Psalm 139:14

Psalm 145:18

2012-02-08T17:28:00.000-06:00

The Lord is near all who call out to Him, all who call out to Him with integrity. Psalm 145:18

I just read a devotion titled "What I Couldn't See. Psalm 145:18 is the verse that was just under the title. I began to read the story that went along with it and felt like I was reading my own words, in a sense.
Have you ever had something that you were praying about, and had been praying about it so long that you often wondered, "God are you really there? Are you really listening?"
I have. I have a few prayers that I have found myself asking, "God are you listening? I need answers, I need intervention from you!!" Its almost as if I was shouting and could hear it even though I knew I was just sitting there thinking it.

Here's the thing though....Yes, God is listening, and yes, he hears us. We don't have to scream or shout for Him to hear us. He hears us whether we speak a word or not. He KNOWS before we even speak, what we are feeling and thinking.

Timing. God answers our prayers in His time, not ours. I have something I've been praying about for someone for YEARS. And I still find myself struggling with wanting to ask, "God aren't you listening to me? Don't you HEAR me? Can't you see that I have this request that I've been talking to you about for so long?"
And essentially, the answer is YES--He knows. He hears me. And for whatever reason, apparently, its just not time yet.

I have prayed for my son as well, as far as his attitude about many things. I know, he's almost 15--he's a typical teenage boy. He was diagnosed at age 2 with diabetes. Wouldn't you have an attitude if you were him? I know he gets frustrated and just sick and tired of dealing with the diabetes. But there's nothing more he/we can do with it, than we already do. Its a life long illness and this side of heaven, there is no cure.
Therefore, he's gotta realize that God is his co-pilot in this life. This world is not our home, thank God!
I've prayed and prayed and prayed..and will always pray, that my son will seek the Lord in life's journey--with or without diabetes.

I've asked for prayer for him in Sunday School; from friends; from other relatives. And I can see it. I can see little changes here and there. And I can see Satan at work hard in those times as well. Things can be going smooth and great and then BOOM------MAJOR increase in attitude. And just like everything else, its my prayers that help get me through.
Because even when I don't always see everything clearly, or when I don't think God is listening, that the reality is--He's always there and He's always listening. He's always near me.

Surrender

2012-01-15T17:14:00.002-06:00

Surrender: to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion,etc.: He surrendered himself to a life of hardship.

Luke 14:33 33 So then, none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own possessions.

One of our worship songs this morning in church was "I Surrender All" Its an old hymn I've heard and sang in church ever since I can remember. I love it. One of those songs that I almost don't want to sing, but instead I'd rather just stand there and listen. But I can't, I gotta sing it too! :)

I Surrender All by Judson W. Van DeVenter, 1896

All to Jesus I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.
Refrain:
I surrender all,
I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender;
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
Take me, Jesus, take me now.
All to Jesus I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that Thou art mine.
All to Jesus I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to Thee;
Fill me with Thy love and power;
Let Thy blessing fall on me.
All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.
Oh, the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to His Name!
Makes ya stop and think a little bit. At least it should. When you give your life to Christ, do you give it all to Him or just part of it? Not just some of the time, not just a day or two a week, but ALL the time. EVERYTHING. The way you dress, the way you act, the things you do and say should reflect Christ. I remember when the slogan WWJD was popular. What happened to it? Did it just phase out? And why? I find myself asking my kids a lot, when they are arguing with each other, or talking back, "What would Jesus think if He was standing there listening to you?" Guess what? HE IS!! That's reason enough for me to surrender all that I am and all that I have.
No, Im not perfect by any means. No one is. But imperfection is no excuse to just live partially for Christ. Luke 14:27 says And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
How about you?
I Surrender All by Clay Crosse(one of my all time fav)
I Surrender All by The Isaac's
Surrender by the Newsboys
Devotion on Surrender

Furry Feline Friends

2012-01-03T15:57:00.000-06:00

Its been a while since I even pulled my blog up on my computer. As I sit and type right now, its funny, because the newest member of our family is sitting on the arm of the couch watching me type. Actually, she's sleeping. Its so sweet because she's either sitting next to me like shes is now or curled up on the back of the couch behind me. You see, we decided to get my daughter a new kitty for Christmas. It was a last minute decision. I'd seen on a friend's Facebook page, wehre they had some kittens to give away. By the time I'd discussed it with my husband, all the kitties were gone. I was heart broken. Not for just my daughter but for myself. We use to have a big fat white cat that my sister gave us a few years ago. He was just a baby when we got him. I've always wanted a big fluffy kitty. And he was perfect. One big ball of fluff! We tossed names around a lot and we were going to go with Boomer, but went with Stoops instead. Why Stoops? Because my husband is a DIE hard OU fan. My daughter was just beginning to talk when we got the cat, so when she said his name, it didnt come out Stoops...but Poots instead. She'd call him Pootsie or Poops. Turned out the name POOPSIE fit him well. We ended up having to put him outside not long after we got him though. He refused to use his litterbox. He would use the floor instead. I would clean up the mess, move the litterbox and then he'd find a different location to use. I'd had enough. So out he went. He seemed to be more content outside too. He was always a bit moody from the start. And dont ever try to pet him anywhere--except just behind his little ears. Other wise, CHOMP--he'd try to bite ya.
Through the big snow storm we had a few years ago, to the miserable heat 2 summers in a row, he survived outside. But sadly, we discovered he was missing a few months ago. And then about 3 weeks ago, my husband found what was left of the cat, in our back lot. Just a pile of fur and bones. =(
My assumption is that a dog got through the fence from neighbors behind our house.
I miss that grouchy old fat cat. He may be gone, but he won't be forgotten.
And so, thats where the story of the new kitty, CoCo, comes about. She's about 12 weeks old. And she's got a super sweet personality. She was a bit skittish at first when we brought her home but thats understandable. My daughter keeps her in her bedroom with her. We've managed to get her introduced to the dogs. Our big dog, stays outside most of the time and its a good thing, because he'd squish her!
Our little dog..she's pretty curious about her still. She won't hardly leave her alone and insists on pestering Coco to death!
She's a pretty good fit for our family. Im so thankful that my husband found the ad when he did for her. She was already litter box trained and that was a HUGE plus, especially considering the issues with our other cat and his NOT using the litter box. That lil turkey. Its been nice to have a cute curious little kitty around the house-especially one that will play for a while and then settle down and just snooze next to ya.

What is WOF?

2011-11-13T19:21:00.000-06:00

How many of you have seen the letters WOF in the last few days? What do those letters mean? Just what do they stand for? Well, I'll tell you. They stand for WOMEN OF FAITH. Women of Faith is a faith-based women's organization encouraging women of all ages and stages in life to grow in faith and spiritual maturity through a relationship with Jesus Christ and an understanding of God’s love and grace.

This is the first year since the conferences started, 16 years ago, that I've been able to attend. And I hope that its not only the first, but the first of MANY that I am able to attend.   I saw the posters talking about it at church WEEKS ago and I wanted to go as soon as I saw the line up. I was all set to sign up to go and it turned out that I was not going to be able to swing going. I just couldn't do it financially b/c some various things came up. Seems like that always happens to me. I was very disappointed, but didn't dwell on it too long. And then a couple of weeks ago, while I was taking a lunch break at work, I found out that I had been given the chance to go anyway. That was a pure gift from the Lord! In fact, I told my husband and my parents that "God knows I NEED to go, and He's provided the way."

I was so excited about going. I'd heard several girls talking about Patsy Clairmont in the past and what an amazing and hilarious woman she was. OMG--I have not laughed quite so hard in so long. Thank you Jesus for the gift of laughter. I've heard its one of the best medicines there is.   She has over come so much in her life, emotionally and its because of her faith in Christ. As I listened to her speak this weekend, there were several times that I thought to myself, "Im not alone. There really ARE people who understand."
Anxiety and depression--they are very real. They are not just made up. They are not issues that can just be turned off with a switch. They can be very very serious. I know--I've dealt with both, and still do to some extent. One comment she made this weekend was in regards to taking medication for it. She basically stated, that if you have to take medication to help you deal with these kinds of issues, and to help you get through your day, then do it! And dont let ANYONE make you feel badly for it--afterall, the good Lord is the one who gave someone else the ability and brains to become doctors to treat illness and diseases.

Brenda Warner: Talk about an awesome testimony. I was in awe of her as I listened to her. She gave her life to Christ when she was 12. She joined the Marine's when she was 18.   She got married and had a baby boy.  His name was Zack.   When Zack was 3 1/2 months old, he had accidentally slipped from his birth father's hands and landed on his head in the bathtub. Brenda and her husband were told that the baby had suffered traumatic brain injuries and probably would not live through the night. And if Zack did live, Brenda was told, her son would be profoundly brain-damaged and most likely unable to live anything resembling a normal life. The little boy did live. And although his brain had been badly damaged--he is nearly blind and his motor skills are minimal--Zack is also a happy and loved child.
She said one day her mamma was trying to get her to get out of the house. She'd been avoiding it basically. She shared with us that, "I decided to tell God what it was that I wanted. After all, isn't that what we all do?" All of us women at the conference just laughed. She went on to tell the rest of the story with how she met her husband, NFL's own Kurt Warner.   She met him one night and the very next day he showed up on her doorstep. He wanted to meet her kids. And that was it. Their love story goes on from there. He loved her kids immediately.   She said it gain: "He loved and cared about my kids." Her story didn't stop with Kurt. She lost her parents to a tornado that destroyed their home. She was only 25 when that happened. She spoke about the phone call she recieved from her sister, letting her know about her folks. She went through SO much between the ages of 18-25--how can you not be in awe of someone's faith through so much?   She never gave up. She never lost her faith in the Lord. Brenda and Kurt have 7 kids. And the Lord continues to bless them each and every day.

Lisa Welchel: LOVE her!! Loved the fact that she brought clips from The Facts Of Life with her to share with all of us at the conference. I've always thought she was SO pretty!! I kept thinking the entire weekend, 'wow, its Blair!!'   However, it was not Blair Warner....it was Lisa Welchel.   She became a Christian when she was 10. She knew that how easy it is and can be to go down the wrong path in life like many do, but she chose to go down the path that followed the Lord. I don't know about anyone else, but when I was a kid, I never really thought about 'people on tv' being Christians. It was humbling to me to watch her yesterday as we sang and praised our Heavenly Father. It was cool to sit and listen to her speak of her faith. She spoke about prayer, the importance of friendships and the power of prayer.

Sandy Patty: What I knew about her, was that my mother and sister have always loved to listen to her music. I knew she had an amazing singing voice, but I have never gotten to hear it in person until this weekend. She wanted to work at Disney Land, singing and dancing. She auditioned when she was 18. She got out there, sung her heart out and noticed that one of the judges dog-eared her papers. She said she thought to herself, that had to be a good sign. They told her they'd be calling to let her know something. She waited, and waited and waited. She finally decided to call and see what was going on. They told her they loved her voice and that her singing was fabulous. But that she hand't danced the way they had hoped she would. The next words that would be spoken, were crushing. "Im sorry, but your carrying a little bit too much weight." But she didn't let that stop her from pursuing her dreams of singing. She headed to Indiana and studied music there. She eventually started traveling with Bill and Gloria Gaither and her singing career took off from there. One thing she stated yesterday was that she can look back now at various things she's dealt with over the years and instead of seeing them as disappointments, she clearly sees the Lord's hand in everything.

Marilyn Meberg: When I first saw the poster at church for Women Of Faith, I'll admit that upon seeing her picture and even when we got to the arena yesterday, that I thought to myself, "She looks so serious. She'll be the 'boring' one to listen to." Quite the opposite. She was as fun and spunky as Patsy Clairmont.   Its clear that she's a genuine dear friend to the rest of the girls on the Women Of Faith 'porch.' She's become like a mom to a couple of the girls. She reminds me of my grandma actually--probably because she's tall and thin.   She's got a book called, What To Do When the Roof Caves In that talks about what to do emotioinally in tough hard times. I can't wait to get my hands on it to read. Oh...and she loves chocolate! :)
Who doesn't?

Mandisa: What a wonderful voice! I love to hear her sing. She's gone from singing in her bathroom using her curling iron as a microphone, to being a finalist on American Idol, and overcoming mountains, with the Lord's help. She's genuine and real and lets everyone know that you don't have to wear a mask. Just be yourself. Don't try to hide or cover anything up. Just because your a christian doesnt mean that you don't have problems. If your struggling, let someone know. If you need prayers, ask! Don't hide your feelings and emotions. If you need to cry, CRY. Don't keep it locked up inside. Whatever we are dealing with, God will bring us out of it and use it for His Glory.

And....Andy Andrews. I may be mentioning him last, but he is certainly not least. He's hailed as New York Times best selling author, a modern day Will Rogers, he has been asked to speak at the White House by 4 different US Presidents. He lost both of his parents when he was just 19. That in itself broke my heart to hear.  He took that bad situation and made it worse, and he eventually became homeless. He asked himself the question, “Is life just a lottery ticket, or are there choices one can make to direct his future?” He headed to the library and began to read various biographies. The rest is history. His bio can be read here:
http://www.andyandrews.com/pages/about-andy-andrews/biography/

What do all of these people have in common, other than the fact that they were all at WOF? They are people. And they are human. Just like you, just like me, just like everyone. They have good days, and they have bad days. They go through trials and have mountains they must climb. They have triumphs and they have disappointments. And through each and every one of their lives, God has remained in the center.
Each of them has a testimony of what the Lord has done in their lives, and they shared those testimonies this weekend. All of us laughed and we cried, and we laughed some more.
Just because someone is famous, doesn't mean that they don't have a story to share. And it might be a story worth listening to, because it just might help someone else to know that they are never alone...because Jesus is ALWAYS there.

OH!! I almost forgot. We also had the privilige of hearing the fabulous Amy Grant! No, sorry, Vince didn't make an appearance with her. But she shared her heart through some wonderful songs.

Psalm 91:4

2011-10-09T10:45:00.000-05:00

Devotional I received and wanted to share. As I read it, it was one of those, "wow" moments.

God always knows just what I need to hear, when I need to hear it!

VERSE:
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you
will find refuge ...
-- Psalm 91:4
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=Psalm+91:4

THOUGHT:
Life is filled with many uncertainties. You never know when
something unexpected is going to happen. You have no idea when the
next disaster will strike. In a world filled with hate and
terrorism, none of us has a clue when the next horrible atrocity
will take place. So what do we do when we can't be sure of our
circumstances? We take shelter under the wing of the One who is
above all circumstances! We take assurance in our Father who has
promised to bring us to himself no matter what may happen today ...
in our world ... and to our bodies. Our lives are hidden with our
Father because we've been joined to Christ. He is our Refuge! His
wings are our shelter!

PRAYER:
Father, what words can I offer that are sufficient to thank and
praise you for your deliverance that is greater than death? You are
the Alpha and the Omega. You are the God who was and is and is to
come. You are my Abba Father, who has adopted me and made me your
own. I place my trust, my hope, and future in you and I will not be
afraid. I find my refuge under your wings! All praise to you in the
name of Jesus. Amen.

http://www.heartlight.org/cgi-shl/todaysverse.cgi?day=20111009

Fibromyalgia...Is it really??

2011-10-04T21:28:00.000-05:00

I've been putting off writing anything about this topic, and have only shared the most recent information with a select number of people. Ive been going back in my mind over information from the last at least TWO years.
It actually goes back beyond that.
I have had issues with pain in my joints for years--and by years, I mean all the way back to high school. I NEVER played sports, so I can't blame the pain on anything like that. About a year after I graduated, I actually went to the doctor that my mom had been taking me to. Long story short there--he said he wasn't sure why I was having so much trouble with my knees hurting. He put me on an anti inflammatory, and sent me on my way.
I've had issues with my knees hurting off and on ever since.
I have just tried to blow it off and ignore it. As the years have gone by, its just gotten worse. I had a hard time getting down on the floor with my kids in my class, and then had an even harder time getting back up. Hurt horribly to walk up and down the stairs at church, so when I could, I'd use the elevator. I have had ONE time that I can remember that the pain levels decreased. I was pregnant with my daughter. A few months after she was born, all the pain issues returned and increased.
I started REALLY complaining about it and mentioning it to my primary doctor. I was not sleeping--which I'd dealt with already for several years anyhow. Something about my son being dx'd with an chronic incurable disease, just messed my head up and instead of sleeping, I was wide awake, the wheels in my head constantly turning and spinning 100 mph. But the pain became SO bad, that it was all I could do to get out of bed of a morning. My feet and my legs would hurt so bad. I just couldn't hardly walk from the bed to the bathroom. Which was only a couple of feet! I was tired all of the time--and I don't mean needing a little nap here and there, I was EXHAUSTED.
Chronic fatigue syndrome. That comes after having a case of MONO so bad when your 19, the the doctors tell your parents that you will have problems with fatigue the rest of your life. And not only that, but that if you ever had kids, that you would have to be watched closely for severe fatigue. And let me just tell you..I did indeed have trouble with both. To this day, if I say I am tired, I am just that, tired. If I say I need to lay down and rest, I NEED to lay down and rest.
I recently went to the doctor to have some blood work done. I'd had a few days where I felt rather odd, so I checked my blood sugar with an extra glucose meter we have. Type 2 Diabetes tends to run in my family already. And with Colton's Type 1, I don't wanna just blow weird feelings off. I had an A1C done--the result was a 5.8. Its a tad high for a 'non diabetic' and means that I am at a higher risk for type 2 D.
I also had an ANA ran. An ANA is an antinuclear antibody test. It is used to determine and diagnose auto immune diseases. http://labtestsonline.org/understanding/analytes/ana/tab/test
Now, before I go ANY further. I must back up. So here we go beep beep beep beep..backing up....beep beep beep.
When I went to my primary doctor to discuss the way I was feeling at the time--not being able to hardly walk when I got out of bed, feeling so exhausted, feeling at times like my legs were just going to give out. You know what it feels like when you have the flu? Ok, take that achy, tired irritable feeling and magnify it like 3 times. Makes you feel like you've been hit by a Mac truck.
I was almost in tears as I told this doctor the way I was feeling. So, he did blood work then. He ran an arthritis panel, and went ahead and sent me to a Rheumatologist. That particular arth panel came back 'normal' as he told me. I have no clue what the numbers for that test were though. So here I start seeing this rheumy. I remember that day very well. I went in, filled out paper work and waited and waited and waited. Gotta LOVE doctors offices! He finally came in and started asking me a series of questions. He noted all of my answers and proceeded to then do a series of pokes and prods all over my body. He started touching my back/shoulders and I thought I was going to jump off of that exam table. I mean I wanted to say, "DO NOT DO THAT!!" After checking out my joints and asking me more questions he said I clearly had fibromyalgia.
He never suggested doing any x-rays. He never mentioned an ANA--which I had SEVERAL people ask me if I'd ever had one done. My response was always, "No, whats that?"
I quit seeing that particular rheumy because he made me feel like he was rushing me out of his office each time I went in for an appointment. He'd ask me if I was feeling any better, and I'd say no, and he'd just up the meds he put me on. Lyrica--I don't recommend it. I couldn't tell that it helped any. All it did was make me gian weight and make me irritable more than I already was. When I quit seeing him, I started seeing another doctor here where we live. I went over all of what the rheumy had said to me. She went from telling me, "Well, we really don't treat fibromyalgia in this clinic..." to telling me, "I'd be glad to take care of your medications, and your fibromyalgia if I can help you." I made a point more than once to say I was curious what an ANA would look like. She never would run one. The rheumy never would run one either. He said it was pointless--b/c if I'd had a 'normal' arthritis panel, then an ANA would be normal.
Ok, now we are up to NOW. I went in to see a different doctor in this clinic here. All I did when he said he wanted to run some blood tests was to say, "I'd like to see if you can run an ANA on me as well." He asked why I wanted it done. All I said then, was that there had to be SOME reason for all of the pain in my joints--my knees, elbows, hands, fingers, toes--yes my toes. My TOES hurt and I have to stretch and squeeze my toes together until they pop. My most recent "symptom" is my hand going numb and tingly. I thought it was just when I was driving--b/c of the way I rest my hand on the steering wheel. But, I notice it when Im just sitting in church listening to the sermon, and even when Im just sitting watching tv at home.
And so, I got the results of the rest of the blood work yesterday. They said that all of the results were good; but that the ANA came back positive. I was glad at first, to know that Im not just imagining all of the pain I have. But then I was ticked off at the same time b/c I had TWO doctors within months of each other basically tell me I didn't need an ANA ran. Um, HELLO??? I obviously DID need an ANA ran.
It not only came back positive, but it came back a high positive. Some of you reading this may know what they look for. The titer number was 1:320 Believe me, I know, thats high. Could be higher. But just the same, its high.
I do not know what this means, I do not know what they will do next. More tests, Im sure, as well as sending me back to a Rheumatologist.
So, do I really have fibromyalgia? That may ineed be all it is. They may tell me its Lupus, or some other auto immune disease. All I know is that I am hopefully finally going to be getting some answers to the questions I've had for several years now.

Feelings

2011-09-28T18:03:00.002-05:00

This is not the first time I've decided to write about feelings. After all, we do all have them. At least I think we do. I guess there are those out there who are so stone cold to everything that they don't know how to crack a smile, shed a tear, or have a good laugh.

The last time I wrote on feelings, it was simply titled "Compassion". What is that? Here's the definition of compassion: Compassion is a virtue — one in which the emotional capacities of empathy and sympathy (for the suffering of others) are regarded as a part of love itself, and a cornerstone of greater social interconnection and humanism — foundational to the highest principles in philosophy, society, and personhood.

I'll give you a few seconds to ponder and chew on that one. Go back and read it over again if you need to.

Most who know me, know I have a very tender heart. It doesn't take much to make me teary eyed. And it doesn't always have to be something sad. I have shed many tears that were happy tears. Is that a problem that I have a soft heart? It shouldn't be. I'm not blind, I've seen the look on some people's faces when I start getting teary eyed about something. Its a look of "Oh good grief, here she goes again!!!" Well, to that I say...."WHATEVER!" That's just who I am. Its the way that the Lord made me and wired me to be. It simply means that he gave me a compassionate heart.

I don't have to know someone to show compassion for them. I don't have to KNOW what they are dealing with. It does help to know though, so that I know what how to lift them up in prayer. I myself have been known to have a conversation with people and I can see the tears well up in their eyes. And then of course, here come the water works for myself. But that's what we are to do. Listen, have compassion, and love one another.

New International Version (NIV)Luke 6:31

³¹ Do to others as you would have them do to you
.
Is that really so hard to do? Believe me, its NOT hard. I've had people in the past that I have had words with, and just not gotten along with them. I prayed and asked the Lord to help me with that. I have gone to that person, apologized for the bad attitude and asked for forgiveness. Was that hard? Uh, YA..its called letting go of pride and letting your guard down. But it goes along with Luke 6:31..b/c you treat others the way you want to be treated. I've heard people quote that, and they certainly don't practice it.

The whole point in me writing about this again, is because of the fact that as I have already said, I have a very tender heart. And when I hear of someone losing their battle, with the same disease that my son fights every single day, the compassion doesnt just go away. Instead it explodes.

Since June of 2000, I have met several families, who are also the parents of kids with diabetes. They are the ONLY ones who REALLY understand what its like to have a child with diabetes. The doctors don't understand--they say they do, but really? Do THEY really? Unless you live with it in your home, its really hard to know just what its like. I'm very thankful to have these people in my life--its not an accident. God places people in our lives for a reason.

Every minute across the world, 6 people die of diabetes… Either directly, or indirectly as the result of a complication. In total this disease is therefore the cause of almost 4 million deaths per year! Which is as many as those caused by AIDS. These are the figures put forward by the World Health Organization and the International Diabetes Federation (the IDF). It’s a genuine massacre which shows no sign of stopping http://www.destinationsante.com

In the last 24 hours, there is a family who is hurting, and grieving for the loss of their loved one. Parents have lost a son, a sister has lost her brother, kids have lost their daddy and friends have lost a friend. That my friends, is sad. Although at the same time, we can take comfort that he is resting in the arms of Jesus and that he has a new body that is whole and he is no longer in any pain.

I have been talking to this young man's mom for a few weeks now, thanks to Face Book, I was able to find her and get in touch with her. I'd been wanting to get in touch with her for some time and wasn't sure how to. I found her on FB and was thrilled. I do not think it was an accident that I was able to find her on facebook. You see, this mom is a mom just like myself--she has fought the same fight that I fight every day, the same fight that I have fought every day since June of 2000. She knows how I feel. She knows the hurt that I feel and the anxiety that I have as I watch my kid grow up with something that I can't take away from him. I can't fix it for him. What I can do is be there for him, pray for him that he will just accept his health. I was given this child, to take care of, for such a time as this. The Lord KNEW before He gave me my son, just what road lied ahead of us. He knew. He's not going to give us anything more than He thinks we can handle. IT takes a special person to be the parent of a child with diabetes. Its a tough job, and obviously the Lord thought I could do the job. :)

Am I trying to take the sadness and heartache and turn it around on myself and my own family? Absolutely NOT. The whole reason for me to even write this is because of the fact that my heart truly ACHES for them. When I first heard he was so seriously ill and in the hospital, my heart just hurt for them. He had a stroke that was the result of Juvenile Diabetes. Just a few weeks ago, I learned of another young lady, who is the same age as my son, who went to bed one night, seemed fine, and never woke up the next morning. I learned yesterday of THREE other people just this past week, who have passed away, due to complications from diabetes.

A parent should never have to bury their child. I've heard that said several times since I was a kid growing up. We know that this world is not our home. Our life here on earth will not last forever, and that is the way that the good Lord intended things to be.

While you might think this was just a lot of jibber jabber, to me it was not. Its simply stating how I feel about things. And I as I was telling someone else earlier today, I am not going to apologize for my feelings when it comes to my son, or anyone else. As I have said, I have a soft tender heart, its a virtue that the Lord has given to me.

While chatting with another friend last night she shared this with me: I have another friend whose child has diabetes. I have seen what they have gone through and my heart bleeds for them. Their daughter has to have an insiline pack on her belly all the time and inject it at different intervels during the day. She has been in the hospital and almost lost her. I can't imagine the fear they must feel in what could happen. But that is what friends are for... to cry with us and to feel our pain. We need each other. And when we have compassion for one another that is when we are most lilke Jesus.

Our Diabetic Life: There are some things you need to know...

2011-09-27T20:20:00.001-05:00

I wanted to share a blog that I read yesterday. Its by a fellow D-mom who knows exactly what I myself, along with numerous other parents in the world, deal with on a daily basis.

As I read this blog, I thought, "Wow, thank you Lord..You knew I needed these encouraging words!" He always know just what we need, when we need it.

I have been amazed at the people that I have met and came into contact with since we found out about Colton's having diabetes. No matter how far away we live from each other, we KNOW and understand what each other goes through. We KNOW what it feels like to be frustrated with high blood sugars, to see your kid so sick he's puking his guts up, and its not because he's 'sick' with a virus or anything, but he's sick because his glucose levels are crazy high and he has ketones. Parents with kids who have diabetes know what ketones are and you don't have to explain it. You don't have to explain anything. You don't have to apologize for being fearful. You don't have to apologize for worrying about whether your child will go to bed and wake up the next morning.

Diabetic parents know what its like to feel like the day is going to drag on and on and on, even though we really know its not dragging on as slow as it seems. They know that numbers are going to be up and down and that its not because of anything that they did or didn't do. Its because they are kids, with a disease, that even though its 'controlled' with insulin, it can be so crazy out of control, that it will make your head spin.

I have blogged quite a bit about Colton's diabetes. Everyone knows how I feel. I hate it. I LOATHE it. Its an evil disease and I will not keep my feelings hidden nor will I apologize about the way I feel. Yes, he IS sick. He has an incurable deadly disease. There are some that say, "You should be thankful its not cancer!" Um, excuse me..did I ever say that I wasn't thankful its not cancer? No, I didn't. Im VERY thankful that its not cancer. Im thankful that it IS treatable. I thank the Lord EVERY sinlge day that the Lord gave me the wisdom to get Colton to the doctor, AGAIN, after taking him in numerous times off and on for weeks.

And I have also said, that unless you KNOW and LIVE a day in my house, and walk in my shoes, don't assume that you know how I feel. Don't sit there an tell me that I need to be thankful, b/c you have NO idea what I am feeling. Most people who know me, they KNOW that I give credit to the Lord for getting me through the last 11 years. Without HIM by my side, I can truthfully say I probably would not be here.

http://www.ourdiabeticlife.com/2011/09/there-are-some-things-you-need-to-know.html

Thank you again Meri for sharing this!

Invisible Illness...My 30

2011-09-19T08:35:00.000-05:00

Because our family lives with invisible illness...and because I saw other D-moms posting this...Here's my 30:

The illness I live with is: not my own, but my 14 year old son’s.
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: He was diagnosed in 2000 at age 2 with Juvenile Diabetes
3. But he had symptoms since: He had symptoms for at least 4 months before he was diagnosed. I really believe he was showing signs for a good 6 months before though.
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: forcing him to learn and do things himself since he IS 14, and not do them for him.
5. Most people assume: That he doesn’t “LOOK” sick, so he isn’t. Little do they know that there is a 24/7 battle inside him.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: getting him to get up and remember to check his blood sugar as soon as he gets up. Even after dealing with this for 11 years, he still has to be reminded.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: when it was on, ER. Sometimes I watch “the doctors” or Doctor Oz.
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: his glucose meter/insulin pump
9. The hardest part about nights are: going to sleep especially on the nights he’s checked and he’s low, or if he’s been sick.
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please)
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: There is NO alternative treatment for Type 1 Diabetes. You either take insulin via shots or a pump.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Invisible. Why? Because he has an invisible disease, but its manageable and treated daily with his insulin.
13. Regarding working and career: I work part time, and my hours/job allows me to take my kids with me.
14. People would be surprised to know: Im not as strong as I could be. The strength I have is given to me by my God every single day. It is with HIM that I have made it through every day since June 9,2000.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: There is no cure. It will NOT just go away. He will have this the rest of his life.
16. Something I never thought he could do with his illness that he did was: There’s nothing he can’t do. He can do ANYTHING he wants to. He has diabetes but it does NOT have him.
17. The commercials about his illness: There are NOT ENOUGH commercials that talk about Type 1 Diabetes. They are mostly for Type 2. People NEED to know the difference between the two. Because they ARE VERY DIFFERENT.
18. Something I really miss doing since he was diagnosed is: We use to be really close, but he began to see me as the bad guy—b/c I was always the one doing most of his care and giving his shots in the beginning.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: We’ve not had to give up much, because the doctors have said to let him eat what he wants, just cover it with extra insulin.
20. A new hobby he has taken up since his diagnosis is: Rubix cubes—he’s obsessed! LOL
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: get up and go about the day without even thinking about Diabetes and the fact that its been in our lives for 11 years now.
22. My illness has taught me: His illness has taught me to focus on relying on the Lord to get us through the tough days—because some are harder than the others.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: “He can eat that?? How can he eat that if he has diabetes?” Or, “Oh, my grandma has type 2, so I know all about diabetes.” Um, no, you don’t—type 1 and type 2 are VERY different.

24. But I love it when people: Tell me that they are proud of how I’ve handled everything over the last 11 years, and that they are amazed at just how strong I am.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: 1) Insulin is NOT a CURE. 2)Joshua 1:9
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: That it will be OK. That God does not give us anything we can’t handle.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: the fact that so many people are so ignorant to the FACTS
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Just calling and checking on Colton when he’s sick and asking if there’s anything we need.
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: My son has an invisible disease that is a constant battle inside him every single day.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Like maybe you will gain just a lil bit of insight as to what its like to be the parent of a kid with a chronic illness.

What's In A Number?

2011-09-11T21:21:00.002-05:00

Numbers. Ever think much about them? We start learning about numbers when we are very young. We learn to count our fingers and our toes. We learn to add, subtract, multiply and divide. We see them every single day, when we drive down the street, as we see speed limit signs. We see them on the calendar, and on clocks. But do we ever stop and THINK about numbers and what they could mean?
In our house, numbers are a huge part of our day. They've been a huge part of our lives since 2000 when Colton was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. See--there's a number right there, 1. From that moment, our lives changed forever and every single day would result in watching and waiting for numbers to be 'low or high'.
There are 365 days in a year, 52 weeks in a year, 12 months in a year, 7 days in a week. Just thought I'd throw that out there in case you forgot about learning it in school. =)
8 x 7=56 Thats how many times in a week that Colton has to stick his finger to check his blood sugar. 2920....any idea what that is? Thats the total of how many times he sticks his fingers in a year--at 8 times a day(in a 24 hour period). 1460...guesses? That is a rough number for how many shots that he got per year for EACH of the first 5 years he had diabetes. Give or take a few more--on sick days or if he needed an extra injection to cover a high glucose.
250--the number of units of insulin that Colton puts in his insulin pump every 3 days.
68 and under=blood sugar readings that are considered too low, and can result in a seizure if not treated quickly. 70-120...70 is on the verge of being a low, and a 'normal' glucose shouldn't be over 120. 90-120--Colton's 'target' range for his blood sugar. Numbers over 200 are considered 'high' for a glucose. Anything over 300 is bad, and the higher the number the more serious the situation. Numbers are replaced by the letters HI if his glucose is over 600.
178. Doesn't look or seem too bad right? Well...................thats a good question. It could be good or bad. I have from time to time, periodically and randomly checked my own glucose. I checked my blood a few nights ago. I can't explain it, I just felt weird. I washed my hands, grabbed an extra glucose meter we have and was floored at the reading. It had been over 2 hours since I'd eaten. But, 178 is what appeared on the meter. An hour afterwards, 158. I went to bed, and got up the next morning and checked myself before having anything to eat or drink and it was 132.
Type 2(Oh look! Another number!!) diabetes runs in my family. My grandpa had it, and my uncle has it. I do not know for sure who else in my family might have had it, before my grandpa--they didnt keep track or records of that kind of stuff. It took me about 24 hours of contemplating and wonder and the urging of friends to finally make me a doctor's appt. So, I go in on Friday, so they can determine whether I need to do as my son, and watch numbers on a daily basis. Is it going to be a big deal if I have to? Not really. Why not?
Because I've been watching numbers already for the last 11 years. Not because I want to, but because I have to, to take care of my son. And if he can do what he has done every single day for the last 11 years of his life, then I can too. When he was first diagnosed, I use to ask the Lord, "why'. "Why my son? He's only 2!" But its not the question of why. Its why not? God has a plan for each of us. No questions asked. He is in control of our lives, what happens, when it happens and how it happens. And if that means watching numbers and counting carbs, etc, then thats what I'll do.
What's a number to you?

Dads...and Moms....Gifts from God

2011-07-22T20:54:00.002-05:00

Im gonna talk about something different on this post. Dads. Dad's are a special part of a kids life. At least they should be. I have been a daddy's girl since I was little bitty. And Im not ashamed to say that even at 38, I am STILL a daddy's girl. I always will be. I feel so blessed to have a Christian dad who cares about me, the choices I made as a kid, as well as now. It doesn't matter that Im an adult and have my own family--he's still concerned about me and whats best for me.

Proverbs 22:6-11 reads, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." To train, indicates the first instruction that a parent gives to a child; which is his early education.Ephesians 6:4

New International Version (NIV)

⁴ Fathers,^[a] do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

So.....to me, a dad is to train his kids up in the way of the Lord. Be a Godly example for your kids. Don't go out partying and drinking and having a good old time, and expect your kids not to do it. Don't sit around smoking a cigarette or weed or anything else, and expect your kids to just sit and watch and not one day do the same thing. Lead by example. If you tell your kids not to do something--that should go for yourself as well.

If you want your kids to be the kind of parents they should be when they grow up--then BE A GOOD EXAMPLE to them. Don't sit around and baby them so that when they are in their mid 20's or 30's, they can't make any decisions for themselves, and always want their mommy or daddy there to pick up the pieces or bail them out.

By the time you hit that age, your parents have done their part. They have raised their kids. Don't sit around doing nothing. Get up, get a job--and keep it. Don't be lazy on the job and make it look like your working when everyone knows your really not. If your not doing your job, and you get 'called' on it, dont sit around and lie out your teeth just to cover your backside in hopes you won't get fired. And, if you do get fired, don't lie to your family about it. Tell them the truth. One little lie just leads to another one, and another, and another......and in the end, you won't do anything but hurt people.

Daddies...they love their families, and their kids and they lead by example. And the example they should follow, is that of Christ. And Christ wants moms and dads both to follow Him as an example for their kids.

Mommies...they give us life. They carry us for 9 months. They feed us, they cloth us, they take care of us when we are sick. We may not always get along with them when we

are growing up, especially in those teenage years. But, that doesn't always last and most often than not, they end up being our best friends. They are there when people let us down. They are there to listen, to comfort and to just be there....when we need someone close.

Im so thankful that both my parents are Christians and they loved me enough as a kid, to bring me up in church, so that I would learn by their example, grow up and become a follower of my God and Savior, just like they did. Im very blessed!

"Anyone can be a Father, but it takes someone special to be a Daddy."
Author: Unknown

Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be
exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10 ♥♥

Healing in your Arms - Acoustic Performance

2011-07-20T22:57:00.000-05:00

Came across this song on You Tube tonight. Watch it, listen and just taken

in what the song is saying. I also watched a video with two of the guys in the band.

One of them has been dx'd with MS. And while he doesn't understand it, and doesn't

know why he has it, He knows that God is in control and that He has a plan for his life.

Healing....there's no cure for MS, just like there's not a cure for Colton's diabetes. But,

he will have total complete healing one day. God doesn't always heal His people with

medicine....sometimes it comes through taking us home. But that happens according

to the Lord's will and His perfect timing for everything.

Thorns

2011-07-19T23:58:00.001-05:00

Ever think about how many different kinds of plants have thorns? Obviously, roses and cacti are probably what comes to mind the quickest. We have some sort of trees on our property that has really pretty flowers that bloom every spring. I have NO idea what they are. We've got yellow squash growing in our garden and those vines tend to have some sort of little spiky pokey things. OUCH.

I hate thorns. Big or small. Big and fat or short and very thin-like a sliver.

But the biggest thorn that I absolutely LOATHE...is...Diabetes. Its a thorn in my backside and it has been for 11 years. 11 long years. Just doesn't seem like its been that long.

Tonight was a rough night. It was time to change infusion sites again. Last one was a few days ago, when we had a big mishap with the new infusions we are trying. Ended up being a huge problem because the canula got messed up--thats a tiny plastic tube that the insulin comes out of and into his system. I was up at 4:30 Saturday morning changing his infusion again, because his glucose was just under 500.

Not something you want to worry about getting up and doing when you've finally gotten some sleep after laying in bed WIDE awake for hours upon hours.

Tonight was a bit of dejavu as well--because we went through the same stuff every three nights when he first got the pump, that we went through tonight. Its a 'game'. Its a mind game. He tells himself he can't do this and he refuses to give in and just go for it.

"Whats the big deal?" "Just put the site on for him. Its not that simple. Here's why: Because he is 14--FOURTEEN. Because we have been dealing with this disease for 11 years. Because its time for him to 'man up' and be RESPONSIBLE FOR HIMSELF.

Now, the reason I said it was like dejavu was because we went through this VERY same thing when he started the pump. He couldnt do his site changes then--and I honestly didnt blame him for not wanting to. In fact, I myself refused to change his site for him. Kyle had to do it. The infusions and serter he used back in 2005..that thing was EVIL. PURE evil. I hated that thing. Finally we were introduced to the Sure T. Thats what he is currently using., It took him a year to be able to put that one on himself.

I will give him credit--he did finally manage to put a MIO on last night. But it took TWO hours for him to do so. TWO HOURS. He can not sit there and put it off that long. Its a no brainer--if he's unhooked from his pump, that means NO insulin is flowin through him.

Thorns...sharp prickley pokey stinkin thorns. T1D(type 1 diabetes) is a HUGE thorn in my side. It has been for 11 years. And its going to be for many more years. But that doesn't mean I have to like it. And I don't like it. I hate it. Most of you who have known me for any length of time, know that Im pretty blunt in my feelings for this disease.

Its a thorn that I would much rather it didnt even exist.

Why Worry?

2011-07-15T17:14:00.000-05:00

I received this in my inbox yesterday. One of several daily devotions that I am signed up to get.
I can relate. I often find myself worrying and wondering about this. The Bible clearly tells us not to worry: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”(Philippians 4:6-7, NLT)
However, as I said, I find myself worrying and wondering about lots of things. After all, Im only human. But in the midst of that worrying and wondering, I am also reminded of Phillipians 4. Our heavenly Father doesnt want us to worry. He wants us to put our trust in Him. Not just in one or two things, but EVERYTHING. This is something that I have trouble with. I get anxious and antsy and have anxiety attacks. And let me tell you when you feel like 'climbing the walls' as I put it...its just NOT fun. When it feels like your heart is going to beat out of your chest, or when you start getting a horrible horrible migraine because you are so stressed and anxious..its just not fun. I have to stop, and go lay down and just pray. And I will ask the Lord to take away my anxiety and my fears and help me to remember that there is no reason for anxiety. All I have to do is to TRUST HIM.
Here is the devotion I want to share:

“She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’” Luke 10:40b (NIV)

When life gets overwhelming, do you ever wonder if God notices everything you have going on — like how you’re trying so hard to take care of everyone and everything? Staying up late to pay the bills, and feeling stretched between relationships at home and in ministry while caring for aging parents, commuting to work and carpooling kids?

Several years ago, I couldn’t keep up with all of the commitments I’d made. I felt like I was suffocating under everything I needed to do. Slowly, I let worry weave it’s way into my thoughts, making me wonder how I was going to do it all. I knew I should trust God more, but I was concerned that if I stopped worrying about everything and everybody He would too.

Eventually, I came to a point where I was exhausted and ready to resign from just about everything. I ran out of fuel. I didn’t have enough energy to handle all of my roles, relationships and responsibilities.

I also ran out of faith. I started doubting my ability to manage my life, to hear God clearly and to do all I assumed He wanted me to do.

And all those worries that made me weary, also made me wonder. I wondered why God wasn’t doing something to make life easier. I wondered if God noticed and cared about all I was doing for Him, and others.

One day I was reading my Bible and noticed how Martha’s worries were making her weary, and making her wonder if Jesus cared that her sister left her in the kitchen to do all that work, all by herself.

And listen to how He responded: “‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’” (NIV)

So, how do we choose what is better? How do we let go of our worries and take hold of confident peace that assures us God notices and God cares?

First Peter 5:7 tells us: “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” (NLT)

The apostle Paul tells us the same and he tells us how: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”(Philippians 4:6-7, NLT)

It sounds so doable, but why is it so hard? I think it’s because Satan whispers the opposite. He tells us, “Don’t be calm about anything; instead worry about everything. Tell God what He should do. Then take control if He doesn’t listen. And concerns that consume you will become like acid in your heart, eroding your confidence with worry and doubt!”

Instead of giving into the whispers of worry, spoken by the enemy, let’s listen to God’s promise for peace. When we feel overwhelmed by life this week, let’s commit to …

• Stop worrying — Press the pause button on our consuming concerns.

• Start praying — Talk to God about all we’re doing. Ask if there’s anything we need to cut back so we can seek Him as much as we serve Him, and others.

• Keep thanking God — Thank God for what He’s done in the past and will do in the future. This helps us remember how good He is at being God.

Lord, when my concerns consume me, help me remember that You are with me, holding me by the hand and guiding me. I want to seek You as much as I serve You and others. Help me balance my life and give my worries to You, knowing with confidence that You care about me and are good at taking care of me! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

MIO

2011-07-12T22:12:00.000-05:00

Today we went to meet with our pump educator about a new infusion site. Here's a link with information on the MIO by Medtronic's:

http://www.minimed.com/products/infusionsets/mio.html

Here's the BIG news about it though--its in a TOTALLY NEW 'real estate' area as Heather put it today. Heather is our friend/diabetes educator/pump educator/dietitian. She's been right there beside us since about a week after Colton's diabetes dx's.

Anyway, the 'big' news, or deal is this: Its put on his stomach! More on his side..but its not on his back side. Dr. Copeland said absolutely NO more sites on his fanny! Thats a HUGE accomplishment. Now, he just has to keep changing it there. He can NOT even think about an infusion site being on his back side for a good 6 months.

Praying friends and family...keep those prayers coming. We still need him to accept all of this. He can get mad and angry and whatever else about it, but he MUST accept it.

Changes....Its Time

2011-07-09T17:15:00.005-05:00

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens..Ecc. 3:1

Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens when its supposes to--there are no accidents. Everything happens, in God's timing.

We went to see Colton's new Endocrinologist on Thursday. What a way for Colton to spend his birthday--at the doctor's office. We were there all day. And that is not an exaggeration. His appointment was just after 1pm and we left at 5pm.

They did his height, weight, blood pressure and his A1C(average of his glucose levels over the last 3 months). It was 8.3%. Not the worst number it could have been but certainly not the worst either. Typically, for Colton's age, his A1C needs to be in the 7's. When he was diagnosed, it was 14%. We slowly over the years, got it down--and it was actually in the 7's. However, that short time he was in public school--his average went back up. And it went WAY up--back up to 13. I was NOT a happy mom with those results.

They got us back in room and we waited for what seemed like an eternity. It was a LONG 30 minutes before anyone ever came into the room. Dr. Copeland's assistant(I can't remember her name! Im horrible with names!) came in and started going over Colton's history and asked him several questions. When she started asking him questions about his diabetes, thats when things started 'getting good' in my opinion. The fact that he does not always bolus or check his blood when he's suppose to-----put it this way. For someone we do not even know, for them to look at him and say, "Well why wouldn't you do that? You HAVE to do this stuff...." That was awesome!

Someone who KNOWS what will happen if he doesn't do what he must do. Someone who UNDERSTANDS the consequences if he doesn't do what he must do every single day. Now, thats not to say that his previous doctor didn't know or understand. I guess it was just the way she said it to him--he needed someone OTHER than Kyle and I to get really stern with him.

Finally, Dr. Copeland came in and introduced himself to us, as well as the clinic's dietician, Amy.

They were all very thorough throughout our visit with them. Here's the thing--I really feel like they are the change we have needed for some time now.

Dr. Copeland laid down the law so to speak. And he told us that he wants to work with us and that he wants to do everything he can--but that Colton MUST do his part. He can't expect Kyle and I to do things for him. He must 'man up' and show responsibility and maturity. There is NO reason or excuse for anything that he has been blowing off or trying to ignore. Its not going to go away. No matter how much he wishes it would just disappear...this is his life and he MUST take care of himself.

He has ONE month before we go back. So, thats ONE MONTH to straighten it up and do everything he's suppose to do. Now, when we go back in a month, if he's not doing everything he's suppose to do, Im not sure what will happen. I have an idea...but Im not totally sure it will actually happen.

Changes were made while we were there. This is where my heart just sank as I listened to Dr. Copeland. I have made it no secret that I have felt like things were just blown off so to speak or brushed off the last couple of years when we've gone to his check ups. But to hear the words that came out of Dr. Copeland's mouth at one point...as a mom, its not something I wanted to hear. It broke my heart, it made me angry and it was all I could do to fight back tears.

He told Colton, rather frankly, that he felt like Colton's previous Dr had given up on him. Thats right, given up on him. Colton's basal rates were maxed out--twice what they should have been for a kid his age. The basal rate is the continuous insulin going through his system via his pump--just like a normal working pancreas would produce. That was 1 change that was made. Instead of getting several units in a 24 hour time frame, he will now get a much smaller one. This may result in some higher readings--but that is to make sure he focuses on checking his blood when he's suppose to, instead of going 5 or more hours in between times. He's suppose to check himself before he eats ANYTHING. That means breakfast, lunch, dinner(3) morning snack, afternoon snack, bedtime snack(3). Obviously its NOT hard to do the math--thats 6 times right there from the time he gets out of bed. And obviously, there may be a few other times throughout the day when he will need to test. Sick days--glucose levels are always checked more on sick days. Thats something for a whole other blog though. Getting sick and diabetes are NOT friends at all.

Colton has been on a pump since Tobi was born in April of 2005. Before he got on the pump, he was getting about 6 shots a day. His pump is now his pancreas. Instead of checking himself, and getting a shot, the pump does it for him. That just means that he checks himself, adds up the carbs he's going to be eating and then takes a bolus of insulin with his pump. IF he does NOT bolus, then his blood sugar rises and thats BAD BAD BAD.

Put it this way. If we go to Sonic, he usually gets a diet coke or a diet dr pepper. If they screw up and give him REGULAR soda instead....and this has happened before....his glucose levels will shoot up VERY quickly. And I mean HI. In fact, if he checks himself, HI is what his meter will say and its not saying "Hello" HI on his meter means that his glucose is over 600. That can be lethal.

Any time Colton check's his blood, from now on--anything over 150 will be considered 'high'. His new 'target' range is 80-150. If he tests, and he's 78, thats considered low and he is to have a snack to treat it. Anything over 150 is considered high and he will need to give himself a bolus of insulin to bring the number down.

Infusion sets: This is what he uses with his pump--its how he gets his insulin. Typically, when he was getting shots still, we would give him his shots in his arms, legs, or his booty. When he started pumping, we would put his infusions in his leg or his booty. Then it went to just his booty. NOT ANY MORE! He can NO LONGER use his booty for his infusion sites. Dr. Copeland told him he MUST use his tummy, or his upper thigh. I have asked over and over and over and OVER again in the past about him continually using his butt for his infusions. I've done the research and I've read lots of stuff. You MUST rotate and change where you put your infusions or take your shots or it does NO good--b/c scar tissue develops and the insulin can't get through like it needs to.

We are excited though--he's decided to try a new infusion set, and we will be checking it out this week! Its called a Mio: http://www.minimed.com/products/infusionsets/mio.html

Self Discipline: He HAS to prove and show that he is in control of his diabetes. Not me. Not Kyle. Not my parents. Just Colton. He has to prove he's capable of doing exactly what he's suppose to when he's suppose to. He either has to write down each and every blood sugar in a log book, or he will have to download his meter to the computer and then we'll have to print it up, and take it with us when we go back to the doctor in a month.

I asked Colton earlier this morning when he got up if he checked himself and what he was and as I did, something said "Nope, don't do it. Don't ask him. He's gotta prove that he is capable of doing stuff!!!" So at that moment, I made the choice to not say a word to him. I will NOT ask him if he's checked his bs; what he was, or if he bolused.

Im not sure what they will be, but Im sure there will be consequences when we go back to see Dr Copeland in a month.

So, changes are coming, at least thats what I feel. And its indeed time for changes. If changes are not made, and made for the better, I don't want to think about what the consequences could be.

What I do know, is that it was not an accident, or a 'chance' thing, that we heard Dr. Copeland's name within 2-3 days time. And I was also told by a dear friend, that she had been specifically praying that we would somehow make a change in doctors. You know who you are--thank you for your prayers and your sweet friendship.

Colton's Journey

2011-06-27T23:55:00.002-05:00

I have wanted to make a video or slide show of Colton for a LONG time. You have to remember, Im not real computer savvy--and what I can do on one, I've learned how to do just by fiddling around with my laptop.
So I finally sat down put together some pics, took some tunes off of my iTunes and edited the pics with captions. I had actually sat and typed up all of the 'facts' that are in the video and saved them to the computer. But when I went to upload those files, each time I tried to insert one, it was blank. SO, I decided to just write it out by hand...kinda makes it a bit more personal that way anyhow.
And so, I sat all day yesterday working on this project. This evening I have been trying to edit it some and re-do some of the fonts that I used.
Thought I'd share it here on my blog. Each and every song has a significant reason for being used. The first one, came out and we were in awe of the words, considering what we had just learned about his health. The second one, I chose for Colton's life verse, the first time I ever heard it. And the last one, is because my Lord and Savior is always there with me and my family caring us through the ups and downs of this journey that we all travel each and every day. You may want to pause the music player on the blog while the video is playing.

Feeling Swallowed....

2011-06-20T17:06:00.001-05:00

Three weeks ago we started a study through Jonah at church. I have managed to get my sleepy self out of bed and make it to church the last three weeks! I never thought I'd have trouble getting up on Sundays, but the last few years, oh my gosh, some mornings its SO tough!
Yesterday's sermon was titled "What Should I Do When I Feel Swallowed Up?" Jonah 2:1-9
As I made my way into the sanctuary yesterday, I read that title and I thought, "Oh, that's how I feel a lot of the time!"
And I do--thats not a secret. I feel like Im drowning in a sea of forgetfulness. I feel like Im going to scream and pull my hair out--though it would do nothing but make my throat hurt and my head hurt--not to mention, I'd be bald like my husband if I pulled all my hair out. (Sorry honey, just had to use that!)
I have days that I feel like this b/c I am a mother--of a teenager and a 6 year old. That in itself should explain a lot. ;o)
However, all of us moms know how crazy things tend to get. We have our homes to take care of, our families to take care of, some of us have part time jobs, etc. Sometimes I just feel swallowed up by all of it.
And throw into all of that--diabetes. It stinks. It gives my son extra attitude. And that extra attitude on top of the 'typical teenager attitude'...OH MY WORD!
As I sat and listened and took notes yesterday, I was reminded that even when I feel swallowed up by every day life, the Lord is always there. And he always knows how I feel, whether I voice it aloud or not.
I must remember to PRAY--anytime, anywhere--through any emotion in any life situation!
Sermon Notes: Sunday June 18, 2011 Jonah 2:1-9
1. Know that you never get away from the presence of the Lord. (vs1)
2.When you do not know how to pray, pray scripture. (vs 2-9)
*The spirit intercedes for us. (Romans 8:26)
*Pray the words of the Bible.
*Pray the prayers of the Bible.
3.When you feel threatened or defeated, remember the faithfulness of the Lord. (vs 6-8)
**We are to remember God's faithfulness to us and the stories of His faithfulness to others.
(remember: mental act of focusing your attention on something)
4.Pray until joy returns, hope comes alive and your heart is changed.(vs 9)
5.Focus on the salvation of the Lord.(vs9)
**Notice the elements of his prayer:
> There is honesty.
>There is confession.
>There are specific details.
>There is thanksgiving.
Conclusion:
We can pray in any location, through any emotion, through any life situation.

Back to Bloggin

2011-06-12T17:14:00.000-05:00

I've gotten away from my blog and just have not thought about it a whole lot. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that some months back I got a little irritated and ticked off, so instead of using my blog as a way to vent, I just ignored it. I decided a few days ago, to pick it back up. Its a must.. Why? Because it helps me to sit down and 'write', vent, share information, etc.

Let's back up a bit to why i chose to just forget about this blog for a while. In fact, I almost just completely deleted it. Zip, zilch, no more. But as time has gone on these last few months, I've decided NOT to take it down and to make myself just keep it up.

I had gotten upset at the fact that I was more or less made to feel like I 'dwell' on my son's health too much. I don't see it as dwelling. I see it as looking for information, sharing it, and staying informed with any and all information that I can in regards to his health.

Diving in and searching all over the internet and in books is what I have done since we first learned about his diabetes. What were we suppose to do? Just take the words, "Your son has a life threatening illness that requires insulin injections the rest of his life...." and stick our heads in the sand? Maybe if I didn't give a flying flip, but thats not how it was.

Kyle and I felt like it was our duty as Colton's parents to learn all the information and facts about diabetes that we could. If that means reading every single book at our local library about diabetes, so be it. If it means reading every single link that is clicked on, via the internet, so be it. If it means connecting with other parents on a website like Children With Diabetes, or Facebook, well, thats what Im going to do.

I don't sit and dwell on diabetes. I don't eat, drink, sleep and eat diabetes. Well, wait a minute, maybe I do. Maybe we all do. But, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSE TO DO?? It's not something that can be ignored. Its a FAMILY effort. All I have done from day one of his dx's is to educate myself and others as to what he goes through every single day. And what we go through as his family every single day--it affects all of us. It can't be ignored or brushed under a rug. Its a reality in our home that someone we love and care about has an incurable disease. Praise God he's got insulin he gets via his insulin pump.

In short, I've decided, not to get ticked off and upset b/c some people think that I 'dwell' on my son's health. Instead Im going to continue to blog about it. I've been told several times, "thank you for sharing this.." in regards to previous blogs about diabetes. And to those who say thank you, "Your Welcome!"

Mistake

2010-11-12T10:59:00.003-06:00

This blog is taken from my Face Book. Its a note that I posted a few days ago about a conversation
that I had with my son.
I've thought about it off and on for the last several days. I am thankful for my son. I am thankful for the fact that he has diabetes, and not cancer. I am thankful that he has medication to regulate his blood sugars. However, his insulin is NOT a CURE for his diabetes. Its not going to make his pancreas miraculously start working again.
Its not easy to see him struggle with the anger about it every day. Its not easy to watch him go through out the day and see what happens when his glucose is too low. Its not easy..any of it. And while I AM thankful that we have to go through all of these things and not something worse, I feel like I should still be able to say that I HATE DIABETES. I HATE IT!! Thats how I vent my own anger and frustration about it. I say that. And you know what? My Heavenly Father also knows how I feel about it. He's been there since day one of this long journey--and even before then. And without Him in my life, I would not have made it through these last 10 1/2 years. I am so thankful for His protection over Colton. We have never had to take him to the hospital for anything since his diabetes dx's. That is purely my awesome God watching over him and keeping him safe!

my fb note:

I had a conversation with my son yesterday. It started out focusing on one thing and eventually turned to talking about his health.

I was asking different questions and comparing answers with what his would be and what mine would be. One of those questions was, "Does your body make insulin?" And he looked at me and said, "NO" I then said, "Does my body make insulin?, Yes"; to which his reply was "LUCKY!!!"(insert sarcasm as he said it)

That lead to various other statements from me. Its not a secret that I hate this disease. I hate that fact that it has robbed me, so to speak, of my son--or at least thats how I use to feel. It has robbed him, more than people realize, of his childhood, so to speak. Kyle and I have tried to tell him, as well as a few others, that he has GOT to admit and accept that he has a physical, chronic, medical condition. He must accept this fact.

For the first time ever, I heard my son utter the words yesterday that I had hoped I would never hear him say. I had an inkling that he felt this way, but I have never heard him actually say it. And it broke my <3

He told me that he feels like he is a mistake....because he has diabetes. Because he has diabetes, he's defective. So therefore, God made a mistake when He created him. As he said this, tears slowly ran down his cheeks. And I looked at him and said, "Is that really how you feel??" I couldn't get those words out of my mouth before I was just sobbing.

I told him that God doesn't make mistakes. I told him that Psalm 139:14 says," I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." I told him, as I have told him many times throughout his life, that the Lord made him extra special, and that we don't know why he has diabetes, but the fact remains that he does, and its all a part of God's plan for his life.

The Lord doesn't make mistakes! Plain and simple. This is something he wrestles with every single day. I know this b/c I see it. I see his anger and his frustration with his health. I've asked WHY as many times as he has, why he has diabetes. And I just have to continue to believe that God is in control. He has total and complete control over Colton's life. And he has entrusted Kyle and I as his parents. He's given him to US to take care of him. And for that, I am very thankful. And I am VERY thankful for the insulin that he DOES have to take every single day. And PRAISE God for the discovery of that drug.

Here is a link from the JDRF's website. Read and let it sink in as you do. The little girl that is featured, was just 4 when this was posted. Read how many times she has stuck her finger, changed an infusion site, etc.

Colton has poked his fingers at LEAST 6 times a day for the last 10 years. He went from having 4 shots a day, every day in 2000-April 16, 2005, when he started on the insulin pump. And now, he changes his infusion site every 3 days. He goes through ONE 10ml bottle of insulin typically in a week, just a little more. Which is a LOT! He has gone from getting about 10 units a day when he was dx'd to getting somewhere between 80-100 units in ONE day now.

Type 1 diabetes use to be called Juvenile Onset. Most now just say Type 1. Why? Because it doesn't just strike kids. Anyone at ANY age can be dx'd with Type 1. Ive said it before, it has NO age limit. And it can't be controlled with diet and exercise. Type 2 is controlled by diet, exercise and medications. Insulin can NOT be taken in pill form. It must be taken via syringe or pump.

http://www.jdrf.org/index.cfm?page_id=101307

http://www.jdrf.org/index.cfm?page_id=101311

Busyness of Life

2010-10-15T11:31:00.002-05:00

I have not posted anything in a while, and I realized that yesterday. Why?

Because I've been just a tad busy. Seriously? Me?? Busy??? YES.

Just because someone is a stay at home mom, doesn't mean that they aren't busy. I myself am a stay at home mom, AND I home school, AND I am a teacher for a Parents Day Out program. I am always busy doing SOMETHING. Rarely do I find time for myself to do absolutely nothing.

About a year and a half ago when I had major surgery, and was on recovery for about 6 weeks, I did a lot of nothing. And it was BORING!! My mother was gracious enough to come down to my house and sit with me every single day. When my dad got off of work at noon, he then came over to hang out with me, my mom and the kids. Thankfully, they just live less than a half a mile from me. Thats a HUGE blessing to me to have my folks so close to us.

My mother would get up and come down here every morning around 8. She'd let herself in because she knew I was still in bed. She'd close the door to my bedroom so that the kids or the dogs wouldn't wake me up. I'd get up and she'd have fed the kids breakfast and started doing other stuff around the house. If there were dishes that needed to be washed, she washed them. If she saw there was some laundry that needed to be done, she did that.

Once my recovery time was up and I went back to doing everything myself again, I had to make myself not be busy. Kinda hard for me to do. I can't sit still. I have to be doing something all the time. And when Im at home, Im usually doing something related to cleaning the house up. Dishes, laundry, cleaning a bathroom, dusting, vac'n the floor, picking up the kids rooms, etc.

I remember one day that I was just SO incredibly tired. My house was a pit because I'd been doing other things for other people and couldn't clean my own house. I was tired and I was hurting(fibromyalgia sucks) and I just didn't want to do anything. My husband came up to me one day and took me by the hand and led me to the living room and sat me down in my rocking chair. He said, "Just sit down! You don't have to do all this right now!"

I've had to make myself just sit down like that several times lately. I come in from work on Tuesday or Thursdays and I just sit and do nothing. I'm on my feet most of the day those two days every week. I don't want to come home and start cleaning my house up, so I've just sat down and chilled for a change. I've done that the past two weeks.

I've gotten lazy about cooking dinner and when my husband is off of work, I've been telling him, "I am NOT cooking dinner tonight. You can do it!" :) And thankfully, he's done the dinner preps.

We have to rest. Thats the way that the Lord made our bodies. We must rest and if we are going and going and going and need rest and won't do it on our own, He may intervene and give us that time to rest. We have times that we must 'be still' and listen to the Lord. Be still and know that He is God! Psalm 46:10

Suffering

2010-07-26T18:18:00.000-05:00

Its safe to say that I needed to be in Sunday School yesterday. They did the last lesson in the book they've been studying. The book that I've missed all the lessons to because I've just been getting up and going to the later service.
As I sat and listened, I clearly knew I needed to hear the words from the pages that we went over. What I am about to share is straight from the book that was used in Sunday School yesterday. Master Work--Lessons from "He Chose The Nails" by Max Lucado and Desiring God by John Piper.

Suffering. Why did Paul embrace it like he did? Suffering was part of Paul's apostolic calling. To be faithful to his calling, he had to embrace what Christ has given him--much suffering. Paul describes suffering as a gift--just like faith is a gift. Phil. 1:29

Jesus said, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. Luke 9:23-24 There is no true Christianity without cross-bearing and a daily dying--which sounds very much like Paul's "I die every day"(1 Cor. 15:31) Jesus also told His disciples, "A servant is not greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you."(John 15:20). So something would be amiss if Paul didn't share in the sufferings of Jesus. Jesus gave His disciples an ominous image of their ministry. "Behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves."(Luke 10:3) And so He promised them, "You will be delivered up even by parents and brothers and relatives and friends, and some of you they will put to death. You will be hated by all for my name's sake." (Luke 21:16-17)

Paul did not consider these promises of suffering as limited to the original 12 apostles, because he passed them on to his churches. He strengthened his converts by telling them, "Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God." (Acts 14:22) He encouranged the suffering Thessalonians by exhorting them not to be 'moved by these afflictions. For you yourselves know that we are destined for this'(1 Thess.3:3)
2 Timothy 3:12 says "Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted."
So it would be understandable if Paul embraced a life of suffering because it would simply confirm that he was a Christian.

Paul learned that God uses our suffering to wean us from self reliance and cast us on Himself alone. This is God's universal purpose for all Christian suffering: more contentment in God and less satisfaction in self and the world.

The pearl of greatest price is the glory of Christ. Paul stresses that in our sufferings the glory of Christ's all sufficient grace is magnified. If we rely on him in our calamity and He sustains our 'rejoicing in hope,' then He is shown to be the all-satisfying God of grace and strength that He is. If we hold fast to Him, 'when all around our soul gives way,' then we show that He is more to be desired than all we have lost.

God's universal purpose for all Christian suffering: more contentment in God and less satisfaction in self and the world. ~John Piper

So suffering is clearly designed by God as a way to spotlight His grace and make it shine. The deep things of life in God are discovered in suffering. It means experiencing depths of yieldedness to God that would not have been otherwise demanded.

Colossians 1:24 says "Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church." This may be the most powerful motive for Paul's choosing a life of suffering.

Paul's sufferings complete Christ's afflictions not by adding anything to their worth, but by extending them to the people they were meant to save." ~John Piper

What is lacking in the afflictions of Christ is not that they are deficient in worth, as though they could not sufficiently cover the sins of all who believe. What is lacking is that the infinite value of Christ's afflictions is not known and trusted in the world. These afflictions and what they mean are still hidden to most people God's intention is that the mystery be revealed to all the nations. So the afflictions of Christ are 'lacking' in the sense that they are not seen and known and loved among the nations. They must be carried by ministers of the Word. And those ministers of the Word 'complete' what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ by extending them to others.

Colossians 1:24 "Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church." That means that Paul exhibits the sufferings of Christ by suffering himself for those he is trying to win. In his sufferings they see Christ's sufferings. Here is the astounding upshot: GOD INTENDS FOR THE AFFLICTIONS OF CHRIST TO BE PRESENTED TO THE WORLD THROUGH THE AFFLICTIONS OF HIS PEOPLE.
God really means for the body of Christ, the church, to experience some of the suffering He experienced so that when we proclaim the Cross as the way of life, people will see the marks of the Cross in us and feel the love of the Cross from us. Our calling is to make the afflictions of Christ real for people by the afflictions we experience in bringing them the message of salvation.
This is why Paul spoke of his scars as the 'marks of Jesus' In his wounds people could see Christ's wounds(Gal. 6:17) Or as Paul stated it in 2 Corinthians 4:10-12 "[We are] always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you."

God intends for the afflictions of Christ to be presented to the world through the afflictions of His people. ~ John Piper

Christ's suffering is for propitiation; our suffering is for propagation. 2 Timothy 2:10 and Col. 1:24 makes suffering the means of evangelism: "I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they also may also obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus." We complete Christ's afflictions by providing what they do not have, namely, a personal, vivid presentation to those who do not see Christ suffer in person. The startling implication of this is that the saving purpose of Christ among the nation and in our neighborhoods will not be accomplished unless Christians choose to suffer.

What is the gain and joy in suffering? Gaining Christ was Paul's great passion and goal in all he did.: "To live is Christ ands to die is gain." Phil 1:21 GAIN is the goal of his life and suffering. Paul desired to 'depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.' Phil 1:23.

The Bible says that we are to rejoice in persecution...for the reward is great. Matt. 5:11-12 says "Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven. One way in rejoicing in suffering comes from fixing our minds firmly on the greatness of the reward that will come to us in the resurrection. The effect of this kind of focus is to make our present pain seem small in comparison to what is coming: "I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us" Romans 8:18

Rejoicing in affliction deepens assurance of hope. Joy in affliction is rooted in the hope of resurrection, but our experience of suffering also deepens the root of that hope. Paul says that "We exult in our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance produces proven genuineness, an genuineness produces hope."(Romans 5:3-4--authors translation)

Intense joy comes from the sense that you have endured with the help of Christ. Rejoice in suffering for others--They see Christ.

Im going to stop there. I know that this is a lot to read. But, I also know that my heart is heavy for many people right now, including myself. What is suffering to you? What is it to those around you? What is it to people on the other side of the world? To some, it may be the loss of a job, living without a car, having no health insurance, and SO MUCH MORE.

To me, its watching my son live with an incurable disease. BUT, even though I see him deal with that daily, I can rejoice in knowing that one day, he will receive total and complete healing. And I know this because of his new found faith the Jesus Christ. He's allowed Christ to come into his life and my constant prayer as his mother is that he will allow Christ to be #1 in everything that he does, for the rest of his life. And that means, that his dad and I must be an example for him to follow. No matter what we deal with in our own daily lives. We must allow God to be front and center in everything that we do. No matter what happens with our finances, our home, our cars, we must allow whatever suffering we go through--we must continue to rely on God for strength to persevere. And while those little things may seem meaningless and small to some, to others they are huge.

And remember, you may not always know what others are going through. You may not know the extent of their suffering. Pray for them. Pray!!!

Grace

2010-07-26T10:47:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was a good day. Got up and went to church AND Sunday School. Thats something
I have not done in quite some time. Why? Because my husband has a crazy schedule and he is not off every single Sunday to go to church with me. I tend to get into a routine of just going to service and missing Sunday School. I get up, get the kids ready, send them to Sunday School and I go sit in service with my parents.
Sermon yesterday was great. Pastor Micheal spoke from Philipians 3:12-16
I write this post to simply share some of the points that I wrote down when I was taking notes.
** All believers are to grow in grace and knowledge of the Lord.
**Realize your own weaknesses(vs. 12)
**We should always pursue more truth about God
***GOD IS INEXHAUSTIBLE!!!(that in itself is AWESOME)
*We should NEVER stop pursuing Christ
**Focus on opportunities to learn more about Christ--Forget what lies behind you.
Don't look back in a way that keeps your eyes off of Christ. Look AHEAD in a way that builds your faith.
Use all your spiritual muscles and NEVER quit running.
To 'press on' means vigorous active pursuit
Our purpose should be to glorify God TODAY. To be in Christ, we are to live what we are declared to be.
Phil 3:17---Be an example in how you WALK and PURSUE God---and no matter what, pursue the Lord daily!!!

God, the Savior

2010-07-10T18:09:00.000-05:00

Those who believe in the Son have eternal life, but those who do not obey the Son will not have life.

John 3:36

When does salvation come? When we look to Christ. When we embrace him as Savior. Astonishingly simple, isn't it? Claim the great promise of John 3:16: "God so loved the world that he gave his only Son so that whoever believes in him may not perish, but have eternal life."

God, the Lover. God, the Giver. God, the Savior. And man, the believer. And for those who believe, he has promised new birth.

But despite the simplicity, there are still those who don't believe. They don't trust his promise...

If only they would try. If only they would test it. But God is as polite as he is passionate. He never forces his way. The choice is theirs.

These are the words from a devotinal by Max Lucado--Grace for the Moment. This was the devotion for June 30, 2010. I actually didn't read them until the 1st of July. Why is this so significant to me? Why do those words comfort me? Because on June 30, 2010, at Falls Creek, my son accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior.

Do you know how long I've been praying for him? I'll tell you how long...his entire life. Since before he was born. When I found out I was pregnant with him, I was thrilled, as most moms to be are. You see, I'd tried to get pregnant with him from day one of getting married. I thanked the Lord daily for him. I began to pray that my children would come to know Him at an early age. And, I prayed(still do) that my kids would follow the Lord and allow Him to be a part of their lives. I've prayed that He would use them for His glory.

For the last few years its been a tad difficult for all of us. Having the diagnosis of diabetes thrown at us was completely and totally unexpected. While I knew that God was in control and that He knew long before we did that Colton would have diabetes...I knew I had to trust in Him. And trust in Him for the last ten years is what I've done. Without my Jesus by my side, I would not have been able to make it through.

Pray without ceasing..thats what we are to do. 1 Thess. 5:17 tells us this. Pray without ceasing is what I frequently find myself doing. Thats how I go about my day, praying to the Lord to be with various people in my life and thanking Him for His many blessings.

Colton didn't want to go to camp. He told me he didn't want to go to diabetes camp or church camp. He just didn't want to go. Nothing I said could change his mind. Several weeks ago, I started to notice different little 'changes' in him. My nieces and nephew talked him into going to camp. I was thrilled, as were many in my family. I immediately asked for prayer for him from several people. Why? Because my son needed Jesus.

He's fought and fought making this most important decision. The most important decision he could ever make. My heart longed to see him come to know Jesus. Anger..resentment...frustrations...anger(again).

Those are all feelings that he has harbored. All of those feelings are a result of his health. I know he must feel like he was robbed of his childhood when he was smaller. For goodness sakes! He was only 2 when his little world as well as mine and his dad's, was shattered.

Praise God that he has finally given his life to Christ. Its an amazing feeling to see changes as a result of that decision being made. Do my prayers stop now? Certainly not. My prayers will continue for Colton, as well as for Tobi. I want my kids to KNOW that Jesus needs to be FIRST in all that they do. I pray for their health, and their safety and their future spouses.

I've told a few people, that some of the sweetest words I could ever hear, were said to me a week ago today: As I stood in the gym at church looking for his luggage, since they'd just got back from camp, I was talking to my niece. I heard, "Hey mom!!" I looked up and saw my son and said "Hey!" back to him. He looked at me without any hesitation and said, "Mom, I have something very important to tell you! I got saved!!!!!"

Thank you Lord, for that HUGE answer to prayers

Deuteronomy 33:12

2010-05-19T18:31:00.001-05:00

"..Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure, in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders." Deuteronomy 33:12 (NIV)

Rest secure in Him. Why is it that its so hard for us to remember this? I went to bed last night at a fairly decent hour. I was in bed by 10:30, which is actually early for me. But I could not sleep. I just could not turn my brain off and focus on sleeping. I tried and I tried and I tried. I started praying, "Lord just let me sleep, please. I need to sleep. I need to be able to rest right now."

But I started thinking about my dear son. My dear son who has type 1 diabetes. My son
that I have gone over and beyond to take care of him in his short life. He's dealt with so much in ten years, and he's only 12.

He's 12. I just keep saying that over and over and over again. For starters, I'm almost the mom of a TEENAGER! That in itself is unbelievable and crazy to think about. I was just a teenager it seems. I have to remind myself that 40 will be here for me before I know it. Anyway, back to the fact that he's only 12. He, in a sense, had to grow up fast.

I didn't choose for him to grow up fast, not by a long shot. He was only 2 when we learned he has diabetes. Just 2. NO ONE should have to ever have to hear words coming from a Dr, "Your child has diabetes, and there is no cure for it. He will have to take insulin for the rest of his life in order to survive."(or any other illness that has no cure!)

This was in June 2000. By maybe October of 2000, he was doing his own sugar testing. He would take that little finger and poke it all by himself. In fact if I tried to help him he would say, "No I do it!!" But then shots were another thing. We would have to hold him down. Holding your child down so you can stick them with a needle--NOT FUN!!!

Now, picture yourself doing that. Forcing your child to let you stick them with a needle, while you tell them, "Its ok." and, "You have to have this!" And seeing the fear and the tears in their eyes, as they say. "No mommy no!!!"

How do I forget any of that? How do I forget that Ive had to be there forcing my child to stick his finger, eat his food, and take shots. I can't!! You just can't blow it off and forget
any of it. Not when its been your entire life for ten years.

Here's my thing. I am a mother. I have been blessed with two kids--gifts from God above.
And as a mother, it is my job to take care of these gifts. I have to feed them, and clothe them, and keep them safe. If they are sick, I have to do whatever I can to help them get better fast. I can take them to the doctor and I can get medicine for them and I can let them watch tv and eat popsicles all day when sickness occurs.

But this...diabetes...I can't fix it. I can't take it away. And believe me, I have said numerous times that if I could take it away and take it on myself, I would do it in a heartbeat. And I've told Mr. C this. He just looked at me and said, "Ya right, mom!" OUCHY--that hurt! It was like being sucker punched.

I've seen him go from being a sweet little boy to being incredibly grouchy and irritable--at times I have said he's as moody as a girl with PMS!! Anger--he's got a LOT of it. Who wouldn't? But I feel as if he takes it out on me the most. I've seen the look of pure hatred in his eyes. Not something you want to see in your child's eyes. I've seen the anger in his eyes when he's telling me that he hates diabetes. And I've seen the look in his eyes when I say, "Its not my fault you have this!" Its just so hard for kids to understand. Some deal with it OK, some don't.

A lot of times, I get in bed and my mind just starts racing and remembering everything we've dealt with all these years and I then wonder, 'whats to come?'

I pulled up my email today and I had a devotional with Deut.33:12. Just another one of
those times that I was reminded to draw near to Him. I have got to remember that I can find rest in His arms. Some days its just so tough though. And then I see and hear some of the things that others are going through, and it makes me feel like what we deal with is nothing. But I know it IS something. And I know that Christ DOES care about what I as a mom feels. Thats why I have to just smile when I get a verse in my inbox like the Deuteronomy 33:12