Much Ado about Everything

Abuse of the Red Carpet!

2014-01-19T20:48:00.001+01:00

This post is about our propensity as Nigerians to learn a trend and abuse it. Today, I write about the abuse of the ‘Red Carpet’.

There were lots of events last year as with every other and as a matter of fact plans for 2014 Valentine concerts are underway.

In the recent past, the Hollywood phenomenon called ‘The Red Carpet’ has been introduced to Nigerians, kicking-off events about one hour before the real show begins. What strikes me though is how we have copied this phenomenon but as usual, copied it wrongly.

We now have red carpets at award ceremonies, fashion shows, corporate events and galas. But there is a certain type of event that it seems inappropriate to have a red carpet by my judgment – CONCERTS.

I don’t know about you but I see lots of red carpet photos coming out of concerts these days and it beats my imagination! Some of the big events that come to mind are; the Chris Brown concert held in December 2012, Dare Art Alade’s valentine concert – Love: Like a Movie in which Kim K made an appearance in February 2013, and the Mary J Blige concert later in 2013.

Nigerian’s dress to the nines to attend concerts and I just don’t understand it. Some of the women wear flowing dresses befitting for a black tie event, while some just look like they are going for a cocktail party. There are lots of nice blazers for the guys but overall, it is inappropriate dressing.

I thought the whole idea behind concerts was to party? How then does one dance in a long dress?

Mary J for instance, was simply dressed in her denim shorts, crop-top and boots at her concert and she looked the part. We need to take a cue from the artistes.

How times have changed

2013-10-06T19:32:00.000+01:00

A few of my friends and acquaintances turned the big four zero (40) this year and the ensuing events seemed rather similar. They were devoid of the pomp that accompanied hitting the milestone age as I can remember from my childhood.

Back in the day, people would make a song and dance out of turning 40 years. They would hold a thanksgiving service and thereafter throw a big party. They celebrant would take a family portrait flanked by spouse and kids – akin to the Christian saying, “your children surround your table”. They would enlarge the photo, frame it and display it in their living rooms for posterity. And their friends would come wine and dine with them and often hail, ‘life begins at 40!”

Back in the day, thirty-something year olds didn’t worry about cancer or high blood pressure (HBP); they lived life to the fullest.

But times have changed. Today, cancer and HBP are stealing away many in their prime. Today, most forty year olds feel they haven’t accomplished anything and really have nothing to celebrate – they don’t own plots of lands let alone a building or their businesses. Today, lots of 40 year olds don’t have 10 year old kids to show-off because people marry late and more so, some eligible singles are happily homosexual.

Today, 40^th birthdays are quieter and pretty much like any other. People are simply thankful for life and being able to get by.

I got married on credit

2013-05-11T13:00:00.000+01:00

My family friend runs an events' centre and from what she says, getting married on credit seems to be a new trend in Lagos.

Brides want to look pretty – get professional make up and a glamourous dress, entertain guests in hundreds and serve a vast menu of continental and local meals at their wedding in a nicely decorated and air-conditioned marquee which they cannot afford.

My friend’s latest experience was with a bride who made a 50% deposit for the venue, food and drinks, and decor. She promised to pay up the balance until 2 days before the wedding, so it was secured and not released to any other intending customer. To the surprise of the event centre manager, the balance was not paid but the wedding took place regardless. It was on the wedding day that my friend realised that she wasn't the only one that had been fooled when the caterer and decorator also began to grumble.

It turned out that Mrs. Newly Wed had a wedding on credit and the big question her vendors all asked each other was – “how do we all get our balance payments now that the bride had achieved her objective?”

They feared that she’d go on honeymoon and return to her life as usual and pretend she never had dealings with them, as they couldn’t put a leash around her neck to get her pay. After all, guests had come and gone, they had been well entertained and wowed by the beautiful reception, so she had nothing to loose. They feared that a woman who was ruthless enough to proceed with a wedding party with all confidence that her vendors would deliver despite that she hadn't fully paid for food and drinks most especially, would easily walk away in a country like Nigeria where people got away with just about anything.

Sad, isn’t it? More so when one realises that all of this injustice is born out of a desire to impress people. Each person is trying to outdo the next with a so-called 'Talk of the town' wedding. Everything in Lagos is now a charade.

What is wrong with having a small wedding with a few guests, if that’s what you can afford? Life was so much simpler in the days of our parents, but now, our values are gone with the wind. These days, it's okay to cheat others in the pursuit of happiness. When you take advantage of people they call you a SHARP GUY or SHARP BABE, as in this case. Doing what is right is no longer in vogue.

Everything is now a facade.

My wicked female boss

2013-05-05T21:17:00.001+01:00

I am very thankful for all the comments that keep coming. I have tried to reply several but I am unable to, it seems there’s a problem with my Blog settings and I haven’t figured out how to address whatever the issue might be.

One of my readers commented that he/she usually visits my Blog for some advice, so today, I will be giving some advice to young and upcoming professionals. I have been an employee for about 11 years now, so please permit me to do so.

May is month during which workers world over are celebrated and I usually take some time to reflect because May 2^nd happens to be the anniversary of my first full-time job.

As I took some time to reflect on my journey as a career woman on the 1st of May, I realised that the notion that ‘female bosses’ tend to be wicked, is really not true but a case of stereotyping. In Nigeria, there’s a lot of stereotyping and hostility towards female bosses who are either Single or Married without Kids. When you scold a junior colleague, they say '"she is mean and it’s because she’s not married or haven’t got children". They also say women cannot work with each other.

I totally disagree with these notions because as I recall, I have had good and bad bosses in both male and female. My current boss is female and she’s awesome. She has said on a number of occasions that ‘we are proof that women can work together’. My late colleague, Nwugo who I give credits to in my Blog profile was married for 11 years without kids before she passed on, but she was one of the most amazing persons I ever met.

My conclusion is that it really isn’t a matter of the gender, but the individual beliefs and values of your boss.

Sometimes too, result-oriented bosses are misconstrued as ‘wicked’, but they are not. They simply want you to get the job done. My experience with working with such people is that you are better for it at the end of the day.

My advice to every budding professional is – be result oriented. If you are, the ‘good boss’ will love you, and the ‘wicked boss’ will have no choice than to put up with you!

Have a lovely month of May.

Nollywood needs to launder Nigeria's image

2013-04-24T17:00:00.000+01:00

I have been following a telenovela - India: A Love Story on Africa Magic since October 2012. I have become so involved with this programme that I am glued to the TV screen every Sunday from noon till about 3pm, catching up with the Omnibus.

Contrary to all the news reports in the international and local media of an increasing number of rape cases, the screenwriters have told a story of perfect love, high moral standards and values through this telenovela. They have painted a picture that holds women in high esteem and men who dare no infidelity.

I have learnt that Indian women keep long hair because the length of a woman's hair is symbolic for her husband's strength. I have learnt that male children are also highly regarded just like Nigeria. I have learnt that Indians insist on marrying one of their own because they believe that when a man dies, it is his Indian wife who will open the gates of heaven to him. I have also learnt a bit about the Indian culture and their Caste system; they consider the Dalits - dust and no one of 'noble' descent wants to touch a Dalit let alone marry one.

I have fallen in love with this telenovela and picked the lead character, Raj's definition of love:

Raj once said - "when you Brazilians love, it starts like a boiling pot of water which later goes cold, but when we Indians love, it starts cold and ends up hot like a boiling pot of water..."

My take-out from Raj's definition is that loving the Indian way, means enduring love.

The best part of the Indian passion as told by this telenovela is that it is bereft of nudity or obscenity. Public display of affection is frowned upon as they believe that affections should be shown only in the bedroom.

Whilst the telenovela captures some deceit, largely by women, the deceit is portrayed as an act of love which seeks to preserve culture, so much that it makes you love the Indians more.

Another interesting thing about this love story is that it was shot in India and Brazil. On the flip side, it shows Brazilian women as women of low virtue - a mother dates the same guy her daughter dated; a married Brazilian woman seduces an Indian bachelor; divorce is commonplace in Brazil; a Brazilian billionaire fakes his death and elopes with his wife's best friend and so on and so forth.

Like it or not, this telenovela has created a positive image of India in my mind.

The Brazilian side of the story brings me back home to Africa Magic and the sorts of stories we tell. Nothing much that paints us as 'picture perfect' especially the Yoruba movies.

Nigerian Yoruba movies largely depict negativity - immorality, idolatry and murder. Apart from the negative story lines, the sub-titling is always badly done in bad English full of wrong tenses and typos. It is shameful.

This from me is a wake-up call to Nollywood requesting them to help launder Nigeria's image.

Is VFS exploiting Nigerians?

2013-03-28T11:00:00.000+01:00

VFS is acronym for VF Global Services Nigeria Ltd, the local visa processing agent for most embassies here in Nigeria. VFS services the British, US, Canadian, French, Netherlands, Italian and South African embassies here in Nigeria and perhaps even more.

They are the middle man between the visa applicant and the embassy. Daily applications for each of these embassies are about 100 on the average. So it suffices to say VFS processes about 700 applications daily for which VFS are paid a fixed sum for every application.

You might wonder where this is going but I have however noticed a trend with my last three visa applications which have prompted this post.

In September 2012, I applied for a French visa and total fee was N17,835 of which N11,810 was the visa fee, N400 for SMS notifications and the balance N5,625 being VFS processing charges. The SMS' are intended to notify applicants of the status of their applications and inform when applicant’s visa is ready or otherwise. SMS rate as at that time was N5 per SMS but I did not receive a single SMS. I had to keep tracking my application via the VFS Nigeria website until it was ready.

In January 2013, I applied for a South African visa, again costs where similar but I cannot find the payment slips to give exact details.

I have also just renewed my UK visa and have once again been charged N400 for SMS notifications.

For my UK visa renewal which is very fresh in my memory. I received a total of four emails, and NOT a single SMS. By the way, SMS now cost N4 each which means cost to VFS would ideally be N16 whilst I was charged N400 and didn’t receive any notification.

If you do the maths, applying this to only UK visa applications alone, here’s what it adds up to:

100 applications/day x N400 x 5days x 4weeks = N800,000/month

If you apply that to 7 embassies, it implies N5.6million/month or N67.2million additional revenue/year for VFS Global Nigeria.

This is excluding the N5,000+ fees VFS receives per application.

Even if they spent N16 per applicant, VFS would still make N768,000/month.

Isn’t VFS exploiting Nigerians? Who regulates such organisations? Where’s the Consumer Protection Council in all of these? Isn’t this exploitation tantamount to corruption?

Oga at the Top: The reality of Nigeria’s public sector

2013-03-19T14:00:00.000+01:00

I am quite sure that you all had your fair share of laughter from ‘The Oga at the Top’ video and the several spin-offs that came thereafter.

Amid all the humour, I realised that the event simply brought to the fore the reality at Nigeria’s public sector. Here are some truths about our public sector:

Lackadaisical attitude to work. People just don’t care; or how would you explain the Commandant’s inability to give a complete website address?

2. People are not empowered to take decisions or use their intuition, if you recall, the commandant feared to disclose a wrong website so that his Oga at the Top won’t disclose something else.

3. The philosophy of ‘first name basis’ doesn’t apply in our public sector

4. Computers are a ‘wonder’, most civil servants have no clue about where the power button of a computer is located let alone operating one to generate a report – like you and I do on a daily basis. What they tend to do is to have a computer room with two computer-literate personnel who churn out all the required documents.

5. The Oga at the Top most probably doesn’t know how to use a computer

Think about NIPOST, PHCN, Police stations, the FRSC, LASTMA, NDLEA and more. In how many of these places have you seen a computer? These are a few government agencies and parastals that I have interacted with and the story is the same. It is sad that Commandment turned the scapegoat and is now on suspension, but it would surprise you that the “Oga at the Top” doesn’t know how to operate a computer or the nscdc website.

Nigerians are too emotional

2013-02-26T20:00:00.000+01:00

I guess the AFCON 2013 fever is over and this post probably stale but the truth is, I have borne this burden in my heart for weeks but have just not had time to write my thoughts.

Were you as amazed as I was about how carried away Nigerians were because we won the Nations cup?

I am still shocked at how Steven Keshi suddenly became everybody's favourite coach and how people began to say God finally answered the prayers of Nigerians concerning our football.

Let us all not be fooled. Even unbelievers are successful. It is a law of nature/ Karma or whatever you want to call it. What you sow you reap; if you work hard, some day you will be successful.

If Keshi didn't have faith and the players didn't give the games their best shot, they would have lost even with prayers. God blesses the labour of our hands. If we do not sow, then He has nothing to bless. God is the God of all mankind, not just the God of Nigerians. Otherwise, how do you explain the success of Psy and the Gangam Style? There's simply no big deal with the song or the dance steps but I guess it was God's time to bless the long-standing Korean musician.

We need to stop being unnecessarily emotional. The problems with Nigerian football i.e. corruption, poor preparation still loom. Prayers will not take them away, only men!

Fall down and die!

2013-02-24T22:47:00.001+01:00

Sunday School is my favourite part of church service because it is interactive. We listen and learn from our Sunday School teachers and thereafter ask questions.

Today was particularly very interesting because it was a review of lessons learned in the last quarter.

A gentleman had a mindboggling question under the topic - False Prophets, it was -

"Is it right to pray for the devil to fall down and die?"

In answering the question, the Pastor reminded us that it would be futile to ask the devil to die because the Bible tell us that the devil will be around until judgement. We were referred to Jude 1:9 which shows that even Archangel Micheal when contending with the devil dared not bring an abusive condemnation against him but simply said,"May the Lord rebuke you!"

He explained that people who say such prayers do not refer to the devil, but to the 'devil' in every challenge they face which could mean, poverty, sickness, failure, rejection, delayed married etc.

As I meditated on these words on my way home, I began to wonder if:

the devil called PHCN was dead and we had constant power
the devil called kidnapping was dead and we didn't have to fear for the lives of our beloved
the devil called Boko Haram was dead and people could gather in churches every Sunday without the fear of bombings
the devil called delayed married was dead, and all eligible batchelors and spinsters go married at the right age, or it was pretty normal to stay single
if devil called unemployment was dead and people got jobs on merit
if the devil called bad roads were dead and we had little or no road accidents
if the devil in our aviation industry was dead and we had no plane crashes, and so on...

The big question then is - will the pews in our churches still be filled every Sunday?

I think the answer to my question is NO. Nigerians do not love God. If we did, these devils wouldn't exist in the first place. So, if you are one of those who ask the devil to fall down and die, please STOP and remember that it is all about the man in the mirror.

Why do we eat rice at Christmas?

2013-01-01T11:28:00.001+01:00

Grandma

The radio station which I fondly listen to every morning went out to the streets this Christmas and asked two questions:

1. Why do we eat rice during Christmas?

2. Must we eat rice at Christmas?

I think the answers to these questions are a no brainer.

Question 1 is akin to asking a woman – why do you cook with knorr cubes? And the answer is simply because my mother taught me to! We eat rice at Christmas because our parents taught us to.

Back in the ‘70s and ‘80s, people looked forward to eating rice at Christmas. I have fond memories of Christmas in the ‘80s and early ‘90s at my Grandma’s. Every year some not-so-privileged children would dress up and pay her a visit on Christmas day hoping to eat some rice. She would give them a huge tray with heap rice and goat meat scattered all over it with about 15 spoons jutting out of the heap of rice.

We grew up eating rice at Christmas and our Christmas gifts would be incomplete if we didn’t receive a bag of rice and vegetable oil from our employers. It is tradition.

As for the follow-up question, my answer is a big YES!

American’s eat Turkey at Thanksgiving, the British eat Turkey at Christmas and Nigerians eat rice at Christmas. If you never thought of it that way, begin to do so. We should keep eating rice and pass on the tradition to our children and next generations. Don’t replace rice with Pounded Yam or Salads!

Do eat rice come Christmas 2013, gain some calories and you can go on salads or a protein diet afterwards!

Happy 2013 to you all!

Ajebutter "Omo Pastor"

2012-11-29T18:00:00.000+01:00

If you are an ardent follower of Nigerian music, you have probably heard the new song Ajebutter Omo Pastor. I’m not a huge follower of most Nigerian artistes and as a matter of fact have only heard the song once, but before it was played on the radio that day, the OAP gave a brief review of the song and in a nutshell, it talks about ‘Wayward daughters of pastors’.

I have heard lots of people call pastors’ daughters bad girls, accusing them of doing all the things that their fathers preach against – drinking, smoking, clubbing, provocative dressing and so on. I really don’t know if the accusations are true or if they have just become stereotyped, so let’s just say maybe they are adventurous.

Those who rise to the defense of the pastor’s or their daughters or even wives say that a true Christian should not be deterred because pastors or their family have fallen into temptation or have sinned. They usually say – “Make God your standard and not man”.

To them, the fact that your pastor was caught in adultery doesn’t mean you should judge him and leave the church. They say, look-up to God and not man. If a pastor is being extravagant, don’t judge him; if a pastor is proud, look-up to Jesus for humility; Jesus should be your role model and not any man. They advise that you do not speak ill of men of God, the anointed! Are they right or are they simply being fanatical?

I recently came across a Bible scripture which gives me the confidence to write this post. It is 1 Timothy 3: 1 -13, and here's what it says:

¹The saying is true and irrefutable: If any man [eagerly] seeks the office of bishop (superintendent, overseer), he desires an excellent task (work).

²Now a bishop must give no grounds for accusation but must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, circumspect and temperate and self-controlled; [he must be] sensible and well behaved and dignified and lead a disciplined life; [he must be] hospitable [showing love for and being a friend to the believers, especially strangers or foreigners, and be] a capable and qualified teacher,

³Not given to wine, not combative but gentle and considerate, not quarrelsome but forbearing and peaceable, and not a lover of money.

⁴He must rule his own household well, keeping his children under control, with true dignity, commanding their respect in every way and keeping them respectful.

⁵For if a man does not know how to rule his own household, how is he to take care of the church of God?

⁶He must not be a new convert, or he may [develop a beclouded and stupid state of mind] as the result of pride [be blinded by conceit, and] fall into the condemnation that the devil [once] did.

⁷Furthermore, he must have a good reputation and be well thought of by those outside [the church], lest he become involved in slander and incur reproach and fall into the devil’s trap.

⁸In like manner the deacons [must be] worthy of respect, not shifty and double-talkers but sincere in what they say, not given to much wine, not greedy for base gain [craving wealth and resorting to ignoble and dishonest methods of getting it].

⁹They must possess the mystic secret of the faith [Christian truth as hidden from ungodly men] with a clear conscience.

¹⁰And let them also be tried and investigated and proved first; then, if they turn out to be above reproach, let them serve [as deacons].

¹¹The women likewise must be worthy of respect and serious, not gossipers, but temperate and self-controlled, [thoroughly] trustworthy in all things.

¹²Let deacons be the husbands of but one wife, and let them manage [their] children and their own households well.

¹³For those who perform well as deacons acquire a good standing for themselves and also gain much confidence and freedom and boldness in the faith which is [founded on and centers] in Christ Jesus.

You to decide where this scripture leaves us!

The many travails of the small business owner

2012-11-18T13:29:00.000+01:00

This week, several countries including Nigeria celebrated Global Entrepreurship Week (GEW). The GEW initiative was launched in 2007 by Carl Schramm, President and CEO of Kauffman Foundation and Gordon Brown, former Prime Minister of the UK. The reasoning behind the launch of the initiative was to create a global movement to inspire people everywhere to embrace entrepreneurship. Laudable idea but certainly a tall order for Nigerians when you consider the many travails of a start-up or small business.

Speaking of travails, what do you consider the biggest bottleneck in starting a small business in Nigeria?

Power

Startup capital

People

The business idea

For a while now, my friends and family have encouraged me to start a small business as a plan B income and I haven’t been brave enough. Until very recently I believed my major deterrent was startup capital but after a close examination of the challenges small business owners around me face, I have come to a conclusion that their major bottleneck is PEOPLE!

Think of it, if PHCN doesn’t give you power, you can generate yours by relying on a generator; for start-up capital you can get bank financing, or loans from a cooporative or famly, as for ideas, they say there’s nothing new under the sun. There are loads of global case studies to learn from. But it is difficult to get substitutes for good PEOPLE.

Small businesses have the highest staff turnover. The average Nigerian worker is increasingly unreliable. Fresh graduates all want to work for blue-chip companies even when they don’t have any work experience. What’s more, a lot of them cannot generate a basic report of speak good English, yet they want to earn the same pay as those who started their careers 5 – 10 years before them.

Attitude of semi-skilled workers is even worse. They don’t understand that customer is king. They don’t understand that without the customer they have no pay cheque. They are plain rude to the customers you work hard to get. They come crawling and begging for a job and 1, 2, 3 months on the job, they become truants. Just when you think they’re settling into the job and you are building a stable workforce, they bail out. You are then faced with costs of recruitment and training all over again.

There is no dignity in labour. People don’t want to work but want to have all of life’s luxuries. A worrisome situation because we need entrepreneurs if this country is to develop. How can we over these challenges? Let’s talk about it.

Differentiate or Die: The story of Omawumi Magbele

2012-11-08T18:07:00.000+01:00

Few weeks ago I was with my BFF as he lamented the poor performance of Nigerian artistes at Basketmouth’s latest show held in London in August. He was particularly angry that he’d bought a ticket to watch Nigerian Artistes lip-sync at that event. For a Britico like him, it was big deal, for a Nigerian like me who’s seen this over and over again, it wasn’t. Although I shrugged it off, it doesn’t make it right. On the contrary, it is very sad that we have so many artistes who are acclaimed to have gone ‘international’, go on tours yet perform over a playback CD and get paid handsomely. It is simply criminal!

I do take a moment to however recognise several other great talents like Omawumi Magbele, Asa, Dare Art Alade, Timi Dakolo and others who are true artistes and clearly belong to a different league because they learnt the ropes. Today’s post celebrates Omawumi Magbele, a true artiste who knows what it is to perform with the full complement of a band. A proudly Nigerian artiste whose concert tickets are their money’s worth.

I have followed her right from her audition at West African Idol about five years ago, and as marketing people say, Omawumi was top-of-my-mind after the audition because she sang my favourite of Christiana Aguilera’s songs - Infatuation. Thereafter, she put up a great show and emerged second place at the Idols competition. After her launch to stardom, I had my first physical encounter with her at a Malta Guinness launch event. She had done a theme song for the brand and performed it at that event. Her voice was strong and she sounded even better than she did on TV. Her stage presence was also superb.

As a young marketing executive several years ago, I read an article titled: Differentiate or die. The gist of the article was the need to clearly standout and carve a niche as a business. Omawumi has done just that with her music.

From her first single ‘In the Music’ with a beat which had a South African tinge, Omawumi has continued to up the ante. But what has struck me most about her in recent times is her ability to make the ordinary the extraordinary, and her decision to sing in Pidgin English without any apologies. Call it her strategy; it is certainly paying-off. She’s entertaining but beneath it all, she communicates a distinct message.

Talking about turning the ordinary to the extraordinary, “If you ask me…” is an ordinary phase but Omawumi has made a hit track of it; Bottom belle I’m told is a re-make of an old highlife song which connects with our parents, and Kpamurege which she used in that song is a word we played with in primary school…

Like it or not, Pidgin is our unofficial lingua franca. Some people fane ignorance and would rather speak English with a fake British or American accent, but not Omawumi. She has a proudly Nigerian identity and she is not ashamed of it.

I acknowledge that it is important to speak Queen’s English as it is our official lingua franca and Omawumi certainly does. English makes you a citizen of the world; but Pidgin, makes you a citizen of Nigeria.

No female Nigerian artiste rocks the Ankara like Omawumi, she is proudly from Warri and I celebrate her for flying the proudly Nigerian flag. And guess what, it certainly pays-off to be; it is the best career accelerator in the Nigerian entertainment industry. If you doubt it ask artistes like Iyanya, Djinee and others whose break didn’t come until they went Pidgin or local.

To succeed in business in Nigeria, remember that it is a game of numbers, and the numbers are at the bottom of the pyramid - the Pidgin English speaking people. Marketers say “KYC” – Know Your Customer. Omawumi certainly knows them.

A salute to GTBank security personnel

2012-10-05T07:58:00.001+01:00

Four months ago I tweeted:

“GTBank has lost its value for customer care with long queues, smelling branches, no parking space and security men who can’t direct customers on where to park.”

One word to describe how I felt, IRRITATED!

I was irritated because I had visited a branch at Alausa to use the ATM and the security man said it was okay to park along the road as the car park was full and my car got towed.

According to him, the Lagos State Traffic Management Agency (LASTMA) grants a concession on Fridays allowing roadside parking during prayer time because of the traffic to the mosque which is located close to that particular branch. As LASTMA officials are unable to tell who goes into the mosque or bank, I wasn’t at risk of my car getting towed or impounded.

Events however did not pan out in my favour as my car was towed by LASTMA during the few minutes I spent using the ATM. It was quite a horrendous experience because not only was it a Friday at 3.50pm by the time I located the LASTMA office, which meant I couldn’t pay the fine until after the weekend, I was stranded without a car for the weekend and Monday which I had taken off to study ahead of my exam on Tuesday was spent at the bank, the Lagos state secretariat and the LASTMA office, trying to retrieve my car.

However, I have since forgiven the security man whose name or face I cannot remember but have made it a duty not to visit that particular branch anymore. My most recent visit to the bank was last Friday amid the rush toward the public holiday, and I couldn’t but once again appreciate the work those fine gentlemen do.

As I learnt that the first week in October of every year is Customer Service Week globally and dedicated to recognise the efforts of customer service professionals who serve and support customers, I like to salute all GTBank Security men with this post. A lot of people may think customer service week and choose to recognise the efforts of the frontline customer service within the organisation but I choose those behind the scenes whose efforts we take for granted.

For 10 years and counting, I have banked with GTBank and I dare say that they have been consistent. If in all my years of banking with GTBank I have had just one negative experience and the personnel in question was respectful and very apologetic then I believe they are worth celebrating. Afterall, Jesus recommends we forgive 70 x 7 times.

Their security men are polite under the sun or in the rain. They have never asked me for a tip and always manage the mad rush at the bank which has now become commonplace at GTBank branches in the last two-three years. I dare say GTBank has a culture and it hits you right from the experience with the security men through the tellers and so on. They understand the concept of brandingbeing a customer’s total experience with all touch points including security men and not just the bank’s logo.

I really hate the crowd at the bank these days and it could mean one of two things:

1. Positive word of mouth (WOM) has spread about GTBank that virtually everyone now owns an account with GTBank

2. Customer service has declined

But I choose the former because with all the innovation around e-banking, I hardly have a need to visit the bank.

You may wonder why all the fuss but in a country such as Nigeria where good customer service is a privilege or everything is paid for such as someone demanding money because he gave you directions to your destination, or selective treatment at salons in which those you give the higher tips get attended to first, then the comportment of the GTBank security men is big deal.

So to GTBank, I doff my hat in admiration of your ever so comported security personnel.

Proudly Nigerian

2012-10-02T16:49:00.001+01:00

In the last two to three weeks I have sat in meetings to review proposals for a high profile event and I one thing seems to keep reoccurring. All the event planners have suggested that because it is a high profile event, the menu shouldn’t be Nigerian. They have recommended the bland, half-cooked and the uncooked including Sushi. While I have tried to kick-back, this seems to be the trend and really gives me cause for concern especially as it is happening at a time when we are celebrating our independence and our nationality. I simply cannot understand why you should serve purely international dishes at a Nigerian event, high profile or not. A worst case should be a mix.

I have attended a high profile event in the UK. The event had CEOs and top-guns from Europe, Middle-east and Africa. It was VERY high profile and the menu was VERY British. The menu came with the invitation about two weeks before the event and all they were interested in knowing was whether or not I am vegetarian. They couldn’t be bothered with serving Nigerian dishes.

We say we are proudly Nigerian but are so quick to forget who we are; we want to attend a Nigerian event and eat Sushi; want to speak with a British or American accent, and generally act like who we are not.

Inspiration FM On-air Personality, Dan Forster has been in Nigeria for over 10 years, is married to an Ibo woman but he is yet to lose his American accent for a Nigerian accent. I even recall him lamenting over the radio that his Nigerian born children will end up with 'the stupid Nigerian accent', so why are we so eager to lose ours?

About half my Blackberry contacts have had the Nigerian flag or something symbolic for their love for Nigeria as their DP since yesterday but I don’t believe that a lot of us are proudly Nigerian.

Good riddance

2012-09-14T23:42:00.001+01:00

Quite an interesting week I had!

At the start of the week - Monday and the end - Friday I ran into two guys who could have been the man but felt they were too much for me back then. Today, we are certainly not in the same league. The hand of the clock definitely turns around.

I think it was Lighthouse Family who sang, “... he left you black and blue without a word of explanation... someday, you will wonder what he see him anyway...” Lighthouse Family is so correct. That is exactly how I feel.

I just want to say - thank you Lord, and to them, I say good riddance...

As Cynthia Osokogu is laid to rest: Should we blame social media for her death?

2012-09-08T03:16:00.000+01:00

The use of social media in Nigeria is increasingly coming under attack. First it was the Senate President – David Mark, then Dr. Reuben Abati in his article of 26 August 2012 – The Jonathan They Don’t Know, who attacked social media users in what he described as

"…all the cynics, the pestle-wielding critics, the unrelenting, self-appointed activists, the idle and idling, twittering, collective children of anger, the distracted crowd of Facebook addicts, the BBM-pinging soap opera gossips of Nigeria, who seem to be in competition among themselves to pull down President Goodluck Jonathan."

More recently, a lot of people have blamed the murder of Cynthia Osokogu on social media, but I beg to disagree, because I believe that the problem is that as a nation we usually fail to look at the underlying causes of our problems.

Senator David Mark and Dr. Abati believe that social media has given people the voice to insult the president but the truth is – if the president does right, people won’t insult him. So, it is not so much about social media. Without social media, they will insult him in their homes and little gatherings; social media has only given the common man a voice.

You have probably heard about ongoing debates in certain states in the US about whether or not people should be allowed to carry guns openly especially given the increased killings on campuses and cinemas. I found a particular lady’s response to Al Jazeera on the issue quite thought-provoking. Her response was –

“…guns don’t kill people. People kill People.’’

Her response sum-up my viewpoint very nicely.

In every situation, we should look to the underlying problems. Cynthia wasn’t killed because she made friends on social media … she was killed because she met some wrong guys. Like a lot of undergraduates who leave campus with friends or even Pimps to meet strangers on the promise of things as trivial as a Blackberry, Cynthia could have met her killers through a friend.

Back in the day we had pen-pals most of who we had never met. Having a pen-pal was cool. We exchanged letters with them and as a matter of fact, it was encouraged by parents and teachers. Having a pen-pal is pretty much the same as meeting someone via social networking sites in present day. I however don’t recall any records of someone who got murdered by a pen-pal. The bottom-line is that greed, violence, rape, homosexuality, incest, and various forms of immorality are on the rise.

Cynthia was laid to rest yesterday, and as we condole with the Osokogu family, the questions we should ask ourselves are – How can we better protect our young ones? How can we reduce violence and the increasing immorality in our society?

Is every spinster in her thirties under a curse?

2012-09-02T22:35:00.003+01:00

If you are a lady, thirty years and over and yet to tie the nuptial knot and living in Nigeria, then somebody might have suggested that you are under a curse and probably need to go for deliverance at the Mountain of Fire and Miracles church. I have found this suggestion quite confusing and so began to ask the question – ‘Is every spinster in her thirties under a curse? After some soul searching, it turns out that my answer is: YES!

Not exactly the answer the ladies were expecting but you are under the curse of a POOR ECONOMY that has caused several women to become bread winners, and men afraid of commitments.

The same curse placed on thousands of Bankers (formerly the most eligible bachelors) who have been today rendered jobless.

The same curse placed on today’s Men in their thirties that they cannot dream of building their own houses when most of our parents at thirty owned at least one house.

The same curse that has driven several young Nigerians abroad in search of greener pastures when the majority of our parents grew up, schooled in Nigeria and could afford a decent life here.

The same curse that sees most people scrambling to own a foreign passport.

The same curse which has led most couples to settle for not more than two kids because of the fear of not being able to cater for them when most of our parents had four kids on average.

YES, we SINGLES (whether – male or female) are all under that curse called poverty.

What however baffles me though is that everyone puts pressure on the Spinster. Why not the Bachelor in his thirties? Who says he doesn’t also need to be delivered of an ancestral curse?

While evil lives among us, the reality is that our economy has deteriorated very badly and so our men are becoming more individualistic. A lot of bachelors are saying “I can’t foot my bills let alone bear the burden of a spouse”. Women are more educated and are saying, “Rather than starve while waiting for Mr. Right to show up, I’ll work hard to build a career.” And as Dr. Myles Monroe said in one of his teachings, all the energy the women are supposed to use to support their spouses as ‘Help meets’ they are putting into their career. So is that such a bad thing that she is now called, CURSED?

Truth is times have changed. Once upon a time Nigerian women got married at 18 years, after sometime they began to get married in their twenties, today some women are getting married in their thirties. Some say 30 is the new 20.

Whatever, the case, another reality is that not all will get married, not all who get married will have children so just take each day as it comes and live life.

And according to a quote my friend Dante has on his desk:

“If you are waiting for the love of your life, STOP; they will be waiting when you starting doing what you love”.

Most bizarre reasons why guys break-up with girls

2012-08-25T20:58:00.000+01:00

What is the most bizarre reason a guy has ever given you for breaking up with you? Here are some interesting ones I have heard of:

ü “You are a virgin, and I don’t need a virgin girl right now. I just wanted to have fun”

ü For asking me I had taken my bath

ü “You take life too seriously – why are you studying for a professional qualification?”

ü “You are too good for me, I don’t deserve you!”

ü “You are all grown up and independent; I preferred you when I used to buy you everything including your tooth brush.”

ü I’m very used to my space now and don’t want to share

ü “Some people are really good together but just cannot be together”– what exactly does that mean?

ü “In all our years of dating, you never told me that you love me.” But I told you I don’t believe in love, haven’t you read my post titled: Love vs. Romance?

Love is an ACT and not a WORD. The truth is, a man will come up a bizarre excuse if he’s irresponsible and afraid of a commitment. So, Ladies, don’t beat yourself up if you have been a victim. You’ve got only life … live it big time!

If you’ve got any bizarre experiences, feel free to share in the comment box.

Good girls go to Heaven; Bad girls go to London

2012-08-22T20:29:00.000+01:00

I stumbled into a very interesting conversation recently. The topic under contention was:

'where to draw the line between decent and indecent dressing and at what point it would be right to accost and reprimand an indecently dress lady?’

The participants complained that skirts were getting shorter, low-rise trousers getting lower, cleavages had become deeper, and weaves (hair extensions) were longer. They particularly found the low-rise jeans offensive as they tended to expose a lot of female thongs and underwear. They all seemed to hold a unanimous view.

The argument suddenly took a turn when a certain gentleman said he wished to warn against reprimanding a 'seemingly indecently' dressed lady. For him, scantily clad women were seeking to be noticed and an attempt to scold them could lead to a backlash. More so, he had absolutely no problem with a woman dressing to be noticed. He argued that the new generation men weren’t into women with natural hair, the longer the weave, the better, and a little sex-appeal was in order.

As non-conformist as he sounded, I agree with him. Our world has become engulfed in perversion.

Today’s Good Girls don’t get noticed, dates and sometimes spouses. Even church boys want the vain girls. It no longer pays to be a Miss Goody Two-Shoes!

If you don’t fix your hair, a guy will ask you why? If you don’t wear make-up somebody will ask you why? White powder is soooooooo not in, brown powder is so in vogue; red lips are so kissable, and the more glossy the lips the better.

These things may not be right, but they are the reality. In today’s world, Vanity Rules!

Nobody wants to be a good girl anymore because nobody wants to be rejected. Everybody wants some love and attention, and if it takes some vanity to get the attention, then women will continue to go all out.

My cousin used to say “Good girls go to Heaven, and Bad girls go to London”. The average undergraduate today doesn’t want to go to Heaven – she wants to go to London!

Nigeria’s Centennial Celebration: Will Nigeria be one country by 2014?

2012-06-22T21:46:00.000+01:00

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Two days ago, we congratulated a colleague for his decision to relocate his family from Kaduna to Lagos following the increased bombings in the North and the most recent multiple attacks on churches on Sunday, 17 June 2012. This colleague had lived the better part of his life in Kaduna, and had started a family there before he was posted to our Abuja office, so you can imagine that it was a really difficult decision for him to make.

As we grieve in the devastation of incessant killings in our country, I heard in the news this morning as I drove to work that the Secretary to the Federal Government, Anyim Pius Anyim has inaugurated a committee to plan for Nigeria’s centennial celebration slated for 2014. A key highlight of the celebration to mark 100 years of the amalgamation of the North and South in 1914 would be a compilation of Nigeria’s history. As I soaked in the news, the recent diamond jubilee celebration of Queen Elizabeth II reign was a good reminder that we need to preserve our history.

However, while a compilation of Nigeria’s history is long overdue, I ask myself – Will Nigeria still be standing as one country by 2014? Fifty-two years after independence and we are in doubt as to whether we are truly free.

Speaking of history, I recall our journey to democracy. It began with the passing on of General Sani Abacha, and then came the interim government and thereafter, the election of President Olusegun Obasanjo. I still have a vivid picture of the way the passing of General Abacha was celebrated back in the day when the breaking news came on air that fateful afternoon in the year 1998.

I was opportuned to be in the University then (no better place to have witnessed such an event) headed for the library to do some studying. The atmosphere was filled with jubilation and the least charade that it seemed like I had misplaced priorities. What was the occasion? I thought to myself. In no time, I learnt that the life of General Sani Abacha had come to an abrupt end. We were free at last! Or so we thought.

Two things were noteworthy which I can never forget. Students in their ever ecstatic mood had managed to swiftly build a make shift coffin and they were in procession with leaves depicting a loss, but as against the usual gloomy faces and tears in a funeral there was jubilation and of course pandemonium. Mind you, this was only one faction. The other faction had hijacked an unfortunate Coca-cola distribution truck and they had declared free drinks and a carnival for all. What a shame!

While I do not applaud those students for their unruly behaviour. It was however a clear indication of the level of oppression we had faced from the Abacha regime. We celebrated then, thinking it was the end of untold hardship.

Some months down the line, as we watched the swearing in of President Obasanjo, my mum shed tears as she couldn’t believe that Nigeria finally had a democratic government. I couldn’t understand it but her explanation was that life in Nigeria was just about to get better. Today, I am of the opinion that my mum shed tears in vain.

Let He Who is without Sin Cast the First Stone

2012-06-14T22:18:00.000+01:00

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It is almost two weeks after the Dana Air crash and I can finally pull myself together to blog about it. Call this post late, but I do feel the need to share my thoughts.

Although I didn’t lose any relative or close friend thankfully, I was quite shaken because unlike the Sosoliso and Bellview plane crashes of 2005, the Dana Air crash had someone who was connected to someone who was either a relative or a friend.

Here’s what I mean - we lost a corp member at my office, my sister-in-law’s dad lost his business partner, one of my classmates lost a friend, another classmate lost two colleagues, my friends lost friends and it goes on and on and on. It is for this reason that I was therefore shaken.

The reality is that it could have been anyone. More so, I flew back from Calabar to Lagos on 2 June while some of my colleagues who were Abuja bound had hoped they had a Dana Air (which seemed to be on time) ticket as we waited at the Calabar airport for the Arik Air aircraft to arrive from Lagos, take them to Abuja and return to Calabar to pick up myself, other colleagues and passengers to Lagos. To cut a long story short and not leave you confused, our 12.45pm flight eventually became a 4.10pm flight. And so when I heard of the plane crash the next day, I was thankful but also reminded that it could have been anyone of us.

For three nights I couldn’t find sleep as my mind roamed in search of answers to several speculations in the news about the crash. Amidst my insomnia, it occurred to me that the reason why I probably didn’t feel the loss from the Sosoliso and Bellview crashes was the fact that I wasn’t quite as advanced as I am now in my career. As at that time, I traveled by air sparingly and didn’t value human capital as much as I do today. Going by the socio-economic situation in Nigeria, I believe it would be safe to guess that most of the people onboard the Dana Air plane where young professionals and entrepreneurs probably between the ages of 25 and 45 years; the implication - shattered dreams and wasted lives of potential leaders of Nigeria. People who would have provided solutions to some of our societal problems, and probably even employers contributing to the GDP of our nation. A huge loss to a developing country like Nigeria with an almost non-existent middle class I must say!

The second significant issue for me was the looting that took place at the crash site. I still cannot fathom it. It just validated my sentiments in an earlier post in 2010 titled: Corruption in High Places. My position then was simple. I had stated that corruption is in every one of us while we continue to point accusing fingers at the government. We are largely about what we can rip-off the next person but do it at varying degrees.

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I am saddened at our degenerating values and keep wondering where we missed it. I know I will stir up a huge debate with this issue of every Nigerian being corrupt but let all who read the earlier post on corruption and are without sin cast the first stone!

Counting my blessings!

2012-05-02T00:00:00.000+01:00

May is upon me already and I failed once again by letting a whole month go by without making time out for my Blog.

I really want to do this more seriously. I have thoughts race through my mind all the time and I want to share them very much, but by the time I’m done with my 8-5 job, deal with Lagos traffic and black-out, I am hardly ever able to settle down to Blog. I do hope that someday, I will have time to do this more diligently perhaps like Linda Ikeji or even Mr Mo.

It’s the day after workers' day and as I lay in bed thinking, I realise that there’s a lot to talk about but today, I choose to count my blessings.

I choose to be thankful, as I reminisce and remember that I lost a colleague 4 days ago.

I look at the past 10 years of my career and I am grateful for being alive and in good health. Over the course of my career, I have met colleagues who helped to shape me, I have smiled with several and grieved at the passing at some so beloved.

From being a lady who owned only one pair of black suede court shoes to one who owns scores of shoes; I am thankful.

For the bosses that gave me a chance, and for the difficult bosses alike, I say thank you.

I am grateful for the joys and the pains; the exposures and the setbacks. I have seen several restructuring and downsizing exercises but I have been favoured enough to escape them.

I made friends - some good, some bad. Some have cheated and taken advantage of me but some have been truly kind, and I am thankful.

Today, I just want to say thank you Lord!

Christianity and its socio-cultural context

2012-03-18T21:13:00.001+01:00

I know this is a very touchy topic and I hope I do not offend God and man by the views I will share in this blogpost. However, I have carried the thoughts in mind for about a month now and I feel the need to let them all out this evening.

Two things happened in the month of February that led me to this reasoning. Firstly, I had cause to attend a Sunday service at a branch of a very popular Nigerian Pentecostal church in East London; secondly, I attended an International Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) conference in Lagos, a week after.

I will begin with the church service. As I walked into the auditorium that fateful Sunday, I expected to see a mammoth crowd as you would usually see if you visited the church's headquarters here in Lagos. Surprisingly, that wasn’t the case. The pews were largely empty and the aisle clear. I however got seated but what was more interesting to me was the Pastor’s message.

She enjoined the congregation to pray without ceasing stating that we wrestle against principalities and powers, and thereafter began to highlight instances during which we need to pray, but they seemed a bit mundane to me. For instance, she said – ‘If you are a woman whose pot of food constantly gets burnt, then you need to pray’.

On our way home, my BFF with whom I went to church and I reviewed the message and laughed. The message was awkward to us because in Nigeria, we are used to praying about getting jobs, spouses, financial breakthroughs, visas, protection from armed robbers etc.

Few days after I returned to Lagos, I attended an international CSR conference and the keynote speaker stated that what is considered as CSR would differ from one country to another based on the local socio-cultural influences. His classic example was the healthcare system in the UK and the US. He said that while corporations who invest heavily in health insurance for their employees in the US pride themselves on being socially responsible, that practice cannot be considered CSR in the UK because the British government has a robust healthcare system under the NHS which caters to the well-being of the populace.

This analogy got me thinking about the preaching I received in the UK, and as I pondered, I came to a conclusion that perhaps socio-cultural influences also play a role in the way Christianity is received and practised.

In a developed society where good largely thrives over evil, corruption is minimised, truth and justice prevail, people get jobs and appointments on merit, visas are obtained if you meet the stipulated requirements, food is affordable, there is security, healthcare is subsidised and the common man can secure a mortgage to purchase a home, then perhaps all you may need to pray about could be - how to be a better cook. Furthermore, I came to a realisation that those who were seated in the congregation were individuals who genuinely wanted a fellowship with God.

This again brings me back home. Would the corrupt politician who occupies a front seat in church be in church if we have a system that effectively checks corruption? Would the young school leaver be in church if he was certain that without prayers or breaking a sweat he would get a job? Would the average worker be in church if he knew he would get a promotion when it falls due? Would the mums be in church if our men were more disciplined? Would the spinsters be in church if our society did not stigmatize young unmarried ladies; and so on and so forth.

The answers to these questions will be helpful in ascertaining if we genuinely love God, or if we are just a religious people seeking miracles.

You never know unless you try!

2012-02-25T13:50:00.001+01:00

The last one month has been really reassuring for me. I have done the things which my mother feared most and considered impossible with me. I have survived -3oC and I have held my breath under water in a swimming pool!

What was most remarkable is that I was able to stay longest in the pool compared with my contemporaries with whom I was learning to swim. That for me was a big deal because it contradicted my mother’s beliefs of me.

As a child my doctor recommended swimming for me stating it would help my lungs function better. At that time, I was very frail, in-and-out of hospital, thus my mum defied the doctor’s order because she feared for my life. Having reviewed my experiences these last weeks, I cannot but think that she should have let me try.

Now, I realise that you never know if you can do it unless you try. I have always wanted to visit my friend in Canada but my family always says I won’t survive the cold. Now I know I can. I am proud of what I have become and the things I can do.

I think we miss out on life for failing to try and it is disheartening because, unlike money and every material thing, one treasure that will live with us forever is life’s experiences!