook is a huge time suck, and total BS because I already KNOW what's going on in the lives of the people that are closest to me.

Twitter serves a different function. Something I didn't realize before is that Twitter is about validation. Whenever I experience something interesting (which happens ALL THE TIME, now that I'm not staring at one of my screens so much now), I feel compelled to share it with all of my Twitter followers so that they can validate that my experience was, indeed, interesting. Also when I have a thought that I think is especially clever. This realization made me feel icky. Now I recognize the compulsion for what it is, tell it "I see you." laugh a little bit, and sit with whatever I'm feeling. Our lives are private experiences, even if we insist on putting bits of them on display for the public. All validation does is make us feel whatever it is that we are seeking to feel - it doesn't change the truth of a situation.

At first, I did catch myself filling my FB & Twitter time with compulsive blog-reading, in the name of "research" (what I was researching, I don't know). I still read a few a day, but it's mindful now. And I make time for an occasional visit to I Can Has Cheezburger, but anything that makes you laugh until you cry can't be all bad, can it?? (Let's file it under "laughing cure!"

Just woke up this windy, rainy Sunday morning, and these thoughts were going through my head & I wanted to share. I would love to hear your thoughts & perspectives on this.

Okay, gotta get ready for my Sunday matinee. Hope the rain doesn't keep the audience away. It's pretty nasty out there, and I wouldn't go out if I didn't have to.

It has taken some hard work and practice in acceptance, but on this rainy day, I really do love the life that I've been blessed to have and shape (freedom & responsibility). And it's a good thing, too, because it's the only one that I have.

Let's do this.

XXOO

--Nicole

In Love Again...

2011-03-13T15:07:00.000-07:00

Oh, boy - where do I begin??

As my 7th grade homeroom teacher would say when asked that question regarding paper-writing, "Begin at the beginning, and end at the end."

I sooo friggin' love live theatre.

My play, "The Young Man From Atlanta," opened this weekend. I haven't done a full-length play since 2003, so it has been a reawakening of sorts. Missing theatre terribly, I submitted my headshot & resume for this play as soon as I saw the breakdown. I received the script soon afterwards, and waited 3 days to start working on it! I actually considered not going to the audition because I "wasn't prepared" (something I must admit that I did once before). I examined the incongruency of my declaration of "missing theatre" and not bothering to prepare for my audition, and found that fear was behind my self-sabotage. With one day remaining, I worked long and hard on the script, until I felt confident that I had made the best choices possible. In my audition the next day, I left feeling GREAT! Two days later, I received a call, offering me the role.

As I began the audition process, I became acutely aware of how RUSTY and LAZY I had become as an actor. No offense to anyone, but in my experience, theatre requires that actors perform on a much higher level than television or commercials. I haven't done much film work (only a few indie/ short projects), so I won't speak on that. In theatre, you get ONE TAKE per audience, and those people paid to see you put on a show, so your performance had better be on point. It's like walking a tightrope... on occasion, you MAY stumble (or skip a line or two), and if your fellow actors are skilled and merciful, they may be able to save you, however, there is always the possibility of crashing to the ground and dying a horrific death... onstage... under a bunch of bright lights... in front of a live audience. So, again, you'd better have it together. I've said nothing of reviewers writing furiously in the front row as you begin your two-page monologue. One take. I love it.

This has reignited my love affair with acting, something that had previously been on the wane. I feel more creative freedom than I have felt in a very long time. It was truly a collaboration of artists - each of us realizing that the input of the other was both necessary and valuable. While I have been fortunate to work on sets where I have felt appreciated and respected, I haven't felt like I've had this type of creative input. Maybe it's because I always play larger roles onstage than I've ever played onscreen, but I'm loving it.

I am awake, I am (once again) in love with acting, and I know that my passion for the creative fuels me.

I've also given up Facebook and Twitter for lent. Some people freak out when they ask me if I've seen something or other on Facebook, and I tell them I'm not checking it until after Easter. As someone who values freedom, I tend to chafe at being too firmly bound by anything. I often catch myself having an experience, and feeling compelled to share it on Twitter. When I remember that I can't, I am "forced" to sit with the experience and absorb it more fully on my own, or with people who are actually present (in the flesh) with me. This is how we used to do it in the "olden days," and I think it's a better option. More on this as more time passes (it's only been 5 days).

My mom flew in for opening weekend, one of my best-est friends in the whole wide world came to the show on opening night, and my latest TV husband came last night (totally unexpected). I'm feeling pretty good right now. I feel supported, I feel impassioned, I feel emboldened, and I feel like I have a responsibility to create good things that will touch people who need their own dose of inspiration. Right now, I'm going to recharge my batteries with a much-needed nap, then get up and write.

Hasta...

--Nicole

Come & see me in "The Young Man From Atlanta!"

2011-03-12T16:51:00.000-08:00

The show opened last night (March 11), and runs through April 16.

Here's one of the promo pix:

--Nicole

Part II of my interview with Girls Rule! HERstory Makers Series!

2011-02-26T19:17:00.001-08:00

You can see it riiiight HERE!

--Nicole

Law of Inertia.

2011-02-26T19:14:00.000-08:00

If a body at rest tends to stay at rest, and a body in motion tends to stay in motion, does it also stand to reason that a body at unrest will continue along that path? What about a body at unrest with the ability to choose a different path? Please do me the honor of thinking before responding - my life depends on the answer.

I'm such a restless sort - thoughts always swirling around in my head. Me, always feeling compelled to learn more, to see more, to do more. It's such a big world, full of things to discover, and it feels like there aren't enough seconds in a lifetime to explore them all... so I vacillate between trying to do everything and just being still, because it's impossible to do everything. I've gone to therapy, done yoga, drank too much wine, taken meds, drank too much beer, gleaned advice from friends and family... all with the hopes of calming this restlessness. I've been labeled an HSP, an INFJ, a typical sagittarius (or, more recently, an "ophiuchus"), gifted, nervous, an artistic-type, contrary, and just plain old weird.

In the end, I'm still me. A rose (or a weed) by any other name...

I so want to be more than I am. Always have. And maybe that's the problem - knowing in my head that "I am enough." but in my heart, feeling that if I just learn a little more, do a little more, I'll be - I don't know... more, I guess.

Ambition seems like a loaded word, carrying both hope and dissatisfaction. When ambitions are realized, new ones peek out from behind them. Always. But how is it possible to get things done without ambition? Is it possible?

These are some of the questions that I ask myself, and I try not to blog them because I'm sure nobody wants to read about me chasing my own tail like a silly puppy. But then I think "Maybe somebody else out there is chasing their tail too." And so, I blog. I can't call this blog "Living Truthfully," and then not tell the truth, right?

I'm auditioning for TV shows, web series, commercials, and features, and rehearsing for a play*. I have a commercial running like crazy (or so I hear, because I rarely see it), and 3 more regional spots that are in the can, ready to run. I have a number of shows that re-run all the time. I am truly living the life of a working actress in Hollywood.

But I'm still restless.

Still wondering "what's next?" "What's the point of it all?" "What am I contributing to the world?" I was recently asked to participate in an interview with the founder of Girls Rule! for their HERstory Makers Series. "Me?" Was my first thought. I just didn't believe that I had done anything that warranted being interviewed. Heck, I'm still grinding to climb the ladder. After being assured that the interview could be inspirational to lots of young ladies (particularly those of color) who aspired to be actresses. How could I say "no?"

Doing the interview made me feel like I was giving of myself in at least some small way-inspiring young girls to follow their dreams. Honestly, that meant more to me than my usual day-to-day rat-race.

I need a vacation where I can just sit and think. I need to come up with a better plan than the one that I have now.

So, that's where I am.

--Nicole

*My show is "The Young Man From Atlanta" by Horton Foote. It's the L.A. Premiere, and it runs weekends from 3/11 - 4/16. The production company's website is here: WEBSITE

You can buy tickets here: TICKETS

The Lessons You Keep.

2011-01-31T11:03:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago, my niece (who has a flair for the dramatic that trends toward the dour sides of things), posted the following on her Facebook page:

"People come into your lives for one of two reasons...To bless you or to curse you."

*sigh*

I started thinking about the people who have come into my life. Some still present, most of them not. Of the people who are no longer active in my life, some were separated by time and physical distance, others by ideological differences, still others by death. I wondered at the use of the word "cursed" - had any of them cursed me? A few had cursed AT me (and I had returned the favor), but cursed my life?

I considered those who had committed the most egregious transgressions: a cheating fiancé who turned physically violent, frenemies, a lying relative. None of them brought curses, in fact - they all brought unintended blessings that continue to serve me to this day.

From the cheating, abusive fiancé, I learned the importance of not giving away my power, and that righteous, well-directed anger is justified and warranted in certain situations. Actually, I STARTED learning it then - the lesson wasn't complete until I had ANOTHER cheating boyfriend. Lesson learned.

From my "frenemies" I learned that a smiling alligator is still an alligator, and it is in an alligator's nature to devour, so it pays to be vigilant. It also pays to toss those suckers a big branch to play with while you make your getaway. #outofmylife

From my lying relative, I learned that blood ties are neither my credit nor my fault. Words like: "mother," "brother," "uncle"... connote biological ties, but not the intimacy of relationships. Intimate relationships have to be cultivated and tended.

On the flipside, there have been MANY, MANY people in my life who have brought blessings:

My mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother (I think of them as the triumvirate), who taught me that I could do ANYTHING. Not only do I still believe them, but I believe that we are ALL capable of much more than we believe we are.

My 2 grandfathers who showed me that "good man" does not equal "punk." Learning to define what's within the range of acceptable and what isn't has undoubtedly saved me a world of heartache.

Good friends who have kept me from hitting the ground (emotionally and financially) when they saw me slipping - most of the time, without my having to ask. They taught me to watch out for others - even those who are too proud, stubborn, or foolish to admit that they need help (I've been all 3, alternately).

So I posted a reply on my niece's page:

"People come into your life to "teach you," and that is ALWAYS a blessing."

She probably thinks I'm a nerd (and she'd be right), but this has been proven true, time and time again, in my life. And that's one more lesson that I'll keep. Hopefully, in time, she will also.

--Nicole

Me? A HERstory Maker?? (plus...)

2011-01-26T22:57:00.000-08:00

My childhood chum, Ladon Brumfield, has a non-profit organization called "Girls Rule," that equips girls to become tomorrow's leaders. A few weeks ago, she asked me if I would answer some questions so that she could feature me in her new series, "HERstory Maker." After a moment of "Who, me??" And "Yes, YOU!" I agreed. I didn't know she was going to send me such tough questions that would lead to real soul-searching, but that's exactly what she did! And I'm grateful because it challenged me in a positive way.

I am extremely honored to be a part of something so vital. Today's children are going to be responsible for taking care of us (either directly or indirectly) tomorrow, so we had better teach them something worth knowing. Ladon inspires me. Shaping young minds is sacred work.

Part I of the interview can be found here: "Girls Rule! HERstory Makers Series"

--Nicole

P.S. - Haven't told y'all yet, but I BOOKED A PLAY! Details on that later...

Newly-Edited Reels!

2011-01-20T23:17:00.000-08:00

THEATRICAL REEL!

COMMERCIAL REEL!

--Nicole

Something Worth Living For

2011-01-03T22:12:00.000-08:00

I'm working on a production gig right now, and a couple of the women that I work with mentioned that they would love to work with Oprah at her new OWN network. Someone else in the office has a friend who works for one of the shows, and apparently, is working harder than she has ever worked on anything in her life. She. is. exhausted. Both women said they still would love to work for Oprah.

I really like Oprah and all, but that didn't sound like a good time. When I do production work (like today), I usually get there around 9:30, and leave at 7:30. Close to the production, the hours tend to be 9AM-midnight, give or take an hour. I always end up sick afterwards, no matter how much echinacea or Emergen-C I take. Work more hours than that?? I don't think so.

I started thinking about Oprah, and how hard she has worked to get where she is. Reminds me of that quote "The harder I work, the luckier I get." (-Samuel Goldwyn) It is very, very rare for success to be by accident. Even rarer is for someone to become successful at something they want to do and STAY successful at it. In order to work as hard as she has for as long as she has, her fuel must be more than just physical. She must really love what she does (for more than just monetary reasons) - if she doesn't, she just wasted almost 30 years of her life that she can't get back. I don't believe that to be true.

Every single moment of our lives presents us with choices. Each choice is a fork in the road, and we can't take more than one at a time. If we start down one path, and decide it isn't the right one, we can choose something that looks like the original path we decided not to take, but it will never be quite the same.

That led me to: "Is there anything that I love so much that I would be willing to give everything for it?"

The answer was unusually swift: "Creative Freedom." The ability to express myself in a creative manner. Like Mahatma Gandhi, "I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." More than anything, that's what fuels me in life. Hours upon hours disappear when Im working in a theatre, or on set. When I'm writing, or painting. Anything creative, really - it all comes from the same place. Life without creative expression, for me, would be a life sentence.

What fuels you?

--Nicole

On the subject of "typcasting..."

2010-12-08T10:31:00.000-08:00

I've been celebrating my birthday for the past two days with my two closest friends, and I'm going to celebrate some more on Friday, with another good friend. I'll keep this up until 12/23, if I can get away with it, but after that, the jig is up because I get trumped by Jesus. I'm cool with that.

Anyhoo - all this talk about being pigeonholed by size, made me start thinking about the various ways and reasons that so much typecasting goes on in Hollywood. Trained actors believe we can play just about any characters, so when we keep getting scripts for the same role over and over, it can get old REAL fast. When you've done Shakespeare (and well), but you only get auditions for "quick-talking, gum-popping waitress," it can make you question your talent, and the image that other people have of you.

I think typecasting happens for a couple of reasons: 1.) When we watch TV, we need to be able to identify character types quickly so that we can get on with the story. They only have either 30 minutes or 45 minutes a week to tell a story, and if you spend the first 20 minutes trying to keep the two red-head, befreckled guys straight, or trying to remember (and convince yourself to believe) that the wispy thirty-something blonde has just become a grandmother, it can be problematic. So when casting the prison guard, it's just easier to cast the big, tough-looking actor, even though the petite scrappy one could do it too.

The other reason that typecasting happens is that 2.) sometimes, we, as individuals DO stereotype. We've been taught that "prejudice is wrong*," but even the most enlightened among us pre-judge all the time. When we're walking down the street alone at night, and some big dude is walking toward us, we size-up the individual "Does this guy look like a threat to my safety? Am I in any danger?" Even BEFORE the media gets to us, we are hard-wired to make snap judgements. Babies can tell differences between angry faces and welcoming ones. In a casting situation, obviously, nobody's in danger, but we carry that hardwiring with us, along with whatever baggage and media messages that we've internalized. So, the script calls for a thug, and certain stereotypes may readily jump to the person's mind. Or a maid, or a mom on welfare. If you're white, and upscale-looking (another "box") the only way you will play a mom on welfare is if the story is about your fact that you are there due to circumstances beyond your control, and won't be in that situation long. That's just how it is.

Do actors have any power at all??

We, as actors in "the biz," have to understand that none of this is personal, so don't internalize it or you will need extra hours with your therapist, and may leave the business altogether.

That said, here are what we can do:

1.) Know that stereotyping is actually pretty good in the beginning of your career. If, you seem to get a phone call to play every police officer in town, you are WORKING, and you are being seen as one of the "go-to" actors in town for police officer roles. This means you are, at least, on somebody's radar.

2.) Be creative with your auditions. Take some chances. Sometimes people don't even know that there's an option to get something different if they've never seen it. If you've only ever seen vanilla ice cream, how would you know that strawberry is an option? Likewise, if you only see straight-forward, by-the-book cop auditions, how do you know that what your show really needs is a quirky cop? If you tend to be a quirky-type (there's that word again), when you bring YOU to an audition, bring that. Whether you book it or not, you've done work that you can be proud of, and you'll be memorable. I am NOT telling you to ham it up or sabotage your audition. Bring what you have instead of what you think "they" want you to have. Do you really think "Law & Order: CI" ever dreamed of having a detective like Vincent D'Onofrio's Detective Green??? Nope, because we hadn't seen it before. He brought his own personal brand of brilliance. Bring yours.

3.) Be choosier about your auditions. Believe me, I GET it - when an audition call comes in, we are usually just so happy that we get to ACT, that we will work on that script, and prepare ourselves with little or no thought of whether or not we actually want to do the role. If the role does offend our sensibilities because it goes against our personal beliefs, or because it would be embarrassing to be portrayed in a certain light, we ask ourselves if we are really in a position to be turning down opportunities. I have learned the hard way (by going into a couple of auditions reluctantly, and bombing them because I wasn't fully committed) that it is more important to decline an audition (tactfully) than to do the work half-heartedly. There will be other opportunities, and an "opportunity" that eats away at your core isn't really worth taking. If you find this happening a lot, however, I urge you to take an honest look at what's really happening. If you are being offered a lot of offensive auditions, then something else is going on.

Those are just a few ways to still be creative, and keep our integrity in the face of stereotyping. Producing your own work is also an option worth considering.

Alright, I'm heading out. I have an audition for "The Middle", and I'm excited about it!

Ciao!

--Nicole

*For the record, I don't believe it's inherently wrong to pre-judge. I DO believe it's wrong, and not very smart to use that pre-judgement to determine the worth of a person, or value of an opportunity.

From This Day Forward...

2010-12-06T10:32:00.000-08:00

Today is my BIRTHDAY! YAYY! I probably sound juvenile, after all - we ALL have birthdays, so mine isn't any more special than anyone else's, but it is more personal, because it's MINE, and that makes it *feel* more special. (How 'bout that?) The fact that I've had lots of birthdays makes it even more special, because it's like seeing how many sugar cubes you can stack vertically before the whole shebang falls to the ground. One more sugar cube on the stack today, and I'm cheering, dagnabbit!

*Pausing b/c my dad & stepmom just called me, singing!*

Do I feel older? Not in the ways that I always thought I would when I got thiiiiis close to 40. I've recently come to believe that you never really feel old (with the exception of the times when someone younger tells you that they weren't even alive when you were in college or something like that). I think, if you work it right, your body gives out before your spirit does. I hope that's the case with my life, and though I am starting to fray slightly about around the edges (when I sit on the floor, it's a little tougher to get up these days) I'm going to do what I can to take care of this body because I can't swap it for a new one if I ~~drag it through the streets~~ let it get raggedy.

The more sugar cubes I stack, the more grateful I feel. My mind is far less on acquiring "stuff" than it is on appreciating the fact that I really do have everything that I need. That I have some pretty awesome people in my life. That each moment is a new one, and I alone, am equal parts free and responsible for choosing what I will do with it.

I recently read Leo Babauta's book "focus", and it spoke to me in the same way that his blog does. I've decided to implement a number of the suggestions that he introduces in the book, like getting up earlier, and writing every day. Like getting rid of non-essential tasks. So far, so good. I've stumbled a few times, but once these become habits, I'll start working on other things I'd like to improve.

From this day forward, I will do my best to interact with people in such a way that their lives are a little brighter after we part. To never stop being curious, and asking questions. To never stop standing in my truth, and encouraging other people to do the same. From this day forward, I refuse to consent to crawl when I feel compelled to fly.

As with many of us, I have a number of skills and talents, but I'm starting to wonder if that's my greater purpose. Heck, maybe it's been EVERYBODY'S greater purpose all along, and I'm finally having an "aha" moment. I think Marianne Williamson put it best:

"And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others."

Check back in with me at 40, and see how I'm doing. And please, feel free to nudge me along the way, if I appear to be wandering.

Okay, I'm headed out to get free stuff from all of the stores that give freebies to birthday girls (and boys too)! I'm gonna start at Starbucks, hit up Sephora, and The Body Shop, then I'll holler at Borders Books and Black Angus later in the week. Hello!

XOXO

--Nicole

Choose Life. Always. (Part II)

2010-12-04T09:52:00.000-08:00

I received a response from someone who voiced some concerns about the content of my last post. Here's what she said:

"I Read your blog and was quite Saddened to hear about this Fabulous actress untimely death. But it sickens me at the same time to further read your blog because, Basically you said if you don't lose weight you will end up like my friend who passed on.
First of all, was it Confirmed that her weight caused the heart attack. if so you should have put it on your blog because some people will take it the way i am taking it now....

Because others also might think you are just taking the death of your Friend to Passive Aggressively "Fat Bash" you should have at least let the body get cold. Just like you said on your post I shouldn't say it but i will.

There was Absolutely NO Compassion in your blog, i Mean dang she just died don't start passive aggressively bashing people and acting like your helping. you sound a broken record. the only reason i am writing this to you its because it was uncalled for. Better yet it was Tasteless.
As you stated you knew her imagine what she might be thinking now in Heaven, what kind of friend were you...
Oh by the way this is from a Healthy size 8.

I feel a Follow up story would have been more tactful, to share your views and give any advice on being healthy. And how the entertain field might judge you on your weight.

And again i state you should have let some time pass, Remember she has a family. i read nothing on her great works Just briefly that she was a great person that did this and that."

Even though I don't agree with all of the things said here, I appreciate these comments, and I thought some might feel this way, which is why I wrote "Here's what I probably shouldn't say, but I'm going to anyway." After someone passes, we're all supposed to speak in flowery language and hushed tones. That's the protocol. Anything other than that is in "poor taste." I get that. Before I started writing my post yesterday, I thought about it overnight and well into the next morning, and decided that while Chane't's untimely passing was the impetus for this post, the issue itself reaches so much farther. The entire post was written with a heavy heart, and out of compassion. I'm not given to fat-bashing - the people in my life that I love the most are overweight and/or obese, and I'm probably only a few dozen buffalo wings away, myself. No stone-throwing here - I live in a glass house. I'm also disinclined to be passive-aggressive. I pretty much say what I have to say, but I know I can be blunt, so I've learned to pause & do a quick check to be sure that I'm speaking from my heart and not from my ego (the former can be healing, and the latter is usually damaging).

When my friend called me, crying, to tell me that she had bad news, I paused and closed my eyes before asking what it was. In that brief moment, I thought she was going to tell me that one of my two best friends (both overweight, one obese) had had an accident. Or worse. I am always in fear of receiving a call telling me that one of my sisters' hearts just gave out. This is something that I live with, and because I could easily "go there," with regard to my own weight/health, I have resolved to rein it in before crossing the line.

I do respect your feelings, and my heart goes out to her family (who I don't know) because I can only IMAGINE what they must be going through right now, but what I keep hearing in my head is "Oh my God, this didn't have to happen." Without putting her business in the street, I've talked to friends who spoke to her about health complications she was having due to her weight. I never did. I posted some facts and links about Chane't because I wanted people to know who she was, but I'm not interested in writing an obituary, or a piece of prose to display how compassionate or grief-stricken I am.
I AM interested in NOT having other wonderful, vibrant, creative, loving people die due to diseases of the fork.

If I were reporting on an individual that died due to drug abuse, and urging others to get clean, I don't think we would be having this conversation. To me, it's the same root with a different flower on it.

--Nicole