BY HIS GRACE

A new blog

2014-06-23T14:15:00.000-07:00

My life has changed, I have changed and so has my approach to blogging! Come on over to the new place and join me on the journey!

my new blog is: life notes

He still speaks to the waves

2013-12-21T09:18:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been just going through your day to day routine, rolling with the punches, trying to keep your head up above it all, and you don't even realize how everything you are going through is affecting you until you sit down and begin to talk about it? And suddenly, though you didn't even see it coming, you are in tears? It's like the flood gates open up and you find that the more you talk about it, the more you begin to realize how afraid and worried you have been.

You begin to question how long it has been since you called worry by its ugly name and confessed it to God and sought his help. Worry is a terrible vision clouder and faith blocker. It creeps up on the best of us. I have often made the distinct choice not to worry and instead to trust. But life is full of the new, the unexpected, and the uncertain. It's not easy for us to humbly depend on God. Because of all that we can't see, we forget that he sees all. We forget that he has seen all since the beginning of time.

Our worry makes us feel like we are drowning. It's like we cannot gain a foothold. We are so frantically trying to stay above the waves that we have lost our focus on the One who calms them.

Lately, I have been reflecting on Psalm 77. I keep going back to it because one of the questions that the psalmist asks there made such an impression on my heart...

"Has God forgotten to be gracious?"

If you read this psalm, you will see that this man was so greatly troubled that he couldn't sleep at night. He was really going through it. And whenever we are really going through it we struggle with how we think about God. It's easy to say "God is so good!" when things are going well. But sometimes the things that happen in our lives can cause us to question so much. We may never even articulate it but we feel shaken, daunted and upset.

The psalmist is in agony of soul, he is crying out to God, his thoughts are raging. Have you ever suddenly woken up at three am, eyes wide open, heart racing and felt the waves of worry and fear sweep over you?
Huge hospital bills can do this to us. A lack of confidence in our abilities can do it. The pain of suffering through an offense someone caused you can do it. And through all of these difficulties we wonder what our God is up to. We wonder how it will turn out for us. How hurt and wounded will we be? How much will he ask us to endure? It frightens us at times. And sadly, it can cause us to call God's character into question.

It is right there that we need to focus our attention. Like the psalmist, our souls should "make a diligent search" with these questions that have obvious, "no-brainer" type answers.

"Will the Lord spurn forever and never again be favorable?"

"Has his steadfast love forever ceased?"

"Are his promises at an end for all time?"

"Has God forgotten to be gracious?"

"Has he in anger shut up his compassion?"

Of course the answer to all of those questions is "No, of course not!" That is the conclusion that we must come to as we remember who God is.

The problem is not with our God, it is with our tendency to doubt him. We think that something is probably going to happen to us and it will be as if God is taking his love away. We doubt his promises and his power to provide for our every need. We think that somehow we will slip his mind and be overlooked. Our view of God begins to be distorted the more we worry. The remedy to our problem of doubt is to renew our trust in God and to remember who he is and what he has done.

The psalmist made this choice. He said "Your way, O God, is holy." He looks back and recounts how God has led his people like a flock, by the hand of Moses and Aaron. He says "Your way was through the sea, your path through the great waters; yet your footprints were unseen."

I cannot help but think of God's amazing power in parting the Red Sea for his people. Think of it! Deep waters that no one could possibly move or make it through. An impossibility with an everything is possible God on their side. We serve the very same God! Don't allow your circumstances to cause you to lose sight of his power, his love and care for you soul, and the fact that he is leading you. Often it is when the waves are raging or the prospects look bleak that we learn to trust and depend the most. Even the wind and the seas obey him. How can we ever doubt that he can help us?

So much to learn

2013-12-19T07:31:00.000-08:00

As a new believer, I remember how panicked I felt when I thought of teaching my children the Bible. I looked around me and saw other parents who had grown up in the faith and I felt tremendously inadequate. These parents knew the Old Testament accounts. They could probably tell them in their sleep! I knew nothing! I wondered how I was going to teach my children from such an empty well of knowledge.

It wasn't long before I realized that I would need to learn and then teach. And not only that, sometimes I would learn right along with them. It still happens even today. There is so much that I am learning and so much I have yet to learn. Yes, I am a mother of eight. Yes, I am a pastor's wife. But I am still learning. Every.single.day.

Not all learning is filling your head with knowledge, although that is part of it. Much of what we need to learn is in the lived out moments that we experience every day. Sometimes we feel a measure of success as we evaluate our progress in living out our faith. I have written many times about such things here on this blog. But there is also the very real, nitty gritty, hard stuff that we don't really like to talk about. The areas where we know we lack yet we feel as though we should be beyond it by now. But you know what? There is grace. I am so thankful for grace when it comes to my shortcomings. Without it, I would be completely undone.

You see, when I read in John 13 of my Lord Jesus tying a towel around his waist to wash the dirty feet of those who would forsake, deny and betray...I see my shortcomings bold and plain. What kind of servant am I, if I love only those who love me? What kind of servant am I, if I pick and choose whom I will be gracious to and purposefully avoid some? What kind of servant am I, if I do not freely give as even I have been freely given to? I am keenly aware of my need to grow as a servant. Not only to be like my Lord but I am also learning from the example of others in the family of God.

Can I tell you what this family has shown me? I have seen people who are very concerned about what needs there are and they seek to meet them with the resources that God has provided. People who take time out of their personal schedule to help someone else. People who are inconvenienced so that someone else can benefit. I have seen sacrifices of time, money, and the choice to love in difficult situations. I have been blessed to the point of tears by how loving and caring this church family is.

And you know what? They are teaching me too. How can a person not be taught by someone who offers to help and is willing to do whatever they can with the hands and the strength that God has given them? How can a person not be taught by someone who drops by to bring you something special and brighten your day? How can you not be taught by a mom who is very busy with her own kids yet she brings you a meal? How can you not be taught something of the precious beauty of sacrificial giving when a woman places a gift in your pocket and tears are in her eyes. And it's not long before tears well up in yours because you know that it is the Spirit of God that prompts such giving. And in every instance it is the hands being used of God to reach out to someone else. To meet needs, to bless, and as I am realizing, to teach.

Have you ever learned from the example of someone else? How is your life teaching others to be more like Jesus?

cinnamon walnut biscotti

2013-12-10T20:39:00.000-08:00

Life is beginning to feel a little more "normal". I'm actually baking things in my kitchen!! I also ventured outside with my kids today. I haven't done that in a while. Some of them rode scooters up and down the sidewalk, others ran behind giggling all the way. It was good for them and it was also good for me. The warmth of the sunshine felt wonderful.

The fact that I am posting a recipe today is completely unplanned and spontaneous. Creative exploration in the kitchen began last night as I prepared dinner. I really wanted something bread-like to go with our bowtie pasta and salad. I needed it to be quick and easy and only include ingredients that I had on hand. Have I mentioned that we recently discovered a rosemary bush growing in our backyard? You should have heard Brienne's squeals! She knew I would be delighted since rosemary is one of my favorite things. I thank God for blessing us with it because it sure came in handy for the biscuit recipe we tried.

So anyway, the biscuits were yummy and being able to just grab a sprig of rosemary from the backyard was such a thrill to me. I really ought to get my own garden going. It was also fun to try something new.

Well, today the trying of new things happily continued. Since Brienne is on a baking kick lately, this morning I found her leafing through one of my recipe books. It wasn't long before she enthusiastically asked me if we could bake a biscotti recipe. How could I refuse? You all know how much I like biscotti, right? The thing was, we had to consider the ingredients we had on hand. It's kind of like a fun game for us. We look at what we have and we decide what we can do with it.

Recently, a sweet lady at church had given us a big bag of walnuts which we have been snacking on for weeks. Thankfully, we still had plenty leftover to throw into this recipe. It came together so well.

I love the soft and subtle crunch of the walnuts paired with the light taste of cinnamon. And, of course, dunking them in a hot cup of coffee makes the perfect combination.

cinnamon walnut biscotti
{makes 24 biscotti}

Ingredients:

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1 1/4 tsp. cinnamon
3/4 cup stick butter, softened
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 cup walnut pieces, lightly toasted

DIRECTIONS:
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
Grease a baking sheet.

1. In a large bowl, combine the first four dry ingredients and stir to combine with a wire whisk. Set aside.
2. With a mixer, cream the softened butter until fluffy, then gradually add the sugar as you mix. Add each egg, one at a time and continue to mix. Then add the vanilla extract. Mix to combine. Gradually add the dry ingredient mixture to the butter mixture and stir to combine and form a dough. Set aside.
3. To toast walnuts, heat a skillet over medium-high heat. Toast the walnuts in the skillet for about four minutes. Transfer to a cutting board and chop into small bits. Stir the walnuts into the dough.
4. Divide the dough in half. Use flour on your hands to prevent stickiness. Transfer dough to a baking sheet and form into 12" logs. Flatten them out on the cookie sheet to about 1" thickness.
5. Bake for 25-30 minutes, then cool on the baking sheet for 15 minutes. Carefully transfer to a cutting board and cut into slices. Place them (cut side up) on a baking sheet and bake for 5 minutes. Then, turn them over (your hands are the simply the best tool for this) and bake them for 5 minutes more. Allow the biscotti to cool on the baking sheet for 2 minutes, then transfer to a cooling rack.

These really are super easy to make. But they will be such a special treat with your morning cup of coffee. They will also make a great little gift when sealed up in pretty package and given to a friend.

I could have done better at that // My life as it is

2013-12-09T12:56:00.000-08:00

"Everything about which we are tempted to complain may be the very instrument whereby the Potter intends to shape his clay into the image of his Son..." --from "Keep a Quiet Heart" by Elisabeth Elliot

Simply overwhelmed...
You know, even in the midst of all that needs to be done, it is refreshing to sit down and collect my thoughts and write about the way things are. You might read this and think that I ought to be unpacking boxes instead of writing about how overwhelmed I feel. But, please understand, the thinking through, the writing and the sharing simply helps. It helps a great deal. And I hope that the reality of the struggles I face will encourage you in yours. Because whose life is perfect anyway? So here it is...my life lately...

Sometimes it just feels like there is too much happening and too much that needs to be accomplished. This overwhelmed feeling has become very familiar to me, especially in the past year or so. There are many new things in my life and I have been through some big changes. For one, I live in a new state. We moved from one side of the continent to the other. And I don't even have my official state driver's license yet because I failed the written test twice. The rule at the DMV is three strikes and you're out so after failing twice, I decided to pick my jaw up off of the floor and take home the book to study out all of the particulars of driving in California rather than pay the fee again. I was so shocked that I didn't pass! That's what I get for my over- confidence. I thought, why would I need to study for something I've been doing for over eighteen years?! Well, obviously I thought wrong. It's time to study that book because my temporary license will expire soon.

Things don't always go as smoothly as I'd like...
My tendency to be laid back and take a calm approach is sometimes helpful but other times it can result in my not being as prepared as I thought I was. Like the morning of my C-section when we went to the wrong hospital. Can I just say, this was my eighth baby and I don't think I have ever gone on a hospital tour before delivery. My mentality has always been "I'll show up and I'll be told where to go". Simple, right? Well, not so simple when on the morning of your scheduled surgery you go to the wrong hospital! In our defense, we went to the one they told us to go to at the Pre-Op appointment. But here's the thing: both hospitals have the same word in their name. Thankfully, they are pretty close to each other so we were still able to make it on time. But I knew I was in trouble when the lady behind the desk at the first hospital had no record of me and asked if I went to a Pre-Op appointment. She also told me that she had noticed that I was pregnant but she didn't want to outright ask me when I walked in. Her words..."You're in the wrong place..." were pretty hard for me to take. She also said, "I'll call them and tell them you're on your way." I could have done without that as well. I was already embarrassed enough. It all turned out well in the end but I felt pretty bad about getting the hospitals mixed up on such an important day of my life. Please don't get the wrong idea about me, I rather like having all my ducks in a row, being prepared and knowing what I am doing. But that was not my day to shine.

My life as it is...
Honestly, I haven't felt very "shiny" lately. Life has felt dulled by the constant presence of cardboard boxes and bags of things I want to donate. I have felt like a woman scrambling, hurrying, over-exerting, and multi-plate spinning. I have felt like I never have enough time to accomplish what I need to do. There have been peaks where I really gain some traction and bring a task to completion (man, that's a good feeling!) but there have been so many valleys where I just don't know where to start. Times where I have just sat there and prayed because I feel like I am spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. "Where do I begin, Lord?...help me!" It seems that not long after I sort through umpteen boxes of clothing that each room gets slammed with more laundry. Because it doesn't stop needing to be washed, dried and folded when you're moving in to a house. Oh, and let's not forget the putting away part. ;)

Most of the conversations my husband and I have had lately consist of relaying to each other what we plan to accomplish that day. And he has a job to do that requires a lot of him and he's been coming home in the evenings to work on the house. I told him that I don't know how he is doing it and of course his response was "By God's grace..."

And I am homeschooling and recovering from surgery and getting adjusted to a caring for a newborn again and just longing for everything to be in it's place. It really starts to get to me. I didn't realize how just how much until a few mornings ago when I sat alone with my husband and began the attempt to articulate the way I feel lately.

You don't know how many times I have just wished I could snap my fingers and have everything put away. I do consider a job well done very rewarding and it's not that I am against hard work. But it seems that so much has to come together for me to be able to dig into a task. My children must be fed, taken care of, occupied (hopefully there is a job I can give them) and not only that, I must have the energy and motivation to tackle the project. Please hear me, I am not complaining. This is just what I am going through.

I really am doing the best I can...
So there I was with my husband. Telling him all. Telling him that I really feel like I should be moved in by now. For one thing people who come over are still seeing boxes and things out of place and how long ago did we start moving in?!!

"Marisha, stop worrying about what other people think, just focus on doing your best for God."

And my tears came. And I realized that some pressure to get things done is good, but sometimes we put undue pressure on ourselves and our souls just need to be at rest. To start each day with a desire to honor God with the work of our hands and to do what we can but we cannot do it all. Because life is happening and there are things that you and I are going through. For me, a new life in a new place with a new baby. And all of these new things come with new challenges, like the dishwasher that overflowed with water onto our kitchen floor this morning. Later on the phone, my husband and I had a hearty laugh about the whole ordeal, AFTER THE FACT. But when things like that happen you always feel like it's the LAST thing you needed at that moment. It was upsetting and I nearly slipped and fell when I was sopping up the water with towels. So we are getting to know this house with all of its quirks and making decisions about what we need to fix and when. Sometimes I minimize how big these changes in my life really are. But I'm realizing that sometimes they are big to me. But I know that my God is bigger and I will grow through this and he is with me through it all, giving me grace and strength to carry on.

So with the challenges I am facing, I do feel weak. I feel the dullness of the daily grind of unpacking more boxes in the midst of all of my other responsibilities. I feel the pressure of the things that need doing and fixing. But here is the thing. I cannot let it consume me. I cannot keep putting off important things because of all of this work that needs to be done. We still have people over, though things aren't picture perfect right now. And I still need to have fun with my family and not feel guilty because there is work that still needs to be accomplished. It's always there!

I put it off for too long...
Last week I gave up telling myself the story that as soon as I sat down and made an "official" schedule that I would begin my "Bible Time" with the kids in the mornings. Why is it that when I am in "survival mode" that I think we can survive by dropping that from our daily schedule?! It goes against everything I know to be true and right but I confess I did it anyway. I figured that our after-dinner time with dad would be enough. It takes some energy and the wherewithal to teach a group of energetic kids a Bible lesson so I put it on hold for a while. Until this past week when I thought "What am I waiting for?!" and I pulled out the book we were using and told them that TODAY we were going to have Bible Time. They actually got excited about it, they cheered, and I think I even heard a couple of them shout "YAY!". And I just felt rebuked that I had put it off for so long. But it's just the way that my brain works sometimes. I think "First this and then that." Sometimes it's a good thing because I am trying to prioritize and keep my sanity. But in this case I don't think I was prioritizing so well. We were basically getting by but I know I could have done better. Isn't it a wonderful thing that we as parents have so much capacity to teach our children about God?! It is such a privilege that I have neglected far too often, to my shame.

My husband's exciting project...
The extra projects we have been doing have certainly added to our workload. And add to that the things that need fixing and installing. We STILL have a few of those things on our list of things to do. But even though those extra projects have slowed things down a bit, I wouldn't trade every boxed unpacked for the sight of my husband's enthusiasm and excitement over the butcher block counter top he has been putting together out in the garage. It's been a long while since I have seen him get excited over a project and the light in his eyes as he plans and carries out his ideas is priceless. I can't wait until we can enjoy using it and have a little more counter space. :)

So much I look forward to...yet enjoying life as it is...
There is so much that I want to do. Not only in this house but outside of it as well. Coffee dates, Bible studies, trips to the park and all of that! There are things that will definitely make their way into our schedule eventually but I simply cannot put them there yet. I just have to do the best I can to honor God with the hours that he gives me. And lately that mostly consists of feeding, burping, changing and loving on our sweet baby boy and trying to take the time to show all of the others that I still have enough love for them too. That shows itself in different ways. The other night I enjoyed just sitting on the couch in our family room and laughing, recounting stories we've heard, movies we've seen, memories that meant something and Javi's hilarious retelling of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. He kept tacking on "...and she KNEW she wasn't supposed to do that!" He had us all cracking up. These are just simple moments of being together. Nothing flashy or earth shattering. Just us, together. Sometimes you just gotta keep it simple and enjoy life as it is.

From a shaky start to a firm resolve {my marriage story}

2013-12-04T16:00:00.000-08:00

A shaky start...
There I was, seventeen and fresh out of boot camp and several weeks of Tech. school. I had joined the Air Force because it was all I had ever known and all I thought I would be able to do at that time in my life. It got me out on my own and it got me out of North Dakota where I had spent my last two years of high school, freezing like never before and wondering what to do with my life.

I met my husband in a room full of chairs and a handful of young airmen in uniform. We were there for "in processing" to our base. We had both been stationed in New Mexico.

Things happened very fast for us. And you know, it's funny how a person can think they are having so much fun with their lifestyle and yet later consider it a period of darkness. But that is how I view those early days. Sure, there were glimmers of light but much was missing and there were holes that only God could fill and torn places that only God could mend. I love my husband and I am glad for God's transforming power in his life. But I shudder to think of where we would be if God had not intervened. And not just because of my husband, but because of me.

It was a long time before I could even refer to those early days when we met without cringing and without not even wanting to talk about it. It was inevitable, someone would ask the question "So...how did you meet?" and my soul was in turmoil. I struggled between wanting to be completely honest with our new Christian friends and yet knew I had to just keep it light most of the time. We had just come out of a different culture with a completely different set of rules. Most of them were made up as we went along. I knew that not everyone wanted to hear unpleasant details of how godless we were. I felt like a war veteran returning home from a hard battle. Everything was supposed to be "normal" now yet I had seen too much. I had experienced things that I would not dare to attempt to put into words and most of them were by choice. It would take time and healing to get over it. It would take the grace of God and the understanding that his love is deep, constant and sure.

You know, I see these articles online that talk about choosing a husband and all of the things to look for. They talk about making a list of all the qualities that are important to you and not forgetting it all when a cute guy is flattering you and you're tempted to lose your resolve. Would you believe me if I told you that one of the first questions I asked my husband a little while after we had met was "Are you religious?" And I wasn't asking because I was hoping he was. I was glad when he said no. Honestly, I couldn't have really defined "religious" except that I knew it had to do with God. And I had nothing whatsoever to do with God. And so, check that one off, we had a match.

The "live and let die" mentality that I had saddens me now. What a pointless existence. Even when I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted, I was really just confused and walking on shaky ground.

As my husband tells the story "We met in December, I proposed in February, and we were married in April." Yeah, it happened fast. He told me that he loved me after only two weeks. It wasn't mutual, I thought he was crazy. He tried so hard to impress me, I thought he was showing off and almost broke up with him. Almost.

When it came time for us to be married, for some strange reason I thought it should be in a church setting. I told you I was confused. Well, the chaplain had us take a compatibility test and it revealed that we had some very different backgrounds and ideas concerning God. As we sat in the chaplain's office he handed me a sheet of paper so that I could read what he would say in a typical wedding and he said to me "I don't think you'd be comfortable with this." And he was right. There I was, in tears in his office. Confused and wavering.

That was me when it came to my thoughts, my decisions and my life. Just wavering. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You try to act like you're ok, but you're not. There are things about your life that look normal and healthy on the surface but inside you are full of darkness and emptiness. And the sad part is that most of the time you don't even know it. Most of the time you can get by ignoring it and think everything in your life is just fine that way it is. Until God's light begins to shine in and helps you to truly see.

A firm resolve...
So here I am, 37 years old. I'm thankful for God's grace. I'm thankful that my husband and I have submitted our lives to Christ. I wasn't careful enough but God was so merciful. I know it doesn't always happen this way. Those of us who know Christ cannot just take plunges in life and simply hope that everything turns out ok in the end. We have to make careful, discerning and wise decisions when it comes to who we will spend our lives with.

I tell my children that I love their dad. I love that he fears God. I love that he is a hard worker and that pleasing God is so important to him. I love that he takes good care of me. I love that he loves them. That he laughs and plays with them and best of all teaches them the Word of God. This is all God's work in his life. I don't want to take it for granted. And I want them to see how important it is for a person to have these qualities.

You see, because cute guys who tell you what you want to hear will only last for so long. The trials will come, the important decisions in life will need to be made and you can't get by with just his good looks and his sense of humor (although admittedly, they do help). You want a man of firm conviction and integrity. A man who will do what is right when no one else is looking. A man who lives his life to please God and not himself.

Seek the Lord and choose wisely girls. You won't find perfection but a man who loves God above all else and desires to know him more is where it starts. And not just for them but for you.

Repurpose project: from a dresser to a buffet

2013-11-30T06:02:00.000-08:00

[before]

[after]

Here she is in all of her golden splendor. ;)

When I was in high school, my parents took an old dresser that was painted in an olive, sort of army green color and they completely changed its appearance. They removed all the paint and gave the wood a beautiful finish. The transformation was fascinating to me and I remember thinking that someday I wanted to do something amazing with a piece of furniture.

Well, many Pinterest pins later someone offered me a dresser she no longer wanted. It was the perfect opportunity for me to let loose all that inspiration that had built up over the years. :)

I did my research, gathered my materials and couldn't wait to get started! First, I used wood filler on the nicks and scratches in the wood. Since I knew I wanted to update the hardware, I also used wood filler on the cabinet doors to cover up the impressions left by the old hardware. After that, I sanded and primed. Obviously, a lot of prep work was involved before I could get to my favorite part...that yellow paint! I chose Valpar's "Gala Gold". I love this yellow!

For the painting, I used a combination of a brush and a foam roller. I used a brush to get the paint into all of the grooves and crevices and I used a foam roller to smooth it all out. This worked very well and I was able to avoid the issue of having brush strokes all over the wood. I am, of course, an amateur but when I went shopping for a clear coat finish to protect the paint, the store did not have the product that was recommended online. And so, with a little help from the store clerk I settled on "Clear Protector" by Valspar. Hopefully it does it's job well. I just kept wondering if I had made the right choice but so far, so good.

This was such a fun project! Since I'm not much of a power tool person (yet!), my husband installed the new hinges. It took a few tries to finally settle on a hinge that would work best for those doors. After installing one of them we ran into a slight problem. Since we installed new hinges, the doors did not have the same amount of space as before. But my husband had a great idea. Thankfully, the door on the right had a "spacer" in between the cabinets. A strip of wood that we could simply cut down to size. With a little help from a friend who has a saw, our problem was solved! It all came together in the end and I am so happy with the results!

Now, time to store those tablecloths, napkins and who knows what else?! It will come to me, I'm sure!

A little one is welcomed and a mama tries to "behave"

2013-11-25T14:55:00.000-08:00

It's been about a month since I have written in this space. Enticing writing prompts have been delivered to my inbox and tucked away with the thought of possibly writing if I ended up with the time. Honestly, a little time may have come but the energy, motivation and inspiration were all used up at that point.

Oh, it's not that I haven't had some creative outlet...I don't know what I'd do without that. Thankfully, crocheting is such a relaxing activity that I can be creative and restful all at the same time. Even being able to do at least one row is often enough to satisfy my creative urges. I have found a favorite stitch by the way. The "raised rib stitch". I seriously think I have found the stitch of my dreams. For all of you crocheters out there, you know what I mean. ;) I will definitely be using it again in the future.

Another creative outlet has been all of the painting projects in the house. These projects managed to get all of their paint before I went to the hospital but they are still not quite complete. My dear husband has had much to take care of in my absence and pulling out power tools just wasn't on the list...that is...not until today! Once they are complete with all of the hinges and doors in place I will definitely share some pictures with you! :)

The days leading up to my C-section were spent in a bit of a frenzy, well, as much of a frenzy that a nine months pregnant woman can get into! I'm telling you, I really wore myself out! Much time was spent wrapping up projects that I knew I would not have the wherewithal to accomplish after Samuel was brought home. And getting things painted and put in place was actually needful so that we could put other things in their place.

And now, post C-section, I find that there is whole lot that my mind and heart would love to accomplish, yet I am still limited. I still remember the words from a caring friend in my last week of pregnancy. As we spoke about the coming days and my upcoming surgery, she said "You're going to behave, right?" Those words have rung in my ears more than once. I make it my aim to sleep when the baby sleeps as much as possible and to be the one who does every possible job that can be done sitting down. Today, that means folding laundry while I instruct the other children in doing things that require standing for longer periods and bending down and lifting up.

Honestly, "behaving" is not very hard when you feel like a small fire has been lit in your belly as soon as you've done a little too much. Sorry if that is "T.M.I." but it's enough for me to call in for reinforcements and my dose of Motrin. :)

This morning, my husband is out doing his morning routine of lifting weights with a friend, the children are still asleep (every single one of them!) and I have been up since 6am. Every moment is a treasure, you know. As I sit here and type, I am fully aware that the next word may be my last if little Sammy wakes up. It's like a little alarm you anticipate going off at any moment. We kind of chuckle about it but it seems that as soon as someone either hands me a plate of food or I open the pages of a book, the baby cries. It rarely ever fails. But it's so worth it. This little guy is a high priority right now.

Isn't he a cutie?

And by the way, he is doing very well. He is so small, so soft, and so sweet. It's amazing how little newborns are. It seems I always forget that and then I am so stunningly reminded. We all chuckle at his serious little face as he looks around at all of us, just taking it all in.

We're not a perfect family, Sammy but we are so glad that God has made you a part of it. Welcome to our home and into our hearts. We are so glad you are here, little man.

P.S. Taking care of you helps me to slow down and rest like I'm supposed to. ;) You are pure therapy.

It starts with you

2013-10-30T07:20:00.001-07:00

[the boys at the Yuba-Sutter Fair this past summer]

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

You've probably seen it before in the cartoons or movies. There is a race and someone in the race is not playing by the rules. They do whatever they possibly can to slow the other contestant down and cause them to lose. They don't play fair because all they care about is coming out on top.

I read a message from C.H. Spurgeon this morning. It was delivered in June of 1858. And what a fitting location! The Grand Stand, Epsom Race-Course. The message was entitled "The Heavenly Race". It was based on 1 Corinthians 9:24.

In his message he talks about things that hinder us and even prevent us from truly running in the "race" in this life. I wanted to share one of those things here because I think it is something that many of us are prone to do. Maybe we don't do it habitually but every once in a while it may rear it's ugly head.

If we find that we are often very busy about focusing on the faults of others and not doing our own personal business with the Lord, we should be concerned. If we find that as we sit listening to a message from God's Word we are hoping that so and so is listening, we should redirect our focus. We would do well to consider ourselves whenever we consider the powerful, transforming Word of God. We need it. We, ourselves, need to hear it. And heeding it will spur us on to greater rewards than the temporary satisfaction of trampling someone else underfoot.

Here is that quote from Spurgeon...

"There is also another thing that will prevent man's running the race. We have known people who stopped on their way to kick their fellows. Such things sometimes occur in a race. The horse, instead of speeding onwards to the mark, is of an angry disposition, and sets about kicking those that are running beside him—there is not much probability of his coming in first.

'Now they that run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize.'

There is one however who never gets it, and that is the man who always attends to his fellow-creatures instead of himself. It is a mysterious thing that I never yet saw a man with a hoe on his shoulder, going to hoe his neighbour's garden, it is a rarity to see a farmer sending his team of horses to plough his neighbour's land; but it is a most singular thing that every day in the week I meet with persons who are attending to other people's character. If they go to the house of God and hear a trite thing said, they say at once "How suitable that was for Mrs. Smith and Mrs. Brown?" The thought never enters their head, how suitable it was to themselves. They lend their ears to everybody else, but they do not hear for themselves. When they get out of chapel, perhaps as they walk home, their first thought is, "Well, how can I find fault with my neighbors?" They think that putting other people down is going up themselves (there never was a greater mistake); that by picking holes in their neighbour's coat they mend their own They have so few virtues of their own that they do not like anybody else to have any therefore they do the best they can to despoil everything good in their neighbor; and it there be a little fault, they will look at it through a magnifying glass, but they will turn the glass the other way when they look at their own sins.

Their own faults become exceedingly small while those of others become magnificently great.

Now this is a fault not only among professing religious men, but among those who are not religious. We are all so prone to find fault with other people instead of attending to our own home affairs. We attend to the vineyards of others, but our own vineyard we have not kept. Ask a worldly man why he is not religious, and he tells you "Because so-and-so makes a profession of religion and is not consistent." Pray is that any business of yours? To your own Master you must stand or fall, and so must he; God is their judge, and not you. Suppose there are a great many inconsistent Christians—and we are compelled to acknowledge that there are—so much the more reason why you should be a good one. Suppose there are a great many who deceive others; so much the more reason you should set the world an example of what a genuine Christian is. "Ah! but," you say, "I am afraid there are very few." Then why don't you make one? But after all, is that your business? Must not every man bear his own burden?

You will not be judged for other men's sins, you will not be saved by their faith, you will not be condemned for their unbelief.

Every man must stand in his own proper flesh and blood at the bar of God, to account for the works done in his own body, whether they have been good or whether they have been evil.

It will be of little avail for you to say at the day of judgment, "O Lord, I was looking at my neighbors; O Lord, I was finding fault with the people in the village; I was correcting their follies." But thus saith the Lord: "Did I ever commission thee to be a judge or a divider over them? Why, if thou hadst so much time to spare, and so much critical judgment, didst thou not exercise it upon thyself? Why didst thou not examine thyself, so that thou mightest have been found ready and acceptable in the day of God?" These persons are not very likely to win the race, because they turn to kicking others."

.........................................................

Spurgeon is right. Those who don't know Christ (that used to be me) will elevate themselves by finding fault with others and considering themselves far better than certain people. They will think they are good people because they don't do some detestable thing they see another doing. The problem is that they have never truly seen themselves as God does. His is the standard we should judge ourselves by. The same thing goes for Christians. Stop looking around you at all the things that others aren't getting right. Focus first and foremost on your relationship and walk with God. Is your life pleasing to him? What do you need to change to honor him more? It starts with you.

Inconvenient {a writing prompt}

2013-10-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

Since July 3, 2013, our family has made two large rooms in a preschool our home. I have lost count of how many times I have been asked where something is. All I know is that it is to the point of brain exhaustion. I have nine people in my family with two feet each and in the summer it wasn't so bad because we only had the occasional lost flip flop or sandal. But then it got colder and socks were introduced. People sometimes complain about their socks getting gobbled up by the "dryer monster" but I have had monsters lurking in every corner of all the rooms I have lived in for the past few months.

Why our family has such an issue with retaining matching socks is beyond me. After moving here and being told by my children umpteen times that they could not find ANY socks whatsoever, I decided to give up on frugality and buy very large packages of socks at Target. For every. single. one. of them. It was liberating...for a while. Now we have moved into a house. Actually, we are still in the process of moving. It saddens me and it causes me to shake my head in disbelief...but we have not been able to find one single pair of matching socks for my boys. On Saturday evening, as we made preparations for church the next morning, I actually had to dig into my trusty "sock bag" (a bag containing all the socks that have lost their matches over the years) and find them socks that were at least the same color. They also needed to be able to stretch over their feet...so what if those crew socks are a few sizes too small...they just became ankle socks! Sometimes you just have to improvise, right?

That evening, as I sat exhausted in a chair (eight months pregnant and moving into a house have been an interesting combination) I watched my daughter Joelle walk up and down the stairs and all around the house as she searched for every item of clothing and every shoe for every child. It took about an hour. Sure, we had put all of our shoes together in boxes. But why was it that all we could find for Brienne was one gold flat and one black high heel? Mental exhaustion set in as I watched her on the hunt.

A friend mentioned on Facebook this weekend that "Prayer is more effective than panic". Not being able to find things might sound like a small thing to some but I have felt that frustrating, uncomfortable feeling more times than I care to count in the past few months. It's one thing when it's something of your own that you have misplaced or that you put into a "convenient" place where you would be able to find it yet you forgot where that place is. It's another thing when everyone in the family looks to you as the "all knowing" one who somehow knows precisely where every single needed item is located. Talk about pressure. ;)

True, sometimes I am pretty good at knowing exactly where things are.

"Oh, you're looking for your Bible? It's right over there on the top shelf." Imagine my big grin because I was able to direct someone to the thing they needed at that moment. But now imagine me on Sunday morning when at first all was going well as I thought that everyone had what they needed but then as the questions begin to come from my husband a sudden burst of reality hits. In my exhaustion from a busy Saturday of cleaning, packing and moving, I had forgotten to make sure that he had all of his necessary items in place.

Where were his shoes? I knew that they had been conveniently set on top of a box so they would not be hard to find but where was that box?! Was it still in the van? And his belt? I had absolutely NO idea about that one. Yet I'm supposed to know. I usually take great pains to not experience this kind of thing on Sunday morning. But each day has brought me to the point of needing to just not move, and sometimes, a day full of thinking too much wears me out too. So much planning, coordinating, strategizing, and figuring out when to do what and where to put what...it takes a lot of brain power. Sometimes I forget, it takes prayer too.

Instead, I let it all get to me. I felt the frustration welling up. I felt inconvenienced by all this need to find things. I felt tired of it all. Sure, there are harder trials to go through but this was mine in all of it's frustrating, agonizing glory. I envisioned a future day when every shoe would be neatly stored in it's caddy in the closet. I dreamed of the day when socks would go directly into their drawers...maybe even in a special shoe box on the side of the drawer so that they won't get lost in the drawer...but no, I wasn't there yet. I was here, in a house full of boxes, trying to find something that was lost again.

Amazing how we just know we shouldn't say certain things yet it feels almost like a dam is going to break loose and sometimes we let it.

What I said was sarcastic, it was how I felt in that moment, and I should have resisted the temptation to say it and instead thanked God for how good he is to me.

"I just love my life right now."

It was spoken somewhat toward my husband as I left the room. He heard it, God heard it and I felt the remorse immediately afterward.

So many good things are happening in my life right now! I have so much to thank God for and I have been doing that here and there but that morning I brought a little bit of ruin into it all. I had my focus ALL wrong. I wanted it to be known that I was SO tired of being inconvenienced with having to stop what I am doing to find things for people or to help them find things. I just felt like I had to make it known. Well, I did. And I only felt worse.

Praise God that he forgives and he helps and that my husband is a gracious man who understands what I am going through and he also forgives. I also praise God that through it all he disciplines me as loving Father and gives me the gusto to want to be the most organized woman on the face of the earth. I know I have a lot to learn, I know that circumstances right now would throw even the most organized of women into a tizzy but again, I am just me...with all of my personal lessons to learn.

I can't wait to have everything in it's place (at least for the most part!). I know things will still get lost from time to time but I also know it will be less and less if I have anything to say about it.

I can't wait to share with you all of the good things that God has done in providing a home for our family but that is for another post. For now, you can just picture me in the perfect mixture of happily unpacking more of my dishes and clothes and...more than likely, trying to find something that someone needs. That's just the way it is right now. God is good. :)

Linking up for the writing prompt here: ellenstumbo.com

She said she felt worthless

2013-09-25T07:43:00.002-07:00

Recently, on Facebook, a person that I love and care about said that she felt worthless. And it's not the first time that I come across an alarming statement like that one. For a while, I wasn't able to get those words out of my mind. I thought of them in random moments throughout the week. I thought about how to respond to such words and I thought about how the Lord would respond. Because truthfully, though friends and family try their best to boost and encourage the person with how worthy and special they think they are, those words can only go so far and can only last so long. They are important but they are not enough.

It is in Jesus Christ, the One who is worthy of every word of praise and honor that we find our worth.

He is the One who loved so passionately and deeply that he gave his life over to be despised and rejected. He is the One so worthy that he could have called thousands of angels to his rescue. But he didn't because rescuing us was the reason he came in the first place.

To be rescued, we must see our need for help. If a hand is extended to us we must make the choice to reach out and take it. It will take our complete trust and realizing that we are helpless to avoid certain death.

"But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become the children of God." John 1:12

Receiving Jesus. That is all. Not rejecting him because you doubt his ability or because you want to try and rescue yourself. Not relying on the praise and adoration of other people as a way to feel like you are loved and cared about. But realizing that no one loves you or cares for you more than God. Simply receive Jesus. That is the way that God had it planned from the beginning. It is the only true way for you to find worth. It is in God's beautiful and sacrificial love for you.

You can be whole.

Everything can be made right between you and God.

You can have true joy.

You can find forgiveness and freedom from the burden of your guilt.

And you can know that God has given you eternal life and you will live with him forever. (John 3:16)

God wants so much for you to turn to him. He wants to help you, to give you true understanding and true wisdom. The God who made you wants so much to have a close relationship with you. He wants you to have a new heart with opened eyes to see the lies you have believed and the harmful thoughts you have lived with for so long. He wants to lead you along a good path and show you how much better you can live your life if you live it his way. No one knows you better than he does.

It shouldn't be a surprise that without God we feel worthless. What purpose do we have apart from God working in our lives? It is when we go our own way and turn away from God that we become worthless.

"All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one." Romans 3:12

Turn away from worthlessness and sin and turn to Jesus who "made himself nothing" (Phil. 2:7) so that he could give the greatest gift to you. The gift of eternal life.

"In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him." 1 John 1:9

Bright and beautiful TEN!

2013-09-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow we'll be celebrating ten years of this amazing girl's life. The days when I thought she was a timid little girl seem like a distant memory now. Now I see her differently. She is bold and courageous. She knows what she wants and she goes for it. She is not afraid to try new things. She often has to be reminded that there are some things that she needs to ask mom about first, you know, before she tries them. She loves to laugh, she loves life and I love her to bits. Sweet, spunky girl.

When she sets her heart on something it is pretty hard to budge her. This can be a strength as well as a weakness. How often I have encouraged her to put her trust in God, the giver of opportunities and the loving one who sometimes withholds what we want because he knows what we really need. Yes, as a mom I often teach while learning those lessons at the same time.

I have been noticing that Brienne is a very careful observer of the people around her. Sometimes this means picking up bad habits and trying them on for size. It also means seeing what mom and dad think about it. We see it as another opportunity to point her to God. "Just because someone else does that (or says that) does not mean it is right." You see, when you've got a choice between wrong, hmmmm...maybe not so bad, and best, shouldn't you always choose best? Especially when it comes to choosing your words? God has certainly not left us without wisdom on that matter!

But I have also noticed her doing her best to be friendly. She thrives on interacting with people. She often goes with me to the laundromat and she looks out for other kids to talk and giggle with. One time a little girl her age was there with her mom. The mom was not interested in being friendly but this little girl was. Our time there was a mixture of finishing up schoolwork (homework for the girl) and chatting a little. Shortly before we left I gave Brienne a "Bridge" tract to give to her friend. She went back to her math and waited for a good moment to give it to her. After giving it to her, the girl said "Oh, we believe in God. We used to walk on water." Brienne was pretty much speechless. :) It was fun to talk later about good ways to respond to that...somehow I doubt that one will ever come up again but...you never know. I pray that the Lord will give her a strong desire to make his truth known to the people he brings into her life.

The next time we went she kept trying to connect with this little girl there and it just wasn't working. She'd say hello, smile, wave, sit somewhat near her but the girl was oblivious. I watched Brienne with interest as I crocheted a baby blanket. She even commented to me how she kept trying to be friendly to the girl but it just wasn't working. Brienne wasn't being pushy or anything, she was just making herself available. To me, that is boldness in and of itself. She doesn't seem to worry too much about what people think. I love that about her. I hope she never lets the fear of rejection stop her from reaching out in love.

My beautiful daughter. You are sunshine in my life.

Growing pains

2013-09-11T22:57:00.000-07:00

That little girl up there...she's a wonder. She's beautiful, she tugs on my heartstrings and just look at the cute little things that she does...the way she put her feet up on that chair so she could set her book on her knees...Oh, goodness! I just about melted on the spot. She is such a delightful little girl!

But she is not only that. She is a complex human being. Aren't we all? Lately, in the mornings she will seem cheerful and she asks for her "cuppy" and then when she has it in front of her, she bursts into tears as if I did not understand her request. And maybe the problem is that she wants juice instead of milk..well, .let's just say I am trying to teach her to be content with what she has been given. And I am trying to teach her to simply talk to me. "Isabel, I do not understand why you are crying, tell me what you need."

And so this very concept is being taught to the four year old and to the other children as well. The importance of communicating our needs, our burdens and our offenses to each other. And doing it as soon as possible. How necessary it is to communicate well rather than jump to conclusions and wail like a toddler who cannot yet form sentences. I just marvel that I am teaching these concepts to children of many different ages. It must be a life long lesson. Some adults have not grasped it yet. I pray that my children don't wait that long.

Which brings me to another topic. Praying for my children. It struck me this evening as I sat quietly listening to my husband's message in the church service, that I have concerns about my children that I have not been praying over. Thinking about them and worrying about them, yes. But praying over them? Not enough. And this evening I have a few more to add to the list. You know, we moms rarely feel like we're doing enough and I'm not trying to beat myself up about it. I just recognize how much wisdom I need from the Lord to teach my children well and to train them in his ways.

You know, I may have this blog and I write about all these spiritual things but the truth is, I HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN! Sometimes I feel inadequate and under qualified. And can I add terrified to that list? Sometimes I am moving right along like "Yeah, I've got this mothering thing down" other times I am scared silly that I'm not doing a good enough job raising my kids. Just ask my husband how many times I've cried over that concern.

The thing is, I don't want these concerns to be a discouragement but rather an encouragement to grow and allow God to show me what more I can give. I cannot be superwoman, I cannot give them everything, I am far from being the "model" mother. I just love my kids and want to give them what I can. I want to give them what the Lord shows me I can give. I want my heart to be open to the Lord's discipline NOT to a guilt trip. God wants my growth not my discouragement. I am asking him to show me areas where I can do better and honor him more with my day to day mothering. He sees it all so clearly and he knows where the changes need to be made even better than I do.

He is bringing things to light. I thank him and praise him for that. I have not "arrived", not until I see my Savior face to face. Until then, I will follow the Holy Spirit's leading and be less casual about praying for these beautiful children he has given my husband and I. There are so many needs and I have a God who is able to meet them all.

What "good" does God have in mind?

2013-09-06T06:38:00.000-07:00

"To maintain trust, we need to understand the "good" our God wants to accomplish. We persist in prayer presuming that God knits together the fabric of his purposes from the yarn of our prayers, our circumstances, his time, his power, and his knowledge...The apostle Paul says, 'In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose' (Rom. 8:28). Then the apostle spells out the 'good' God intends from all things: 'For those God foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.' God does not define our good as the absence of difficulty but rather as our being 'conformed to the likeness of his Son.' God wants to fill up his eternal family with many siblings of Jesus who are like him. The 'good' God most wants for us is our Christlikeness." (From "Praying Backwards" by Bryan Chapell)

Sometimes, our definition of good and what God considers good are a bit at odds. Honestly, the absence of difficulty is something I greatly value and appreciate. Wouldn't you concur? I just love it when things go smoothly. With no major problems or surprises to speak of and nothing to get in the way of progress and my (prayed over) plans being fulfilled. I know it sounds selfish and even unrealistic but isn't that how we generally want things to go?

It's easy to get so caught up in my circumstances that I lose sight of God's greater purpose for me. I might even think of Romans 8:28 in the midst of my difficult circumstances and think "God will work this out for good" and, to me, that might mean that somehow, someway good will come of this. And it's true, sometimes we can look back and see that if that difficult thing hadn't happened then we wouldn't be experiencing the blessing of something else. But it's more than that, isn't it?

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers." Romans 8:28-29 ESV

Bryan Chapell is pointing it out in the quote at the beginning of this post and the context of Romans 8:28 makes it very clear. The greatest "good" to be desired is the very "good" that God wants for us in every.single.circumstance. Everything that God allows in our lives presents us with an opportunity to be "conformed to the image of his Son". It's not automatic, as if something difficult happens and the result will be us being more like Christ. No, our response to our trials and ultimately our response toward God are major factors in determining what will come of the hard things in our lives.

I am trying to remember this when the unexpected difficulties come up. I remind myself that my sovereign God is not as surprised as I am. In fact, he's not surprised at all. It's an opportunity for me to respond as Christ would. It's an opportunity to submit to God's will, to trust him because he is a loving Father, and to seek his glory above all else. And what does that mean anyway? Could it mean that even though I am going through something hard that I can maintain my focus on his purposes for me? Could it mean that I can still say he is good and he does good things and mean it with all my heart?

The truth is, we will all experience difficulty in this life whether we know Christ as our Lord and Savior or not. For those of us who are his by faith and for those of us who love him as a response to his great love for us, we have an amazing opportunity. It is the opportunity to grow and change to be more like the one who gave himself for us. It is the opportunity to respond in trust, rather than give in to our doubts and despair.

God's ultimate will is to make us more Christlike. If you are his, you can be sure that he wants that for you more than anything else. Realize that learning to live your life more like your Savior is the greatest good you could ever hope for. I am learning this too. And it's not hard to notice as I look back over what God has brought me through, that my loving heavenly Father was working in every circumstance to teach me more about yielding, trusting and depending. I wouldn't learn it if I never had to do it.

In closing, I'll leave you with another quote from Bryan Chapell:

"Understanding that God's primary goal for our prayers is our spiritual transformation helps explain why he may delay his response to some requests. We may want a change in our circumstances, when God wants a change in us. We may need to persist in prayer to discern, for example, that we want a quick solution, but God wants growth in our patience; we want the removal of a troublesome co-worker, but God wants an increase in our love; we want an end to pressures, but God wants us to learn to trust him in everything."

Sweet and dreamy moments to remember

2013-08-24T07:02:00.000-07:00

The trailer we are using is equipped with many necessities. And just like any other living space it has it's quirks. Like how the radio will suddenly turn on full blast at random moments. The kids think it's funny. They are probably most amused by the sight of me hurrying to turn the thing off! It's strange, sometimes I wonder if the radio has some sort of motion sensor. No matter how much I turn the volume knob (to the left!) and despite the fact that I have turned the power off--it will turn on with no help at all from human hands. It's a mixture of being humorous and unsettling. But don't worry, it seems to be happening less and less...I'm ok, really I am.

Besides, we've actually been putting it to good use lately. Our new nightly ritual: bath time snuggles and sweet lullabies in the trailer. Brienne started it one night. She made it into the trailer just a little before I did and surprised me with this lullaby CD that I had never before listened to. It set a calm and cheerful, "I'm so glad to be a mother to these sweet and wonderful children" atmosphere. Words about loving your child from their cute little nose to the tip of their toes. Words about holding them in your arms and rocking them to sleep. Words of anticipation for the coming day "We'll ride painted horses with wind in our hair. We'll always remember the laughter we shared..."

The process of bath taking had begun. Out of all the children, Isabel is the only one who still needs my help. But she likes to play a while in the tub with Clara. So while they are bathing and as the others come in after them, I hang out close by on my bed. I usually read a book or write in my journal, treasuring a little time of quiet while everyone settles down for the night. But on this particular evening, the sweet lullaby music played and began to take its effect. All I wanted to do was to lie on my bed, stare out the screen door of the trailer and reflect.

My thoughts were on my children. How much I love them and how much I want to love them more! All of my daily pondering of the past week...of wanting to really LIVE! and not just get through. To do special things that we'll always remember and not just check everything off of the "To Do List". Far too often I am too occupied with duty and task completion. Sometimes I forget to make the fun times happen. Sometimes I miss out on delighting in the little people in my life.

Usually by bed time I am tired from the busy day. The children are sent off to bed once baths are finished and teeth are brushed. But this night would start a new pattern. I didn't want to hurry them off to bed. No matter how late it was getting, I wanted to linger.

I wanted to convey through delighted smiles, hugs and kisses and reassuring words that I have more love for each and every one of them than my heart can hold. My sweet children, freshly bathed, smelling wonderful and dressed in soft, cozy PJ's wanted to linger with their mama too. And they took no initiative to go to bed until I finally had to tell them it was time.

The sky outside was dark, the lullaby music continued to play and the children were now cozy under their blankets. They all looked so blissfully dreamy. I went around and gently kissed those sweet foreheads of theirs and told them that I love them. No matter what, I always will.

When you're wrong and you know it

2013-08-22T10:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening at church, a small group gathered to pray. After praying together we listened to a message my husband gave from Psalm 103. Funny that he should speak on the steadfast love of God to a weary soul such as mine. Love was the very thing that seemed so elusive during a long day full of struggles and tears.

The thing is, I started off well, or so I thought. It was the children who needed to learn to love each other with their words, with their consideration of others feelings, with their attitudes and actions. I didn't wake up expecting that the day would be so full of difficulty. Sure, there is always some measure of it. But it's hard when it comes in large amounts. It's hard when the challenges overwhelm and burden. It stretches you thin when a child comes to you again with another issue to handle. When he did this and she did that. When feelings are hurt and the finger is pointed to the other person. You know, the one with the problem. Oh, how we all feel so justified in pointing the finger at someone else!

It was sometime in the afternoon when three "little learners" (so needy of knowing God's love and showing it to others) filed in the door to report each others transgressions to their mother. Mommy had had just about enough at this point. Were they even trying? Did they realize how grievous their errors were? Had they noticed that this kind of thing was happening way too much for a mom to handle in one day?!

I hit a weak spot. A very tender and weak spot. So weak that I felt I had lost my ability to help, reason or process solutions. Or at least it felt that way. All three children were sent to separate rooms to wait. Mommy was going to pray and there would be a lot of crying to go along with it. I'm talking the kind of crying where your eyes are closed tight in agony and you're chest heaves and the tears pour out. I mean the kind of crying where your heart cries out to God for help because you don't know what to do next. It's not pleasant but it's necessary. Because the truth is, that in our weakness he is strong. And realizing how much we need him is always a step in the right direction.

I'm so thankful my husband was able to walk over and sit down with the kids and I. I'm glad he was able to bring a fresh and ready mind to help in the situation. I'm not too proud to admit that sometimes the boost, the back up and the encouragement are so very needed. I figured, in this case, that calling him out of work wasn't too bad of an idea since he hadn't taken a lunch break yet. ;) And he was glad to come and he spoke and they listened and I prayed that it would all sink in.

But, honestly, I still had myself to deal with. The whole thing put me in a sour mood and it wasn't until shortly before the aforementioned prayer meeting that I began to realize just how grumpy I was. Sure, I felt I had every right to be with the way things were going. But wait... what about the whole reason this ordeal started? What about the need to love others, to forgive, to show mercy and grace? I had been trying to get it through to my kids with words but where was my example? I thought of how I spent the day just plowing through, doing what needed to be done but with tired and frustrated expressions on my face. I just wanted the day to be finished. I couldn't wait for quiet time to be alone with no problems to solve or sin to correct. And now I was beginning to see my own. It's not a pleasant feeling to be getting ready for church, mentally making the effort to set your problems aside so you can...love others. Was I more concerned about loving and encouraging my fellow believers than I had been for my children all day long? It was a stunning realization.

All through the service a thought lingered in my mind. I knew that as soon as I was "home" with the kids that I would gather them all close and ask their forgiveness. I had failed to love them in a godly way. I had failed to do the very thing I had told them they ought to be doing. I had not truly loved them.

After the service, and after everyone but our family had left to go home, the children and I waited for my husband to lock up the doors. It was dark outside and they were happily playing in the grass. All the day's cares seemed to have been forgotten but I knew better. I know that people can act like they're just fine even when they're hurting. I know that grumpy, irritated expressions and actions can leave their mark. I cannot erase those marks completely but by God's grace I can smudge the lines. By God's grace there can be healing, restoration and forgiveness.

As I sat on the bench in front of the church, I decided that I didn't want to let any more time pass before my children knew my heart. I called them to come close and expressed my sorrow and regret over a day that was made to be more difficult because of my attitude. I took ownership of the fact that I had failed to love them as I should and as God wants me to. And I hugged them tight all together in one big circle. And you probably won't be surprised when I tell you that they were so willing to forgive and to smile and hug me back. Children are usually very good at that sort of thing, aren't they? It often makes a mother's heart melt.

And though I know that my love for them will never be perfect, I never want to presume upon their willingness to forgive. It requires prayer, resolve, effort, and finding my strength in God to love these little people in those very difficult moments.

Lord, help me to love as beautifully and as completely as you do. May my children see that your steadfast love is so powerful that it has made a deep impression in my heart, affecting the way I live in each and every moment you give me. When I feel weak, help me to remember to turn to you quickly. Help me to remember your steadfast love, how much it means to me and how important it is for me to be a reflection of that love in every thought, word and action. I thank you that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Do you want peace?

2013-08-15T07:32:00.001-07:00

As a young woman, peace was a desirable quality to me. I wanted a life void of drama, conflict and disagreements. I wanted to get along with everyone and not step on any one's toes. I thought that if I could avoid these things that I would then have peace. I even had a relative comment to me once "You seem so at peace." I was a new mom, and a mostly happy person. I was also on vacation...sitting in the cool shade on a sunny summer evening...who wouldn't be "at peace"?

Is there anyone who doesn't long for peace and serenity? We may feel these things when all seems to be going well for us. We may feel it when we sit on a quiet, secluded beach, with the warm glow of the setting sun all around us and the tide slowly moving in and out. We may think peace is found in trickling fountains and fields of flowers swaying in the breeze...Oh, but what about those thoughts that threaten to undo us? What about those difficult circumstances that we see no way out of? You may be able to experience all of the external delights that I mentioned above, perhaps more than one at a time. You may feel a sense of calm in the moment. But what happens when those things are not there? Do you still have peace? Can you?

Jesus said..."Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27

When our hearts are troubled and afraid it is because we lack confidence in God's ability and even his desire to work in our lives. We begin to fear that he is overlooking things. We think that it is too hard for him to help us overcome the difficult situations that we are facing. His Word reminds us that we are wrong when we think this way. In fact, God even tells us how we should think instead.

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD God is an everlasting rock." Isaiah 26:3

When we let our mind wander down the path of fear, despair and worry, we are not trusting in God. Notice he says "perfect peace". If our mind is fixed on God (who he is, his character, his power, his love, his sovereignty etc.) and we trust in HIM, the "everlasting rock", we can have perfect peace in the most difficult of circumstances.

In an online article by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D entitled "Nine ways to find peace of mind" (beliefnet.com) she attempts to offer us some help in finding the peace we so greatly desire. For example, her fourth step on the pathway to peace is to "Increase your inner sense of power". She says, "One way to help you develop trust in yourself is to cut off negativity in the mind by saying to yourself over and over again, 'Whatever happens in my life, I'll handle it!'"

You may convince yourself that you'll "handle it" but that does not mean you will have peace. In the article, she writes of trusting not only in yourself, but also in the "Grand Design." She encourages us to "focus on the blessings", the good things that happen in your life. That this will "diffuse our fears about the future". She makes no mention of the God who is The Grand Designer nor of the God from whom the blessings come from. How can we ever expect to have true peace apart from him? This is the kind of peace that the world gives. It is based on the lie that "Peace comes from within, do not seek it without" (Buddha). You can wrap it up in any package you like, it's still the same lie. The lie that we can somehow generate peace within our souls apart from the LORD. You may get a counterfeit peace but it will not be true and lasting peace that no one and nothing can ever take away from you.

You know, as Christians we may choose not to listen the messages we get from the so-called experts like Susan Jeffers or even Buddha. We may say that we stand on the Bible alone as our authority for living. But is it possible that we have gotten some things wrong? Could it be that we, too, have thought that peace is something that we can have apart from God? Could it be that we have overlooked that we often choose worry over trust? And that we often do not see God for who he really is, especially in the really dark moments? We forget that he is holy, sovereign and unchanging. We lose sight of his awesome power, his pure love and his perfect plan.

You see, Dr. Jeffers got at least one thing right in her article. We have little control over what is happening. But here is what she fails to mention...God is in control. Is there any part of you that doesn't believe that? It's true, our sin and the sins of others really seem to complicate matters and sometimes life just gets messy. We begin to wonder how we will ever clean things up and experience the peace of God.

Are you looking to God or are you looking within yourself?

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

...And what will be the result if we obey God in this way?...

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7

Please do not think that peace is something automatic just because you have placed your faith in Christ. That is the first step and it is through our faith in Jesus that we have peace with God. In other words we are no longer enemies and we have been reconciled to God through Christ's death on the cross.

But the peace I am referring to now is the daily disposition of trust in God. It is the absence of fear, worry and inner turmoil. This peace is not going to come raining down on you from the sky. Everyday we make the choice whether or not to trust God with what we are facing. It is not a one time decision. You may recall how two years ago you really trusted God with a particular matter and now you stand on the other side of that decision with a glad heart because you trusted him. But what about today's matters? Are you making the choice to trust him now? When your ship crashes on the rocks and winds blow fierce, what have you to cling to but the everlasting rock? What is your cause for rejoicing but that God is the almighty, eternal One and the Savior of your soul?

Pick up a hymnal or songbook and sing praises to the One who reigns above and accomplishes his will upon this earth. Read his Word (perhaps the Psalms?) and revel in his majesty. Turn your heart and your thoughts to view the greatness of our God and notice how problems that overwhelmed you begin to diminish because you recognize that they are all in his capable hands. Choose not to be anxious but to pray instead. Pray about everything, nothing is too small that he doesn't care and nothing is too big that he cannot handle. Remember that he is the One who made you...every fiber of your being...he understands every intricate detail of your mind, body and soul. How can you think for a moment that he cannot help you with what you are facing?

Someone wise has said,
"In relation to Philippians 4:6 this means that what we have
here is not just a simple formula, 'If you’re anxious, try prayer; it
works.' Rather, it means, 'If you’re anxious, examine either your
lack of faith in the living God, who has promised to supply the basic
needs of His children.' Or, 'Examine your focus, whether you’re
living for Christ and His kingdom or for yourself.' Whatever the
root cause, anxiety is sin that must be confessed to God and put
off."

When you pray, choose to express thanksgiving to God. When our problems overwhelm us, we get angry, grumpy, tired, and depressed. Stop the downward spiral by looking up to God in trust and with words of thanksgiving, you will find that you are taking steps out of a dark and muddy pit. Be refreshed in all that you have to thank God for. I'm not just referring to material things but how much more so the spiritual blessings that we have been given. Start with the fact that Christ died for your sin. How amazing is that?

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

When we aren't getting a clear enough picture

2013-08-10T07:30:00.002-07:00

One of the main things I desire to teach my children is that the accounts that we have in the Bible are not just good stories. They are not even just good stories meant to simply teach us a moral lesson. We learn about our great and awesome God through these accounts! I want them to understand that the people that we read about were just like us. They struggled with sin. They struggled to trust God and love him with their whole heart. Agreed, they didn't have the internet and video games but they had things that distracted them from thinking about God, spending time with him and getting to know him better. We may think we have more challenges these days to living a godly life but the fact is, sin and it's desires are nothing new.

I have often been concerned about the tendency that people can have of misunderstanding what God was doing through his people in the Old Testament. I'm sure Daniel knew that God was able to save him from the lions but that does not mean that he didn't feel any fear. Remember, he didn't know exactly how things were going to turn out. And just imagine if you were lowered into a den of lions. Wouldn't you be scared? Wouldn't your heart be pounding? Daniel was resolved to trust God through it but he didn't know that God would prevent the lions from tearing him to shreds. We don't know what God is going to do. We just know he is able to do all things. That is where our trust is.

We have to be careful that we don't make a caricature of these people. Sometimes children's Bible Story books do this. I believe that it is possible for us to be somewhat blind to certain things that are right under our noses. Sometimes our heart can be in the right place concerning teaching our children what is right yet the images around them convey a different message.

Have you ever sat down and really studied the pictures in children's Bible Story books? If you haven't lately, take some time to look at them and ask if that is how you want your children to see those people. Sometimes, the pictures can say even more than the words. But even the words are sometimes not accurate. Watch out for the subtle twists that authors superimpose into the story. Watch out for the subtle influence of their opinion that is not Bible truth. It happens a lot in Bible movies but it also happens in Bible Story books.

I can't tell you how many I have rejected because of the strange and unrealistic artwork they are illustrated with. For example, either Noah is depicted as some wild man with his long gray hair in disarray or he looks goofy and childish as though he's lost his mind. Sometimes, the characters are depicted in such a way that they look scary or on the opposite side of the spectrum, they look cartoonish (or they look like vegetables! Does anyone else think this may not be a good idea?). I don't think all this helps with our children developing the understanding that these were real people. These were people who laughed, cried and lived. These were people who feared, failed to trust and got distracted. These were people who had a strong faith in God, though sometimes it wavered. People just like you and me.

For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4

Now these things took place as examples for us, that we might not desire evil as they did...

1 Cor. 10:6

Be careful, our children are not the only ones in danger of having a poor understanding of the Old Testament. Many who have grown up hearing these stories either every day of their lives or at least once a week in Sunday School, have a tendency to think that they know all there is to know. They "know" all of the stories about Abraham, Noah and King David like the back of their hand. The question is do they know God better because of the way in which God worked in the lives of those people? Have the things that the people in the Bible experienced in their walk with God been brought to bear on the way they live today? Have they been "instructed" by it as it says in Romans 15:4?

In contrast, there are those who came to know the Lord later in life. This is my category. I pretty much avoided the Old Testament for years. I thought it would be too hard to understand and would be way over my head. The New Testament seemed so much easier to grasp and, well...NEWER! I felt as though the Old Testament was a mountain I shouldn't dare to climb. I later discovered how much I was missing. Things like reading the very words of God spoken through the prophets. I was also missing out on knowing God better through the way that he worked in others lives. It is a book full of testimonies! We also learn more about ourselves as we see how people responded in different circumstances. And we find that we often respond in similar ways. Please don't skip out on reading the Old Testament. The gospel and God's plan to redeem us are displayed from cover to cover.

Read and be encouraged. God is working in your life as intimately and carefully as he worked in theirs. He is not overlooking any of the details. Even through hardships and difficulty his desire is for you to know him more and to grow in your faith. Just like the people we read about in his Word. May God bless you as you seek to know him through its pages and to teach your children about his awesome deeds.

What's big sis up to?

2013-08-06T23:38:00.000-07:00

Our transition into a structured day of homeschooling has actually gone quite well. It seems that every one or two years our family life changes a bit and we have to make adjustments. One wonderful change this year has been to spread out my kids into different rooms so there is minimal distraction and we get more accomplished in less time. It is working out great and I hope to continue the pattern when we move into our home.

I work with Clara, my first-grader, first thing in the morning and it has worked well to bring Isabel and Manny with us into the playroom to color or play while I teach Clara her lessons. While we are tucked away in there, my other children are busy about accomplishing all of the work that they can do on their own, in the various rooms I have assigned them to

This morning, as the morning work was almost finished and it was time for the kids to get dressed to go outside and play (yes, sometimes we do school in our pajamas), Isabel followed me into the main room to see what her big sisters were up to...

Brienne likes to get creative and do things that are out of the ordinary. That is why instead of sitting at the table in a chair, she would rather sit on an ottoman in front of a piano bench. ;)

Of course, she was happy to have Isabel join her and to pull out some stickers just for fun.

Sisters. So sweet.

I love to watch them together...it brings my heart such joy.

Don't apologize for the mess

2013-08-01T15:33:00.004-07:00

Life lately is quite the crazy adventure. Yesterday afternoon, there were big plans to lug four loads of laundry to the laundromat. These plans were hindered by the exciting conversation Amera and I were having concerning our schedule for the new school year. Some of the first things to figure out were: what time to get up? who showers when? (with one shower) and when to have personal and family time in the Bible? Things are definitely going to be more structured in the coming days. To be honest, in many ways I long for that.

So Amera and I were bouncing ideas off of each other and trying to get all this daily life stuff figured out. She has all of these great ideas and plans to teach her siblings the Bible every other week. I am so excited to give her a chance to implement them! I am also excited to teach them more regularly than I have been lately. So many plans to get excited about! So, anyway, it was getting later in the afternoon and...remember those four loads of laundry? Well I was just about to get up and go when my husband comes bursting in the door saying "Marisha, we need to go look at a house!" So I jumped up, grabbed what I needed and headed out the door. It was not the first time and it won't be the last. It's exciting, it's disappointing...it's an all around adventure. The search for our home continues.

No matter where we make our cozy abode, life will be happening. Real life. Life that sometimes gets messy. Life that we don't always have time to keep up with. Life that doesn't feel "normal". Oh sure, schedules are good and all but I know all too well that some days they will completely fall apart. Life will happen. The unexpected will come up. We will have to do our best to be flexible, go with the flow and just do our best.

I finally made it to the laundromat. I took three children to help me and we finished just in time to rush home and heat up leftovers for dinner. After dinner I had to run to the store to get diapers and school supplies for next week. It was my first time driving to Target alone. By the time I left it was after 10pm, it was dark out so things looked different and I had to try and remember how to get back home. I didn't have a phone with me or I would have just called Javier for directions. Thankfully, I recognized many of the street names from driving around looking at houses and I was able to find my way eventually. All of this made for a late evening without much getting done on the home front. All that to say, today the saga continued as late nights make for late mornings.

There are things around here that don't always get cleaned up or put away right away. I cannot always put life on hold for that. I'd like to say that I live in a spotless and mess-free environment but it's far from the truth. I don't like messes and I spend a lot of time eradicating them. But I am learning that sometimes they just have to wait. More important things are happening. Like the sweet morning I enjoyed just smiling and loving on my kids as we ate our breakfast cereal. Like the excitement of showing Manny the new flashcards I got for him last night. We enjoyed going through those. It didn't take place in an immaculate home that looks like something out of Better Homes and Gardens either. It looked more like this...

See, I could have fooled you a little bit and only shown you the first picture. But, this was my morning. I should have taken the photo with all my sweet children smiling around the table...yeah, that would've been better and then you'd understand why I let the mess wait a bit. ;)

You know, on a little side note, it's times like these that I usually receive unexpected visitors. There are times (although probably rare!) when everything is neat, tidy and orderly but does anyone unexpected come over then? Of course not!

A sweet friend came over today to see if I needed anything from the store. The kids and I hadn't started the "clean up party" just yet and I resisted the temptation to apologize for things being a bit messy. It is a powerful urge because everything in me wants to say "Please don't think that I am comfortable with crumbs on the floor. Really, ants are not my friends. I was actually just about to clean up in here." But I've learned it's better to just not mention it. Better to just focus on being a friend and ignore it while they are there. I was happy to have the time to visit with her and not make it an issue. I had already resolved in my heart about a year ago that I would never again apologize for the messes our sweet life produces. They happen, they are normal, and they can't always be cleaned up right away. Sometimes people take precedence...especially little people. :)

I'll leave you with a few sweet photos of Isabel and Clara from this morning. Isabel calls Clara "Kah" and she was doling out the kisses and the cheesy smiles.

There is so much to love about being a mom to these precious little ones. Sometimes the cleaning just needs to wait a little. It'll always be there anyway. These amazing children, however, are growing up fast!

Choosing trust over doubt

2013-07-29T21:31:00.001-07:00

Sometimes even the smallest of children can seem to be so trusting of the parents that care for them but I have found that is not always the case. Honestly, sometimes they can get pretty upset when they begin to doubt that we understand what they need. Add to that learning to speak the same language and you have some pretty intense moments at times.

Isabel knows how to ask for the everyday essentials. She also repeats herself over and over again for emphasis. "Cuppy, cuppy, cuppy" almost always gets her a refreshing cup of milk, juice or water. "Pacy" and "blankee" are usually always close by and happily given when she asks for them. "Help me, help me, help me" alerts us that she needs assistance with something. She knows that we love her and that we are usually attentive to her needs. But sometimes she doubts. She begins to doubt when we do not hear her right away, or maybe we are not able to meet her request at that very moment. And sometimes, she panics. She begins to cry and ask louder. And sometimes, depending upon the situation and what she needs, we will rush to get it for her. Other times, we discern that she has a lesson to learn and needs some discipline.

I have felt compassion for her when she is sitting in her car seat and I just don't have that cupful of refreshment she's longing for. It is then that she is learning to wait and be patient. I assure her of my love and also assure that as soon as we get to where we are going, she will have what she needs. Sometimes this helps and sometimes she just wails even louder.

Have you ever noticed that when you are right in the thick of facing the daunting details of a mostly unknown future that it is the hardest to trust, to be assured of God's love and, for goodness sake, not to panic? How many times in the past have I sat in quiet solitude, reflecting on the goodness and greatness of God and putting those thoughts into words on this blog, and yet...I feel afraid of all those little details that I can't control?

This living in a new state, a very expensive state to live in I might add (except for the avocados!)...this waiting for a house to sell and looking for a house to buy...this finding new doctors and expecting a new baby...doctor bills, property taxes, shoes getting too small for growing feet, and then add to that all the things I know I'll need, the things that I just might need and what else haven't I thought of?! It can get overwhelming and leaves me with a choice to make.

The natural tendency for many of us is to sit and stew with worry. To be paralyzed with fear. To fear that maybe it just won't work out like we thought it would before we were in the thick of it.

And sadly, we begin to doubt God. It can happen to all of us. Even those very strong in faith can have their moments of weakness. We, like small children, often have our moments when we panic about the circumstances and the longer we have to wait, the louder we wail. It may only be going on inside of us but our spirit is not at peace and it is not at rest in God.

This rest doesn't come from knowing exactly how things are going to turn out, it comes from a quiet trust in the God who made us, loves us, and redeemed us from the darkest of pits. I have often found so much comfort in simply thinking about my God and reading his Word, in which he tells me about himself. I see his righteous and holy character. I see his power and his might. I see his love and compassion. His perfect plan which cannot be thwarted or hindered being carried out through the ages.

God is not like us parents. He is never dull of hearing or not paying attention. He is never unable to meet our needs and even some of our wants. He is fully capable of accomplishing all his holy will in our lives. If he is withholding from us, it may be because we need some discipline, it may be that we need to grow and mature. We may need to learn what he knows is necessary for us to learn. It's easy to get irritated with that at times, almost as if to say "Enough already! Can we be done with the lessons and can I just get what I want?!"

Let me tell you, I've been there. I could liken my internal response to that of a toddler throwing a little tantrum. So focused on what I want and not on what is best for me. You know who knows what is best? God does. Will you join me in choosing to trust him?

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by

the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."

Romans 15:13

What is hospitality anyway?

2013-07-23T21:29:00.000-07:00

"The model for entertaining is found in the slick pages of women's magazines with their

appealing pictures of foods and rooms. The model for hospitality is found in the Word of God."

~Karen Mains

I've had my share of struggles with feeling like my home was less than. At times, I have had my share of excuses for not having people into our home. When my husband was a college student and we were a growing family on a tight budget, we didn't have the means to fix a bathroom with peeling paint and I won't mention what else needed to be done to that poor bathroom...

I have had the glasses that used to be jars of jelly or pasta sauce and later they graced our table. I have endured the carpet that was never (ever!) quite what I wanted it to be and replacing that was not an option for us either.

I realize now, how sad it is that I let things like that get in the way of reaching out to others in my church, neighborhood and community. Of course, I had other good excuses. Like how busy we were, and how desperate we were for family time with my husband's crazy full time student/full time employee schedule. There was a time were I could somewhat comfortably avoid the issue. But God was working in my heart all along.

We began to have people over here and there. When we had a very small dining table and couldn't seat all of our company, I sat with a couple of ladies on our living room floor with our plates on the small table in front of us. I enjoyed their company. It wasn't exactly fine dining but it was togetherness.

I have things that stand out in my mind as a little discouraging. Like the time when we had a large group of college students over and somehow, it bothered one young man that I didn't have enough chairs to seat them all. He even made a comment about it to me as he was entering the front door. It would have taken the wind out of my sails if I had let it. But I just smiled and said "Well, we're doin' the best we can. Come on in and join us!" That evening ended up being an encouraging and edifying time together. And yes, many of us sat on the floor. ;)

God has helped me to see that people are more important than the things that we have. I never want to lose that focus. Whatever the Lord has given me is something that I can use to honor and obey him by reaching out to those around me.

I know I've been sharing what I read a lot. I hope you don't mind. What I want to share with you today resonated with me so much that I said a hearty "Amen!" out loud. Do you ever do that when you read something great? Well, here is a passage from the book "Open Heart, Open Home" by Karen Mains. The topic is "ENTERTAINING VS. HOSPITALITY."

... .. ... .. ...

"For most Christians, taking in anyone in need, even one's own family, is a radical step. Many who say they follow Christ have no comprehension of the basics of hospitality. We have allowed the world to squeeze us into its mold. We think in terms of entertaining as a woman's chance to demonstrate her skill and the quality of her home. Entertaining has little to do with real hospitality.

Secular entertaining is a terrible bondage. Its source is human pride. Demanding perfection, fostering the urge to impress, it is a rigorous taskmaster that enslaves. In contrast, scriptural hospitality is a freedom that liberates.

Entertaining says, "I want to impress you with my beautiful home, my clever decorating, my gourmet cooking." Hospitality, however, seeks to minister. It says, "This home is not mine. It is truly a gift from my Master. I am his servant, and I use it as he desires." Hospitality does not try to impress but to serve.

Entertaining always puts things before people. "As soon as I get the house finished, the living room decorated, my place settings complete, my housework done--then I will start having people in." "The So-and-so's are coming. I must buy that new such-and-such before they come." Hospitality, however, puts people before things. "We have no furniture; we'll eat on the floor." "The decorating may never get done. Please come just the same." "The house is a mess, but these people are friends. We never get to see them. Let's have this time together anyway."

Because we are afraid to allow people to see us as we really are, we welcome the false ideal of entertaining. To perpetuate the illusion we must pretend we love housework, we never put our hair in rollers, our children are so well disciplined that they always pick up their toys. We must hint broadly that we manage our busy lives without difficulty. Working hard to keep people from recognizing our weak points, we also prevent them from loving us in our weaknesses.

Because hospitality has put away its pride, it doesn't care if other people see our humanness. Because we are maintaining no false pretensions, people relax and feel that perhaps we can be friends.

Entertaining subtly declares, "This is mine--these rooms, these adornments. This is an expression of my personality. It is an extension of who and what I am. Look, please, and admire." Hospitality whispers, "What is mine is yours." Here is the secret of community that is all but lost to the church of today. "And all who believed were together and had all things in common" (Acts 2:44). The hospitality of that first-century church clearly said, "What's mine is yours."

Entertainment looks for a payment--the words "My, isn't she a remarkable hostess"; a return dinner invitation; a job advancement for self or spouse; esteem in the eyes of friends and neighbors. Hospitality does everything with no thought of reward but takes pleasure in the joy of giving, doing, loving, and serving."

... .. ... .. ...

You know, since we have been living in our "temporary home" we have used up a ton of paper products. It's what we are using on a daily basis and it's what we use to serve our guests. There's something relaxing about it. I mean, what concern can you really have about impressing anyone when you are serving on paper? It's been fun and it helps me to realize, yet again, how little things like that really matter. Our focus has been on people. Getting to know them, spending time with them and really just sharing our lives in the time that we have together.

Whether we have a little or a lot, our focus should be on souls, not our stuff or the stuff we wish we could have. What wonderful things could God just be waiting to do through you if you would just open up your home to others? How long has it been? What is holding you back? Stained carpet, lack of space? Don't let those things hinder you from serving God. Reach out to others with what you have. The greatest gift you can impart is the not the dinnerware or the impressive decorating. No, it is not some thing that money can buy, it is a heart that is inclined to love others in the same wonderful way that God has loved you. What better way to love and show that you genuinely care for someone than to invite them into your home with an open heart?

"Show hospitality to one another without grumbling." 1 Peter 4:9

"Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality." Romans 12:13

"When you wish upon a star..."

2013-07-22T23:51:00.002-07:00

Ok, so you're probably wondering where on earth I am going with this post. Right? Well, I won't keep you in suspense. I read something about God and about prayer that I wanted to share with you before I go to bed and close my eyes...though I can assure you that I will not be wishing upon any stars. Wouldn't that be idolatrous? The sad thing is that our way of thinking is often idolatrous. Sure, we believe in God and we pray...but how do we respond when the outcome is not what we were asking for?

Perhaps you've experienced something similar to what I have...you know, when you think you know better than God does? Have you ever cried bitter tears because God's answer was "No"? Have you questioned his wisdom? I have been there. It's tough to admit but in the course of the past year alone, I have thought several times that my ideas of the way things should go were better than the way God was doing them. What little faith! What meager understanding! Sometimes, from our point of view, we can think we have the perfect plan all figured out...and when God's plans are different, we are disappointed. How much we have to learn about trusting our great and awesome God!

Here is that quote from a book I just started reading by Bryan Chapell called "Praying Backwards".

"Two problems immediately arise when we treat prayer like a surefire wishing star. First, we limit God by the wisdom of our wishes. If God were really obligated to do what we think should happen, then God would be tethered to the leash of our understanding. Our wishes would fence God's omniscience within the limits of our brain and restrict his plans to the extent of our insight. But if our wisdom defines the limits of God's, then our world will inevitably unravel. The job we may want for extra income may take us from the family that God knows needs us more. The immediate cure for our sickness may deny doctors an insight that would save millions or may deprive us of the patience that God will use to bring Jesus into the hearts of our children. We must trust God more than our wishes or concede that our world will be controlled by billions of competing wishes that we have neither the power nor the wisdom to control...

...The godliest and most prayerful people know from experience the meaning of disappointment, grief, failure, rejection, betrayal, incapacity, and illness. In this fallen world you cannot avoid suffering; you can have peace in the midst of it. You cannot avoid trials; you can have confidence of their purpose. You cannot bind God by your prayers; you can guarantee his blessing. You cannot direct the will of God; you can pray according to his will and rest in the assurance of his love. You can pray knowing that God will marshal the powers of heaven to accomplish on earth all he knows is best for your eternity."

Be encouraged. Things may not be turning out as you thought they would but God has not forgotten about you. His wisdom and power are infinite and he is working out his plans for your life.

God knows far better than we do what will be best for his dear children. We can trust him completely.

Recovering with some essentials and a quote to consider from "Revival"

2013-07-13T15:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, most of my day was spent with my head on a pillow and my nose in a book. I think I have some sort of sinus infection. It involves a splitting headache, which results in much sleeping and using up almost an entire box of tissues. Hats off to my two oldest daughters who pretty much "held down the fort" while I started out my day sleeping late in the trailer and then trying to parent as much as possible from the "confines" of a couch.

When you are resting and trying to overcome illness it is always good to have some trusty "companions". In those moments when I was experiencing some relief from my sinuses and headaches, I could actually manage sitting up for a while. That is when I crocheted some stitches in the baby blanket I'm making for our little guy coming in November. Then, there would come the point when the headache worsened and the pillow beckoned and it was time to lay down and write in my prayer journal or read from the pages of this amazing book. Martyn Lloyd-Jones really hits the nail on the head with so many of the issues that churches were and are dealing with. Though these sermons were given in 1959, much of what he says is relevant today and resonates with what I have experienced and been exposed to on a minor scale and to some degree in my own life. Perhaps we have all fallen prey to majoring on the minors at some point in our Christian walk? I love that he stresses that the issues in the church begin with each of us as individuals and our own personal walk with the Lord. That, after all, is certainly the place to start. May he give us grace and wisdom to put first things first.

The following quote is a little lengthy, but I hope that you take away some insight and that considering it will be worthwhile and helpful to you as you seek to serve God in the church family he has placed you in.

"If we lack a balance in the scriptural proportion of doctrines we shall find ourselves becoming dry and arid and useless. As the Apostle Paul puts it, "Knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth - builds up (1 Cor. 8:1). And there is nothing in which this is more likely to take place than in a lack of balance with respect to doctrines - in an excessive emphasis on certain aspects of truth, so that they monopolise the whole of our attention.

This is not just my opinion. Read the history of the Church and you will find that invariably this error has led to that result. Read the New Testament, was that not the trouble with which the Apostle deals in Romans 14? There were certain people who were saying that nothing mattered but this question of eating meats. They were talking about it day and night, whenever you met them they brought it into the conversation. This was the thing. They were dividing the church and they were condemning one another. But look here, says Paul, that is not the the Kingdom of God! 'The kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost (Rom. 14:15).

Here then, is something of which we must always be aware. This is the subtle temptation that the Devil always brings to those who are alive and alert spiritually, and rightly concerned about doctrine. I have no hesitation in asserting that there are large numbers of people who have been so over-concerned with the question of prophecy that they themselves have become dry and useless. And there are churches of which that is true. The whole of their time is spent upon prophecy. Whenever you meet them the first thing they talk about is 'Have you seen this item in the news? Don't you see that that is a fulfilment...?' And the whole time they are occupied with times and seasons. Prophecy absorbs the whole of their attention. They very rarely talk to you about the Lord Jesus Christ. They rarely tell you about the experiences they have had with him. They do not give you the impression that they are holy, sanctified people. No, they are just experts on the times and seasons...

...Now these are all ways of quenching the Spirit. You must not exalt to the primary and the central position matters which belong to the periphery. I ask you, therefore, to examine yourself with regard to your interest in doctrine. Do your doctrines conceal the Persons? Are you maintaining a balance and a right and a due proportion? What is the first thing you talk about when you meet people? Do you give them the impression that you are a man (or woman) who has one idea and lives for one doctrine only, or do you give the impression that you know God and the Lord Jesus Christ, and are having business and transactions with them? Do you give an impression that there is love in you heart, the love of God that is drawing people to him, and making them anxious to know him even as you know him? Oh, there is nothing so tragic as this foolish lack of balance. The history of the Church, the history of revivals, shows so clearly that when people go off at tangents, as it were, and are monopolised by one thing, the Spirit is always quenched and the work is always hindered. Let us pray for balance. Let us pray for sanity. We have not received 'the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind'. (2 Tim. 1:7) Discipline, balance, order. Let us, therefore examine ourselves as we look at these things...

...What is fatal is to be contentious, to develop a party spirit, to put up labels, and to be more concerned about the label than about the Lord Jesus Christ himself. That is contentiousness, like the man who always brings the same matter up the moment you meet him. It does not matter what you say about the glory of God and Christ's blood, he will say, 'Ah, but you have not emphasised this,'-something that he is particularly interested in, and which is not absolutely essential to salvation. Contentiousness.

We must always be careful about these things. It is because we are concerned about the truth that the Devil, in order to wreck it all, will press us beyond measure, and bring us into this position where we are quenching the Spirit. I could add pettiness and quarrelling, self-importance. You know the Christian Church is riddled with this sort of thing. And how can you expect the blessing of God upon it? I know churches, little churches, struggling to keep going, but the whole situation is ruined by smallness, jealousy and envy, and self-importance. Then I can add to that triviality and busyness, instead of holiness and being concerned to be ready to be used of God."

..... ..... .....

Shouldn't that be our main concern? To live holy lives, always seeking to serve and honor the God who has brought us together into one family by his the shed blood of his Son. And to love one another as he has loved us...

"By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."
John 13:35

An eventful trip to the laundromat

2013-07-11T06:39:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was momentous. My husband and I made our first trip to a laundromat in about 16 years. Sure, it's not exactly every one's "ideal" experience. But I am really seeing the benefits.

For one thing, we washed four loads of laundry at the same time. I finally got the change machine to work and it pumped out twenty dollars in quarters for us (for some reason, it didn't like my other bills).

During the washing I sat with my husband in bright orange chairs and we drank our cokes. In between sips I read some of the passages I had marked in a book I am reading, "Revival" by Martin Lloyd-Jones. I am really gleaning from this book and being challenged, motivated and encouraged.

It wasn't the quietest atmosphere...with little children running around and the coins clanking out of the coin machine but it was refreshing to sit and chat...it was a date in a sense.

It came to a point, as we were waiting for our clothes to finish drying, that a young man came in to do his laundry. We had friendly conversation with him. We were getting to know him, he knew we were new to the area but the reason why we had come was not yet stated. It's important to us that when we first meet someone that we allow a little time for them to see us as real people. People that they can talk to, interact with, laugh with and most of all that we genuinely care about them. And that we will listen to them share about themselves. We are not trying to hide who we are, it's just that mentioning that we are pastor and pastor's wife right off the bat can really tend to shut people down and turn them away.

So we waited until he asked the question. And it was an exciting transition in the conversation because I knew that I did not want to leave that day without extending ourselves to this man. An invitation to church or just to get together with he and his wife for a cup of coffee and to talk. And my husband did just that. And this young man seemed very interested in getting in touch with us again. It's not about just getting him in through the church door though, it's about developing a relationship with him and showing him that Christ loves him too. Although, he did show great interest in coming to our church.

My husband had the opportunity of sharing the gospel with him right there in the laundromat. I still remember early on in the conversation that the man was saying that he had never really been to church and I remember part of my husband's response to him.

"Anyone can change..." Wow, what a statement full of hope! It doesn't matter if you've never had a single thought toward God your whole life through. This is not some exclusive club that you cannot gain entrance into. I used to think that, you know. And thank God he didn't turn my desperate soul away! God invites all to turn to him and receive forgiveness and eternal life through faith in Christ.

The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. John 1:9-13

When my husband and I got in the car to leave, we were both smiling from ear to ear. "That was awesome!" I exclaimed.

I just love the beauty of the gospel! Don't you?

Pray for this man, his wife and their newborn baby boy. I sure do hope to meet them, and see this man again in the near future!