WOMEN'S ISSUES

Why ‘ugly’ people marry angels, while ‘good looking’ ones stay single

2010-03-31T13:03:00.000-07:00

Kenneth is charming and good looking and many ladies desired to marry him. One of his attributes is his ability to make people feel at ease when they are around him. He is jovial and easy to relate with and this made him popular in his neighbourhood.

His friends and relations waited with curiosity for him to choose a wife. He had been seen with all manner of women some of whom were considered wife materials but he did not marry any of them. When he eventually decided to settle down, Kenneth pulled a surprise on the people by showing up with a lady that no one knew. He met her during their service year in the state they were both posted to serve. She was not the kind of lady that people had expected him to be involved with. She was neither tall nor good looking and she had tribal marks!

What surprised people most was the way Kenneth always beamed around her. It was evident that he had found love and not long afterwards, they got married.
Till date, he still treats her like a princess and they now have a beautiful daughter. Theirs was like the story of the beauty and the beast. Many who knew Kenneth wondered why a good looking man like him could get married to such a lady.
Stories like this are common.

The words beauty and ugly have advantages and disadvantages. A beautiful lady is advantaged in the area of looks but there are areas of disadvantages in her life that can destroy the advantages. Ugliness is also a disadvantage in the area of looks but there are advantages that the ugly may possess that can cover up for the disadvantages in her looks. But one should not celebrate others and look down on oneself. We celebrate strength, not weakness.

We all carry an aura around us which can have a fragrant/pungent effect on people. If things go wrong with the state of a single’s mind, it gives the person a pungent aura and that can drive away prospective suitors. The state of your heart is superior to the advantages you may have over others. Show me a lady with a good heart; I will show you a person who will have suitors fight to win her heart and hand in marriage.

I have observed the following states of mind that can make people unattractive…
*Heart filled with anger: Whenever I counsel singles that have challenges keeping a partner, I always look out for anger and most of the time, I find it there. When a heart is filled with anger, that person will not be able to attract/keep a partner. Anger is a subtle destroyer: Meet a single who can’t keep a partner; you’ll likely find a person who is angry with his/her parent(s).

*Heart filled with pride: The English adage that says, ‘Pride comes before a fall. Is a reality .’People who are proud of their good looks tend to be choosy and insolent. Proud people have tendency to make mistakes in relationships. A friend once told me that some ladies who are ripe for marriage don’t get married because of pride. He told a story of how he was in love with a lady many years ago and would have loved to get married to her. The lady, according to him, was beautiful and intelligent (a medical student) but what pissed him off was the way the lady treated him when he approached her. He said the lady practically ignored him and treated him with disdain and when he couldn’t take it any more, he moved on. Today, he’s married to a lady who doesn’t have the looks and the brain of the lady but he is happy because his wife has really been a pillar of strength in the business he’s into. Sadly, the lady he wanted initially is over 30 years and still single.

*Heart filled with unforgiveness: My advice to singles is to always forgive and let go of the man/woman that may have broken their hearts in the past. The person has only given them the opportunity to find someone better. However, unforgiveness will not let the single be attractive to the better person.

*An unwise heart: Meet an unwise lady and you have met one who will not be able to keep whatever she has. If you meet a good looking single, watch out for a wise heart. It is likely to be missing. Lack of wisdom reveals itself in unguarded speech. Observe a lady who can say whatever is on her mind the way it is and you have met a fool going. I heard a lady say that when she is angry, she can say anything (i.e. pour out her heart the way she feels) to anyone. I concluded that was one of the reasons she isn’t married. Who will want to get married to a lady who has no moral restraint when expressing herself.

It also reveals itself in the single not improving on herself. I feel that every single should strive for self improvement especially in the area of academics. A beautiful face with a dull brain is valued little.

4 Breakup Warning Signs

2010-03-06T09:17:00.000-08:00

How to interpret the writing on the wall: Four tell-tale signs that he's going to break up with you.

Getting dumped sucks… there's no doubt about it. There aren't many things more heart-wrenching than finding out that the person you love thinks he will be better off without you. But this news can really make your guts fall on the floor when it comes completely out of left field.

If an "out-of-the-blue breakup" has happened to you in the past, I don't have to remind you of how much it hurts. But the good news is that I can show you how to make sure it never happens again. You see, the tell-tale signs of an inevitable breakup will always be there if you know what to look for. And while there are many indicators that point to minor relationship problems, we're going to be looking at the big four which indicate that a breakup is very likely to happen in the near future.

Once you notice these signs, you can make the decision to address your issues before it's too late, or you can turn the tables and end the relationship first, on your terms.

Breakup Warning Sign #1: Your partner starts distancing himself either physically or emotionally

The first red flag is any kind of distancing behavior, either physical or emotional. "Physical distancing" occurs when your partner seems to be making less and less time for you. All of a sudden, he may seem to be avoiding the typical "couple" activities you're used to doing together, such as watching American Idol, walking the dog, etc.

"Emotional distancing" is a more subtle, but much stronger indicator that things are heading south in your relationship. Have you noticed any changes in the way that your partner communicates with you, such as a lack of eye contact or a different voice tone? Have you noticed that most of your conversations are now boring and trivial? Does he avoid discussing future plans for the two of you? These are all good signs that your partner's emotional investment in the relationship is starting to rapidly deteriorate.

Breakup Warning Sign #2: Your partner makes big changes to his daily routine

One of the most obvious signs of a troubled relationship is when your partner has rearranged his entire schedule in order to spend less time with you. Now, sometimes a promotion at work, for instance, might be to blame but if you find that he's consistently stuck at the office until the wee hours of the morning, there might be something else going on there.

Another thing to watch out for is when your partner starts spending time with a new group of friends. If his new crew consists of a bunch of happily married, church-going choir boys who wake up early on Sundays to take their children to little-league, you probably won't have much to worry about. But if they happen to be a bunch of hardcore party-boys who bring your man home drunk and stumbling on a Wednesday morning, you have every reason to be alarmed.

The bottom line is that our friends have more influence over us than we might think, so beware when your man starts hanging out with a bunch of womanizing ex-cons who are prone to nosebleeds and take frequent "business" trips to Thailand.

Breakup Warning Sign #3: You notice a change in the frequency of your arguments

Constant fighting hardly has any perks or benefits. But don't be so quick to rejoice when your daily arguments seem to disappear completely. A sudden reduction in the amount of fights and arguments in your relationship could mean that your partner has started to minimize his emotional investment. Withdrawing quickly from confrontations is a common behavior of those who are either incredibly frustrated with their partners or have stopped caring completely.

And of course, the exact opposite can also be a warning sign.

Since most people dislike the guilt that comes along with being "the bad guy," one very common behavior is the act of purposely starting petty fights and pushing your partner's buttons in the hopes that they will flip out and say or do something that would make them look like the bad guy. Once this happens, the instigator will have an excuse to justify their desire to leave the relationship.

Your ears should perk up if you find your partner suddenly picking petty fights and blowing up on you for no reason—even more so when his arguments are fueled by blind rage and make no logical sense whatsoever.

Breakup Warning Sign #4: The level of physical intimacy has dropped to an all-time low

When your partner takes "physical distancing" to the next level, you will notice that the loving physical contact (cuddling, massages, foreplay, etc.) has almost disappeared completely. I firmly believe that the level of intimacy in your relationship says a lot about the strength of your romantic connection. Loving physical contact is one of the most powerful ways of connecting with someone and when it starts to vanish from a relationship, it acts like a crack in the ceiling that allows the rain to start coming through.

I'd also like to point out that it's quite normal for your bedroom routine to vary over time due to numerous factors, but if you find that your man has stopped making advances altogether, this is usually a sign that there is something seriously wrong in the relationship. It's even worse when he resists of all of your advances, as well.

Shying away from physical contact is a tactic frequently used by women to maintain a level of power in the relationship. But when men do this, it's usually because they are losing interest or have someone else on the side.

So now that you're aware of these tell-tale breakup indicators, be on the lookout for them, not only in your own relationships, but also in the relationships of your friends and co-workers. Being able spot these warning signs in the relationships of others will make it much easier to notice them when they show up on your own doorstep.

Reference: Jay Cataldo for Excelle.

5 Friends Every Woman Has

2010-03-05T01:15:00.000-08:00

No one ever said dating was easy. Just when you think you’ve found the perfect woman, along come her friends to complicate your happiness. When dealing with your burgeoning relationship, it’s important to understand that there are five friends that every woman has, and will continue to have throughout your courtship. Read on to get a glimpse of their unique (and occasionally terrifying) characteristics. You need to understand their role in your girl's life and the life of your relationship.

The wild friend from university
On the surface, your girlfriend’s wild gal pal from university appears to have nothing but an up side. She knows the bouncers for every bar in the city, she enjoys making out with random women and she never wears underwear. What could possibly go wrong with that? In a word: Everything. When she finally manages to pry your girlfriend free, she’ll try to teach her that monogamy is just another dirty word and that commitment is a sign of weakness. The key to surviving the wild friend from university is to never let her out of your sight. She might not appreciate your scrutiny, but just think of all the chicks you’ll get to watch her swap spit with.

Value to her: This friend every woman has can help your gal recharge her batteries with a carefree night of table dancing and tequila shots.
Value to you: Your girlfriend will be grateful she’s in a stable relationship the morning after.

The best friend they secretly hate
As sure as the sun rises in the east, every woman has a best friend they secretly despise. On the surface, they get along famously and are seldom apart, but as soon as they’re in separate rooms, they can’t stop bitching about each other. Everything this “friend” does rubs your girlfriend the wrong way -- from the way she parts her hair right down to her new jacket, which incidentally is either 1) So last year’s style; 2) More expensive than anything you’ll ever be able to afford for her; or 3) Exactly the same jacket your girlfriend bought last Tuesday. Of course, she’d never say any of this to her face. After all, they’re best friends.

Value to her: Women love to gossip, and the best friend she secretly hates provides her with the ideal target for all of her pent-up venom.
Value to you: Getting your girlfriend worked up about her so-called friend can momentarily distract her from your own shortcomings.

The desperately single friend
Also known as “the fat friend,” the desperately single friend has gone dateless for at least two presidential administrations. Although essentially a decent person, this friend’s self-fixated, woe-is-me attitude has the potential to bring even the most raucous of celebrations to a painfully grinding halt. The bad news is that you never want to appear overly happy in her presence -- the good news is that her sour attitude ensures you never will.

Value to her: Desperately single friends tend to be ideal companions since their empty social calendars make them loyal and dependable.
Value to you: The desperately single friend’s despondence over her nonexistent dating life will make your girl cherish your relationship even more.

The guy friend
Whether he’s a former flame or flamboyantly flaming, among the five friends every woman has is a guy friend, and chances are their tight-knit bond predates your relationship by at least a decade. He’s there for her when you’re not, and if you don’t play your cards right, he’ll make you look like the most insensitive knuckledragger on the face of the planet.

Value to her: One part sociologist and two parts zoologist, the guy friend can offer your gal insight into your often baffling behavior.
Value to you: Don’t feel like taking an intensive 10-week ballroom dancing class? No problem! The guy friend will gladly step in as a surrogate male companion while you sit at home balancing Cheetos on your ever-expanding belly.

The best friend
There is no driving a wedge between your girlfriend and her best friend. Chances are they’ve known each other since childhood, and for all you know, they may even have a suicide pact. Your girlfriend’s best friend is her true soul mate and confidante. She sends her greeting cards “just because,” and she’s been there through every single romantic encounter and emotional breakup. She knows things about you that you don’t even know yourself, and she knows secrets about your girlfriend that your girlfriend wouldn’t even reveal to her psychiatrist. This is precisely the companionship Aristotle had in mind when he said: “Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.”

Value to her: The best friend is the single most important female friend every woman has, next to her mother. She’s there for her through thick and thin, and she helps her with all of her most important -- and many of her most trivial -- life decisions.
Value to you: Your girlfriend’s best friend can be an excellent companion who can offer you startling insights into the female psyche. She can also end your courtship in the blink of an eye. If you want your relationship to last, it pays to keep your girlfriend close and her best friend even closer -- no, not that close.

with friends like these…
It has been said that however rare true love may be, it is less so than true friendship. The key to a happy relationship lies in embracing your girlfriend’s circle of friends and accepting them for all their many quirks and idiosyncrasies. You may never become their best friend, but at the very least you can become the best friend they secretly hate

Reference: Ryan Murphy

Best Ways to Get Over an Ex

2010-03-02T17:00:00.000-08:00

Ever experienced a bad breakup? Then you know what follows: Ask how and why, and cry 'til you're dry. And yet the demons of boyfriends and husbands past seem to linger. Read on for clever ways to exorcise your ex.

Breakup Bash
Have a girlfriend party. [After my breakup,] I sent out an Evite to a bunch of girls asking them to come celebrate my 205-pound weight loss. I'm referring to the ex, of course. --mnmoon70

Ooh-La-La

Go on vacation to Paris, and flirt (just flirt!) with dashing, charming Frenchmen. --gildedstar

Pay It Forward

Pack up all the stuff he gave you—clothing, stuffed animals, CDs—and give them all away to charity. Oh, and those things he accidentally left at your place? Give them all away! --sophiebrooklyn

Sleep On It

The way I've always heard it is... the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. --lilyfay

Pump Up the Volume

Listen to your Ultimate Breakup Album, as loud as you can stand it. Scream, yell and sing the lyrics at the top of your lungs. --brenna67

Cheers To You

Have a glass of wine (or two, or three), watch George Clooney movies and imagine him as your new boyfriend. --wendi_in_cali

Work It Out

Hit the gym, and sweat that guy right out of your pores! You'll feel good about yourself, have a great body and hey, maybe catch a cute guy's eye. --srv203

Silent Treatment

Do not take his phone calls! Change his name on your cellphone to "NOT WORTH IT" or "JERK--DO NOT ANSWER" so when he calls, that message comes up as a little reminder. --keren_w

Not-So-Extreme Makeover

Get a makeover and buy new outfits—anything to make you feel hot. --citygal25

And If All Else Fails...

Three words: hot fudge sundae. --bellesnow

Reference: ivillage

How To Sleep Better

2010-03-02T11:16:00.000-08:00

10 Tips for Better Sleep ~ How To Sleep Better

Most of us have some trouble sleeping every now and again. Often we find it difficult to put the cares, concerns, and pressures of the recently completed day behind us, and so enter the bedroom in an agitated, wakeful state. While the following ten tips will not cure you of a serious or chronic sleep disorder—for that, you want a specialist—they can help you prepare your mind and body for a good night’s rest and help you discover new ways on how to sleep better.

Follow them, and we hope you will lay your head on the pillow tonight feeling receptive to sleep and freed, at least until morning, from the worries of the moment.

1. Make your bedroom a pleasant place to be (and sleep!). Decorate with your favorite photographs, choose soothing colors for the walls and accents, and add candles to your bedside. Flowers are also nice to notice and smell, so long as they aren’t so fragrant as to be distracting.

2. Follow the natural human sleep pattern by going to bed early and rising early. Also, once you fall into a sleep groove that works for you, try to stick with it. Your nightly routine ought to help you gradually transition from the hustle and bustle of the day to the peace and tranquility of the sleep that awaits you.

3. Unwind physically. Progressively relax your body, gently tensing and then releasing each group of muscles. Yoga and meditation, in particular, are great for relaxation.

4. Unwind mentally by clearing your mind of all anxieties and worrying thoughts of the day.

5. Tell yourself during the day—and again at night— that you will relax in mind and body, drift off to sleep effortlessly, and doze straight through until the next morning.

6. Repeat a soothing, reassuring statement to yourself or listen to a tape recording of rhythmic, natural sounds (waves gently splashing on the beach, a spring breeze lightly rustling the leaves of a tree) when you first lie down. These are the “big girl” equivalents of the lullabies that probably helped you nod off as an infant.

7. Try drinking hot milk and honey, or a malted milk drink, as a comforting bedtime beverage.

8. Don’t read an exciting book or watch a suspenseful movie just before going to bed. Even if the story isn’t especially scary or tragic, simply getting mentally and/or emotionally involved in it can be enough to keep you awake well past bedtime.

9. Avoid nicotine, caffeine, and other stimulants for at least an hour prior to bedtime, and preferably longer. Many people, in fact, find that their sleep becomes disrupted or delayed if they have a second cup of coffee at lunchtime.

10. Try not to worry if you don’t fall asleep right away, as this is a virtually foolproof way of ensuring continued wakefulness. Instead of fretting over the amount of sleep you’re losing, console yourself with this fact: You will derive most of the benefits of real sleep through mere rest and relaxation.
So lie still, close your eyes, put your mind at peace, and let your body relax.

I hope some of these tips will show you how to sleep better.

Spring Shoes for Women and Sexy Sandals

2010-03-02T05:19:00.000-08:00

The hottest Spring shoes for women include woven sandals, cuffs and collars, wedge heels, and platform soles. In other words, a lot of what we've seen over the last few years, all remixed and ready for 2010. Below are a few of the top trends you'll be seeing this season.

1. Jessica Simpson 'Alexandra' - Spring Shoes for Women

With their woven leather uppers and plentiful studs, these sexy sandals from Jessica Simpson play perfectly into to of the hottest trends for Spring 2010. And even though platform shoes are still popular, it's really nice to see this styling on a shoe without an ultra-thick sole. With 4" heels and back zippers, these sandals come in black or desert sand, and are perfect for pairing with knee-length skirts and dresses.

2. Charles David 'Lotus' - Wedge Shoes for Spring

Wedge heels are one of the hottest women's shoe trends this Spring, and one of my favorite styles so far is this knockout sandal from Charles David. As dynamic as they are, the wedge heels aren't the only trend at play on these sexy Spring shoes; they also feature cork accents and come with metallic and light neutral colors. I adore the red suede version, but there is no doubt that the black suede, gold leather, silver leather, or camel suede versions are much more versatile. Whichever color you prefer, sandals like these look great with everything from shorts to sundresses.

3. Carlos by Carlos Santana 'Calico'

It's hard not to think of Spring when you see shoes in this lively shade, but even if pink isn't your color you might want to have a look at these pretty sandals from Carlos Santana. In addition to the fact that they come in seven other colors and prints, these shoes have a very flattering design thanks to their crossed vamp straps and back zippers. If the 4" stiletto heels seem a bit high to you, you'll be happy to know that they're offset by 1" platform soles.

4. Nine West 'Imeila' - Extreme Spring Shoes

With wide ankle cuffs, jeweled studs, cage uppers, platform soles, and sky-high stacked heels, these dramatic sandals from Nine West feature a majority of Spring's hottest shoe trends for women. Available in black or tobacco, these sandals have 4.5" heels, and definitely aren't for the faint of heart -- or for anyone who doesn't like a lot of attention.

5. BCBGirls 'Ariel' - Classic Women's Pumps for Spring

If you prefer classic styles over trendier shoes, than you can't go wrong with a pair of basic-but-beautiful pumps for Spring. Of course, neutral colors are easy to wear as well as being very "in" right now, but if you want a bit more punch there you could opt for a unique color or vivid print. These particular open-toed pumps come in a wide variety of colors, prints and finishes, but their style is classic, and very easy to wear.

SEXY SANDALS

1. Kelsi Dagger 'Sydney' - Strappy, Sexy Sandals

With lots of woven straps, exotic uppers, platform soles, and ultra-high heels, these sexy sandals from Kelsi Dagger are doing their best to incorporate every one of this season's top shoe trends. Available in pewter or black, or blue or natural reptile prints, these shoes have 4.5" heels and 1" platform soles -- and they'd be smashing with a shorter skirt or dress.

2. Betsey Johnson 'Lavant' - Sexy Suede Sandals

With gray suede uppers and eye-popping pink and yellow accents, these Betsey Johnson sandals are sexy and playful, without being overdone. Also available in black with red accents and pink with black accents, these sexy sandals feature wide ankle straps, flattering t-straps, 4.5" stiletto heels, and 1-inch partially-concealed platform soles. If your office isn't too conservative, these shoes would look fantastic with a tailored skirt or suit, and of course, they'd work great for a night out on the town

3. Seychelles 'Gypsy' - Light Neutral Sandals

Despite their chunky heels and substantial soles, these platform sandals are very sexy and extremely versatile -- and, thanks to their light neutral coloring, they're ideal for warm weather. Also available in teal, these open-toed shoes could be paired with everything from jeans to shorts, and most knee-length or shorter skirts and dresses, and the 3.75" heels will feel more like 3" heels because of the .75" platform soles.

4. Tibi 'Bouvier' - Sexy, Sophisticated Sandals

Combining suede and patent uppers, these Italian-made sandals are full of sophistication and contemporary style, while still being heavy in sex-appeal. With suede and patent uppers, these sexy sandals have covered tapered heels and shapely ankle straps. But what really sets these navy or chestnut sandals apart from the crowd are the artsy, interlinked rings that bridge the top of the foot.

5. Pelle Moda "Vesper" - Low-Heeled Sexy Sandals

Think flat or low heeled sandals can't be sexy? Think again. The trick is in finding the right ones. When it's sex appeal you're after, banish all thoughts of wide bands and sturdy features from your mind, and look for delicate straps and exotic or glamorous embellishments. Available in brown, silver or black, these toe ring sandals are a great example of a sexy low-heeled sandal. Pair these gem-adorned sandals with shorts or a mini, and the look is super-hot.

6. Badgley Mischka 'Randee' - Sexy Sandals for Evenings

If it's sexy evening sandals you're after, you may want to have a look at these floral-embellished t-straps from Badgley Mischka. Offered in black, gold, or pink satin, these evening shoes have 4.5" heels and .75" inset platform soles. Styles with skimpy ankle straps like these are generally more flattering than really wide ankle straps, so they're easier to pair with skirts and dresses of nearly any length or shape.

Reference: Desiree Stimpert

The Best Things to Buy in March

2010-03-01T13:03:00.000-08:00

You've been diligently checking back on our guide to the best times to buy anything, all year round at the start of every month, right? No? Well, let's go ahead and refresh your memory on what's discounted and off-season in March.
Our own Jason Fitzpatrick took the time to expand on his original year-long illustration of well-timed buying, whipping up a little reminder for the month of March. Here's the full version, which you can click for a larger view, or right-click to save for later:

Here's a little explication on what we recommend taking a look at this month. Keep in mind that these tips aren't "Run out and buy this," so much as, "If you were considering this purchase, now would be a good time to look."

Throughout winter (Jan., Feb., March)

Gas grills & air conditioners: They're a bit cheaper now because it's obviously an off-season time to buy them. The selection might be a bit limited, but, really, there won't be major, life-changing events in the fields of freon-based cooling or flame-based cooking between now and late May.
Homes: It's actually a mixed bag for those looking to buy a home right now. If you and the seller can sign a "binding sales contract" before April 30, the $8,000 federal housing tax credit can land in your lap. And those looking to sell their homes in winter can be both those with serious intent to move (read: "motivated sellers") and, under the right circumstances, negotiated with for a lower, off-peak price. Then again, the selection and appearance of homes this time of year isn't usually ideal, so you'll have to be willing to dig around and look past the superficial to find a true bargain.

Best buys in March

Winter coats & sporting goods: As the Frugal Fun site explains, and other deal-seekers verify, the season to sell people warm coats, gloves, scarves, and other gear is right near the end, and to make room for the spring stock, stores are selling it all off at a discount. The same goes for snowboards, ski gear, and other winter activity accessories.
Luggage: It's an odd season, halfway between the periods when most cold-weather residents do most of their warm-weather traveling. Luggage makers are getting ready to roll out new wares, and stores are looking to drop the stock they've got.
Frozen food: Yeah, it's one of those goofy "months" that seem like they don't need a month. But during National Frozen Food Month, your own nearby grocers might be offering discounts and coupons on stuff that can hold for a long time. How long? The USDA explains it in a handy chart:

Boats: According to MSN Money/Bankrate.com, March is the tail end of the winter boat show season, so there's a good chance you'll catch a dealer looking to both make a splash with a reasonable price, and see both last year's and this year's models.

We're aiming to do this kind of update every month this year, and if we discover new items and deals along the way, we'll eventually update our big ol' year-round buying guide. If you've found March to be a great time to buy something, by all means, spread the wealth in the comments

Reference: Lifehacker

64 Ways to Say "I Love You"

2010-02-28T14:21:00.000-08:00

A List of Relationship Tips for Lovers

Strengthening your relationship can help you overcome fear of intimacy, develop close connections, & spice up your love life. Here's 64 ways to say I love you.

A little relationship advice can go a long way, and so can a list of relationship tips. Specific, practical ways of showing your love for your partner, kids, and friends can increase the communication, connection, and caring in your family. Knowing how to say I love you consistently and sincerely will give you and your lover a natural high!

Don't compare them to anyone.

Be courteous at all times.

Embrace the present moments without fear or guilt.

Live by the Golden Rule (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you).

Give your full attention when talking.

Become their biggest fan and cheerleader!

Toast each other over breakfast or dinner to say I love you.

Tell them how they bring love to your life.

Laugh about kids quotes on love or events.

Talk about your day during mealtimes.

Read books aloud together.

Say you're sorry.

Recall good and bad memories.

Let go of the past to say I love you.

Do nothing together.

Encourage health in all its forms.

Trust your partner enough to cry together.

Act silly together.

Be lavish in praise.

Ask questions about opinions, feelings, thoughts.

To say I love you, forget about labels.

Encourage adventures and risks!

Show your joy when they come home.

Bake cookies.

Leave stress at work to say I love you.

Use flannel sheets in the winter.

Solve problems together - such as crosswords or Suduku.

Show your gratitude for them.

Be a good sounding board.

To say I love you, take pride in them -- and show it.

Compliment them in front of others.

Spend time with them.

Listen.

Ask for hugs and kisses.

Take vacations together.

Tell the truth to say I love you.

Use pet names to say I love you.

Practice self-acceptance.

Hunt for treasure together.

Be interested in their interests.

To say I love you, let go of jealousy.

Accept their weaknesses and flaws.

Ditch work or responsibilities to play with them.

Be yourself.

Share chocolates, ice cream sundaes, milkshakes.

To say I love you, ignore slights.

Pray or meditate together.

Practice forgiveness.

Watch classic movies together.

Leave notes or send letters.

To say I love you, buy a "for no reason at all" gift.

Don't gossip or judge.

Give the benefit of the doubt to say I love you.

Give space when they're in a bad or sad mood.

Learn something new together.

Go dancing.

Keep your promises to say I love you.

Make them laugh.

Consider their feelings.

Learn ways to rekindle the romance.

Hide a treat in their lunch.

To say I love you, make home a fun place to be.

Let them make their own decisions.

Say what you mean when you say I love you. Say why.

Saying I love you takes work and making your relationship stronger does take work. It's hard to be honest, and it's hard to accept the consequences of your honesty and authenticity. It takes time, energy, and commitment to stay connected through all the problems that life and people bring. It can be painful, aggravating, and scary to stick it out through all the ups and downs....but the alternative is worse.

Reference: Laurie Paulwrik

WEIGHT GAINING (THE 9 HIDDEN SECRETS TO IT)

2010-02-28T05:29:00.001-08:00

You Need a Nap

Working hard at weight loss without results? Check out these hidden reasons why you might be struggling in our diet expert Dr. Madelyn Fernstrom’s new book, "The Real You Diet".
Many people eat for energy when they feel fatigued. Being tired leads to lack of mental focus and to “not caring” about a lifestyle plan. People rely on between-meal snacking to wake up, when a power nap is really what’s needed.

You're Confusing Healthy with Low-Calorie

While a first step for healthy eating is to stick with heart-healthy plant fats (like olive oil), all fats -- healthy or not -- still have the same amount of calories: about 120 per tablespoon. Heart-healthy nuts can be a great snack, but choose portion controlled servings since just a small handful has 100 calories.

You're on Medication

If you’ve started a new medication and feel as though your weight is creeping up, you could be right. Some medications can slow your body’s metabolism and/or stimulate appetite. These include some antidepressants and mood stabilizers, antihistamines, insulin and anti-inflammatory drugs. Check with your doctor to determine whether you can consider switching medication to avoid the side effect of unwanted weight gain.

You've Got an Undiagnosed Medical Illness

Some medical illnesses are “silent," and can strongly contribute to problems losing weight. Issues with your thyroid (your body’s furnace), elevated blood insulin levels (even without the high blood sugar of diabetes), and mood disorders (depression and anxiety) can all be barriers to successful weight loss. Check with your doctor, and ask for some blood work to be done to help determine if there's a problem.

You Need Help with Stress Management

Mindless eating comes from a lack of focus and poor coping skills with the stressors in our lives. We eat to soothe and reward ourselves, which is only a short-term fix. It’s important to find ways to replace food as a tool to manage stress.

You're Skipping Meals

Whether you’re trying to save time, money or calories, meal-skipping is a big barrier to long-term weight loss. When we skip a meal, biology kicks in and makes us over hungry for the next meal. That’s why meal-skippers overeat later in the day.

You've Got Portion Distortion

Even food professionals can’t eyeball correct calories in a serving. Studies show we’re all at least 50 percent below our best estimates. Downsize your portions by using smaller plates and utensils, and be sure to read package serving sizes.

You're Exercising Too Much

Rigorous exercise actually stimulates hunger, the body’s response to refuel for metabolic balance. It’s hard-wiring from cavewoman times, and it’s easy to fool ourselves into thinking our bodies need hundreds of extra calories to refuel.

You're Overestimating How Much You Burn

We tend to overestimate the calories burned for exercise. It’s easy to think we’ve burned thousands of calories when we’re sweaty. It’s not only duration, but intensity of exercise that counts. Thinking we’ve burned enough calories to compensate for extra food is an easy excuse to overeat.

Reference: Madelyn Fernstrom, Ph.D., CNS

Stylish handbags for women

2010-02-26T02:56:00.000-08:00

Women and fashion both walk together. Women are passionate about latest and stylish shoes, sunglasses, watches and other elite fashion accessories. But, these days designer and stylish handbags have been part and parcel of their beautiful dresses. Stylish handbags for women derived from unique and exclusive handbags designs, lavish Napa leathers and exotic skins.
If you are fashion lover woman and want to walk with latest fashion trend then using a gorgeous designer handbag would be a great idea. To the best match with your lavish wardrobe you can use leather handbag, clutch bag, or a metallic purse. Right matching with lavish wardrobe will enhance your personality.

Now, women are more conscious about their wardrobe and women accessories. They are well familiar with latest designer handbags that include Louis Vuitton, Gucci and Chanel. These stylish and unique handbags with perfect match of wardrobe increase women’s personality. If you are an undeniably chic woman then Luella Bartley or Donald J Pliner would be great choice for you.

The many designer and stylish handbags which are available in the market are not only women accessories. Earlier they considered as a fashion statement but now have become standard of women. In past time handbags used to as a simply a carry-on bags whose main used was to hold few money and make-up. In 21st century, it is showing something more than its casual use that is women’s confidence and poise.

All age of women, from a young lady to mature one like to own stylish handbags. Women choose the handbags according their outfits and that match with their lifestyles too. It may be a leather briefcase for working or corporate woman, a laptop bag for the woman, a beaded evening ladies purse, satin or silk designer handbags etc.

Reference: Life Style Fashion

Evidence That Little Touches Do Mean So Much

2010-02-26T01:35:00.000-08:00

Psychologists have long studied the grunts and winks of nonverbal communication, the vocal tones and facial expressions that carry emotion. A warm tone of voice, a hostile stare — both have the same meaning in Terre Haute or Timbuktu, and are among dozens of signals that form a universal human vocabulary.
But in recent years some researchers have begun to focus on a different, often more subtle kind of wordless communication: physical contact. Momentary touches, they say — whether an exuberant high five, a warm hand on the shoulder, or a creepy touch to the arm — can communicate an even wider range of emotion than gestures or expressions, and sometimes do so more quickly and accurately than words.

“It is the first language we learn,” said Dacher Keltner, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, and the author of “Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life” (Norton, 2009), and remains, he said, “our richest means of emotional expression” throughout life.

The evidence that such messages can lead to clear, almost immediate changes in how people think and behave is accumulating fast. Students who received a supportive touch on the back or arm from a teacher were nearly twice as likely to volunteer in class as those who did not, studies have found. A sympathetic touch from a doctor leaves people with the impression that the visit lasted twice as long, compared with estimates from people who were untouched. Research by Tiffany Field of the Touch Research Institute in Miami has found that a massage from a loved one can not only ease pain but also soothe depression and strengthen a relationship.
In a series of experiments led by Matthew Hertenstein, a psychologist at DePauw University in Indiana, volunteers tried to communicate a list of emotions by touching a blindfolded stranger. The participants were able to communicate eight distinct emotions, from gratitude to disgust to love, some with about 70 percent accuracy.

“We used to think that touch only served to intensify communicated emotions,” Dr. Hertenstein said. Now it turns out to be “a much more differentiated signaling system than we had imagined.”

To see whether a rich vocabulary of supportive touch is in fact related to performance, scientists at Berkeley recently analyzed interactions in one of the most physically expressive arenas on earth: professional basketball. Michael W. Kraus led a research team that coded every bump, hug and high five in a single game played by each team in the National Basketball Association early last season.

In a paper due out this year in the journal Emotion, Mr. Kraus and his co-authors, Cassy Huang and Dr. Keltner, report that with a few exceptions, good teams tended to be touchier than bad ones. The most touch-bonded teams were the Boston Celtics and the Los Angeles Lakers, currently two of the league’s top teams; at the bottom were the mediocre Sacramento Kings and Charlotte Bobcats.
The same was true, more or less, for players. The touchiest player was Kevin Garnett, the Celtics’ star big man, followed by star forwards Chris Bosh of the Toronto Raptors and Carlos Boozer of the Utah Jazz. “Within 600 milliseconds of shooting a free throw, Garnett has reached out and touched four guys,” Dr. Keltner said.

To correct for the possibility that the better teams touch more often simply because they are winning, the researchers rated performance based not on points or victories but on a sophisticated measure of how efficiently players and teams managed the ball — their ratio of assists to giveaways, for example. And even after the high expectations surrounding the more talented teams were taken into account, the correlation persisted. Players who made contact with teammates most consistently and longest tended to rate highest on measures of performance, and the teams with those players seemed to get the most out of their talent.
The study fell short of showing that touch caused the better performance, Dr. Kraus acknowledged. “We still have to test this in a controlled lab environment,” he said.
If a high five or an equivalent can in fact enhance performance, on the field or in the office, that may be because it reduces stress. A warm touch seems to set off the release of oxytocin, a hormone that helps create a sensation of trust, and to reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

In the brain, prefrontal areas, which help regulate emotion, can relax, freeing them for another of their primary purposes: problem solving. In effect, the body interprets a supportive touch as “I’ll share the load.”
“We think that humans build relationships precisely for this reason, to distribute problem solving across brains,” said James A. Coan, a a psychologist at the University of Virginia. “We are wired to literally share the processing load, and this is the signal we’re getting when we receive support through touch.”
The same is certainly true of partnerships, and especially the romantic kind, psychologists say. In a recent experiment, researchers led by Christopher Oveis of Harvard conducted five-minute interviews with 69 couples, prompting each pair to discuss difficult periods in their relationship.
The investigators scored the frequency and length of touching that each couple, seated side by side, engaged in. In an interview, Dr. Oveis said that the results were preliminary.
“But it looks so far like the couples who touch more are reporting more satisfaction in the relationship,” he said.

Again, it’s not clear which came first, the touching or the satisfaction. But in romantic relationships, one has been known to lead to the other. Or at least, so the anecdotal evidence suggests.

Reference: Benedict Carey

A Dozen Ways Sex Helps You Live Longer

2010-02-26T00:39:00.000-08:00

Is sex really that important? As more and more research is done on the subject, it's becoming clearer and clearer that having healthy sex is essential to a healthy life — and that sex can even help you to live longer.

According to Dr. Irwin Goldstein, Director of Sexual Medicine at Alvarado Hospital, if you read the latest research, "you can't conclude anything else but that it's healthy to have sexual activity.

At some level, god made us do this for reasons beyond reproduction. It makes us healthier, happier people; more physically active, mentally active, more alert, more hormonally responsive, more sensate, and more pleasant."

The research being done pinpoints a few very specific — and oftentimes surprising — health benefits that result from a healthy and active sex life. Healthline examines a dozen of the most proven and interesting of the lot.

1. Fights colds and the flu.

According to a study done at Wilkes University, people who have sex a couple of times a week tend to have significantly higher amounts of the antibody immunoglobin A (IgA) than those who have sex less than once a week. What does that mean? "IgA is the first line of defense against colds and flu," says Carl Charnetski, one of the researchers on the Wilkes study.

2. Burns calories, Sex increases blood flow, and gets your heart pumping.
Simply put, sex is exercise, and it's more fun than running laps. Although sex doesn't burn a ton of calories — about 30 calories for every 20 minutes of moderately vigorous sex, according to Fitness magazine — it's still more exercise than you'd get sitting on the couch in front of your TV.

3. Reduces risk of heart disease.
Numerous studies have shown that an active sex life is closely correlated with longer life. Specifically, it seems like sex may lower the risk for heart attacks, strokes, and other heart diseases. An Irish study in 1997 found that by having sex three or more times a week, men reduced their risk of heart attack or stroke by half. More recently, in 2010, the New England Research Institute conducted a massive study proving that sex twice a week reduces risk of heart disease by 45%.

4. Regulates hormone levels.
Why should you care? Well, among other things, a healthy hormone profile promotes regular menstrual cycles and decreases negative menopause symptoms.

5. Cures headaches and reduces physical pain.
Next time your partner tries to use the old "not tonight, my head hurts" excuse, tell him or her that sex will actually help. How? During sex, the hormone oxytocin (which will come up again and again in this discussion) is released in your body, and oxytocin reduces pain. In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapor and then had their fingers pricked felt only half as much pain as others who did not inhale any oxytocin.

6. Reduces stress and lowers blood pressure.
Another benefit of the oxytocin released during orgasm: it calms the nerves. Studies done on lab rats have shown that oxytocin counteracts the effects of cortisol (a stress hormone). Sex also helps you sleep better. When he rolls over and starts snoring after a good bout in the bed, it's not just physical exhaustion. Oxytocin not only calms you down, but it also specifically promotes sleep.

7. Reduces risk for prostate cancer.
In 2003, Australian researchers published a study showing that the more often men ejaculate between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to develop prostate cancer. According to the author of the study, men in their 20's should probably be ejaculating once a day. A similar study performed a year later by 2004 National Cancer Institute showed that men who ejaculated at least five times a week, whether by sex or masturbation, were less likely to get prostate cancer. "The claim physiologically," Dr. Goldstein told us, "is that if you empty out the tank every so often, it's healthier than holding onto the material within the tank."

8. Reduces risk for breast cancer.
Women can get in on some of this sex-as-preventative-care thing too. According to Dr. Goldstein, studies show that "women who have vaginal intercourse often have less risk of breast cancer than those who do not." Dr. Goldstein added that it's "pretty interesting and exciting and needs to be studied more."

9. Boosts self-esteem and improves mood.

The psychological benefits of a healthy sex life are many. The feeling of walking around on cloud nine after sex lasts longer than you think. According to Dr. Goldstein, a healthy sex life leads to long-term satisfaction with one's mental health and enhances your ability to communicate honestly and intimately. People who are sexually active are less likely to have alexithymia, which is a personality trait characterized by the inability to express or understand emotions. In other words, people having sex can express themselves better. The more often you have sex, the less depression and stress you have.

10. Prevents preeclampsia.
Preeclampsia is a fairly common condition where hypertension arises during pregnancy. Interestingly enough, a number of studies have shown that if a woman has had enough exposure to her partner's semen prior to conception, she is significantly less likely to get preeclampsia. In fact, tests conducted by Dutch biologists in 2000 confirmed that there is an especially significant reduced risk of preeclampsia for women who regularly practice oral sex — and even more of a reduced risk for those who swallow their partner's semen.

11. Improves sense of smell.
Scientists knew for a long time that the hormone prolactin surges in both men and women after orgasm. Then in 2003, a team of Canadian researchers discovered that, in mice, prolactin causes stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in the brain's olfactory bulb — its smell center. Dr. Sam Weiss, one of the researchers, said that he suspects that the increase in prolactin levels after sex helps "forge memories that are part of mating behaviors."

12. Increases bladder control.
The pelvic thrusting involved in sex exercises the "Kegel muscles", the same set of muscles that controls urine flow. So lots of sex now may help prevent the onset of incontinence later.

Reference: Elijah Wolfson

15 Things You Should Know About Breasts (infographic)

2010-02-25T13:39:00.000-08:00

Reference: Mostie