Only in Japan...

More crazy English!

2012-07-30T00:48:00.000-07:00

Wanna Latin mate?

Do you need to relieve it?

Once again on my travels across Japan I came across interesting products. The first is tea. I tried it and it tastes like any other tea found in Japan. But this one claims that it has Latin Biorhythm...whatever that means. It says "PLAY! EAT! DRINK!" How do you eat tea? Anyway, I thought maybe it contains guarana (sp?) the Brazilian drink known for high-energy boosts but it does not. So what does a tea brewed in Japan using Japanese ingredients have to do with being Latin? I guess the bright colors of the bottle! It's like Carnival in your mouth...without the STDs.

Speaking of STDs, the second product is a box of condoms. I found these babies at a 7-11 in Tokyo and the polka dots caught my attention. I thought it was a box of candy until I read the title. These condoms say "For sex, to which it can relieve it." I get the for sex part. You use them for sex. But what about the relieve part? What are these condoms relieving? Relieving the couple because they are protected from babies and disease? Not sure. Let me know if you have any idea.

If any of these companies someday do decide to use an actual English speaking human to help them translate into English, please contact me. I come cheap!

Only in Japan...

How to be a JET Teacher

2012-07-24T19:15:00.001-07:00

How to be a JET Teacher

1. Get a degree in anything. Whether it be in English Literature, Philosophy, Biochemical Engineering or Fine Arts; for legal and visa purposes a degree is needed to become a JET participant.

2. Speak English. Another must for visa purposes is that you must be a native English speaker from a country which has English as their first language. However, I met a lot of JETs who were from non-English speaking countries but came to North America when they were in their teenage years and they were considered native because they had citizenship.

3. Write English. I am not a good writer and all through University I got by on the fact that I was more creative in thought then mechanical in writing. But the essay portion of the application has the highest bearing on whether you get an interview. I wrote an essay that I liked and showed it to my friend who is better at the grammatical details. Using my ideas and his proficency in the editing we came up with a pretty impressive piece of writing.

4. Dress formal. I noticed that JET is really more about the image than about the teaching. Not to make it sound like a popularity contest but JET really focuses on the visual as that is what Japanese students and teachers will judge you on since they don’t know you on a personal level. You shouldn’t change your identity completely but I would think of it as wearing a costume and props for a play you will be performing. Play the part of the bright, outgoing, professional foreigner and you will be fine.

5. Be charming. At the interview all they really want to know is that you can handle the pressure of being in a room where some people understand you, some people don’t but everyone likes you. If you can act calm, professional, curteous and still let a little of your personality show then you will have a good interview. They want you to think on your feet by giving you interesting questions, making you do a demo lesson or have you introduce yourself. Sometimes you even get interviewers who purposely rub you the wrong way to see how you will react. As long as you don’t go in there and tell them you want to go to Japan to pick up highschool girls and get the latest issue of Hentai manga, you should be ok.

And that is about it. I thought teaching experience, previous experiences in Japan and other connections to Japan might have some weight. But after seeing the people that were hired along with me, most of them were either unfamiliar with any Japanese language and culture or were fresh out of University.

Japanglish: Words Happiness Meaning Let's Sunshine!

2012-07-14T21:29:00.000-07:00

bitch!
A handbag made for women!

Text: If all Politician rode motorcycles Then road wouldn't have potholes
For every keen motorcyvlist at last truty custom tailored bike header

Stand a chance Knock on doors
Decorious Speech and Appearance characterize true gentlemen
Neat and Tidy wear a respectable suit of clothes
I'm sure another opportunity will come.
Embrace an opportunity//Exploit an opportunity//Use an opportunity
Make use of the opportunity//Press home an advantage//take occasion
Sunday-go-to-meeting
Adjust oneself//Fix up//smarten up one's appearance//
spruce oneself up//spruce up//tidy oneself
In a no-nonsense manner//In a proper fashion//In the proper way //With neatness

I understand English is not the national, first or spoken language in many Asian countries so it makes sense that people would make mistakes when writing or speaking. That doesn't confuse me.
Also, many countries in Asia including Japan are fascinated with North American and European cultures and obsessed with dressing, eating and looking like these English cultures. So much so that not only do they buy foreign brands like Nike, Levis, GAP and Armani but they create brands in their own country and name them as if they were English brands. As you can see from the pictures above, sometimes the message gets a little misconstrued. Once again this doesn't confuse me.
What really confuses me is that these companies that want to call their products English names or want to have English written on their products don't bother to get a fluent speaker to spell check or edit the text. So what you get is mixed up, misspelled, incoherent, cut and paste type text that baffles and misinterprets the original message.
Which makes it not only meaningless but funny as hell! I hope these companies never change their methods.
Check out the video below to seem some of the weirdest shops and the crazy stuff they sell!
Only in Japan...

I got a Woody!!

2012-06-29T21:41:00.002-07:00

I think my Woody is Unbalanced

Asia is the best place to get knock-offs for about every product ever created. Want a SONY Television but can't afford it? Get a PONY. Need new sneakers? How about some HIKE sneakers? Just do it?
Everything from Luis Bitton (Louis Vuitton) bags to Solex (Rolex) watches can be purchased at a fraction of the price of the original. The crazy thing is that these knock-offs aren't much lower in quality and sometimes last longer than the original more expensive counterparts.
So after playing the jumbo Jenga at the bar (mentioned in a post from earlier this month) I decided to go to a toy shop and get my own set!
Once their I was presented with two options. The original Jenga with the wood-colored blocks and famous logo or for half the price I could get the colorful wooden knock-off Woody Unbalance.
Save money, have pretty much the same game and have an added bonus of crazy Japanglish written on the blocks! From the picture above I am sure you can guess which one I decided to get!
What is the craziest knock-off you have seen?

The Amazing Spider (2012) 3D: Review

2012-06-23T22:49:00.000-07:00

Andrew Garfield dons the new Spidey suit!

I was lucky enough to see The Amazing Spiderman in 3D before it's official release on July 3rd. Not only was this Spiderman cooler, better looking and smarter than the original but he seemed much more disturbed about his new role. He was the new Twilight-esque Edward Emo character stumbling through his discoveries into a full fledged superhero.
I will say that this Spiderman movie is much more entertaining than Spiderman 2 and 3. However does it stand up to the original Spiderman played by Tobey McGuire? Yes and No.
In terms of effects, the new one does much better but that is to be expected considering it is newer and has a bigger budget (I'm guessing here). The actors in this version are also much more likable than the last. Maybe it is just me but I couldn't stand Mary Jane the character or the actress Kristen Dunst. Unlike the damsel in distress always needing rescuing by Spiderman in the original the new character Gwen Stacy is a stronger, adept and helpful character which is integral to the success of Spiderman.
The story line sticks close to the original movie but I liked how they did leave somethings open for speculation. Without ruining it for those of you who haven't seen it yet, I really liked how they dealt with the story of Peter Parker's parents. Stick around for the credits since there is a hidden scene in there.
Visually and story wise I think this Spiderman did an excellent job at keeping the movie young, fresh and exciting while ensuring that comic book and Spiderman fans didn't leave feeling betrayed and sold out.
The dialogue in the original movie was much better than the newer one and Tobey McGuire was much better at pulling off a nerdy, goofy type but Andrew Garfield brought a new element into Peter Parker's character. He was much more distraught and dark which I am sure younger fans will appreciate since both Harry Potter and Edward from Twilight use similar teen angst.
The final verdict is this: It's not Shakespeare nor is it going to be considered one of the greatest cinematic achievements in history. It is predictable and filled with action and adventure. But for a summer blockbuster and a good time it won't disappoint. Don't waste your money on 3D though.

Check out this YouTube video to hear my reaction after watching the movie:

Dirty Old Man: The Bar!

2012-06-23T22:25:00.000-07:00

Happy Hour from 10am to 4am

It's Friday night. Work is done and you just want to lay back and relax with a nice cold beer with some friends. Of course it would be nice to have some pretty ladies to drink with to make the night more fun.
Well if that is your idea of a good time then this is not the place for you. The bar in this picture has a specific target market: Dirty Old Men! I like this sign for two reasons. One is obviously there is probably no other place in the world except Japan where this bar would exist and continue to exist.
Second, and most amazing is the directness of the message. This bar doesn't try to pretend it's something it's not. Everyone planning to come into this bar knows what to expect and what the clientele will be like.
Haven't you been walking through the clubbing district in your city and seen signs for bars like Fluid, Passion, Blue Twilight and Aphrodite and expected there to be groups of hot young girls intoxicated waiting to find a handsome man to take them home? Only to find that you get in there and there is two couples and groups of drunk, horny men hoping someone of the opposite persuasion will walk through the door.
Well at Dirty Old Man you will have zero expectations. In fact if there is a female in the joint it would almost be false advertising. And unlike other code words for bars made for dirty old men like The Firkin and the Owl or The Goose and the Ferret, this place gives people exactly what they asked for; a haven for old single men desperate for that scotch on the rocks and reason to exist.
Dirty Old Man is a revolution in the alcoholic establishment industry giving their target audience not only a chance to drink away their sorrows but to proudly be surrounded by similar like-minded individuals.
One day when I am a dirty old man, I hope I can find my Dirty Old Man bar to serve me!
Only in Japan...

Building Blocks of Flirting!

2012-06-09T20:26:00.001-07:00

Take a girl from the middle and you put it on top...

So you wanna know how to get girls? Well, I am no expert but something I noticed about girls, especially when they are in groups is they like games. No, not mind games. Of course that is part of it but I mean actual games.

Some of the best ways to approach girls in bars rather than buy drinks (since I am cheap) is a gimmick. Lots of guys use magic. Impress a girl with magic or make her laugh with a funny trick and she will happily let you sit down and have a conversation.

Along these lines, many bars in Japan have such ice breaker type games because you know Asian girls are shy but so are the guys. So to lighten the mood and help everyone feel comfortable many places offer ice breakers.

This is the first bar I have seen that offers Jumbo Jenga, though. I was sitting at the bar minding my own business when I noticed five really cute girls drinking and playing Jenga. Now if they were just sitting there drinking I would look like a perv coming over and staring at them.

But since they had a game I came over seeming interested in the game and they invited me to play. Fast forward to 20 minutes later when we have turned this game into a drinking contest. The person who knocked over the Jenga had to take a shot.

Along with Jenga, I learned their names, had good conversations and surprisingly actually got hit on myself. It has been a long time since a girl has asked for MY number. I am married so I just gained new friends but imagine if I was single and looking to pick up!

Flirting should be fun and natural for both parties so I definitely recommend finding your gimmick.
But maybe something small since Jumbo Jenga might be hard to carry around in your pocket.

Hello Kitty and Cutie!

2012-05-26T18:36:00.000-07:00

This post is not really anything weird,shocking or only in Japan-eque. It is simply a picture I took when I went to the local mall near Sapporo. There was a children's section and play land. Actually the mall was quite big.

Cute Cat...Hello Kitty is nice too.

I think they were celebrating the anniversary of Sanrio which is the company that created Hello Kitty.
The picture is of a cute girl introducing a cute cat while cute children clap and crowd around with cameras hoping to capture a classic character. A lot of C's. Enjoy!

The NEW OZZY Theme!!

2012-04-30T22:36:00.001-07:00

Most of you who read my blog also watch my YouTube Channel. I have been making videos now for about two years and I have never missed a week. Now that is dedication!
Along the way I have met many really cool You Tubers, done collaboration videos with some of them, been part of community videos, made video responses, left comments and interacted with the greatest community on the planet.
Now thanks to my friend Jericho(who also has a blog and you should read it) made a theme song for my channel! Not only is it catchy but it captures my channel perfectly. I will be using this theme for my upcoming vlogs but to be one of the first people to watch it here it is!

Human Vending Machines!!

2012-04-21T06:11:00.001-07:00

Human tea leaves?

The world is in danger. We all know that everyone has to do their part in order to ensure the survival of the human race. Countries and companies are creating new and innovative ways to protect our environment and make business more Eco-friendly. That being said, Japan is no exception. In fact, Japan has now gone one step above everyone else in terms of recycling. Japan has become the first place to recycle humans to create vending machines.
Just kidding...or am I?
The picture above is from a vending machine in Japan that claims "they utilized recycled tea leaves which are human and environmentally friendly". I am a bit confused. So is this machine made from human remains or is it made from tea leaves that were consumed my humans who are now deceased and being used to build these machines? Either way it is a scary thought.
Of course this is probably just another Japanglish error where someone in the advertising department was too lazy to translate some text and used an online translator instead. But I'd like to think the former because that would be awesome.
Only in Japan...

A Head of the competition

2012-03-31T23:25:00.001-07:00

Everyone knows that billboards work. They might be big, annoying and detract from the cityscape but no matter what is being sold you can't help but stare. Especially in Asia where neon lights and flashing beams threaten to give seizures the flashier the better. But this restaurant （i hope thats what is being advertised）is way ahead in shock value. As you can see in this normal street in Tokyo away from all the major populated intersections lies this giant head of a chef. Doesn't it just make you hungry? It could be worse I guess. Maybe not.
Only in Japan ...

My new video idea...

2012-03-21T02:22:00.000-07:00

I usually upload funny pictures on this blog and make fun of whacky things in Japan. And I also have a YouTube channel that does the same. You have probably already seen it but if not here is the link to my channel:
http://www.youtube.com/ozzy78

Well, of course I have many ideas in my head of what I want to talk about or show you the audience. But there are tons of other people around me who are not getting the attention they deserve. Honestly, I think I am not getting the attention I deserve either but that's a whole other story.

So I created a new video called Head to Head. I take 3 videos from different users who all have less than 1000 views on their video. Then I ask the viewers to vote for the best. The winner then moves on to the next video to face 2 new challengers.

I think its a really good way for many people to see videos they might not usually see. And it gives exposure to all 3 video makers and myself.

Will it be successful? I don't know. Should I give up? I have given myself a test for about 3 or 4 episodes before I decide to scrap the idea.
Take a look and let me know if you have any suggestions.

Would you buy anything SWEATY?

2012-03-17T19:50:00.000-07:00

How about sweaty socks?

What really attracts you to a shop? Is it the brand name? The merchandise display? Location? Well what this store was hoping for is people who love sweat! One thing to note is that this is not a sports shop. If it sold Nike or Adidas sports wear maybe Sweat would be a catchy way to get people to shop here. But this shop sells home goods, accessories and other interior decorations and clothes. Want a salad bowl from Sweat? How about a Sweat basket? No, maybe a personalized Sweat Underwear set? Sweat is all over it! They have everything you'd need. If you are ever in Aeon Jusco Mall in Japan, be sure to check them out. But don't run, you might break a sweat.
Only in Japan...

They Literally want you to get out of the "rat" race

2012-03-12T03:48:00.000-07:00

They made Mice of Men

The picture above is a portion of a business card. It was given to me by a travel agent who apparently works for the Japan Mice Travel Agency.

I am not sure if they meant it to say Japan Nice or maybe they cater to vermin too? I stopped for a second to think who would call their travel company Japan Mice. But then I stopped because I realized it's Japan. They can call it whatever they want because most Japanese people won't know or care.

Only in Japan...

Little Pricks! Want one?

2012-03-05T04:47:00.000-08:00

Two pricks for the price of one!

Yes, the package is grammatically incorrect. It should be Little Pricks not Little Prick since there are two. But that is the least of their concern.

This is the line of small fluffy toys that are being sold across Japan in a craft shop. Mothers buy these little pricks for their kids. Then the kids take these little pricks to school to show off. The kid with the most little pricks in the class is then named Biggest Little Prick.

Only in Japan...

Yoda wants to do what?????

2012-02-18T00:50:00.000-08:00

BOIL JAPAN. Always in motion is the future. Believe in your own power, you must. May the force be with Japan.

That is the concept of this poster. There are posters, billboards, TV spots with this theme all across Japan. What are they selling? Cup Ramen. At first I had no idea what this was about so just seeing Boil Japan made me cringe. Now I kinda get it.

Why Yoda? Well he speaks backwards. Which is what Japanese is like compared to English. So I can see why they chose the character. And I guess Star Wars will always be popular so I can even see why a cup noodle company might want to cash in on the Star Wars fans. But Boil Japan? Who thought up that slogan? And even if some Japanese ad exec. who has no idea about English just used Google translate to come up with this slogan, why did George Lucas approve this?

Boil Japan to me sounds like something North Korea would say when plotting ways to destroy their neighboring nation. Hmm...

Only in Japan...

Shit Japanese people wear...

2012-01-22T05:23:00.000-08:00

Color me purple!

I get that Japan is kinky. I get that sometimes they read Octopus tentacle porn and really like Cosplay but a bartender in a skin tight purple suit and a red strap on just doesn't seem reasonable to me.

If you watch Japanese TV than this would seem as normal as Oprah but when I want to go to a bar to relax and have a beer and this guy is serving me then I really gotta wonder. But at least he was a nice guy. And I think he washed his hands before serving me.

The Highschool I should have attended!

2011-12-09T00:20:00.000-08:00

So one famous thing about the Japanese nightlife is the amount of host and hostess clubs available for business men and lonely women to visit so they can sit with a pretty looking well dressed person who serves them drinks and gets paid to flirt. Well, not only is this popular but so is themed hostess bars. For example if you are into nurses then there is a club for you. Whether you like school girls, office ladies, mature women, midgets, etc. there is a hostess/host bar out there for you. The picture above is of a hostess club catering to men who like either cute high school uniformed girls or naughty teachers. The name of the club is what really attracted me to this ad. T-back is Japanese-English for thongs. Maybe visit it if you are ever in Sapporo.

Do you want this all over your dishes?

2011-11-19T17:47:00.000-08:00

I know people are skeptical about advertising and the subliminal messages that are added into everyday media but you can't get any more phallic than this.
This is a dish detergent that I am sure went over well with the obasan housewives all across Japan. Or should I say came all over.
Maybe in other colors the bottle might seem a little more...subtle but in pink the first thing I think of when I see this bottle is DIL-
What do you think?

Beating the heat! Unfashionably!

2011-07-16T11:46:00.000-07:00


A human lamp!?

So summer is here. And like many countries Japan gets really hot and humid during the summer months. Usually Japanese people hide in underground malls, air conditioned spaces and generally stay out of the sun. However, this year because of the earthquake and energy crisis, Japan has had to find other ways to stay cool without using energy. So here are just some ways people survive the terrible heat. The government has recommended companies switch to cool biz. This means men can work while wearing casual pants, short-sleeved shirts and no ties. But what about the housewives?

The ladies have decided to do what they usually do when they want to stay out of the sun; use sun umbrellas. This keeps their face out of the sun and provides the shade they need to stay cool.
Long thin gloves that go from your fingertips to your shoulders are also popular to keep from getting a tan.
This year especially the trend is to buy giant metallic visors that look like you are part of a disco swat team. this covers your face completely from the sun's harmful UV rays.
A thin scarf like fabric which you insert frozen gel capsules goes around your neck and keeps it cool. It is quite helpful in keeping the humidity at bay.
And it wouldn't be Japan without some unbelievable technology that only the Japanese could figure out. This year the pharmacy's are selling out of a spray product that you spray on your clothes which somehow keeps your clothes cool and sweat free and detracts heat. Kind of like wearing a wet t-shirt without the discomfort and visible nipples. Pretty sweet.

How do you stay cool in the summer besides fans and air conditioners? Let me know.

Hitler's Moustache lives in Japan!

2011-05-20T12:31:00.000-07:00


Hitler Thanks you!

Some people believe Hitler is still alive. Others believe the government has his brain frozen and being tested. Others believe his DNA was saved and lives in a test tube in a basement waiting to be cloned. Well, I have found his moustache. It is showing up in the weirdest places in Japan. As the picture shows above, it was at an Izakaya welcoming guests. It only stays for a short time and then disappears. No one can trace it and nobody knows where it will show up next.

I was at the zoo in Japan and decided to ride the kids motor car ride. And as you can see from the picture below, Hitler's moustache showed up policing the riders.

I believe Radrey found an old poster with Hitler's moustache pouring beer at a pub. Have you seen Hitler's moustache?
Only in Japan..

Food on a stick!

2011-05-10T12:28:00.000-07:00

Meat on sticks!

Every country has food on sticks. You can get kabobs all around the world. Corn Dogs are popular in North America. There is ice cream, lollipops, Popsicles and cotton candy. But japan seems to have everything possible on sticks.

Two girls one squid (or two)

Yaki-tori is a popular food in Japan which incorporates meat on sticks. Wooden sticks grilled with chicken, beef and pork are a popular salary man food after work with beer. But Japan goes one step further and has tons of non-meat non-candy foods on sticks. Here are just a few:

Fish
Squid
Sausages
Mochi (rice cake)
bananas
bacon and asparagus
cheese

Can you think of anything else on a stick that I missed?

Boys with bananas

Got Mascots?

2011-04-28T12:32:00.000-07:00

Every ninja town needs a frog?

The mascot for McDonald's...Ronald MacDonald. For KFC...Colonel Sanders. For Michelin Tires...the tire guy. That is pretty much about it. When you see ads on television or the newspaper in North America you see the brand name. You also see a logo. But very few products or services have a mascot. Many kids items do in fact have mascots (ie Tony the Tiger) but that seems to be the end of it.

Not in Japan. Here, there is a mascot for everything. For restaurants, stores, train lines, theme parks, shopping malls, tourist attractions, magazines, hotels, government agencies and even funeral homes. The picture above is a small theme park made to look like an old fashion town with ninjas, samurai and everyday folk. Even here, the mascots were a samurai dog and worker frog.

Why are these mascots necessary? My theory is a) they want to be able to sell souvenirs of the mascot to make money and b) to connect an object with a personality. Japanese people love giving inanimate objects features to make it look more human or animal like. A box with a cute face or a robot with facial features. Everything looks more kawaii if it can be humanized. Sometimes it is cute, other times annoying but always interesting to see how they can create the most random creatures to represent consumerism.

Only in Japan...

The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat Sans Joseph

2011-04-17T15:17:00.000-07:00

It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack

Japan is known to go through tons of fads and trends at an extremely fast pace. Food, electronics, toys and fashion are constantly being introduced. One of the fastest and most interesting is all the fashion trends that young Japanese pick up. There is always a growing number of fashion styles being introduced and upgraded. These include, Lolita, Gothic, Gyaru and Yamanba.

This picture shows two girls walking down the business district of Sakae in Nagoya. Many cool Japanese teens congregate here to show off their fashions, meet friends and hang out. However, these two girls really stuck out as they not only dressed in vivid pink and orange but decided to dress similar. Girl power!

Only in Japan...

Would you like your sushi paper or plastic?

2011-04-14T12:27:00.000-07:00

Looks teeth cracking delicious!

Look at that traditional sushi set up. Wooden tray, sushi displayed neatly, sliced ginger to cleanse your palate. The sushi sliced so perfectly ready to be dipped in wasabi-soya sauce and eaten. The only problem: It's made of plastic.

Japan is famous for all the restaurants that display samples of their foods in the window. Everything looks so fresh and tasty...and real. However, this is a big business in Japan. Plastic food factories are a major industry and even have tours for people to see how the food art is created. On a tour, people also have a chance to try and make some food.

I am sure plastic food can be found all around the world but the amount of detail and precision that goes into these displays is truly Japanese. One of my favorite things to do in Japan was to walk around looking at all these displays and touch the food. Not poke, but just slightly brush the plastic foam on the beer or feel the bumps of each individual rice grain.

Not only is it easy to order having these visual aids but you can see exactly what you will get. And trust me, it looks exactly the way it does in the display when it arrives at your table. Sans plastic.

Only in Japan...