A day in the life

Today the Journey Begins: Homeschooling.

2017-09-04T22:16:00.002-05:00

My family made an important decision many months ago, and today is the day we take the plunge. We are officially a homeschooling family. I'm sure there will be many posts to come on the style of homeschooling we have chosen and what is working for us. Also the process of starting a homeschool co-op and the challenges we have faced. It has been a summer of planning.

But for today, I am excited to finally begin, to take the plunge and make our home and the world our classroom. Stick around to watch our journey. Kuester Academy is up and running!

Going Part-time and Getting Back to the Good Stuff.

2015-10-07T10:21:00.001-05:00

So I was blessed to be able to be a stay at home mom for the first 2 years with my twins. I loved it. When we moved I went back to work, but I think we all knew my heart was at home. I really do like my job and I love the people I work with, but we are at a place where I can go part time. I am really excited about this because not only and I getting more time with my family at home, I am starting some exciting new venture in my life. I have recently because an Usbourne Book Consultant and I am loving sharing the gift of reading with my kiddos. I have also made a big change as well when I certified to become a doula. This is something I have been working towards for awhile, so I am very excited to be able to devote to it the time it needs to grow into a good business.

You can check me out at
themerrydoula.com
and
Usborne Books

So that is what I have going on. Stay tune for more info and more changes.

Life is good!

Feeling the Christmas Spirit

2014-12-10T15:06:00.002-06:00

We have been getting ready for Christmas around here. The tree is up, lists are made, and peppermint mochas are in hand. This week we also went to see the big guy. I am really excited for Christmas this year. Penny and Ben really understand Santa for the first time. Last year the kind of got it, but not like they do this year. So I am so excited to watch them this year. This was our first Christmas outing. We have some other fun ones planned.

We went to see Santa at the Bass Pro shop. This was much more laid back than the mall and had a whole bunch of free Christmas games to play. There was a carousel, a remote control car race track, a red ryder bb gun game, letters to santa, and of course the giant fish tank. Penny and Ben had so much fun.

The major themes for this Christmas this year are going to be Batman and Baby dolls apparently. Ben asked for a Batman robot and Penny asked for a baby high chair and bottle. Both of them did so good with Santa this year. Judah on the other hand didn't do quite so well. I'm the genius mother who decided to take him out after 2 month shots.

Regardless we got out Santa picture for the year and a couple other cute pictures.

Why My Birth Team Made All the Difference.

2014-12-03T15:04:00.002-06:00

I've written a lot here recently about Judah's birth. I have his birth story, my attempt to VBAC and my breastfeeding journey. These were all very personal, yet very positive posts. If you read them, you will see one of the main themes is the importance of my birth team and the supportive people around me. For me there is no way I could have done this with out my Doula Marcia Mattern, my Bradley teacher Laura Thorp, my amazing midwife Janey Hitch and the lactation girls at Pekin hospital. If you are in the central IL area I can not say enough good things about my birth team and would recommend them to anyone who would listen to me rave about them.

That being said I need to get to my reason I am writing this and that is the importance of a supportive birth team. I knew setting out to VBAC I needed a supportive team and I also knew that a doula would be a very important part of that. We interviewed a few different people and the two we liked the best ended up being the two who were involved in our birth. There is so much information out there about how much a doula can help you to get the birth you want and have less medical interventions. Doulas are birth support who are there to help the mother and the father. They do not make any decisions for you, they are just there so you know you options and to be supportive. This was beyond true for me. She helped me in finding the right provider and also the information and courage to change providers when it was apparent I wasn't in a good place for me. Her knowledge of the local birth community was so helpful. She also had me think about things I had never even thought of. During the birth she was calming and gave me courage to make my own decisions and she also encouraged me to move and helped with pain. I had pretty intense back labor and I needed her or my husband by my side the whole time to apply pressure on my back when I had contractions. She was a truly treasured part of my birth, I could not have done it with out her. That is my experience, and I will never give birth with out a doula again.

I decided to take Bradley Method birth classes. My birth educator there ended up being a major source of support in the ups and downs of my pregnancy. She knew the birth community and way able to help direct me. She went above and beyond helping me. She also obviously taught my the Bradley Birth Method. I found the techniques she taught and we practiced in those classes to be so amazingly useful during labor. In fact the anesthesiologist told me right before the C-section (long story) that while he was waiting he researched the Bradley Method because he saw I took the classes on my birth plan, and said I was one of the calmest women he had ever seen in labor. And for that I can give some credit to my teacher for preparing me for that day and supporting me along the way.

I did not start seeing my midwife until around 30 weeks when it became apparent my provider was not as supportive of my attempting to VBAC as he initially said. My doula and teacher both recommended her. She was very upfront and supportive. I learned you have to have a provider who supports your choices and doesn't merely tolerate your choices. I always felt support from my midwife and she never rushed me. She always took the time to explain everything to me. I feel like she fought for my VBAC as much as I did.

If you read any of my breastfeeding posts you know it has been a very rocky road. Seeing lactation specialists is the only reason I am still breastfeeding. They helped me figure out why these things are happening to me and got a game plan to figure it out. I am now half breastfeeding/half bottle feeding with donor milk and my supply is still increasing. The knowledge they have seems unending and gives me options I didn't know existed.

So in the end I would say that a birth team is important because they are your source of knowledge and support. You need to be able to trust and feel comfortable with these people. They see you at your most vulnerable time in life and you need to feel trust and support. This is what my birth team did for me. Although my birth did not end how I had hope because I did have to have a c-section, I know that me and my birth team did everything we could to avoid that. Because of that I am at peace and very happy with this birth and I would say that my birth team is the biggest part of that.

So please look for a supportive team and if you don't feel like you have one, don't be afraid to leave and find that support you need. This is your birth and you are in control.

Christmas Trees and the Season of Charity

2014-12-01T16:11:00.000-06:00

I am excited to share with you a great opportunity for giving.

This is the time of year we are all counting out blessings. Most of us are so beyond blessed and it gets lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. We are too busy focused on soccer practice and getting meals on the table, we forget to stop and think what a blessing those mundane hassles are. There are people all around the world who make do with far less, and sadly there are people out there who are not making due at all. I am very happy to be able to present to you this wonderful opportunity to help those less fortunate than us.

Balsam Hill is a great Christmas site. It had beyond beautiful decorations and amazing Christmas trees. It is definitely worth checking out, but I am not talking about that today. They have an amazing charity event going on right now. They are matching any charitable donation up to 10,000 100%. Also for every $10 you donate you are entered into a raffle to a Christmas tree with all the trimmings or hundreds of dollars in gift cards. The charities that you can donate to are amazing. I am excited for the chance to donate to Embrace Global. They do great work with maternal and child health care. There are other great one to choose from, I would go check them out here. This is a great way to give back and Balsam Hill is going to help you give back even more. So check out the great organizations you can donate to and double what you can give. Be a blessing to someone out there who is in need of you help.

My Tips for Pumping

2014-11-30T08:30:00.000-06:00

Being a momma who struggles with supply issues I sometimes feel tied to my pump. When I got first got home with Judah I was very structured with my pumping, but as life happens are you have to care for a newborn and your other children you need a little wiggle room. So although I don't pump as much as I would like to, here are some of the tips I have learned to make the most out of each session.

1. Make sure you are a proper fit. There are different sizes of flanges for different size nipples. Make sure you have a proper fit. Keep in mind it is nipple size not breast size. When it is pumping it should be pulling your whole nipple in with out rubbing any on the side. It should be comfortable and not painful. It it is have it checked by a lacation consultant if you have questions.

2. Massage. I massage my breast before I start to get the milk moving a little. There are also time I don't feel like the pump is working as well as it shoud, so then I will take a break in the pumping session and massage again. Heat compresses also work really well with massaging too. This is basically just anything to get the milk flowing.

3. Press the Flanges into you, and also let them hang. What I mean here is don't just hold them to you and count on them to do all the work. Sometimes I will press them into me and get more sprays of milk. I will also press them into me a slight angle and get sprays from other places. I will also bend over slightly and hold them so my breasts are dangling over them, and this also gets milk from other places.

4. Give it time. From personal experience, I know that if I pump for over 20 minutes I get a second let down of milk. I will only be getting small drops for a few minutes, but if I just give it time the milk starts to flow for another small amount. It may only be half an ounce, but of me, with my supple issues that is a lot.

5. End with hand expression. I was amazed when I started doing hand expression at the end of every pumping session. When I think the pump is done and had gotten everything out, I stop pumping. Then I try to hand express. I am always surprised with the amount of milk I can still get from them. I can usually get another half ounce. These is good because the more thoroughly you empty your breast the more it will fill up. This is a good way to increase production.

These are some things that have helped to me get more out of my pumping sessions. If you have any other tips please share them. I always love to learn more about pumping more effeciently.

I am so expert so if you have any questions about using a pump properly or questions about your supply please talk to a lactation consultant.

And for that I am Truly Thankful

2014-11-27T09:00:00.000-06:00

I have the ability to work at a job where I love my coworkers and get a sense of fulfillment from my work, and for that I am truly thankful.

I live in a world where we have the technology to keep us connected to our family near and far, and also allow s us to make new connections and find new relationships, and for that I am truly thankful.

I have a warm safe home, delicious food on the table, and clothes on my back, and for that I am truly thankful.

I am in a place in my live where we have the power to take control and the ability to chase our dreams, and for that I am truly thankful.

I am healthy enough to enjoy my life and the family around me, and in a state of mind to see the wonder in our world, and for that I am truly thankful.

I have wonderful family, my extended family is supportive and always willing to lend a helping hand, and for that I am truly thankful.

I have the best husband in the whole world. He is always there for me and he loves our family. He is a very hard worker, and he is cute too! And for that I am truly thankful.

I have the 3 most amazing children. They make me laugh and warm my heart everyday. They make my life better, and for that I am truly thankful.

The Struggle of Low Supply

2014-11-24T15:13:00.000-06:00

Not making enough breast milk feed my son is a struggle I deal with every day. I spend hours every day pumping and I take close to 30 vitamin and supplements everyday. I can't even tell you how many times I have been told that is it just a supply and demand issue, you just need to nurse more, drink more water, eat more lactation cookies. Guess what? It is not that simple. Low supply is a real problem and it is a complex problem.

I wrote about my breastfeeding journey a few weeks ago. I shared that I suffer from low supply and shared some of my challenges. Though I have it better than some because I am able to provide a good amount of my babies nourishment, my body just won't make enough. There are many reasons for this, but most of the time the answer just tends to be "who knows". Some of the reasons you run into a lot are hormone issues like thyroid or PCOS issues. There is also something called IGT which is low glandular tissue in your breasts. There are also issues relating insulin resistance to low supply. There are many causes, but there just isn't much research and help for mama's out there.

I have talked before about my issues with gestational diabetes, which most likely means I have some insulin resistance issues. This is one of my main reasons for low supply I think. There are drugs you can take for this like Metaformin, but the best thing you can do is just diet and exercise. I am basically still doing the high protein diet/ low carb diet I did during pregnancy to help with this. I may try the Whole 30 diet soon, we will see. Also when they ran a hormone panel on me they found I had low prolactin level. One good thing about this is there are somethings we can do, sadly they are not yet legal in the united states. There is a drug called domperidone. It can be prescribed in the states as an anti nausea meidcation, but not yet for lactation. That being said.... I am taking it for lactation and I have been for 2 weeks. I have seem my supply almost double in 2 weeks, which to me is amazing.

So a basic day for me is filled with feeding my baby whenever he needs to nurse, pumping between 4-8 times for thirty minutes, and taking all my pills. I take 4 domperidone 3 times a day to help my prolactin levels. I take 2 goat's rue 3 times a day to help with breast tissue production. 3 fenugreek 3 times a day to help with production. I take 2 Shatavarri twice a day to help with estrogen levels. And I also take my prenatal vitamin and vitamin D. I also eat oatmeal and drink lots and lots of water. I do all of this just so I can produce a little over 1/2 of my son's needs. So when people do not perceive low supply as a real issue it is infuriating.

So this is just a reminder to all those proud nursing mama's out there. Please be kind to each other and try not to judge. You do not know each others journey and the road that has gotten you to where you are. I defend myself every time I get out a bottle to feed my baby. Yes, we all know breast is best, but it is not that easy for all of us. Every time you post on facebook about how much breast feeding rocks and all the down falls of formula it slowly breaks my mama heart. Yes, I see all your information about how breastfeeding is good for the gut and produces high IQ's and gives babies the best start. I get it, but I assure you my twin that were formula fed are smart and healthy and wonderful. We need to stop scaring and guilting people. We need to handle each other with care and not be too judgemental with each other. We are all doing the best in the situations we have been given. We are moms and we all love our children, breastfed or formula fed.

Thoughts and Ramblings of a 3AM Feed

2014-11-19T14:26:00.000-06:00

Now all new moms know about the 3AM feeding. Whether this is your first child or your 4th child, whether you breastfeed or bottle feed, it is something we all get through. Those wee hours when you are awaked by those little cries, and the confusion and disorientation sets in. This is what an average 3AM feeding looks like for me.

Hear stirrings coming from the pack-n-play at the foot of my bed.

Don't move a muscle! .... maybe it's just gas.

First verbal cry.... Maybe he will still go back to sleep...

Second cry... Ok, I'm up, get to the pack-n-play. He looks asleep. Wait a minute, hmm I hear nothing... very quietly go back to bed.

Crying. Nope. Ok, guess we are really doing this.

Pick up the baby and make your way out to the recliner. Try and remember which boob goes in his mouth.. no idea, just pick which every one feels the fullest.

Doze in and out while the precious baby nurses until suddenly you wake up. Maybe it was from his fussing at your now empty boob, maybe it is from the sound of your own snoring. Either way you figure out what is going on and you change sides.

This time you are a little more awake, and the baby is a little less urgently hungry. Although you would love to be in your bed, this little baby is pretty amazing. You guys share that amazing baby mommy eye contact while he drinks happily. And you might even find yourself thinking... OK, maybe it was worth it to get out of bed at 3AM just to get this moment.

It is becoming quickly apparent to me how fast it all goes. It seems insane to me that I now snuggle a 6 week old. While there are times I think getting more than a 3 hour stretch of sleep would be amazing, I am able to look at Ben and Penny and see how fast the time goes. They are little kids. There is no baby there any more. Instead of 3AM feedings I am dealing with sassiness and fighting. I understand that Judah will only be this small for so much longer. If he follows the twins, I only have a month or so left before he does sleep through the night. Don't get me wrong, I will rejoice in my first full night of sleep, but a part of me, no matter how small, will miss those quiet moments. Those moments when there is nothing to do but snuggle and feed my little baby. In the fast-paced, quick-thinking world that is motherhood, those quiet moments where nothing else exists except for you and that amazing being in your arms are rare. So even sleep deprived, I can find enjoyment in the quiet and amazement of those early weeks of motherhood.

My Journey and Lessons with Gestational Diabetes

2014-11-18T20:30:00.003-06:00

So this pregnancy I was diagnosis with gestational diabetes. After the shock of the initial diagnosis, I learned how to deal with things.

I was lucky. Mine was very easily controlled with diet and exercise. I basically added in some extra walking into my day. Just simple things like walking around my office and parking farther away and things like that worked for me, and towards the end were about all I could do.

Diet wise I basically focused on high protein and no sweets. At first I really watched my carbs and really stressed myself out about it. After awhile of watching my blood sugar number, I realized as long as I made good carb choices and didn't eat them too late in the night I was ok. Now I was also in Bradley classes, and there is a diet that goes along with those classes. The main point of the diet is getting lots of protein, you also have to make sure you are eating a variety of food. So that is the diet I ended up following. It worked wonderfully for me.

I learned little tricks along the way. Like if I ate a larger meal I would walk, even just 10 minutes would ensure my blood sugars stayed low. I think one of the most important thing for me was having a high protien snack before bed. My fasting number (which is the one you take right when you get out of bed) could sometimes be borderline. If I had a high protein snack, like a cheese stick or even just a handful of almonds before bed time that number was usually good.

Towards the end I started to think of my diagnosis as even a little bit of a blessing. It made me change my diet and my level of movement. I only gained 6 lbs during this pregnancy (and having a high BMI that was perfectly healthy). And now that the baby has been here I am almost back down to my weight before the twins were even born. I have been tested since pregnancy and my number are fine, so I am good to go. I will be tested again in a few months just to make sure, but I feel pretty good about it, even with all the Halloween candy and cookies that have been around. I will need to be tested more frequently in life now, but with the family history that is probably a good thing.

So over all what I learned was just a reinforcement of "everything in moderation." I did cut out sweets, but besides that I learned as long as I am eating a variety of foods and healthy foods I will be healthier and feel better.

My Breastfeeding Journey

2014-11-13T10:46:00.001-06:00

For me, breast feeding is always a somewhat painful journey. It never goes quite like it's supposed to go. I share in the twins birth story a little bit about my journey with them, but basically I never really got my milk in and never produced more than an ounce a day. I chalked that up to their prematurity and that I could not put them to the breast. Also that it was just a traumatic birth and really stressful. I was not really educated and thought it would be much easier than it was.

This time around I was much more educated. I knew all the steps I was going to take afterwards to make sure we had that bond and give breastfeeding the best start. I was going to have a natural birth to help. The birth I had with Judah was so different. I really assumed my breast feeding journey would be different.

So I had skin to skin right after my c-section with Judah. And he was in recovery with him and we got him latched. It wasn't a perfect latch because newborns have such a small mouth... and let's just say, I'm not small, but none the less he was latched. He slept a lot the first two days, but he would latch some. He was losing weight, but that is what happens, I wasn't too worried. Then on the 3rd night he was just screaming all night long. He would fight the latch and when he would latch he would come off quickly and scream. My nipple hurt so bad due to a shallow latch. We found out that morning that he had lost more than 11.5% of his body weight and we needed to start supplementing asap, and we also found out we would not be able to leave the hospital until he started gaining again.

So here I am... in the exact same place production wise as I was with the twins. There is just something heartbreaking about knowing the reason my baby was screaming all night long was because he was hungry and I couldn't feed him. I am his mother, that is what I should be able to do. It is such a awful feeling to be unable to do that. Now I was looking at supplementing. I knew I did not want to use formula at this point because I was hoping to work through this and still breastfeed, so I put out some feelers with some friends and the Lactation Consultants and we were able to get some donor milk. I am also pumping but only getting 3-5 ml at a time, which is almost literally nothing.

In the beginning we tried so many different ways of supplementing so he wouldn't get nipple confusion. We did finger feeding. We supplemented at the breast with feeding tubes. We tried it all. I would still nurse him but we had to make sure we was getting most of his nourishment in other ways because he was not transferring any milk from me.

I did all of this, but it was so awful. I think this was so much worse that not getting my VBAC. There were lot and lots of tears, but I was determined. So we got his weight up and we went home. I was in and out of the lactation consultants office for a couple days getting things figured out. There did some hormone screening to find out why I do not produce. What came back was that my prolactin levels and low and do not behave like they are supposed to. Also because of the gestational diabetes there is a big chance I am insulin resistant which can also lead to supply issues.

Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than supply issues. I hear so often that it is just a supply and demand problem. All I need to do is just put my baby to the breast and do skin to skin and nurse nurse nurse. Yeah... I would love if it was that simple for me. I can do that and many days have, but it still doesn't mean I am able to feed my baby. My supply has grown, which is promising, but so has his appetite. I am staying right at about a 1/3 of what he needs. Although I have started some new herbs and a medication that are looking promising. I will let you all know about that journey and the life with low supply later. Let me tell you... I have never taken so many pills in my life, probably close to 30 a day.

So now little Judah is 5 weeks (shut up! There is no way it is going that fast!) and we have a good nursing relationship. He nurses many times a day for a small amount of milk, but mostly comfort, and I love it. What is nice is prolactin levels are highest in the late night/early morning hours, so during those late night feeding I don't have to mess with anything, I can just nurse him because I actually have enough milk. That is the best. During the day and evening he gets bottles of donor milk. I have been blessed with a wonderful donor who has given us freezer fulls of milk, so we are still getting all the breast milk goodness.

So that is my and Judah's journey so far. He happily takes bottle from daddy or grandma or anyone, but he also really enjoys nursing and looks for me and roots as soon as I get him. As much as I would like to be able to feed him by myself, I am happy with where we are. I feel like I make enough milk to make it worth it, but I love the nursing relationship we have. Low supply sucks for many reasons, but we are making it work for us, and Judah is happy and healthy. So life is good.

The Big Question... How are Penny and Ben Handling the New Baby?

2014-11-11T20:51:00.000-06:00

So I would say the number one question I get when people find out we had the baby is "How are Penny and Ben doing with the new baby?" And to that my answer is "Great!" They really are doing good being big brother and sister. They love to hold Judah and help feed him. They love to bring me diapers and through them away. They are even really good when I am nursing Judah. But that is not to say the transition has been seamless.

Penny has gotten really sneaky. There has been piles of shampoo and handfuls of hand sanitizer. But the big one was this.

In the bag is Penny's hair. Will found her behind the curtain with piles of hair. She said she was trying to cut her curls off. She later told me Elsa doesn't have and curls so she didn't want any curls. Oh Frozen... Luckily she just cut some off in the front and just a little in the back, so it actually looks like layers. She may have a career as a stylist.

Ben has been pretty good, but he has been quick to melt down. So we are just trying to be patient and explain things as they are happening. There has also been some potty training regression here, but not too bad. I kind of expected that too.

Overall things have gone smoothly. Judah is an easy baby so that helps. I do wish I could give them a little more attention than I can, but newborns do take up a lot of time. Over all we are settling in nicely to being a family of 5.

Judah's birth story

2014-11-06T15:51:00.001-06:00

I already introduced you to the new little guy. I already shared part of it about my journey to trying to get a VBAC. That was an uphill battle. This story is not about that. This is the story of the day my precious Judah. This is the birth story of Judah Michael.

Because of the pressure for multiple reasons to have him early I was busy trying all of the labor inducing tricks I heard of. From essential oils to pumping to long bumpy car rides (honestly I would say for me the the long car ride helped the most.) The day after the long bumpy car ride I started having contractions. They started around 7 on Saturday night. This was actually my due date, October 4th. They were not super strong, but they were staying about 15 minutes apart. Will was at work so I let him know what I was feeling. After they lasted for a couple hours I called our doula and let her know I didn't think I was close as all, but I did think I was in labor. For the rest of the night the contractions stated about 10 - 15 minutes and got a little stronger.

I decided that morning I needed to have my mom come and get the babies. I believe it should also be noted that our house was a disaster because 2 days prior we had learned the we had a rotted sewer pipe in the foundation on our home, so the had to jackhammer and replace the pipe in the floor of our pantry and the kid's room. Great thing to have happen two days before your due date.

So back to the story, my mom comes to pick up Penny and Ben and I continue to labor. Now on Sunday the contractions start to slow and get less painful, I even begin to question if I am actually in labor. My doula comes over and we work on some positions. She also had me doing some curb walking, which is just walking around outside one foot one the sidewalk, one foot off. This is actually much harder than it sounds. It helps get baby down. After she left labor gets back on track. So now I was sitting on my birth ball, walking, and trying to relax.

We tried to go to bed, but by that time contractions are getting worse and coming faster. So I am in and out of the shower and trying to lay down. Around 12 they are about 4 minutes apart and very strong. I found I really liked to labor in the glider in Penny and Ben's room. Will has been intouch with our doula this whole time.

Around 1 or 2 I lose all sense of time. I know my doula came over at some point and we labored at home a bit longer. During this time I thought I was pretty far along because I was shaking and even threw up, which tend to be signs of transition. So we decided to go to the hospital.

The hospital was about 30 minutes away because of the change in providers, so I somehow managed to get in the back of the van to go. I do remember that on the way over we got stopped by a train where I had never been stopped by a train before (of course.) So we get to the hospital and the ER people panicky and take me on what seemed like a very bumpy ride to the labor and delivery floor.

Once there I was hooked up to the monitor. My doula had to hold the monitor on my stomach the whole time to keep his heart beat. Those monitors do not work well for me and Judah! Then they came in to check me. I was really unhappy to hear that I was only a 3. I thought I was going to be so much further along. So Will and I talked about it, then we asked the doula what she thought. We decided I would go home and try to labor longer at home. I knew that if we stayed at the hospital I would have to have that monitor on me all the time. Meaning it would have to be held on me all the time. I was going to have internal monitoring, but my water needed to be broken for that, the Dr had a meeting and said he would not break my water until after his meeting was over around 8. So that meant for 3 hours I would not be able to move and someone would have to hold that monitor on my stomach. None of that sounded appealing to me. So I told the hospital staff we were going to head home. The Dr found us and told us that he thought that was a bad idea. I explained my choice to him. He then proceeded to tell me that his heart rate had a slight dip once (one the monitor that needed to be held on) so my baby might die if I went home. Looking back I am really angry that was said, because it isn't fair. I really don't think my babies life was in danger, I think the Dr drove to the hospitol at 4 O'Clock in the morning and didn't want it to be for nothing. Anyway, I decided to stay. It ended up not being a problem because on the walk to the room my water broke, so the monitoring issue was moot.

So I get hooked up to the monitors and settle into the hospital room and start the hard work of labor. I do a lot of side laying. I was even able to sleep between some contractions. I spent a lot of time on the birth ball. It felt really good to do hip circles and things between contractions. During this time the back labor was getting bad. I had some heat compresses and had Will or my doula apply pressure during the contractions.

I'm not sure on the timing of things, but I feel like I got to a 7 relatively quickly and 7 to 10 took a long time. During this time the back labor was almost unbearable. I actually asked my nurse when no one was around about pain medicine. She was wonderful and explained that the option I had since even then I did not was an epidural would only be able to help at a certain time and on certain contractions, so it was pretty easy to turn it down. During this time my doula encouraged me to push just a little if I felt the need, but not push too much. That helped a little. I did not want to move at this point. Everything hurt my back so much. Side laying and sitting on the edge on the bed with the bed almost straight up and with the end dropped off and the squat bar up were the only positions I wanted to be in, but my doula encouraged me to move a bit. I begrudgingly did from time to time.

So I was checked and I got to a 10. I could now "officially" push. So I started pushing on the edge of the bed with a squat bar. This seemed to be working. My doula helped me and Will would help hold me up. We tried on all 4's on the bed. My midwife came on to check on my and also encouraged me to try other things. So I tried squatting on the floor holding onto the bed. I tried kneeling. I tried asymmetrical kneeling. I didn't seem to be getting anyway. At this time my midwife told me I should not be drinking and hooked me up to fluids.

Later the OB and my Midwife came in and told me they were concerned because I hadn't been making any progress and they were going to give me until 7 (I think, a certain amount of time anyway) to make some kind of progress or less I would need a C-section. So I tried so hard and pushed as hard as I could. Also in this time my doula needed to leave so her replacement came, who I was also very comfortable with. So she suggested I get on the floor on my back and push. This was actually the most comfortable thing for me because of the crazy intense back labor. During contractions Will would hold me up and the doula and a nurse would hold me feet and I would push. I gave it everything I had and push with all my strength. When the time had passed the OB came in and checked me. Even with all of that I still made no progress. He told me it was time to have a c-section.

I was oddly at peace with this. I had worked so hard, and I was very disappointed, but atleast I was going to meet my baby soon. I did know that I had tried everything in my power to have a good birth, and I was proud of the way it had happened up until this point. Will was more disappointed than I was. He was just as invested in this journey as I was and really wanted me to have the outcome I wanted. I would say the worst part of this was the hour or so between knowing I was going to have a c-section and having it. Those contractions were awful because I knew they were for no reason and I just had to deal with them. That sucked!

The c-section itself was just fine, then I heard Judah cry. No one can describe that feeling. At 7:48 on October 6th 2014, I gave birth to Judah Michael, a beautiful 8 lbs 5 oz 20" boy. We were able to have skin-to-skin right there in the in OR. It was not optimal, but it was important to me. I remember seeing him for the first time, I was amazed by the amount of hair he had. When we went into recovery the baby never left my side. We tried to latch him right away. We gave him his first bath and had very little intervention with the baby. We said no to the eye gunk but he did get his vitamin k injections. It was actually a very positive experience.

My recovery from this c-section was night and day from my last c-section. I was very aware and able to focus on the beautiful baby in front of me.

So if you made it through this post I think you may deserve a medal, but 48 hours of labor is a lot to write about. And this is way I can remember the wonderful day I met my baby for the first time.

Happy Halloween!

2014-10-31T21:33:00.002-05:00

I hope you all had a fun safe night of trick or treating and spooky fun!

We went to grandma's for a spooky dinner.

Then we went trick or treating.

Judah didn't make it far.

We had a fun Halloween. Every year is full of a little more fun.

So Happy Halloween from us to you!

My Journey to the VBAC not meant to be

2014-10-30T14:43:00.000-05:00

When I got pregnant this time around I knew I wanted to do things differently. With the twins I think I believed a C-section was inevitable. I tried for a vaginal birth, but I think I never really believed I could do it. So when we hit a few hiccups we had a c-section. I don't think I realized then how much that would follow me around for the rest of my life. The twins birth story really set the stage for this uphill battle that happened during my pregnancy with Judah.

After having the twins, birth and birth stories became something I really enjoyed learning about. I did so much research and heard so many birth stories, so when we learned I was pregnant we knew we wanted things to be different. Mainly I knew I wanted a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) and I wanted to have a natural birth. To do this I knew I needed to have a great birth team. So I started researching OBs and Midwives in my area and I asked the advice of a few like minded people I knew. I also asked for suggestions for a doula. I did some interviewing and settled on a birth team that I thought would give me the best shot at the birth I wanted. I also signed us up for Bradley Method birth classes.

Now I knew going into it that getting a VBAC is not always easy because of the risk of a uterine rupture, although the risk isn't that great, it is a scary thing. So not all providers are on board. I never really thought it would be quite as challenging as it was.

The first part of the pregnancy was smooth sailing. My provider was super on board. I was signed up for classes and getting comfortable with our doula. I had mild morning sickness but felt good. I was really tired this time around, but such is the life of a pregnant working mother with twin 3 year olds.

Come the second trimester things started to get a little trickier. I had started my birth classes and things were going good there. Then I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. This really threw me for a while. There was tears and calls to my doula and talks with my Bradley teacher. I was scared what this would mean for the pregnancy I wanted. So I saw all the specialists, pricked my finger 4 times a day, and watched my carbs and exercised. Doing all of this my blood sugar was very controlled. The baby grew at a good rate and I only gained 6 lbs for the whole pregnancy. So hurdle number one was cleared.

The next hurdle came when the provider at that time told me, out of the blue, that due to my high pregnancy BMI that he wanted me to give birth at 38 weeks. I would be allowed to VBAC, but I would not be induced. That was really no choice. How can you make yourself go into labor before you are ready? This started a search for a new provider who was more willing and capable of dealing with my circumstances. I had heard good things about a midwife a about 30 minutes away who used to do home births, but now worked in a hospital. We went to talk to her and the OB she worked for. Both of them heard our story and read our files and agreed to take us on and allow me to try. They were going to let me go till 41 weeks and I instantly loved the midwife, so hurdle number two was cleared.

Part of them agreeing to let me go so far involved non stress tests, where I would be hooked up to monitors and the baby would be monitored. These happened twice a week. I always passed, but the baby was always so active it was hard to keep the monitor on him. Also towards the end of my pregnancy there was some concern the baby might have turned head up so there was a sono scheduled. At this sono they also decided to measure the baby. When you measure at that point in the pregnancy (I was 36 or 37 weeks) the measurements can have a 30% margin of error on either side, so they are not super accurate. The baby was measuring slightly bigger, but because of the margin of error and my Gestational Diabetes, the OB was concerned that I might have a big baby, so he scheduled my c-section. I was really disappointed with this. He also decided that instead of nonstress tests I would get weekly sonos to check on the babies. The next couple sonos measured the baby smaller, so I asked if we could move the c-section date. He let me, which helped me over come my last hurdle to a VBAC.

I went into labor on my own 2 days after the original c-section was scheduled. The final hurdle to my VBAC was given to my by the baby. The baby was OP, which meant he was face up. This involved lots of very painful back labor because he was not positioned correctly. But I tried. With out any medication I got to a 10 and I pushed for an hour and a half. He just wasn't going to come because of his positioning. So that is when the OB said we should have a c-section.

So no, I did not have the VBAC I tried so hard for, but I am very at peace with Judah's birth experience because I know I did all I could. From all the steps I took during the pregnancy to the natural labor until that very last minute. I did everything naturally except push that baby past my pelvis. But in the end baby Judah got here safely and I have no complaints. I feel good about all the decisions that were made and that I didn't give up when there were road blocks. I must also say that this could not have happened with out the support of my doula and my birth teacher. They were amazing sources of support and knowledge. I could not have cleared the first couple hurdles with out them.

So my journey to a VBAC may have fallen just short of the goal, but it got me to the end my baby and I needed. I learned a lot about the birth process and a lot about myself. Plus the end was with this amazing little guy. Nothing can be wrong with that.

Introducing Judah Michael

2014-10-29T16:08:00.000-05:00

On October 6th at 7 PM Judah Michael was brought into this world. He was 8'5 when he was born and 20". After 48 hours of labor that ended in a c-section I gave birth to our third child. It was quite a remarkable and amazing experience. I may not have had the birth I set out to have, but I am completely at peace with what happened and completely in love with the outcome. I am now enjoying maternity leave. I am taking my full leave so I will be home until after the holidays, which is amazing. I would love to stay home, but I'm just not sure that is feasible this time around. But I am going to soak in every minute of baby cuddles.

Penny and Ben have been dealing well with the family changes. They love Judah and always want to hold him. Penny is being a big helper. We have had some hiccups and bumps in the road, but we are settling into being a family of 5.

I plan on sharing his birth story and my breastfeeding journey because both of them have been major learning experiences for me. There were some major challenges in trying to have a vbac from gestational diabetes to unsupportive providers. While I may not have had a vbac because little Judah was just in a wrong position and not going to come out that way, I still had a crazy journey through pregnancy trying to get there.

So with out further ado. Here is Judah Michael.

A little bump in the road... Gestational Diabetes

2014-07-16T10:40:00.001-05:00

So I was sitting at work the other day when I got the phone called. One of the nurses from my midwife's office called to tell me, ever so nonchalantly, that I did not pass my glucose test and I had been signed up for a class. I was confused because I had just been in the office for a check up the day before. So I asked "does this mean I have gestational diabetes?" Once again ever so nonchalantly, the nurse said "Yes. You're class is at 1245". And the conversation was done.

After some crying and confusion I called my doula and started researching. My primary concern was what did this mean for my chances of a vbac. My doula ensured me as long as I followed the diet and the exercise routine that everything should be fine to continue with my natural birth and vbac. That made me feel much better. I found some great sources online with tips and information. Tomorrow I have my class plus the Bradley Birth class on nutrition, so I am ready to face this.

I used this blog once before to reach out for a community when I was a stay at home mom of twin toddlers. It was amazing the connections I made. There is some really good support and people out there. Now I am going to use it again for the same thing. Have you ever gone down this path before? Gestational diabetes is fairly common, but it is new and kinda scary to me. I would love to hear your stories and tips!

Big News!

2014-07-15T14:00:00.001-05:00

So life does get away from me. This time it got away from me for 7 months. Which means I am 7 months pregnant!

We are having a little boy sometime early October. We are very excited, especially Penny and Ben.

This time around I am hoping for a different birth experience than I had with the twins. I can't complain too much because I did bring home two healthy babies, but I just want things to be different. I am hoping for a natural vbac. I am seeing a midwife and I have a doula, so that is different. I am also taking Bradley Birth Method classes. It is also going to help that there is just one baby this time. So far everything is going really good.

So come October, we will be expecting a beautiful baby boy. No matter how it happens, we are over joyed to be meeting our newest member of the family in just 3 short months.

Find the Balance for a Working Mom

2014-01-07T21:42:00.000-06:00

I have been pondering doing a post about the transition into being a working mom. It's hard to try and give tips when I feel like I am barely managing. It's hard to give advice when my heart is still at home with my babies. It's hard to find the time when I come home from work and dinner/bath/bed, then sometimes have more work or no energy to do anything. I have been working for 8 months now and still hoping to get the hang of it soon. However there are a few things I have learned along the way.

Be Where You Are
This sounds pretty simple, right? When you are at work be at work, when you are at home be at home. Sadly, this is insanely difficult. We live in an age where we are constantly connected. I have clients calling me at 10 O'clock sometimes. I get texted about work at dinner. It never ends. However I do try my best when I am at home to try and turn work off and if I do have some work I absolutely have to do I make sure it is after bed time.

Let It Go
Right now I am looking around at my house. I have some dinner dishes to do, loads of laundry to finish, toys to put away, the list goes on and on. I tried to do it all for awhile. Clean house, happy babies and a happy boss.... I don't think that exists. Maybe some people can do it, but I am really starting to doubt that. So for me, I prioritized, and that meant letting some stuff go. That meant I had to said goodbye to a clean house. Someday, maybe I will have a clean house again, but until that time I will just love my evenings with precious babies and do my best to let the rest go.

Find the Time
Find the time for you. What do you like to do? Drinks with your friends? Quiet time and a book? Shopping and a mani/pedi? Make sure you take the time to do that. It is important. It is so easy to lose yourself as a mom and when you add work into that equation it is even easier. The more roles you have to fill the less you take time for you. So just make sure to do that.

Ask for Help
This is a hard one for me because I hate feeling like I am a burden and I don't want people to think I am taking advantage of them, however I can not do it all by myself. I am blessed to live close to family and good friends who will help me. I also have an amazing husband who helps me out in so many ways. So don't be afraid to reach out, most people will be happy to help you.

Goodbye Guilt
When you figure out how to do this let me know. I know I am doing the best I can but those thoughts always creep in... Is my best good enough? Am I being fair to my kids? Am I letting people down? I put so much on myself and feel bad about it. I know I am not alone in doing this. I know it is not actually true. My kids are happy and loved. I am good at my job. I am doing good at so many things. I will not let those thoughts win. I will not explain my choices to those who disagree or those who judge. All that matter is right here in my delightfully messy house.

So those are my tips. I hope someday to be able to implement them on a consistent basis. But all we can really do is just do our best. Know what you want and what you need and try your best to make them blend together. And on those days when that seems impossible just remember why we do it.

The Celebration of a Year of Changes 2013

2014-01-02T22:26:00.006-06:00

What a year it has been! It is hard for me to believe how much my life has changed in just a years time. So I just wanted some pictures from along the way in this crazy year.

Halloween fun!

2013-11-05T09:33:00.001-06:00

Halloween was so much fun this year! I am loving two. They are understanding things and having so much fun. They loved getting dressed up in their costumes and going trick or treating. My mom made Penny's costume and made Ben's. I was really happy with how the both turned out. We made little red riding hood from a pattern, and the big bad wolf I just made with some felt and a sweat suit.

They may have been the cutest trick or treaters of life!

Wonderful Visitors

2013-10-06T19:00:00.000-05:00

When I was a preschool teachers I was blessed to make some great friends. I think what made us such great friends is we were all pregnant at the same time. Now we all live in different places and hadn't seen each other in quite some time, so we decided that needed to change.

So a few weeks ago these 2 special ladies came down and brought their beautiful children with them. That day my little house was busting at the seams with 3 moms, 4 two year olds and 1 9 month old. It was wonderful! The kids had so much fun, but also the moms had so much fun. This is definitely something we need to do more often. For the next couple days Penny would randomly say "Where baby Alli go?" "Gavyn and Scarlett come back?" She had so much fun having her friends over to play. Keeping in touch with old friends is important and I hope our kids will become old friends too.

Our Future Fireman

2013-10-04T08:00:00.000-05:00

This post is a little late, but still cute none the less. On 9-11 my mom's church takes meals to the local firefighters. This year she asked if I would like to take the kids when she delivered to food. I jumped at the chance!

I figured this would be a great way to show Ben and Penny appreciation for those who help us. While we were there the firefighters gladly showed them the trucks and all the stuff. Penny wasn't too sure about the truck or the firefighter but Ben loved it! He sat right up in the truck with his flashlight and pretended to drive. This was also special for us because this was the firehouse where my grandpa was assistant chief when he was a volunteer fireman. My grandma brought a scrapbook to share with the fireman. She also brought my grandpa's old fire hat which is so much heavier than the new ones.

This day was a huge success, not only did we feed and honor some of our community heroes, we also gave Ben something to talk about for weeks!

Little Wonders Wednesday is back!

2013-10-02T07:30:00.000-05:00

I know I have been gone for a very long time, but I am finally getting used to this new life and missing some of my old bloggy friends. I have all kinds of new ideas I am working on getting ready to blog about from our new journey in organic farming and our new house to my new working life and balancing it with the two cutest two year olds on the earth.

Speaking of the two cutest kids on earth, here are Penny and Ben hanging out in our new back yard.

We all have a lot to catch up on, so please link up and tell me all about your little wonders!

Homemade Laundry Detergent Flop

2013-09-30T12:06:00.001-05:00

So I did it. Everyone posts these and talks about how great they are. They really are a lot cheaper and last forever. So I thought I would give it a try.

The one I tried called for 2 grated bars of fels naphtha soap, a box of borax, a box of baking soda, a box of washing soda, some purex crystals for scent, and a box of oxiclean. Easy right?

It was slightly time consuming to grate the soap but other than that I mixed it all up on a tub in minutes

At first I really liked it. It worked pretty good and smelled good. Then I realized it didn't always get the stains out of my kids clothes. Then after awhile I realized it wasn't getting the deodorant out of my clothes and I was getting those nasty yellow armpit stains. So I started using more than the two table spoons it said to use. When I did that I noticed it was really tough on my clothes and was fading them a lot.

So after 3 months of using it I have a bunch of faded stained clothes and not happy about it. I thought of trying another recipe, but I'm not sure I want to with how long it takes to use it up.

Have any of you used any recipes you liked that were good enough to get out stains but not fade your clothes? If not it is back to Tide for me.