Ironicus Maximus

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 20 Nov 2015 18:18:00 +0000

We're coming to you today from the Dogs Get The Best Of Care Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. the DGtBoC Department is a division of the Don't Listen To What We Say, Watch What We Do Company, a wholly owned subsidiary of You Can Tell We're Lying Because Our Lips Are Moving, Inc.

On an almost weekly basis over the last 10 years we have brought stories to you of the disconnect between what the overlords say they do for their dogs and what they actually do. The overlords, for their part, have mostly muttered and sputtered about how we were using the activities of a few bad apples to malign the character of those upstanding citizen sportsmen and women who take pleasure in commodifying innocent living creatures and causing them unnecessary pain and suffering up to and including death, in the fruitless pursuit of (no) profit. All of which begs the questions, if your industry has provided enough bad apples for this sucky blog to spill its pixels over for 10 years, how many bad apples does it take before you have a whole bushel of bad apples? Before all your apples are bad?

Let us answer that for you. You don't have any good apples. Even overlords who might truly care for their dogs care for them, not as you or we do, but as car enthusiasts might care for their cars. It's a great piece of machinery and they may be proud of it, but if the transmission blows out, or a sexier model comes along, they have no qualms about selling it and moving on, just as even the most caring overlord has no qualms about dumping a slow dog that is otherwise perfectly normal.

Well, we take you on this little trip through history as a way of getting to our point, which is this will be the last Friday Hound Blogging there will be. In fact this will be the last Ironicus Maximus there will be. We've done this for 10 years now and it's time to grow up...erm...we mean move on. To all those overlords out there who occasionally wandered into their public libraries and had a seventh grader show them ow to log onto the interoobz so they could have someone read this blog to them, if we insulted you over the years, good. It's the least you deserve for the harm you've done. If we believed in an afterlife we are sure you would spend eternity as a pimple on Satan's butt. And that's still less than you deserve.

To the rest of you, if we've been able to give you a moment or two of jocularity and a fleeting break from the soul crushing evil that you battle every day as a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves, we are glad. Being able to laugh in the face of tragedy is what gives us strength to go on. We were told a long time ago by a animal rights wacko much wiser than we that if you're going to get into this business you can expect to have your heart broken on a regular basis. No only broken, but crushed under the weight of the enormous cruelty you must confront each time you enter the fray, and it is only your sense of humor that will save you, only your ability to step back occasionally and laugh at the incredible absurdity of it all. If we have provided a few of those moments for you, we are glad and it's been worth it.

So we'll leave you with three more examples of that absurdity; three more examples of the overlords doing what they do best at the expense of helpless greyhounds trapped in their barbaric industry. First Alan Harrell who "cares" for his dogs by drugging them. Then there are the stewards of greyhound tracks in NSW Australia who "care" for their dogs by running a cover-up of the deaths of 135 otherwise healthy dogs because they knew it would "upset the greenies." And finally, Alexander Verhagen, who "cares" for his "unneeded" dogs by driving them 250 miles so they could be killed for free, even though he knew that was a violation of racing regulations. Bad Apples? Bad crop if you ask us. Time to plow it under.

Millie, you never met Wabash Petie. He was the first refugee greyhound we featured on this blog. You will be the last. Good home and long life girl.

Millie is a one year old female who can live with cats or small dogs, and she can be an "only dog." For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 06 Nov 2015 18:51:00 +0000

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will remember the soft kiss of youthful innocence now become the cold slap of collapsing dreams, leaving only the sharp pain of lost hope...erm...we mean will remember that we have spent a considerable amount of pixels regaling you with the imaginative stylings of the overlords in Iowa as they set out on their admittedly Quixotic quest to bring the heartless commodification, inflicting meaningless injury and death on innocent living creatures in the futile pursuit of (no) profit out of the black underworld of cruelty and into the mainstream.

Now, in the interest of being fair and balanced (which we are really not interested in) we thought we would return to the Hawkeye state now that the most current season of greyhound abuse has ended and see what the results are, and by results we mean how much dough did the overlords take in, not how many greyhounds were needlessly injured and killed because you know, the safety of the dogs is the highest concern and they receive only the finest care so we won't even bother to tell you that at Bluffs Run Greyhound Park and Dubuque Greyhound Park in Iowa, there were 797 greyhound injuries reported between January 2008 through May 2015. During the same period, 96 dogs died or were euthanized because you know, it's not relevant. Besides the overlords are now operating the track on their own dime. Well, technically it's the money the casinos gave them to go away, but let's not quibble about the details. So what's the bottom line Iowa Greyhound Park Racing Director Brian Carpenter sir?

Despite a 33 percent decline in total wagering for the year, Carpenter said he believes the park's first year under new ownership was a success.

Excuse us a minute there overlord Carpenter, but it seems calling the loss of a third of your business in a year a success is setting the bar kind of low, don't you think?

"There were a lot of people who thought we wouldn't open up at all, and once we did, there were a lot of people who thought we wouldn't make it through the year," Carpenter said of the first year in which racing at the former Dubuque Greyhound Park was run by the Iowa Greyhound Association.

Oh. Well, if those are your criteria, umm, congratulations on uh, mmm, surviving the year?

Carpenter noted that the average per-session handle, or amount wagered, for 2015 was nearly 16 percent higher than the previous year. According to figures he provided, an average of $35,771 was wagered per racing session in 2015, compared to $30,896 in 2014.

OK wait a minute. You have a full day of racing and you take in a little less that $36k for that, then you have to pay all your bills, plus give out the winnings? Man, making it through the year was a success.

Iowa Greyhound Park offered fewer racing sessions per week this year than previous years, leading to the sharp drop in total wagering activity.

You mean you only took in around $36k per session and you had less sessions which means you didn't even bring in as much money as you would have if you'd had a full schedule? OK we're beginning to see why you think surviving the year was a success.

Mystique Casino officials were equally pleased with the first year of the new arrangement, saying cutting ties with greyhound racing has helped bolster the casino's bottom line. "Am I happy with the arrangement? I can definitely say yes because it gave (Iowa Greyhound Association) a chance to continue to race and it gives us some financial respite from the purse supplements," said Mystique CEO Jesus Aviles. "I think it was a win-win."

Hey come on there Mr. Aviles, that's a little harsh don't you think? Sure it was a win for you to dump that cash sucking part of your business, but we'd hardly call it a win for the overlords. We mean, $36k? They probably got more than that from you before lunch back in the day, don't you think?

"I can tell you that the efficiencies we have gained (through the elimination of greyhound racing) have helped us keep our employees and avoid taking any austerity measures," Aviles said.

Whoa. Hang on there Mr. Aviles. Please don't use the words "elimination" and "greyhound racing" in the same sentence. At least not when the overlords can hear you, right Bunko?

I am a very gentle and calm boy. I bark at my reflection when I see it in the window because I am so silly I don’t realize it’s just me. My foster parents think it’s funny and cute. I love to get attention. I am a little shy at first but not overly so and I get over it quickly. I am housebroken. I know how to go up and down the stairs. I get along great with dogs my own size. I have not seen any small dogs or cats yet. My foster mom is taking me to meet her friend’s kitties this week to see how I do so I will keep everybody posted. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 23 Oct 2015 16:58:00 +0000

We're coming to you today from the Echolalia Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The Echolalia Department is a division of the Where Have We Heard This Before Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Talk To The Hand, LLC.

This week we're continuing our theme of overlords serving up word salads about why they shouldn't have to join the workforce so let's visit West Virginia, the state with the highest mean altitude east of the Mississippi. Yeah. That makes sense. Lack of oxygen would certainly explain this:

A number of greyhound owners and breeders Monday urged legislators to continue greyhound racing in the state, disputing a state-funded study that found the industry is in sharp decline and survives in West Virginia only because purse funds are 95 percent subsidized from casino profits.

OK, now we're not business experts or anything, but it seems to us that if you have to have someone else give you 95% of what it takes to keep your business afloat, well, you you don't have a business--you have charity case.

“In a system that has made the state a tremendous amount of money over the years, and still employs a lot of employees, I don’t think you crumple it up and throw it away,” Steve Sarras, a Wheeling greyhound kennel owner and president of the state Kennel Owners Association, told members of the Joint Committee on Finance.

We would agree with that. Sure casino revenue fell by $140 million last year, but they still pumped almost $50 million to the state so it's...oh wait...you were talking about greyhound racing weren't you? OK...um...this is a little embarrassing...see, your business actually draws money away from the state because the casinos are forced to support you instead of making those funds open to state taxes. Sorry to be the ones to tell you this guy, but you are actually a drain on the economy. Don't take it too hard though. We're sure you didn't intend to spend your life leeching off other people, that's just the way it worked out.

“The state’s making money on it. The tracks are making money on it,” greyhound breeder Patrick McMillon told legislators. “To have a report out saying we’re done … I see a lot of discrepancies in it.”

Oh we're with you there overlord McMillon. We see discrepancies too. Like the discrepancy between what you are saying and the fact that the subsidy required to continue placing helpless greyhound at risk of injury and death in the heartless pursuit of (no) profit has gone from 49% of the purse to 95% of the purse. It's not the state that's making money here Mr. McMillon, it's you because of the free ride you are getting on all that casino cash. Right Adam Steinberg, senior vice president for Spectrum Gaming Group?

In the 2013-14 budget year, greyhound racing provided $1.2 million of revenue to the state, while it cost the state Racing Commission $965,000 to supervise those races, Steinberg said. “This year, the cost to regulate will exceed the revenue to the state,”

OK, let's recap. The barbaric commodification of innocent living creatures brought the state $235,000 and next year will actually cost the state money while the casinos, even on a down year, chipped in $50 million. You know Mr. McMillon you're right, there is a pretty big discrepancy there.

Sarras countered that critics of greyhound racing misuse the word subsidy to create the impression that tax dollars are supporting the industry. “Subsidy’s a word you can throw around in the media if you want to get people upset about dog racing,” he said.

Hmmm...perhaps you have a point Mr. Sarras. Freeloading off the state is certainly going to be viewed in a less favorable light than freeloading off the casinos. Well, unless you happen to own a casino, then it's pretty much tomato tomahto.

Sarras said he believes greyhound racing benefits the Wheeling and Nitro casinos, allowing them to stand apart from the two dozen casinos in Ohio, Pennsylvania and Maryland, and said he believes they would suffer as freestanding casinos.

Hard to argue with that Mr. Sarras. We mean in Ohio and Pennsylvania all you can do is go to a casino whereas in West Virginia you can go to a casino with a greyhound track attached that everyone is ignoring. OK, that didn't come out right. You got a better way to say that Brody?

My foster mom says I am a “perfect” dog. I am very well mannered. I am calm, gentle and friendly. I will approach you for petting. I love to go for walks and I walk great on the leash. I am housebroken. I have met dogs my size, small dogs and even some kitties. I get along with all of them except for small white ones. I guess they remind me too much of my racing days and the electronic bunny. I had a big outing at the recent Pet Expo. I met all kinds of people and I loved them all so much. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 16 Oct 2015 17:55:00 +0000

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that the true measure of success is how quickly expectations are lowered to match circumstance...erm...we mean know that on occasion we like to treat you to the pensive musings of a particular overlord on the benefits of placing innocent living creatures at risk of meaningless injury and death in the pursuit of (no) profit. In that regard we would like to introduce you to Jack Corey who is the chief (and only) lobbyist for overlords in Florida because he was the only one who would work for shiny objects. Mr. Corey has recently had his medication re-balanced and is here today to share some of what the voices in his head have been telling him about why the heartless cruelty helpless greyhounds are subjected to on a regular basis is really a good thing. Take it away overlord Corey:

Florida was the first state to officially sanction greyhound racing in 1931, and for almost 85 years it’s been an enjoyable source of entertainment for Floridians as well as visitors to our state.

Now, some of you who are less informed might have thought people went to Florida for the almost 2000 miles of coastline, or the beaches, or the temperate climate. Nope. All around the other states people would often ask "Where can we go when we want to see hapless greyhounds get injured and killed while we're losing the rent money? Oh we know. Florida!" It's right there in the travel brochures.

Just as important, greyhound racing track owners have made billions in revenue and made a big contribution to Florida’s economy over the years.

Wow, billions! Boy, we bet if you presented that in graphic format it would really be impressive. Wonder what that would look like?

OK, so maybe not.

Greyhound tracks and other pari-mutuel facilities enjoy a state-created monopoly, meaning they aren’t forced to compete in the open marketplace. Tracks not only are protected from competition they have received hundreds of millions of dollars in tax benefits.

Well, by the looks of that graph they need all the help they can get, but here are our questions: If they're doing that poorly with protection from competition, what's the point of protection? And who is being protected? The overlords from the job market?

When attendance at greyhound tracks began to dip some years ago, the Florida Legislature gave track owners the right to offer card rooms to increase revenue. Florida voters later allowed facilities in Miami-Dade and Broward counties to add slot machines.

Right. We get that. Greyhound racing was in the tank so the state let the tracks open a new business rather than fold.

Those enhancements were added only because of the track owners’ continued commitment to their underlying business: greyhound racing.

OK, so you're saying in order to show their commitment to greyhound racing they created a whole new arena for gambling in the clubhouse away from the track that no one was coming to anyway? We don't think commitment means what you think it means.

Despite the promise to keep racing, many track owners now want the Legislature to allow them to get rid of greyhound racing while keeping the card rooms and slot machines. They want to create small casinos that will dot Florida’s landscape from Pensacola to Miami and everywhere in between. That’s despite the state’s constitutionally mandated prohibition of casino gaming, with the exception of Indian gaming controlled by the federal government.

Umm...maybe you haven't noticed but they already have the card rooms and slot machines so "create" has kind of already happened, know what we mean?

The Florida Greyhound Association, an organization of owners, trainers and breeders across the state, opposes such efforts. Clearly those small-business owners would be put out of business if millionaire track owners are allowed to end greyhound racing simply because casino gaming is the next pot of big money.

Oooo. injecting a little class warfare in there. Those evil millionaires against the poor yeoman small business persons. Elitist scum care only about making money at their tracks, as opposed to the owners, trainers and breeders who are in it for the love of the sport and of the dogs. You can tell the depth of this love by the number of tracks that have opened in states that have banned betting on live racing.

Many of our members are multigeneration owners, trainers and breeders. They love their greyhounds — and love racing.

Apparently you never met Ronnie Williams, or Ursula O'Donnell, or James "Barney" O'Donnell, or Lance LaFreniere or Nancy Guimond, or, well let's just say you need to get out more, Mr. Corey.

Asking the Legislature to end greyhound racing, or as it’s called in Tallahassee “decoupling,” is wrong for several reasons. First, it gives Floridians no voice in deciding whether they want to convert pari-mutuel facilities into mini-casinos.

Well, like we said Mr. Corey that's already happened, and as for giving the voters a voice, it sounds like they've already spoken.

Gross receipts at cardrooms across the state rose from $2.8 million in 2001-02 to $125 million 2010-11. The state’s 10 percent tax has risen right along with it. Meanwhile, the amount wagered on horses, dogs and jai alai has seen a steady decline, from $1.7 billion in 2001-02 to $883 million 2010-11.

Have you had your hearing tested recently? Just asking.

Secondly, track owners have been allowed to increase their profits with other gaming with greyhound racing serving as their core operation.

OK, now we're beginning to think you just aren't paying attention Mr. Corey. Core operation? Dude, track owners are running away from racing faster than a republican runs from a fact checker.

Logically then, if there is no greyhound racing, why should these facilities be allowed to operate?

Oh! Oh! We know! We know! Because they are in business to make money and Honey, ain't no money in racin' dogs. Word up.

If track owners can’t succeed at greyhound racing, with a guarantee of a no-competition monopoly, they should simply surrender their pari-mutuel license to the state and give someone else the opportunity to make it a success.

Careful what you ask for there Mr. Corey. We're thinking there's more than a few track owners that would be more than happy to drop dog racing in someone else's lap and get on with the parts of their operation that can turn a profit.

Greyhound racing remains a viable form of entertainment in Florida.

Aww, Mr. Corey. You're so cute when your delusional.

The Sanford Orlando Kennel Club proves that point. With no other type of gaming, Sanford Orlando Kennel Club uses innovative marketing to make greyhound racing as popular as ever in Central Florida.

"[A]s popular as ever in Central Florida." Which is to say not very popular at all, unless you count the homeless people who come into the clubhouse to get out of the rain.

It’s a model for the rest of the country. It just takes a desire to make greyhound racing work, and not undercut its success in order to convert tracks to casinos.

Darn straight Mr. Corey. All it takes is a desire and commitment to make greyhound racing successful. Just ask the folks in Iowa, right Noir?

Noir is a three year old female. She will need a home without cats or small dog.For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 17:01:00 +0000

We're pretty sure the overlords don't read this blog much. There's that whole having to put on shoes and tie them, making sure your pants are on frontwards, then going down to the library to use a computer, plus you've got the typing, the little kids staring at you and people moving away. It's a hassle, you know? Much easier to stay home and hope the neighbor forgets to take returnables out of his trash again. Occasionally though we do hear from an overlord, usually to explain to us that the reason we have trouble seeing what is plainly a fact is because we have our craniums fully inserted in our rectums. This is sometimes followed by a personal testimonial concerning how that particular overlord goes above and beyond in the care of his or her canine charges and if we truly cared about the dogs instead of being bought off by the obscene amounts of cash we collect for being mouthpieces for the animal rights wackos we'd be down at the track with the rest of the rubes losing our savings $2 at a time.

OK so a stopped clock is right twice a day thinks us. Maybe we have been overly critical of the people who put innocent creatures in harm's way on a regular basis in the futile chase after (no) profit. Maybe if we look carefully we will see that in fact the overlords do what they say they do. Maybe it's all just bad press, a vendetta by the animal rights wackos because they are jealous of the overlords, their talent; their prestige; their glamorous lifestyles. Maybe we should stop having Stoli for breakfast.

The Mayhew Animal Home, a rescue organization in London, is searching for someone to adopt Kiddo, a greyhound whose owner gave him away when he was no longer of any use.

Now, one way of reading that sentence is that Kiddo was given up when his owner was no longer of any use--which would make a lot more sense--but we're pretty sure it's the dog. But look, we don't know the details here. This could be a very complicated situation. There could be many reasons Kiddo "is no longer of any use." Maybe he was a therapy dog and the local hospital closed. Maybe he was a service dog and his owner had a miraculous recovery. We're sure there's a logical explanation.

Greyhounds can live well into their teens, according to the ASPCA, but are often retired from racing after just a few years old. Afterward, they are euthanized, sent to breeding facilities or surrendered to shelters.

Well that is sort of logical because when greyhounds retire from racing, they're pretty used up, right Coach Hero?

According to an analysis by GREY2K USA Research Director Matt Read, greyhounds routinely race on little rest at the Mexico track. For example, a dog named Coach Hero has entered in a shocking 413 races since 2011. Nearly half of his races occurred after he received only a single day of rest, and nearly three-quarters of his racing starts occurred after he received two days or less. An examination of other dogs competing at the track shows that Coach Hero isn't the exception. When it comes to racing on little rest, he's the tragic rule.

But you know, it's all good because the dogs come off the track and those that aren't killed head off to a new life as pets. They have a great career to look back on and a carefree, comfortable healthy life ahead of them. No harm no foul, yo?

Racing dogs on little rest is inhumane and irresponsible. It increases the risk of injury, and can cause a disorder named exertional rhabdomyolysis, in which skeletal muscles begin to break down. According to industry handbook Care of the Racing and Retired Greyhound, this disorder appears in overworked greyhounds, which it defines as "two to three races or trials per week."

Oh. Umm...OK, we're going to need one of you overlords to borrow bus fare and get down to the library so you can tell us again how much you care about the welfare of the dogs and what a great job you do taking care of them. What's that you say Maxim? Don't hold our breaths?

Maxim is a three year old boy will need a home without cats or small dogs. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 02 Oct 2015 15:10:00 +0000

Frequent reader(s) of this blog sense in the bright, crisp days of fall another year slipping away and the slow, inexorable darkness of winter spreading across the scowling horizon like the raven-black wings of death...erm...we mean will recall a few weeks ago when we "chortled in our joy*" at the impending demise of Gulf Deathcamp for Greyhounds. As this week has seen no overlords go to jail, nor has it seen anymore greyhounds turning up with illegal substances in their bloodstreams--although admittedly the week isn't over yet--we thought we'd take a little trip down to the Lone Star State (Motto: We aren't stupid, just under-medicated) and check in on how the overlords were dealing with their own personal version of the end times.

Dead insects decorate cobwebs draping from aged, teal-colored chairs in a sea of stadium-style rows. Most of the chairs are empty. A smattering of onlookers clutch betting cards.

Whoa! Now, we have to tell you gentle reader(s), we were awake in English class the day they talked about foreshadowing and when you open with dead insects and cobwebs that cannot be good.

In August, the park announced it would cease live racing effective Jan. 1. The first floor will remain open for those who want to bet on simulcast races.

Yeah, that's sort of like saying, "We're closing down but we'll leave the door unlocked in case you want to get in out of the rain or something. Watch our for the rats though."

The park's management and city officials seem uncertain about the facility's future.

Really? You're probably the only people who are. The rest of us are all like stick a fork in it brother man 'cause it is done.

"Our city coffers will feel little to no effect from the partial closure, since GGP has been on the decline for many years," La Marque Mayor Bobby Hocking said.

"That dump hasn't made a buck for the city in over 15 years," Hocking said. "We get more from parking meters than we ever got from idiots who bet on dog racing." Now, now Mayor Bobby, let's not disparage the voters. After all, some of those idiots who bet on dog racing probably voted for you. This is Texas after all.

"It's an economic engine," Jimmy Hayley, president of the Texas City-La Marque Chamber of Commerce, said of the park. Hayley said it's the small things that make the park important, like jobs created for people like his grandson, who helped lead greyhounds out to the starting blocks during summers.

We see. Apparently you don't talk to the Mayor very often Mr. Haley. Or perhaps you should quit going to City Council meetings drunk because it looks like your economic engine is missing a few pistons.

In August, Nick James, former executive director of the Texas Greyhound Association, claimed the closing will eliminate between 250 and 300 jobs and 11 nearby kennels. Calls to nearby kennels found otherwise, as many denied knowledge or involvement with the park.

"Holy crap is that place still open?" said one incredulous kennel owner who asked not to be named because his family thought he was a used car salesman. "I thought in closed down years ago."

Like previous Texas tracks that closed live racing (Corpus Christi in 2007 and Harlingen in 2009), the La Marque facility will have something to offer gamblers with the simulcast races. "They're gamblers, they gamble," said Sally Briggs, the track's general manager, who suggested that regulars would continue to frequent the park.

"Besides, what else are they going to spend their Social Security checks on? Food? Rent? Have you seen these people? They couldn't win a game of checkers if they played a jellyfish, if you get my drift bless their little hearts." We're providing a real service here, keeping them off the streets so they don't wander out into traffic."

Some onlookers told a different story. While they reminisced about days when the atmosphere of packed races rivaled that of any sporting event in Texas, some admitted they didn't plan to come after live racing ends.

"Why should I come all the way out here to watch racing on the tee vee," said one patron. "I'll just stay home and watch it on my own set soon as they tell me what channel it's on."

Well all righty then. Maybe Ms. Briggs was on to something when she said the park was keeping these people off the street. What do you think Wilson?

This senior gentleman is looking for his forever retirement home that will spoil him rotten! Wilson can live with small dogs, but not cats, and can be an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

*Just trying to culture up the place a little. The neighbors were beginning to complain.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 25 Sep 2015 15:33:00 +0000

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that know that hope, like the harlequin leaves, burns bright in the brisk fall sun, then drops withered to the ground as the reality of winter marches forth...erm...we mean know that, as the overlords have told us time and again, when they uncover chicanery in the process of exploiting helpless, innocent living creatures for (no) profit, they move with the vengeance of the lord himself to identify and punish those who would put the worship of Mammon above the welfare of the dogs.

Except when they don't.

New details emerged Monday about the scope, as well as the possible source, of recent positive drug tests for greyhounds racing in Dubuque. Twelve greyhounds who were at Iowa Greyhound Park in Dubuque now have tested positive for ractopamine, a drug that is believed by some to have performance- enhancing qualities, according to Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission Administrator Brian Ohorilko.

"See, this is what happens when you investigate things," Ohorilko told reporters. "And you guys wonder why we like to stay in our offices."

Nine of the greyhounds are from a kennel for Stidham Racing LLC, while the remaining three are from Robert Hardison Kennel, Ohorilko said. Stidham Racing is owned by Jon Stidham, a member of the Iowa Greyhound Association Board of Directors, while Bob Hardison, owner of the other kennel, is also on the board of directors and serves as the organization's president.

Hey come on now Mr. Reporter. Why was it necessary to point out that both of these alleged miscreants sit on the overlord Board of Directors? What are you implying? The fish rots from the head down? Are we to infer that you think the wholesale commodification and heartless cruelty inflicted upon trusting greyhounds incarcerated in the Iowa death camps is a feature and not a bug?

In the wake of the positive tests, neither kennel is being allowed to enter dogs into races at Iowa Greyhound Park. Meanwhile, trainers Alicia Bushey, of Dubuque, and Jessica Hughes, of Bellevue, Iowa, have been suspended, pending a hearing.

Ha! See that Mr. Reporter? What were we saying earlier about the vengeance of the lord, huh? The wicked shall be called to account! Those undeserving of the great honor of caring for the units...erm...we mean the dogs shall be stripped of their responsibility and driven into the night. Tell us, oh great and powerful hearing board, what say you to those called before you to atone for their failure to live up to the high ideals inherent in the practice of putting man's best friend in harm's way on a regular basis as the overlords chase the few remaining coins in an industry zombie walking through its own demise?

Both trainers were scheduled to appear before racing stewards Monday, but their hearings were postponed for the second time in five days. A new date has not been set.

"We're hoping if we keep postponing the hearing long enough people will just forget about the whole thing," Ohorilko said.

We see. So basically what you're saying is you subscribe to the Florida theory of oversight. So do you have any explanation for the epidemic of ractopamine spreading though your state?

Preliminary tests of the dry food supplied to greyhounds indicated some ractopamine contamination, providing a potential clue about how the drug was introduced to the greyhounds, Ohorilko said.

What? How can this be? We are told almost daily by the overlords that the greyhounds are elite athletes who must receive only the best care to perform at their peak. Surely you aren't saying the overlords scrimp by feeding them contaminated food? How could you even consider such a scenario? Tell them Chief. You had steak and eggs for breakfast every day didn't you? And the kennel had its own personal chef, right? By the way, what happened to your leg? Slip on some spilled foie gras? Would you like some ractopamine for that?

Chief is fine with small dogs and cats, and can be an only dog. This sweet boy is looking for a forever home with plenty of toys to play with, and a loving family. Chief is very good at supervising his family and likes to be with his people. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 18 Sep 2015 16:09:00 +0000

Hello and welcome to this week's installment of What Foreign Substance Are They Putting In The Greyhounds Now. Tonight's episode takes us to Iowa where the overlords are shocked we tell you shocked to discover that there is chicanery at the track.

Scientists will study whether the death of a greyhound in Dubuque has any link to the use of a risky performance-enhancing drug found in other animals from the same kennel, a regulator said Thursday.

"Scientists" will investigate what killed that greyhound? Man. That can't be good. Was Dr. Hakim Hamici not available? Oh yeah, we forgot. He's never available.

The commission is looking into dogs that have tested positive for the banned substance ractopamine. Ohorilko said two or three dogs from two kennels have tested positive for the drug, which is widely used in the U.S. as a feed supplement to help pigs, cattle and turkeys increase muscle mass. Other samples came back as suspicious and additional testing is underway at Iowa State, he said. In response, trainers Alicia Bushey, of Dubuque, and Jessica Hughes, of Bellevue, Iowa, were suspended Saturday, pending a hearing.

Hey come on. The track just opened a couple months ago and you're already going all Inspector Clouseau on them? Sounds a little fishy to us. Almost like there's some sort of conspiracy going on. Dean Miner doesn't race his dogs there, does he? Just asking.

Jerry Crawford, an attorney for the Iowa Greyhound Association, which operates the track, said all “evidence points to no wrongdoing” by any kennel employee. He said he believes the dogs ate the drug when it came in their food, unbeknownst to the employees. He said kennel employees have passed polygraph exams conducted by retired law enforcement officials in which they attested that they never gave the dogs ractopamine.

When questioned about the results of the polygraph tests Mr. Crawford defended his decision to hire the retired law enforcement individuals himself to administer the test and not to make the results public. "Just trust me on this," Crawford said. "I'm a lawyer."

As for the death, Crawford said he suspects it is from a lung infection but “has no idea” whether it could be linked to the drug.

"Look, we lose dogs all the time for all sorts of reasons," he said, "the sad part is that dog was making somebody money and now he's not. Let's keep the real victim in mind here."

Racing and Gaming Commission Administrator Brian Ohorilko said the source of the drug hasn’t been confirmed, and that samples of meat the dogs were fed are being tested. He said regulators haven’t seen the substance in Iowa racing before.

"We also haven't seen just one track in the state either," Ohorilko said. "One track with a bunch of desperate losers trying to suck the last few bucks out of a dead industry by trampling over one another chasing the next two dollar bet."

Well now that's a little harsh isn't it Mr. Ohorilko? After all, the overlords have told us time and time again that the wholesale commodification and heartless curelty involved with placing innocent living creatures in harm's way in the pursuit of (no) profit is all about the dogs. You've probably heard that many times, huh Bates? By the way, what happened to your leg? Would you like a little ractopamine for that?

Bates can live with cats and/or small dogs, but we don't yet know if he can be an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 11 Sep 2015 16:55:00 +0000

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the path to enlightenment is circular...erm...we mean know that on numerous occasions we have discoursed on the plethora of banned substances that course through the veins of both the overlords and their canine charges. In the interests of full disclosure we feel it necessary to point out that as charter members of the Stoli for breakfast club we are not in a position to sit in judgment on the particular conscious altering choices that the overlords might make, only to point out that, like us, they make a choice whereas the greyhounds do not. Which brings us to one Brian J. Webb.

A Mardi Gras Casino greyhound tested positive for cocaine, but the dog's trainer apparently got off on a bureaucratic technicality regarding the Division of Para-Mutuel Wagering's inspection manual.

When asked to explain what the "technicality regarding the Division of Para-Mutuel Wagering's inspection manual" was, Chelsea Eagle, Deputy Director of Communications for Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation said, "Well, basically, no one in the office had read the manual. That thing's like a zillion pages long. And no pictures! What do you want from us?"

According to a report filed by the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation, inspectors paid trainer Brian J. Webb a visit several weeks later to interview him about Waylon Hambone testing positive for the illegal drug.

We have secured a transcript of that interview which we present for your edification:

Interviewer: Do you know anything about your dog being high on cocaine?

Webb: No.

Interviewer: OK thanks.

The Bureau also conducted followup interviews with Webb's two assistants, Tyus Hall and Ghloam Quintero. The trascipt of those interviews is reproduced in its entirety below:

Interviewer: Do either of you know anything about how one of your dogs came to have cocaine in its bloodstream?

Hall: What?

Qintero: I can hear colors man!

Interviewer: OK thanks.

Webb's case has gotten lost in the bureaucratic shuffle of antiquated rules, even in the face of at least twenty greyhounds that have tested for cocaine in recent years.

"Now look," Eagle said. "The Department's position is that most of those people are high most of the time. How else are you going to get through a day where you routinely put innocent living creatures in harm's way for no good reason and even less money? If, occasionally some of those...uh...coping enhancers find their way into an actual greyhound, well, that's just a cost of doing business, you know?

According to records, Webb is no stranger to run-ins with the Division of Pari-Mutuel Wagering in the past. On March 24, he was fined by the state for an unspecified incident recorded on December 17, 2014 — three days after Waylon Hambone's positive test result.

When asked to explain why the incident was "unspecified" Eagle said, "It's my understanding that everyone was drunk at the time and no one has a clear memory of what actually happened."

Further records show that a Brian Webb from the Dubuque, Iowa, Greyhound Park was suspended in 2009 for 32 days for "the use of profanity, fighting, threatening, and intimidating behavior on facility premises." Webb was cited after he "made intimidating and threatening physical contact with another licensee."

Hmm...so it seems the heartless commodification of innocent living creatures in the pursuit of (no) profit tends to make one rather testy. This surprise you at all Ripkin?

Ripken can live with cats or small dogs, but we don't yet know if he can be an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 04 Sep 2015 17:09:00 +0000

We're coming to you today from the What Was Your First Clue Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The WWYFCD is a division of the Plain As The Nose On Your Face Company, a wholly owned subsidy of Well Duh, Inc.

It seems The good people of Australia have taken a look at greyhound racing and are shocked we tell you shocked to find that all is not as the overlords keep telling them it is.

The RSPCA is calling for a string of reforms to improve the welfare of greyhounds in the South Australian racing industry and deter breeders from live baiting and doping. RSPCA SA chief executive Tim Vasudeva says an integrity agency is required because the industry is incapable of regulating itself.

Oh come on Mr. Vasudeva, that's a little harsh don't you think? We mean surely an industry that commodifies innocent living creatures and regularly places them in harm's way in the futile pursuit of (no) profit, then abandons them like used bird cage liners when they're no longer useful must have the best interests of the dogs at heart; must give them the highest level of care and support; and must provide for their well being. This goes without saying.

"We don't believe there is any genuine willingness to look at a serious path for reform," Mr Vasudeva said in Adelaide on Monday. As an example of the industry's failure to self-regulate, Mr Vasudeva spoke of case earlier this year in which the RSPCA and police found controlled drugs at a leading greyhound breeder's property in Two Wells. He said the RSPCA informed the GRSA of the discovery and asked officials to test the dogs - but they didn't do it. "As far as we're concerned they're not interested in knowing whether doping is going on in South Australia," Mr Vasudeva said.

Well in the GRSA's defense it was never conclusively proven those "controlled drugs" were meant for the greyhounds. We mean, when you're an overlord it's not like you chose that career because you couldn't get into medical school, you know? Being a third grade dropout who is a borderline sociopath kind of limits your options is all we're saying. Indulging in a little illegal conscious alteration from time to time is a small reward for having to get up every morning and look at yourself in the mirror.

"You cannot have an industry where perfectly healthy greyhounds are being shot just because they're not quick," Mr Vasudeva said.

Umm...Mr. Vasudeva? You do have an industry where perfectly healthy greyhounds are being shot just because they're not quick. Let's keep our focus here.

Mr Vasudeva said it was "quite clear" the industry was aware that live baiting was occurring.

Well, sure. Look, it's pretty clear the overlords don't give a freeze dried rat's patootie about the greyhounds if they can't suck a few bucks off of them, so why would you think they would care about the rabbits, or cats or whatever other animal whose unneeded and violent deaths they caused? You know, you can say a lot about the overlords (and we do) but one thing you have to admit is they're consistent, right Ayla?

Ayla is an eight year old girl who is not okay to have a feline brother or sister, but will need a medium to large canine furry companion. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 28 Aug 2015 16:51:00 +0000

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the true measure of success is the degree to which we accept lowered expectations...erm...we mean know that we spend a good deal of our time around the marbled halls of IM Central warming ourselves with the economic and ethical fire that is slowly (and not so slowly) consuming the forest of cruelty, heartlessness and utter barbarity in which the overlords inhabit the undersides of various rocks. Now, the more fair minded of you might have pause with the degree of pleasure we take at the overlords' discomforts and chastise us for exhibiting too much enjoyment in the suffering of others. "Ironicus," you might say. "Is it a proper thing to chortle in such a jocular way at the tragedies that befall fellow human beings, or in this case, the overlords?"

Oh, yes it is fair minded reader. Yes. It. Is.

The last greyhound racing track in Texas is closing. Gulf Greyhound Park in La Marque, near Galveston, announced plans Wednesday to cease living racing by Jan. 1.

The only thing that would make that first sentence better is if the prepositional phrase "in Texas" were removed, but in the mean time, the shuttering of one more death camp for greyhounds puts us a step closer to the Day of Liberation; the day no greyhounds will die meaningless deaths in the empty pursuit of (no) profit. But pray tell Sally Briggs, general manager of the track, what brought you to this momentous decision? Like the Grinch, did your heart suddenly grow three sizes? Were you blinded by a light on the road to Damascus and did a voice say unto you "Sally, Sally. Why do you persecute them so?" Tell us, from what wellspring of empathy and altruism deep within in you did this action burst forth?

Briggs said it couldn't compete with racetracks in surrounding states that offer expanded gambling options. She also cited an overall decline in the racing industry as a reason for the closure.

Oh. Um...OK, well that'll do we guess.It sounds like you're saying since no one comes to watch the pitiless commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, and since you are only a place that puts vulnerable greyhounds in harm's way in the fruitless pursuit of (again, no) profit, might as well throw in the towel. We get that.

The Texas Racing Commission says wagering at Gulf Greyhound Park had declined by 85 percent since 1992.

Eighty five percent! Wow. So you're saying that when you realized you only had a little less than 1/7 of your business left it finally occurred to you that maybe greyhound racing wasn't the path to riches you were led to believe it was? Man. Well, slow is better than no we guess. What do you think Threespeed?

I am an active little girl but I’m just a baby (I will only be two in August). I am very affectionate. I love to give my foster mom kisses. I am an attention seeker and will push my way through the doggie crowd for attention but, don’t worry, I don’t do it in an aggressive manner. I get along with dogs my size and have seen small dogs through my fence and I didn’t act mean to them. I am housebroken and don’t mind being in my crate. I love to play with toys and run and play in my yard. I have been very friendly to all of the humans I have met so far. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 14 Aug 2015 16:49:00 +0000

We're sure you are familiar with the old saying that goes First they came for the socialists and I did not speak up because I was not a socialist. It's a sad commentary on apathy and the inevitable result of complacency. We tell you this because YOU NEED TO WAKE UP PEOPLE!! Our freedoms are in jeopardy. Sound the call to action! A las barricadas amigos! Why, you ask. Because the jackbooted thugs have come for the overlords and the rest of us can't be far behind!

Greyhound Racing Victoria (GRV) stepped up its inspections of trainers and owners after a Four Corners program earlier this year uncovered the use of live baits to "blood" racing dogs Live rabbits, cats and possums were being used as lures in mechanized training facilities known as bullrings.

It's a fascist paradise man. 1984, Fahrenheit 451 and A Clockwork Orange all rolled into one, plus a little of The Iron Heel. It's power come down from the high mountain to crush your dreams. It's, well let's let overlord, former trainer and publisher of the GreyhoundUnion.com newsletter, Tony Vass tell us. He's had first hand experience.

"I can't speak for all of them but I have been getting a lot of calls from members and non-members around Victoria saying that their rights are being trampled," Mr Vass said.

Oh we hear you Mr. Vass. Evil has a stranglehold on liberty and is slowly chocking the life out of her. The dark shadow of Mordor has spread across the land. Um...just to be clear though, what rights are you talking about? The right to condemn innocent rabbits cats and possums to meaningless, violent deaths in the unsubstantiated belief that it will make the dogs run faster? The right to commodify sentient living creatures and place them in harm's way in the singular pursuit of (no) profit? The right to off 40% of greyhounds when they are no longer productive? We're just trying to get a clear picture here.

Mr Vass said there were a number of trainers who were angry and disillusioned by the process

As well they should be Mr. Vass, as well they should be. Where do these pencil necked bureaucrats get off thinking they can invite themselves on to an overlord's property just because they represent governmental oversight of your industry? Is this a dictatorship? Have the overlords no rights? Where's Cliven Bundy when you need him?

Animal Welfare officers reported a trainer allegedly fired a gun and attempted to assault them during an unannounced inspection on the man's property at Rosedale, east of Melbourne.

Oh. There he is. Well look, you have to expect that when freedom is threatened patriots will rise to defend her. You would do well to take note of that GRV chairman Bernie Carolan.

Mr Vass said the incident on Tuesday was predictable, if not inevitable, and GRV officials had been warned about the growing tension in the industry over unannounced property inspections.

Word to the wise, Mr. Carolan, word to the wise. You're heading down a dangerous path toying with the the overlords' fundamental freedom to be callous, cold hearted and cruel, just like it says in the bible.

"The Domestic Animals Act, the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Act and the Racing Act come together in the Code of Practice, which participants in the industry need to follow. "We do have the power to do what we believe we have to do to lead some culture change within the industry, [so] incidents like the live baiting incident from February won't occur again."

Oh sure, hide behind the law Mr. Carolan, like that makes a difference. The overlords are talking about free enterprise here. The right to kill and maim their way to riches, just like any other business person. Well, OK, most people in business don't make a profit by death and injury, but the overlords don't really make a profit anyway, so give them a break all right? Cripes, you expect them to work for a living? That's why they have the dogs. And the rabbits. And the cats. And the possums.

What do you say, Mr. Carolan? All the overlords are asking for is a couple day's notice. You know, so they can tidy up a bit, maybe put on some water for tea. Is that too much to ask?

GRV said the incident in Gippsland would not stop its officers carrying out snap inspections.

Geez, there's just no pleasing some people huh Johnny?

I am very calm, loving and playful. I am not a jumper, but I do like to play. I will bring you a squeaky toy or a ball. I actually play fetch, which is unusual for a Greyhound. I enjoy going for walks. I am good with or other dogs or by myself. I get along perfect with dogs of any size and kitties too. I enjoy going for car rides. I just lie down, go to sleep and enjoy the ride. I can go up and down the stairs; however, I don’t really like the tile stairs that are in one part of my foster home. I am fine with any other surface of stairs though. I don’t mind being in my crate. I go in there to take naps. I have met kids from the age of three up to the age of ten. I loved them and was so gentle. I gave them lots of loving kisses. I have actually loved everyone one I have met. I am housebroken too. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 07 Aug 2015 16:39:00 +0000

Now, if you don't know anything else about the overlords you know they loves them some greyhounds. They have the utmost respect for this noble and ancient breed and that is what attracted them to greyhound racing, which as we all know requires great investments of time and money. There's the training, the care and feeding, and the continued effort to make sure these elite athletes get everything they need to perform at the top of their potential. Not to mention the emotional connection between the breeders, trainers, owners and the dogs themselves who, as we've often heard are just like members of the family.

So you have to believe that whenever the overlords hear of anything even slightly untoward in their industry, even slightly askew they will move heaven and earth to right it and protect the greyhounds at whatever cost, right Townsville Greyhound Racing Club President Gary Heath?

The Townsville Greyhound Racing Club on Sunday warned many of the 2-300 dogs involved were at risk of being put down if it couldn't find $180,000 for repairs. President Gary Heath told News Corp it was an animal welfare issue. "If they decide to close it, at a guess, I'd say we've got 200 to 300 greyhounds up here," he said. "We'd like to think we could find homes for them all but, being realistic, I think a lot of them would have to be put down."

And there you have it. Can there be any more clear proof of the overlords love for these dogs, or their devotion to their wait, what?

Animal Liberation Queensland president Chay Neal said the comments were another example of why the industry should not be allowed to continue. Mr Neal said the industry didn't see the value in a dog unless it was racing.

Oh, come on Mr. Neal. That's a bit over the top don't you think? The last thing any overlord wants is to put a dog in danger. Surely there must be a better explanation than the units are no longer profitable.

"It sounds like the Townsville Greyhound Racing Club is attempting to emotionally blackmail Racing Queensland for further funding, threatening the lives of 300 healthy greyhounds," he said in a statement on Monday night.

Not so fast there Mr. Neal. Everyone knows the cruel and heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is a losing enterprise, so Mr. Heath is probably between a fiscal rock and a hard place. We mean, $180,000 is a lot of two dollar bets and when there are only about 40 people in 100 square miles of the place stupid enough to think that betting on whether a helpless greyhound makes it around the track without injuring or killing itself is the road to riches it's pretty obvious that if Mr. Heath wants to stay out of the labor pool, he's running out of options fast. Desperate times call for desperate measures, know what we mean? Besides, most of the dogs get killed anyway so what's the big whoop, right Slim?

I am a really sweet and laid back boy. I am not an “in your face” dog but I will come around for attention. I am fine either being by myself or with people/dogs. I am learning how to play with toys and I am finding that I really love them. I get along great with all of the Greyhounds in my foster home. I have seen some small dogs through the fence. I showed some interest in them but then decided to just walk away and let them do their thing. It has been so hot since I have been here that I am finding laying in the kiddy pool very relaxing and refreshing. I am housebroken. I was a little shy and unsure of things when I first got to my foster home but I am adjusting now and coming out of my shell. I am really enjoying retirement. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 31 Jul 2015 15:18:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago we told you about Overlord Dale Popp who is the General Manager of Tucson Death Camp for Greyhounds. As you may recall they were having a bit of an inventory problem.

Dogs at Tucson Greyhound Park typically race on at three days’ rest. About three dozen greyhounds have not raced at TGP in at least six weeks, including three that haven’t raced since February.

It seems the disappearance of almost 40 dogs attracted the attention of several animal rights whackos who alerted the local media. Said media then proceeded to get all up in Dale's grill and were like Dude, where's the dogs? Can we see the dogs? Bring out the dogs.

Now, you probably think because of the long history and tradition of transparency at TGP that overlord Popp brought out the dogs, let the reporters check them over, gave a tour of the kennels and everyone went home with a smile on their faces--except of course for the animal rights whackos who were shown once again to be more concerned with casting aspersions on the character of the overlords by spreading lies about their commitment to the units than about the units themselves.

Well, that just shows how little you know about the wholesale commodification and meaningless death and injury helpless, innocent living creatures are subjected to in the pursuit of (no) profit because not only did overlord Popp refuse to produce the dogs, he wasn't about to let them crazy reporters with all that video equipment anywhere near the kennels. Although, in his defense, he did respond to their allegations.

Popp said at the time, “The dogs aren't unaccounted for. They are accounted for.”

Not only that, he enlisted the aid of overlord Alicia Heiserer for confirmation.

TGP controller Alicia Heiserer emailed us, saying, "...it seems as if you really think something is up with the dogs that you had listed to Mr. Popp. Fortunately, we know the whereabouts of each one of them and they are just fine."

So, case closed, right? Umm...not quite. It seems the overlords' definitions of "accounted for" and "just fine" are a little different from everyone else's.

Turns out, not all the dogs are fine; one of them is dead. That would be "Last Two Stars." The Feb. 21 race was her last. She died the next day of a twisted gut, and was cremated. She was two and a half years old.

OK, before you get all up on your high horse in the overlord's defense, they knew she was dead so technically she was accounted for and her crate has been filled by another greyhound so in that regard things are just fine.

During the July 11th interview, Popp replied to our list with what TGP said was the status of all the inactive dogs. It showed “Last Two Stars” was petted-out, meaning adopted. But when we asked the Arizona Department of Gaming to confirm that, a spokesman said "Last Two Stars" was in fact dead.

Hey, no system is perfect, you know? Probably someone just checked the wrong box.

Popp said, “That piece of information wasn't obviously, wasn't accurate. “Last Two Stars”, and “Xtrem Stars” were inverted. “Xtrem Stars” is the one that was petted-out. “Last Two Stars”, um, had a twisted gut, and has, uh, been, was, has deceased.”

Well there you go then. Simple case of mistaken identity. Happens all the time, besides all greyhounds look alike to him, right overlord Popp?

We asked Popp, “Isn't that a huge mistake to make, though? That you as the general manager didn't know a dog was dead here?” He replied, “Any mistake is huge when it comes to the safety and well-being of the dog. Am I surprised that I didn't know? Yeah.”

Popp also admitted that he was surprised when he found his way home after work without stopping to ask for directions, when he got his shoes tied in less than three tries and when he remembered which end of the toothbrush to stick in his mouth.

Randell Graham is a greyhound owner and trainer at TGP, the only one to come forward so far to respond to our first report. Graham had three dogs on the inactive list, and showed us their tattoo numbers, which matched those on the list. Graham said, “When we try to lay them up and give them a rest, we're accused of making them disappear, or they're missing, and it's, in my opinion it's become a double standard. And I wanted to clear my name.”

Good for you overlord Graham, but we're not quite sure what you mean by double standard. Lying about the welfare of the dogs, hiding their true condition and refusing to let independent observers verify what you are saying seems to be the only standard.

Regarding the fact that Popp told us two weeks ago that “Last Two Stars” was adopted, when she had been dead since February, we asked Popp, “Going forward, do you intend to get to the bottom of this?” He said, “Of course I do.” We asked, “How?” He replied, “By doing exactly what you're doing. Asking questions and investigating.”

Yeah. OK, but if your definitions of asking questions and investigating are like your definitions of accounted for and just fine, we've got a bad feeling about this. What about you Daisy? You going to sleep any better knowing Popp is on the case?

This sweet girl is with a rescue group called Alex’s House, who asked if we could please cross post her info. If you are interested in her, please contact them at: 316-321-1597.We don't know if Daisy can live with cats or small dogs, or if she can be an "only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 24 Jul 2015 15:29:00 +0000

OK, it's pop quiz time here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Complete this sentence:

In the future, the state’s thoroughbred and greyhound racing industries could feature:

Here are your choices:

A. Lectures by Veterinarians on the physical harm that can occur to racing animals.

B. A chapter of Gamblers Anonymous.

C. Workshops on the ethical aspects of commodifying sentient living creatures solely for profit.

D. Career counseling for the overlords.

Done? OK let's see what you picked.

Off-track betting at upscale sports bars and, perhaps, country clubs around the state.

Racetrack-sponsored social gaming sites with prizes, such as free hotel
accommodations, redeemable at the racetracks.

More flexibility for the state Racing Commission to reduce or increase racing days at the state’s four tracks, based on fluctuations in purse fund revenues.

Legalized sports betting at the racetracks.

Hmmm...not quite what we were looking for, but we see your point. Anything that takes the emphasis away from racing is likely to help racing. You might be on to something here. Care to elaborate Racing Commissioner Bill Phillips?

“What it points out to me is people in this industry are willing to sit down and work together to stimulate and grow the industry,” he said Tuesday, after subcommittees presented their ideas for revamping racing in the state.

Gotcha. So the thing to do to stimulate and grow the industry is to give people things to do other than watch innocent animals risk life and limb for losers betting the rent money. Sounds like a plan.

Proposals for economic growth and revenue enhancement ranged from the more conventional -- such as advanced deposit wagering, which allows players to set up accounts so they can place wagers from their smartphones or tablets – to the extreme of legalizing sports betting at the racetracks. It was brought up as something that obviously would be a game-changer,” Erich Zimny, vice president of racing operations at Charles Town Races, said of the latter. “How realistic that is, is another question.”

Oh we're with you there, Mr. Zimmy. Anyone dumb enough to think they are going to make money betting on whether an animal will get around the track without killing or injuring itself is probably not going to be too adept at operating a smart phone or a tablet. In fact, if they even have a tablet it's probably the kind the doctor prescribed for them, you know...so they'd stop hearing the voices. Besides, even Sam Burdette figured out that losers bet and bettors lose and he's not exactly Stephen Hawking's long lost brother, know what we're saying?

Phil Reale, who lobbies for both thoroughbred and greyhound owners, suggested that OTB would work well in sports bars and country clubs. “Upscale sports bars are an absolute home run,” he said, adding, “It’s the kind of clientele you’re looking for.”

Well, we can certainly understand that Mr. Reale, but we have to say upscale and the wholesale exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit are not ideas that are usually connected. And country clubs? Seriously? "Jerry, here are my keys. Pull the Mercedes around while I bet two bucks on some poor, helpless dog in Florida will you? I'm meeting with my broker at two."

We're just not seeing it.

Also suggested were racetrack-sponsored social gaming sites, with winning prizes redeemable at the racetracks, as a way to entice Millennials to visit the facilities.

OK we can see that, but what kind of prize would you offer? It's not exactly like you're in a position to be giving away cars and stuff. Oh we know! How about something like the collar from a dog that electrocuted itself during a race. It's not going to cost anything and it might make a nice memento for whomever bet on the deceased unit.

Among marketing and advertising proposals was a suggestion to promote racetrack casinos not only as entertainment venues, but also as major employers and economic engines in their regions.

Hey, we like that. We can see it now...billboards all around the state: "Visit your local race track so the poor schmucks who work the minimum wage no benefit jobs don't have to go on welfare." That's bound to bring them in, right Sue?

I am very puppyish and have a lot of energy for being almost three years old. I am curious about everything as it is all new to me. I love to follow my foster parents around and I like to see what they are doing. I love to look at myself in the mirror and see how beautiful I am. I do a little “happy dance” when my foster parents get home.

I learned how to go up and down the stairs my first day in my foster home. I am housebroken. I need some work learning how to walk on a leash. I get along with dogs of all sizes. I have loved all of the new people I have met. I am learning how to play with toys. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 17 Jul 2015 16:25:00 +0000

We're coming to you today from the Out Of Sight Out Of Mind Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The OOSOOMD is a division of the Dogs? What Dogs? Company, a wholly owned subsidiary of Oh, You Mean Those Dogs, Incorporated.

It seems the overlords at Tucson Death Camp for Greyhounds are having a bit of an inventory problem.

Dogs at Tucson Greyhound Park typically race on at three days’ rest. About three dozen greyhounds have not raced at TGP in at least six weeks, including three that haven’t raced since February. Some greyhound advocates are worried about the condition and whereabouts of these dogs. The track says nothing is wrong.

Well of course there's nothing wrong. Dogs disappear from Tucson Death Camp for Greyhounds all the time. Jeez, if you were to send a reporter out to the track every time a dog went missing, you'd have to put that person on the track payroll because he or she would be there so much. Besides, this isn't anything to concern yourself with is it General Manager Dale Popp?

“The dogs aren't unaccounted for. They are accounted for.”

There you go then. Right from the horse's...um...mouth. And you can bet if Mr. Popp says it, it is true because he has that long tradition of transparency and honesty that is the hallmark of TGP to uphold.

Popp said the vast majority of the greyhounds in question, more than 30, are simply resting in their kennels at the track, mainly due to poor finishes. Dogs that don't finish in at least 4th place in six straight races must be rested, or "re-schooled." Popp says most of the others were "petted-out", meaning adopted.

See, it is a common misconception that units that are no longer profitable are dumped faster than you can say Donald Trump espouses logically cogent, sophisticated policies, if you could say that without your head exploding. Those truly knowledgeable concerning the wholesale exploitation and wanton cruelty that results from putting innocent living creatures in danger of death and injury in the heartless pursuit of (no) profit are aware that dogs who are not able to finish in the money are withdrawn from competition until they can become suitably rested and be examined to ensure there is no medical reason for their performance because they are highly prized professional athletes who represent a huge investment of time and money on the part of the overlords and that investment will be protected at all costs. Just ask Ursulla O'Donnell, or Ronnie Williams. Well, Ron is still in jail so he might be a bit hard to reach. Maybe Frank Ritt and Bruno Steinmann will be available instead. They got out a while back.

We asked Popp, “If the conditions are good back there (in the kennels), and the dogs are not injured, and they're well-treated, why can't you let our camera back there to show that to the public?” He replied, “Because I don't trust the portrayal of the media.”

Ha! You slippery media types aren't going to get one by Dale Popp, nosiree. He didn't just fall off the turnip truck. You want to go back there and film the injured and sick dogs stuck in their crates, the unsanitary conditions and the general lack of care and compassion greyhounds get in the kennels, then you're going to go out and put that on your TV machine for everyone to see and give all the people the wrong idea about greyhound racing. Well, not on his watch you're not!

Popp added, “It's not unusual to give dogs a rest even if you can't find anything wrong with them, just to give 'em a rest.” We asked, “For six weeks or longer?” He said, “That might be a little bit extreme. So maybe a six-week dog, maybe he is injured.” We replied, “But the only way to know how severe, if at all severe, these dogs are injured, is for you to show them to us.” He said, “No, no.”

Sweet Jebus on rye with mayo will you people get down off your verification high horse? The man just told you everything is fine and you want proof? What more proof do you need? Why would he lie? What could he possibly gain by trying to hide the institutionalized brutality that results from the callous comodification of helpless greyhounds from public scrutiny?

Karyn Zoldan, a greyhound advocate who has adopted dogs that used to race at TGP says, “They're not on the injury reports and they're not on the sign-out sheets, so where are they?” Sign-out sheets, also called "disposition reports," are required to be filled out whenever a dog leaves the track. We asked Popp if he had the sign-out sheets; he said he did. We asked if he would give them to us. He said, “Actually, “I just turned them over to the state.”

Now, we know what you're thinking and before you get all up on your high horse we'll tell you that Popp is not required to keep copies of the disposition reports, so no, he can't show them to you. Besides, even if he wanted to make copies, the secretary was out that day and who knows how to run that copy machine? We mean really, have you looked at that thing? Has more buttons and lights than the space shuttle.

However, Arizona Department of Gaming spokesman Greg Stiles told the News 4 Tucson Investigators in an email, “The state does not have copies of the disposition reports as they are the responsibility of the track."

In a followup e-mail Mr. Stiles wrote: Christ, is that place still open? I thought it closed years ago. What a hellhole. I wouldn't send an inspector out there on a bet. Who knows what diseases they'd come back with."

We said to Popp, “The average viewer here might be thinking, 'Why doesn't he show the dogs if he has nothing to hide?” He replied, “The average viewer, and if it's not a special interest group or a member of the media, right now, again, this is my opinion, the average viewer, is welcome back there.”

There you go. You heard the man. Call your friends and relatives. It's Road Trip Time, right Aladdin? Well as soon as the cast comes off. Get that while you were "resting" did ya?

This sweet, two year old boy is new to us, so we will have more information about him soon. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 10 Jul 2015 16:46:00 +0000

Ah, vacation. That blessed time of the year when, instead of being at work thinking about being some place else, you are some place else thinking about all you'll have to do when you get back to work. And so it has been with your friends here at IM Central. We won't bore you with the details except to say all the charges have been dropped and the damage repaired.

So, back to business, and as you know that business is shining the light of truth in the dark corners of the vile and tangled swamp which is home to the overlords and seeing what scurries away. And what better place to watch overlords scurry than Tucson Death Camp for Greyhounds where it seems people with souls have noticed the number of injured greyhounds being dumped on them by the track has taken a dramatic rise. Why it's almost as if the wholesale exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit has led to putting the desperate grasping for the few remaining dollars above the safety and well being of the units. We, of course, know this cannot be true as the overlords have told us on many occasions about the depth of their commitment and the lengths they will go to see that the dogs are well cared for, right general manager of Tucson Greyhound Park?

Dale Popp said he wanted to set the record straight, after animal advocacy groups cited concerns about mistreatment of greyhounds at the race track.

Well of course he does. Honesty and transparency have long been hallmarks of the way overlords interact with those who question their priorities. Especially at Tucson. So enlighten us Mr. Popp.

Popp said he takes the welfare of the dogs seriously.

Ah. Well, thanks for clearing that up. Glad to know you're on top of this.

In the past few weeks, rescue groups have taken in 28 greyhounds, 24 of which were former racing dogs, with injuries ranging from broken legs to heat stroke. The groups have already spent more than $30,000 to treat the dogs, and volunteers estimated the cost to exceed $100,000 this year.

Hmmm...so when you say you take the welfare of the dogs seriously you mean unless it costs you money then it's, there's the gate Fido, limp your scrawny butt on out of here if you can't earn your keep.

Popp said greyhound racing may be a business, but workers at the park love their dogs too. "There are some very hard working people behind the scenes to take care of these dogs," Popp said.

No kidding? So where are those hard working people when a dog gets hurt? Oh wait, we know. They're the ones who cart therm over to the fence and dump them on the rescue groups right? Greyhounds can weigh 70 or 80 pounds each so when you have to cart that many to the used up pile that can get to your back, you know? Guess that's what makes it hard work.

Popp said kennel owners who brought in the race dogs were very passionate about the sport. Many of them had nicknames for the dogs and brought them treats regularly.

Aw. That's really cute. So when the owner is standing at the rail watching the dog race he can say, "Oh look, Flopsy broke his leg. What a shame. Well, clean out his crate and call the breeding farm. We still got three more races to get through." Touching. Really touching.

Before every race every dog undergoes a medical examination.

So if it has a broken leg, or has been electrocuted before the race you'll know it right away. Good thinking. Safety first we always say.

"Everything we do is monitored by the state," he said. "Not just that, they also do surprise kennel inspections."

Yeah. Except your state monitor is Rory Goree. The man is about as useful as a pitching coach on a T-ball team.

Staff members said the first few inches of the track is soft fluff so dogs don't injure their paws.

Got it, but legs, backs, necks, spines, inability to tolerate large voltages coursing through their bodies...mmm...not so much. Lucky you got out with all your parts still working, huh Dusty?

I am a young girl, just turning two in August. I am sweet, gentle and very friendly. My foster mom says I am very good. I am playful. I am housebroken. I love other dogs. I have loved all the kids I have meet so far. I can go up small flights of stairs but have not tried long flights yet. I love to go for walks and play with toys. I am just a little jumpy at unexpected noises but I have only been off the racetrack a week so I will get used to things. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 26 Jun 2015 17:25:00 +0000

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that the dawn of a new day is but a temporary respite from the growing shadows of disappointment that announce the long night of despair...erm...we.mean know that we have frequently used our pixels to point out the overlords' attempts to defend the heartless commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit often border on the delusional and occasionally descend into outright fantasy. We're not sure if this is due to some genetic anomaly that causes them to appear to be normal humans and yet have an emotional life more akin to tarantulas, or if they are the result of some sort of shortcoming in their upbringing---perhaps a vitamin deficiency, or lack of proper prenatal medical care. Of course there is always the possibility of alien abduction and during the experiments the part of their brain that gives them sympathy, empathy and compassion was cauterized. We're just spit balling here.

Whatever. This week we thought as a public service to our overlord friends out there--at least the ones who can read--we would reduce the whole complicated, multifaceted, layered issue of exploiting living, breathing, sentient creatures for monetary enrichment (or more realistically the fantasy of monetary enrichment) down to its bedrock core. We will strip away all of the rationalizations, explanations, justifications, and apologia and focus in on the one element that cuts across all aspects and the one idea that binds each overlord to his and her fellows like dog poop binds to your sneaker.

We speak, of course, of money. Bones, bread, dead presidents, green backs, lettuce, sawbucks, scratch, that long green with a short future. Yes ladies and gentleman, no matter what particular brand of delusional lip flapping an overlord employs to obfuscate and delay the inevitable tide of reality there is one thing they are as clear eyed about as Thea after a visit to the optometrist and that is money. You have it. They want it, even if it is two bucks at a time, and their hope is that they can ride the backs of hapless greyhounds all the way to the bank.

And, with that as our introduction, we present to you exhibit A (click to embiggify):

Now, you don't have to be Kurt Gödel to realize that when the line of a graph drops down to the right faster than Bristol Palin drops her drawers that is not a good thing, especially if you are an overlord, and especially if that line is a graphical representation of your financial future. So, to sum up, let's draw our inspiration from that legendary logician, Aristotle who might put it this way:

Overlords race greyhounds to make money

There is no money to be made in racing greyhounds

Overlords need to find another line of work

OK, those of you with souls are probably thinking "Well, that's pretty clear to us. Thanks for pointing that out Ironicus. Can we contribute to a fund somewhere to help overlords buy a subscription to the newspaper so they can get the want ads?"

We appreciate your astute analysis of our evidence, and you are quite welcome, but there is still one obstacle to overcome. You see, while even the overlords can't escape the reality of the approaching economic demise of their cruel and abusive industry, in each of their fevered imaginations they still cling to the chimera that as the money pot dries up they can find a way to cut out their fellow overlords and secure the lion's share for themselves. Hence as long as there is one rube somewhere with at least two bucks, every overlord within earshot is going to think that two bucks belongs to him, or her. The upshot of all this is that the industry will begin to eat itself and that's good news, but the bad news is that as overlords crawl over each other grasping for that last big score, those helpless greyhounds trapped in their death camps will become less and less of a concern.

We wish we could find a joke in there to lighten the moment, but we can't. All we can say is we're glad you got out when you did Sandman.

I am a very friendly boy. I have been my foster’s shadow. I am active in the morning but then I basically just follow along and do what the other dogs do. I am not hyper. I am very laid back. I absolutely love attention. I don’t mind being in my crate. I am housebroken. I love to play with my squeaky toys. I can go up and down a couple of stairs but have not had the chance to try more than that. I get along great with other dogs. I absolutely love everyone one I meet. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 19 Jun 2015 16:30:00 +0000

Hey that was fun last week wasn't it? We hadn't heard from the G man in quite a while. Nice to know he's still as...um...how to say this politely...let's just say it's nice to know the space between his ears is as extramundane as it always has been. There are some things in this life that you can count on. Birds gonna fly, fish gonna swim, Rory gonna...well, you get our point.

So anyway, this week let's traipse on over to a popular overlord blog and see what the haps are. The blog is called Grey2K Lies and not because the overlords are obsessed with Grey2K or anything; not because Grey2K scares the pants off of them because they're one of the most effective groups arguing that the overlords should join the labor pool; not because they're constantly reminding the public that wholesale commodification, resulting in senseless injury and death for innocent living creatures for (no) profit is inhumane, intolerable in an enlightened society and economically unsustainable. Also, their second choice for a title: We're Going To Write A Bunch Of Stuff That Confirms Our Delusions And Makes Us Feel Comfortable Until Reality Breaks Down The Last Of This Imaginary Facade We've Created And Then We'll Act All Surprised And Blame It On Someone Else seemed a bit long.

So what's the topic du jour?

"Rescue"... What is it?

It's one little word that means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. It is a word that has been used to inflect hurt upon people; it is a word that has been used to describe the process of rehoming animals. It is a word that generates images of pathetic, abused animals, which then generate hundreds of thousands of dollars in revenue for some group such as HSUS. It is a word that has been properly used to describe animals taken out of horrific, shocking conditions. One little word.... so many meanings.

Hmm...OK, animals taken out of horrific, shocking conditions we get, but inflict hurt, generate dollars...not definitions we noticed in our Websters. We sense another agenda at play. Do go on overlord blogger.

In greyhounds, the word "rescue" was introduced to the lexicon to wound people, to hurt and destroy them, to dehumanize them, to place the greyhound racing community in as bad of a light as possible.

Yeah, uh, that's an interesting interpretation and all, but you kind of did that to yourselves there Mr. or Ms. overlord blogger. Or maybe it's more accurate to say people like this, or this, or this, or this, or this, or events like this or this did it for you, because it wasn't until people with souls began to learn how you used the units and what happened to them when you were done with them that it was determined they needed to be rescued, but we understand that representing the real world is not the goal here, so please continue.

The people who use the word to harm and injure, and to sustain a negative stereotype, are like those who continually refer to our President using his middle name with emphasis purely to create the same negative effect. The majority of people are tragically misinformed about greyhounds. In today's racing/adoption model, there is no coercion. People willingly give their greyhounds to adoption groups who willingly see to their rehoming.

Yeah, except no: "I'll never let one of my dogs be adopted be an anti-racing group..."And as long as we're engaging in a little etymology here, about that word rehoming. How can you be rehomed when you ain't had no home to begin with? See, Mr. Webster defines home as "the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household." Now, since you dump slow greyhounds faster than Scott Walker dumps positions, and since greyhounds are in no way members of your family (unless you abandon your relatives when they're no longer of any use to you) there is no home for them to leave in the first place, hence rehoming is not the word you are looking for. Inventory reduction fits the bill better, don't you think? Glad we could help.

Yet, when people use the term "rescue" it gives the impression that the racing industry had has been bad to them. However, there is a BIG difference between a dog that came off of a track to a dog wandering the streets.... No comparison at all.

Well, that's true. Dogs wandering the street are an unfortunate consequence of irresponsible owners while greyhounds are prisoners in a system of institutionalized cruelty bred only for their market value and deserted when they can no longer perform. So what's your point?

The "rescue" terminology, as it applies to racing greyhounds, is the bludgeon of the demagogue. It is used with malicious intent. It is a slur, a slur applied with a very broad brush, on those who do the right thing to the best of their ability. It is a slap in the face to the greatest majority of decent, hard-working, and dedicated folks who go without so their dogs are given every chance at full life before, during and after racing.

Sure, if they don't get killed on the track, or culled before they even get there, but we get it, overlords have varying degrees of commitment to their dogs, but does that really matter when all overlords, regardless of their personal connection to their charges see them as a means to an end rather than living, breathing sentient creatures who didn't ask to be put in this situation and simply deserve the right to live out their lives unmolested by your pecuniary desires?

For years now, there is a group of money hungry lobbyists in the US that are trying to do away with dog racing. That group is Grey2K.

Here we go...

They imply that the racing folks don't care and that they are only in it to "make a buck off the backs of the dogs". They are propagandists and use their misinformation to pull on the heart strings of potential new income sources, enabling a kind of weird higher purpose for those donating.

You know, there's an easy way to disabuse people of the notion you're only in it for the money, pick one of the 39 states that has outlawed betting on greyhounds and open a track there, just for the fun and excitement of the sport don't you know, because that's what it's really all about right?

Personally, I get pretty darn pissed off about the whole thing. All those wasted dollars would be better served going to actual adoption groups and/or local shelters.

Oh we're with you there Mr. or Ms. overlord. We're pretty pissed off too because all those wasted dollars going to subsidize your dead industry could be put to better use as well. What's your opinion Tilly?

Tilly can live with cats and small dogs, but we don't yet know if she can be an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 12 Jun 2015 15:45:00 +0000

Hey, you know who we haven't heard from in a while? That committed public servant, professional rhetorician, roustabout scientist and friend of the blog overlord Rory Goree that's who. Let's slide over to the coprophagous side of town and see what the old wastrel has been up to shall we?

If I told a story about one of my ex-racing greyhounds, a story that pertained to its racing history, I would have no problem showing anyone my greyhound’s tattoos if they asked to see them. That’s what people with pride in their adopted ex-racing greyhounds do.

Well, if the greyhound in question happened to be there with you of course, but we get it. You're still on about Gina and Grey2K aren't you, but since you are only writing for people who already agree with you there is no need to clearly say what you mean--sort of the passive aggressive approach to opinion writing, right? Or maybe it's just easier for you to take ideas people have already stated, obfuscate them a little and present them as your own deep thoughts. Come to think of it, that's not such a bad strategy for someone whose last original thought was labeling his shoes L and R so he'd remember how to put them on in the morning.

Some like to play the "they are picking on me" game when they themselves perpetuate the picking, bullying and harassment. When questioned, they will not answer honestly, instead they resort to the “they are picking on me” diatribes and side-step providing the simple truth.

Umm...so the answer "it's none of your business" wasn't what you were looking for? And as for bullying, how about this:

"Then grab her and run like hell!!!" That message was followed by a joke about a "get away car."

Sounds like a bit of a threat to us, and as for harassment:

SHOW US THEM TATS! And when you do show them, please be sure an independent person with no connections and nothing to gain or lose verifies this.

Not to be pedantic about it or anything, but the phrase is show us those tats, although the random capitalization is a nice example of the spittle-flecked psychosis that has attended this entire affair. And speaking of psychosis, what is it you hope to achieve by this revelation you so ardently seek in your own obdurate and puerile way?

If a dog was truly an ex-racing greyhound and those who love greyhounds inquire about this dog, why is there a need to hide a dog’s identity, a dog’s history? Why deny this or any greyhound the right to be who it truly is and was? What is the secret? What is the fear? Are you afraid the truth negates your fairytale and will expose a long standing pattern of deception which will come out?

Oh, we get it now. You think knowing those numbers would unlock the truth about what people who think the wholesale exploitation and abuse of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is a festering sore on the body of society are really up to, right? Sort of the Rosetta stone of the animal rights wackos; the key to the enigma machine of those who suffer from chronic altruism.

Well, allow us to put what passes for your mind at rest. There is no deep dark secret, no hidden agenda. It's simply that people afflicted with congenital empathy feel obligated to clean up the detritus of your barbaric industry, a detritus that consists of living, breathing, sentient beings.

Think about this G man: the only reason Gina was adopted was because the people who had her didn't want her anymore. Why not? Who has the real secret here? What about you Dew? Anybody ever try to decode your ears?

Are you looking for a care-free girl that can let the wind blow through her ears (check her in a car with a moon roof!) and is still respectable enough to introduce to your mother? An independent girl but still VERY affectionate? A girl with the usual talents, yet also adventurous enough to try new things, such as a cake walk and walking off with the first prize? Beautiful Dew just might be that special lady to add to your life. She is in foster, doing great with house rules, and enjoying her retirement! Come meet this special girl. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 05 Jun 2015 16:51:00 +0000

It has recently come to our attention that the overlords are quite upset, and this is very disconcerting to us because we are not the ones causing them to be so. Yes gentle reader(s) in spite of the effort we put into annoying the overlords; regardless of the hard work that goes into creating blog posts in such a way as to constantly point out the intellectual and emotional vacuity it takes to participate in an endeavor that results in the wholesale abuse, injury and death of innocent living creatures for (no) profit; despite the fact that we continually endeavor to remind the overlords that they are to polite society as crotch itch is to a spacewalking astronaut it seems the simple act of rescuing a greyhound from their clammy grasp has done more to send them into a weapons grade tizzy than a whole month of our humble scribbles.

Of course there is the fact that the aforementioned rescue was done by Carey Theil and Christine Dorchak, aka Mr. and Mrs. Grey2K and as we all know, that particular combination of letters and number is the detonator to mega-tonnage of overlord spittle-flecked, bug-eyed, hair pulling, foot stomping, rolling on the floor, demon possessed, ranting and raving. On their more rational days that is. As Mr. Theil put it in what has to be the very epitome of understatement:

Last month, my family added another member when we adopted Gina the greyhound. Predictably, greyhound breeders responded to this happy event with bitterness and hostility.

Bitterness and hostility? Come on C man. Saying their response was bitter and hostile is like saying setting off a thermonuclear device in the living room will result in stains on the carpet. Take overlord Bruce Walters for example who opined:

"30 days before Ginger decides she wants to jump in front of a moving vehicle."

Now, set aside for a moment the fact that overlord Walters doesn't have the mental acuity necessary to differentiate between the words Gina and Ginger which may simply be a function of his inability to read the word Grey2K without soiling himself and we can see a fairly good example of overlord logic. In their world, greyhounds trapped in cages up to 22 hours a day, placed in harm's way on a regular basis, fed meat from diseased cows and abandoned at the first sign of slowing down are happy and content, but take them away from all that, place them in a loving home with caring people, feed them well and provide for their comfort and safety and they become suicidal. It makes perfect sense. If the area in your skull where your brain should be is instead occupied by algae.

The overlords are not just complainers though, some, like overlord Beverly Stahlgren Schrecongost are women of action:

"Then grab her and run like hell!!!" That message was followed by a joke about a "get away car." Meanwhile, Daytona Kennel Club worker Connie Winkler suggested that Gina's former racing owner should try to remove her from our family by falsely claiming she was stolen.

First of all, why do so many of the overlords have three names? Is it so that if they forget one they've still got a 50/50 chance of remembering one of the other two? As you can see though, we have a pretty good example of overlord respect for the law. If they are willing to engage in theft and fraud in matters that do not affect them in any way, what extent are they willing to go to in matters that do impact them, like treatment for an injured dog, or mandatory vaccinations, or seeking help for greyhounds they can no longer afford?

Well, no matter because overlord Craig Randle's comment really gets to the heart of the overlords' concerns, and as you may have guessed if you are literate beyond the second grade, it has nothing to do with the greyhound in question:

As usual, the most disturbing comment was made by former National Greyhound Association official Craig Randle, who again referred to the near fatal accident GREY2K USA President Christine Dorchak suffered in 1992: "Is that dog trolley TRAINed?"

Now, some of you may see the same tastelessness, lack of empathy and general assholery in overlord Randle's comment as we recently saw in Ted Cruz's joke about Joe Biden right after Beau Biden died, but you would be mistaken in assuming some sort of equivalency. You see, Ted Cruz is just an idiot and sometimes idiots don't self censor as well as they should, but overlord Randle is operating true to form and his comment is typical of the vile, classless and misogynist effluvia that comes out of the mouths of people bereft of human compassion.

We are reminded of a quote from St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals. He said:

If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men.

We don't think the good Saint would disagree if we flipped that statement to make it a little more relevant to the current topic:

If you have men who will exclude their fellow men from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with any of God's creatures.

Now ask yourself Condor, if you were one of the greyhounds trapped in the "care" of overlord Randle and he could make a "joke" about what happened to Ms. Dorchak like that, wouldn't you feel a bit of unease every time you saw him walk into the kennel?

I am very playful for my age and love to run and play in the yard. I especially love to fetch the ball. I have a very sweet personality. I get along with dogs of all sizes but no kitties please. I just had my teeth cleaned. I am housebroken. I absolutely love everyone I meet. Could I be the right guy for you? For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 29 May 2015 15:08:00 +0000

Frequent reader(s) of this blog are aware the jauntily colored balloons of youth dancing on their tethers against an azure sky full of hope and promise are now blown away by the harsh winds of age to lie deflated and crumpled under the inexorable tread of time...erm...we mean are aware that on occasion we have been accused of presenting a one sided view of the wholesale commodification and systematized abuse of innocent living creatures for (no) profit...uh...we mean greyhound racing.

Well, we take reader comments very seriously here in the marbled halls of IM Central (no we don't) and we constantly strive to be fair and balanced in our coverage of industrialized cruelty (who are we trying to kid?). Anyway, to counter the perception that we are anti-racing, animal rights wackos (which is actually quite accurate) we present the following interchange between the editorial staff at The Charleston Gazette and the overlords, but first a bit of back story. It seems the editors at the Charleston Gazette were a bit put off by the fact that the state had forgone $29 million so the overlords could stay out of the labor pool and they penned the aforementioned editorial titled Waste: Millions For Greyhounds. Now, the overlords may not be the sharpest knives in the drawer, but even they could tell this was not to be a puff piece on their vocation so they took to the comments to school these clueless upstarts in the finer points of animal exploitation. We present for your edification and intestinal queasiness that discussion. First up, the editors:

Betting on dog racing has almost disappeared in America. So far, 39 states have banned such tracks — mostly because animal-lovers protest that greyhounds spend their lives confined in cramped cages and suffer lethal injuries during wild gallops. Four other states have ceased racing, without prohibitory laws.

Right off the bat overlord Elaine Miller Summerhill takes issue with the blatant falsehood being perpetrated:

What is illegal is betting on LIVE RACING.

As the kids say, oh snap! Overlord Elaine corrects a common misconception. In those states which the editors so erroneously characterized as having outlawed greyhound racing it is perfectly legal to race greyhounds, it's just that no one can bet on them. We tried to find out if there were any plans to open these bet-free tracks in any of the 39 states, but we were unable to determine if there were any such projects on the drawing board. Back to the editors:

A few months ago, a West Virginia study ordered by the state Senate showed a colossal downturn: In 1990, gamblers wagered $64 million on dogs at the Cross Lanes track — but the sum dropped below $5 million in 2013. Yet the state gave a $29 million subsidy to dog breeders.

Well, overlord Jaime Leach Narke (why do overlords always have three names?) is having none of it:

What that article fails to point out, because facts and the truth would get in the way of an agenda, is the money given to greyhound (and horse racing!) breeders DID NOT come from taxpayer money, it came from gambling revenue.

Well said overlord Jamie. The $29 mill is a handout from the casinos to keep the overlords off the job market. Now, that's not to say that if the casinos didn't have to provide welfare for the overlords that money couldn't go to the state for useful things like roads or education, or public welfare, but let's not get caught up in the details here. The editors again:

The same report said 162 greyhounds were killed by West Virginia racing between 2009 and 2013, while 3,331 were injured. An opposition group, Grey2K USA, examined reports and announced that the Mountain State gave $10.2 million to a handful of breeders over the past two years. The largest subsidy, $1.4 million, went to McMillion Kennel at Alum Creek. Next was $1.2 million to Monroe Racing at Wheeling. Logan’s Tomblin family kennel, which was operated by the governor’s mother until her death, got $580,000.

Sharp eyed readers will note that Grey2K did not do the report, but merely "examined" it. As we all know though, just the mere mention of Grey2K is enough to drive the overlords to dizzying heights of apoplexy. Overlord Jamie again:

I don't think spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on lobbyists and executive salaries a good use of donations when actual adoption groups are struggling to meet their needs. Grey2k is an anti gambling group disguising itself as an animal welfare group.

An overlord from the Alum Creek Kennel put it a little more succinctly: "They should be in jail." He didn't specify the charge, but as you can see no assertion is made about the veracity of the facts reported, no critique of the report methodology is brought forward, no counter narrative is offered concerning the issue unless you count Grey2K! Argle Bargle Fweet Freet Blek! as a retort.

Finally, overlord Elaine sums the whole thing up:

Who ever submitted this POS editorial doesn't even have the courage to put their name to it.

We think we can help here overlord Elaine. See, when a newspaper editorial staff writes a position, it's the position of the paper, not any one individual, so traditionally those editorials do not carry a byline because it's assumed the opinions expressed therein represent the views of the staff. Hope we cleared that up for you. It's fun to help people isn't it Banini?

Banini is a six year old female who has just been rescued so we don't know a whole lot about her personality yet. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging (Thursday Edition)

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Thu, 21 May 2015 15:47:00 +0000

Well, the official start of summer is upon us and it's time to engage in that yearly ritual of glad handing and giving lip service to the men and women who've actually had to pay the price for America using war as an instrument of foreign policy since the end of WW II.Then, on to the important business: Who Wants Barbecue!? Oh, and speaking of WWII, occasionally we'll trot out a veteran of that war to remind ourselves of what we once were, but those folks are leaving us faster than Louis Gohmert leaves Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader. It's all good though since we've been at war for almost 40 of the last 65 years, and it looks like no end is in sight so we'll have homeless Vets to avoid on the street for a long time to come, and that's the real tradition because we've been ignoring our veterans since the Revolutionary War. So the next time Congress votes not to support veterans, don't be mad at them, they're just the latest in a long line of hypocrites, liars and ingrates. It's the American way, after all.

As for us, we're going to be spending the day with some friends who've left various body parts in far flung corners of the world, so we thought we'd wade into the fetid swamp that is home to overlord toads and skinks a day early so the smell has a chance to dissipate a bit before the holiday. And we weren't even ankle deep before we noticed there was great excitement rippling through the turgid waters, as if all the toilets had flushed at once.

This year's live greyhound races in Dubuque started Saturday in front of hundreds at the newly renamed The Iowa Greyhound Park.

After much discussion the overlords chose Iowa Greyhound Park as the new name because it's the only track in Iowa and their second choice, Oh Crap, Will Somebody Please Come Out Here And Lose The Rent Money So We Don't Have To Get Jobs, was too long to fit on the sign.

The turnout is a sign that dog racing in Dubuque won't fade soon, said one park official. "If it's fading, you're going to have to tell all the people that are standing in line now," said Brian Carpenter, racing director at the park. He said at least 400 people were at the park.

Four hundred people huh? Well, let's see, there are about 60,000 people living in Dubuque, so 400 is about 0.6% of the population or about 1/6 the number of people who attend the Dubuque Fighting Saints hockey games. Oh, and about those lines? Could you point them out to us? We can't see them in this photo:

Maybe all the people who had been sitting in those empty benches got up to go to the restroom at the same time so the lines are over at the Portapotty.

"We're very excited. We're very happy," Carpenter said. "A lot of people didn't think they'd see this day of us reopening, and here we are."

Well said overlord Carpenter. Courage in the face of adversity; tenacity in pursuing your goals; and a $32 million handout from the casinos to get you off their backs. It's the classic rags to riches story, is it not? Well, except wholesale abuse and cruel treatment of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is more a riches to rags story, but let's not quibble over details on such a momentous day.

Carpenter said the Dubuque track will hold fewer scheduled races this year but "little by little" he and others with Iowa Greyhound Association will build up interest in the sport. "We'll have a little bit of a lesser schedule, but we just have to get through this year, and then next year we'll build it back up," Carpenter said. "It'll take a couple of years, but we're trying to work on making a better product."

Umm...Mr. Carpenter sir? We don't mean to rain on your parade, but haven't you got that backward? We mean, the first year you open is likely to be your best because you attract people who might just come out of curiosity as you are something new, like when a restaurant opens and everyone comes to check it out. After that things tend to drop off a bit, and we have to say, a drop from 400 is not likely to be a long one if you get our drift, so in a "couple of years" you're less likely to be greeting race patrons and more likely to be saying "Welcome to Walmart."

Joe Recker, of Dyersville, Iowa, said he has bred dogs for racing for more than 20 years. "A very good turnout, very enjoyable for people," Recker said. "I think this is great. I know it was a tough struggle for the Iowa Greyhound Association to get this lined up, but they made it work and I think it's going to be a good deal." Recker said other gambling venues across the region have hurt dog racing, something he said is regrettable. "We've got too much other gambling that hurt us," he said. "If it wasn't for the other gambling, this would still be the top-of-the-line deal."

Yeah, uh, Mr. Recker sir? If it wasn't for other gambling you'd be the only deal. He seems a little confused don't you think Coil?

I am a very sweet. For being almost four, I’m very puppy like. I am an active boy but not hyper.I love to follow my foster mom and dad through the house. I am a little clingy but I should outgrow that once I have adjusted a little better to being in a home. I get along with dogs my size and smaller dogs but definitely no kitties for me. I am housebroken. I love to play with my squeaky toys and run in the yard. I have already learned how to go up and down the stairs. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 08 May 2015 16:59:00 +0000

Let's see. What fresh hell has descended on the overlords this week? Overlord treating his canine charges to the highest level of care because they represent such a large investment of time and money and thus deserve only the best?

An Austin man is charged with nine counts of animal abuse after finding 14 severely underweight Greyhounds in his care that he was supposed to be training to race.

Nah, overlord training techniques and care philosophy have been well documented. So it looks like just another week of innocent living creatures trapped in the death camps as an ever dwindling subset of barely sentient swamp lichen strive to avoid gainful labor by subjecting more helpless greyhounds to potential injury and death in the cruel and heartless pursuit of (no) profit. But wait, what's this?

Lawmakers consider folding on West Virginia’s greyhound industry.

Whoa. That can't be good. What's up Mountain Staters?

When Sam Burdette first visited the Tri- State Greyhound Park in Cross Lanes in the mid-1980s, he didn’t even know how to read the program. The sheets of paper were filled with an overwhelming array of fractions and decimals, arranged in almost indecipherable rows and columns.

And now he's the head overlord in the state. What a success story! What commitment! From barely understanding what the sport of wholesale greyhound abuse was like to becoming its chief spokesman and advocate. We salute you Sammy boy. Tell us more of your journey.

Burdette was a civil engineer, comfortable with crunching numbers. He started keeping a notebook, making hypothetical bets on races based on the handicapping numbers in the program. “Each day I’d tally it up and see if I was ahead or behind. I was approaching it from an analytical standpoint.” The experiment ran for three months. By the end Burdette realized if he had used real money, he would be $200 behind. “I said, well, you can’t buy groceries with that. My object was to take money away from the racetrack, not leave it there,” he says. “To this day, I don’t bet.”

How inspiring! Wait, what? Sam, are you sure that's the message you want to send? We mean, when the head overlord in the state says the first thing he learned about greyhound racing was it's a scam, that really isn't helping the industry's public image.

Nationwide interest in greyhound racing started declining. In 2001 there were greyhound tracks in 15 states around the country. West Virginia is now one of only seven states that continue to race dogs, and the sport has grown increasingly unpopular in this state as well.

See what we mean? OK, sure the decline is probably more due to the fact that you abuse, injure and kill man's best friend than the rubes figuring out losing the rent money two dollars at a time is not a ticket to riches, but still it can't be helping.

In early 1994 the West Virginia Legislature legalized video lottery terminals—better known as slot machines—at state greyhound tracks. But over time, the slot machines that were supposed to help the greyhound industry began to overtake it. “People switched over from racing to slot machines. They and sit there in a trance and push that button,” Burdette says. He likes to joke—not incorrectly— that it used to take all night to lose $50 at the dog track. With a slot machine, it can take just a few minutes.

Well, Rubes B Rubes Sammy boy, but you gotta give 'em this: They're efficient.

Although it was clear the greyhound racing was suffering, no one had collected the evidence to prove it. So in 2014 the legislature ordered a $68,000 comprehensive study of the industry. The Spectrum report found live wagering on races fell by 55 percent between 2004 and 2013, from $35 million to $15.8 million. Researchers also found the greyhound industry now largely relies on video lottery and table games revenues for its purse awards. The additional revenue still wasn’t enough to stem the decline in purses, however.

Well sure it sounds bad when you say it like that, but we all know the brutal commodification of defenseless greyhounds for (no) profit is poised for a comeback. Just ask the overlords in Des Moines. Uh, you'll have to leave a message though, they're off begging for another $5 mil on top of the $32 mill they already got so they can open without going into debt for the first week or so.

As surprising as some of the findings were, the report only confirmed what many people—lawmakers, greyhound breeders, and track officials—already knew. “It’s not only decreasing in popularity, it’s dead,” says Danny Adkins, vice president of Mardi Gras’ parent company, Hartman & Tyner, Inc.

Oh Jeez, that's a little harsh don't you think Mr. Adkins? Usually when death comes up in relation to racing we're talking about another dog, not the whole industry.

Burdette says members of his organization are well aware of the state of their industry. “As times change, as technology changes, they have to change their business model. If it’s no longer beneficial to have greyhound racing, fine.”

Oh sure, that's easy for you to say Sammy. You quit pouring your money down that rat hole years ago. What about all the stupid people, what are they going to do? Just take their social security checks and set them on fire? That's no where near as exciting as watching trapped greyhounds flying around a track breaking bones. And what about your fellow overlords? What other career values a skillset that includes lack of empathy, willful ignorance and levels of dishonesty and disconnectedness from reality that rise to sociopathic levels? What's that you say Gunner? Maybe they could get jobs with Comcast?

I am like a gigantic puppy. I am very friendly and sweet. I love to get a lot of attention. I love to be petted and cuddled. I am very smart and learn things quickly. I listen well. I love to play with my toys and run in the yard. I get along with dogs my size but no small dogs or kitties either. I am housebroken and I don’t mind being in my crate. I walk well on the leash. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Ironicus Maximus) — Fri, 01 May 2015 16:10:00 +0000

We're coming to you today from the Mixed Messages Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The MMD is a division of the WTF Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Say Whaaa? LLC. First we direct your attention to this little tidbit that drifted across the intertoobz earlier this week like a dry fart on a calm day.

A racing greyhound from a farm south of Abilene has made a name for himself in the National Greyhound Association’s auction record book. PJ Burninitdown sold for a record $85,000 at an auction for first-time greyhounds Friday.

Now, our first thought was there's no way an the overlords could come up with $85,000 unless everybody chipped in a buck, so how's this poor dog going to have any kind of a career with that many owners' fingers in the pie? Then we thought, no that can't be right so we checked to see if any banks in the Abilene area had been robbed recently. No luck. Lotto winner? That didn't compute because someone would have to spend a buck on a ticket, then there'd be no way that person could have thrown anything in the pool. Inheritance? Not likely. The only thing passed down from one overlord generation to the next is bad genes. Truly a puzzler. But just as we were struggling to wrap our heads around that idea, this little nugget came along:

For the first time in Mobile Greyhound Park's history, its evening races have been cut. Races will now only be held 4 times a week, and only from the hours of 3 to PM (sic). The changes were made to offset a decline that's been seen in dog racing across the country.

OK, so the overlords got their hands on some real cash, cash that could have been used to give a whole bunch of them a free ride scholarship plus stipends to Walmart Greeter School, and instead they plunked it down for a dog that pretty soon won't have anywhere to race. Does anyone see the flaw in this plan?

“It was magical,” said Gary Guccione, the association’s executive director. “It just all came together. It was the opposite of the perfect storm. Everything jelled.”

Well, there's nothing magical about finding stupid overlords there Big G, it's sort of like finding sand on a beach, but since last year's auction took in $14.27 we understand your confusion. Don't you Mattie?

I am still a little puppyish as I am only a little over two years old. I love Frosty Paws for a special treat. I am not shy around people but I am not overly outgoing either. I love to play with my foster brother and sister but I will also entertain myself. I am inquisitive as living in home is very different and wonderful. I am housebroken and do not mind being in my crate. I get along with dogs of any size and kitties too. I love to play with toys. I love the squeaky ones and will squeak them until I “kill” the squeaker. I can go up and down the stairs and easily walk on all types of floor surfaces. I love to go for walks and do great on the leash. I have learned the word “no.” For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.