A WOMAN AT THE WELL

Great Weakness = Great Power (Anointing)

2012-11-10T11:44:00.000-06:00

I have seen so many people that have great weakness in their lives. Whether someone's weakness be lying, lust, stealing, addiction, adultery, gambling, pride, covetousness or envy (as well as many more)...every person is weak every day. I have personally been weak (and continue to be) in so many areas of my life that they cannot be counted. I am a former alcohol and drug addict who has habitually lied, usually out of deep desire to gain other's approval. I now see my children lying at times because they desperately want my approval, which I believe I give them liberally. I have been weak in the areas of keeping my word and being a faithful and trustworthy friend. I have been exploding with pride at times and almost crippled with fear at other times. The world might say that I am a "hot mess."

But aren't we all a hot mess if we are being honest with ourselves? Your weaknesses may be different than mine, but the truth is, we are all very weak in our own ways. The Bible says that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. ALL. That includes you (and me). ALL includes world leaders, your children's teachers...ALL means ALL.

With this information, there are a couple of things we could do. We can sit down and just say "it will never be better, I'll always be a mess" or we can go to God and ask Him for wisdom on how our lives might become better, and we might overcome weakness and become stronger.

James 1:5 (KJV)

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men liberally, and reproaches not; and it shall be given him."

As we study the scriptures of the Bible, what does God say about our weaknesses?

2 Corinthians 13:4 (KJV)

"For though he was crucified through weakness, yet he lives by the power of God. For we also are weak in him, but we shall live with him by the power of God toward you."

So we see that in great weakness, Jesus went to the cross to be crucified as the perfect sacrifice to make atonement for all the sins of the world - our weaknesses. He lives now by the power of God that raised Him from the dead, and so, although we are great in weaknesses, we live by the power of God's Spirit living in us and working toward our lives.

1 John 4:9 (KJV)

"In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him."

God knew our weakness, the curse of sin in our lives...He knew we couldn't fix our own problems, or become strong through our own will. We needed power from God to overcome our weakness. This power came through God sending His only begotten Son Jesus to die for our sins, that we might live through Him.

Romans 6:4

"Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that just as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life."

A few years ago, I was feeling especially frustrated with my own personal weaknesses and the weaknesses of those around me. I was feeling overwhelmed by the work of Satan in my life, and the consequences of sin in my life. I was feeling very heavy and sad, as if I would never overcome these problems. The LORD spoke into my spirit and said:

I want to tell you a secret of the kingdom of God. I want to tell you something that Satan does not want you to know. THE AREA OF YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS IS ALSO THE AREA OF YOUR GREATEST POWER AND ANOINTING.

I thought about what the Lord was speaking to me. This truth settled into my spirit as I began to remember what the Bible says about this:

2 Samuel 3:38-39 (KJV)

"And the king said unto his servants, Know you not that there is a prince and a great man fallen this day in Israel? And I am this day weak, though anointed king; and these men the sons of Zeruiah are too hard for me: the LORD shall reward the doer of evil according to his wickedness."

Here we see an anointed king of Israel declaring his weakness before God. He then states that the Lord will reward the evildoer - showing God's power to accomplish what the king of Israel could not do! If the king of Israel is weak and relies on God's power to accomplish great things, so should we!

2 Corinthians 12:6 (NLT)

"If I wanted to boast, I would be no fool in doing so, because I would be telling the truth. But I won't do it, because I don't want anyone to give me credit beyond what they can see in my life or hear in my message, even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

The Apostle Paul knew this secret of God's kingdom - weakness in our lives allows for God's great power to be shown in us. We are weak, but God is strong enough to overcome all our weakness. In our weakness, the power of Christ shines more brightly through our lives. People come to know that all have sinned, but God's glory is in the lives of His children through Jesus, not by our own works.

I know that you have weakness in your life. I know that you struggle. I do too. We can be sure that God does not look down on us in anger for our weakness, but instead it gives Him an opportunity to show off the great power and glory of His grace working through our lives.

May God bless you upon the hearing of His Word give you knowledge, understanding and wisdom in Jesus name!

Your sister in Christ,

Sarah

Staying Focused: Keeping My Eyes on Jesus

2012-07-24T20:00:00.002-05:00

So much has been going on these past few months. God has been doing a new work in me. I have been facing some inward parts of myself that are difficult to deal with. I have been reliving memories from the past and feeling pain that I deemed long gone. God is healing these parts of me, and He alone is showing me the depth and breadth of His passionate love for me. As Christians, we all go through different seasons in our walk with the Lord. When things are going well, it can be hard to see our need for Jesus, thinking ourselves to have it all figured out. Somewhere along the way, this happened to me. Perhaps it was pride that was underneath the surface, but I was wearing a thick mask until now. It is very difficult trying to pretend as though all is well when you feeling the ground shaking beneath you. I have been dealing with Jeff's illness, but also I have learned that there will always be something going on in my life that is not according to my plan. I have to learn that God's plans are ultimately the best for my life, better than my own could ever be! Life may not go according to the way I dreamed it would be, but I have to believe that God's way will be even better in the long run. I have realized that I allow my focus to become on other people's faults and shortcomings, and not even on my own need for Jesus' saving grace and power to live a holy (set apart for His purposes) life. Holy does not mean I am perfect, because I certainly am not. Lately, that has become even more apparent to me as I have become trapped in a dark cycle of heaviness and feeling hopelessness. God has given me a ministry of bringing the hope of Jesus to a hopeless world, and yet I am feeling hopeless.

Last night, I called a friend on the other side of the world. It was amazing how the words she spoke were exactly what I needed to hear at this moment. It was God speaking to me through her. She spoke of going back to the basics of just spending time with the Lord, obeying and trusting Him, trusting and obeying Him. I realized as we talked that I have wandered from my first love...Jesus. He may not have been my first earthly love, as I seemed to love many things and people before Him. Thinking about what has NOT happened in my life was the trap set for me by the enemy. The enemy has tried to convince me that God does not have good plans for my life, that somehow I had lost something that could never be replaced. It was disheartening and the more I concentrated on this lie of the devil, the more I began to feel weak and hopeless. However, once it began, the thoughts just kept coming at a rapid pace. The enemy thought he had me trapped and would destroy me through hopelessness, doubt and fear.

This is the exact moment that I heard the Lord speak into my spirit, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." He revealed the plans of the enemy, showed me how I was believing a lie, and showed me that all I had to do was trust in Jesus again. You see, what I think I lost was never mine to begin with. I was a different person. With my baptism into the death of Christ, and my resurrection to new life in Him, that became lost to me as well. A living sacrifice was made, as is holy and acceptable to the Lord. I cannot and will not return to that dark place, Lord willing. I cannot stay away in my own strength, but with Him, I know that I am safely hidden under the shadow of His wings. He will protect me, keep me, and deliver me to Himself on the day of salvation. It may have felt as though there is loss in my life, but really I have gained more than I ever lost, just as Paul said.

I realized last night, as I sat talking to my friend, that Jesus is the lover of my soul. He is a passionate lover of everything that makes up ME. He created me this way and deeply loves me when others think I am a strange. As I hung up the phone and prayed quietly, I felt the presence of God fill my room and His peace overcome me. I forgot what I thought I was formerly missing, and all was well in my heart again.

I encourage you that if you are focused on the past, things that have not worked out the way you planned, take these things to the Lord and let Him absorb your emotions in the presence of His love. When our focus is solely on Him, there is unsurpassed peace in our hearts. Its when I take my eyes off His love and goodness toward me in Jesus that I begin to feel as though I am sinking again.

I need His help to walk forward from here. I feel as though I am a newborn baby again, having to let go of the past and pressing forward, onward toward the high calling that is in Christ Jesus. It is difficult to let go. It hurts, but I know God will heal me and help me to live the abundant life He died to give me.

I pray you are all blessed in Jesus name.

His beloved,

Sarah

Living Between the Poles: Loving a Spouse with Bipolar Disorder

2012-07-14T18:10:00.000-05:00

I have finally gathered the courage, with God's help, to share a very intimate struggle that occurs daily in our household. I have been married to my loving husband, Jeff, for six and half years. Throughout this time, we have suffered many hardships. As I have mentioned on numerous other occasions, we have faced extensive problems and illness. One illness that has greatly affected our marriage and home is Bipolar Disorder with Panic Disorder. At the beginning of this past year, Jeff suffered through an emotional breakdown while performing his duties as a recruiter for the United States Air Force. After taking him to a local hospital, he visited a psychiatrist and was definitively diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Panic Disorder. He was put on medications that have helped him greatly in the past few months. However, as I began to research these disorders, I felt as though I was staring in the mirror while reading others' testimonies about the behavior of their bipolar spouses. I realized that the struggles we have faced all these years are not uncommon for married couples who deal with Bipolar Disorder in the home. The divorce rate for marriages that involve Bipolar is 90%. I can understand why after living with the constant cycles of mania and depression, anxiety and fear. Jeff also suffers from Panic Disorder which makes things even more interesting in our household. In the blink of an eye, he can go from seemingly normal to his heart racing, having heightened anxiety, and almost paranoid fear. As some of you may have already realized (especially military families), our future as a military family is yet very uncertain. At one point, I comforted myself with the idea that should Jeff be medically discharged from the military, he would most likely qualify for 100% disability, but that just doesn't seem to really comfort me.

Growing up, I dreamed of having a husband who loved me and would give the world for me. I wanted to be that kind of wife to my husband as well. I must say that I am 100% sure that my husband LOVES me very much. I have been asked if I felt he was purposely trying to make me divorce him by acting this way. That can really mess with a person's mind who is already dealing with such a major life issue. The answer to that question is NO. He is not doing it to me on purpose. He LOVES me, but he has an illness that greatly affects the way he shows me love. I never know what kind of day it will be when I wake up in the morning. Jeff, it seems, is a "rapid-cycler" when it comes to Bipolar. That means that one day he might be totally energized, even a little obssessed, with a new project...staying up until the wee hours of the morning working on something. Then the very next day, he will lack all motivation to do anything and sleep all day. This may sound normal to many people, or just a lack of balance in one's waking and sleep patterns. That is why this disorder is sometimes not diagnosed for many years at a time. I have always known in my heart that something was not quite right about the way Jeff acted, but I did not feel it was anything medically wrong until he had a breakdown this year. The only other time I remember his behavior becoming extreme was after he returned from a deployment to Iraq. However, that is to be expected post-deployment; there is always a re-adjustment period. He just never re-adjusted. He began having more sleep problems, anger and irritablity - along with what we now define as panic attacks. The psychiatrist said that there is probably some PTSD happening as well.

Now, looking back, I can see all the rapid cycles and how the lack of judgment and poor decision making tied into those episodes. People would often call Jeff "lazy" or say that he had no ambition or motivation. He has plenty of ambition when he is manic. Jeff is also a very talented craftsmen, and most of his projects revolve around working with his hands. He can even be extremely innovative and inventive, producing a training model for the Air Force that saved them money and manhours for training staff on aircraft arresting systems. Many times, he has ingenious ideas, but the lack of motivation caused by depression gets in the way of his greatness. He is smart, but sometimes, it is hard for him to concentrate and he can be quite forgetful. I can see the man on the inside, and he is great. I now understand how people with various disorders are judged in the world by their problems, and not by their unique gifts/talents.

By the way, there are some very famous and brilliant people who are thought to have/had Bipolar Disorder. Some include: Vincent Van Gogh, Virginia Woolf, Jane Pauley, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Winston Churchill, Michelangelo, Mozart, Isaac Newton, Picasso, Albert Einstein, and even Christopher Columbus. Of course many of these are just thought to be bipolar, as this diagnosis did not exist during the time of their existence on earth, but is based on the historical data of their lives and behaviors.

I have been told by several people that it would be better to save myself and my children from the process of living with a Bipolar husband and father. I have thought of leaving, especially on the more difficult days. I feel weak at times, but I pray and ask God for strength.

They ask if my children will become Bipolar, and I pray constantly that they will be protected from all harm, including Bipolar Disorder.I have also given them education on why Daddy behaves this way, and teach them a different way of thinking, if possible. I absolutely hate the thought that one of my children might suffer the way I have seen my husband suffer through this disorder. While it may disturb me and cause problems in our marriage, it is downright hellish for him to live this out on a daily basis. I married him because I love him and he has a wonderful, loving, compassionate and forgiving heart. He loved me when I thought I was unloveable and hated myself. He stuck with me through alcoholism and drug use, and although those things are no longer part of my life, he was with me in the beginning when they were. Nobody is perfect.

I have struggled in speaking about this publicly for many reasons. First, I do not want opinions changing regarding my husband. Perhaps, some people who have witnessed his erratic, brazen and even somewhat abusive behavior might begin to understand him better. I am not making excuses for him and I do hold him accountable for his actions, as well as taking his medications, and being genuinely sorry for words/actions that are hurtful. As I expect to be held accountable as well.

For the longest time, this has been a secret in our lives and it is time to open that lid. Recently, I began to realize how much living with Bipolar Disorder has truly affected me, both positively and negatively. On the positive side, I have learned how to be more loving, compassionate and forgiving than I ever thought possible. I have been longsuffering, patient and done my utmost to be kind to my husband, although I fail daily at this! On the negative side, without support, I often become depressed and feel hopeless about the future. I feel "trapped" inside of a box, and lonely not reaching out to others to give/receive help.

I began to realize recently that keeping this a secret was becoming more hurtful than helpful to me and our family. I realized that we have wonderful, amazing loving friends and family who I know will support us and pray for us through this struggle.

I wake up every day and ask God to give me the strength to be the kind of woman, wife and mother that He has called me to be. Every day, I wake up feeling a complete lack of strength and I depend on the strength of God to get me through. I am TIRED of keeping this a secret. I love my husband. It is hard to live with this disorder. I once was faced with another situation in life where I had the choice to support someone or walk away. I walked away and it was not the right decision. I will not make that same mistake twice. And to that person, you know who you are, and I am SORRY - more than you will ever know. But because I made that mistake, it has turned me into a committed wife who will continue to try every day to keep going, even if it means there is pain involved. Life is not easy, and I don't want to take the easy way out. That is painful too.

I admire Jeff, who is constantly humble and courageous. Despite the horrible nature of this disorder, he pushes on every day, loving me and his children - providing for our family, regardless of how hard it can be just to get through some days. He has even branched out recently and we have begun to make some new friends. I asked him recently if I could share our struggle online, and he said YES. He said "I know there are other people out there with this problem, and I am not the only one."

I haven't even told him yet, but one day when I become a Professional Counselor, I am going to try to help other people who have Bipolar Disorder. Perhaps, I will do research and find out better ways for clients and their families to truly LIVE and not let the disorder rob life away from them. Going through this has inspired me to bring hope to the hopeless.

One way of doing this today is through our ministry, Esther's Call Prayer Ministry, at www.estherscallprayerministry.org. Anyone can receive free prayer and encouragement by sending an email to pray4me@estherscallprayerministry.org, or calling 918-424-7161, a 24/7 open FREE prayer line.

I pray that you will read this and understand why I have written this post. And I say to you please, IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. We are facing enough without any negative comments.

Love you all! God bless you abundantly in Jesus name.

Sarah

My Secret Battle...

2012-07-11T00:18:00.001-05:00

As some of you know, I have recently been making some major lifestyle changes, learning to eat a whole food organic diet and starting the Insanity workout program. What you may not know is why this has become so important to me.

When I was 19 years old, I became pregnant with a beautiful baby girl who I later named Mariah. At that time, I weighed 121 lbs. and actually considered myself to be overweight. I am 5'2" just for reference. I was active and went rock climbing at a local gym. Despite my attempts to eat somewhat healthy food, I gained 33 lbs. and this weight was not hard to lose. Within just a few months, I was back to normal with just a few new "marks". When Mariah was 3 years old, I married Jeff. I was pregnant at the time and gained another 37 lbs. During that pregnancy. I was able to lose all but ten pounds when I became pregnant again. As usual, I began to gain weight almost immediately and very quickly. At 7.5 weeks of pregnancy, I suffered a miscarriage. I had miscarried before very early in another pregnancy, but without the rapid weight gain. After a few days, I began to feel stronger symptoms of pregnancy and found out that I was still pregnant despite having miscarried. This was indicative that I had been carrying twins. I kept gaining weight until 2 weeks later when I suffered yet another miscarriage. The doctor gave us the green light to keep trying and so we did. The very next month, I became pregnant again. I never had time to lose the weight of the twin pregnancy but I was overjoyed to be pregnant again. After 7 1/2 weeks, the doctors declared that I had suffered yet another miscarriage. It was devastating.

Jeff and I went through chromosomal testing which came back that we were both normal. The very next month after the third consecutive miscarriage, we decided to stop trying to conceive. Three weeks later, I found out I was pregnant again. This was my pregnancy with my son, Colt. I started this pregnancy after three miscarriages and months of weight gain and hormonal fluctuations. I was 143 lbs. I then gained 44 lbs.

On the day of giving birth, I was 187 lbs. My body had been through so much by this point. Then, during delivery, my blood pressure dropped to 60/40 and my pulse was 40. I was rushed into c-section.

I spent six weeks recovering from the c-section but something just didn't feel right. I began getting dizzy and nauseated all throughout the day and then I began having "near-fainting" episodes. Then while attempting to do the p90x workout program, I collapsed. This inspired me to visit my doctor who did an EKG and told me it was abnormal. I visited a cardiologist and was told that I had an arrhythmia and a hole between the atriums of my heart that could cause an aneurism. I was told that I would need a pacemaker and I was restricted from exercising in any way that made my heart rate rise above 150 bpm. I asked how I was supposed to lose the weight I had gained through pregnancy and was told that my heart health was a priority, not weight loss. I was 163 lbs. at the time. I was told that a power walk was the most exercise I would do. It was mentally crushing to think that i would have to live in my fat body with joint pain and fatigue forever. I hated looking in the mirror being disgusted at my own appearance. This caused me to lose all self-confidence and begin to hate myself. I stopped wearing "cute" clothes thinking, "what is the point?"

I dreaded the thought that someone might take a picture of me and tag me
on Facebook. I would quickly try to delete any pictures of myself that anyone took. I began to cry before God asking why this was happening to me. I prayed for healing of my heart continually and told God that if He healed my heart, I would trust Him to help me lose the weight through diet and exercise.

I prayed and prayed, and asked others to pray for healing of my heart. One day, while visiting a new church, I went to the front to have the prayer team pray for me. We agreed in prayer for God to heal my heart. From that moment on, I felt different. A couple of months later I went to the cardiologist and he declared that my heart "healed itself" and that I wad totally healthy and normal. There is nothing wrong with my heart. I ran on a treadmill during a stress test and then had an ultrasound of my heart which showed the hole that had existed and showed it was completely healed.

As promised to God, I began to pray for wisdom about making healthier choices with diet and exercise. Right before I was healed, I had visited the ER and had an EKG performed that showed evidence of a possible previous heart attack. This was all healed. Now I am eating a whole foods and organic diet, called "clean eating" and I am able to do the Insanity workout program without a flutter in my heart, dizziness or fainting. The doctors said I would never be able to do this.

But with God, nothing is impossible. Today, I am 144 lbs. I've lost 43 lbs already but I'm just getting started. My goal is to weigh 125 lbs., but most all be healthier than I have ever been in my life, and be in better physical shape.

Please pray for me as I continue down this path where God is leading me. I can do nothing apart from Him, but I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

By the way, I thank God every day for the three beautiful children He has given me on this earth and I cannot wait to meet the 6 other babies that I have lost over the past 10 years. I know they are with Jesus and I will one day see each of them in heaven.

I hope my story encourages you to believe God to do the impossible. I pray that you are blessed in Jesus name.

In His Love,

Sarah

Restoring the Temple...Getting Healthy!

2012-06-02T09:05:00.000-05:00

My Journey to a Healthy Lifestyle:

I haven't blogged in quite a while now...but I have been going through a transformation, inside and out. For many years now, I have harbored resentful feelings toward myself and my body for having "let myself go". As I look back on the past few years, I certainly do not see laziness. I have been busy every second! I see lack of time and care for myself. I see my "temple" of the Holy Spirit, my body, being martyred for the sake of taking care of everyone else. I would skip meals, not to lose weight, but because I forget to eat many times while taking care of a house, husband and three children. In that time, I have also worked and pursued a Master's degree. Everything but me, my health and my happiness had become a priority. I am happy in the morning to wake up and take care of my family...don't get me wrong, I have a very amazing life...much better than I ever dreamed I would have. There has always been this persistent problem of where I fit into the picture of my own life. Is it ok to take time to nourish myself? The obvious answer is "yes" but during the course of a busy life, it can be easy to deceive yourself into believing this time-out for yourself is just not an option. I simply told myself that there are only so many hours in a day, and I am already not able to complete all the tasks on my to-do list every day -- where do I find time for healthy living?

I am sure I am not the only person who thinks this way. Obesity in America is at an all-time high. In the past few years, I have gained a passion for food and cooking. I enjoy making a wide variety of recipes and even creating my own. However, I also live with a family who loves comfort food. Who doesn't love comfort food, hence the name! We comfort ourselves with food to deal with stress, loneliness, and pain. We love a nice bowl of comforting ice cream before bed, or a deep dish lasagna full of gooey cheese. I love these food as well, and could cook them now in my sleep! But something inside of me has been crying out for more...a richer, healthier life, where I have more energy, sleep better, and look healthier. I do not need to be a 102 lbs., as I was when I graduated high school...but I do NEED to be healthy. At one of my last visits to the doctor, I was discussing the stress and fatigue in my life, and the doctor told me that it would be wonderful if I could lose 20 more lbs. I was thinking, YEAH, wouldn't that be great....but HOW?

Because I was always fit in my younger years and had a racing metabolism, I have never had to lose weight on purpose. I am not a dieting person, and honestly, the process of dieting is complicated and overwhelming to me. I need a system for living, a lifestyle change that can progress into more healthy living over time. I need to change from the inside out, not just do a flash in the pan diet and lose 30 lbs, only to gain back 50. I started praying over a year ago about my health issues. I was having heart issues, lack of energy, pain in my joints...not to mention emotional effects from having to look in the mirror every morning and see the results of being pregnant so many times, and unhealthy eating. Somehow, I had drifted from my youthful, healthy body and lifestyle to someone who has been asked numerous times in the past 2 years if I am "pregnant again." I can't even tell you how that feels. I have graciously tried to lessen the humiliation of the people asking, while secretly dying inside at the thought of what they think! I have hidden myself from cameras, worn oversized clothes, which only make me bigger-looking (and more pregnant), and ultimately tried to ignore myself for the past few years.

A year ago, I became very dissatisfied with living this way. I had been told by the doctors that I had dual heart conditions that would not allow me to exercise more than a power walk for the rest of my life, unless I received a pacemaker. It was devastating news when you are 28 years old, 35-40 lbs. overweight and seem to have no hope of losing it. Last year, I went to the Air Force Ball and had to squeeze into a size 12 dress. That just about killed me, considering I spent most of my life between sizes 1 and 5. When I saw the pictures from that night (although people told me I was beautiful), I felt anything but...

I began to maneuver through the vast world of diet, nutrition and exercise. I felt so overwhelmed at where to start, how to lose weight, and how to change my lifestyle that I almost gave up before I even started. I know now how it feels to be overweight. I know how people look at you, what they say to you, and how you feel inside. I have compassion and I have been comforted by the Lord in my trials that I helped to create. The Bible says that we can comfort others with the comfort we have been given. When I go into prayer and reading the Bible, I see scriptures about how God sees me, and this is my comfort. He looks at heart and not the outward appearance. However, I still desire and pray for my outward appearance to change, and most of all, to feel healthy again...vibrant and energetic.

I began to cry out to God and asked Him to heal my heart. One day, while in prayer, I just knew in my heart that I would be healed completely. We visited a new church shortly after, and a man spoke with faith into my life and told me that the Lord was going to heal my heart completely. Within a month, I felt the Lord touch my body and at my next cardiologist visit, I received the news that my heart had "healed itself completely." I had no more heart conditions AT ALL! I am perfectly healthy according to the doctors. I was also cleared to do any exercise I wanted!

Praise the LORD!!! So, I began to gain hope again. My search for the right nutrition and exercise lifestyle begun. I started asking questions from friends about their nutritional/exercise choices and here I am today. I am currently on DAY TWO of a Clean Eating plan (through www.emeals.com), taking Biotin supplements, joining the local gym where I will receive personal training, and Zumba classes. I am feeling very excited about my future. Already to date since November 2009 (when my third child was born), I have lost 33 lbs. I need to lose another 35 lbs. to be in the center of the target weight for my height. I have decided that I am going to blog through my weight-loss, healthy lifestyle journey, and hopefully inspire others to believe that with God, all things are possible, and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. He has led me to these choices for diet/exercise, and I know He will prosper me in everything I put my hand to.

It's time to restore the temple of my body, where the Holy Spirit dwells. God loves us and desires each and every one of us to be healthy and full of abundant life. If you would like, you can follow me on my journey by reading this blog.

CURRENT STATS:

Age: 29
Height: 62"
Weight: 153 lbs.
Dress Size: 8-10
Pant Size: 8-10

God bless you all in Jesus name!

Sarah

Overcome Fear and Believe God!

2012-05-04T10:41:00.003-05:00

This week has been the most challenging since the foundation of Esther's Call Prayer Ministry. The ministry has been reaching more people every day, both in the United States and around the world, including creating a new ministry connection with Helping Hands Ministries in Pakistan. It has been an amazing and very explosive ride over the past couple of weeks. In the past 2 weeks, there have been over 1150 pageviews of the website, and it has been both humbling and exhilarating to pray over brothers and sisters who love the Lord, but are facing situations in which there seems to be no hope. I have clung tightly to the Lord's words of promise that "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes" (Mark 9:23)" and "nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37)."

I have been challenged in my own life, as well as my personal prayer time, due to the heavy demand of prayer requests coming to the ministry. I find this to be a great blessing in that I am being pressed into God's presence even more, having to seek Him with all my heart. I am finding Him and He is comforting me when I feel overcome with fear of failure and rejection. My family is also facing personal struggles as well, while I pray over the needs of others, I must remember to keep my own family members in prayer.

This week, I have seen God move in the miraculous! I have also seen the enemy (the powers of darkness) launch a massive attack against my family and this ministry. This past week I was called the devil and told I operated in gifts empowered by demonic spirits. That reminded me of when the Pharisees told Jesus that He was casting out demons by the power of Beelzebub, the "lord of the flies (which represent demons)." But the Bible also says that when we share in the sufferings of Christ, we also share in His resurrection power (Philippians 3:10-11). He promises that no weapon formed against my family or ministry shall prosper and I will condemn every tongue that rises against me in judgment. It also says this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of God. (Isaiah 54:17).

We faced many challenges this week. Our two year old son refused to sleep one night when I was already exhausted, but God graciously granted me rest while he napped during the following day. We had a major setback financially when a rental car company (dealing with us for a car accident on Mar. 1, 2012) debited our account for the entire amount of the rental instead of billing the insurance as agreed. We spent an entire weekend with no money, gas, and unable to do grocery shopping. We ended up having one of the happiest and most blessed weekends for our family in several years! Our daughter has been having a battle with anxiety and depression since arriving in Oklahoma. She has had trouble making friends. She has also been struggling to believe she is successful at anything. This week, she received test scores from her school that said she is equivalent in two areas with a 10th grader. She is currently in the 3rd grade! She also added two new stripes to her tae kwon do belt! Most importantly, she made two new friends! Our middle son suddenly got an abcess on his leg this week that wouldn't seem to heal. Now, it is being healed. We also saw him rise up as a little prayer warrior, asking us all to pray for a family while their house burned down near our home. He didn't have to be told to pray, his heart was touched and he asked us to "agree" in prayer with him, showing that he understanding the power of the prayer of agreement. The baby has slept better than he has in months for the remainder of this week! It has been a great week of challenges and victories from the Lord!

As for me, my greatest struggle has been a sudden onset of a spirit of fear. It has come to cause me to stop ministering and be afraid to move forward. I began to feel overwhelmed and felt as though I almost could not minister in prayer. But the Word of God says that I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind (2 Tim. 1:7). I had great struggles in the past with fear and God has given me great deliverance from it! When I came into a relationship with Jesus, I was told that I would become an evangelist. At that time, I was so terrified to even mention the name of Jesus that I could not imagine how THAT could ever happen. God has proved that He can overcome any obstacle.

I also remembered an important principle of prayer. God says that if we pray anything according to His will, we can expect to receive what we have asked for from the Lord (1 John 5:14). We can pray with confidence when our prayers line up with the Word of God. We WILL have what we ask for in prayer. That is the will of God in Jesus Christ.
Have a blessed week! I know our next week will be blessed as well because we are abiding in Christ.

Your sister in Christ,

Sarah

Doing A New Work

2012-04-15T21:03:00.000-05:00

God is doing a new work in me. For the past few years, I have felt the Lord speaking to my heart about how broken people are, and how alone they feel. I have spent hours, days, months and years in prayer over others' issues in life, crying out to God for a divine intervention. I have asked for the impossible to become possible, and miracles to happen. I have seen God answer every time.

Lately, I started feeling as though it was all just not enough, the ministry God had given me needed to expand. I began to pray the prayer of Jabez in the Bible and ask God to bless me, increase my territory, keep His hand upon me so that I won't do evil and hurt anyone. I began to ask God to show me what I was destined to do in this life.

It is so funny how your calling can be staring you in the face and you can't even see it! Here I am, praying day and night for people (sometimes until 3:00 or even 4:00 in the morning) and not realizing that it is truly my passion to pray for others. I have heard people in the world say that you should try to make your passion a career because you will be more successful. I believe God has called me to pray for others, having great faith to believe for hopeless situations to have hope, and the impossible to become possible. I have seen God answer daily and this has built up my faith even more! I wanted to make my passion into my career.

Thus, a ministry was born. Two days ago, my husband and I founded Esther's Call Prayer Ministry using a free website and a 99 cent IPhone I got from AT&T. We don't have much extra money, but we have a lot of heart and I am already doing the work of this ministry every day. We might as well make it official and really got on with it! I am also putting a college degree in Communication to work, hoping that some churches and women's groups will ask me to teach/preach/pray at their events. I believe God has already spoken to me that this will happen. I just need to keep having faith. This is my dream, my passion, and my calling rolled into one glorious ministry.

My main goal is just to show people through prayer the love of God through Jesus Christ, and the power He has given us in the resurrection from the dead to overcome every obstacle, challenge, and circumstance in life. I want to show others what I have already discovered, having been freed from addictions, healed from incurable diseases, and rescued from financial ruin. God can overcome, and HE WILL OVERCOME! He has already defeated Satan, death and hell on the cross, and He is wanting to help you. Please visit our new website:

www.estherscallprayerministry.org

Leave a message in the Guest Book telling me what you think! If you need prayer, please call 918-424-7161. You can also text this number, or email me at Pray4Me@estherscallprayerministry.org. You can find the ministry on Facebook by searching Esther's Call Prayer Ministry.

I pray you all will check out the site, drop me a note, and call when you need prayer!

Be blessed!

Sarah

Finding Hope in the Trials of Life

2012-04-10T19:51:00.000-05:00

Do you ever get really tired? So tired that all you can think about is sleep? I have always been a little prone to weariness which is also defined in the Bible as a spirit of fainting. Fainting, falling down, giving up... The past few years have brought many challenges to our lives. I have faced health problems, financial problems, marital problems, children becoming ill, and I have learned that life brings a new challenge around every corner. Jesus never promised us that life will be perfect before or after becoming one of God's children. Many seem to get a false hope that becoming a Christian means that life's problems just fade away. There will be a day when we leave this earthly life and our human flesh and we are finally fully restored and made whole while living forever in the presence of our Lord Jesus. Until that day, what do we have to look forward to in this life, on this earth? One thing I have come to know is that, while problems exist in life, we have been given a few great gifts from God to help us through. First we have been sent the gift of the Holy Spirit to counsel us with God's wisdom and give us comfort. God also tells us that as we keep our eyes on Him, He will keep us in perfect peace. A peace that surpasses all understanding that keeps us from descending back into the pit from which He rescued us. How do we keep our eyes on Jesus when the whole world is crashing around us? We read the Bible, the holy words spoken by God's Spirit to man so that we could have a guide for living. Reading the Bible reminds us of WHO God is, WHAT He has done for us, and HOW much He loves us. Second, but not less wonderful is God's LOVE for us. This great love that makes up the whole of who God is at the core of His being comes to us in a variety of ways, both big and small. It can be that we experience God's I've when we get a great deal at the grocery store, or a friend drops by when we need a moment of comfort, a prayer at church prayed for us, or recovering from an illness. It can also be more flashy and spectacular as in a person who is healed from terminal cancer or my son being restored from a lack of brain development. However it comes to us, we can feel a tangible expression of God's immense love for each of us. Another great gift He gives is is HOPE. Most of us have experienced a hopeless situation at one time or another. Sometimes, a dark cloud descends on your life and it seems as though life has hit rock-bottom and things can never get better. I have been there. More than once! God gives us hope through the sharing of testimonies about His goodness, mercy and grace. We must be careful to always share the stories of how God has loved us and helped us. You never know how your story might encourage another human being to keep living, pressing forward an having hope for a better future. We have that ultimate hope in Jesus of a day when there will be no more suffering, pain or tears. When only peace and love, mercy and grace will remain. We will live in heaven and will be free from the toils and trials of this life, forever basking in the presence of our God who is LOVE. I know the past few months and years have taken a toll on me. But these three things remain: faith, hope and love. The greatest of these is love because GOD is LOVE. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT) I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.” (Revelation 21:3-5 NLT) After all, what gives us hope and joy, and what will be our proud reward and crown as we stand before our Lord Jesus when he returns? It is you! (1 Thessalonians 2:19 NLT) God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. (Matthew 5:4 NLT) Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7 NLT) Be blessed and don't give up hope in Jesus! His beloved, Sarah

Jesus in the ER

2012-03-13T13:44:00.000-05:00

I haven't blogged in a few days, but that does not mean God has not been moving in an awesome way! The past few days have been full of excitement. God has been answering so many prayers of mine all at once, and I feel as though His blessings are overtaking me. He is truly amazing.

A few things that been happening...first, we received the money to pay our car sales tax/registration after three long months. The first two months were not our fault, as there was a hangup with the paperwork for the sale of our car, but we still would have to pay the penalty fees. The last month, we simply didn't have $1200.00 laying around for that purpose. I decided last month to just let go of my worry over this issue. It has been plaguing me and causing me stress since the day we bought this car. What could have made matters worse is that we were rear-ended in an intersection on March 1st, and we didn't even have current license plates. I could just see another ticket, more fines, and a court date in my near future.

None of that happened.

I let go, and let God handle all my worries. Well....this is what He did.

1.) He brought me $7095.00 today to cover my car registration and taxes, and a whole lot more.
2.) He gave me grace with the policeman at the car accident and he didn't give me a ticket for being late on my car registration.
3.) I went to pay the taxes today and I wrote the lady a check. She said, OOPS, I messed up on the amount. You are gonna have to write me another check. She says, "the total is $99.00 cheaper than I told you."
4.) I wrote a check with the late fees deducted. AMEN.

But that's not all, God has been on the MOVE....

Let's see... I had to take my son to the emergency room because he was having trouble breathing two nights ago. I've been needing to set up his surgery date to have his tonsils removed to help with the sleep apnea he is facing (at 2 years old!) But anyway, we went to the ER and they gave him some medications and a breathing treatment. I had not slept that whole night (we went at 4 a.m.) before going as I worried about my baby. I had been praying over him for healing and God's protection. Finally, I decided to get him some help.

After getting the medications and gathering our things to leave, an old man walked by our room. He stopped and shuffled into our room and said, "What is your little boy's name?" I told him my son's name and he immediately reaches down and touches his forehead and says, "I bid to thee God's Word, you are HEALED in Jesus' name!" The second he started praying, I became aware of the presence of God in the room, but it wasn't just the chill bumps all over my body as usual, it was like a SHOCKWAVE. It hit me in the chest and the power was unbelievable. I felt knocked back and yet completely overcome with peace and joy. He only said those words, but I left that room praising God, full of JOY....and my baby was suddenly feeling much better!

My baby lifted his arms to have me carry him. As I did this, he loudly said, "AMEN!" I said, "Well, Amen! Amen!" Then we walked to the car, but as we did, my son -who barely started talking - starts shouting "JESUS, JESUS, JESUS, JESUS...." He was full of excitement and looking over my shoulder. We got to the car and I said, "Yes, Jesus."

My son looked over my left shoulder and said, "JESUS....RIGHT THERE."

He was making eye contact and smiling. And I suddenly had the feeling that a man was standing right behind my shoulder and I knew it was Jesus and my son was seeing him clearly.

We are so blessed to walk through this life with Jesus. He is always with us. He never leaves us or abandons us. He was with me when I thought I was alone in the ER. He is ALWAYS with us.

That is my testimony for today.

God bless you all. If you don't know Jesus as your personal Savior....you should. Life is never the same, and you are never alone again.

His Beloved,

Sarah

A Lesson in Perseverance: Don't Give Up!

2012-03-03T19:11:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, I feel as though doing a tedious task can just take FOREVER. Sometimes, I have a goal in mind that I am trying to achieve, and there seems to be a million roadblocks in my path. Stones tumbling before me, causing me to believe the path I was following is not open for passage anymore. What do I do when this happens? What does anyone do?

There a couple of different choices when one faces this situation. The first is to turn back from where you came. The second is to step to the left or the right, and take a different path. The third, is to persevere and tell that boulder (mountain) to move out of your way. This is the steadfastness that results in perseverance. Some may call it stubbornness. It is often mistaken for pure foolishness. However, at times, it is the wisest choice. It is the choice that will lead to victory and when I have arrived at the destination, I will receive a reward.

God talks a lot about perseverance in His Word. Perseverance = Not Giving Up! Even in the midst of trial and adversity, one can push forward and believe for greater things ahead. My family has been tested many times in the area of perseverance. We were tested when we heard our middle son was "special needs" and his brain wasn't developing right. We believed he would be completely healed, and he is. We were told that my husband might not ever return to military life. We were encouraged by many to just turn aside and seek another path. Maybe it was not God's will for us. My husband is currently back in the military and doing fine. At the last minute, when we almost gave up, God opened a door and here we are! I was told last year that my heart had two conditions that would prevent me from ever resuming an active physical lifestyle that included many sports and activities that I love. Recently, the doctors declared me completely healed and normal and I was given a full clearance to do anything I want.

Don't get me wrong, there are times when it is wise to turn to the left or right because the path you have taken is not God's way for you. If you are involved in activities that are harming you and clearly go against God's Word in your life, you should turn to the left or right and seek peace with God through the forgiveness provided by Jesus' blood shed on the cross for you. But....if God has spoken something to you and confirmed it through His Word, the church, prayer and circumstances....you should hold onto that thing God has said. Commit your way to the Lord, and He will bring IT to pass. What is IT? Whatever God has spoken to you. The Word says to delight ourselves in Him, and He will give us the desires of our heart. It says this right before it says to "commit your way to the Lord and He will bring it to pass." These two thoughts go directly together in the Bible.

I know some things that Lord has spoken to, and about, my family that have not come to pass yet. I am believing God today that these things will come to pass. God just wants us to persevere, not give up on these things or Him, and commit our way to the Lord. I have a renewed desire to believe God and tell the mountains standing before us to GET UP AND BE CAST INTO THE SEA! Mountains, get out of my way, 'cuz I am coming through!

Lord, may you grant me even more perseverance as I face life's challenges. Give me a spirit that will never give up, no matter the mountains that rise up in front of me. Give me faith to believe that all things are possible through You and nothing is too hard. Give me a heart to pray and a desire to constantly seek Your face, in Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Let me drink deeply of the Living Water today:

Psalm 37:4-6

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁴Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

⁵Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.
⁶He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.

Romans 5:1-4

New King James Version (NKJV)

Faith Triumphs in Trouble

5 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have^[a] peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ²through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. ³And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; ⁴and perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Deuteronomy 5:32

New King James Version (NKJV)

³²“Therefore you shall be careful to do as the Lord your God has commanded you; you shall not turn aside to the right hand or to the left.

Mark 11:23

New King James Version (NKJV)

²³For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says.

Matthew 17:20

New King James Version (NKJV)

²⁰So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief;^[a] for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.

Keeping My Eyes on Jesus

2012-03-01T14:27:00.001-06:00

I am so weak. My great weakness is revealed in the many things I aspire to do each day that never get done. I wake up each morning with a million things on my mind that had to be done. Get the kids to school, fed and with all their homework. Clean the house that is never really clean. Dishes, laundry, unexpected requests from others for help, my own work, pray, read the Word. See how those two things get shoved to end of the list of priorities. How easily that happens when you are a wife and mother of three. The days when I don't seek the Lord first always seem to be out of whack. Often, I hear His still small voice saying to me "Seen first the kingdom and His righteousness and all the rest will be added unto you (Matthew 6:33)." Oh, if I could just get that part right... I was wallowing this morning in self-pity. I cried most of last night and today, feeling overhelmed by all the responsibilities I have and the prospect of impending failure when I don't keep up. I decided at some point that I was just going to turn my eyes back to Jesus and just praise Him despite how I was feeling. I turned on Christian music and made a point to sing it loud in my kitchen, even if I didn't feel like it. One thing I do know - God is always worthy of praise! He is still good despite my small troubles which are light and momentary afflictions. In the past couple days while I was crying and feeling sorry for myself, I had a couple of powerful revelations. First, if all of life was easy and painless, I would have very little need for God because I would be satisfied with my own existence, but then I would never turn to Him and enjoy His presence in my life. As much as I hate to say, I spend the most time with God when the sky is falling on me. I try to seek Him with the same fervency when things are going great, but the truth is that I generally don't. Then, my eyes get off Jesus and when trouble comes again, I feel all alone again. The Word of God says that He will keep in perfect peace the one whose eyes are focused on him. When I am lacking peace, I should already know that my eyes are on all the troubles I have, all that I am failing to do, my inadequacy. But when I am looking at Jesus through prayer and His Word, I begin to remember how He sees em...without spot or blemish, blameless because He sees the blood of Jesus as the sacrifice and sufficient price for everything I have not done or succeeded in doing. Instead of seeing my failures, my Father in heaven sees me hidden in Christ. He sees me as one day I will be when the Author and FINISHER of my faith has completed His good work in me. So the next time I feel the waves of sadness, failure and hopelessness crashing over me, I will again turn my eyes to Jesus and He will always be there to restore peace to me again because He is Living Water to me. He is the only reason I can go on. Thank you Lord for reminding me that You are the giver of peace. You are the friend that sticks closer than a bother. All I need to do is keep my eyes on You, and You will take care of the rest. (NKJV) Isaiah 26:3 You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. (NKJV) 2 Corinthians 4:17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory (NKJV) Matthew 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. (NKJV) Hebrews 12:2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. His beloved, Sarah

A Season for Everything

2012-02-27T13:03:00.000-06:00

I woke up this morning to a beautiful day. I looked outside and the flowers are blooming, the birds are singing, and there is a semi-warm breeze in the air. It just feels like spring to me. As I was thanking for another beautiful day here on earth, I began to think about all the things that spring represents as a season of the year. We also have seasons in our Christian walk. There are dark winters where we feel blocked in and desperate, mysterious times of fall when things are changing (transition, moving), and bright shining summers that are full of blessing and joy. However, spring is the time of renewal. Babies are being born, flowers are blooming, and everything becomes NEW again. I love spring because the sun is not too bright to burn my skin, but it is not cold and dreary either. Spring brings hope of something new and better still yet to come! Spring is a time of expectation and a sigh of relief after enduring the harsh winter. I have been through each of the seasons in my Christian walk, more than once... Right now, I am in a season of spring renewal to match the physical world around me. There seems to be a tug-of-war in the earth that happens when winter is moving into spring. Some days are cool (or cold) and downright dreary, while other days are bright and the sun is shining on our faces. It can be a difficult season because we can see the light ahead of better days coming, but we still feel stuck in the past. That's exactly how I feel right now about my life in Christ. The past has been dark and depressing, cold and harsh. The future I anticipate is brighter than anything I have ever known before. I know God is doing new things, taking us into new places, and our future is bright...but those dark days of winter still want to keep me feeling lost, lonely and depressed. It takes faith and trust in God to step out into the Light, not knowing where the path may lead... I realize that part of this spring season is about renewal, transformation and building up my character to look more like Jesus. I keep seeing my old ways, my old nature wanting to spring back up in me and cause trouble. It truly is a struggle. I have been inundated with foolishness in my past and I am always asking God for more wisdom, so I don't make decisions that will hurt anyone (including myself). I have been praying the prayer of Jabez lately over my life, not because it is a popular fad in Christianity, but because the words ring true about my heart's desire at this time in my life.

1 Chronicles 4:10 New King James Version (NKJV)
10 And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, “Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!” So God granted him what he requested.

Oh, that God would grant me the words of this prayer. To bless me, to enlarge my territory (influence), but even more so that His hand would be with me and keep me FROM EVIL, that I MAY NOT cause pain!

Even though I am a follower of Jesus Christ, and I love God and seek to follow His will in my life...I often make mistakes and find myself broken before Him. I am weak without Him. I still make mistakes daily and I want Him to forgive me for my great foolishness. I desire for Him to keep me from evil mostly so I will not hurt others. It is one thing to hurt myself, and we often care less about ourselves than we do others, but I desperately do not want my foolish mistakes to hurt those I love (or anyone).

I am thankful that God's love for me is not dependent on me being perfect. His salvation, grace and mercy in my life do not depend on what I have done, but rather the finished work of what Jesus has done for me. He has taken my punishment, the rightful lashings that I deserve for all the times I have hurt people around me. His blood shed on the cross for my redemption is real in my life. He has taken from me the shame of my foolishness. Trying to stand on my own good works to be "good enough" will never suffice. Only through His love and forgiveness have I been able to truly experience LIFE. His grace really is enough for me. And...it always will be.

Thank you Lord for all you have done for me. Thank you Father for sending Your only Son to die for me and take my shame, my punishment, and the life (or lack thereof) that I deserved and nailing it to the cross. I can't explain how you were able to save me from all that I was, but like the season of spring...You made all things new again. I am so glad that I could have a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth and so on, chance to be free from the guilt and weight of sin. Thank you for making everything new and for letting me start fresh with your mercy each and every day.

My Living Water for today:

Lamentations 3:22-23

New King James Version (NKJV)

²²Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
²³They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.

2 Corinthians 5:17

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁷Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

Isaiah 43:19

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁹Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

New King James Version (NKJV)

Everything Has Its Time

3 To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

2 A time to be born,

    And a time to die;

A time to plant,

    And a time to pluck what is planted;

3 A time to kill,

    And a time to heal;

A time to break down,

    And a time to build up;

4 A time to weep,

    And a time to laugh;

A time to mourn,

    And a time to dance;

5 A time to cast away stones,

    And a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace,

    And a time to refrain from embracing;

6 A time to gain,

    And a time to lose;

A time to keep,

    And a time to throw away;

7 A time to tear,

    And a time to sew;

A time to keep silence,

    And a time to speak;

8 A time to love,

    And a time to hate;

A time of war,

    And a time of peace.

 His beloved,

Sarah

Married...By the Grace of God.

2012-02-25T12:56:00.002-06:00

Lately, I have been thinking about the future more than usual. I have been wondering where we will be in five or ten years. Today is my 6-year anniversary of being married to my husband. It has been a wild and crazy ride for the past six years. I feel like we have been married 50 years already...we have seen illness, tragedy, financial hardship, emotional instability, faced the impossible at times, and somehow we have always made it through...

I was talking with a man last night about how a marriage falls apart. His wife separated from him earlier this year because she said she needs to "find herself." When the brief conversation was over, I began thinking about that statement. Perhaps, that is what I am still trying to do, even inside of my marriage....to find myself. As I thought about it more and more, I realized that I found myself the day I met Jesus. Before that day, I had no idea who I was. I was trying to find myself in partying, drugs, alcohol and an endless stream of broken relationships. I was looking for something, pleasure, fun, enjoyment, purpose, and desperately trying to fulfill the need to be loved by someone. I remember how I felt after I first began to follow Jesus. I felt full, satisfied and because He immediately took away my desire for those other things...I began to find my identity in Him alone.

Some have said to me that I have lost my mind, gone off the deep end, or wonder why I never talk about anything but Jesus. They say I am not able to relate to people if I just talk about Jesus all the time. I couldn't disagree more. If I talk about all the things I used to, I would just be encouraging them to find themselves in things that can never satisfy. I have found something that has changed me forever. I have found MYSELF in Him. I used to say that I always felt there was a different (better) person inside of me than what I was showing the world. When I came to Jesus at the well and drank of His Living Water, He took away all those layers of myself that I never liked. The real me started to emerge from a cloud of darkness, and I felt as though I was finally truly the me that I wanted to be. Now, I am not hiding behind clothes, parties, material items, drugs or alcohol. I am not constantly trying to get the world to like me, because I finally like myself.

I think that one reason my marriage has lasted is that I am happy to be me. My husband and I have problems at times, we have struggled through deep valleys of darkness and despair. We have been told heartbreaking news that seemed as though it would overtake us. However, somehow, by the grace of God we always emerged from the smoke. Victorious. As long as we find our identity in Jesus and we allow Him to be the center of our world, He will always make us stronger in loving each other. Jeff and I have said many times that without God in our lives, we never would have made it this far. Marriage is HARD. If anyone tells you different, they are lying. Six years is a long time. We have both grown and changed our priorities. We have different dreams than we used to have. We like different things, and even what we had in common has changed over time. We have had to stretch and grow together. I have threatened to leave many more times than he has. I guess I am the one who is weak and wants to quit. When I feel as though I can't go on, I return to the well and ask for strength again to move on. Jesus is always there and gives me peace and strength. I would not be married today if Jesus had not always been there for me.

Today, Jeff and I were driving in the car and looking at a picture that our son took to school of Guam. Jeff asked me, "Are you sitting down? Do you want to go to Guam with me?" (He was re-enacting a very momentus phone call he made to me at work in 2005). We were not yet engaged or married. He was asking me if I was willing to go on the adventure of a lifetime with him. We got engaged shortly after I said YES. We decided to move 8,000 miles away from our homeland together. I was scared to leave the familiar but I wanted to be with him. I loved him and love is stronger than death. We ended up finding out shortly after that we were expecting a child together. Many have assumed that we got engaged for the wrong reasons, either because he was leaving or because I was pregnant. We got married because we loved each other. Yes, I found out he was leaving and decided to go with him before we got engaged. I found out I was pregnant two weeks AFTER we got engaged. But it all works out. God works all things together for good. Our pregnancy outside of marriage has turned out to be one of the greatest blessings that life could offer, our beautiful son Krischan! Does God want us to start families that way? No. Does He turn things around to make it all wonderful and good? Yes.

God is always planning and preparing our way in life. He has a good plan for our lives and although we can't see the finished product, we just have to keep returning to Him for strength and He will give us peace. I am married today, after six long years, by the grace of God. His unmerited favor in my life, and a constant desire from me and Jeff to believe that God still works miracles, each and every day.

I love you Jeff. Thank you for resembling Jesus in my life, and never giving up on me or abandoning me. Thank you for forgiving me of my many faults and sins toward you. I thank God that we made it this far, and I am looking to Him for many more years together. Without Him, we can do nothing, but with Him - ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

I look forward to walking into the future with you. Thank you for sharing your dreams for the future with me this morning. I was encouraged and excited to find out that we have the same dream God has planted in our hearts. Simply amazing.

Some LIVING WATER for today:

Jeremiah 29:11

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹¹For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Deuteronomy 31:8

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁸And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”

1 Corinthians 13:1-7

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Greatest Gift

13 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. ²And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,^[a] but have not love, it profits me nothing.

⁴Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Thank you Jesus for making it all possible through your amazing grace and love in our lives. May your love flow more freely through us for many years to come.

Your beloved,

Sarah

Finding Peace in Chaos

2012-02-22T12:12:00.000-06:00

Do you ever feel like you are one step behind where you need to be? This morning, my son had a special show-and-tell presentation about where he has lived in the past. I had great ideas about how I would make pictures of the places he has lived so far, including Guam, Colorado and Oklahoma. I was going to find beautiful pictures of Guam and print them for his class. As usual, I was very busy yesterday (and every day) and I forgot all about his presentation. This morning, on the way to school, I remembered that I was going to do that for him. At that moment, the busyness and frantic rush of my day began. My mind starting racing, not only about the fact that I had forgotten his special project, but also the dishes that lay unwashed in the sink, the floors that need to be swept and mopped, my daughter's tae kwon do class that was not on the schedule, but thrown in at the last minute. I started thinking about the papers for my work that need to be graded, and how the kids have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. I thought about the clothes that need to be washed and folded, and the finances that are always lacking. We have to pay the taxes and registration on our car ($1200) and I am not sure how we are going to come up with that extra money. They are already overdue and we are racking up penalties being added to the amount daily.

All at once, I felt extremely overwhelmed by life's responsibilities and pressures. I could not seem to quiet my mind. My heart started pounding from anxiety. There are about a million more things that I didn't even mention here on my mind right now. Am I doing something wrong? Am I just not as good at managing my time as others? Everyone around me seems to have everything lined out just right, THEIR houses are clean, THEIR kids get a great home-cooked dinner every night, THEIR kids do their homework and are prepared for special presentations, THEIR floors are clean, THEIR laundry is done all at the time.

There is great danger in this thinking. One of my greatest struggles in life has been feeling like a failure, and fear of becoming a failure. When I measure myself up to a standard of how everyone else seems to be doing in life (which is deception anyway), I often become overwhelmed, depressed and hopeless. I realized this morning that I needed to spend some time with Jesus. He is the One who quiets my soul, and calms the raging storms inside of me. He is the One that always gives me proper perspective and helps me to sort out all the craziness of my life. He shows me how to take all the chaos and organize it step-by-step. He helps me prioritize my day when I give the first part of it to Him alone.

So...this morning, I decided to turn on some Christian music in my car (after dropping off all three kids at school) and just let Jesus quiet my mind. I began to read my devotional on my IPhone, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young. It was exactly what I needed to hear....when we are desperate and struggling to find peace and quiet, all we need is to spend time with Jesus. That was exactly how I was feeling anyway. Confirmation. I always talk to God like He is my best friend. It is my favorite way to pray...out loud, just telling God all my thoughts and the worries on my mind. Then I just get quiet and listen for His still small voice to speak back to me. Sometimes, it is a stirring in my soul, a thought that aligns with God's Word, a scripture, a song, or a friend who is sent to encourage me with just the right words (an answer to my prayer). Today, it was Jesus Calling and a plan that began to emerge in my mind.

I decided to take things one step at a time, just like God has told me many times in the past. If I look too far ahead in the future, I am always going to be overwhelmed and fear impending failure. It is just my nature, and the nature of many around me. That is the world's perspective, always focused on future success, future plans, future responsibilities and duties. It is just too much for me to handle by myself. God has told me to worry about one moment of one day at a time. He has encouraged me to cast all my cares upon Him, for HE cares for me. He takes care of my life and my every need, so I don't have to live with that worry and fear, and sense of always failing.

Today, I tried to print the pictures for my son's presentation and get it there before time for show-and-tell. Wouldn't you know it, my printer decided not to work! I had to save the pictures to a thumb drive and go all the way into town to Staples to make him a presentation. Every second that passed felt like an eternity and I just knew I wasn't going to make it in time. I kept hearing that still small voice telling me, "It's going to be OK. I have it all under control. My grace is sufficient for you."

I finally got the papers printed and rushed to my son's school. I came into the classroom breathing heavy from running. I asked, "Have you done the show-and-tell yet?" She calmly answered, "No...you made it in time." God knew I would.

Next...time to grade papers. As I sit now in the coffee shop with my laptop, I feel the peace of God in my heart again. No matter what today holds, and even if I get behind or fail again, GOD has it all under control and His grace (unmerited favor) is sufficient for me.

I hope you have a more peaceful and blessed day upon reading this good news. God loves you. He came to save you through His Son Jesus Christ, and He wants to re-prioritize your life with Him at the top of the list. His Word declares, "Seek first the kingdom and His righteousness, and all the rest will be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33, NKJV).

Some Living Water to drink today:

1 Peter 5:6-8

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁶Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, ⁷casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

⁸Be sober, be vigilant; because^[a] your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

Matthew 6:33

New King James Version (NKJV)

³³But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

2 Corinthians 12:9
New King James Version (NKJV)

9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Isaiah 26:3

New King James Version (NKJV)

³You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.

Philippians 4:19

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁹And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Have a blessed day!

His beloved,

Sarah

Hanging Out with Sinners

2012-02-21T10:00:00.001-06:00

Its another day! Thank you God for letting me wake up this morning to a beautiful morning. Thank you for giving me rest last night despite my very late bedtime. You have refreshed me and filled me again with Your Spirit. I am ready for whatever you have planned for me today. Give me more people to speak to, more lives to be transformed by Your love! Please allow me to be used by You today to reach people with this message of forgiveness, mercy and powerful victorious living! I pray in Jesus' name, Amen!

From the moment I woke up this morning, one thing has been on my mind...YOU Lord Jesus! I was thinking this morning about how You sat with sinners and dined with them. You hung out with them in their own circumstances. You didn't require that they become perfect before sitting with You. You sat and talked, and broke bread, with the lowest people on earth - tax collectors, thieves, prostitutes, adulterers, the weak, the sick, the lepers - basically all the rejected people. These were your\ companions. The religious elite rejected you for your love, kindness and merciful heart. They asked you why you would want to keep such "bad company." In fact, the only people you ever spoke harshly to were the religious elite, those so caught up in their religion that they refused to hang out with real people, humble and desperate people in need of a message from God that could change their lives . Lord, please do not let me ever become one of THOSE people. Let me have a heart for the people You have a heart for, the lost, lonely and desperate - the weak and the suffering. As Your heart breaks for them in their pain, let mine be broken as well for them. Give me the words to speak and Your Spirit, Your Living Water to pour out of me like a river, bringing hope, peace and restoration to their lives. I am crying out to You Lord today asking for this because there are still so many who need to come to the well and meet you for the first time. They need to kow that you spoke with the woman at the well not because she is perfect, or has done everything right, but because you LOVE her and your desire is to see her healed and set free from the things that hurt her. You know a better way that You have shown us in your Word. There is too much religion and not enough love in the world today.

Lord, give me strength to keep telling people about you even when I am tired, when I am struggling, when I have no words to speak. I ask Lord that you would bless each person that visits this blog with peace and joy through the Holy Spirit. Show them that you came to heal the sick, make the blind see, and set free those who are oppressed by the wickedness of this world. Let the world see through me as your servant what You you have done for me and what you will do for each of them. I know God that you do not love me more than anyone else. You love the murderer on death row as much as you love me. You are not a respector of persons. You have no favorites among Your children, and you are not only giving favor and love to those who do everything right but those who put their life, heart and trust in your Son Jesus. No religion can save a person from a miserable life, or an eternal death. But you promised to give us LIFE while still here on the earth. You came that we might have life, and life more abundantly. You came to save, heal and deliver, not to condemn. We will still face trials and disappointments and failures, but you have said that nothing can separate us from Your LOVE that is in Jesus Christ.

I am so grateful that I met you in my time of greatest desperation and You gave me everything I could ever need in life. Thank you Lord for never giving up on me even when I fail daily. Thank you for constantly calling me back into Your presence and giving me new life, again and again. You said in Your Word that you "will never leave me nor forsake (abandon) me." I am so grateful today for this promise in my life. This day is still new, and I know that I will most likely fail before the day is through. I need Your help God to get through today, and not to just survive, but to thrive in it! Use me today for YOUR GLORY! I ask all these things in Jesus' name. Amen.

Some words I am thinking about today:

John 10:10 (NKJV)
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

John 3:17 (NKJV)
For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.
Matthew 9:10 (NKJV)
Now it happened, as Jesus sat at the table in the house, that behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat down with Him and His disciples.
Matthew 10:8 (NKJV)
Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.

Romans 5:8 (NKJV)
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Isaiah 61

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Good News of Salvation

61 “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
²To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
³To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

4 And they shall rebuild the old ruins,
They shall raise up the former desolations,
And they shall repair the ruined cities,
The desolations of many generations.
5 Strangers shall stand and feed your flocks,
And the sons of the foreigner
Shall be your plowmen and your vinedressers.
6 But you shall be named the priests of the Lord,
They shall call you the servants of our God.
You shall eat the riches of the Gentiles,
And in their glory you shall boast.
7 Instead of your shame you shall have double honor,
And instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion.
Therefore in their land they shall possess double;
Everlasting joy shall be theirs.

Today, I want to be a true follower of Jesus, welcoming sinners into my life and loving them the way He loved me.  If we are His children, we will walk, talk and act like Him.  I wanna look like Jesus today in my life.  Help me Lord to be more like you today.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.

His beloved, 

Sarah

Bring Your Dream to the Well

2012-02-20T14:09:00.000-06:00

Do you have a dream in your heart that hasn't come true? Is there just something inside of you that you are wanting to do or be - a dream that has yet to be fulfilled in your life? For me, my first dream in life was to have beautiful, amazing, talented children.

When I was 18 years old, I visited a doctor about chronic pain that had lasted several years. I had been to doctors before, but this time, the pain had become unbearable and was keeping me from enjoying my life and attending school. After being examined, I got a shocking answer. I was told that I had a problem called endometriosis and that many women with my condition were infertile, had trouble conceiving and carrying children to term. I was told that I might have many miscarriages if I tried to become pregnant (which has turned out to be true). I had surgery in November of 2001 to remove the diseased parts of my body.

My dream was to be a mother and have a family. I went home from the doctor after surgery and became obsessed with researching my "incurable disease." The more I researched, the more depressed I became. After a month of this wallowing, I was in such a deep dark depression that I thought about ending my life. You see, I had endured abuse as a child and depression had already robbed me of much of my childhood joy. My only hope as a child was that one day I would have my own children and be a great mother. I felt as though I had lost my childhood, but I could see my future being bright as I watched my own children grow and enjoy life. That day in the doctor's office, I felt as though my one last hope for joy in life had been crushed. I went through a wide range of thoughts and emotions, some of which included "Why would a man want to marry a woman who could not bear children?" and "What will I do with the rest of my life with no children, and possibly no husband?" I became overwhelmed by an idea that I was broken and worthless to everyone. One night, I was out doing my usual partying routine and I ended up sleeping with a man who I had known during my childhood. I decided that I did not need to practice birth control because I had convinced myself that I would never have any children anyway. I didn't care about myself or my life enough to worry about catching a disease. Deep down inside, I was contemplating ending my life anyway, so why would it matter? It was a deep, dark place where I found myself. That is the night I got pregnant.

I was 19 years old, single and alone (and pregnant). Just like the woman at the well, I was living a less-than status quo lifestyle. When I came home from the doctor's office with terrible news, I prayed to God (even though I wasn't sure if He existed) every night. I spent hours in tears, crying out to a God that I felt probably hated me anyway. I honestly thought that the prognosis of me being infertile was just punishment for all the wrong I was doing in my life. I certainly did not deserve to have any children...ever. So, why did I get pregnant that night? Looking back, I see the plan that God had for my life. Although He did not condone or approve of my lifestyle, He blessed me with the desires of my heart as an act of pure grace, showing His goodness to me. He chose that moment in my life to give me a child as He knew that one day it would lead me to Him. Over the following years, I would constantly ask the question "Why did God give me this precious daughter when He knows I don't deserve her?"

It was an act of God's love, for me and for her. The truth is, God knew that one day I would not only give my own life to Him, but I would inroduce my children to Him as well, and teach them to live according to His Word. He knew that one day, Mariah would turn to Him as her own Savior as well. It would be the life experiences that she faced with me as a mother that led her to need a great big God who loved her.

Did he approve of my actions? No. Did He love me and my future children enough to grant me conception of a beautiful child? Yes. People like to say "Why would God bring a child into of the life of a single woman who had drug, alcohol and sex addiction issues?" Doesn't that prove that God is not loving because He allowed hardship in the life of my daughter? I think not. There are a couple of scriptures that really speak to me when I think about all this.

Psalm 139: 13-16 (NKJV)

¹³For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;^[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
¹⁵My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
¹⁶Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

Romans 8:28-29 (NKJV)

²⁸And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. ²⁹For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.

According to the Word of God, God knew Mariah when she was being formed in the womb and He knew all her days that were written in His book before ONE of them came to be. And, He works all things together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. He predestined for her to be born to me, and then be conformed to the image of His Son. Despite my less than desirable lifestyle, God had a plan for the good of her and me (and the rest of our family).

Sometimes, we have a dream in our heart and something comes along in life and tries to steal our dream away. I believe those dreams are planted in our hearts by a Wonderful and Loving Father, and our Savior Jesus (the man at the well). He takes the dreams in our hearts and He has a plan to make them a reality. He also says He will give us exceedingly, abundantly more than we could ask or think according to the power that works in us (Ephesians 3:20-21, NKJV).

He has now given me THREE beautiful children, and a husband and a house, two dogs and a turtle. He has provided financially for me to be able to stay home and enjoy these precious gifts. He has taken me to amazing places, such as the Pacific Island of Guam and Seoul, South Korea. Living on a tropical island and traveling to foreign countries were both dreams of mine since I was a very little girl, and He has given them both to me I can honestly say He has given me more than I could ask or think.

Sometimes, we have dreams in our hearts from childhood that seem as though they will never come true. God is the dream giver... So, from where you stand in life, your dreams may have fallen away, you may have encountered great obstacles, and it may be seeming as though they are really just "pipe-dreams" after all. I encourage you today to not give up on the dream in your heart. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4, NKJV).

I have dreams that have yet to come true, but I am looking forward to the day that they DO. Jesus sits at the well, just waiting for us to come and drink of His Living Water. With God, all things are possible. Unlike a wishing well, Jesus is able to make the dreams He has planted in your heart come true!

His beloved,

Sarah

I am A Woman at the Well...

2012-02-18T21:56:00.002-06:00

As I begin writing this blog, my passion is to share the heart of an ordinary woman who has experienced extraordinary things through a relationship with Jesus Christ. Through posting on Facebook, I have been able to share many stories of miracles that have happened in my life and attempt to answer the common question of "Why is your faith so strong?" As I pondered this question, I began to think about the Samaritan woman at the well, described in the Book of John, Chapter 4. She is an intriguing woman. She had a fascinating brief conversation with Jesus at a well in Samaria, where He was not even supposed to be traveling. Historically, the Samaritans were considered "half-breeds" by the Jews, and not only was she Samaritan, but she was a woman. In that time, Jewish men did not speak to women and they were generally considered to be less important than their male counterparts. So...she was a half-breed Samaritan, woman, who admitted to Jesus (a rabbi) that she had five husbands and the man she wasn't even married to the man she lived with. She was divorced, half-breed woman, speaking to the man that was God incarnate. Tell me that is not interesting...

Like the Samaritan woman at the well (in John 4), I am nothing that would be considered extraordinary to the world. In fact, for most of my life, I was considered a complete reject and misfit, and I was considered unclean and unholy by those in the church who had a religious agenda to fulfill. I did not encounter the love of God through the church, I encountered rejection, disgust and downright horror. I attended church sparingly as a child, as my family did not attend. I would occasionally be invited to church by a friend, but I never really fit into the church community. I started drinking when I was 13 years old. I began having sexual intercourse with various people at the age of 16. By the time I graduated college, I was an absolute mess, scarred by years of alcohol and drug abuse, and broken relationships. I certainly was not desired company.

One day, a young woman from the church on my college campus came to me with a Bible and said "Let's talk about the Ten Commandments. Which one of these commandments do you think you struggle with the most?" I answered, "Which one don't I struggle with on a regular basis." She told me that Jesus came and died to save me, but it really didn't make much sense to me. Why would a God who is great and powerful care anything about me? Maybe if I was a good person and didn't drink, do drugs and sleep around, God might want to have this "relationship" with me. But I was not that person. I went out every night, drinking and carousing and not remembering much of it. What I did remember only caused me more pain. In response to the pain, I went out more, drank more and found more unhealthy relationships. It was a vicious cycle.

I was hurting anyone and everyone who might have actually loved me. I ended up in a very dark place all by myself. Somehow I managed to get married and have two children, but that certainly did not make me a good wife or mother. I was still struggling with alcoholism, drug abuse, and pain that manifested in anger.

While in the darkest place of my life, I began to have a desire to read the Bible. I read a few chapters, but it really didn't make any sense to me. It was then that my life changed dramatically. I had a very powerful encounter with a very real God. This was my Samaritan woman at the well experience with Jesus. I had finally reached a breaking point in my life where I realized the drinking, drugs and hate were not going to heal my heart. I felt as though I had no place to turn and seriously pondered giving up on life. A friend called me while I was in this state and told me her pastor had given her a couple of Bible verses for me to read, one of which was Psalm 51. I sat down at the computer and pulled up the verses online. As I began to read Psalm 51 out loud, I began to weep and sob uncontrollably.

I laid down on the tile floor of my parents' house and cried as hard as humanly possible. In the midst of the crying, all I could say was "I am sorry God, I am sorry I have messed up my life completely. I am sorry for all I have done (and I began to name some of the major things that caused me great pain). Please help me! I know that I have messed my life up completely and I don't know how you are going to fix it, but I TRUST that YOU WILL." At that moment, the most amazing warm, peaceful feeling felt like it started in my chest and moved throughout my body. I felt as though I was sitting in a warm bath of love. I felt truly loved for the first time in my life. I felt peace in my heart that I had never known. I thought to myself - "What do I do now?"

I didn't know how to be religious or go to church every Sunday. I had never done that. I didn't know how to pray, or read the Bible. I didn't know the books of the Bible's names, or any of the main characters in it, except Jesus. I just reached out to God that day and asked for His help and forgiveness. I told Him I believed that Jesus had died for me (somehow) and that His death and resurrection was enough for me to live free from sin. My words to God in that prayer were not eloquent or "religious" sounding and many church folk may have been appalled at how unholy I sounded. I am not bashing on the church, I just want you all to know that church didn't save me from my sins, Jesus did. People couldn't save me, and I sure couldn't save myself, but Jesus could. All I had to do was drink the Living Water that He offered me that day (at the well). He said to the Samaritan woman that she would never thirst again if she drank the water He gave her. I can honestly say that statement is true. I continue to go back to the well (the Word) and drink deeply and I am satisfied with His peace, love and joy (forgiveness and salvation) all over again.

I AM a woman at the well, and He (Jesus) is my Living Water.

Come drink with me.

His beloved,

Sarah