Been There, Done That

Ar Rahman

2021-04-29T08:32:00.002+08:00

Terlintas nak belanja budak2 bawah umur kat rumah ni with some fried chicken.

A reward for them sebab -bangun sahur senang; pas tu tak lah beria merenget lapaq ayaq ngan lapaq nasi bila dah siang. Really grateful and thankful. Alhamdulillah.

Kali ni they request nak ayam goreng Marry Brown. Oklah, ayam goreng it is then. Placed an order kat Panda Pink system before pukul 6pm. Sempat lah sampai before berbuka kut, detik hati.

Allah saja nak uji hari ni Pukul 6:30pm preparing your food.

Pukul 7:20pm pun still we're preparing for your foos. Masuk pukul 8:00pm, dah makan benda-bemda ringan.

The Pink system still showing 20 - 30 minutes - preparing for your food; preparing for your food.

Stress jugak, but tak sampailah bebai tahap gaban lagi. Somehow nak cancel order tak leh. Abis-abisnya chat with the robot, twice. They kept apologizing for the delay. Adus! Nyesal rasa order from MB.

Dipendekkan cerita ..pukul 850pm baru Panda Pink rider sampai.

Maaf Kak, lewat. Lama ya tunggu.

Awat lambat sangat?

Orang ramai tadi. (nampak teragak-agak nak bagitau) Tapi sebenarnya MB ni service memang slow. Kadang customer order satu barang pun jenuh tunggu. Saya tunggu dua jam tadi. Tapi orang memang ramai jugak. Sorry ya Kak.

(Tak jadi nak bebai) Ni dah berbuka ka belum?

Dah, minum air jer tadi sebab tunggu order.

Allahu..(dalam hati) Kesiannya lah kat adik Panda Pink nih.

Kami menuggu jugak.

3 jam tunggu ayam.

Tapi menunggu in a comfort of a house.

Sempat jugak makan kurma, minum air laici, makan sate sementara tunggu si ayam goreng.

Kenyang, alhamdulillah, sementara tunggu ayam .

Si Adik Panda Pink tu ...cuma baru minum air jer.

فَبِأَيِّ آلاءِ رَبِّكُما تُكَذِّبانِ

So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?

Wahai hati, wahai jiwa

Hitunglah every nikmat

Every sight that you see

Every sound that you hear

Every breath that you take

Everything that Ar-Rahman bless you with

May you continue be reminded by Ar Rahman 55:1-78 every moment of a little discomfort.

Al Baqarah 2:127-134

2021-04-28T08:23:00.002+08:00

D.U.I.T

Nak buat apapun kena ada duit, kan. Nak makan, nak jalan2. Nih musim covid ni kurang lah berjalan-jalannya. Takut terlepas sempadan, tak pasal jer nanti kena keluar DUIT, bayar saman!

Acronym DUIT tu biasa kita dengar/ baca and maybe jugak biasa kita guna. Tahu ke apa DUIT tu?

Ish, am not talking about the duit kertas or that duit syiling tu.

Doa - Usaha - Ikhtiar - Tawakkal

Am talking about that D.U.I.T.

Pernah dengar or baca kan?

Bila dengar terjemahan + tafsir Al-baqarah 2:127 - 134 dari Ustaz , terlintas lak.. eh eh ada relations with DUIT lah.

Some highlights from ayat 127-134

Nabi Ibrahim mendirikan binaan Kaabah with Ismail
Baginda kemudiannya berdoa memohon kepada Allah
Baginda berwasiat kepada anak-anaknya
Akhirnya baginda berserah diri back to Allah

Untuk memastikan Mekah dilawati, Nabi Ibrahim erect the foundations for Kaabah. Knowing he didn't have the power to call upon people to come visit, he submitted himself to Allah and asked from Allah.

Similarly , for us ..kalau nak berjaya, memang kena ada D.U.I.T

Kena ada usaha; very seldom things happen on their own. Mana ada tetiba jer dapat BMW. Kalau menang cabutan BSN sekali pun, mesti jenuh simpan duit, beli sijil simpanan, bagai.

Kena ada doa.

Kena ada ikhtiar

Dah abis usaha, abis ikhtiar, leave everything back to Allah. He knows what's best for us.

So..tunggu apa lagi?

Nak bertadabbur and bertazakur pun kena ada D.U.I.T .

Betul ke betul? 😁

Lastly ..guess what ? Ada rupanya lagu DUIT. Click and listen -

https://youtu.be/UIXW1qKiltw

Ghafir 40:8

2021-04-26T08:08:00.001+08:00

Al kisah ...catatan tadabbur Day 2.. Masih pada Surah Ghafir 40:8

Hari ni genap 10 tahun, mak pergi. ( Moga Allah ampunkan aruah mak ngan abah and place them both among the soleh solehah) Mak was only a housewife then; tak pernah masuk U, never belajar pondok pun. Ye lah ..it wasn't common for girls to further study , zaman zaman tu. Tapi mak was a great planner; a strategist.

To me, Mak was a good Ustazah and a great Teacher, a grand Strategist, in her own way.

Mak tak lah pernah directly or openly said 'Jom, kita amalkan yang ni...' 'Jom kita buat ni ..' 'Nanti Kita leh masuk syurga reramai, sesama'

Her way was subtle yet consistent.

Every night after the lights were off, kami adik-beradik (berenam dah masa tu) pakat-pakat baca ayat dari Juz Amma. Malam ni 'Alam tarakai' ..esok 'Wal asr' pulak. Kalau salah . Mak betulkan..sampai terlelap.

Bila nak ke sekolah, bila nak buka buku , nak periksa , tak putus-putus , Mak pesan 'Ingat, baca doa, jangan lupa mintak kat Allah.'

Subtle, indirect tapi consistent .

And to me it was effective in mendidik the 7 of us.

Hari ni most of us are lucky.

Banyak pendedahan, banyak free and paid seminar from qualified Ustaz and Ustazah Kalau buka FB, IG , scroll tak sampai 1 cm jer dah leh dapat bermacam-macam live or recorded sessions.

Rasanya with such sources , we don't have any excuse to not share.

Bersepah info, video yang kita leh forward kat anak2, adik-beradik and rakan-taulan.

Bak kata orang utagha, bercambah aih, punya lah banyak.

Rasanya tak perlu tunggu sampai kita be perfect, then baru nak ajak or share.

Rasanya tak perlu over-thinking about what others would say, then baru nak share.

Ini satu perjalanan, it's a journey with a clear destination.

Just pack apa yang kita ada, ajak anak2, adik beradik jalan sesama.

Along the way Kita perbetulkan, perbaiki.

Kita pick up yang elok and drop yang buruk. After all , Allah yang Al-Alim knows our intention .

Insha-Allah, am sure He will guide us .

Ghafir 40:3

2021-04-24T07:59:00.003+08:00

I'll forgive but I'll never forget what you did.

Aku maafkan kau tapi aku takkan lupakan apa yang ko buat kat aku.

Sometimes being human, we have the tendency to forgive but not forget. Simpan dalam hati, pikul atas bahu, kekadang bertahun-tahun lamanya. It's heavy on the shoulder, even heavier on the chest.

Bila direnung ayat 3 Surah Al-Ghafir ni, rasa malu sendiri, malu dengan Allah especially.

Yang Mengampunkan dosa, dan Yang Menerima taubat; Yang Berat azabNya; Yang Melimpah-limpah kurniaNya; tiada Tuhan melainkan Dia; kepadaNyalah tempat kembali. (40:3)

Berapa banyaknya kesalahan;

betapa besarnya dosa ngan Allah;

tapi Allah tutup dosa kita, Allah lindung aib kita;

Allah delete dosa-dosa kita from the database;

Allah kosongkan the Recycle Bin for us.

Tapi kita ni (huhuu...aku lah tu), find it really hard, difficult giler to forgive, to forget and let go off the past. Nyanyi cam Elsa Let it go..let it go..pun belum guarantee boleh forgive & forget.

Ya Ghaffur ..help us find the strength to not only memaafkan sesama sendiri, but also melupakan those who wronged us.

May you (Allah) in return, forgive all our sins and accept our repentances.

Aamiin

NOTES:

Ghafir, meaning "The All-Forgiving" (referring to God).

Also known as Al-Muʼmin, "The Believer

40th chapter (sūrah) of the Qur'an, with 85 verses (āyāt)

Heightened Self Awareness

2014-10-19T12:28:00.001+08:00

Self awareness, one of the five aspects in EQ. Goleman, guru of EQ, defines it as the ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions, and drives, as well as their effect on others.

I think I am having a heightened state of self awareness.

I can feel my left eye twitching;

my right wrist is kinda numb;

feeling little bit chilly even with the slowest speed of fan.

And it's heavy on the shoulder and the heart.
I felt it both physically and emotionally.

It's more than an ouch-it-hurts.

Hmm..

I Wish I Were ..

2014-10-19T12:25:00.000+08:00

I wish I were..
a kid who is worry free

I wish I were
a 6-year old who only cares if he has a Vitagen to drink

I wish I were

a 6-year old who does not mind being smelly and sweaty

I wish I were
a boy who is not camera shy at all

I wish I were
the innocent one who cries for the simplest excuses

I wish I were ..

NOTE: actually I don't have to be a kid to be all that :)

Drops of Jupiter

2012-06-17T13:16:00.000+08:00

My dearest friend .. your letter reminded me of the Train song, Drops of Jupiter, which happens to be one of my favorites.

Hope you will act like summer and walk like rain;
Hope you will listen like spring and talk like June;
perhaps I too should go out soon;
on a vacation trip and doing soul-searching.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time a to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you... even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had... And me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the milky way

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/train/drops+of+jupiter_20140408.html ]

A Letter - Looking for Myself Out There

2012-06-16T12:51:00.001+08:00

My dearest friend,
I am not sure what is the right word to express to you (after reading your letter).
Nonetheless, I sincerely hope that you will find peace within yourself. And I pray that you will be successful too, in pursuing your dream. Somehow I have this feeling that you will be content with whatever the outcomes are. You are a strong willed person, my dear.
You will sail through and overcome this storm.
Good luck dear!

Love,
Gie

======================================================================
LETTER, SJM to me, June 2012

Looking for Myself (Out There)

Hello there, my friend. Must be months since I last wrote to you.
Hope you are in the pink of health.

You know how much I like to say that life is a roller coaster. I have lost counts of how many cycles of ups and downs that I had gone through (and survived, thank fully). One thing for sure is that I am going through another cycle now. Am still at the low peak, trying to pick-up the momentum to go up again. It was triggered by the same cause; I was upset and feeling down just the same. My immediate and almost instantaneous reaction was no different. I was looking for an outlet to be away and run from this whole mess. The same ol' same ol' but this time with a little twist.

That is what I am excited (too strong a word!) to share with you. What I have encountered and discovered. What I have learnt and concluded. What I found when I went 'away' looking for myself.

I wanted to pack my bags and go. I actually did. But this time I picked up my emotional-luggage and left myself behind. I looked at the me that I left.

I saw the 'me' that is very much occupied with the needy corporate-world;
the 'me' who easily get agitated;
the 'me' who feels she knows the world;
the 'me' who (subconsciously) keeps blaming CP;
the 'me' who neglected her home duties.

I realize that I have contributed to the law of actions and reactions.
I know that it is not my fault 100%; nonetheless I failed to break the chain.
I notice the approach I had taken (in pulling CP) might have pushed him away (instead).
I acknowledge the positive changes he has shown; but I didn't appreciate it much.
I was expecting that MAJOR change that I disregarded all the MINORs.
I focused on the negatives that I lose sight of the positive ones.

I can clearly see all these now, when I went looking for myself.
And most importantly, I find the answers to the 101 questions I had asked God: Why me? Why did you put me to CP? Why am I still stuck for almost 2 decades? Why?

I think have found the answers to all the WHYS.
I have a new 'drive' in my soul to continue this hard journey in life.
I do not see myself as a victim. Nor am I burdening myself with loads of blames.
I am just admitting the wrongs that I have committed.

I have apologized to CP.
I acknowledge that I am wrong.
I am (trying my level best) to focus on the positive behaviors, no matter how muddy, negative the whole situation is. (got to admit, it is tough!)
I take this as an opportunity to better myself and our relationship.

CP has not responded well. He still keeps his distance, separating himself from me.
It is not easy for me.
This is both a physically and emotionally draining situation.
Nonetheless, I am thankful that I went out looking and I found some answers (and myself).

My apology if I bore you with details of my soul-searching journey, my friend.
Thank you for reading. May you be blessed always.

Hugs & kisses !

I Should Not Be Asking "Why Me"

2012-06-09T00:11:00.003+08:00

Got a FW: FW: Nice Message earlier today

Smooth road never makes a good driver,
smooth sea never makes a good sailor,
clear sky never makes a good pilot, p
roblem free life never makes a strongperson.
Be strong enough to accept the challenges in life!
Dont ask life, "Why me?" instead say,
Thank God 4 everything..

Alhamdulillah

Why Is It Not Happening to You?

2012-06-08T23:56:00.002+08:00

Age is just a number.
Or is it not just a number?
With age comes experience.
With experience comes wisdom.
Wisdom - learning from own mistake; taking lessons from other's wrong doings.
Sense of maturity to choose right from wrong.
A mental strength to keep away from distractions.
A deep emotional to avoid hurting others' emotions.

And why can't you do it?
Have you not seen enough?
Did you not understand enough?

In your case, age is just a number.
It is just a number, after all.

Sigh! How it hurts!

Do Not Feel Stupid but May Look Kinda Silly

2012-01-26T23:14:00.001+08:00

Prof Az would write to me in Bahasa Malaysia, every time. Complete sentences with correct grammar and proper structure. My new acquaintance Ilzaf, also writes his blog in the Bahasa Ibunda. He writes really well too. And it troubles me when I need to hit the reply button to these 2 people. I know what to write; in fact I have a lot to write. Have yet to find myself in a situation where I find myself short of things to write. The only challenge is I do not really know how to write or say it in a proper ayat, nahu and tatabahasa. Boleh lah nak tulis macam budak-budak sekarang menulis dalam FB, with improper tatabahasa etc. I did reply their messages and emails in Banglish, i.e. a mixed of Bahasa and English with (as you would expect) 80% are English words. I do not feel stupid writing to them in half-half but I definitely look kinda silly to them. Sigh!
My grandparents (on Abah's side) were Malay descendants. According to Mak, Tok came from Sumatera when he was really young. That means he was also from the Malay ethnics group. That means my parents are also Malays. And that makes me a Malay. But my penguasaan Bahasa is weak (or is it penggunaan? Dang!).
I was brought up in a Malay speaking community, with strong influence of Tamil languages. No, we were not living in a rubber estate; just happened that our neighbors were mostly Indians. Mak had very limited vocabulary of that Mat Saleh language.I have never heard Abah uttered any English word. I went to a Sekolah Rendah Kebangsaan (SRK). By the mid 70's the SRK was no longer ran in English medium. I had a good exposure to Bahasa; and yet I kinda lose a good grip of a proper one.

I have nothing against the use of Bahasa. I just feel more comfortable expressing myself using the Mat Saleh language, especially so when I get emotionally moved. (Years ago, my 16-year old housemate asked me if I dreamed in English. She overheard me cakap orang putih in my sleep. I blamed it on the GM who kept pushing me to improve the process cycle time)

So what do I do about this? Perhaps it is time for me to pick up a new resolution - mengatasi masalah penguasaan Bahasa .. Perhaps it is time for me to write in Bahasa.. Hmm.. maybe then I will look silly to others. Sigh!

My handy-mandy man

2012-01-22T16:18:00.007+08:00

He wants to do them all. He wants to plant the turf-grass, fix the lighting, place the sinks, the plumbing, program the alarm system, anything and almost everything. Perhaps to compensate the inadequacy I perceive in him.
He does not cook like some men do. He never lift a finger to boil water. The best attempt was to make a sunny side up. Neither the non sticky pan nor the egg resembled anything sunny. It was funny though seeing the sticky non sunny outcome.

Moving into the new house gave him a reason to exercise his handy-mandy intends . I do not mind him getting all sweaty and dirty. I think he is pretty good at doing all these. Effective but not efficient. No planning. Just-do-it kinda philosophy. That does not bother the sanguine-me. The implication (of lack of planning ) is what bothers me. And that's where we disconnect.

Uninstalling a 29 inch bathroom sink is not as straightforward as uninstalling this blogspot-android version. Making countless counter clockwise movements to remove the screws from the ceiling is not that fun either.

But them again, do I rob off the satisfaction he gained from seeing all these in place. Sabar je lahh...

The Idleness Me

2012-01-15T19:58:00.000+08:00

Am being a complete sloth today. Oops, correction, not whole day, rather this afternoon and evening. The clothes are still out in the sun (and there is barely sunshine at this hour). Have not even cleared the lunch I had. Sigh. And I have been dreading folding and stashing the 2-day old dried laundry. And the mails have not been cleared (snail mail that is)

P702 is showing a rerun of Downton Abbey. You know that British drama series about the lives of an aristocratic Crawley family and their servants. Not just 2 servants, but .. seems to me, like countless of them. Ok, am exaggerating. I am not sure if the servants, housemaids, butler have enough to do for a family of 5 adults.

But it would be nice to dream and wonder how it'd be like to have a butler, a cook, a valet, a gardener, housemaids.

Do not have to lift a finger to switch the TV or for that matter to walk and get the remote controls.

Do not have to grumble while waiting for the chicken thighs to thaw.

Do not have to sigh, not sure what tudung to wear with which pants/ t-shirts to work.

Do not have to drag myself to drive through the bad-bad traffic.

Do not have to nag to him for not sweeping the fallen leaves on the compound.

Mopping and vacuuming will be a daily activity (not quarterly one)..

Ironing, putting clothes to the machine..separating the colored ones from white ones ..will be done effortlessly.

But came to think about it.. I'd still be complaining of this-has-been-the-3rd-time-the-series-been-shown-on P701/ P553 / etc. I'd probably would be providing a so-called constructive feedback if the dinner is not to my liking. I would probably be bored for having to provide instructions to an army of workers at home.

Nah, I'd rather dress on my own. I 'd prefer having a flexibility of doing what I want, when and how I want it (over to doing it for mere respect of others around me).

Ok, then let me be me, and enjoy my idleness today...

Amazing People Over 10-day Chiangmai Trip

2012-01-04T21:27:00.000+08:00

Had another round of adventure with choo-choo train to Chiangmai. Not as adventurous compared to trekking in Nepal, 4-WD rides in Tibet; nonetheless pleasant and interesting enough to be shared in this blog. What made it interesting was these few individuals whom I ran into through the journey. Interesting people that crossed my paths during the 10-day trip to Chiang Mai (do you know that Chiang Mai means new city)

* On train from Butterworth to Bangkok: 2 young guys (am obviously much older than they are) from KL who were also on backpacking trips in Thailand. Hard to see young Muslim guys who know how to enjoy life, yet not forgetting their roots as Malay and Muslims. Caught a glimpse of them at the surau, before boarding the train. Way to go Ilzaf and Yin! (note: and Yin gave up his lower bunk, so that I didn't have to climb and sleep in the freezing upper bunk. I took it as a gesture of respect to a kakak)


Zaid & us at Hualamphung Station, Bangkok

* At Hualamphung Train Station, Bamgkok. Zaid aka Zakaria a security personnel who was so selfless, helping to communicate with the ticketing officer and getting us tickets to Chiangmai and back. I bet Zaid is also barely 25; yet his big heart welcomes anyone who needs assistance, especially farang like us look like Thai, but barely speak any Thai language.

Hidaytul Islam Ban Haw Masjid, Chiang Mai, Thailand. One can easily find Muslim food at food stalls, shops surrounding this masjid. Variety of noodles, famous tom yum, ox tail soup for dinner. Rotee and steamed bun in the morning. Yummy!

* We passed by Ismail's shop, close by to Hidaytul Islam (Bann Haw) Masjid. The shop is rented from the Masjid as part of its income. Ismail sells rice-noodle with soups, which taste like laksa to me. We learned a little bit more about Muslim community in Chaing Mai, and about the street vendors from Ismail. He said that some of the street vendors attend the stalls not so much for profit, but for sheer pleasure of meeting with tourists. Talk about loving one's job! I have a feeling that he is doing the same thing too- selling noodles, enjoying every minute of it while chatting away with his customers. (note: Ismail has been to KL before and he also shared his political views of both Thai and Malaysia).


Fancy Nancy Chandler's Chiang Mai map.

* Am hooked to Lonely Planets books. And I wont board the plane or train without a copy of it (any Lonely Planet writer reading this?) In its Chiang Mai Province section, it recommends Nancy Chandler's map of Chiang Mai. I was referring to mine when this lady (a farang) passed by and said "Hi, I noticed you have the Nancy's map. You must be touring around this area too. We exchanged info of places visited, yes-the-map-is-helpful kinda feeling, a thing and two of our countries of origins. This lady who (unfortunately) I do not even know her name, is from Canada and works with an NGO in Bangkok. "...helping the tribe people to sell their craft work outside of Thailand. Oh, yes, you bet ! Am enjoying it every moment!" I feel good for her, and (at the same time) wonder when will I be able to do similar things.

I caught this picture of him, standing in the hot sun

* We did another touristy-thingy on the 4th day, by taking a package to Chiang Rai which includes a boat trip to the Golden Triangle. The less-than-30-minutes boat trip made a stop at Donsao, Laos. Tourists (on the boat) do not need a visa to board this tiny island but need to pay THB20. Yeah, it is a tourist trap (dang!). As tourists board the land, a number of street kids stormed them, asking for money. Had my attention on this particular boy, who was holding what-look-like a baby in a sarong slung around his skinny body. I was not sure if it's really a baby or if it is another tourist trap. But it was a pity, unsightly thing. I felt sorry for him and the baby (if it is really is a baby), to have to go through this kinda challenge in life, at such a young age.I guess the tourist-trap did help this little boy and baby, in one way or another.

As with any trips, this trip to Chiang Mai, brings new experience and to a certain extend help correct my perceptions of life and of people. I am glad to come across people like Ilzaf, Yin, Zaid who gives me warm feeling of today's Gen Y. (and talking as if am from Gen X! Close but definitely not Gen X). It is also intriguing to realize that others appreciate our country (Malaysia) better than we do. At the same time, this trip continue to fuel my wish-to-do-thing, i.e. to find a job that is rewarding and meaningful (that one no longer feels like working anymore). Not that my current job is not rewarding or meaningful. It is also a humbling experience to note that no matter how stressful-argh-dang feeling I may have to go through, there will always be others who are going through even harder rougher aspects of life. Alhamdulliah, for all that YOU have given me.

My memories of Mak

2011-12-11T14:33:00.000+08:00

..continue

The Ambitious, Proactive Mak
Am not sure when and how Mak did her forward-looking thinking and planning, despite her hectic daily household chores. She didn't even attend any fancy Leadership training by Covey or Maxwell alike. Nonetheless, she made sure we all had proper and complete educations. She chose a Sekolah Rendah Kebangsaan (7 kilometers away) over a Sekolah Kebangsaan, that was only 5-min walking distance. In the 70's tuition centers were not a common sight. Mak made us stayed back after morning school to be at Cikgu Yang's house, to be tutored by her. Had it been Abah, he would not have even allowed us to live/study at boarding schools 200 kilometers away when we were barely 13. Had it not been for Mak, we would never had the chance to study in foreign lands, thousand miles away. It didn't dawn onto me Mak's (strategic) thinking and planning for our education till I was in college.

Mak's Endless Love
Mak did not do much cooking in the last 10 years. She did not even prepare her own breakfast, instead Abah did. Abah toasted her Gardenia wholemeal bread on daily basis, with thick black Kopi O. However, when we returned home either for the 2-day weekend or long Raya breaks, she made sure there were good meals prepared.
She would walk around when we were sleeping, making sure we had our blankets and pillows (even till we were in our 30's)

Mak's favorites ..
color - blue (but Mak loved to dress us in red baju kurung for raya..)
food - laksa
fast food - pizza
Kopi O over tea
Kuih - seri muka, karipap, masalode (wadai)
english word - understand?
daily dress - baju kurung kedah & kain batik
dish during Raya - lemang with rendang ayam (lodeh when Na started preparing it)

sigh .. better ask Ataq/ Alim what else were Mak's favorites ...

Wahai Allah, ampunilah Mak, naikkanlah darjatnya diantara orang-orang yang mendapat hidayah, dan lindungilah keluarga dan keturunannya yang masih hidup. Ampunilah dia dan kami, wahai Tuhan sekelian alam, luaskanlah kubur baginya dan berikanlah cahaya didalamnya..Amin
Alfatihah

Memories of Mak, my beloved Mak..

2011-12-10T15:13:00.000+08:00

Life was like a box of chocolate. You never know what you gonna get....that's what Forest Gump is famous for saying. Am not sure if my life has any resemblance to a box of chocolate. Not even sure how should I describe my recent life. One thing for sure, it was not like before, since 7 months ago, since the passing away of Mak. I never thought that her demise would affect me much. On second thought, I should have expected that ... as she was one of the most influential persons in my life.

A snapshot of my memory of you, Mak...
Her Adventurous Childhood
Mak was a Virgo, born on Sept 18, 1940. She had a wonderful childhood. An active one and not a typical girl-kinda childhood experience. Climbing up trees and taking dips in small streams were her routines. She even played with Meriam buluh (or bamboo cannon, a type of home-made firecracker which is popular during the Hari Raya festive season) with the late Aruah Kak 'E. Aruah Kak'E almost lost her eye lashes!

From what I was told, she was a bright student and was offered to study in Educational College. Unfortunately she was not allowed to attend.

The Melancholic, Entrepreneurial Side of Mak
If she were to take the Personality Plus test, I bet she'd be a melancholic, the emotional one. She was a perfectionist, who did not tolerate sub-standards work, and who worried much (perhaps unnecessarily too much). It must have been hard for her managing 7 of us who are dominantly characterized with either sanguine or phlegmatic; the take-it-easy, no worry, anything-will-do kinda attitude. Bet it was not easy for Mak either dealing with a husband who is obviously a phlegmatic.

Mak did not know how to 'sit still'. She would have been a better Industrial Engineer then I had been. Her principle is simple - find easy and faster ways to complete your tasks..

She could have been a successful business woman too if she had her means and resources.When we were barely teens, Mak already started selling the multicolored and multi-flavored ais-krim Malaysia, red-beans flavored, green beans, orange, asam boi, you name it, Mak prepared them all. Those days we can only afford the 1-door refrigerator, with a tiny freezer that was fully loaded with berbatang-batang ais-krim Malaysia.
I can even still smell the fragrant nasi lemak that I helped Mak to pack. Mak had a deal with the Ustazah to cook, pack and sell 20-cent nasi lemak to the kids at the Tadika Islam. If memory serves me right, Mak did that till I was in the Prep College.

End of part 1 ...
Wahai Allah, ampunilah Mak, naikkanlah darjatnya diantara orang-orang yang mendapat hidayah, dan lindungilah keluarga dan keturunannya yang masih hidup. Ampunilah dia dan kami, wahai Tuhan sekelian alam, luaskanlah kubur baginya dan berikanlah cahaya didalamnya..Amin

Alfatihah

When 24/7 isn't enough, will 25/8 be? (This is not actually Time Management 101)

2011-02-19T18:13:00.001+08:00

I have been assigned with a new role. Organic growth. No, I am not into plantation, nothing close to growing organic vegetables. I am still in the human capital development field - such an apple-pie-motherhood-statement eh? Growing the organization from within, by grooming the employees instead of hiring (the much needed resources) from outside. Among the goals are to ensure that MotMot has enough talents in the pipeline; to start seeding the talents even at the university levels - whatever that mean.. One thing for sure, this new task requires not only new skill set and competencies but also more thinking and planning and meeting up external people. Let's sum it up in one sentence - this new assignment requires investment of time. A big fraction of the 24/7.

I have a new team too. The team members that I used to work with before -for the last 30 months- were all gone. Not with the wind; but with good reward package and different sets of challenges. Well, I am grateful cos I still have a team of fresh-at-the-same-time-experienced members. Three of them,to be exact. Two of whom are fresh-in-Learning Development field but are experienced MotMot. (Ok, stay with me here..) The latest addition is an experienced Learning Development personnel but fresh in MotMot. So all three are experienced yet fresh/ new. And fresh members require more attention and coaching. Coaching is the first cousin of guiding (them). Guiding means spending (perhaps the better word is investing) time. Another significant portion of the 24/7.

Hmm, came to think about it, actually I am still being called for discussions and asked for updates related to NGLDP, MTrack, FLM, Groom M.E, EDGE and what not. There goes another big part of the 24/7.

I set at least 2 new goals this year. One of which is what am currently doing. Yup, polishing up my writing skills. Continue to keep up to meeting the minimally-one-post-per-week goal. Another, to spend more time reading the religious-text of Quran. At least 15-minutes-weekly (yeah, am one of those freaks who measure progress and tick the to-do's). Both of which require some amount of time, to complete.

I want to continue sweating out the toxic in my body at the 60-min non-stop aerobic session (ok, I got to admit that I just looove dancing to the blasted music, with Ms. Tan's loud voice at the background, shouting 8-more-to-go).

I would very much want to visit my parents -who are staying almost 200 kilometers away- at least twice a month too, more so now that Mak is bedridden.

I would also need to exercise much TLC to that big-boy-of-mine, especially since I spent way too much time holding the HP6910P on my lap.

I would love to spend time with my buddy, not cos of the pact to be BFF, but simply cos I love the retail therapy time and girls-just-wanna-have-fun moments with her.

I want to have my beauty-sleep; to enjoy reading, reflecting the top 10-reads-of-the month from MPH or Borders; to feel the thrills of watching CSI, Criminal Minds; to sing-along when Glee is on air; to watch Syafiq, Ukasha, Mimi, Sarah, Anis grow.

I think I have more than I can chew.
No, correction, I actually have more than I can chew.
I am ultra occupied with MotMot work.
To top to that, I add as many non MotMot activities (to balance the work and life).
24/7 is barely enough.
But if He gives us 25 hours a day and grants us 8 days a week, will it be enough to tick all the to-do's, to complete all the wants and needs?

Am not sure about you, but I don't think 25/8 will be enough. And I don't think I want to have 25/8.
So what's the trick here?
Do less, and aim lower, i.e. do not attempt to be too ambitious?
Exercise the famous 80-20 rule and do the significant-few instead of the trivial-many?
Identify your big rocks, and let the pebbles and sands settle as they fit?
Or do not attempt to manage your time, but focus on managing your energy?

There are many concepts, tips and techniques that expose and guide us to better manage our time, so we wont be victim of our own selves, that may lead to situations of self-inflicted mental-emotional-or-even-physical injuries.

I personally think the tips and techniques are useful and helpful. I guess I am the kind of person who believe in the there's-always-rooms-for-improvements. (perhaps my way of confessing that my efficiency level is not that high). I am also the kinda person who believe that everyone has a choice; whether to commit wholeheartedly or to just contribute partially; between to have fun and enjoy life or to curse and bitch about it; choose to strive to the next level or to be complacent in the current box; whether to take the road less traveled or the paths-of-convenience.

In short, 24/7 isn't enough. 25/8 wont do any good either.
Ok, that's my rant for the day, period.
(am off to pasar malam now !! yippie!)

Crossing Borders (Literally and figuratively speaking)

2011-02-13T22:39:00.005+08:00

The long awaited break was finally here! And a 4-day break means holidays. And holidays mean we are crossing the border. Not the southern Malaysia border, but the usual northern side of Malaysia-Thailand border, which I have not set foot in the last 6 months.

We seldom ran into fellow Malaysians on our back-packing-cum-eating-cum-beach-strolling-snorkeling trip. Perhaps I didn't recognize my fellow country men cos Malaysians and Siams are not that easy to differentiate from the looks. Surprise, surprise we ran into some during this trip.

I was very occupied trying to relate what E.Gilbert is saying in her Eat-Pray-Love. I saw them as they hopped off the van, but I did not notice anything unique about the 2 families, except for the Coach purses that the 2 mid-twenties sisters were carrying. These families were also waiting for the Lipeh-boat transfer to Ko Tarutao/Adang/Lipe.

Then I heard some familiar words and tones the 2 fathers used in an above-average-loudness of conversations. I do not speak Hokkien yet I know that was (indeed) Hokkien dialect, commonly spoken by Chinese in Penang. (bet you know that already!)

Then I saw the Ang Mor Gao - Hokkien for "red haired monkey", which actually refers to Caucasians - with the 2 mid-twenties sisters. I am no expert in reading people's body languages or behaviors. Nonetheless, anyone sitting there paying enough attention aka observing them would reach the same conclusion as I did. Oh yes, he's the boyfriend (or fiance) of one of the 2 sisters. My bet - the Ang Mor guy is with the elder sister.

Then I noticed they communicated in English, mostly, even among their own family members. At times the father spoke to the mother and 2 sisters in Hokkien. Bet my last dollar that the Ang Mor guy is just like me, Hokkien-illiterate.

Then I could not help but wonder how does Mr Ang Mor handles it. I do not mean about having a partner who is not Caucasian by origin. It is a common sight nowadays to see inter-racial couples in Malaysia. Chinese-Indian couples; Malay-Chinese couples; Ang Mor-Chinese/Malay/Indian. Nothing peculiar about it, just that I salute those who dare to take that step, crossing borders of cultures, languages, races, religions and what not. Not forgetting the inherited challenge since one party is from Mars while the other is from Venus.

Despite having a significant others who share the same common language, religion and racial background, I find that both of us are still working out our differences- communication styles, emotional needs, personal preferences, and many others. More often than not one of us would take the defensive measure of just yessing to the other person.

This trip nudges my emotion and triggers a thought that while we are crossing the international borders, we are still bridging our emotional-martian-venusian borders.

When we risk crossing the international borders, we would encounter the excitements of trying new things, experiencing a not-so-familiar-almost-alien culture, meeting new people, pampering our taste buds with new dishes, etc. And most often than not, we were also not sparred from hassles and troubles. The agony of waiting for the never-on-time-speed-boats; the pain to wear the same brassier for days when the luggage didn't land on the same airport we landed. Similarly, when we courage ourselves to take that step to cross the border from being-significantly-alone to the having-significant-others, we adventure a shared-life stretching from the moments of oh-how-I-love-you to times to times when we feel damn-how-I-wish-am-alone. And just like crossing the international borders, we learn to appreciate the differences, learn to tolerate & manage give-and-take, most important of all learn to value the moments, no matter how good or how bad they are. After all, we have made that choice to cross the borders (I mean that both literally and figuratively speaking)

At Home in the Aerotropolis (excuse me, aero what?)

2011-02-07T08:33:00.002+08:00

Can you imagine what kinda life will we live in the future? Or should I say, the near future? According to this article, we'll be living not in metropolis, but in the aerotropolis... It reminded me of those sci-fi movies, Star Wars alike. Commuting between planets are not as alien as it sound. Perhaps commuting in the 4-wheeled-motor vehicles between cities would sound absurd.

Actually nothing is impossible. The future is coming, whether we want it or not. Perhaps the pivotal question is, are we ready for the future ?
Read on ... At home in the aerotropolis

Lack of Confidence? Try American Idol!

2011-01-28T22:09:00.000+08:00

American Idol is here again Am not particularly a fan, but hey, I don't mind listening (more than watching) to the show while trying to finish up my never-ending-7to7-work. One thing that I like about this created-by-Simon-Cowell-show is the high spirit that the contestants have. They never seem to have lack of confidence. Not a bit.

Am not talking about those who are gifted with melodic voices. Am referring to those who can hardly sing, yet truly believe that they have the voice-edge to be the next American Idol.

There's something that we can learn from these special people; these beings who may be under appreciated in the world, but over appreciated in their own mind.

So, the next time you feeling shaky and little lack of oomph, watch American Idol :-)

It Was Not Good Friday. It Was a Fried-Day

2011-01-24T23:08:00.000+08:00

Finally, Friday was here. But to my disappointment it was not a good day! It was like waking up on the wrong side of the bed. The traffic to work was horrible; there were kancils (Perodua cars, that is) who appeared out of no where, cutting-in right in front of the line that I patiently waited. [Ok, I was loosing my patience actually even before the kancils cut in.]

My HPxxx restarted on its own (twice!) when I was in rush trying to reply a long-overdue-email! Called the Helpdesk, and my HPxxx acted fine. Made feel look like a fool. Worst thing, had to re-type the messages [Made me wonder if there's someone out there trying to play a practical joke on me]

Meeting with the H-Doctor in the afternoon, was not helping much. I got weary of trying to explain why the data is such-and-such. Worked out the data till after 8pm on Friday evening. Data didn't tally! [Been a while since I left office that late on the eve of weekend]

Called kampung to speak to Mak. Abah answered. He was feeling a little bit under the weather. Complained that he's tired, house was in a mess, blah, blah. I just listened, allowing him air-time to vent out his frustration. Continued to drive home wondering what other things might fall out-of-place. After capati with dhal, I sat down holding the Astro-remote, switching from 701 - 710 - 711 - back to 707, ended up with 613. Sigh!

A January 'Calibre' caught my attention. Particularly the article in the 'Last Word' section. A picture of Peng Shulin, referred to as the miracle man in China. Peng Shulin lost his lower body and legs in a horrific accident. He had undergone series of operations over a period of two years, to reroute nearly every major organ and systems in his body.

I looked at my lower limbs - my two legs, my twenty toes. What I had undergone in less than 24 hours were nothing compared to what Peng Shulin had experienced for the past 24 months in hospital. [FYI, he has opened up his own bargain supermarket, Half-Man-Half-Price Store]

To cut a long story - of a day full of crappy things - short, I concluded it was a good Friday, for me. Perhaps my Friday was better compared to Peng Shulin's, and others who were less fortunate.

I could not thank you enough, Ya-Rahim, the Compassionate one, for all the good days that you have blessed me with. It was not a fried-day. It was good Friday.

Catch A Grenade for You!

2011-01-16T00:31:00.003+08:00

I hear Bruno Mars latest hit playing on the radio, at least 3 times a day -once in the morning, on my way to work,while at the office (my ears have an auto-tune mode to the piped-in music at office) and once more on my way home. Hmm, came to think of it, I hear the song more than I take my Vitamin C.
......
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya

Nothing wrong with the song. I like the beat. I think Bruno Mars sings it well (doesn't hurt the ears!). I suppose the lyrics are interesting (for a lack of a better word).
I guess when you are in love, the world is a magical place to be. We think (oh yeah, have been there, done that!) , even perhaps believe, we have the super power to do anything. We are superman who would willingly jump in front of a train (like in Bruno Mars' song). We are Doraemon who would reach into our heart-pocket to give the other person just about anything and everything they ask for or need.

So, who is capable of loving another soul? I bet, anybody is capable to do so. A 5-year old Daniel is willing to let go a packet of mini Cheese Cracker cos there is none for his little brother (he knows well that the little bro is not as willing as him when it comes to sharing food/ toys). Even Megamind changes from being bad-Mr-Evil to becoming good-Mr-Goodylicious after he falls head over heels with Roxie.

What are we willing to do - in the name of love - for the other soul? My 13-year old niece gave up her reward money - for getting 5As - to be given to her Dad cos she knows he needs the money more. Am sure each of us has our own fair share of what we can and will do in the name of love.

If anybody is capable of loving another soul, then perhaps the question is are we capable of loving unconditionally? And to what extend are we willing to do to express and demonstrate our loves? Simple questions, but the answers do not come as easy. Not sure about you, but I find it difficult to answer, especially when I relate loving this person I called Mak.
She is still bedridden from the vascular operation. She can still feed herself or dress herself but not strong enough to stand, let alone take a step to the bathroom. So, there's my sis-in-law standing-in/ filling-up my roles in taking care of my Mak. She is doing her daughter-in-law duty with an unconditional love. And me? Staying 165 km away from her, am not doing much as expected, except for financing all expenses incurred and the weekend-duty.. .. Mak, I know you deserve better..

Overcoming Denial (almost!)

2011-01-14T23:25:00.001+08:00

Another year in, another year out. It's already Day 58 into 2011 according to the Gregorian calendar. It's the 16th of Safar, 1432 Hijra according to the Muslim's calendar. Soon it'll be the Year of the Rabbit, that marks the Chines new year according to their Lunar calendar. Whatever it is, the fact hits hard - am not getting any younger!

Hmm.. still in denial aren't we, using any-younger instead of using the taboo word, getting-older.

Gimme a break! I am about to admit to the whole-wide-world through the world-wide-web that am no longer in denial
Ok, whatever you say Miss Denial-It-All

I bet am not the only one who have been in denial. Admit it, come on! I bet most of us, who have passed or about to pass that significant numbers - from the 20's to 30's to being 40's reaching 50's - would have stepped into the denial-zone.

Nah, that's not wrinkle, that is just a laugh line.
He's calling me 'Kakak" (older sister)? He looks like he is my age..
I don't need the reading glasses; looking at the computer screen whole day made my eyes tired and my visions blur.

But the fact of the matter is, age is catching up.
Those are fine lines which one day will become wrinkles.

And here is my new companion when reading and writing ...

Seen it, Done it, And Guilty of it?

2011-01-12T23:37:00.000+08:00

The urban dictionary defines the word idiosyncrasy as Personal Peculiarity.

Yup, could not agree more with that definition. I have seen too many of them, that at times they just beat the crap out of me (Ok, am no exception either, but sometimes just too much lah)

At the Office's cafeteria, somewhere in Bayan Lepas Free-Industrial-Zone.. bet you have seen some people who (tend to be) hygienic by washing their utensils, typically the glasses, forks & spoons with hot water. Err.. perhaps these utensils are oily, or not properly washed or dried. But why do they have to waste sooo much - glasses and glasses of - water. The plates or bowls used aren't that clean either. But, hey they aren't subjected to that OCCleaning (obsessive-compulsive cleaning that is..) See my points?

At a hypermarket, somewhere in Seberang Jaya .. I love shopping at this hypermarket in the early Saturday morning. Avoid the busy traffic; minimize being shoulder-to-shoulder with other shoppers. This hypermarket promotes the use of bio-degradable bags or recycle bags. It even provides /allows customers to collect points (in exchange of vouchers/ coupons). Commendable effort eh? Yeah, you would concur until you line up to get your veggie or fruits weigh. Here layers of plastic bags are being used. 1 bag for a cucumber; 1 bag for the 2kg mango, 1 bag for 2 pieces of lemon.. So, what happen to the let's-be-green-and-minimize-use-of-plastic-bags! Duh!

At home, somewhere in Penang...Someone that I know (let's just name the someone, Som One) has a strict rules. Som One has a daughter who usually returns home from the evening (school) activities around 6pm. Som One makes it clear to the 10-year old daughter that: i) she should let her body cool down (for 30 mins, at least) first before showering ii) she should not shower after 8pm iii) she should clean herself (shower) before dinner. The list goes on and on.. Talk about being idiosyncratic.. Oh, hey, you might imagine Som One as the typical Type-A person who is successful due his strict rules. Unfortunately .. not! *Sigh* Perhaps he is trying to groom the 10-year old to be a better person. Perhaps it's a case of idiotic, rather then idiosyncratic..

Anyhow, there are many other similar examples of idiosyncrasy in life. Perhaps idiosyncrasy (just like beauty) lies in the eyes of the beholders.

Not Thanx Givings, but Am Counting My Blessings

2011-01-08T00:29:00.001+08:00

A colleague shared a Gratitude-web site that he subscribes to. Everything written there are positive in nature...
Reminded me another friend who once said to me ..When you are feeling down, just think of these..if you drive a car, look at those people who ride motorcycles. If you ride bike, look at those cycling. If you cycle, refer to those who has no transportation, but has to walk.

Am not feeling down-down; just feeling slightly-above-the-ground (aka not that high up in the air).Perhaps I need a walk at the count-your-blessing road. Hmm, to begin with, I am thankful and grateful for ..
* being a Muslim
* the unconditional loves that Mak-Abah gives (for making me be who I am today)
* the constant supports that C.Pewwi provides (even though he is no Mr Perfect and am no Ms Goodall)
* having Enja-Na-Nijam-Alim-MamaSarah and the extended families (to complement the vacant spots in mine)
* having to live in this century (cant imagine being a Neanderthal hunting for food & even more scary ..being chased after as food)
* living in Penang, Malaysia (not in some ulu place somewhere)
* having a permanent job (despite the constant b1tc*1ng of the hard-to-meet-demands-slash-expectations)
* the crazy friends at Mot-Mot who make me appear normal and less lunatic & crazy
* being able to do retail therapy as and when I feel like it (without worrying much of the $$$)
* being able to maintain 42 kg (+ 1kg) for the last decade (ohh.. i need to work on the cholesterol thingy)
* being sane (and not having to plead insanity ...)

Hmm.. I have a lot to be grateful and thankful...

"Then which of the favors of your Lord will ye deny .." (Sura 55: Ar-Rahman: Ayat 71)