Semblance of Self

Comfort Zone

2014-06-19T01:54:00.001-07:00

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain

After all these years, regret is never in my dictionary of life, and boy was I glad so much to have made it this far despite all the sacrifices I had to make. But yeah, no pain gains nothing.

4 Waja

2014-05-04T00:09:00.002-07:00

I possibly cannot believe the fact that my tenure at this school, SK Padang Keria as a practicum teacher, teaching year 4 English is finally over for good. After a month being here, deep inside my heart, how hard I wish time has moved slower so that I could savour more good times with my pupils and school community, to get to know all of them better.

The last day was resplendent with tears and poignancy. It is just difficult to finally bid farewell to those people, especially my pupils after a month, a short time have we spent together through good and bad times. Thank you for giving me that little chance to experience this moment. So sorry for all the weaknesses and the emotional rage on my side. I just did what I deemed I should do as a teacher. I heart you guys and surely will be going to miss you all dearly.

We shall say no goodbye, till we meet again. May all of you be putra putri yang soleh dan solehah. All the very best. ;')

I just miss that strange look you guys always give whenever I give instruction in English. Kinda cute.

colourful days ahead

2014-04-06T01:10:00.001-07:00

credit to Visit Perlis

Seoul? Osaka? Sydney? Put that thought away. This is just in Perlis and is occurring now. "Spring" is in the air anywhere in here!

Not a long time ago did we experience the coldest weather in the history of Perlis and after that, preceded by the drought which causes some outrage of water shortage. But now, Alhamdulillah...it seems to be that all the tress and flowers are blossoming at their best, frolicking in the breeze all day. SubhanAllah, very colourful and beautiful. You just know the season is finally coming when it drizzles early in the morning. What a bliss! :)

*be thankful and enjoy this little gift from Him while it lasts before it is gone for good because we may not know if we were still given another chance to see this beauty next year.

SK Padang Keria, Sanglang

2014-04-05T04:29:00.001-07:00

Every now and then, I do try finding some times to write or scribble something not over here, at the very least. Now that I have just started my very first school practicum, I just get busier with tons of works and commitment. A busy bee, indeed. Ain't nobody got time to fool around.

First practicum

A week has passed. I like doing whatever I do now though sometimes it gives me a headache and a mess. Yet, it doesn't turn my exuberance to vapour. I am teaching year 4 English despite of my inadequacy in this so-called global language, which makes me think they deserve someone better than me in this business.

Thus far, they are behaving so well, even the most mischievous in the class is in control. Kids, just bear with me, my attitude, my madness, and my weaknesses for another 3 weeks to go. And on my part, I will try my very best with my own writ and grit to make every lesson interesting and engaging as I need that extra edge for my marks too. Tehee...

Till then, have a good day!

That evening to the pier

2014-03-24T07:26:00.000-07:00

You know that feeling that comes over the semester break, when you want to go somewhere, but can't think of anywhere to go because it is either a) you think that you always go back to the same places or b) you don't have any plan in your mind and your financial situation always pushes you to the wall. And being me, the one who always returns home whenever there is a chance. Well, whenever that happens, remember that there is always somewhere new and near to discover!

SubhanAllah. :)

That evening, just like any other days, I had nothing in mind. Not even a plan to go out. But, it so happened that I'd just had my car serviced and I could feel the urge to go out squirmed all over me. Given that my roommate is here at my hometown, so I decided to bring him to the place I'd been bragging about to him incessantly for the past 3 days he has been here.

His jaw dropped in awe and so was mine, immediately we were there. We walked to the tip while watching the sunset stretched across the horizon as far as the eyes could see and formed an array of reflection on the water around the coast. How cool it was! Watching the sun shied away was one thing, and having ourselves been shoved by the wind was another thing. Nothing beat this feeling after a hell of a week. A blessing, indeed. Definitely worth a visit next time since it's free, what more you can ask!

:D

Am I weird?

2014-03-11T19:45:00.003-07:00

Because being normal is plain boring

Am I weird?

Weird in the sense that my knowledge on certain discourse that guys are well known of is below the average guy would have, like anything about cars and football. Let's just say it's near zero. To have more friends of opposite gender than my own gender and feel more comfortable with them. And boy, they even know whom I am having a major crush on. Just a crush.

To prefer talking about places I would love to travel than anything related to footballs and stuffs because I just love the breath of fresh air at a new place. To rather bury my nose in books, one after another than going outside in the field playing sports - having my skin kissed by the sun. But that doesn't mean I'm not an outdoorsy type of person for I love walking on beach watching the sunset and letting the wave hit my feet, and strolling in a park watching people pass by and lush trees and colourful flower bring tranquility to the heart, eyes, and mind.

I might be the strangest kid around the block, yet it is because I am embracing who I am - the nature that Allah has made me and accepting myself for I have all the freedom in this world to do whatever that suits my interest so long as it aligns with the religion I believe in. So guys or gals, don't be afraid to wear who you are and to be weird just the way you are because no one else can love ourselves the most, but we are.

Aren't we always looking for something different? :)

*chill

No eternal spring

2014-03-09T06:17:00.002-07:00

Life does not spring eternally when the flower are blossoming to the full colourful bloom. Sometimes it dries up and wilts during summer days. Sometimes it drops its petal and leaves during autumn. And sometimes it is covered by snow during winter. But then again, it never fails to find light and blossom again during spring.

The key is to persevere and I must be persistent.

Life is an adventure with constant struggle worth investing. And my current struggle is burning out my head throughout meeting the deadlines of a mountain of works. But sad enough, the more I spend time on it, the less idea I could glean and cudgel from the brain of mine. Not that I'm totally burnt out, but I just run out of ideas. Or I have yet to feel the heat and get freshened up from the brand new semester.

What has gone wrong? I have tried my very best to kick away the lethargy that mutates inside. Certainly I must do better than just trying. The thing about me struggling with my studies somewhat deciphers my hiatus from this site, for I realize, little did I write stuffs like I used to do, which is good to allow more time for me to do self-reflection. Even if I do, it would some snatches on either facebook or twitter.

The pressure is intense, yet a little less as compared to my friends who struggle with their final year thesis. I must keep holding on and fighting. Come hell or high water, I shall survive. *Fighting

don't you just love cherry blossom during spring?

Why so serious

2014-02-22T03:30:00.002-08:00

Not to be left behind, pray more

Failed miserably in living up to the expectations set.

I know I have not written much lately despite the fact that I have promised myself to write real a lot just to keep my thoughts flowing. I did try to scribble something just satisfy my ultimate orgasm of writing, but words seem to fall on the floor. Kinda stuck, and lost in the persecution of hypocrisy figuring out the reasons behind all this cause.

I have tried to pent up something that will not make me look like a complete hypocrite and loser. I guess, in writing I'm just as good as nobody. Ironic in the sense that my words speak a little more than a fraud of my own eccentric train of thought and couple that to the fact that nobody really cares about stuff I write. Lamenting for no apparent reasons doesn't keep the work going. So should the need arise for me to stop whatever angst young adult drama here. Yup.

...

School placement for my very first practicum is finally out and no longer a surprise floating in the air of confusion and anxiety. Considered lucky to be posted to that school which I'm not going to reveal until then, with my crime partner, Faiz. So happened that we are the only couple to be posted there, neither senior nor other courses counterpart from the batch of mine. So much so, so long as we have each other, come hell or high water, we shall survive (with Allah's will).

Pretty funny to think that how we anxiously waited for the list to come out for months. When it is finally here, we feel a weigh is being lifted off our shoulder. I try to make a joke out of it, "guess the school we are going to never exists in our radar until we are posted there". No hard feeling. Rest assured, nevertheless, looking very most forward to bring my genie energy to that school and see what this school has to offer to paint more colours in my life.

*hate that my weekends are ripped from my right.

That morning the wind blows

2014-01-29T00:54:00.001-08:00

I will not let myself sail by this month writing barely minimum posts. Deep down at the bottom of my heart, I have always wanted to write more, at least a post a week just to give myself a solid platform to hone my writing skills which are still mediocre and in need to be ameliorated with the most. But heck, I fail miserably.

Third year of BTchng (TESL)

To top it all, my third year of undergraduate studies is going really fast at the rate I hardly get a proper breather with a mountain of tasks need to be handed in before we are going out for our first teaching practicum which requires my writing skill to be at the best level possible after a good 2-months holiday.

My plate is pretty full and I couldn’t let any second wasted on unnecessary things.

Okay, I may have aggrandized a bit since the truth is that I have much leeway time to enjoy the bestest weather this state has ever experienced, and watch movie one after another. Procrastination detected!

Cold days every now and then.

Speaking of the weather, it has been pretty chilly and windy the past weeks until now. Note that this is quite rare for this one state to have its temperature plunged to near 20c. I kid you not. I like the ambience the weather brings to this place when the leaves on the trees start to fall on the ground and scatter around, thus create scenery of autumn foliage you will never get to see in other months.

Every morning, howling sound of strong wind wakes me up. It takes me sometimes to jump out of my bed because I feel better mellowing myself in the cocoon of loneliness disguising itself as a fluffy duvet that keep me warm from cold and keep me company almost every night. And again…it takes real courage out of my male bravado to brave through the alfresco hallway to the washroom to get refreshed. With the strong wind that shoves me right away when I open my room door, my body trembles from the coldness. How adventurous my morning is!

But that doesn’t dampen my spirit to wake up early in the morning to perform my duty as a Muslim, to give thanks to Allah for being given another chance to live and repent, and…the nikmat of cold days because never in my wildest thought this could happen to this state. This is beyond normal realms of thinking. And it isn’t right to think we could steer it because Allah is far superior than His creations, us. There must be a reason why Allah makes it this way.

So much so, isn’t obvious that Allah is the most powerful that He could do everything on His will? To change anything the way He wants it in a split second…that He owns this world and all its contents including us…MashaAllah…

Before He takes everything that is once ours…let’s say Alhamdulillah for all the blessing given.

Give it a rest, that's all it took.

2014-01-16T01:49:00.001-08:00

You know those days when everything seems to go wrong? Like those nightmares where you can’t seem to accomplish anything yet can’t seem to escape either…

And that happened to me.

If memory served me right, I remembered months of being in an abyss of darkness and pain, where I felt there was no end in sight. The more I tried not to think about it, the more I did and, the more I died inside. Every day passed by in agonising slowness, and numbness and pain were the only two emotions I felt contained within. Sometimes the heartache would take on a physical dimension, and I would suffer real physical pain, something I never knew could be possible. My chest would tighten and my lungs would feel constricted, and sometimes I really did feel like dying.

Giving up.

The only thought that evaded the mind and soul at that time was a long lingering thought of giving up, festering within the deepest recesses of your mind, just waiting for the right moment to overcome your senses to let everything slipped through my fingers because there was no use anymore to live and fight for, just consigning myself to the fate. My world had indeed come to an end. I was in a complete blur.

But I held on.

All it took was a small microsecond of a thought, life isn't a sailing ship. I figure almost everyone has had a moment, no matter how brief, to be at the bottom of life cycle, to be broken beyond repair. We are human beings, and we all come to a certain phase in our lives where we will be tested, sometimes beyond what we imagine we can endure.

I knew it sounded cliched, but I turned to God more than I ever did in the previous years of my life. My prayers started to become regular, and I found comfort there. I found new joy in being with my family. I immersed myself in learning about the religion I strongly believed in, in depth. I embraced and appreciate the friends I had around until now because they are always there for me, ups and downs. I made it a habit to travel every year to anywhere as far as money was concerned to eradicate the resentment that rested heavily in my heart. Eventually, although the pain did not go disappear, it became bearable, though certain times were more difficult than others.

And I remembered clearly, one day, I woke up in the morning and found no tightness in my chest. I remembered seeing the morning sky, as if I was seeing it for the first time, and the haze that I had been in for the past year had been lifted. The pain was gone. I was finally able to get on with life, not by escaping the pain, or finding comfort in other things. I just gave myself time to internalize what had gone wrong, to reapply the cement on the cracked wall and what was there need to be rectified for the betterment of my life.

I know that my story is hardly unique, and that millions upon millions of people all over the world go through the same thing every day... But that is exactly my point that life is so full of challenges to add colours and spices to our life.

p/s. May the new year bring more joys and blessing in your life ahead! :)

White Crater, Ciwidey, 2013.

Bandung Trip Intro

2013-12-08T07:58:00.000-08:00

Look where the wind blew me to...Bandung, Indonesia.

This one city has been synonymous to many Malaysian who come here to shop and just shop. Anything here is cheap, I mean dirt cheap and within affordable price range. Just name it and you will get it. It all started a year ago after we returned from Kota Kinabalu trip. We figured it out it was going to be super exciting if we tried something new like venturing a foreign country. Without a second thought, the year after, once we had our stipend deposited to our bank accounts, we put our money where our mouths are and give it a shot. After a year waiting, so here I am recounting what we have been through in the last week in Bandung, Indonesia which was unforgettable.

It was my first time ever flying with Air Asia...nothing much to expect since I'd been hearing a lot from the naysayers about their service, but prior to our departure to Bandung, few hours before we went to the airport, I received a message stating our flight had been rescheduled to an early time.Well, this day couldn't be any better, deep down in my heart, I wanted to be there as soon as possible. However, as we had settled ourselves at the boarding gate and all ready to fly, we were saddened by the news that our flight had been delayed to a later time. Surely it killed my mood a bit, but alas, I was still excited as ever. We found out that the weather was to be blamed and no one in this world had the privilege to fight the mother nature.

After waiting sometimes for further notice, we noticed that there had been a long queue at our gate as if people were getting ready to embark into the plane. Driven by our curiosity, we went there and ask few people. To our surprise, our flight was ready for boarding. We dashed to the place where we put our luggage and got into the line. Such a long line, Malaysians were super rich for being able to go on a holiday abroad, I could say. We were all to be blamed for having too much fun talking and chatting away without realizing the latest announcement made about our flight. At 3.55, the plane was being pushed back to the stipulated runway.

And after that, all I know was that the sight of Malaysia slowly lost in the heaps of clouds as the plane lumbered through the sky. You knew the feeling of flying abroad for the very first time. it was mixed-up, excited and anxious were all the same time (I used to go to Thailand on yearly basis to my grandparents' house in Yala, Southern Thailand, but when I was 9 years old, we stopped going back after the derogatory unrest evoked, how I reminisced those times of riding a train from Sg. Golok to Yala). After 2 hours, we safely landed at Hussein Sastranegara International Aiport, Bandung. It had been a pleasant flight with the cabin crew on board couldn't be anymore helpful and amiable to cater our needs, kudos to those people entertaining us that day proving that some of the naysayers were flat out wrong. Like all day during this monsoon season, it drizzled throughout, with minimal share of intermittent sunshine upon touching down in Bandung. Couple that to the fact that Bandung is on highlands which made the weather way chillier than Kuala Lumpur. One of the few places in the Asean region had me wearing jacket or cardigan during the day, how cool was that! Custom clearance had been a breeze. Soon after that, we took taxis to our reserved accomodation, Patradisa Hotel. And the journey had just begun...

Among the first to arrive at the airport.

Bandung Airport. Very Small with limited spaces. I kid you not.

All set to discover this place!

2013 Retreat

2013-11-29T06:33:00.000-08:00

"Once a year, go to a place you have never been before"

Yes, it definitely is resounding titillating.

Flying is addictive and on top of that, we will do whatever it takes including cutting costs here and there using meager stipend we receive in every semester to ensure we would go on a trip to somewhere by the end of every study term.

So earlier in this year, a major sacrifice we had made. We gleaned some real courage to burn some holes in our pockets just to satisfy our insatiable wanderlust and to quench the thirst of our inquisitive curiosity about the sights and stories of a place and the people living in it.

We really need this escapade to let off the steams as we have been working ourselves to the bone throughout the semesters. It is worthy to give oneself a treat sometimes after a year of crazy-roller-coaster-ride. The date is now just around the corner. Excitement and gratitude fills my heart after a year-long waiting. May Allah ease everything for me and my friends, and our journey too. Aminn...

Land of Sinetron, Here we come!

Sudden Thought

2013-11-20T07:32:00.002-08:00

The urge crosses my mind sometimes when I am completely famished doing the same mundane routines. Aren't you just getting tired having the life that revolves around sitting for the exam one after another with little or no break in between and finishing the assignments that are mounting up to an Everest and what more, that trades your free time and beauty sleep?

Ever ponder deep in thought will life be much better without being strangled with all of these things? To break free from the shackles of books, tests, quizzes, exams and rules. Because sometimes life is much more than just having a scroll of degree. There are mountains of thing that cant be learned from either a textbook or a two-hours lecture. Years of schooling and studying do not really prepare us at our best to handle and overcome life's test, challenges and adversity that keep coming as great as we do on paper exam because they are lot harder than they may seem to be.

Certain things in life require us to experience it ourselves, only then we would know how it really is. To explore what this ball of earth has to offer. To taste and indulge in different tapestry of culture and to discover that everyone is wrong about other cultures and countries. If we ever want something we never had, we have had to do something we have never done. I believe the real university is to travel and go beyond limit. Surely learn more that way in a sense that we learn to adapt and adopt, see things from different angles while making us matured by age and knowledge we acquire along the way. :)

What say you?

Throwback Thrusday: Zoo

2013-11-14T07:50:00.002-08:00

It is not growing up if one is not being childish once in a while. Never in my 20 years of living had I visited a zoo or everywhere of sort. The feel of seeing wild animals in real is unmatched with seeing them on tv. On this date in the last year, finally, I set my foot in a zoo for the very first time. It was Lok Kawi Wildlife Park in Sabah that witnessed this remarkable moment of my life.

Sabah 2012

Just felt so good to be very young again without a care in the world. We were having one of the best times of our lives though a tad bit tanned after sunbathing the whole day at Tunku Abdul Rahman Marine Park the day before. Kind of missing those days of pure and unadultered joy dearly. Surely we had an immense thrill of fun that we would carry around for the rest of our lives.

This Life

2013-11-12T04:23:00.002-08:00

Well, we do have our own stories to be scribbled on, don't we? Might as well make the best we could. So no need to hassle and buckle up everything. Keep calm and go with the flow. Let the time, and only time will put all in right places.

Until then, live our lives to the fullest and make the most of the time given. Be happy and grateful, and do all sort of things we always want to do in the first place, then you'll know what this world has to offer for you.

Explore more, to not just stay at home, living under the coconut shell and never to explore, and see what's out there - seize every opportunity to hop on the bandwagon and shine. Dare to be different because the ordinary is so stuffy already. We are going to be young once and we have got to live it to the full tilt. :)

A Halfway End

2013-11-10T01:26:00.000-08:00

Did you hear that? the sound of ticking clock which made me even more nervous than before and my fear spiked to an Everest. My exuberance already turned to vapour little by little the second I flipped through the booklet and saw the questions which were beyond what I had studied. On the microphone echoed, you have 2 more minutes to finish. The announcement spread like wildfire. Upon hearing this, I was half paralyzed with adrenaline and anxiety ran through my veins. Even worse, I couldn't be anymore claustrophobic and my both hands got clammy. I tried to fan myself with my hands to reassure this whole enchilada, yet it wasn't working well.

My pen was glued to my hands...couldn't help it but to keep writing at the rate of a bullet train...to hell with my handwriting. Too much to be written, yet too little time left. No matter what would happen next, I had to finish this until the end with my own writ and grit. I might have cursed a lot under my breath,but mostly I prayed that I could stay until the end without much complication and breakdown.

2 minutes sauntered by and time up! But being me, I kept writing as if I had all the time to myself until the invigilator came to me and said, excuse me sir, we need the papers. And with that, I did my last touch up, wrote my index number and kissed goodbye to the final paper of this semester. Nevertheless, I did try my best and no point to regret. What was done couldn't be undone although it almost had my lacrimal gland secreting a stream of tears down my cheek.

Alhamdulillah! I made it, anyway and boy was I glad to know that I didn't have to see them all anymore. That was it and how I wished I could climb on top of a mountain and scream my heart out to express my ultimate satisfaction that I had enough already. This whole parcel of examination made my mental weary and tiresome. The end of semester 4, second year of TESL degree studies. What better way to treat myself than to just sleep and laze around with good books and good company. Let's enjoy this momentary independence. :)

Can't you smell it? The strong fragrant smell of holiday in the air. I can't stand the stench of this campus anymore. haha... I'm coming home, and tell the world I'm coming home.

holiday begins! Besut, always at the heart.

Others

2013-11-06T15:34:00.000-08:00

Upon seeing a man driving a luxury car, wearing branded clothes on his body, there is no other thought that lingers in the back of our mind than to wonder what does it take to be him - to be born with a silver spoon in mouth. We always look up at others as if we could not afford to own what they have, when in fact, little did we know, we are too "others" for other people. Just because we are too busy comparing our lives with others whom we may think more fortunate than us, the tendency to forget this one fact is high.

Until one day, when we walk down the street, we see there are people beg for money, even worse to solicit their bodies for a penny. Indeed, it's a shame for us, but to them, that's the only way out they know. On television, day by day, we have been served with news on wars and crimes here and there around the world as if peace and humanity aren't even exist in the dictionary of modern world. What has become of us? Merciless? Heartless? Ungrateful?

Say what? Alhamdulillah

As very much cliched as it may sound, don't we think we should be thankful for being given such a life like this that we could never thank Allah enough for bellowing upon us rezeki like a family with overflowing and unceasing love, clear running water, clothes to keep us from cold, abundance foods to keep us fit, oxygen for us to breathe, knowledge so that we could survive and the list just goes on and on? But then again, why do we keep whining and instead, asking for more as if we have not had enough of this world? Come on. Appreciate every little details that happen around us for that it's a gift from Allah. We can't always get what we want because at times, things that we want might not benefit us, and indeed Allah knows what is the best for us. Isn't He the best planner of all?

Give thanks to Allah for everything. Appreciate things before they are gone for good.

Say Alhamdulillah

Lost in Fog

2013-11-03T01:38:00.000-07:00

Lost in Fog

That is what we call wake-up-in-a-fairyland. Please be noted that I study at nowhere near the highlands. Believe it or not, above was campus last Wednesday. Don't you just love cold and windy weather? I really do that is why it excites me. The atmosphere was shrouded by thick fog, but as the sun rose, the fog receded. And later, enjoyed a good sunny day for the rest of the day.

All that happens in nature surely teaches us a little something. Just like this one event that we may assume insignificant to our life, yet teach us the most crucial value that we must have in life. Perseverance, it is. Fog in this matter symbolizes adversity in life that we must undertake with grace. Hence, be strong is all we need to do.

Challenges and life are coexisting. There's no life without challenges because the way we handle troubles that come makes life more exciting, sweet and worth living. But never let the adversities in life encumber our steps towards what we want, and define who you are. Just because it's so hard to swallow, you simply wish away what you currently undergo and never give a second thought about the bright side of the bad - it gives you strength, courage and patience. For once, take the risk and channel it into something constructive. Remember, taking a step towards your dream is way better that building another dream because nothing comes easy by chance. As the saying goes, no life is a bed of roses, even if it is, it must be in your dream. Keep the flame of fighting burning, and pray to Allah to ease everything.

The sun will still appear on a foggy day as the day goes noon, and so as every bad ordeal, there must be a bright end that is worth fighting for.

An Urgent Call

2013-10-27T16:53:00.003-07:00

Feeling all restless and worked up. All the hours taken to revise and keep revising has made me felt even more droggy and needless to say, how haggard I have been looking lately. Stuck in front of the laptop and glued to my seat for hours aren't my forte. My life is in a chaos and complete mess. This happens when the epiphany comes late and to cram everything in a week isn't a good choice. However, there is no other choices left, and have to settle with this every one. It's better late than never to start buck up and step on the gas.

Sabr and Stay strong!

Not even half way through and before everything bottles up to a point of melting, I, then decide I really need a booster to keep me motivated to carry on when not a thing I do makes me feel any better. A cure to this seasonal epidemic. And so I call my mummy. I am not wrong and in fact, it is the best decision ever. Mummy always knows how to motivate me and thus eradicate the resentment that rested heavily in my heart. She knows me all too well and undoubtedly, her magical words sooth me, my restless heart and mind like a magician reads mantra while waving his magic wand. In a split second, all the pain and stress is gone in the thin air. I need no reason to love you forever and always!

Mummy, May you and dad are always in the best of health and iman!

It's here, can't you smell it?

2013-10-26T12:27:00.001-07:00

Sometimes we need to consign ourselves to the fate and accepting the fact that thing is as it is. Like, next week is the start of final exam of this very semester. Dang! Try to rub my eyes in disbelief and bang my head to the wall just in case I am still daydreaming, but heck, reality kicks in and a river of tears wouldn't change the fact that next week I'll be sitting for my first exam paper. Time waits no man. Waiting for the study mode to kick away the laziness in me and thus possesses my inner side is like waiting for the airplane to arrive at the bus station. Oh bummer!

But fret not, the turmoil will be over in the matter of 2 weeks or so. Heaven much? Better yet, wait till you hear this part, that is the best part of all being Jan 2012 intake is finishing exam earlier than anyone else which means extra holidays. Shoot! Whose in the right mind doesn't love extra days of semester break? Come on. Lets toss and cheers to this newsflash!

On a more serious note, exam always freaks me out to think of my bad performances in the last few semesters. Few days before any tests, I get clammy and claustrophobic, worry for nothing. That's so me. Yet again it's all rezeki fixed by Allah, worth the effort I gave, no regrets. Not that we don't need any talisman or good luck charms for this exam, all we need from you all out there is sincere prayers from the hearts because it is the best gift of all. Hopefully, we will do just fine and pass this semester with exceptional result, Aminn.

To everyone out there in the same boat with me, wishing you all the very best and may the strongest force be with you.

May Allah ease our journey, Aminn.

# Feeling extremely droggy, a combination of drowsiness and grogginess and boy, this cold wind and windy weather bring the overflowing urge to sleep. In any second, I shall mellow myself in the cocoon of loneliness disguising itself as a fluffy duvet that keep me warm from cold and keep me company every night.

Tales Alive

2013-10-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

I was nowhere near a good storyteller. I used to join storytelling competition, representing my school, but that was a century ago back then in primary school. and the environment and ambiance was a whole lot different than today. As luck had it, this semester, I had to deal with a course entitled, Stories for Young Learners which carried 3 credits, which was a lot and there was no space to fool around in this course considering that sum of credit. Studying different genres of story was one part and to do storytelling simulation in class which really made me cold feet was another part. Mostly I enjoyed every minute I spent in the class. But the best part of all was, boy was I surprised to know that I was shortlisted to be one of finalists for intrabatch storytelling competition.

On a side note, to my surprise, it seemed to be that I still had the storytelling soul in me though there were lot of loopholes to be ameliorated with the most. Frankly speaking I wasn't doing that good enough to expect and earn a string quartet, fireworks, or even drum rolls to mark this little achievement which was again nothing to be prided of. So last Wednesday, we had this competition held at one of the lecture halls in our campus with the theme, Tales Alive. The perk was, it was mandatory for everyone and I really meant everyone to wear costumes on that day and it was such a brilliant idea to have everyone overdressed or gone dandy once in a while for a good cause. Plus, it coincided with Halloween celebration, not that i celebrated it as it was against my belief but it was just a random thought that fleeted through my mind.

As it was a huge deal for me, this thing made me took a big gulp of nervousness and vomited fear. I envisioned the possibility of me having had a series of humiliating events on the stage like fainted upon seeing a large crowd of people in the hall with their eyes all on me like zombies demanded heads (not to mention, the presence of real school kids just to watch us performed which doubled my anxiety), drenched in sweat as my uncontrollable nervousness escalated, or hardly uttered any words due to sudden Parkinson strike. What if all of a sudden, I forgot my lines? What was I supposed to do? Knew it too well I was aggrandizing too much over a small matter. Yet again it was the matter of 7 minutes for god sake and everything could happen during that stipulated time. However, my lucky star wasn't with me and I did not win any places. But fret not, the experiences itself was the greatest reward of all. After all, no regrets, I had tried my very best and accepted the fact that there were others who were way better than me in this thing. I did learn lot of valuables things from this participation, especially from the feedback received from the lecturer on how to be a good storyteller, a crucial skill that a language teacher must have. This was a golden opportunity worth to seize in order to improve and edify myself before I embarked on my journey into teaching world. Kudos to all the winners!

Told ya! Everyone dressed up to the nine. Now try to spot me. good luck!

Why oh Why

2013-10-16T21:41:00.000-07:00

Wasn't it always the way, the book you recently read seemed to have a strong connection with whatever angst adulthood drama you just have. There were certain things in life that you wished it never happened. but, somehow, out of your control and will, it just happened. And things started to change bit by bit. The metamorphosis was painstaking. The worst was you never seemed comfortable with it, so how to endure this without having needed to suffer acute emotional inertia?

Surely though it never started that way, but it really was my fault for I'd been lying some very personal stuff that I should have kept it tight in the closet. There was a need for me to be more vigilant and careful next time with whatever I was about to utter. So did it ever occur to you that some people misinterpreted what you were telling? Countless times, to put it in an easier way, they didn't get my jokes. They should have known me all too well that I joke a lot. Well, what was worst than a colossal misunderstanding about myself. Now that everything was pretty much a spoiled broth. there was nothing much I could do about it but to settle with whatever that was left and consign myself to my fate. All I could do now was to glean real courage and to swallow my own pride in order to man up wrong things and clear the water of misunderstanding.

Mostly sorry for am not trying to be forlorn on these auspicious days, but it saddens me to think that I blow the one and only chance I have. *tsk

"I believe everything happens for a reason and I must be strong. In every bad ordeal, there must be a silver lining or rainbow awaits at the end of the tunnel."

Giveaway from MessySerabut

2013-10-07T22:21:00.004-07:00

Ola! For I was a bit on hiatus on this site lately, I totally blame the coming test and all that seem to drag me away from spilling whatever it is I like to say in here.

Let me get this straight. A friend of mine, MessySerabut is organising a giveaway contest and I think everybody should give it a shot. Stand a chance to win cool merchandises. But of course, terms and conditions are applied. For more details, click on the picture and you will be directed to the aforementioned blog.

Wait no more! Come and give it a try, who knows the lucky star might be with you. :D

Bread and Butter

2013-10-06T02:27:00.000-07:00

Because things are going pretty wild these days, writing has never failed to give me the therapy that i'm always seeking. Name it, free writing or leisure writing, they shall be my bread and butter. I like watching my fingers make their dancing moves on the keyboard, typing away whatever that hoards within. Whether it rains or storms, it is there for me, verbalizing my every feeling and thought that fleet through my mind, helping me a lot to dance in the rain. On a more serious note, entertaining me when even an ice cream fails to lift the resentment that rested in my heart. Just so you know, it just feels so good to be able to lash everything out. There you go, I say it.

Felda Batu 8, Changlun

2013-09-25T02:29:00.001-07:00

The best thing about having two mums now is that you get more prayers on your success. How sweet and thoughtful they are. The one from your real mom who has unceasingly loved you from the very beginning you see the world, and the one you just have from a program you join called Program Anak Angkat who is just as sweet as the one you already have.

Though we are not family by blood, the warmth, charm, comfort and hospitality that we have received make us feel like staying at our own houses. I believe the intangible bond we have created is just as strong as the real one we have. The sweet thing about my mak angkat is she humbles herself by asking us to call her, mak.

Mak, in life, Allah gives us brief moments to be together, but sometimes in those brief moments, we get memories that last forever like this one we just have. May you are always in the best of health and imann. Aminn.

Our little family.

Anak Angkat and Keluarga Angkat, at Felda Batu 8, Changlun Kedah

Thanks in abundance to those who have contributed a lot in helping us making this silaturahim a success. Alhamdulillah, we couldn't be anymore grateful. Keep in touch folks!