The payge of Gowere

Of games moste foulle...and mastre Chaucere

2007-05-11T21:38:00.000-04:00

Maistre Chaucere, canstow not quyte thine bayting of me? By rightes, oon of the worste blogge-postes Y have endured this twelve-monthe be from youre Ludi de Visionibus in youre wrytings of 'noobs':

GRANDE THEFTE, COLLUSIOUN, AND MAYNTENANCE...Every tyme ich do commit trailbaston and hitte a lawyer ovir the heede to take of hys coynes, ich do pretende yt ys that wankere Johannes Gower! Ywis, ich do thinke that this game pleseth nat the menne of parlement for yt striketh verye close to the merke.

O dere sire! Y feer youre soule be to far gone now sith yow take swich plaisure in thys moste evile occupation. And thatte yow haf imaginings of doing such wronges to myselve. Indede if yow fere the menne of parlemente thou sholde een more beware that mine LORDE THE KYNGGE RICARDE mighte nat likke thys 'game'.

Backe from an audienz wyth mine maistre LE KYNGGE

2007-05-06T09:35:00.000-04:00

Gretinges mine fayre rederes, I be plaised to informe yow ich haf retorned. Yt be dificile to sayye what went wrongge, save that mine lord THE KYNGGE did take excepcion to what yonge Lowys that yvil childe dide do with mine manuscripte and did blame me yfor it. And maistre Chaucere dide not admitte to thys wrong done by his sone and did endede wax merry when THE KYNGGE did demaund thatte ich accompte for the dede and paye for it.

And so I hav ben awaye from thys virtualle espace for one annus horibilis, as I repayed THE KYNGGE and abided by his demaunde thatte ich not wryte of any thyng. And sewe I haf endured the tauntynges and asailements of mastre Chaucere for the extent of this tyme wyth no recours.

Indede yt has ben a plaisure tow werke mine feldes and repayre mine hus and I haf lerned to pay no minde to hys many baitinges and simple werdes. He writes of trifles and litel thynges and yselles t-shirtes and the lykke. Hwat nede I to worrye of swich nonsense?

Off to see MY LORDE THE KYNGGE

2006-05-13T07:34:00.000-04:00

Dere reders, ich am preparinge to see MY LORDE THE KYNGGE to ask his merci and make amends for the sliht done to hym in mine name. Yf yow wiste nat how thys came to be, yow may rede abouten it here in my blogge-payge.

Thys menes I shal sone lef mine estate in Kent and wende to the courte of MY LORDE THE KYNGE, the whiche shalle kepe me fra my blogge-page for severalle dayes. Certes ich be somwhat fereful of MY LORDE THE KYNGE's wroth.

Yet, it comfortes me thatte I shalle not be in Kente whilen Mastre Chaucere etablisshes his newe householde here. For trewli ich do notte want to here hym seken pitye for how tired he be, or howe Lowys doth compleine, or thatte he nedes mine carte oness agein to haulen hys furnishynges sith he is too chepe to hire more churles. Belef me, ich have herde itt alle beforn. Gyf them youre free booze that yow receyve of the KYNGE, Mastre Chaucere! Or paye them and haf it be ydone with.

In the mene-time Grosse Margot may welle poste the thottes of Maistre Villon and herselve yn thys virtualle espace, to giv mine gentil rederes a litel companie whil ich am awaye.

--- JG

gueste-bloggere part deux

2006-05-11T21:30:00.000-04:00

Indede, frende Mastre Villon and hys translatrix haf writteyn to me fressli with newe comentary uppon thys place ycleped Qalamasot. O that ich were there to here the wordes of Terry le Jaune myselve and to shew him how he ys so greevous wronge.

Maistre Villon, sire, ich seye thank yow agein for youre courteseye.

Salut, maitre Goire.  Enfin je suis recoupere d'ung voyage a Qualamasot,
ou j'assista a un fete dont je n'ai jamais vu la similitude.  Maitre
Chaussier n'y etois pas, donc je passa mon temps avec des compatriots a
moi, buvant de bon vin et non pas de biere, bien que presque tous ceux qui
etoient la preferoient la biere.  Bon, ce que je voulois dire, il y etoit
un homme qui s'appelle Thierri li Jaunes, a peu pres (on me disa qu'il
etois Gaulois, c'est un nom barbare), qui parla un peu de vos et vos
grands oeuvres, la Chronica tripartita (que vos estes erudit, tout ce
latin, moi j'etois heureux de laisser tout cela) et la Confessio amantis.
Bien que je ne sache tres bien vostre langue (et il ne parla point ni bon
francois ni latin), il me sembla que Thierri li Jaunes vos critiqua pour
ce que vos corrigeois des references au roi d'angleterre quand Henri
devena rois, pour remouver des indications flatteuses au pauvre Richard et
les remplacer par des flatteries au roi Henri.  Moi je trouve cela bien
pratique, tres sage en vos, et c'est pour cela que vos estes venu a un tel
grand age, hein, vos savez comment menager vos affaires vis-a-vis des
rois, qui sont bien inconstants.  Bon, je buva quelques verres a vos et a
vos escriptures, et au seule anglois de notre ere qui escrit en la belle
langue de france, et vos me manqua a Qualamazot.


Maitre Villon command me to transplant word for word this time now, and so
J do if J can.  He sayth that in fine he recovereth himself from a trip to
Qualamozot where he goeth to a feast of which he never sees the similar.
Maitre Chaussier is not there, so Maitre Villon passeth his thyme with his
countreymen in drinking good wine and not biere and J Margot can tellen
yow how much that he drank, la la, d'ailleurs, moste who weren there
preferen biere and J Margo wisse that maitre Villon drinketh biere
volunteers when wine lakketh.  What maitre Villon wisheth to say is that a
man that calleth himself Terry the Yellow or somme soche was in
Qualamazot, a Gaulois comme Perceval, and that he speaketh somme of yow
and yowre greete workes, the Chronica tripartita and the Confessioun
Amans, and he saith that you art erudit to endite in latin for that he was
happy to stop that.  He saith that well he wisseth nat well yowre tongue
and that Terry the Yellow speaketh not good franchois ne latin but that it
seemeth Terry yow critiqueth for that you corrigeth mentiouns to the king
of angleland after that Henri is king, so that yow flatter nat Richard but
flatter instead Henri.  Maitre Villon findeth yowr actes sage as doe J
Margot and he saieth that for that yow are commen to a grand age, yow
wisse how manage your affairs in the face of kings who are unconstant and
so J wisse aren othere men of estate lesse than kinges and one must to be
sage to be live.  Maitre Villon drinketh somme glasses to yow and to your
gospels and to the soule anglish of our thyme who scribes in the lovely
tongue of france and that he wisheth you at Qualamasos.  J Margot assure
yow he drinketh to yow and to enditeurs and to kinges and to all who
paeith for wine.

In defensione meo pars primus

2006-05-08T18:06:00.000-04:00

And so I beginne my conter-apele to Maistre Chaucere.

ITEM. Thou hast removede mencioun of me from the secounde drafte of thyn confessio amantis. WTF!?! & hereof I appeale thee John Gowere that thou art a wanker.

1. Thys be a dissevable accusynge, as al and sondrie wiste that thysse seconde drafte was publysschid mistakenley, when yonge Lowys dide 'borowe' mine manuscripte aftir youre laste visite to mine home in Kent and putten it on the internet for al his frendes. As yow wel knowe I had not yit finissed the drafte and it semed youre Lowys did maken sum chaunges to it, swich as removing my dedicacion to MY LORDE KYNGE RICARDE, that have putte me in a ryht pickel.

And, yf I recalle correct, yow have not yet made an apologie for thys sory matir to this daye.

--- JG

Cherlisshe Chaucere

2006-05-07T19:10:00.000-04:00

Mayster Gower,

Thou mayst trye stuffynge this URL waye uppe thy browsere:
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/711/2571/1600/artikle1.jpg

Must thou vent thy spleen at me, Maistre Chaucere? Or didst thatte litel artikle do you some peine? Yt verrilay is not suficient thatte yow muste dayly assail me with barbes and sharp wordes, but now thou must eek lasshe out with swich unsubtil references to mine, welle, ich nede not spell yt out for mine gentil reders.

Mayhap thys Thomas of Walsingham hath made an important discoverie that sholde merit greatre attention. He doth seem a careful wight and lerned. I have sent worde askinge him to visit mine litel estate sholde he evere visit Kent or even London in futur.

The which doth reminde me: canst thou not move sum othere place, Chaucere? Mustow move thine householde to Kent? Surely yonge Lowys wolde prefer Londone.

But, if yow must comen here, yow canst tell Lowys there ys much wereke to doon in mine hoseholde, and yf he desirs to save uppe sovereignes for an Xx-boxe (or whatevre contrivaunce the kiddes are al abouten these dayes) ich wil have much haye to mowe latir this somer.

-- JG

A moste excelente swevene

2006-05-02T18:51:00.000-04:00

Gwan ysaide recyentlye...

...Ich hadde a prophetik swevene (and as eny cokke wot, daun Catoun speketh of the veritee of swevenes). In this swevene, Ich saw there shall be a scrivener hote daun Shakespeare, of grete renoun, and thisse Shakespeare shall deme Gowere the bettre poete, as witnesseth Shakespeare his play Pericles. Whatte seyestow to that, daun Chaucere?

Indede I repete for yow Maistre Gefroi, what seyestow to thatte? Yow cannst not touch thys.

-- JG

Helpe! RSS?

2006-05-01T20:20:00.000-04:00

Dere rederes,

I be stille awhaped by RSS and it doth trouble mine herte thatte ich cannot yet mete youre requests to add it to mine blogge-page. Indede I have wimped outen of lerning RSS and use thatte moste facil site Bloglines to reden alle the blogges thatte I like as it doth not require of me eny RSS wizardrie.

Ich humbly begge of yow to aide me in thys matere if eny of yow have the abilitie. Or sholde I aske yonge Lowys? Yonge Maister Lowys, I herilty agre with yow that astrolabes suck. I am doun with that.

--- JG "the OG" (meny japes this daye!!)

Apologie for myn absence

2006-05-01T19:42:00.000-04:00

Dere gentil rederes, meny apologies for mine long absence. Now that springe be here, I am laboring daye and nicht to assure mine feldes are plaunted welle and thatte alle mine landes be redied against the growing seson. For unlike some wasteres of tyme and drinke, ich do notte get free booze from my lord THE KYNGE nor eny other free comestibles. So the gouvernance of mine estate be a matere of som importaunce, as withouten good stewardeschipe myn householde wolde be imperilled.

For sooth, whyle som of yow do praunce aboute tellinge youre litel tales and such like, ich am engaged in swich werke that I must sette aside mine poetrie and composyng for a short tyme. And as there be no honte in swich honeste werk it materes to me litel thatte ich am not wryting atte presente. Certes, somtimes I even enconter newe litel idees and tropes for mine poetrie and wryting as I werke.

Which reminds me I sawe a giaunte ratte this matin and it did set me to thotte about Mastre Chaucere. I am stille werking on my conter-apele! That wille gif me gret satisfation when it be done.

--- J "Growere" (my litel jape agein!)

Gowere strete and Paula Abdul

2006-04-10T20:21:00.000-04:00

Maitre Geofroi doth blogge:

Straighte-uppe, nowe telle me: what hastow ayeinst Paula Abdul, o Mayster Gowere, that she scholde be so accostede on thyn strete?

Firste. I wishe to poynt out thatte atte least ich have a strete with mine nomen on it in meny large cities in thys worlde. Mine strete in London be neare the Brityssh Museum and the universite colege and doth have a bookshope and othere fyne residentes on it. Eek I hav a walk in Whitechappele in Londone and meny othere places named for me. Et tu, Chaucer? Where be youre lytel stretes?

Seconde. I be abbashen to saye that ich have so meny stretes thatte it be dificile for me to knowe them alle, moche less to kepe them safe.

Thirde. I knowe note Lady Paula Abdul and wishe for al and sondrie who rede mine blogge to knowe thatte I have no quarrel with her and I offere, if her assaultere be in Londone or Angliae, to apele him of this trespas and assaute againste here.

A guest-bloggere!

2006-04-10T19:37:00.000-04:00

Take thatte, Chaucere! I have a guest-bloggere nowe and ich be the firsste to have swich a person write in mine blogge, afore even Maistre Geofroi . Her nomen be Margot and she hath writen to me seekinge to clarifye som wordes from Maitre Villon to Maistre Geofroi, the whiche I will not deny as she eek doth gyve translationes of the Frenche of Maitre Villon which be an aide to mine gentil rederscipe.

She telles me that she eek has sought that Maitre Geoffroi wolde poste these wrytinges, but it semes he cherlissheley hath note yet done it.

And speking of Maistre Gefroi, who claimed that mine own French poetry doth sucke, I aske of him wherefore he hath not writen any French poetrie of his owne. And why eek he has not yet answerede Margote or postede here wordes for his rederschipe as it semes only righte that Maitre Villon and Margot receyve a courteyouse reply.

Here followes the translation of Margot and here wordes and some of her comentynge.
---------

Maitre Villon seyth that Jt is cume to myne attention that J owe to be sorry some words the which I sayde the whiles an even that one passyd at the taverne. (J, Margot, wisse not this signe *)

It was not myne intentto maken a reference to yowre frendschipe with the daiseye-poet the while J named sume arses. (J ne wisse this signe ** neyther.)

Ytt was myne intent only to mocken at the dirty Angleish biere. Margot the Great (why seyth he thys? J am Fat Margot, all the world calleth me Fat, for that J am a womman of grandeur and J am fierce of it), my soft, my lovely, my verray dear frende(maitre Villon asketh hymselfe whatte he doth withouten me and J aske myselfe why that he sayeth thes swetenesses, what taske doth he asken me and nowe this signe J wisse nat) d'ailleurs, Margot explayneth to me that yt ys not ryght to mocken the drynke of the hoste ne to showen opynioun of the dirty custumes of the Angleish who habben (she seyth, J Villon wisse nat how sche wisseth yt, ne J wille nat wissen yt) maitres en escholes who doth thynges with the scolaires, also yt ys not the faute of the litle ones who aren nourisshed in this foul aire. (J wisse thys for that J hadde a frende in Paris, a maitre at the Sorbonne who was angleishman and he tolde me of his souffrances en eschole, pauvre gosse, he pleased hym muche with my grands tetons.)

Maitre Villon seith that he wished not to don yow evil, ne yow ne yowre minion poete (J leve that mignon wisheth to seyn another thyng in angleish, dyd not the bisaieul of yowre kynge haven a mignon namyd Pierre?) and J hope that the whiles again one drinketh together that yow bryng there yowre Philippa, the recognizance of which Margot wisheth much to make. (Agayne this signe, ****, but J doe not so muche wishe to seen Madame Philippa, she ys a ladye and J am nat)

When to our frende Jehan Goire, he yeveth me a miroir tolernen me the custumes of good people; though that J am too much debauched for repent, it is noble in him to worry himself for my soule and J can not to hear evil agaynst him.(*****)

*Thys ys to sayen, Margot menaces me the balls if J offer yow not my regrets. J leve that she showed to yowre stable boys the which yow angleish namen her "belle chose" (verrayment, yow namen le sadinet "pretty thyng"?). How much J love yowre usage of owre luvely tongue. Besides, it seemeth that they finden it luvely. Now J, Margot, leve J comprehende these signes *. Maitre Villon useth them for to seyen thynges he willeth not seyn apertly. Jt semeth nat polite to namen balls in a message of regret. J seye not nothing here of my sadinet and the boyes of the estable. But Maitre Villon heareth about this anon.
**Let him feel shame who thynketh shame of it, eh?
***J wolde goon in pilgrimage to Nice, where J hear that there be a devil named Grimalkin or somme suche, who tempteth Saint Nicolas with his gamen of dice and of cartes and of the wheel of Fortune. And yt is not so much cold down there in winter. Oh la la. Maitre Villon, yow finde trouble ynow in Paris, withoute that yow go to Nice, and me, Margot, doe J not maintaine yow warm in the winter?
****Well, it may perhaps be better to bringen her sister, she hath more in ordinary with Margot. Mais non, la dame Katherine is also a ladye, and intelligent to finden a noble man who maketh hire party of his house. Bettre a noble thanne a poet, hein, maitre Villon?
*****At end, he findeth me plaisant and he has histories of his youth that make me curl the hair. Old saint, yonge devile. Maitre Villon is poet, he pleyeth with his words. One seyth on ordinary, Jonge seint, olde devile.

J hope that Maitre Villon may be plesed that J traduce his wordes here. He wisseth nat that J can scriben though that he wisseth that J can speken Angleish. He wisseth only "bigot" and "broulard" and somme othere wordes that he oweth not to seyn biforen gentil men.

---
And thatte be the ende of Margot's gueste-bloggeposte.

A mater of clarifyenge

2006-04-06T20:32:00.000-04:00

I see here from youre commentynge that my last blogge-poste hað caused some confusion and so I will atempte to maken materes ryghte.

Firsst, Maistre Geofroi hað acused me foully, claimyng that my "Le Miroir de L'homme" doth sucke, aftere viewyng my poste that I rede the Frenche poorly.

Lette me note here thatte I offere humble apologies to my gentil redershipe for using swich a lewede worde.

It eek be mine desire to point out in no uncertayn termes that I mene I find it a travaille to rede the Frensh of Paris, whiche be a style I do not ofte se or here in Kent and London. And mon ami Francois Villon is most certaynely from Paris! Ande my French poetrie doth not sucke.

Seconde, a Maistre "Slangwhanger", whose nomen doth give me pause, hath acused me vilayneusely that I be an egotiste and hath desdeyned mine tales of the KYNGES court, afore I have evene written them! Selde have I encontred swich charges and ich knowe not howe to answere hem, save to compose mine observationes sadly and carefully so thatte I may note offend eny sensitivites.

Yette, I do see that Maistre Slangwhanger be acustomed to bolde and stronge wordes and does oft make much stevene aboute gouvernance and law on his owne payge of blogge. If thys be his nature, it giveth no teene, thogh the appele agaynst me of egotism doth smarte a bit.

So muche to do, so lytel time

2006-04-04T20:25:00.000-04:00

My fair readeres, nowe Þat ich be retorned from the KYNGES court, I know not what to do firste. This smale blogge already hað waxed such Þat I oft fynde it aldermost in my thottes. For I cannot abyde the many smale and grosse assautes upon mine name that I receyve each daye from my tormentores, who do seme egged on by Maistre Geofroi Chaucere. And ywis I have many observationes Þatte I wisshe to share. And eek...there be so manye thinges.

So Þatte I may adress these many thynges in some order, and not forget Þem, I do liste them here, in a kynde of ordere. For those that be firsst lie the most heavy on my heved. To wit:

ich muste devyse a stonge defense against the abhomynable appele that maistre Geoffroy hath mayde, the whiche hað made me yvele apayed and putte me off my chees entyrelye.

I am preparing nowe a counter-apele, for there be another side to that storye that maitre Gefroi doð nat wante yow to here. So, take thatte, Chaucere!

I muste make an apologie to my gentil readeres for mine foule oathe last week. Trewely I be not prone to swich oathes. But I arguwe there be extenuatinge circumstances in thysse case.

I have muche to telle aboute my week-ende with the KYNGE and his compaigneye and the jangles atte his courte.

I am composynge a newe moral tale for the edificacione of my gentil rederesshipe

I wisshe to adress the commentynge of my frende Francois Villon, bothe here and eleswhere and to confes that I rede the Frenche tongue like Chaucere pledes against me, which is to saye poorly.

Furthermore, I am surfing much on this worlde-wide webbe, tho to me it seme more like I am walwynge from payge to payge, oft withouten eny certaintie thatte the nexte be wyse or a waste. But alredy I have lerned much to bettere the governaunce of mine estate.

My lorde KYNGE RICHARDE doth poste

2006-04-04T10:03:00.000-04:00

My fayre reeders, I be overjoyed to see my deare KYNGE RICHARD hað posted a comment on my lytel site of blogge. Ich be humbled but eek fearfulle thatte he be agilt by the smale mater of my dedicacioun of a werke to my lorde Henrye.

Yet I wiste he hað been kynde unto me afore nowe and ich did see hym in London thys week-ende. And I ween ich even made him jolyf with a lytel jape thatte I thogt of that did make the whole of his companye laughen, to wit:

Wiste not, wante not

Yt did make my week-ende to see my lorde the KYNGE laugh atte my smale jape.

Mine liverie

2006-03-30T21:16:00.000-05:00

I be astonyenged that enyone would apayren mine liverie as it be aperte to al and sondry that mine kirtel and vestmentes are fyne and a plesing colour of blew. Wherefore 'vapide' and 'poncye'?

Yet maistre Geofroi is a parfit Darth Vader in his attyre. And he doth seme constipated in his visage.

JG

Wherefore speken to the hende?

2006-03-30T20:52:00.000-05:00

Zounds! Nowe mine baitere Maistre Geoffroi Chaucer assayles me ayain:

Yay, lette vs seen howe Kynge Richarde lyke Johan Goweres traisonous sentimentz in his confessio amantis! I had rath speken to the hande than hange from the gallowes pole.

I knowe not of what he speketh. Ich ywrote that lytel morale wereke for KYNGGE RICHARDE at his bydding and receyved meny plesaunt wordes from my lorde in yts favor. Perhapes maitre Geofroi be sore agreved as the KYNGES fayre wordes were notte for him.

Why ich latere copyed that humble werke for my lorde Henry is another mater entyrely.

JG

Ich wille be backe

2006-03-29T09:05:00.000-05:00

As ich sayde before, I wille be backe to answere to Maistre Geofroi Chaucere's crewel appele ayainst me. Nowe ich must reallye gete me to London.

And ich be not a wankere.

JG

Where be mine keye of 'thorn'?

2006-03-29T08:44:00.000-05:00

I be somwhat awhaped bye this contrivaunce called a 'keyeborde' as ich have yet to yfind keyes to represaunt severalle comune letteres. And I see not whye some call its felawe contrivaunce a 'mouse' as it semes not to have a tayle, or legges, or any haire at all. And it semes in no waye to have ynterest in my chees.

Be there any wight outen there who canne give me aid with this matere? I wold be right gratefulle for thine asistaunce.

JG

Thys lytel thyng of gret powere

2006-03-28T18:59:00.000-05:00

Ich be moste imprest wyth this newe forme of writyng, tho it seemeth lyke to ben used by fooles and lewede mennes as mych as the wyse and unfeyned.

Ich wyll assaye thys new forme wyth mine virtualle pen from tyme to tyme when ich be not encompaised wyth busyness as ich be sometyme in the servis of myn fayre lorde KINGE RICHARDE. But ryghte now ich have ned for to donne mine liverie et maken hayste to London.

Ich thynke ich wyl skyp the costoumes house thys tyme.

JG